With summer coming to an end, many people are thinking back fondly of the time spent on vacation.

Whether it’s road-tripping to see a new city, hiking and taking in the natural beauty around us, or sitting on the beach to soak up the sun, we can all benefit from a break from our usual schedules and routines.

When we get away, we often experience a sense of peace and even gain new clarity about our lives. That’s why making space to step out of our normal is a powerful tool for growth and healing. Sometimes, when you’re seeking personal growth or positive change in your relationship, the best thing you can do is give yourself the time and space you need to truly reflect on your situation, gain a fresh perspective, and determine the best next step forward.

This is why we started hosting our Marriage Intensives. During this dedicated, private 3-day retreat, we help couples break free from unhealthy patterns, work on areas that need attention in their relationship, and regain the intimacy they desire.

In this episode, you’ll hear:

• Why you should take the time to step outside of your norm
• The value of dedicated time for growth
• How an intensive can help change harmful patterns in our lives
• And more!

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• Prefer to watch this episode? You can now view and subscribe to our YouTube.
• Marriage Intensive
• As a thank you for listening, get your 3 free eBooks.

Our Key Takeaways:

1) Take a break from your normal. You can and should utilize resources like books, podcasts, and coaching to help improve your relationship. However, when a big change is needed due to a crisis or a feeling that your relationship has stagnated, it’s useful to interrupt your normal patterns of thinking and doing. When we were in crisis, we tried everything to save our marriage, but it was hard for us to get any real traction until we were willing to step away from our normal and put some serious time into ourselves and each other. Whether you can give up a day, two, or an entire weekend, setting aside time to take a break from your normal patterns allows you to reflect and establish the changes you want to see.

2) If you’re serious about seeing change, really commit to your plan. This is about more than just setting aside a date to work on your relationship. It takes planning, resources, and commitment to set yourselves up for success. Find a sitter or enlist the help of grandparents to protect the time you will spend together. Determine if you are going to utilize a book, take a course, find a counselor in your area, or sign up for our Marriage Intensive to help you make the most of this time.

3) Say yes to opportunities for growth. Even if you’ve already completed our Marriage Intensive, or if attending one isn’t possible for you right now, you can still say yes to opportunities around you for growth. Your church may host a speaker or marriage retreat, you might access an in-depth study through RightNow Media, or you might book a virtual coaching session to help you get started. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage; we have to continue to learn and grow with one another—it’s a lifetime investment!

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When you start looking for relationship guidance online or in your community, you’re sure to find plenty of perspectives—but not always ones that reflect your faith.

That’s why we want to share with you our God Tools: a simple yet powerful framework we’ve put together that has helped thousands of Christian couples who have read our books and benefitted from our coaching.

If you’ve been feeling lost in your marriage, or you simply want to build a strong foundation rooted in God’s word and have been looking for Christian marriage help, we believe these tools help you recenter the very thing you built your marriage around—God’s truth.

What Are God Tools?

We’ve learned through experience that a real marriage isn’t perfect; it’s two people being perfected. We experience that perfecting—or maturing—when we learn and apply our God Tools consistently.

This is the framework we used to heal our own marriage. It comes from 2 Corinthians 10:3–6 in The Message Bible:

“We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ.”

The “warped philosophies” mentioned in this passage? In marriage, they show up as unrealistic expectations, or defensiveness, or insecurity.

Many people feel the pressure to have a perfect marriage—and the perfect spouse. When their spouse inevitably fails to live up to the unrealistic expectations they’ve set in their mind, they’re set us up for disappointment, discouragement, and disillusionment.

These 8 powerful God Tools are designed to line up our hearts with God’s heart. They keep us on track or get us back on track when our marriage is experiencing problems, communication missteps, or a lack of connection.

God Tool #1: Courage

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid… for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 (ESV)

Doing things God’s way isn’t always the easiest thing to do, but it’s always the right thing to do. Courage is not the absence of fear; it is determining something is more important than the fear.

Marriage is more important than fear of conflict, fear of taking off a mask, fear of making requests, fear of intimacy, fear of disagreement, or fear of honest conversation. Those fears may be very real for us, but God gives us courage to face those fears and make needed changes. Common ways that an individual might need to use courage in their Christian marriage include finding their voice and speaking up, apologizing, or accessing their emotions.

God Tool #2: Forgiveness

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32 (ESV)

Forgiveness is the most underused tool in our toolbox. The average married person probably needs to use their God Tool of forgiveness well over a dozen times a day! This multifaceted tool is how we handle imperfections—our spouse’s and our own. It’s also how we keep our heart uncluttered and available to God, downshifting our anger so we can have needed conversations without too much emotion getting in the way.

Forgiveness is an intentional and voluntary internal process where you choose to let go of hurt by putting it in Jesus’ hands. We’re then able to experience a change in feelings and attitude regarding a hurt. The result of forgiveness is freedom. You’re free from being controlled by the negative emotions surrounding whatever it was that happened and hurt you.

It’s important to remember that forgiveness doesn’t rebuild trust. It does, however, open the door for trust to be rebuilt.

Find your roadmap to rebuilding trust here >>

God Tool #3: Grace

“Mercy triumphs over judgment.” James 2:13b

Grace is a free gift from God. Because of Jesus, we deserve punishment, but we get mercy instead. It’s an upside-down response to what we deserve. God gives us grace because of who He is. We don’t earn it. We don’t even deserve it.

We use this tool in marriage when dealing with the harmless human habits that bug us but don’t really hurt us. In other words, we use grace when we bump up to our spouse’s “imperfect.”

When thinking through whether something needs forgiveness or grace, ask yourself these two questions:

1. Does this hurt me or just irritate me?
2. Does this need to be corrected or simply accepted as part of being married to an imperfect person?

If the action hurts you, use forgiveness. If the action irritates you, use grace.

God Tool #4: Love

“Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.” John 13:34 (NLT)

We get married because we fall in love. Many get divorced because they say they “fall out of love.” Because of this, we tend to think that love is a feeling. We don’t recognize it as a choice, a tool we desperately need to use when navigating our imperfect relationship.

Love is a blend of affection, devotion, and loyalty. It’s part emotion and part commitment. When someone feels like they don’t love their spouse anymore, that’s a normal feeling because feelings increase and decrease in all relationships all the time.

However, God wants our love to grow up. He wants us to learn to love when it’s hard. When our spouse is struggling. When they might even not be loving us well. Jesus’ love was sacrificial. Ours needs to be as well.

God Tool #5: Humility

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves.” Philippians 2:3

Our human nature wants to do what we want to do. Pride so easily sneaks in and does a number on our marriage. It’s self-centered. Self-focused. Self-preserving. It’s all about “I” and “me.” Pride keeps us from apologizing when we’re wrong. It builds walls, crushes kindness, and kills intimacy. Pride is a thief. It cheats us of God’s plan for our life because we demand our own way. Humility is the antidote to pride.

Humility requires submission. It says, “God, I admit that your way is the best way.” A humble person submits to God’s authority. The more we are able to submit, the more peace we experience.

God Tool #6: Wisdom

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” James 1:5

Nobody comes into marriage knowing how to be married. We might think we know, but it doesn’t take long to realize “you don’t know what you don’t know.” Even if you had good role models growing up, there’s much you didn’t see that contributed to a lifelong marriage.

The wrong little choices pull us apart, and the right little choices keep us connected. It’s our God-tool of wisdom that helps us decide to make the right ones. Even couples that have been married for decades need to keep seeking wisdom on how to be the right person, better understand the differences, deepen intimacy, stop the slow fades that pull us apart, and handle whatever life throws our way.

God Tool #7: Compassion

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and . . . forgiving each other.” Colossians 3:12–13 (ESV)

Compassion creates a sense of safety and security in your marriage and in the relationships that mean the most to you. Learning to listen with empathy is a form of compassion that helps your spouse trust you even more.

It causes them to feel validated, heard, and loved. Compassion helps you slow down, tune in, and really connect to those you love. It’s a God Tool that’s so underused in marriage, particularly as stress increases, margin decreases, and you become more familiar with your spouse’s imperfections.

God Tool #8: Acceptance

“Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.” Romans 15:7

Every human being has a core need to belong. We want to know that people believe in us, approve of us, and accept us for who we are.

Acceptance is pretty easy when we’re dating. After marriage, acceptance gets harder because we bump into those differences more often! Before you know it, you’re trying to change your spouse.

When we use the God-tool of acceptance, we create emotional safety in our marriage and give a beautiful gift to our spouse.

These 8 tools are Christ-like responses that allow for failure. They embrace authenticity. They break the chains of unrealistic expectations and unfair comparisons. They acknowledge we’re all in the process of maturing emotionally, relationally, and spiritually.

As we use these tools to grow our marriages, we discover the grass really isn’t greener on the other side of the fence; it’s greener where we water it!

We use these God tools, along with other powerful frameworks, diagnostic tests, and personalized guidance in our Marriage 2.0 Intensive to help you strengthen your connection and keep growing together when the hard moments come.

If your marriage is hurting (or simply stagnating) and you’re ready to stop wondering what happens next, we’d love to talk with you about whether a Marriage 2.0 Intensive could be the right next step. Schedule a no-pressure conversation with us; you can share a little bit about your situation, and we’ll determine if an intensive weekend is right for you–and if it’s not, we’ll give you clear direction for the next steps you can take. We can’t wait to meet you!

Have you ever walked through a season of life when finding the time to open your Bible seemed impossible? When the busyness of life—or perhaps struggles with your mental health—become overwhelming, it can be hard to slow down, quiet your mind, and spend meaningful time with God.

Through many dark seasons of my own life, I’ve struggled to read Scripture and pray. Perhaps you, like me, have longed for a way to connect with God that meets you where you are and ministers to your soul in a different way.

What if there were gentle faith practices that offered the hope and help you need when life makes you weary—without demanding that you follow a strict structure? My guest discovered these practices herself during a season of grief and anxiety.

Becky McCoy is a writer, retreat leader, and spiritual director trained at Adelynrood Retreat Center. As a young widow who has processed her grief and learned to live with anxiety and depression, Becky uses her experiences to guide women in discovering gentle, trauma-informed ways of being and believing.

In this episode, you’ll hear:

• Alternative spiritual practices for dark seasons of life
• The beauty found in observing creation
• How to practice stillness
• And more!

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• Prefer to watch this episode? You can now view and subscribe to our YouTube.
• Spiritual Directors International
• Sucker Punched Podcast
• [BOOK] In the Company of the Weary: Ten Gentle Spiritual Practices for Your Tired Soul
• Connect with Becky on her website, Instagram, Facebook, or Threads
• As a thank you for listening, get your 3 free eBooks.

My Key Takeaways:

1) There is more than one way to connect with the Lord. When we as Christians talk about upkeeping a consistent spiritual practice, we are typically thinking about prayer, devotionals, and reading Scripture. However, there are many ways we can deepen our faith and invest in our relationship with God. A few of these were mentioned in our conversation, including ancient practices like Visio Divina, which involves observing works of art and prayerfully meditating on them. This could also be a thoughtful expression of our own creativity and skills.

2) Practice stillness. We rarely slow down enough to be still, especially if we are feeling worried or stressed. When we allow our minds and bodies to slow down, we are creating a space to exist where God can be with you. If you’re reading this and your mind just jumped to prolonged periods of intense meditation, I want to dispel that thought now. You can start with just a few minutes whenever you have time in the day. Think of these as pauses to be in the beautiful. While you are waiting to pick up your kids from school, why not turn off the radio and notice what is around you and how you are feeling?

3) Consider how your soul wants to connect with the Lord. Many people were taught that time with God has to have a rigid structure, but the reality is far more open-ended. We don’t have to carry the burden of trying to prove our faith; rather, we can seek time with the Lord by tending to what He has put into our soul. Do you feel like moving your body in dance? Writing a poem? Pausing between bites to fully enjoy the taste God has given to our food? All of these are ways we can connect with God and the wonderful world He has made.

About Becky:

Becky McCoy is a writer, retreat leader, and spiritual director trained at Adelynrood Retreat Center. As a young widow who has processed her grief, learned to live with anxiety and depression, and adjusted her perspective on what it means to suffer, Becky uses her experiences to guide women in discovering gentle, trauma-informed ways of being and believing. Becky earned her Master of Arts in Christian Theology and Spiritual Formation from Regent University and is pursuing a Doctor of Ministry in Spiritual Formation and Soul Care.

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Most parents hope to maintain a close, loving relationship with their children as they grow into adulthood. Unfortunately, the relationship they imagined doesn’t always become reality. When that happens, the disappointment can run deep, leaving parents wondering what went wrong and how to bridge the growing distance.

Many of these relationships are marked by complex emotions like tension, grief, hurt, and even anger. Honestly, that’s one of the reasons I dedicated the first half of my book, Empty Nest, Full Life, to guiding parents on how to navigate the tricky process of developing new relationship dynamics with their children as they launch into the adult world.

My latest guest on the podcast has done the same with her latest book. Dr. Kathy Koch is the founder of Celebrate Kids, and is known as a trusted guide for parents raising kids of all ages. She offers steady encouragement for parents in seasons that often feel uncertain. With a PhD in educational psychology and reading, Dr. Koch helps parents understand their children more clearly.

In this episode, you’ll hear:

• The importance of waiting for our advice to be invited
• How parents can utilize the empty nest season to establish new routines
• The importance of being a safe person for our adult children to approach
• And more!

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• Prefer to watch this episode? You can now view and subscribe to our YouTube.
• [BOOK] Empty Nest, Full Life
• [BOOK] Resolve Conflict and Find Peace and Hope with Adult Children
• [BOOK] No More Perfect Kids
• How Are You Smart? with Dr. Kathy Koch | Episode 18
• The BeTween Podcast
• BLOG: Give The Gift of Holiday Freedom
• Empty Nest, Full Life Moms Facebook Group
• When Adult Children Shut You Out with Sarah | Episode 180
• Connect with Kathy on her website, Instagram, or Facebook
• As a thank you for listening, get your 3 free eBooks.

My Key Takeaways:

1) This is an opportunity to look inward. For the last 18 years of your child’s life, you’ve been focused on their needs—making sure they have clothes that fit, checking that they are doing their homework, and ensuring they are learning all the necessary skills for adulthood. Now that they have launched into adulthood, this is the perfect time to redirect that energy and attention on yourself. What healthy habits would you like to establish in your life? Maybe you start going on walks in the morning, join a book club, or pick up a new hobby you haven’t had time for in the past. Remember, both you and your child are discovering what your new normal will be!

2) Offer creative situations that make it easy to have connection. There are many demands on a person’s life; the same is true of your adult child. Their social calendar may fill up fast with a career, new friends, and, when they get married, a whole new set of family members asking to spend time together. You can make it easier for them to connect with you if you work around their obligations—such as offering to get together the day before or after a major holiday. Consider asking your adult child what kind of gathering would best suit their needs in this season of life, and then adjust according to their preferences. Is one of your children a new parent? You may need to travel to them for the next holiday, or offer to bring over a meal and do some cleaning while you are there to help lighten their load through loving acts of service.

3) Learn how to sit in the silence. It’s hard when we believe our child is making an incorrect decision that could alter their life or raising their children in a way that they will regret. Everything in our being is urging us to say something. However, as parents and grandparents, it’s no longer our role to offer unsolicited advice or correct what we see as incorrect behavior. Instead, we can turn to prayer, knowing that God is the one in control, and wait to be asked for our help. While in this season of waiting, we can practice complimenting what they are doing well. This is especially helpful when dealing with daughters and sons-in-law. How much more positive would your relationship with them be if, instead of criticism, your in-laws heard compliments from you?

About Kathy:

Dr. Kathy Koch is an author, speaker, podcaster, and the founder of Celebrate Kids, which exists to equip and encourage parents to raise Godly children who understand their purpose. She is known as a trusted guide for parents raising kids of all ages, who offers steady encouragement for parents in seasons that often feel uncertain. With a PhD in educational psychology and reading, Dr. Koch helps parents understand their children more clearly. Some of her books include, No More Perfect Kids, Start With The Heart, and Resolve Conflict and Find Peace and Hope with Adult Children.

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No matter what you’re going through, we want to commend you for continuing to fight for your marriage—we know it’s not easy. We’ve weathered many storms in our own relationship. Some were small, and some were so large we didn’t know if we’d make it through. You can watch us tell the full story of how we healed from broken trust here.

We’ve also helped countless other couples walk through storms of their own, through our marriage coaching and our intensives.

If you’re feeling lost, confused, and isolated right now, we want to offer you 3 stories of hope. The following are real texts we received from couples who spent a weekend with us at our home for our Marriage 2.0 Intensive. Each one walked through our doors carrying the heavy burden of disconnection. At the end, they walked out not with a perfect marriage, but with the insights they needed to truly see one another for the first time in a long time—and the tools they needed to start rebuilding a happier, healthier 2.0 version of their marriage.

Couple 1:

This couple came to us feeling miles apart. 

They had earnestly tried to get help in several different ways, including seeing multiple counselors, reading books, going to marriage seminars and taking online courses. But they still couldn’t seem to get to a real place of connection. 

We helped them see the slow fades that have been happening behind the scenes and introduced them to the God Tools that would stop those fades. We helped them clean up accumulated hurt in their relationship. Digging into attachment and childhood experiences that formed their thinking helped them to see their stuck places, and it became clear why all the courses and therapists they had tried hadn’t been making a difference—because these resources had been trying to put Band-Aids on things when some actual surgery needed to be done. 

The intensive weekend gives us time to do some of that surgery. We’re not stopping at 50 minutes and saying “All right, we’ll pick this up again next week.” We were able to stay in the healing zone and kept connecting the dots until it made sense and true understanding and healing could be found.

Couple 2:

This couple had been dealing with multiple kinds of broken trust in their relationship. Not showing up for each other, not having guardrails to protect their marriage, not listening to each other, and not repairing ruptures when they happened. 

We helped them begin to clean up the messes that had never been addressed, and guided them through how to start rebuilding trust by first acknowledging the dysfunction they each brought to the relationship. 

We also introduced them to a living faith. Not religion that happens on Sunday mornings, but a living relationship with God that guides you throughout your week. They had had a huge blowup the night before they came for the intensive, so they were not in a good place relationally when they arrived. But they left with incredible hope and feeling much more connected. 

A couple of weeks after their intensive, they had a conflict, and they utilized our intensive aftercare text coaching to get the support they needed to handle it differently than they would’ve in the past. They were able to resolve the conflict that same day, and we’re so grateful they had new tools to approach this challenge in a healthier way, along with our post-intensive support to help them continue putting those tools into practice.

We have continued to work with them in the aftercare process we provide after each intensive, and they are thriving and doing so well.

Couple 3:

This couple came to us after experiencing the broken trust of infidelity. 

There were a lot of wounds, accusations, and hurts. 

They wondered if they would even make it. 

We worked with them to untangle the mess, understand how they got there, and create a clear path for moving forward. We also helped them identify the places where their thinking was keeping them in a hurt place rather than a healing place. 

As we identified some of those messages and replaced them with God‘s truth, they both began to experience a freedom they were longing for, which moved them from hopeless to hope-filled.

Your marriage doesn’t have to stay stuck.

You’ve been trying to make a positive change in your marriage. You want to make things work with the spouse you said your vows to, but you also know something needs to change because you’re tired of every day feeling like an uphill battle.

We designed our Marriage 2.0 Intensives to help couples like you make real progress. We only work with one couple at a time. This is not a group setting where you’re learning principles and you have to apply them to your marriage on your own. We’re digging into your stuck places, your hurts, your experiences, and we’re designed your path to a 2.0 marriage that is unique to you!

They’re called “intensives” for a good reason. In three, four, or five focused days (we offer three intensive options), you’ll have the time and space to get to the root of the issues causing pain or disconnection, connect the dots, and begin making meaningful changes.

Traditional counseling typically happens one hour at a time, once a week. While that can be helpful, it can also take months (and a huge, recurring monetary investment) to gain meaningful traction. An Intensive gives you concentrated time to work through what’s keeping you stuck without waiting weeks between sessions.

And the support doesn’t stop when the Intensive ends. We continue walking alongside you through follow-up coaching and real-time support as you put what you’ve learned into practice.

If your marriage feels stuck or you’re wondering if there is still hope, we’d love to talk with you about whether a Marriage 2.0 Intensive could be the right next step. Schedule a no-pressure conversation with us; you can share a little bit about your situation, and we’ll determine if an intensive weekend is right for you–and if it’s not, we’ll give you clear direction for the next steps you can take. We can’t wait to meet you!

My mom, Patsy Fleener, showed me what it looks like to have a beautiful, full life. I’ve always strived to be more like her, and I can only hope to have a life as full as hers when I’m her age!

Mom came to town recently to see one of her grandchildren in a show, and I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to record a conversation with her while she was around.

It’s always a treat to get to spend quality time with my mom, and I hope you’ll enjoy this conversation as we talk about some of the most important life lessons she’s picked up over the years, how she met my dad, Duane, and why I was inspired to dedicate one of my books to her.

In this episode, you’ll hear:

• Lessons learned along the way in a marriage that spanned over five decades
• What it looks like to have a full life
• Stories about me from childhood (including a near-death experience with a spider!)
• And more!

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• Prefer to watch this episode? You can now view and subscribe to our YouTube.
• ​​[BOOK] The Rainbow Comes and Goes: A Mother and Son on Life, Love, and Loss
• [BOOK] Empty Nest, Full Life
• Book my mom’s condo!
• As a thank you for listening, get your 3 free eBooks.

My Key Takeaways:

1) Shared faith and intentional affection are a powerful combination in a marriage. When I look back, I can clearly see how my mom and dad shared both of these things—and how powerful that was for their connection. They loved each other deeply and showed it every single day! However, love on its own doesn’t make a lasting marriage. It was because of their shared faith and strong convictions that they had a beautiful love story.

2) You have to intentionally build good relationships. Becoming your grandchildren’s favorite grandma doesn’t happen by accident. My mom has put so much time and effort into building special relationships with each of her grandchildren and great-grandchildren. The same was true of her marriage and friendships throughout her life. You have to persevere through the hard stuff, remain steadfast over the years, and invest in those you care about. My dad told my mom toward the end of his life that if he had known what a great life they would have together, he would have married her much sooner. They still had their challenges and dark seasons of life, but looking back at the journey they had been on, it held far more joy and happiness because they did it together.

3) Anyone can have a full life at any age. There’s a reason I dedicated my book, Empty Nest, Full Life, to my mom and my dad. They lived such a full empty nest lives! And even after Dad passed away and Mom entered a new stage of life, she never acted like her entire life was over. She may have even gotten more active in her “golden years”! I so admire how Mom has taken the time to establish lifelong friendships, to visit those who are homebound, to travel, invest in hobbies, and ensure she could be an active grandma by going to Pilates once a week. So no matter what stage of life you are in right now, why not take some time to consider what your full life in the empty nest years would look like. What actions do you need to take today to make that a reality? What habits should you establish now? What friendships should you invest in this week to ensure they last a lifetime?

About Patsy:

Patsy Fleener is my mother. She was married to my father for 57 and a half years down to the day. Mom raised three daughters, including myself. She was in town for a visit, and I couldn’t pass up the chance to have her on for a conversation!

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“I’ve been seeing someone. It started a while ago. I tried to stop it, but…I didn’t.”
“Do you love her?”
“I don’t know. I think I might.”

The words above will resonate with many who have walked through betrayal and its aftermath.

If you’ve been part of our community for a while, then you’ll know that Mark and I have written many books about our experience healing from infidelity.

My guest for this episode is an author who has walked through a similar hard season in her own life. But rather than writing about her real-life story, she chose to channel her experience into fiction. Through her writing, she explores the emotions, challenges, and pain of betrayal in a way that she hopes will encourage others.

Danna Demetre is a Christian author, speaker, and wellness educator. She has a deep and enduring faith that has shaped her life and writing. For decades, she has encouraged women to pursue emotional, physical, and spiritual wholeness through biblical truth, personal growth, and resilient hope.

In this episode, you’ll hear:

• Why forgiveness doesn’t immediately fix every hurt
• Practical tips for navigating betrayal
• Helpful tools to work through the aftermath
• And more!

Danna’s journey includes so many similar details to our own. I hope you are just as encouraged as I was through this conversation.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• Prefer to watch this episode? You can now view and subscribe to our YouTube.
• ​​[BOOK] Beyond Betrayal: A Story of Heartbreak, Healing, and Redeeming Love
• How To Build a Healthy Lifestyle with Danna Demetre | Episode 112
• What I Wish I’d Known When I Was Younger with Danna Demetre | Episode 111
• The Wait is Not Wasted Course
• Connect with Danna on her website, Instagram, or Facebook
• As a thank you for listening, get your 3 free eBooks.

My Key Takeaways:

1) Forgiveness isn’t a one-time event. We can tend to think about forgiveness as a singular event, but in reality there are hundreds of things that require forgiveness as you move beyond the betrayal. For me, it wasn’t just forgiving Mark’s infidelity; it was also forgiving the way he mismanaged money, the lies, and hundreds of other little things. When we forgive, it’s the start of the journey, not the end.

2) You will be alright. Depending on where you are on your journey, you may not yet know whether your marriage is going to survive or if you will ultimately separate as a result of the betrayal. In the thick of betrayal, a good friend constantly reminded me that no matter the state of my relationship, God was still in control and I was going to be alright. God is not taken aback by the state of our relationship, nor does it throw a giant wrench into his plans. He can handle your heartache, and he still has a wonderful plan for your life.

3) God will use this experience to sanctify you. While we don’t wish this scenario on anyone, challenging times can act as a kind of spiritual fertilizer. Walking through difficult situations is an opportunity to look inward and address the “stuff” that you bring into the relationship. Regardless of whether the betrayal can be forgiven or trust can be earned back, there’s great opportunity for personal growth as you walk through this storm.

About Danna:

Danna Demetre is a Christian author, speaker, retired registered nurse, and wellness educator. She has a deep and enduring faith that has shaped her life and writing. For decades, she has encouraged women to pursue emotional, physical, and spiritual wholeness through biblical truth, personal growth, and resilient hope. She lives with her husband of over 35 years, Lew, near San Diego, CA, and enjoys an active rural lifestyle and frequent visits from their children and grandchildren.

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When we’re trying to help others, it’s natural to offer advice, share practical strategies, or point people toward helpful resources. Those things are valuable and often necessary—but they’re also one step removed from your own experience.

Sometimes, the most impactful thing you can offer is your story.

It’s not easy to share your journey, with all its imperfections, hardships, and lessons learned along the way. It takes courage and vulnerability. But in exchange for this vulnerability, you can give the gift of real connection and hope that healing is possible.

In the years following our own marriage crisis, we began sharing our story more openly and honestly, and something incredible happened.

Couple after couple told us how much our story encouraged them, gave them hope, and helped them navigate challenges in their own marriages. We realized that our greatest qualification wasn’t having a perfect marriage. It was being willing to honestly share what God had done through our imperfect one.

In this episode, you’ll hear:

• How even stories with “bad” endings can offer others hope
• Some of the benefits of sharing your story
• The byproduct of sharing honestly and vulnerably with others
• And more!

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• Prefer to watch this episode? You can now view and subscribe to our YouTube.
• A 4-Step Roadmap for Healing from Infidelity and Broken Trust
• No More Perfect Marriages–A 10 Day Blog Series
• [BOOK] Better Together
• How to Have a Safe Conversation | #MarriageMonday
• Free Rebuilding Trust Roadmap 
• Start Here – Certified Marriage Coach or Mentor Info Session
• Creating 2.0 Marriages Coaches Course
• As a thank you for listening, get your 3 free eBooks.

Our Key Takeaways:

1) Everyone’s story is useful. Just because your story didn’t turn out the way you thought or hoped it would doesn’t disqualify you from encouraging others. God never wastes our experience; he can use what we have been through to help others. Regardless of whether your story ended with completed reconciliation and healing or broken relationships, you can share your story honestly with others to offer counsel and help in their time of need.

2) By sharing our stories, we can reduce isolation. When we are going through difficult circumstances, it’s easy to be consumed by the feeling that we are completely alone and that nothing will ever get better. We don’t know where to turn or what step we should take next. When someone shares their story, it’s a reminder that we are not alone. That person alleviates our feelings of isolation by communicating that they’ve walked through the storm we’re weathering and made it out on the other side.

3) Your story can help others navigate similar circumstances. When we were walking through our marriage crisis, we needed people who had been there before us. You don’t need a perfect marriage or a counseling degree to make a difference. Your story, including both the struggles and the lessons learned, may be exactly what another couple needs to help heal their marriage.

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It’s time for even more God stories! When we started recording part one of this series, we quickly realized we would need more time to share our favorite God stories with you! If you haven’t done so yet, we strongly recommend going back and listening to part one here.

A God story is one in which only he could connect the dots in surprising and even miraculous ways to provide answers to prayers and unexpected blessings. These are stories that inspire us and build up our faith as we look back and remember all that God has done.

In this episode, you’ll hear:

• Why we need to learn how to both give and receive
• Four more amazing God stories
• The importance of bringing your wants and needs to God in prayer
• And more!

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• Prefer to watch this episode? You can now view and subscribe to our YouTube.
• Our Favorite God Stories (Part 1) | Episode 306
• To Uganda with Love with Pastor Zachariah | Episode 135
• Life 2.0 Foundation
• [BOOK] Experiencing God
• As a thank you for listening, get your 3 free eBooks.

Our Key Takeaways:

1) Listen to God’s nudgings. In so many of the God stories we shared, there was someone who listened to the prompting of God even though they couldn’t understand it. Whether it was offering a car, sliding a $100 bill into someone’s hands, or even picking just the right person to give your pond to, these people all were attuned to how God was leading them to serve him and be an unexpected blessing to others. Are your ears listening for God’s voice? Are you ready to respond if he should call on you to do something unexpected? If you aren’t sure, then why not take some time in devotions this week to pray this prayer: God, I don’t know if you have something in store for me, but I’m ready to listen and respond to your leading.

2) Practice receiving the blessings God has in store for you. It’s often easier to give than it is to receive. We can all think of someone worse off than we are, and that can cause us to miss out on the blessing God is offering us. Have you turned down financial help? Or perhaps a friend wanted to bring you a meal, and you declined. Whatever it may be, let’s practice saying yes to receiving what God is offering. When our response is no, we not only miss out on that blessing but also prevent someone else from serving God.

3) Bring your requests to God. The purpose of prayer is not to treat God like some sort of vending machine, where prayers go in and what we want immediately comes out. However, we are told in Scripture to bring our “requests” to him. Not just our needs or our suffering, but all requests. That includes our wants as well! Our daughter boldly prayed for a blue car, and while she would have been delighted for the Lord to provide any color of car, God surprised her by providing precisely what she asked for. What an incredible story of his goodness! What is something that you have been holding back asking God for because you thought it was too frivolous or not important enough to pray for? Our challenge to you is to start praying for that. You never know what the Lord might provide!

Would you like to be notified by email when a new No More Perfect Podcast episode releases? Just fill in your name and email and we’ll make sure you’re in the know!