Acceptance with Joy

To Love Them Well

2013-05-04T19:45:00.000-07:00

It's hard to know how to love sometimes.

I have wondered lately about the Lord's thoughts on when he made woman... wondered what He might have been thinking when He gave some a whole quiver full of treasures... wondered how one woman's mind was meant to keep up on five folks all day everyday for years upon years.

I don't just want to love them, I want to love them well.

Love is patient, love is kind.

I sat on the porch with the Cowboy last night. He asked about my day and I was silent, tears fell, and all I could muster up to say was,

"I have no idea how to love them well."

It was quiet.

More tears fell.

Then that tender Cowboy rested his hand on my arm.

And we sat there, just the two of us, quiet.

Cuz what can you say to a woman who's learning to love?

The Cowboy rests his hand on my arm and without a word he walks alongside.

There's no formula for love.

There's no "do this, and that will happen."

At dinner he sits next to me like he does every night and every few minutes he slides his hand down my back, looks my way, smiles, reassures my messy self.

Is that it? Is that what my little ones need? Is that what love is? A reassurance when when all feels so overwhelmingly messy.

I had started the day with my eyes skimming these words...

^{I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. Ephesians 3 & 4}

How does a Mama of many small children do this everyday? I mean seriously? I long for this. I cry out to Him for this... to be completely humble and gentle; patient... making every effort to make our home a place of peace. But then someone walks down stairs and says something that rubs me the wrong way and it seems all down hill from there.

Under this roof, four little people are growing up. One chomps his food like a beaver at every meal and I have no idea how to help him eat like a human being. Another one is struggling to accept correction with joy. Two like to talk in a baby voice which irks me for some unknown reason. All four of them like to be in control. Still another says "what" to everything I say. One thinks she knows better than her Mama, and another simply likes to chat... all-day-long.

It's little corks and big heart issues that challenge my pride... all-day-long.

Love does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

I can hear the Spirit whisper to me throughout the day saying, "let this one go," but my pride looks my Savior right in the face and flat out says, "No, I want my way. I want my children to be a certain way. I want them to behave properly and I want others to think I'm a good Mama."

Love is not proud. I want them to think about others above themselves. But it is a daily battle for me to think about them and their hearts, above myself and my desire for them to be perfect children.

I took all four treasures to my last doctor's appointment . They were all in the room with me when the doctor came in. She hasn't seen them all since Jed was born and she was so sweet to take some time to catch up with them. Our treasures are far from shy and the moment the doctor walks in the room the Charmer declares, "I left my redneck hat at home, but at least I have my cowboy boots." Then the doc asks the kids if they're being helpful to their Mama. Hal pipes in and puts it right out there, "ya, but Mama shouts sometimes." My Siah jumps into the conversation and tells the doctor, "Ya, but I pray for her when she does that and it seems to be helping." The Spunky girl doesn't want to be left out so she makes sure the doctor knows that she prayed for me once too, well, at least she thinks she did, she couldn't quite remember. :)

I blush, and the doctor looks at me and smiles, and I smile back, "It's true," I tell her. "That's our family.The littlest one doesn't have his redneck hat because this Mama was in such a rush to get out the door that she refused to help him look for his beloved hat. I do shout, and the oldest one does pray for me, often. In fact this morning he quoted James 1:20 to me as I was getting a bit flustered with them all, "Man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." She chuckled, encouraged me that I'm not alone.

I don't know what this little chat with the doctor says about our family.

I'm not sure how it portrays the way we love around here.

But it's us.

We try, but love rarely ever looks the way I have always thought it should.

{Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3}

I have not already learnt this.

But what better place than in family to practice such love...

To be clothed in compassion when my children's hearts have been hurt?

Clothed in kindness when my children are going through growing pains and learning such lessons in life as accepting correction with joy? {After all, it's His kindness that leads us to repentance, yes? Not a Mama flying off the handle Romans 2:9}

Clothed in humility, gentleness and patience. I love the New King James word for patience...

long-suffering. I love this definition too... "Patience is waiting until later for what I want now. It

is a good-natured tolerance of delay, or endurance under difficult circumstances ." I want my children to be walking gracefully with the Lord, now. This growing up into their Jesus takes time. In fact it will take a

life-time.

They are going to fail along the way. And sometimes their failures will inevitably damage my Mama pride. But I must be willing to walk alongside, clothed in compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, always ready to extend to them the same kind of forgiveness that Christ himself has extended to me... The kind of forgiveness that caused Him to die on the cross for me while I was yet a sinner.

He doesn't love me only when I am good.

He loves me simply because He is good.

We love because He first loved us.

And so, on the days when I feel lost in knowing how to love on these amazing little hearts, I can rest in this,

{for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose. Philippians 2}

It is God who works... It's not me mustering something up within myself.

{Love is patient,

love is kind.

It does not envy,

it does not boast,

it is not proud.

It does not dishonor others,

it is not self-seeking,

it is not easily angered,

it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.}

You Lord, at work in me.

Teach me to love like You love.

Teach me to love them well.

One Seriously Cool Kid

2013-04-29T08:09:00.001-07:00

At the farm house birthdays are a big deal.

It's not about any extravagant gifts, or gigantic parties, but as our treasures grow, the Cowboy and I want all of them to know that not a day goes by that we don't have tremendous gratitude in our hearts for their little lives. Our treasures are precious gems, answers to prayer, tools that the Lord has given their Papa and I to help us grow up towards our Jesus.

They are worth much celebration and every April and July the Cowboy and I can't wait to lavish intentional joy on all four of the amazing kids that live under this roof with us.

So what can I say about my Siah??

He just might be one of the coolest kids I know.

He's not your typical 8 year old. He wears a cowboy hat everyday of his life, likes to work, follows all the rules & loves to be outside. He is the other half of my brain on most days, helping me remember everything I need when we leave the house. He's crazy responsible, knowing what he has to get done for school each day and doing most all of it on his own without my having to even remind. He's likes playing by himself just as much as with his siblings. He loves shooting guns and his bow and arrow, hiding out in the tree house, jumping on the trampoline, shoveling snow off the drive way, and chopping trees in the mini forest here on the farm. He has an endless amount of questions and I will admit that Siah and the Cowboy are like two peas in a pod in that department. They think alike and care about the same kind of stuff, and I love that about both of them.

The day before his actual birthday, we had the privilege of surprising Siah with a camo-room and a surprise party with his three closest friends and their families. His friend Cam's birthday is just a few days before Siah's so we got to love on both of these amazing boys. We ate pizza and rode the tractor. Upon request, I made a giant chocolate chip cookie cake and homemade ice cream sandwiches... Oh, and this pregnant Mama just might of had two of those ice cream sandwiches. {smile!}

Since we moved out to the sticks a few years back , the Lord has provided some incredible friendships for our family. We met the Weavers through the kid's class day and their three oldest kids are the same ages as our three oldest. Their 5-year-old son Becket picked out Siah's gift all by himself... a Duck Dynasty poster and a bag of bloody fish bate... Come on now, that's hilarious and perfectly awesome! :) I loved it!

SURPRISE!!!

Siah's new Camo Room...

Siah and one of his best buddies, Cam...

Group hug.... :)

The Cowboy built this bed for his boys....

The next morning was Siah's actual birthday and we had our usual birthday breakfast with our family and opened presents. Thanks to all the grandparents for blessing our Siah! He felt super loved! :)

It was a gorgeous sunny day and Si just wanted to hang out in his new camo room... fine by me... this Mama put on her extremely stylish maternity bathing suit and got a sun tan while reading a book in the yard. :) then I took a snooze on the couch. I couldn't really sleep cuz I kept hearing all four kids belly laughing up stairs. So I guess I spent the afternoon sleep-smiling... there's nothing better to waking up to the sound of treasures laughing all happy. :)

Then that night was one that I hope never to forget.

My Siah, my Hal, my Dad, and I ALL got baptized together. I'm not even sure what to say...

There were 17 of us getting baptized.

My friend Heather who lost her husband this year in Afghanistan was there to baptize her son. To say that the Lord has lavished His strength on this woman... As I stood behind the baptism pool with my Joey and my Dad and my treasures waiting for our turn, I wept.

I don't feel sorry for my friend, I admire her.

I admire the way that the Lord consumes her. I admire the way that she moves forward each day into Him, knowing that He has been and always will be enough.

And as she stood up there with her son, without her husband, I felt this intense love and pride for my friend. And even though I felt blessed beyond measure to have my Joey, my dad, and my kids with me as I got baptized yesterday, what I felt more than anything was a tremendous gratitude towards my Jesus for what He's willing to do in and through all of our lives.

My Heather, He's made her brave, and He's constantly molding her into a woman who daily displays His splendor. And isn't that the GREATEST privilege?

Family and friends are an amazing gift, but Jesus Himself is the ultimate gift.

It's not Joey who completes me, it's Christ.

It's not Joey who sustains me, provides for me, or carries my heart the way it needs to be carried... It's my Jesus that does all the gentle heart work that needs doing in my life, all that my precious friend's heart needs. We can, and should come alongside each other, always, as we walk through this life.

But I don't want to forget that Jesus is the one worthy of all my worship.

It was a moment between my man and my dad that I will cherish in my heart for always. God is growing both of these men in mighty ways and I feel so privileged to walk alongside. :)

What better way to CELEBRATE than to watch your son & daughter & dad & self die to sin, and come up ALIVE in Christ! We are a bunch of sinful treasures living under this roof. But God is doing a mighty work in us all. He who has began a good work in us, IS faithful to complete it.

I am so so thankful.

Happy Happy Birthday to my Siah. That we have the privilege of walking through this life with you... I am bubbling over with gratitude! I love you little man, with all my heart! :)

Just Random Stuff

2013-04-22T14:07:00.001-07:00

I'm not even sure where to start these days. So much happening at the farm house is glorious and good, and yet, at the very same moment, there is so much that stings and humbles.

We could start with this morning... I had this brilliant idea to potty train the little Charmer. After spending three hours in or near the bathroom, with 15 accidents and not a single success, we put his diaper back on and sat down together in the living room and ate the entire bowl of candy that I had filled earlier this morning in hopes of inspiring that Charmer to pee in the potty. Oh yes we did. :)

What I wanna know is why I care so much about the fact that I failed to get my son to pee in a porcelan bowl this morning? So what if it takes him more time? So what if he's nothing at all like the others under this roof? So what, is what I should be saying. But instead I'm standing in a puddle of pee in the kitchen and I'm getting all worked up at the fact that I simply cannot make this little one do what I want him to do, when I want him to do it. (And I can just hear all you more experienced Mama's chuckling at me, and maybe wondering when this Mama just might come to truly understand that control goes out the window when one becomes a Mama? Maybe someday I'll get it? :)

I'm Humbled.

And also refreshed.

Refreshed that I don't have to control him... that that's not my even part of my job as Mama. I simply have to guide and instruct, consistently and with much love.

So, we'll try again in a little while. And we'll have faith that he won't be 18 and unable to go potty in the big boy potty. :)

Here he is, soo happy to be back in his diaper and cowboy boots...

Is he not the whitest kid you've ever seen?? Where are his Mama's Mexican genes?? :)

In other news, our friends across the farm moved to town this past weekend. I've known for awhile that it was coming, that the change was inevitable. But it's almost surreal that they are no longer a stone's throw away. And as much as there are moments when the thought of such change stings so deep, I feel so grateful that we are all in the palm of His mighty hand and that all the details that have come together in the past six months have been anything but coincidence.

So who moved in across the farm??

My precious Dad. :)

We've had the blessing of him living with us the past six months and now that's another thing that's been tugging on my heart strings as of late. He's my Dad, and he's a grown man, more than capable of doing his thing and taking care of himself... But I have so enjoyed his time in our home. I've been so thankful for his help and his friendship, his conversation, and simply the gift of doing life together. And even though he's only a few hundred feet away, yesterday was a bit emotional for me when he came over to say good night and left for his own place. Granted, I am so pregnant and everything just might make me cry... but even so. :) Sure do love my Dad. :)

And in the midst of all the change and pee on the floor, my Cowboy has been slowly turning our farm house into a farm Home. With his own hands he's been changing things out and fixing things up. Here's a little sneak peek at the farm house kitchen...

Before...

After...

Before...

After...

Yesterday I got to spend the afternoon with the Spunky Girl. The Cowboy and the older kids went hiking to celebrate one amazing little boy's birthday (Happy bday Cam!!), and the Charmer took a long afternoon nap... So that Spunky little gal and I did some yard work together and found Spring's first batch of kittens in the stable across from the farm house. There were four this time but one died right away. The three that are left are cute as can be and they will be in a nice card board box out front of Walmart with a lovely sign that reads, FREE KITTENS, in about 8 short weeks if we don't find any takers sooner. :) I get a little anxiety at the thought of becoming the crazy cat lady. LOL. But for now, we are soaking them up and I love that Spring really does bring about new life in this place. :)

I think all our hard work tuckered her out... :)

Yesterday was glorious, and today the snow is back. It's Spring and it's snowing...AGAIN.

I'm tempted to be grouchy. But my sweet Dancing Girl has convinced me to drink some hot chocolate and play some good old Connect Four with her in front of the fire instead. :) Love these treasures and am so thankful that they remind me to accept all that He gives with great JOY. :)

Cross Out The 'I'...

2013-04-14T12:18:00.001-07:00

Who may ascend the hill of the Lord?
Who may stand in His holy place?
He who has clean hands and a pure heart,
Who does not lift his soul to an idol
Or swear by what is false.
Psalm 24

How will I ever stand next to a holy God when I am constantly lifting my soul to the idol of self?

I want to be near Him. I want to be Like him.

I've asked Him to make my sin as heinous in my own sight as it is in His sight.

I'm a floundering Mama who wants to be cleansed from my sin and be used as instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work. (2 Timothy 2:21)

I read this story and I've been replacing her name with mine, as it has all become a deeply intimate prayer these past days here on the farm...

"Suddenly I knew that I had to get away from it all and sort myself out and seek God's forgiveness and restoration, if I was to continue in the work (of motherhood).

The pastor had seen my spiritual need and made all the arrangements for me to go and stay in his village for a long weekend. I felt crushed by my own oft-repeated failures, I knew I was quite unworthy of the title '(Mama)' and I yearned to know the secret of a closer walk with God and of a new in-filling by the Holy Spirit. On the Sunday evening, I went to the pastor and his wife , as they sat together in the palaver hut by the embers of the fire, and asked him to help me. I did not have to explain what I meant; he knew.

Opening his Bible to Galatians 2:20, he drew a straight line in the dirt floor with his heel. 'I,' he said, 'the capital 'I' in our lives, Self, is the great enemy.'

Stillness reigned.

'{Kacy},' he said quietly after a long pause, 'the trouble with you is that we can see so much {Kacy} that we cannot see Jesus.'

Again he paused, and my eyes filled with tears.

'I notice that you drink much tea,' he continued presently, apparently going off on a tangent. "When they bring a mug of hot teat to you, wherever you are, whatever you're doing, you stand there holding it, until it is cool enough to drink. May I suggest that every time, as you stand and wait, you should just life your heart to God and pray...' and as he spoke he moved his heal in the dirt across the I he had previously drawn, 'Please God, cross out the I.'

It was very still.

There in the dirt was this simplified theology _the Cross_ the crossed-out I life.

Crucifiction _ death to self_ the cross in the life of a Christian, or as Paul worded it, "I have been crucified with Christ and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me.' Galatians 2:20

And so I go back to that same old verse again...

If a man cleanses himself from {all the grittiness of his sin}, he will be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the Master, and prepared to do any good work. (2 Timothy 2:21)

Please God, cross out the 'I' in my life and make me an instrument for noble purposes?

More of you and less of me?

Daily, hourly, I want to be made holy, set apart for your glory. :)

My Hal

2013-04-11T15:35:00.000-07:00

A sweet little Hal's birthday came and went last week.

She wanted her Mama to bring a Tinker Bell cake that she had seen countless times at the local Walmart to her class day, which happened to fall on her actual birthday this year.

She wanted to spend the day with her family.

No party.

Just a family trip to the American Girl Doll store up in Denver, then dinner and her very own ice cream sundae at The Cheesecake Factory with her Mama and Papa, brothers and sister, and her Gramps. :)

It felt strange when she said she didn't want a party this year. I absolutely LOVE celebrating birthdays because birthdays are the days that remind me each year how the Lord graciously gave me some of the absolute deepest desires that my heart has ever had and He blessed me with little souls to raise up for His glory.

Birthdays aren't just another year gone by. They're a tangible touch from above on this Mama who feels so privileged to be a Mama.

My Hal, well she was the one that wasn't "planned" as they say, but all the plans we've ever thought we've made, were already made for us before even time began anyways, right? And when we find ourselves falling into His plans, we find ourselves BLESSED! My Hal, she started growing six weeks after her big brother was born and we got to hold her in our arms 11 short months after her big brother was born.

She's got this tender heart, much like her Mama's. Sensitive with a soft voice. She's always willing to please. She's a nurturer, naturally caring for all her dolls from the moment she wakes up until the moment she goes to bed.

She's so much like me I sometimes struggle to understand her... maybe because I don't always understand myself? I have a love/hate relationship with how easily she gets her feelings hurt. I'm the same way... a sharp tone can crush me in a heart beat. Maybe she's a mirror that daily forces me to face not only my strengths, but my weaknesses... and when I'm looking right in the eye of my weaknesses, I often find myself flustered and sometimes even angry. Not angry at my Hal, but at myself and the ways that I fall short.

Kids can do that you know... make you brutally aware of ALL that you are, the good and the yucky.

My Hal, she has this spunky nature about her. It really only comes out when she's in the safest of places. She's goofy and funny and silly. And I love those moments when she lets it all out in silly-talk at the farm table, because when she's a heap of giggles I know that our home has become a safe-haven for her heart over the years. This little farm house, with these folks, she's her realest self and that blesses this Mama so very much. :)

It's always hard to believe that another year has already gone by.

It's hard to believe that she's seven, that her chubby-toddler-hand days are gone, never to return.

It's a gift to know that each day is another opportunity to discover more of who the Lord has fashioned my little Hal to be.

She's rather amazingly beautiful, inside and out.

She's more than I could have known to ask for in a daughter. She tender and kind and abounding in grace and I am so in love with the fact that she is mine for this season of our lives.

Happy Happy birthday sweet girl!

You are lovely and you are loved. :)

Who Defines "Good" Anyways??? The Conclusion To A Rather Unexpected Good Friday

2013-03-29T20:36:00.002-07:00

When the Cowboy told me last week that he had Good Friday off of work and that we were taking the fam up north to buy a new van, I felt a bit angry and quite ridiculous if you want to know the truth. I mean truly... who spends the day that Christ suffered on the cross, in a tiny little cubicle signing papers for some monstrosity for themselves? Apparently, we do.

And the first half of our long drive north was taken up with a lengthy little discussion about needs verses wants and how I just might have to face the fact that we are no longer a "small" family. And it's hard for me to think that things are changing and I DON'T like change.

And I'm sitting there in the passenger seat trying my hardest to not get all worked up, to just go with the flow, to just trust the Cowboy, cuz the truth is he's right on this one. Maybe it's just bothering me even more because it's Good Friday and I'm thinking about how un-spiritual I feel and I'm wondering how we ended up here__ in this car__ driving north to get a different car__ On Good Friday??

The drive gets quiet and I'm thankful for a break from myself and the pessimism that can sometimes over take me, when I get a text from a friend... a text that takes me to a place that I had no idea I wanted to go on this Good Friday.

She tells me that she's been up most of the night and that she thinks the Lord might be asking her that stinging question... the one that seems to keep popping up in my life... "Will you let go?"

And a few hours later when she texts again and confirms that indeed, her precious little baby is gone, I find myself thinking the least likely of things... what a strangely intimate gift that He might give on a Good Friday in March?

That although the sting and the hurt are in no way lessened, there is this tenderness in His decision to chose this day, to ask my friend that question.

Because the thing is, on this very day, He let go too.

On this day in history, he lost his precious one too.

And that He would take the time to draw my precious friend so close to Himself, on such a day as this, there is somehow a great sweetness in the sting. And alone in my thoughts, looking out the window as we drive down the highway, I can't help but thank Him that He would chose to draw her so near. Today just might be a day that she'll never forget, a day that might just allow her to see her sweet Savior like she has never seen Him before. It's no coincidence that He would chose today of all days.

We're on our way to buy a van, and in the ordinary-ness of driving up the highway with a car full of treasures and a gracious Cowboy who listens to me wrestle with my own thoughts, and a text that becomes a window into Himself, I remember that I need only to let Him do His thing in me, in His time, with His purposes.

We bought the van. It's big. It will be a blessing for our growing family.

And on the way home the Cowboy comes up with the best idea of the day and again I'm reminded that He has plans for me. And the thing is, His plans are sooo much better than mine!

I wanted to go this church service thing that was going on tonight. I thought it would make me feel like I was doing something right on Good Friday.

But instead the Cowboy convinces the dealership to detail our Suburban. We had already worked out a deal to sell it to this amazing family for a certain price.

But instead the Cowboy throws it out there, "What if we just gave it to them for $1?" And my entire face LIGHTS up! And my heart feels like it's about to burst because I cannot even tell you how many times the Cowboy and I have been on the receiving end and how many times I have cried tears of joy at the very tangible miracles that He has provided over My Joey and I. And to think that we would have the honor and the privilege to pass along His love in such a way on a Good Friday in March??? Wooohoooo!! We brought our friends the Burb. And ALL of us were royally blessed! :)

I didn't know that today would hold the things that it did. It's hard to really grasp what He did up there on that cross... the sin that He removed, and that relationship that He lavished on us instead. I couldn't have mustered up on my own the ways that He showed me Himself today.

Why is it called "Good Friday"? I wonder if it has to do with the fact that His definition of "good" is so much different that all I've ever known.

It's often in the sting that we truly know, that we know, that we know, His peace.

It's often in the giving away that we can taste His sweet sweet joy.

It's when the whole sky turns black, and the earth quakes, and the veil gets torn in half, and the blood drips, and the desperation has never been so mysterious... It's on GOOD Friday that a broken world begins a journey into unimaginable hope.

Thoughts On A Good Friday

2013-03-29T06:25:00.000-07:00

It's Good Friday. I think it should be this great spiritual experience but I don't even really know what that means. I know it's the day that we as Christians remember that Christ died for us. I read the story again this morning from Luke. What I want to know is why I am not moved to tears when I think about what Christ has done for me. I talk about Him all the time to my kids, to friends. I talk about Him like He's the most important thing on earth, but if I'm honest, I'm not moved by Him and all that He has done. Or maybe I am but it simply doesn't come out in emotion like I think it ought. Can you be genuinely moved by something and still be sitting perfectly still under the covers in your bed and wondering why you've committed your entire life to something? Is an emotional response the only evidence of true faith? Or is it really no evidence at all?

It's Good Friday and I want to celebrate what Christ has done. I want to find gratitude and even joy in the fact that my sins have been taken care of because of what Christ did on this day, for me, for an entire broken world. I never want to forget what an incredible rescue mission Jesus and His Father perfectly planned so that our sins would no longer separate us from our creator.

Last night in small group we talked about fasting.There's another thing about the very faith that I claim that I truly know very little about. I get it's purpose but I so rarely chose it. It begins with an admitting of little gods in my life. And I know what they are but I so rarely face them. I just keep trudging along in my daily to-dos, staying stuck in things that I just don't want to take the time to shake, or maybe more honestly, I don't want the Spirit to do the hard work in me that I know it will take to mold those things out.

I know the main thing that gets me every day of my life is my desire to control everything... in other words, my pride. It's what causes the daily breakdowns between me and my children. It's the central cause of strife in our home and I hate it. But clearly I don't hate it enough to do anything about it.

Why am I training these children anyways? Is it so that they can appear "good" to our little world and all the folks that witness the ins and outs of our daily family life? Or is it that they might know their Jesus better? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ! (Galatians 1:10) But oh how I live to please man! Oh how I discipline out of shear annoyance and prideful frustration.

Why do they call Good Friday, "Good" anyways? I think I'm beginning to understand a little bit. And it's nothing profound. It's simply that without this day, without this beyond-words-sacrifice of my sweet sweet Jesus, I would be left forever wanting and never seeing. It's Good because His willingness is what made it good. Because of this day, this sacrifice, I am not who I want to be, but I am no where near who I once was.

Today is Good Friday and I feel like I should be doing something to make it all spiritual or something. But in the early hours this morning as I read the words that describe that great day, it's never going to be about what kind of spiritual experience I can create for myself or my family on a Friday in March, 2013 years after the fact that He has already done it all. I will never be able to "create" what He has already done.

So today, in whatever He sees fit to bring, I will praise Him with a grateful heart. A deep, deep gratitude, for the very thought that He would want to be with me to the point of giving His absolute all.

Today, I'll remember that the hardest days are often times the best days. That the fruit of pain can often be the sweetest fruit. That to lose everything is really great gain. That Jesus loves you and me with one selfless, extravagant love.

Happy Good Friday...The sting before the greatest joy man has EVER been able to know.

{Resurrection Eggs.... you can make them yourself here. It's such a fun way to teach the treasures about all that their Jesus went through, that they might know Him and His extravagant love for them. :) This year the treasures had a lovely idea to make a few extras and deliver them to some friends so they too could jump into the fun. :)}

Loss & Peace & Walking Alongside

2013-03-22T14:02:00.001-07:00

Our cousins were in town last week and can you believe that I didn't even take one picture the entire week?? But we had a blast and I was so blessed that they would want to spend their Spring Break here at The Farm. They're in the process of adopting their three precious treasures and we were so blessed to watch them love on those kids of theirs. :)

And in the midst of the joys and chaos of 12 folks bunking here in our quaint, little cottage, I received news last week that my precious friend who was just two weeks ahead of me in her pregnancy, delivered her sweet little boy at 21 weeks and he did not make it.

I lost it.

My heart lost it like the day we had to give back our own.

It was the kind of "losing it" where you have trouble finding your breath.

It really doesn't matter if you've carried you're baby for two seconds or 8 months, there is a connection the moment that the two little lines appear on the stick and the letting go stings deep... No-Matter-What.

The truth is, I haven't even had a chance to talk with my friend.

We've texted.

And last weekend The Cowboy and I and the kids drove up to her house and dropped off a small gift. I wore a baggie coat as not to accentuate my own little belly. My friend and her husband were asleep and I sat in their kitchen with her mother-in-law, whom I had never met, and I wept as I shared our story, and how my heart broke all over again over theirs. Inside the gift bag was a small box with her son's name on it, and attached was a simple card explaining why.

When we had lost our boys, my sweet sister-in-law gave me a gift that hasn't left my bed-side since day one. It has the names of our twins on it and inside I put their whole little lives. There are cards from people who loved them even though they never got to meet them. There is a journal that I wrote in the first few months after they were born. Their birth and death certificates, the clothes they wore in the hospital, and the small, white box that holds their ashes. It was a gift that I never knew to ask for, but that I now feel I could never live without.

The hardest part about loss is that it can't be fixed. And when it happens to those we love, the first thing we want to do is make it all better.

I can't fix it.

But I can care.

I can love, and I can mourn alongside.

I can bring a meal or a small wooden box that might hold a handful of the only thing left; memories.

We can't fix the yucky things in this life. But we can walk through them together and remind each other of the glorious riches of His Kingdom. We can be thankful that here in this place, with our messy hearts, and all they entangle... it's all only temporary.

It's only temporary.

We're a broken mess down here, but our three little boys are in the very place that my friend and I long to be, in the very presence of the One who loves them perfectly! How incredibly sweet is that?? :)

And His peace.

How else can we move forward but with His peace that surpasses all understanding?

You keep him in perfect peace

whose mind is stayed on you,
because he trusts in you. Isaiah 26:3

We talked about His perfect peace at Bible Study this morning. And the truth is that His perfect peace is so often beyond what our human words are able to convey.

His peace can't be a feeling because so often when we experience that peace that surpasses understanding, it's happening right alongside our pain. His perfect peace doesn't mean we give ourselves a pep talk and convince ourselves that all is well when clearly it is not.

His perfect peace does not cast out all pain, but it does cast out our fear. It enables us to walk through the very things that we once thought to be impossible.

Maybe peace is an extension of surrender? Of our acceptance with joy of all that He gives?

Ten years have passed and there are still days when I'm looking for a pair of socks and my eyes pass over that precious box on top of our dresser that my dear dear friend thought to give, and the tears just stream down. The pain is far from gone, but He is so near. He has always been near.

You keep him in perfect peace

whose mind is stayed on you,
because he trusts in you.

************

And although my precious friend had to say good bye last week, the Lord has not asked that of me this time around.

And so, here we are, at twenty weeks and we continue to soak up the moments that He HAS given. Because really, ALL is grace. ALL is gift.

He didn't have to give anything. But instead, He has chosen to give everything, through the One He chose to give up for us.

I felt our little one move for the first time last week.

I'm outwardly, joyfully, thankful for that.

And even though The Cowboy and I have been here several times, the wonder of it all never ceases to amaze me.

We're grateful.

We're blessed.

We're hurting alongside.

We're broken.

We're slowly growing up in Him.

He's near.

He gives peace.

He gets it. He gets us.

And He gave it all that we might know HIs perfect peace in the least likely of places.

The Treasures

2013-03-07T19:46:00.001-08:00

Today there was a break in the weather and it was a sizzling 51 degrees. The kids and I made it to park.

It was a muddy mess and we all loved every second of it. :)

Happy days here on the farm... :)

For The New, The Old, And The In Between

2013-03-06T09:00:00.000-08:00

There is a lot I wish I had known when I first became a Mama.

But the truth is, even if someone had told me, I might not have been in a place to hear. It's strange how the Lord brings the wisdom we need in the moments we need them. It's strange, yet refreshing and freeing in a sense.

I have four little people that I interact with all day long and you would think that by now I would have things under control and I would be a wonderful problem solver, patient in all our daily endeavors, and knowledgeable of all my treasure's needs.

That's simply not the case.

I can't even count how many times a day I find myself looking up and muttering, "What the Hec am I supposed to do now??" {And on the really humbling days, I find myself using stronger words than "hec".}

Motherhood is hard.

Let's just lay that one simple truth on the table. If we know that, we can breath a little easier and find comeradery where the enemy wants us to find loneliness.

There is a lot about motherhood that I know nothing about.

And today I just needed a little reminder. My heart needed a place to breath, a place to remember that motherhood is a lifelong venture that rarely ever comes in contact with instant gratification.

Today, I needed to remember these things...

They're the things that others have taught me along the way...

They're the things that the new, the old, and the in between, could always take a refreshing dip in...

So here it is, a note to myself on a Wednesday morning in March...

1. Never forget the extent of your purpose... Mama, your job is irreplaceable. You are a magnificent woman, chosen by the King of Kings, to raise souls for the pleasure and glory of the most high God. Your calling is anything but small. When done well, the effects of your life spent pouring into souls, will last for ETERNITY. You have great purpose! On the hard days... remember your purpose.

2. There is tremendous blessing (on both sides) when you take the time to train them well... Each child's training will look different. Some will need a steady flow of consequences, while others will respond quickly to gentle reminders. Don't be afraid to give to each his own need. It might seem hard at first, the figuring out of individual needs, but God is faithful to show you and strengthen you. Don't grow weary of repeating, repeating, repeating. Give your children the gift of meaning what you say and saying only what you mean. Empty threats bring forth disobedient children but the following through of a mother against her willful child develops trust between the two of them, and eventually, a willing obedience in the child. If we quit after the first, of even the fiftieth try, we will miss out on the triumph that comes with perseverance and our children will miss out on the joy-filled life that comes with obedience. Take the time to train, even on the days that it feels like it's not working.

3. Pray... Prayer is your greatest tool. When in doubt, or at a total loss, PRAY.

4. Back up all your choices with scripture... Education, discipline, friendships, family rules, priorities...The Bible really does have something to say about pretty much everything. We may not always like what it says, but His Word is unfailing, trustworthy, and full of the best kind of wisdom. {The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom}. If we can't back our decisions up with the scriptures, then maybe we should be making different decisions?

5. Flood your home with grace... Grace for the treasures and grace for the Mama. If at first you fall on your face, get back up on your knees, and try try again. Forgive and ask forgiveness, as often as needed. Maybe that means several times a day during certain seasons? Pride tears a family apart. Humility knits a family tightly together. It begins with Mamas. What we exemplify is what our kids will grow up to live out in their own lives.

6. Never let your treasures doubt how in love you truly are with their Papa... Kiss that man of yours, hug him, tell him the things you like about him in front of your children! My two oldest giggle every time they come into the kitchen and see their Mama wrapped up in their Papa's arms. But as they grow, we want their memories to always hold their parents love and affection towards one another.

7. You WILL learn as you go... You don't need to know everything there is to know about parenting, today. He is faithful to reveal in His perfect timing, everything necessary for you to know. He'll give you wisdom for each child, each day... no need to run ahead. Stay in the moments, and soak them up. They truly are fleeting!

My oldest is turning 8 in a few weeks. He's in a wonderfully sweet, wonderfully overwhelming phase where he's beyond helpful, independent and responsible, and yet emotional, often sharp with his words, wanting to lead, but lacking the skills to lead selflessly. He's very specific and he never seems to stop asking questions... ALL DAY LONG. He challenges me from the moment he walks down the stairs in the morning until he closes his eyes at night. I love him with my whole heart and I'm thankful for the ways that the Lord is teaching me to love and care for a little guy that is so different from me and also so like me. We are always in the learning around here.

And isn't that motherhood?

A constant running into Jesus?

A humble letting go of ourselves that we might see and know more of Him?

I guess it doesn't really matter how old or how new we are to mothering, we all need Jesus. :)

Farm Food

2013-03-02T14:43:00.002-08:00

My friend Kim told me about this recipe that she had found on Pinterest.

She said it was pretty good.

But what she forgot to say was that it wasn't just good...

IT WAS THE MOST DELIGHTFUL THING TO TOUCH MY TONGUE SINCE CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM ON A HOT SUMMER DAY!

No, seriously... When I made this chicken for my family, all four kids, the Cowboy, and Gramps, couldn't help but talk about it through the entire meal. The Dancing Girl said that she would now like to have this chicken for her Birthday dinner instead of her usual favorite, pizza.

This is good stuff friends! I hope I've built it up enough for you to go to the store this afternoon, buy the ingredients, and try it tonight for dinner. :)

I got the picture below off Pinterest, and in all honesty, it hardly does it justice.

It's really not hard to make and you definitely don't want to skip out on the sauce because the sauce it what makes the whole thing come together in pure deliciousness!!

So here it goes...

Ingredients:

3 boneless, skinless chicken breasts, cut in half (like you’re butterflying, but finish the cut)

12 slices deli honey ham (I used black forest sliced EXTRA thin)

1 cup Panko bread crumbs (I doubled this)

2 tablespoons butter, melted (I doubled this)

1/2 pounds thinly sliced Swiss cheese

Parmesan-Dijon Cream Sauce

2 tablespoons butter

2 tablespoons all-purpose flour

1 cup milk

1 chicken bouillon cube, crushed (Ileft this ingredient out simply because I forgot to buy some at the store)

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 tablespoon Dijon mustard

1/2 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce

1/2 cup finely grated Parmesan cheese

Parsley, for garnish if desired

(I doubled the sauce recipe as I was making enough chicken for 7 people)

Directions:

Coat a 9″ x 13″ baking dish with non-stick cooking spray. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
In a medium bowl, combine the bread crumbs and 2 tablespoons melted butter; set aside.
Lay all of the chicken breast halves in a single layer in the bottom of your baking dish – unlike the traditional CCB recipe, there is no second layer of chicken in this dish. Top each breast with two slices of ham and 2 slices of Swiss cheese, so that the entire breast is covered. Sprinkle bread crumbs over the top of the chicken.
Bake for 30 to 35 minutes, or until the chicken is cooked through (clear juices), the cheese is bubbly and the bread crumbs are golden brown.
While the chicken bakes, melt 2 tablespoons butter in a medium sauce pan over medium heat. Whisk in the flour to form a roux, cook for 1 to 2 minutes. Slowly pour in the milk while whisking constantly, make sure there are no clumps. Stir in the bouillon and salt. Whisk constantly until the mixture begins to thicken, about 5 to 7 minutes. Remove from heat and stir in mustard, Worcestershire sauce, and Parmesan cheese. Stir until the cheese is melted. Keep the sauce warm.
Remove chicken from oven, plate, and top with sauce.

Enjoy!!!

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I have also found a lovely afternoon snack that I just might have been eating every single afternoon because my pregnant self LOVES it and it takes about as much energy to put together as this tired Mama can muster up.

Here it goes...

Put

2 frozen bananas

1/4 of nonfat milk &

1 TBLS of peanut butter (not the healthy kind...the kind filled with sugar and hydrogynated oils... it's soo good!)

in a blender.

Blend. Blend. Blend.

Drink.

It's so wonderful I tell ya! :)

*****************************************

And the last bit of kitchen information that I would love to share with y'all today is this...

I have been trying to master the perfect hard-boiled egg for 13 years now and I think I have truly found the trick...

Place eggs in cold water in a pot with a generous sprinkle of baking soda. (The baking soda is the trick to making the shell easy to peel at the end. It seriously works)

From the time you place the pot on the stove with the heat on medium/high, set the timer for 17 minutes.

Remove from heat and cover. Set timer for 15 minutes.

Rinse under cold water then peel.

Awesome huh?

Well there you go, that's what's cooking on The Farm these days. :)

Hope you're having a lovely weekend!

Another Week On The Farm Gone By

2013-02-26T15:11:00.000-08:00

She's one of those women that every woman wants to have in her life.

She's the one that would come over every afternoon when our first (and second, and third) little treasure was born. She would take the baby, send me to my room for a much needed nap, then clean my house and do my laundry and love on my little guy.

She makes you brave and talks you into boogy-boarding when all you really want to do is sit on the sand.

She's the one that lavishes love on you with beautiful baby showers and the most thoughtful gifts on your birthday.

She's the friend that you can sit on the couch with for hours and chat the night away... or say absolutely nothing at all and it's just as wonderful.

She's the kind of friend you not only wish you had, but the kind of friend real friends wanna be.

She's lovely and she was here on the farm last week with her family and I couldn't soak her up enough.

I cried in Chipotle on Sunday afternoon when I knew I had to say goodbye.

There aren't a lot of folks who can convince me to leave my nice warm farmhouse to go sledding in the wind... but she can... and she can some how make me laugh the whole time.

She, is Melinda White. And she's a treasure friend that lights up my heart when she's around.

The Cowboy and I have known her awesome husband since high school and we've all walked through a lot together over the past fifteen years.

Last week on the farm the kids got at a million horse back rides from Uncle Jason around the couches in our living room. Aunt Mindy was so sweet to let the girls constantly do her hair and dress her up. (I wish I would have gotten a picture when they had dressed her up as gymnastics Merida, complete with a bright blue leotard and Merida's lovely red locks.:)

We ate a lot of good food and had a lot of good conversation.

This past week on the farm was nothing but a blessing. :)

Thanks for coming out sweet friend. I just love you to pieces! :)

Pregnant And Lumpy On Valentines Day

2013-02-14T21:39:00.000-08:00

This week the Cowboy and I have been together for fifteen years. There's something about that man that never ceases to amaze this heart of mine.

When I woke up this morning, my little baby bump felt tight, the stretch marks that currently decorate my pregnant self throbbed, and even though I had slept like a rock for a good 8 hours, my eye-lids strained to stay open for more than two seconds at a time. I rolled out of bed and dragged my feet into the kitchen, made a cup of tea, and stood there at the counter looking out the window.

The Cowboy came up behind me and slipped those worn hands of his on my bare baby bump, whispered "Good morning," in my ear.

It's strange how the loving kindness of a Cowboy can make you feel beautiful even when you're brutally aware of the fact that your human body is so very__human.

At a little BBQ joint in Old Colorado City, him and I, we order way to much food and everything these days gives me indigestion in all directions and he doesn't care, he just joins in. We laugh at his silly ideas for baby names and I sit across from him feeling so thankful for where we are, for who we are, for the way that we are both so stoked on each other after fifteen years and seven babies and gray hair and lumps and bumps in the least likely of places.

Then later, at this quaint little coffee shop he tries to convince me that we need a 4 wheel drive 15 passenger van and he shows me a whole slew of options on his phone. And I get into it, because he's into it, and I'm into him. I'm sitting there and my stomach hurts so bad (cuz even the tea brings on the indigestion these days) and he cracks all these pregnant lady jokes and I'm laughing cuz it's really so funny, but my body can't decide whether or not it wants to keep laughing or burst into tears because of the sharp pains in my stomach. He reaches across the table and looks at me like everything about me is still new, still something sweet to be discovered, and I can't help but wonder how we got here?

I'm pregnant and it's Valentines Day and it's supposed to be romantic and I've got gas and stretch marks and I'm having trouble keeping my eyes open on our extravagantly simple date.

How did we get here?

And how did here get to be so good?

We drive home listening to all our favorite country songs and we don't even say a word to one another. We both mouth the words to each song and it's pretty much the only time I ever see that man of mine bobbing his head to the beat, when we're driving down a county road and the good stuff is coming through the speakers.

When along the way did the silence start to speak so loud?

When we get home he pulls me close in the dark, and I feel vulnerable and nothing like anything the world has ever told me is beautiful. And again, without a word, he convinces me that he is convinced that I am none other than the crown and glory of God's creation. I am his and he is mine. And I'm round and striped, speckled, and tired___ and I am so very loved by a Cowboy who sees something that I don't see. It's like Christ and His bride, it's the most unlikely of pairs__ but it's beautiful and perfect in this magnificent, almost indescribable way.

My Cowboy whispers prayers of thanks over me in the dark, and I whisper my own prayers of thanks for "here"and him.

Who wants to be pregnant (for the seventh time) on Valentines Day?

I woke up this morning aware of all that I lack.

I'm off to bed aware of all that Christ has done__ in the lives of two young kids, who knew nothing about love, and now have only touched the surface of something so sweet__that's the glory of marriage.

Happy Valentines Day!

Hoping that your day was filled with the assurance and joy of His EXTRAVAGANT love for you!

From our Farmhouse to yours!

The One Thing I Want Them To Know {Just This}

2013-02-07T13:51:00.000-08:00

Siah, Hal, Reese, & Jed...

If someone may ask you along the way, "Who are you?"
I hope that your response will always be, "I am the crown and glory of creation. I have exceptional value and I am loved."

If someone may ask you along the way, "Why are you here, what is your purpose?"
I hope that you won't hesitate when you say, "I am here to honor and glorify my Jesus in every last thing that I do."

Sweet treasures of mine, if you know these things, you can do anything.

Sweet treasures of mine, if you have the world view of your Savior, might you be able to change the world... for His glory?

"He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation.For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent. For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross." Colossians 1

Christ is before ALL things.

Christ needs to be the beginning and the end of all that we do.

All of our learning,

all of our living,

all our time,

all of our choices,

might they begin and end in Him, in His Word, for His glory.

Why is it so easy to forget, that there is nothing good under the sun, apart from the hope that comes from Jesus?

My Siah walked into the kitchen today and I just wanted him to know. That's the weird thing about the things that God reveals and reminds me of. I get so excited about them in my own heart but I have no idea how to pass them on without being awkward.

But this thing, this one truth that He so graciously implanted in my heart this week, this thing, I want my son to know so badly that no matter how awkward I just let it out there in the kitchen.

My Siah, he had come into the kitchen for one thing, a hug from his Mama. But when he buried himself in my arms, I kept him there...

"Siah love. Do you know who you are?"

He looked up at me all goofy.

I repeated my question.

"Do you know that you are the crown and glory of all creation?"

And his goofy grin turned into a beaming smile and I just kept going.

"Do you know that you are the crown and glory of all that God has ever made because of Jesus? Do you know that you exceptional value and that you are extravagantly loved?"

"Ya Mom, I know that."

"Really? Do you really really know? Do you know why you're here on this earth?"

He chuckles and he keeps on smiling with his arms wrapped around me and his eyes looking into mine.

"Do you know that you're here for one very important reason? You're here to bring honor and glory to your Jesus in all that you do"

"I knew that one too Mom."

"I'm so glad that you know. But even so, I'm going to keep asking you those questions throughout your whole life because I want you to know those two things then you will be in a place where the Lord can use you to influence this world for His glory, no matter what you do or where you go."

So I asked him again. "Who are you sweet boy?"

"I'm the crown and glory of creation Mom."

"And why are you here?"

"To bring glory to my Jesus!"

I love that! I love that he knows, and I love that I have a life time to whisper that truth over him and all the others.

*******************8

I have watched these clips every day this week. They've put
me in a place where I always want to be... Never forgetting the supremacy of Christ, in truth... in ALL things.

(It's maybe 45 minutes total, but worth every minute. Grab a cup of tea, sit by the fire and get filled up with the joy of knowing that our Jesus is over all things. :)

Enjoy!!

Does The Bible Have Anything To Say About Education? {40+ Scriptures}

2013-02-03T21:28:00.000-08:00

Whenever there are decisions to be made about the raising of my children, I tend to look all over the place before I remember that within the pages of His Word I can find everything I need to know. Over the past three years I have poured over the pages of scripture to see if indeed the Lord does have anything to say about educating my children.

And in fact, I have found that the instructions given are seemingly endless... I have only touched the surface here. We can learn so much simply by reading the biographies of great men like Moses, Abraham, David & Paul, and so many more found on the pages His Holy Word. How did they train their children? What were the successes and failures? What was consistent amoungst all the folks that the Lord called "wise" in His Word?

I also want to make it clear here that it is not my intention, nor my place, to tell anyone how they should educate their children. The goal of this post is point out that the Word of God is FULL of instruction on how we are to educate our children. The definition of education that I am going off here is from that of the great, G.K. Chesterton.

"The most important fact about the subject of education is that there is no such thing. Education is not a subject, and it does not deal in subjects. It is instead the transfer of a way of life."

Is not that our calling as parents... to "transfer a way of life to our children?

And I know it can be done in so many ways. I know that I myself grew up in the public school system and I am a respectable member of my community, a passionate, thankful Mama and wife, and I am completely and utterly in love with my Jesus.

God can and will do whatever He wills for each and every family that seeks His face (and often times He even shows grace on those who don't) When I was young, my parents didn't know the Lord, and I can guarantee you that in my younger years they did not seek the Lord about my education, thus what I mean about His grace.

I have a friend in my life that has chosen a different path to educating her children than My Joey and I have. She's an extremely godly woman. She's passionate about her children and her Jesus.

She has a special needs child and has chosen to put her son in a regular education classroom. I have been so blessed to hear the ways that the Lord is using her amazing son to help those in his class see their classmates in a different light. Her son is not a boy of many words, but because of her choice to get involved in the public school the way that she has, his life speaks volumes . And I believe with my whole heart that her choices are bringing glory to her Savior. She also teaches her children the Word in their home. She lives the Word with her life, so her children are daily seeing Jesus in their Mom.

No matter what choice we make, we must make it based on, and rooted in, the scriptures. If our children are away from us for various reasons, then we must be that much more intentional when they are with us. We cannot pass our God-given duties as Mama's and Papa's off to someone else. No one can pour life and truth into our children the way that we as parents can.

Clearly the Lord has led our family to educate at home. And like most people who have sought the Lord diligently about a certain topic, I will admit that I am quite passionate about what we do. I can see affirmation all over The Word concerning the benefits of having our children in our home. I do not deny that I think that homeschooling is a wonderful blessing for both child and parent.

But please know that the goal of me writing our family's journey in this quiet place is not to make everyone make the same choices that we are making, but rather to encourage us all to run constantly to His Word as we strive to figure out this life.

That being said...

When I started my search I was simply looking for scriptures that talked about training in some way or another. Below are the ones that have stood out and stuck with me over the past three years...

"Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them." Deuteronomy 4

"These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts.Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates." Deuteronomy 6

"Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." Deuteronomy 11

"Take to heart all the words I have solemnly declared to you this day, so that you may command your children to obey carefully all the words of this law." Deuteronomy 32

"Start children off on the way they should go,

and even when they are old they will not turn from it." Proverbs 22

"Tell it to your children, and let your children tell it to their children, and their children to the next generation." Joel 1

"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Ephesians 6

In other words, we are called to disciple our children. Discipleship demands time, effort, sacrifice. It calls for the "passing on of a way of life."

************************************

What is wisdom? What is knowledge?

Who is wise? Who is the fool?

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; fools despise wisdom and instruction." Proverbs 1:7

(What form of educating my child will daily, hourly, "when they walk along the road, when they lie down and when they get up") teach my child the "beginning of wisdom?")

"In other words, our educational choice has to be based on the fact that God cannot and must not be ignored in the process." Baucham)

Who it the fool? The Bible says,

"The fool says in his heart, “There is no God." Psalm 53:1

We can not be neutral when it comes to giving our children a Biblical worldview about God.

For the Scriptures make it clear... We are either for Him or against Him.

In fact, He spits neutrality out of His mouth. Revelation 3:16.
And in Mathew 12:20 “Anyone who isn’t with me opposes me, and anyone who isn’t working with me is actually working against me.”

The Bible has a lot to say about the wise verses the fool.

"Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm." Proverbs 13:20 (Are my children be walking with the wise?)

The crown of the wise is their wealth, but the folly of fools brings folly. Proverbs 14:24

"Wisdom rests in the heart of a man of understanding, but it makes itself known even in the midst of fools." Proverbs 14:33

"The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly." Proverbs 15:2

The lips of the wise spread knowledge; not so the hearts of fools." Proverbs 15:7

"The heart of him who has understanding seeks knowledge, but the mouths of fools feed on folly." Proverbs 15:14

"Leave the presence of a fool, for there you do not meet words of knowledge." Proverbs 14:7

And the Lord has not only made clear what the fool looks like, but in Proverbs 2, through the mouth of Solomon, He so eloquently describes how our children can become wise.

"My son, if you accept my words
and store up my commands within you,
turning your ear to wisdom
and applying your heart to understanding—

indeed, if you call out for insight

and cry aloud for understanding,

and if you look for it as for silver

  and search for it as for hidden treasure,

then you will understand the fear of the Lord

  and find the knowledge of God.

For the Lord gives wisdom;

  from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.

He holds success in store for the upright,

  he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless,

for he guards the course of the just

  and protects the way of his faithful ones.

Then you will understand what is right and just

 and fair—every good path.

For wisdom will enter your heart,

    and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul.

Discretion will protect you,    and understanding will guard you."

The words that are chosen to describe the hunt for wisdom are powerful... "store up" "apply your heart" "call out" "cry aloud" "look for it as for silver" "search."

Our training up of our children towards wisdom canNOT be a secondary endeavor. It's constant. It's a seeking out of something that is so valuable to us that we would give everything we own to have it.

It must be what we pour the bulk of our time into as we raise up these souls for His glory. The only way my treasures are going to gain true wisdom is from an intimate seeking out and savoring of their Savior..." For the Lord gives wisdom; from HIS mouth come knowledge and understanding." How can we truly educate our children apart from immersion into the depth of the scriptures?

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Who our children spend their days with matters...

"A disciple is not above his teacher, but everyone when he is fully trained will be like his teacher." Luke 6:40

Are we being intentional about who we are allowing our children to be taught by?

As parents we are responsible for doing our due diligence in knowing what it is that is being poured into the heart of our child. And the Word makes it clear that if it is not a solid Biblical worldview, then we are doing an extreme disservice to ourselves and to our children. (Colossians 2:8, 1 Timothy 6:20-21)

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But aren't our kids supposed to be salt and light?

"Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to obey all that I commanded you." Mathew 28:19-20

Are they to be salt and light?

Yes.

But not without sufficient training in biblical worldview.

Our children are very moldable and easily influenced, as they should be.... that's what makes these early years in parenting so sweet; we've been given an opportunity to mold souls towards eternity. These are the years that our children will learn what it is that they believe and know to be true. Whether intentionally or unintentionally we have to admit that our children are daily being influenced by something or someone. As their parents, we have the privilege of influencing them towards Christ as we walk by the road, as we work, as we train, as we cook dinner, as we scrub toilets.

"Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals." 1 Corinthians 15:33

"Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?" 2 Corinthians 6:14-15

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:2

"See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the world, and not according to Christ." Colossians 2:8

"Timothy, guard what has been entrusted to your care. Turn away from godless chatter and the opposing ideas of what is falsely called knowledge,which some have professed and in so doing have departed from the faith." 1 Timothy 6:20-21

"Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,

nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers;

but His delight is in the law of the Lord, and on His law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and it's leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers. Psalm 1:1-3

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Here are five simple questions that we can ask our children to see what their worldview actually is. In fact I had to ask myself these questions and discovered that in some areas my own worldview was not Biblical.

What is the nature of God? (Many believe in "God". They believe that he is a "higher power" or a "guiding force" in their lives. But the God of the Bible is personal, sovereign, set apart. He's creator. He's rational, relational, He speaks to/with His people. He redeems lost sinners and judges the unrepentant.)

What is the nature of man? (Are we a result of random evolution or are we a special creation of God?)

What is the nature of truth? (Is truth relative or absolute?)

What is the nature of knowledge? In other words, how do we know what we know? (Is it naturalism, the insistence that the world materialized out of nothing? Or do we hold that God created the world and everything in it, therefore pursuing knowledge with a balance of reason and revelation?

How do we determine right and wrong? (Are ethics cultural? What does the Bible say about ethics?)

Who's teaching our children? What view of the world are our children retaining? What are our children about their Jesus? What are our children learning about their neighbor and how they are supposed to view their neighbor? What are our children being taught about where they came from, what their value is, and how to respect and honor their neighbor above themselves?

We need to take the time to pour these truths into our children.

How we raise this generation, will effect many generations to come. Let's raise our treasures to bless the next generations by giving them an incredible, solid view of their Savior, allowing them to see all aspects of life through the eyes of their Jesus who created them with the most extravagant love.

******************************

There is very little said about Jesus' childhood. But in the small handful of things that the gospel writers did include was this one very profound verse...

"And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man." Luke 2:52

If the Son of God Himself spent his first 30 years growing in wisdom, how much more so should we be pouring the Word into our own children, who I guarantee, do not soak up wisdom the way that their Jesus was able to do so?

********************************

I mentioned it earlier... Chesterton's definition of Education...

"The most important fact about the subject of education is that there is no such thing. Education is not a subject, and it does not deal in subjects. It is instead the transfer of a way of life."

"The question we should be asking is, “Who is qualified to ‘transfer a way of life’to my children?” and “What ‘way of life’ matters to me?”

In light of the scriptures, I find these questions worthy of our attention as parents.

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Why must we teach our children the Bible?

Because the Bible is our source of wisdom...

"The mouths of the righteous utter wisdom, and their tongues speak what is just. The law of their God is in their hearts; their feet do not slip." Psalm 37:30-31

Because the Bible is our source of righteousness...

I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you. Psalm 119:11

Because the Bible is our source of direction...

"Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path." Psalm 119:105

Because the Bible is our source of hope...

"For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope." Romans 15:4

***********************

But I don't feel capable of educating my children in this way?

"His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness." 2 Peter 1:3

"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work." 2 Timothy 3

God is faithful to help us to do what He has asked of us.

************************************

More scriptures that have led us to this place of home educating...

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Philippians 4

"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful". Colossians 4

"Pray without ceasing." 1 Thessalonians 5

"All your children will be taught by the Lord, and great will be their peace." Isaiah 54:13

"Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. They are a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck." Proverbs 1:8-9

"Looking at it one way, you could say, “Anything goes. Because of God’s immense generosity and grace, we don’t have to dissect and scrutinize every action to see if it will pass muster.” But the point is not to just get by. We want to live well, but our foremost efforts should be to help others live well." 1 Corinthians 10:23 MSG

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

"The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing." psalm 23:1

****************************************

Education is a huge decision in both the lives of children and their parents. But I find no better place to go to make any large decision in life, than straight into the scriptures.

May His Word alone determine our steps.

Oh that the hearts in this home, and in the homes of Christians around the world, might settle for nothing less than what the famous old hymn proclaims...

"On Christ the solid rock we stand, ALL other ground is sinking sand; ALL other ground is sinking sand."

My prayer is that these scriptures and articles are only the beginning of a journey worth embarking on. Don't take my word or anyone else's for that matter. Seek your Savior, and I guarantee, you won't be found wanting. :)

*************************

And Two Incredible Books that just might change the way the world views education...

Family Driven Faith by Voddie Baucham

Repairing The Ruins by Douglas Wilson

Surprise! Yeee-haw!! :)

2013-02-01T10:30:00.000-08:00

Have I ever mentioned how much I love the rodeo?

And this past weekend, our incredibly kind and generous friends blessed our entire family with tickets and I seriously almost cried because, like I said, I LOVE the rodeo!!!

I don't really know what it is.

There is something about the way that the whole environment of a rodeo makes me feel.

Maybe it has something to do with the way the Dancing Girl, literally jumps out of her seat in shear joy when the girls in the glow in the dark costumes ride so fast around the rink?

Maybe it's the giant turkey legs and the funnel cake and the sweetest, most delicious lemonade that I have ever tasted?

Maybe it's the pride for this country that fills the stadium, or the rodeo's clear love for family and God that draws me in?

Maybe it's the brave little kids that hold on to those sheep for dear life as they run across the stadium? That's definitely my favorite part! :)

It's a sweet place for me.

We watched the bull riders and those brave folks who did tricks on their horses.

We ate so much food that the Little Charmer threw up all over himself and sprayed his Mama a bit too. :) But I didn't mind in the slightest. I just wiped him up with a few baby wipes that I had in my backpack and we all went right back to watching the rodeo. What's a little throw up when you've got a stadium full of country folk ( and a handful of wanna-be-country-folk) cheering at the top of their lungs for the crazy guy trying with all his might to stay on the bull?

It doesn't get much better than this.

I loved it!

My Siah

2013-01-30T10:46:00.001-08:00

There are plenty of days when things go just plain south.

But then there are days that remind me why we have chosen to do what we do around here.

This morning my little Cowboy lost it when I asked him to come down and start his math work at the desk in my room. I CANNOT stand it when my SON cries for such reasons as this. I want to offer grace, and kindness, but if I'm honest, I just bubble up inside because I have something in me that says my seven-year-old boy shouldn't be wailing like a dying animal. We are at a cross-roads in his growing up where I'm thinking now is the time to practice a little self control over his emotions and learn to handle things without a puddle of tears. It's this weird balance where I want to love on him when he needs tender care, but I want him to learn to buck up when there is genuinely no good reason to be carrying on.

So as he sat at his desk and wailed, I tried with ALL my might to not lose it on him.

I asked him why he was crying.

He told me.

I chatted with him a bit as to why that was not a good reason to be crying.

He cried harder.

I wanted to yell.

I didn't.

Instead I felt prompted in my heart to set him in my lap and just hug him.

My pride fought back with a resounding, "that's ridiculous."

My thoughts then went to, "Why on earth not?"

So I did. I sat down in his chair and I hugged him.

Then again I felt prompted to ask him if he wanted me to pray for him.

Again, something in me felt terribly resistant.

How awkward.

I was annoyed.

I hate praying when I'm annoyed because it feels soo awkward.

But again, I managed to get the words out,

"Buddy, would you like me to pray with you?"

Then the strangest thing happened. My son's entire body softened in my lap and he stopped crying, and he took a deep breath, and I began to pray,

"Lord, I don't know how to encourage my Siah in these moments. I need your help. I know that sometimes the things I ask him to do aren't his favorite things, but I pray that you would help to push through even the tasks that aren't his favorite. I pray that you would give me patience and a listening ear. Help me not to jump to anger, but to soften my heart always towards you and towards my Siah. Help us both to know that we really can do all things through Christ who gives us strength. Amen."

I opened my eyes and he was staring right at me.

"I can do this Mom. I'm sorry I fell apart."

I smiled. He smiled.

I hugged him. He hugged me.

He got to work.

*************************************

There have been so many days as we've walked through home schooling, where I've convinced myself that someone else would surely have more patience than I do. And the truth is, it's probably true. There have been so many days when I question whether I am "fun enough," whether I am able to wear both hats of "Mom" and "Teacher" well. There are so many days where I simply question and wonder about almost everything.

But then there are days like today.

Days when I remember that outside our home, no one else can take my son's heart issues to Jesus the way we can in our home. This space provides an environment to be continuously growing towards the One and only One, who can truly strengthen us to do all things.

I am not the most patient person on the planet. But I can say that this job I've been given in being Mama and Teacher, has over several years, developed more patience in me than I had when I first started. If I had believed the lie that I was not patient enough for this job, I would have missed out on days like today. When I became a mother, the Lord did not say that I must have already mastered all the qualities that a mother must have. Rather, He teaches and enables me along the way. As I need, only then do I develop and grow.

Today, a tender touch, and a heartfelt prayer, and my Siah and I were both ready to try again. And the best part is... it's not because this Mama is so spiritually great and on top of things. More often than not, I have to battle my thoughts to make the right choices and get my kids and myself to let down our pride so that we can see the daily power of Jesus in our home. I did not want to pray. I wanted to yell. How ironic?

This time together under this rickety tin roof, grants us ample opportunity for praise, not perfection. And on the days when I'm expecting perfection, it's often because I have forgotten the One who is worthy of all my praise.

So thankful for the GREAT days. There are many!

Recess Today: The Joy Of Here

2013-01-26T09:01:00.001-08:00

There were a few weeks there where the temperatures here on the farm were, plain and simple, UNBEARABLE!

The air outside was frigid.

And this Mama, was a grouchy mess, longing for nothing less than her old beach condo and some sunshine that would actually put off some heat.

So when the temperatures rose and the relief came, we all ran out of this farm house as fast as we could and we soaked up the sun and we spent the afternoon on the go-cart.

Yep, even the Mama stood in line by the old, half-built stable and waited patiently for her turn.

And the girls? Well they had a lovely little tea party with the cats as their special guests, out in the sunshine, right there next to the the old wood pile and a few left over stacks of hay.

I love recess.

I love warm days.

And I love doing life with these amazing little people here on the farm. :)

The Crazy-Beautiful Privilege

2013-01-26T08:11:00.001-08:00

Why we're home schooling, really isn't about home-school at all.

Instead, it has everything to do with life... with hearts. It has to do with wisdom and how the Word of God says that true wisdom only comes from one place... The fear of The Lord. And if I am honest with myself, it has to do with me, and the many ways that I still need to do a lot of growing up when it comes to my Jesus.

It's not about math or writing. It's about the privilege of raising souls for the glory of the One True God.

It's about walking with the wise and thus becoming wise. ("He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed." Proverbs 13:20)

It's about loving His law and thinking upon it all day long. ( O how love I thy law! it is my meditation all the day. Thou through thy commandments hast made me wiser than mine enemies: for they are ever with me. I have more understanding than all my teachers: for thy testimonies are my meditation. Psalms 119:97-104)

The Cowboy and I have one chance, a few short years to exemplify the things that will truly bring our children the abundant life (Psalm 19).

And so we soak up our time.

We learn right along side them.

And we thank our Jesus that He has given us such a gift in training up souls, in such a time as this. :)

So here we go... ten scriptures that admonish us as Mama and Papa to pour all that we are into this crazy-beautiful privilege... the gift of our treasures.

1. For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just, so that the Lord will bring about for Abraham what he has promised him.” {Genesis 18:19} (It's in our daily living that our children should see the Lord. By having them home with me, there is ample opportunity for us all to see Him together. I love that!)

2. Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them. Remember the day you stood before the Lord your God at Horeb, when he said to me, “Assemble the people before me to hear my words so that they may learn to revere me as long as they live in the land and may teach them to their children.” {Deuteronomy 4:9-10}

3. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates. {Deuteronomy 6:6-9} (ALL_DAY_LONG we are privileged to know our sweet Jesus, more and more. :) LOVE THAT!)

4. All your children will be taught by the Lord, and great will be their peace. {Isaiah 54:13}

5. Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers,
²but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night. {Psalm 1:1-2}

6. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is —his good, pleasing and perfect will. {Romans 12:2}

(In these growing up years, how will they transformed by the renewing of their minds if they do not know daily the full glory of His Word? I love Paul's admonishment here. And I'm so thankful for these early years of my kiddos lives and the opportunity he has given in our little farmhouse to fall in love and train our very thoughts towards the One who loves us most. :)

7. Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.They are a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck. {Proverbs 1:8-9}

8. Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it. {Proverbs 22:6 }

9. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. {Philippians 4:7-9} (The sad reality is that the world we live in no longer spends their days thinking upon these very things. All the more reason to know His Word so that we can continually think upon these things. Man, just reading these verses inspires me in my daily calling as a Mama of many small children. :)

10. All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. {2 Timothy 3:16-17}

Under this roof, and only by His endless gift of grace, may they grow up in love... in love with the very One who calls Himself LOVE.

May they be a blessing and a gift to their community and their country.

May they serve Him because His very Spirit has convinced them that sticking close to Jesus is the absolute best way to live.

May their faith be their own, and NOT just their Mama and Papa's.

May the Cowboy and I exemplify with our lives, but in the end, may our children, through the continual study of His Word and a daily living out of forgiveness, kindness, grace and love, decide for themselves that He is worthy of our everything.

May the Cowboy and I be brave enough to trust in YOU and not in ourselves. May we never forget that these children are not ours, but in fact Yours. You know their days and the number of every hair on their heads.

May I never forget the privilege of this season with little feet running about, opportunity for character training around every corner, and a cozy little farm house FULL of love and laughter!! :)

“The most important fact about the subject of education is that there is no such thing. Education is not a subject, and it does not deal in subjects. It is instead the transfer of a way of life.” -G.K. Chesterton

I'm feeling much joy these days in my crazy-beautiful privilege. :)

A link to a wonderful admonition to parents... love the challenge she gives!

http://www.generationcedar.com/main/2012/06/the-problem-with-education-we-dont-know-what-it-means-but-the-government-does.html

Gaining

2013-01-19T05:32:00.002-08:00

Lately my eyes have seen something that they've never seen before.

I have been enthralled with His Word lately. (It's not always this way)

I have been enthralled with Him lately. (It's not always this way)

It's mainly because He is absolutely nothing, I mean nothing, like this world.

He came to GIVE UP his life that I might live, and live fully in His glorious joy.

How do I get this joy? By doing what He did.

By giving it all up.

By losing.

By going lower.

By serving joyfully, humbly, willingly, and intimately.

And this is not a martyrdom mentality. It's the most powerful perspective to have in a world saturated with the message of self.

That a culture can convince a nation that motherhood is not the absolute MOST valuable job, career, ministry tool, purposeful choice for a life, is, may I dare to say it, heart-wrenching.

I'm about to get brutally honest here.

The past few years have been challenging and difficult for me in my mothering. I have questioned over and over again whether or not, me being home with my kids is enough. On the days where I lack kind words I have convinced myself that someone else would be way better at raising my kids than I am. I've said on numerous occasions out loud to the Cowboy that I am positive that the Lord messed up in giving me all these children because I clearly don't have the patience for this job. I've left the house on hard days to go shopping, drink tea at Starbucks, to just sit in the car and try regroup so that I could gain a little perspective.

My heart just checks out.

Because checking out is easier than pressing in.

And I forget that that my children's vices aren't there to irritate me and cause me to be angry; they are offenses that are meant to sober me and call me to the tireless and tender action of praying for, teaching and tending the garden of their souls

I run to self, when where I really need to go is into the truth of His Word. I try to make myself feel better about my sin and my life and my family with a beverage or a new shirt. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I also have a very strong feeling that I'm not alone.

And if I'm even more honest I think that maybe I didn't go to Him on those days because maybe I didn't want to really know what He was going to say.

Because the truth is, if I want to live like Christ, He's going to ask me to die to myself. He says that's the ONLY way I'm truly going to gain anything worth gaining in this life. But it's a nearly impossible thought for me because in this world, and sadly, even in the church, I hear more often than not, you need "find yourself." "the more you do for yourself, the better you'll feel about your life"

But then I read this about the way HE defines life,

"For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it." (And this charge is mentioned in every last gospel... Mathew 10:39, Mark 8:35, Luke 9:24, John 12:25)

"Just as the son of man did not come to be served but to serve and to give His life as a ransom for many." Mathew 20:28

"...but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful." Mark 4:19

"Stand firm and you will win life!" Luke 21:19

"In Him was life and that life was the light to all mankind." John 1:4

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but has eternal life." John 3:16

"The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you_ they are full of the Spirit and life." John 6:63

"The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy. I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10

"I am the Good Shepherd. The Good Shepherd lays down His life for His sheep." John 10:11

"The reason that the Father loves me is that I lay down my life..." John 10:17

"Then Jesus answered (Peter), "Will you really lay down your life for me? Very truly I tell you, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times."" John 13:38

And my heart shatters in the absolute best way, and He graciously opens my eyes, for the first time in a long time, and I remember that in fact he has not lessened my life by giving me these kids and this Cowboy. But in fact He has had much favor on me. He has graciously given me a lifetime to pour His precious Name over these four little people. He has given me ample opportunity to be a crown of joy to that man that I absolutely love with my whole heart. He has asked me to lay it all down, not so that I can live a lowly, sad life, rather the very opposite...

'Greater love has no one than this than to lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13

"You have made known to me the paths of life, you will fill me with joy in your presence." Acts 2:28

Family is not a burden.

Children are not an inconvenience. They are not to be seen merely as an expense. They are not another thing to check off our to do list each day. They are not a stumbling block preventing me from my true calling somewhere else outside my home.

They are the most rare of precious gems and they are a crucial-beautiful part of our sanctification. If we really want to know Christ and be like Him, then we will let Him mold us into His likeness as we learn to love and serve the little ones that He has put before us.

Does that mean that I will always feel super in love with my children?

No.

But it does mean that I will joyfully, and sacrificially press in when everything in me feels like running away.

Jesus was a discipler of souls. They pulled Him, tugged Him, pressed in around Him and took Him at every turn. But He never lost sight of how precious they were, and how important His job of pointing to the Father, for the sake of their souls, was. He stole away to His quiet place, not to "find Himself," but to be renewed so He could go back and pour Himself out again.

The family is vital.

The family is the place children are to be taught, nourished and grounded in the principles of God's Word.

The Lord call parents, (not school teachers, not the church, not youth group), but mothers and fathers, to teach their children diligently, daily, in the ways of the Lord. (Deuteronomy 6)

I love that He uses the word diligently. It is not a family devotion here and there that is going to lead our children into the intimate presence of their Jesus. It has to be their very way of life. It's what they see with their eyes and hear with their ears as they walk through their days that's going to determine their steps. And what better privilege do we have on this earth than to exemplify HIM by sacrificially learning to love together as we walk through our days together as a family?

How could I want anything less than Him calling my children "oaks of righteousness"... that my children might be "a planting of the Lord for the display of HIS splendor?" (Isaiah 61)

And if I am honest with myself, how can I be diligent if I am not there? How can I talk about my Jesus when we are sitting at home, or walking along the road, or lying down or getting up, if I am always leaving?

I could easily leave it up to someone else to train up my children. It would lighten my days. I would be more comfortable and have more luxuries. It would allow me more time for myself.

But there is no one on this earth who knows my treasures like I do. God intended it to be that way.

And after a lifetime of living with "me", I am 100% convinced that the last thing I need is more of myself. I need more of Christ. And I'm going to find more of Him as I soak up the gifts He's given me in my children, in my home, and in my High, High calling of motherhood.

Do I think it's wrong to grab a cup of coffee with friends, to steal a weekend away with my man, to spend an afternoon in the city every once in awhile.

No, I do not.

It always comes back to the status of the heart.

Am I looking for the abundant life in a cup of coffee and a new dress? Or am I running into the arms of the One who gives life?

Jesus called us out on our temptation to look for life elsewhere...

"Yet you refuse to come to me to have life..." John 5:40

The truth is my identity is found in Christ and my will is to be always about His will. It is only as I become empty of myself that He is able to fill me up.

It is only when I willingly give all of myself, that I will gain all that I need in Him.

Your Kindness

2013-01-10T14:59:00.000-08:00

When you came in quietly and put the Rock Crawler that you got in the mail yesterday on the farm table, you were so calm. I never would have known that our Siah had dropped the controller on the ground and broken it.

It wasn't but ten minutes later that that same little boy came in the front door and announced that the water feeder for the chickens was broken and he needed your help down in the barn. You didn't even twinge. You didn't sport a dirty look or let out a frustrated sigh. You got up off the bench and you said it with such kindness, "Ok bud. let's go check it out."

HOW-DO-YOU-DO-THAT???

With four small treasures in our quaint little farm house, something is always breaking, someone is often crying about the breaking, and there is usually someone doing a good job of tattle-tailing about the breaking.

And me? This Mama doesn't not feel nearly as chill as you do about all the chaos and the crying and the breaking. This Mama snaps her words around like one of those horrible, sketchy, jerking rides at the county fair.

You make me smile, the way you love on these kids... the way you love on me.

And the thing that speaks to me the most, is the fact that you never say anything to me when I'm doing it all wrong. I know that you know, that I know, that the way my mouth is flapping in the moment is the very last thing that I want my mouth to be doing. And you smile and you wink and your face beams grace my way. And my heart softens, and my mouth asks our sweet treasures for forgiveness... and then ten minutes later there I am, floundering with my tone again... and there you are again, reminding me of grace.

I can't thank you enough for teaching me through your example... it speaks so much louder than your words.

And our kids, I can't tell you how blessed they are to have a Papa with such patience, such wisdom, such self control.

Thank you for that.

Thank you for being you.

How truly privileged I am to be my Cowboy's wife. :)

Charmer Bootcamp

2013-01-10T12:02:00.000-08:00

He calls The Dancing Girl "Howie," and I smile every time he says it. :)

He's calls that book we read nearly every day, "Good Night Jesus."

And while each page brings another opportunity to say good night to all the random objects in the room, The Charmer finds it a great opportunity to ask where Jesus might be hiding on each page. "Jesus Here?" "Jesus Moon?" "Jesus, cow, moon, mouse, old lady?" "Where Jesus?"

It's "Good Night Moon," I tell him. He looks into me and asks in a bit of curious confusion, "Jesus in moon?"

That little man, he's a hoot in every way.

He's in the "repeat every word in an extremely loud voice," phase... Mama loves that phase... or maybe not.

If you're wondering what he does while school's in session, well, he does what any two-year-old would do.

He cocks his gun and shoots bears in the living room.

He drives trains up and down his Mama's arms and legs, complete with sound effects, CHOOOOO, CHOOOOO!!!!

He chops everything in sight with the neighbor's Toy-Story sword that he borrowed nearly two months ago and we still haven't managed to return.

He loves to color... on everything except paper.

And his absolute favorite thing to do in the whole wide world... is to EAT! "Lunch Mom?" "Dinner Mom?" "Snack Mom?" "More Snack Mom?"

He's a giant helper in the kitchen these days, asking at least a dozen times while preparing every meal, "What we having Mom?"

And although he is seriously funny and extremely charming, he has also found his fits.

I know, I know, he's two, and I should probably expect nothing less than the dramatic attitude that I get daily from our little man. But I have to confess that no matter how old a child is, back talk, throwing yourself on the ground, and excessive crying because you were told "no", are just plain unattractive to this Mama.

He's two right? And he's got that stellar smile and those big blue eyes that shout, "let me act ridiculous and get my way, because I am so stinkin cute, you know you want laugh and not hold me accountable to anything."

And let me tell you that these past few weeks, I have been tired and nauseous and all I really want to do is sit on my couch and let the cute little kid run the roost.

It's tempting, I tell ya. Very, very tempting.

But I have learned from some previous children of mine, that when I give up the fight, the battle just gets worse. I am doing my little Charmer an extreme disservice by letting him run a muck and refusing to teach him that there is tremendous joy in obedience.

I knew it had to be done. I just had to muster up the strength to follow through.

CHARMER BOOT CAMP... our only hope for restoring order and joy back to the farm house.

I had a little chat with the Cowboy, just to make sure we were on the same page and we have pulled up our boot straps and hunkered down.

And it's mind-boggling how quickly a little bit of accountability can change a little charmer's heart.

Don't get me wrong... he is still a two-year-old. There are still melt downs, and "I-no-listen-you's" that come out of his sweet little mouth. But they are way less frequent and it usually only takes a kind, "No thank you Jed", or a quick reminder, "When do we obey Jed?" To which he responds, "First time."

In all honesty, it's been kind of a sweet season, as all the other kids and I have been able to teach him how to express a true "Clark Apologie."

Around here, when we've wronged each other in any way, we purpose to "make it right."

"Making it right",doesn't just mean saying a sarcastic, "sor-ry!"

"Making it right" involves three very important steps and it has been so AWESOME to hear my little two-year-old say such restoring words.

First, we must always give the respect of looking the person whom we've wronged in the eyes.

Second, we must not only say sorry, but specifically what we are sorry for. This allows the offender to make sure that they even know what they are apologizing for and it allows the offended to be confident that the offender is genuine in his/her apology.

And lastly, the offender must complete the "making it right" process by asking forgiveness. I love this step because it seems to be the kicker that softens both parties hearts. (The Charmer has not quite gotten this one down... When asking forgiveness he usually says, "I forgive you," when he should be saying, "do you forgive me?" We're working on the right verbiage, but for now, he's trying, and in his learning he always makes the older kids giggle.

We have worked with all the treasures over the years to learn to make things right in this way. And the crazy thing is, that it has become something that the Cowboy and I use in our marriage. I can't even explain what a difference it makes when I not only say I'm sorry, but I ask for forgiveness and wait for a response. Forgiveness seems so much more genuine that a mere, "I'm sorry." Even as adults we can misunderstand each other sometimes and when we clarify the specific ways that we have wronged someone, or have been wronged by someone, there seems to be a deeper healing that takes places.

It's small. But for us six folks living under the farmhouse roof, it has made all the difference.

I'm excited for the Charmer. I'm excited that he gets to grow up in a home where there is an abundance of grace, where we hold each other accountable to kindness, and where forgiveness abounds. Because in a little farm house where six sinners are learning to live life, there is a great need for all of these things, all day long, all year round.

Because I Believe With My Whole Heart That Jesus Really Is The Most Important Thing

2013-01-06T13:32:00.001-08:00

DISCLAIMER:
In real life, I'm an extremely soft spoken woman, an introvert of all introverts.
On normal occasions this is not a political blog or a controversial space.
But I have so much on my heart.
I am not good with speaking my heart but writing on this blog is a way that I can lay my heart bare. And if you've known me for any length of time you know that my heart is far from being malicious or condescending or judgmental. I am, in fact, a rather passive person. But Jesus is to important to me for me to be quiet right now. In fact, He's the only One on the planet that would compel me to be bold when all I really want to do is live my quiet little life here on the farm.
I am not a debater. I am simply a woman who loves Jesus and doesn't want our nation to forget how much we need Him.

READ ON WITH GRACE, Please...
*************************

There is so much going on with our country right now that not only breaks my heart, but quite frankly it scares me.

Hitler didn't take over by force. He was voted in. And he made things SEEM so good, when in fact his main tool was removing religion and replacing it with himself.

And before you roll your eyes and think I'm some kind of extremest, just hear me out.

I am not saying that Obama is Hitler.

What I am saying is that deception creeps in quietly in the night.

Satan, when he offered the apple to Eve, chose his words carefully, and now we're all in quite the pickle. After all, what harm could biting into an apple really cause?

When Satan was tempting Jesus in the desert, He took the very Word of God and twisted it right upside down.

That's Satan's greatest tool.

He takes counterfeit money and makes it look so much like the real thing, that before anyone discovers his dirty ploy, trillions of fake dollars have been spent all over the world.

Thus the point of this entire post... We must now, more than ever, be FIRM in our knowledge of the truth of the Word of God. Because the sad reality is that we can so easily mistake a good looking lie, for the truth.

Over the past century we have slowly been handing our children over to the care and direction of people outside of our home. Less than 100 years ago, the majority of families, ate together, worked together, studied together, lived life__together. Opportunities to grow in knowledge are wonderful. But according to the Word of God, there is no knowledge worth knowing apart from Christ.

This is not a post about whether we should send our kids to public school, or whether we should home school.

It's so much more important than that. The main question must be whether or not we are really training up our children to really know their need for Christ in ALL things, or are we allowing our society to saturate them in the belief that they can and will thrive in being their own God.

Society can boast of encouraging morality and service projects but we cannot forget that no matter how many character traits are taught, they are utterly pointless without a firm understanding of our need for God in all things. If we are not serving, loving, and living in the strength of, and for the glory of God, then we will spend a life time striving in vain for something that we can never obtain apart from Christ.

If kids aren't learning to serve others because Christ came not to be served, but to serve, then what good is service?(Mathew 20:28) Do they serve so that they might boast in themselves? (1 Corinthians 1:28-30) Hitler did many "good" things. He provided free healthcare, food, jobs. But he did it all with a poster of himself hanging at the front of every classroom in the nation and he did it at the fatal expense of an entire culture. Why we do things is just as important as What we do.

If kids learn to depend on themselves rather than Christ, where will their hope come from? How will they deal with tragedy and disappointment and all the realities of this broken world without the hope that comes from Jesus?

How can kids learn to to save and sacrifice, when their parents and their government are CONSTANTLY living outside of their means? And the saddest thing of all, is that all this "stuff" that we've accumulated over the past century has made us the absolute, most miserable generation in history. Do you want to know who the most content generation was?? Those poor folks who went through the Great Depression. And I'm thinking it was because they lived for others above themselves.

How can kids know that we are able to forgive, unless they know that while we were yet sinners, Christ forgave us. Forgiveness is nearly impossible unless you know in your bones the unexplainable joy that comes when you realize that the heinousness of your sin has been undeservedly washed away by the blood of Jesus.

We cannot save ourselves.

We have got to stop pointing fingers a the gun folks, and whoever else we feel like blaming, and we need to take responsibility as a generation of parents. It is not only a command, but a total privilege that we've been given to rise up and exemplify Christ to the next generation. Parenting is a gift beyond measure and what greater way to spend a lifetime than to pour truth into souls for the glory of God?

"These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates."( Deut. 6)

What our country needs is Christ.

What our children need is Christ.

Humanism (an idolizing of self and self-sufficiency) will not carry us.

It will destroy us from the inside out.

What we pour into our children matters. What we allow others to pour into our children matters.

It will effect generations to come.

And our choices will either bring a nation further into the glorious riches of their Savior or Our Savior will sadly hand us over to our own pride.

"They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator…Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done.”( Ps. 1:25, 28)

God's Word must be more than idle words, it MUST be our very life. (Deut. 32:47)

I have been praying this simple poem over our nation, and over our homes, praying that we (starting with me) would remember that God is what we need...

Your laws ignore our deepest needs,
Your words are empty air.
You've stripped away our heritage,
You've outlawed simple prayer.
Now gunshots fill our classrooms,
And precious children die.
You seek for answers everywhere,
And ask the question "Why?"
You regulate restrictive laws,
Through legislative creed.
And yet you fail to understand, That God is what we need!

Change starts with families and the way we persevere in raising our treasures to live and thrive on the richness and powerful truth of The Word of God.

If we ignore the fact that Christ is rapidly disappearing from our nation, and choose our desire for comfort and convenience over Christ, we will fall.

Submission to the God who gave us His only Son so that we might have life, that my dear friends, is our only hope.

Him and Him alone.

We can move in the right direction by loving God, speaking of God, and living our own lives for the glory of God in front of, and alongside our children. We can bathe them and ourselves in His sweet Word all day long, every day of our lives. (Joshua 1:8)

Our homes are a powerful witness to communities.

May we as a nation, once again find fullness of joy in our Jesus and boldly live solely for Him for He is worthy of all our praise. (Psalm 16:11, Psalm 96:4 )

Here are several links to some challenging articles...
My heart is not to offend, it's to challenge myself and others who love Him that we can do nothing apart from Christ... We need Him so badly.

Columbine Student's Father, 12 Years Later- I am so thankful for this Dad. Just so thankful.

One Womans Experience In Nazi Austria... I am well aware of the controversy of this article. What I appreciate about this woman's testimony is that deception is nothing new under the sun. Satan deceived people then and he deceives people now. And the thing is, he makes it look sooo good.

Parents Have Such A Tremendous Privilege... Although this woman is very passionate about homeschooling, what challenged me in this article was the reminder that children are a privilege and parents have a tremendous opportunity to influence nations through the love and training that goes on in our homes.
"The generation we raise is only as healthy as the family that raises it." We are so richly blessed to have these amazing little people in our homes! Richly, richly blessed. :)

How I Feel About Five

2012-12-27T10:51:00.000-08:00

Its true.

Lord willing, we'll be meeting another little Clark in early August.

I feel...

Joyful,

Inadequate,

Privileged,

Unable &

Honored

that He might entrust us with five.

I feel in love all over again with my Cowboy, babies can do that to a woman you know.

Whenever God places life within me I get overwhelmed by the sweetness of His gift of intimacy that He's given to my Joey and me.

I just love that man of mine!

And when we found out about this little one, my Cowboy encouraged me all the more that the Lord has awesome things up His sleeve for us.

Is it gonna be easy? Probably not.

Are they all gonna have college funds, and their own bedrooms, and a shiny new car when they turn 16?

No.

But they will grow up in a home where there's an endless supply of love and grace. They'll grow up with ample opportunity to learn to think about others above themselves. They'll grow up practicing forgiveness and self-control. They'll be bathed in His Word and covered in their Mama & Papa's prayers.

How do I feel about five?

I'm gonna go with Mrs. E Prentiss on this one...

"Some say I shall now have one mouth the more to fill and two feet the more to shoe, more disturbed nights, more laborious days, and less leisure or visiting, reading, music, and drawing.

Well. This is one side of the story, to be sure, but I look at the other.

Here is a sweet, fragrant mouth to kiss; here are two more feet to make music their pattering about my home.

Here is a soul to train for God; and the body in which it dwells is worthy all it will cost, since it is the abode of a kingly tenant.

I may see less of friends, but I have gained one dearer than them all, to whom, while I minister in Christ's name, I make a willing sacrifice of what little leisure for my own recreation my other (treasures) had left me.

Yes, my precious baby, you are welcome to your mother's heart, welcome to her time, her strength, her health, her tenderest cares, to her lifelong prayers! Oh, how rich I am, how truly, truly blessed!!"

I've been thinking about my Jesus and His up-side-down kingdom. He once said,"that the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many."

So like she said, "This baby is welcome to my heart, welcome to my time, my strength, my health, my tenderest cares, and my lifelong prayers."

That's how I feel about #5. :)

Pete Is Dead; A Not Very Christmas-Like, Christmas Story

2012-12-18T18:19:00.001-08:00

I knew it was going to happen some day, I just didn't think it would happen so close to Christmas, the time of year when we think about things like Christ, and love, and yummy holiday treats.

But things on the farm don't wait for the right timing.

It happened on a Tuesday morning, one week shy of Christmas Day itself.

In a house of twenty hens, there lives one lone rooster.

On the day we brought him to the farm, Pete was as kind of rooster as any rooster can be.

But as the months have passed, he has turned in to a nasty little thing and the kids and I find ourselves praying before we go down to feed and water the chickens that the darn thing won't attack us.

The Cowboy would just laugh when we told of the rooster's ruckus, and he would always say, "I don't know why y'all have so much trouble, he's never done anything to me. You just have to be nice to him." (As if the treasures and I are some sort of rooster abusers??? No, not me... I love animals! LOL. :)

Something in me would just bubble over every time he said that. Our rooster is nastier than, well, I'don't know, something terribly nasty, and when the Cowboy gets all smiley and a bit overly confident in how much Pete loves him, I just wanna pick Pete up by the tail and throw him into the Cowboy's bed while he's sleeping! (Yes, I might just have a little bit of a rebellious side.)

But TODAY... today my dear friends, was the day I've been waiting for.

Pete finally let loose on My Cowboy.

And when my Siah came walking in the front door, all proud with a bloody rooster head in his hand, I couldn't help but smile from ear to ear. Pete the rooster had finally let loose on my confident Cowboy and my man put him in his rightful place... our freezer.

On my way into town today, I stopped at the barn where Gramps and the Cowboy were standing by the poor headless chicken. I rolled down my window and the Cowboy asked in all seriousness, "Can you pluck em' when you get home?"

I must confess that I threw up in my mouth.

There is this part of me hidden somewhere under my left elbow, that wants nothing more than to be a true farmers wife. But then there's the other 95% of me that can easily confess that I just might not be cut out for the details of this crazy life.

I don't do blood. I don't chop off heads. I don't pluck.

I eat prepackaged meat, with no skin and no bones, straight from aisle 4 from the market in town.

I think I'm with my Reesie-girl on her feelings about lettuce. When I told her that all lettuce comes from the ground, she simply chose to stick with her own opinions and still lives in the full confidence that lettuce comes from stores.

I know where chickens come from, I'm just completely sure that I don't want to go there.

And after the Cowboy watched me swallow my own throw up and drive out the farm gates, he graciously let me off the hook and took care of business while I was in town with our many small treasures.

Thanks my love...

I owe you one.

Merry Christmas from the farm. :)