I am fortunate to come from a family that has inspired me, in different ways and at different times in my life, but overall they gave me a piece of them that is integral to the person I am today. It is more recently that I have thought about how each person has influenced me.

My dad, John Rees, was a passionate entrepreneur. He was the most influential person in my life. He was the guy who could take ideas and make them into something real. He wasn’t always successful. In fact, he probably had more failures than successes, but he never stopped trying. Plus his successes were big home runs. He especially inspired me in how he treated people. To him, no one person was better than another. He believed we are all the same. He always told me that education was the great equalizer in society. He never blamed anyone for their circumstance, he just believed they didn’t have the education to know the difference.
Life lesson:  We all have the capacity to have an impact in the world.  You can be whatever you want to be.

My paternal grandmother, Dolores Carnevale Rees, was an elegant strong woman. She came to the US as a young girl from Italy. She was not formally educated. She worked in a beauty salon and saved her tips to invest in real estate. She bought property in class A locations. She was not book smart but she was certainly wise. She dressed impeccably, most often in suits with a pin on her lapel. She used olive oil in her hair and on her skin.
Life lesson:  Hold your head up, dress nicely and you can fit in anywhere.

My paternal grandfather, Arthur Rees, was a big tough guy to most people, but to me he was a softy. When he would see me he would start singing “You Are My Sunshine.” He had a high school degree and was an industrial plumber by trade. The most defining characteristic about him was he was his own person. He always wanted to be a pilot, but my grandmother didn’t want to him to fly. So after her death, when he was 86 years old, he got his pilot’s license.
Life lesson:  Be authentic. You are never too old to fulfill your dreams.

My maternal grandfather, Anthony Pernetti, also came to the US from Italy. He was an optometrist when my mother was growing up but he always wanted to be a medical doctor. So when my mother went off to college, my grandfather went to medical school… in Italy! He became an ophthalmologist and did eye surgery up until the day he died. He used to tell me if I really wanted something in life I had to “sweat blood.” It was his way of telling me I had to be tough. He gave me Gray’s Anatomy for my 13^th birthday.  I was going to become a doctor to follow in his footsteps. I ultimately decided I was better suited for my career in business.
Life Lesson:  You can accomplish anything with hard work no matter your age.

My maternal Grandmother, E. Jeane Resigno Pernetti. She was a school teacher, like my mother, and retired after 33 years of teaching. Because she was a teacher she was a life long learner. She was more in the background when I was growing up. You know the typical Italian family of men in the study and the women in the kitchen. I always wanted to be in the study, so I didn’t know her as well when I was young. But after my grandfather passed away when I was in college, she blossomed. She traveled around the world by herself. She loved to explore new places and learn about new cultures. Up until her death at 99, whenever she read she would write down words she didn’t know, look up their meaning and add to her vocabulary.
Life Lesson:  Stay curious, keep learning, it will keep you young.

My mother, Joan Pernetti Rees, is now a San Francisco resident. I grew up with her always singing, “I Left My Heart in San Francisco.” She always wanted to live here and now she is fulfilling that dream. She had stayed on the East Coast to be with my grandmother up until her death. My mother started out as a teacher and then focused on raising four kids. My father never would have achieved what he did without my mother as a support, guide, caretaker and resource. She was in the background but she was the one who made it all work. She is an amazing grandmother. She has a generosity of spirit that makes everyone want to be with her. When she smiles she lights up a room.
Life lesson:  You don’t have to be out in front to have an impact. Never lose your love for life and people.

As part of my participation in the Crown Fellows Program at the Aspen Institute I was assigned a mentor.  I originally asked Madeline Albright to be my mentor, but she ultimately told me she didn’t have the time. Ann Richards then came to me and said she wanted to be my mentor. My relationship with Ann was one of the most powerful influences in my life. She lived her life anchored to the purpose to serve others. She was an authentic spirited Governor of Texas. She wanted her government to reflect the demographic composition of the state and she made that happen. She had the most amazing sense of humor. She came up with one-liners that would challenge the best comedians in the world.  She was not the kind of mentor I would call to be nurtured… that is my mother’s job. In fact whenever I was feeling a bit down she would tell me to toughen up. She helped me access my own inner strength.
Life Lesson:  As you gain power others will try to take it away. Stay connected to your values and focused on your goals.

Ten years ago, at a World Economic Forum Annual meeting in Davos, Switzerland I met Quincy Jones. We have developed a great friendship over the past decade. We talk about everything from music to new technologies to marriage. In fact, when my husband and I were first engaged Quincy had detailed astrological charts done for the two of us because he wanted to feel comfortable that this was the “right” guy. He gives his time and energy to others in a way that I both admire and hold up as my model of engagement. He is always “present” when we get together. He focuses on the here and now looking to the future. He does not get weighed down by his past.
Life lesson:  Be present and engaged each day by sharing your passion. Though our pasts may have had challenges we have the ability to positively shape the future.

In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit. —Albert Schweitzer

View From The Bay - How to raise independent kids

I never told Arthur he had to work while he was in school. He has spent a gap year, in between high school and college, working for a technology company in Madrid, Spain so I have never doubted his work ethic. He has also worked every summer during high school. Arthur’s focus on this business came out of his own desire to run a company. He and his partner bought the storage and laundry services company from a former student. They then negotiated with the University to get the contract to be able deliver food from the various food service outlets on campus to the dorms and professor’s offices. He calls it on campus Roomservice. Needless to say, I am proud of him. He tells me running this company really puts his studies in context. This is a concept I understand from my years being involved with the Network for Teaching Entrepreneurship (http://www.nfte.com).

So here are my tips. They don’t include things like making your bed or helping out at home. To me that is just about being a good member of a household. Instead these tips are about bigger life lessons that, to me, are important for kids to learn early in life.

Top 5 tips to raising self-reliant children:

1. Life isn’t fair: You can do everything right and sometimes things just don’t work out. Bad things can happen to good people. This doesn’t mean that you transfer burdens onto a child but it is about giving them the muscle to cope with disappointment and unexpected curve balls in life.
2. Get out of the middle: As parents we want to protect and support our children but we can ‘hover’ too much and get in the middle of relationships that children should learn to manage themselves, especially relationships with authority figures, like teachers. When my daughter, Taylor, was in elementary school she had a semester-long project assigned in January and due at the end of the school year. When I went to my parent-teacher conference in March the teacher was so surprised I hadn’t contacted her about the project. She said EVERY other parent had called or met with her.  I told her that it was Taylor’s project and I had encouraged Taylor to meet with her with questions. I wanted Taylor to learn how to talk with her teachers and build her own relationships rather than having me jump in to manage this process for her. Taylor met with her teacher many times that semester and she said it made her feel good about herself.
3. Be vulnerable: Embrace your flaws; let your children see that no one is perfect. They will be more comfortable sharing their own mistakes and fears. This idea is especially important as kids enter the teenage years. So many parents tell me that their teenagers don’t talk to them. I usually ask my friends what they share with their teenager. I know this from teaching leadership that the leader needs to go first in terms of being vulnerable in order to build trust with the follower. I think the same idea applies between parent and child. Be vulnerable first. It creates trust and then your child will be more comfortable being vulnerable or sharing with you.
4. Permission to fail builds success: Whenever, our kids fall down we want to run and pick them up. I think it is so important to be there for your kids when they fall down but give them the encouragement to stand up on their own. I love the Martin Luther King quote, “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and conveniences, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” While it is so difficult to see our kids faced with challenge we have to let them figure out how to get through that challenge. When children are encouraged to own their mistakes, they have the ability to learn from them, and move on without the baggage of the mistake holding them back.
5. Persistence beats resistance: Confident children persist and ultimately thrive. My kids have seen me stay with issues against the odds. I talked to them about my challenges and why I believed it was important to continue to move forward. They have seen me not give up.  My daughter Taylor rides horses and it is equivalent to falling off a horse and getting back to finish. Not staying off the horse and giving up because it is tough.

I am proud of my kids. Not because they are perfect. They make their share of mistakes and we all have had our share of disappointments. I am proud of how they fact challenge and their willingness to share their feelings. I am proud of their generosity and empathy with others. They know I am not perfect but they know I try and that I love them. I couldn’t ask for more.  Well… perhaps better grades and a neater room, but then again, you can’t have it all!

“We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope.” —Martin Luther King

Yes, believe it or not, Thomas Edison made this statement in 1931!  Almost 80 years later we are just seeing solar take off in the US as a viable way to light and heat homes.  I still hear from many friends and colleagues that they would like to “go solar” but they think the upfront cost is too high.  We decided to bite the bullet and installed solar on our home in the city.  We live in San Francisco in an area of the city that is particularly foggy so we were concerned about the number of panels it would take to service our home.  Not that the panels are very heavy, they weigh about 2.5 pounds per square foot and I’m just now convinced that my roof isn’t going to cave in. If we lived in one of the City’s sunnier microclimates, say the Mission, perhaps we could have gotten by with fewer solar panels on the roof but moving for better solar was not an option.

One day to day difference for us is that we are conscious of when we run the dishwasher and do the laundry.  We try to do these things during the daylight when we are generating a lot of power.  Thankfully I never have to think about kilowatt-hours or PV arrays or conversion efficiency.  The only difference between my pre-solar days are now when we have nice weather my electrical meter actually runs backwards instead of forwards! I see the light on solar every month when our PG&E bill arrives.

Surely anyone looking at the images of the devastation in the Gulf is as sickened as I am. Certainly BP is to blame, but we must also blame our fuel addiction to cheap fossil fuel, most of it from outside our country. President Obama made this connection right here in San Francisco just a few weeks ago, saying, “The reason that folks are now having to go down a mile deep into the ocean, and then another mile drilling into the ground below, that is because the easy oil fields and oil wells are gone, or they’re starting to diminish. That tells us that we’ve got to have a long-term energy strategy in this country. And we’ve got to start cultivating solar and wind and biodiesel.” There are many ways we can address not just the symptoms, but the underlying problem itself. Conservation, public transit, smaller cars, and investment in renewable energy sources are all part of the solution.

San Francisco is a standout, pursuing solar both aggressively and progressively. If you search your address on the San Francisco Solar Map you can find how much peak sunlight your roof is getting. You will also discover the initial investment of installing solar can be prohibitive, even with substantial price cuts thanks to state and city incentives and federal tax credits. But now a program is in place that will put solar within reach of even more San Franciscans. GreenFinanceSF has $150 million to lend, up to $50,000 per property owner. Loans are paid back through extra fees added to your property taxes, with 20 years to pay it back. And the loan is attached to the property, so if you move the new residents continue to pay for the improvements.

Return on an investment in solar starts immediately, both for the environment and your energy costs. As someone with firsthand experience of just how cool solar is, I can’t help but be excited. The technology has gotten better, prices have fallen, rebates have increased, we have national and local leaders promoting long-term energy goals, and millions of Americans are motivated for a better solution. I imagine a day not too far from now when tens of thousands of roofs in the City are all generating clean energy from the sun, making San Francisco a virtual power plant. What did it take for me to take the step forward? Just a little research, a phone call to Solar City (they were great to work with), a desire to make an investment in the future, and (eventual) faith in my roof’s sturdiness.

“Here comes the sun, and I say it’s all right” —Lennon and McCartney

After he left office he started The Tony Blair Faith Foundation, an organization committed to promoting an understanding between religious faiths. His goal is to counter extremism and divisiveness in the six largest faiths and show that faith can be a positive force.

I’ve always been surprised about the power of belief. Ever heard the story of the four-minute mile? For years people believed that it was impossible for a human being to run a mile in less than four minutes until Roger Banister proved it wrong in 1954. Within one year, 37 runners broke the belief barrier. And the year after that, 300 other runners did the same thing.

Belief systems are still incredibly powerful in our society and most profound especially around religion. When I was growing up, my parents and church taught me that religion was about generosity of spirit and being good to others. However, as I have gotten older I have seen that it does not serve all that capacity. In fact, all too often I have seen people of faith define themselves in exclusion to others. If not focused on the core tenets I grew up to understand, faith can be used to create fear, ignorance, and hate.

I recall being at a World Economic Forum meeting in Davos, Switzerland watching a panel of religious leaders who were severely challenged to find any common ground. In fact it was the most contentious panel discussion I observed. This was in total contrast to many of the business leaders who were fierce competitors in the marketplace but managed to have a respectful and collaborative dialogue with one another.

As Mr. Blair reflected on his time in office he said he believed he didn’t have enough of the appreciation for the power of religion and how it impacts global security and stability. This is why his foundation hopes to bring religions together not just to better understand each other, but also to address global poverty and conflict. He believes collaboration among faiths can help erase some of the world’s most urgent problems. What does the intersection between social activism and religious organizations look like? The incredible potential is hard to imagine.

Before the Internet, the telephone, and even before roads, religion was there to give structure to communities. This early social networking put today’s Facebook to shame. But religion is slow to change in a quickly changing world. The new power of globalization is moving fast to push nations and people closer together, and it is pushing faith, and there is the good and bad, along with it.

Billions of people consider themselves of faith, and believe it gives meaning to their lives. Faith is the basis of thought and behavior for nearly all and is often at the root of global issues. However, we find many nonreligious people discounting faith as merely a part of our past. Mr. Blair’s vision is for us all to take a thorough look at religion as a means of bringing insight to the condition of the world, and harness this to make a better future.

Religion is divisive at its worst, but the tenets of all great religions share the values of respect, justice, and compassion. These are values all good people share, if of faith or not. Instead of separating people, these commonalities must draw people together, and I agree with Mr. Blair, it must start happening now.

Just as no one can be forced into belief, so no one can be forced into unbelief. —Sigmund Freud