John Heald's Blog

Steaks, Bottoms and Heidi

John Heald — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 00:35:52 +0000

It’s a tough job this blogging thing and tonight it was extremely difficult as I had to force myself to go to the supper club…………..actually……..lets get one thing correct …………… we must all get used to calling them steak houses now………not supper clubs. The menu is the same and the service is still the best [...]

Dream….No Problem Mon

John Heald — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 00:11:19 +0000

Last night we held the Remember Michael party in the Dance Club. It started at 7:30pm – 8:30 pm and was scheduled at this time as it falls between the dinner sittings. I had expected it would be reasonably popular…………….I was wrong……………………half the ship turned up………..I have never ever seen a ship dance club so [...]

Discussing Dreams

John Heald — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 01:37:36 +0000

My geography teacher’s name was Mr. Alistair…….or Glass Eye as we would cruelly call him out of ear shot…. due to the fact that he only had one eye. I also sat next close to a girl called Louise whose breasts were the size of the Alps and thus my interest in old Glass Eye’s [...]

A Day at Sea…And With Water in the Pool

John Heald — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 00:24:13 +0000

So I had to see what all the fuss was about. Unless you have spent the last two years on Uranus or have been held captive in a cellar by terrorists waiting for Jack Bauer to rescue you will all have heard of High School Musical? And as it was one of our new Seaside [...]

Back on the Job

John Heald — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 21:49:45 +0000

One of the things I love to do on the first day of a cruise is have a walk around the ship….no name tag on………dressed casually…………so unless someone has cruised with me before they will have no idea that I am the cruise director. I have done this for many years as taught to me by [...]

Crying and Cougars

John Heald — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 01:34:43 +0000

Conference calls are totally brilliant. I was on one yesterday and thanks to the magic mute button on my raspberry I could sit there, listen, type my blog and fart and none of the dozen or so people on the call are any the wiser. I was talking to ……….or rather not talking to………..a group [...]

Heidi Hi

John Heald — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 22:00:29 +0000

I don’t think I can start today’s blog without mentioning Michael Jackson whom I am now so sorry to say I poked fun at recently. Frailty is part of the human condition and Michael Jackson had more than his fair share of it. But I am going to remember him for his music. He had the [...]

An Odyssey, A Peter And…..A Dream

John Heald — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 21:30:40 +0000

Todd Wittmer and his entertainment staff threw a brilliant deck party last night………one of the very best I have ever seen. Todd was up there leading the fun, singing about not being able to get any satisfaction, but having seen his girlfriend I know that’s a load of bollocks. He was also dressed in ummmm…….well……..what [...]

The Games Women Play

John Heald — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 21:38:08 +0000

So, there I was wandering aimlessly round the ship yesterday afternoon unable to go ashore in St. Thomas because US Immigration thought I might have an AK-47 in my underpants….. and I was bored……….really, really bored. And so I ended up in the video game arcade thingy and decided that as I couldn’t take my [...]

You Will Start to Feel Sleepy

John Heald — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 00:27:44 +0000

“What a load of bollocks,” I cried when one of the entertainment staff here on the Carnival Freedom revealed that her dramatically slimmed-down figure was not the result of the latest Hollywood diet or a hot new personal trainer, but was in fact due to……………. hypnotherapy. That a woman could magically drop three dress sizes and [...]