When you look in a mirror, you see your reflection.  You don’t see your physical body directly, rather you see a reflected image of your body.  Even more than seeing the reflection of your body, you see you, who you are – at least, who you think you are.  And it is who you think you are that matters the most.

The perception you have of the mirror’s reflected image isn’t pure.  It’s a representation filtered by your thinking, by the mood you’re in, the beliefs you hold, the memories you have, expectations, and more.  If you’re feeling positive, you will probably look in the mirror and feel good about what you see.  If you’re feeling depressed or discouraged, the image of yourself in the mirror may appear to be very different.

What you see in the mirror isn’t precisely what’s there, it’s what you perceive to be there.  The maxim, “I will believe it when I see it” is more often really, “you see what you believe.”  What you see is affected by what you expect to see.  You project onto the mirror.  Your perception is your projection, and vice-versa.

SENSATION AND PERCEPTION

As human beings, we perceive through our senses and that works well for us to be aware of the physical environment and navigate it successfully.  But our senses are limited and furthermore, the way that our brains and nervous systems process sensory information is prone to deletion, distortion and generalization.  We end up in our minds with internal representations of the external world.  And again, those representations are filtered by our language, memories, decisions, values, beliefs and more.

Our creative imagination also generates internal representations that do not relate accurately to physical reality.  In fact, our imagination doesn’t have to relate to what is in the external environment at all, and often doesn’t.  This is wonderful for creating and inventing when we create what we want, but not so pleasant when the world of our imagination becomes filled with inventions that cause us to suffer.

Take water and pour it through tea leaves and you get tea.  Pour it through ground coffee and you get coffee.  Get up in the morning well rested and feeling good, and you will probably have a good day.  Get up on the wrong side of the bed in the morning, and the whole day might go wrong. Everyone you encounter – your spouse, children, boss, coworkers, employees, clients, friends, neighbors, strangers, anyone – will seem different depending on what side of the bed you got up on that day!

PERCEPTION AND PROJECTION

What is inside you is projected onto what is outside of you, from the perspective of your perception.  You will attract to you that which reflects what’s going on within your consciousness.  Everything that you experience is a mirror reflecting back to you yourself!

What you perceive in everyone and everything is what you project onto them.  People are there, the world is there, that’s true.  Other people and the environment exist independent and outside of you.  It’s just that you can only perceive others and the world based on the filters that are within you.  You can’t perceive anything outside of you that’s not inside of you.  Your experience is filtered by your language, memories, decisions, beliefs, values, etc.  Your perceptions can be reasonably adapted to the reality of external conditions in the world, or could potentially be quite distorted, maladaptive or even delusional.

For example, if you are used to safe, loving relationships, you are going to meet people in an open, trusting manner and expect the best of them, and that’s likely what you will get.

On the other hand, if you have experienced disappointment and heartache in your relationships, you will tend to perceive others with the expectation that they will hurt you and let you down, and it’s likely they will.

If you believe in your ability to accomplish what you want and feel you deserve to have it, you will probably experience success in achieving your goals.

If you doubt yourself and question your self-worth, if you think you are powerless over outcomes, then your experience will likely be that of failure, that if something can go wrong, it will.  And even when you are successful, you won’t be able to recognize it or accept it.

The more something shows up again and again in your life as a pattern, the more you can be sure that you are projecting it and unless you change your projection, you can expect it to continue.

You get what you expect.

CHANGE YOUR PROJECTIONS

Obviously then, change your expectations and you will change your experience.  Change what you are projecting.  Easier said than done perhaps, but it can be done and you can do it.  You can take charge of your projections.

How?  By changing your filters.

First, become aware of your thoughts and language.  What you think and say becomes true for you.  So say it the way you mean it.  Condition yourself to speak positively and constructively.  Instead of talking about what you don’t want, reinforce what you do want.

Acknowledge your beliefs.  What is true for you is what you believe is true.  If your beliefs are limiting, then change them.  Any belief you hold was preceded by a decision to believe it was true, and you can reevaluate that decision and change your mind.  Update your beliefs so that they support you and what you want.  Believe in yourself; believe in possibility.

Consider your values.  What’s important to you?  If something doesn’t matter to you, it’s not even going to show up in your universe.  But when you value something, it will determine your motivation, what you care about, what is important and meaningful.  Make sure your values are for the most part moving you towards what you want, rather than away from what you don’t want.

Process your memories.  Recognize that memories change.  The meaning you give to your memories is more critical than what happened.  Learn from all of your experiences.  Take the positive and release the negative.

Create your future in the way you want it.  Use the power of your imagination to focus on what you want.  Take action one day at a time and focus on what is good and right about each and every day.

LIVE AND LEARN

Focus on slowly but consistently implementing these changes and you will notice shifts taking place.  As you make changes in yourself, your experience of the world will change.  People and events will become different.  Transformation will occur.  You will begin to recognize the mirror of experience that reflects back to you yourself.  Everything that occurs in your life will correspond to the thoughts and ideas that are predominate in your consciousness.

When something happens that you don’t like, something that triggers a negative response in you, ask yourself, “What is this experience showing me about myself that I need to understand, accept or change?”  Don’t judge it as wrong or bad, instead be willing to learn from it and grow.  How can you change so that the situation will become different for you?

And when something happens that you do like, when something triggers a positive response in you, be sure to take the time to acknowledge it as a reflection of what’s positive within you.  A reflection of the good in you and the good in all.

Life is a school.  Every experience is a lesson.  Your relationship to everything reflects back to you yourself.  The world is your mirror, offering you the opportunity to see, to discover, to know yourself.

Mirror, mirror on the wall …

You may have read about the tiger in this picture in National Geographic back in 2008. The story is that this female tiger had wandered out of a nature preserve into a village where the fearful villagers threw stones and burning sticks at her and chased her up a tree. Once cornered, the tiger was captured by guards. After recovering from her wounds, she was taken on a boat back to the nature preserve and as you can see in the picture, made her leap to freedom. Especially poignant is that this rare Bengal tiger was pregnant.

CAN YOU RELATE?

Have you ever felt like a tiger trapped in a cage?

Are you in a situation where you feel cornered with no way out?

Is there something creative and passionate inside you, waiting to come out, but you’re holding back for some reason, perhaps out of fear or a sense of lack?

Maybe you’re in a relationship that has turned out to be less than fulfilling. Or a job that’s less than rewarding. Maybe you don’t have the money or things that you want. Perhaps you’re stuck in routines that are lackluster and boring and you feel like you’re missing out on how much better life could be. Maybe you’re engaged in habits or behaviors that are self-destructive and create pain in your life and perhaps the lives of others as well.

Whatever it might be, you could have had high hopes in the beginning for any one of the above scenarios, but over time it hasn’t turned out the way you were expecting. And now you feel stuck and don’t know what to do. This is very common and happens to just about everyone at one time or another.

WHAT YOU CAN DO

If you find yourself stuck in any situation, no matter how frustrated you may be, know that there is a way out. Know that within you is the power to change. Trust that your dissatisfaction is a sign that something in you wants to express and experience a richer, more rewarding life. You want more and that is natural. It is your nature to grow and change and any situation that you’re in that is not working for you is an opportunity for you to learn and grow. It’s the chance to discover and access inner strength and power that you may not have realized you had and use your ability to create something exciting and new for yourself.

Whatever it is that is not working, whatever the situation may be that you want to be different, the first step for change is to be honest about it. If you feel stuck, it’s typical to use denial in order to avoid facing the truth and having to be responsible for dealing with it. You might convince yourself that it’s better than it really is, or that there’s nothing that can be done about it. You might act helpless, as if you are a victim of circumstances. You may have a hard time accepting that things aren’t the way you thought they would be. You could unrealistically maintain hope that somehow the situation will magically change and improve by itself. It’s possible for things to improve on their own, but if a situation isn’t working and hasn’t been for some time, you need to be honest about it in order to do something to change it.

It’s good to let go of any illusions about what you thought you had or were supposed to have. Call it for what it is. It’s not about who’s at fault or who’s to blame, including yourself. Just be truthful about what is and isn’t, what you have and what you don’t. Honor your feelings. But most importantly, recognize that if it’s going to be different, it’s going to be up to you. No one is likely to make the changes you want for you. The first step is to take 100% responsibility for doing whatever is necessary for creating the results that you want.

To the best of your ability, see things as they really are. Get out of denial. Your experience is an opportunity to learn. Think about how you got into the situation in the first place. What were your original intentions? Your intentions were most likely positive and you may still have them. Positive intentions are good, yet be honest if the situation you’re in isn’t actually fulfilling those intentions.

ASK QUESTIONS

There are a lot of questions you can ask yourself when you are ready to get unstuck. If you take the time to answer these questions thoroughly, you can attain insight that helps shift you into taking action to change.

Were there red flags, or warning signs, in the beginning of the situation that you ignored or missed? Would you do it differently if you had to do it again, knowing what you know now?

How have things changed from when they started? What can you learn, what is this situation teaching you about yourself that is positive, constructive and useful for your future?

What do you need to release? Are there emotions such as anger, resentment or hurt that you need to process? Do you need to let go of useless or outdated attitudes, beliefs or behaviors? Are you engaged in dysfunctional habits? What do you need to stop doing? What do you need to start doing? What needs within you are going unmet? What desires within you are going unfulfilled?

Do you need to forgive yourself or others? Are there people, places and things that don’t serve you, support you, or respect you and your good? Maybe they did at one time, but don’t any longer?

Are you getting something by not changing? Do you perceive some benefit? Is it worth it? Could you get what you want in a better way? What are you losing by not changing?

What are you afraid of? What’s the worst that could happen? And would that really be as bad as you think? What would you do about it? You could survive that, couldn’t you?

Access the present. Where are you now? What is the actual situation now? What resources do you have? What talents, skills, knowledge and assets do you possess? Who or what can you draw upon for help or guidance?

IF OTHERS ARE INVOLVED

If your situation involves others, can you make personal changes that will transform the conditions? If you behave differently, will the relationship improve? Can you take action that will change the dynamics in a work situation? Can you change your beliefs, attitudes and behavior and make things better?

Is the situation, especially if it’s a job or relationship worth saving? Can it be saved? The best choice if there is hope for a relationship or job and you want to keep it, is to do everything you possibly can to make the changes you need to make in your own thinking, attitude and behavior to have a positive impact on the situation. Do what you have control over. Be aware that you only have control over yourself; you can change yourself, but you can’t force others to change. But ask yourself, if you were different, would they change? Do you need to communicate more? Have you expressed your feelings and asked for what you want? Are you considering what others want from you and will you give it to them?

Is it a situation where it’s best for you to walk away altogether? If you’ve done everything you know how to make a situation work and it’s still not working, the decision you may have to make is to walk away. Maybe it’s time to jump ship. This of course can be a major change so make sure you do it after careful thought and consideration. But you may have to take that leap of faith. Remember, to thine own self be true. You have to do what’s healthy and right for you, and know that it will also be right for everyone else, even if others don’t immediately see it that way.

MOVING FORWARD

Where do you want to go from here? Consider the possibilities. If you could create exactly what you want, what would it be? How can you move forward and do things differently? How can you begin to make changes? Start with small, manageable steps if necessary. What simple actions can you take to start moving in a new direction? You don’t have to know exactly how you are going to get to where you’re headed, but begin by taking some achievable step. With one step, you can take another, and another, and the path will become clear.

Be your own guardian. Take care of yourself. What you need is important. Heal yourself. Give your body exercise, healthy nutrition and proper rest. Be kind to yourself through positive, nurturing self-talk and actions. Affirm the positive. Be your own best friend. Invest in yourself. Get help if you need it. Get counseling or coaching. Create a support system of people who will encourage what’s best for you.

RESISTANCE

As you start to make changes, you are likely to encounter resistance.  You are expanding past your current boundaries.  You may experience fear of the new, the unknown.  You may doubt your ability to do what is necessary.  Keep going.  Do whatever you can, however small.  You will make progress.  You will start to get used to it.  You will find out that you can, you will and you are making the changes you want to make.  Your confidence will increase and you will feel good about honoring your needs and desires.

Be aware that when you do begin to change, not everyone is going to get it. Some people might want you to stay exactly the way you are because it serves their motives. They may not be able to control you anymore or get you to do what they want. They may be afraid, because when you start living life your way, your energy may seem to them to be wild and nonconformist. It makes them uncomfortable. Your changing might make others nervous that they could be prompted to examine their own choices in life. Or perhaps they are simply worried that they will lose you if you change and move out of their lives. Some people may be very happy for you and yet still not know how to handle it.

Don’t be surprised if some people object to the changes you’re making. They could push back. They might try to stop you but they can’t. They may throw stones and burning sticks at you, metaphorically, but you can’t be touched when you are faithful to yourself. You are meant to live your life your way and pursue your heart’s desires. That is the truth and it is right and natural.

GO FOR IT!

No matter how stuck you feel or how long it’s been, do what you can to start moving in a new direction and things will begin to shift. You are not meant to be caged in conditions that limit your magnificence. You were not born to sacrifice your dreams to be subservient to others. You are rare and unique, unlike anyone else, with your own special gifts, talents and touch. You are meant to sing your song and dance your dance. It is in the interest of the whole world that you express your gifts fully and completely. You are pregnant with urges and desires and creative impulses for greater life. You are a tiger meant to be free! Move forward. Be courageous. Have faith.

No doubt you have heard the following famous lines, usually attributed to Goethe: “Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!”

Go for it! Bring forth what is inside you. Be a tiger!