Joke and SMS | Jokes, SMS, Greetings

Lesson learnt at school

2015-03-30T18:51:00.001+05:30

Today when I look back at what I learned during my formidable days of schooling, I see the so called punishments from my beloved teachers as great learning in life.

1. Stand up on the bench - Take a holistic view, look at the big picture

2. Stand with hands up - Aim high, reach higher

3. Stand facing the wall - Introspection

4. Stand outside the class - Learn through observation, take a world view

5. Kneel down - Humility

6. Murga Bano -
Physical endurance

7. Clean the blackboard - Forget and forgive, start with a fresh slate

8. Finger on your lips - boast less

9. Hold your ears - listen more
10. Touch your toes - Be flexible & respect elders

11. Write down a line 25 times - work towards perfection

12. Detained after school - Dont join the rat race...be exclusive

I'm from Idea Internet Network

2015-03-22T17:50:00.001+05:30

Santa was driving car very fast.
Traffic police caught him.
Santa - Sir, I am learning driving.
Police - Without Teacher?
Santa - Yes, I am from IIN.

Mythbusting Cat : Animal Jokes

2015-03-22T17:45:00.000+05:30

Age Test : Try it

2015-03-22T17:44:00.000+05:30

School kya hein

2015-03-21T22:31:00.001+05:30

एक टीचर ने बच्चे से पूछा :
स्कूल क्या है ....??
.
.
बच्चा-स्कूल वो जगह है ..
जहाँ पर हमारे पापा को लूटा जाता है
और
हमें कूटा जाता है" 😂😭😢

Yeh dil kuchch or samjha

2014-11-23T14:36:00.002+05:30

Wo Jazbon Ki Tijaret Thi Ye Dil Kuch Or Smjha Tha
Usay Hansane Ki Adat Thi Ye Dil Kuch Or Smjha Tha
Mujhe Us Ne Kaha K Aoo Nai Duniya Basata Hain
Usay Sooji Shararat Thi Ye Dil Kuch Or Smjha Tha
Humesha Us Ki Aankhon Main Dhanak Se Rang Hote Thay
Yeh Us Ki Aam Halet Thi Ye Dil Kuch Aur Smjah Tha
Wo Mere Pas Baithe Dair Tak Ghazlain Meri Sunta
Usay Khud Se Mohabat Thi Ye Dil Kuch Aur Smjha Tha
Mere Kandhay Pe Ser Rakh Kar Kahin Jo Kho Gayae They
Wo Ik Waqti Inayat Thi Yeh Dil Kuch Or Smjha Tha
Mujhe Wo Daikh Kar Aksar Nigahain Phair Lete They
Ye Der Perda Hakarat Ti Ye Dil Kuch Aur Samjah Tha

The Yellow Duck

2014-11-23T14:25:00.003+05:30

A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class.
On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella. The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green, however, Johnny, the class rebel, colored the duck in a bright fire truck red.
After seeing this, the teacher asked him, "Johnny, how many times have you seen a red duck?"
Young Johnny replied with, "The same number of times I've seen a duck holding an umbrella."

Ek kaam tha bhai

2014-11-14T21:48:00.002+05:30

Dost : Bhai kaisa hai?
Me : Mast hu.. tu bata?
Dost : Main bhi mast.. Yaar ek kaam tha..! 😶
Me : Haan toh saare kaam karle, phir baat karte hai....
Ok bye

Viber user karti ho kya

2014-11-14T21:47:00.002+05:30

Boy: Viber use krti ho..??

Girl: ufff! Ye un-educated ladke bhi na !!
Dear Viber nhi Viper hota hai.. Or main kabhi kabhi use karti hun jb paani Jyada ho warna pocha hi lagaati hun.. .

BOY: hahahahahahahahaha . Bus kr pagli Rulayegi kyaa

Blind v/s Frustrated Engineer

2014-11-14T21:46:00.003+05:30

A frustrated software engineer in church shouts, "Why always me, God,why?".
A blind person just beside him assertively says, "Thank you God."
Engineer - "Why do you thank him, he made you blind, you can't see, any beautiful thing in life"
Blind person - "Can you? "

How to be Polite?

2014-11-11T17:44:00.002+05:30

CRY versus TRY

2014-11-11T17:42:00.002+05:30

'CRY' and 'TRY' have only one letter's difference in spelling.
But a lot in meaning.
'CRY' collapses our confidence and
'TRY' builds our confidence

Why Auto Rickshaw don't go to Mars

2014-11-11T17:40:00.002+05:30

Passenger: Bhaiya, Mangal(Mars) pe chaloge?
Pune Autowala: Haan, 900 crore lagega!
Me: Kyu? ISRO ne to 450 Cr me bheja..
Pune Autowala: Arey wahan se return nahi milta bhai

Never underestimate 3 things

2014-11-11T17:39:00.002+05:30

Never underestimate the power of 3 things:

1. Wife angry for a reason.

2. Wife angry without reason.

3. Wife about to get angry and looking for a reason!!

Bank Manager's Rule : Profession Joke

2014-11-08T19:57:00.000+05:30

It was five in the evening, the bank was almost closed. All of a sudden, the Branch Manager received a phone call from a lady.
In a sweet voice she said - sir I urgently need Rs.10000. I'll reach your bank in 10 minutes. Could you please wait for me?
Her voice was so captivating that the Branch Manager could not say no.
He instructed his cashier to keep the cash ready. The cashier obeyed his boss with great reluctance .
After a while, a dark complexioned lady with ugliest of face and a huge tummy came to the bank, presented a cheque and asked for the money.
The BM was taken aback, as he was expecting a cute lady.
He immediately told the lady that they had already closed the cash
for the day and she should come next day.
The cashier was so furious and he asked the BM if his intention was to not to pay why he was made to sit late.
BM - Its the Universal rule of the banking that........
.
.
.
.
.
If words and figure don't match, payment will be declined.

Santa kills a Deer

2014-10-25T10:40:00.002+05:30

Santa kills DEER & cooks it.

He doesn tell his kids wht it is.......He gives a clue "Its wat ur Mom calls me"(dear)

Son screams:"Koi mat khana, KUTTA hai.....!!!!!

Law of Employment

2014-10-25T10:37:00.004+05:30

When leaving work late,
you will mostly go unnoticed.
.
.
.
.
When you leave
early, you will meet your boss at the parking
lot.

Cleanliness and Truthfullness

2014-10-25T10:37:00.001+05:30

Boss : We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?
New employee: Yes, sir.
Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat..

The Professional Life

2014-10-08T15:51:00.002+05:30

Today's Professional Management FUNDAS
1 . "We will do it" means "You will do it"
2 . "You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"
3 . "We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same"
4 . "Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done "At least not tomorrow!"
5 . "After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"
6 . "There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"
7 . "Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"
8 . "We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"
9 . "We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time .. "
10 . "We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually fought"
11 . "Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"
12 . "You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"
13 . "We need to find out the real reason" means "Well I will tell you where your fault is"
14 . "Well Family is important; your leave is always granted . Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know . . . "
15 .. "We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"
16 . "That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"
17 . "All the Best" means "You are in trouble"

Mein itna bada kab hounga

2014-10-03T16:32:00.002+05:30

Chota bacha apni maa se,
Maa main itna bada kab hunga
ke apse poche bina
har jaga chala jaun
.
Maa buhat pyaar se,
.
.
Beta itna bada to tera baap bhi nahi hua aaj tak

Send bill to My brother in Law

2014-10-03T16:31:00.003+05:30

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerks called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital he was taken to. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clip board loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.
"Do you have health insurance?" she asked.
He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"
He replied, "No money in the bank."
"Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun.
He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun."
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."
The patient replied, "Perfect, Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

Two Little Boy v/s Priest

2014-10-03T16:30:00.002+05:30

Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbor & decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally.
One of them suggested the nearby cemetery.
As they were jumping over the gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges fell out of the big bag but they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough in the bag.
Few minutes later, a drunkard on his way from a bar, passed near the cemetery gate & heard a voice saying: "One For Me, One For U, One For Me, One For U".....
He immediately sobered up & ran as fast as he could to a church nearby, for the priest.......................
"Father, pls come with me . Come & witness God & satan sharing corpses at the cemetery"......
They both ran back to the cemetery gate & the voice continued: "One For Me, One For U, One For Me, One For U'............
Suddenly, the voice stopped counting & said:
"What About The Two At The Gate?"...........
You should see the marathon.........
The priest almost ran pass the church gate..shouting:"We Are Not Dead Yet oohh!!!".

Happy Dussehra

2014-10-03T16:29:00.003+05:30

Aaj Khuda ki shararat samajh aayi,
Is dharti pe aapki hukumat samajh aayi,
Aapko dharti pe bhejna uska bahana tha.....
.
.
.
Ravan ke baad kisiko ko aana tha

Happy Dussehra

ECG of a Married Man

2014-08-30T23:31:00.001+05:30

This is how Heart pulse of married man changes in different situations

ECG of a man when with his Wife
____/\_______/\______/\____
ECG of a man when with his Girlfriend
___/\___/\___/\___/\___/\__
ECG of a man when with Girlfriend in front of his Wife
________________________

neend na aane ka ilaaj

2014-08-30T23:29:00.003+05:30

Husband- Mujhe nind nhi aa rahi hai!!

Wife- jao aur kitchen ka sara bartan saaf kar do!

Husband - Arey pagli!!! Main Neend mein bol raha hun!