Joke and SMS | Jokes ,SMS and Greetings

How men feels while driving with Wife??

2013-04-15T06:06:00.002-07:00

A woman was preparing eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband came into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!

Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once.

TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!

We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?

They're going 2 STICK !Careful.. !

CAREFUL!

I said be CAREFUL!

You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking!

Never! Turn them!

Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?

Have you LOST your mind?

Don't forget to salt them.

You know you always forget that. Use the salt. USE THE SALT!
THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him.

"What is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving." :P :D

What is Self Apraisal?

2013-04-15T06:04:00.002-07:00

A Little boy went to a telephone booth which was at the cash counter of a store and dialed a number. The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:

Boy: “Lady, can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?”

Woman: (at the other end of the phone line) “I already have someone to cut my lawn.”

Boy: “Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price than the person who cuts your lawn now.”

Woman: “I’m very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting the lawn.”

Boy: (with more perseverance) “Lady, I’ll even sweep the floor and the stairs of your house for free.”

Woman: “No, thank you.”

With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy.

Store-owner: “Son….I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job.”

Boy: “No thanks.”

Store-owner: “But you were really pleading for one.”

Boy: “No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady I was talking to!”

*”This is called Self Appraisal”

Give your best and the world comes to you !!! ;)

it's your Worry

2013-04-15T06:03:00.002-07:00

Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.

"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."

"Excuse me?" the accountant said.

"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."

"I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"

"I'll start you at eighty thousand."

"Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"

"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."

Old man and his BMW

2013-04-15T06:02:00.004-07:00

A senior citizen drove his brand new BMW out the car sales room . Taking off down the motor-way , he floored it to 90 , enjoying the wind blowing through . Amazing he thought as he flew down the Motor Way, looking in his
rear view mirror , he saw a
police car behind him , blue light flashing , siren blaring .
'' I can get away from him - no problem ! '' He floored it to130 , then 140 ...then 150 ...
Suddenly, he thought , '' What on earth am I doing ? I'm too old for this nonsense !'' So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him .
Pulling in behind him , the officer walked up to the driver's side of the BMW , looked at his watch and said, ''Sir , my shift ends in ten minutes , Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend , If you can give mea reason I've never heard before for why you were speeding , I'll let you go ''
The Man looked very seriously at the police man , and replied , '' Years ago , my wife ran off with a policeman , I thought you were bringing her back , ''
The Cop left saying ''Have a good day , Sir....!!

Man and his four wives

2013-04-15T06:01:00.000-07:00

There was a man with four wives. He loved his fourth wife the most and took a great care of her and gave her the best.

He also loved his third wife and always wanted to show her off to his friends. However, he was always had a fear that she might runaway with some other man.

He loved his second wife too. Whenever he faced some problems, he always turned to his second wife and she would always help him out.

He did not love his first wife though she loved him deeply, was very loyal to him and took great care of him.

One day the man fell very ill and knew that he is going to die soon.

He told himself, "I have four wives with me. I will take one of them along with me when I die to keep company in my death."

Thus, he asked the fourth wife to die along with him and keep company. "No way!" she replied and walked away without another word.

He asked his third wife.She said "Life is so good over here. I'm going to remarry when you die".

He then asked his second wife. She said "I'm Sorry. I can't help you this time around. At the most I can only accompany you til your grave."

By now his heart sank and turned cold.

Then a voice called out: "I'll leave with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go." the man looked up and there was his first wife.

She was so skinny, almost like she suffered from malnutrition.

Greatly grieved, the man said, "I should have taken much better care of you while I could have!"

Actually, we all have four wives in our lives.

a. The fourth wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it'll leave us when w die.

b. The third wife is our possessions, status and wealth. When we die, they go to others.

c. the second wife is our family and friends. No matter how close they had been there for us when we're alive, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.

d. the first wife is the our soul, neglected in our pursuit of material wealth and pleasure. It is actually the only thing that follows us wherever we go.

What if earth rotates 30 times faster?

2013-04-15T06:00:00.000-07:00

Interviewer:"If the Earth rotates 30 times faster,
what will happen?"

engineer:"We will get our salary everyday" :D
Think Greedily
Act Confidently

this is cheating

2013-04-15T05:58:00.006-07:00

Mumbai to Delhi =1400km

Delhi to Mumbai =1400km
Ground Floor to 15th Floor = 15 floors...

15th Floor to Ground Floor = 15 floors..

Monday to "SUNDAY" = 7 days

"SUNDAY" to Monday = "1 day"

This is cheating !!

Prayer before eating food

2013-04-15T05:58:00.002-07:00

A couple was having dinner at a
restaurant...
As the food was served, the
husband said:
The food looks delicious, let's
eat!
Wife: Honey, you say prayer
before eating at
home.
Husband: That's at home,
Sweetheart. Here
the chef knows how to cook.

Nano overtaking porsche and BMW

2013-04-15T05:57:00.000-07:00

A Nano breaks down on a roadside.

A BMW 750 stops to help the driver.
"I will tow you to the next service station, but if I drive too fast please flash your lights"

They start up slowly but a only a km or so down the line a Porsche speeds past 150km an hour.

The BMW driver forgets about the nano & guns it after the Porsche.

Just as all 3 of them tear through a speed trap the cop radios the HQ:
"You won't believe I have seen a BMW & a Porsche racing past 170 km an hour with a Nano behind them flashing its lights to Overtake"

Atheist vs Bear

2013-04-15T05:55:00.005-07:00

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had created.

"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned to see what the cause was, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charging right towards him. He ran as fast as he could. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, crying in fear. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.

At that moment, the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!...." Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don''''t exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice.

The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed.

And then the bear dropped his right paw ..... brought both paws together...bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."

why we are speechless during Viva?

2013-04-15T05:55:00.002-07:00

Edison Had Rightly Said:

A Fool Can Ask More Questions, Than A Wise Can Answer..

Now We Know..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Why All Of Us ..Are Speechless During The Exam Viva.

Student's Ultimate Question

2012-05-03T02:58:00.000-07:00

1 stone is enough 2 break a glass!
1 sentence is enough 2 break a heart!
1 second is enough 2 fall in love!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
But why the hell 1 chapter is not enough to pass in exam????

Rules for Lazy Life

2012-05-03T02:55:00.002-07:00

Lazy rule 1
If you drop the ice cube, just kick it under the fridge
----
Lazy rule 2:
If you have to say something more than once, its not worth the energy
----
Lazy Rule 3:
If you spill water, it will eventually dry
----
Lazy rule 4:
If its not on the first search page on Google, it doesn't exist
----
Lazy rule 5:
Don't charge your phone till it says 3% remaining
----
Lazy Rule 6:
Screw the 'T&C's. Just hit Accept
----
Lazy Rule 7:
I'll tell you later!!
----
Lazy Rule 8:
Why make your bed when you're just gonna get back in it again
----
Lazy Rule 9:
If you're late, don't go
----
Lazy rule 10:
The farther away the remote is, the more you like what's already on TV
----
Lazy rule 11257389135:
You dont have to read all the numbers

Gift toh wapis kar

2012-05-02T10:31:00.000-07:00

Heart Touching Line said
by Boy during Breakup,

"Behen Gifts toh wapis
Karti Ja. Teri Bhabhi ko
kya Dunga"

Innocent days of our life

2012-05-02T10:29:00.003-07:00

Those Innocent days of our life:

Once Choosing colour of Sketch pen was a tough Process.

Catching the seat near the window in a bus was called obsession.

Gettng a Toffee as a Birthday treat from Friends made our day.

Being the 1st to finish copying from the Blackboard was the Moment of Pride.

Hiding Your answer from Your partner was not called Selfishness.

When Homework was the last Torture & You Thought all elders are Ideal.

Sleeping Early was a Routine.

Owning a Cycle was like Owning Everything.

To Look Pretty was to put Loads of Powder and a Neat Comb:)

Awesome were those childhood days :)
I miss them.

Magical Maths

2012-05-02T10:27:00.002-07:00

Magic of Math !

10-(minus)01=9
21-12=9
32-23=9
43-34=9
54-45=9
65-56=9
76-67=9
87-78=9
98-89=9

KAMINE DOST

2012-05-02T10:26:00.000-07:00

Aya tha Meri Kabar Pe diya jalane k liye

Aya tha Meri Kabar pe diya jalane k liye

Rakha hua PHOOL bhi le Gaya, Apni LOVER ko Manane k liye

Juda Hoke Bhi Tu Mujhme Kahin Baki Hai

2012-05-02T10:22:00.001-07:00

Kaalu: Agar Toilet Ja Ke Aane Ke Bad Dubara
Jane Ki Zarurat Pade Toh Tu Konsa Gaana
Gayega?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Mataalu: Juda Hoke Bhi Tu Mujhme Kahin Baki
Hai.

Tumhe Chahne ki saza Hamne Payi

2012-04-19T22:57:00.001-07:00

Tumhe chahne ki sazaa hamne paayi ..............
Tumse dil lagane ki daga hamne khayi .............
Agar karni thi hamse yun bewafai .............
To phir kyun iss dil me apni jagah banayi ..............

Commerce Students are not Sad After Love Breakup

2012-04-18T08:46:00.003-07:00

Commerce Students are not Sad After Love Breakup.

Why?

B'coz

They keep 1 Boy/Girl Friend as Reserve for Doubtful Debts.!!

what to do if whole world is against you?

2012-04-18T08:45:00.002-07:00

If the whole world is against you,

what will u do..?? .
.
.
.
.
.
.
. Simple, just turn around

and

you will be the leader of all of them. . !

Who is a boy?

2012-04-18T08:44:00.003-07:00

Who is a boy?

A beautiful creation by God ...
He sacrifice his chocolates & toys for his
sister ...

He sacrifice his pocket money for his
Girlfriend ...

He sacrifice his cigarette & beer for his
friends ...

He sacrifice his youth for his wife & children
without complaining ...

Send it to every boy so that he should say:
"O terii ! Mai aisa kab tha..?"

And to every girl so that they realize: "Wow!
Ladke thode toh ache hote hain"

How to save Jackie chan's mother

2012-04-18T08:44:00.000-07:00

A Deadly One:

Agar Jackie Chan ki Mother-in-law kidnap ho jaye to use kaun vapas layega?
.
Guess?
.
.
Vicks VapouRub...!

Kyunki Vicks lautaye Chan ki Saas.

God is also an Engineer

2012-03-16T00:14:00.003-07:00

God is also an Engineer

BRAHMA :- System installer

VISHNU :- System supporter

SHIVA :- System Programmer

NARAD :- Data transferer

YAM :- Deleter

APSARA :- Virus

Do you want to go out with me

2012-03-16T00:11:00.003-07:00

Boy-do you want to go out with
me?

Girl-NO!!!!

Boy-did you hear what I said?

Girl-yeah, do you want to go
out with me

Boy-yes!!!!:D:D