Hey friends,

It’s been a while since my last update! I’ve now been living in Malaysia since January, and it’s been quite the adventure. I’ve had a lot of awesome opportunities that I’m excited to catch you up on, including working with the Discipleship Training School here, teaching on a Bible school in Vietnam, and continuing my own education in Biblical studies. I also have a packed ministry schedule in the coming few weeks that I would love prayer for. Let’s dive in!

Malaysia

I’ve been to Southeast Asia a few times, but this is my first time actually living here! Moving to a new country is always an adventure, but it’s not without its challenges. The learning curve is often in small things, like figuring out where to find groceries or how to use local transport. At the same time, there’s a lot of small adventures, like trying new foods and getting to learn about local holidays and festivals.

The transition here definitely took some time and energy (and my nature loving soul has struggled with living in the inner city), but it’s gone well. My previous experiences of living abroad have thankfully minimized the culture shock, which is a blessing!

DTS

I hit the ground running on arrival here in Malaysia and jumped straight into working with a multi-generational Discipleship Training School (DTS). This is the third DTS I’ve staffed, and it had a fantastic group of very missions oriented students. The group was an interesting mix of young adults and families with children. Counting staff, our school included Americans, Norwegians, Kyrgyz, Kazakhs, Koreans, Germans, and a semi-Canadian (myself), which was a fun cultural blend.

I was asked specifically to work with the young adult students, which was a blast. I one-on-one mentored one of the American students and regularly caught up with a few of the other guys.

I also led a small group that met weekly to process through lectures and pray together. It’s always a blessing to meet with young people who are passionately pursuing Jesus, and I really enjoyed getting to be a part of their journeys.

Towards the end of the lecture phase I also taught a couple of one hour seminars. The first focused on the mission of God and our response and heart posture as missionaries. The second focused on cross-cultural communication, which is one of my personal favourite topics to teach.

The students are now completing missions outreaches in Thailand and Cambodia as the final portion of their DTS. I’ll be visiting them soon for a pastoral care visit, which I’m excited for (more on that later).

Vietnam Bible School

About a month ago, I was given the unexpected opportunity to teach on a Discipleship Bible School in Vietnam! They’d had a teacher drop out for their third week and needed someone on short notice to fill the gap. I’d taught that week before at a DBS in New Zealand, so two weeks later I hopped on a flight to Vietnam. Teaching via translation in a new country and culture was a huge learning experience for me, but the week went really well.

I was consistently impressed by the questions that the students asked. I taught on the books of Joshua, Judges, Ruth and Psalms, and it was awesome to see the students engaging in a deep way with the material. They had a genuine hunger to learn and to understand the Bible better.

During that week I also got to join several worship sessions, share my testimony at a local youth group, and enjoy amazing food and fellowship at community meals. I left feeling greatly encouraged by the ways that God is working through believers in Vietnam.

Studying

A significant portion of my time here has been focused on studying. Teaching is one of the things that the Lord has most clearly called me to, but it’s not something I take lightly. As I step more into teaching on Bible schools (like the trip I just took to Vietnam), I also want to make sure that I’m deeply equipped and prepared for this work.

The Biblical studies course I’ve taken here has brought me through some fantastic material, including books on Biblical background and context, intertestamental history, dictionaries of theology, and even ancient texts by historians such as Josephus and Eusebius. It’s been amazing prep for future teaching.

What’s Next?

Early tomorrow morning I’m heading out on my next adventure! Over the coming few weeks I’ll be visiting our DTS outreach teams in Thailand and Cambodia. Both teams have been hard at work, and a colleague and I will be going out to check in on them, provide pastoral care, and debrief the experiences of the teams so far. I’ve received this kind of pastoral visit while outreach leading and it was an incredible blessing. My hope is that my colleague and I will be able to equally bless our missionaries who are in the field!

After that I’ll be returning to Malaysia for a few days to collect my possessions before I bid Southeast Asia farewell for now. I’ll be back in North America for the summer, doing a mixture of ministry (working with a church plant in Ottawa), connecting with family and supporters, and trying to take a bit of much needed rest. Once life settles down a little bit I intend to send out a special newsletter with updates on my plans for the future, so stay tuned for that!

As always, thank you for taking the time to read these updates! It’s an incredible blessing to be able to partner with you in the work that I do.

~ Jonathan

Pastoral Care Visits: Thailand and Cambodia

One highlight of my time in Southeast Asia was travelling to Thailand and Cambodia to debrief two missions teams. The DTS that I staffed in Malaysia had sent outreach teams to those two nations, and I worked with an experienced colleague to help the students unpack their experiences up to that point.

Debriefing the Thailand team especially stands out in my memory. When we arrived, two of the families on the team had stopped talking to each other due to their grievances. Though it was a last resort, sending part of the team home early was on the table.

Over the days of debrief — and with lots of prayer — we saw the ice begin to thaw. Though forgiveness is never instant, we watched God work in incredible ways in their relationships. I know of no power besides God’s that can bring people from burning bridges to hugging and washing each others feet in a matter of days.

The experience reminded me of Paul’s words: “God has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors.” (2 Cor. 5:19b-20a). What a wonderful calling!

(Below: Sunset in Chiang Mai and Bayon Temple in Cambodia)

After leaving Asia, I headed to the USA for some personal time. The trip was a much needed opportunity to catch up on rest, be in the wedding for two of my closest friends, and most importantly get to know my girlfriend’s family in Colorado!

Madeline and I started dating nearly a year ago after we met on the missions field in New Zealand. Since then it’s been a wild ride of dating long distance and meeting up in whatever countries we can. We were blessed to be able to work together in Malaysia for part of this year, though!

We’re long distance again now, but our hope is to reunite in Australia later this year for further missions training (more on that below!).

Ottawa & Church Work

I arrived back in Canada last Sunday morning and started a new summer job that afternoon! I’m working with a church plant in Ottawa called Bytown Community Church.

I’ll be involved with planning Bible studies, leading Sunday worship, preaching, and helping to run community events. It’s still a small church, so a large part of my role is focused around fostering community.

The leadership is also considering how to bring the church in a more missions-oriented directed, which is exciting. Missions in the Western world is a fair shot different from what I do overseas, but I’m enjoying the challenge of reworking my usual thinking and helping to brainstorm for this context.

Outside of ministry, I’ll be taking time to see family, which I’m looking forward to. For those who attend Maple Grove Family Camp, I’ll see you next week! I’ll also be busy fundraising for the next missions opportunity I have coming up. It’s going to be a busy summer, but with a lot of wonderful opportunities!

What’s Next?

Four years ago I first felt the pull into missions, though I had no idea what I would be doing. Over time, my focus has become clearer: I’m called to train and disciple Gen Z for missions.

A big part of that discipleship process involves training young people in the Bible. I’ve had opportunities to preach and teach in classrooms across New Zealand, the Philippines, Canada, Vanuatu, Malaysia, and most recently Vietnam.

More and more, I’m being invited to lead and teach on international Bible schools. As exciting as that is, it’s not something I want to step into lightly.

Starting in September, I have an opportunity to attend an intensive 9-month Bible school in Australia. I’ll be studying inductively through every book of the Bible a minimum of 5 times, as well as receiving in-depth lectures and personal feedback on my growth and learning. It’s a time commitment of 50-60 hours per week, but I know that this training will help deeply equip me for the work of discipling others.

I need your help to step into this, though. Would you consider partnering with me financially to help get me out there?

Between now and next March I need to raise approximately $23,000 CAD ($16,000 USD). My goal is to raise $12,000 of that by the end of the summer to cover first term tuition, flights, and visas.

If you feel called to give, tap the button below. And if you’re a church leader or pastor, I would love to start a conversation with you about what partnership could look like!

Thank you so much for your support and prayer as I undertake this project in faith!

Prayer Requests

• For good ministry opportunities this summer.
• For energy and wisdom as I continue to serve.
• For opportunities to see family and friends while back in Canada.
• For fundraising this summer as I prepare to launch back out into the missions field.

As always, thank you for taking the time to read these emails! Your support on this journey means an incredible amount to me.


If there’s any way that I can be praying for you, please shoot me a quick email!


Blessings,
Jonathan

Three months ago, I sat in my room in New Zealand, flipping through old journal entries by the light of a lamp. I paused over an entry I’d made before the New Year. Two lines arrested my attention, bringing with them a wash of emotion. They read simply: “Be still” and “Focus on family.”

Before the start of 2025, I’d spent time in prayer asking God to guide my priorities for 2025. Among other things, I’d felt him direct me to focus on time with family and to seek stillness and rest. I’d hoped to do exactly that.

By my original plan, I would lead an outreach to Vanuatu, staff a three month Bible school in New Zealand, then head to Canada in July for a few months of much needed rest and time with family. I was already looking forward to that break – after 2 years of non-stop ministry and separation from family, I needed some downtime.

I was halfway through leading the outreach to Vanuatu when I got an email that put a knot in my stomach. My ministry was asking me to delay my break by three months to co-lead a second Bible school. My gut reaction was to say no. I was exhausted. I needed a break. Close friends and colleagues even advised me to say no.

Yet every time I prayed about it, God gave me the same answer: Say yes.

It took me days to wrestle through the decision. Finally, I broke. It happened while I was playing the song “Control” by Tenth Avenue North on guitar. The song is about how God’s love makes it possible to give up control of our lives. 

Tears came as I relinquished control of that situation, giving it into God’s hands. I said yes to staffing the second Bible school, trusting that God’s way was better than my own.

A month after that I arrived back in New Zealand. The outreach had been incredible, and I saw God move in miraculous ways in the lives of my students and in the lives of the people we ministered to. But it also felt like I had just finished running a marathon. And I was looking down the barrel of two back-to-back, relatively intense Bible schools.

As I flipped through my journal, a mixture of pain and confusion washed through me. Why would God ask me to step into co-leading the second Bible school? It didn’t make sense that God would tell me to seek stillness and spend time with family, then yank those things out from under me.

I stepped out onto my deck, breathing in the late night air as New Zealand’s summer dipped towards fall. I tried to let the tension out of my muscles as I sought God in prayer. No miracles came. No voice spoke to me on the wind. But a measure of peace came as I released my frustration to God. The pain and confusion remained, but I felt bolstered by the steady assurance that God was with me. If he’d called me into this, He would make a way.

Over the next few days my mind kept getting drawn back to the fact that my family would be having a small reunion in May. Counting aunts and uncles, my family is spread across 7 countries and 5 continents right now, so any reunion is no small deal.

Currently, my parents and younger sisters serve as missionaries in Malawi, where I grew up. My grandparents, who I hadn’t seen in over 5 years, would be travelling to Malawi from Germany to visit them. Unexpectedly, my brother was able to get time off work and would be travelling from Canada as well.

A part of me wanted to join them, but the idea felt ridiculous. It would require me to leave for several weeks in the middle of the first Bible school, not to mention the cost of the flight tickets. I couldn’t shake the idea, though. I finally brought it to God, expecting a quick and obvious “no”. 

Instead, I felt very clearly that I was to ask my leaders for the time off. I decided to approach them the next day. When I woke up, I discovered a surprising voice message from my parents. Without any knowledge of my plans, they’d decided to encourage me to pray about coming. They suggested I talk it over with the leaders of my ministry, and offered to help financially if needed.

When I sat down with my base leader later that morning, it took an effort of will to still the jitters. Our team here is a small one, so leaving in the middle of a Bible school would put a lot of extra pressure on our other staff. I expected some back and forth in the conversation as I presented my request for the time off. Instead, it was almost immediately approved.

It took a few days for me to round up approvals from my other leaders, but the response was unanimous: They would do whatever it took to make the space for me to see family.

In early May I packed my bags for a two week trip to Malawi, which was an incredible gift. It was also fully unexpected: By my original plans, I wouldn’t have seen my immediate family until July, and I wouldn’t have seen my grandparents until December.

The time in Malawi also proved to be surprisingly restful. My grandparents are both quite elderly, so much of the visit was spent chatting or playing lawn games. When I returned to New Zealand, it was with renewed energy for the ongoing Bible school.

So many things lined up perfectly for that trip to Malawi to work out, and I saw God’s fingerprints all over it as things unfolded. It’s humbling to realize that in my moments of pain and confusion, God had already prepared a beautiful gift for me – I simply couldn’t see it at that point. When the Lord asked me to change my plans, he was asking me to step into something better, even if I didn’t understand it then.

The changes in plans haven’t stopped there, though. I got the news two weeks ago that the second Bible school has been cancelled for a variety of reasons. At first glance it seems odd that God asked me to say yes to that school, only to have it fall through. I can clearly see his provision through it, though.

The first thing is that this change of plans unexpectedly frees me up to take a break in July. I’m already excited to have the time and mental space to pursue hobbies again, like reading, fiction writing, and hiking and hunting. I typically work 60+ hours a week and even during “downtime” you’re on call as a missionary. An actual break will be an incredible blessing.

This change of plans also allows me to continue my studies in Biblical teaching. Last year I completed my first of three Bible Teachers Schools in Malaysia, and this year the second school is running in Amsterdam. The first Bible Teachers School was one of the most helpful courses I’ve taken in the last several years, so I’m stoked to continue that education. By all of my previous plans I wouldn’t have been able to make it to the second school, so this is a wonderful surprise.

The location of the Bible Teachers School also opens up two other unexpected opportunities. The first is to visit relatives that I haven’t seen since before Covid. I have Dutch family a few hours from Amsterdam that I’m incredibly excited to see again. The other opportunity is to attend the wedding of good friends of mine in the UK. We’ve served in ministry together for the last several years, and I would love to be able to celebrate them as they step into a new journey.

The rest of my year will be filled with other missions courses, which I’ll be taking online. This gives me the opportunity to live with family for a few months and hopefully even celebrate Christmas with family for the first time in 4 years. I’ll be able to spend more time with family than I have in years.

To wrap all of this up, I want to point back to the goodness and faithfulness of God. This year has been a journey for me in obedience – saying yes even when it costs me. It’s a journey of learning to trust the Lord when I don’t understand what He’s doing.

In God’s goodness, my yes to Him brought me unexpectedly into so many blessings. He’s been so faithful to what He told me at the start of the year. My counter-intuitive yes actually opened the door for greater rest and more time with family than I could have imagined.

Missions and ministry often require large sacrifices, but even in the hardest moments, I’ve seen the blessings of God. It turns out that obedience, even when grudging and painful, can allow God to work incredible things out.

Want to stay up to date with my adventures on the missions field? Sign up for my newsletter to become a part of my sending team.

What if I told you that novelists should write flash fiction? At first glance, it probably seems a little strange. If you want to be a good novelist, shouldn’t you spend your time actually writing novels?

While it’s good to spend most of your time writing what you’ll use, things like short stories, poems and even essays can make you a better novelist. Flash fiction, however, is especially useful.

What’s so special about flash fiction?

One of the greatest perks of flash fiction is that it’s an incredible tool for fleshing out your novels. When used properly, it can develop your characters, plot, and world through subtle but effective details. It can also help you strengthen your craft when used in specific, intentional ways.

But there’s one thing in particular that makes it stand out from other forms of short fiction: it’s really short. Few writers have the luxury of writing full-time, so we need to cram it in between other parts of our day.

Flash fiction pieces range from 6 to 1,000 words, so they’re easy to write quickly. The ability to develop your stories and your writing craft without sacrificing huge amounts of time is what makes it so beneficial.

It’s important to mention that I’m not referring to more classical, highly structured flash fiction. Rather, I’m talking about pieces that fit the flash fiction word count, but that are written for your own benefit. Most of it likely won’t be saleable.

With that out of the way, let’s dive into how to effectively use flash fiction!

Developing novels through flash fiction

When I’m in the outlining stage of my novels, I’ll often write brief scenes from within the story. These scenes will occasionally make it into the actual novel, but often they serve a more important function: They help me to bring my characters, plot and world to life before I actually begin drafting.

As much as I love outlining, it does have limitations. You can’t always outline the way that two characters will interact, for instance. But if you can write it out, then you can plan for it within your outline. This gives you a lot of flexibility to change and create details before you start drafting.

1. Characters

Flash fiction is a great tool for developing character personalities and backstory. It also shows how they interact with their environment and the characters around them. Be sure to throw them into some stressful situations, to see how they react under pressure.

2. Plots

To develop my plots, I often write out parts of major scenes in advance. This lets me see how they play out. The inciting incident, midpoint and climax are especially important. Remember that these scenes can be quite rough  – you don’t need to use them in the novel. Having them in your back pocket can be helpful, however.

3. Worldbuilding

Finally, flash fiction is fantastic for developing your story world if you’re writing speculative fiction. Many of the most specific and memorable details that I’ve discovered have been a result of exploring my world through flash fiction. It’s also a great way to think through practical details. Things like the currency of your world or the political system can be explored through flash fiction.

Staying intentional

The key to using flash fiction is to be intentional about what you want to develop. Writing whatever comes to mind might provide some insights, but it often becomes self-indulgent rambling.

In order to make the most of your flash fiction writing, always plan out these three elements:

1. What the scene is about. What are you hoping to discover with this piece? If you want to develop your magic system, for instance, you could write a scene where the characters are practicing their skills.
2. The characters in the scene. Flash fiction needs to stay short, so keep it to 2-3 characters max. Ideally, choose characters who need development in some way.
3. The setting. Especially in speculative fiction, you can learn a ton about your world by writing in a specific setting. This can range anywhere from the wilderness (learning about the flora and fauna), to the local marketplace.

Again, the key here is brevity. Remember that these flash fiction pieces are to learn about your story, not to procrastinate writing or outlining! Give yourself room for creativity, but don’t dawdle once you’ve accomplished what you came for.

Honing your craft with flash fiction

As useful as flash fiction is for developing your stories, it’s also amazing at helping you develop specific skills. Many writers are aware of weak spots in their writing, but they’re unsure how to solve them. While it’s not a magic cure-all, flash fiction has the ability to let you hone in on specific skills in order to work on them. To name just a few ideas, you can hone your ability to write dialogue, create lifelike character voices, set up a strong tone through the words that you’re using and develop powerful character motivations.

I’ve personally used flash fiction to get better at writing descriptions. Especially when I started, a lot of my scenes took place in a vacuum. Flash fiction exercises have allowed me deep-dive into writing descriptions. I wouldn’t call description one of my strengths now, but it’s no longer my greatest writing weakness, either.

As I’ve used flash fiction over the years to hone my writing abilities, I’ve stumbled across a lot of great exercises and created even more. Rather than keeping them to myself, I’ve assembled them into a free eBook that I hope will be a blessing to you. No matter what stage of the writing journey you’re in, I believe that these exercises can help you grow in your ability to tell amazing stories.

You can download the resource by filling out the form below!

Ready to challenge yourself and take your writing to the next level?

Get the Ebook

Loading…

Hurrah!

The ebook should be on its way to your inbox!

This post was originally published shortly before I left Malawi in 2022. Advocating for missionary kids is something that I’m still very passionate about, so I hope you enjoy the read!

Ever wondered what it’s like to be uprooted to travel to a country where you don’t fit in? If you think I’m talking about moving to the missions field, think again. I’m talking about returning to Canada, my birth country.

If you don’t know me, I’m a missionary kid in Malawi, Africa. I’ve lived here for close to 10 years now and I’m what’s called a third culture kid, or TCK for short. I’ve blended my parents’ cultures (American-Canadian and German) with the local culture to form my own distinct, third culture.

This weekend, my family is travelling to Canada on furlough (also known as home assignment), and I’ll be with them for the first few months before leaving for my own missions adventure. As I prepare to return to Canada, I’m not only saying goodbye to Malawi indefinitely, but I’m also preparing to enter a totally different world. Even though my passport says I’m Canadian, the Great White North – and more importantly its people – are strange to me.

Few non-missionaries can even begin to understand what furlough is like. Most people envision joyful reunions with extended family and lots of vacation time. And while the first is usually present, furlough is often a very difficult experience – especially for TCKs.

If that surprises you, read on. I’m going to discuss why TCKs often struggle while visiting their passport country, what home means for many of us, and what you can do to support TCKs.

Before I dive in, I do want to say that furlough does come with many blessings. There are a lot of wonderful people who show love, generosity and hospitality to TCKs, and I want to give a shoutout to them. But my goal with this article is to shine a light on the hidden struggles and battles that most people know nothing about. Missionaries especially are expected to be perfect and never have problems, and that’s a heavy weight to bear. 

What does furlough look like?

To understand why furlough can be difficult, let me first give you a quick idea of what furlough typically looks like for our family. Furlough is different for every missionary family, but there will usually be similarities.

The first thing to know is that furlough is not a time of rest for most missionaries. Instead, the focus is on raising support and reconnecting with old supporters. For us, that means speaking at a different church nearly every weekend. Supporting churches can be quite far away, so it’s often necessary to get up really early (4 am isn’t uncommon) or to travel to the church on Saturday and spend the night at someone’s house in order to make it to the Sunday morning service. During the summer we’re often asked to speak at camps as well. We regularly spend 10+ hours in the car during a given weekend.

Furlough means near constant travelling and almost no free weekends. Especially during the school year, that quickly becomes draining. Spending months at a time doing school on weekdays and travelling during weekends is brutal. I speak from experience when I say that this is a great way to burn out.

All of that is simply the backdrop to why TCKs often struggle with furlough. So with that in mind…

Why is furlough often difficult?

1. Reverse culture shock

You may have heard of culture shock. It’s a feeling of disorientation and often frustration when people move to a place with an unfamiliar culture. What you’re likely less familiar with is reverse culture shock, where you feel out of place in your original culture.

Reverse culture shock is more subtle than ordinary culture shock, and combined with the fact that few people expect it, it’s often much harder to deal with. 

I’ve experienced reverse culture shock a number of times, but often don’t process that until weeks or months later. Though I hate to admit it, the main thing I associate with reverse culture shock is anger. Malawi is one of the poorest nations in the world (typically in the bottom ten), and the inherent wealth, privilege and wastefulness of North Americans can be maddening.

In Canada, which is by far the most wasteful nation per capita, huge quantities of food are thrown away on a whim. In Malawi, “hunger season” is a recognized part of the year. To go from a place where moms with babies on their backs regularly come to your house asking for food, to a place where it’s carelessly tossed out is jarring, to say the least. But for me, people begging is a part of my world, while waste is not. Added up, differences like that can start to feel overwhelming.

There are of course other factors that impact reverse culture shock. For one, you yourself have changed to fit your new, foreign culture, but you often don’t realize it. Your home culture is also often different in small ways, and the combination of changes in yourself and the culture you left can be startling. The differences in values between the cultures can also come as a surprise.

For children and teens, the impact of reverse culture shock is especially difficult. Many don’t have the training or the maturity to understand what they’re going through, but that doesn’t change the emotions that they’re feeling. Even when you are prepared for culture shock, the emotions can hit hard.

2. Not having a home

Many missionaries don’t have an established “home” while they’re on furlough. That can be especially difficult for TCKs, who often already struggle with a sense of homelessness.

Many missionaries are hosted by families during their furloughs, and while we’re always incredibly grateful for their hospitality, it can be hard to unwind in someone else’s home. It’s the little things that build up which tend to take the greatest toll. Less personal time and space is always a challenge, as is setting aside family time when others are around. Living out of a suitcase for six months also loses its appeal pretty quickly.

3. You’re surrounded by people who don’t understand you

The phrase third culture kid already hints at this: our culture is unique. Because of this, people often don’t understand us. Sure, the words coming out of our mouths make sense (most of the time, anyhow – I make no personal guarantees), but that doesn’t mean that people can make sense of us.

Especially for children and teens, it can be really hard to make new friends and fit in. This leads to a lot of loneliness during furloughs, and while some TCKs will have people to reconnect with in their passport country, that isn’t always the case.

4. People who think they understand you

People who claim to understand you are often worse than the people who genuinely don’t understand you. Most people who say they understand have absolutely no clue what life is like for you, and everything they say comes out sounding cheap. It’s a way to talk about themselves and their own experiences.

Most often, there are two people who fall into this category: people who have been on short-term missions trips and people who think North America is terrible.

I don’t mean to knock short-term missions, but the experiences of someone who went to Guatemala for two weeks do not compare to the experiences of someone who has lived in Africa for the majority of their life. Yes, you may have seen poverty and led a Bible study, but that’s a far cry different from living in the nation where you serve.

This isn’t to say that long-term and short-term missionaries can’t have great conversations! I enjoy chatting with people who have had cross-cultural experiences, and they’re often very interesting people to talk with. Just please, don’t say that your experiences are the same as ours

The other category of people is far worse. Conversations tend to run along the lines of “well we have poverty here too! Have you seen the single pothole in our town?? We’re practically a developing nation!”

That’s a caricature, but I’ve heard a lot of people express that sentiment. There are individuals living in poverty in North America, but to suggest that you understand systemic poverty because you saw a homeless person in the town over is ridiculous. Try eating a meal of fish heads and corn mush with your fingers while seated on a dirt floor before you tell me that you understand poverty. Our experiences are not the same.

(As an aside, fish and meat of any kind are a treat for most Malawians, and our hosts for that meal were showing us hospitality by serving fish).

5. We look normal… but we’re not

I’ve already mentioned not fitting in, but one aspect that isn’t often considered is that we look like we should fit in. TCKs physically appear the same, dress the same, and often have the same accent as our monocultural counterparts, so people expect us to be “normal”.

Though many of our differences are positive things, that doesn’t make it any easier when our differences show through in potentially negative ways. Lack of understanding goes two ways, and things that seem apparent to North Americans often seem like rocket science to us. Being able to drive, understanding certain social norms, and even using a credit card can trip us up. When people don’t understand our background, failure to understand simple things can further our sense of alienation.

6. Talking to people

This is partially a joke, but constant interaction with people while on furlough can be draining as well. Not all of us are extroverts, and when you combine social exhaustion with the stresses that I’ve outlined above, it can become quite overwhelming.

This isn’t to say that you should avoid interacting with TCKs. But if they seem uncomfortable being sought out/put on the spot, or if it looks like they’re pursuing some personal time, give them space. And if you want us to come on stage during a church service, please tell us beforehand (or even ask if we would be comfortable going on stage).

Passport country ≠ home

When our family returns on furlough, we regularly hear the words “welcome home!” from people who mean well. But stop and ask yourself what makes a place home for you. For most people, the answer has to do with family, friends, places that they love, and the comfort of a familiar setting. None of those things are inherently tied to your country of birth.

Try, for just a moment, to put yourself in my shoes. My immediate family is always with me in Malawi. Growing up, my friends were all in Malawi. From the blue depths of Lake Malawi to the soaring peaks of Mulanje Massif, the places that I love are predominantly in Malawi. And for over ten years, my actual house – my familiar setting – has been in Malawi.

The majority of my remembered life has been spent in Malawi, so for me, going on furlough means leaving my home behind for months at a time. It’s a time of displacement, and to a degree homelessness. To then be constantly “welcomed home” in Canada can be frustrating and even painful.

On occasion, I tell people that Canada is no longer home, which is usually met with a sense of incredulity. My response to that is that while I love seeing extended family and certainly don’t mind convenience food, home is far more complex than simply the place where you were born.

But even though I consider Malawi to be my primary home, my feelings around the word “home” are often confusing. Many TCKs struggle with this. When you’ve lived in many countries and have family in even more, it’s hard to pinpoint a single place as home. Our family has travelled to 24 countries across 4 continents (I lost a tooth on each continent, in case you were wondering), and we’ve begun to joke that home is where the suitcases are.

Counting only close relatives (grandparents, aunts, uncles and first cousins), I have family in the USA, Argentina, the Netherlands, and Germany. I used to have an uncle in Brazil, and my brother is currently in Belgium as a student in a NATO program (that was true when I first drafted this article… he’s now in Italy). I personally hold dual Canadian-German citizenship. If your head is spinning at this point, let me assure you that mine is as well. This is a taste of why home is so hard to pinpoint.

Many people who have been abroad for shorter periods of time do still consider their passport country to be home, however. Given that, what’s the appropriate thing to say to people who have just returned to their birth country? My suggestion is to simply ask them where home is now. It shows an interest in their experiences and lives, plus it avoids stepping on any toes.

How to Support TCKs

At this point, I hope you have a better sense of some of the struggles that TCKs have. While many issues like reverse culture shock are things that we’ll need to sort through on our own or with family, there are ways in which you can support us while we’re on furlough. Here are some incredibly simple ideas to get you started.

1. Ask thoughtful questions

Since so much of our time on furlough is spent talking with people, it’s always refreshing when the conversation is interesting! Many people talk with the missionary kids to virtue signal, and it shows in the questions that they ask. They’re looking for an empty conversation, which is usually what they get.

As an example, I cannot tell you how many times I’ve had this exact conversation: 

Person: So is Africa hot?

Me: Yup

-cue awkward silence-

The question “Do you speak African?” is similarly painful. There are over 2,000 living languages in Africa, and even as a relatively small country, 17 languages are spoken in Malawi.

My intent here isn’t to judge; I’m not a steller conversationalist, and I get that sometimes it’s hard to ask the right questions.  But if you have a genuine interest in learning more about a TCK, here are some ideas for things you should and shouldn’t do while talking with them:

DO:

• Be specific. Ask questions about the country where I’m from, not about the continent where I live. That’s a little like expecting a Canadian to know Costa Rican culture because they’re all in North America.
• Ask questions that are multi-faceted. Instead of “is Malawi hot?” ask “what are the seasons like in Malawi?”
• Think before you speak. First, check if you’re asking a question that you’re genuinely interested in. Second, check whether or not your question is insensitive to the individual or culture.
• Ask questions about us. We are more than our experiences, and while we often enjoy talking about where we live, it’s also nice to be valued for who we are.
• If you have the time, look up some info about where we live before chatting with us. Showing off your newfound knowledge likely won’t impress us, but we will be impressed if you use it as a starting point to ask deeper questions. We’d still love to chat with you even if you haven’t had the chance to learn about our country, though!

DON’T:

• Ask yes or no questions.
• Be afraid to ask kids interesting questions. While I couldn’t have held a complex conversation about cultures when I was 10, I could still have shared plenty of interesting facts and stories. Ask questions that are age-appropriate, but don’t assume that younger TCKs can’t hold a conversation (in my experience TCKs are actually better at talking with adults than most children their age).
• Assume you know more than the TCK. I’ve had people argue with me about what life is like here. I don’t think I need to explain why that’s problematic.
• Ask questions that are awkwardly personal. While it’s good to get to know us, we don’t want to bare our souls to a stranger. It’s a conversation, not an interrogation. Just because we’re happy to answer most of your questions doesn’t mean you can ask us anything

As with most situations, the words of Stephen Covey apply well here: Seek first to understand, then to be understood. If you want to ask us questions, we would love to answer! The key to a successful conversation, however, is to seek to understand the person you’re talking to. This means intentional listening, thoughtful questions, and a desire to learn.

All that said, don’t be afraid to chat with us. Yes, there are best practices to avoid accidentally being insulting or insensitive, but so long as you’re cognizant of our background and want to have a genuine conversation, we would love to chat with you. 

2. Value us as humans

While we’re on furlough, we’re often treated as a travelling circus act. We’re new, we’re different, and we’re a cheap source of entertainment. And honestly? That hurts.

Everyone wants to be valued for who they are, and TCKs are no different. We often enjoy talking and sharing about our unique experiences. They’re what shape us. But we don’t want to be valued only because we have fascinating stories.

As a kid, travelling to a new church every weekend, we would often attend the children’s service while my dad preached. With or without advance warning, the children’s pastor would often point us out as missionary kids and ply us with questions. Sometimes the entire time was dedicated to asking us about our stories. The other children would eagerly ask us questions, occasionally even approaching us after the service. And then as soon as they got bored, we would be tossed aside. Our worth was expended once our stories no longer held their interest.

I would love to say that I haven’t experienced the same thing from adults, but it’s still a pretty common situation. People treat us specially while we’re interesting, and then stop caring as soon as they’re done with the conversation. I’m better equipped to deal with it now, but especially as a kid those situations really stung.

Quite often, I avoid telling people that I grew up in Malawi until we’ve already talked about something else. Even though I’m able to celebrate my unique childhood, I want to be known for who I am, not just what I’ve done. I know that if I open a conversation with my experiences, I will quite often become “the Africa guy” and not a normal person.

So please, if you get the chance to meet a TCK, treat them as a person, not a source of entertainment. Value us for who we are, not our experiences.

(And to all of those people who have made me feel welcomed, valued and loved as a human while still recognizing my experiences, thank you. You’re the main reason I stay sane on furlough).

3. Go the extra mile

While this is usually good advice regardless of the situation, it always means a lot when people go the extra mile for TCKs. We’re foreigners in our own country, and any effort to make us feel welcome is appreciated.

There are a lot of different ways that you can go the extra mile, but keep in mind that you don’t need to be extravagant to make us feel welcome.

One example from our life was a church that gave each of us kids a McDonald’s gift card. There isn’t much in the way of fast food in Malawi, so we were thrilled to have money for junk food. Since we were on the road a lot, my mom also appreciated that it helped our family budget and was a practical way for us kids to start using cards to pay for things. (If you want me to haggle over the price of vegetables, I’m your man, but don’t expect me to know whether to tap or swipe a credit card).

Little things like that can make a surprising difference in our lives.

I wouldn’t change my life

As I wrap up what has become a surprisingly long article, I want to reiterate that there are many blessings that come with being a TCK and even going on furlough. While I focused very heavily on the challenges that people like me face, I wouldn’t trade my life for any other, despite the hardships.

If you learned something or found something surprising, let me know in the comments! I would love to chat with you. And if you found this article helpful, please consider sharing to spread the message