ordinary time

How many words should your blog post have?

2010-02-11T14:56:00.002-05:00

In the digital world, space is unlimited. Writers in the digital space do not have to deal with the constraints of the newspaper or the pages of a book. They can write thousands of words on a page, and have thousands of pages on their sites.

The constraint however, is the attention span of the reader. When the content gets longer than that you've lost.

The Paradox of Routine and Freedom

2009-11-13T13:11:00.002-05:00

Routine works. Establishing one does not make life boring or formulaic, but it does set up guide posts where true freedom and excitement can take place.

A routine I recently established was getting up at 6 a.m. This guide post has given my days structure. It has established a time where I can write this.

With the responsibility of fatherhood, I have had to change my focus from myself to my family. And having a family is a sure way to confuse and throw a wrench into any established order or normalcy in life.

However, I established this routine months after my son was born. It opened up the possibilities of being a great dad while still caring for my own needs.

The last several mornings now I woke up two minutes before my alarm was set to go off. Each time I glanced at my phone, and it showed 5:58. It's only been a few weeks since I started, but already the routine is freeing me from the annoying buzz of the alarm.

Before I started working on this I'd be sleeping deeply and when my alarm would sound, I'd hit the snooze button two or three times. The idea, of course was that "10 more minutes and I'll be rested and ready for the day." But snoozing three times adds up to a half hour of frequently interrupted sleep.

On the other hand, getting up and getting going shakes off the sleepiness much faster than laying awake in bed between pressing the snooze button.

Routine has given my day something new--a beginning. Rather than drifting into the day from a haze of sleep and snoozing, establishing a routine has created a clear delineation between night time and day time.

Also, my wife and I have been working to establish a routine for our baby. We're starting to see the first fruits of our efforts. The last several nights now, he's slept soundly from when we laid him in the crib until after I got up.

These routines do not diminish the freedom and spontaneity of a day. It is exactly the opposite, yet still a paradox. Fixed and strictly adhered-to routines create more freedom in a day than an open schedule.

I haven't established strict guidelines for what I'll do when I first get up. I try to read, write, or exercise, but sometimes I surf around on the web, play with the baby if he's awake, or spend some time in prayer.

However, no matter what I decide to spend the time doing, it is something I wouldn't be able to do if I didn't have the routine established to get started.

By setting up a few starting guide posts, I was able to establish much greater freedom in my day. And now I'm searching for similar opportunities in other possible routines.

The Myth of Self Reliance

2009-11-07T06:34:00.003-05:00

Self reliance is a myth. Humans are social creatures that need interaction for emotional well-being and sustenance. The concept of self reliance, however, implies that we can make it alone.

True self reliance would involve a complete withdrawal from society, a Thoreau-like retreat to Walden Pond or a John-the-Baptist-like wandering in the desert. However, even there the fish of the lake or the locus of the wilderness provided what they could not provide for themselves.

Spending a dollar admits that I need what someone else has. Working to earn a dollar admits reliance on either an employer or on customers.

Since pure self reliance is impossible, we must all be dependent. However, there is good dependence and bad dependence. Learning about the good and shutting out the bad is the way forward.

Bad dependence is reliance on others. Good dependence is reliance on others--and yourself. In the second, the difference is learning to count on, trust, and rely on those around me. This is difficult, since it's easy to mistrust people. However, this skill is critical to forming well balanced relationships with the people you know and encounter.

Driving on the highway, I need to trust that the car I'm passing won't suddenly swerve into my lane and run me off the road. I rely on the driver's competence. However, in this situation I also rely on my own driving skills and knowledge to not pass on the left and to avoid cars that are weaving in and out of their lanes.

I work in sales. I rely on my employer to pay me each period, but I also rely on myself to perform. My employer also relies on me to perform. The action it takes to secure my performance is to pay me each period. There we have an example of a well balanced mutually reliant relationship.

A pure reliance, on other hand, is out of balance and even harmful to the individual. Reliance on a person or entity without that entity relying on you is dependence. It plants and nurtures an entitlement mentality. The feeling that you deserve something without earning is a direct result of this one way reliance.

This is why welfare is so damaging to individuals. They receive benefits from the government that they are trained to rely on. The government does not receive any reciprocated benefit. This one way relationship of giving is not generosity, and it does not promote a society built on balanced and mutually reliant social relationships.

When the cycle becomes one of take take take instead of give take give take, the relationship shifts from that of two people to that of a house pet. I'm not calling welfare recipients animals. Many people truly need assistance to survive. However, when dependence replaces mutual self reliance, it diminishes a distinctly human.

I'm learning the beauty of mutual self reliance. It reveals the deeper value the people in my life have, and shows me my own intrinsic value which I provide through our relationship.

Photo by Nicholas T

'Better' is between where you are now and perfect

2009-10-30T13:15:00.002-04:00

It's easy to get down on yourself when you're not perfect. Being less than perfect admits a shortcoming, a failure. It's humbling.

A common cliché used to make someone feel better after a failure is to remind them that no one is perfect. However, this condolence provides little or no consolation. That's probably because it doesn't take a perfect person to avoid the particular screw up that's getting you down. It only takes a better person.

It is accepted that perfection is impossible, and it is. That being the case, the proposition also needs to be acceptable. However, it can be so difficult to accept not being perfect, that we sometimes forget perfect's younger sibling: 'better'.

It's okay to not be perfect. However, this cannot be cause for complacency. The premise that nobody is perfect does not justify not trying. 'Better' is a great alternative to perfect because it's situated directly between where you are now and where you'd like to be.

Also, each time you take a step to be better, you're that much closer to perfect, and there's another 'better' in close proximity for you to move towards.

Small steps in the right direction are acceptable. They are not preferable to lasting radical overnight changes, but they're a good start. Besides, for most, they are far more realistic.

Some people are are able to make drastic changes overnight, or even over the course of a year. Here I use the word 'some' to describe a very small minority of very special and talented or very weird and crazy individuals.

For the rest of us, the walk towards perfection will be a long one. It will take a superhuman perseverance. This will mean committing to a daily goal with clear action items to become a better person, to change bad habits, to start good ones, to develop the way you think about things, and to inspire those around you by your actions.

And if perseverance, commitment, desire, endurance, and patience are not traits that you either possess or can develop, then it will be better to look for some quick overnight fixes. Unless you're part of that 'some', they won't work, but even a quick fix is better than no fix.

Can a husband and father be a radical lifestyle designer?

2009-10-28T13:09:00.002-04:00

Consciously or not, I've found myself drawn to a number of lifestyle design blogs over the past few weeks. They're filled with stories about individuals actively pursuing unconventional ways of thinking and living.

Part of this desire may stem from feeling that my life is becoming to ordinary, too formulaic. I want something drastic, something radical to break up the mundane. There shouldn't be anything ordinary about life.

However, if I'm going to jump on this lifestyle design bandwagon, I'm going to have to come at it from a very different angle. First, I have a family who I am very much in love with and committed to, so I am , to a small degree, limited in the radical lifestyle choices I can make. My lifestyle affects others, and I must always keep them in mind.

Spending time with my baby and being a good husband are the most important things to me. This involves time and support that I must provide.

Also, I work full time in a conventional setting. I'm not as adventurous as I'd like to be and do not have a strong enough desire to be an entrepreneur to strike out on my own. Actually, I still consider myself an entrepreneur, but I only have one client: the company I work with.

Despite all these factors that seem to point to the conventional life, I think I'll still be able to participate in extreme lifestyle design during bit of time I have left over. And that may be what makes this journey and set of experiments unique.

Can I be an unconventional thinker and passionately pursue my ideal day and life while still fulfilling my duty in what is most important in my life: loving my wife and baby?

This is a difficult question to ask. As a husband and father, there are sacrifices I must make to care well for my family. However, I have 'me' time in the cracks, and I don't think that I am, right now, the best possible version of my self. And this is because I am not making full use of the cracks.

So, my goal and mission will be to use that extra time to become the best possible version of myself. I know that writing this, and the fact the my wife reads it, will mean that I'll have at least one person to hold me accountable and to be able to witness my progress.

Photo by Ben Zvan

Remember Memory

2009-10-27T13:25:00.000-04:00

(The following is from my 2005 book of poetry, Ordinary Time, which provided the inspiration for the title of this blog. I will be republishing the poems here over the next several weeks in their original order)

Remember Memory

The water, turning over on itself,
the shifting of a formless mass, swirling
in and against itself, and refusing

to cease is safe, between the embrace of
the arms that hold it dear, and know the folds,
and all within by name, and how to bend

the resistance at the edges, and pull
the waves on the receding tide into
the deepest ocean’s heart. When the ear’s sense

can finally hear the sound, the harmony,
then truth will enter in the hollowed space
and take a firm hold, deep where it belongs,

where it can grow. The plane beyond the shore
is restless and will never sleep as long
as the pockmarked moon forces it to keep

wrestling with the land. Love cannot rest
in the sleepless thrashing waves. Remember,
the strong momentum of the sea must stop

eventually—when the spinning earth rests,
When the moon drifts away, and when the sun
begins to swell up red—but until then,

on the darkest shore that strikes land, forget
the words. Remember the revolutions
of reality’s struggle. Remember

the sounds that lined the edges in the dark,
the soft returning and the withdrawing
of the slow waves at night and the way they

can drag a pebble out to sea and drown
it in itself. Forget the words spoken.
Forgive the lies. Forget the truth and listen

to the sounds dragging in the waves. Forget
that waves have washed the shore before. Forget
the sound remembered. Listen to the sound.

For only the sound can tell what is there,
and only what is there can uncover
what is not, and separate memory.

Encouragement available

2009-10-27T06:56:00.002-04:00

There seems to be no shortage of encouragement available if you look for it hard enough.

However, words from other can be, at times, in short supply. This can lead to one desperately fishing for encouragement from friends and family, which can cheapen what is caught.

I am fortunate that when I am uncertain of myself or lack the full confidence in what I am doing, there always seems to be well timed words of encouragement from my wife or co-workers, or at least some external signs that I am on the right track.

However, when encouragement is not readily available in the form of words from others, there are plenty of places to find it or create it in yourself as needed.

You can look for encouragement in past accomplishments. The current failure does not negate the good things you've accomplished before. Be encouraged by what you know you can do, and what you have done. This is more indicative of what you'll be able to do in the future than any one setback.

Remember the obstacles you've overcome in the past and recognize that you'll be able to overcome others in the future. What encouraged you to overcome those obstacles? It may be possible to rediscover those past encouragements and apply them to the present.

However, don't always look back for encouragement. Also think about the ways the current difficulty will help you to learn and grow. People develop through their experience, and the experience of difficulties and hardships can be the most effective teachers. Try to recognize, in the present, how what is happening now will help you grow as a person, and be encouraged by it.

Also, you can look for encouragement in what others have done. There is no shortage of stories of people accomplishing incredible feats. But what do the great people behind those stories and I have in common? We're all human. We work with the same limitations and potentials.

Be encouraged by what what you know you can do well, and don't allow things that you're bad at to get you down. You can find encouragement in your own talents, understanding that even if you're having difficulty in your current endeavor that you still have the things that you're good at.

I am a lucky man. Never lacking in my family cheering on all that I do. I also have very supportive co-workers, who are equally invested in my success. This is a great benefit to me. If it's not something that you have in your life. I highly recommend it.

Find a few people who can light up your day. Invest yourself heavily in those relationships. Reap the rewards, and enjoy them for their own sake. Not much else is important when a few people close to you are able to fulfill you social needs for love.

I am so fortunate to have the support I enjoy both at home and at work. It makes me thankful to know that there are people who are there for me when I need it. I hope that I can be there for them too, to be for them what they are to me.

But I am also thankful that I am able to encourage myself, when I find myself alone.

photo by Sara. Nel

Issues with unfinished business

2009-10-24T22:25:00.003-04:00

I have a problem with unfinished business.

I had some issues with my computer a few weeks ago. It was late but instead of letting it go, calling it a night and saving the trouble shooting until morning, I felt an uncontrollable urge to fix the problem. Nothing could distract me from my desire to fix the problem and make things right again.

I can see how this trait could be harmful. Stubbornness can easily distract me from what may really be important.

Could this be good?

When I have a problem, all my energies go into fixing it. This is only true when something was fine but then broke or stopped working. Sadly, this does not seem to be the case for things that are wrong, that have always, or at least for a long time have been wrong. It seems like the urge is more crisis control or a desperation to maintain the status quo.

If only I was able to harness that "I have to fix it now" energy into changing bad habits and developing new behaviors. It really could be a powerful force for good in my life.

Converting bad habits into good ones

How do you take a bad habit and focus those negative energies into something positive? I feel like I try to do this. A few weeks ago, I wrote a post about the benefits of distractions. Distractions, a bad habit and a weakness, can provide the needed brain break for me to accomplish real work. An uncontrollable fixing urge, could, I suppose, be applied to something that was broken long ago, rather than just the recent break-downs.

But the energy just isn't there for the long cherished faults the way it is for the newly discovered broken parts. I want to learn to deal with both with the same vigor and passion, but one is by nature easier than the other. Why is it that we learn to accept our faults, just because we've had them for a while?

Feeling ready to take control

I do feel ready for radical changes. It's about time for some internal ones to keep up with the break-neck speed that everything else has been subject to. I live in an ordinary time, where many things are familiar to the universal experience, but I think it is time to make a clean break from my own linear motion and take real control over my life, actions, and outcomes.

I am a man, and I have control over my life. Each day I am offered so many choices, so many opportunities to act, and act with the brain. Just writing this probably brings me a step closer. Publishing it here does provide some level of accountability. I wouldn't want anyone to read this and six months down the road see me and realize that I still have not grown up and that I still have not taken control of my actions and choices.

I have a lot of potential, as does everyone my age. There are still years and years worth of things to learn and do. I'm starting now so that I won't miss out on a single chance to find what I'm looking for. It's getting late, but tomorrow will have more for me, so I can wait.

Besides, the computer problem I mentioned at the beginning is resolved, so I'll be able to sleep easy. The momentary crisis is averted.

However, I'm still not sure how I can rest so well knowing about my other issues

Not yet a writer

2009-10-24T22:12:00.003-04:00

I understand I have a lot of work to do to become the writer I want to be. Words and pages are not enough. Although, that would be a good start. No, thoughts and well expressed ideas are what I'm after. I am not sure that I am prepared to think like a writer. I know I don't have the habits developed yet. One step at a time, I know. But I have in mind what I want to be: I want to be able to sit quietly and think to myself about my subject and then open up a blank document and write what I think.

Right now, I don't think much or write, but I am actively trying to change that. You see, I believe the world's greatest thinkers were skilled writers, and the greatest writers were deep thinkers. It may be a chicken and egg situation, but my plan is to attack both fronts at once to make myself into what I want to be.

Parts of these first few posts are going to come across like pages from a journal, which is not what this site will become. However, I also want my writing to come across naturally, without forcing too much onto the page. And if I'm currently an immature thinker, then that will be what comes out until my mind grows up.

I'll develop a mature voice, I'm sure, as I write more regularly and think more deeply before and during my process. Until then I'll have to put up with the silly kid that thinks he has something to say. My hope, though, is that this site will provide that linear path of a voice maturing.

From conception to completion

2009-10-23T13:29:00.001-04:00

I am slowly getting better at working an idea through from conception to completion.

That will be very useful in my hobby as a writer: being able to conceive and idea, do the needed work, and then complete the thought in a written form.

I don't typically care for those "30 things", or "10 ways to" list type posts. Lists are not as helpful to as an author clearly stating and supporting a point.

I'm still a strong believer in the thesis, three supporting points, conclusion essay format that I learned in high school. It's simple and effective. Simple because there is a form to work within and effective because readers can remember three points.

If a writer has something to say he should say it. And back it up.

Readers can't remember 30 or 10 items in a list. Lists are not nearly as helpful to the reader as they are to the writer. They may provide some quick inspiration, but the items do not stick with the reader and therefore the reader cannot as easily apply the advice.

Writers should use lists all the time. It is a great way to get their thoughts out. However, the list should not be the end product. It would be better for the reader if the writer took his time to analyze his list, group together similar items, and simplify the writing into a more useful work to illustrate his point.

A World of Mind’s Creation

2009-10-23T13:17:00.003-04:00

(The following is from my 2005 book of poetry, Ordinary Time, which provided the inspiration for the title of this blog. I will be republishing the poems here over the next several weeks in their original order)

A World of Mind’s Creation

A world of mind’s creation stands
unhindered in a darkened sleep,
while night hours fall to morning,
and dawn gives breath to day,
but first, the cloud must hover
upon the veiled mystery of dreams.

A ghost upon the heart endeavors
to consume the free flame’s heat,
now cold, now dead, now still
as brittle ash on a windless morn.

Waking, we find that all is well,
that none of the horrors passed
into the waking hours of day,
that the ghost of sleep now sleeps,
hidden like the stars on a warm afternoon,
and as our eyes open, and as the memories fade,
all seems lost; all the memories fade
back to the mind from where they came…

and as smoke comes off a fire,
as raindrops fall in the sea,
so too do dreams fade and diffuse
and get lost among the mass of memory—
the collective thought, the spirit of the world.

100 pushups seems a long long long way away

2009-10-23T10:41:00.007-04:00

I just struggled through my pushup routine. Over the past few weeks of preparations for my 5k run, I have completely neglected all of the muscles in my upper body and today it showed. However, I'm preparing to turn that around.

A few months ago I had printed off Steve Speirs' Hundred Pushups Training Program and started working on the routine. I got through the first few weeks of the program without too much trouble, but near the end of the third week I began to realize my weaknesses.

I've never been able to do much more than 40 pushups in a row, so the task of working up to 100 pushups is quite daunting and maybe unrealistic for me. However, I'm confident that if I stick to the routine and work at it consistently I will succeed.

I've never been able to do much more than 40 pushups in a row, so the task of working up to 100 pushups is quite daunting and maybe unrealistic for me. However, I'm confident that if I stick to the routine and work at it consistently I will succeed.

The program is built around making small improvement and gradually adding more and more pushups into the workout until the body is capable of completing 100 consecutively.

Routine and stick-to-it-ness are not my strong points. However, this is the sort of goal where the very act of striving after it will develop other good habits along the way.

Success or failure in the end is not what is most important in working towards the 100 pushup goal. Whether I succeed or not, the training along the way will greatly benefit my body, mind, and will.

My body will get stronger. Just going through the motions will ensure that. Also, my mind and will power will be developed and strengthened in the process. My hope is that I will be able to apply the mental skills that I develop in this training to other areas in my life.

Learning to make gradual improvements in small increments over a long enough time line will inevitably lead to radical changes in my life. I can't ask for a better educational experience that that.

Big change can be easy if the change happens over night

2009-10-21T13:26:00.000-04:00

I want to start getting up at six. I did it this morning, but I want to do it every morning.

The conventional wisdom says that baby steps are the best. Break down your big goal into manageable action items. Forget it. Radical change has to be more like ripping off a band-aid.

However, keep it to one big change at a time, or you may go into shock.

What big change can I make overnight? Nothing. I got up early today, but I'll start my big change again tomorrow in the morning by getting up at six.

This is the wake up time goal I've been setting for my self for weeks now, but I haven't made much progress. I've told my self that I'll work at 6:30 a.m. for a few weeks to get the hang of it. But I just kept resetting my alarm.

I made the excuse that I didn't have enough time to get much done between 6:30 a.m. and the time I have to start getting ready for my day, so I chose to sleep in instead. Starting tomorrow though, this big change is happening. Not in pieces, not step by step, but all at once.

How to develop a healthy information diet

2009-10-16T23:14:00.029-04:00

I'm feeling fat, so I think it's time to go on a diet.

Not literally. I feel I've made great progress over the past several months in my eating habits, but with my consumption of food under much greater control, it's becoming time to take the reins and get my information consumption under control.

Apparently, we now live in the information age, and each day there is an overwhelming amount to consume. It is becoming clear that I need work on developing a healthy information diet.

I have a tendency to go through cycles where I binge on the Internet, and then try to cut back drastically. It doesn't seems to be the most effective method constantly flip flopping between reading and looking at everything in sight and trying to radically reduce my inbox and RSS feed subscriptions.

I'm thinking now I need to find a better and more sustainable balance between the extremes of binging and anorexia.

Where this will lead is the big question: What is information for?

You don't have to starve yourself

First, this doesn't have to be unpleasant. I'm not prepared to come out and advocate for myself or you a low information diet. This is partly because of how much I enjoy most of what I read and watch, but also because I think a lot of the information I consume does have its place in my day and value for me.

However, there is also the fries and burgers of my daily dose that I can probably do without. I have no plans to ever give up burger and fries completely, but they work well for the point I'm illustrating. Some foods are not as good for you as others.

Finding the good ones that agree with you and denying yourself the pleasures of the others is difficult but possible. To be healthy, it is not necessary to outlaw the good tasting foods that are bad for you. It is over the top to only select fat free, low carb, low sodium, high fiber fare for each meal, but developing a healthy balance is just the ticket.

There's no right amount

There really is no clean cut answer as to how much information is the right amount of information. Again, this is very similar to any diet of food. The correct amount of information to consume depends entirely on the situation and the individuals' desired outcomes.

Michael Phelps has to consume thousands of calories per day while in training to be able to perform as he does. Models, such as Filippa Hamilton, don't have the same luxury. They are after something else entirely.

I'm sure the editors at Lifehacker have to have a very different level of information consumption to produce their massive site of useful information than that Leo Babauta needs to write his insightful posts for Mnmlist.

The input for both of these examples is, I'm sure, in direct proportion to the desired output. One is not superior to the other. They are just different and are tailored to meet the specific needs.

Balance is the key

The most important thing to find in developing a healthy information diet is the right balance.

Information consumption is no different than eating in this respect. Everything that goes in must come in and be digested. Then, it will either be used or discarded.

The correct balance is entirely dependent upon what you want to do with the information. If you're a writer, you'll want to consume everything you can about your subject so that you can write on it competently. If you're an athlete, you'll want to know about your sport so you can find your edge.

Consuming too much information without proper digestion will lead to indigestion or waste. Neither is good.

Three stages of an information diet:

1. Input: This is everything you read, see, watch, or listen to. This can be controlled by deciding what books you read, what shows you watch, which RSS feeds you subscribe to, and the music you listen to. This is also the part we only have partial control of. There are thousands of voices fighting for our attention each day. It is impossible to tune in to them all. It is also impossible to tune them all out. But it is possible to filter and highlight the things you want while blocking what you don't.

2. Reflection: This is the step where you digest everything that comes in. This can include a song getting stuck in you head, a topic that inspired another idea or project or the simple enjoyment of remembering what you watched or read. It doesn't have to be anything too deep. This stage of reflection is just the internalizing of what came in your mind.

3. Output: This is the final component of a balanced information diet. Everything that goes in will come out one way or the other. There is three possibilities in this stage. It can either come out in a productive and enriching way, go to your thighs, or it can simply be forgotten and wasted. Athletes use the food they eat to drive their performance. Couch potatoes don't, and the end results are visible. Some information can also just be forgotten and lost forever. Hopefully it was enjoyable the first time around, other it was kind of pointless.

You are what you eat

Since everything that comes in will eventually come out, it is important to remember that you are what you eat. The information that you consume becomes a part of you. This can make you better or it can make you worse, depending on what you let in and how you use it.

You can have a significant impact on your outcomes by wisely discerning and using what you consume. To do this you need to:

Know what you are trying to achieve.
Decide what you need to know to achieve it, and ignore the rest.
Learn to determine how to best use the information you receive.
Adequately reflect on the information before acting on it.
Act on what you learn.

Have fun

A healthy information diet does not have to be austere and boring. Some of what we eat can still be just for fun: a bowl of ice cream, a scoop of cookie dough. It's the same thing with an information diet. It can be for it's own sake, but too much will make you fat.

5k Run: Weakness Accomplishes Nothing

2009-10-13T19:10:00.012-04:00

So, I ended up doing much better than I expected in my 5k run on Thursday. I was so nervous going into it. I'm not sure why, but I think it was because I haven't engaged in any competition at all this year, and also because I was convinced that I would embarrass myself in front of my co-workers, who were all expecting fantastic times.

As it turned out, I came in first at my company, and 20th out of 150 some men. It was quite a shock to me, but in the process I learned a lot about myself and my body.

Running a race is not like other sports. It's almost impossible to size up the competition. In basketball you can make assumptions based on height, in wrestling, based on build. But good runners come in all shapes and sizes, and when you're lined up with 300 other people, there's no telling a head of time where you stand.

And once you start it doesn't matter. Once the gun goes off, it's not a competition against anyone except yourself. It's a contest between your body which is telling you to slow down and your mind which is saying, "Speed up!" Or at least it should. It seemed like half the time my mind was working against me as well.

This went on through out the whole race. I could look at people up ahead and tell myself that I was going to try to keep pace with them and try to catch up. However, the only time I was really able to gain any ground was when--instead of looking at other around me--I pushed aside my own negative thoughts and pushed aside the discomforts of running for the sake of a faster stride that I was able to gain any ground.

Throughout the race, I knew that I would have to overlook my own shortcomings if I was to succeed. I learned at the one mile marker that my weaknesses were not going to help me at all during the next two miles. Weaknesses were of no use. They would accomplish nothing. Only my strengths would be of use in trying to finish this race.

I have many weaknesses and shortcomings. These have no benefit in any circumstance. However, understanding my weaknesses is one of the first steps to take to corner and nurture my strengths. And that was how the second mile went. I found my pace and my stride. I focused on the energy moving me forward and not on the fatigue that would only slow me down. With this I was able to hold my position and even gain ground on the pack ahead.

In the third mile, my weaknesses were apparent. I had been sweating profusely throughout the second mile, and now my arms were becoming heavy. I would have thought that swinging them at my sides in the nearly frictionless air would be the easiest movement. My back also was becoming tired. I didn't even know that my back was an active participant in this run. My legs kept going even though breathing became more of a challenge.

The most difficult part of the end of this race was not knowing where the finish line was. The first two miles were clearly marked, but the final stretch had many twists and turns, cutting back and across the path. In addition to that, a 5k is 3.2 miles, and each mile became increasingly difficult so I had an impossible time judging how close I was to the finish.

Many times, tasks and challenges are like that. It gets more difficult when the end of a task or challenge is near, and it's most difficult when the end is not in site. This was no different. I wanted to keep up my pace and run steadily to the end, but with no end in sight, doubts crept in, voices saying, "You can't do it, the finish line is still far off, you'll have to slow down if you plan to finish."

But, just as I was getting ready to give in and slow down, I rounded the final corner, and out of nowhere, the finish line was in front of me. The excitement of seeing the finish line gave me an extra boost of strength that I used to transition from a run to sprint. I felt light, like I was just starting out...for the first 20 yards.

Then the previous three miles shouted: "Slow down!" But I didn't listen, and I ran as hard as I could across the finish line, passing one unsuspecting competitor as I finished.

I finished exhausted. But that's exactly how it's supposed to be. If I had anything left in me after I finished I would have been disappointed that I didn't use it on the course.

At the end of the race, I knew my weaknesses played no part in my success. Only my strengths mattered. I'm now going to be looking for other ways to apply this thinking. I can, I think, be aware of my weaknesses without letting them interfere with my strengths or goals.

The challenge will be to figure out how.

Care for the Dead

2009-10-11T09:04:00.003-04:00

(The following is from my 2005 book of poetry, Ordinary Time, which provided the inspiration for the title of this blog. I will be republishing the poems here over the next several weeks in their original order)

Care for the Dead

              To sense the life

    that used to live here,

       I pick up a clump

     of dirt from the field

                  and let it crumble

    between my fingers

        and watch it fall

and mix back

              with the earth.

        Something here

                      has changed. I

                 changed and changed it.

    I have desecrated

      something sacred.

           I ask nature

              to forgive the bulldozer

       of my hands, crumpling

           the graves of men

                             I never knew,

                and never cared about,

         until now.

Now I come. Now the poet

     in me

pretends to care.

                   I try. I do. But I

         cannot wait for a better poet

     to caress my dust

           and write of his love

                              for the dirt

                  between his fingertips

          and buried under his nails.

What goes in will come out

2009-10-10T16:58:00.006-04:00

My struggle is the beginning, middle, and end. I have a hard time coming up with what I'm going to write about. Once I've figured that part out, I have a hard time putting my thoughts into words. And after I have something down on paper, I have a difficult time accepting that what I have written is of any value.

However, this is my only obstacle to becoming a writer. It doesn't take as much time as I once thought because, it seems, no one is out there trying to write the next Moby Dick. It no longer takes 1,000 pages to tell a story or to make a philosophical point about the human condition. I don't know that it ever did, but the way most readers consume information now has changed, and writing has had to change to keep up.

I'm thankful. I have a difficult enough time settling on a topic for a 1,000 word post that will take me less than an hour to complete. I don't know how I would ever be able to commit to a project whose end goal would be a five-pound tome.

This, however, does not provide an excuse for a decline in quality, even though I would be hard pressed to find someone who could argue convincingly that the quality of writing and thought in one of the new releases at Barns and Nobel or one of the books on Amazon's top 100 could even begin to rival one of the classics in its command of the English language.

It would seem that if the scope of the work I am trying to accomplish is so much narrower, and so much shorter, that I'd be able to make up some of the ground in quality. But that doesn't seem to be the case.

How does a writer of a classic think during their writing process? How do they go about developing their story or crafting their sentences? It can't be that much different than today. However, I suppose, garbage in garbage out. I'm sure the classic writers and thinkers had a much healthier diet of reading and information than I have today.

This is an external factor that I feel like I can do something about. There are a lot of messages thrown at me every day. Many marketers are fighting for my attention, and I've subscribed myself to many things that I find interesting and enjoyable, but, if this information diet is turning my stomach, polluting my mind, and hindering my writing, it may be time for some changes.

It isn't realistic, practical, or helpful to pull the plug entirely. There is still the needed flow of input needed for processing, digestion, and good quality out put, but if so much time is taken at the top of the funnel, the second two stages suffer.

What I need to develop is a more steady flow of information in, time to process and reflect, and written output at the other end. I need to turn this funnel into a cylinder with a fat middle. I actually believe that the middle, right now, is the narrowest part of the process.

Several of my writing, including this one, have begun without proper digestion in the middle. Fortunately, this one has developed into some well formed thought and reflections, and has led me to a few other ideas for posts that I will have to write: How to develop a healthy diet of information; How to develop a good balance between input, reflection, and output; and How to achieve the desired output by controlling inputs.

Today is the day for my run

2009-10-08T13:30:00.004-04:00

After a few more workouts over the past few weeks, today is the day of the 5k run. I think I'm ready for it, as ready as I could get in the short period of time between when I found out about it, when I started training, and today. I'll be writing a post about my experience and how it turns out.

Why we remember what we remember

2009-10-07T20:58:00.023-04:00

So many events, images, sounds, and smells hit our minds every day, but not all of it sticks. We don't remember much of it, yet there is so much that we do.

Events that seemed insignificant at the time stay with us for our whole lives. Moment we promise ourselves to cherish grow foggy. Random episodes in our lives replay themselves in our heads, triggered by sounds, smells, or nothing at all.

There does not seem to be any set of rules that determines what you will remember and what you will forget. There is a science behind it, I suppose, but that is not what I am interested in exploring in too much depth. However, to be fair I offer the following.

Basically, external and internal stimulus cause the activation of certain chemicals within the brain which provides for a temporary remembrance, a short-term memory. As more comes in, what's there gets pushed out to make room in the short term memory, and the thoughts that are pushed out are filed and archived in long term memory.

There is so much that happens on the molecular and chemical level in the brain between the time we see or hear something and the time it gets stored in long term memory that it's a wonder we remember anything.

But we do, and that begs the question: Why do we remember what we remember?

Memory relies heavily by how the mind perceives events and what values it assigns to them. Much of what we remember depends on our levels of focus. Without focus or attention, the chances of converting experience from short to long term memory declines in proportion to the level of focus.

However, focus is not a guarantee of memory. Also, a lack of focus at the moment does not mean that a memory won't be created. Some sensations are strong enough to be pushed into long term memory, while other are not. This is why intense and extreme experiences are so memorable.

There are a number of reasons we forget and fail to remember. Sometimes memories just can't be retrieved when we try to think of them. Have you ever felt like you know the answer, maybe that you've answered the question before, but just can't bring the thought to your lips? Some things never make it past our initial experience. These events are never moved from short to long term memory.

There is also deliberate forgetting. There are some things we simply don't care to remember. They can either be unimportant and not worth the effort, or they can be a disturbing event or image that we cast from the mind. This can be deliberate or it can be an unconscious form of repression.

Memory is a mysterious thing, but it is key to understanding our world and shaping our experiences. Understanding why we remember what we do and learning how to remember what we want and forgetting what we don't will be the subject of other posts.

New blog design released

2009-10-07T20:16:00.003-04:00

I've made some radical changes to my blog template, and I think I've just about configured it the way I want. That's kind of a scary thing. I mean, once I have the template figured out, the only blogging activity I'll be able to participate in is actually writing.

So far I've successfully avoided the actual work and thinking that this hobby and project will require. However, I'm ready for the change. I think it will be much more fun to write, create, and market my creation than it was just to pick out the template and fiddle with the colors and configurations.

Last night and today, I just went looking for things to tweek and change, but with such a simple and clean design it becomes harder and harder to do. Actually, I might be finished.

Writing in specifics

2009-10-03T23:50:00.012-04:00

It's not the job of the writer to rehash old ideas, and consolidate them into broad general statements, as much as it is to uncover new ideas through the general and collective knowledge that is already present in the world. Now finding that new knowledge, within the collective knowledge, is a skill that is not natural to the thought process. It takes a conscious uncovering in order to develop and nurture the traits before one can effectively find those new ideas even if they're in plain sight.

With the dawn of the Internet the sharing of ideas has become easier and much more accessible to a larger number of individuals. This has exponentially grown the pool of collective knowledge, and exponentially increased the way that that pool can be accessed, studied, and grown.

I see it as my task as a writer to reach into that pool or even to dive right in, swim around, see what I find, and discover the unknown creatures that reside within. I'm not sure that this is a task that I'm up for or qualified for, but it is something I have a passion for.

Who am I to write these things? That's what I'm trying to find out. And as I go forward, I understand that it will be a challenge to write in specifics about specific subject rather than flirt with the obscure, use vague generalities, or broad sweeping statements. I have a tendency to use the word 'everything' or 'everyone' which really don't have any place in good specific writing.

What this is about, then, is developing the skills and disciplines to write well about something specific. This is a simple process: pick something to write about, and while you're writing about it, don't write about anything else. I am not good at this yet because I struggle so much with the first step.

However, I'm starting to hone in my subject matter and am finding it easier to pick a subject and complete a post on it. It is more challenging for me than I imagine it is for other writers, but that doesn't bother me. The time and effort it takes to produce is ultimately not the important thing. Rather, the finished product is what matters. And this is only the beginning of what I hope will be a long and splendid journey.

Financial win

2009-10-01T13:09:00.007-04:00

Yesterday, I ended the battle over the remaining money my family owes the hospital for my son's birth. After an insurance review that went nowhere and several months of waiting and nerve racking phone calls, it's finally over. And I won.

It ended with the hospital settling and discounting the balance we owed by 45 percent. This is a tremendous financial relief, as well as a major ego win for me.

It felt wonderful to confidently ask for a discount and get it.

And really that was my whole process. I asked what the options were. They said I could pay it in two installment. I asked what else, and they said over six months. I asked what else, and they said we could pay it over 12 months. I kept pushing this all the way out to 24 months with no interest on the balance.

I then asked if there was any way to discount the balance. They said they could take off 25 percent. Then I followed the same steps as above pushed to find out what the process was to get more, looked at the numbers, and asked for what I wanted. A few days later the offer was accepted.

I also had a recent and similar experience with my cell phone service. I won't name my carrier here or what they did for me because I told the manager who helped me that I wouldn't tell. Suffice it to say that it was good enough for them to want to keep it a secret.

However, now I wonder: in how many situations do I pay too much? Where can I get discounts by asking? I want to be financially smart, and part of that is paying as little as possible for the products and services my family needs.

I think what I'll need to do now is go through my family budget, line by line (which won't be too difficult since there's only a dozen lines in today's version). This will be a fun project that I'll work on over the next several months. I'll share my successes, I'll try to share my failures (maybe), and I'll share what I learn along the way.

Prices for most things are, to a great degree, arbitrary. They only represent a point of intersection between what people are willing to pay and what businesses are willing to sell for. However, what I'm willing to pay is usually below the price on the tag, and the real key is that the price business are willing to sell at are lower too.

Many purchases are small and the prices are set at a very low margin to begin with. However, other purchases are for services that will be paid for over a longer period of time, such as insurance of cell phone service. Small savings in monthly payments can easily translate into large long term savings.

The time and effort it takes to get these savings is a cost in itself. Haggling over the price of a soda or a pack of gum would not be worth it. The amount I'd save wouldn't be in proportion to the time and energy it would take to come to an agreement.

However, if it takes two hours to lower my monthly premiums by $20, over the course of a year, that two hour effort would equal $240. I don't currently make $120 per hour so I'd consider that a big win and a good use of my time.

These are the types of solutions I'm looking for. I'll be exploring the blog-o-sphere for inspiration and answers, and will share here my progress and what I learn and what works in practice.

Learning to run

2009-09-29T13:29:00.003-04:00

Yesterday, I mentioned that I am preparing for a 5k race. I use the word preparing loosely. I have only run three times in the past several weeks. However, I have been gradually ramping up my time and intensity with each successive attempt. On my first outing, I ran 15 minutes, on the second 18, and last night I went a full 20.

The race is on October 8th so I think I'll still be able to fit in a few more runs and work my way up to 30 minutes. I think I should be able to finish the race in that amount of time, even at the slower pace at which I train. Hopefully, with the adrenalin the competition stirs up, my ego (which will do anything to beat out my slower co-workers), and the training I've completed, I'll be able to make a good showing at the race.

I don't consider myself a runner. Since college, I haven't chosen running as a preferred method of exercise. In high school and college I ran regularly, not for it's own sake, but either as conditioning for a sport or in the context of a game. Actually, since the beginning of this year, exercise has not been a high priority, but to a small extent, I'm trying to change that to get in shape and maintain my good health.

Using the Internet as resource number one, I've been able to find an overwhelming resource of ways to get started and develop. However, this really isn't something that I need more information on or to be educated in. Probably all the searching was really just an attempt at avoiding the real work.

Running is just something I need to do: set aside 30 minutes to workout, and then enjoy or endure the pain or the high, and, every time, the sweat. It's really about finding out what works and doing it. Hopefully there is more pain than high, or I may become addicted.

Finally, I didn't snooze 'till seven

2009-09-28T13:19:00.002-04:00

I made it to work by 6:32 a.m. Not to the office, but to the laptop to begin writing. I've been trying for a few weeks now to wake up earlier in the mornings to no avail. It seems like every week night, I'm able to set my alarm for 6 a.m. with no problem, but when it comes to morning I'll hit the snooze button repeatedly until 7 a.m., which is last call for getting up and getting ready for work.

This may not seem like any great accomplishment, but for, me, a new dad, whose decided to become a writer, it is a real milestone because it creates for me a new 30 minute block of time in the day. I've been developing more goals for myself in the last several weeks, more things I want to do and accomplish on a daily basis. However, to even start working on those goals, I needed to create some more time in the day, so this was a major step forward.

If I can carve out this time consistently, it won't all be dedicated to writing. I also have a 5k run coming up, and I want to make sure I finish. Therefore, part of this newly created time will have to go towards running to get in shape and to make sure I don't come in last. It's a corporate race, where many of my co-workers will also be participating, so I have to be sure not to embarrass myself. That should, actually, provide great motivation to get in shape, but I hadn't thought of it in those terms before now.

I have not reached my final target yet, but it feels great to even accomplish part of a goal. The final step for me and mornings, or at least the current plan, is to consistently get up at 6 a.m., and get to writing or working out immediately. I may be a ways away from that still, but this morning was a good first step.

For me, getting up early is still a work in progress, but I'm looking for ways to develop this habit of getting up early. Here are a few ideas:

1. Get a reason

Waking up early for its own sake is a losing proposition. I need a reason to make it happen. I already had some new goals set for myself that I didn't feel like I was adequately addressing, so now I've applied these goals to me my action items in this the newly created time. For a long time getting up at 6 a.m. was a goal in and of itself.

I think now, with some clear activities that I want to engage in during that time, it will be much more realistic and manageable. These goals and plans for the mornings are best if it's something you really want to do that you feel like you don't have the time to do otherwise. For me that's writing and working out, but it could be anything. Whatever the case may be, getting out of bed in the morning is easiest when there's a reason.

2. Banish the snooze button

This, for me, is still the biggest stumbling block. I need an alarm clock to get up in the mornings (and I don't anticipate that changing), but one of its simplest functions seems to consistently be my undoing. The damn snooze button is so easy to use: just press it and enjoy 10 more minutes of uninterrupted sleep. I haven't found a way (but I'm sure there is one) to disable that function, but this is not a technical issue.

The 10-more-minutes mentality is what really gets in the way. During that 10-minute snooze, where I promise myself that I'll get out of bed when it rings the next time, leaves me with too large a gap to start rationalizing all the reasons why it will be better to re-set the alarm to later in the day and sleep until deadline. I'll be far better off if I don't give myself the opportunity to talk myself out of getting up. The best solution here is to get up when it beeps the first time, turn the alarm off and leave the bed room. I have a long way to go in learning the self-discipline to stat doing this, but that is another issue entirely.

3. Make gradual changes

I wanted to start getting up an hour earlier, but that could have been too big of a jump. I may be better off setting my alarm for 6:30 a.m. for a few weeks to get used to this new time, to develop my reasons to get up and to wean myself from the snooze button. Once I've gotten the hang of 6:30 a.m., I'll move the clock back again in gradual increments until I reach my goal.

Who knows, with baby steps I may be able to move it back even earlier. Of course if I get really good and start getting up a 5 a.m., I'll probably have to write and run every morning. I don't think I'm ready for that.

Unsubscribe

2009-09-26T15:29:00.016-04:00

I'm trying to reduce and simplify my inputs. I spent a lot of time the other day unsubscribing to feeds in my Google Reader. I'm trying to get more focused. I also took steps to reduce the number of bookmarks in my browser and programs in my system tray.

This is all in the interest of making technology a less noticeable part of my life. Don't misunderstand. I love it and am not sure that I could live without it. However, technology is a tool and should be treated as such. If I can comfortably move it to the background and not give it as prominent of a place in my daily life, I'll be able to free my mind to engage in other pursuits: really think and not just browse, which is what I have realized that I do with a lot of what I read on the web when I'm "computering."

My personal goal is to make it more about the writing--the words and the language--and less about the technology and the medium.

I spend far too much time in mind numbing, thoughtless activity. I hope that this project can be a powerful force for change against that negative neurological waste. I want to be different and unique--like everyone else--and, like every other blogger out there, I think my blog will be the podium and platform by which I'll be able to assert my uniqueness.

However, I understand that in this I am not alone, and I am happy for that. Instead, I get to join my voice with all the others. Maybe it will be a harmonious chorus of ideas, or maybe it will get lost in the noise, unnoticed. Either way, I'm becoming a part of it.