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My First Horror Score Ever

2009-07-03T11:10:00.004-05:00

You may have noticed that my posts have dropped off...*ahem*...slightly...in recent months. Well, I've got a good reason this time, I swear. There's this project I've been working on since about mid-April and it was finally unveiled this past Wednesday. I am very pleased and tremendously excited about the results.

I've been doing something I've dreamed of doing for a very, very long time: I've been composing and recording a horror score.

You might recall a few posts back I featured a piece of mine called "Phantom Satellite". It was a little synthesizer-based composition in the creepy, ambient vein based on a story concept I've been kicking around for a while. Well, to my surprise and joy, that piece was pretty well received. The MP3 got a lot of plays and there were some really nice comments. From those comments emerged a very interesting conversation between myself, bean and Pumpkinrot. The topic was the possibility of creating music for Mr. Rot's splendid 2008 Halloween video, The Hollowmen (this link will take you to his original version of the video with amazing music from Larry Fessenden's The Last Winter).

After putting on dry pants, I pretty much immediately went to work. The last couple of months have been spent watching the video over and over and over and over and over again, taking notes and scratching out little themes and choosing just the right sounds and...oh, by the way: learning how to use the equipment needed to actually record the thing. That's mostly why it took so long. I didn't have a clue really what the hell I was doing with the software and equipment I was trying to use.

But, MAN, did I ever have a good time doing this! It was so much fun I didn't notice the time passing. The technical challenges along the way seemed like nothing. It was a total blast living out my little fantasy of being like John Carpenter, Alan Howarth, Elliot Goldenthal, Ennio Morricone and all the countless other film composers I've worshipped over the years. This little, four-minute video represents my first baby steps in the shadow of these god-like figures. What great, great fun.

So, now that I've explained my absence, I offer you the results of my little sabbatical:

The Hollowmen: Burning Smile Remix

I want to thank my wife for her incredibly helpful input during the creation of this piece. She really helped me bring balance to the overall structure and gave me some much needed perspective when I got too immersed to pick a direction.

Thank you to my very good friend, the incredibly talented Dan Jenkins for contributing all the vocals, the acoustic guitar and for helping to shape the overall composition. Dan and I have been collaborating musically for over a decade and this was just another example of why I love making music with him.

Thank you to bean for her words of encouragement and for the "lyrics". The whispering voices you hear are actually speaking words that she wrote for The Hollowmen pictorial on Pumpkinrot's main site. I thought they were perfect for the piece and outright ganked them because they're awesome.

Lastly, thank you to Pumpkinrot for letting me be a part of what he does, which is to make awesomely scary shit for no reason other than the sheer love of doing it, which is what it's all about and what makes his stuff so special. He rules. I hope we can do this again very soon.

Go Tell Pumpkinrot to Write His Book

2009-05-02T14:41:00.005-05:00

I've been in a funk about Halloween lately. Normally by this time I have some sketches and notes about my Halloween display. This year: nothing. Well, okay, that's not entirely true. I did come up with one guideline for myself. This year I'm trying to avoid using any humanoid forms. But apart from that I'm basically at the starting line.

Those of you who aren't into prop-building and yard haunts yourselves probably will wonder why it's such a big deal that I haven't started yet. The rest of you who share this strange hobby understand. These things take thought, planning, effort and, above all, time. Depending on your level of addiction, a single prop might take months to complete. I've read of folks who spend 9 months or longer on their setups. Granted, those are far more elaborate than mine, but when you factor in the mutations that my handful of monsters undergo during construction--either organically or due to some unexpected hurdle--it can easily take me the entire Spring and Summer just to prepare my humble display.

It can be a little discouraging to reach this point in the year and feel like you are behind schedule in a big way with no idea how to catch up. There's some temptation to bag out and resign to carving a few pumpkins and recycling the old props. That's when, for me and so many other Halloween and Horror enthusiasts out there, having a guy like Pumpkinrot around is invaluable.

Unless you're new here you know who Pumpkinrot is and you know that I hold both him and his work in very high regard. He's a quality cat who does exceptional work with prop building and Halloween displays. Not only that, his presentation of that display in photo and video form is unparalleled in the world of home haunting. The guy knows how to create atmosphere. He's passionate about perfecting Horror. To top it all off, he is a prolific blogger who often shares his knowledge, observations and opinions about Halloween, Horror and this peculiar little pastime called the yard haunt.

Within the past year or so, a series has emerged from his blog entitled "Haunt Theory". Every now and again he'll write a piece that discusses something about making your haunt more effective, ranging from the importance of small details like scattering dead leaves to more technical elements like the application of lighting. These posts read more like a manual for stage and set design than someone writing about their favorite hobby. The level of depth says so much about why his work is as good as it is. He really is that passionate and it's infectious. Reading his blog has helped me on many occasions, including my most recent bout of creative paralysis.

Some months ago I commented on one of the "Haunt Theory" posts (this one, in fact) saying that I would love to buy a book with those words on the cover. The thought of it genuinely excited me. There was an idea I'd never heard before: a book dedicated to helping people create amazing yard haunts and build awesome Halloween props, but with an approach more in line with that of a set designer or artist. A how-to guide from one of the best out there. I imagined something like a tabletop book with lots of nice, big photos in it. Then I started wanting it.

Well, there seems to be reason to be hopeful. That wish may actually have a chance of coming true. In the latest installment of the serie s (see comments), Pumpkinrot seems to have hinted that it's something he's actually considering.

Here's the thing: I need this book to happen. I need this book in my library. If I'm ever stuck on a prop but can't get online for some reason I need a backup plan. Any parent will tell you it's important to have a backup plan. So, I need to ask you a favor. I need you to go to Pumpkinrot's blog and tell him that you want him to write his book. Or tell him that you're doing it for me. That's okay, too. Just be polite. Polite but insistent. That would probably work best.

By the way, he didn't put me up this. I don't shill for anyone. This is completely my own self-serving scheme. If I had to guess I'd say this will probably embarrass him. But don't worry about that. Just complete the mission.

Photo credit: "Ghost Dead" and "Pumpkin Face" by Pumpkinrot.

Garbage Planet

2009-04-10T21:57:00.005-05:00

Articles about a gigantic, floating mass of garbage have been making the rounds on the Internet. In an area of converging currents known as the North Pacific Gyre, a sludge of discarded plastic and other debris roughly the size of Texas is floating in the water, doing unprecedented damage to the ecosystem.

Disgusting. Disheartening. Tragic.

It has a lot of people worried about what we're doing to the Earth. I think differently. I take a cue from George Carlin on the subject. Our arrogance doesn't end with thinking we can dump our shit wherever we want without fear of consequences. We're also arrogant enough to think that we could threaten the very existence of life on this planet.

We are killing ourselves. Plain and simple. Earth will outlive us. We may take a few more species out in the process, but ultimately this is a suicide. Not that that's any reason to allow something this disgusting to happen. It's just a shame we humans don't know enough to recognize our own fragility.

But Earth? No worries. There are microorganisms that eat iron and excrete sulfuric acid. There are others that thrive in radioactive environments that are 200 times the levels that would kill a person.

Life will go on. We won't.

If you want to learn more about this topic there's video series on it here which includes actual footage.

I wonder who will present humanity with its posthumous Darwin Award? I hope it's the dolphins.

Phantom Satellite

2009-04-08T21:40:00.005-05:00

I have a great love of film scores, especially Horror film scores. One of my dreams has been to create my own. Now, equipped with a little knowledge of music, a computer and some halfway decent gear, I'm able to make it happen. Technical challenges aside it's proving to be more fun than I could have imagined. Not only am I having a great time, I'm also working toward adding another dimension to my Halloween display by (hopefully) compiling enough pieces to create a full score for my haunt this year.

This piece is called "Phantom Satellite" and it's based on a story concept of mine which I one day hope to actually write (that's another battle).

Phantom Satellite

Some music I make for myself. Some music I try to sell. Some music I give away. As with the last piece that I posted here, I offer this one freely. The only condition is that you kindly observe the Creative Commons license at the bottom of this page.

In a nutshell, feel free to use it as you like as long as it's not for monetary gain or commercial application of any kind. Want to use it for your own home haunt? Rock on with your bad self. Want to use it for your YouTube video of that fleshy growth on your uncle Rupert's neck? Fine by me. Just give me credit and throw me a link or something.

And thank you for listening.

Resolution #12058514

2009-04-04T18:49:00.003-05:00

No more barking up the wrong trees.

Especially when there's a whole field full of perfectly good frisbees and tennis balls just beyond said tree.

It's a life thing. It'll matter to you or it won't.

A Quote, Apropos of Nothing (in Particular)

2009-03-24T21:32:00.003-05:00

"All great truths begin as blasphemies." - George Bernard Shaw

A Touch of Nihilism

2009-03-22T15:54:00.005-05:00

New banner courtesy of BOY.

I thought the site could use a little sprucing up, so I enlisted the aid of a friend to help give the place that special, anti-social charm.

And now, for your amusement and edification, a short film:

S A T O R
A R E P O
T E N E T
O P E R A
R O T A S

Where the Wild Things Are

2009-03-21T10:55:00.005-05:00

My head just exploded. Again.

I just saw the poster for the upcoming film adaptation of Maurice Sendak's Where the Wild Things Are due for release in October of this year.

I LOVED this book as a kid. My inner six-year old will be doing a pee dance straight through until the day this opens.

Man, I really hope it doesn't suck.

Where the Wild Things Are (IMDB)

Remember When Pantera Were a Glam Metal Band?

2009-03-19T21:07:00.004-05:00

I do.

Heheheheheee...

I remembered this song in the middle of a conversation about a college radio metal show I used to listen to weekly. It was called "Metallic Mayhem" hosted by Bill Fisher on WJUL (now WUML) at UMass-Lowell. This was circa 1986. I used to tape these shows every Thursday and listen to them repeatedly until the next one came around. For some reason this song always stayed with me. Later on I could never seem to convince people that Pantera had a song like this.

Now, thanks to the Internet...I am vindicated.

It's actually not that bad, considering. The guitar work is good.

The vocals, however...

I Wanna Be a Werewolf

2009-03-18T18:24:00.004-05:00

How bad do I want to be a werewolf?

If I were a werewolf I would seriously own anyone who pissed me off. Say what you want about werewolves but if you get on the wrong side of one you're pretty much about as screwed as you can be. That's just a bad, bad scene.

Picture it: you're in line waiting to buy a movie ticket and some steakhead cuts in front of you.

You're like, "Excuse me..."

He's like, "What? You got a problem?"

You're like, "No, YOU have a problem. Apparently you have trouble with certain of the basic social rules that govern civilized interaction with other humans. The end of the line is back that way. I suggest you initiate your rehabilitation from hopeless misanthropy by going there."

He's like, "I suggest you shut the fuck up before I--"

**BAM!!! TRANSFORMATION SCENE!!! BONE POPPING, SKIN STRETCHING, CLOTHES TEARING, HAIR SPROUTING, INSTANTANEOUS MONSTERATION!!!**

And you're like (all in your booming, feral werewolf voice): "BEFORE YOU WHAT!!?!?!?!?!?!!?!"

Then you swipe the skin off his front and go get your ticket and some popcorn.

That would be SWEET!

So, anyway. Werewolves: drop me a line. I'm ready for this.

A Spinoff Blog

2009-03-17T17:42:00.003-05:00

All Halloween, horror and general creepiness operations have been moved. There's a new site set up just for all that kind of stuff. If that kind of thing is your bag maybe you'll be kind enough to check it out.

I figure I have enough stuff going on in my life in this department to justify at least one more blog. Plus, it's all about atmosphere, right? This way I can be as creepy as I want in an area reserved for that sort of behavior.

There you go.

Let's Learn About France! Episode 8

2009-03-16T18:57:00.003-05:00

French. Fucking. METAL.

I love Metal.
I love France.
Here's a rundown of a few French Metal bands with links to YouTube clips.

Gojira
"Love"(Yes, I realize I've mentioned them once already in this series.)

Hacride
"Perturbed" (Bit of nudity in this video, so be advised)

Scarve
"Mirthless Perspectives"

Monarch
"Speak of the Sea" (Hit the bathroom first. Maybe grab a snack. This is drone/doom stuff.)

Antaeus
"Blood War III" (Not for the squeamish.)

Blut Aus Nord
"Procession of the Dead Clowns" (Ambient black metal.)

Deathspell Omega
"Kénôse I" (Avante-garde black metal.)

Did you notice how many of these videos feature people in bathtubs? A tad ironic, eh?

Just kidding! See you next time.

Let's Learn About France! is a somewhat tongue-in-cheek weekly series where I attempt to overcome the enmity between the United States and France by sharing something new that I've learned about our French brethren. Consider it a goodwill mission.

Sketch #1

2009-03-15T10:22:00.003-05:00

I wanted to share something I've been working on here in the home studio.

Just a heads up: this is a fairly large file (just over 5 megs).

If you like it, feel free to download and use in accordance with the Creative Commons license found at the bottom of this page. Respect of artist rights is appreciated.

Courtesy of VÜFT and the International Brotherhood of Electrical Worshipers.

Let's Learn About France! Episode 7

2009-03-10T17:20:00.005-05:00

In Pictures...

A few images found on Flickr (and bearing the Creative Commons mark).

Sorry I'm a bit late.

I love this portrait. There's just something about that smile.
1 of 3 images featured here by Philippe Leroyer. (Source)

Metro. Reminds me of a film. (Source)

A beautiful long-exposure shot of Strasbourg. (Source)

A gorgeous black & white. (Source)

Kissing Death? (Source)

They even have beautiful junkyards. (Source)

A great IR shot. (Source)

A pillowfight in Paris. This photo makes me laugh. (Source)

More showing than telling this time. I don't feel like talking too much lately.

Let's Learn About France! is a somewhat tongue-in-cheek weekly series where I attempt to overcome the enmity between the United States and France by sharing something new that I've learned about our French brethren. Consider it a goodwill mission.

More Evidence That Kid Rock Is a Tool

2009-03-03T14:23:00.008-05:00

Last weekend I headed over to my local movie theater to check out a horror flick. Like most people, I got there fairly early because I like to try to catch the previews, especially since a horror movie usually means there will be horror trailers. Instead, I was smacked in the face with the most insulting, egregious piece of jingoistic excrement I think I've ever witnessed.

Maybe you've seen it. I'm talking about the video for a Kid Rock tune called "American Warrior" featuring Dale Earnhardt, Jr. and the brave men and women of the National Guard. If you'd like to see it yourself you can do so here: http://nationalguardwarrior.com/

If you'd rather not put yourself through that I'll give you the rundown. The video comprises three parts:

The Man, The Myth, The Scumbag
Kid Rock, shown matter-of-factly firing up a Marshall stack and assuming his rightful place at the mic with a scream. He rocks out in a dusty barn or factory somewhere, presumably to demonstrate how down-to-earth and real he is. This is keeping with his schtick as a modern day icon of Southern rock (because god knows all it takes to earn that title is to sample a Lynyrd Skynyrd song and smear it with some lyrics about how awesome it is to be a dirtbag). He then proceeds to vomit forth the most amazingly grotesque and ignorant lyrics about patriotism ever conceived. Here's a sample:

"'Cause freedom ain't so free
When you breathe red, white and blue
I'm giving all of myself
How 'bout you?"

Wow.

Our Nation's Heroes
Cut in scenes of the National Guard doing heroic shit like running toward a helicopter, high-fiving a little kid, breaching into buildings and other soldier stuff. Oh, and I almost forgot: stopping the humvee convoy to avoid running over a kid chasing a soccer ball, then heroically stepping out of the vehicle & handing said ball to said kid. Awesome.

A Hero in a High Speed Billboard
Cut in scenes of Dale Earnhardt, Jr. at the wheel of a National Guard sponsored race car. He's in the middle of a thrilling race. Wooooo! The high point of #88's performance is that, at the climax of the song, he proves what an American Warrior he is by deliberately causing an accident that takes out two other cars and then speeding on to victory!

Take THAT, freedom haters!

Before You Write That Hate Mail
Let me make something perfectly clear to even the most genetically stunted dullard out there, not because I care what you think but because it's simply true: I am a patriot. I love my country. I believe that, for the most part, to be a soldier in defense of one's country is a noble thing and therefore worthy of respect.

Let me make another thing perfectly clear: I don't believe anyone is beyond reproach, including soldiers. I don't believe admiration and criticism are mutually exclusive things. And I REALLY don't fucking believe that I need patriotism defined for me by the likes of Kid Rock and Dale Earnhardt, Jr., especially when the lesson comes in the form of flag-waving, derivative shit rock against a backdrop of crashing race cars and high-fiving soldiers. This is nothing more than blending the worst aspects of propaganda and beer commercials. It's a disgrace and we're all dumber for it.

In Closing...
Kid Rock: Fuck you. You're no Lynyrd Skynyrd. Asshat.

Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: Fuck you. Just fuck you.

National Guard: You deserve better than this. It's beneath you. Truly.

Let's Learn About France! Episode 6

2009-03-01T10:17:00.015-05:00

I know these usually come on Monday but this week I need to get it out early. I'll be sort of tied up tomorrow as I'm going under the knife. It's nothing major. Just enough to pre-empt a blog post or two.

French Composer Tristan Murail
(b. March 11, 1947)
I'm riding the momentum of an inspiring evening. Last night was spent with a group of friends at a very interesting gathering, the purpose of which was to share the experience of music. I left it with a lot of new discoveries that will soon be added to the collection. This is why today I am making music the subject of my weekly series on France.

When I sat down to write this post I thought of some of what I'd heard last night and recalled that one of the recordings was by a modern composer. That seemed fitting, so I did a Google search on "modern French composers". This led me to a Wikipedia entry on "Music of France", and then to another entry on "spectral music" (which I'll touch on later) and, finally, to an entry on Tristan Murail. After reading all of that, I went to the iTunes Store to download some of his music. Then I listened. And I started to dig.

Spectral Music
When I said I would "touch on" spectral music I really meant it. Touching on it is about the best that I can manage. At first, I was simply intrigued by the term "spectral music" on a fairly superficial level. It sounded cool. I'd never heard of it, even back when I studied a little about modern compositional techniques. Back then we learned about things like twelve tone composition and serialism. Spectral music (or spectralism) sounded very mysterious and promising. Well, it is, but not for the reasons I first thought.

In the simplest terms, spectral music got its name through the use of computers to generate spectral analysis of timbre which then serves as the basis of composition. Practitioners are quick to point out that these analyses are only part of the process. At its heart, spectral music is really music that is driven by a focus on the nature, characteristics, juxtaposition and evolution (or mutation) of sound. So, rather than arranging sounds primarily according to pitch, for example, they are arranged according to their place in a given timbral spectrum. This can yield some pretty surprising instrumentation, since the relationships between sounds are established on an almost purely mathematical level.

It's pretty heady stuff. A lot of Modern techniques can be difficult to relate to without some kind of introduction. Spectral music is no exception. But this is where Murail differs.

About the Composer
Tristan Murail was born in Le Havre in 1947. His training in music included four years studying composition with Olivier Messiaen. His first published work was a piece called Couleur de Mer in 1969. From that point on he continued to create pieces for a slew of instrumentations, including some works for electric guitar. His most well-known piece is Gondwana (1980) which was written for orchestra. It's considered one of the most important works in the spectral style. Murail now lives in New York and teaches composition at Columbia.

Machines Made Human
Some of the music we listened to last night was electronic music heralded for its humanity. That's no small feat in the world of machine-aided composition. Murail brings that same quality to his work. There is an element--a certain humanity--that conveys the composer's belief that all of the machinery and computation is there to serve the larger purpose of creating music for people.

I'm listening to music from an album entitled "Murail: Winter Fragments". In particular, I'm really enjoying a piece called Unanswered Questions Pour Flûte which, without researching to confirm, seems to be an homage to the legendary Charles Ives' The Unanswered Question. Murail presents a striking contemplation on Ives' theme which begins as feeling quite familiar and then evolves into something entirely distinctive and fresh.

As I attempt to describe this music, worn-out old adjectives like "haunting" and "ethereal" keep coming to my mind. Try to look past my limitations as a writer here. Take a few minutes to listen to the previews of Murail's work on iTunes. I think you'll find the machines virtually undetectable.

Let's Learn About France! is a somewhat tongue-in-cheek weekly series where I attempt to overcome the enmity between the United States and France by sharing something new that I've learned about our French brethren. Consider it a goodwill mission.

Scott Hates Me

2009-02-24T22:46:00.002-05:00

Scott Hates Me
Originally uploaded by Jon Glassett

Scott is my friend and a fellow musician. We've been making music together for a pretty long time. As long as we've been friends, anyway, and that's been a good 14 or 15 years.

Whenever we finish a recording session he usually gives me a cd of the work we've accomplished. He also has the peculiar habit or scrawling some juvenile yet inventive and often bizarre profanity on the disc. Naturally, childish idiot that I am, I find this hilarious. I mean, how can you not laugh at a phrase as absurd as "bonerhornet"? Needless to say, I've been holding on to them and have amassed quite a collection. These are just a few of them.

This may just be a celebration of the joys of potty humor or it may be an expression of his intense frustration as the de facto engineer/producer on our various projects. Could be both. I don't care. Shit's just funny.

Click here to see it big as life.

Let's Learn About France! Episode 5

2009-02-23T21:15:00.006-05:00

gsempe, you are right. I have been sucking at these lately. I'm totally mailing it in. The worst part is that I'm about to do it again. I've opened up a new post but I have absolutely nothing in mind.

If I were smart I'd be scratching down ideas for this series during the week and then turning them into actual posts on Sunday or something. The thing is, I've never been much of a planner. No, I'm more inclined to wait until 9:18pm on Monday--mere hours until Tuesday starts--and sit here trying to think of something to Google about France.

Luckily, there is one thing I can always turn to when I run out of things to talk about: Halloween. That led me to wondering what Halloween is like in France. Do they celebrate it over there? How so? Do they carve pumpkins or do they go for other foodstuffs, like cheese?

Nah, probably not. I think wasting perfectly good cheese would be considered akin to blasphemy.

Halloween in France

Well this is interesting...

Halloween is not a traditional French holiday. The nearest equivalent is All Saints Day, which is half of a two-day celebration known as La Toussaint--the other half being All Souls Day. But they don't do costumes. And La Toussaint is observed on November 1st and 2nd. The whole month of October is pretty much devoid of any kind of celebration. It's just a bunch of regular work days straight through until November. Bummer, huh?

There is, however, a growing interest in the celebration of Halloween in France. I'm somewhat embarrassed to say this, but apparently it all started with an American-themed restaurant in Paris back in 1982. Here's an excerpt form About.com:

The French had been hearing about Halloween from foreign residents and tourists and in their English classes for years before the holiday ever showed its (masked) face in France. In 1982, the American Dream bar/restaurant in Paris began celebrating Halloween. At first it had to explain the holiday to each customer, but since about 1995, French customers have tended to be more and more familiar with Halloween.

Okay, did that make you cringe a little bit, too? It gets worse. The increasing popularity of Halloween is due in part to the efforts of big companies like Coca-Cola and McDonald's.

Oh, man. This is bad. France, I'm so sorry. I would have MUCH preferred that you found out about it from someone cool, like John Carpenter or H.P. Lovecraft or, hell, even Count Chocula. Anyone but Ronald McFuckingDonald, fer crissakes.

Listen to me: don't let them ruin it for you. It's got nothing to do with jack-o-burgers or whatever the hell they're trying to sell you over there. Ignore all of that shit. Halloween is a great time. Really. Go see this guy if you don't believe me. He'll point you in the right direction.

Okay, now I'm in a bad mood. Fuck this. I'm done writing. We need to mobilize. We need to save France from the corporate marketing vandals who are trying to ruin Halloween.

WHO'S WITH ME!?!?

Ronald McDonald. Sheesh. And you wonder why so many people can't stand clowns. Fucking creep.

the lizard bear remembers

2009-02-19T21:42:00.001-05:00

the lizard bear remembers
Originally uploaded by Jon Glassett

The simple fact is that I am feeling weird tonight.

I'm tired. I'm loopy. I have half-heard and quarter-understood buddhist notions of now vs. then in my head. This is the kind of thing that will tend to come on a night like this: a rubber frilled lizard with a teddy bear head holding two polaroid photos of himself.

Memories. Identities. Illusions. I don't know what it means. I don't ask.

This is a creature which I've had for many, many years. There are several memories tied to it. Old friends. Former friends. Events that stuck in my mind.

I have this thing about keepsakes. The rubber frilled lizard was a keepsake from a moment I thought needed to be preserved. I don't even talk to the person who shared that moment anymore, as sometimes happens. The head was added later for similar reasons and under similar circumstances. Since then he's sort of just been along for the ride.

I have a hard time getting rid of things like this. Plus, I've always thought the thing was sort of funny. Certainly unique, anyway. The nostalgia has mostly faded but I still like having the odd little bastard around. We relate.

Live Free or Don't

2009-02-16T20:39:00.006-05:00

A new bill proposed by well-meaning teetotaler Eddie Edwards, New Hampshire's State Liquor Law Enforcement Chief, aims to limit beverage consumption to one drink per hour in bars and restaurants statewide. Supposedly this bill is designed to reduce the number of drunk driving incidents in the state.

Gee. That sure is noble.

But before we surrender another little slice of responsibility to the government in lieu of common sense, let's just think this scenario through a little:

Say I'm a thirsty dude looking for a good time on a Friday night. I know I'm up against this new law, so I prime myself with a couple of beers before heading out for the evening. Already 2-3 beers into the festivities, I drive myself to the first bar and order a drink. I finish it, settle up and get back in the car.

Arrive at establishment #2. Order another drink. Guzzle, pay, get back in car.

Arrive at establishment #3--or maybe even go back to the first place because, hey, maybe they've forgotten me already! Repeat process. Six drinks into the evening and I'm out looking for another place to party! Wooooohoooooo!

Come on. Really?! You're serious about this? What kind of sense does this make? Are we going to hold bartenders accountable for this kind of garbage? Not only do they have to babysit us to make sure we're not over-served but now they have to keep track of who got served when? And has anyone discussed the economic impact on restaurants and bars?

This doesn't seem to make much sense. In fact, it seems like this could be a classic bid for attention. Maybe Eddie Edwards is looking for a promotion? He certainly has been making a name for himself these past few years.

In the unlikely event that this bill is passed, I propose that we draft a protest bill calling for the standard hour to be shortened from sixty minutes down to fifteen. Something bold, you know? Just to make a point. No one can argue that it's any more ridiculous than this bill, anyway.

While we're at it, we should think about changing the state motto, too. Go with something a little easier to hold to, like "Living Free Hurt Our Heads Too Much So We Gave It Up".

Hell, it's about time we changed the license plates anyway, seeing as how the epoxy and rebar holding Old Man of the Mountain together finally gave out on us.

Maybe Mr. Edwards will be kind enough to pose for a replacement.

Let's Learn About France! Episode 4

2009-02-16T20:17:00.002-05:00

Electricity in France is a pretty interesting thing. In addition to having more nuclear power generation than anyone else in the world France's main electricity and power company, Électricité de France (EDF), gives its customers the ability to control how much power they receive. You can choose how much electricity gets sent to you depending on the amount of stuff you have pulling power in your home and your peak usage times.

To summarize, you pay a flat fee for the amount you've selected. The downside is that if you go over the amount you've chosen the power cuts off, leaving you in the dark. To fix that, all you have to do is turn off whatever put you over the limit and you can turn on the power again. If you stay under that amount everything's great.

Here's an article that explains how the system works. It sounds like a pretty inventive way to manage power consumption. Sounds good in theory, anyway. I wonder how it works for people in real life.

Supplemental

2009-02-09T22:31:00.003-05:00

I just got through watching the Mark Twain Award special posthumously honoring George Carlin.

Man, do I miss that guy. Really. It really makes me appreciate the meaning of the phrase "There'll never be another..."

On the bright side, his legacy serves to remind me that not getting bowled over, subdued, suffocated, torn apart and thrown aside by all the various bullshit peddlers out there takes real work. It makes me want to put my brain on a treadmill. Get it in shape. Fighting shape.

Let's Learn About France! Episode 3

2009-02-09T19:17:00.003-05:00

This'll be a quick one. I'm so busy I can't feel my face.

This episode: Two Awesome Things That France Gave Us (Recently)

1) Gojira
Gojira is a metal band from Bayonne. They're awesome, and it's not just because they're named after Godzilla. Gojira is a tasty blend of old school death metal and a touch of prog/math with a lot of environmental-themed lyrics. I don't use the term "sick fucking riff, dude!" very much anymore but this band will pull it out of you, trust me. For my money, the album to start with is From Mars to Sirius (2005). When you're ready, move on to the more produced but still pretty kickass The Way of All Flesh, which is their latest. Outstanding metal from France!

The official Gojira website is here.

2) The Movie Inside (À l'intérieur)
Holy crap is this movie ever disturbing! If you don't like gore then steer clear of this one. If you have the stomach for it, few films have handled the bloodier side of horror as expertly as this film does. Inside opens with a pregnant woman in a car crash. The unborn child survives but her husband does not and she is left completely miserable. Enter: the mysterious woman who is obsessed with the unborn child. Bloody, torturous, terrifying mayhem ensues. This is one of those rare films that disturbs and terrifies without being gratuitous (if you believe that's possible). The violence is brutal but never unbelievable. It's a study in grief, tension and fear set against the backdrop of the riots that erupted in France in 2005.

Here's Inside (À l'intérieur) on IMDB.

See you next time.

I, like, don't believe in labels, man...

2009-02-04T20:29:00.008-05:00

Just a short one tonight. I wanted to show you something. This (click to enlarge--better yet, open it in a separate window so you can glance at it while you read):

For those of you not familiar with Blogger, this is the list of labels (aka tags) I've accumulated since this blog got started. Blogger remembers all your labels so you can reuse them in future posts. It's handy if you are writing a fairly focused, topical blog and you want to categorize your posts by subject and make them easy to find.

I don't really use it the way I should.

This thing kills me every time I create a post. For several reasons.

Most of them are silly. Even stupid. Often useless.
Almost none of them are relevant to any searches that any normal people are conducting. For example, I don't get a lot of hits from people searching on the "Momma don't let your babies grow up to be assholes" tag. Bit of a surprise.
There are so many of the stupid things it takes me about 2-3 minutes to scroll through them and decide which ones apply to the post I'm attempting to publish. That's not just reading them but remembering what I meant in the first place and what other posts they might have been applied to. Most of the time this leads me to just make up more goofy ones, thus perpetuating the cycle.

I just wanted you to know what a mess it is back here. Which probably comes as no surprise.

You take care, buddy. I'll see you next time.

You Can't Stop a Man Who Doesn't Care!

2009-02-03T19:01:00.008-05:00

The title of this blog post sums up my opinion on the subject of starting a band when you're over 35. I was recently involved in a conversation on this topic and it brought up a lot of interesting perspectives. A recurring theme among them was that a lot of people feel that as they've gotten a little older they've become much less tolerant of the nonsense that comes with bands. It makes them somewhat reluctant to do it. I can certainly see that point clearly. I've been there and felt that.

Being in a Band Can Be a Real Pain in the Ass
Bands come with a lot of baggage. Trying to get 3, 4, or 5 (or more) people to show up at the same place at the same time is challenging. Especially when there's no pay involved. Nevermind all the other little stuff like writing songs, practicing and not embarrassing yourselves at gigs. Add drugs, alcohol and/or any of a whole spectrum of dysfunctional personalities and you can see how things might get complicated. We hear about it all the time. Our favorite bands are often pretty fucked up one way or another. Many of them implode or otherwise disintegrate over time. Worse, they can become parodies of themselves, providing more entertainment as the butt of jokes rather than with their music. Pretty lame.

Believe it or not, most musicians don't want this for themselves. They'd much rather be writing the songs they want to hear, playing them live, recording them and, if they're really lucky, making some money. The bullshit in the way of all that gets old very quickly. As you get up in years (by rock standards) the bullshit gets old even faster than when you're, say, 22. You've probably got enough other stuff going on in your life that there's no time or energy left to waste. It's only natural. Trying to get gigs, pull merchandise together, record and so on is a pain in the ass for anybody. Forget about doing it on top of, say, being a dad, a husband and a full-time sales manager somewhere.

Baldcore?
It's also natural to start thinking that you might not be as comfortable playing certain styles as you get older. Metal and hardcore are great examples. Nobody wants to see fat old dudes trying to be metal. There are exceptions, obviously. No one's telling Lemmy that he's too old to be in Motorhead. But Lemmy's already an icon. If you're over 35 and still trying to carve out a niche in a hardcore band it can start to feel a little awkward at times. And, as one person pointed out in the conversation I referred to earlier, are you really still that angry anyway?

Like I said before, I've had all of these feelings myself. There were times when I felt like I was outgrowing the nonsense. The music itself was never an issue for me, personally. Having to deal with things like talking to some pretentious asshole booking agent about a Tuesday night gig at some dive in the suburbs, however, well...the words "fuck that shit" spring immediately to mind.

Better Living Through Apathy
I'm feeling differently about bands now. It's a pretty recent change. Basically, I don't care about a lot of stuff that used to bother me a lot. People don't show up for practice? Bummer. Move on. Posters don't get done? Whatever. Crowd's thin? Meh. General drama? Not my problem. As long as the music is good, I just don't care. If it's not good and can't be fixed, I'll go find myself another situation. Easy.

I don't take things so seriously. I'm not the least bit concerned with "making it". There was a time that I was. It was a dark, retarded chapter in my life that brought me great unhappiness. Now I just want to play. The rest is incidental.

There's No Shortage of Excuses
There are always plenty of reasons not to do something. I'm probably too old to be doing a lot of the things that I do. I play video games. I build monsters for Halloween. I'm a complete horror dork. I laugh at farts. Whatever. I also have a career and a mortgage and all that happy shit. I'm just trying to have fun. Does it make any sense at all to stop doing things that are fun just because there a few obstacles, either real or perceived? No.

It's all about staying committed to the things that make you happy and ignoring everything else. I promise you that if I'm 72 years old and the mood strikes to start a death metal band writing songs about genre horror, I will do so shamelessly and without hesitation (assuming I can still hear). Because you can't stop a man who doesn't care.