Those were the words Chrissy and I heard from God in our prayers around early October/late September of 2011. These words would water, nurture, and grow a calling that eventually led us to a decision: a decision to leave youth ministry at the Hilltop church.

I cannot say enough about the people at Hilltop and how much they have blessed Chrissy and I with love, generosity, and grace. I am humbled and truly amazed by the beautiful family God gave us for the past two years. It has been a powerful experience to be called out of service and into unknown waters.

The term “emotional roller coaster” is an understatement when reflecting on the past four months. More like emotional skydive! But amidst all the fears, tears, worries, excitement, hope, joy, and frustration… there is peace. Peace but also temptation. Temptations to avoid the steps that are being laid out before us and pursue a more comfortable path.

I cannot stress how stressful it is to attempt to channel your ambition, drive, and determination towards the path God has for you when you are unclear as to where that path leads! Just reading that sentence is stressful isn’t it? Still, I am learning that one does not need to know the destination of a path in order to walk it.

This road that has been laid before us is both unsettling and exciting. A few people have asked me why I left youth ministry. These two unsettling and exciting ideas are the main factors.

I am excited and unsettled to live a new vision for “church.” My faith in Jesus and my desire to follow him is leading me out of church buildings, loud worship services, and away from pulpits on stages. Instead, I am tugged towards a different manifestation of a faithful community. I am excited and unsettled by the picture of an open home, and the idea of holding loosely to possessions, money, time, love, grace, mercy, and life for the sake of friends and a community that I believe God will bring.

I am excited and unsettled by the movemental ways of Jesus (yes movemental is not a real word). I have found that my thinking is often monumental not movemental. What can I build? What can we do that will make an impact? Which system or structure is most important in this situation? However, the more time I spend with Jesus the more I hear, “where can we go together?” “How are you going?” And most importantly, “Who can you bring with us.”  I’m not so sure if Jesus wants me to build big churches. In fact, I’m not so sure if that is his purpose for anybody. Instead, I am feeling called to create movement. Specifically, movement away from an individualistic way of being and towards a way of being… communally. There are many faith practices in our world that teach you a way of “being” individually. You spend your life focusing on your inner being. When I read the Bible, pray, and listen to God I hear a call to a way of “being” in community. Here the focus is on “our” being. That focus will change everything. The communal lifestyle might spread quickly and widely, but the focus is on “our” way of being and living together.

Chrissy and I believe that we have been called to chase these two exciting and unsettling ideas. This pursuit has led us out of our current church context. I have no idea where I will be led. I know that these thoughts push against everything I know to be true about church in the American cultural context. I know that these ideas challenge what pastors learn at conferences and outreach seminars here in the West. I am aware that our current faith culture celebrates attendance numbers, and I know that this could mean downward mobility. So when I get scared I hold onto these words,

“I will be with you wherever you go.”

Thank you to everyone for your warm thoughts and heartfelt prayers. I beg you to continue to pray for Chrissy and I as we attempt to channel everything we have towards the road that God has laid before us.

photo originally found here.

Creative work is wider than physical space. We create paintings, sculptures, delicious meals, and businesses, but every day (every minute really) we create our reality. When we speak a harsh word we usher a reality of hate into the world. If we wake up, look in the mirror and feel disgust we give birth to a reality of insecurity and fear. Sometimes we choose to live in another person’s reality. Consider the little girl who was called fat in high school and lives every minute of her adult life in the reality of bitterness and self-hatred.

Every thought. Every word. Each and every action… Creates reality for you and for others. Choose to create a wonderful and beautiful reality. More importantly, choose to make this love filled reality one that others can live in with you.

I see this in myself. I immediately disregard long text messages, blog posts that are triple this size, or someone that rambles when they speak. The challenge is to not disregard those people but listen when it is hard. Also, I believe we often do not even really listen to the great quote we retweet. How often do we meditate on something for ten minutes before we re-tweet it?  Share well. Speak well. Listen well. We need all three. If all we do is share and speak we will quickly become deaf.

I say forget about sweating or worrying about anything… big or small. Instead, focus on mastering. Master the small things. Mastery happens when habits are no longer tendencies but normal actions. So practice excellent small habits. These seem insignificant, but they are the soil in which success can grow. For example,  master the art of interpersonal conversation and watch your network widen. Here is a simple one, master the ability to walk on a street with confidence. Instead of staring at the ground when you pass people look them in the eye as you pass and say hello. I guarantee that this small habit will begin to cultivate a person of charisma and confidence in you.

Forget about sweating or not sweating the big or smalls stuff. Concern yourself with mastering small habits every day.

Everyone please, stop reading. Stop tweeting. Stop blogging. Stop and ask why. This is more than clearing your head. Your answer reveals what moves you, and whatever moves you dictates where you are going and when you will get there. You may have thought you were flying in an airplane when really you are pedaling a tricycle. You’ll never know unless you ask why. Take the time to do that today.

The moment when pixels on a screen became more precious than peace is when my castle began to crumble. And honestly the crumbling is good. It is healthy. Crumbling moments are painful but life giving. They are moments of discovery.

This is what I have experienced in the past few months: A life giving crumbling… no a shattering rather, a shattering of prideful goals, selfish ambition, recklessly rooted identity, and idolatrous motivation… all of which were fed to me by a monster. And guess what? This monster subtly feeds most young people dangerous ideas like platform, follower count, influence, leadership, upward mobility, and success. If left unfiltered these words act like a drug pumping up an ego like steroids inflate a NFL lineman.

In the Christian arena, the words of this monster can be heard in conferences, seen in Christian colleges, and read on “leadership” blogs. These unfiltered words shape our generation, and it all crumbled when I took an honest look at who I was becoming. Think about the danger in a generation chasing platforms and positions instead of peace and people. Consider the damage that a generation will cause when ambition is held higher than love. When online presence is more valuable than presence among the poor or if upward mobility veiled as “leadership potential” is talked about more than unwavering servant heartedness.

A few months ago the walls of that system shattered for me. Let me be clear, it is not that I do not care anymore. I care more than ever… just about the right things. I care about the river.

I believe there is a rushing river that God draws us towards. It is His River that nourishes souls, sustains the world, and filters out the toxic ideas. He draws us to the edge and invites us to jump in. He invites us to be swept away into his ideas, ways of life, and participate in healing the world. However, in that moment we often get lost. We get caught up with building massive bridges over the river or huge skyscrapers by the side of the river so everyone can come and look at it. We develop an irrigation system to reach more dry areas or build roads that might draw more people to the river’s edge. And then in conferences, colleges, and blogs we discuss how young people can be like the great leaders that built these bridges, buildings, irrigation systems, and roads.

I have come to realize that this not what God invites us to do. When I rediscovered this River, and his invitation… well, it all fell apart, I jumped off my half built skyscraper that I was busy constructing, and discovered that life in the River is so much better. So when does it all fall apart in your life?

I watched as the people in line began to perk up. Some even started swaying with his sound. I looked at this man and said thank you. He responded with “no problem,” and I said… “no…thank you for making our time in the line enjoyable.”

Still, I wanted to tell him to spend every spare minute pursuing a career in drumming. Part of me wanted to grab him, pull him aside, and scream, “what are you doing at Vons… go start a band, be a street performer, try out for America’s got talent, put your music on youtube, get a twitter account, go chase your dream…” I wanted to pay for his lessons, give him a new drum set, or set him up with a gig.

Then I looked over my head at the people still in line. I saw them smiling, laughing, and moving to his drum beat. I glanced back at him, he looked at me with a smile, and without even missing a beat… he sent me a wave. In that moment I realized that this man does not need to quit his job at Vons to pursue a career in music. He gives his art right where he is needed. He changes the world one Vons line at a time.

Give your art freely and abundantly instead of always looking for a way to climb the ladder

Anxiety causes you to always reach for the next thing. Anticipation moves you to wait patiently.

Anxiety cultivates bitterness about your current situation. Anticipation helps you make the most of the present.

Anxiety blinds you to the joy of the moment. Anticipation gives you hope in this moment for the next one.

Anxiety will never be satisfied. Anticipation finds satisfaction in using this moment to prepare for the next.

Choose to anticipate and avoid anxiety.

Little wounds change everything. Have you been wounded in small ways? The small wounds matter. Seek healing.

The little things we do will leave small wounds that change everything. Be intentional in the small moments.

We often glorify hesitation almost as a spiritual discipline, and applaud those that take a long time to make decisions. Some situations call for careful deliberation and thought. However, most of the time your hesitation is a red flag warning you that you do not know who you are.