Josh Tsai

This blog has moved

2016-03-26T10:38:00.000-06:00

All new updates will now appear at joshtsai.com, the reasons being described there.

Happy New Year. 2016.

2016-01-01T02:36:00.000-07:00

Let's just say I feel more broken than I did last year, but in a much different way, a way I didn't know was possible. I've continued life with the philosophy that I can't rule out possibilities for my life, for truth, that I haven't tried personally. At some point I realized that all of my closest friends were moving on in their lives, be it to marriage, business, or excessive schoolwork, but as my reaching out seemed to wear itself thin, I found myself moving in that same direction. And I don't mean progress as much as I mean alienation. I don't know who would still be glad to see me, to no fault of their own.

Perhaps one of the reasons that even these old songs aren't speaking to me is that I can hardly remember what that love that they always speak of feels like. They say that friends come and go in your life, but your family will always be there for you. I could say that I never took advantage of the large family of which I am a part my entire life, and now that I have family living out here, I have them. But I'm still not entirely sure what's there. It's territory that still feels alien to me.

I'm grateful not to have failed any classes, though when the difference is less than two percent, there is hardly a difference in my eyes. But one thing I know, I did not give up. Even though I had convinced myself that I had many, many times, I know that I didn't. A student in my music history class had similar experiences to me, but when the difference was between passing and failing, s/he only saw her grade in the class and lost hope, giving up when the chance was its lowest at the final exam. For me in three of my classes, my grade shocked me as each day progressed in the semester. I have never failed a paper in my life, and seeing two classes below the 50 up until the end... at that point I accepted that failure was imminent, in not just one, but three major classes, but somehow I managed to get through.

I express that though such situations have made me rethink absolutely every aspect of my life to a pulp, I came to a conclusion that I had neither expected nor found appealing - that utter, miserable failure is a necessary part of my growth. I didn't find it reasonable. I still don't understand it. In fact looking at these words now, they look so blatantly simple and obvious my brain doesn't admit they do it justice. But as the repercussions of my decisions continue to flurry into my face, I think I do accept that I contain at least a smidgen of tenacity. I'm not strong, and for the first New Year's Eve that I've passed, I don't feel a rush of renewed energy. But I have a prayer. I don't even feel up to my big plans. But somewhere, something inside of my knows something - that happiness, love, future relationships are still possible. They still exist and can not only be real but also strong. And even though our brains trick us to no end, I know that in my past, times like this were always eventually followed by some amount of triumph. I am finding it hard to trust my own words, yet here they are, floating around looking for entrance into my heart.

I bid you a happy New Year, because we don't just deserve it. It's necessary encouragement, and by it are we made better. Life's going to keep throwing snowballs that we are unprepared for. I think we are unfit to see our own progress or regression if it may be. I think life really is going to get better. And if you had to have as many glasses as I have had tonight, I'd say just go with it.

Your Best Reality

2015-12-17T01:41:00.000-07:00

Did you know Wang Leehom and Wong Fu made a video? I didn't, until just now, after finishing up finals and getting ready to leave with the band to the bowl game, and then after taking a long nap, when I was aimlessly wandering YouTube and stumbled across this gem.

Wong Fu loves to leave me things to ponder but I found this one particularly meaningful. What if this international singer were just another street performer, like we think we are?

"Do you want to be famous?" the girl asks.

"Perhaps the version of me in an alternate universe can be famous, but not in this one," he responds.

He seems to enjoy what he does after all, making music in the middle of Times Square, singing anything but the Chinese music that would make him renowned. But her dream is to become a reporter: she has something to share and won't let some alternate version of her have all the fun. It is unclear whether time lapses, or we just switch to our reality, where she becomes that reporter, and Wang Leehom indeed becomes famous, as they continue their interview and he ponders whether it was fate that brought him here, or perhaps something else.

"Why not make everything in life become the way you want it to be?" I feel her questions are wise, in that they imply that we are creators of some sort and each have our own purpose. In this course of thought, I really believe that we can take the resources in life we now already have to design whatever future we desire. Everyone can create, whether it is music, art, beautiful experiences, or the joy of others. I know that I at times forget this principle, even making myself busy to the point of forgetting what really brings happiness. I hope that I can start now in opening up some of my time, allowing more time for chasing dreams. This time of year allows us to reflect on life's important things and renew our goals. I've only learned recently that we can't do everything at once, but we still must make time for the important things, and if that means chasing your dreams, then that should be a part of your goals.

『為什麼不讓現在的一切都改變到想要的樣子？為什麼不自己去創造你的命運呢？』我覺得她所問的問題很有智慧的，意味者我們都是創造者並有自己的目的。如果這樣想，我真的相信我們可以運用現在已經擁有的資源來設計任何能夠想要的未來。每個人都能創造，無論是音樂，藝術，美好的經驗，或者別人的快樂。我知道我有時候會忘記這個原則而且會讓自己忙到我忘記生活最能夠帶來快樂的東西。我希望能夠現在開始把時間安排得比較輕鬆一點，讓我有夠時間去追我的夢想。每年的這個時候可以讓我們考慮生活中最重要的些東西並更新目標。我最近才學到了，我們不能馬上做一切的事，但也必須抽出時間做最重要的事情，如果這意味著追逐夢想，那這就應該是目標的一部分。

『選擇並活出唯一一個屬於自己的人生吧。』

Knowledge

2015-12-09T19:23:00.001-07:00

Throughout the semester my physics professor has shared spiritual thoughts each class, which may strike some as odd, but I've always found them to be immediately relevant and thoughtful. Today he shared his last thought, entitled "What Science Has Taught Me About Religion". He began that science has not taught him very much about religion. However, it has taught, over and over again, that we really don't know anything. This is one thing that I wish I understood more clearly. Because there's something about it that makes learning become interesting.

If I don't eventually end up living with an observatory in my home, I at least will need a house overlooking the sea. Or at least be nearby, where I can always be reminded of the sheer vastness of the unknown. Too often have I read through a book, thinking afterward that I finally knew what that book was about. Reading every line in a book won't reveal what is between those lines, even if the Internet claims to. Or taught a class, thinking that my knowledge of that subject would be comprehensive. I wouldn't dare teach something that I didn't think I thoroughly understood myself. We've simplified physics down to countless laws that explain how the world works, but they do so imperfectly - there have always been missing pieces, new things to be discovered, that may completely change the way about which we see things.

What of our imperfect system of music? These laws that have been figured out, that ultimately tell us very little. Our beautiful artificial system built on irrationally-numbered frequencies, eventually carrying us to one of a dozen dominant-tonic relationships. Perhaps I could learn that after filling the gaps of my previously unknown music history that I may not have wanted to discover, I can still listen to music as I once did, as I learned to understand each piece and they in turn grew to impact me. Perhaps I may also learn that because I have so much to learn, I don't need to know everything at once.

It is perplexing to my mind what range of thought is trapped in this tiny physical brain or ours. The way we think, we could fit within it an ocean, deep in thought and infinite in complexity. I want to be in harmony with all the sciences and arts, wisdom and knowledge. But even if learning were simply consuming any of this information as one does with water, information will not process into wisdom without intense effort. Just how slowly this process must be, and how great a mind must be to know anything of himself. Even if I feel that only by some higher being absolute truth can be revealed, how much truth can that even entail? It can either flow as a river, or be distilled as dew. I wish I could know just how much I don't know. I wish even this statement made sense to me, because at once I think I understand it, while I know that isn't entirely the case.

This is the way the mind flows, deeper and deeper into the unknown.

As my Sister Returns from the Mission Field

2015-10-04T22:28:00.000-06:00

My sister comes home from her mission tomorrow from Sydney, Australia. I haven't seen her since I left for mine on July 5, 2012. We've exchanged many emails, several photos, and seven short phone calls. One of those calls was the day she had flown into the Sydney airport, where she ran into my mission president and his wife, and they connected her to me. I could not have been more excited for her; twenty-one months into my mission, I wish I could tell her what lay ahead in her future. At the same time, I tried not to be aware of what was in mine.

The day I flew home from my mission, I prayed that I would never ever forget those marvelous experiences that I had as a missionary. I could never forget the amazing people that I had grown to love. I couldn't forget anything. How could such a time and place have completely changed who I was? These were just everyday people, living their lives; how could something so simple as a setting apart uttered with hands laid upon my head have put me on the path to desiring nothing but their happiness? I had never felt so torn apart as I realized that in no time at all, I would be released from once having been set apart to represent the Lord Jesus Christ.

As much as I feel I have done countless wonderful things since coming home - and many things have happened - God continues to grant me that final wish, that I not forget who I truly am - a Sydney RM, a revelatory missionary forever. One who knows the words revealed to Joseph Smith in Liberty Jail as D&C 121. I can't say I've been more faithful than previously, in fact if anything I have gone through much toil and confusion and to be honest the longing for that other world could not have tormented me more than it had at those times. But I'm grateful to, despite my difficulty in learning and adjusting, have gone through what I have. These are never the trials that I would have wanted! But what had I expected? Trials wouldn't be trials if they were easy. And yet they are so minute in the scheme of things.

I hope the people of Australia who knew that I once knew them could know that I still remember them clear as day. I'm so grateful for the increased memory I was given for that time and for that specific purpose. You're still in my heart. I remember that I taught you; that I befriended you on the street though you continually denied interest in lessons; I remember that I stood there with you into the waters of baptism as you accepted the greatest joy you could then receive. Some of you have disappeared and returned to your home country, some of you have found yourselves lost and once again in search of truth, and some remain, continuing your progress toward eternity. I wish that I could still reach you, though no longer missionary, still a friend. Still someone who cares deeply about you, to see you thriving in something so powerful as the Atonement of Christ. But even if you can never hear my voice again, I know our Father in heaven continually hears my prayers for you, and is watching over you in every step you take. I wish you could know that He can never truly forsake you - for the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but "my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee."

When Sister Howes sent me this recording shortly after I performed the song in Hyde Park YSA Ward Easter fireside, she mentioned that she didn't know if I would share it or even if I would want to listen to it, but it was moving to her. I gave it a listen and immediately found my intonation, among other things, revolting. And truthfully I still do. But as I lose contact with more people that I knew as a missionary, my memories are slowly failing me with time. This song is a small piece of the love that I knew and felt in those last months in Australia and further evidence of the truth. Can I forget something so beautiful? Never. The gospel is true, regardless of what we do. I will never forget it.

Two Piano Preludes

2015-08-01T23:06:00.000-06:00

These pieces have actually been available for months, but I've realized that the only thing stopping me from getting back in blogger shape is myself. During this time I've had a stupor of though about the fate of this blog, seeing as my train of thought which had been running a clear direction three years ago suddenly took a very large turn. Whatever the case, I will never give up composition as a hobby, but my output will be more limited in terms of variety. Because I probably will not study the orchestral arranging and directing in the near future, I aim to steer in the direction of writing for small ensembles, if not simply for solo piano. The piano has enough grandeur to give me as a performer suitable happiness because of its already immense capacity as a solo instrument.

Well here I finally present to you two pieces that I hope can give you a sense of hope as you play. I also hope that one day one of my pianist friends will be able to record these for me without all the mistakes that I make in doing so so that these sounds would be enjoyable to listen to as well.

Download score: Prelude No. 1

I haven't much to say about anything that I write, except that the subtitle for this piece is indeed taken from the nursery rhyme about the demise of an egg, but additionally and more accurately alludes to a specific story in the Book of Mormon.

Download score: Prelude No. 2

I find the nearly ternary simplicity in the form of this piece quite pleasing. But alas, it can't always be this way.

It is difficult to classify this music in terms of form and I really don't feel qualified in giving names to my creations, so at this time these will be known as preludes. But as always, I leave the rest up to imagination.

Finding True Beauty

2014-11-02T23:47:00.002-07:00

I feel I must ask again with President Spencer W. Kimball, where is that Beethoven and Brahms among us? Anyone, irrespective of religion, race, or time, who has such mastery of their musical language as to produce truly sublime works of art?

I believe I am beginning to see more clearly the purpose behind all of this. I used to believe in a key, a secret if you will, that the great masters could use to create beautiful music. That somehow upon my search I would be able to unlock what they had. But I had all the music that I wanted in front of me, and I couldn't figure it out. It has to be in the chords, or the chromaticism, or the colors, or perhaps a combination. But even with all of that laid in front of my face, there really wasn't a reason why the end result should be beautiful. I looked at the music, and it looked like any other old piece of music.

As I continue my search for the purpose of music, I am becoming increasingly convinced that the ultimate goal of music is indeed to be beautiful. Beautiful; this is not to be confused with pretty, or cool, or relaxing. These other descriptions fall under subjective aesthetic judgment, suggesting that this beauty can change with time or perspective. I speak here of true beauty. This is beauty on a whole different level, that withstands the test of all time and people.

But how can there possibly be true beauty?

It's hard to say. True beauty is rare, extremely rare. This skill cannot be taught by anyone in this world. I would venture to say that of all those composers whom we know that wrote enjoyable music, only a small handful of those pieces they wrote are truly beautiful. To the hearer, this music cannot grow old, but neither did its beauty have to be forced; that kind of beauty is relative. True beauty can be recognized by any, the educated and the uneducated, the poor and the rich, and will remain so no matter how much a person studies and learns the techniques and materials of music, only because this beauty has no human explanation. Read through the score you will, analyze the form you will, the harmony, the counterpoint, and thoughts pouring through the performers' minds as this music is played. The answers still won't be there.

But yet it can be recognized! There is great power that lies in the "simplice e bella" Adagio for Strings by Samuel Barber. There is something truly moving about Sergei Rachmaninoff's or Johannes Brahms' Piano Concerto No. 2. These pieces are not pretty. They are profoundly beautiful, in the same way beauty in a person is not found in a Tinder photo, but in the living, breathing miracle of that person. The lives of these pieces are immortal.

I am not asking for perfectionism. I am asking for truth. I want the composers of today to have hope. This world is lacking in truly beautiful music. There is plenty of good-sounding music, a skill which can be taught and copied by anyone. You can go and create this music and still make the world a better place. But true beauty; I believe it can yet be made, by truly seeking what is good and sharing it, changing people's lives forever.

The Pianist Gratis

2014-09-28T20:35:00.001-06:00

Here's my proposition. I want to come play the piano with you. For free, as a friend.

I can't remember how long it has been since I've been here in music school. Specialization has required that I fill a very controlled niche in the school where I belong. In fact it's been so long that upon returning home from my mission, I had nearly forgotten why I loved music in the first place, and I've only just remembered.

The first and foremost aspect that I have loved about being a musician is being a collaborative pianist.

There are many reasons behind this. It is not that I enjoy following or being followed, although I usually resort to the former, but it brings to the table the true meaning of musicianship: real people, flaws and all, think and speak together on a higher level. There are also reasons behind the lack of calls I have received as of late to do this work, the primary being that I am not currently in the piano studio taking lessons. I understand that being a red flag for many of you, considering all of the possible piano majors you could collaborate with. But there really are so many anyway, how would you know which ones to try out? Can you even call them up and ask to try them out?

A beloved memory of mine is once being called into a local vocal studio to sightread accompaniment for all of the students in preparation for their performance at a national competition. They sang everything from Mozart to Hammerstein. I refused to look at the pieces prior, because the notes on the page are music to me, and the energy that comes from transforming it into reality is incorruptible. It will pull you forward no matter how tired you are, because it is music that you are creating at full force. I will perhaps note that I was neglected to be paid for this gig. But that actually mattered little to me, as my hobby had become a cherished, useful thing for them to enjoy.

I was at a loss after returning from my mission because I had forgotten where to find the music. The sheets of notes I was reading didn't seem to contain music. How strange it seems to me, that rush didn't return even after I had given a good listen to piano, orchestral, and chamber repertoire. It was choral music. It was the sound of harmony created by nothing but people and their God-given gifts. This is expression on a higher level, one that can be shared by all people. After that the basics began to flow again. The sounds of a French ballad sounded so sweet that only a few days prior that seemed nothing but an arrayed set of pitches. I now enjoy music of every instrumentation and genre. This energy is flowing back to me because it is what I have been doing for a lifetime.

So how do you know I'm not just a guy that plays the organ at church?

"I have never met such a young student able to play such difficult music without even having to blink an eye! His sightreading skills are magnificent and his technique and dedication are the best I've seen. I highly recommend Josh--he is talented and really a joy to work with. He is easygoing, professional, and a fantastic accompanist! He is one of the best."

- Jennifer Berry, Choral Director at Frederick County Public Schools

I'm not doing this for gigs. I'm doing this for me. I speak to you on a professional level, but this is something that I feel I must volunteer. Don't dare be afraid to ask for my help! I am here to serve whether in the practice room or the recital hall. I understand that you may ask for a piano major to accompany you. Piano majors accompany me. That's wonderful! I will be there when they cannot, I will play through your music with you to give you the bigger picture. I will be there for when you practice and need some advice. It will only help, and that is the only way I will allow it to be. Although I believe that all college pianists are drastically underpaid, that's never what I wanted for myself. I need this to be part of my lifestyle, and I'm not willing to let go of it again.

Coming To Terms With Music Composition

2014-09-16T21:18:00.000-06:00

There are some answers that have stared you in the face from the very beginning of your search, but sounded so simple that you dismissed them. The questions that have fueled my search in the world of music — for what can define beauty, what is music, and what purpose does it serve? — have often led me to form unsatisfactory answers along the lines of "it depends". Liberality and open-mindedness: I do not belittle these things, though they are what propelled me as I underwent the mental changes necessary to modify my taste and theories in music, and lived without a strict set of rules. Not the rules presented by common practice tonality, but in a wider sense, rules that could universally govern music as it has been heard since the beginning of time. As I attached myself to this school of "musical agnosticism", I would dive more deeply into the sounds of what I believed to be historically significant musics of all kinds in the late twentieth century, in search of reason, or some principle or another that could support what these people who fascinated me were writing, justifying my progression in this field of study.

Perhaps had I not first gained a testimony of the solid principles regarding my faith in God, I may have recently simply dropped my faith in all things, seeing no solution to such philosophical questions. I know that may be unfair, considering that perhaps all people at one time or another have also asked these and that is reason enough to believe that the answers do not exist. However, I know that some things are concrete, of science, mathematics, and nature. There is beauty enough in these true things that give me hope for the future.

Things that emanate hope, love, and faith. Music and sound with identity, neither plain nor ridiculous. Music that holds within it life. These traits would do well in every new composition.

Can the modern composer begin his studies without feeling that we currently live in a time of such absolute freedom and lawlessness, that beauty is simply perception? Where is the standard for beauty and passion? Perhaps there is not a decisive line, but stand back and see if there is not a threshold that can be exceeded. Can randomness, atonality, and experimentation be used other than to signify randomness, atonality, or experimentation? One listening to these unimaginative forms would without difficulty point them out. We live in a "century of death" as Bernstein declared, in which the underground world of classical music pushes itself further and further out of sight. The populace should not have to turn to film score compositions to find new creations with life. They alone do not hold the key to greater music. A new century is still on the rise. Time grows ripe for music to experience a true rebirth.

I think anyone wishing to pursue this course of study already knows the answers to the most simple questions. Any success can only come with passion and self-discipline, and with or without the aid of fellow peers and professors, nothing else will bring about results. You will find that, just as with everything else, music cannot be taught. It must be developed, through rigorous self-discipline, diligent effort, and earnest and sincere practice.

Had I not personally investigated the matter? Had I not once been convinced that the truth was somewhere on the earth? I wondered time after time, as I sat there in nearly empty recital halls reserved for concerts of new music, where was this wealth of wisdom that could fuel such innovation. I have seen and heard enough for my own tastes to toy with the works of the philosophies of modernism. Therein have I found so many examples of beauty, smothered in twentieth-century stipulation for free originality. I know that my views are disputable, as I was once one who would argue against such. I cannot say that I know more than anyone. But I am not afraid to say that I believe that this world deserves something more.

I want you to give me a master of melody and color, one who can weave themes of fine personality, detail, and development. Each new creation born as the most beautiful spirit of its time, that will leave no eye dry. Every note filled with power to justify its existence. With love, always, as an essential ingredient. A true master; there are some who qualify, but there must be more. Who will take up this mantle?

Truth Will Set You Free

2014-07-14T20:52:00.001-06:00

And just like that, my two years are up.

Allow me a moment to think that to myself one more time. Two years; every moment spent in dedication to the service of God. I cannot even begin to touch on the immensity of what has happened to me and to those with whom I was able to interact. I have simply been so incredibly blessed by this experience. I could not have known how it would have changed me. I know every returned missionary has experienced this, but still nothing could have prepared me for that startling morning when I awoke the day after I had arrived home. And there they were, free for me to use. A smartphone, the Internet at my grasp, music and film, casual outfits, and all the time of the world without constraint. Oh how much I could not stand the thought that these things were once again mine to have.

"Behold, there are many called, but few are chosen. And why are they not chosen? Because their hearts are set so much upon the things of this world, and aspire to the honors of men, that they do not learn this one lesson—That the rights of the priesthood are inseparably connected with the powers of heaven, and that the powers of heaven cannot be controlled nor handled only upon the principles of righteousness."

It amazes me how much I did not understand this scripture before. And how little of it I still comprehend. The Lord truly spoke these words to the prophet Joseph Smith as he and his friends suffered for nine months in Liberty Jail. The prophet went on to write, "It seems to me my heart will always be more tender after this than ever it was before." Periods of challenges faced my companions and me but were always accompanied with stronger love, greater wisdom, and a closeness to God that I cherished. A greater closeness to God allows us to gain better relationships with others, as our hearts become as His is.

God really does have a way of teaching us by giving us the experience we need. Some doctrines must be put to action before they are known. He just knows us. But He extends His trust towards us as we perform our little acts of faith. I have learned for myself that we have the power to change our given situations once we can change our eyes. I have learned that we are so mightily blessed each and every day with the tender mercies of the Lord. How can we find these things, if at not first with the change in the way we see? And perhaps even more important, how can we truly be happy, if we do not first experience a change of heart?

I reckon that our hearts are somewhere there along the spectrum. The Lord requires it all. And we find so many treasures when our hearts are set upon the things of eternal nature. Let this be woven into your chosen shade of life. I reckon that a greater study of the Savior can help us each in our endeavor to use His Atonement to bring about that change. Frequent prayer and scripture study. Once we find the treasure within these little acts of faith, life cannot be lived without them. There is still so, so much that can be learned from consistent study of the word of God.

My friends, I know that this gospel is true. I have witnessed too much of this reality to question it. God truly does live. I love my Savior, Jesus Christ. I know that all men are free to believe what they may, but I cannot promise you any greater joy than that which I have felt, that you can receive for yourself. If you have any questions at all, I invite you to ask them. There are missionaries in every corner of the world, and I invite you to meet with them, yes, any and all of you. They will bring with them a spirit and a message that will bring you what you seek.

Wind Symphony Tour

2012-05-18T20:17:00.000-06:00

I wrote a blurb about touring Europe with the BYU Wind Symphony on my family's blog, so head on over there to read about it. Overall it was a fantastic experience. I only we could have stayed in one place for longer! But I'm glad we saw every place that we did, because there were so many sights. And seeing YSAs and faithful families on other continents was an inspiration to me; it was amazing to meet all these people from other cultures. Now I'm back in Provo on my second day missing four wisdom teeth, and so far I feel no pain or swelling coming on - knock on wood! The funny thing was leaving right after winter semester and returning in the middle of spring semester: this campus is empty! But it's been fun running into old friends at different times. I'm glad not everyone's left. But soon I will go home... just one more week. Oh, the excitement of traveling.

How Do You Evaluate A Year?

2012-04-16T01:41:00.001-06:00

Okay, there are still finals left for this semester - the majority for which I am terrified - but I'm afraid that there won't be much time to write anything afterward and I feel like I should reflect on the changes I've made over my first year in college. It will all be a rush: after finals, I need to hurry up and move out, rehearse with the Wind Symphony for a few days, ship off to tour Europe for three weeks, fly back here to get my wisdom teeth yanked, return home for a month, then say goodbye so I can fly back to the MTC in Provo by July 5. After that the remainder of two years I will be serving my mission in Australia, and for that period of time it is unlikely that this blog will even be updated. But enough about my immediate future.

I remember when I first posted about arriving here in Utah. It was kind of like it is now - excitement, anxiety for the future. The complications of moving around so much! Here I was, not knowing anybody, expecting to eventually be able to become familiar with the place and lots of people. Then there was band camp. What a hot, dry, exhausting week. I made really good friends in band, especially with the members of my section, my skin became black and I drank more water than I ever could have imagined. This is some strange new climate I've (almost) gotten accustomed to! But truly marching band was one of the keys to my existence last semester. It was the reason my roommates hardly ever saw me; the football games, rehearsals, socials, and variety show were kind of the highlights of the semester.

Oh the roommates. What can I say? That indeed first impressions are often wrong. They know I thought I lived with weirdos when I first moved in. How judgmental could I be? I couldn't have picked a better bunch to room with, not on the entire campus. They've become my best friends here and I love just sitting around talking with them about anything, even the dumbest things. I've probably lost a few IQ points in the process. We lived in Snow Hall last semester until it got torn down. God bless. But then we were rewarded with Building 26 of the luxurious new apartments in New Heritage. It's practically so easy to live here that time's really flown by so quickly.

I've gone off on composing adventures. Late nights - that's when the ideas came to me. Pulled way too many all-nighters in relation to this. Even though my output was small, I've gained a lot of experience and insight in my own writing. I probably learned a lot more in Music Theory and Ear Training than I think I have, because at least something's changed. And my struggle with new music continues until today. Even if I was aware of the strange things in modern music when I was in high school, I still wasn't prepared for the ways it would hit me in college. Especially when taking Music Composition and being assigned to write in new styles that I would never attempt on my own. These things brought many, many questions into my head about the entire purpose of music. But I have enjoyed the new music concerts. I was lucky (and wise) enough to attend as many as I could and broaden my musical tastes. I was lucky to attend any concert actually. I've loved stalking BYU Arts for events that I could go to and see all the concerts, recitals, and shows. It's one of those gems of living so near the HFAC.

It's in the HFAC that I built the majority of my web of relationships. People see me there all the time; it is my second home. You do meet the most amazing people there. I've seen talent that has driven me to a point of jealousy that had become rage. I've met other people with startlingly similar interests as me. And for some of the friends I've made there, quickly or slowly, I hold so much love and respect. I still don't understand how they can be both so talented and have such strong testimonies at the same time... it's like they're so perfect. Of course this is impressive when it comes to science and engineering, but good musicianship speaks to me on a personal level.

Other random memories. Getting mission papers done in secret. Clarinet fest (unsuccessful all-nighters). Bishop setting us up on dates. Being the toe for the independence half-time show. Hearing that great rendition of 'Colors of the Wind' for the first time. Variety shows. Mission calls. Music civ exams. Seeing my siblings (rarely) and getting Yogurtland. Juries. Frosted rocks. The sloth video. Hiking the Y at night. Home teaching woes, and triumphs. Quoting Mulan. Belting H2$ at 2AM. Por que no funciona la red? From Cumorah's Hill rehearsals. Baconators. The power of tunnel singing. Seeing old friends on campus. Standing in the Drive-thru at Wendy's. Music (and instruments) falling apart onstage. Joseph Alessi, Catharine Hartig, and Bill Smith. VanDoren, Mitchell Lurie, and Rico! Terrible Chinese food. American Heritage lectures. Stop it! My roommates' laughs. Last-minute hires. And basically going to every concert possible.

So, looking back. I know I skipped a ton, but you can't keep track of everything. If one thing has changed about me, what would that be? I feel that college that been a truly humbling experience for me, to learn about myself, to learn about God. I've learned a ton in such a short amount of time, and I expect to learn much more in the coming years. But using this experience as a way to wipe my slate clean and adapt to a new environment has allowed me to change my attitude toward life. I've been given the chance to make myself whatever I wanted to be out here, and I've chosen to be happy with the conditions I chose. This has been a wonderful year, and I'm going to miss anyone that I don't see for a while. It's almost time to say goodbye; I've said a few already. This is one amazing school and I couldn't be more grateful for the gifts and opportunities I've gotten because of it.

Let us all press on!

Critique of Enthusiasm: Missed Opportunities

2012-04-01T00:47:00.001-06:00

Despite its negative nature, I was looking forward to be struck by some powerful Elder Holland-type chastisement this Priesthood Session. I wasn't entirely disappointed, but of course this session has likely affected others in a much different way than it has me. Elder Bednar did share a telling story from his childhood: his father, not being a member of the church, once asked Bednar that if we truly had God's authority restored in our church, then why did the men in his ward constantly have to be reminded to do home teaching, callings, duties? If they held the authority, why did they continue to act similarly to those who did not?

I am reminded of a phenomenon I've mentioned seeing since I've been to BYU. What appears to be a lack of support among peers may just be somebody else's business in your mind. But I'm consistently astonished at a seeming lack of interest in attending concerts, particularly ones that are offered for free.

These may not just be concerts. There are master classes, recitals, lectures, galleries, even background music that don't cost any money but rank at a comparable caliber. One of my roommates performs in the Jazz Legacy Dixieland Band and invited me to a gig they were playing at SLAB Pizza. When I got there I waited and called some friends to get them to come, to no avail. While I sat there alone I thoroughly enjoyed the music (and the pizza). I love settings like this, especially when there is an audience. But the audience was sparse, which I guess is reasonable considering everyone's musical tastes.

What about recitals? Most performance majors give a final recital per junior and senior year. This is what their years of work and study have led to, and turnouts are still fairly limited to a relatively few friends and people required by MUS101. The Guest Artist program even brings in professionals and professors from all over to perform and give master classes. What an excellent, free opportunity! Shouldn't the auditorium be filled? As for new and electronic music concerts, I can't blame the general public for not having any desire to attend them, but it would help if our music school were interested at least.

Then there's the SoMSAC, which has provided numerous opportunities for music majors, many of which I'm sure I haven't even been introduced. I had heard some initial interest in a Repertory Orchestra in which any willing participants would meet on a consistent basis to read through orchestral repertoire together and for a conducting major to have the opportunity to conduct them. Maybe I'm strange in that I'd like nothing better than to read through fresh music in an ensemble. Isn't that the fun of being a performance major anyway? I was worrying about parts and doubling until I arrived and realized that I needn't even have bothered. Where were all the people? I was certain that there were multiple people anticipating this group. Yet there were no more than seven people in the rehearsal room during that entire hour, and I played my part without any semblance to the full orchestra experience. Maybe next time, we concluded.

One of my favorite institutions of SoMSAC this semester has been the Concerts at Noon. Every Friday at noon music majors sign up to perform for an audience, which is good practice for those preparing pieces for auditions and competitions. And each week there are various excellent musicians performing these recitals at no cost, which I find ironic for only one reason - all of the empty chairs placed in front of them. To as many of these concerts I have made, I have been confused, surprised, to appear to be one of two people in the audience not performing. Were I to perform, I would hope that there would be at least some people there to listen.

Could that be the problem? Are concerts then not meant for the enjoyment of music? Would you really only go if it were your friend performing, so you could cheer them on? I refuse to believe that I am the only person that will take any chance at listening to excellent live music at little or no cost. If that isn't the case, then someone clue me in and explain the greater balance between enthusiasm and duty. It reminds of the Washington Post experiment featuring Joshua Bell under the guise of a street performer in a DC subway. Similarly, among other things, the social situation or formality may have something to do with it. (Is a costly, well-dressed performance really worth more than one put on for free?)

I don't mean that all people should rise to the occasion and go listen to things they don't love. Go to concerts that you do love. But there are so many opportunities that go amiss either due to poor advertising or actual lack of passion for talent that isn't dressed in a concert hall. I don't feel as though I have the right to say I love music more than you, but I'd certainly like a reason not to think so.

Drone + Viola Melody

2012-03-07T23:19:00.000-07:00

Download: ter pastora (pdf)

I only really upload these audio files for my sake, but really, these are all computer-generated and are terrible to listen to. Anyway this is a viola solo that's meant to be played over vocal drones. Please excuse me as I think deeper thoughts than necessary.

So this had been assigned for a while and yesterday had come up before I still had any idea what I wanted to do. The first problem is that I lack intelligence when it comes to strings, so that was a slight hindrance. Bowing slurs and multiple stops still have me confused.

But the larger battle that has been happening within me is what I want my music to do. It may have something to do several of my teachers being composers of new music, but I certainly have changed the way I listen to practically everything by this point. I'm finding that I truly appreciate modern music the way I do with the older tradition, but I think this has greatly affected the way I compose. This solo is very tonal and simplistic, and several months ago I would have been much more pleased with it than I am now. Now I'm not so sure that this style defines any part of me even if I achieved the American folk sound I wanted. There used to be rules to break, now there are no rules. I feel like my ideas have been reduced to randomness.

Yesterday in composition class we split up into groups and had a minute each to write a measure of a piece, then pass it onto the next person. Obviously what I thought was different from what the others were thinking, but more so than I imagined. I completely disregarded any sense of tonality, diatonicism, rhythmic pattern, or even logical establishment of meter, which became obvious as that wasn't quite what my group had in mind, and the ending result was entertaining but I couldn't help but feel that perhaps I'm not on the right track after all. After that, I wrote this piece in a completely unadventurous style. Maybe someday I'll grow to like it again.

Originality

2012-03-02T22:02:00.000-07:00

First of all, I just came from a piano recital by my friend Mac, which was fantastic. Congratulations to him! Anyway, yesterday in Composition we listened to the music of Aaron Jay Kernis. It was a string quartet, a contrapuntal mixture of tonal runs with atonal sprinkles, what I'd like to call "Beethoven with some wrong notes." Maybe the only strange thing about it was that such a style was out of place where the paradigm runs on new music, although hearing my Adagio in class felt quite the same. And it was not something from which I expected Dr. Thornock would expect us to take influence. Indeed, it was mentioned in class that it sounded like Beethoven, and to this he responded that this was what he did not find appealing. "If I am going to listen to Beethoven," he said, "why wouldn't I just actually listen to Beethoven?"

To this I turned my head. Composers take influence from what was previously there, it is extremely difficult not do so. But I saw where he was coming from. Not just Beethoven, but every composer whose name has transcended up to this point was an innovator, someone who was writing in a style specific to himself, and it was radically different from any of his peers. People like Bach, Beethoven, Stravinsky, and Messiaen wrote in original and highly personal manners of expression, and it was because of this that music has been driving forward throughout the centuries.

Coincidentally the generalization of historical eras has been on my mind. I think that bunching the Baroque-Romantic eras as a "Common Practice Period" is highly misleading. Especially because after that, we no longer generalize music as a whole but as music of the 20th-century or modernist. This has always struck me as great classical composers writing during the CPP and after that, art going haywire. But as we study history, there are hardly enough composers to generalize so many of them into groups reflecting a certain style, as every significant one had their own. Bach does not sound like Handel. Wagner definitely does not sound like Verdi. I wish to argue that highly tonal modern composers such as Copland and Shostakovich developed fresh new styles that reflected themselves personally. What made me begin to respect Schoenberg is his response to George Gershwin's plead for lessons in composition, along the lines of, "I would only make you a second-rate Schoenberg, and you are such a good Gershwin already." Ravel declined the same request along similar lines. I've also recently been researching the Dutch composer Louis Andriessen: his music takes influence from Stravinskyan harmonies and American minimalism, however with these he infuses his Marxist political ideas, which makes his style both fascinating and original.

If music has taught me anything, it's that absolutely anything can sound good when you know what to listen for (does that apply to politics?) I don't think the point is that we want our own music to be different for the sake of being different. Innovation is absolutely what makes art great, but that doesn't require experimentation. There is always new material to be worked with. Do I think Kernis sounds like Beethoven? Not really. I am not opposed to writing music emulating that of others before us. After all, Beethoven is no longer writing music. That does't mean if he is our favorite composer, that our favorite new music must die with him. This does however bring to new light a modernist mentality. Microtonality, minimalism, postmodernism - these developed in the same way every important past composer thought, and I think for that it could be helped that all music can be enjoyable, because as Berg once stated: "Mr. Gershwin, music is music."

Interval Pairing

2012-02-15T14:54:00.000-07:00

Download: Adagio (Night Walk) (pdf)

I began a fast movement that uses interval pairing but then decided to finish the slow movement to turn in tomorrow. A piece for clarinet and piano; I knew fully that all of these compositional techniques are atonal, but I thought I would squeeze it into a tonal context, and of the result I'm not too sure; after all I'm simply "adding tools" to my differently equipped toolbox, right? But I think this will give insight to the way I write. The clarinet solo uses two intervals throughout. I didn't know how to incorporate this into the piano so I did not succeed there, but it's still different than my usual.

Fixed Register Duet

2012-01-31T16:34:00.003-07:00

They just keep getting better and better, and I feel even less responsible for my music now and I'll tell you why. The assignment was to compose a duet for flute and vibraphone in which only certain pitches could be used. In class each student chose a random pitch and the resulting scale was a combination of them all. This does not include their pitch classes.

Download: rev (pdf)

I've always tried to avoid randomness for the most part in my pieces, even though I've heard it is a relatively common contemporary practice. That of course might be the reason, but as a writer I want to feel responsible for all the sounds that I make, and sure I'm just picking and choosing from this scale. But the pitches were random, and the only centricity it has lies in the fact that a pitch can only be played in its register. That also means creating melodies that are harmonically independent of each other. Which I guess is alright.

Tone Clusters

2012-01-23T22:04:00.000-07:00

Download: Leo's Bee (pdf)

Wow I wish I had spent more time on this but it's due tomorrow so I've got what I've got. And lots to read... Anyway, another challenge that I already knew was beyond me, but this was my shot at it. Tone cluster music! And no one time signature for more than a measure. I suppose I cheated when I alternated 3/4 an 6/8 for the dyad melody, but that's only because I still consider myself orderly enough to not only have have a definite tonal center but at least a mostly repeating meter. But, limitations will be limitations. Kind of hoping to avoid this many clusters in my future music.

So I already considered Leo Ornstein to be a genius. His late works involving extensive use of the tone cluster seemed to make more sense than some of Cowell's or Ives'. The below Wild Men's Dance is one of his signature and best and is really quite catchy. I also found this incredibly difficult to notate; how did he get all those notes in there? And how does he make them sound so GOOD?

Sorry, I can neither play the above piece nor my own at this time. It would be pretty cool though.

027 Harmony

2012-01-17T19:03:00.000-07:00

Download: 027 (pdf)

So it's only the third assignment in Comp 1 and I'm already concerned that this isn't really helpful. I mean, I know the best way to learn something is to do it, and I suppose that's the purpose of this class. But in reality I would never actually write something like this. With the last two assignments I could get away with making the pieces sound authentic because I was free to play around with texture, polyphony, and harmony - to an extent naturally, as two notes is limiting but not entirely. Even though this assignment was designed for experimentation with harmonies and common tones, only two specific voicings of suspended chords could be used at any one time. I found this to be even more limiting in expression, as it brings up the issues of maintaining interest (in a piece in which chords are just hammered out, all parallel and not effectively fitting into any diatonic system) and the block chord and parallel motion limitations which made the piece difficult to personalize.

However I was keen on trying out "free tempo". Of course, I like my time signatures, but I've always thought how much a performer could explore when no tempo markings or alterations were specified but were all left to the performer. That way a piece could begin in one tempo and end in another if desired, placing accelerandos and ritardandos anywhere without regard to ever returning to the previous tempo if there ever was one, as opposed to rubato, in which tempo can be altered but only within a time signature for expressive purposes. The idea is similar to what I have here but I think I could expand upon it elsewhere.

An Episode of Forgiveness

2012-01-16T00:07:00.000-07:00

I'm not usually a negative person. In fact, ever since I've been to school here I've kept up my optimism to a point where I haven't had to experience a true sadness that would cause me to bend my attitude. I found that being positive in any given situation has given me exactly what you would expect: a constant stream of joy. Then finally beginning a week ago, a memory from my past grew within my mind. Something I had done to someone else. It was a cause of guilt, something I felt that I could not go back and fix. With each passing day, the memory grew stronger, almost as strong as it had when I was going through the experience itself. It was weakening to me and caused me great sorrow, and for the first time in many months, I let doubt fill my soul.

As it was tonight after ward prayer, I had been scheduled for a bishop's interview for the upcoming Wind Symphony tour. As the time was arriving for me to go in, I was shaking all over. The bishop greeted me with his ever-smiling face and kind heart as I brought him my form. "This is it?" he laughed. And then with great difficulty, I decided to relay to him my situation. Had I repented? This was the issue on my mind. After several questions, he told me to forget about it. "I don't want you think about this anymore. Remember what the Lord spoke? 'Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more.' You are forgiven. You must forgive yourself."

I was not overcome with any feelings of comfort. When I thanked the bishop and went to my room, I poured out my distress onto my bed. How could this happen? The words of the bishop could not seep through my doubt as I was sure that my situation was not helped. I played through Grieg's elegiac melodies and some of my own. Then I thought of what just might help. Tunnel singing was beginning at that moment, and I knew I should go.

The torrents of wind blew like never before this chilly evening, and as I arrived toward the mass of students, the a cappella hymns had already begun. I had come alone, and as I drew near the crowd full of its circles of friends, I was too far at the end to recognize any faces that I knew. While joining in the melody, I stood by the side wondering what perhaps I should do. Then the circle nearest me opened up and indirectly invited me in. I stepped in, not knowing who these people were or what they thought of me. But I remained, though with my uncertainty, because I knew that I needed to be a part of this. The next hour came and I still sang but spoke to none of them. Then it was time for the traditional "I Need Thee Every Hour". The circle in which I had placed myself put their arms around me and we sang together. And for all the hymns we had been singing, I felt peace. I felt the love of my Savior, and it was the same love I felt every time I let my fears go and worshiped the Lord in song. I felt the love of the people around me, whose names I did not know. And I felt, just maybe to try, that I could forgive myself and move on in life.

Tunnel singing ended and I walked on myself toward my apartment. One of the girls who had been standing opposite of me in the circle rushed up to me and introduced herself. Soon her friends did the same, and I felt all shame of doubt disappear as we connected. They invited me to sing with them every week if I so chose. Though I was sure I would come with others next time, I thanked them for that. I was grateful to experience the kindness of others. Though one may have expected it, not all people are so charitable. And it's not every day that you get to meet such people.

I am so thankful for what the Lord has given me. I am grateful to be in an environment that cultivates love and encourages acts of charity. And mostly I am blessed to be able to move on in my life and bring myself to what I need to be. I hope someday you too will find that even the deepest holes in which you find yourself in life, there is a way out, but only if you are willing to let it go.

First Class Projects

2012-01-07T15:44:00.000-07:00

First week of classes is over, although it was more like two days because we began school on Wednesday and I changed my schedule later that day. But the assignments are rolling in! I was eager (and somewhat intimidated) for Composition 1, as you know if you've read my blog that I have my doubts about what a school can teach about composition these days. And so far it's been interesting and I can't judge it just yet; however Dr. Thornock seems to be the guy of wisdom that the class needs. And now that I'm finally enrolled in a composition course, I can pretend that I'm receiving commissions, and add my assignments to this portfolio. Which means, (hopefully) compositions of all styles are about to be posted here on a more regular basis than they have been.

Download: Thinking Claps (pdf)

Download: Minor Seconds (pdf)

Simple things for now. In reference to a quote by the professor, I'll try to be true to my voice while adding "more tools" to my toolbox.

The Concert Experience

2012-01-06T13:19:00.000-07:00

Last night I attended a Utah Symphony concert for the second time. This one I was particularly excited about: a program dedicated to Russian music! An especially attractive menu item was Shostakovich's popular Fifth Symphony, which followed exciting performances of Tchaikovsky's First Piano Concerto and Liadov's The Enchanted Lake, conducted by Andrey Boreyko. I had never before heard of Liadov, and as I read in his biographical information, his apparent indolence despite intelligence relatively hindered much output. The piece itself was gorgeous, a very imaginative and atmospheric tone poem. Then Conrad Tao, a child prodigy in piano, violin, and composition - and still younger than me - performed the famous piano concerto. Watching his virtuosity and talent was awe-inspiring (as is the case with seeing all such things live) and was so well-received that he came back out and encored with Liszt's Sixth Hungarian Rhapsody. Symphony 5 was saved for last, which was fantastic to hear in its entirety for the first time with all the brilliance that it deserved. I'm still amazed at Shostakovich's ability to develop the same themes with such contrast between movements.

This is why I love listening to concerts live! In essence, all of the mere humans on-stage work together to create something in time. They each make it their own, and you get to be there, watching it all take place, watching a feat that has never in time been done before. And with such refined skill, while remembering that these are people, as you and I are, they reinforce the truth in exhibiting the hard-earned rewards of lifetimes of practice and perseverance. But the importance of the energy and passion that the performers express through their instruments, and the conductor through his gestures, makes the live experience truly worthwhile. Because that's when music really comes alive. Every note played is brand new; surely even a mistake made here or there is excusable in its reminder that the challenge in producing the output that you receive is real and is happening in real time. Any studio recording cannot hold a candle to this experience; multiple takes and digital manipulation does no justice to the talent of the performers. Indeed, recordings are useful in bringing a product to those who have no other means of being in the audience, among other things; however they are meager substitutes in comparison.

To poor college students, it is indeed a handful of more money to be an audience in a professional concert than the free concerts you may not even want to see. But especially to you who study music, you are denying yourself a future career when you do not support the organizations in which you may hope to end up in the future. You cannot refuse to support that which you have even the slightest hope in being supported later, especially in jobs that hold little value to a majority of your peers. And along with that, it's a rewarding experience each and every time, so if you haven't made use of the ticket booth, go check it, I'm sure there's something waiting for you there.

My 2012 Resolutions

2012-01-02T13:08:00.001-07:00

Happy New Year everyone! Jonathan, Jessica, and I flew into Salt Lake City together for the first time on Saturday. I finally got to officially move into my new dorm, the brand new spiffy and incredibly spacious apartments of New Heritage! As for New Year's Eve, Jessica and I went up to Temple Square using TRAX, just because we had never ridden it. Jonathan was hanging with one of his mission comps who would also be going to SLC, but we never actually met up... But we got there with time to see the temple and the free concerts at the tabernacle - a rock duo named Truman, whose voices and instrumentation blended quite well, and the Nashville Tribute Band, which we were very excited to finally see Jason Deere, Katherine Nelson, Dan Truman, David Osmond, and the others for their excellent country-style music dedicated to The Work. After catching a glimpse of the fireworks from temple square, we ran to the UTA trains again just in time for the last ride home... thank goodness!

So it's finally the year 2012, and the new year marks resolution-making time. Last year was my first semester of college, and now that I've adjusted somewhat to the life here, I need to get rid of my bad habits and replace them with good ones. I've divided my resolutions by priority so that I know which are more important than others.

I am aiming my resolutions this year to prepare to be a good missionary. Basically these are to be a temple worthy Priesthood holder each day to prepare for the mission which I plan for halfway through the year. To help, I will read from the Book of Mormon every morning as my first task of the day. But in order for that to happen, I am required to wake up earlier than I did last semester. And that itself involves sleeping earlier. So in order to adjust to missionary sleeping time, I will be in bed by 10PM every night, and be up at 6:30AM. Yeah, this is an incredible goal, seeing as I was never asleep even by midnight before especially with the roommates awake and the late night events, but this is just to create the habit so that every time I get the chance in the future, I will be earlier to bed and earlier to rise. I know that this will overall benefit my health and performance level during the day.

As an improvement from last semester, I will be spending less money, especially on fast food. To save on food, I will be cooking my meals every day, allowing for eating out only 1-3 times as week or not at all. To improve upon my cooking I will be trying a new recipe once a week, avoiding anything prepared. Also, I will avoid overloading my body with too much food, instead stopping when I am full and refrigerating leftovers. I'm still striving to avoid those freshman fifteen. To help with that, I will visit the free gym at least once a week. Look, this is better than nothing, and I'd rather not try more than is realistic for me, as I am prone to give up on such things if they are even in the least bit difficult. The minimum time there will be one hour.

Because I am in Utah, I am required to go skiing/snowboarding at least once. It's winter semester, the weather should treat us a little more nicely. So that goes on the long-term checklist. Also, I don't know if I will be needing a job this semester, but it would really help me with money. So it would be a really good idea. Just... the hours! And yeah, I need to get my GPA up. This semester I must get straight A's. Not even a B. I'm only taking two GenEds, it shouldn't even be that difficult. Last semester I got a C+ in private lessons. What does that mean? It means practicing my clarinet much, much more. To facilitate this, I will be keeping a practice log, trying to fit in just two hours per day. This will also involve purchasing more music to practice on my own time.

I believe that's it. Mostly I am trying to be a better person spiritually, physically, and mentally. Toward other people, I will continue to strive for a positive attitude toward absolutely every situation by turning the bad one upside-down. It's worked in the past, and it still does now. I will also try to be less judgmental toward people that don't live up to my expectations. I can be a better friend, right? As I once tweeted, a good mnemonic device is a song, in particularly the immediately catchy and overused I-V-vi-IV. You can either make up your own melody and use one of the many, many options in the world already. Might be difficult to make rhyme, but if you do, they are that much easier to remember! And it could be so annoying that it won't leave your head. Haha, who actually does that...

Well good luck to everyone else on their resolutions! Remember, you've got to make the changes yourself. Don't procrastinate, prioritize! And with that, we journey onto the winter semester and ready to take on the mounting load of work. Cheers to a New Year!

Visiting Home for the First Time

2011-12-20T14:06:00.000-07:00

Well, it happened. I'm back in Maryland! Yeah and I reverted the site decor to its original design, with some extra color. I missed the old classic look. Anyway I know I wrote a bit of Christmas-y stuff last post but I can always post more, it's December. This semester has been a blast. Sustaining myself for the first time turned out to be a ton of fun. It's become a second home to me. Which is good, except being home feels strange, like I'm just visiting it for the time being. It's only a matter of time before I go back anyway.

First I visited all the people from the branch. Christmas party and whatnot, lots of improvising on the program. The funny thing is that I feel like no one has changed, even though I still have that gut feeling that I've missed a ton of stuff that they're just shrugging off. After a few months, I'd like to be a little bit more in on the picture. Then I visited old DHS in the morning. Same sort of feeling. I think the problem is that it's the first day and there aren't enough stories to divulge that are just so related to a single conversation, and the other problem is that I'm not going to keep coming back everyday to talk about different stuff. But I saw most of my teachers and I'm thinking it's gotta be completely different in the home point-of-view than the visitor. I don't really want to be nostalgic, but it was so easy to sit at the chorus room piano and read through the Eric Whitacre pieces on the stand. And apparently I'm going in tomorrow to record piano accompaniments for the drama club. And my answer is... absolutely! It's good to be back.

Winter Miniature

2011-12-03T12:08:00.001-07:00

Well today is the day that I find my subscribers to be at an all-time low! But it's ok since I know now even Googlebot has lost interest in me, I'm faced with the truth. But I'm going to keep adding to this thing anyway.

Last month I was faced with a lot of freshman turmoil - concerts, masterclasses, guest private lessons, recitals, and the best, marching band. And in a week I face my true final, juries. Well, hope is around the corner! With some studying and practicing, I can soon be home with my family and old friends. And then it will be Christmas. Anyway, here are some thoughts I wanted to share. They are in the form of a theme I wrote last night when I couldn't sleep.

Download: Winter Miniature (pdf)

At a band social last night, we made Christmas cards for members of the armed forces. I thought of when my older brother and sister were out serving their missions. It was different than when they were away for college, because I knew that they were out there doing the Lord's work, devoting each and every day to the endeavor. I loved them for that, and even though I may never meet those to whom I sent cards, I love them as well for being who they are. How about this month we think about service, charity, and love? Happy holidays!