The Lockhorns, 11/7/26

Sure, Loretta is speaking first and foremost as a shopaholic here, but this is the sort of thought process that can really send someone down some rabbit holes. I’m excited for her to develop an interest in the arcane details of the commercial real estate market, learning more and more about prevailing rental prices, zoning rules, and urbanist theories around placemaking until eventually she’s getting into vicious fights about parking minimums on the r/Levittown subreddit.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/7/26

This week’s Rex Morgan “plot” has been a series of strips where Mindy has been shopping at a thrift store and having extremely banal thoughts about the items there, and the whole thing has been so full of nothing happening that it’s practically avant-garde, but now … something has happened! And what’s happened is that Mindy has bumped into a lady who looks super depressed. Is she going to take some time to find out what’s going on with this sad sack? Well, probably not, she has Buck to deal with, that’s emotionally trying enough for anyone.

Luann, 11/7/26

Do you have thoughts about what Brad and Toni should name their baby? Head on over to Luann Fan dot com to share them! I assume there’s some way to share them, based on the little message at the bottom of panel three. Not going over there to find out, though. I already checked the website out once for you people in September and don’t plan to do so again. I’m pretty sure doing that gets you put on a list. A list of people who have visited Luann Fan dot com twice! Maybe you’re willing to risk it but I don’t care to.

No fuss no muss just THIS WEEK’S TOP COMMENT

“I couldn’t understand how these four sentences could constitute a joke, or even a coherent series of statements, until I suddenly solved the puzzle: you’re supposed to read the panels in reverse order! Check it out: ‘Some opinions are but a grain of sand on the beach. However, in the grand scheme of things… I think everyone is entitled to speak their minds… and that’s the way I think we should run this country!’ Now all of a sudden there is a logical order of thought — initial observation, followed by counterpoint, clarification, and conclusion/call to action. The ‘joke’ is that Herbert is literally experiencing life backwards, yet he has a forward-thinking perspective on the social contract.” –Franklin Delano Loafing

And your hilarious runners up!

“Slylock dresses as a rat because, like Robby, rats are criminals. Every one of them. And shrews, also biologically crooked. Subscribe to his substack and listen to his weekly podcast ‘Shut Up, Max, I’m Talking,’ but only if you can handle the TRUTH!” –Everything Is Better With Monkeys

“‘Hey, I know you!’ ‘Max, it’s me. Slylock.’ ‘Right! Slylock Fox from the funny pages! Wow!’ ‘Max, we see each other every day.’ ‘Can I have your autograph?’ ‘Max, I … you know what? Sure. Let me get a pen.’” –Joe Blevins

“Going to stop reading today’s Mary Worth after the first panel and imagine where it might go from there. ‘What a bombshell from Tommy! But I suppose troubled dreams can bring on all sorts of changes.’” –Dan

“The Perfesser dully encourages his elderly fellow barfly to keep drinking, heedless of his health, so he doesn’t have to stay at the bar alone. This took Eugene O’Neill four acts.” –matt w

“Sometimes a carrot being stroked by an elderly woman is just a carrot being stroked by an elderly woman, get your minds out of the gutter, everybody! [IMAGE SAVED]” –A Grave Mind

“Just imagining that Air Bud moment when Rudy‘s owner tries to convince the track association that actually there’s no rule that says you can’t ride an ostrich, before the official taps the top of the page where the words HORSE RACING are in large bold font.” –pugfuggly

“Comic strips are written with the intention of being published on set days of the week. Did the Monday strip really need to announce it’s taking place on ‘Wander Wednesday’? ‘Meander Monday’ was right there.” –Rube

“Wait, the Devil keeps an ‘author’ sign on his own desk? I feel that more exploration of this ‘Satan overcompensates for his crippling insecurity’ theme is needed.” –Dmsilev

“So judging by that sign this is taking place at the Akron Comic-Con, and yet two of these children are just dressed as, like, generic witches and magical princesses? Halloween’s over, kids, this is Comic-Con! Be like your friend and show off your loyalty to the licensed properties that have dominated the media landscape since before you were born!” –Vulpes

“I think it’s well established by now that Marvin’s family pay only a token amount of attention to him for establishing plausible deniability and otherwise just let him roam free so he gets killed by a wild animal or exposure to the elements or something. It hasn’t worked so far, but hope springs eternal.” –ectojazzmage

“This is the second time in as many weeks we’ve been forced to contemplate Dustin’s dad in the nude. I believe in not kinkshaming but I actually think I’m gonna shame this one a little.” –Navigator

“Like all computers, the one in Crankshaft is sentient and capable of holding a conversation. But I guess in recognition of its extreme age it uses weird folksy English like ‘it was mainframes that helped.’ What other clever bits of worldbuilding are hidden in this comic? Is the Spider-man logo having the legs on the wrong body part one of them? Please, I need some explanation for why this was made.” –pachoo

“Some opinions are but a grain of sand on the beach. But some opinions are not. Mine, for instance.” –Peanut Gallery

“It appears that in order to justify his deep loathing of his own son, Marvin’s dad has given him a cap of the opposite color to his own, presumably meant to suggest that he put the hat of a rival team on his head as an excuse to not look at Marvin for as long as possible.” –InvasionOfTheZIM

“If you’re a plugger and you’re hurting wear a shirt!
If you’re a plugger and you’re hurting wear a shirt!
If you’re a plugger and you’re hurting and you really want to blurt it,
If you’re a plugger and you’re hurting wear a shirt!” –Tabby Lavalamp

“What they’re not showing is the back of the shirt, which reads ‘DNR.’” –Old School Allie Cat

“Like many suburban dads, Marvin’s father is unaccountably mad that Jay-Z chose himself to be the halftime performer at next year’s Super Bowl. ‘Self-dealing is wrong! Well, I’ll show him — I’m going to spend his entire set knee-deep in my filthy son’s diapers! Oh, Beyoncé might appear? Never mind.’”–BigTed

“Clearly the Wodehouses fully exsanguinated Nurse Zippy to transfuse Wendell Wodehouse VI before dumping her into ye olde industrial canal. That should buy him another 2-3 weeks of agonizing infirmity.” –Charterstone: Dune

“‘How can a kid get in trouble in the middle of a desert?’ I dunno man, maybe because IT’S A FUCKING DESERT? YOU KNOW, THE HOTTEST, DRIEST, DEADEST PLACES ON EARTH?” –Schroduck

“When partners on the force trust each other, they don’t even have to say, ‘That’s what she said.’ It’s just understood.” –Anonymous

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Crock, 11/6/26

The thing about wars — even low-level wars of colonial occupation, like the interminable one the Foreign Legion is fighting in Algeria — is that they’re dangerous. Even if you’re not shooting at someone, or getting shot at, you’re living in a milieu where there’s a constant baseline of violent chaos. There are weapons around, along with just a general sense of disorder, with civilians finding that their needs and safety take a backseat to those of the occupying forces even in their own homes. It’s the sort of place where a baby could crawl into an artillery piece and get blown up, is what I’m saying, which is one of several good reasons not to fight wars.

Dick Tracy, 11/6/26

I have no idea if Dick Tracy strips in the year 2026 accurately depict old-timey police jargon, or even current police jargon, so I can’t tell if this lady referring to a home that police investigated without coming up with any leads as a “dry hole” is realistic, but I am comfortable saying that it’s gross. I don’t want to hear about dry holes! It’s a very upsetting phrase! Also, I have a problem with Dick’s “different hole” line in the last panel here; for one thing, it’s somehow even grosser, and for another thing we’re clearly looking at two holes and also there’s zero blood or even bloodstains on this white nurse’s uniform, so this is yet another unsettling dry hole situation, in fact.

Mary Worth, 11/6/26

“So, Nelly, dear, are you going to tell me why you spread that rumor? Remember, you’ve already eaten the muffins, and only I have the antidote.”

Marvin, 11/5/26

The facial expressions in the second panel here are bone-chillingly perfect for the vibe of this strip. Marvin’s dad has a face that says “I want to watch football but I’m going to do the absolute bare minimum to care for my toddler son, and also probably a lot of uptight people are going to think that I’m not even doing the bare minimum,” and Marvin has a face that says “Oh no! I’m going to be stewing in my own poop, for extended periods of time!”

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/5/26

Speaking of good facial expressions, I appreciate Rudy’s here. Like, I guess I’m not excited to look at the face of an ostrich in genuine distress because his head and neck are covered in ants, but if I have to, I want to see it done well, and they really nailed it here.

Hi and Lois, 11/5/26

I don’t think Hi and Lois should do strips where little kids talk about dead dogs! I think that’s a little grim, even for the current no-punchline iteration of the strip!

Pluggers, 11/5/26

You’re a plugger if you’re suffering all the time and you want everyone to know it.

Crankshaft, 11/4/26

I don’t talk about it very much, but ever since Funky Winkerbean triumphantly (?) concluded, Crankshaft has been afflicted by thinly veiled authorial insert character Batton Thomas, creator of the comic strips 3 O’Clock High (thinly veiled Funky Winkerbean) and The Wrinkles (thinly veiled Crankshaft). Except the characters in Crankshaft and Funky Winkerbean look more or less like people, while the characters in 3 O’Clock High and The Wrinkles are these grotesque, large-eared parodies of humanity, symbolizing the fact that they are a narrative layer further away from our real world. But now they’ve escaped containment! And they walk among their Funkyverse counterparts! What happens when Lovable 3 O’Clock High band director character [NAME NOT INTERESTING ENOUGH TO FIND] interacts with his obvious model, Harry Dinkle? Will it tear a hole in the fabric of reality and allow them to enter our universe, in a crossover event that will greatly amuse some unknowable-to-us observers in yet another, more “real” universe? I hope not! I don’t want to talk to any of these guys! What if they read all the mean stuff I’ve written about them on my blog?

Herb and Jamaal, 11/4/26

I was going to try to parse the “punchline” here and try to figure out if it represented a joke or even wordplay of any kind, but then I realized that the dialogue in the first panel is in a thought balloon, which I guess means that this isn’t Herb being sullen about one of his loudmouth customers, it’s him ruminating at random, possibly after experiencing a minor cerebrovascular event, so I don’t feel obligated.

Mary Worth, 11/4/26

I know “suspenseful” is not a term we usually use about Mary Worth plots, but I’m genuinely unsure if where she’s going with this is “Nelly is such an unhappy soul, nothing I could do or say would be worse punishment than just living with herself” or “Nelly could lash out and hurt anyone at any time, and that’s why we have to put her down like a rabid dog.”