Jossip

The Evil That Papers Do: Santorum Paid Exorbitant Fee to Write For Inquirer

drew — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 20:32:15 +0000

Dude, fuck Rick Santorum, and fuck the Philadelphia Inquirer for paying him $1,725 per article to write for them. Isn't the Inquirer going under? How much is Spitzer making over at Slate? And why am I suddenly bulging out in hulk rage? So many questions.

Permalink | 2 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Tagged: Philadelphia Inquirer, Rick Santorum

Ludacris' Plan to Become the Next Zac Efron Enters Final Stage (Video)

drew — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 20:06:24 +0000

Jesse McCartney was singing on Ellen today! That's adorable and totally norma…wait, is he doing a duet with Ludacris? Jesus, when did the "Chicken-n-Beer" rapper become such a fan of fishsticks?Read the rest of Ludacris' Plan to Become the Next Zac Efron Enters Final Stage (Video)

Permalink | 1 comment | Add to del.icio.us
Tagged: Ellen, Jesse McCarthey, Jesse McCartney, Ludacris, The Ellen DeGeneres Show, Video, Zac Efron

You Knew This Was Coming: Susan Boyle XXX

drew — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 19:54:25 +0000

After Britain's Got Talent contestant and YouTube sensation Susan Boyle wowed the world with her ability to be conventionally unattractive and still be good at singing (because those two things are correlated?) the frumpy 49-year old virgin is being hit with a ton of offers. She is like Michael Phelps, but without the bong hits. So it was only a matter of time before a company decided to cash in on Boyle's publicity by offering her a lot of money…to be in their porn.Read the rest of You Knew This Was Coming: Susan Boyle XXX

Permalink | 2 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Tagged: Britain Got Talent, Susan Boyle, YouTube

Bald A-Hole Joe the "Plumber" Now Stealing from Ignorant Poor People

cord — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 18:55:41 +0000

We know what you're thinking: Is it bad if the thief is just as moronic as the people from whom he steals? Yes. Yes, it is. Pigheaded idiocy is no excuse for being a prick thief. And thus, bald bastard Joe the Plumber is doing a bad thing by going on TV to entreat uneducated rednecks like himself to help "vote out the IRS" with text messages, thereby changing America so nobody has to pay income taxes ever again. What a great idea! The best part? Eliminating the IRS and "the government diggin' in your pocket" costs (ONLY!) 99 cents per vote. Vote as much as you'd like! Consider the savings!

This is called "selling snake oil" and it's just one step above picking pockets. So, we'll say it again, isn't it a conflict of interest for a piece of shit to be a plumber.

Permalink | 39 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Tagged: Advertising, Fuck This Guy, Joe the Bummer, Pricks, Snake Oil, Stealing, Taxes, Television, Voting

You Decide: Nicole Kidman's Baby or Nicole Kidman's Laundry

cord — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 18:28:41 +0000

Does Tide get lower body stains out of blankets?

Pictures: Splash

Read the rest of You Decide: Nicole Kidman's Baby or Nicole Kidman's Laundry

Permalink | 1 comment | Add to del.icio.us
Tagged: Children, Laundry, Nicole Kidman

Kanye West Exploits "Girlfriend" to Sell Clothes

cord — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 17:42:17 +0000

Here's your new Louis Vuitton ad campaign, fashion junkies—a woman exposing her ass and resting her face on some obnoxious clown's crotch. Isn't couture elegant?

Via

Permalink | 11 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Tagged: Amber Rose, Butts, Fashion, Kanye West, Louis Vuitton, Misogyny, Pictures, Where Are Here Expensive Clothes?

Kiddie Pirate to Further Clutter American Justice System

cord — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 17:08:51 +0000

Uh, those bloodthirsty pirates who hijacked a container ship last week before being summarily picked off by Navy sharpshooters? But children, all of them—a bunch of tormented children: "…Defense Secretary Robert Gates later said all four of the pirates involved were between ages 17 and 19."

The sole surviving boy pirate is being brought to New York to face trial, a process that could get more difficult if the defendant is proven to be a minor.

You know, perhaps there's something to that theory about how poverty, starvation and endless war fuck with children's heads.

Permalink | 2 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Tagged: Children, Crime, New York, pirates, Somalia, Trials, Violence

Lars von Trier's New Film Is a Long Way From Dogma

drew — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 16:28:20 +0000

There was a period of time in the 90s when Dogma '95 was all the rage. Started by Lars von Trier and a group of apostle filmmakers, Dogme was a set list of rules for creating a film, like "Thou shalt not use anything to light a scene but that light which is in a scene" and "Thou shalt use shaky handheld camerawork for all your film so the audience gets nauseous." They even had a Vow of Chastity!

But Dogme begot Mumblecore, and so now von Trier is showing his displeasure with a complete scrapping of his former dogmatisim. And how apropo that his newest movie — filled with flashy special effects and unnatural lighting — is called Antichrist?Read the rest of Lars von Trier's New Film Is a Long Way From Dogma

Permalink | 12 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Tagged: Dogma

Will Ferrell Drinks Own Piss to Promote Film

drew — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 16:13:26 +0000

Bear Grylls is one tough son of a bitch. The Man vs. Wild host has waited in a pile of mud for three hours with a broken shoulder after falling off a 9,000 ft. mountain. The Discovery show has been accused of cheating; i.e. making the conditions look more dangerous than it appears, but there is no doubt in anyone's mind that Bear himself is hardcore as fuck. I mean, his name is Bear for christsakes! So it must have been such a blow to this X-tremist ego to find out he was going to have a co-host for a couple days…and that man would be Will Ferrell, promoting his new movie Land of the Lost.Read the rest of Will Ferrell Drinks Own Piss to Promote Film

Permalink | Post a comment | Add to del.icio.us
Tagged: Bear Grylls, Celebrity, Man vs. Wild, Will Ferrell

NBC Can't Get Enough of That Sweet, Sweet Advertiser Cash

drew — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 15:48:33 +0000

Not that you watched Chuck last night (why would you?) but if for some crazy reason you did, you may have noticed a 40 second clip that served no other purpose than to talk about how delicious the Subway Chicken Teriyaki five dollar footlong is. Which just makes us wonder: How long until every 30 Rock episode is about McFlurry's?

You can watch the entire clip here.

Permalink | Post a comment | Add to del.icio.us
Tagged: Advertisement, Chuck, NBC, Subway

Barrymore Preens, Others Arrive at Grey Gardens Premiere

drew — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 15:27:13 +0000

You know what? Let Drew Barrymore have her day in the sun. A lot of people think of her as this goofy, slightly quirky He's Not That Into You chick who somehow attracts hot men even though she talks like Joan Cusak. So when Barrymore recently started doing about a billion press-ops for the HBO movie Grey Gardens we thought, "Sure, lets cover this." And when she showed up at the L.A. premiere looking like some glam Barberella we thought, "Hey, at least this is an improvement over the saggy boobs fiasco." Whoever Barrymore is paying for stylist tips these days, we say "Brava!"Read the rest of Barrymore Preens, Others Arrive at Grey Gardens Premiere

Read the rest of Barrymore Preens, Others Arrive at Grey Gardens Premiere

Permalink | 3 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Tagged: Drew Barrymore, Grey Gardens, Jessica Lange, Pics, Premiere

Jay-Z's Record Execs Can't Pay Their Bills

drew — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 15:13:53 +0000

How sad is that? Atlantic rep Michael Kyser and Universal Music's Shawn Costner decided to take hip-hop mogul Jay-Z out for a night on the town at the M2 in Chelsea. But when it came to who was actually footing the bill, the record executives both started to sweat.Read the rest of Jay-Z's Record Execs Can't Pay Their Bills

Permalink | Post a comment | Add to del.icio.us
Tagged: Celebrity, credit crisis, Jay-Z, Michael Kyser, Page Six, Scandal, Shawn Costner

YouTube Adds Some Clips That Aren't User-Generated B.S.

drew — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 15:02:20 +0000

Despite the infamous Viacom vs. Google lawsuit of '07, wherein Google (which owns YouTube) was forced to take down any clips from shows from networks owned by Viacom, the video player site has been working frantically to make some sort of deal with Hollywood. You see, after Hulu and all those embeddable network players came around, the only thing YouTube was good for was watching guys get hit in the nuts and Ashton Kutcher ranting about his neighbors. But now Google has finally solidified their deal with Sony, meaning major overhaul of the entire site design. Welcome your new Alf overlords, nut-kickers and cam-whores!

Permalink | Post a comment | Add to del.icio.us
Tagged: Media, Sony, Tech, YouTube

Colbert On NOM (Video)

drew — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 14:52:44 +0000

Stephen Colbert is upset that David Paterson is introducing legislation so that gays can marry in New York. Well, obviously, he's not really upset, but it does give him a nice reason to play the Nom Nom video?Read the rest of Colbert On NOM (Video)

Permalink | 2 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Tagged: David Paterson, Gay Marriage, New York, St, Stephen Colbert, Video

Ex-American Idol Arrested for Stalking Ex-American Idol

cord — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 14:34:51 +0000

Miranda Tozier-Robbins, a former American Idol contestant, was arrested yesterday morning for sneaking into Britney Spears' gated community—clad in military fatigues—and trying to peek into the pop star's windows—probably in an attempt to see what life would have been like had she actually become a marginally talented yet rich singer. Community security said Tozier-Robbins "balked" when they requested she leave.

Perhaps the troubled young lady can find comfort in the fact that she's as crazy in anonymity as Britney is in fame.

Permalink | Post a comment | Add to del.icio.us
Tagged: Britney Spears, Miranda Tozier-Robbins

Ashton Beats CNN In Twitter Race

drew — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 14:33:58 +0000

That's right. Fuck you, news organizations. (P.S. We're all going to hell for this.)

Previous.

Permalink | 2 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Tagged: aplusk, Ashton Kutcher, Celebrity, CNN, Twitter

Bare-Chested, Sweaty, Man-Hugging Bow Wow's No Homo Gallery

cord — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 13:57:01 +0000

Terrible pop rapper Bow Wow has been quoted as saying that he so dislikes gays he once refused to have his hair cut by a homosexual. "He didn’t want a gay barber touching his head," says one of the musician's associates, who probably expected more from life.

To help support the hateful little Mr. Wow on his mission to avoid contact with anything remotely LGBT, here's a collection of pictures that speaks to his utter straightness. This should ensure no gay tries to touch his "head" ever again.

Read the rest of Bare-Chested, Sweaty, Man-Hugging Bow Wow's No Homo Gallery

Permalink | 20 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Tagged: Bow Wow, Fuck This Guy, Homophobia, Idiocy

Despite Glenn Beck's Support, Texas Will Never Secede

cord — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 13:04:40 +0000

Say what you will about the massive, flat, vermin-ridden rodeo land that is the state of Texas, but a new poll suggests Texans themselves might not be as nutty as you think. According to Rasmussen Reports, only 18 percent of Texas voters would ever choose to secede from the United States, while a full 75 percent would do no such thing, knowing full well that Texas needs, y'know, roads and police and THE NFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thankfully, this information exposes the following clip of Glenn Beck praising a howling bunch of Texas secessionists on Wednesday for what it is: a demagogue riling up a mob obsessing over a pipe dream. Our favorite part is when the secessionists begin chanting "USA!" Irony is also not big in Texas, apparently.

Permalink | 38 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Tagged: Glenn Beck, Secession, Texas

WATCH: Gov. Paterson Introduces Marriage Equality Bill

cord — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 21:00:21 +0000

Permalink | Post a comment | Add to del.icio.us Tagged: Governor Paterson, laws, LGBT, New York

Rolling Stone Rolls, Gathers No Moss Money

drew — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 20:46:59 +0000

Jann Wenner's never been one to make "conventional" decisions. It took him way too many years to get his publications online, and once he finally did hire a digital director, it came as a last resort after he was forced to cut Rolling Stone's size from "mega-large" to "normal size." The recent issue of his Us Weekly publication was one giant advertisement for an HBO film. And now Wenner's making the biggest change of all: Closing the RS headquarters from its home base in San Francisco, where he founded the magazine over 4 decades ago. How long before Cameron Crowe writes his eulogy for the birthplace of his career?

Permalink | 4 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Tagged: Publishing, Rolling Stone, San Francisco