Journey through Psalms...An Addict's View

Psalm 30:11-12 (MSG) God, my God, I can't thank you enough

2017-03-01T04:49:00.000-08:00

Psalm 30 (The Message)
A Psalm of David

^11-12You did it: you changed wild lament
into whirling dance;
You ripped off my black mourning band
and decked me with wildflowers.
I’m about to burst with song;
I can’t keep quiet about you.
God, my God,
I can’t thank you enough.

This verse is a fitting way to follow up from the transformation discussion of Psalm 29. The psalmist here acknowledges the changes in his life. What was once dark has been replaced with joy and beauty. What was painful in the past, hurts no more. No doubt this is similar to the joy and relief of several of the breakthroughs and milestones we experience during the recovery from addiction.

Some of these breakthroughs are small, and maybe noticeable only to the addict, while other are more significant and life changing. Whether it's the presence of sobriety, which could only be measured in minutes or hours, is now measured in days and months. Or the absence of a spaghetti mess of lies and cover-ups. All of these breakthroughs in recovery are miracles regardless of magnitude. For an addict that has tried so many times and failed. Tried without the 12 steps, tried without an Addicts Anonymous group, and most of all tried without God, and failed. For an addict that has tried on their own and failed so many times before these breakthroughs are miracles. Yes, we are allowed to acknowledge these breakthroughs are miracles. We are allowed to be grateful for these miracles. I would even go so far as to say that we are encouraged to celebrate these miracles.

Dear Lord, you have brought so many miracles into my life. Although I am still a work in progress, in many ways I am a different person than when I started this journey several years ago. It is nothing short of a miracle. My life is not devoid of pain, but You have equipped me to better handle burdens and suffering. As a result I feel more joy and my relationships are more rich. For all this I am beyond grateful, thank you. The experience of transformation that you have brought into my life in the past has me excited by transformation that lies ahead. Especially, as I begin this Lenten season of cleansing, sacrifice, and transformation. With all this excitement I celebrate. In this celebration though I also pray for the addicts that still suffer. I pray that my celebration may bear witness to those addicts that still suffer to Thy power, Thy love & Thy way of life. That I may be a beggar showing them where to get bread. That my celebration would be a light to them that guides them and gives them hope for the recovery that awaits them. All this I pray in Jesus' name - Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 29:9 (MSG): The pelting rain strips their branches

2017-02-09T04:44:00.000-08:00

Psalm 29:9 (The Message)
A Psalm of David

⁹God's thunder sets the oak trees dancing
A wild dance whirling; the pelting rain strips their branches.
We fall to our knees - we call out, "Glory"!

Psalm 29, especially the Message translation, creates some powerful imagery about transformation. A thunderstorm so powerful that the thunder shakes the mighty oaks, lightning smashes the solid cedars, and rain so heavy it actually rips the bark right off of the trees. On initial inspection this might sound like a picture of ruin or possibly disaster. Then we remember what transformation is...transformation is the act of sacrificing who I am today in order to become the person I am meant to be.

This psalm is, in many ways, a metaphor for the transformation we experience in recovery. The painful process of pealing away of the facades that we created in our addiction. The shaking of the very foundation of our beliefs and lives. All this, as the last verse states, so God can make his people strong, and give his people peace. The Angels cheer in the first verse, "Encore, Encore" not because they are mischievous, but because they know the beauty, and glory, that this transformation can bring.

Dear Lord, I am not perfect. I am not even living close to my potential. However, I have seen your transformative power in my recovery from addiction. You have been able to help me remove the lies from my life and given me courage to do and say things I was not capable of before. Still there is more work to be done and more transformation to work through. I am ready for storms and tests of this transformation. Please continue to bring the transformation to my life. That I may leave the life of my addiction, all aspects of it, in the past...where it belongs. That I may replace a life of addiction with a life serving as an instrument of your peace. As I pray here I realize I am not alone in my struggle against addiction. Opioid addiction is ravaging the lives of good people. Be with the addicts that still suffer and the innocent people who love them. Show them there that You have another plan for them. A plan of transformation that will bring them out of their addiction stronger and better than before. All this I pray in Your name - Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 28:6-7 (MSG) I'm shouting and singing my thanks to God

2016-10-08T05:25:00.002-07:00

Psalm 28:6-7 (The Message)
A David Psalm

^6-7Blessed be God -
he heard me praying.
He proved he's on my side;
I've thrown my lot in with him.

Now I'm jumping for joy,
and shouting and singing my thanks to him.

Yesterday, my wife and I were discussing a friend who was involved in a terrible accident. In the moment, I was struck but what a gift every day is. What a gift we have in every moment that we have with our loved ones. Even though, in these moments we understand the magnitude of these gifts it is all too common that after some time we tend to take these gifts for granted. The daily, instead of becoming a gift, becomes routine.

There is a way to turn the tide on this attitude of the routine, the accepted, and the mundane. The first step is daily reminders of the gifts we are given. This is in daily time with God, whether in prayer or meditation, or something similar. Something, and some time, that should help us make that connection with our higher power. The second step is in gratitude. Taking no moment or experience for granted. Making use of every minute. Share emotions and thoughts to let people know you care. And, it should go without saying, thank God. Do it loudly. Thank him Joyfully...Shouting...Singing - just like it says in Psalm 28 above. Taking these steps will start to turn the tide on your attitude and in your life's path. At least, that's what I've found.

Dear Lord, this is the day that you have made, I will rejoice and be glad in it. Thank you for this day. Please help me use it to be an instrument of your peace - that I would bring light where there is darkness. All to often, I take these gifts, of yours, for granted. I become distracted from what is truly important and don't use these gifts fully. Today, I will make a more conscious effort to recognize the great opportunities that this day presents and show my gratitude by making the most of this day. I will also show my gratitude with a joyful and positive attitude - showing that God has answered my prayers. For I am sober and free of my addictions and that is reason enough to be joyful. Of course, God, I pray that you be with those who struggle with addiction - guide them to a place where they may see that recovery, in your word, is possible. I pray that you may answer their prayers the same you answered mine. It is all these things I pray, in the name of your son and our savior, Jesus Christ, AMEN.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 27:4 (MSG) I'm asking God for one thing, only one thing

2016-09-01T03:53:00.000-07:00

Psalm 27:4 (The Message)
A David Psalm

⁴I’m asking God for one thing,
only one thing:
To live with him in his house
my whole life long.
I’ll contemplate his beauty;
I’ll study at his feet.

It just so happens that I attended a memorial service yesterday for a friend and in that service they read from Psalm 27. The fact that it was Psalm 27, of all bible verses, and even of all the psalms, was a reminder from God that I needed to get back to studying at his feet.

There is nothing like the passing of a friend (especially one who seems to be too young and too vibrant to be called back to God) to frame the fragility of life and how valuable every minute we have on earth is. To remind us how important it is to make sure the ones we love know how important they are to us. Or to understand how important it is that every day be used for doing God's work in our lives.

So, it is in this frame of mind that at the end of my life I hope that I can look back and say that I have lived, with him, in his house, my whole life long. For I know that true peace has come while studying the Psalms, at his feet, removed from the buzz and noise of the world. For as Psalm 27 tells us when God is at my side I have nothing to fear. That is the nature of the peace studying at his feet.

Dear Lord, I ask one thing, only one thing, to live with you in your house my whole life. That I may, in spite of the noise and busy-ness that this world presents, that I may continue to find refuge in your peace. In finding this peace that I can share it with others, and be instrument of your peace. That I may emulate Jesus, and many others, who have brought calm in the face of terror and evil. That I would bring faith in the face of doubt. That I would seek not so much to be understood, as to understand. At this time be with all of us who mourn for the recent loss of a brother or sister. Help us, and comfort us, in the understanding of the peace that you have given those who you have called back. As I often do, be with the addicts who still suffer, help them understand the transformative power you hold. That despite the limited time we have everything is possible, even recovery of the worst addiction. All of these things I pray in Jesus' name - Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 26:2 (MSG): Examine Me God, From Head To Foot

2016-08-02T01:34:00.003-07:00

Psalm 26:2 (The Message)
A David Psalm

²Examine me, GOD, From Head to Foot,
order your battery of tests.
Make sure I'm fit
inside and out

How cool would it be if we could get a "spiritual" - I'm thinking along the lines of an annual physical a family doctor would give. Instead of checking your body, would check your heart, your soul. Instead of checking say blood pressure, maybe there would be a check for generosity or sacrifice. Instead of a check for cholesterol...maybe, a check for sinful thoughts? Too crazy? Hopefully, the prescription would me more prayer instead of more pills.

At least there'd finally be a way to measure how we're doing in Gods eyes. We could get feedback to see where we're doing well or maybe where we need to make appropriate changes. In the same way we make changes to diet after our annual physical shows high blood sugar or high cholesterol. Maybe the feedback from God would be, "You've been too self-centered..," or "...you need more time in church..." or "...I expect you to be more generous with your gifts." Or maybe...we know in our hearts and conscience what God would tell us if he were to "examine" us from head to foot. But maybe it would be more critical if it came in the form an "spiritual" - we would take the change we need to make more seriously, and with higher priority.

Dear God, examine me from head to foot. Today, I ask that You help me to see myself through Your eyes, from Your perspective. Run a battery of tests on my soul and guide me to live the life You have planned for me. That I may praise You - and give credit where I see Your hand in my life. That I may follow, truly follow, in Your son Jesus' path. That I may willingly sacrifice and be the light where there is darkness. That I may show others there are ways out of addiction. That although life me be complicated and, at times, overwhelming, that there are other tools to cope, other than drugs, alcohol, or sex. That I may show that there is help if, and when, you are willing to ask. All these things I ask in Your name, amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 25:4 (MSG): School me in your ways

2016-07-09T06:09:00.001-07:00

Psalm 25
A David Psalm

⁴Show me how you work, GOD;
School me in your ways.

Psalm 25 has been an amazing prayer for me to meditate on. When I first started drafting this entry there was a lot going on. I was struggling at work, I felt overwhelmed, and I didn't know what to do. In fact at one point I said, unconsciously, "I'm dying here." Despite my best effort many thing went...well, wrong....against me. Over the time, just in a few short weeks, since I started meditating on this little line it has been amazing the teachers that God has put into my life to teach me of His ways. It amazing, once I opened myself to His teachings, to see that my life is transforming once, again.

Part of the lesson has been how God responds to our prayer. As corny as this sounds, I think Morgan Freeman said it best in Evan Almighty:
"If someone prays for patience do you think God gives them patience? Or does He give them the opportunity to be patient? If someone prayed for courage does God give them courage? Or does He give him opportunities to be courageous?" In the same way, when we pray to be schooled and taught in His ways he give us challenging situations in which to learn from. Whether that's a challenging co-worker, or an addiction, or a conflict with somebody we love dearly.

Let's pray. Dear God - show us how you work. The world, which You have laid out for us is often complicated and overwhelming. The plan that You have for us in that world is often less clear. So, we plead, school us in Your ways and Your plans. Give us just a glimmer of clarity and shed some light on Your ways. Open our hearts and our minds to those people in our lives who You call to guide us and teach us. Especially those of us who are struggling with addiction. Give us a sign of Your love and that you are with us. Teach us how to overcome the evil of addiction that has too much power over our lives and thoughts. In our battle over addiction, give us patience (to accept the things we cannot change), courage (to change the things we can) and wisdom (to know the difference). Finally, give us opportunities that we may teach others in Your ways. That we may be a guide in this confusing and overwhelming world that we live. All of these things I pray in Your sons name, Jesus Christ - AMEN.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 24:1-2(MSG) God claims world and all who live on it

2016-06-13T04:18:00.000-07:00

Psalm 24
A David Psalm
^1-2God claims Earth and everything in it,
God claims World and all who live on it.
He built it on Ocean foundations,
laid it out on River girders.

The first two verses of Psalm 24 remind me that this is the day that the Lord has made. This day, this world, this earth - god has made and given to us. We have a choice, every day, whether we take it for granted or to actually fulfill something greater. Today, I am going to make a conscious decision to let God use me, where I am, to spread his message of hope and peace. As I learned in the 3rd step prayer (see below), I desire to fulfill his claim on my life and world.

Before I go into prayer today I would like to discuss the martial arts concept of Kata, which I was reminded of last week. One aspect of Kata practice is that it is done in a repetitive manner so that the movements and techniques are internalized with the goal that they be executed and adapted under different circumstances, without hesitation or thought. This the way a martial arts master's moves appear simple and smooth. As addicts, I believe we can apply the repetitive practice concepts of Kata to prayers, repeating them daily, until we can use them to master any situation we face. Many of you may recognize the third step prayer verses in my prayer today - and part of my Kata.

God I offer myself to Thee -
To build with me
and do with me what as Thou wilt.
Relieve me of the bondage of self,
that I may better do thy will.
Take away my difficulties,
that victory over them may bear witness
to those I would help of Thy Power,
Thy Love, and Thy Way of life.
May I do Thy will always...
Take my hands and let them move at the impulse of Thy Love,
Take my feet and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee,
Take my lips and let them be filled with messages from Thee,
Take my intellect and use every power as Thou choose,
Take my will, and make it Thine; It shall no longer be mine...
All these things I pray in Jesus' name, Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 23 (KJV): The LORD is my shepherd...He restoreth my soul

2016-06-01T02:38:00.003-07:00

Psalm 23
A David Psalm

¹The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
²He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
he leadeth me beside the still waters.
³He restoreth my soul:
he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

⁴Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil: for thou art with me;
thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
⁵Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies:
thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
⁶Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life:
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

Today I am taking a break from The Message. With the kind of gaps that I have in my blog it's not like I need any kind of break from psalms. Nevertheless, Psalm 23, probably the most popular psalm there is only sounds right in its most original form. Other translations don't seem to do it justice. And so I meditate on this version of Psalm 23 in the midst of temptation surrounding me.

It is with huge gratitude that I have God's word at this time. I am unable to sleep. I am travelling by myself. Usually for me this is a prime situation when I fall into the traps of my sexual addiction and scan all aspects of the internet for porn and sex. To think this is my proverbial valley of darkness now, compared to what it once was, or what it could have been, is pretty amazing. His shepherd's crook is a comfort to me, especially of the possibilities my life now has. Surely I have gifts of God's giving and my cup runneth over. I pray that I can continue to dwell in His house forever.

It is often at this time that I pray for the addicts that still suffer. Today, however, I'd like to recognize that addicts aren't the only victims of addiction and pray for all of the victims of addiction. Especially the parents, friends, children, and loved ones who are abused by the addict, sometimes physically as well as mentally. I'd like to pray for their wisdom, love, strength and courage in the face of an addict in their life. God, I was recently told me that addiction is infinitely patient, waiting for the right instances to strike. You've taught us that love, however, is the more patient. And so I pray for this kind love for the victims - that can help them separate the disease of addiction from the person they love. That they have the courage to stand-up to the addiction while loving the person. I pray that God, you can give them the wisdom to know the difference. For this is even a hard distinction for, we, addicts to make. So I pray these things for all addicts to have as well, the love of oneself, and the courage and endurance to fight the addiction within us. This is important, because regardless of the success we've had in the past it is a struggle that will always be one we face. And I pray that we addicts remember that we are not our addiction - and that we remember that You, God, have a bigger and better plan than what our addiction would have of us. All of these things I pray in Jesus' name - AMEN.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 22:6-8 (MSG) Here I am...something to step on

2016-02-21T05:36:00.000-08:00

Psalm 22:6-8 (The Message)
A David Psalm

^6-8And here I am, a nothing—an earthworm,
something to step on, to squash.
Everyone pokes fun at me;
they make faces at me, they shake their heads:
“Let’s see how God handles this one;
since God likes him so much, let him help him!”

Let's face it we all have bad days. Days where things go wrong. I had one of those yesterday. It feels like the worst day in at least a year. Possibly more than 5. Sometimes it happens because of things we can control - like when we forget something important. Other times we have no control over it at all, like when somebody we love dies. The times when we have control it seem worse, we feel so stupid, so little, like an earthworm. It makes you want to shrink up into a hole and hide-away. Or worse, it makes you want to bury it in addiction to cover it up.

As David writes here, "Let's see how God handles this one." Do we let God handle this one? Do we really have the faith that these bad days are part of his plan. That these bad days are making us stronger? That these bad days are preparing us for something bigger? These days obviously test our faith. We need to take a deep breath and turn it over to God and let him handle them. Especially on those days where we have made a mess of things. I find it's easy to turn things over that were out of my control...however, messes I created or could have prevented are much harder. I tend to dwell on them and beat myself up, well beyond anything that makes sense. I dwell on the situation beyond the the point of making things right, again. So, today I will trust in his plan and will not bury the situation in my addiction.

Dear God, give me perspective I need to understand we are living under your plan. Thank you for your people, who surround me and give me this perspective. Continue to have them surround me that I may have this perspective to be free of my addictions. Give me strength and faith on days where I struggle. Strength and perseverance to get through the trial, without falling back on my addiction, and faith that I will know that you are preparing me for something bigger. For I know that you do not call those who are prepared, rather that you prepare those who are called. And these trials are preparing me for to be in service to you and your people. For that I am ready to be prepared. Lastly, I want to pray for the addicts that still suffer. Give them this same perspective, strength and faith, which I pray for, that they may come to you and live free from their addiction before they are overcome by their addiction. All this I pray in your name. Amen.

Psalm 21:13 (MSG) Show your strength, God, so no one can miss it

2015-09-06T07:16:00.004-07:00

Psalm 21:13 (The Message)
A David Psalm

¹³Show your strength, GOD, so no one can miss it.
We are out singing the good news!

God is great. God was the only thing powerful enough to stop me from my addictions. To me, Psalm 21 is about His greatness. The great life he planned, and gave, to David. Now I'm not the kind of person who compares his himself to great people - in fact, I kind of hate it when people consider themselves to be great like that. However, as I read psalm 21, I feel like God has piled blessings on me, in the same way he piled blessings on David.

At one point in my life, I was so close to losing everything. Now I have more than I could have dreamed. I wanted a good life and God gave it to me. He's filled my arms with gifts, and delivered me from my addiction. So, it should be no surprise that I would want to share this kind of power with the world. That it would be my hope that this power, which can liberate all people from evil, reign over the world. This shall be my song today.

Dear Lord, be with us today, as we sing your good news. As we bear witness to your power over evil. As we bear witness to your glory and your way of life. There are so many people who suffer from the prison of addiction, Lord. Relieve of us of our bondage of self that we may help those addicts who still suffer. In helping the addicts that suffer, help us play our role in liberating them from evil. Let us help in a way that those addicts who still suffer can experience arms filled with gifts and a good life. All this we pray in your name, Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 20:6 (MSG) An answer's on the way

2015-08-11T05:50:00.001-07:00

Psalm 20:6 (The Message)
A David Psalm

⁶That clinches it - help's coming
an answer's on the way,
everything's going to work out.

There are days, and some situations, when faith and hope are hard to come by. On those days it is hard to believe that everything that everything is going to work out. We all have those days. and they test our faith. Recently, I have been able to listen to sermon radio. One pastor, in particular (I won't name him) says that faith is about expecting positive things in your life. Expecting that everything will work out. He believes that if you have this expectation it will happen. If you don't, he continues, you bring about a negativity that allows things to go wrong. So, in that way, faith is about maintaining high expectations in the face of bad days and disappointment.

Let's be clear, I don't believe that you can will things to happen just by having a positive attitude. Some things are just not part of God's will - as much as we'd like to believe they are. So, our will or expectation will not have much influence in those areas. However, I do believe the things we think impact the paths some things take. For example, if we think people are generally good, then we will find the good in people. If you give people a chance most people will rise to the occasion. If you have faith that all problems can be solved, and you are patient, as well as persistent, problems will be solved. On the flip side of that, I also believe, like Dale Carnegie, that worrying doesn't help anything, and the perfect way to conquer worry is to pray. If you can pray, well, like Psalm 20, verse 6, says, "An answer's on the way."

Dear Lord, we know there are always days that seem like nothing can go right. Like the world is ending. Like there are no answers. Show us that, in fact, help is coming. Help us to conquer our worrying. Show us that an answer's on the way - even if it's not the easy answer we were hoping for. Remind us that our addiction is not the answer and won't make our problems go away. Every now and then we all need this kind of hope. Teach us that your plan is that everything works for good. Then when tables are turned and we have the opportunity to share your light to someone who needs help or an answer - let us be that light. Let us be that person who provides Your love, who provides Your answer, who helps everything work out. In the name of Jesus, and our savior, Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 19:11-13 (MSG) Keep me from my stupid sins

2015-08-02T08:19:00.003-07:00

Psalm 19:1-2
A David Psalm

^11-13There’s more: God’s Word warns us of danger
and directs us to hidden treasure.
Otherwise how will we find our way?
Or know when we play the fool?
Clean the slate, God, so we can start the day fresh!
Keep me from stupid sins,
from thinking I can take over your work;
Then I can start this day sun-washed,
scrubbed clean of the grime of sin.

I have a confession to make. I can hold a grudge. Sometimes, it is very difficult for me to forgive. In those situations where I find it hard to forgive I also forget to reach out to God for help. This all came to light for me this week when I was finally able to forgive somebody at work, let's call him Andy. For the past several months Andy had been lying, saying nasty things about my work, and saying different things in different situations. To me he'd say one thing and to a peer he'd say the opposite. It became very difficult to trust Andy and to be completely honest, when I thought about the things he did, I called him the devil. One of my co-workers, who is a much better person than I, confronted Andy about his actions to understand his motivation. He began to understand a little better what was at play. For me though, I avoided Andy, ignored him, and talked with others behind his back. It wasn't until this week, when I found out that Andy had decided to leave the company, that I was able to forgive him. It was such a relief - but I believe it is something I should have been able to do earlier, had I been able to ask God for help.

Lord, I am very capable of stupid sins. The bible is full of warnings, yet I forget and ignore those warnings. You guide us to the true treasures in life. Instead, in my stupidity I chase the treasures of men, and find myself focused on filling my retirement investment fund. Thankfully, at least once a week, you help me see the err of my ways. You give me many chances, to learn and change the way I act and improve the decisions that I make. For this I am grateful - and I praise you. Continue, God, to keep me from my stupid, selfish, sins. Help me make amends for the sins that I have committed in the past. Help me wipe the slate clean so that I can start this day, and every day, as a fresh start - with my record scrubbed clean of the grime of sin. AMEN.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 18:1-2 (MSG) I love you God - You make me strong

2015-07-25T06:42:00.001-07:00

Psalm 18:1-2 (The Message)
A David Song - after he was saved from his enemies and Saul.

^1-2I love you, GOD -
you make me strong.
GOD is bedrock under my feet,
the castle in which I live,
my rescuing knight.
My God - the high crag
where I run for dear life,
hiding behind the boulders,
safe in the granite hideout.

This week has been a good week. One where I feel organized and "productive." I feel strong. This by itself is not extraordinary, what makes it unique is the hard drive on my laptop died. In the past, this would have killed me (figuratively of course). I would have fallen apart and blamed everything wrong in my life on the hard drive failing. No doubt, it would have triggered me into my addiction. Now some of the data was backed-up - and I am most happy about the pictures of my family that I retrieved from the back-up. However, there is a good year or so of work that was lost when the drive failed.

However, with God I am stronger. I know in the grand scheme of His plans, the data that was lost was not really significant. I also know that there was nothing lost that can't be found elsewhere if it's truly critical. With these thoughts I am able to let go of my worries and concerns of the lost data. That is just part of the way I am stronger today than 5 years ago, when I started this journey.

God, thank you for making us stronger. Thank you for blessing us as the castle's in which we live. Thank you for being a granite hideout for us to run to. You bring us not only strength but hope. For all this, we love You. Help me reflect that and let me bring the same hope and strength to others, that you have brought to me. Especially to the addicts that still suffer and are in desperate need of hope and strength - help me be a light and a source of strength for them. All these things we pray, and praise, in your name, Hallelujah, and Amen.

Psalm 17:8-9 (MSG) Keep your eye on me

2015-06-14T06:18:00.000-07:00

Psalm 17:8-9 (The Message)
A David Prayer

^8-9Keep your eye on me;
hide me under your cool wing feathers
From the wicked who are out to get me,
from mortal enemies closing in.

It's funny, as I continue on my way through psalms I am really drawn to verses like these. I wrote this draft weeks, ago, and without really thinking about it, but this post is very similar to my last one in that it's about God's protection. It's very coincidental but I guess that's what I'm looking for the most. I've never really felt about how much fear plays a role in my life - but if I'm constantly drawn to God's protection fear must be pretty important.

When I think about it, fear and insecurity leads to so many bad things. How many things do we do because we're afraid or insecure. When I'm afraid of losing my "stuff" I put walls and locks. Or worse I take proactive steps and I start attacking people who I perceive are a threat. I start to analyze people to determine if they're a threat or not. This leads to a vicious cycle where my distrust leads to another person's distrust of me - and in a worst case, we end up competing to be the first destroy the other. What ends up happening is that our fear and insecurity ends up leading us to very situation we fear in the first place.

God, we often find ourselves in situations where we are unsure. We are afraid. It might be a situation where we are confronted with new ideas. Initially, these ideas may seem to threaten our very beliefs and values. In the face of these new ideas, help us be secure and have faith in You and Your word. In these situations, help us seek to understand, not to be understood, that we might be an instrument of thy peace. For we understand that is only a strong faith can we seek to sow love where there is hate...instead of perpetuating more hate. There are many addicts, who still suffer, who are afraid and insecure. They have put up walls around them and usually suffer in isolation. Help them find security in you that they may bring down those walls. Guide them to a faith that allows them to stop hiding behind their addiction. To a faith that gives them a new life in Your word and Your way of life. A new life, of Your path, where in forgiving, we are forgiven. All this we pray in Your sons name, and our savior, Jesus - Amen.

Thanks so much for letting me share.

Psalm 16:1-2 (MSG) Keep me safe, O God

2015-05-23T06:43:00.002-07:00

Psalm 16:4 (The Message)

A David Song

^1-2Keep me safe, O God,
I've run for dear life to you.
I say to GOD, "Be my Lord!"
Without you nothing makes sense.

I have long sat on Psalm 16, trying to decide what I want to write about. There are many important values and ideas here. Whether verse 4, not to shop for Gods, not to treat God like a brand, which I interpret to be wear God on your heart before you wear him on your clothes. Or verse 9-11, where the psalmist writes about his happiness in all perspectives and He has set me on His path for me. It's kind of like having to choose which commandment is the most important.

ultimately, for me, in Psalm 16, it came down to God protects us from verses 1 and 2. There are so many things that threaten us. War, violence, and crime threaten our safety. Disease, pollution, and parasites threaten our health. Of course, there is also addiction, which threatens our health, relationships, finances, and safety. As amazingly as we are designed, with our ability to adapt and heal, we are still incredibly exposed to risk. The natural response to these threats is to hide ourselves from these threats and shield ourselves. The appropriate response I believe though is to show faith in God and trust that He will protect us. For if God is with us, who will be against us, and whom then shall we fear?

Dear Lord, be with us, continue to be with us, and protect us. Lead us down the path you have laid out for us and steer us straight when we go astray. Deliver us from the threats in our lives, from the parasites, from the disease, and from the addiction. In the face of war and crime let us be a light that brings hope and truth. Give us this day, sustenance that we may be strong in the face of these threats and can be Your light. Guide us to forgive those people who have threatened us in the past. For we understand that it is in forgiving, that we will be forgiven. And that it is in dying we are given Your ultimate gift of eternal life. All these things I pray in Your name, AMEN.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 15:5 (MSG) Keep your word even when it costs you

2015-03-22T19:30:00.004-07:00

Psalm 15:5 (The Message)
A David Psalm

5"Keep your word even when it costs you,
make an honest living
never take a bribe.

"You'll never get
blacklisted
if you live like this."

This Psalm lists several important do's and don'ts - but of this list, I specifically chose the set of do's out of the list for a couple of reasons. The first is that it is impossible to live by don'ts. The only way to be successful at don't is to focus on do's. The second reason is that lying becomes a significant part of the problem(s) in the life of an addict that suffers.

At first, a lie seems easy. "It won't hurt anybody," we think. It's just a white lie - or sometimes it's just an omission. "What they don't know won't hurt them," we tell ourselves. The lies certainly seem easier than the alternative of getting caught doing something wrong. Eventually though all the lies, cover ups and hiding grows until it becomes impossible to keep consistent. It's quite literally a hell that becomes unbearable. Then we start our recovery and we see all those lies aren't necessary. We don't have to be perfect. We don't have to worry about how people perceive us along as we're authentic to ourselves. There it is it, eventually it becomes obvious that the person who suffered the most of all at the hands of our lies were ourselves. So once we could shed the lies we could become the person God intended us to be.

Dear Lord, I am grateful. Grateful for your truth. Grateful for the plan you have for me. Most of all I am grateful that you keep your word. Be with those who are still suffering from an addiction. The ones who are buried in their own lies. Show them there is a better way. A way, in your word, where the lies are not necessary. A way, where it will be easier for them to keep their word. A way, where they can be happier and have greater peace. Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 14:4 (MSG) Treating people like a fast food meal

2015-03-21T06:15:00.002-07:00

Psalm 14:4 (The Message)
A David Psalm

⁴Don't they know anything,
all of these impostors?
Don't they know
they can't get away with this -
Treating people like a fast food meal
over which they are too busy to pray?

I struggled with this psalm today. After going through several of the verses I finally decided on verse 4 as having the most meaning to my recovery. In particular, for line about eating up "people like a fast food meal." Our society teaches us we can treat people like objects or statistics. People have become target markets, eyes on a website, and demographics of liberals and conservatives part of red and blue states. So, it should not come as a surprise when we feel like we are objectified. This, to me, is one of the saddest things of what our society has come to.

We've lost the stories of the people. Everyone of us has a story, which is comprised of many many smaller stories. These stories are God's plan for us and every one of them is unique and important. Some are tales of adventure while others are stories of persistence and perseverance. Yet, we disregard those of others while we try to make our own seem more important. We have to stop this, stop treating people like fast food meals. We need to listen to other people's stories and treat them with the dignity they deserve, as another one of God's children. For it will require that we start doing this, ourselves, can we expect that others will do it as well. Only then will we start to see a difference in the way society views people - not as statistics but as individual children of God.

Dear Lord, be with us today as we do more to value our brothers and sisters. Help us to make time and put away our distractions so we can focus on their stories. For we know that hearing these stories will bring understanding. Understanding then creates bonds of respect and friendship. This respect and these friendships are part of your light - and through your light we will have peace. This message of peace, after all, is the message Jesus that we celebrate every year at Christmas. Help us spread and celebrate this message of peace, by sharing stories, especially now in this time of lent. Through this let us, at the same time, experience your peace and bring your peace to others. For you have taught us that it is only in giving that we shall receive. All this we pray in your name. Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 13:3 (MSG) I want to look life in the eye

2015-03-16T06:06:00.002-07:00

Psalm 13:3 (The Message)
A David Psalm

³Take a good look at me, GOD, my God;
I want to look life in the eye

It takes courage to look life in the eye. Often courage that I'm not sure that I have. Courage to take risks. Courage to take responsibility. Courage to be honest to tell people things they don't want to hear. Sometimes I think if I only could have more courage my recovery would be easier. I guess that's true, part of the journey of recovery is becoming stronger, and finding courage in situations where hid before. So today I will pray that my recovery will help me find the courage that I need.

Dear Lord be with us give us the courage and strength we need to successful in our recovery. The change we face in recovery is hard. There are times when I am ready to sleep but I know I need to be strong to face the challenge of the situation. Be with me at that time that I may look life in the eye and face the challenge. There are times when I am in distress and my mind is racing. Be with me at that time to calm my mind and bring me peace, that I may look life in the eye. I pray that you will do this for all my brothers and sisters in recovery. Whether they are just starting the journey of recovery or 10 years into the recovery, we all need your support. All this we pray in your name, Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 12:6-8 (MSG) God, keep us safe from their lies

2015-03-14T06:59:00.002-07:00

Psalm 12:6-8 (The Message)
A David Psalm

^6-8God's words are pure words,

Pure silver words refined seven times
In the fires of his word-kiln,
Pure on earth as well as is in heaven.
GOD, keep us safe from their lies,
From the wicked who stalk us with lies,
From the wicked who collect honors
For their wonderful lies.

We are bombarded with images about what our lives should look like. Bombarded with advertisements about all of the things we should have. Bombarded with images about what success should look like. An example of these images, is how alcohol ads show drinking beer is an essential thing that you must do with friends - implying that drinking alcohol is the way to guarantee a good time. We all know the implied and promised messages in ads aren't true. We all know that none of those things bring true happiness. We all know it's all lies.

Yet, somehow we get sucked in to hype. Eventually, progressively chasing these things turns into a habit, then into something that's mandatory, and finally we lose control. Whether it's from gambling, drinking, sex addiction, or shopping addiction. The stories are all the very similar. Somehow, the ads never show the problems that come from addiction - just the bliss. The ads and images never show the bankruptcies, the lost relationships, or the broken careers.

That's why it's so important to follow and believe in the words of God. They are pure. God's promises are not about worldly wealth or success. His idea of an abundant life is where we thrive with blessing that can't be measured, in love, in happiness. His word and His promises see through the lies of the companies and people, who benefit from our addictions and our downfall. The companies care only about their own success and profitability. They don't care about addiction or the ruin that addiction creates. They stalk us looking for ways to keep us "loyal" - adding more alcohol, sugar, or caffeine making their products more addictive. But God, and his word, is pure. We will be safe if we follow His word.

Dear God, thank you for your word. Continue to keep us safe from the wicked who bombard and stalk us with lies. Help us see through the lies, and that happiness does not come from having or consuming a particular product. Help us, rather, see that happiness comes from living in your word. Continue to remind us that it is in giving that will shall receive. Let us not forget that it is in our forgiveness that we will be forgiven, and that it is in dying that we are born again to eternal life. All this we pray in your name, Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 11:7 (MSG) God loves getting lines straight

2015-03-12T04:36:00.001-07:00

Psalm 11:7 (The Message)
A David Psalm

⁷God's business is putting things right;

he loves getting the lines straight,
Setting us straight. Once we're standing tall,
we can look him straight in the eye.

Discipline is a difficult thing. It's hard to hear you're not doing something right. It's hard to get up every morning and exercise. It's hard make to sacrifices during lent. It's hard to go through every psalm. It's hard to avoid addiction everyday when your brain tells you you're going to explode without the next shot of dopamine. All of this, though, helps to get things straight - and getting things straight is God's business.

Looking for inspiration, I googled, "God loves getting things straight" and I found this quote from C.S. Lewis from Mere Christianity, which I think captures the challenge with the change that God is bringing in our lives as he straightens things up:

“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”

Dear God, help me to straighten up. Give me courage as embark on this journey of change and prepare me the difficulties of those transitions. I want to become that palace where you will come to live. Help set me straight so that I can stand straight and look you in the eye. Help me prepare for the journey you have in store for me. Help me understand the changes you are making in my life. Help me understand the parts of my life that I need to let go of. So, that I may help you build the house in which you want to live. For all this pray in your name, Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 10:14 (MSG) But you know all about it...You won't let them down

2015-03-09T06:38:00.001-07:00

Psalm 10:14 (The Message)

¹⁴But you know all about it-
the contempt, the abuse.
I dare to believe that the luckless
will get lucky someday in you.
You won't let them down:
orphans won't be orphans forever.

There will be days that we feel like God has deserted us. Things will go wrong. We will experience pain. We all have those days. It is in those days that we are tested. It will be tempting to quench the sting of our pain with our addiction. It will be important though that we maintain our faith in our higher power, in God.

Maintaining faith in the face of pain or disappointment is one of the hardest things to learn. For me, it's about remembering past experiences where things have turned around. When things have gone from unsalvageable to being truly good. Sometimes those turnarounds are slow, and sometimes they seem immediate. Often the change comes in situations where I least expect it. So, I've learned to look at all of my options. I try not to be surprised when the turn-around happens. Although, I still seem to be surprised when it does happen.

Dear Lord, thank you for blessings. Thank you for making the luckless lucky. Thank you for giving families to the orphans. Thank you for turning lives and situations around. Help us to maintain our faith and positive attitude in the face of disappointment, loss, and pain. Keep hope alive in us at all times as a demonstration of our faith in You. Let us hold your light in times of darkness. Where there is doubt, let us sow faith. Where there is despair, let us be able to bring hope. Grant that I not so much seek to be understood as to understand. For it is in giving that we shall receive, and in forgiving that we are forgiven. All this I pray in the name of Your son, and my savior Jesus Christ, Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 9:13-14 (MSG) I'll write the book on hallelujahs

2015-03-02T06:05:00.000-08:00

Psalm 9:13-14 (The Message)
A David Psalm

Be kind to me, GOD;
I've been kicked around long enough.
Once you've pulled me back
from the gates of death,
I'll write the book on hallelujahs;
on the corner of Main and First
I'll hold a street meeting;
I'll be the song leader; we'll fill the air
with salvation songs.

This section of psalm 9 is what covenants are written on. How many times have we been at the end of our rope like this. "God, I'm about to lose everything." "God, my life is out of control." "God, please, if I have another night like last night I know it will be my last on earth." Then we tell him, "If You can fix it I will do anything for you." Then once he does...well...we say, "Did I say anything?" Then...we don't step up to our end of the deal. We fall short on doing anything. Sure, we do some things better, but we don't do anything. We don't hold street meetings. We don't write the book on hallelujahs. We don't fill the air with salvation songs.

Today that changes. Today, I stop forgetting the role God plays in my life. Today, with no imminent crisis, I keep my covenant with God to put him first. I fill the air with salvation songs. I will love people the way Jesus to love. I become the light in the world that He intends me to be. I will make reparations to those I have hurt.

God, many times I have failed to hold up my end of our bargain. Many times I have fallen short in our covenant. Nevertheless, you continue to shower me with your grace and your blessings. For all of those gifts, and that forgiveness, I am grateful. Today I will make your will my priority. For this God, I will need you to fill me with courage - courage to put you before others in my life. For this I will need you to fill me with patience - patience to wait on you, Lord. Most of all, Lord, I will need you to fill me with faith - faith that your will, and no other way, is the ultimate path for my life. I think of the challenges and opportunities you have put before me and I will need these three things to be honest and true to our deal. Thank you, Lord, for your protection and your guidance. All this I pray in your name, Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 8:5-6 (MSG) Yet we've so narrowly missed being gods

2015-02-27T06:56:00.002-08:00

Psalm 8:5-6
A David Psalm

^5-6Yet we've so narrowly missed being gods,

bright with Eden's dawn light.
You put us in charge of your handcrafted world,
repeated to us your Genesis-charge

Recovery is about a lot of things. It is about change. Changing our focus from what feels good to what feels right. The focus also changes from ourselves to things much larger than ourselves. In that regards the theme of Psalm 8 is very similar. Psalm 8 describes how God's handiwork drowns out the evil of the world - if we allow it. If we can take moment step back long enough to see it.

This shift in focus in recovery is also about taking responsibility. Taking the responsibility that God intended for us. Psalm 8 discusses this "Genesis-charge" that we are to take care of his handi-work and do His work on earth. We need to put down our insignificant, and sometimes selfish habits, and replace them with what God intended for us.

As I look at the worries and issues that seem overwhelming in my life from a broader perspective grand scheme of what's important in the world - my worries are fairly insignificant. I need to keep perspective on what is important to God. I need to make sure my priorities are aligned with God's priorities. Is the work I'm doing, and the work I am making my priority really making sure that His handiwork and His word is sustained? The honest answer is clearly no.

Dear Lord, thank you for the Psalms, that they help us pray and keep us in an honest and strong relationship with you. Help us keep perspective on our lives and our role that you have planned for us in the world. Guide us and allow us to take advantage of the opportunities to do your work on earth. As Psalm 8 so aptly describes you have given us the beauty of creation. Help us to enjoy, conserve, and protect the beauty of your creation, without polluting, wasting, or misusing these precious gifts. We want to be in charge of your handcrafted world, help us make your priorities our priorities. Help us have the courage and perspective of the leaders before us that have brought about the change needed to protect and conserve the gifts you've given us. All this we pray in your name, Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 7:9 (MSG) Close the book on Evil, God

2015-02-26T06:00:00.000-08:00

Psalm 7:9 (The Message)
A David Psalm

Close the book on Evil, GOD,
but publish your mandate for us.
You get us ready for life:
you probe our soft spots,
you knock off our rough edges.

This was one of the harder psalms for me to decide on how to approach. The main theme to Psalm 7 is that David is an innocent man - he did not rebel against God or treat others unfairly. Whereas I, in my addictions, did rebel against God and treated others unfairly. So, I am not innocent. Nevertheless, I see what I've done is wrong. I want to change my ways. I want to close the book on evil.

Like David, though, I need God to rise and protect me from my enemies, to close the book on evil. However, unlike David I am guilty so I need God to forgive me before he can do that. In order for that to happen, according to the Lord's Prayer, I need to forgive people who have done me wrong. On paper that seems like a fair trade. On paper that seems easy. That is, until I think about some of the people that have done me wrong. But I do want God to close the book on evil. So, today I will focus on that forgiveness.

Dear God, thank you for giving us today. A day where we can focus on your plan in our lives. A day where we can focus on being a reflection of you, and practice love and forgiveness. Be with me as I work on this forgiveness. Help me to let go of my pain and understand the other person's situation. Help me to understand my role in the situation that lead to the wrong doing. All these things will be hard for me so ask you help me as I struggle through them. In doing this help us all to close the book on evil. Especially, the addicts that still suffer. Be with them as they try to put the cap on their bottles forever. Be with them as they try to close the book on their destructive compulsions. Lead them to a meeting to show them that there is a solution to their problems. Show them there is road to recovery, restoration, and forgiveness. For all this we pray, in Jesus's name. AMEN.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 6:2-3 (MSG): God, how long will it take?

2015-02-25T06:27:00.000-08:00

Psalm 6:2-3 (The Message)
A David Psalm

^2-3Can't you see I'm black-and-blue,

beat up badly in bones and soul?
GOD, how long will it take
for you to let up?

There is no doubt that life can beat us down, This past week has been challenging for me - and on at least one occasion the urge to turn to addiction presented itself as an option. In those situations, like David I ask, "How long will this go on?" The answer that comes back is, "As long as it takes." For me, it went on until I cried out to God for it to stop.

I can carry a Bible around, but until I actually use it nothing will change. I can have the best intentions of visiting an AA meeting but until I go nothing will change. I have to want it, I have to be prepared to take that step before God will meet me.

Our addiction took several years to progressively get to the place it is today. So, we have to expect that it will take at least that many years of praying and working the steps to unwind that chaos, insanity and destruction. Thankfully, when we do take those actions, when we pray and work the steps, God responds and answers our prayers. Thankfully, this week when temptation presented itself God responded to my prayers - and I was able to maintain my sobriety.

Dear God, thank you for your blessings and answering our prayers. As we go into the world today continue to be with us and help us unwind the chaos, insanity, and destruction, which our addition(s) brought into our lives. Help us be a tool of your peace. Where there is chaos, let us sow your plan. Where there is insanity, let us sow balance and truth. Where there is destruction, let us sow restoration. Grant that we may not so much seek to be understood as to understand; to be loved, as to love; For it is in giving that we receive; it is in forgiving that we are forgiven, and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. All this we pray in your name, and our savior, Jesus Christ. AMEN.

Thanks for letting me share.