Journey to Joy - Career & Personal Development Coaching from Katherine Bock | Dallas, TX

What is Perfect?

Katherine Bock — Mon, 18 Jul 2011 16:00:16 +0000

In an earlier blog, I talked about a corporate client who realized that by spending so much time on drafting the “perfect” email, she was giving up time to spend on the activities that give her the most joy as well as the bigger payback, i.e., mentoring and coaching employees. It takes courage to overcome perfectionist tendencies because it requires admitting that you are human—and to be human is to be imperfect. Acknowledge that you’ve made mistakes all along the way in life and possibly the biggest mistake of all is being driven to be a perfectionist.

Here are some tools to combat perfectionism (from What Happy Women Know by Dan Baker Ph.D.).

1. Kaizen: The Perfectionism Antidote
Kaizen is the Japanese word for continual improvement through small incremental steps. Use yourself as a standard and whatever it is that you’re working on, strive to make it better by a fraction of an inch.

2. The Pareto Principle
This principle hypothesizes that 20% of our efforts deliver as much as 80% of our results—meaning that the remaining 80% of effort delivers only 20% of results. Consider this: If 20% is enough to deliver a reasonably acceptable job—maybe not perfect but certainly well above adequate—then the remaining 80% of the time spent seeking perfection is wasted on a very small gain.

Be aware of the difference between setting high personal standards and perfectionism. Setting high standards involves establishing reasonable goals in pursuit of success, while perfectionism involves setting impossibly high goals and is motivated by fear of failure.

What might change if you told yourself that you will never fail, i.e., that you’re constantly learning from experiments you try in your own personal “journey to joy”?

“Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.” –Henry Ford

P.S. We teach what we need to learn. Having Maximizer as my #1 strength means that excellence is my only standard. I struggle with the concept that something has to be only a little bit better. On my own personal “journey to joy”, I’m letting go of perfectionism and learning to embrace the concept of being the best I can be and letting go of other people’s judgments. That’s about them, not me (even the good stuff!). As long as I always do my best, that’s all I can do. When things don’t turn out the way I had hoped, I just focus on what I will do differently the next time. Life is a journey!

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“Will my emails get me promoted?”

Katherine Bock — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 16:00:15 +0000

I just love being a coach and helping my clients gain a different perspective, especially when they are getting in their own way. I’m working with a highly motivated corporate client who has engaged me to help her become a better leader. As is always the case, even when I’m engaged to help someone within a specific area, I coach the whole person, not just on the business aspects. After all, we are a whole person, not just the person who shows up for work. A common theme is that she’s working so many hours, she doesn’t have time for the rest of her life. She has a young daughter who she believes that she’s short changing, not only by the number of hours she works but even when she’s home, her mind is still on the job. We’ve talked about ways she can leave work at work so she can enjoy being with her daughter, i.e., be fully present with her daughter. One tip to help you be fully present is to focus on one of your senses. Notice what you’re seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling in the moment and be grateful for that moment.

At any rate, my client feels as if she’s always behind on her emails in spite of the fact that she’s created systems to filter her incoming emails and created blocks of time to respond to them. (I’ve encouraged her to never check emails the first hour of the day. That’s responding to others’ issues and can zap you of energy to focus on your more strategic projects. Block out that first hour of the day and work on those initiatives that are most important (the “Big Rocks”) and then respond to emails.) As we were talking, it became apparent that having her emails be well written and easily understood was very important to her and she was spending an inordinate amount of time making sure that they were “perfect”. I challenged her to define what “perfect” is and determine who gets to decide when that objective has been achieved. Hmmm…..! At the same time, I asked her if she knew of anyone who had been promoted because they wrote great emails. I think you know what the answer is.

We focused on her bigger vision for her life and the aspect of her job as a leader that she loves the most and guess what? Emails weren’t even on the list! She’s experimenting with different approaches so she can focus on what she loves the most which is mentoring and coaching her employees to be the best they can be. That’s the payoff for spending less time on her emails and more time on people development—a win win all around. I’ll keep you posted on what’s showing up in her life in future blogs. I’ll also share some tips on creating more joy in your life by letting go of the need to be perfect in future blogs.

“The very worst thing in the world is to do very well what need not be done at all.”
– Peter Drucker

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I Don’t Care!

Katherine Bock — Mon, 27 Jun 2011 16:00:37 +0000

Martha Beck’s article in the July issue of O magazine offers a compelling and very simple way to create more joy in your life. Start accepting those you love just as they are without any need or wanting to change them. This is consistent with Hale Dwoskin’s Sedona Method and the idea that “what you resist, persists”. Martha gave me a different way to look at my concern about loved ones’ behaviors that I believe are detrimental to them. She suggested that we love without caring, that “real healing, real love comes from people who are both totally committed to helping—and able to emotionally detach.” Interestingly, she goes on to say that when we’re anxious and controlling, others mirror our emotions and they become anxious and controlling. Likewise, when we relax by letting go of expecting the other person to change, they will mirror our relaxation, and may be more open to make changes that they want. Much as we might want to, we can’t make others change their behavior; we can only change our reaction to them and keep trying different approaches until we get the outcome we want.

Regardless of what others are doing, we can still find joys to embrace. Such acceptance may not instantly make you content but you have to take 100% responsibility for creating ways to thrive and joys to embrace. If Helen Keller could write, after growing up deaf and blind, “I seldom think about my limitations, and they never make me sad,” then you can find a way to be happy regardless of what others are doing. There’s nothing more important than making ourselves happy in the moment because we will then attract more of that into our lives. Right here, right now, you can create that state of happiness of joy regardless of what else is happening in your life by letting go of attachments to outcomes and focusing on what you have to be grateful for right now. If you’re waiting for “when”, as in “when I get that job” or “when I have enough money” or “when I find that ideal companion” to be happy, guess what? “When” never arrives. Focus on the now and what you’re grateful for right now (and we have plenty to be grateful for) and you’ll notice a change in how you experience the world.

“Tomorrow is the future; yesterday is the past; today is a gift…that’s why it’s called the PRESENT!”

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What’s the Name of Your Own Personal Sitcom?

Katherine Bock — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 16:00:04 +0000

Amidst the turmoil of everyday life, stop to think of your life like a sitcom and find the humor. Research shows that humor and laughter (even contrived laughter, such as laughter yoga) will actually decrease your stress levels.

One way to focus on humor and laughter is to find activities that make you feel good and do more of them every day. Here are some questions to help you get started on your own personal “Journey to Joy”:

What always makes you smile?
What fills your heart with love?
What makes you feel fulfilled?
What excites you?
What small things leave you feeling content?

Constantly focusing on what might go wrong robs us of the joy of the present moment which is all we are guaranteed. We get to choose the lens through which we view life. Ask “what if” questions that contemplate an outrageously positive outcome. Predict what might happen if your wildest dreams came true. Focus on the possibilities rather than the problems and notice the difference it makes in your life. The life you live is the life you choose to see and to experience. Choose, in this moment and every moment, to fill it with joy, meaningful purpose and fulfillment.

“Act the way you’d like to be and soon you’ll be the way you act.” –George W. Crane

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Are You Recession Proof?

Katherine Bock — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 15:56:44 +0000

Last week, I was in Oklahoma City facilitating a workshop for some powerful women and was asked if my business was recession proof. Interesting question! Over the past couple of years, corporations decreased their investment on employee development so the revenues from my executive coaching business decreased. But, that gave me an opportunity to create and deliver some group coaching programs which was something I had wanted to do. That has opened other doors, that I could not have anticipated at the time, and turned out to be even better than my one-on-one coaching.

When things don’t turn out the way you planned, challenge yourself by asking: “What’s the opportunity here?” Being okay with whatever shows up in your life is the path to happiness. By letting go of the illusion of control (after all, all we control are our thoughts and our responses to what happens), we actually become more powerful…and happier.

“Become a possibilitarian. No matter how dark things seem to be or actually are, raise your sights and see possibilities—always see them, for they are always there. —Norman Vincent Peale

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Did you see the fox?

Katherine Bock — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 15:55:04 +0000

If the fox is an analogy for fun, did you see it? When we get too focused on “trying” and “doing”, we miss the point. Expand your vision by softening your focus. It’s much like an optical illusion where, if you try too hard, you can’t see the bigger (other) picture. When we’re trying to “figure it out”, our focus narrows and we can miss opportunities. Sit back and soften your gaze, focusing on the beauty of “what is”, and you will automatically expand what you see…and remember, what you focus on, you will see more of, so focus on what you want and what you’re thankful, for rather than what you don’t want. Attention amplifies everything!

“Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” –Abraham Lincoln

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Get Organized, Get Complete, Get Results and Get Joyful!

Katherine Bock — Mon, 23 May 2011 14:25:54 +0000

In recent blogs, I’ve shared tips on how to create space in your life so something new can show up. When you start a project, make an agreement, or identify a change you need to make, it takes up an “attention unit”. We can only pay attention to so many things at once without dulling our awareness and mental sharpness. And each promise, unfinished task or item on your to-do list leaves fewer attention units to bring new opportunities and abundance into your life. Continually ask yourself, “What does it take to get the task completed?” and then take the next step. 20 things completed have more power than 50 things half completed.

The 4 D’s of completion are:

Do it if you can complete it in 10 minutes or less;
Delegate it;
Delay it if you want to do it yourself and it takes more than 10 minutes. Specify what the next step is and when you will take the next step. You can’t complete a project but you can identify the next step and schedule it.
Dump it if it’s not important.

“The very worst thing in the world is to do very well what need not be done at all.” –Peter Drucker

It’s hard to be fully creative without structure and constraint. Try to paint without a canvas. Creativity and freedom are two sides of the same coin. Want freedom? Get organized. Want to get organized? Get creative. Once a week, do a thorough review of all your projects. If you do, your systems will work well. If you don’t, no system will work. So, in order to achieve clarity and be fully and positively engaged in what you’re doing, you must know the goal or outcome you’re intending and decide the next physical move to propel you in that direction. You can drive all the way from New York City to San Diego at night, with no map or GPS, with only your headlights for illumination. You don’t need to know every step along the way, just the next step.

“Anxiety is caused by a lack of control, organization, preparation and action.” –David Kekich

I challenge you to take one hour this week and write down every single thing that’s on your mind, both professionally and personally. It could be tasks on your to-do list, ideas rattling around in your mind, calls you haven’t returned, vacations you want to take but haven’t scheduled. Make it a complete “mind sweep” and write down every item on a separate piece of paper. Go for quantity rather than quality. Too many of us keep our to-do’s in our heads and writing it down is the first step in creating stress-free productivity. Next week, I’ll share a workflow diagram from David Allen’s Getting Things Done to help you with the next steps.

“If your mind is empty, it is always ready for anything; it is open to everything.” –Shunryu Suzuki

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Oh, what a night!

Katherine Bock — Tue, 17 May 2011 15:30:29 +0000

Recently, a group of ladies who are living their own journey of joy met to celebrate a birthday and liberation of sorts. The birthday was the pretext for a mini-reunion for us to take stock of where we had been, where we are now and where we are going.

There was B (which is the alias for “Lucy” who you read about in an earlier post), the birthday girl, who is well on her way to taking her business to the next level and seeing life through 3D glasses where beauty, peace and calmness are manifesting from living a life of intention.

NH is working her day job and attending classes at night stepping toward the next phase of her life as a grief counselor. Electric Susie will be starting her new job that will leverage her strengths and talents, i.e., where she will be a Starrrrrr! Then there’s CT who is working her day job (where she’s recognized for her stellar ability to create compelling decks…!), finding that when she stopped resisting “what is”, life became much easier…and a lot more fun! She’s tapping into her “ideation” talents in creating a new business that solves a problem that the world needs solved (stay tuned for next week’s post listing questions you can ask in seeking your own personal destiny on your journey to joy). We say she could be/should be a “stand up” comic since she brings her zany humor to her work situations. She could be the real life Dilbert! So funny!

Next there is NS who is loving her day job and exploring ecotourism as a possibility. Hmmm, being a technologist and a human being wanting to make a difference? What an inspiration! She is exploring possibilities as she is defining her life purpose. I encourage my clients to consider transitions as a treasure hunt where they are exploring possibilities and looking for clues. NS is taking my advice and running with it. Her life got easier when she stopped trying to figure it out and just got in tune with what she’s passionate about. This opened her up to endless new possibilities.

Then there’s dear Joyce, who is on her own personal destiny discovery journey, developing workshops and training to become a “dream coach”. I say that she’s a good role model for her clients as she lives her dreams with intention, constantly learning from many mentors and trainers and from her world travels. She is also a performer and talented singer who “woos” them using her beautiful voice. Joyce, SOL (meaning “Sing Out Loud”). Only you can do it your way!

JM is another technologist who is building a strong foundation by eliminating tolerations and irritations from her life so she will be ready for the next BIG step. She has a vision for her best life and is taking action now to clear the space (literally and figuratively!) for living the life of her dreams. The bigger the dream, the deeper the foundation needs to be and she’s getting there using the Clean Sweep program (more about that in future blogs).

Then there’s Sue, who is taking acting lessons while she continues her career as a manager in the financial services world. She has a natural talent that she wants to hone. I was there when she won an Oscar for Best Actress at last year’s “come as you will be in five years” party.

Is a Tony next? Stay tuned!

Carolyn Lee Jones, the acclaimed jazz singer (former buyer for Neiman Marcus in her earlier life), is an inspiration to us all. She is focused on fully utilizing her talents and is making beautiful music for the rest of us to enjoy. I hear God in her voice and see “blue skies” when she’s in her element. She’s perfect just the way she is! She will be performing at the Dallas Museum of Art “Jazz in the Atrium”, Thursday, July 7th from 6-8pm and will be performing at JAZZ IN JULY UNDER THE STARS in Addison, Texas, July 23rd from 8-10pm. Bring your blanket and lawn chairs and let Miss Jones entertain you.

Last, but certainly not least, is Bold Brenda who channels God with her music at the keyboards. I’ve experienced her beautiful music and I believe it is a direct connection to heaven. Bold Brenda has learned that life isn’t an “either/or” world but rather a “both/and” possibility as she steps boldly forth acting “as if” she’s a VP in her work world. It, too, will come!

All of these amazing women started their personal journeys to joy by attending my “Get Out of Your Own Way” workshops. They are all stepping into their own greatness much like Rango! Act “as if”, and you will meet your destiny. We’ll all meet again in November for my Triple RRR-rated beach retreat where we will all “Recharge, Rebalance and Refocus” to live the life of our dreams! Join us!

Their stories inspire me to continue living my life purpose which is to support others in living their best life in alignment with their unique life purpose.

“When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds, your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction, and you find yourself in a new, great and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents come alive, and you find yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be.”
–Patanjali

“The purpose of life is a life of purpose.” –Robert Byrne

When’s the last time you were inspired by purpose?

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Understand the Cycle of Completion

Katherine Bock — Fri, 13 May 2011 17:13:35 +0000

In The Success Principles, we learn that Decide, Plan, Start, Continue, Finish and Complete are steps in the Cycle of Completion. Each step is required to succeed at anything. It’s easy to get stuck at any of the steps. Let’s say that you want to start your own business or make a career transition. You first have to decide on what type of business or career which requires investigation. I suggest to my clients that they answer the following questions as part of their investigation (from Helen Harkness in Don’t Stop the Career Clock):

What does the world need now or in the future?
Do I have the skills to meet that need or can I get them?
Would I value doing that and could I make a commitment to it?
Can I make a living doing these things? How?

“I never perfected an invention that I did not think about in terms of the service it might give others….I find out what the world needs, then I proceed to invent.” –Thomas A. Edison

In reality, investigation is just another part of the decision phase, but it’s a lot of work. So guess what? A lot of people give up in the deciding phase which is a shame because many of the greatest business leaders will tell you that carrying out a decision isn’t the hardest part—making the decision is. Once you make a decision, you release all the energy you’re using on making the decision and your mind is free to work on the execution part.

Starting is the main prerequisite to completing anything. Along the way, you get feedback which allows you to adjust. Feedback is just information that tells you if you’re on course or off course.

Next, you have to continue. How many people start a project only to give up when it gets uncomfortable? Understand that all growth is uncomfortable and discomfort is just part of the process. Winners are people who are comfortable being uncomfortable. In building my business, I’m always uncomfortable trying new approaches and adding services but I understand that discomfort means that I’m growing and stretching. By taking action, I get out of my head and get feedback from the universe that tells me if I’m on course or off course. I always learn more from “doing” than “thinking”. Herminia Ibarra in Working Identify tells us that “the doing comes first, the knowing comes second”.

Next you have to finish. Many people think they avoid failure by not completing anything. I would encourage you to think that there is no such thing as failure. When things don’t turn out the way we expect, just see it as a learning opportunity. It took Thomas Edison 10,000 times to invent the light bulb. When asked about all his failures, he replied: “…I didn’t fail 10,000 times; it took 9,999 experiments to invent the light bulb.” I challenge you think like Thomas Edison and consider your next steps as little experiments. After all, he was America’s most successful inventor.

Finally, you have to complete. Every one of your incompletions represents something inside of you that’s not complete. And these incompletions are taking your attention away from what is presently important. When you don’t complete the past, you can’t be free to fully embrace the present. What do you need to complete before you can move on to bring new activity, abundance, relationships or excitement into your life?

“Whatever you are meant to do, move toward it and it will come to you.” –Gloria Dunn

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Creating Space for Something New: Complete the Past (continued): “The heart of the matter…is forgiveness!”

Katherine Bock — Mon, 09 May 2011 17:25:20 +0000

I’m thinking of the great Eagles song, “The Heart of the Matter” where Don Henley sings “…I think it’s about forgiveness…” When we hold on to past hurts, past incompletions, past anger or fear, we’re wasting valuable energy that could be used to propel us toward something new and wonderful to come into our lives, i.e., that which we want. If you want to manifest something new in your life, you need to come from a place of love and forgiveness—to let go so you can move on. Learn from whatever happened and move forward. When you forgive, it puts you back in the present—where good things can happen to you and where you can take action to create the future you want and deserve.

STEPS TO FORGIVING (adapted from The Success Principles by Jack Canfield)

The following steps are all integral to forgiving:

Acknowledge your anger and resentment.
Acknowledge the hurt and pain it created.
Acknowledge the fears and self-doubts it created.
Own any part you may have played in letting it occur or letting it continue.
Acknowledge what you were wanting that you didn’t get, and then put yourself in the other person’s shoes and understand where he or she was coming from at that time, and what needs that person was trying to meet by his or her behavior.
Let go and forgive the person.

Focus on this truth: “All people (including you) are always doing the best they can to meet their basic needs with the current awareness, knowledge, skills and tools they have at the time. If they could have done better, they would have done better.” We’re all doing the best we can.

What choices will you make today about forgiving and letting go of anger and resentments that will support you in creating the space needed to manifest more joy in your life? Remember, if you keep doing the same things you’ve always done, you’ll continue to get what you’ve always gotten.

I challenge you to write a letter to the person you want to forgive and go through all the steps and then burn the letter. You’ll be surprised at how much lighter you will feel. Once you release the negative emotions, you will be able to use that energy to take action to manifest what it is that you do want.

“None of us can change our yesterdays, but all of us can change our tomorrows.”
–Colin Powell

“As long as you don’t forgive, who and whatever it is will occupy rent-free space in your mind.” –Isabelle Holland

Who or what are you giving rent-free space to?

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