CATHARSIS

For You....The One Who Lost A Dream

2012-02-01T18:50:00.000-06:00

If my voice mattered right now, I would make it known how much I feel your pain. No words need be spoken for each tear shed, each breath taken, echoes your unspeakable sense of loss. Yes I've gone through it too but I will never claim to know exactly what's in your heart. When hearts shatter, each shard is unique, every throbbing pain is personal and so is the way the shattered pieces are put back together and healed.

If my voice mattered right now, I will share share with you this piece of advice...

Grieve.

This is a process and though unique for every soul, there is a way to approach it and this is what I have learned....

Go right in. Dive into it with everything you have. It will leave you when you are ready although I personally do not think it ever completely leaves you. Have patience. The pain will be dulled by time, experiences and most importantly, the wisdom gained from the whole process. Grief changes you and it has the ability to let you see more of who you are if you let it. Get acquainted with your grief. Let the tears, the questions, the doubts, the anger, the sorrow all flow. But also know that wisdom, hope, forgiveness, and faith are waiting for you to welcome them in. You must welcome them in, in time, for your sake...for your life's blossoming and sustenance. Stay in darkness for a while if you need to, but keep your eyes on the beacon to lead you back to shore and keep you from drowning in stagnation and despair.

As you find yourself in grief's company, recognize the value of belonging to a 'community'. I wrote 'Employ Friends' as part of the approach because you need others in this journey. And I chose 'Friends', instead of the word 'Family' because friends are people YOU choose. You may choose some family members but what I am saying here is that family or blood relations don't automatically grant anyone access to your grief. It is up to you. Be clear that you have the power to choose who you want to share your sorrow with. Be equally clear that you cannot go through this by isolating yourself. Believe me when I say that there are a number of like-minded and loving individuals out there who have shared a similar experience and have gained valuable wisdom from their own journeys. Take what they have to offer. Hold your friends' hands. Warm yourself in the embrace of those who love you. Where there is love, there is acceptance, support, and a shared dream of your spirit's healing. That is really the only place you need to be in.

This is all I have to say....if my voice mattered right now.

Five Things You Should Never Say To A Filipino Migrant

2012-01-25T15:03:00.003-06:00

Alright, so maybe I should’ve entitled this one as “Five Things You Should Never Say To ME As A Filipino Migrant ” but I would like to believe that I am doing justice to what others like me are thinking so bear with the title for now.

I know that most, if not all, of these are innocent comments borne out of the desire to make conversation and break the ice. But it’s hard enough for a migrant to be the one sticking out, the one trying to adapt. There's really no need to add uninformed and sometimes insensitive-comments-spiced-up-with-an-air-of-bigotry into the mix. Hearing these comments just ABSOLUTELY brings out the worst in me.

1. Comment: Wow! You speak English! (Variation: It's amazing how you don't have a thick accent!)

My secret hostile thoughts: Ummm…yeah, we’re pretty Westernized as a society and our colonial history includes a period of American occupation where our education system was heavily influenced among other things. I also grew up watching Sesame Street as did majority of my peers. I know you think you're complimenting me and maybe even trying to flatter me with your sharp observation but really you're also insulting my race by insinuating that you’ve always thought of us as backward and uneducated. Besides, what is so wrong about not being able to speak English???

2. Comment: It must be great growing up by the sea…oh those lovely beaches!

My secret hostile thoughts: Right!....The thing is I grew up in the city, the urban jungle, and yes, like any metropolitan area, we have high-rises too. I bet our malls are even bigger than the ones you’ve been to. Please go online and Google the Philippines.

3. Comment: Philippines....Where is that???

My secret hostile thoughts: Thanks. Can you possibly make me feel any more insignificant right now? But wait! How can an idiot make me feel insignificant? I'm zoning you out from this point on.

4. Comment: Oh yeah the Philippines! Who doesn't know Imelda Marcos and her shoes, right?! (said with such beaming pride)

My secret hostile thoughts: Out of the millions of other Filipinos, you equate us with a dictator known for plundered wealth and burying our country further in debt and poverty. Seriously??? How about our national hero, polymath Jose Rizal?...or our modern day heroes like Lea Salonga, Charice Pempengco, Arnel Pineda. I'm sure you've also heard of Manny Pacquiao?!

5. Comment: Oh I'm sorry! I thought you were Chinese!

My secret hostile thoughts: Thank you for being so bright as to assume that Asian = Chinese. Remind me again why I’m wasting my time with you??

I've heard of other annoying comments but I think these are the worst. Feel free to add to the list. Have you been in a situation where someone couldn’t quite ‘figure you out’, your race / ethnicity and then the person ended up spewing unbelievable crap? Or maybe you were the one who couldn’t figure out the other person? What did you do or say?

My Fright Night Starring Mother Nature

2012-01-23T16:32:00.001-06:00

Nobody’s a fan of Mother Nature’s wrath, especially when it strikes in the middle of the night. For the second time in my life, we had a tornado scare last night / early morning today, at around 1:30 a.m.

By around 7 in the evening, we had heard that severe weather conditions were going to hit Middle Tennessee. I kept checking various weather sites and every single one of them was consistent in saying that severe thunderstorms were sure to come late at night and that conditions were ripe for tornadoes to develop.

I’ve never experienced a tornado in my entire life. We did not have those in the Philippines, though severe storms, with strong rainfall, wind and flooding are no strangers to me. The very first time I got a real scare from a tornado was last year when we were still in Illinois and though I sort of panicked when I heard the siren, I took comfort in the fact that we had a basement. It somehow helped me feel a bit secure…somehow. This time around though, there is no basement to run to. Houses here in middle TN generally don’t have real basements. What most people call their basement is actually a walk-out type so it’s not really underground. We were told that it’s too expensive to dig underground given that much of TN is made of limestone bedrock (and some even say granite), hence we are left with a ‘panic closet’.

And yes, it’s not even a room but a closet located in the middle of our house, under the staircase. Even before we bought this house, we looked at the floor plan and made up our minds that this room would be our ‘tornado hideout’. Unfortunately (or fortunately), with my husband being such a ‘techie’, the said room also became our ‘server room’ (computer server), further making the space cramped. We realized at 1:45 am earlier today that 2 adults and one child can barely fit in there, especially since we had a huge down comforter and a couple of pillows with us to cover ourselves with should the need arise.

Our 'safe room' with its daily occupants...

I was the first one to get up. I just couldn’t sleep, feeling so paranoid and constantly checking various websites for weather updates. At first it was just a tornado watch. Then our county was included in a tornado warning but it said ‘northwestern part’ so I stayed calm and thought maybe it won’t hit the eastern part. I continued to stay awake and kept praying and praying and praying. Then just when I was beginning to convince myself that the worst is over since it seemed so calm and quiet outside, I heard the siren. I lifted my head from the pillow to listen more intently, still in denial and thinking that it was just an ambulance I was hearing. Then I stood and walked towards the window to listen some more and tapped my husband in the process to confirm. “Hey, wake up….Isn’t that the tornado siren??” AJ sat up, listened, and then finally said, “Yup, that’s it”. Quickly I grabbed the comforter and said, “We better go downstairs NOW…Go grab Noah…”, and we all headed quickly to the first floor. I turned on the emergency LED lamp inside the closet/room and threw the comforter on the floor. AJ put Noah down while I sat in the corner, while he walked to the adjoining family room to turn on the television and watch the news updates on the storm. After about 15 minutes, we saw on the screen that the storm had passed and we were no longer in the red zone. I was finally able to breathe normally and felt my whole being relax.

Amidst all the fear and anxiety, there was one question that kept popping in my head. “What exactly are you so afraid of?...being hurt?...damage to property?...dying?....losing your loved ones?” After all is said and done, I realized that the thing I fear most is the last one. It is the ‘damage’ I could be left with that would surely leave me most damaged…perhaps even irreparable.

On the practical side of things, I also realized that there needs to be a second safe room in case there were more people in the house. I am now thinking of the pantry as my best bet. Let’s just hope falling canned goods don’t end up hurting anyone in the process! I guess I need to organize that space now!

How about you? What is your emergency plan in your home? Have you been in a similar situation and have you any tips you want to share?

My Perfect Man

2012-01-13T18:54:00.001-06:00

I'm a teacher and I'm a firm believer in training and though sometimes my husband and I argue about Noah's readiness to learn certain things, for the most part, I win. I will admit that in terms of parenting, I'm the tougher, stricter one...the enforcer. And I like challenging Noah instead of just thinking that he's too young to learn or do certain things by himself. I'm sure that if you're a parent reading this, more than anyone else you would agree that early socialization is something you don't take lightly and that whoever said that if you wanted to start changing the world, that you need to start with mothers (or parents), could not have been more spot on!

Well, great news!! I am happy to report that I think I am on my way to creating a perfect man! It took years of training, 4 to be exact, but given the actual and potential benefits, I’d say I’m highly motivated to continue with this wise investment.

But everyone knows that parenting is not only about teaching but also about learning from the same children you are training. This is also part of what's rewarding about parenting; that you find yourself learning and gaining fresh insights as you watch your children develop. So here are a few entertaining, but no less valuable recent lessons from my 4-year old Noah.

I'd like to call the attention of men, (if there are, in fact, males out there reading this blog) especially husbands. Listen up. There are a few priceless lessons here to be learned from my preschooler as I illustrate why I think he’s my perfect man…

1. He does not let anger get in the way of his love and its expression.

One morning as we were rushing (again) on our way to school, Noah decided at the last minute that he wanted to change jackets. I made my utter disapproval known to him by ranting and giving him a long sermon. But as my Mom always used to tell me, you’d never win arguing with a child so don’t waste your energy. It was either a change in outerwear or skip school. Suffice it to say that even after close to ten minutes, I was still fuming mad because obviously I did not get my way. We were already in the car, driving to school, but I was still arguing with Noah, telling him how disappointed I was with his behavior and then I made it clear that I did not want to hear a word from him. ‘Do NOT talk to me!’, I exclaimed firmly.

He was quiet for a while. We both were. Then after two minutes of complete silence and compliance, Noah spoke in a semi-angry and firm voice: “Mo---meeeh!.....I love you!!...Even if I’m angry, I still love you!”

Right then, he melted my heart and I wanted to say, “You had me at Mommy…you had me at Mommy”, a la Dorothy Boyd in Jerry McGuire.

Lesson: Never let your anger get in the way of you saying I love you. 'I love you' is always powerful as long as you mean it.

***

2. He believes that burning resentments are not meant to linger overnight.

Nothing could be worse than making Noah upset and bringing him to tears when it's close to bed time, unless of course you're not a fan of sleep. This little man will refuse to go to bed when he knows Mommy is upset with him and will insist that he at least gets a hug. With sad, begging eyes, he will say, "I want Mommy to hug me" and will keep following me around the house until I give in and hold him. He knows that with just one hug, everything is better, he feels comforted and loved and I bet, unconsciously he also knows that my hugging him also drives some, if not all, of my anger away.

Lesson: Make it known that she makes such a difference. Her hug, her voice, her touch, have so much power that you can't be without them and that you can't bear the thought of being without her love, even if it's just for a few hours overnight.

3. He knows who the REAL master of the throne is.

If there is anything that proves that training makes a universe of difference, this is it. When Noah uses the toilet, he remembers to clean up, making sure that 'if he sprinkles when he tinkles', that he does wipe the seat. What's more, he always remembers to place the seat down once he's done. Pretty freakin' awesome, if you asked me!

Lesson: It's all self-explanatory, isn't it?

4. He makes me feel like I'm the world to him.

When he comes home after going out with his Dad, the first thing he shouts out is, 'Mommy, I'm home!' and then goes around the house to look for me. Once he sees me, his eyes light up, he then rushes to me and gives me a tight hug as if we've been parted for a hundred years. Sometimes the icing on the cake is when he adds an "I missed you, Mommy" to the hug.

Lesson: Small, everyday gestures count and they do add up. Oprah Winfrey has always highlighted her realization that one thing she knows for sure is that everyone on this earth has the need to be seen, to matter. Make those you love feel that you see them, REALLY see them, every chance you get.

5. He is a gentleman.

This mostly happens on weekends when all three of us go out. On those days, it is my husband who buckles Noah up and checks on the car seat, so I normally just head for the front passenger seat. Noah would then insist that he opens the door for me like a perfect gentleman. He only started doing this within the past six months, I think after hearing me ask his father one night why he no longer consistently does it for me. I guess the boy was challenged enough by it and decided to respond.

Lesson: Chivalry never gets old. There is nothing on any contract that says that a man should only open car doors for the woman during the first few months of dating. Actually if anything, the contract has a fine print stating it's a lifetime commitment and a wise investment that can guarantee exponential returns somewhere along the way. It's a loving and sexy gesture, if you asked me!

6. Last but certainly not the least...He speaks the 'TRUTH'.

One day, Noah found me browsing through pictures and then I muttered, "I'm so fat...Am I not so fat, Noah?" He then responded with much conviction and (seeming) honesty, "You're not fat Mommy...not to me!" I gave the boy a tight hug, rewarding him for his undeniable keenness...(and impeccable taste)!!

Lesson: The lesson here is for the mothers. Training is key!! As for the men / fathers, go back to your contract. This one's on the fine print too!

There you have it, clear illustrations of the perfect man in the making. Let me report back to you in about 10 years to see just how much had already been undone. After all, our husbands were once children too, weren't they? **deep sigh**

***Source: http://blogs.psychcentral.com/mentoring-recovery/2011/03/10-things-my-mentor-taught-me-my-own-love-is-the-most-important-love/

Looking Back Doesn't Mean Getting Yourself A Stiff Neck

2012-01-04T18:11:00.000-06:00

Regrets. Why are people so afraid to admit they have regrets in their lives? 'Regrets' has always had a very bad rap, with people saying it's wasted time and effort. 'I don't have time for regrets; they're counterproductive', is what is commonly declared.

But really, is there anyone on this planet without a single regret?? More importantly, is regretting really all that bad? Some of you are probably thinking that this is odd timing on my part, given that this is a new year, clean slate, fresh start, leave the past behind. But this is also precisely why I thought about 'regrets'. I think you can't really go forward without intelligently looking back. And I say intelligently because looking back without much consciousness is worthless.

To regret is to feel negatively about something from the past; to feel sorry that something happened, to wish it never did. I don't see anything wrong with that at all and if you tell me you are a person with no regrets, I would walk away from you and know that you are a liar. (Well, either that or you are delusional. Either way, keeping distance from you would be wise).

Regretting does not mean you don't believe that even painful things happen for a reason and that there are blessings to be found behind failures. For me, regretting is an acknowledgement of mistakes made, either by myself or others. It is my recognition of dreams or hopes unfulfilled, ideals unrealized. Regrets, to me, are useful because they highlight for me certain tendencies I have, behavioral and psychological inclinations I possess that I can still CHOOSE to change. Looking back at painful things and wishing they turned out differently is normal and acceptable, as long as you don't go through self-flagellation and turn your experience of pain to suffering. Pain is just an experience. Suffering speaks of your perception and how you CHOOSE to experience such pain.

I regret making certain decisions. I regret NOT making certain decisions. In these cases, I recognize that there were times I decided in haste even if everything in my being told me to step back and take my time, while there were times it was my tendency to give my power to someone else, letting them decide my fate. The decisions themselves cannot be undone, but how I live the consequences of those decisions is still completely up to me, and so are future countless decisions I am yet to make. Recognizing my mistakes and paying attention to the echoes of my regrets help me choose wiser and more consciously. As such, my regrets become gifts instead of prison walls meant to torture.

To see an ugly or disappointing past and wishing it were better, sweeter or lovelier is normal. But you do have to recognize that the past cannot be undone nor brought back and that there is no other option than to move along and live in your present. Everyone's allowed to look back and actually you should! Feel good about it. Feel bad about. It does not matter. What matters is you know that the present is the only space where you have power and that NOW is when you can try to make sure that tomorrow will not be filled with too many regrets.

93-"4"-2011

2011-12-27T17:36:00.000-06:00

In the spirit of welcoming the New Year, here’s a post that looks back on the past year here on Catharsis. In the blogging group I belong to (PBAU), another challenge was put forth where we write a post featuring our top 5 to 10 favorite posts from 2011. It could be something we loved, something that had the most views, comments or whatever criteria we want.

It wasn't easy choosing 10 out of 92 entries so what I did was to think of those that made the most impact on me, whether it was because I was writing about something that felt very sacred and intimate, or something that I felt exercised more of my creative spirit. So here are my choices and I hope that you have enjoyed Catharsis this past year as I did my best to publish more and slowly write more from the heart! I still can't believe I have 93 entries (including this one) for this year, the most for me so far! Thank you to all you readers and fellow writers who continue to inspire me!

**********

Soulful Hands…Surprisingly this had the most views this past year which was completely unexpected…I still don’t know why but many thanks for appreciating this post!

Life Is A Cliché…This is the one probably most enjoyed by many of you and though the words were not originally mine, I did have a lot of fun putting this together!

Running Thoughts…This was my first time experimenting with combining form and content, which I thought was quite poetic to some extent. I was pushing my creativity a bit with this one and I think I was successful.

In The Company Of Waves…This talks about my journey to healing after my miscarriage and I know that a lot of you were touched by this.

The Beloved’s Voice…I have not written a long poem like this in a while so I was quite happy with how this turned out. I hope I did justice to Beethoven’s romanticism.

What I Know About Love…It’s difficult not to have this as one of my favorites from 2011 because it shows a more mature idea of ‘love’. Reading this reminds me of the growth I’ve experienced through the years, and that whatever pain I’ve gone through is more precious now because it has somehow translated to greater wisdom.

Saved & Emily’s Gifts…I apologize for citing two here, making my total 11 instead of just 10 posts. I love these two essays mainly because they remind me of how God/Life/the Universe won’t give up on my healing and faith.

The Ecstasy of the Moth…How can I not have this as a favorite when it speaks so much of who I am and how I want to love and be loved? This essay reflects so much of my passion.

Tongue-Tied With Trivialities…This is a favorite because it has concretely helped me in my daily life. Thinking of what I wrote here helps me become more at ease with strangers and have more confidence speaking my mind.

Star Struck…I think this was a very well written piece in terms of words, flow and rhythm. It even surprised me when I read it again! I also love it because it reflects my lasting love affair with astronomy.

May you all have a prosperous New Year and one filled with much hope!

http://i1209.photobucket.com/albums/cc388/bradg2141965/happy-new-year-fireworks-12694.jpg

Wise Christmas

2011-12-24T01:26:00.000-06:00

I have way too many thoughts this Christmas season. Of course I’m the only one to blame for overthinking this holiday and needing to reflect on what Christmas means to me now that I’m 38.

I won’t deny that I’ve always loved Christmas because of the idea of presents. The excitement and suspense surrounding gift-giving is just irresistible and though it also creates much of the stress surrounding this holiday, I just think Christmas won’t be the same without it. I won’t be a hypocrite and say that it doesn’t matter if I didn’t give or receive any gifts during Christmas time. That would just be tragic. I love presents. It doesn’t matter how small or cheap it may be. It could be something bought or something personally created. Just wrap it and give it to me and I shall be fine…even if it’s just a piece of paper with beautiful words!

One fond Christmas memory I have is when I used to fuss over the many presents sitting and waiting at the foot of our Christmas tree when my Mom was not yet retired and still working. You see, she used to be the HR manager at the company she worked for her entire working life and every holiday season, she would get numerous gifts from everyone…coworkers, clients, friends, etc. And she would indulge me by not only letting me arrange them nicely under the tree, but most importantly by letting me open them, one by one, even BEFORE Christmas day arrives! She would let me choose and of course I’d start by choosing the more predictable looking ones or those in smaller boxes. I would normally save the fancier looking packages for Christmas day and my Mom was completely fine with this, letting me tear up all the wrappings and get all excited even though they were not mine. I just absolutely loved doing this!

http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/christmas-in-the-philippines

Being Filipino, Christmas also naturally means family gatherings and lots of special food. Typical members of the holiday spread would be things like ham, spaghetti (Filipino style), pan de sal and queso de bola, fruit salad (again Filipino style), embutido (which is like meatloaf but more complex in flavor than the American one, in my opinion), chicken galantina (stuffed chicken), macaroni salad, bibingka and puto bumbong, and of course, if you have a lot of money to spend, there will be lechon. But even if we didn’t always have all these things, what was most important to me was spending it with my immediate family and my aunt’s family who resides just across the street. My siblings and I grew up with those cousins and I consider them my sisters and spending Christmas with them as we played games or exchanged gifts always made everything more memorable. It has been 13 years since I last had a family Christmas where we were all present. Since 1998, someone has always been abroad somewhere so I truly miss having a complete family. I continue to dream of being able to spend at least one more Christmas with everyone in my family present to celebrate this occasion.

There have also been lots of Christmases spent pining for a love life. With the holiday season being so focused on love and feeling loved, I do remember a number of years feeling utterly melancholic over the fact that I did not have a boyfriend. In 2001, when I first visited Chicago, my sister and her family made a huge mistake bringing me to the zoo. It was close to Christmas and they had some special exhibit going on. Who would have thought that the zoo could turn into lovers’ lane?! Everywhere I looked, there were couples holding hands and cuddling and I swear to you, it took every drop of will power in my system to resist the urge to bust out an uzi gun and randomly fire. I know that’s a horrible thought but I was in a horrible place. Trust me. 2001 was rough…sweet, but still rough.

Then I got married and had a family of my own and Christmas became less about me and my needs. Focus went to my son, more than anything or anyone else and I now want to create our own traditions. A recent one we’ve gotten into is to do a Christmas movie night and for the past three years, it has been The Polar Express. All 3 of us LOVE this movie and Noah even likes to watch this even when it’s not December. Two nights ago, we had our movie night in our new home and it was a lovely family bonding time. Just sitting with my boys helped me put things in perspective. It is true that ‘sometimes the most real things in the world are things we can’t see’.

So you see, there are these different elements that all make for a meaningful Christmas and it could get confusing sometimes. A lot of times, my brain wants things streamlined, simplified or summarized. Though I am undoubtedly a sucker for complexities, I also desire clarity and want ideas that are easy to conjure and can serve as a clear guideline for me. I am happy to say that this year, at age 38, I have decided to summarize my belief about the meaning of Christmas this way…

…That Christmas is about following the star, just as the three wise men did.

http://christmas-backgrounds.blogspot.com/2011/12/star-of-bethlehem-backgrounds.html

The star could be many different things. The star being 'light' symbolizes wisdom, knowing what do do, how to act. It stands for hope, and ultimately love, as the birth of Jesus Christ meant the coming of salvation. Following the star also means following Christ, just as the wise men were lead to him. And to me, following the light, following Christ, means choosing the path towards your greatest self, journeying closer to the highest potential of your spirit, endeavoring to be as 'God-like' as you could be. In as much as the star helped the wise men navigate and find the manger, it also serves as our own inner compass today as it points us towards our north. If we all remember to follow the star, especially during (but certainly not limited to) this season, then it won't matter if we find ourselves enveloped by a sense of lack, surrounded by problems or disappointing and hurtful people or lack of material resources and other factors that create a less than ideal holiday scenario. We would just be reminded to follow the path of light, and act with compassion, trust, honesty, generosity, kindness, patience, gratitude and all else that aligns with light...love...Christ.

Have a Blessed and Bright Christmas, everyone! Let your light shine!

To Cut or Not to Cut...Is That Really Just the Question?

2011-12-13T22:31:00.000-06:00

I didn’t think it would be this bad. I mean, I knew I would have a hard time, but never in a million years did I imagine I would be this indecisive about something so trivial.

My hair.

Yes, most of us have proclaimed at some point that you never ever mess with one’s hair. A person’s hairstyle could spell out confidence, success and ultimately, happiness. Well, alright, maybe not happiness with a capital ‘H’ but just good mood which of course affects everything else, right? My problem is that I can’t bring myself to go to a hair salon here in TN. Before leaving Chicago, I made sure I paid my stylist a visit one last time. I got a haircut and said to myself, “This should last at least 3 months and by then I’d have already either found a new reliable stylist or would have visited Chicago again to go back to my beloved Andy (stylist)”. It has now been 4 months and I have not had the guts to step into a new hair salon and my hair is screaming for a cut so badly!

Some people have given me recommendations. I’ve also seen ads and have done some research. I’m looking for a hip-looking place, one that at least appears to be modern enough so as not to give me a traditional or stereotypical Southern ‘older-lady’ Paula Deen hair, and I’m also not willing to drive too far so distance is a major consideration. Do my criteria even make sense? I don't really know but that's the truth.

And maybe the problem is not really the ambivalence about the salons but as to whether I want a haircut or not?! For the past seven years, I've sported short hair and it has gotten shorter and shorter in the past two years. I happen to LOVE short hair. Yes I do have a roundish face and I am far from being skinny but I have stopped caring. I think it's stylish, suits my personality more and I feel more powerful with it. However, about two months ago, a conversation with my best friend made me wonder.

She pointed out that here in TN, most people our age have longer hair and that it's generally the 'seniors' who mostly sport hair as short as ours. About the same time we had this discussion, there was an online article highlighting the fact that majority of men prefer long hair and that long hair, being equated with fertility, is what is deemed attractive. Normally, I couldn't care less. But I think something happened when I realized I was nearing 38 and that it's been almost eight years since I last noticed anyone stare at me or give me a double take. I'd like to think that the timeline just happens to be consistent with me not caring anymore (given that I already had a significant other) but a part of me wonders and suspects it's not just that. Sure there was at least one time recently when someone was introduced to me and though the handshake lasted longer than normal and I noticed he was staring quite intently to the point of causing me a bit of unease, I think it was not so much as attraction as him trying to figure out what I was....Is she Asian, Latina or what?? At least that's what I think.

So my point is, admittedly there is a part of me that desires to be desired. And if it would mean having to experiment with longer hair, then I confess that I'm certainly tempted. Part of me is curious and wants to find out if it would make a difference, while another part of me doesn't want to care and just wants to go on with my old short-haired self. One thing has definitely become clear to me and that is the reality that I am getting old and now find myself confronting issues I never thought mattered when I was so much younger...skin, facial lines, and just generally aging gracefully.

And since I'm still ambivalent, I have decided to go for a middle ground. I would still go for a haircut (though unsure about which location) but go for something not too short that would hopefully transition nicely to a longer style should I decide to eventually grow it. Below are two styles I found online. Don't they look VERY similar to you? How do you think are they different? Votes are welcome by the way, so thanks in advance!

(This is me, taken around 3 weeks ago)....

http://www.short-hairstyles.com/8.htm
OPTION # 1

http://www.short-hairstyles.com/short/s188.htm
OPTION # 2

Emily's Gifts

2011-12-07T08:42:00.001-06:00

Today I'm remembering Emily. I don't know exactly when her heart stopped beating and when she decided to leave this world but it was on this same date last year when I went for closure. If you have been following this blog for a while, you may remember that late last year, I was pregnant for a few weeks but had a miscarriage and ultimately had to go through a D&C.

Did I expect too much of my self when I thought I would be completely 'over it' by now? I'm realizing that it may never happen. Friends who have gone through the same experience have said before that the pain only gets dulled but never completely leaves you. The worst part is that it often surprises me. Last week, as I watched a recorded Oprah's Lifeclass episode dealing with letting go of the past, and thinking that I have succeeded in freeing myself from the stinging shards of my shattered dreams, I began to cry. As I sat alone watching this mother who was weeping for her dead newborn, asking how she can go beyond the paralyzing pain, I felt my own pain resurface. As I listened to Gary Zukav, one of my favorite spiritual teachers, speak about viewing reality from the perspective of the soul instead of just the personality, and therefore seeing that Emily IS a soul that lingers and that it was only her personality that CHOSE to depart when it chose to, I felt my own tears warm my cheeks.

My Christmas Angel ornament from 2010
in remembrance of Emily

I was reminded to focus on the gifts she had (and has) to offer in choosing to come into my life no matter how briefly and leave when she had to. I am reminded of the wisdom behind that event, that choice. And though the wisdom is so easily clouded by pain and stubbornness, I feel more desire now to acknowledge it and seek more of it.
In less than a month after we lost Emily, without my husband even actively searching for a different job, he got hired by another company. As soon as he started with the new company early this year, he has had to fly so often on most weeks that I was like a single parent to Noah most months. I am sure that it would have been extremely difficult for me to manage by myself had I been pregnant because given my history, it would have been a sensitive pregnancy.

Even before we reached the middle of this year, the interstate move became somewhat of a necessity due to the new job. Had I been pregnant, and with a husband who has gotten busy beyond words, would it have been possible for me to pack all our things and be organized with our move? I don't think so.

Somehow, the pain of losing something so precious highlighted for me the fleeting nature of things around us. It made me realize even more that each MOMENT counts when it comes to those you love. It constantly reminds me to see what is real, what truly counts, instead of wasting energy on meaningless 'stuff'.

Having Emily in my life has also shown me a different kind of Love. I know it and feel it but somehow am still unable to fully articulate it at this time. For now I call it 'Love' for its encompassing presence. I feel something transformed in me after the anger and God-blaming passed. It is still happening and though I cannot completely describe it now for you to fully understand it, trust that it is real. Hopefully someday soon, I will be able to fully express this evolution that I know is happening to my spirit. What I'm certain of now is that Emily's spirit is urging mine to be more enriched.

I suppose this is what healing truly means. It's not about forgetting. It's not about never feeling the pain and not breaking down at times. It's about being clear that positivity is a constant choice you have to make and doing your best to summon the strength within to enable you to make that choice. To be on the path of healing is to have the courage to confront all your pain, and instead of choosing to be defeated by it, you choose to accept it as something that makes you deeper and more able to connect with life more fully. Most of all, it is to allow the voice of gratitude to speak louder rather than be drowned out by your cries of wanting.

Perhaps she left when she did, weeks just before Christmas, so that I may experience the real meaning of this season. To be able to feel the resilience of my own soul and have access to wisdom only deep pain can uncover, are priceless gifts I will treasure forever.

Fortune Friday 12.2.11: When It's Wise To Walk Away

2011-12-02T22:00:00.000-06:00

My body is completely, and I mean COMPLETELY, sore today. My joints and muscles ache to the point where taking deep breaths hurt, let alone climbing the stairs. Thanks to the kickboxing class I attended yesterday with my BFF, I am experiencing physical pain that makes me wish I had access to an epidural drip right now.

It was a one-hour class and though the moves were not that new to me anymore given that I have done Tae Bo before, admittedly I have never done it nor any other cardio exercise for that matter for one straight hour in my entire life! Even when I run on the treadmill during my 30-minute sessions, I NEVER run the whole 30 minutes, so yes, it was a shock for me and every single muscle in my body. To punch and then kick side to side, then front and back, topped off with multiple jumping jacks is not my idea of how to best spend my last moments on earth. Because really, that's what I thought was happening. I swear at some point I thought I was going to pass out and die. Just 30 minutes into the session, I began to have visions of me being wheeled out of the room by paramedics. To be honest, the only thing that kept me from walking out of there was pure pride. I knew how embarrassing it would've felt to give up just like that even though I felt like I was dying.

Before you congratulate me though, let me stop you right there and admit that right after the class, I told my BFF that I'm not sure if I would try it again and highlighted to her my long-time realization that I am, after all, a quitter. My natural tendency has always been to quit when I feel that I can't do so well, when I can't excel at something. It's probably the perfectionist side of me and no, I'm not proud of it. That, and I'm not so certain I won't pass out next time should I decide to attend the class again.

So why am I telling you all this now when my fortune cookie wants me to be honest about my philosophy on love?

It's because I realized that love is the one thing I seem to be incapable of quitting from. Despite all pain and even embarrassment, I tend to go on and on...and on...for as long as I feel there is more to give. I remember when my sister gave her speech during our wedding reception, she said that when I love, there is never such a thing as 'half-way'. But just as some of you were probably thinking that overdoing exercise is never a wise or safe thing to do, I know that it's the same with love...that you need to know when it's wise to quit. Recently, a popular young actress in the Philippines broke up with her boyfriend, also a popular actor. And though her explanation of their break-up was extremely cryptic (although most people have already assumed that it's because said actor is gay), she left viewers with one clear advice. She said (in Filipino), "Always leave something for yourself". Learning this lesson, I believe, makes her heartbreak all worth it.

My philosophy on love is this...That to love is to give all that you have to give (not necessarily all that you are), for as long as it is healthy for both people. Boundaries are important so you know what you can and cannot give. Give love only to someone who can accept love and appreciates its power. Finally, respect what you feel, what you sense. You always know when it's no longer safe for you to proceed. Pay attention and have the humility and wisdom to know that sometimes, quitting is not necessarily failure. It could mean moving on to somewhere you can love and be loved better.

My Thanksgiving Postmortem

2011-11-30T13:05:00.001-06:00

It has been a CRAZY week! But I mean that in a good way...well, semi-good way because exhaustion is exhaustion even if it was all worth it.

We had my husband's parents for a week and two of his siblings with their families also arrived for the Thanksgiving weekend. All in all, there were a total of 13 guests and suffice it to say that we became like a Bed and Breakfast, although some days we offered more meals. It was so many days of abundant food and fun times especially for the children. My Noah was so thrilled to be with his cousins again and if only for that, I'd say it was really worth all the effort!

I'm still a newbie when it comes to Thanksgiving because there is no such holiday in the Philippines. I still remember my shock when so many years ago, my husband told me that to some, Thanksgiving is an even bigger holiday here in the U.S. than Christmas; that it's when people are expected to fly out just to be able to 'go home' and spend time with family and close friends. Come to think of it, the Thanksgiving holiday weekend is really longer than Christmas celebration. A lot of companies do give time off for their employees on the day after Thanksgiving although they don't do the same for either Christmas Eve or December 26th. Is it to support the economy on Black Friday, the busiest shopping day of the year? Perhaps.

It will probably take many more years for me to fully 'get' Thanksgiving, to get into the whole shop-like-crazy spirit. Heck, I don't even 'get' turkey and sorry to say this, but I have not tasted turkey that knocked my socks off. (Well, maybe once, almost, when my Uncle in CA served deep fried turkey and I loved the crispy skin). The bottom line is that I'm just not a fan of this bird, hence its absence on our Thanksgiving spread.

The one thing I do understand about this holiday and perhaps the only real thing that truly counts, is that this is a day of remembrance for all things we are grateful for...for family and friends who accept and support you; for having enough despite a highly unstable economy; for still being able to share what you have to those who have less; and most of all for love...for being surrounded with people who love you as best they could that they make you believe that you must have done something good in this life to deserve such true love and devotion.

My spirit is grateful and that is all.

Preparing for First Grade

2011-11-26T12:15:00.000-06:00

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It is every parent's desire to adequately equip their children for future academic challenges and this is why I do my best to teach Noah what I can when we spend time at home. My son's just in preschool and though I am clear about not having unrealistic expectations of him, as well as not giving him unnecessary pressure, I also believe that it won't hurt to experiment and try to push his limits every now and then. Sometimes you'd be surprised at what a preschooler is ready for.

This is why I've always appreciated learning tools that can help me make the learning experience more interesting and appropriate for my son without sacrificing my objectives. Such is what is offered by SmartFirstGraders.com and here to tell us more about it is Michael Baum. I hope you can check out the site and have fun exploring it with your kids!

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Fun Learning for First Graders

When I was young, I used to love reading a feature in Reader’s Digest magazine called The Most Unforgettable Character I’ve Ever Met. Some of these “characters” were famous, others were not, but I always enjoyed learning about them.

Over the years, I’ve met a few unforgettable characters of my own—ordinary people who impressed me with their meaningful contributions. One of these people is Kelli Pearson—or Miss Kelli, as I knew her when I began volunteering over nine years ago as a homework tutor in an exciting after school program at a community learning center in my hometown.

At the time, Kelli was the director of the K-5 program at the center. I watched as she taught and engaged kids, introducing them to the fun of learning. She also had a knack for handling difficult situations, making the environment a welcoming and safe place for children. I was impressed not just by her ability to teach kids, but to reach kids.

Now that reach extends farther than ever before. Earlier this year, Kelli launched www.SmartFirstGraders.com, a web site devoted to making learning fun for kids. While plenty of teachers find exciting ideas here, Kelli’s main goal is to give parents ideas for helping their kids learn.

Since kids have a way of resisting being taught by mom or dad, the web site’s learning activities feel more like play than work. Who would have thought that playing card games, making bubbles, going on scavenger hunts and baking cookies could be used to teach math and science? But it works, and kids love it. I know because I have used some of Ms. Kelli’s ideas with my young grandson.

Success in first grade sets the stage for young kids to develop into good students, and what better way to do this than by making learning fun. With the help Kelli offers on www.smartfirstgraders.com, parents can help their first graders reach this goal.

From articles on fine motor skills to tips on how to deal with bullies and mean kids at school, from cool science experiments to lists of classic books for first graders, www.smartfirstgraders.com is a valuable resource for parents and teachers on math, science, reading, child development, and more.

I am happy to call Kelli both colleague and friend. She taught me how to reach kids on their level, and this has made me a better tutor. If you have a first grader and want to give your child a learning boost while you and your child have a great time together, check out this site. (You can say you heard about it from Mike B!)

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Image: Grant Cochrane / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Unimaginable

2011-11-23T00:01:00.000-06:00

What if I slipped away from your memory?

What if one day you awake and no longer knew me,

have any recollection of me?

What if the words that breathed between us all evanesced?...

Gone...

As if they never were

As if we never tasted the depth and passion

they have always summoned?

A world without even your shadow,

or the faintest hint

Of your existence or recognition

Is an indescribable void

A cry of sorrow too deep
to ever be silenced,

Too bitter to even imagine.

Sunny Sunday!

2011-11-19T19:43:00.001-06:00

This past week, I had another wonderful surprise, thanks to Wanda of Beauty and the Green! Her creativity and amazing ideas shared on her blog are truly inspiring so I hope you can find the time to check out her site too! It’s because of those same qualities that I can understand how she received the Sunshine Blog Award and I am truly honored that she thought of sharing the same award with me! To be thought of as inspiring and be likened to sunshine on the blogosphere are compliments I take seriously. I guess being named ‘Joy’ creates some pressure eh?

So, here are the rules for accepting this award:

1. Thank the person who gave this award and write a post about it.

2. Answer the following questions below.

3. And pass the award to 10~12 fabulous bloggers, link their blogs and let them know you awarded them.

Here are the questions and my answers ---

Favorite color? It hasn’t always been this way but at least for the past 5 or 6 years, it’s been sage green.

Favorite animal? I hope I don’t get crucified for saying this but I’m not really an animal lover. But if I absolutely had to answer this question, I would have to go with the owl. I have always been fascinated by them and it doesn’t help that they are elusive creatures. Dang!

Favorite number? 10

Favorite drink? Any kind of drink?...Well, I’d say hot chocolate. It’s a hug in a mug!

Facebook or Twitter? Facebook!

Your passion? Food. Writing. Organizing and decorating the home. I’m sure there are some more undiscovered ones and I will probably spend the rest of my life figuring them out.

Giving or getting presents? Oooohhh, this is a tough one. Who doesn’t love getting presents?! But I must admit giving something and seeing how much it’s appreciated is a feeling like no other!

Favorite day? At this time that I’m not working outside the home, I would have to choose Tuesday. It’s when the crazy weekend social events are over and most of the household chores are either done or scheduled for a different day and I’m left to concentrate on my writing or to find inspiration for future material.

Favorite flowers? Gerber daisies. They look friendly, happy and I love how intense their colors are.

And now to share the love and spread the sunshine! I’m choosing to pass the award to the following blogs because they inspire me with their positive messages, their creativity, honesty and/or humor! In other words, they definitely put a dash of added sunshine to my online world! I wish I could nominate a lot more but for now, I’ll stick to the rules and present you with this list. Congratulations to all you inspiring thinkers & bloggers!

TV of TV's Take

Kathy of My Dishwasher's Possessed

Rachel of Lala musings

Marie of Scrollwork

Samantha of What Little Things

Lalia of Skank, Rattle and Roll

Kim of Savvy Southern Style

Stacy of Conspicuous Style

Janine of Reflections From A Redhead

Cathy of Just My Thoughts

Thom of To Gyre and Gambol

Muriel of 40blogSpot

Where there's smoke.....You VENT!

2011-11-15T11:52:00.001-06:00

All I wanted was my usual breakfast of toast and fried egg. But then I had to step away from the stove as I had my pan preheating while I went to the fridge to grab my egg and then got distracted with other things. I didn’t realize I hadn’t turned on the vent fan and the pan had gotten too hot that it began to smoke....A LOT!

Beep!!...Beep!!....BEEP!!!! By the time I thought of turning on the vent fan above the stove, it was too late and the smoke alarm had been activated. To anyone who has had the 'pleasure' of hearing those things, you would have to agree that they are quite effective at inducing panic. The sound is extremely high-pitched and if you are aware that it's a false alarm, that there's really no fire in your house, it's bound to increase your sense of panic because more than anything else, you want the sound to stop before you bother any of your neighbors and further embarrass yourself! This is exactly what happened to me and believe me when I say I was running inside the house like a mad woman, opening doors and windows to try to get rid of as much smoke as I possibly can. It did not help that this smoke detector we have now is a fancy one. It did not only have that annoying high-pitched beep, it also had a female voice repeatedly saying 'FIRE'.

"Yes, yes, I know but would you please shut up now 'cos there really is no fire!!", is what was going through my head. The strange thing is, after hearing this warning voice for 2 minutes, I began to seriously get concerned. Though I know it was just the smoke from my pan that triggered the alarm and that there really was no fire in the house, hearing that scary, alarming voice made me go through every single room to check if indeed there is no fire. I began doubting myself and got unspeakably paranoid as I hurriedly went around to make sure nothing else was in flames!

As I had suspected, everything was fine and after a few more minutes of enduring the noise and the panic, the alarm stopped and both Noah and I were finally able to breathe and calm ourselves down. At this point, the realization hit me. My reaction was a classic one, something all too familiar to me. It's when I know one thing and feel so certain of it. And then the 'noises' come. I begin to be overpowered, overwhelmed by others' voices, opinions, interpretations, expectations and stereotypes. I begin to doubt myself, second-guess what I thought I knew and was so certain of, all because everyone else around me is drowning out my own truth with their own fears and well-meaning advice (though sometimes unsolicited). Though I'm the one directly involved in the situation, the one with the full picture and understanding of whatever it is that's going on and the one with the firsthand information, there are times when others just have to put their 2 cents in until it all snowballs and turns into 2 thousand, and ends up diluting the whole picture, hence confusing me and pushing me to the edge of insanity.

In such situations, I need to remind myself of what I know to be true deep in my gut, in my soul. It is wise to heed warnings and wise words from others, but only when you know there is real data to back it all up. When overwhelmed and confused, panic is the worst thing you could give into. Believe me when I say that when you act from a place of fear, it will be a decision you will end up regretting. You need to find your center, your calm; silence the unnecessary noise and believe that soon enough, the smoke (or dust) will subside and you'd be able to see clearly once more.

Pep Song

2011-11-13T19:27:00.001-06:00

It's my birthday today and I'm 38 if you must know! But I'm not here to write about the birthday angstsy stuff...at least not yet....**bwahahahah** . For now let's talk about the Pacquiao-Marquez boxing fight last Saturday evening.

No, I'm not going to analyze the fight as I am not really a boxing (or sports) fan and don't want to bore you either. I do acknowledge however that it was a close fight and though the decision is controversial (to some), let me just remind you that I am Filipino and therefore am with the Pacquiao camp. So as far as I'm concerned, the fight is done and the judges have spoken and I am pleased with the decision.

What I'm here to write about is my fascination with the fact that before the fighters stepped out and walked towards the ring, they each had a pep song. Pacquiao's song was Eye of the Tiger, which I thought lacked creativity given that it was the theme song in the movie Rocky III. But I guess whatever works, right?

This got me thinking though about what I would choose as my own pep song. I guess in Ally McBeal's world, this would be her theme song for which she chose "Tell Him". What would be mine? What would make me bob my head and strut my stuff? Which song would I choose if I wanted to feel inspired and totally ready for the world? What song would make me feel feisty, strong and even invincible, even if only for 3 minutes?

After giving this much thought, as well as much browsing through countless YouTube videos to refresh my memory, I've finally decided that it's really just my old go-to song...the ever reliable "The Remedy" by Jason Mraz. This is simply a song that makes me feel ready for 'the fight', the struggles of the day...

When I went with my son to go trick or treating this past Halloween, there was a man who was walking around the subdivision, pulling a red wagon with him that carried a boombox playing Michael Jackson's "Thriller". We all thought it was brilliant and so thoughtful of him to try to put everyone in such a festive Halloween mood like that! Now if only we can all walk around with our red wagons like that, playing our own pep songs! Wouldn't that be so cool (though noisy, I would imagine!) and fun!

What would be your own pep song? Which song puts you in a positive and "watch-out-world-I'm-so-ready-for-you" mood?

Inspirational Quotes Part I

2011-11-09T07:43:00.000-06:00

In the past month, I've noticed a surge in the amount of inspirational quotes being posted on people's Facebook walls. Why exactly? I don't know, but it has certainly challenged me to come up with my own. So here I present to you, my Cathartic Inspirational Quotes Part 1! The first one is something I've posted before as my own FB status but I'm publishing it here again just because it's my favorite.

Enjoy and please feel free to share

What Comes Next

2011-11-03T16:07:00.003-05:00

I just got back from a week-long Chicago trip to attend a family wedding. Our niece Francesca got married to wonderful Mr. Josh and the entire week was just beyond joyful! The wedding itself was beautiful, as it was held at an old Chicago Catholic church which was just simply breathtaking. The reception was held later that evening and everyone had a great time.

There is one question that, I think, echoes after wedding ceremonies (or any rite of passage, for that matter)….Now what?

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Now what? After a period of falling in love, dating, being friends, getting to know each other more intimately, preparing for the wedding, all the stress and craziness and fun and celebration, what now? It’s natural for couples to get all wrapped up in the wedding preparations, but after all the dancing and music stop (literally, that is), honeymoon week over and it’s time to go back to ‘reality’, then what? There are three ways to go when confronted by this question. You can (a) change directions; (b) keep on the same path; or (c) a combination of the above depending on what you want to keep and change.

Confronting the ‘now what’ could be a scary thing. It suggests a certain degree of being at a loss somehow. If anything, it suggests the need to pause and take stock of the situation, and these, I believe, are important in a marriage. To pause and truly see where the two of you have been, are, and where you want to be are important questions that you constantly need to deal with. It’s not a single step to be done with but an ongoing process both of you need to engage in. And this is also why confronting your ‘now what’ could be a potentially exciting and empowering thing. It’s up to you now. This rite of passage affords you even greater independence. Being (more) on your own can cause anxiety, yes. But the increased sense of responsibility could just be as exhilarating and positively challenging.

How has your relationship been so far? Is this how you want to keep it or are there things you desire to change? What rules do you feel you need to be clear about? What are your non-negotiables? Are there things you have not been honest about up to this point with regard to your preferences, habits or character? How will you handle your finances? How will you divide your time between your families of orientation? Are you planning on children, how many and how soon? Are there family traditions you want to start now, even as a couple? What are your rules with regard to in-laws?

The list goes on and every list will be unique to each couple but my point is this. It doesn’t hurt to start as early as possible. The most valuable lesson that was shared to me by a very good friend of mine when I was about to marry is this: Start as you mean to go on. And as cliché as this sounds, no one will dispute that if you truly love and mutually respect each other, your ‘Now what?’ will never conjure dark skies. If you are certain about love and your commitment, then you will find it quite seamless to transition from your ‘Now what’ to ‘Now comes forever’.

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Image: graur razvan ionut / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Learning From My Picky Eater

2011-10-19T15:35:00.001-05:00

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When my son was between 2 and 3 years of age, his palate impressed me and this was something I was so grateful for. He loved cheeses just like his Mommy. His favorite sandwich was havarti cheese with basil. He also did not complain and even asked for more when during breakfast, I would let him have a bite of my toast with my favorite Boursin cheese with garlic and fine herbs. I thought it would turn him off considering how strong the flavors are (especially for a toddler) but he enjoyed it and it made me proud. He also ate eggs and scrambled and hardboiled were his favorites. So, pretty much he ate most anything except of course those with strong non-kid friendly flavors. I would’ve loved for him to love cilantro but I’m trying to keep my expectations realistic. Still, generally, feeding him then was quite easy.

Something happened at some point because by the time he turned 4, he wouldn’t touch cheese and doesn’t want to have anything to do with anything that has cheese in it…no cheese sandwich, no mac‘n’cheese, no pizza, no cheeseburger. He also refuses to eat eggs regardless of the way it’s cooked and it’s driving me insane! It frustrates and disappoints me because I really thought feeding him would be even easier as he ages; that as his palate matures, I would be able to train him more and introduce more complex flavors. Maybe I expected too much but the fact remains that I don’t understand how he changed just like that, making it doubly hard to feed him!

And that’s when it hit me. To put it in simple terms, what happened was that he changed his mind. That’s all. And the reason it upsets me, the main reason I find myself thrust into ‘pissosity’ zone when I now feed him and he says ‘no’, is because it’s an inconvenience. His change of mind (or heart, or palate) is inconvenient for me. I’m getting upset because I’m forced to find other things to feed him and be more creative with feeding him. He’s not always picky and he consumes different things from the major food groups. Medically, he is ‘healthy’ and thriving. So really my getting upset is because he is not behaving the way I want him to and as a result, I am left with nothing but to adjust.

In relationships, people are allowed to change their minds. They can change their habits, preferences, and even the way they feel about us. One day we are loved, the next day it's all over. The timing may be all wrong for us, may be inconvenient, but they are entitled to that. We don’t know when, how, or if it will ever happen, when a change of heart will strike. So instead of worrying about others changing their minds, the real focus should be on ourselves and how we will conduct our lives amidst all these changes, actual or potential. In truth, we can really only worry about our selves because it makes no sense worrying about anything that you have no control over.

***Image: Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Why I Quit the Blog Challenge

2011-10-17T21:47:00.001-05:00

So…I have abandoned the dream of making it to the end of a 31-day blog challenge and as I had previously written, more than anything I think it was a journey to greater self-discovery. Yes, it was a good writing exercise and a challenge to my creativity, but it also did force me to be honest about my level of commitment to my writing, my writing thought process and my writing style.

I’ve realized that I’ve been too hard on myself when it comes to potential topics to blog about. With the blog challenge, I learned that potential topics are everywhere and that it all depends on what perspective you want to apply, how deep you want to dissect, or what piece of the experience you want to magnify. It was a good mental exercise and it taught me to be more conscious of my existing thought process so that I can challenge it. Once I challenged what I was used to doing, challenged the route my mind had been so used to taking, it was as if something opened and lit up and I could see more possibilities. I see more clearly now that all I need to do is to allow myself to explore new avenues…new topics, styles and perspectives.

That being said, we all know that it’s unrealistic to expect that you can turn a tiny puddle into a well all the time. First of all, I am not that gifted of a writer to be able to turn something from nothing every single day. Maybe occasionally it could be done but not when the pressure exists day after day. Second, frankly I don’t think I have the time and energy given my daily responsibilities. There are way too many variables in my daily life right now to be able to set aside specific blocks of time for writing and hope that inspiration will pay me a visit during same blocks of time. It was just too unmanageable for me and I honestly don’t need the added stress.

Since I started to blog more consistently 2 years ago, I’ve learnt that you can really only survive on here if you quit being (too much of) a perfectionist. I now see the value in just freely writing sometimes and not having to worry too much about how it will turn out. But at the same time, I don’t want to lose the identity of my blog site nor my identity as a writer. Sure, I can write tips and lists and post reactions to videos, but do I want to do this too often just for the sake of publishing something? Perhaps if my blog had always been in the business of giving lists and tips then that is a different matter. However, Catharsis has a different character and I would like to keep my essays truly cathartic, at least MOST of the time. Giving in to the mere pressure of publishing on a daily basis, even though it’s material not reflective of what I truly want to talk about is a betrayal of my sense of passion and personal identity. It’s something I am not comfortable doing.

I’m not discouraging any of you from participating in a blog challenge. On the contrary, I think each blogger should try it at least once, if only to see what you’ll end up learning about yourself and your habits as a writer. Most importantly, I think it reinforces the direction you want your blog to take as it forces you to draw your boundaries in terms of what you will and will not write about. Ultimately the most important thing is that you remain true to your objectives for writing. Why do you write and who are you mainly writing for? These are questions we all need to be clear about as writers.

I Quit

2011-10-15T15:47:00.001-05:00

I dropped the ball. I failed to post yesterday which means I failed the month long Ultimate Blog Challenge. I got too busy and I wasn't feeling well so writing had to go. Honestly, I'm just glad because (1) I at least gave it a shot; and (2) I failed later than sooner. I really thought I would only last for 5 days but I was able to post everyday from October 4th to the 13th, so...not bad for my first time...I think.

This blog challenge taught me a few things about blogging, but more importantly about myself. I have to think about that some more and promise to post it next time. For now, I will leave you with this song from the musical Follies. It's entitled Losing My Mind and though you can think of this song romantically (as I always have), this also pretty much sums up how I've been feeling and thinking in relation to blogging....."The sun comes up, I think about you; the coffee cup, I think about you; I want you so it's like I'm losing my mind...."

Enjoy!

Lunch Bags Were Made For Super Moms

2011-10-13T22:11:00.001-05:00

One of my son's most prized possessions (at least since school started) is his Batman lunch bag. As you can see from the picture, it looks pretty cool since it even has a cape.

When he saw this at the store, I easily agreed to buy it and didn't bother to argue or negotiate because I noticed its dual compartment feature, as well as this tiny pocket in the front which I thought was just too cute!

Little did I know at the time that this innocent looking compartment would be something problematic for a non-Martha Stewart-possessed-super mom such as myself. Though I love my son more than life itself, I am not the type that bothers herself with every thoughtful act there is in the parenting world. In other words, it never occurred to me that having such a 'cutesy' pocket translates to getting 'cutesy' notes from Mom to be read during lunch break. Eeekkk!!

My first rational defense was, 'Hey, my son is just 4 years old and doesn't know how to read yet. Love notes would be useless, right?' WRONG. Apparently, a lot of the other Moms do not let that basic and commonsensical fact hinder them from being perfect. They send their notes and the kids then ask their teachers to read it to them. Ahhhh! Brilliant! Now why did I not think of that? Perhaps 'cos I only went as far as Parenthood 101 and never bothered with the master's level?

Well, in the 12 sessions that my son has attended so far in his preschool, I've only sent in a note twice, one saying 'Have fun with the firetruck today!' (but then the firetruck visit was actually postponed); and then the other with a plain 'Mommy and Daddy love you' (thinking that such a message is good for the whole school year so no need to re-send, right?).

Sometimes I'm tempted to write 'crazy', atypical, non-cutesy Mommy notes like perhaps, "Carpe Diem", or "Invest in your good karma today". But I do have to constantly remind myself that a primary objective is to keep my son from therapy at least until he turns 20. Lord help me!...

How Your Blog Became My Favorite

2011-10-12T12:49:00.001-05:00

I read different sorts of blogs and I acknowledge that your niche is your choice and you should just do what you enjoy most. This is really just an expression of my personal preferences and not meant to attack blogs that don’t fall within my preferred categories. As my title suggests, these are qualities of my ‘favorites’ and not meant to suggest that these are the only types I read or visit.

So, what do my favorite blog sites / bloggers have in common? Let me count the ways…

1. The layout is easy and straightforward. There's nothing I hate more than going to a site and getting so confused as to where your posts are, the chronology (so I know that what I'm reading is not older than me), and where to comment. I love how the fonts are the right size and type, easy to read and the page is not too busy to the point of distracting me from paying attention to what you REALLY have to say.

2. You are actually saying something I find interesting. It may not be anything new or anything I don’t already know but you say it in a very relatable, non-pretentious way but still come off as intelligent. I love reading you because I can understand you. I love reading you because you are insightful and genuine. You’re not just selling me something or perpetually endorsing products and services.

3. I keep coming back for more because you’re not too preachy. A little moralizing and talk of the Divine here and there, in ‘acceptable’ doses, is perfectly fine with me. But if with every single essay you write you either make it feel like a public confession or some attempt to evangelize me, then you probably won’t see me visit you too often. Like I said, I can only take you in small doses.

4. You make me think and challenge my brain. There’s nothing I savor and value more than feel the wheels turn in my head…but not too much….just the right amount of engagement. This, after all, should be a relaxing activity and not a stressful one. You challenge me enough, entertain me enough, spark my creativity enough. You’re amazingly insightful and even philosophical. You make me want to be a better writer! *clap clap*

5. That being said, your greatness inspires me rather than make me feel insecure, inadequate or useless. I feel ‘at home’ in your site. You’re not the kind who always just tells me what to do or what I’m doing wrong. And remember that insensitive and condescending comment you left on my site, like you know everything and I’m so beneath you?...Yeah, you’re pretty much marked for life so…Sorry but you probably won’t be seeing me much (if at all) at your site.

6. You seem like a genuinely nice person and you feel ‘real’ to me. Add to that the fact that when you visit my site, you take the time to comment and are thoughtful as well. Somehow, something tells me we have things in common which is why reading you makes me feel like we’re having a really engaging conversation over coffee (or tea…with some amazing cookies on the side, perhaps??).

7. There are certain things about your stories that remind me of home. You may not necessarily be from the Philippines but somehow I see parallelisms between our lives. In this sense, your words actually comfort me and feel like a warm hug from someone loved and familiar.

8. I do love intelligent content, as I said above. But there are days when I just want to relax and have some eye candy and your site happens to provide exactly that! Wonderful photos of beautiful homes / interior designs and food never fail to make me smile!

So there you have it, my list of why I happen to think you’re awesome as a blogger! It’s your turn now. Would you mind sharing your top 3 qualifications? Or maybe you can blog about it too! I promise to check it out!

*Trophy image credit
Image: digitalart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Passionate Imprints

2011-10-11T18:02:00.001-05:00

Passion is a beautiful word. I feel that it echoes intensity and conjures up images of being swept away, experiencing complete surrender and utter engagement. The tough part is when someone asks me what my passion is. For me, this question is right up there on the list of ‘Most Complex Questions Ever Created’, in the company of ‘What is the meaning of life’, or ‘How do you solve world poverty’. It always deserves a long P…A…..U…….S……….E, as well as causes a bit of panic and discomfort.

I think the challenge in figuring this out stems from the fact that a lot of us are burdened with expectations of being certain of an answer given a time frame, even more perpetuated by celebrities speaking loudly and proudly about their jobs, how they live for and love their jobs and how such jobs reflect their deepest passions.

But maybe this is why ‘work’ is work. Isn’t this why Karl Marx came up with his theory of alienation and capitalism? Because given how the world is right now, with most societies functioning under the capitalist mode of production, majority of us work mainly to earn money (a means to an end) and are forced to take on jobs that don’t really call to our ‘inner selves’, nor enhance us much in terms of our natural talents and inclinations. There are some lucky ones out there and I'm happy for them...those who are completely fulfilled to the core by their jobs.

As for the rest of us, the not so lucky ones, I say, give it up! Not your job, but the false notion and expectation that your job/employment should necessarily reflect your deepest passions. If you love food and cooking, it doesn’t mean you have to be a chef. Not every music lover can be a musician either or work in the industry. And what if your deepest passions don’t even have any kind of paid employment to translate to? What if your passion is collecting crop circle pictures? You can’t be hired by someone to do just that.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/gafoto/250858608/sizes/m/in/photostream/

I was very fortunate to have been asked to reflect on this, the question of passion and my journey to finding it. I'd like to invite you to stop by the Yellow Brick Road and read Samantha Bangayan's interview with me, "How To Live Your Truth". I hope you'll enjoy it and also derive some insight and inspiration to finding your own path. You can also read more from Samantha at her blog site What Little Things.

What's It Like When You Write?

2011-10-10T20:45:00.001-05:00

It's always a challenge to try to figure out what to write or blog about and I find that having a solid topic in mind is having half the battle won. It's always interesting to hear how other writers do it and fortunately, I came across this Youtube video of Elizabeth Gilbert which I'd love to share with you. Here she talks about the creative process. Particularly, she speaks here about where she finds inspiration and generallly what her writing process / routine is like.

Like her, I find conversations with people quite helpful but I must admit that this is something I don't actively seek. Conversations with strangers mostly just stress me out and rarely do they offer potential material given my style of writing. Don't get me wrong though. I'm not discounting the possibility of finding a gem of a topic given such circumstances. All I know is that generally, it's my conversations with intimate friends that produce creative sparks and intriguing insights that I enjoy exploring.

When I am struggling, I also find that just going out and being with nature inspires something in me. For the most part, expect that the result will be something with a sentimental, or even romantic tone.

As far as the writing process per se goes, I always need to be in a quiet and relatively isolated zone. I find it impossible to follow my thoughts coherently and allow the words to flow well when I'm distracted or when something external is competing with my internal 'noise'.

Lastly, and this I have just recently observed, oddly I find that I seem to be able to write better, easier and faster, when I am using my netbook rather than my other bigger laptop (which now functions more like a desktop since it's perpetually plugged in and can't be taken anywhere). Somehow, this netbook makes me feel more like a 'writer'. It doesn't make sense and it may sound strange but it seems to work! Don't ask my why or how because I know it doesn't have anything to do with 'location'. Even when the netbook is in the same room as the other laptop, the likelihood of me being able to actually produce something is higher with the netbook than with the bigger laptop...Weird!

Do you have any quirks yourself that help you in the writing or creative process? What do you do or where do you go when you feel uninspired and are struggling to find a good topic to write about?