Really, the mug was an excuse to get away after not getting out much since 2019:— an Addison’s Disease diagnosis, that whole pandemic thing, and dealing with my mum’s sudden death, both emotionally and all the sadmin that involves.

With the Covid situation report looking the best it ever has, and a negative lateral flow test, I set off to Manchester for a new mug.

Mission accomplished!

It seemed churlish to go straight home after getting the mug, so I stayed for the following eclectic mix of talks. It was always going to be eclectic at OggCamp but I also ended up in the wrong room a few times!

• Clippy’s Funeral
• Why I am a tech illiterate but I care about Free Software
• “No Connection, No Chance” – Helping the 1 in 10 to beat digital exclusion
• Kraken Technology Centre lightning talks
• Embedded RUST
• Battling obsolescence – keeping an 80s laser tag system alive
• Open Source and Amateur Radio
• Neurodivergent whistle blowing against big tech
• Infrastructure as Code is Cool
• Hands on: How to engage Gen Z and Alpha with Free Software
• Lit Up Art – Further Down The Rabit Hole
• Usability in Open Software
• Have you thought about your digital legacy?
• Can systemd be broken?
• XMPP: Instant Messaging that works like email
• CCLite2 – Open Source software for mutual social credit/ lets
• The secret lives of OSS designers: Understanding designers contributing to OSS
• Rebels, Pranksters, and Pioneers: Architects of Digital Freedom

Samuel and Ian’s talk about digital legacy was tricky but it definitely made me appreciate my mum’s lack of any kind of digital estate. I really should do something about my own.

Another challenging talk was “Neurodivergent whistle blowing against big tech.” I’m not entirely sure what I was expecting tbh but it wasn’t PTSD caused by content moderation without suitable support,— and it would be an understatement to say I’m even less of a fan of nondisclosure agreements than I was before.

On the lighter side, was Roger’s nefarious hack to exfiltrate highly classified unicycle hockey scores using DNS. That was a lightning talk that started out left-field before taking an even more unexpected turn! It reminded me of Terence’s hack to find the location of the international space station with DNS, or the postcode DNS hack, which doesn’t seem to be working for me at the moment. Neither of those is using DNS to send data though! Madness!!

I think the most interesting discussion during a talk, was in “Usability in Open Software” and it neatly led into “The secret lives of OSS designers: Understanding designers contributing to OSS.” It was also the first time I’d heard of the Open Source Design site.

The only problem was having too much choice, from YAML panto to Laser Quest, so there were definitely a few talks I was disappointed to miss. Fortunately some were recorded, and Margaret had a stand and very kindly gave me a piece of algorithmic art to try and tempt the minion with!

I think one of the questions at the end of the weekend was who had picked up a new hobby? It’s not quite a new hobby — I already have a collection of half-finished projects, at least one from the previous OggCamp I went to! — but Chris has definitely got me interested in trying out Rust on a little ESP32 I have laying around! I’m glad I didn’t leave that on the swap table!

ICYMI, there are a few other reports of an excellent OggCamp out there already:

• Dave Lee’s OggCamp 2026 report
• Michael’s OggCamp 2026 weeknotes
• Dave Potter’s OggCamp 26 conference report

Thank you to everyone who made OggCamp 2026 happen, and especially for the new mug!

Only time will tell if I manage to produce any training data for the grand theft autocomplete LLMs this year but whatever happens, I wish you all the best possible 2026.

People have shared some lovely memories over the last few months and one that has stuck in my mind was from someone at the council who said that she was a force for good. She really was.

This photo was from her anti-bullying protest after her headteacher bullied her out of a job, but she would help anyone and her last campaign was to get some unmaintained war graves in her village properly looked after.

Happy Christmas mum, I miss you.

I’m not foolish enough to jinx anything with talk of eating hats but I’m very (very) optimistic that Eastleigh will have recovered from long Tory on the 5th July!

Just don’t be complacent! If you want to stop the Tories in Eastleigh:

• Vote Lib Dem if you’re willing to vote tactically.
• If you wanted to vote for a different party, Swap My Vote might help.
• If you really don’t want to vote Lib Dem, just vote! (Not Tory though obviously!)

Unfortunately the going is soft in Hamble Valley, with no clear tactical alternative to another five years of the corrupt Conservative Paul Holmes. Just remember, don’t get your tactical voting advice from any of the candidates or their parties,— they’re a tad biased!

It’s frustrating but don’t spend too much time worrying about it. Tactical voting is a blunt instrument and any vote against the Conservative party is better than not voting. Make sure everyone you know votes!

It’s irrelevant but I’ll personally be voting for a party that supports a fairer voting system because I hate tactical voting!

You have probably heard that Brendan Clarke-Smith sent taxpayer-funded letters at the start of the election campaign but Paul Holmes also used taxpayer-funded House of Commons letters to boost his election campaign.

Paul was smarter than Brendan though and sent his letters after the election was announced but before Parliament was dissolved, so that’s fine then. He was also fortunate that Sunak’s regular fails and the betting scandal successfully deflected attention from just a minor addition to the Clarke-Smith corruption story.

Effluent-o-meter score: it’s not corruption if it happens in the UK

It’s a pity they picked the shot without Paul but it’s kind of the unelected Foreign Secretary to lend his support to more unfortunate Conservative politicians who still have to get elected despite Sunak’s best efforts to relegate their party to third place.

Perhaps Lord Cameron was feeling somewhat guilty after gambling the country’s future to save the Conservative party, and smashing both to pieces. Lol, that’s not his style! He probably wandered off whistling his cheerful tune after the staged doorcam video.

I’m looking forward to Rishi Sunak flying in on the Conservative battlecopter to support Paul’s campaign next, although obviously he’ll have to leave early.

Effluent-o-meter score: shedding points

The eagle eyed among you will have noticed that neither the Chickenhall Land link road, or any accessibility improvements for Hedge End station have actually been delivered. So, what’s going on?

In Paul’s latest campaign video, he helpfully explained that the government has announced the next stations to be awarded funding as part of the longstanding Access for All accessibility scheme.

Six hours before Parliament was (lawfully) prorogued ahead of the general election. Suddenly there’s a whiff of pork barrel with the sewage.

The Hamble Valley has not one, but two stations in the list, just as Paul — a government whip — kicks off his election campaign. It looks like there’s a station in Mims’ new constituency as well. What are the chances?

Still, Paul can definitely take credit for this one, because the criteria specifically includes, “confirmed support of the local MP”! Seriously, aside from Liz Truss, would any MP turn down the funding? Bonkers!

So, how likely is it that Hedge End and Swanwick will get lifts? Well, the stations have only been selected for initial feasibility work, so that may not be successful. It also depends on whether the funding survives any Tory austerity cuts. Apparently the latest Access For All funding was only allocated when HS2 was cut. Presumably the Conservatives could keep cutting and reallocating the same funding indefinitely. Who knows, when station accessibility is cut, it could fund one of the 40 new hospitals.

Still, the good news is that if Labour win the election, there’s a reasonable chance the work will finally go ahead. So, thanks Paul, as Gillian Keegan would say, you’ve done a f***ing good job.

Effluent-o-meter score: B+

Outgoing Eastleigh MP and government whip Paul Holmes was quick to launch his campaign to win the new Hamble Valley seat in a polished video direct from Westminster.

Unfortunately, being part of Boris Johnson’s 2019 takeover of the Conservative party, Paul is prone to the occasional terminological inexactitude. Hopefully the all new Paul Holmes effluent-o-meter will help Hamble Valley voters avoid being misled during the election!

Let’s get started with what Paul claims to have achieved over the last five years…

M27 resurfacing

Well work does finally seem to have started after being promised before Paul was even an MP. And then repeatedly promised by Paul before being delayed again and again. Wouldn’t it have been nice if it had been done as part of the smart motorway upgrade instead of giving us another two years of disruption?

I would also very much like to hear exactly how Paul personally achieved the M27 resurfacing. In reality the M27 work is just part of broader “plans to replace England’s concrete road surfaces with asphalt” (BBC).

It’s probably fairer to say that the resurfacing is happening in spite of Paul slamming the country into the Truss-Kwarteng special financial operation.

Hamble quarry

Paul claims to have “finally” said no to the proposed quarry. Strangely Paul didn’t appear to be at all concerned about noise or pollution when he was actively supporting the Southampton Airport extension.

Not that it makes any difference because as far as I know no MP was responsible for either planning decision. Paul is also not responsible for Hamble Airfield being included in the Hampshire Minerals and Waste Plan, which it still is.

Oh well, like Boris Johnson, Paul is never one to pass up a good opportunity for a photo op.

The good news is that MPs could introduce legislation to change planning laws. Sadly Paul failed to do exactly that when there was a Conservative government, so I don’t hold out much hope for him if he’s lucky enough to be elected as an opposition MP.

Anyway, Cemex are likely to appeal the planning rejection, so there’s nothing final about it.

Station accessibility

Have I missed the new lifts at Hedge End Station? Seriously? This is meant to be an achievement?

Sustainable development

Paul’s approach to more sustainable development is to oppose all development, especially if it has anything to do with the Lib Dem council. The first rule of politics club is to attach yourself to any local opposition to house building, which has served Paul well.

At least we won’t be hearing about how terrible One Horton Heath is anymore, since it’s not in Paul’s new constituency. Sadly, I doubt we’ll hear about any sustainable alternatives either. Paul’s plans are very much like Sunak’s plans.

Discharge summary

Paul has started his campaign by attempting to take credit for things he had little or nothing to do with. It would be like the Prime Minister trying to take credit for a fall in inflation.

Strangely, Paul failed to take credit for his two biggest achievements…

• Brexit,— still not done but a titanic success so far. Thank goodness Paul took his responsibility to scrutinise the oven ready deal so seriously.
• Town centre constituency office,— oh, well, the least said the better. Even Mims didn’t rent an office in the local Conservative club.

Effluent-o-meter score: 6

https://stopthetories.vote/local/eastleigh

The bad news is that tactical voting isn’t always popular and other parties are parroting Tory misinformation, so there’s also a realistic chance of missing out on reaching net zero. I get it, tactical voting is horrible, especially if you’re one of the many great candidates that are not recommended by tactical voting sites. Unfortunately, without reforming our first past the post voting system, tactical voting is one of the few options to avoid the worst candidates being elected.

Tactical voting is also a blunt instrument, so it doesn’t take into account local issues, like the Lib Dems currently having an unhealthy majority on the local council. I would personally like to see far more independent councillors, and a better mix of parties represented on the council, but the biggest threat to Eastleigh is still the Conservative government loyally propped up by Eastleigh’s Conservative MP. Claiming that the local Green/Labour/Lib Dem (delete as appropriate) party are as bad or worse than the national Tory party is just not credible.

It’s worth repeating that not all parties, and not all politicians are the same. No party is perfect, and there are good and bad politicians in most parties. (Yes, even in the Conservative party.) If you’re not comfortable with tactical voting, take some time to check out who’s standing in Eastleigh before Thursday but make sure anyone you consider voting for is working extremely hard for your vote. It takes a huge amount of effort to get elected and a paper candidate is never going to beat a Tory.

Whatever you do, vote on Thursday! Just not for a Tory!

Paul’s most important contribution to politics is his line on the Tory whip’s spreadsheet and he has once again maintained his impeccable track record of voting exactly how he was told to. Even so, with Rishi “integrity, professionalism and accountability” Sunak in charge, toeing the party line was going to be easier than ever for Paul “integrity and honesty” Holmes this year.

1. Halve Inflation: understandably reluctant to take any responsibility for rising inflation (wars, climate change, trade barriers, special financial operations, etc.) but only too happy to take credit for falling inflation. Food inflation is still going to make cooking a meal for 31.17p pretty tricky though.

“To then say to them, actually we’re going to bring down inflation when they blame us for inflation rising in the first place, that makes it really difficult.”

Paul Holmes, PoliticsHome

Unfortunately Paul only blames Liz Truss for the dire position the party finds itself in, perhaps forgetting the country is also in a dire position thanks to him and his party putting Liz Truss in power in the first place. Party first as always.

2. Grow the Economy: we’re currently heading for a recession but with Paul’s plan to save our high street, and Sunak’s world-beating idea to use legislation to redefine reality, I’m sure we’ll be fine.

Btw. has anyone discovered what Paul’s plan actually is? Replacing the high street with vans maybe?

3. Reduce Debt: Paul is always keen to distract attention towards Eastleigh Councils debt, although strangely without any context whatsoever. Despite all Paul’s bluster, the Chartered Institute of Public Finance and Accountancy review of Eastleigh Borough Council’s debt found,

“The council appears to understand the challenges its indebtedness position creates and has clear strategies and mitigations for managing them. EBC’s investment portfolio has a clear strategic purpose.”

CIPFA report

Perhaps Jeremy Hunt could get some tips from Eastleigh Council on prudent financial management before spaffing any uncosted tax giveaways on Conservative donors in a desperate attempt to buy the next election.

4. Cut NHS Waiting Lists: well I think we can all agree that the 40 new hospitals and the government’s skillful handling of NHS strikes has made a huge difference to waiting lists.

5. Stop Small Boats: this is Paul’s chance to shine, having been Priti Patel’s PPS at the start of the government’s wildly successful campaign to stop anyone claiming asylum in the UK. Unfortunately it actually turns out to be the low point of his Westminster career.

On the anniversary of the 2019 general election, in the Safety of Rwanda (Asylum and Immigration) Bill debate where MPs were discussing legislation that seeks to alter reality in a desperate attempt to continue the Tory government’s ridiculous obsesion with deporting money to Rwanda, Paul interrupted the shadow home secretary to ask what Labour’s plan was.

Ian Dunt was impressed by this line of questioning…

“Cooper is asked what Labour’s plan is. Starmer was asked the same thing on Radio 4 this morning, persistently. There are many things to criticise Labour for, but this isn’t one of them and indeed the question betrays one of the intellectual failings of Westminster.”

Ian Dunt, Twitter/X, 12th December 2023

It gets worse. Having dutifully delivered the line he was very likely given, he seemed to get carried away and finished by claiming “everything that [the shadow home secretary] says she would do, this government is already doing” which is very clearly false.

There may be some unobservant back benchers who could have missed the obvious differences between Labour’s plans and the inhumane and ineffective pantomime that the Conservative government persists with but Paul was Patel’s PPS when she was home secretary, so I am quite sure he knows better.

As far as I can tell Paul has not apologised or corrected the record, so it’s difficult not to conclude that Paul is a liar.

King’s Speech

“It is a privilege to speak in this debate on the King’s Speech, because I genuinely believe that crime and sentencing is one of this Government’s key successes in the past 13 years.”

Paul Holmes, Violence Reduction, Policing and Criminal Justice debate

Wow, that’s some success.

According to Paul the government is reducing crime and recruiting more police officers. For some reason he doesn’t mention fraud or who cut the number of police officers in the first place. The 2019 Boris Johnson intake of New Conservative MPs is going to cast a long shadow over British politics.

For the gory details of the government’s “success”, I would definitely recommend reading the Secret Barrister’s, Stories of the Law and How It’s Broken.

Or for a tldr summary, have a look at Tanya-Jayne’s ex-Twitter thread instead.

Campaigns

One Horton Heath: Paul hasn’t given up on his failed attempts to stop the One Horton Heath project, finishing the year with another of his signature contributions to Prime Minister’s Questions complaining about Eastleigh Council’s house building.

“Eastleigh Borough Council recently refinanced its failed One Heaton Heath housing project to the tune of £148 million, with no houses built and interest payments of £386,000 per month.”

Paul Holmes, Prime Minister’s Questions, December 2023

At least he got the meeting he asked for this time, unlike the infrastructure necessary to build many more homes promised by Boris Johnson in response to Paul’s first Prime Minister’s Question. Boris Johnson is a liar though so that’s not too surprising.

Oddly Paul doesn’t seem to have anything to say about the nearby Uplands Development. It’s a stone’s throw from One Horton Heath and is also a failure by Paul’s definition, with £ millions spent on infrastructure (a road and a school) but no houses yet. Perhaps I just missed Paul’s campaign on this one, or maybe there’s some reason he doesn’t complain about it.

M27 resurfacing: if I had a VIP PPE contract for every time Paul announced the M27 was about to be resurfaced, I would be sitting on a yacht by now!

It was meant to be done at the same time as the smart motorway work, which would have obviously made far too much sense. The lying Prime Minister (Johnson, not Sunak) also announced the work was meant to have started already but here’s Paul delivering the same news in February, and again just recently in December.

Will the work start while Paul is still Eastleigh’s MP? He’s running out of time.

Southampton Airport expansion: Paul got a spectacular photo opportunity opening the airport extension this year. In a climate crisis. Excellent work.

To be fair to Paul, his contribution to the runway extension was likely very similar to his contribution to lowering inflation, or the M27 resurfacing for that matter.

Hamble Airfield Quarry: Paul’s latest campaign is absolutely perfect for any MP:— who would want a gravel pit next to their house? Or next to a school! Paul has firmly attached himself to local opposition to the quarry and even introduced his second (doomed) 10 minute rule bill in parliament!

I would agree that planning rules are inadequate for any applications with large health and environmental implications, as demonstrated by the Southampton airport extension. Paul’s Planning (Quarries) Bill isn’t going to fix that though.

Even if the government supported Paul’s Planning (Quarries) Bill (lol), there’s unlikely to be time left for it to progress, so it’ll go the way of most 10 minute rule bills. My guess is that the quarry will eventually go ahead but that Paul will get through the next general election before the Conservative Hampshire County Council make a decision.

Sewage: just kidding, this is obviously not something Paul has waded in to!

Hedge End station accessibility: more talk and photo ops but no progress. I’m sure he’ll continue the fight to jump the station accessibility funding queue if we elect him to the new Hamble Valley constituency. (Spoiler alert for the missing annual review: this isn’t his first station accessibility campaign!)

Constituents

Paul’s MO on social media has long been insulting and blocking constituents to shut down debate, and this year was no different. Hilariously, and with no sign of any self-awareness, he recently complained about being blocked by someone else!

“Sorry Christine I’m blocked by Liz as she hates debate and doesn’t like standing up against her party and their disastrous local record.”

Paul Holmes, Twitter/X, 12th December 2023

Liz Jarvis is the Lib Dem parliamentary candidate for Eastleigh and while I would personally rather politicians didn’t block people, I can understand why someone would choose to block Paul based on his fairly unpleasant use of social media. Paul will be campaigning for the new Hamble Valley constituency in the upcoming general election, not Eastleigh, so I’m not entirely sure why he appears to be so threatened by her. Perhaps because she does actually stand up against her local party, disagreeing with them on the airport extension and Solent freeport …according to Paul Holmes.

When I asked what people wanted to know in an annual review, the most common requests were for attendance in parliament, votes, number of local surgeries, number of cases handled etc. Unfortunately MPs are not obliged to publish any information at all as far as I can tell but there are some clues.

Paul has a government job (currently PPS to Michael Gove after stepping down as Conservative Vice Chairman earlier in the year) so he has more incentive than a normal backbench MP to attend parliament and vote how he’s told to and, as his parliamentary page shows, Paul does turn up, vote, and deliver the government’s lines to take.

We cannot know Paul’s exact attendance record but we do know that it was much better than other MPs, like Nadine Dorries. We’re used to Paul arguing with constituents on social media but this year he made the news for a social media spat with the former culture secretary Nadine Dorries.

“Unlike you Nadine I work my seat, I work hard for them, and haven’t been AWOL for months and then pretend it has nothing to do with me.”

Paul Holmes, Twitter/X, 21st October 2023

More interestingly it led to the claim that Paul was gifted his Eastleigh seat, which rings true in the context of questions of integrity and fairness conducting his selection for the new Hamble Valley seat.

“He won it because he was as given it after mims stepped down for a safer one. I was literally in the room for the conversations”

Ems Barr, Twitter/X, 22nd October 2023

There are no publicly verifiable records of how many constituents contact Paul, or what the end result is, but Pauĺ claims to work very hard and while not everyone is happy, he continues to get generally favourable reviews.

“You are just deluded. 20000 cases all completed on time and a strong team. As I said before I can’t wait until I no longer represent you. Such an unpleasant man.”

Paul Holmes, Twitter/X, 29th December 2023

It’s not clear whether that’s 20,000 cases this year or since he was elected, and from a previous review around 5% are about pot holes, but Paul’s strong team includes the very pleasant Daniel Sydenham.

Paul suspended his senior parliamentary assistant to conduct an investigation after reports surfaced that Daniel featured in a Halloween video dressed as Jimmy Savile. That’s in stark contrast to Paul’s usual preference for keeping the accused in their job while waiting for a completed report before expressing any views. Maybe that’s just his approach for Conservative leaders though. Either way, I haven’t seen any outcome of the investigation and Daniel’s LinkedIn profile still shows him as Paul’s senior assistant.

If you have a problem… if no one else can help… and if you can find him at his out of town Conservative club office, or one of his sporadic street surgeries… maybe you can ask for Paul’s help. Paul’s next job could be in Citizens Advice, he just doesn’t know it yet.

Conclusion

I don’t think there were any big surprises this year. We’ve got to know Paul pretty well since 2019 and he’s fairly typical of that New Conservative/Boris Johnson intake of MPs. There’s very likely to be a general election in 2024, so look out for any more inadvertent terminological inexactitudes in the upcoming campaign.

Biggest achievement: securing himself the slightly safer Hamble Valley seat for the next election.

Biggest disappointment: lying in parliament.

And finally, how does Paul feel about how everything is going?

“More and more lately, I have utter despair at coming into work and this party”

Paul Holmes, via WhatsApp

He has my sympathy,— if only there was some way we could help. (Register to vote now, and then apply for a postal vote, and then vote tactically!!)

As with Paul’s 2020 and 2021 reviews, these are just my personal observations. You may have other examples of times Paul has done well, or things he could do to improve. If you have, please leave a comment below!