Physical Benefits

* Breathing: most of us breathe very differently than we should. As infants, we breathe in by expanding our bellies, and breathe out by retracting our bellies. As we age, we actually reverse this process, and we tend to breathe in a very shallow manner.  In fact, we very rarely truly give any thought at all to how we breathe. Pranayama, a yoga breathing exercise, actually helps to give thought to “how” we breathe and teaches us how to do it properly.

* Muscle tone and strength: many yoga poses require you to support yourself and balance on your limbs. This in turn increases your strength. Thus, more strength equals stronger, leaner muscles.

* Pain prevention: whether or not you have pain to begin with, yoga can help treat both current chronic pain and prevent future pain that can occur as we age. Back pain, for instance, is a very common as most of our everyday lives are spent sitting in a car or at a computer desk. This is turn can lead to tightness and spinal compression which yoga is excellent in helping to relieve.

* Flexibility: stretching out your wound-up and tight body will undoubtedly increase your flexibility. Areas of the body that are given an increase in range-of-motion through yoga are commonly the hips, shoulders, back and hips.

* Health matters: scientific research confirms that yoga has a great impact on the health of participants; more specifically the physical and emotional factors contributing to heart disease. These studies found that weight loss, belly fat, blood cholesterol, hypertension, and insulin resistance (among others) were all greatly improved through the practice of yoga.

Mental Benefits

* A sense of mental calmness: the practice of breathing, and the subtle and serene movements of yoga allow the mind to “think” calm. Focusing so intently on what your body is doing, and ONLY that, allows a sense of peace to flow through your body and mind.

* Stress reduction: one of the best benefits of all - yoga is an ideal stress buster. Because yoga requires you to be “in the moment,” focusing your mind and body on simply just “mind and body,” makes all of the everyday details melt away.  Yoga helps to put your troubles aside as well as put things into perspective.

* Body awareness: yoga requires you to move in ways you may not have imagined you could. As a result, you become much more aware of what you body can do, what it’s limitations are, and what can be improved upon.  And being more in touch with your body means paying attention to loving and care for it too.

* Self awareness: many individuals who practice the art of yoga find that they learn a lot about themselves; who they are and how they feel, or rather who they want to be and how they want to feel. Since it is a focused art, it is truly about focusing on “you,” which in our daily lives, more often than not, gets overlooked.

So what are you waiting for? Yoga is the perfect activity to help you become curious about who you are, focus your attention, and in turn improve your sense of well-being in ways you can’t even imagine.  Click the banner below to get started with your yoga practice today.

I am very excited to announce that I will be participating in this year’s Makeover Show - Montreal’s premiere event showcasing local companies and professionals who can help you make over your home, health and image.  This show is truly one-of-a-kind: it’s not one of those pushy trade shows, but rather is a place for you to meet some great people one-on-one to get some truly valuable information that you can walk away with and use.  I’ll be there giving away free goodies, and you can also enter a draw to win a prize - a copy of my favourite emotional eating book!  Aside from checking out all the other great people presenting there, be sure to stop by my table; I’ll have a banner labelled “Make Over Your Mind, Make Over Your Body” (clever, no?).  If you’ve been thinking about working with me, this is a great chance for you to meet me in person and ask any questions you might have, pressure-free!

Please mark your calendars and join us!  To register your attendance go to www.themakeovershow.com and fill out the box on the top right.  The admission fee is $10, but if you print out this coupon you can get in for free (click the coupon for a printer-friendly version)!

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Somatization

Just today a client came in describing an unpleasant odor she came across while on the bus (N.B.: I had her permission to share this anecdote).  The more she thought about feeling nauseous, the more nauseous she felt. She was surprised at how easily she became nauseous just by thinking about it.  And while relating this story to me, she made the powerful insight that if it was so easy for something as physical as nausea to be evoked by her mind, imagine what else she might be experiencing needlessly by over-focusing on it.  This is a great example of the mind-body connection.

A more extreme version of this is somatization, or the expression of emotional/psychological issues through the body. Psychosomatic conditions present real, measurable physical symptoms, yet they are not entirely the result of a physical problem. Although the symptoms and experiences are caused by the “mind,” the symptoms are in fact quite real, not “imagined.”

Typical psychosomatic symptoms include:

* Getting (and staying) sick while under high levels of stress
* Stomach aches before giving a presentation
* Rashes that break out in response to emotional abandonment
* Aches and pains when feeling tense or anxious
* Bladder infections when angry
* Gastro-intestinal problems that act up when upset

Often pre-existing medical conditions are worsened during times of high stress or anxiety. If left untreated, unaddressed and unexamined, these physical responses can become chronic and have a damaging impact on your health, even leading to life-threatening illnesses like diabetes, heart disease or cancer.

What’s Your Body Trying to Say?

Somatization is a problem and source of frustration for both physicians and patients alike, as the cause is often not readily apparent nor easily treatable.  However, I see psychosomatic symptoms in a much more positive light: once a physical cause is ruled out, there is a wonderful opportunity to listen to what the body is trying to say.

These conditions are being caused by emotional problems that aren’t getting addressed. In turn, the body creates an “alarm signal” to get you to pay attention.  What that signal is, and what it signifies, is up to you to figure out. However, in my experience, there is often a symbolic link between the symptom and the emotional issue; for example, a “burning” infection can often be the body’s way of expressing angry feelings that have no verbal outlet.

Emotional Eating

We’ve all heard the expression “You are what you eat.” On a physical level, our food intake contributes to the health of our heart, our cellular structure, and our overall energy level.  However, on an emotional level, what we choose to eat and why can translate into poor health, excess weight and using food for comfort and to numb pain.

In my work, I always explore what the meaning of food and excess weight is to my clients.  This struggle can be an expression of:

* Feelings of inadequacy
* Unresolved issues from the past
* Depression
* Loss
* A protective barrier against sexuality
* Family of origin issues

Emotional eating is not hard to identify - but it is hard to admit. If you have resolved that you are comfort eating, diets generally will not help. What WILL work is to heal the underlying issues that are causing the excessive eating and thus the excessive pounds.  It’s important to remember that the total well-being of a person requires that attention be paid to the physical and emotional side of things - the two are not separable.

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What is a Food Snob?

What the heck is a food snob, you might ask, and why should you be proud to be one? Good question!  A food snob is someone who has an epicurean zeal for high quality, fresh and fancy food.

Here are some of the traits and behaviour patterns of a food snob:

* They prefer to buy their food from specialty shops; bread from bakeries, meat from butcher shops, and nuts and grains from bulk food stores.

* When in a suburban-style mega-grocery store, they mostly avoid the centre aisles, opting instead for fresh produce and dairy.

* They don’t buy things that come in crinkly bags or brightly coloured boxes with cartoon characters on them.

* Whatever they do buy from centre aisles has to be imported from some foreign country and in a glass bottle with a fancy label, thank you very much.

* They love to visit farmer’s markets, and pick out local produce with the eye of a jeweller choosing the finest gems.

* They also love to try new things; the more exotic and unpronounceable, the better.

* When eating out, they get excited by hole-in-the-wall restaurants that serve delicious, unusual, flavourful meals made with high-quality ingredients. What they avoid are fast food and chain restaurants.  There’s something a little bit wrong about being able to get the same meal with the same taste at opposite ends of the continent.

* They take pleasure in going food shopping, taking their time to examine each fruit carefully, ponder the various merits of different kinds of cheese, and fantasize about the meals that will result from this particular trip.

* Cooking is taken to the extremes of an Olympic sport.  Hours are regularly set aside to carefully execute new recipes that result in multi-course meals.  These are most often paired with good friends and good wine.

* They opt for cooking shows over reality TV.

* New recipes passed on by family and friends can often generate a squeal of excitement.

Benefits of Being a Food Snob

There are LOTS of benefits to being a food snob. Here are a few:

* You feel fancy. Feel free to don designer sunglasses and a silk scarf to go shopping with your straw bag (I exaggerate).

* When you buy high quality ingredients, you spend more, but you also eat less and don’t let things go to waste.  Wouldn’t you rather eat a single, hand-made decadent chocolate truffle from a specialty shop than an entire candy bar from a gas station?

* You learn to enjoy grocery shopping rather than see it as weekly (or worse, bi-monthly) excursion to a drab, concrete block of a store that also happens to sell clothing and consumer electronics.

* You support the local economy and local farmers.

* You reduce your environmental impact by trying not to buy things that are excessively packaged.

* You can feel proud to say that you don’t succumb to the advertising industry‘s dictates of what you should eat.

* You never get bored of the same old thing.

* Cooking becomes a fun, creative expression of who you are instead of a grim task to be endured.

* Fewer processed foods means a healthier, slimmer body.

* You might actually get famous if you pull a Julie & Julia.

* Most importantly, REAL pleasure is taken from food, the kind where everything is slowly savoured, fully appreciated and shared with loved ones.

Not everyone can incorporate all of these suggestions at once.  But take a good, long look at how you see food: shopping for it, cooking it and eating it.  See if you can start with a few small changes, like visiting a farmer’s market on your way home once in a while to savour seasonal goodies.  I promise, being a food snob will change your life!

Create a Support Network for Yourself

Seek out people who are not perfectionists. Encourage your support network to not be rigid or moralistic in their attempts to keep you on an honest course. Look for people who forgive and forget when mistakes, failures, offenses, or backsliding occur. Ask them to tell you when they think you are being rigid, unrealistic, or idealistic in your behavior. Ask them to give you positive reinforcement for any positive change, no matter how small. Seek out people who have a sincere interest in your personal growth.

Do Some Self-Exploration

Explore the following questions in your journal, print this out and make some notes here, or discuss them with a trusted friend or professional counselor:

1. Where do you see perfectionististic behavior in your life?





2. How do these behaviors create problems for you?





3. What perfectionistic beliefs do you have?





4. How do you think these beliefs will affect your ability to change your behavior?






5. What do you need to do to become less of a perfectionist and be more relaxed about things?

6. How can you use your support system to help yourself be less of a perfectionist?

Identify Alternative Behaviors

Make a list of specific perfectionist behaviors that you want to change. For each one, think of something specific you could do instead. For example:

* Perfectionistic behavior: I have to be “perfect” in my diet, eating only what’s “approved,” and can never cheat or slip up.

* Alternative behavior: I can try to incorporate as many healthy meals and snacks as I can, and enjoy a few treats now and then.

Note your own examples here: 




Perfectionist behaviors: 




Alternative behaviors: 

Lower Your Expectations

It is very important to understand that it is unrealistic to expect to change your behavior (or someone else’s) immediately or completely.  Give yourself time and permission to be less than ideal.

Make a List of the Advantages and Disadvantages of Being Perfect

You may find that perfection is too costly. Perhaps you will discover that relationship problems, endless working, and other compulsive behaviors (eating disorders and substance abuse problems) are too high a price for the results you gain from your perfectionist way of being. Can you think of any other disadvantages of being perfect?  Do they outweigh the advantages?

Pay Attention to Your Behavior and Attitudes

As you see yourself behaving in a perfectionist way, take note. In the beginning, just observe yourself. Keep a log if it helps you see your behavior more clearly. You don’t have to make any changes until you have a good idea of your specific behaviors and thoughts.

Try Some New Thoughts and Behaviors

Begin to substitute the alternative behaviors you identified earlier. If possible, ask someone from your support network for feedback. Observe your feelings and thoughts as you try new things.

Review Your Goals and Make Sure They Are Realistic

By having achievable, realistic goals, you will gradually see that less-than-perfect results are not as disastrous as you thought they would be.  Take a step-by-step approach to bigger, or more difficult goals.  For example, if you think you should lose 40 pounds, start with an initial weight loss goal of 10 pounds.  Once you achieve that smaller goal, try another 10 pounds.  You may find that after losing 20 or 30 pounds, you have reached a weight and body shape that is sustainable and satisfying.

Set Strict Time Limits for Your Projects

When the time is up, move on to another task or take a break. I find a timer is especially helpful in keeping track of time and giving you full permission to focus on the task at hand without worrying what time it is.

Make Friends with Criticism

Many perfectionists take criticism personally and respond defensively. If someone criticizes you when you make a mistake, the easiest thing to do is to simply admit it. Remind yourself that you are human, meaning you will sometimes make mistakes. The people who never make mistakes are no longer learning or growing.

Learn to re-frame criticism and see it as information you can learn from. When you let go of the fantasy that humans must be perfect to have value in this world, you are less likely to feel angry or embarrassed when you make a mistake. You will see that criticism is information that you can learn from, and you will no longer need to avoid it.

What Is Perfectionism?

Perfectionists aspire to be top achievers and do not allow themselves to make even a single mistake. They are always on the alert for imperfections and weaknesses in themselves and others. They tend to be rigid thinkers who are on the lookout for deviations from the rules or the norm.

Perfectionism is not the same as striving for excellence. People who pursue excellence in a healthy way take genuine pleasure in working to meet high standards. Perfectionists are motivated by self-doubt and fears of disapproval, ridicule, and rejection. The high producer has drive, while the perfectionist is driven.

Causes and Characteristics

* Fear of failure and rejection. The perfectionist believes that she will be rejected or fail if she is not always perfect, so she becomes paralyzed and unable to produce or perform at all.
* Fear of success. The perfectionist believes that if he is successful in what he undertakes, he will have to keep it up. This becomes a heavy burden--who wants to operate at such a high level all of the time?
* Low self-esteem. A perfectionists need for love and approval tend to blind her to the needs and wishes of others. This makes it difficult or impossible to have healthy relationships with others.
* Black-and-white thinking. Perfectionists see most experiences as either good or bad, perfect or imperfect. There is nothing in between. The perfectionist believes that the flawless product or superb performance must be produced every time. Perfectionists believe if it can’t be done perfectly, it’s not worth doing.
* Extreme determination. Perfectionists are determined to overcome all obstacles to achieving success. This is also true of high achievers, but the perfectionist focuses only on the result of his efforts. He is unable to enjoy the process of producing the achievement. His relentless pursuit of the goal becomes his downfall because it often results in overwhelming anxiety, sabotaging his heroic efforts.

The Costs of Being a Perfectionist

Perfectionism always costs more than the benefits it might provide. It can result in being paralyzed with fear and becoming so rigid that a person is difficult to relate to. It can produce contradictory styles, from being highly productive to being completely nonproductive. Some examples of these costs include the following:

* Low self-esteem. Just as low self-esteem is a cause of perfectionist behavior, it is also a result. Because a perfectionist never feels good enough about himself or his personal performance, he usually feels like a loser or a failure.
* Gloominess. Since a perfectionist is convinced that it will be next to impossible to achieve most goals, she can easily develop a negative attitude.
* Depression. Perfectionists often feel discouraged and depressed because they are driven to be perfect but know that it is impossible to reach the ideal.
* Guilt. Perfectionists never think they handle things well. They often feel a sense of shame and guilt as a result.
* Rigidity. Since perfectionists need to have everything meet an ideal, they tend to become inflexible and lack spontaneity.
* Lack of motivation. A person who expects perfection may never try new behaviors or learn new skills because she thinks that she will never be able to do it well enough. At other times, she may begin the new behavior but give up early because she fears that she will never reach her goal.
* Paralysis. Since most perfectionists have an intense fear of failure, they sometimes become immobilized and stagnant. Writers who suffer from writer"s block are examples of the perfectionist’s paralysis.
* Obsessive behavior. When a person needs a certain order or structure in his life, he may become overly focused on details and rules.
Compulsive behavior. A perfectionist who feels like a failure or loser may medicate him- or herself with alcohol, drugs, food, shopping, sex, gambling, or other high-risk behaviors.
* Eating disorders. Many studies have determined that perfectionism is a central issue for people who develop eating disorders.

The Perfectionist versus The High Achiever

People produce many of their best achievements when they are striving to do their best. High achievers, like perfectionists, want to be better people and achieve great things. Unlike perfectionists, high achievers accept that making mistakes and risking failure are part of the achievement process--and part of being human.

Emotionally Healthy High Producers

You can be a high achiever without being a perfectionist. People who accomplish plenty and stay emotionally healthy tend to exhibit the following behaviors:

* Set standards that are high but achievable.
* Enjoy the process, not just the outcome.
* Recover from disappointment quickly.
* Are not disabled by anxiety and fear of failure.
* View mistakes as opportunities for growth and learning.
* React positively to constructive feedback.

Once you are aware of the ways by which you expect yourself to be perfect, you can start to change your behavior. In my next newsletter, I’ll offer some tips to help you get started. Until then, begin the change process by thinking about which causes apply to you and writing down examples of these perfectionist behaviors as you observe them.

What is Body Image?

The scientist in me wants to say that the true definition of body image is the brain’s representation of of the body’s sensory system and internal sense of having a body.  This internal “body image” changes as we grow, especially in childhood and adolescence.  That partly explains why teenagers can be so klutzy and awkward, because their bodies are growing faster than their brains can keep up with.

However, most of us define body image as how we evaluate ourselves. Aside from feeling like we have a body, most of us have an opinion about our bodies.  Those with a healthy body image may have a couple of areas they think need improvement, but generally, they feel good about the way they look and are able to enjoy and appreciate their bodies.  Those who struggle with their weight very often have a negative body image. They feel fat, ugly, and unloveable.  They think others judge them harshly, and they shy away from certain social situations.

In extreme cases, a person’s body image can be so distorted that it can lead to serious problems. Here, the negative self-evaluation reaches painful levels, and often there is a huge distortion in how these people see themselves.  To others, they may look just fine, but they grossly misjudge the size or attractiveness of certain parts of their bodies.  This is a cardinal feature of some psychological disorders, like Body Dysmorphic Disorder and some Eating Disorders.  These are serious problems that require professional attention, and shouldn’t be dismissed as a sign that the person is “superficial” or “conceited.”

Signs of Negative Body Image

Worried that you or someone you know might have a problem with body image?  Some of the signs are listed below:

* You constantly compare your appearance with others.
* You refuse to let your picture be taken, or are extremely self-conscious in photos.
* You keep checking a certain body part that you think is flawed (e.g., your nose or belly).
* You measure the flaw frequently (e.g., weighing yourself).
* You attempt to hide your flaws.
* You feel anxious and self-conscious around other people.
* You call yourself names: “hideous,” “ugly,” and “disgusting.”

In addition, the following are signs of Body Dysmorphic Disorder:

* You avoid leaving the house unless you absolutely have to. Body Dysmorphic Disorder limits your social and love life.
* You spend hours getting ready, often applying and reapplying makeup several times, or fixing a strand of hair that doesn’t quite go where you want it to.
* You seek frequent and repetitive cosmetic surgery, and often aren’t happy with the results.
* More frequent in men: you weight train excessively, never feeling satisfied with the size or shape of your muscles.

If you suffer from debilitating levels of negative body image, and suspect you might have Body Dysmorphic Disorder or an Eating Disorder, I strongly urge you to seek professional help. You don’t need to feel this way; there is good help available out there.

How to Feel Better About Your Body

If you think you could use some help in the body image department, there are lots of ways you can learn to love your body.  Here are a few:

* Stop watching TV (see my blog post on my decision to go this extreme route).  I have no idea what’s in the theatres, what brands are hot, and who recently gained 10 pounds, and guess what, I don’t care!  This applies to magazines and other forms of superficial media as well.
* Make a list of all the things you like about your body. Really get into it!  Undress in front of the mirror (soft lighting helps!), and look at yourself through different (more accepting, and loving) eyes.
* Get rid of the clothes that make you feel ugly.  Only wear clothes that fit you well and play up your great features.  Experiment with new styles and accessories.  A stylist can help you decide which cuts, styles and fabrics look best on your body (check my Resources page for some recommendations).
* Stop comparing yourself to others. Maybe that thin girl over there is desperately unhappy and starves herself all day to look that way.  Is that how you want to measure your self-worth?
* Rediscover the pleasure in sensual activities.  Yes, that might mean making love, but it also includes moving in ways that make you feel alive.  Dancing, yoga, and exercise all make you feel more fluid and energized.  Strength training is especially effective in helping you focus your attention mindfully on what makes your body work, leading to a greater appreciation of yourself, a feeling of strength and power, and of course, a toned and sculpted body.
* Smile at yourself every time you look in the mirror.  Hard to do at first, but works like a charm, especially right before you walk out the door!
* Pamper yourself regularly.  Use lotions and soaps that smell delicious, take lovely bubblebaths, and have a spa day (at home or not) every so often.  Do little things to make yourself feel gorgeous (paint your toenails, try a new hairdo, or put on that outfit that makes you feel great).

Remember, you can’t change the media, but you can choose what you pay attention to and how you feel about yourself.  Learn to love yourself the way you are, and be the best you can be right now. Tomorrow is another day, and today is all you’ve got!

Why People Stay Stuck

One big reason people stay stuck is the comfort that comes from force of habit.  Better to stick with the devil you know, than the devil you don’t know, right?  Well, maybe not.  Comfort zones are limiting, preventing you from venturing out into new, unexplored territory.

Fear of change is another big reason. With fear come all the questions: what do I have to lose by changing?  What will I be giving up?  How hard will it be to try something new?  What if I fail?  What if it doesn’t last?  How do I know things will be better the new way, anyway?

There are no ready answers for these questions. But know that anything worth having usually comes through hard work, persistence, and experimentation.  And even though things might not be better the new way, things definitely won’t get better if you don’t try.

Benefits of Trying Something New

Here are some of the advantages of trying something new: 

* Overcome your fears.  Haven’t taken a vacation in years because you’re afraid of flying?  Now’s a good a time as any to tackle that fear (whether on your own or with professional help). 

* Change as an opportunity for growth.  Every time you encounter a change in your life, you get to learn something about yourself.  Every time you experiment with something different, you learn something about the world, your strengths and even your limitations (why waste time on something you’re not good at?).

* Keep your mind sharp.  Whenever you try something new, you’re challenging your mind, keeping your skills fresh, and forging new pathways in your brain.  It also helps you stay interested, because nothing ever gets boring.

* Discover your passion.  How will you know what you’re truly in love with and good at if you haven’t taken the time to try anything and everything the world has to offer?

* Live life more fully.  Instead of staying to stuck to the same old boring routine, break out of the mold and do all those things you’ve been meaning to try.  Not only will every day be different and more interesting, you’ll have a lifetime of memories to look forward to (and no regrets, either!).

* Replace old habits with new, healthier ones.  Perhaps the most important benefit of all.  Each time you create a new habit, you have to make room by getting rid of an old one.  By finding an after-dinner activity that will keep you active, engaged and having fun, you won’t be able to park yourself on the couch every evening with a bag of snacks.

Where Should I Start?

Like anything else, you should always start small. Choose changes that are not only easy to implement, but actually sound fun or exciting.  Once you get comfortable with making smaller changes, move on to bigger, scarier ones.  See the list below for some suggestions:

* Try a different route on your way to work or during your daily walk.

* Check out local listings for interesting activities you’ve always meant to try (e.g., yoga, painting, or wine tasting classes).

* Rearrange your furniture in a way that’s more aesthetically pleasing and more functional.