Julian Velard

Mighty Lin On FUSE TV And PopDose

Thu, 23 Feb 2012 10:46:11 PST

FUSE online and Popdose wrote an article about the song. Check it out!

Click here to read the FUSE article on The Mighty Lin

Click here to read the PopDose article on The Mighty Lin

Mighty Lin Single On iTunes

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 07:09:22 PST

I was asked by my favorite sports team in the entire universe, The New York Knicks, to write a song about their newest sensation, Jeremy Lin. Needless to say I was beyong excited and up to the task. I even got a video made for the little ditty. Hopefully non-NYC sports fans will dig it ;)

Click here to download The Mighty Lin on iTunes

Click here to watch The Mighty Lin video

Video Profile on HooplaHa

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 07:52:21 PST

A video profile on yours truly is featured on a new website HooplaHa. They do short pieces on inspirational stories. Of course I am one of them :)

Click here to watch "The Entertainer" on HooplaHa

Mini Solo Tour In March

Wed, 08 Feb 2012 10:37:44 PST

I'm heading out this March for some solo shows to debut new material for my next "project". I'll be hitting Philly, Chicago, Canton OH and the Cincinatti area. My special guest on the tour is Jason Myles Goss. Details on each show are in the links below. Come out!

March 7th @ World Cafe Live in Philadelphia PA

March 10th @ Schuba's in Chicago IL

March 11th @ The Auricle in Canton OH

March 12th @ Studio 89/WKNU in Highland Heights KY (FREE SHOW)

Q&A in the Huffington Post

Fri, 13 Jan 2012 07:58:10 PST

JV made the Huff Po Baby! Check out this awesome Q&A I did with Mike Ragogna about Mr. Saturday Night. Scroll down as I'm the third piece.

Click here to read JV's Q&A in the Huffington Post

More House Concerts In February

Fri, 13 Jan 2012 07:53:44 PST

Connect with peeps about the February House Concert Tour on FB

The first run of House Concerts in December was such a success, I decided to book some more. This time I'm taking the Mr. Saturday Night show to the Southeastern US, all the way down the coast to Miami. You can check out the full schedule on the events page. One in Carrboro NC is even open to the public, and it's at a Metal Shop! There are still a few open slots so if you want in (especially if you live between DC and Atlanta and wanna do something on February 8th or 9th), be sure to submit your request on the House Concert Page!

JV Does A B.O.B./Bruno Mars Parody

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 23:46:07 PST

OK, I made a parody with my buddy Lex Friedman. It's of B.O.B. and Bruno Mars' classic, Nothin On You. And it's about our love of Jewish girls. You can download it by signing up to the Members Only Section of the site through Facebook.

Click here to sign up and download Nothin' On Jews (Feat Lex Friedman)

The World's Greatest Lover

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 19:41:25 PST

January is always a strange month. After the hectic season of holiday parties and year-end celebrations (where I'm usually the entertainment), I spend the first two to three weeks of every year with an empty calendar. The upside is I'm able to give myself over completely to creativity. It's the perfect month to start new projects and fully realize bizarre songs dreamed up in a caffeine haze (see this week's B-Side). But most importantly, it's the ultimate month for watching movies. Believe it or not, my last half of 2011 was so busy, I haven't been to a theater since The Debt... no wait I saw that Ryan Gosling flick about driving. Sorry girls, even he couldn't save that piece of hipster fluff. That said, film freaks like me have to get their fix. Thank God for Netflix streaming.

I have the fondest memories of my high schools years working at my neighborhood video store. I still remember the feeling of wandering the isles for hours, scanning the spines of VHS Boxes, trying to choose which movie to take home...The scrolling menu on my XBox doesn't have the same finality. I watch 10 minutes of a film, then click on something else if I'm bored. There's no commitment. In addition, a lot of the films on Netflix never had theatrical releases. Which means most of them suck (Ninjas vs. Vampires...anybody?). The selection is so empty and overwhelming, I usually opt for a film I've already seen. At The Video Connection, renting something for a second time was sacrilege.

Every now and then, the website's knowledge of my taste (akin to the iTunes Genius function) comes in handy. Just like the Terminator, Netflix is a learning computer. That's how I came upon this lost Gene Wilder actor/writer/director effort....The story is about Rudy Valentine, a Milwaukee baker in the 1920's who's fed up with his life and dreams of being in pictures. His prayers are answered when fictional Rainbow Studios, inan attempt to rival to Paramount's Rudolph Valentino,holds a contest to star in their latest film. Rudy moves to Hollywood with his space cadet wife, Annie (Carol Kane). Annie is in secretly in love with Valentino, and ends up leaving Rudy when she receives a fan letter she mistakes for a love letter. Rudy proceeds to lose it in typical Wilder fashion, violently bombing his screen test when the actress he's paired with is also named Annie. A variety of unbelievable events ensue, including Rudy getting chosen as a finalist in the contest by the over-the-top studio head played by the always annoying...Dom Deluise (can anyone name a movie they liked Dom in aside from Cannonball Run? Just standing next to Burt Reynolds in 1981 made you cool).

Really this movie isn't technically good. I imagine the only reason it got made was that Gene Wilder was at the height of his powers in 1978. He must have used his clout, as he appears to be the sole creative force. That said, I found it completely unpredictable in the way that only vanity projects can be. It tackles the falseness of fame while maintaining a playful, comedic tone. By setting the film in the 20's, Wilder is able to lampoon the concept of stardom at it's most naive. Back then, Movie Stars acted with their eyes, the rest of their face completely covered by a Keffiyeh. Today's celebrity has more trappings, but the Kardashian cult is evidence of the low bar we set for our icons.

It saddens me to think I'll never feel the joy of discovery again, crouched in the Sci-Fi section upstairs at The Video Connection. But if Netflix keeps suggestions of this caliber coming, I could get used to my grown up life. If they ever stop making Jiffy Pop: THAT'S WHERE I DRAW THE LINE!

Watch The World's Greatest Lover on Netflix here

JVTV Returns With Guest Ari Hest

Mon, 09 Jan 2012 09:16:43 PST

That's right folks, new year = new episodes of JVTV. My first show of 2012 was Wednesday January 11 @ 3pm EST. I was joined by a special guest, one of my good friends, the talented Ari Hest.

Click here to watch the episode

Click here to submit questions and more info on JVTV

Joni is #49 in Serious Request

Sat, 24 Dec 2011 17:32:31 PST

When it was all said and done at The Glass House, Joni came as the #49 song for Serious Request 2011. I feel honored to have raised some money for a good cause!

Check out more info on Joni and Serious Request here.

JV Visits Gerard Ekdom in The Glass House

Sat, 24 Dec 2011 01:43:35 PST

I made one final jaunt over to the Netherlands before 2011 was finished to visit my main man, Gerard Ekdom, in 3FM's Glass House for Serious Request. It was insane, one of the coolest promo events I have ever been a part of.

Watch the videos from 3FM's Glass House here.

Win A House Concert In The Hamptons

Fri, 09 Dec 2011 06:59:00 PST

WEHM is running a contest where one lucky winner on Long Island, NY can have their very own House Concert on December 20th with yours truly as the entertainment, free of charge! All you need to do to enter is write why I should play your home in a hundred words or less and email it to the radio staion

Click here for more details about the WEHM House Concert Contest

Highlights From Netherlands Mini Tour

Tue, 22 Nov 2011 03:19:34 PST

Video of JV & Rigby covering Kanye West's Heartless

Video of JV & Rigby playing Joni

Video of JV covering Chicago's If You Leave Me Now

Video of JV playing Joni live at Bitterzoet with Gerard Ekdom on cowbell

Photos of JV at the Songbird Festival

Video fo JV saying goodbye to Gerard Ekdom on Tijd Voor Max

Free Covers EP with Joni Purchase in NL

Mon, 14 Nov 2011 20:15:57 PST

My label and fans in Holland are running a special promotion: buy the Joni single on iTunes NL and email proof of purchase to info@go-entertainment.com along with your address, and you will recieve a 6 song EP of covers in the mail for $FREE$!

Read about the details in Dutch here

Glowing Show Review On PopDose

Tue, 08 Nov 2011 08:27:54 PST

I think I'm in love with this website:

"He comes across as an amalgamation of the four main piano men of the 1970s: In addition to the characterization of Waits, there are elements of Randy Newman’s wiseass satirist ('Fellow Americans'), Elton John’s two-fisted keyboard attack ('Me and My Mirror on a Saturday Night'), and Billy Joel’s love of Tin Pan Alley chords (the unreleased 'New York, I Love It When You’re Mean')"

Read the full Popdose Review of my Schuba's show here

JV Backed By Dutch Band Rigby On 3FM

Tue, 08 Nov 2011 08:25:51 PST

Holland is pouring on the serious love for JV. The amazing Dutch band Rigby JV in the studio for his appearence on Ekstra Weekend with Gerard Ekdom and Michiel Veenstra.

Watch JV and Rigby play Joni

Watch JV and Rigby play Heartless (Kanye West Cover)

Metromix Loves Mr. Saturday Night

Tue, 01 Nov 2011 08:26:33 PDT

Metromix, the major event/social/going out website, loves Mr. Saturday Night, saying: "Beneath the bowties and the banter, he's the real deal".

Read the full Metromix review here

2 Great Show Reviews For JV

Sat, 29 Oct 2011 00:10:19 PDT

Check em out:

Syracuse New Times

Canton Rep

Website for Joni in Netherlands

Wed, 26 Oct 2011 10:31:26 PDT

My song Joni is so popular in the Netherlands, they made a website for it. It's pretty amazing, even though I don't read Dutch ;)

Check out the Joni NL Website here

Radio 2 NL Loves Mr. Saturday Night

Fri, 21 Oct 2011 13:24:38 PDT

Legendary Netherlands Radio 2 DJ Frits Spits named Mr. Saturday Night #11 on his top 30 albums of 2011. Check it out here!

Solo Show in Amsterdam November 21

Tue, 18 Oct 2011 11:47:56 PDT

You read right folks, I'm coming for my first ever show in the port of Amsterdam, Netherlands on November 21 @ Bitterzoet. Get your tickets online here!

Great Interview with Popdose

Mon, 10 Oct 2011 08:54:25 PDT

Last week I had a great convo with Jeff Giles, the editor of Popdose. He's made a little write up of the interview and it's lovely.

Read the Popdose feature here

Nice Review on Babysue.com

Tue, 04 Oct 2011 22:36:40 PDT

Mr. Saturday Night got another great review on Babysue.com. You think I'd get used to it by now. BUT I DON'T I LOVE IT ALL!

Click here to read the review of Mr. Saturday Night on Babysue.com

Love Again Single Available in Benelux

Mon, 03 Oct 2011 06:47:52 PDT

Love Again For The First Time has hit the airwaves in Benelux and is out for sale this week.

Buy it off iTunes today here!

Love Again Hits Triple A Radio in America

Tue, 20 Sep 2011 22:12:55 PDT

Love Again For The First Time cannot be stopped! It's crashed the airwaves in the UK, Italy, Holland and now the USA. The single has been added to rotation on Triple A stations WBCE (Columbus OH), WFIV (Knoxville TN), KVNF (Panconia CO), KBAC (Sante Fe NM), WMVY (Martha's Vinyard MA) and WSGE (Charlotte NC). Tune into your local radio station and keep an ear out!

JV Makes Magic With Coca Cola

Mon, 19 Sep 2011 08:04:43 PDT

If you goto the World Of Coke in Atlanta, Georgia, they've updated the Happiness Factory spot with JV as the main narrarator, Pete. Apparently it's the first thing you see when you walk in. It's amazing and ridiculous.

Click here to check out the Coke's The Great Happyfication featuring JV

Journal: Transformation

Fri, 16 Sep 2011 08:51:02 PDT

It's too early for this. I haven't had my coffee, yet here I am typing away. Sometimes writing before you're truly awake gives a strange clarity. Thoughts pour on to the page like water from a faucet. This morning that's not the case. Hang on a sec...

Much better. Amazing what a French press and a bowl of oatmeal does for inspiration. Now I'm prepared to take stock of my career/life/happiness quotient. Isn't that what a journal is for? A confessional checkpoint you read years later and think, "I can't believe I was ever this young." No matter how fresh and complex a moment feels, I can put every journal I've ever written squarely into three categories: elation, frustraton, or boredom. This one might win the triple crown.

Since the begining of the summer, I've been turning a corner extemely slowly. From the outside, everything looks the same, but I am definitely moving. To where I'm not sure, but it's further and further away from Music. Now I mean Music and not music. My penchant for writing sarcastic, cutting, heartbreaking, unrecognizably genius songs hasn't dampened in the slightest. If anything that desire has grown sharper and finer with age, morphing from a broadswoard to a scalpel. I'm talking about the arena of Music, the entire framework to which I somewhat unwillingly belong. These days, going to see a band feels like a visit to the dentist. I make joyless, mandatory trips to affirm a daily ritual of brushing (hanging out at a downtown bar), flossing (getting into the occasional hipster band) and rinsing with mouthwash (having a conversation at the coffee shop about said hipster band). That behavoir was fine for a 25-year old, mop topped, part-time gym teacher. Now it feels empty. I stand in a dimly lit room, bobbing my head with beer in hand, but I'm different from the kids on the Lower East Side. Like MJ tells the girl in the Thriller video, I'm not like the other guys. Like George Michael sings in Freedom, "There's something deep inside of me, there's someone else I've got to be."

I keep going back to David Carradine's monologue at the end of Kill Bill Vol. 2. I remember seeing it in a dark theater years ago and a feeling a light go on inside. He was talking about me:

I find the whole mythology surrounding superheros fanscinating. Take my favorite superhero, Superman. Not a great comic book, not particularly well-drawn, but the mythology. The mythology is not only great, it's unique... now, a staple of the superhero mythology is, there's the superhero and there's the alter ego. Batman is actually Bruce Wayne, Spider-man is actually Peter Parker. When that character wakes up in the morning, he's Peter Parker. He has to put on a costume to become Spider-man. And it is in that characteristic Superman stands alone. Superman didn't become Superman. Superman was born Superman. When Superman wakes up in the morning, he's Superman. His alter ego is Clark Kent. His outfit with the big red "S", that's the blanket he was wrapped in as a baby when the Kents found him. Those are his clothes. What Kent wears - the glasses, the business suit - that's the costume. That's the costume Superman wears to blend in with us.

I'm not sure what you guys will take out of this, but rest assured, I'm not running around Brooklyn in tights and a cape. Well, not yet. But I do feel I'm slowly shedding the costume I've been wearing. I don't know what's underneath, but it's not a piano-man, singer/songwriter, heart-on-his-sleeve balladeer. It's something more sinster and grandoise, more explosive, dramatic, yet subtle. Cabaret? Musical Theater? Performance Art? One Man Show? Sermon? Like Norma Desmond says, "I am big. It's the pictures that got small."

The Debt

Fri, 09 Sep 2011 10:38:06 PDT

Women are terrible at making plans to see movies. I'm not blaming the opposite sex for my lack of reviews these past 5 months, but they definitely have had something to do with it. My silence is the sum of female indisicion and individual preference: I really like movies with aliens, robots, and vampires. After 4 days of negotions, a compromise was reached. Rather than see The Help, a feel good, civil rights tale about maids in the south featuring Emma Stone's hairpiece, or Fright Night, a remake of the 1980's camp classic about a suburban Dracula with Colin Farrell in place of Chris Sarandon, we found a middle ground. From the previews, The Debt had all the makings of great unisexual cinema: A retro thriller with Helen Mirren (chicks think she's disinguished, dudes think she's a silver fox), Jessica Chastain (Hollywood's new 'It' girl) and Nazis (everyone hates em'). If only I remembered nobody does unisex like Hanes.

A remake of an Israeli film, the story is told in lengthy flashbacks. We follow three Mossad agents in 1966 East Berlin and 1997 Tel Aviv on their mission to capture 'The Butcher Of Birkenau', a concentration camp surgeon who's been hiding since the war under the cover of a creepy gynecologist. Feeling like a girl power version of Munich, well made plans go awry in their attempt to smuggle the old Nazi out of Germany to face trial. The bulk of the drama plays out with the heroes stuck in an apartment holding the doctor hostage, feeding him in shifts while he pits them against each other with mind games. The film paints the villian as a two-dimensional monster, only lightly touching on the complexity of a man who delivers babies as well as multilates them.

There is the obligatory love triangle, and a somewhat clever twist in the final third of the film. Still it ran dry for me, the only shocks coming with people jumping out from behind corners and really loud sound design. My companion was thoroughly engrossed. She thought it was a "really good movie". As far as Nazi horror/thrillers go, this pales in comparison to Bryan Singer's underrated b-cinema masterpiece. Apt Pupil. More importantly, I now realize there is no compromise. Just go to chick flicks with the girl and save the vampires for yourself.

US Release Tour, East Coast to Midwest

Tue, 06 Sep 2011 18:46:06 PDT

That's right folks, Mr. Saturday Night will be released officially in the US on November 1, and I'm going on tour to promote it. I've booked a slew of shows starting at the end of October and contining through November. NYC, Boston, Syrcause, Canton OH, Chicago, Philly, Pittsburgh, Washington DC, Baltimore, along with some places I've never ever played: Des Moines, St. Louis, Minneapolis, Cincinnati, even Sioux Falls, South Dakota! I'll be sharing the stage with an amazing act, Sharon Little. We've dubbed it the Take The Money And Run Tour! Check out the Events page for a complete list of shows. S

All Music Loves Mr. Saturday Night

Sun, 04 Sep 2011 22:59:02 PDT

Most of time I try not to pay attention to crtics. But there are certain publications that music nerds like myself can't get away from. Considering how many hours I've spent pouring over its pages, it's truly an honor to find out Mr. Saturday Night has been written up by All Music.com. They say some pretty kind words like, "Velard's theatrical charms, lyrical quips and smooth, Rat Pac-inspired crooning ensure the album is far from your bog-standard Broadway pop affair," calling it "an uplifiting and engaging effort which deserves to be Velard's much-needed breakthrough".

Click here to read the All Music Review of Mr. Saturday Night

Album Of The Week On Holland's Radio 1

Sun, 04 Sep 2011 22:52:50 PDT

Mr. Saturday Night has been named album of the week at Radio 1 in the Netherlands. Enter the contest and try to win a copy!

Click here to check out the Radio 1 contest to win Mr. Saturday Night

Love Again Single Released in Italy

Tue, 30 Aug 2011 07:44:06 PDT

Europe is catching JV fever! An amazing label in Italy called Time (who also puts out Chromeo, Temper Trap, Caro Emerald and Brooke Fraser) has released Love Again For The First Time as a single. To my new Italian friends: Benvenuti to the world of JV!

Click here to download Love Again For The First Time from iTunes Italy.

JV To Play Brooklyn Indie Music Fest

Thu, 18 Aug 2011 17:46:44 PDT

JV's bringing the rock his home borough: On September 18 at 7pm, I'll be playing a new festival called The Brooklyn Indie Music Fest. There are tons of amazing bands on the bill, including Corn Mo, Kaiser Cartel, Adam Levy, Taurus, Mother Feather, and many more. It's a one of a kind event at a great new venue called Littlefield. Get yer booties out!

Click here to buy tickets for JV at the Brooklyn Music Indie Fest

Free Download Off MSN With Email Signup

Mon, 08 Aug 2011 13:46:02 PDT

I'm running a promotion where if you sign up to my mailing list, you can download the first track off my new album for $FREE$! Tell all your friends yo!

Click here to sign up to the free download promo

Next NYC Monthly Show September 21

Mon, 08 Aug 2011 08:31:15 PDT

All right kids, JV is in effect in NYC! I will be holding court in my hometown at my favorite venue, Rockwood Music Hall Stage 2, one Wednesday every month till the end of the year. This month I'll be rocking the mic on September 21. Would be great to see you there!

Click here to get tickets to the September 21 NYC Show!

MSN To Be Released In Benelux

Tue, 12 Jul 2011 08:44:40 PDT

That's right folks, JV is coming to mainland Europe. I've just signed a deal with Go Entertainment to release Mr. Saturday Night in Benelux. That's Belgium, The Netherlands, and Luxembourg for the uninitiated. After my trip to 3FM, we've decided to strip Joni on the record there, as it's gonna be the first single. Look for trips to Holland in Fall. It's all happening! Vloerbedekking

JV To Play Songbird Festival in Holland

Tue, 05 Jul 2011 17:08:23 PDT

After my crazy trip to play Gerard Ekdom's Freaknight on 3FM a couple weeks ago, I've been booked on the Songbird Festival in Rotterdam in November! I'm billing with lots of amazing acts - Julian Peretta, Maria Mena, Racoon, Jon Allen, Dotan and more. Holland here I come! Get in!

Click here to purchase tickets for Songbird Festival

Sentimental Single Out Now

Mon, 27 Jun 2011 00:23:21 PDT

Sentimental is now available as a digital single through iTunes.

Click here to download.

Videos from Freaknight in Holland

Sat, 25 Jun 2011 04:19:10 PDT

That's right kids: I went to Holland and played a National TV and Radio Show from 4am to 7am. It was pure madness, and it was some of the most fun I've ever had. Gerard Ekdom, the host, is a huge fan of the song Joni and he accompanied me on cowbell. SNL for reals. I hope to come back to the Netherlands soon!

Click here to watch videos from 3FM Freaknight with Gerard Ekdom

Win Tix To London Show On Smooth Radio

Fri, 17 Jun 2011 05:54:06 PDT

The amazing folks at Smooth Radio are running a contest for my June 23 London show at Bush Hall. Just answer the super easy question and you could be a lucky winner. Get in peoples!

Click here to enter the Smooth Radio Ticket Giveaway

JV To Perform on BBC Two Review Show

Mon, 13 Jun 2011 21:29:05 PDT

Get ready UK - JV is back in action on your Tele! Look for me this Friday June 17 on BBC Two's The Review Show. I'll be performing Sentimental live. Don't goto the pub, let me serenade you!

Sentimental Music Video

Mon, 06 Jun 2011 08:04:40 PDT

Hey peeps, I've made a music video for Sentimental. It's me goofing around in a Karaoke booth in L.A. Have a look, show it to your friends!

Click here to watch the Sentimental Music Video

Sentimental on Radio 2 B List

Wed, 25 May 2011 10:30:30 PDT

Listen up UK peeps: starting next week my new single, Sentimental, will be added to the Radio 2 Playlist. The engines are revving on this one! Look for a video next week, along with other news about my UK visit in June, along with my London headline show @ Bush Hall on June 23rd!

MSN Now Available Through JV Merch Store

Mon, 16 May 2011 22:02:35 PDT

Calling all US peoples (or anywhere else outside of the UK): You can now purchase a CD copy of Mr. Saturday Night through the online Merch Store. Get yours today!

Click here to purchase a CD copy of Mr. Saturday Night online

London Show Announced

Wed, 11 May 2011 06:13:53 PDT

Wassup peoples! I'm back in London this June! Come out to the amazing Bush Hall in Shepherd's Bush to see the fireworks for yourself!

Click here for details, ticket link, and RSVP

Full Song Previews On Facebook

Sun, 24 Apr 2011 23:49:51 PDT

I've put up full previews of 5 songs off Mr. Saturday Night on my Facebook page. NO MORE CLIPS! ;) Feel free to dig in and share them with your friends.

Click here to visit JV on Facebook

JV joins Songs Of Love For Japan

Mon, 18 Apr 2011 08:39:46 PDT

Starting today (Monday April 18), one of my songs will be available for download as part of an amazing project, Songs Of Love For Japan. It's a 72-hour flash sale which includes tracks from yours truly, Tori Amos, Ani Difranco, Sara Bareilles, Brandi Carlile and more. Get involved people!

Click here to visit the Songs Of Love For Japan website

Hanna

Sun, 10 Apr 2011 19:20:01 PDT

This is one of the strangest movies I have ever seen. Even in the most bizarre works of David Lynch, John Waters, The Coen Brothers, Spike Jonze, Tom Tykwer, and Charlie Kaufman, there's a consistancy of weirdness. Joe Wright's latest is mixed bag of nonsensical soft focus close-ups, slow motion action sequences, and chase scenes with an overuse of upside down photography, all set to a Chemical Brothers industrial house soundtrack. Everyone was gaga over Wright after his first 2 features, Pride and Prejudice and Atonement. But we should be dubious of anyone who's main tool of artistic expression is Kiera Knightly. His last movie, The Soloist, was an exercise in self-indulgence: A L.A. journalist falling in love with a homeless, schizophrenic Julliard musician played by Jamie Foxx? Who the hell cares. Even one of my favorite actors of all time, good ol' Downey Jr., couldn't save that one. It seems Wright has become one of those cherished La La Land directors (Michael Mann, Tony Scott) who are heralded as auteurs when all they do is make long, vague, blurry commercials. Hanna is one of these strange, pointless creations.

The story centers around the movie's namesake, a 16-year old genetically engineered assassin (Saoisre Ronan) who's lived her whole life in the German woodlands, trained by her ruthless super spy father Eric Bana (I feel stupid just writing that). She is dispatched on a mission across Europe, the purpose of which is still unclear to me. Cate Blanchett plays the baddy, a CIA agent with a ridiculous red bob cut and an over-the-top southern accent, rivaling Gary Oldman in The Professional for silliest bad guy ever. We're supposed to experience the world anew through Hanna's innocent eyes, but all that amounts to is a strange seizure in a Moroccan hotel room, and an awkward underage psuedo-lesbian kiss in a tent. There are quite a few credible actors here (Olivia Williams, Jason Fleyming), but you get the feeling they showed up based on Wright's track record, not the script. I didn't wanna see this one as I had a feeling it would be ridiculous, but my good friend John White forced me to. I'd much rather be writing a review of Your Highness, where at least I'd have some decent penis jokes to report. JV says give this one a big fat miss.

MSN In Look Magazine

Fri, 08 Apr 2011 08:16:01 PDT

They say I'm Piano-tastic and give me props next to Katy Perry. Word.

Video Session For The Telegraph

Fri, 08 Apr 2011 07:56:04 PDT

Back in March I played 3 songs for the Telegraph for their Live Music sessions. Now their up for your viewing pleasure. Click below to watch:

Love Again For The First Time

Sentimental

Take The Money And Run

MSN Gets 4 Stars In Star Magazine

Wed, 06 Apr 2011 14:27:57 PDT

Another glowing review in Star Magazine. I could get used to this.

Click here to read the Star Magazine Review

Mr. Saturday Night Available Now

Sun, 03 Apr 2011 20:20:10 PDT

Click Here to Order MSN on iTunes UK

Click Here to Order MSN on iTunes US

Click Here to Order MSN through Amazon UK

Click Here to Order MSN through HMV

Click Here to Order MSN through Play.com

JVTV Tuesdays in April, Time Change

Sun, 03 Apr 2011 20:02:45 PDT

My online show has been such a hit, I've extended it through the month of April! Every Tuesday at the new time of 3pm EST (8pm in London, Noon on the West Coast) I'll be serving up my songs and a serious dose of JV silliness. Be sure to tune into my Blog TV Channel to watch the madness. For those of you missed it, I edited together a little highlight reel of Episode 1 on Youtube.

And if you want to get in on the act, submit questions, cover ideas, and interview interview suggestions here

Limitless

Mon, 28 Mar 2011 07:28:20 PDT

Everybody loves a winner. We love winners so much, we will tolerate pretty much anything from them. Chris Brown's album is top 5 on iTunes despite violent outbursts in dressing rooms and on a women's face. Charlie Sheen had a drug fueled, manic depressive episode on National TV, and booked a 22-date speaking tour with a $100,000 per night guarantee on the back of it. Side note: does anybody find it odd that Good Morning America has become the nexus point for all things terrible and bizarre? Brown, Sheen and Rebecca Black all in a month's time? More proof that Andrea Canning is indeed Beelzebub.

We don't care if he stepped on a thousand necks to get there, we love the guy on top of the pile. And there is no one in Hollywood who embodies the winner more than Bradley Cooper. If you've read my blog over the years, you'll know about my hatred for The Hangover, and dear ol Brad is the reason why. I want to be clear here: I have nothing against this man personally. I have never met Mr. Cooper and I'm sure he's lovely. In fact I bet if we started hanging out in a bar, I'd wanna be his best friend inside 15 minutes. He could steal the woman off my arm and I'd be totally cool with it, chalk it up to "taking a hit for the team". Cooper oozes a learned charisma, the funny, self-aware yet irreverent everyman every guy sees themselves as. Even his rise to fame is likable: after paying his dues with bit parts on Sex & The City and Law & Order for the better part of a decade, he gets a break in Wedding Crashers, portraying a douche bag to perfection. He then leapfrogs to bona-fide leading man status in just 5 short years. The man is a born winner.

I have one problem with this - winners are dickheads.

Now I don't want this to come off as veiled jealously (even if it is), but other than being good at everything he does, having a slightly oversized nose and a perfect abdomen, why should we care about Bradley Cooper? There is nothing vulnerable or genuine about this guy at all. Never since the invention of Matthew McConuaghey has there been an actor so unwilling to appear weak. All the coolest guys in Cinema - Bogart, Brando, Dean, McQueen, Nicholson - they all had a wild unpredictability. They weren't afraid of anything, even being afraid. Mr. Cooper is just some dude who always comes out on top. Put this guy in a movie about a drug that lets you access the 90% of your brain you don't use, and all you've got is a story about winner who wins. Boring.

It's fun to watch somebody be really good at things for 25 minutes exactly. I still don't know how they filled up the other 80. The movie starts out with Brad as a loser (believe it or not I liked him a little here), but he quickly gets hold of a self-improvement strand of MDMA and learns languages, writes novels, beats the stock market, even becomes a kung-fu master. Yes this was as stupid to watch on screen as it reads.

There are a few clever plot twists, and Abbie Cornish is very sexy, but overall this movie was silly. Robert DeNiro once again pioneers a form of acting where it's unclear if he's aware he's in a movie, let alone speaking to other human beings. I have a theory he films all his scenes from a hologram booth in his TriBeCa loft. File this under Netflix/Lovefilm along with Tiger Blood, the video for Forever, and Season 1 of Two and Half Men now that we've seen Sheen lose his marbles. Winning.

Unknown

Wed, 09 Mar 2011 06:13:17 PST

I gotta say I was excited for this one. A couple years ago, Liam Nesson came roaring back from the world of leads-who-have-become-character-actors with the B-grade action flick, Taken. In it he brought new meaning to Sally Field's proclamation, Not Without My Daughter. After 93 minutes of Liam tracking his kin across Europe with a variety of far-fetched methods (identifying perps by the way they say "Thank You" in Albanian), and watching him single-handedly take down the Parisian Human Trafficking trade, I left the theater brimming with the best kind of energy, throwing air punches while saying, "I will find you, and when I find you, I will kill you." Nesson had once again become the king of quiet menace, a throne he all but created in Sam Raimi's Darkman.

Unknown looked like a logical follow up, playing on a Bourne Identity locale and premise (Berlin and Amnesia). It's also directed by Jaume Collet-Serra, the man behind modern horror schlock classic Orphan, and the incredible House Of Wax, which not only showcases the lovely Kim Bauer from 24 (Elisha Cuthbert) covered in goo, but Paris Hilton's acting talents. To me this was a bromantic slam dunk. I phone Miles, told him to meet me at Crystal Charcoal on Holloway Road for dinner and to bring his Odeon Members Club card. Tonight it would be two men alone in the dark, stuffing their faces with lamb and chocolate covered brazil nuts in the pursuit of the true meaning of self. Men do their best psychological work this way. Trust me.

The first 40 minutes of this movie did not disappoint. But then again, you never really know if a movie's any good till after the first 40 (if it's truly terrible, you can tell in the first 15-20. Here's a thought: if Hollywood made all crappy flicks 45 minutes long and put 2 on a bill, it would revolutionize commercial cinema). Watching Liam stumble around Berlin for proof of his existence, pursued through German hospitals by a nurse-killing assassin wearing a pointless bluetooth headset, confiding in a show-stealing Bruno Ganz as a retired Stasi officer with whooping cough: this was all awesome. But as soon as we start to find out the secrets behind his replacement by a doppleganger at an international botany conference funded by a Saudi oil baron where a new strain of Supercorn that will end world hunger will be unveiled (ok maybe this movie was a little stupid in the first 40), the film falls apart.

I don't wanna know why Liam is confused and angry. I just wanna see Liam confused and angry. I like it when Liam yells at heads of hotel security for no reason, and points his finger at that mean Adian Quinn who has stolen his beautiful wife, January Jones aka Betty Draper from Mad Men. Betty why did you not recognize Liam? Liam is a good man, he love you. LIAM LOVES BETTY!

All we wanted (me and Miles) was Taken Part 2. We wanted to see Liam kick ass nonstop for 93 minutes. What we got was a film that tries to be clever and that's not what you look for from a director who makes commercials under the name Jaume. Jaume you got it right once before: cover Elisha in tight clothes and wax, and decapitate Paris in her cinematic debut. All you need to do is let Liam say the lines. Let him find them and let him kill them.

This really was a 2 and 1/2 star flick. I don't mind pushing it up .5 just for the scene with Frank Langella and Ganz. Two old cold war soldiers facing off to the death. That was dope. Otherwise, this film was a JVDVD.

Never Let Me Go

Mon, 21 Feb 2011 05:45:57 PST

This is always how it happens. Spend time away from a city and you start to think of them like ex-girlfriends: you only remember the nice bits. Their best features (the nape of Lucy's neck, the hue of Agnes' skin, the contrast of Jenn's black hair and red freckles) burrow into your memory like the mind-controlling eels from Star Trek II: The Wrath Of Kahn. The overwhelming totality of another human being, their quirks and flaws, quickly fades, leaving you in the beautiful haze of nostalgia. I remember London like a gift wrapped in endless layers of tissue, with tiny presents falling out as you unravel it. A silver ring, pewter toy soilders, one of those old school wind-up chattering teeth. Who doesn't love chattering teeth?

As soon as you see that person again, it all comes flooding back. Your sentimentality is destroyed by reality. Thoughts come into your head like: "How the hell did I ever love this person? We have absolutely nothing in common." After a month in London, on a hungover Saturday (a result of the English ritual detailed in my Brighton Rock review), I came to the sobering realization that I hadn't seen the sun in 5 days. Already suffering from a serious serotonin depletion, I made the mistake of slipping into another bleak British tale shot in opaque light. 103 minutes later, I emerged from a prozac haze covered in Popcorn kernels thinking, "Man, I forgot how depressing this town can be."

The moral of the story: don't go see an slow-moving tale about an alternate reality where clones are forced to live sheltered, pointless lives while being harvested for their organs, made by a esoteric music video director who's only other movie starred Robin Williams as a lunatic clerk at a photomat. Especially when you're really rough and haven't seen blue skies in a week. Overall it wasn't a terrible film, but it's one of those lots-of-bad-things-are-happening-to-characters-I-care-nothing-about flicks. It's pretty and empty, and maybe that's why Kiera Knightly is oddly convincing in it. You find out the entire plot in the first 5 minutes and the only twist comes in the next to last scene where they inexplicably wheel out Charlotte Rampling in a wheelchair (how did she wind up in that apartment? Someone please explain!) and tells the main characters they don't have souls.

Really this is a 2.5 star film, but I'm rounding up. If you miss the opening scrawl, the movie might be more enjoyable as you won't know what's happening. But for the love of god, please don't go the day after a heavy night out. As for as London, I've still got hope. I brought my Steve McQueen Persol shades over here for a reason. Come on baby, make me take em out.

Brighton Rock (2010)

Mon, 14 Feb 2011 05:15:01 PST

Friday night in London is a time for merriment. Traditionally known as Pay Day, it's when people finish their 40 hour (in France it's 35 - can you believe it?) week-long slog, bound out the workplace and head down to the pub with a spring in their step and a pocket full of cash. The English truly take the words of the immortal R Kelly to heart - it's the freaking weekend baby, I'm about to have me some fun. For a stranger in a strange land like myself, this British ritual is amusing. Unlike the 24 hour culture of NYC, Londoners do their darnedest to cram a week's worth of inebriation into the short hours before the sound of the bell (it literally is a bell) signaling last call. The energy is contagious. I can't help but get caught up in what feels like a bizarre one-man heavyweight fight where the gloves are ale and lager then Red Bull and Jaeger and the only way to win is via knockout, which means a weekend spent nursing a hangover with Domino's and The Lord Of The Rings trilogy.

This past Friday I took a breather from this tradition of masochism and slipped into a cinematic adaptation of another British treasure, Graham Greene's classic, Brighton Rock. After a beautiful, sometimes draggy 132 minutes of a brilliant tale told in diffuse light, I have to one irrevocable conclusion: being English is grim.

The film is set in the underworld of 1960's seaside Brighton, centering around the ambitious, despicable, pretty boy thug Pinkie, played by the compelling Sam Riley. I last saw Sam in the Ian Curtis bio pic Control which I really really really didn't like (not a Joy Division fan, did you get that?). However his impersonation is up there with the great simulacrums of musicians: Jamie Foxx as Ray Charles and Andy Serkis as Ian Dury come to mind (worst ever has to be Gary Busey as Buddy Holly. What were they thinking?!). Serkis pops up here as well, this time playing a rival, dandy-esque crime boss rather unconvincingly. I'm sorry but every time I see that guy's face I hear, MY PRECIOUS! Must be a product of too many Saturday afternoons spent with pizza, LOTR and a headache.

Pinkie avenges the death of the leader of his gang (and his father figure) by murdering the killer underneath the boardwalk. Evidence is caught on film by souvenir photographer and the only way he can get the negative is through a ticket held by Rose, a dull waitress at a tea parlor. Pinkie begins romancing Rose and she soon becomes the only link to the murder. As the cops close in on him, he decides to marry Rose as legally a wife can't be forced to give evidence on her husband. While she is totally devoted to Pinkie, he quietly detests her, even recording his hatred in a phonograph booth (a serious plot point which finds its way back at the end - don't worry I won't ruin it!).

There are splashes of the Antonioni and De Palma classics Blow Up and Blow Out, along with serious influences drawn from the original and best UK underworld film, Get Carter. Lusciously shot in pale blues and greys, Brighton Rock is an homage that becomes more than the sum of its influences. Everyone tells me the book is genius, and I believe great stories are pretty hard to mess up on film (unless you're Zack Synder. How did he make Watchmen suck so bad?). Some scenes linger too long, and as most movies based on novels, could have benefitted from the hand of a fierce editor. A director's desire to be faithful to source material can get boring (LOTR once again). Nonetheless, if you wade through the languid pace, you will be rewarded with a clever tale of innocence vs. darkness. Plus you can never go wrong with John Hurt, and Helen Mirran is still smoking hot at age 66. Wa wa wee wa.

To top off my slice of misery, I stopped off at my local and had a nightcap with friends already in round 12 of the great Friday night mash-up. These English people fascinate me.

The Way Back

Mon, 31 Jan 2011 15:20:19 PST

Don't get me wrong, I love walking. Being a native New Yorker, walking is my birthright. I'm one of the few thirty-somethings out there who doesn't know how to drive (It's pathetic. If you were being chased by an axe murder and already had your hands chopped off, I'm the last person you'd want to be with.). Ask any girl I've ever dated and the one thing they'll tell you about me, asides from being obsessed with cereal and movies, is I'm big a walker.

That said, I don't find the prospect of a movie about one long ass quite as thrilling. My former London roommate, Dr. Miles Christie, had free passes to the Odeon down the road, and suggested we go see Peter Weir's new film. I love Miles to death and Peter Weir has made a number of good flicks (Truman Show, The Last Wave, Witness, Gallipoli). With the only other options being The Green Hornet (why Michel Gonrdy, why?!) and Hereafter (Clint Eastwood directs Matt Damon in a movie about Heaven = a BLT Sandwich of boring) I consented to 132 minutes of walking. You're right. Bad idea

The film starts out with Jim Sturgess (I don't get why this guy is famous other than he looks a bit like Paul McCartney) being sent away to a labor camp in Siberia circa 1939. I fell asleep for the first 20 minutes due to a sugar rush from ODing on Brazil Nuts. What I remember about beginning is that it confirms my theory that all actors look the same with crew cuts unless it's Ed Harris. I first postulated this theory while watching Alien 3 and it's held true ever since. I also remember Colin Farrell as a super tattood rouge who calls his knife The Wolf. Classic in the making right?

A group of prisoners including Sturgess, Harris, Farrell and a few convincing eastern European types escape from the camp and trek across Siberia in the dead of winter, taking a three year journey through Mongolia, then China, across the Himalayas, and finally to India where they find freedom. They meet the girl from The Lovely Bones along the way and she ends up dying of sunstroke. Sorry if I'm ruining the movie for you, but to be honest there isn't much to it. Just a lot of walking. Walking through snow, forests, deserts, and mountains. The final scene is Sturgess walking through the annals of time marked by the rise and fall of Communism. This is a remarkable true story, but I don't know if it merits a movie. Also I felt really bad gorging myself on popcorn with Ed Harris was dying of thirst. I like Ed Harris. And I like popcorn. This film got in the way of both. Thank god the theater was right on the corner. Don't think I could have taken "the long walk" home to boot. Oh boy.

True Grit

Thu, 06 Jan 2011 21:54:36 PST

I was stopping uptown at my Parents' this evening to pick up a package of wine corks I ordered off ebay for vocal exercises (I know I'm a weirdo) when my father begged me to hang out with him. This is very unsual behavior for Max Velard. He's a aging, diabetic Frenchman who spends the bulk of his time alone, reclining in a leather chair watching NBA basketball, and yelling across the apartment for his gun (he calls the remote control a gun. I never figured this out). I had a million and one things to do in Brooklyn, but I couldn't deny my Dad's request. He generally detests the company of anything alive besides his cats, so you gotta to grab him when he's in the mood. I decided to treat him to a movie, take him to one of the only two types of film he likes to see in the theater - a Western. (The other is spy films. He loves espionage. And Bond.)

One hour and $43 dollars later (that's how much 1 adult and 1 senior ticket, a small popcorn, small Diet Coke, and a bag of Sour Patch Kids costs in NYC. Shameful I know), Pops and I were ready to enjoy True Grit. I am a huge Coen Brothers fan, and not just cause they live in the neighborhood I grew up in. Joel and Ethan Coen had one of the longest streak of uninterrupted true greatness in movies or music (Blood Simple, Raising Arizona, Miller's Crossing, Barton Fink, The Hudsucker Proxy, Fargo, The Big Lebowski). I can only think of 4 other directors/artists/bands off the top of my head. I preface this with the fact that I am not a Stones fan. Great singles, but 40 minutes of Jagger's voice makes my head hurt:

Stevie Wonder (Music Of My Mind, Talking Book, Innervisions, Fulfillingness' First Finale, Songs In The Key Of Life) Note: I would include Journey Into The Secret Life Of Plants but I realize this is dubious. Still, I love me some phased out hi-hats and songs about nature with ridiculous lyrics, if only for comedy value

Stanley Kubrick (The Killing, Paths Of Glory, Lolita, Dr. Strangelove, 2001, A Clockwork Orange, Barry Lyndon, The Shining, Full Metal Jacket) Note: I don't count Spartacus as this was star Kirk Douglas' film and Kubrick was a hired gun. It's the reason he started making films outside of the Hollywood system.

Led Zeppelin (Led Zep I, II, III, IV, House Of The Holy, Physical Graffiti) note: I don't even really like Zep but I gotta admit these albums are fucking ridiculous.

The Beatles (Rubber Soul, Revolver, Sgt Pepper's, Magical Mystery Tour, The White Album, Abbey Road, Let It Be) Note: I don't count Yellow Submarine as it's a soundtrack for a movie and not a full album of new material. However, Hey Bulldog is one of my absolute favorite Beatles tracks.

Since O Brother Where Art Thou, the Coens have been hit or miss for me. They made one very good movie (No Country For Old Men), one weird movie (The Man Who Wasn't There), two unwatchable movies (The Ladykillers, Burn After Reading), and one I have yet to see but need to get on it as it's supposed to be awesome (A Serious Man).

I'd like to say True Grit is a return to form, as it's a very solid film. Jeff Bridges is always great (I even liked him in the new Tron, though I think I shat on him in my review), and the Haliee Steinfeld is a revelation as the young girl Mattie (ten bucks says she wins an Academy Award), but the movie falls a little flat when compared to most Coen Brothers fare. A remake of the 1977 film that won The Duke his only Oscar, I've never seen the original but I imagine it was your run of the mill Western, something of a lost art in today's Hollywood. The Coens make a good case for bringing the Western back: irreverent road/horse humor, lots of moonshine and gunshots, Matt Damon in a ridiculous handlebar mustache. These are all great things in my book.

The plot is nothing special, typical revenge fare. The twist is it's a 14-year-old girl who's out for justice, hiring a one-eyed fat old badass named Rooster Cockburn (Bridges) to track down her father's killer. She forces him to take her on the journey, and they acquire a Texas Ranger (Damon) for some comic relief along the way. They eventually kill the bad guy (Josh Brolin) and kill a bunch of other bad guys in the process, including a riveting Barry Pepper with the worst set of teeth I've ever seen on the silver screen.

Sadly, the last 25 minutes of the film goes on and on, kind of ruining the movie. The Coens opt for a cheesy ending rather than the something special implied by the stoic import of the genre. I also expected more of their trademark brand of existential comedy. It only shows up in flashes: a Doctor wearing a bear suit, last speeches made by the condemned before a hanging. It seems like Joel and Ethan are getting lazy in their old age. All the pieces are there for greatness, but it seems like they don't have the desire or the clarity to assemble them anymore. That said, who am I to talk? Once I've made at least 6 classic albums in a row, then I can comment on mastery and what it takes. Guess I got 4 more to go (such a modest bastard aren't I?).

If I could give True Grit 3 1/2 stars I would, but the computer won't let me, so I'll round up. Pops liked it. And we got to talk about the Knicks. All in all, $43 well spent.

Exit Through The Gift Shop

Thu, 06 Jan 2011 20:46:38 PST

All my hipster friends have been telling me about the Banksy movie for some time now. I had it saved in my Netflix queue for over a month, procrastinating my 90-minute sit down with street art. I'm not the biggest fan of documentaries. Outside of National Geographic, I don't like depictions of real life on film. For me, movies are an escape and anything that gets in the way of my brain losing touch with reality is a drag. Unless it's Lions vs. Hyenas. That's just awesome.

To my surprise, I find myself agreeing (for once) with the hipsters. Exit Through The Gift Shop was easily one of the ten best movies of last year, I would argue it's in the top three. The subject of the film is the street art movement as seen through the eyes of an L.A. thrift store owner Thierry Guetta - a hyperactive, french video voyeur who stumbles upon the underground world through his cousin, the famous street artist Space Invader (I bought a great book in Paris a couple years ago which tracks all of Space Invaders work, characters from the video game made out of Rubik's Cube pieces. Check it out here) Through his cousin, Thierry gains access to other famous street artists under the guise of documentarian. Unbeknownst to anyone, rather than making a film, Thierry is compulsively collecting footage, using it as an excuse to tag along with the artists on their illegal, nocturnal outings.

He is able to snuggle up to all major players except the biggest of them all, the mysterious Banksy. Through his contacts, Thierry befriends Banksy on his first California visit, quickly becoming his foil and then confident, not only filming the reclusive artist's studio in London, but accompanying him on various expeditions, including a harrowing episode at Disneyland where Theirry is captured and interrogated by Disney security for 6 hours.

What follows is hard to describe, as the film does a complete 180, and Thierry becomes the subject. Under Banksy's directive, he creates a street artists alter-ego, Mr. Brainwash, and launches a sprawling exhibition in LA with endorsements from other famous artists. Theirry's work borders on plagiarism, with no original content, and is mass produced by an assembly line of designers. Nonetheless the exhibition is a huge success, making the cover of LA Weekly, with collectors buying up his work at insanely high prices. A serious case of Emperor's New Clothes.

It's hard to tell if it's all an elaborate hoax (it is billed as "A Banksy Film") or if Thierry is indeed sincere and he's exploiting his knowledge of the underground world of Street Art for credibility. The truth is irrelevant. To me the movie is a commentary about fame and success in the art world and how it can be achieved by knowing the right people and manipulating them to your advantage. Theirry's new found celebrity got him as far as designing the cover to Madonna's latest Greatest Hits collection. In way you could argue he's earned it. After following the world's greatest street artists for 8 years, he became one by proxy, lacking the assumed requirements like talent and style. I've already had 5 conversations about the film and everyone has a different take on it. A great talking point and 90 minutes of serious entertainment, you should check this one out. JV approves big time.

Tron Legacy

Fri, 17 Dec 2010 12:11:19 PST

This movie is for geeky dudes and the women who love them. I call em like I see em. The final scene has our protagonist, a Bruce Wayne-meets-Bill Gates type with a six pack, inheritor of a Fortune 500 company, riding off into the sunrise with a knockout digital girl he's pulled out from inside the Matrix/Grid/PS3 and into the real world. Wait did I ruin the movie for you? How could I? Please raise your hand if you're actually going to see the TRON sequel because you were so intrigued to see where they would take the story after the first one. Do you even remember the plot at all? I recall a bunch of prototypical, charming, computer graphics and Jeff Bridges circa Starman-era (one of my favorite movies of the 1980's hands down), which is well worth the price of admission. This time around, though, Jeff is dialing it in, summoning up a third-rate version of The Dude, wandering around a world drenched in black light. I think they call these NACA conventions ( super inside musician joke alert).

That said, the movie looks and sounds AMAZING. It's definitely this year's Avatar as far as visuals, minus weird giant Smurfs. The action is pretty dope, there's a lot of dudes who look like Snake Eyes from G.I. Joe doing all kinds of flipping around while playing a deadly version of frisbee. There's also a CGI young version of Bridges which is a little Polar Express for my taste, but still pretty decent. The whole 3D element was lost on me, as nothing really comes out of the screen, just gives the movie an HD kind of feel.

Though it's nothing mind blowing, unless you are a super video game nerd (I'm more of a Dungeons & Dragons nerd), TRON Legacy is a good way to blow $15 and 2 plus hours. Think of it as a cool ride at Disney World where none of the seats movie.

P.S.: Daft Punk Soundtrack sounds amazing in theory. In reality, pretty boring. They have a cameo in a club scene. I gotta get me one of those helmets.

The Expendables

Wed, 15 Dec 2010 22:36:11 PST

This movie really sucked. But what did I expect? While watching it with my father last night, he turned to me and said, in his thick French accent, "This is like a TV movie." Come to think of it, he would have fit right in with the characters. Between Sly, Dolph, Jet Li, and Jason Statham, nobody pronounced a single consonant. Don't wanna bother even explaining the plot to this one, as I don't think there was one. All I know is they get some job to take out a general who staged a coup and end up trying to kill Eric Roberts who's reprising his role from the Mr. Brightside video. There's lots of shooting and knifes and CGI blood and some terrible catch lines like "Next time I'll deflate all your balls." Also Sgt. Batista from Dexter has the worst cuban accent ever.

The biggest mystery: Who the hell is Randy Couture? Why do we care about him? Pass.

Black Swan

Tue, 14 Dec 2010 14:11:33 PST

I found the prospect of this film was very exciting when I heard it combined 3 of my favorite things: Horror, Dopplegangers, and sexual experiences featuring Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis. And there's never been a Ballet Horror movie (lord knows there should have been, that shit is scary). I've been skeptical of Darren Aronofsky for some time, can't really say I've actually liked any of his movies. Mickey Rourke was brilliant in The Wrestler but when is that man not amazing? (Don't count Iron Man 2, even Mickey's gotta pay the bills). Aronofsky has a way of coming up with interesting ideas and making them into bad movies. His style is unique and some would argue that makes him an auteur, but to me he feels like a hipster meets Sci-Fi/Fantasy geek who sits at home high on prescription pills, thinking up a lot of "Wouldn't it be cool it" scenarios. The fact that he's doing the new Wolverine explains a lot. I find myself very bored during his movies, staring at my watch wondering when I can get out of the theater. Black Swan is no exception. There's a lot of loud classical music throughout which is supposed to make you tense: It just gave me a headache. Both Natalie and Mila are very believable (they are SUPER skinny), but the movie drags along without any action till the last 10 minutes. I'm sorry but no girl-turning-into-a-swan metamorphosis can make up for the insane amount of shaky, hand-held shots from the angle of a hairbun. We get it Darren, it's all in her head. Natalie is frigid and buries her sexual side in the form of an evil twin. And she likes to hump herself. Stop trying to be confusing on purpose like Christopher Nolan. You're not smart enough.

That said, there are some great performances here by Vincent Cassel as the Ballet Director, and Barbara Hershey as a super creepy stage mom. Verdict: wait for it on Netflix streaming, then watch it when there's nothing else left to do around the house. Or take a chick to it. At least you'll seem in touch with your inner bunny boiler.