Jumbo Joke: Humor the Way You Like It

The Talking Dog

A guy is out looking for garage sales and he sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog For Sale."

He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes around the house and into the backyard and sees a nice-looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.

Fishing Trip

One Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs the dog and goes to the garage to hook up his boat to the truck and down the driveway he goes.

An Emergency Situation

A man walks into a store followed by his 10-year-old son. The kid is flipping a quarter into the air and catching it in his mouth. As they continue on someone bumps into the boy at just the wrong moment and the coin goes into his mouth and lodges in his throat. He immediately starts choking, and the father starts to panic.

Life or Death Riddle

This riddle about a harrowing life or death situation combines skill, forethought, and proves how math and physics might be used in everyday life. Would you survive this situation?

My Wife is Always Right

Several days ago as I left a meeting at our church, I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets.

Norwegian Icebreaker Heads up the North Saskatchewan River

As you may have seen on the news, it's been very cold in Alberta.

Stranded on a Desert Island

Speaking of the previous (shipwreck -- see link below) item, another classic.

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One day a man decided to retire. He booked himself onto a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life -- that is, until the ship sank.

He soon found himself stranded on a tropical island with no supplies, just fresh water and fruit.

Cruisin' for a Bruisin'

I doubt it's a true story, but the recent disaster with the Italian cruise ship Costa Concordia reminds me of a comment made by Winston Churchill:

Grounds for Divorce

A judge was interviewing a lady regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

Trick Job Interview Question

This is supposedly a real question asked in job interviews to find creative thinkers. Before looking at the answer, decide how you would respond.

You are driving down the road in your two-seater sportscar on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop bench and you see three people stranded in the storm waiting for the bus. All three are in immediate danger because of the ferocious weather. They include:

Snow in Northern Michigan

I just got off the phone with a friend who lives in northern Michigan. He said that the snow is nearly waist high and is still falling.

Heard During Colonoscopy

A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

I usually don't do this on the first date.
"Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!"

Back from Christmas Break

It was the first day of school in the New Year, and the teacher, Miss Jones, thought she'd get the class into the swing of things by asking them about something she knew they had enjoyed.

So she asked young Patrick Murphy: "What did you do for Christmas?"

God vs. Satan

In the beginning, God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, with green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then, using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's and Krispy Kreme.

And Satan said: "You want hot fudge with that?"

And Man said: "Yes!"

And Woman said: "I'll have one, too...with sprinkles."

And lo they gained 10 pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair.

Infidelity III: The Revenge II

After spotting Infidelity II: The Revenge, a friend sent the following, complete with photo. I'm not sure, but I think he may be a bit bitter....