Jumbo Joke: Humor the Way You Like It

Foomp!

This story is absolutely true. It happened in about 1991, when I lived in Southern California. Two buddies were over: Rick (a network engineer for a large imported car company) and Steve (a young enlisted man in the U.S. Air Force).

Retiring from the Post Office

A good friend of mine is a mail carrier, and he's about to retire. He is a very intelligent guy, and not afraid to speak his mind -- especially when his retirement date is near enough that it would take longer than that to fire him....

When U's Black, U's Black

Going around....

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When I was born, I was BLACK.

When I grew up, I was BLACK.

When I went in the sun, I stayed BLACK.

Like His Mother Used to Do

A little poem. (A lot of women will be sending the URL for this page around to friends....)

The Walmart Greeter

So I landed my new job as a Walmart greeter (a good way to pass some time and get a few bucks for retirees like me).

My job lasted less than a day.

The Scottish Military Field Hospital

This is a particularly literary joke. Some will absolutely love it, and pretty much everyone else will hate it.

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The new commander in Iraq hears that a Scottish regiment has a specialized field hospital that's doing fantastic things with the troops. He wants to know what is so special about the place, so he arranges a tour.

The Perfect Man

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing, Mister! You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

My Kind of Headstone

This is a real* headstone in a municipal cemetery:

Arriving in Heaven

A man arrives at the gates of Heaven.

St. Peter asks, "Religion?"

A Letter to God

A little boy wanted a bicycle very badly, but was told he couldn't have it because it would cost $100, and the family just didn't couldn't afford that in this bad economy.

The State of the Joke -- Part 5

A joke for every state in the union -- Part 5 of 5.

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South Dakota
A tough old Badlands rancher once told his grandson that the secret to long life was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning. The grandson did this religiously, and he lived to be 93. When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great-grandchildren ...and a 15-foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

The State of the Joke -- Part 4

A joke for every state in the union -- Part 4 of 5.

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New Mexico
Traveling outside Taos, a man comes upon a Native American lying in the middle of the road with his ear pressed against the blacktop. "What are you doing?" asks the man.

The tribesman replies, "Woman, late 30s, three kids, one barking dog in late model, four-door station wagon, traveling at 65 mph."

"Amazing! You can tell all of that just by listening to the ground?"

"No," says the Native American. "They ran over me five minutes ago."

The State of the Joke -- Part 3

A joke for every state in the union -- Part 3 of 5.

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Massachusetts
Lewis Black on Boston traffic: "The last person to get across that town in under three hours was yelling, 'The British are coming! The British are coming!'"

The State of the Joke -- Part 2

A joke for every state in the union -- Part 2 of 5.

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Hawaii
Hawaii's joke is they keep raising the prices, and the tourists still come -- and none of the actual natives get a penny of benefit.

The State of the Joke -- Part 1

A joke for every state in the union -- Part 1 of 5.

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Alabama
Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Alabama State Lottery?

The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.