...just a girl blogging...

2012-02-05T18:15:00.003-05:00

Last year I was a very bad reader, but this year I'm furiously making up for lost time thanks to iBooks and the Kindle app.

I never thought I would find electronic books so easy to use or even likable since I've always loved the smell of paper (both old and new) and the almost intimate relationship between reader and print book.

But the idea of being able to carry around so many books in my pocket, whipping out my device to read wherever I'm stuck waiting or in unexpected need of a good book...well, that's something. And through ebooks I've discovered surprisingly good writers like Q. Kelly, the author of the very quirky Miss Lucy Parker & Other Short Stories (just 99 cents through iBooks.)

I'd write more, but I'm too busy reading right now:)

A certain ambience?

2012-01-24T23:51:00.005-05:00

It's late and I'm eyeing the Ambien pill on my kitchen table, not sure if I'm brave enough to take it. I've tried so many different ways to find the perfect sleep and have failed to catch on to something that works well. For so many many of us who suffer from insomnia there is probably very little we wouldn't do to get some decent rest.

My friends who take it rave about Ambien, but I've heard the horror stories, about people waking up the next day to find they've eaten the entire contents of their refrigerator, that (in some more bizarre, drastic cases) they've gotten into their cars and driven across town on some errand they later cannot recall. Other stories mention people calling, emailing or texting relatives in the middle of the night, making little sense and having no memory of doing so the next morning.

I've combed dozens of articles and message boards and for every positive experience, there's one that counters it. And several people warn against taking Ambien if you live by yourself, with no one to try and wake you up asking, "What the hell are you doing?"

I don't drink (at all) for the very reason Ambien scares me: what if I wake up somewhere else the next morning with no idea what I've done?

Maybe I'll stick with melatonin and try and make my relationship with it work...however, if I'm back in a few hours going on and on about Smurfs, zebras and wild white ponies, you'll know I took some.

I wish you sweet dreams and good rest!! :)

Do This, Not That...

2012-01-21T15:17:00.003-05:00

Kate Moss once said, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." I remember being outraged at the time, thinking (probably irrationally, now that I look back) it would be some kind of impetus for thousands of girls across the country to start dieting, even if they didn't need to.

Now, as my fortysomething metabolism slows down and I find eating half of what I used to eat barely helps with maintaining my within-range-of-normal weight, I wonder if she might not be right. Sure, that picture of a burger and fries from BGR makes my mouth salivate and my hungry wolf instincts kick in, but there's a higher power I recently discovered.

Invisalign! Some of my friends and I have joked (half seriously) that the popular braces have done more for cutting back on impulsive snacking than anything else we've tried, making the expensive product (often at over $5,000) a better weight loss product than whatever else we've tried.

I kid you not! By the time you factor in the limited time you're allowed to have them out (2 hours or less for the whole day!) and the trouble involved brushing your teeth thoroughly and flossing and water picking, then putting Invisalign back in, you hardly want to bother with food.

And since you're not supposed to eat anything when the braces are in...well, in the past, when someone offered me something to eat and I said, "No, thanks," they'd keep it up. But now, all I have to say is "I have my braces in" and they don't repeat the offer.

This isn't scientific theory (obviously) and as far as I know no one has ever drastically lost weight on a "Invisalign diet," but it certainly seems to help in not gaining weight, which is more my goal these days anyway....

Nostalgia Rains

2012-01-16T14:29:00.001-05:00

There's a good chance if you're a child of the 80s, you will really really like Moment Bends, an album whose first song merges a little bit of Wham with a little bit of Matthew Wilder. Going nostalgic like it's done here is kind of extra nice, whether it's on the opener "Desert Island," the Prince/Paisley Park pop sounds of "Denial Style" or the Culture Club-infused "Sleep Talkin'."

But there's also something for those with more modern tastes, especially on tracks like "Escapee" (sounding eerily like Passion Pit), "That Beep" (highly addictive and very danceable, reminiscent of No Doubt if you merged them with The Bangles) and "B43D" (Lenny Kravitz meets Gnarls Barkley.)

With the exception of "Contact High" (too Owl City-like for me) I truly love every track on Moment Bends and put the whole album onto my iPod, something that doesn't always happen in the piecemeal digital music world we live in right now. If you like albums that make you smile and your feet move a little bit faster, you just have to check this out!:)

2012-01-10T14:05:00.003-05:00

I've always thought Wham's (okay, George Michael's) "Careless Whisper" was a beautiful song that perfectly reflected the pain and aftermath of hurting someone you love. But after hearing Seether's take (almost three years old and yet it's new to me) I have to say that _this_ version nails the heartache and the inner rage that never quite go away once guilt has got its hooks in you.

There is no point in doing a cover unless you're going to add your own spin and that's what Seether does here. They take a classic and make it sound just as good (in its own unique way) as Wham's. In some ways, it's better because Seether makes the song so raw and exposed whereas Wham sounds just a tad too polished.

Beauty comes in all forms, Wham's view was pristine (almost kind of too polite), Seether's cuts to the bone and is really quite unforgettable.

The Juan MacLean wants Everybody To Get Close

2012-01-09T21:53:00.003-05:00

The most recent free offering from Spin includes one of the best dance songs of 2011. "Everybody Get Close" by The Juan MacLean.

The track starts off all 80s electro retro but soon goes full-speed ahead into the future. It's one of the most mesmerizing things to hit the dance floor in ages and when I checked out the rest of the album it would appear it's all fun and games for your soul to get down.

Lovin' it so much!! At about two minutes in (or maybe it's two minutes out) your eyes practically roll back in your head, it's THAT good! :)

Free Showtime Preview This Weekend! :)

2012-01-07T16:18:00.000-05:00

I may be the very last person on earth to have started watching Homeland, but I got to say so far I like it a lot...if you're like me and haven't seen it all, catch the first season episodes through Showtime On Demand's free preview this weekend!:)

Late Night Tales

2012-01-02T14:31:00.005-05:00

There are so many reasons I love the intimate sounds of Snow Patrol, but one of the main is for the pleasantly safe buzz I get off their music. And even when it's not really their songs, anything with their name attached to it gets my attention.

As soon as I saw they helmed the production of one of the Late Night Tales cds I got pretty giddy and when Amazon's mp3 store sold it for $4.99 I gobbled it up right away.

And I'm glad I did! Music critic Andrew Leahey calls the album "surprisingly moody, stylish, and fairly danceable". (The inclusion of "Hold On" by Holy Ghost! is one of the most mesmerizing dance songs ever, unrelenting in its seductive hold!) Leahey adds in his review that the songs blend into each other and make for a great nocturnal feel (a must for the Late Night Tales collection.)

As charming and chill as any of the wonderful Grey's Anatomy soundtracks, Snow Patrol's take on Late Night Tales gives me the kind of dreamy oblivion no amount of alcohol can buy :)

The Last Werewolf...

2011-12-29T12:26:00.001-05:00

Of all the books I read in 2011, The Last Werewolf is the one that haunted me the most. It still haunts me. Beautifully written, sincere and yet, sometimes, cynically executed it's a novel that holds nothing back and most certainly is not for the faint of heart.

More than anything, Glen Duncan's novel feels like an indie pop album full of pining, sometimes lonely music that is always lovely even when it rocks hard. It's one of those books that has so many wonderful lines, you don't know which one to love best.

somewhere around 102 (give or take a page)...

2011-12-24T15:11:00.004-05:00

So I finally reached a point in The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo where I want to keep reading (page 102ish, in the movie tie-in paperback edition)...I still don't see what all the excitement is about, but I no longer find the novel boring...

It appears, though, that there is a small, but steady group of us who are not, nor ever have been, swept up in dragon fever:

read more here

New Yorker article on the popularity of The Dragon Tattoo

Carver

2011-12-22T11:00:00.001-05:00

Reading "They're Not Your Husband" by Raymond Carver and so wanting to scream...He seems as sexist and brutal (emotionally) towards woman as Phillip Roth is. This story, in particular, bothers me so much that I feel like I'm going to cry.

The main character, out of work, seems to be taking his lack of self-esteem and his unemployment out on on his wife, whom he convinces (rather mercilessly) to lose weight, at the expense of her health.

I think of the double standards when it comes to weight and women. Earlier in his collection Will You Please Be Quiet, Please? there is "Fat," a short about an obese man who is the object of sympathy and understanding rather than scorn and hatred.

Ultimately, I think the man in "They're Not Your Husband" is seen as a fool by both his wife and her co-workers at the coffee shop where she works. But, still, the attitudes toward women and weight really bothers me :(

There is a crispness to Carver's writing and an oddity to almost every selection I've read so far that is definitely intriguing and I find his characters (in some cases) as compelling and ill-behaved as those you'd find in a Shirley Jackson story.

Spoilers below!!

2011-12-15T10:44:00.003-05:00

As over-the-top and often uneven as American Horror Story has been all these weeks, I am really going to miss it. In the most recent episode (for me, at least) it wasn't my beloved Jessica Lange (okay, 'beloved' is pretty much over the top, I know) who stole the show but Connie Britton (whom I've grown to really like a lot as an actress!).

At the very end when Vivien (Britton) has died and appears to her daughter (has she been in the room the entire time?) to comfort her I found my heart melting just the slightest.

How ironic that in death Vivien is now at her strongest and can find the kind of relationship she always wanted with her daughter. When Violet tells her, "I'm so sorry you lost your baby" and Vivien replies (in this wonderfully soothing voice): "I haven't lost my baby." I wanted to cry.

I felt like the show had its first genuinely peaceful (almost happy) moment. Clearly, Vivien is telling her daughter that she's her baby and that she's going to be there for her. One of THE best moments on any tv show this season!!

I'm kind of sad that next week's the season finale. I've not always been a fan of the writing, but there's no doubt American Horror Story has a great cast and some fine moments in acting (hoping Jessica Lange is nominated for an Emmy)

also related to AHS: Would you buy the house?

...don't take this the wrong way...

2011-12-08T16:30:00.004-05:00

After four previous attempts I have finally passed the point in The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo where I had given up because I found the early parts boring.

My friends really want to see the upcoming American film version so I decided the fifth time would be the charm and I would get through this novel.

Finally (!!) I find myself intrigued enough to keep reading, but at the same time I also continue to be kind of baffled by its amazingly huge popularity. The plot is certainly compelling, but the writing feels lackluster and the people rather passionless.

Still, there is one line from The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo that rings so true with me and makes me think of how I wish I'd behaved in situations where I meant well, but most likely drove someone crazy.

One of the characters tells Lisbeth Salander (the girl with the dragon tattoo): "I understand that you don't want anyone interfering in your life and I'll try not to do that. But is it okay if I continue to like you?"

It's the perfect thing to say to someone whom you want to know you admire and care about, but will never ever act in any kind of ill-received way. Or, at least, it seems that way to me :)

...a musical blast from the past that very few probably remember...

2011-12-08T11:31:00.002-05:00

I love that you can track down things from your past online and buy them. Years and years ago I really dug this album called X2 by a little-known duo called Times Two.

The album did not do well at all and the two guys behind Times Two faded into musical obscurity, but somehow (back in 1988) they kind of got to me with their one hit wonder, "Strange But Two" and their odd remake of Simon and Garfunkel's "Cecilia."

Recently I bought the cd version from a private seller on Amazon. I wanted it in compact disc form so I could download it onto my iPod. And strangely enough, I found all of the songs as endearing and appealing as I did when I was a kid.

Yeah, songs like "L.O.D. (Love On Delivery)" and "Only My Pillow Knows For Sure" sound kind of silly now, but, really, there's an honest kind of pain on the slow tracks that tugs at your heart unexpectedly. And the upbeat titles ("Romeo" and "Jet") are fun and airy and so upbeat and innocent-sounding you can't help but smile.

...taking a break for a little bit...

2011-12-03T13:32:00.002-05:00

be back soon :)

Holiday Daze

2011-11-27T17:47:00.002-05:00

For many, the holidays are a trying time. It could be hard for some lonely people to see so much cheer around them no matter how hard they try to be happy for them.

It could be that all the Christmas commercialism is just a little crass when shopping has become such a cold, greedy, downright distasteful thing.

Or it could be the fears that come with all that food constantly on tables in staff lounges, at home and friends' houses.

The other night on a Charlie Brown special Marcie said that Thanksgiving was about more than food, that it was about people. She is right. It is or, at least, should be.

But ask anyone who struggles with weight issues or eating problems what the hardest time of the year for them is and they'll probably say any date from Thanksgiving on to New Year's Day.

The following article isn't going to ease up all the anxiety from the stress food brings during the holidays, but it certainly is less pat than others I've seen and actually has some good advice to follow:

read "The Feast of Gluttony" here

Just one reason the holidays have lost their appeal...

2011-11-25T16:08:00.001-05:00

Unbelievable!!!This is why Black Friday is one of the greediest, most ugly aspects to the holidays:

"Witnesses described the frenetic scene where customers tore down video-game displays, trampled posters and pushed and shoved each other to get the best product discounts."

How can you blame us Scrooges when you read stuff like this? Thanksgiving and Christmas have become so commercial it borders on nauseating. :(

2011-11-25T15:23:00.005-05:00

"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self." - Cyril Connolly

No one ever says to a straight writer, "You write too much about straight people," yet critics often accuse gay and lesbian novelists of writing too much about their own community*. For me, this is a double whammy on top of the one that already demonizes people simply for who they love.

We need a voice in fiction just as much as any other group does. Maybe in big cities like New York or Los Angeles or even D.C. being gay is no big deal, but where I live people still care, and often in a bad way. Keeping quiet about who you really are is often the only way to go.

I had this terribly unrealistic dream once that I could write the kind of fiction that would shatter stereotypes, maybe even bring the most homophobic homophobe to see the light about how human and moral and loving gays and lesbians are or can be. I was going to write the kind of love stories that would emphasize the love, not the sex. Because when I was in my 20s and grabbing any GLBT fiction I could (because there was and is so little), it kind of angered me how much of it was steeped in sexual stuff and not so much the love.

But the more I wrote, the more I realized I was not going to be that person. My dialogue is horrible and I write about the kind of woman I'm pretty sure would never come across as realistic. Worst of all, no matter how hard I try not to base the narrator on me, my "voice" is always me.

Still, I try. Not because I wish I could write good fiction and won't give up, but because it is an outlet for me, a little happy place I escape to in a world that mostly doesn't believe that gays and lesbians are anything but sordid.

This post comes not from the perspective of a "special interest group member" (as the far right sometimes likes to anyone who dares to speak up), but from a basic human rights need.

As an old New Order song ("Thieves Like Us") goes: "It's called love and it belongs to every one of us."

* (When Sarah Waters' The Little Stranger first appeared, a lot of book reviews went on and on about how it was her first "non-lesbian" novel...as if she had been writing too much about gay women.)

Thanksgiving tremors

2011-11-23T20:11:00.002-05:00

For some people this picture is Heaven, for others it is Hell. Food isn't supposed to be scary or sinful or any other negative word you can think of to convey how afraid of it you can be. But for some, a table full of enticing food can induce a kind of panic normally reserved for emergencies or life-threatening situations.

I'm not sure if so many people really do enjoy the holidays as much as they seem to or if they're really just good at hiding their pain, distrust, horror or "hurry up and get this over with" attitude.

And I also don't know if it's just me who thinks this or if there are others who wonder why on earth Hallmark has been showing Christmas movies non-stop since the day after Halloween. Seriously, you'd have to be a mighty happy, cynic-free, tons of time on your hands kind of person to want to watch so many holiday movies non-stop.

If you have food problems or family issues that are extremely challenging, you're @#$% out of luck in avoiding the kind of holiday cheer that gets so manic it makes you want to vomit at times.

I don't think it would be so bad if the holidays were about genuine things like kindness and love and, hey, even God. But what makes it especially hard is the commercialism and greedy need for all things electronic and the way strangers treat each other in parking lots and the road.

And the food, oh the food. Family issues aside, for some of us the food is the worst part. The weight of it all can put a pressure on your chest the size of an elephant.

Sit Calm, Lessons from Tv

2011-11-18T15:55:00.004-05:00

"Just because something needs to be told doesn't always mean it needs to be heard."- Kevin on "How I Met Your Mother"

Simple words, but oh so true! Lately, it seems, when I'm looking for a sign I get it from a tv sitcom, of all places.

Kevin's words from "How I Met Your Mother" remind me of something a friend told me when I was wrestling with desperately wanting to apologize to someone for something from long ago.

"Who is this apology helping more? You or the person you hurt?"

It made me think. I would love nothing more than to make amends for something I did in my past. I truly regret what I did and would never have ever intentionally hurt this person.

But is it really worth it to her, if I risk digging up the painful past and bad memories?

If a confession works better for us than the person we're confessing to, maybe it should be left alone...sometimes closure just has to come from knowing there will never be closure.

And if you're lucky, coming to accept that will help (even if just a little bit) calm the hornet's nest stirring inside you.

So much fun

2011-11-12T18:24:00.004-05:00

I wish all 18th century novels were as much fun as this deliciously humorous one. I was feeling kind of down this morning and went over to my bookshelf to see if I could find something to pull me out of myself. And there was Tom Jones, a book I last read twenty years ago, waiting for me.

It's the kind of classic that is fresh and exciting, defying stereotypes (at least stereotypes that a lot of students believe) that classics are boring.

I love the chapter headings, especially this one:

Containing such grave matter that the reader cannot laugh once through the whole chapter, unless peradventure he should laugh at the author.

I wish Henry Fielding had written more; his books really make me laugh! Joseph Andrews and Shamela are two of my other favorite 18th century novels and are both by him. The formality of words from so long ago combined with a timeless sense of wit just floors me!:)

Misery Bear, I'd be friends with you.

2011-11-08T12:03:00.007-05:00

Who knew a teddy bear could be so sad and miserable? Have you seen this? It's a little too maudlin for me, but there's something about the bear I like (also, be sure to check out the much funnier "Dawn of The Ted" video) :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5dTHlTu_DC8

I have been watching more of the Misery Bear videos and I really feel for the poor guy. He has over 35,000 likes on Facebook and one of the most touching things about the bear is how he brings out compassion and "Hey, I can relate!" comments.

He's not real, I mean I know that (obviously, right?) But the feelings he brings out in any of us who finds a soft spot for him are surprisingly strong.

Who has not, at one time or another, felt that deep need to connect with another living soul? Ideally, for us humans, that connection would not be with a teddy bear, but there's nothing wrong with a quick hug with your favorite stuffed animal if he or she happens to be nearby!!:)

SPOILER ALERT!

2011-10-31T15:45:00.003-04:00

Last night's episode of The Walking Dead left me very unsettled. I see from posts on the Internet Movie Database that some people found it boring (and these same posters also feel that this season is overall boring so far) but I couldn't disagree more.

In the most recent Walking Dead Shane deliberately killed his traveling companion (they were both on a mission to find medical supplies at a high school they had heard was a safe haven) by shooting him, then throwing him to the zombies so his body would serve as a deterrent and give Shane some extra time to get away.

Following that chilling scene, there is another one where Shane is cleaning up in the bathroom of the family who has taken him and his friends in. The running shower in the background has fogged up the mirror and he has just shaved most of his hair off when he starts wiping the mirror with his hands so he can see his reflection.

His eyes are troubled, haunted even and he looks like he could throw up at any time. Clearly, the horrific thing he has done is troubling him very much. The man who plays Shane (Jon Bernthal) is amazing in this moment worthy of an Emmy nod. Hard to believe he's the same guy who played Duncan Carmello on the short-lived sitcom The Class.

Right before Shane shoots Otis (the man who has accompanied him to the high school) he says "I'm sorry" with such sincerity and unease, you know what's coming next can't be good. Still, what does (even if you can possibly justify it with a 'greater good' argument) is one of the most disturbing things I've seen on tv in a while.

The Walking Dead is not winning acclaim for being a show with zombies, even if zombies are currently the it thing. It's getting so much buzz because of the characters, great dialogue and oddly moving emotional moments.

Sex, before our time

2011-10-28T00:26:00.006-04:00

I'm not in the mood to watch Grey's Anatomy, like I normally am. So I have to get my weekly dose of unseemly sex somewhere else, right? :) Well, not really. Not at all.

But if I were cruising I could find some of Stanza's free ebooks, which offer several interesting (both refreshing and outdated to our modern eyes) takes on sex, the 19th century way.

One of them, The Sex Side of Life, is just amazing, especially for the time period during which it was written. Imagine a woman (a woman!) daring to speak her mind on birth control, to actually suggest both parties be a part of sound, respectable sexual behavior. Well, just the thought of it is enough to give a girl the vapors!

The picture above is actually for the biography about this incredibly ahead-of-her-time woman (read review here) but for true appreciation of the story behind the story, you've got to check out The Sex Side of Life...available through the Stanza app or right here.

Meanwhile Henry Stanton's Sex: Avoided Subjects Discussed in Plain English (unintentionally, I hope!) is so earnest in its attempts to demystify sex and make it more seemly, the copy reads as if it is going straight into a medical school textbook...jeez! Of course, I haven't gotten that far yet, but everything is so clinical and detached, it's no wonder he thinks no one wants to talk about sex...dirty it up some, man!:)

2011-10-26T19:45:00.005-04:00

‎"I'd loved the book so much I had a crush on it. For two weeks after I turned the last page the book lay on the floor next to my bed and whenever I looked at it I felt actual pain, so great was my sadness that the story was over."--from the novel Zippermouth

Zippermouth by Laurie Weeks is a lovely mess of a book. It's not particularly plot-driven and definitely not linear, but it's written in such an earnest, endearing and very funny way that it's very hard not go crazy over it.

I mostly love the book because of the writing (like the quote above) but if there is a plot, it goes like this (taken from Publisher's Weekly because it sums it up better than I can):

"Weeks’s brash, exuberant debut traces a young lesbian woman’s tortured, drug-addled, unrequited crush while living in New York City in edgier times. The narrator is wracked by anxieties and is at home in the toxic landscape of 1980s lower Manhattan; drugs and alcohol both calm and stimulate her, lending the prose a psychotic compression that recalls Naked Lunch and imparts a fresh, lyrical sympathy to Week’s narrator. Dreamy, impressionistic, and rapturous, this brief volume is an ecstatic love story. (Oct.)"

It's such a short read and the plot jumps around a lot, but the writing is just wonderful, plus it's hilarious, choke-on-your-water hilarious at times! But as funny as it can be, there are some chillingly familiar (as in "I've been there!") passages almost too painful to bear: "Rejection always wiped me out so thoroughly that I disappeared, leaving but a wrinkle in the air, it was too hard to reassemble myself."

I don't want it to end because the writer speaks to me in a way a writer hasn't in quite some time!

This is the first novel I can ever recall reading where the narrator has a crush on Vivien Leigh and writes letters to Judy Davis (both of which make for some of the most comedic moments in the story).

Though Zippermouth may be hitting too close to home for me (minus the drug problems!) and is all-too-familiar to anyone who has ever felt different and isolated for being gay, there is a universality to the pain of unrequited love here that any reader can relate to..Laurie Weeks is a gifted writer, whom I hope has many more tricks up her sleeve.