I was getting confused. Would coming home be me coming back home to reality? Or was that trip my wake-up call from a fantasy I was caught in back home. Did I miss home? Or would I miss this new city that was becoming familiar to me? It was everything I thought it would be, and even more so. I wouldn’t have expected any less, but it still surprised me. As much as one would like to plan their own lives… things just never seem to follow through that way. At least for me anyways.

“You just start your day just like any other day. Thinking that this day, this month, this year… will just be like the last. Then something comes along. Something completely unexpected. But something you always needed. It comes along, and just throws you completely off your course. It’s funny how that happens…”

Maybe that’s what it is. Life is planned. You just don’t know what that plan is… till you get there.

“Did you know time travels amazingly slow when you miss someone? … Will you be up late?”
“It’s only 12 right now.”
“I’ll try and buy a phone card.”
“Oh I guess that’s late… but I’d stay up for you. I would go sleepless for you and not even notice.”
“:,) I’ve never felt like this before, it’s kind of weird. Like I need to be in contact with someone, otherwise time refuses to pass :(”
“I drove dt tonight. I miss it. I miss walking the seawall with you. If you were here tonight. I’d prob call you to go out there just to walk with me.”
“I miss it too, I keep reliving that memory as if it were years ago. And I would already be there waiting to pick you up.”

I made a bunch of cookies for family, friends, co-workers. Seems like the majority confess to feeling guilty for eating them, but then admit, they like to bite the heads off first haha.

I came home late tonight, but waiting in my room was a very unexpected package! He’s been away, but he’s done everything from sending flowers to my office, mailing my mom a birthday present, sending me postcards, and random little surprise gifts =). One of my favorite would have to be a Totoro stuffy he got for me, which he hugged for one night before mailing it to me. It still smells like him and I can’t bare to take it out of it’s plastic covering for too long, just so I can keep his scent. But today he.. nearly topped that one. It’s something I’ve been wanting for years: my own photoprinter! And not just any photo printer, but the best one out there. This is the exact one I’ve been wanting for so long. It’s just so very much me. And now I finally can get back to scrapbooking and printing out all my pictures. That makes me incredibly happy. *sigh* I told him we aren’t allowed to buy eachother any expensive gifts for the next year, but he found a workaround . Silly boy. Totally caught me by surprise.

Everyday, I learn more about him. Because yes, we’ve still got lots to discover about each other. But with everything that I learn, it only adds to the list of the many amazing things about him. And why he’s made perfectly for me.

Remember how the only thing I ever wished for was happiness? Happiness not just for myself, but also for those around me. I’ve always felt as though happiness is the most satisfying feeling. Well, he shared me a picture yesterday. And only tonight did I hear the significance of its story. Maybe to him it was just something simple he did without thinking, but to me… it was one of the sweetest stories I’ve heard. Something that was so perfectly tailored for someone like me.

He went to this little historical city. And in that city there was a river that ran through it. His cousin had told him that when the moon is full, that river is filled with floating lanterns, as people would come and buy lanterns and release them into the water. They were only there for one night, and the night’s moon was not full that night. So he asked her “Well, how much are these lanterns?” With that, he went to find the lady that sold the lanterns and asked to buy 20 lanterns. His cousin and friend followed suit, and each bought some each as well. As they each lit their lanterns to release into the river, his cousin told him “you know, you’re suppose to make a wish for each lantern as you release them.” “Well, you know the only thing I want. I just want Sami to be happy. So I guess I’ll make that wish for all the lanterns.” When I heard those words through the phone… all I could think of, was how much I wanted to just completely smother him at that moment. Just hug him as tight as I could. As he released all the lanterns, it became a real spectacle to other tourists that were there. And soon other people came to the lady to buy a few lanterns each themselves. Not only had he made that one woman’s day (that kind of business, is their life over there), he created something very special for everyone that was there that night, creating something that only those lucky enough to be there on a full moon night would experience. He absolutely warmed my heart.

Such a simple action, that turned into such a beautiful moment. I don’t know how to deal with this anymore. I can’t restrain it really. How do I hide this and why would I want to?

I’m just, just absolutely in love with him.

Coincidentally, I heard this song again this year. But the feeling it gave me was contrast to before. Katy Perry had said that this song was written in two halves, I now know what she meant. We were at our first concert together, and unexpectedly, one of the opening acts decided to do a cover of this song. I remember grasping on to him tightly and just singing the lyrics to myself.

There was one night we had. Sitting at the edge of the seawall path, just looking at the lights reflect off the ripples in the water. And in that moment I remember staring up at him… “You know… every time I look at you… every time, I get this feeling… that maybe… do you know what I’m thinking?” “I do… and I thinking the same.” Who would have thought. That after one night, my life could completely change. That reality would finally catch up to my crazy dreams… and surpass them. Every call and every email that we exchange… it drives me to think that I’m just so incredibly lucky. Lucky to have met such an amazing guy. Even in this distance, he’s remained so positive. Reminding me how we’ll have this to look back at, as a special moment in our lives. A very unique moment. And that this will be the last time I will ever have to feel alone . “And it’s just the beginning…”

*That’s actually a paparazzi shot of the first night we met. Of us standing on the balcony together. Of me holding the bouquet that I caught. I have such awesome friends *

Finished unpacking my boxes and repacking things that I don’t need. Finding pictures, cards and such from this year. It’s kind of  a weird feeling. Seems like everything that had happen, had happened so long ago. The place I once considered my home, is now someone else’s. It’s just like how the person I was there, is a chapter of my life now closed. It’s kind of crazy.

Looking forward to the next chapter. Will be nose diving into it soon .

Well, I’m not one to judge anyone or to run around complaining. I like problems to be solved. So when I get the chance. It’s the first thing I want to do. Confrontation, discussion, any form of direct communication. And just really figure out what is wrong .

Out of all the things I’m trying to sort out/plan out, this actually is the one that is stressing me out the most. *sigh*  Well, I’ll suck it up. I’ll stay positive. That’s what I do.

“My mind cannot even begin to comprehend how it has only been two months since I’ve asked you to be my girlfriend… two months since I was holding you on the mattress in your living room… two months since the fireworks… it feels like ages since I’ve held you, but the memories bring me some comfort. And the thought that when I see you again, I will never have to let you go makes me boundlessly happy.

I love you so much, it’s really hard to put into words how I feel when I think about how lucky I am to have met you, not only to have met you, but to have met you at such a perfect point in both our lives. S, everyday my heart grows fonder thinking about you, and everyday I become more and more thankful to have you in my life.

Before I sleep, I’ll leave you with a riddle to solve.

8i - 6x < 2(12u - 3x)

Yours always,
T.”