Just me, Leah.

Help me pick my new glasses!

2013-06-18T18:50:00.001+01:00

Hello sweetpeas!

I'm due an eye test soon and I've been looking at possibles for my new glasses. There are some very inexpensive glasses here and some more expensive ones. I'm really having trouble picking and I need your help.

If I get a more expensive pair I'll be able to get a second pair free, in which case I'll get a pair of prescription sunglasses, and I quite fancy these hot pink ones from Roxy.

Guess which ones are my faves?! If you know me well you may have guessed they are the Osiris ones!

I'll have to pay £40 extra for thin and light lenses (because I'm so poorly sighted I need these or my glasses look like bottle bottoms) then pay for a tint in the glasses I'll be using as sunglasses. All in all it'll come out to nearly £200 if I get the glasses I *really* want. So, is it worth spending almost £200 for something that'll be on my nose for the next 2 years? Or should I get some cheapo glasses to save money?! HELP!

So which ones do you like?

Thanks for reading!

10 day challenge day 8 - 8 fears

2013-06-18T13:00:00.000+01:00

Hello!

Today's post is about fears. I'm going to throw some of my longest standing fears out there, but rest assured I don't think about these things too often. I don't want this to be a sad post.

Anything happening to James. I dread losing this lovely man who makes me laugh every single day and accepts me faults and all, and I can't bear to think of me dying first and leaving him alone either.
Anything happening to my family. I know my parents are most likely to die before me, but that doesn't mean I'm at peace with it. I want them to die at the age of 110, peacefully in their sleep. There comes the time for everyone when they have no older relatives to rely on for help or advice, and frankly that scares the piss out of me! I don't want to see my brother die either.
Anything happening to my friends, be they friends I've not yet met, friends I haven't seen in ages, even people I may no longer get on with, or people I see all the time. Horrible things do happen to good people and I can't bear to think of anyone I care about going through a horrible time.
Being buried alive. Yes, I'm weird! When I was a kid I saw a Hitchcock or Hammer thriller where a man was buried alive. The person who was supposed to rescue him from the coffin (I think it was a prison escape) turned out to be the body underneath him in the coffin. Just thinking about it makes my breath catch!
Creepy crawlies which move fast. I don't mind slow-moving critters, but anything which flies at my face or scurries quickly makes me jump, and when I jump I get the heart palpitations from hell. So that means huge moths, bees, wasps and spiders scare me. I don't mind the little spiders you sometimes get in the house who stay in one corner minding their own business. I generally name them and talk to them, but those monsters who break the land speed record dashing across the living room scare the crap out of me.
The dark - I'm not the greatest fan of being outside on my own after dark, being indoors alone when it's dark and coming home to an empty house when it's dark. I think one of the reasons I like living in a flat is because I feel more secure than I would in a house, especially so on the upper levels as you're less likely to get burgled or intruded upon. I know some of my fear of being indoors alone comes as a result of the childhood experiences I had with my mum's previous partner, the alcoholic git I posted about previously. Because I came home late at night to find him smashing the house up in a drunken rage (twice) I carry that fear of something scary happening again. I think the mind plays tricks on us in the dark.
I fear what'll happen to me when the Government stop my ESA around February next year. My illnesses get progressively worse with each passing year, yet like thousands of other people too ill to work, I'm being thrown to the wolves by a Government who are crushing the sick and disabled to enable them to pander to the filthy rich. Will I go back to work in order to bring in money and face guaranteed physical and mental ruin? Or will there be even more pressure on my poor husband to bring home the bacon? It's a really scary time and I need to try to find a way to make money without adding to the strain my body is already under. Ideas on a postcard please!
I also fear how my health is going to go in the next 10 years or so. I see the way things have gone since 2007 when I became ill, despite eating so much more healthily, reducing stress and doing gentle exercise when I'm able. I notice things I did a year ago becoming more and more problematic for me now, and it scares me rigid. I don't want to end up in a wheelchair. I don't want to dependant on anyone else for my care.

As I'm learning from the CBT I'm having, our fears are often WAY bigger than any possible reality. I'm learning how to examine my thoughts and recognise when I'm stuck in a vicious circle of worry. Something my counsellor said today resonated with me about bad thoughts - what is the PROBABILITY of them actually happening? 50%? 10%? 1%? So small it'll be a cold day in hell before it happens? ;) I think rationalising fears is useful, and it'll be something I'll be trying to master so I can live a fuller and happier life. Something else I've realised after just 2 sessions of CBT is sometimes in life, in times of depression, anxiety or stress we tend to focus on the things that go wrong. I want to focus more on the things that go well. I'm thankful for the NHS so I can have this treatment free of charge. I think it's going to be really useful alongside the meds I'm on, which are making a great difference.

If you've got time, would you care to tell me one thing you're scared of and one thing you're thankful for?

Thanks for reading!

New Look floral maxi OOTD

2013-06-17T18:00:00.000+01:00

Hiya lovelies!

I hope you all had a good weekend?

Some of you may know I won a competition at Christmas to win a £12 voucher from New Look every month of 2013. This is what I put the voucher towards this month.

Click photos for larger images.

This is the Inspire black floral belted bandeau maxi dress. Try saying that in a rush! I wore a normal bra with it as I'll generally have a cardi or shrug on when I wear a sleeveless dress and I HATE strapless bras with a passion. They may as well come with barbed wire because they hurt like a mother.

The dress is a really light cotton material which feels cool and summery. It has elastication at the waist and at the top under the armpits. I sized up to a 28 for a loose boho feel and am glad as I did as I don't think a 26 would've gone round my IBS belleh as there's no stretch. I'm 5 foot 5 (and a half) and it is floor length on me. I use a trick Rachele mentioned and hitch/roll it up a bit under my boobs so I don't trip up when I walk up stairs and things. Such a simple idea which had never struck me before! Use those boobs as anchors.

Here's my face:

Dress, New Look
Denim jacket, Yours (past season)
Badges, Funkimunki Badges

The dress was a hit with hubby and it's really comfortable to wear so I'm sure it'll be gracing my bod plenty this summer.

Thanks for reading.

A few things/update

2013-06-17T13:00:00.000+01:00

Hi!

On Friday it was the first anniversary of my friend Helen's passing away. She was only 39.

Her long time partner got special permission from the people behind the Download festival to scatter Helen's ashes with some friends before the main arena opened on Friday. I knew this would be at 10am so I got up, had the same Iron Maiden beer everyone else would be drinking to toast Helen with and got out my Bagpuss bag. The significance of the Bagpuss bag is that Helen and I both had one and we took it to every gig and festival we went to together. I spent an hour reminiscing to myself, talking to Helen and having a bit of a cry, then went about my day afterwards. I'm lucky that I can 'move on', albeit with a Helen shaped hole missing from my life, but her poor partner is struggling to make his way through life without her.

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This weekend hubby and I went to London to stay with his parents and to meet our little niece, who is now 2 months old. I was slightly apprehensive about meeting her and how it would go, with this big ol 2 x ectopic pregnancy/dying to be a mum thing hanging awkwardly over my head. Pam (sister in law) put me straight at ease. Her and Mike (brother in law) came in, got their shoes off, got baby E out of the car seat and promptly handed her over so I could feed her. Of course, it was love at first sight. She's still so tiny (she was a month premature but would've been a low weight baby even if she went full term) and she's not quite 9lbs yet and so cute! Her little nails are only about 2mm wide. She's a brilliant baby. She hardly ever cries - only when she's got a poopy nappy, is hungry or wants to be held, and as soon as her needs are met she's happy again straight away. She hates being laid down and likes being held sitting up facing you so she can see you. She's smiling already and tracking things with her eyes. Like all babies she likes being bounced on your knee and she's so chilled. I think it's because Mike and Pam are so relaxed. Some people are very protective over their offspring and guard them jealously like you're going to drop the infant on its head on top of an anvil or something. Mike and Pam are like 'Right, whose turn is it for a cuddle now?!' and pass E over for some fussing. E fell asleep on my chest for a while and it was so sweet. Is there anything lovelier than watching a contented baby sleep? We didn't take any photos of her as I don't want to be up in her grill (get me!) with a camera when I could be having cuddle time. Plus her daddy takes so many photos of her and I'd prefer them to have the control over who gets to see her.

We bought E a couple of little gifts for her to grow into - 2 leggings and a pretty broderie anglaise dress.

You can't see it in the photo, but the leggings have got cute little ruffles on the bottom. I want ruffles on the bottoms of my leggings! :)

It's amazing how a baby can unite a family, even if you're already close. We all got on so well on Saturday, which is a good thing as we're all going on holiday soon - me and James, Mike, Pam, E and James's parents. We're going for a 5 days break to Dorset. Each couple has our own caravan but we'll meet up to do things each day. Hopefully the weather will be nice!

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Because we'd had a period of sunny weather followed by crappy weather I noticed how the grey days affect me. I crave white carbs so badly when the days are grey and rainy and I'm not like that on sunny days. I ate a lot of white bread last week as a consequence and now my IBS is awful. I look and feel heavily pregnant and feel really sluggish. It's just reaffirmed what I already knew - white carbs and I don't get on at all. I pushed my luck and now I'm paying the price. I'm going to keep an eye on things and do plenty of yoga in the run up to the holiday as I want to be able to keep up with everyone else. No one apart from James knows how badly my health affects me these days and if I can, I want it to remain that way. Of course it might all come back to bite me on the arse, but if I can scrape through the 5 days without the whole thing having to be embarrassingly based around my health demands that'll be just grand. I don't want to spoil anyone's fun and I certainly don't want to find myself under the microscope.

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I hope you had a great weekend. What did you get up to?

Have a great week!

Peplum VBO OOTD

2013-06-16T17:10:00.001+01:00

Hi loves!

I've been wanting a peplum top for a while and was lucky enough to find one at the fat swap last weekend. I paired it with my checkerboard skirt from ASOS Curve.

Apologies if you've seen this already. It was supposed to schedule to post yesterday but it posted Friday night instead. I blame user error! :) I quickly reverted it to a draft but some of you may have seen this post anyway.

Click on photos to enlarge.

I got junk in the trunk!

Peplum top - New Look via swap
Skirt - ASOS Curve
Belt - New Look (from another dress)
Shoes - Simply Be (past season)
Necklace - Extreme Largeness
Flower ring - New Look
Haematite bracelet, gift

This perhaps isn't the best skirt to wear a short peplum top with, but I rock it anyway. The search endures for a longer length peplum which skims over my tum. Any ideas, fashion mavens? If so, leave me a comment!

Do you like peplum tops? Do you care if your VBO (visible belly outline) is on display?

Thanks for reading!

My nail polish collection - greens, corals & shatters

2013-06-15T13:00:00.000+01:00

Hiya loves!

This brings me to the last in this series of posts about my nail polish collection...although a few more have been gifted to me since I started this. I fear this might be a never ending task, so maybe I'll revisit it next year...or maybe I'll have a blog sale and sell some off!

Pinks are here.
Silver/grey, grurple here.
Purples and lilacs here.
Blue and teal here.
Reds here.
Blacks, browns & golds here.
Whites, nudes & yellows here.

OPI Shatter The Scales, OPI Super Bass, OPI Gold shatter, MUA Shattered Ice, MUA Quiver, MUA Jailbreak, MUA Shiver, MUA Broken Arrow.

MUA Pistachio Ice Cream, elf Mint Cream, MUA Shade 5, Sally Hansen Lickety Split Lime.

MUA Shade 13, Models Own Golden Green, W7 Metallic Saturn, Models Own Dancing Queen, Barry M 299 Racing Green.

elf Nude, Barry M 318 Peach Melba, Ruby & Millie Nude (this is about 10 years old!), Front Cover Cupric.

VIVO Funfair, Nails Inc Copacobana, MUA Shade 4, Accessorize Orange Flash.

Thanks for reading/looking.

Lilt OOTD/H&M discount code

2013-06-14T18:00:00.000+01:00

Hiya pickles!

I have a totally tropical outfit post for you today. I saw this dress on H&M and fell in love with it. It was only £9.99 and is 100% cotton.

Click on photos for larger images.

The dress reminds me a bit of a can of Lilt, hence the title. Totally tropical taste!

I've just gone to look for the dress on the H&M website but it's not there. All the plus stuff seems to sell out online so quickly. If you like it you could always check eBay and in store?

Hubby came home from work while the self timer was on so I grabbed him for a quick shot.

Outfit details:
Dress, H&M
Belt, ASOS Curve
Leggings, ASOS Curve
Shoes, Very
Necklace, New Look
Red bracelet, via swap
Mint bracelet, H&M
Flower ring, Primark
Lipstick, W7 matte lippie

Also - a discount code for H&M. I've used it twice online in the last couple of months, the last time which was a couple of weeks ago. The code is 1304 and it takes £5 off your balance. I think you have to spend about £10 after the £5 off for it to work. Let me know if it works for you.

What do you think about my 'totally tropical' dress?

Thanks for reading!

10 day challenge - 9 loves

2013-06-14T13:00:00.000+01:00

Hiya loves!

9 loves...only 9? I love so much of everything. Let's prioritise then!

1. My husband. He puts up with my spending, makes good tea, compliments me almost daily and makes me laugh all the time with his silly ways. Plus he has a really cute bum! :)
2. My family. They're all as mad as a box of frogs, but I share their DNA so I can't say anything bad about them, can I? ;)
3. My friends near and far. The ones who live in my puter, the ones who live in my heart, the ones who've left us.
4. Make up, shoes, make up, bags, make up, clothes, make up. Did I mention make up?
5. SUNSHINE! It's like my oxygen. I hate grey days.
6. Cute animals and cute kids.
7. Myself. Look, I hope to live for at least 70 years and I'm just over half way through (scary thought, fuck!) so I may as well appreciate myself or else it's going to be hell. I love myself. Things could be better, things could be worse. Why stress?! Just enjoy the journey.
8. Sea views, sunsets, and all the beauty of nature there is to look at.
9. Blogging. I feel if I didn't have this release I'd be stark raving bonkers.

How about you? Care to share 9 things you love? If you can't think of 9, give me your top 3!

What do you think of my new header, by the way?

Thanks for reading and have a lovely weekend! (Ssh! P.S. Come back at 6 for an outfit post.)

NOTD - Barry M sequin nail effects

2013-06-13T18:00:00.000+01:00

Hello lovelies!

When I heard Barry M were doing some new sequin nail polishes I was very excited and bought 2 of the 3 available at the moment - black and pink. The black one has subtle gold sequins in it and the pink one has multi coloured sequins. There's also a white one available.

Click on photos for larger images.

The base colour I used is Papaya, from the Gelly polish range, which is more coral than these photos show.

On my forefinger I used OPI's matte top coat. On my middle finger I used the pink sequin effect polish and on my ring finger I used the black one.

The pink based sequin polish is quite watery, at least in comparison to the black one, which is crammed with sequins and lays down in a quite thick layer. With the pink one you have to artfully arrange the sequins to cover the nail as it doesn't give as much coverage. The black one is opaque on the nail, so much so you don't need another colour underneath. I painted that nail with Papaya as I assumed the black polish would be thin and watery. Wrrrrrong!

I feel that the black polish is a bit too thick and the pink one a bit too watery. It's not very often I dislike something from Barry M - they're one of my favourite make up brands by far - but on this occasion I'm not wowed. At £3.99 each (and often on 3 for 2 offer in Boots and Superdrug) at least they're the kind of thing you can experiment with at little cost. Maybe I'll like them a little more on my second attempt. I certainly prefer the black one over the pink one anyway, who has time to faff around pushing tiny bits of sequins around their nails?!

The next offering to catch my eye from Barry M are the confetti nail effects, which to my eye are Barry M's version of Nails Inc's feather nail polishes. It's basically nail polish rammed full of bar glitter. How on earth they came to call it feathers is anyone's guess, but I'd like some of what they're smoking! ;)

Have you tried any of Barry M's new polishes? I must say they're bringing so much new stuff out at the moment it's dizzying. Bravo, Bazza!

Here's a conundrum for you - why is it as soon as I do my nails I either find myself absolutely busting for a pee or with terribly itchy ears I can't scratch?! :)

Thanks for peeking!

10 day challenge - day 1

2013-06-13T13:00:00.000+01:00

Hiya pickles!

I've decided to do another little challenge.

10 secrets, huh?

I don't really collect anything except clothes, make up and nail polish.
My eyebrows grow like wildfire. I would have a bit of a monobrow going on if I didn't do some serious maintenance several times a week.
I often don't eat a thing till about 6pm, which means I'm a terrible midnight snacker.
The thing I most hate about getting older is age spots on the back of my hands. They're so ugly.
I regret leaving my home town at the age of 19 because it took me away from my family but at the same time, I'm glad I did because you need perspective to appreciate where you are now.
About 3 weeks after I met my husband I had a serious chat with myself because I felt he was too nice for me. I was so used to bastards that I felt I'd eat up and spit out a nice person. Thankfully I decided to stick at it. ;)
I can be in bed for up to 12 hours a day. CFS is harsh.
I have absolutely no shame or embarrassment in talking about my mental health, and neither should anyone else.
I have a thing for men in uniform.
I still don't know if I can live without being a mum. I hope to figure it out soon.

Thanks for reading!

Bitchin' & blushin' OOTD

2013-06-12T20:50:00.003+01:00

Hello you!

I called this post bitchin' & blushin' because I'm wearing my new Fat Bitch necklace from Black Heart Creatives and I overdid the blush somewhat.

Click on photos to enlarge.

Cardi, via swap

Dress, New Look

Belt, Simply Be

Leggings, Matalan

Shoes, Asda

Hair flower, Curious Cat

There's a C swear word coming up so those of you who are not into that look away now.

...

I also bought the cunt necklace from Black Heart Creatives. I consider myself a feminist and I know some feminists really don't like the C word. Me, I love it. I know it's a rude word for a vagina or can be thought of as a slur against women but I don't think of it like that. You might, and that's OK - your blog/world, your rules - my blog/world, my rules. I think language changes over time and the meanings of words evolve. When I say the word 'cunt' it's usually in reference to a man, and one I'm not very happy with, at that! I also believe in taking the sting out of words by taking them to my heart - like fat bitch. Who can call me a fat bitch and hurt me when I'm wearing a necklace which says I am?! Likewise, who can call me a cunt when I'm wearing a necklace wearing the word? I bought it in clear so someone has to be right up close to me to see what it says. I intend to quickly spin it around to the back of my neck if I spot any children in the vicinity when I wear it.

Here's a better photo of the fat bitch necklace on.

I didn't like very many of the photos I took of my outfit today which is why there's only one collage photo. It's been one of those days today where I don't like my hair or face. I suppose I could've cut my head out of all the shots!

Do you have days like these?

Thanks for reading!

Three things

2013-06-12T13:00:00.000+01:00

Hiya lovelies!

I have three things to share today.

This because it's epic:

This because it's summery:

This because I hate myself for liking it:

Have you seen any good videos lately?

Thanks for watching!

A weekend in Leeds - in photos

2013-06-11T18:00:00.000+01:00

Hiya loves!

Unless you've been hiding in a nuclear bunker you may have heard me mention I spent last weekend in Leeds.

Before I left I took a photo of the clothes using my foot as an idea of scale. Huuuuage bag of clothes to swap!

In the car on Thursday.

Lovely sunset.

We got the M25 out of the way on Thursday and stayed the night in Rugby. James wasn't impressed because we had twin beds. I said they don't expect people to be shagging when you book a disabled room!

Other than not having to navigate stairs and vast corridors to find our room (not all hotels have lifts and unless you specify a disabled room, there can be a long trek to find your room) a walk in shower is why we book disabled rooms. They're a frigging lifesaver for me. Because for me Fibromyalgia includes juddering dizzy spells when reaching up and down to wash I HATE using a shower over a bath with a passion as I don't feel safe. This shower was brilliant, the spray was so strong it felt like I was getting a top to toe massage. Divine!

Hubby using the low bed and using the high bed as an arm rest. (The low bed is for a wheelchair user.)

As soon as we got there I got into my nightie and slippers.

James making me a cup of tea.

Me laying in bed. We take our own pillows - hotel pillow cases aren't generally that funky!

Friday morning found us on the road again and headed towards Leeds.

We stopped off in Mansfield for lunch in Yates's.

Here I am glowing somewhat as it was another roasting hot day.

New day, new hotel room in Leeds! The person who checked us in queried why we booked a disabled room. I so wish people didn't believe a disability starts and ends with a wheelchair! I refuse to explain myself to insensitive fools and it was embarrassing. Hubby just glanced at me and muttered 'It's for her.' He didn't know where to put himself! We were both so embarrassed. I shouldn't have to justify myself to anyone and I may submit some feedback so (hopefully) in future that person will keep their mouth zipped.

Ah, a bigger telly in this room!

On Friday night we went to meet a lady on Twitter I've been talking to for about 2 years. We got lost en route and were late, and me oohing and aahing over the lush architecture didn't help!

Architecture is one of my passions. I don't talk about it much, but old buildings are my porn.

The beautiful tower you see below belongs to Leeds Town Hall, which is stunning.

We met my friend Chrissie and her cousin (whose name I've totally forgotten - but he was a lovely chap!) in a Wetherspoons pub called the Cuthbert Brodrick, which was absolutely heaving with people. Chrissie had found us a table upstairs and we ate there. After we'd eaten we ventured off to another pub as a group of around 20 college kids had swamped the tables around us and were shouting and running up and down the aisle like they were high on E numbers. :) We went for a walk to find a quieter place and as we were about to pop into a pub we saw the people who play Zac and Chastity Dingle on Emmerdale walking down the street together. We went off to a lovely little pub called Mr Foleys, which is a lovely old building with character on 2 and a bit floors. We stayed here for a couple of hours and enjoyed the ambience and the service. The barman remembered our order when going up for a second round and the three chaps behind the bar at various points had bags of personality, which made a change from the robotic sods you often see tending bar darn sarf! We were sitting on a settee on the top floor overlooking the bar, a great spot for people watching.

We came home and James decided to look all sweet whilst hanging around my falula, so naturally I had to capture it.

Here's me on Saturday morning ready to rock n' roll at the clothes swap.

I didn't take any photos at the clothes swap. There were a lot of people I didn't know there and I didn't want to ask everyone of they were OK with being in the background of a shot as it would've been a right old drag, and honestly, I was too busy having fun! The photo below is me collapsed in a heap after trying on all the clothes I got at the swap. I was completely spent!

This was the first time I'd been to Leeds and I loved it. Each city has its own vibe and I really liked the friendly people and the gorgeous architecture. It's not my first venture into Yorkshire - in 2010 I went to my friend Lisa's wedding not far from Bradford - but this was the first big city in Yorkshire I'd stayed in. It's been a dream of mine to see more of Yorkshire, as when I was a child I adored James Herriott's books and re-read them many times. I'd really like to go back again, perhaps for a long weekend, to discover more of Leeds.

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I thought I'd also talk about how a road trip affects me as a person with Fibromyalgia and CFS. In a nutshell, there's a cost to gallivanting on a 450 mile round trip. My bladder hates being jiggled around in the car so I need to pee a lot to ease the horrible cramping I get. Then when I've peed too much I get a horrible 'pterodactyls in my bladder' sensation and have to drink something to settle it, which means I need to pee a lot. Hahaha!

Visiting places involves doing more than usual, and that means extra pain and fatigue. On Friday evening we walked for about 35 minutes to find the pub we were meeting my friend in, and the same walk back again later. By the time we got in I couldn't bend at all because my back was breaking and James had to pull my leggings off me so I could get into bed. I'd left my pain pills at home (d'oh!) and was still stiff the next day, but it was worth it to meet someone I'd been talking to on Twitter for so long. Of course the weekend was brilliant, and I was fully prepared to be in pain because the upside was meeting some fab ladies and getting some new treasures.

I can do 'normal people' things within reason, but they take it out of me. This in a nutshell is the difference between a well person and a not-so-well person. Ill people know each thing we do has a cost - a withdrawal from the energy bank of you will - and then we weigh that cost up carefully against the possible rewards. We don't get to be spontaneous - we don't know how we'll feel until we get up each day. In this case I knew any amount of pain would be worth experiencing because there were far more benefits to be had than drawbacks. I had a bloody awesome weekend, and I will have a few less active days to help me undo the kinks!

Do you like city breaks? I love them.

Thanks for reading!

Leeds fat swap part 3 - accessories etc

2013-06-11T13:00:00.000+01:00

Hello earthlings!

Part 1 here & part 2 here.

There were lots of other goodies at the fat swap, like make up, nail polish and accessories.

I got 3 lovely headbands and a purple hair flower.

A lovely rose bracelet and a really long necklace.

A selection of nail polish. As soon as I saw the top coat with stars I was all over it!

I picked up this shimmer cube from the Body Shop because I've always wanted to try one.

They look really pigmented.

I also got this blue eyeshadow from 17 which is shot through with gold.

As you can see it's really pretty.

Last but not least, this lovely pink silk scarf came into my possession.

There was SO much lovely stuff at the swap. I didn't want to be greedy so made sure I brought back less than I took there with me in case anyone thought I was a grasping bitch. Everyone was so generous with what they brought and there were loads of things left over.

I'll be doing one last post tomorrow about the time we spent in Leeds with a few Instagram shots out and about.

Do you think clothes swaps are the way to go? I do!

Thanks for reading.

Leeds fat swap part 2 - MOAR clothes!

2013-06-10T18:00:00.000+01:00

Hiya lovies!

If you saw my first post about the fat clothes swap you'll probably be wanting to see what else I snagged. Without further ado, let's get stuck in!

Lovely print vest, Asda.

Leopard print vest, Asda.

Butterfly print top, Evans or Dotty P (just says Arcadia Group.)

Slinky leopard print vest, Asda. This is the tightest item of the lot and I need to widen the arm holes a bit but it's shiny and it's leopard print! L-O-V-E!

This coral top is from Tesco and is a really summery shade. It's a bit tight but I'll make it work.

This vest has padded cups and makes my boobs look BAZINGA!

This crepey sheer shirt is from Evans.

This stripey shirt is from Asda.

I've been wanting a yellow cardi for a while. Hopefully the stain at the back will wash out and if not, who cares? I can't see my back! From Asda.

This cute bow covered cardi is from Papaya - where's that from?

This basic green T from Evans is very summery and will be great for lounging around the house or for doing yoga in.

This peplum top is from New Look and looks brand new. I've been wanting a peplum top for ages. Win!

This lovely monochrome top is from Rogers & Rogers.

This cream dress is from Tesco and is a size 22. It fits me perfectly.

I think in future I'm not going to pay any attention to labels when I shop in stores (which to be fair, is rare) but just go on fit. I'd have never imagined a size 22 dress would have fit me, so I've learned a valuable lesson from this swap.

Come back tomorrow for part 3 where I show you the make up, nail polish & accessories I scored.

Do you like any of the bits I've posted? (Or recognise them as previously yours?!)

Thanks for reading!

Leeds fat swap part 1 - photo OBESE! Ha.

2013-06-10T13:00:00.000+01:00

Hiya lovelies!

Hubby and I had a fabulous weekend away in Leeds so I could attend my first ever fat clothes swap and meet some of the lovely ladies I've been chatting to for such a long time on Twitter.

This is going to be Part 1 of 4. Today I'll talk about the swap itself and I'll show you some of the items I picked up. In part 2 I'll show you some more clothes I got and in part 3 I'll show you the accessories, make up and nail polish I snagged. In part 4 I'll talk about what we did in Leeds and show you some Instagram shots.

First, here's a photo of the gaggle of us ladies waiting for the doors to open so we could get a-swappin'. There was much joking about banging open the doors with our ample bums and boobs, but luckily a sheepish man came in and let us in after we'd all been baking in the sun for about 20 minutes.

In the photo below you can see Becky, looking all sexy in her shades leaning up against the wall. There's Lolly in her graphic print dress and winning red hair. Mel in her cool tie dye with her lovely smile and my be-flowered bonce hogging up the shot. Apologies to the other ladies, I don't know who you are (but please feel free to let me know who they are, someone?) I also met the amazing Lisa (who took the photo below), Steph, Tink, Gemma, and some other lovely ladies whose names I didn't catch. Sorry! There were a couple of ladies I was hoping to meet today who couldn't make it (Sian and Becky) so hopefully I'll get to meet them soon!

Photo courtesy of the babein' Lisa

I felt instantly at ease amongst this group of women, something which didn't even strike me as odd until I sat down to write this post 36 hours later. I was instantly myself - joking around, not afraid of being too loud or too weird. My anxiety didn't come into play at all as it usually would in social situations and much of that is down to the fabulous Rachel for letting me know she was so looking forward to meeting me. Normally I'd have been a bag of nerves on meeting a lot of new people but there wasn't so much of a flutter of an impending panic attack. VICTORY!

Once inside the venue it was all hands on deck - setting up the tables and quickly laying out our wares. I'd brought so much stuff with me (a huge wheelie case packed to the brim!) that by the time I'd laid all mine out the swap was in full flow so I had some catching up to do. I wasn't quite sure of the ettiquette of the swap, but I'm pleased to say it was very refined with no tug of war battles over clothing! I flitted about from table to table, pulling out prints I liked or soft fabrics I'd felt (soft clothing is so important for people with Fibromyalgia) and sizing them up by eye, something I discovered at this swap I'm good at. Periodically I'd take a bunch of clothes back to my bag to unload to ease my cramping arms. After a while when I had filled my bag by about 3/4 someone told me there was cake in the bar area of the venue, so of course (after joking how sterotypical it was of a fat person to love cake!) I went next door to have a nibble on one of Lolly's lovely vegan cupcakes and sat down to chat with some of the other ladies over a Fentimans ginger beer. People came and went, and we all chatted so naturally I even forgot to ask for names of some of the ladies. It was like chatting to people you've known all your life. I also picked up a cool custard cream brooch that Lolly made - photo to follow!

Anyhow, I know some of you will have skipped the text because you want to see the clothes, right?! RIGHT!

This stretchy dress is from Tesco. I love the colour.

This top from M&S is so soft and will be great for wearing around the house.

This dressy top is from Evans and will be great for a night out.

This cardi is from New Look and I love stripes so it's perfect.

This top is from Evans and must've cost a bomb. I can see myself on holiday somewhere hot and exotic in this. (All I need now is the holiday!)

This top (possibly a men's top) is really soft and stretchy and will be great for hanging around at home in or doing yoga in.

Stripes again from Asda this time. Always a winner, even horizontal stripes! Yuss, fat people can wear them! We can wear what we like. Our bodies, our rules. I'll get off my soap box now! ;)

A waterfall cardi from Tesco.

A lovely soft boat neck top. I'm not sure where from, label removed.

This little Bobby dazzler is from Primark, and at size 20 it's a little on the snug side but it was so pretty I had to have it.

This t shirt from Asda is great. I love grey, and who can resist Mickey?

This dotty top is also a little on the 'so tight my boobs will take your eyes out' side, but it's perfectly wearable with a cardi over the top to cover up some of my shirt potatoes' impact.

This top is from 1647, the range Dawn French was involved in. It's a real heavyweight material which will come into its own in winter, I think. I dread to think how much this would've cost new!

After the swap we all did some hanging around in the cafe area and various people went off elsewhere to eat. I waited for Rachel to come back as her hubby Brett had taken my hubby off for some geeky adventures! When we'd finished the fellas came back, helped us ladies help Lolly and some others clear up and then me and Rachel plus menfolk went off to Nandos.

We broke our Nandos cherry! I forgot to take a photo of my food. Bad blogger, and if Instagram gets wind of this they'll ban me. You know it's the LAW to Instagram your food, right?! Anyway, we had a lovely chat and some nice noms in the fully air conditioned upstairs part of Nandos. Did I mention it was baking hot on Saturday? Well, it was el scorchio and I had as much energy as the lettuce in my chicken burger.

James and Brett got on like a house on fire because they're both supreme nerd beings, and they bonded over a love of Game of Thrones and gaming. James is super, super chuffed to have made a new friend. Brett is lovely and so easy to talk to. I'm stoked that Rachel was as lovely in the flesh as online. No, lovelier! In fact everyone I met this weekend was so nice, and I already had high expectations. Everything went so well. If you're nervous of coming to a clothes swap, or meeting other bloggers in general I say cast your fears to the wind, make like Nike and just do it!

Sadly after dinner the heat had all but exterminated our collective mojo, so we went our separate ways to nap, but not until promising to meet again and do actual things together! Brett mentioned Laser Quest and I think James did a bit of a sex wee as he LOVES it. They can nerd out all they like while we shop. Mwoo hahahaHA.

When we got back to the hotel OF COURSE I gave James a fashion parade of all the clothes I'd picked up, and a few times he said 'That makes your boobs look HUGE!' then beckoned me over for a boob-grab, but sadly it was all too much for him and he fell asleep while I was talking to him! :D I can now see that being a model isn't all cocaine and throwing phones at maids, it's actually hard work. My limbs were aching from shirking off so many garments. Soon I joined him in some slumber and by God, did I crash hard! I woke up with a mouth like the bottom of a bird cage, but felt supremely revived.

Things I learned today:

Most people are lovely, even more so than they appear on Twitter/blogs.
TRY THINGS ON. Some of the things I picked up are WAY smaller on the label says should fit me, but they do. Also 'fit' is subjective. Some things I picked up are tight, but I love that. I picked up clothes from size 18 to 28 and they all fit my body! It has given me much more confidence to shop with my hands instead of my eyes. I'll be stretching things out and weighing up fit rather than going on labels in future.
Clothes swaps are bloody awesome! Free clothes? Hell yes.
Lolly's cakes are really good. Yum.

This post is only HALF the clothes I picked up, but I took more with me than I brought back so I don't feel like a clothes hog! The wheelie case was much lighter going back. Yes!!

Come back for part 2 for the other half of the clothes I snagged, part 3 for the accessories/make up, and part 4 for the other things I did in Leeds and some Instagram photos.

Have you been to a clothes swap? How do you feel about previously loved items in general? Something I really want to get into more is charity shopping (thrifting.)

Thanks for reading!

My nail polish collection - white, nude & yellow

2013-06-09T13:00:00.000+01:00

Hiya!

You can see the other posts in this series:

Pinks are here.
Silver/grey, grurple here.
Purples and lilacs here.
Blue and teal here.
Reds here.
Blacks, browns & golds here.

Techic white nail art pen, VIVO Tinkerbell, Color Trend Irridistic, MUA Shade 18, Models Own Jack Frost.

Models Own Snowflakes, elf Twinkle, elf Moonlight, elf Glitter Glam, MUA Shade 10.

Max Factor Mellow Yellow, Sally Hansen Lightening. Poor lonely yellows!

I've bought another yellow since to keep those two company :)

Thanks for peeking!

Flash the flesh OOTD #2

2013-06-08T12:00:00.000+01:00

Hello gorgeous! Yeah, you! :)

It's time to flash the flesh again! This time I thought I'd flash the flesh on my back and shoulders.

When a group of bloggers join together for a chat you know that the final result has to be super!! And so this happened once more when, a few days ago, we were talking about our preferences between mini and maxi and Becky thought that it would be great to create a challenge which goal was to show a little bit more skin and our body (but with style and no vulgarity) showing proudly our curves. And so it was born “Flash the Flesh”.

Click on photos to enlarge.

It sounds ridiculous but I had no idea I looked like that from behind!! I'm a vain bitch and this dress doesn't do me any favours. I'm used to seeing my back broken up with bra straps and it just looks weird without being carved into thirds. I now know halter necks are not for me. THIS is why these challenges are so important - it gives vital perspective, the ability to see oneself through another's eyes (or through a camera lens) and so I can see halter necks make me look like an American football player. Hahaha.

Here's some make up on my faysche.

Dress (my 'tin foil' dress, hehe!) now-defunct plus size retailer R-Peal
Shoes, Very
Lipstick, Loved Up by Sleek MakeUP

Have you learned anything about which clothes suit you from looking at photos of yourself?

Check out the other lovely flashers:

Anne www.braidsandblouses.com

Becky: http://www.doesmyblogmakemelookfat.com

Becky: http://www.mrsbebeblog.com

Beth - http://www.tinkerbellandthelostgirls.blogspot.co.uk

Charley http://biggirlabouttown.blogspot.co.uk/

Christiana - http://www.lifeofouk.blogspot.co.uk/

Emma: http://www.plussizemillard.blogspot.com

Gail: http://www.gailygumdrops.blogspot.ie

Gemma http://www.pinkgemmaplus.blogspot.co.uk/

Jocelyn http://fatfashionablefeminist.wordpress.com

Kaye - http://polishedcurves.wordpress.com/

Kayley - http://phatfashionandbeauty.blogspot.co.uk/

Kim - http://www.callmekim.net/

Laura http://pinkiecubitt.wordpress.com/

Lindsey http://linzerellofatshion.blogspot.co.uk/

Lisa http://www.lisaphilbin.co.uk/

Lolly - http://lollylikesfatshion.blogspot.co.uk

Mary - http://www.marysbigcloset.com

Natalie - www.awheelbarrowfullofstyle.blogspot.com

Nikki - http://nattynikki.blogspot.co.uk/

Rachel - http://www.adressisforlife.com

Sian http://sortlifeoutbuymilk.blogspot.co.uk/

Steph http://seeingsp0ts.blogspot.co.uk/

Vicky - http://www.thecurvedopinion.com/

Thanks for reading!

Magnificent 7th Maxi OOTD

2013-06-07T18:00:00.000+01:00

Hiya lovelies!

I hope you're enjoying the sunshine.

We will be posting on the 7th of each month, and the aim of the challenge is to create an outfit to fit the theme, using clothes from our wardrobes, and yes that does mean digging deep into the depths and finding those long lost clothes! Hopefully one of us won’t end up in Narnia, but you never know with a bloggers wardrobe!

This challenge is the maxi dress, so I dusted off this beauty from Yours Clothing, which I bought a few years ago. It's a gorgeous dress. I don't wear it much because it's too long and it's also quite poorly made so it's coming apart in a few places. I need a seamstress. (Cough - I have a sewing machine - I just need to learn how to use it!)

Click on photos to see larger images.

Dress, Yours
Shoes, Simply Be (past season)
Hair flower, Curious Cat Vintage
Lipstick, Tangerine Scream by Sleek MakeUP

Check out the other magnificent ladies:

Beth	tinkerbellandthelostgirls.blogspot.co.uk
Kaye	http://polishedcurves.wordpress.com/
Becky	http://www.doesmyblogmakemelookfat.com/
Nicola	http://www.nicolarelph.blogspot.co.uk/
Gail	http://gailygumdrops.blogspot.co.uk/
Kirsty	http://www.hellokirsty.blogspot.co.uk/
Mary	http://marysbigcloset.blogspot.pt/
Kathryn	http://misskathrynsmisstakes.blogspot.co.uk/
Steph	http://seeingsp0ts.blogspot.co.uk/
Charley	http://www.biggirlabouttown.blogspot.co.uk/
Rebecca	http://sullen-hearts.blogspot.co.uk/
Leah	http://www.justmeleah.blogspot.co.uk
Lindsey	http://linzerellofatshion.blogspot.co.uk/
Vicky	thecurvedopinion.com
Nikki	http://nattynikki.blogspot.co.uk/
Christiana	http://www.lifeofouk.blogspot.co.uk/

Do you like maxis or shorter dresses?

Thanks for reading!

New Sleek True Colour lipsticks swatched

2013-06-06T18:00:00.000+01:00

Hello all!

This week is Sleek Week on my blog.

Monday was the Lip4 lipstick palette in Mardi Gras.
Tuesday was the i-Divine eyeshadow palette Ultra Matte v2 Darks.
Wednesday was the Acid eyeshadow palette

Today I have 4 of the newest Sleek lipstick colours to show you. My friend Lisa very kindly bought me these for my birthday.

The colours are:
Russian Roulette - a deep brickish red
Exxxaggerate - a purple with almost invisible silver glitter
Loved Up - a true hot pink
Tangerine Scream - an in your face orange

Formula wise, all of them except Exxxaggerate are really smooth and gorgeous. The formula for Exxxaggerate is a tiny bit draggy and hard to reach opacity with. This echoes the purple in the Lip4 I reviewed on Monday. I have about 8 lipsticks from Sleek now and I really rate them. They're super pigmented, not drying and last quite a long time. My stand out shade amongst these four are Russian Roulette and Tangerine Scream, which is unbelievably loud in the flesh! Expect some looks coming up soon with these on my face!

These lipsticks are £4.99 each from the Sleek MakeUP website and Superdrug stores.

Have you ever tried a lipstick by Sleek? Do any of these take your fancy?

Thanks for reading!

Button swap and GFC reminder

2013-06-06T13:00:00.000+01:00

Hello sweethearts!

Thanks for your lovely comments on my 'Blogger Doubts' post yesterday. I didn't write it to receive positive affirmation, but nevertheless I'm very happy that's what I got. It helped to know other people have the same kinds of doubts.

I know many of you have blog buttons to advertise your blog on other blogger's pages, and I have some too. They live under my header, in a tab niftily titled 'my blog buttons' or just click here. There are two designs in three sizes to suit all kinds of sidebar widths, and if you'd like to use mine I'll happily put your button on my blog. Just let me know you've used it and where I can find yours and we can swap.

Also, it's less than a month now until Google Friend Connect goes to the big graveyard in the sky, so I'd love it if you could follow my blog on Bloglovin' so you don't miss out on any of my future posts, and so I won't miss any of yours (I follow back.) Just click on the button below to follow me.

Or else you can sign up via email - there's a link in my sidebar - or like my Facebook page here.

Thanks for reading!

OMCZ #8 - OOTD

2013-06-05T19:25:00.003+01:00

Hiya all!

Well, someone forgot today was an outfit post challenge day - oops! My bad!

This challenge was originally created by Rachel from Happyness Magnet, who's taking a break for a while so Steph has taken over the reins.

Nicole picked the challenge this time, and she picked shorts. The only pair of shorts I have are uber short booty shorts for hanging around the house in, and I'm not willing to put you through that sight just yet so I improvised.

Click photos for larger images.

I'm wearing a pale orange embroidered hoodie from Evans, which I bought in 2007 for our holiday to Cyprus. The top is from Etam, and is around 10 years old! The harem pants are from Simply Be and are a few years old. I hitched the legs up to make them more like shorts. They're a very comfortable jersey material with large pockets.

We've had a couple of new ladies join the challenge, so our full list of OMCZ babes now is this:

I can't wait to see how they styled their shorts. Do you rock shorts?

Thanks for reading!

Sleek Acid eyeshadow palette swatches, review & EOTD

2013-06-05T18:00:00.001+01:00

Hiya lovelies,

This week is Sleek MakeUP week on the blog as I collate 2 Sleek orders I've made and also a birthday gift from a friend and bring you swatches and reviews.

Lip4 lipstick palette in Mardi Gras.
i-Divine eyeshadow palette Ultra Matte v2 Darks.

Today I have the Sleek MakeUP Acid i-Divine eyeshadow palette to show you.

Please click on photos to see larger images.

The Acid palette is a couple of years old so has no shade names and the familiar old 'waffle' stamped in each pan.

The stand out shades for me are the 4 neons in the centre of the palette - the neon yellow, orange, pink and green, although the blues and grey are pretty lush too.

I was impressed with just how loud these shades are. They are actually a little brighter than they appear here as due to the hour of day, I had to use flash and it's subdued the brightness somewhat. Hubby said I looked like a funky peacock with this make up look. I used neon pink, green and yellow, and white just under my brows. The white is a little weedy but the other shades I used apply easily and blend well. This is a look I love and will be sure to repeat. Neons are SO right now so I'm really happy to be able to reflect that in my make up. I'm surprised just how wearable these shades are. It's another winner for me!

Do you like neons? Have you tried neon make up?

Thanks for reading!

Blogger doubts

2013-06-05T13:00:00.000+01:00

Hi.

It's not you, it's me.

Have you ever felt like you were too much? I have, from a very young age, and sometimes that feeling comes back to haunt me.

I grew up fat, dirt poor, brainy and loud - not a great combination for a child. I often got reminded I was too much, and sometimes I feel like that's the case today. Sometimes you just can't cast off those childhood demons. I often feel like a square peg in a round hole.

Source

I've carved this little place in the internet for me and for you, my readers. Over the past 4 years I've worked out I don't want to be in a niche or to be labelled. I want to blog about my life and all the facets of it - be that with my plus size fashion blogger head on, my beauty obsessive head on, my illness warrior head on or just showing you some snippets from my life.

I'm know I'm not a popular blogger, and sometimes I wonder about it. Is it because I swear for emphasis? Is it because I'm at the upper end of the fat blogger scale? Is it because I'm frank about my mental and physical health? Because ill health is not sexy or marketable, is it? I feel like if I were to expunge every hint and mention of mental and physical health from this blog I'd be more popular, but I'd hate myself. Is it because my blog is shit?!?! Is it because I don't find it natural or comfortable to constantly self-publicise all over the net? (I'm trying, God knows I am but it feels so wrong!) It doesn't come naturally to me to be all jazz hands and fanfare about myself. I don't shit tinsel or anything, I'm a woman trying to make her way in the world and figure it out, just the same as anyone else. Maybe that's it? I don't pretend to be happy all the time. I'm not all glitter, puppies and rainbows. Sometimes I'm so happy I could cry tears of joy and other times I feel as if I'm at the bottom of the Mariana trench and I will share it all. I'm real, and sometimes real is ugly.

I suppose it's natural to have doubts, to feel like you don't belong. I always try to be honest with you and honestly, this is how I feel now. Often writing about things helps me process them and I hope this is the case here, too.

Do you ever feel wrong or too much?
Is it natural, healthy even, to have self doubts?

Thanks for reading and I promise something far more cheerful will be up later.

Sleek Ultra Mattes v2 eyeshadow palette swatches, review & FOTD

2013-06-04T14:29:00.000+01:00

Hiya loves!

This week on the blog I'm swatching/reviewing a different Sleek MakeUP item on the blog each day.

Yesterday I posted about the Lip4 lipstick palette in Mardi Gras. Today it's the long-windedly named i-Divine Ultra Mattes V2 Darks palette.

It comes in a sturdy black case with a mirror and a frankly useless applicator, so I hope you've got some good eye brushes! ;) I use Real Techniques brushes.

Click on all photos to see larger images.

Ready for some swatches? Good, coming up!

Orbit, Ink, Highness, Noir
Dune, Pillowtalk, Thunder, Maple
Flesh, Paperbag, Villan (sic), Fern

Here's a look I did with this palette using Pillowtalk (highlight), Villan (sic - blended up and out towards brow), Ink (lower eyelid) and Fern (all over lid.)

So, what's the skinny on these mattes? Let it be said, I'm not an expert on mattes. Glitter is in my DNA. However, some of these mattes are surprisingly blendable and easy to use. There may not be the same initial punch of colour you get from a glittery or satin finish, but given a little bit of work and patience you can still achieve a vibrant and well blended look. Am I now a fan of mattes? Hell yeah! I look forward to making some more looks with this palette. Colour me impressed (pardon the pun!)

i-Divine palettes are £7.99 each from the Sleek MakeUP website and Superdrug stores (although if my experience is anything to go by, Sleek stands in Superdrug are always low on stock and badly maintained, so buying online is my preference.)

I'm a massive fan of Sleek MakeUP (yes the 'up' has to be in capitals) because they don't just do colours for fair skinned fillies, but for darker skinned lovelies, too. In fact they have swatches on the site with light, medium and dark skintones for most items and it pleases me to know Sleek are more inclusive than a lot of bargain make up companies I could mention.

Have you got any Sleek eyeshadow palettes? I think I have 5 or 6 now and alongside my MUA palettes, they're my favourite and most reached for palettes.

Thanks for reading!