With all the talk about Facebook’s $100 billion valuation, I really started to wonder to myself: what in the name of all that is sacred would should Mark Zuckerberg do with that kind of money? I thought long and hard about this, and I really worry for good old ‘Zuck regarding the task ahead of him. I mean, you don’t want him to go blow cash on just any old accessory and / country, so I compiled a little buyers guide for Mark, just to help him with three choices he might run into.

The Gulfstream G650

Image credit and data from: Gulfstream

With a top speed of Mach 0.925 MMO (Maximum Operating Mach Number); this jet is most definitely NOT screwing around when it comes to speed. I’d like to see your dinky little Ferrari try to go fast enough to tear a hole in the sound barrier. Not only that, the gas mileage isn’t too bad either, I guess. This bad boy has a 7,000 nautical mile operating range. To wrap your head around this, that distance will fly you from Seoul, South Korea to Boston, MA on one tank of gas.

If that didn’t get you high enough of those stats, there is a 51,000-foot ceiling on this pressurized bad boy.

Estimated cost: $58 million (gas not included)

Should Mark buy it? You bet. That’s easy money for you buddy. Ann-yeong-ha-se-yo!

Mukesh Ambani’s House

Image credit and data from: Forbes

Ok, I’m going to go the other direction with this one. Look through the picture gallery here and you might find some classical styling that appeals to the finer senses and references back to lavish dreams that even Rockefeller had a tough time grasping. When I look at this place, I’m not impressed. I mean, come on Zuckerberg, the place is half-crooked and is completely inconsistent as each floor has its own unique materials and design. The “Antilla” as it is called by the family isn’t built yet; so that’s a bummer. That and this Mukesh Ambani plans on the living in the place once it’s complete, so you better get your dropout Harvard boys and get pretty drunk to kick him out.

On the better side, it does have some sweet bathrooms for throwing crazy parties with all your FB friends. Also, you can call watch that one movie about “the social network” (can’t remember which one) in the internal movie theater with a bunch of your friends. Snack bar aside, I think you can do better.

Estimated cost: $2 billion (plus popcorn)

Should Mark buy it? Hell no. Just buy Shaq’s place.

A (That’s the name: “A”)

Image credit and data from: Financial Jesus

This is by far the coolest boat to buy with your gigantic pile of cash Mr. Z. Hell, this boat is so cool that you don’t even have to mess around with consonants. Now, some super rich billionaire Andrey Melnichenko already owns the thing, but I’m sure he’d be cool with you buying it from him (being fellow billionaires and all). At 394 feet, it’s long enough to get some serious attention down at the docks. Moreover, with three on-board pools, it’s about as over the top as you would need to get (you don’t want to look like too much of a show-off, remember).

Worried about your privacy settings (get it?), well then check out the secret “nookie room” buried in some closet in the hall. I’d show you were it’s at, but I can’t find it. See what I mean, secret! One guestroom has white stingray wall covering, so that ought to keep the noise down and not wake up your roommates. Fingerprint security on the master suite is one-step above the “sock-on-door” method we all know is prone to “security breaches.”

Estimated cost: $350 million (clothing optional)

Should Mark buy it? Buy, buy, buy. Go get em’ tiger.

Other Options

Those are three decisions to help Mark Zuckerberg spend his money in an effective way once the cash starts rolling in. If he really wanted to be an a-hole about things and blow $100 billion on peanut M&Ms, he could net himself about 9.1 million tons of the delicious gems (that would be enough for the population of the world in 2050 to have two pounds of the stuff, each). Yes, I did just do that math.

So, what would YOU do with that kind of coin?

Hey there, buddy.

Sounds like you had a rough day today. That Speakman account didn’t close and the boss is on your butt for being short for the month. What does he know; he’s not here in the trenches, right? Well, you have three days left in the month, so you can totally pull through on this one. Let’s do this! Ugh…

Does this sound like a story you told yourself recently?

As a salesperson, I know this story to the letter, and I have told it to myself more often than I want to admit. “It doesn’t have to be like this” the sales experts and consultants say. Yet, I feel the traditional sales slump is a VERY important part of the life and health of a salesperson.

Let’s talk about the lows:

When being in sales sucks, well, it sucks, hard. Everything and everyone is working against you. Your manager is badgering you to bring in deals while the whole month he sat on his butt “managing” the “process” to “promote synergies.” Good deal of help he gave you. That’s just the start…

Prospects start to smell the fear of a missed quota and the desperation of closing hard. It’s as obvious as a high school kid trying to close on senior prom. She knows you’re out of options dude; you’re not winning this one. That and you’ve lost all sense of respect and dignity by throwing every discount you have available on the table. You forgot your basic sales skills, so you have no idea whether or not this account is going to close. It gets worse…

Prospecting and activity go right down the chute because you don’t give a sh*t anymore because this month is screwed. F**k it, we’re done here. You’re going home and checking out until quota resets. The mortgage is going on a credit card this month, and you’re going to the bar because you didn’t hit your number and this whole situation is so terrible that you don’t even want to be here.

To anyone who is not in sales, this is the “slump.” Think of chewing on nails while playing the oboe at Carnegie hall in front of thousands of people. It’s awkward as all hell, physically / mentally painful and degrading.

Let’s talk about the highs:

Next to getting married and having your child(ren), being on a sales high is the most amazing feeling you will ever have. Crushing your quota feels like being Emperor Caesar, running Rome with true power and zeal. You control every sales call, know your prospects’ objections before they can even say them. Deals close on a whim because you have so much confidence in what you sell and why you sell it. People trust you because you speak the truth as if a prophet and have the momentum that THEY want to be part of. WHOA. What a rush.

To anyone who is not in sales, this is why we sell. Imagine flying a unicorn into the sunset surrounded by supermodels throwing painfully large stacks of $100 bills at your face. Bruises are optional but inevitable.

What does it all mean?

Guess what, kiddo? You, as a human being that loves to sell, will experience BOTH. Not just the highs, but you will also experience the lows. If you’re in a normal job like the rest of us, then you will actually get equal portions of both. Some days will rock so hard that Jimi Hendrix will grind away guitar solos as if he’s on a caffeine drip from beyond the grave. Some days, things will suck so hard that the guy from the Dyson commercials will buy your suckiness off you for his next vacuum. It’s OK. It’s NORMAL. Moreover, it should be EXPECTED.

What you can do:

I don’t suggest anything that could possibly do long term damage to your career or personal life, but there are some ways to “flush out” the slump.

1. Get the hell out of the office:

Had enough? Can’t push anymore? Have you reached a point where you really, honestly cannot give another flying f**k what anyone says? Get out of the office, fast. You’re poison to the rest of the team and yourself. Tell your manager that. In addition, truly mean that. It’s almost like we, as salespeople deserve an extra “sick-day” for this. If your manger can’t handle giving you an afternoon to blow off steam, then reconsider jobs.

Now, you had better get out of the office, cancel all appointments and focus your energy that afternoon on ridding yourself of all the negative energy that you are carrying. If you take a day to “clear the emotional pores” and you come back not ready to dance, you just wasted everyone’s time and confidence. Get away, breathe and don’t half-relax.

2. Rally the troops:

Many sales people rely on themselves to do many of the tasks they need to hit their quota. Sometimes during a slump, even scheduling an appointment for next month is completely overwhelming and depressing. Now, my friend, may be a time to rely on your colleagues (and everyone else you can sucker into a simple task). Your peers want you to win and hit your quota. Especially immediately after they hit their own quota. If they don’t want to help, slash their tires (NO DON’T, I was kidding).

Ask your closest sales colleagues (NOT your family, this is a VERY bad mistake) to help you with the basic tasks. Ask them to do you a favor, confirm an appointment or two and set up just one appointment for you. You’re in a slump, and they will be there in the future. It is a great feeling that you have a “get out of slump free card.” Many, if not all, of your fellow sales reps (whom are at quota) will help you to get one of these cards for when they too are in a slump.

3. Get real:

Nobody has ever been fired for missing his or her quota. Right?

HA! We’re all fighting for survival as reps and we all know we’re going to get fired someday. It’s super cutthroat and the profession is designed to churn people through and keep only the best. Now that we’ve been morbid about the facts, let’s look at reality in a different light.

You, by nature of being a salesperson, sold something to someone.

A very small percentage of the world can claim that fact. You will sell more things to more people. In a few years, those “things” won’t matter and those “people” will be a long list of names that bought your stuff. They won’t remember why (or maybe what) they bought, and neither will you. However, for some reason, they needed it so badly after speaking with you that they signed that purchase order on the spot and you closed the deal. You solved a problem: for your company, yourself and your prospect. Your work paid the wages of the CEO, the engineers, the marketers, the IT person and everyone else under the roof that they call an “office.”

Every company builds itself up on the shoulders of its sales people. You know this, as does everyone else in the company, so say to yourself, “Slump be damned, I’m going to lift up this company on MY own shoulders! I WILL close this deal. I WILL pick up the phone. I WILL not give up, roll over and die.” If you don’t bring home the bacon, nobody will. Get out there and be a provider, for yourself and the company.

Now, what were you saying about a slump…?

Sales strategies… the Agent Smecker way.

Just who is Paul Smecker? He’s one of those top sales performers that jumps across the country, giving seminars to jam-packed banquet halls.

Paul Smecker, played by Willem Dafoe, is a FBI agent in the movie The Boondock Saints. If you haven’t seen the movie, please stop reading because this blog post will make no sense whatsoever. Aside from being a killer movie, it also teaches some valuable lessons about sales strategies that you’ll need to survive as a rep.

Understand your umm… “target.” Do your homework.

If you want to achieve killer sales, you have to understand who your customer is. What motivates them? What do they need? What are their tastes? Where do they live? Do they have a home alarm? (Ok, maybe the last two points may be a bit much)

Study your target audience, in depth, to the point that you are driven by the pursuit of your prospect sale or your product. It’s not about you anymore; it’s your customer’s needs.

Smecker knew his target. He clearly understood what would get him (literally) past the front door. When he pulled on pantyhose, slithered into a dress and yanked a lovely wig into place, it was because he was sure when it came to what his target’s preferences were. It was one hell of an unorthodox prospecting process, but I’m not going to knock the effectiveness. As a law enforcement agent, he didn’t stand a chance of gaining access to a mafia member. As an alluring “woman,” he did.

However, he utilized one of the most crucial sales strategies around: he did his homework and found out what his target’s preferences were. That’s what “sold” him to the gatekeeper and got him in the door.

Devise a plan of attack.

People who can anticipate a customer’s concerns can head off the questions before they surface; this is one of those priceless sales strategies. Knowing what your customers want from your product or service will help you mold your pitch to suit their needs.

Data might come from phone surveys, face-to-face contact or online questionnaires. Wherever the information comes from, study it. That data is crucial to how you create your sales pitch.

Execute your plan. Follow the steps you planned out, but always be prepared for the curve ball.

During The Boondock Saints, Murphy is chained to a toilet while Connor is taken downstairs and outside by our friendly neighborhood assassins.

In the alley, the thugs were overconfident. The only thing they had on their minds was the hit that was about to happen. They weren’t prepared for the unexpected, which came in the form of the toilet dropped onto their head.

Although it’s critical that you carry out your plan, and although – thankfully – you’ll never have to keep an eye out for fifty pounds of porcelain plummeting towards you, you do need to be prepared for the occasional obstacle. Anticipating the possible “what ifs” is one of the sales strategies that will keep you prepared and proactive.

Slay the competition.

If you know your customer so well, it’s almost as if you are them… if you devise a plan yet keep an eye out for the occasional curve ball, you’ll win over your customer. And, you’ll leave your competition in the dust…

Nothing is more frustrating to a salesperson than being shut down by a company’s gatekeeper. “They’re not in.” “They’re in a meeting.” “We aren’t interested.” “I will forward you to their voicemail.” All of these responses are in the way of us reaching our end destination – our targeted prospect! Yet, if you modify your strategy slightly, you may just slip by the gatekeeper more often, increasing your bottom line sales figures each and every month.

1. Gatekeepers are your Roadblock

The one thing standing between you and a potential sale is the gatekeeper. Treating these professionals with respect, involving them in your process and asking for help can enable your call to be processed. Use your sales arsenal to get passed the block. Tell a joke. Talk about something trivial such as the weather. Ask questions about the company’s most recent press or news release. Use your given sales skills to get the gatekeeper onto your side.

2. The Law of Reciprocity is in Effect

The sales concept of ‘Give to Get’ certainly applies when trying to get past the gatekeeper. When you treat people with respect, it is often given back in return. Keep in mind that most gatekeepers are inundated with daily calls from salespeople trying to reach someone in their office. It is their job to screen. However, some salespeople seem to get through this notorious roadblock more often than others. The key – act courteous toward the gatekeeper… they just might let you through.

3. Gatekeepers can Become your Advocate

The role of the gatekeeper isn’t to shut you down. In fact, many organizations task these professionals as their filter; their role is to decipher which callers offer potential value to the executive and/or the organization. Asking questions, particularly about their pain points, can help you modify your sales pitch for the next time that you call. When you effectively involve the gatekeeper, they can become your advocate. They can personally make introductions. They can provide insight into how to best engage given professionals. And, they can act as a strategic sounding board for your ideas and concepts as you work through the sales process.

Calling gatekeepers using purpose and strategy will improve your success rate of reaching your intended audience. Being nice to the professionals on the other end of the line will dramatically impact your sales results, regardless of the industry or business you are working within.

Photo Credit: -Tripp-

Do your emails end up your prospects’ junk mail? Do receptionists put you on “terminal” hold (you know, the hold music that is never going to stop)? Do clients run for the conference room when you walk in? You might be selling without listening. As salespeople, we’re asking prospects to give away their most precious commodity — time. Wasting it is unforgivable.

Four easily avoided mistakes that make prospects hate you

1. Don’t do your homework about their business.
   Imagine interviewing for a sweet new job. How much time will you spend researching the company before the interview? As with a job interview, research matters. 

   In fact, your demo IS a job interview. Treat it like one. Industry profiles, LinkedIn, company web pages, and even consumer review sites can help you understand what you can do for your prospective client… before you even show up at the door.

2. Assume they don’t know their own business’s needs.Every company has a history. If anyone knows what’s been tried and how it performed, your future client knows the best. Listen to him or her. Most business owners know what’s hot and what’s not in their particular industry. Ignore their insight at your peril. If this sounds a lot like that old saying “The customer is always right,” then that’s no coincidence.

   Closing the sale means finding the one need you can fill right now. (Urgency, baby, URGENCY!) Once you have a better understanding of their needs, then you can work on expanding it to include your core competency.

3. Throw up product features, especially features they don’t need.You know the drill: The prospect wants a swing hung from the tree out back for their kid. The salesperson wants to sell a chrome-plated play yard with built-in water features and a freakin’ ball-pit (now THAT’S a playground).

   The prospect says, “I love that chrome-plated look but I have only one child and she’s allergic to chlorine.” Do you spend another fifteen minutes up-selling a $4000 oxidation system for the built-in pool feature? Or do you sell the swing the prospect wants?

   A feature the prospect can’t use may as well be a bug. Your job as a salesperson is to guide your prospect to the features that will make a difference to the bottom line — theirs, not yours.

4. Interrupt them while they’re working.
   It bears repeating: the prospect’s time is money. Interrupting a work period, a conference or (God forbid) a drink with a client is a guaranteed deal-breaker.

Now we know what NOT to do, here is was you SHOULD do.

• Do your homework. Know out of the gate which products and services are likely to be a fit.
• Do listen — really listen — to your prospect’s insights. Be ready to craft a proposal that won’t end up in the “been-there-done-that” file.
• Do focus on just the bells your future client needs and skip the whistles he doesn’t. Show how the feature will serve your prospect — specifically.
• Do engage your prospect on the prospect’s watch. Let him review your proposal without interruption. If there are questions, you should have set a follow-up call on your first appointment.

Have a bad habit that ticks you off about sales people? Let em’ have it in the comments below

Image Credit Philippe Put

It seems a bit unfair – a beacon of light tends to focus on Facebook and Twitter as an effective marketing tool, leaving LinkedIn in the dark. While most users look to LinkedIn as just a contact management tool, when used properly, it can operate as a sales prospecting tool for your business.

Ask for Referrals

When was the last time that you reached out to your 1^st line network on LinkedIn to ask for referrals or introductions? What should be second nature is often overlooked. Your network is your most powerful sales prospecting tool. Begin by reaching out to your primary network, ten at a time, updating them on changes in your personal and professional life, closing with asking for an introduction. You can ask for a general introduction, or you can take a more targeted approach, asking for a personal introduction to an ideal prospect within your friend or network contact’s LinkedIn profile.

LinkedIn – Get the Basics Covered

As you begin to attract attention to your LinkedIn profile, it is critical that it contains updated information as well as business testimonials. Think about your profile as a big business card. It’s one of the first places potential prospects will look when referred by another LinkedIn member. Update your background, company information, accomplishments and be sure to include positive client/customer testimonials on your page. Once your static information has been updated, be sure to be your own best PR professional and post regular updates when your business achieves milestones, notable press mention or accomplishments to attract not only the attention of your network, but the LinkedIn membership as a whole.

Participate in Group Discussions

Target and join groups that contain a sizable population of your ideal prospects. Participate in discussions, leaving comments, answers and external links where possible to become a trusted resource. While this takes time, it produces interested qualified prospects for your business. You can also start discussions… anytime that you have the opportunity to stand out amongst your peers, take it. However, keep in mind not to post in a promotional manner or capacity, as nothing turns off potential prospects quicker than the perception that you are only a member of the group to sell something.

There is no time better than the present to begin utilizing your LinkedIn profile as a sales prospecting tool. As you begin to become familiar with the platform, you can perfect your technique, allowing you to generate regular, qualified sales prospects for your own pipeline.

Photo Credit: Dave Gray

In keeping with my New Year’s resolution to become a more consistent blogger: I have this lovely post where I take the bus off a cliff and somehow land it safely. Goggles and safety gear are recommended.

So, your blog stalled because you ran out of ideas or simply stopped posting. It’s OK! Your community will support you through the whole thing. Right? Well, not really. Just take a look at what happened to Homestar Runner when they stopped kicking out content: Oh dear, that can’t be good…

I love that site, and for all the appreciation that I have for the Brothers Chapps, I still pulled them from my RSS reader because they missed the mark when it comes to fresh content. Key takeaway here is: do NOT stop producing content. So, what can you, a blogger / business owner / local band, do when you run out of content? Don’t fret; I think I have a really bad idea that just might work.

Step 1: Keep everyone calm

If you learned anything from Speed, then you know to CHILL OUT. EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY. Make sure to scream it too if your caps lock button is broken. Keanu Reeves haircut is optional, but you can’t let the panic show. Keep things on track and assume that you know what you’re doing. Mundane content is okay for a few posts, as you really need to make sure everyone is in a lull. In short, dull leadership and malaise confidence is the key to keeping everyone from bailing out for just a week or two, but don’t push it beyond that.

Step 2: Take the turn suddenly

Have you ever taken a bus in Boston? Yea, one of those busses that goes through Somerville. You wish you had seatbelts. Then think of how relieved you were once the ride was over. It was like a nice little rollercoaster through the city. Do that to your subscribership. They won’t know what hit them. Insane, off-topic content and random tips from other industries help to keep everyone in motion. Have an automotive manufacturing blog? Well, kick out some awesome posts about the spot price of Beanie Babies. The key here is to keep everyone guessing. “Did his account get hacked?” and “Is that guy / gal OK?” are all positive responses. Great examples are The Onion and The Daily Show for satire points. Even HubSpot TV had a great red herring to throw off the mix of Inbound Marketing themes.

Step 3: Panic

Now, at this point, you are kicking out content that even your most die-hard subscribers are having a hard time grasping. If Charlie Sheen can pull off madness and make it fashionable, you can too. The key here is to create content that goes so far off the rails that people think you are brilliant for your commentary. Over-utilize cliché phrases and while you’re at it, create your own hash tag on twitter. Your subscribers will be so dazed that they will “catch on” to your message, if even only to try to sort out the inconsistencies.

Step 4: Act like it never happened

“The mark of brilliance is forgetfulness” this one guy told me, yet I don’t remember his name. Now that everyone thinks you flew the coop, get right back on track. Straight up industry news, great tips, contests and competitions are the ticket to show everyone that nothing out of the ordinary ever occurred. This is the sign of normalcy that brings your core audience back to your message, because it’s familiar. They were scared, confused and a little bit drunk during your “left hand turn” but now they are back on track. They missed you, and because you are back, everything is okay. Expect a little too much attention from your closest followers.

The net result from a blog off-road experience should be a pruned, yet loyal following who enjoyed the ride, got the inside jokes and love your message even more. Well, you threw a few people from the bus during the turn, but now you’ve got the band back together and it’s time to rock out.

(You should note this technique may not work for business blogs, boring industries, children over 65 years old and people who use left handed hammers. You millage may vary, and happy belated April Fools Day)

Recently at @HubSpot, we have been switching employee roles in the off hours. Our sales people are developing in PHP, and our developers are, slowly, getting closer to the phones to talk directly to unsold prospects. It is an enlightening moment for all of us; but as one big corporate family, we are making it through. As I work toward the publication of the first e-book I have ever worked on, I look directly at the work that the marketers I work with every day complete.

HubSpot Marketers Rock. Yes, Jeanne, I said that on my own blog under my own power and free will, and I stand by it.

The amount of work they put into creating content is unparalleled, and I thought to myself how much the effectiveness of a sales team relates to the effectiveness of the marketing team. The short answer in my opinion is: everything. Without leads, a sales team can only resort to hitting the phones. I know some of you love cold calling, but for the rest of us with a pulse, the sound of a click and a dial tone is a painful experience. So to close the most deals and bring home the most bacon, we need to play nice together and generate hot leads.

For those of you getting leads generated through your marketing team: stop complaining about the leads. Get in there and generate some yourself if you really can’t stand them (and I have a few friends that do just that). For those of you in sales who got paired with the “arts and crafts” marketing departments, good luck with the phone book. (just kidding, Inbound Marketing can help)

So why the big praise to marketing? Well, because it is hard. Editing a word document to tweak the content so that it can generate leads is like detail painting an atomic bomb. There are no “trial closes” or “negotiation sequences.” If the content flops and gets no traction, you are now officially the company target for everything that could, and will, go wrong (read: screwed). Now with that said, any responsible marketing team should hold themselves to their actions without the help of a cadre of pitchfork wielding salespeople. But for those sales folk that have it good enough to get leads sent to you, show your marketing team some love.

So, why the “bold” title of this blog post? Well, first, I thought you would click on it; because today I asked my friendly neighborhood marketer how to get sales people to click on a blog post, and it worked. Do you understand enough about marketing to be effective at sales?

Join me (a “certified” webinar historian) on a journey with Jeff Bistro, a true webinar legend.

Oh no he didn’t!

Well, actually, I did. A few weeks back I helped out the HubSpot crew with their HubSpot Original Videos and threw down with Julie Devaney (@jalicedev) for a video depicting the burgeoning underground office rap scene. Check it out and let me know what you think in the comments: