[K2P1, K4P1] repeat until next change...

Hey look!! I'm knitting!

2012-01-05T23:48:00.001-05:00

Working on my breaking hearts sock. Need to finish it before Tuesday so I can take it to work with me. I get to show it to the education coordinator so I can find out about teaching. Whee!
I get to spend my weekend knitting and pulling my stuff together. Even Mike is encouraging me in his own way. Not a bad time.
And yes, I took these pics at the bowling alley. It's a smoke free pet free environment.

Domestic

2012-01-04T22:30:00.001-05:00

Stitched up hole pup chewed in sofa cushion (albeit roughly) and hole in coat pocket. Won't win any awards but they're functional. Should work on his jeans pockets next. That would surprise the hell out of him.

Gonna knit more to. Working on siren sleeves two at once. And a sock. And shawlette that's nearly finished. Get stuff to take to work on Tuesday to show education coordinator so I can get approved to teach. Would so love that.

Tomorrow, tomorrow ...

2012-01-03T23:38:00.001-05:00

Orientation in the morning. It's not the biggest deal, but enough to make me jittery. Hope I can sleep tonight. No real clue what to expect at this point.

Wish me luck, or something.

And stop asking if I get a discount.

Ob-la-di ob-la-da Life Goes On...

2012-01-02T21:36:00.001-05:00

Had today off... disorienting, at best. Tomorrow kids go back to school and I get myself pulled back together. On Wednesday I start my new job - orientation. I'm excited. Still figuring out my head, but still have more clarity than I've had in years.

My cell phone - a loverly Samsung Google Nexus S - died today. Puppies were playing and knocked my coffee over onto it. Ugh. So it is sitting in rice now. We shall see if it starts tomorrow. I hope it does. I like that phone. Although my beloved actually *cheered* when he heard that it wasn't working. It's okay though - it's just a phone.

We have snow. Winter is finally here as it should be. And for that I'm grateful. I like winter.

So one day ends and the next is about to begin, and life continues marching along. And I'm marching along with it.

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful...

2011-12-31T19:56:00.000-05:00

In the last two weeks my life has flip-flopped yet again. Normally I'd panic. Okay, so I did panic, briefly. But then I got over that. And you know what? I feel better than ever about myself.

For the first time in a long time, things make sense. When things make sense, I'm able to focus on what's important. Even better - I figured out what's really important to me.

I'm setting goals and re-evaluating where I am in life, where I want to be, and what I need to get there. I'm gonna do it.

I've already lost almost 8lbs in two weeks. My stress levels are down. Energy is up.

I start a new job on Wednesday. I'm going to be on my feet again, moving while I work. Which means I'm more likely to stay fit. AND the new job is in a field I adore - crafts. I'm working for Joann Fabrics' new store, doing the setup and (hopefully) continuing when the store opens in February. So it's retail plus craft stuff. Woot!

I'm hoping it all works out. I have some big time goals and dreams this year. They will come true. It's amazing what a confidence boost can do for you. And this time, it's coming from within.

Migraine issues

2011-11-14T10:56:00.001-05:00

Migraine headaches really and truly suck. Just saying.

Hi.

2011-11-13T23:01:00.001-05:00

How are you?

I had a dream...

2011-09-13T20:29:00.001-04:00

Lush Cosmetics has a contest going now, and I entered. You have to post your dreams. I like what I came up with, so I thought I'd post it here.

"I dream of a time when I have all my children together again, when past wrongs are made right. I dream of a day when schools have everything they need - when teachers can concern themselves with educating instead of politics.

I dream that my 11yo daughter will be able to go through school without worrying about others commenting on her size, or her inherited psoriasis. And that my 12yo son will realize that thinking before acting will make all the difference in ensuring that he does not repeat the mistakes of his father.

I dream that I will be able to get a job - a good job - like I used to have before I took on the position of Mommy. That employers will see the potential instead of the years that have passed. That they will give me the chance to show just how much I can do for their company or organization given the opportunity. And I dream that I'll be able to once again take care of my family properly. "

I took a vacation.

2011-05-04T11:56:00.000-04:00

I took a vacation. It was wonderful. April and CBear and I had a delightful weekend of mild to moderate adventure. For the cost, I'd do it again. Might even take someone with me next time. I do have to give an extra big ginormous thank you to Miss CBear (of Fuzzysheep crafts) and her hubby Xiris. They were the most wonderful and delightful of hosts.

I do have more to say on the topic (among other topics), but I'll have to do that later. Right now, I must shower and go run a few errands for my own darling. I believe I'll do some dedicated blogging upon my return. So long as nothing shiny distracts me.

AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-04-27T14:14:00.000-04:00

Look. Over there. To the right. There is LESS THAN A DAY before I go on my vacation. Wow. I'm actually nervous. *sigh* Getting things done here. Or trying to. Charging important electronic equipment (kindle, mp3 player). I'm getting edgy. *sigh* *ack*

I need to get yarn and such. Well, get it together at least. Nice thing is, this is a casual trip. Comfy clothes, nothing fancy. Important things to take: Laptop, MP3 player, Knitting stuff. Contacts. Glasses. Cell phone. Camera and battery charger. TurboFire stuff. Shouldn't take more than my laptop case, my purse, and one other bag for clothes and such. Taking the train, fewer issues.

*sigh*

I really need this vacation. Hopefully I'll come back refreshed, renewed, ready to tackle the world. Or at least get the pesky necessities out of the way. Yeah.

Wow. I can't wait.

Question for any readers...

2011-03-31T09:53:00.000-04:00

I've started using the TurboFire workouts. I'm blogging daily on the TeamBeachBody website. I could cross-post here. If anyone would be interested in actually reading about my journey, let me know, I'll be happy to put it up. But if I don't think anyone is interested in hearing it in general, I won't bother. ;) So let me know.

Some days.

2011-03-01T13:43:00.001-05:00

Some days are happy. Some sad. Some just sort of “there”. All the days, they linger and mingle and merge into a vague recollection of the past, and a faint hope of the future. Days don’t feel like days anymore… the passage of time blurs and the edges merge into one long series of events. Time courses and curves and just goes along without any concern for what is happening in the process. And I… I drift along with it.

Oh yeah...

2011-03-01T13:09:00.000-05:00

The dog's name is Stewie. Because it's nicer than calling him Stupid. Which he actually answers to better than anything else. Go figure. Good dog though.

So far at the batcave...

2011-01-25T20:35:00.000-05:00

Names that have been suggested so far:

Marco
Jackson (Jax) Jackie
Jim
McCoy
Bones
Tigger
Brinn
Leo
Patches
Sherman
Nimbus
Ferris
Fartbomber (Philip's favorite)
Hudson
Sirius

Melissa's class/teacher is going to offer suggestions tomorrow. Will update as we hear more.

He seems to like "Marco", but that would undoubtedly lead to other children screaming Polo and Much Confusion would ensue.

We continue the search.

A Dog with No Name...

2011-01-25T00:17:00.000-05:00

We have a new puppy. He is wonderful. He is sweet, mostly quiet, kinda playful, and generally perfect.

He is a 5 month old Catahoula Leopard Dog mixed with who knows what. Possibly Husky. His left eye is blue, his right is brown. Very cool to look at. He was adopted from the Osceola County Animal Shelter in Reed City. They didn't have a name picked for him yet though, as he had JUST become available for adoption. This is manageable, right? I mean, 4 kids, one adult, we can figure this out.

Yeah... No.

We can't settle on a name.

So I'm posting a crapton of pictures of him here, and asking for assistance.

So far suggestions have been:

Skipper
Patches
Buddy
Stupid (hey, he answered to it)
Puppy
Dog
Pooch

None seem to fit. I'm inviting people to post name suggestions in the comments here. Philip, Melissa, and myself will review them. And we will post the name we pick here, on Facebook, and on Twitter. The winner gets the satisfaction of knowing that the dog will have a real name. And my undying gratitude. Or something like that.

Here are the pictures...

So there's the puppy and the problem. Can't wait to hear the suggestions.

Drained.

2011-01-16T22:42:00.000-05:00

Single again.
This stuff happens. Apparently more to me than others, but whatever.
I've learned how to function through this, but it's just so... draining.
Blah.
Time to put my energies into self-transformation. I shall emerge, a butterfly.

New Beginnings

2010-10-07T01:31:00.000-04:00

I had a birthday this week.
I've felt lethargic and ill lately.
My mood has been all over the place.
And I'm back to the same weight I was at after Melissa was born. Not good.
There are all sorts of reasons I could give for this, and there are all sorts of excuses I could make about it, but the truth is, I've let myself go. One might say to some degree it's justified, given what the past year has thrown at me, but I can't go on letting this hold me back.
I saw Alicia last Friday, and she gave me the book "The Spark". It's a sort of companion guide to the SparkPeople website. I've been a member for years, but I haven't kept up with it lately. I start and stop, start and stop. Reading the first chapter of the book was like having a bucket of cold water poured over my head. It showed me that I need to re-learn how to take care of myself. I can't make excuses. The frustrations I experience at work, the issues I'm having at home, they all can be tied to self-pity. Lack of motivation. Some times I need to just stop and kick myself in the rear. And it doesn't have to be huge. Baby steps work. Ugh.
I guess it annoys me, because I should know better. I did this once. I may have been 10 years younger at the time, but you know what? That's an excuse. People older than me have done this. I used to tell people *how* to be successful with this. I. Know. This.
But knowing isn't enough. I have to OWN this. I have to make it a part of my daily routine. My life. I can't rely on anyone else, it has to be my responsibility, my choice.
My life.
I can say I'm doing it for the kids, for my relationship, for whatever. But if I don't do it for ME, it isn't going to happen.
I'm doing it. Starting now. Let's see how this goes.
Oh, and encouragement is welcome, but please don't feel the need to give me tips/tricks/advice. It just annoys me. Like I said, I've taught people how to do this. I don't need reminders of what I've been doing wrong lately.
And any SparkPeople reading this, my username there is zanne-y if ya want to drop a line or add me as a friend on the site. This is always more interesting when you have someone to work with.

I'm doing stuff

2010-09-30T23:45:00.000-04:00

Yeah. Stuff is happening. And tonight, assuming all goes well, I intend to start sorting and cataloging my stash. Then I shall get projects in order. My goal is to work on one old WIP, one sock, one lace, one top at a time. I'm a scattered knitter, so I need several projects OTN at a time.

I'm probably gonna finish a sock project for my WIP first. I have a few to choose from. The lace I'm working on is Anthemion from S/S Knitty. I'm finishing Chart A now, it's coming along well, helping me get my knitting and lace mojo back. The top will be Waterlily tank. I've had the stuff to make it for a long time, and now's the time to finish it. I know it's cool-weather time, but I like tops like that to wear around the house. And it should be fairly quick to knit. Sort of a monkey on my back. The new sock has yet to be chosen. Probably something simple. I like lace, but have enough complicated stuff going on so a simple sock should work well. And my WIP socks are more complicated.

After Waterlily is done, I will be working on the Eileen cardi from Deep Fall Knitty. Oh, and thrown in there somewhere will be a few Brambles berets. I have loads o' yarn that will work. I think hats are a better idea for my perpetually growing children. When their feet stop growing, they'll get more socks.

I Am

2010-08-18T04:46:00.000-04:00

I am me. Conflicted confused tumbling in tumultuous tempests, yet I remain me. I am Mother, I am strong. I hurt, I cry, but I still go on. I love mightily and unconditionally. Unfailingly. That is my strongest point - my capacity to love. I am not perfect, but I revel in my flaws. They are part of me. I embrace them and know to be the best me possible I must accept flaws and work with them. Everyone is flawed, and in order to make the most of life we must stop seeking perfection and instead attain balance. That is all I truly seek in life, peace and balance.
And good yarn and needles and the Perfect Pattern.

A beautiful day in the neighborhood

2010-07-02T14:12:00.001-04:00

So I worked last night. Got all of, maybe, 4 hours of sleep, interrupted. Last day with all the kidlets this week. They all go to their respective fathers’ houses tonight. I have two nights off. There will be sleeping. There will be the having of fun. And there will be quality time spent alone with Michael. Love that part of my off weekends. On the agenda for today: a whole lot of nothing. Don’t know when I’ll have to drop off Caleb and Amber, so we’re hanging out at the house playing video games and on the computer. Why yes, it’s a beautiful day, but ya know what? Sometimes it’s nice to watch it from the window. Especially when I’m not sure how long I’ll be able to stay awake…

Eat, Drink, and be Merry!

2010-07-01T16:01:00.001-04:00

On my way out to Chuck E. Cheese with the kidlets for dinner. I figure it’s a good way to not have to cook and be able to let the kids run around like little maniacs. I’m hoping to find something to knit while the kids play.

Just got a phone call from a recruiter looking for someone to take a Help Desk 1 position. Two month contract. Pay is about what I make at the store, but it’s 40hrs per week, and gets be CURRENT work in the field. Keep fingers crossed for me! It’s just what I need to get back in the swing of things. We shall see what comes of it.

Hoping to post more regularly again. We’ll see if I manage to follow through. I’m also working on knitting regularly so I should have something here to show for it. Wish me luck in all things!

The only constant is change

2010-06-30T13:11:00.000-04:00

Here I am again, hopefully all done with the mega issues and ready to move on to the basics. It's summer, and I'm living in Sparta now. Philip and Melissa are with me full time, and for the summer I get Caleb and Amber every other week. I'm loving spending time with my babies. Divorce is final. So I am officially Suzanne Elizabeth Mastaw again. For anyone who doesn't keep up with me on Facebook, I'm now living with a man I've known for well over 20 years. He used to be the twerpy little brother of one of my friends, but it turns out he grew up quite well. Ours is a cute story, fit for a Box Office RomCom. Anyone wanna buy the rights to it?

It goes something like this... Boy and girl meet at summer camp. Boy has crush on "older" girl, writes her a love note. Gives it to her on the playground and runs away (he's about 11, she's around 12). Girl pretends to brush off her friend's little brother, but secretly keeps note for years and many moves, and thinks about him from time to time. Boy moves on as does girl.

Fast forward 20 years. Boy sees girl at work in a local retail store while shopping with his fiancee. Girl is in process of a divorce, and is just living day to day, dealing with care of 4 kids and a professional career on hold. They catch up on the ubiquitous Facebook. She starts watching as his relationship founders and collapses. Gives support. He sees she's having car troubles. He's a mechanic and offers to help. She invites him over for an evening of movie watching and relaxing. And he doesn't leave until the following evening. He has no kids never married, so there's the whole two different worlds/love lost and found/internet beginnings, all that stuff.

I think it could be a hit. Get John Cusack to star in it, along with, oh, Renee Zellweger. What do you think?

p.s. Michael, I love you.

Okay life...

2010-03-24T10:40:00.001-04:00

My brother was in an accident last night. My 11yo son wants to disown his father. Daughter having recurring cough issues. Friends in need of support all around. Then there's my own divorce and related emotional rollercoaster. Okay life, what else ya got to throw at me?

Why yes, I still knit.

2010-01-22T21:07:00.000-05:00

I am currently working on a sock on size 2 (2.75mm) dpn's. KnitPicks nickel-plated dpn's to be exact. I got myself the sock kit for my birthday (along with the zephyr interchangeable kit). There is an 8-row K1P1 cuff, 3 rows of stockinette, and then Artsygal's short-row heel. You can get the heel directions in her Everyone Out Of the Pool! pattern. I suggest you buy it, because until Feb 15th 50% of proceeds for the pattern go to Haiti Doctors Without Borders. I also highly recommend you check out her yarns. They are absolutely beautiful and very high quality. I'm thoroughly addicted to them.

I'll bet you want to see a picture of the heel, don't you? Okay... here it is...

See, isn't it pretty? And NO HOLES. It's also easy to do, no fiddling with picking up wraps and trying to knit them together w/o dropping stitches.

This particular anklet is being knit in her 100% merino in a lovely rainbow colorway.

The instep is being knit in a lacy pattern that I found in Bella Catina Italiana sock pattern. It's a free pattern, I'm sure one could find it if you search, because I'm too lazy to find and link it. You can always find it on Ravelry, I know it's there. It's a simple 6-stitch, 4 row pattern which is very easy to memorize, and quite addictive. Also really stretchy.

And with that, it's time for me to get ready to go to work. Have a nice night.

changes

2010-01-20T04:13:00.000-05:00

And then, the one you thought was going to take care of you turns out to be something else and you move on. And you decide it's time to make drastic changes. And the decisions you make are the hardest you possibly could make, and they hurt like hell, but you make them anyways because you know, you absolutely know that everyone will be better off that way. And people tell you that maybe you should have done things differently, and that maybe you should do something else. And you have to ignore them. You have to remember that when all is said and done, you are on the right path. Right now it might not feel like it all the time, but it's time to set that aside and make sure that things are taken care of. It's time to be responsible and stop letting everyone else take care of things. It's time to take control again. Time to learn to be yourself, apart from those around you. Time to be selfish, and make decisions from the heart and head.
Time to move on.
And somehow the process of moving on takes you back to your roots. It brings back people from your past. People you can trust. People who knew you before your mistakes. Who still care about you in spite of them. Because they too know that life happens, and it's happened to them too.
So life has come full-circle and you're back where it all began and this time you know better and hope to make better decisions.
Time to start over.
What a ride.