I miss those moments. I forget that it is often times like this that help retain what's left of my humanity and the fine line between rational thinking and a severe need to wear a straight-jacket. It's times like this that I can't really tell whether it's me helping them deal with the issues in their lives, or me trying to come to grips with the darkness in my own life. Then again, when it boils down to connecting with people and forming a bond with them. Does it really matter who's helping who?

I didn't think so.

---
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In it all, was the echo of frustration and hate. The distorted image of the past held on someone I didn't like. Someone that I knew wasn't worthy of her happiness. It wasn't my place to say. It wasn't my time to act. All I could do was to watch in bitterness the way they were around one another. How he was the cause of her twisting up into an ugly facade of the beauty she once was. Again I was helpless. Again, I could not do anything but stand there and watch a tragedy unfold in front of me.

Then in a blink of an eye, she was there. The now and the future. The grinning Cheshire cat of a smile I knew too well. I don't know if it was just her smile, or the fact she was just there, but all the frustrations, anger and bitterness seemed to melt away. I was content, if not happy. I was fulfilled, if not complete. I knew I couldn't touch her. I couldn't hold on to her and whisper the sweet nothings. Yet, her presence alone was enough to dispel the darkness that kept me in that moment, caught up in the past.

I didn't feel torn between the two loves of life. I don't think I ever had. I knew what they were. More importantly, I knew when they were. I knew I couldn't save the past as much as I knew I could do something about the future. They were there in my life, as they always have been, as they always will be. My once past and future lovers. They who mean the world to me and whom I would, and have done everything for. It is something I never want to wake up from and maybe I never have at all.

Which was probably why I woke up late, from an alarm that never rang, to a world I am once again devoid of them both, emotionally and physically. A world where I have to put it all back into a place in my mind to until the next time my head rests against the comforts of a bed and pillow. A world where I can only echo to the ones I love,

"Je rêve de toi".

---
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2 Comments

• At July 6, 2009, Naoko wrote:

  So I have to ask: Was Sim Tower as awesome as you imagined it?

• At July 6, 2009, Edrei wrote:

  Naoko: It still is as good after so long. Addictive yet, calming. Better yet since you can only play it in windowed mode which means you can multitask while you build up your tower without the constant resolution changes from alt-tabbing that you find in many old games.

---
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I know its been a long while since it was late breaking news, but considering the amount of people asking me about Swine flu, I might as well talk about it.

Swine flu or Influenza A Type H1N1 (H1N1A for short) as politically correct people like to call it is basically your run-in-the-mill viral influenza. Considering the amount of people who die from other types of influenza each year, this version of influenza is basically the same as the rest. It is potentially fatal to anyone who has a compromised immune system. People like the old, the really young, people who are on immune-suppressing drugs (like organ transplant patients), boyfriends who are topless in a 10 degree winter waiting to go for a shower, can be easily affected by the virus.

This is because while it's just "the flu", the genetic makeup of the virus means our body's own defenses can't recognise it easily. So it cuts through our immune system like a hot knife through butter before we can actually do anything about it. The weaker our immune system is, the more severe the infection before we can actually get better, if we can actually get better at all.

The problem is that the media does tend to overplay the seriousness of the issue. Also people do tend to be utterly ignorant towards simple things. Things we take for granted like personal hygiene and general health for instance, greatly reduces the chances that you're going to be infected. Instead, people insist on wearing surgical masks even though they don't watch their hands after they've been outside or even to the toilet while eating an unbalanced diet. Instead, we have doctors advising home quarantines for possibly exposed people…so that they may go home to their families and have them go out and possibly spread the infection instead.

It's not as much our inability to contain the matter, but the fear and ignorance of it that makes things worse. The best thing you can do, is to carry on your daily lives, but with a little bit more knowledge and awareness of your surroundings. Wash your hands after being outside and especially after being in contact with people. Take your vitamins and at least eat decent meals without skipping any.

If you're going to get sick anyway, you will, but there isn't any reason to fret either. As a general rule of the thumb, viral flu comes with it joint pains and increased weakness throughout the body compared to bacterial flu which has more yellow mucous coming out your nose Even so, it doesn't necessarily mean you have swine flu. Also, there aren't really cures for viral flu. You have to let it run its course. Antivirals like Tamiflu which is used to treat Swine flu prevent the spread of the virus in your body and leaves your immune system to deal with the rest. What you can do is to take plenty of fluids and get your much needed bedrest, and at least contact your doctor if you begin to feel the joint pains with fever.

That being said, we'll just have to let this pandemic run its course. After all, viruses are nasty little things that change a lot, very quickly. Every generation has its pandemic and this is the one of the moment. All you need to do is hang back, sit it out and wait for the next one. I'll be sure to write something about that too as soon as someone posts a funny comic about that as well.

2 Comments

• At July 3, 2009, Lelia Thomas wrote:

  Yay for logic! A lot of people are unduly concerned about swine flu, when they need to be just as aware during any cold and flu season.

  My mother, who is so clean it may very well be a sign of OCD (I am only halfway kidding.), always made me keep extra clean during the winter season as a kid. I probably don't go to the same lengths as she, but I definitely don't get as sick as a lot of people I know, at least in terms of colds and flu bugs. And stomach bugs are reasonably unheard of for my family. So much just comes down to washing your hands, which brings me to the unfortunately related point that in three years of being in Australia, I've not seen one woman in a public restroom use soap when she washed her hands; and most don't even rinse. :|

• At July 3, 2009, Edrei wrote:

  Lelia Thomas: You haven't seen anyone wash their hands with soap? Now there is a surprise, maybe because I work with people who are used to being in a sterile lab environment, so washing hands is a normal thing. To not do so would be crazy. I could have sworn I've seen people wash their hands with soap in a public restroom. Or maybe I'm just imagining things, its not like its something to really pay close attention to.

---
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Decades later, I don't think much has changed. I still get jealous at the fact people seem to get brand new toys to play around with, more so when I can't afford them. It especially pushes all the wrong buttons to know that a lot of people don't seem to understand how to work the toys they have even though they wanted them all along. It always pisses me off to know that I can probably put the high-tech phones that a lot of youths take for granted to better use than filming their vigorous crotch movements or Tweeting about whether they are stuck in traffic jams.

The sad truth is that technology and the domain of geekery, has been spoiled by the pursuit of a better self-image. No longer do people consider geeks to be people hunched over their monitors and tables trying to create something the normal masses can't openly grasp. Now, all you have to do is own several Apple products and even if you have no idea how to use it properly, as long as you're seen using it at all, you can proudly call yourself a geek without fear of being laughed at. The very thought of such an act sickens me to the stomach.

Laptops, phones, cameras and all the gadgets that follow are no longer items that you only buy if you need them. They have become fashion accessories and status symbols of wealth. Before this, being on the bleeding edge meant that you understood what was going on and in some way are involved in the process that helps shape them. Now, being on the bleeding edge means going on an ego-trip by yelling out "I'm here first" without a clue what it really is all about, let alone help dictate and shape the direction in which the technology or idea should evolve into. The overuse of "beta" in web-applications and the overabundance of "me-too" tech blogs only serve as a shameful reminder of this change of direction.

While it is easy to accuse me of writing this out of spite for what I don't have, it's also hard to ignore the fact that what I'm saying has its merits too. The landscape and definition of what it takes to be a geek has changed to suit the mainstream society. As long as you look the part and have enough to show for it, you are a geek, which is a far cry from actually being able to intuitively understand new concepts of technology for your own benefit.

I guess at the end, I'm only angry at superficial distinctions of a word. It shouldn't really matter how many toys we all have if it all boils down to how much you're able to make use of what you have for the things you really need. In those aspects, I'm pretty much well covered despite pushing the limits of my creativity. It's more that can be said for people who own things because they can.

4 Comments

• At July 2, 2009, Naoko wrote:

  So would a pseudo-geek be one who calls herself a geek because she likes to tinker but doesn't think it's worth buying if it's not that great? :P

• At July 2, 2009, Edrei wrote:

  Naoko: No that's still a geek. As long as you tinker and are willing to play around with it. More so when you are practical enough to not get it because you know you don't need it. That makes you a geek.

  It should be said, having high-tech stuff does not automatically make you a geek. It makes you a dork and/or a dweeb.

• At July 3, 2009, Of indulging geekery | Broken Shield and Sword wrote:

  [...] Edrei’s post about pretentious geeks, it got me to thinking about the geeks in my life. The ones I’ve been privileged to meet [...]

• At July 6, 2009, LimPek wrote:

  from here i understand what is pseudo-geek

---
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That's where Dropbox comes in. If you have ever heard or used Windows Live Sync, it's something like that. Except in this case, Dropbox synchronises a single folder on your computer for up to 2GB in total with 350MB limit on any single file. While this is a show stopper for many people, it is easier to think of Dropbox as a thumbdrive that stored online.

You can access a folder's worth of information wherever you're connected to the net, even if you don't have Dropbox installed on a computer. In that aspect, I don't really to have to synchronise 20,000 files everywhere I go. Just the ones that I need, like my resume or certain programs or pictures. Which is also good because it works on Windows, OSX AND Linux operating systems, which means it's pretty much ubiquitous to where you can take your files.

To make the deal even more sweeter, Dropbox does give you the ability to restore previous revisions of a file, so in case you've overwritten them, you can restore the file to the revision you want. If that is not enough, you can also restore files that you have deleted as well. I'm not sure how long they last until they are automatically purged from the system but apparently I still can restore the files that I deleted over a year ago, when I first started using Dropbox. Handy when suddenly realise you might need something you deleted a while back.

The true beauty of Dropbox though is the ability share your files with your friends. If they have a Dropbox account (which is free), all you have to do is create a shared folder between the both of you and just drop whatever file you want into it and have it sync between both folders. It's that simple. However, if you want to send something to someone or to people in general, Dropbox also acts as a public file server. There is a folder in your Dropbox specifically for public use. All you have to do is drop the file you want in there and then copy the public url after it syncs with the online server. It's faster and easier this way than to send files via email. The later part of my thesis was sent to my supervisors this way as the severs couldn't handle a file larger than 5MB and my thesis was more than 10MB big.

If you're more the geek, it wouldn't take you long to realise that Dropbox synchronises symlinks as well. This means that you can synchronise data files between systems that need them. People have synchronised their browser bookmarks, configuration settings for various programs, even host a wiki or a website. Despite being able to synchronise a single folder, the limits to what Dropbox can do are still quite high. Some of the many things you can do with Dropbox can be found at their wiki (which may or may not have been created by someone's Dropbox account. Probably not).

Overall, I'd recommend it to anyone who likes to make sure they can access their files anywhere on the go or to anyone who often finds themselves sharing tonnes of files between friends from a great distance. All I know is, Dropbox has make my personal and professional life a little easier ever since I started using it, which is what good programs should be about.

2 Comments

• At July 3, 2009, Tine wrote:

  I just downloaded DropBox onto my laptop, will install on my netbook as well. So far so good! :)

• At July 3, 2009, Edrei wrote:

  Tine: And if you want, we can share folders as well. I'm pretty sure I remember you wanted some things I have. :)

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1 Comments

• At July 1, 2009, kenwooi wrote:

  I hate begin sick.. it ruins my daily routine..

  totally agree with number 5!

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I know it is particularly petty thing to do. That is to try and prove that you're better off than some people. It's just that when you're lead to believe all your life that you'll never amount to anything more than you are, you end up with two choices. You either resign yourself to the idea whatever people have told you is true and that at the end of it, their lack of respect for your own abilities is justified, or you can set out to defy every social construct that they imposed to define your own sense of success and failures. If that is immature, then I would gladly accept being called that if it means knowing that I gave my all to finding a little peace in the world around me.

Yet, because I've always chosen the latter, I've constantly been reminded by my family and peers that it is the wrong choice. While those closer to me may not say it in so many words, their actions often echo in their disapproval for the choices I've made. So too do my peers find it hard to believe that someone of my caliber can share with them wisdom of the ages without so much the age part. Too often, I hide how old I really am in an effort to be a little more convincing to people, my words of common sense and second opinions. While that works well with the net denizens whom I've spent years lending an ear and some sensible words, but it's not that easy pulling off the same thing in the real world where every feature except your own eyes betrays the physical age you carry.

Maybe I am just tired of having to constantly fend off statements that my words have no relevance to the world simply because I haven't lived enough of it. It's hard enough trying to prove that an idea or a wisdom, different to the contemporary mainstream words of the masses can be the proper course of action. It's even tougher to stop the stereotypical concepts of physical age dictating how much you should know or do, especially in a traditional Asian upbringing.

Still, for what it's worth, this road has been littered with more than a handful of experiences that few at this age would have lived through. If anything, justifying, debunking and refining your own ideals and wisdom to make your life work better for you is what growing up is really about. It shouldn't be so much of a problem, let alone matter, if people don't take me seriously. It's just the way I tick that drives and compels me to want to stand up and be heard. Not that it matters in the grand scheme of things, but it is always nice to know that what works better for you can do the same for others.

I just need a chance and a moment of your time that's all.

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Don't let the spartan design of the site or the size of the program fool you, this is probably one of the most powerful tool when you get the hang of it. Basically it allows you to customise your keyboard and mouse buttons to do almost anything you want on your system. No longer do I have to slowly click through and search for the folder that I frequently access. All I have to do is set it to a easy to press hotkey and it comes out when I want to.

For instance, I've changed it so that pressing the WinKey followed by "Z" opens the My Documents folder. Similar key sequences were done with other frequently access folders like the Control Panel or my Dropbox folder. Hotkeys can be set to run certain programs too. Some people who don't have multimedia keyboards prefer to add hotkeys into opening their browsers, IM clients or emails. As long as you can run it on your system, AutoHotKey can allow you to quickly access it.

However, that's not really all AutoHotKey can do. I'm not sure about you, but I've often found the CapsLock key useless and annoying especially when you accidentally hit it. With AutoHotKey, you can disable your CapsLock and turn it into another key (in my case, I turned it into an extra Ctrl key) and at the same time you can assign another hotkey to turn on your CapsLock so you don't lose the functions altogether (which I did by assigning it WinKey followed by CapsLock).

If you're not afraid to do a little more hands on scripting. The program has an in-depth manual on how you can expand on its capabilities such as resizing windows or adding consecutive actions from a single hotkey. If you find all these programing a little tough on you, there do showcase and offer pre-made scripts to add to your AutoHotKey. One of the best ones I've used is to emulate Windows 7's window resizing shotcuts on my XP system. I really can't give this program enough praise for such a small system footprint.

AutoHotKey just happens to be free and about 2MB in size, which wraps things up nicely for one of the best additions to your system that you could have. Get it and play around with it. You've got nothing to lose and chances are, you'll love it all the same.

2 Comments

• At June 22, 2009, Lelia Thomas wrote:

  You had me at "With AutoHotKey, you can disable your CapsLock and turn it into another key..."

• At June 22, 2009, Edrei wrote:

  Lelia Thomas: I think that gets a lot of people. :) Aside from work, I don't know anyone else that uses it on a usual basis.

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Now that I'm working however, the time restrictions are a little troublesome for my need to have the ideal layout. More so the research and the time I usually spend trying to figure out how to do things without help from anyone. A completely fresh new theme may be more trouble than it's worth, especially for a blog who's feeds sometimes exceeds the number of people who actually visit the site.

Of course, this blog has always been my personal canvas of words and art. Leaving it in a state of stagnant disrepair would take away the meaning behind why I keep doing this over and over again. After all, if I deny that perpetual need to make things better, I'd be denying myself and that's not really that this blog is all about.

So I will find the time to build a new look. One way or another, everything is going to change. I'll just have to figure out where to start.

3 Comments

• At June 19, 2009, kenwooi wrote:

  you blog template is good as it is..

  i like it.. orange.. haha.. =D

• At June 20, 2009, Edrei wrote:

  Kenwooi: There is always room for improvement. After all, a personal blog at least should change to reflect the current state of the blogger. Otherwise it quickly loses its drive and meaning. You can't remain stagnant forever.

• At June 20, 2009, uner wrote:

  and you speak my mind, a blog needs a design to reflect the content and the blogger too. cant wait to see your new design

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Whether by choice or where the tides of life bring me, I've always been different from the rest of the world. I know it, and in many ways, that world that shuns me, knows it. There is only so much you can do in the real world when you have to put a mask to your own character in order to blend in with the people you work with. If it wasn't for the fact that my job description entitles me to a room of my own, I would have to wonder how long would it be before my workmates find out who I really am?

The same thing, unfortunately happens online as well. It's hard to invoke a deeper sense of connection with people because most of them subscribe to every part of being normal. If anything, the net is even more prejudiced and judgmental of your differences than the real world. It's hard to make a valid point when people can choose to ignore it all the same and instead look to other people who they can agree with. It is disappointing and frustrating to realise that that despite having the medium to be free, there isn't much purpose to it when the box of isolation are the silence and casual dismissal of your peers.

So I have a morbid sense of humour and that I have an unorthodox way of handling a relationship and love. So I have an extremely emotional side for a guy with a pragmatic, almost machine-like way of dealing with everything else. So I'm a poor person that can't buy new flashy toys but pushes the limits with all my old gadgets. Is there any reason here for people ignore me for the rest of their lives?

Yes, because in the end, people don't like what's different to them and what they are not familiar with. Most people lack the imagination and curiosity to explore the possibility that anything new and different could be things they might like. Most people won't make a move unless someone else that's the same as them, as made a move first. If there was a greater pandemic to fear in the 21st century, it would be that cynicism and apathy towards anything outside our comfort zones that has become our incurable disease.

That part leaves people like myself perpetually hung out to dry, never having a way to be myself and be liked for being myself. That has always driven me to be bitter and spiteful towards everything the normal world stands for, further isolating me from a world I just want to get along with. The greatest tragedy here is just that I am a decent guy if you took time and overlooked all the differences to get to know me, but we both know that would never happen.

Human nature can be such a bitch.

4 Comments

• At June 16, 2009, Naoko wrote:

  Which makes you wonder if that desire to be "normal" and "fit in" is some kind of biological impulse. I think it could be, which explains why human nature contradicts human society's messages so much.

  Diversity seems to be celebrated, but only if the diversity is something stereotypical, which begs the question, where's the diversity in the first place?

• At June 16, 2009, Edrei wrote:

  It is a part of nature to do so. Similar enough for the species to survive, weed out anything different that might cause harm to the whole, unless that difference provides an evolutionary advantage. The playing field has changed, but the rules are still the same whether we care to admit it or not. Changes from the norm are never welcomed in the whole, not unless there is a pressure to adopt those changes, which again, relies on the whole to start moving.

• At June 18, 2009, wisdumb wrote:

  Two things that you may find helpful. Find some new friends and "man up" a little. Everyone feels this way at one time or another in their life; and chances are the "normal" people you're refering to feel just like you do. Variety is the spice of life and you should be proud to be different; those who cannot accept your difference have much bigger issues than yourself. I strongly urge you to do some homework and look at the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI --goggle it) and read "The Seven Habits of Highly Successfull People." Once you learn to value the difference in others and not judge them for judging you your "problem" will dissipate. And finally, in the "man up" department, quit whining and find a more powerful interpretation -- perhaps your uniqueness means you are more highly evolved; the challenge then becomes how you manage that "power."

• At June 18, 2009, Edrei wrote:

  There is often a limit to how much people can handle the kind of isolation I'm talking about. Of course everyone feels this way one way or another. I feel this way all the time because of the conditions which force me to be in a constant state of social isolation. How often I do talk about it though is another another story. Unless you're saying it's wrong to let loose when the pressure is all built up.

  I'm an INTJ and it's been a long while since I realised that self-help books are kinda the layman substitute for general wisdom and instrospective philosophy. While there is value in difference, there is also an awareness that society itself doesn't build upon the mesh of those differences, but the upon similarities of social constructs, which is the point of what I wrote. There is a clear line which you cannot cross if you are to get along with the general public. Lines that I have long crossed.

  So there isn't any need to "man-up". If there is any indication, how I've dealt with this isolation over the years is a testament to my own self-actualisation and will to power. If anything, according to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, I'm hierarchy-independent. That's why rather than the search for a higher purpose in life, I've already found that, and spend most of my free time, looking for the company of peers that can empathise and complement my character instead.

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Yet, three years is a long time to go without the normal idea of what a relationship should be and maybe, that has always been for the better. For if the conventional idea of a relationship often leads to more breakups in the general population than you can stomach, perhaps it is high time to take the unconventional route. One that you're more comfortable with.

As much as the sentimental romantic in me may want to have all the recorded memories of our time together for a future that I want to share, the fact that not even time and distance seem to put a dent the relationship proves that one thing is for sure. Unorthodox ways work best with unorthodox people and I don't think that all the special songs and spots in the world could achieve what we have accomplished over the years.

What it's worth, I'm happy we're doing something right and I know, several thousand miles away, in another timezone, she is too.

2 Comments

• At June 15, 2009, Eagle wrote:

  Watch out, she could be having another close friend other than you.

• At June 15, 2009, Edrei wrote:

  That's fine by me. :) Why shouldn't she have her own friends?

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1 Comments

• At June 18, 2009, So Begins The Next Big Change… » Footsteps in the Mirror wrote:

  [...] been about a year since I last meddled the my blog layout and with the release of WordPress 2.8, I figure it should be about time I redesigned this place a bit. Of course, the last time I did a [...]

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Doing a "Chickybabe" refers to doing a list of random thoughts and is named in honour of ChickyBabe who awed me with her style of writing, especially when she did her set of random thoughts which this is named after.

2 Comments

• At June 10, 2009, Cléa wrote:

  1. brrr...

  2. Eek! Sign yourself up for rehab. This is serious. Nothing ever can beat what nature provides. just like when a rainbow suddenly appears.

  3. and best to let them ramble on and laugh at them.

  4. Er... stop wanting it? That's not an option in my books.

  5. I disagree. The best things are shared, it's all about finding the right people to share them with.

• At June 10, 2009, Edrei wrote:

  Cléa

  2. Of course nothing can beat nature. Just that, after a while you tend to realise that nature also can be recreated just as well with a program and some decent how-to knowledge. It's beauty in its own right all the same.

  3. Not at the cost of people's lives. A promise I made to someone a long time ago.

  4. It's a part of me, it's what defines me. Hard to not want it just like that. It's something that needs to be fed or I'll just crave for it all the same.

  5. That's what I meant. Best things in life are often shared. Just that this winter, I'm missing the people I can share it with, which ruins the season for me.

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Sometimes I forget that people in general have an almost insatiable need to distract themselves and run away from the things that matter, especially when what matters can scare the living daylights out of them. It's not something that can be blamed on people's choices either. After all, it's hard to ignore that people are emotional creatures and we put a lot of stock into what we feel into the choices that we make, and no choice more emotionally invested than one bonded by love.

I used to think that, when you find a person that you love, that you're willing to open up to and devote yourself to, that you do so because you're happy to be where you are. This sentiment is of course shared by everyone looking to find or are in a relationship. Over time though, I began to realise that happiness is such a fleeting emotion. You're happy to be somewhere in your life for once, then you realise that happiness isn't enough. You can't pay the bills with it, or put a roof over your head, or put clothes over your back with it. As much as you can be happy in a relationship, you will have to face the certain reality that you will go to tough times and they are never happy moments.

Maybe that's where a lot of relationships go wrong in life. People grow up with the idea that in finding the one you love, you'll find happiness that will last you a lifetime. It doesn't help that Hollywood tends to churn out stories that make people believe that love is happiness and happiness can be forever, but most people look into a relationship, the question that burns through their minds will always be "Can I find happiness here?", and when they get into the first spot of unhappiness, they begin to run away, trying to find something else, even another relationship that can keep them smiling in the face of a reality that they hate. People are unhappy when they find that relationships don't bring them the happiness they want. Then again, they are not supposed to.

Relationships are not meant to make you happy. They are meant to make you complete. Your happiness, is still your own responsibility to bear.

Relationships are meant to give you the parts that you can never have on your own. If you're going to be new-age-y about it, it's about finding the yin to your yang. That completeness, whether it be built over the time spent discovering one another, or if you're extremely lucky, find someone who complements you right off the bat, is what makes our world go round. It makes us feel like we're capable of anything, and why shouldn't it be that way? After all, when you know you have someone there to watch over things you cannot handle, when you know that there is so much more to life than you knew by just being yourself, how can you not be capable of anything?

That is what relationships should be about. Not the transient feeling of happiness, but the realisation that two imperfect people can create a beautiful, if not perfect whole. Whether you choose to find happiness from there, is still your choice, but it's not going to be something given to you when you find someone you love. It has always been something you create. Whether you choose to create that happiness with the the person that completes your life, is a responsibility that rests solely on your shoulders.

8 Comments

• At June 6, 2009, Lisalicious wrote:

  I totally agree with your post here

  and with this statement "two imperfect people can create a beautiful, if not perfect whole" ... to get a 'complete' and 'happy' relationship, it really takes 2 to tango..

  if one does not give as much effort to maintain it, it wont turn out to be something that both wants in relationship...

• At June 6, 2009, Edrei wrote:

  Well, the thing is, it's the expectations that relationships are supposed to make us happy that destroys it in the first place. As much as people try, you can't have it all the time, not when relationships are really built on the real life and not our cloud 9 feelings. So make sure what we want is is something more tangible and realistic like practicality of the moment, rather than feelings. Sometimes, love is a luxury, even in a relationship, because that's not really what holds it together, love is just the icing rather than the source.

• At June 10, 2009, Cléa wrote:

  Your happiness is about 95% your responsibility. There are always other factors that impact that 5%. Given that, if your relationship isn't making you happy, then it's your responsibility to try and make it better, not staying passive in the hope that it would change.

• At June 10, 2009, Edrei wrote:

  Cléa: People tend to cling on to a relationship in the hopes that they will always feel happy. They would choose that feeling over idea that people can complement each other in ways no one else can. A relationship can be perfect, but not happy at the same time. It is up to us to redefine happiness and strive towards it. Relationships or not, our sources of joy shouldn't rely too much on people.

• At June 12, 2009, Joe wrote:

  That’s the problem with relationships, people come into it with unrealistically high expectations of the other, and so as you say they become “unhappy” with the other, with their relationship and a breakup or divorce occurs. It’s a sad thing

• At June 13, 2009, Edrei wrote:

  The expectations doesn't have to be high, because happiness is really a deceptively simple concept. It's when there are expectations to begin with. Sometimes you've got to go in without wanting anything to see where it goes and build it up from scratch. Only then will you know how to complement one another. A deceptively simple solution as well.

• At June 15, 2009, Esther wrote:

  Edrei - you're right on with this one. :) I agree with the concept of the expectations being the dealbreaker. Kind of like counting your chickens before they hatch because you know you want the chicks so badly, right away. But the eggs might not even happen to hatch chicks. And it takes more time to hatch.

  Grr...I heart being single. And taking things slow...Big fan now. Wow. I feel so grown up.

• At June 15, 2009, Edrei wrote:

  It isn't just about waiting for them to hatch. Sometimes, they might not be chickens at all. You might get a duck in there somehow. Just that, if you're going to count your chickens anyway, you won't know at all if you might actually like ducks more. I wonder if that makes sense at all. :P

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