Current Book(s): Children of Hurin by J.R.R. Tolkien. I am loving it, and if I’m not careful I will soon be re-reading The Silmarillion, The Hobbit, and Lord of the Rings even though I have way too many other things on my list. I am also listening to The Goose Girl by Shannon Hale on audiobook by my brother-in-law’s recommendation, and it is excellent.

Current Playlist: Right this very second I am listening to my Over the Rhine station on Pandora and “Little Did I Know” is playing. This station is beautiful, mellow, and melodic. I highly recommend it.

Current Shame-Inducing Guilty Pleasure: The amount of chocolate I’ve eaten lately.

Current Color: I’m working on the front room of our house, and the colors there are white and soft blues and greens.

Current Drink: I’m happy that I’ve discovered V8 Fusion, especially the strawberry/banana flavor. A full serving of fruits and vegetables in every glass! Perfect to disguise the taste of the gigantic, bitter pills I have to take now!

Current Food: This past month I’ve sort of gone vegetarian, and while that is a topic for another day, lately I’ve been enjoying lots of soup and pasta until I muster the courage to give more adventurous cooking a shot.

Current Favorite Show: While I wait for the second half of season one of Glee to come out on DVD, and until Dancing With the Stars makes its premiere, David and I are thoroughly enjoying 30 Rock on Netflix streaming.

Current Wishlist: I want to walk into a thrift or antique store and find the perfect pieces of furniture for my house at an outrageously affordable price. I want a leather couch for our living room so I can say goodbye to vacuuming ours every other day. Getting the dogs to stay off it is a lost cause. Every time I see an ad for Rosetta Stone I have a huge longing for it to teach me Spanish. I’d love to be pregnant soon. I want to visit some of my best friends in other cities. I wish I could justify upgrading to an iPhone 4.

Current Needs: I could still really use some new clothes, but that is not in the budget. We need our money to last us another six weeks until David starts earning a paycheck again. I need to get over my fear and reluctance to cook consistently.

Current Triumphs: I’m quite proud of my attitude toward life lately, and how I’ve been enjoying living in the moment. I’m happy with the amount I’ve been reading, and how I’ve kept up with my Bible reading plan as well after sixty-six days. And I signed up for a 5k, so hopefully I’ll actually start running again.

Current Bane(s) of my Existence: Having no money to spare is a blessing and a curse. Several times lately I’ve caught myself thinking, “If only we had a little extra…” and then trying to justify a purchase.

Current Celebrity Crush: Viggo Mortenson in the Lord of the Rings movies. My gosh.

Current Indulgence: I sure have been enjoying getting 10-12 hours of sleep every day I’m off work.

Current Blessing(s): My husband, and how he lets me know that I am loved and appreciated. That my dog Cleo has been showing me that she missed me while I was gone by sleeping next to my head every night and following me around from room to room. Our families, their daily visits, and all the snacks and food they bring. :)

Current Outfit: Oh, just the usual plaid lounge shorts from Gap Body, ribbed tank top, and hoodie.

Current Excitement: Nothing big is coming up, but I’m looking forward to David healing, getting back into running, and going to see Beth Moore tonight. Our church has been meeting in homes all summer and it’s been too long since I’ve been in a worship service. I need it.

Current Link: Want to learn to solve a Rubik’s cube? Here’s the website I used. For the last couple steps, use this website. You’ll be a hit at parties.

Happy September!

Our experience this time around was much different than the last. We didn’t have near as many visitors and much less attention from the hospital staff. We aren’t having meals provided for us, but we didn’t ask. We knew what to expect this time so we have done some things differently making for an easier transition, and I’m only taking one week off work.

David had better pain control this time once the first several hours post-op passed, and he didn’t have the persistent fevers like before, so we were ready to leave the hospital on Saturday. That morning they took his catheter out, so before they could release us he had to prove to them that he could pee on his own. He told me, “Hey, if you have to pee, go in the urinal.” Of course as a nurse I staunchly refused such trickery. But then later I caught him holding cold water underneath his tongue right before they came to take his vital signs. When I questioned him he said he didn’t want them to keep him there needlessly if he had a fever.

I married a sneaky patient, but at least we got to come home early!

From the back of the book:

Morgoth, the first dark lord, dwells in the vast fortress of Angband in the North; and within the shadow of the fear of Angband and the war waged by Morgoth against the Elves, the fates of Túrin and his sister Niënor will be decided. Their lives are dominated by the elemental hatred the Dark Lord bears them as the children of Húrin, the man who dared to defy him. Morgoth sends forth his most formidable servant, Glaurung, a powerful spirit in the form of a huge, wingless dragon of fire, in an attempt to destroy them and fulfill his curse on the children of Húrin.

• All-natural
• Gentle enough to use to remove eye makeup
• Not crazy expensive
• Smells good
• Doesn’t make me break out
• Good packaging (you’ll see why this is important)

I want to find the cheapest product I can find that meets all my criteria, so I’m starting out looking at stores like Target, where I picked up this cleansing gel made by Avalon Organics.

At first I thought I had achieved my goal on the first try. This product is only $9.99, it’s completely organic, doesn’t burn my eyes and takes off makeup, smells like oranges (which I like), and after months I didn’t notice any unusual reaction from my skin. (However, this is for normal to oily skin so if you tend toward dry skin this probably won’t help as it doesn’t really have any moisturizing properties.)

Sadly, there is one thing that is causing me to continue my quest:

This is what it looks like after continuous use. I really liked the pump style of packaging, but after a few uses I noticed it leaking ever so slightly. For awhile I wiped it off, but it got to be tedious and messy. Now I just let it go and use it only in the shower.

If you don’t mind dealing with a little mess, this is a great organic face wash. I know it might be a fluke, but I don’t want to take my chances. Call me an idealist, but I think I can find something with everything I’m looking for.

***

Disclosure: I bought this with my own money and no one asked me to write this. I’m just sharing for the good of humanity, or for the two of you who might actually care.

Yesterday I got let off work early, so I came home with an entire evening to do whatever I wanted since I hadn’t planned on being there. I thought about cleaning, or starting on a project around the house, but in the end my exhaustion won me over again and David and I collapsed on the couch with Chinese food.

Even though I haven’t done much about it, for the past few days I’ve felt the urge to create. This is not to be confused with being creative, because I am nothing of the sort. I don’t ever come up with ideas on my own. No, I’ve just had the desire to make something with my own two hands. So this weekend I’m going to try to wake up out of my trance, and these are some ideas I had:

Cook something. I’m embarrassed to admit how long it’s been since I’ve done this. I am not a cook and don’t pretend to be one, although I’d like to one day get to the point where it’s no longer a stressful activity. However, when I have the time and there’s no pressure, I find putting together a meal quite satisfying.

Work on the front room of the house. I love this room, but I never spend time there. It has a grand piano and a wall covered in bookshelves. I would love to add a cozy place to sit and read, but am not sure how. It also needs some decorating, and I’m sure I could find some things around the house to spruce it up.

Break out my clarinet. I played this lovely instrument for ten years until I dropped out of band halfway through college, but that was more due to the inconvenience of practice times than distaste for playing. My favorite band Over the Rhine features a clarinet solo in their song “Desperate For Love” and ever since I heard it I wanted to learn how to play that part.

Compile favorite quotes & inspiration photos. The other day I was reading Holly’s post about making a graphic sign for your wall and I got to thinking, what quote would I choose if I were to make one of these? That led me to thinking about all my favorite quotes, from books, songs, plays, movies, etc. and how I’d like to have them all written down somewhere to read through. It also got me thinking about what I want to put on my own walls and what I want my house to look like, for that matter.

The usual hobbies, cross-stitching and card-making. I joined a Stampin’ Up club so I’ve recently become the owner of an idea book & catalog for putting together cards and it has me wanting to break out all my neglected supplies. And of course my cross-stitching project isn’t going to finish itself!

Hopefully I’ll find myself doing one or more of these things in the coming weeks. But first, I need to clean my house because I’m one of those people that can’t go to sleep if there are dishes in the sink or clothes on the floor. No way will I be able to let myself play around if the floor is still coated in dog hair. :)

0405 – I get a phone call from work saying our census has dropped to 10 patients and would I like to stay home today? I think that I should probably go to work to save up my time for David’s surgery, but I am physically incapable of refusing at that hour. I agree to stay home.

0408 – I suddenly realize my entire GI tract is churning. I can’t sleep. Spend the next two hours in the bathroom with fluid (and other things) coming out both ends.

0615 – I finally can lie down in bed again without having to jump right back up. Fall asleep.

1030 – David comes in to check on me and I realize I should get up. I hug a blanket around me and walk out to the living room. My stomach is still off and my head hurts. I sit on the couch and talk to David while Oliver tries to sit in my lap and eat my hands.

1100 – I make a bowl of oatmeal because I need to eat to take another dose of metformin (aka the evil cause of my gastrointestinal difficulties). I stare at it for awhile. I get two bites down, and swallow two Excedrin since I can’t tolerate coffee. The metformin is not happening yet.

1130 – Screw this, I get back in bed.

1200 – I remember I have prescription anti-nausea meds! Total score. I consider taking Phenergan which might put me to sleep for awhile, a not unappealing prospect, but settle on Zofran since it’s stronger. Get back in bed.

1240 – I catch up on my Words With Friends games.

1245 – I do some Bible reading.

1300 – I get out of bed, eat my cold oatmeal, and return some emails.

1345 – Begrudgingly take my metformin.

1350 – Settle in to watch The Young Victoria and cross stitch.

1540 – Movie ends, and praise God I feel like eating something! Applesauce, tortilla chips, and hummus.

1550 – Put on Arrested Development season 1, disc 1. Didn’t know Michael Cera was in this. Huh. He bothers me.

1830 – Visit from my mom. I realize I am still in my pajamas, haven’t showered, and don’t intend to. Oh, well.

1845 – Disc 1 of Arrested Development ends. I relinquish control of the TV and David puts on the Texans game. I watch it with him even though it’s only the preseason because I am the ultimate in lazy.

1945 – I can’t put off eating anymore. A bowl of cereal it is, and I go ahead and take my second metformin. Hoping the nausea stays away so I can make it to work tomorrow.

2115 – Have an intense text conversation with a coworker about one of our patients and our chances of getting called off work again.

2130 – I’ve had enough of football, so I brush my teeth, get in bed with Cleo, and read some of Gilead.

2200 – My stomach has been churning for a little while, so I take another Zofran, turn out the lights, and try to sleep. I am successful.

“In 1956, toward the end of Reverend John Ames’s life, he begins a letter to his young son, an account of himself and his forebears. Ames is the son of an Iowa preacher and the grandson of a minister who, as a young man in Maine, saw a vision of Christ bound in chains and came west to Kansas to fight for abolition: He “preached men into the Civil War,” then, at age fifty, became a chaplain in the Union Army, losing his right eye in battle. Reverend Ames writes to his son about the tension between his father – an ardent pacifist – and his grandfather, whose pistol and bloody shirts, concealed in an army blanket, may be relics from the fight between the abolitionists and those settlers who wanted to vote Kansas into the union as a slave state. And he tells a story of the sacred bonds between fathers and sons, which are tested in his tender and strained relationship with his namesake, John Ames Boughton, his best friend’s wayward son.” This is also the tale of another remarkable vision – not a corporeal vision of God but the vision of life as a wondrously strange creation. It tells how wisdom was forged in Ames’s soul during his solitary life, and how history lives through generations, pervasively present even when betrayed and forgotten.

My all-time favorite book is The Lord of the Rings, and it’s been a deep sadness of mine that David doesn’t share my love. He’s never shown any interest in reading the book, and according to him he “suffered” through the first movie when it came out in the theater.

But it’s been a month since he’s had to be home from work, and he recently got it into his head that he’d watch the top 50 movies from imdb.com. Guess what? All three of the LOTR movies are on there. And since I already own them, he started watching them at home all by himself. I was so proud!

The best part is, he actually likes them now. He uses subtitles so he can keep track of all the names and places and he doesn’t mind them being so long since he’s in the comfort of his own home and can pause anytime he wants to. He even started reading The Hobbit! And yesterday he took a trip to Half Price Books and came back with The Children of Húrin, the only book about Middle Earth that I haven’t read because it was published after Tolkien’s death.

I know it took a lot for him not to buy anything for himself, but he saw this and had to get it for me. He’s the sweetest. :)

***

I’ve been making more progress on my hopelessly antiquated cross stitch project. It’s not my style at all, but it was free & still so much fun to see it come together. Working on it in front of a movie has become my new favorite way to unwind, and I’ve already found some projects I want to take on after this one is complete. Some of them are: Sherlock Holmes silhouette, birdhouse tree, hidden lily, and so many things from this Etsy shop.

***

It’s true that our pups aren’t always a source of happiness, like when I’m trying to sleep in and they decide to use my bed as a wrestling ring, or when we’re trying to relax and they won’t stop pawing at us, or when we’re watching a movie and someone walks by outside and they flip out like it’s the most! exciting! thing! ever! but gosh, I love them so much that I can’t imagine life without them.

Every cuddle, every lick, the way Oliver lies upside down all twisted, the way Eddie tilts her head to one side, how when Cleo gets excited her whole body wags, I can’t get enough of any of it. Our house may be covered in a thin layer of fur, and we may not always get the peace and quiet we think we want, but it’s so worth it.

***

All pictures taken on the Hipstamatic app from my iPhone.

(Wow, now I really do feel old. Do I have nothing better to write about than this? Ah, well.)

Reproductive Endocrinologist

First up I went to follow up regarding my most recent cycle. As my doctor said, “the plot thickens” and I’m left a lot more to think about than when I went in.

Regarding what happened with my failed cycle, apparently my body didn’t respond to Clomid and I didn’t end up ovulating at all. My uterine lining didn’t even thicken. She was really surprised, but it happens. But before we can move on to the next cycle, we have to deal with something that was seen on my ultrasound which is possibly a uterine septum. I had never heard of this before, but it is a birth defect where there is a piece of tissue separating the uterus and puts you at a very high risk of miscarriage. It’s not diagnosed by an ultrasound but by an HSG, which is a test where they inject dye through my cervix and take an x-ray. I’ve already had an HSG, and nothing was mentioned about uterine septum on the report. So my doctor wants to take a look at the films herself, and if there is any suspicion at all she’ll have me repeat the procedure. If I do have uterine septum I’ll undergo minor surgery to have it fixed and that will be that.

In the meantime she put me on a medication called glucophage which is normally an antidiabetic drug but will also help sensitize my body to Clomid. If I don’t have uterine septum, once I work up to the full dose of glucophage I’ll take another med (prometrium) to induce my period and then start on the highest dose of Clomid they prescribe. Then we’ll go from there just like the last time.

Oh, and apparently one of my labs (prolactin) came back slightly elevated, which she thinks might be an error so she wants it repeated at the beginning of my next cycle. I have no idea what happens if it comes back abnormal again.

Wasn’t that fun to read about? Now, moving on to David’s situation.

Orthopedic Surgeon

The good news is that David has been cleared to walk and drive! I know he’s happy to be mobile again, and I’m happy to have my errand boy back. ;) But for a month he’s had to put all his weight on his left leg, and the disease is in that hip as well. For the past week it’s been hurting him more and more, so we decided to go ahead and get that one replaced as soon as possible.

His surgery is scheduled for September 2. Two weeks away.

I can’t wait until it’s over with, and even though his doctor told us he’d most likely have a pretty rough recovery we both know that he needs to just do it because his pain is only going to get worse. He’s off work this whole time – unpaid – and he needs to get back and get 100%.

What we’re praying for is another successful surgery, easy recovery, and for financial provision. Our budget is already on lockdown because we weren’t prepared to be living off one salary, and I don’t know how long we can last without going into significant debt (we already have some). It’s another area that we’re learning to sacrifice and trust.

***

If you made it through this whole boring post, it probably means you actually care about what’s going on with us, and for that I am truly, deeply grateful! All of your comments, emails, texts, and phone calls have lifted me up and kept me going. Over the past few days I’ve found a lot of peace and comfort, and I am content with my life and whatever it has in store for me.

Every day is a new, grand adventure. :)

I do have two degrees from two different schools, but my nursing school experience was nontraditional so I won’t be talking about that here.

1. Where did you go to college?
I went to Tabor College in Hillsboro, Kansas. It had about 500 students in a town of 3000 surrounded by farmland. We literally ran around the entire town during some soccer conditioning practices.

David's first visit to Tabor last year.

2. What did you study?
I majored in Christian ministry and philosophy. I originally wanted to work at a Christian camp, but my education was actually geared toward leading youth groups in churches. I now consider nursing my ministry, and I help lead our church youth group as a volunteer.

The whole philosophy thing was just for fun. I had a great professor and it was a pretty small load of hours.

3. Was college really all that it was cracked up to be?
Definitely. I chose the perfect school, and I thrived. You’d think that a place that small and that different from what I’m used to would be boring, but I made the best friends and got really involved in activities (soccer, choir, band, leading a local church youth group, intramural sports, even drama). I also learned so much and I know I’m a better person because of the classes and professors at Tabor. I consider it my life degree.

4. How far were you from home?
I just mapped it, and it’s 675 miles. It took about eleven hours driving.

I feel like I know every inch of this drive, and all its variations.

5. Did you have the same roommate all four years?
No; the first semester I was paired with another soccer player, Katie, and although we had some good times we didn’t work as roommates at all. She was the kind of person who would ask you a question and then walk away while you were in the middle of answering her.

We went our separate ways, and I moved in with a friend I’d made named Sara. She and I lived together the first semester of sophomore year too, until she went to pharmacy school. I got one semester in my own room, then junior year I lived in a house with three good friends and roomed with my best friend Becca. That was the best year.

Me with my housemates from junior year.

First semester senior year I lived with a friend named Iva in a room meant for one person. We had fun, but she moved home second semester and I was again alone.

6. Where did you order food from at 2am?
I never ordered food, but we did have some late night McDonald’s runs. That was until the McDonald’s went out of business (can you imagine a place where a McDonald’s actually goes out of business??)

7. Did you date in college or were you tied down?
I had a pattern: I dated a different guy at the beginning of every year but we were always broken up by Christmas, and not by my choice. I learned a lot about heartbreak in college.

8. Funniest drunk college moment?
I’ve actually never been drunk. Tabor required us to sign a lifestyle contract (it was a Christian school) and I followed it for the most part.

9. Did you make it to class on time?
I always made it, but I didn’t always stay awake. It was interesting to look back at the notes I took from morning classes, because you could tell right where I nodded off.

10. What was your favorite class in college?
My absolute favorite was a class on the life and writings of C.S. Lewis. In second place is a class on the Book of John, which was incidentally the hardest class I took.

I’ve been back for Tabor’s homecoming every single year since I graduated; that’s how much I loved it. Some of my best friends live up there, and now my former pastor is the president of the school. Unfortunately an ex of mine who I met in college (we started dating long distance after I graduated) began borderline harassing me after we broke up – all the way until last year when I had to threaten him with getting a lawyer. I’m kind of scared to go back now because it’s a small enough place that I might bump into him and how awkward would that be?