I am quite sleepy today because I was up watching season finales last night. Both Greys Anatomy and Scandal had rather intense episodes last night – totally worth staying up. I know not everyone a) cares or b) has watched yet so no spoilers in the comments, please, but if you want to talk, I’m all for discussing the angst over email!

I did manage to pull together a few thoughts for today’s post, and of course I have links for you. But if you’re just interested in puppy pictures, go ahead and scroll to the bottom.

::BIRCHBOX::

For over a year I’ve watched bloggers go on and on about Birchbox. I always felt like spending $10 a month on anything was just too much money. Then I added up my Starbucks bills (ouch!).

So when I heard this month’s box was going to have a Gossip Girl theme I got myself on the waiting list (yeah…there’s a waiting list for this) and crossed my fingers I would get off the list in time for this round.

The packaging was great! Now to inspect the contents…

You’re looking at 3 hair products, a facial moisturizer, nail polish, a sparkly blue eyeliner, and a gossip girl themed note card. Meh.

Realistically, I’m not sure what I was expecting. Yes, I ended up with $10 worth of products but I almost feel like this service would be better if you were able to select a little bit more specifically. For example, if I could get an entire box of nail products or an entire box of eye makeup I would be a happy girl.

I’m going to stick with it for now and keep playing with my preferences but I’m not sure it’s what I hoped and dreamed it would be.

:: COINS ::

This week I took a pile of coins to the coin machine and walked away with 157 dollars to spend on Amazon.com. The choice was to take cash and be charged a fee or take a gift card and not have to pay a fee – seems like an obvious choice, right? So I advise you to save your coins because they add up!

:: My 600 Pound Life ::

Last night I got sucked into a marathon of My 600 Pound Life. It’s not motivating or inspiring, it’s trashy reality TV with a gastric bypass backdrop. It’s hard to watch for about a thousand reasons but for some reason I could not look away. I can’t even recommend it to you because it’s that bad, but if it’s on and you can’t reach the remote…you know…

:: SPONSORSHIP ::

If I get one more email that begins “Dear Friend” and asks for ad space, I may actually lose my eyeballs from rolling them too hard. Like physically the muscles will just collapse and my eyes will fall out. Thank goodness that’s a total exaggeration because I just grossed myself out.

:: LINKS! ::

Postponing Joy by Skinny Emmie – are you letting fear keep you from getting what you really want?

How to Support a Friend Who’s Losing Weight by Amy at Coffee and Sunshine – I know, I am obsessed with this blog but she just gets it right.

Your Body is Not a Burden by Sable at Squat Like a Lady – Yes, another post from Sable, but again, she gets it right. This post is perfect for everyone to read. Every day.

Infographic: When the Lights Go Out, The World Eats Junk – I posted this to my Facebook page yesterday but I thought it was worth sharing again because it’s the story of my life. I start strong and my willpower fades as the day drags on.

:: IN CASE YOU MISSED IT ::

My Monthly Progress Pictures are up!

Don’t Get Stuck in the “I’m on a Diet” Loop. It’s time to reach your goal so you never have to say those words again!

And….cue baby Mocha!

Oh, wait, would you like a comparison of how tiny this boy still is? Here:

Love. Him.

Latte is plotting:

Who, me?

Latte and Mocha:

So, you might be wondering, “Why aren’t there more pictures of Phog?” And this is why:

(yes, that was Phog falling off the bed while Latte majorly judges him)

Phog just can’t. Sit. Still. Also, if he does manage to stay put for a second, someone else has decided he wants to be a camera hog:

So cute. So ridiculously cute.

Happy Friday!

This morning was supposed to be a big morning for me.

I’m in the process of decorating my little “apartment” – it may take me forever, but I think I’ll get it done eventually. Or I’ll move and start over. Whatever.

Anyway, I picked out a color scheme and got to work. A few months ago I found this chair:

I didn’t buy it because I wasn’t sure I wanted more furniture but I filed it away. Then I decided I did want to get another chair, only I wasn’t sure this was “THE CHAIR.”

I was worried that I might get tired of the teal at some point and of course, furniture is not usually an impulse kind of purchase – it typically takes more money than I’m comfortable just spending all willy-nilly like. So I did what any girl like me would do.

I pinned it.

Within minutes I had feedback from three people – one of whom was my friend Amanda. She has her Pinterest account set up to post to Facebook and soon enough HER friends weighed in on the chair too. The consensus was unanimous:

Buy the chair.

Only I dragged my feet because I was still a little nervous but I finally decided that I want the chair, I have the money, it will look awesome in my room, and it will be reasonably easy to recover when/if I get tired of the teal. Besides, how fun would it be to say that I crowdsourced my living room design?

So I got on the website today to buy the chair and wouldn’t you know? It’s out of stock.

What do you think friends – is this a sign that it’s not meant to be? I signed up to be notified by email if they restock, but…maybe I should take this to mean I should keep looking. Or save the money for something else?

This is why I laugh and totally agree when I see “white girl problems” under the popular search terms people use to find my blog.

Anyway, let’s talk about recipes.

I get 99% of my recipes from the internet. But I don’t love following blogs that are only full of recipes. That’s part of why I stopped posting recipes as posts. The other part is that if I don’t own the recipe, all I can do is show my own pictures of the food and link you to someone else’s blog. Which, in my mind, is better done on Pinterest.  But I do want to share my personal recipes and that’s why I added my recipe page.

Eventually I’ll get all of my old family recipes posted there too so they’re not lost to yellowing index cards and fading ink.

But, so, here are some yummy things I’ve made lately.

Warmer weather means I have every desire to start grilling again. I think I could grill everything. Yes, even pizza.

Just so you have a little more proof that this is actually on the grill:

Yum. I can’t tell you how delicious that pizza was – or how overloaded with goodies: peppers, onions, mushrooms, zucchini, goat cheese, mozzarella, chicken, and avocado.

But the secret to any good pizza is a good crust. For this pizza I made a Garlic & Rosemary crust that was to die for.

Next up? Quinoa burgers.

You may think of them as “fritters” cause there’s no meat involved and I see no reason to eat one on a bun – but they’re perfect on a bed of spinach!

Finally, and I don’t have a recipe for this one because it defies such a thing:

Buffalo Chicken Grilled Cheese. I think you know what to do, right?

What’s your favorite thing you’ve eaten lately?  Would you take the chair situation as sign that it’s not meant to be?

Once again, it’s that time…Progress Pictures are here today!

I’m excited because I feel like I can finally see actual progress here. I really love that feeling.

One of these days I will iron that sheet before I take my pictures. But don’t hold your breath!

Your turn: What are you proud of this week? 

Last week I had a chance to finally meet Gretchen in person. Naturally the conversation turned to weight loss (Gretchen is also blogging her weight loss progress) and eventually we started talking about the fact that so many of our coworkers/friends/family members are “on a diet” and pretty much always seem to be “on a diet” but how none of them ever say “I reached my goal and now I’m done.”

This goes beyond the fact that anyone hoping to maintain a healthy lifestyle will have to permanently modify their eating behaviors away from a daily “diet” of cake and ice cream. I’m talking about the women (and men) in my life who have been on Weight Watchers for 25 years or have a lifetime membership to Jenny Craig – or if they’re not on a trademarked diet plan, they’re on their own brand of “diet” – I’m not bashing programs here because this crosses all the lines.

Only there is no finish line. There’s no point at which any of them stand up and say, “I did what I set out to do.”

These are my progress jars. I made them and let them sit on my desk. I haven't touched them since I took this picture.

Yes, some of this is just the nature of our culture wherein we’re engaged in this constant loop of self-improvement (body-hating style). Some of it is that it’s just easier to say, “I’m on a diet,” than to admit, “I ate an entire box of oreos for breakfast and the idea of more sugar right now makes me cry.” And some of that is expectation. Everyone understands “I’m on a diet,” and many people can relate.

But I’m afraid most of it is just that for these people, they will never reach their goal.

And I can’t ever know or say that they a) had realistic goals to begin with or that b) they put the right kind of work or effort into it or even that c) they had the right tools and didn’t have any extenuating circumstances to keep them from success. I am obviously not a mind reader or a professional. But I do hate the idea of saying “I’m going to do this,” and never actually getting it done.

As I watch the weeks go by and watch the number on my scale bounce around I’m more acutely aware that it’s far too easy to get stuck in the “I’m on a diet loop.”  We’re now 5 and a half months into the year that was going to be “my year” – the year I reached my goal forever and I don’t feel like I have enough progress to show. Part of me wants to admit that I will not make it this year.

The other part of me is too stubborn to accept that. And that’s the part I’m going to hold on to.

I will not let myself get stuck in the loop. I will not be another person who is perpetually “on a diet.”

I will do this, and at the end I will give myself the honor of standing up and saying, “I did what I set out to do.” 

Break the cycle and join me.

Friday marked the beginning of a new 6 week competition at my gym. If you want to pause and refer to my list of goals, winning this contest is one of them. I’ve done this contest every 8 weeks since I joined the gym back in August and I’m seriously tired of not being the winner.

To be fair, it’s not like I’ve failed each time. I lose weight and inches every time, I just don’t lose enough weight (or inches) to win. It only seems natural to try and guess at what I can do differently this time around so I get different results.

But in reality I’m tired and I don’t want to make a bunch of rules for myself that I won’t follow or do some crazy “I’m giving up sugar and dairy for the next 6 weeks” plan. I just want to stick to the basics – exercise every day and eat the right things.

I took the time this weekend to do my prep work. I made breakfast for the week (egg white souffles with bell peppers) and chopped my veggies for lunch/dinner use every day. This morning was super easy – reheat a souffle, toss together a salad. Life should always be so simple.

In some ways I’m excited to have another chance to do what I know I can do. It’s not as important to me to win this as it is to finish the next 6 weeks knowing I did my absolute best and worked my hardest. 

I think that’s the bottom line for me at this point – I’ve done well, but I haven’t done my best. I know I can do better and that’s not a feeling I appreciate having. So for the next six weeks that’s my goal. I’m not going to worry about the numbers, I’m just going to focus on working hard and making sure I end each day knowing I did everything I could do that day.

And now just because these pins made me smile, I thought I would share them:

I slipped out of bed with every intention of inventing myself a Red Velvet Waffle recipe. The kitchen is quiet in the morning and there’s a dreamy, soft light that fills the room. I whispered to the pups as I scurried around collecting my tools and when I finally had everything assembled I realized that there would be no waffles this morning – just donuts.

If this girl has a signature anything, it’s Red Velvet. This explains why there are 4 boxes of food coloring in my cabinet and each one is missing the bottle of red. I found a recipe for red velvet donuts, but alas, we had no red food coloring.

We were also out of vegetable oil, I soon discovered, and for a moment all seemed lost. I stared down a box of Bisquik, considering a forfeit. It would have been so simple, really, and no one would ever know.

Still, I persevered and soon we had a pile of donuts as ammunition for our Mother’s Day festivating.

Cinnamon sugar, powdered sugar, and just plain sugar adorned these rings of fried dough – though I will say the powdered sugar put up quite a fight. I tried a chocolate version as well with lackluster results. But the point was simply this: When I woke up today I’d never made my own donuts before. Now I can say that I have.

On this Mother’s Day it’s this legacy that I’m thankful for: my mother, her mother, and my father’s mother – all women with their own level of kitchen fierceness, whose aprons I take on each time I step into the kitchen. I imagine them whispering advice as I work (when we all know they’d probably be slapping my hands and/or shouting at me), picture them sharing their strength as I knead the bread, cautioning me that biscuits do not tolerate so much beating, and reminding me once again to slow. down. I never had the privilege to cook with all of these women, but they find ways to teach me nonetheless. The veil often seems thinnest when I’m the most buried in a new kitchen escapade. Even when I’m faced with something I’ve never done before, I know I can do it if I know one of the women in my family has done it. I trust them to help me out.

Maybe that explains why I treasure a quiet kitchen so much.

It was a day full of activity indeed and the flurry of comings and goings left the pups nicely worn out:

Which is, in fact, the secret to successful puppy raising. A tired dog is a good dog – provided they are exactly the right amount of tired.

I know I am exactly the right amount of tired right now and though the weekend seems too short (as always) I’m also looking forward to the week ahead of me.

I hope you, your mother, and all mothers out there had a most spectacular Mother’s Day.

I mentioned a few posts ago that I’m taking a blog design class. This is what happens when you go on a serious ramble about wanting to buy yourself an awesome layout. Only that wasn’t really what that post was about.

Anyway, I’ve found myself in a class and wouldn’t you know there’s homework involved? We have to practice making designs – and I’ve tried, believe me, but without having an actual blog to work with it’s pretty challenging. There are only so many versions of my own blog I can envision at one time. So I’m here to beg a favor from those of you who haven’t already invested a serious amount of time/money into your own blog design.

Lend me your blog?

To clarify, I won’t actually be touching your blog. I’m just making the design in photoshop – kind of like a screenshot – not functional, and no one will ever see it but me, my teacher, and you (unless you decide to share it). Technically, I could do it without your permission because you’d never even know I’d done it  but I’d feel really skeevy if I did it that way all secret-like. And I don’t want to step on any toes or hurt anyone’s feelings by just diving in…so I’m asking permission.

In the event I produce something that’s actually worth using, I will totally let you have it. I can’t promise a result you’ll like or that I can even install it, but if the stars align just right you might be in for a treat!

Anyone interested? I know this is random, but it never hurts to ask, right?

I am shamefully behind on my blog reading for this week so I don’t have any links to share with you this week. Let’s go with puppy pictures instead, okay?

They have tons of toys, but their favorite things to play with are big pieces of mulch and little pieces of trash. It stops my heart every time I see one of them with a plastic anything. Years have been added to my life with the constant moments of “oh my gosh get that out of your mouth right now.”

If you’re looking for a good series to read, I can’t recommend The Mortal Instruments enough. It’s a good option for those of you who enjoyed the Hunger Games and Twilight. Book 5 just came out and I had to scramble through the last of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter so I could start reading immediately.

(source)

The Lincoln Vampire book was decent as well, if that’s more your thing. It was far-fetched but that’s to be expected, right?

Finally, today is my last day of work ridiculousness (famous last words, I know it) and one of my closest friends is in town for the weekend, which is the best thing ever. It’s going to be an awesome weekend and I can’t wait!

What’s on your agenda for this weekend? And what books are on your “must read” list?

If you’re thinking things have gotten a little out of control in my absence, you’re absolutely right.

My conference was a tremendous success – I’ve gotten wonderful feedback from everyone which is a really great feeling.

Mostly what I’m feeling though – honestly – is just plain exhausted. Now that everything is over and I can relax again, I finally feel tired.

But who has time to sleep? I’m involved in a two day event (today and tomorrow) and even though I was only supposed to be there 4 hours today I just barely escaped 30 minutes ago. It’s a problem that I have, really, not being able to say no but also not being able to LET GO and just let someone else do the work. I could have walked away at 10 but I knew they needed help. So I stayed.

I can sleep when I’m dead, right?

I think I may be too tired to sleep though – I wake up every 2-3 hours and that’s more depressing than I can even express. But that’s also why I don’t have an incredibly cohesive blog post for you today – and why I’m absolutely shocked that I managed to hang out with Gretchen for the first time in real life last night and she actually  wants to hang out with me again. We ate crawfish (a first for both of us) and I didn’t fall asleep in the mussels. There are pictures to prove this over on her blog. If you are curious, she is every bit as awesome in real life as she is on her blog – only better because you cannot hug her blog and because – well, real people are better than their blogging personas suggest. It’s hard to explain but basically I mean that you only see part of a person through their blog.

Anyway, I thought I would try to share a little of my experience with you.  I left work at 6 on Monday, had dinner with my boss and a coworker and headed for the hotel where we were having our event. I got there at 8:30, realized I had to pick up one last poster from the copier, turned around and got it and made it back in time to check in to the hotel and get up to my room before my 9pm blog design class. Win.

A side note, however, when I checked in the man at the desk said, “Ma’am, we have 51 boxes waiting for you in our security office.”  I almost fell over, but I knew they were our swag bags. Fortunately they let me leave them there overnight.

I woke up at 4am on Tuesday morning. I stumbled around getting dressed and after several failed attempts at a sock bun I just let things be.

I headed downstairs to get started with my last minute set up items. Would you like to see what it feels like to stare out from the stage into a room where 600 people will sit?

Take that image and double it. I was fortunate enough not to have to stand up there while those seats were full this year. I  did it last year but if I can avoid doing it ever again I’ll be a very happy girl.

I don’t want to bore you with the details, but if you remember my last post our keynote speaker is an artist. He left us these paintings to auction at our next fundraising event and guess who ended up babysitting?

Expensive art is not a great overnight guest. I had to do all the talking.

Anyway, I woke up in the morning around 8:30 and was still in bed stretching when I heard a knock at the door. I scampered off to answer it because I remembered I’d been clever enough to order myself room service for the morning.  If you’ve never done this before I can’t recommend it enough – save up for this treat because it makes you feel kind of like a big deal when someone greets you by name and carries your breakfast in.

I didn’t eat as much of it as I thought I would. Every trip has a threshold for me when I decide “Okay, it’s time to go home and I mean RIGHTNOW.”  That hit me during breakfast so I shoveled what I could into my mouth, threw my stuff in my car and rushed home.

There was a welcoming committee waiting. I know these are mostly not in focus, but this is quite literally what the experience is like when you come into my house so just appreciate Latte’s judgmental expression.

It was quite the welcome and I was all too happy to soak up some puppy snuggles.

I wish I’d had the foresight to take the rest of the week off, but you already know the end of that story!

Congratulations go to Leanna who correctly guessed the number of shoes I had with me for my overnight trip (5 pairs!). No congratulations go to my trainer Jason who felt the need to point out that he was the “real” winner since I asked how many pairs of shoes I packed and technically I wore one of those 5 pairs in to the hotel. I’m going to counter-argue that when one is wearing a gun on one’s person it is sometimes referred to as “packing heat” and if we apply that methodology to my shoes I maintain that Leanna wins fair and square.

The shoe breakdown? A pair of flats, a pair of heels, a pair of running shoes, a pair of chucks, and a pair of flip flops. Yes, I wore them all.

Happy almost Friday? What have YOU been up to the last few days?

Is my big day. I hope by the time you’re reading this I’m well into my day and everything is flowing smoothly.

In the meantime, wanna check out my keynote speaker for today? I’m kind of excited.

For those of you who are under the impression I can’t make a cohesive playlist to save my life, I present you with this:

Oh. Wait. I guess that still doesn’t count as cohesive. But at least you know I have depth?

Anyway, keep your fingers crossed for me. I have serious nails, ferocious tights, and two pairs of shoes. I think I can handle anything, but then again I ran out of time to practice my hair, so, you know, there’s that.

The first person to accurately guess how many pairs of shoes I packed for this one day, two night trip gets my next batch of cookies! I’ll even mail ‘em to ya!