• Went to Disneyland before all the COVID madness happened, a perfectly timed trip! We all had a great time, especially Miles. It was also great to see some of my family while I was there!
• Got to spend a little time visiting the library with the kids
• I started preparing to launch a photography business
• COVID happened.
• Pretty much everything got put on hold: no more library, very few friends, definitely no photography business
• Learned a lot about running a business in preparation fro when I do get to launch
• Did a LOT of sewing and started knitting again
• Had my gallbladder removed, still recovering since that was just a few days ago.

That’s about it. Here’s hoping that next year things get back under control and that life can get back to semi-normal. The kids really miss seeing people and going places, but they’re handling it decently.

2021: please don’t suck too much, thanks.

I’m not planning on a specific 2021 Goals post because well, I don’t have it in my to have all my plans be ruined again haha, so I’ll just toss it in here; I’m making another attempt at a 365 Project so I’ll probably do some photo posts here with those, maybe once a month. Or not cause we know how this blog goes… meh. If you want to follow in more real time I’ll be posting on Instagram.

Ok, I’m out! Happy New Year everybody.

• Bought a house! It’s a pretty cool house, I like it. 
• Moved into said house and barely had to do any work because I was pregnant ;) 
• Set up an amazing craft room! It’s very unorganized right now but it’s so nice having my machines set up and having a dedicated cutting and pressing table.
• Set up an adorable space themed nursery for the baby.
• Had fun parties at our new house. Birthday parties, baby shower, just because dinners, etc. 
• Had a baby! Delivery didn’t go quite how I wanted, but Baby Boy was born healthy and we had no scares so I am still calling it a huge success. 
• So many baby milestones in just 4 and a half months. It’s been so fun to watch him learn new things, and I love all the firsts!
• Baby giggles. 
• Watching Kevin be a Dad. He loves his boy <3 

This will be a tough year to top!

When I got engaged, I figured planning a wedding would give me tons of blogging fodder. It actually did, but I was so exhausted planning it that I didn’t have the energy to blog besides the one post I made! The wedding was amazing though, I promise I’ll make a post about it soon, share the video and a few photos.

When we bought a house (… oh I guess I didn’t mention that either), I suppose I could have made a post about the buying process, but honestly it’s kind of boring. Our house is cute though! And Toby is absolutely loving his new yard. Maybe I’ll post about it when we have our housewarming party… in July… hah.

So now, we’re having a baby! Exciting right? Want to guess how far along I am based on how many posts I’ve made? Nooo I’m not going to pop tomorrow haha, but I am in the third trimester. Baby Boy is due mid-August, Kevin and I are very excited! Here’s what the little guy looked like at our 20 week anatomy scan.

I’m not sure what all I’d have posted about so far. First trimester was a blur of exhaustion and nasty morning sickness. Second trimester got slightly better. I’m feeling surprisingly good now at the start of the third, but I’m sure comfort-wise it’s going to start going downhill any time! I already ache all the time, but it’s manageable.

So since clearly being pregnant wasn’t enough to make me blog… we’ll see what happens when kiddo is born. Maybe I’ll become a Mommy Blogger hahahaha. Probably not.

This means of course, that I have had all my major life milestones without him and always will. 99.5% of the time it doesn’t bother me, because it’s how it’s always been and I am as used to it as one can be with unfortunate things.

But today, for some reason, I am not.

Today I am listening to sappy love songs trying to put together a list of songs to play for key events at my wedding, and I am absolutely heartbroken. I would love to give my soon-to-be Mother in-law the opportunity to have a special dance with her son at our wedding, but I just don’t know if I sit there and know that I won’t have the opportunity to dance with my dad. Sure, there are alternatives, but they will all stab me in the heart, and right now that sounds unbearable.

It shouldn’t matter. I have survived birthdays, graduations, big moves, happy moments, sad moments, and every day without him. I have always known that I would also have my wedding without him. But every vendor, every website, every acquaintance that doesn’t know better, they all ask something about him; ‘will your dad walk you down the aisle?’ ‘are you going to dance with your father?’ ‘are your parents giving speeches?’ and every time there is a little twinge of grief, or a big one.

Grief is a funny thing. After all these years I still mourn for what never was and never will be, even in the midst of all my happiness.

So, here are some things that I’m hoping to accomplish in 2016!

Personal:

• Plan a successful, fun, and reasonably priced* wedding. I’ve got the venue and photographer booked so I’m on the right track. We’re a little crazy and are getting married in September.
• Lose 20lb to look awesome in my wedding dress and feel good and all the other benefits of losing some extra weight. I also want to start doing yoga.
• Spend more time reading.
• Learn German, and brush up on my Spanish.
• Get a puppy (maybe haha).

Work:

• Expand my business. I haven’t decided what direction I want to go yet, but I want to start doing either some freelance web design, or photography. I also plan to start selling a small quantity of handbags.
• Catch up on my business taxes. I’d like to actually have the funds in January for them, not in April. I’m tired of always trying to keep up and would love to actually be ahead of the game.

I think that’s pretty much it! I think 2016 is going to be pretty good and I look forward to seeing what it brings.

Traditionally, I’m guessing chronological order is the best way to go about it, but I just want to start with the most exciting bit!

So for Kevin’s birthday in early December, we went back up to Victoria so that we could see the lights at Butchart Gardens. Apparently Canada is our birthday-place haha. So we were there and the lights were all beautiful and we had a great time. The best part was that while we were there, on his birthday, surrounded by adorable Christmas lights, Kevin asked me to marry him! Of course I said yes, how could I possibly not?! We’re very excited.

Ok now that I’ve said that, I can go over the rest of the year. It’ll be quick, because everything pales in comparison.

• As you know, Sonia came to visit me earlier in the year. She actually came again this month because I needed her here in person to squee with. That was awesome!
• Saw Phantom of the Opera, which I was way thrilled for because I’ve been dying to see it on stage since high school. We looked snazzy and had a great time.

• Went on a mini vacation to Leavenworth, an adorable little Bavarian town not too far from here.
• Participated in a lot of sewing swaps.
• Turned 30, but you already read that blog post.
• Did a bunch of archery, and also wound up with an airsoft pistol. Also fired a real gun for the first time ever.
• Failed Whole30. Oops. I actually need to try to succeed at that again, I have a pretty dress in my future that I want to look awesome in!
• Went to my first Mariner’s game. Had amazing seats! Went into crazy overtime but sadly we lost in the end.

• Saw Rocky Horror Picture Show, dressed appropriately for it.
• Drank way too much Starbucks.
• Played a lot of video games. Started a YouTube channel and another neglected blog related to said games.
• Went to Canada and GOT ENGAGED. Oh, I said that already. Sorry….
• Got a bunch of awesome Christmas gifts. Had a quiet New Year.

And there we are folks! All caught up. Tomorrow* I’ll make a post about what’s coming up in 2016. Yaaaaay! 2015 was amazing, I hope 2016 is even better.

• Whole30 Day 3: when I need to find a new appreciation for black coffee because life without coffee isn’t worth living.
  (I know I said that in my last post, but it was worth re-stating, because it’s that important to me haha).
• Whole30 Day 4: the carb cravings commence. My kingdom for some pancakes! (I haven’t even had pancakes in months, whyyyy cravings?!)
• Today and tomorrow are supposed to be the “Kill ALL the things!” days, but so far today I’m not grumpy, just perpetually hungry #whole30
• Whole30 Day 6: I have a nasty, nasty headache today.
• (In response to someone asking me for motivational tips): When I feel deprived, I eat bacon ;)
• Oooh… its a day late according to the timeline, but the “kill ALL the things” phase just kicked in. #badmood #whole30
• (In response to someone saying I’m making them never want to try Whole30): It gets better. And it’s not like I’m never grumpy otherwise ;) It’s not [fun], but I get amazing results from it. A little suffering builds character.
• Whole30 Day 7: My kingdom for something that is NOT eggs for breakfast…

So that’s where I am right now. Sick to death of eggs, still missing my coffee, tired and slightly grumpy. The good news is that next week will be better. Also, I really need to get to the gym, but I am remarkably unmotivated to do so lately. Gonna try hard t make myself go this weekend though.

All weekend long, both Kevin and I kept saying, “All I want to eat is things I’m not allowed to have”. I don’t usually start off so discouraged, which is a little bit not-promising for the longevity of this plan.

I started my day today without coffee, which sucks. A day without coffee is a bad day. So I bought an iced Americano while I was grocery shopping and added a little coconut milk to it, and it’s drinkable. I will need to find an appreciation for black coffee if I’m going to stay sane.

I did it by doing CrossFit at a great place down in Beaverton with really friendly people and super helpful coaches. I was there about 3 times a week working up all kinds of sweats and lifting heavy things and having a ton of fun. A few months into being there, I started a Whole30 because I needed to stop eating so badly. I went through the kitchen and got everything that wasn’t Whole30 compliant out of the house, and whilst quitting Starbucks cold turkey was tough, I survived the 30 days and saw great results. After I was done I wished I had blogged it, but I did at least take pictures of much of the food I ate.

After that, I was staying mostly-Paleo for a while, and continued seeing good results. I had lost almost 30 pounds, I had a ton of energy, I was sleeping better, and I wasn’t embarrassed to wear a bikini out in public. I wish that was the end of the story! I wish it almost as much as I wish I was rich.

Shortly after that I met a boy. I love him dearly, he’s awesome and I still have him and plan on keeping him forever and ever, but it turns out our favorite thing to do is eat, and we really love pizza and beer. Sooooooo here I am, two years later, pretty much back at the weight I started at. Ugh! We’ve done a couple Whole30s together during these two years but we’re not diligent about not reverting straight back to really bad habits, nor about going to the gym. Pizza and beer occasionally is great, but we wind up eating all carbs all the time when we’re not paying attention.

So now we’re at today. A couple months ago I started trying to lose weight again but it’s been a little half-hearted. Now it’s time to kick things back into high gear, and we’ll be starting yet another run through 30 days of no processed carbs and no added sugar. I also plan on checking out a couple of the local CrossFit places to see if one is a good match for me, because I really miss it and it works well for me.

This time around though, to help with accountability (and also because it’s kind of a fascinating 30 days), I’ll be blogging some about how it goes. What I eat, how I feel, how tired I am of eggs, whatever strikes my fancy. Probably not daily, but I’ll strive for at least once or twice a week. We’re starting on August 1, and I’m going to try really hard not to gain 3 pounds drinking coffee and eating ice cream before then, but I make absolutely no promises!