Today I was horrified to realize that I fit the ‘soccer mom’ cliche to a ‘T’.

Step 1.  Drive a mini van.  *check*

Step 2.  Pack it full of kids. *check, check and check*

Step 3.  Actually take them to soccer practice.  *check*

Step 4.  Dress in yoga pants (even though you are clearly not someone who does a lick of yoga).  *check*

Step 5.  Have a thermos full of coffee (or starbucks, if you’re feeling fancy) to keep alert. *check*

Step 6.  Race out of the parking lot at breakneck speed while calculating (down to the minute) how much free time you have.  *check*  (I have 1 hour, 23 minutes left on my clock).

This week my kids are signed up for ‘British Soccer Camp’ which is put on by…you guessed it…some British dudes.  They are all very cute and charming (who am I kidding, I have no idea if they’re cute or not…all they have to do is talk with their adorable accents and my eyes cross)…this morning as I dumped my children off on the curb, one of the coaches came up to my window to tell me they were moving fields.  As I drove the kids to the correct field, I started thinking about what these British guys go home and tell their friends…”Yeah, in America…that ‘soccer mom’ deal is an actual thing!  

My only saving grace is that I do NOT have the ‘stick family’ bumper sticker on the back of my minivan…so far I’ve dodged that bullet.  Maybe when I roll in to pick the kids up today, I’ll have the windows down and the music blasting (with some music that highlights the amazing sound system in my Grand Caravan)…just to let these guys know that soccer mom’s still know how to rock it!  Like they care~haha.

I’ve worked with this awesome family for a few years now…mom and dad make some dang cute babies…so I’m always excited to see them!  Thanks for coming all the way out here for your newborn session…your new little man is just perfect

His daddy likes golf…

Big sister is gorgeous…wowza!

The other day, I made a seemingly, innocent, off-handed comment on my FB fan page.  As my birthday loomed, I was feeling old and sorry for myself, so I made a joke and was immediately slammed by some seriously sensitive people.  Woah.  Here was my comment:

Either teenagers are brushing up on their manners, or I’m just getting old…because in the last few days, I’ve gotten 5 different emails from high school girls that all start out with: “Dear Mrs. Klatt,” Yikes~just call me Kelly…or Kel…I’ll even accept a ‘hey you’! Save your ma’am’s and your Mrs.’ for someone who’s not still pretending to be 29.

There were a few immediate scathing comments along the lines of, “If you want to eliminate manners in our youth, then you might as well just pray for the end of times right now.”  I may have paraphrased a bit.

But seriously…maybe some of ‘fans’ don’t understand my culture.  In Minnesota, a lot of women are mildly offended by the phrase ‘ma’am’, and don’t like to be called Mrs.___ because that is their mother-in-law, not them!  Ma’am=old lady.  I know, it’s odd, but it’s how we react.  We don’t mind ‘Miss’…”excuse me, Miss, I think you dropped something“.  It’s not that the teens that I work with have bad manners or poor etiquette…exactly the opposite, which is why I get my panties in a twist.  Strange, but true.

And while we’re on the topic of offending people (which I may have a knack for), I did an interview with Seniorologie, (huge honor, btw) and I made a horribly tacky comment (#shocker #nofilter #randomhashtaguser), which I’m sure many will find fault with.  Just know that it was said as a joke~those interview questions can get a bit tedious, and I wanted to keep the readers awake~haha!  If I’ve learned anything in 35 years, it’s that people need to laugh more, and chillax.   Unless your job is serious (ie: brain surgeon), then you better just stick to the facts and leave the funny business to people lower on the totem pole.

It’s so much simpler to let it all hang out on my blog…not so judge-y over here.  It’s my happy place.

Speaking of happy (as always, my gift for segue’s is astounding), this sweet little newborn session makes me happy.  Two weeks new, and as sleepy as can be…he is such a cutie!  Love the strawberry/blonde hair!   I love the shots of big brother too…he wasn’t a huge fan of being that close to his new brother…his grumpy faces cracked me up!

Forgot to add this:  Here is the picture my dad texted me this morning.  This is probably only really funny if you know my dad (who is not the most technical person in the world).  He subscribes to the audio version of facebook (meaning, my mom tells him all the latest status update scoops, so he doesn’t have to get an account himself).  But here he is, texting pictures and making me laugh~thanks dad

Senior Model Shoot 2014 from Kelly Klatt on Vimeo.

DIRECT VIDEO LINK

My favorite shot from our day:

“Allright girls, show me ‘bored’”.  Nailed it.

practicing our ANTM skillzzz

Just a disclaimer…no models were hurt during the climbing of this giant fence…but being a mom and a worry-wart I did protest a few times.  Yikes!

Phew, we made it~just set a record for most pictures in a blog post ever.

This past Saturday was supposed to be a wash-out, but it was actually a beautiful day.  I noticed a patch of lilac bushes along the side of the road while we were driving home from soccer and I told Lucy that we should run out there and get some pictures.  She was game, and I rounded up a few props and off we went.  I love when things all come together with zero planning or foresight…even though we got busted trespassing…I swear this was on a nearby church’s land (it’s in the bible that church property is fair game…Ephesians 2 v1…(don’t really look that up)), but nope, it was some nice lady’s land.  Thankfully she was cool…but I’m happy that it was just me and my daughter and not a client.  Not that I make it a habit of trespassing with clients in tow…promise!

And yes, I realize my editing is all over the place on these…I was having fun playing around in photoshop

This chicken raising business is getting out of control.  Let’s do the math, shall we?  Korey ordered 6 baby chicks.  They gave us 7.  Okay, I can handle that.  Well, then one dies, which brings us back to 6.  Korey feels saddened by the loss of the bonus baby chick so he orders SIX more.  6 plus 1, minus 1, add in 6, carry the 1, multiply by 4, numbercrunchinghasneverbeenmystrongsuit.  Where was I?  Oh yes, TWELVE chickens.  Honestly, he might as well just order a donkey while he’s at it (I had originally written a really hostile ‘ass’ joke here, but deleted it, because I still want my husband to like me).

Not to mention the coop building process.  We have been in our house for seven years without a back deck.  Not that there’s anything wrong with having a sealed up sliding glass door in your dining room, it’s just time for a flippin deck already.  There’s always been some other project or lack of money that’s gotten in our way…well, just when I thought we had reached that magical spot, (year 7), he up and orders chickens.  Within 1 day of ordering the chickens, he has brought home loads of lumber and recruited his father and brother-in-law to build the coop.  When is he going to realize that MY priorities need to be his?  He obviously needs to brush up on his wedding vows (where he promised to love, honor and always say ‘yes dear’, no matter what the situation was).

And then…the straw that broke the camel’s back (oooh, we should get camels)…I recently purchased a mini-refrigerator for the studio.  I keep it stocked with pop/water/juice, etc.  I told one of my clients to go ahead and help themselves.  She opened up the refrigerator and sitting right smack dab in the middle of the fridge, is a large container of worms.  For the baby chicks.  Clearly, Korey has gone off his meds if he thinks that my client refrigerator is an ideal location for bait storage.

Ahhh, thanks for letting me vent!  Today I’m sharing pictures from one of my favorite family’s…I’ve been working with them for years…I love these guys!  I was going to put their recent 6 month session up today, then I realized that I hadn’t blogged their last maternity/newborn/3 month session either, so we best remedy that!

Maternity session from last summer…

Soon to be ‘big brother’!

Baby ‘B’ is here!!  Sweet and teeny-tiny

3 month session~on a chilly November morning~quick jumped outside for a shot in the snow!

6 month session~Sitting up and looking adorbs  She might have been older than 6 months here…but we’re calling it close enough!

Love a man who can rock a bow tie!  I found his 1 yr session…he was pretty studly then too!

Favorite shot of the day!

Well, I’ve completely bored myself…I assume you’ve all stopped reading and moved directly to the picture portion of this post…which is a wise move.  A few weeks ago I shared this tween session with you.  She is such a great kid, and a fabulous little model to boot…because I loved her b session so much, I had to share it with you guys.  She’s e-l-e-v-e-n years old.  I’m waiting for her to hit that awkward puberty stage, but something tells me she’s going to skip that whole painful period in her life…lucky!

She’s an amazing dancer, and we got this shot on the second take!

I’m kind of a ‘talk before I think’ kind of gal…same with my writing style.  I do attempt to keep my opinions about religion and politics on lockdown…I’m conservative, and with my lack of filter, I’m sure I’d manage to offend some people!  So what else does that leave me to talk about?  Exaaaaactly…phallic inspired jewelry.  I knew we were on the same page.  Perhaps I should start my blog posts with the cute baby pictures…and end with whatever bone of contention I am thinking about that day?  Feel free to shoot me a message if you have any brilliant ideas on how to entertain whilst not horrifying my high maintenance sister in law.

Skipping around on the blog again…here was a sweet little newborn session I wanted to share…isn’t she lovely

Tis the season for Bachelorette parties.  I’ve worn my fair share of ‘member’ shaped accessories over the years…and sipped beer from many a phallic straw.  Most of the bachelorette parties I’ve attended include a bus full of inebriated woman stumbling in and out of bars, their boldness made stronger by alcohol and the solidarity of their friends wearing matching ‘blinking dick’ necklaces.  If you’re lucky, you get to attend a party that starts with games…these are alway raunchy and most often hilarious.  Who doesn’t want to see their BFF with a hot dog tied around her waist humping the ground?  I know I do.  I’ve never been to a party that hires strippers…I imagine those are being thrown by rich women…and sadly, I’ve only befriended poor people (although, if hiring someone like Magic Mike was on the table…maybe one of us would have splurged).  My sister-in-law had her bachlorette party while still in college, and we were treated to a drunk frat boy’s rendition of that ‘thong song‘…his thong included.  I clearly remember him straddling my mother-in-law and putting his thong in her face… tears of horror and laughter streaming down her face.  This is a woman who hasn’t skipped a Sunday church service in her life…I’m sure she’s blocked out that memory for her own sanity.  My own bachelorette party was not nearly as gross or entertaining…but we were all 22 yrs old, and had no idea how to throw a proper party.  I had about 9 or 10 girls come up north for a long weekend together.  My mom came along under the ruse of ‘cooking’ for us…but I know she really came so that no one would over-imbibe and drown in the lake…she drove the ‘party bus’(aka: her mini van), and we had a fabulous time dancing with the townies.  My girlfriends forgot any of the usual Bachelorette paraphernalia, and improvised with a wedding veil made out of toilet paper.    I never felt so beautiful

The reason I bring up Bachelorette parties…was because I texted my friend Sarah to tell her that I had her images ready to view.  She said she was in San Diego for a bachelorette party, and she would try and get to the internet in between their soak in the natural mineral spring hot tub & their facial and seaweed body wrap appointments.  Whaaaat?  The last Bachelorette party I attended was at the local legion.  Clearly, I have made the wrong choice in friendships over the years (I kid, I kid, I wouldn’t change my friends for the world…well, maybe one or two, but only if I get that seaweed body wrap, that sounds delightful).

So here is Sarah and her kiddos for their ‘mommy & me, white bed session‘.  Sarah might look familiar to many of you, she does all my ordering sessions.  If you come do a portrait session with me, you’ll get to meet Sarah afterwards and she helps you decide what to order.  Feel free to ask her about her about the luxurious parties she attends…I’m sure she has some good stories!

I just had to pop on the blog today and share some pictures from last summer…because I am having a dang hard time convincing myself that it will ever look like this again.  This family was a joy to work with…we did a little combo 1 yr old/family session~and i love how it turned out!  Actually, if I remember correctly…this dad is a dentist…hey~can we work out some type of trade~haha!

A few months ago during a long ‘snow day’, my son Riley (7) started obsessively making paper airplanes…I thought they would make for a cute session…then I decided a little color might be nice, and went onto Amazon and bought some cheap little airplanes.  The airplanes I arrived, and I promptly forgot all about it.  Then last week, we got hit with another beautiful snow storm in April, and I was trapped in the house with the three lovelies again.  I remembered my planes, and away we went.  They thought the planes looked pretty ‘sweet’ (riley’s words)..even though Brady (5) was his usually challenging self!

This next shot…my new favorite picture of my boys ever…they are such nut-balls.  You can’t even blame this on ‘photographer child syndrome’ since I rarely take my camera out around them!  This is just their personalities…sigh.

After I explained to Brady how cute he looked in the big nerd glasses, he got a bit more charming!