Είναι ένα καλύτερο άτομο από τον πατέρα σου –

Excerpt from Hector’s Prayer from the Iliad Book VI by Homer

The quote above states, “Be a better man than your father.” While I see this as a no brainer not many follow this advice. I have seen some men be horrible people even though their father (or step father) is a great guy. Then they are those that even without a strong male figure in their lives can go and become great men.

I really don’t have an either/or… I consider myself in the middle. While my father wasn’t around much as child or even now… (side note: I haven’t seen or heard from my father since I broke things off with Madeline last June). He did teach me a few things in life. I own crescent ratchet wrenches  because of him, but learned how to rebuild a transmission of a 1986 Jeep Cherokee in spite of him. I quote some of his spanish proverbs and parables but take a long long look at his down falls as person.

Maybe this is just a reminder, if I ever become a father, I shouldn’t be like my own. It’s not that I’m reluctant but sometimes you become your parents. Frankly, I don’t want to be like either of them. I say that my biggets fear is to have lived and not have a purpose. I am slowly starting to see that my second biggest fear is becoming my father. Not that he was horrible as father, just not good at the whole being a there for any of us. My older sister was mainly raised in boarding schools, I practically raised myself and my younger sister.

But I see this with a lot of men, my friends; they want to better than their fathers. Maybe one day, our kids will say the same about us. I think it should be the natural evolution of culture and society for the betterment of humanity.

As you might know, I was let go from my last job because of the company’s low performance in general. In total, 15 people were let go, mostly new employees like myself. I took a few days to recharge and look for other job offers. Took some time to work on some personal projects, catch up with friends and relatives… but never really not doing anything.

It’s a thing I have… I need to be doing something. I can’t just not be working. That’s one of the reasons I loved being freelance; you’re your own boss and give yourself work to do. There is no busywork to keep you entertained, you do what you need to do because its your lively-hood. You work to pay the bills and eat. It’s a great motivational effect. In turn, this past month I have been working on redesigns to this current blog but decided to use it for the revival of my side project 20Somethings. While I did state that the project has been a bit of a failure, I have had a hard time shutting it down. I believe that it’s a great place for people in their 20s to read about real people with the same type of problems and situations. But more on that later.

I started the redesign on top of the framework using a GPL license and using a custom font that will work on most modern browsers and all iOS platforms. I really couldn’t have been able to do most of this if it weren’t for all the “free time” I’ve had in the last few weeks. The learning curve is high and there is a lot of work of “trial and error” and then back to debugging. I am not a web developer… I barely know some HTML and PHP but it’s just something I enjoy to dabble in.

I have also been up and up on my Objective-C learning. Sadly this is something that needs to be constantly practiced. You can only get better at it by practicing, which I am currently doing but not to satisfactory of actually releasing something to the public. In conjunction to learning Objective-C (C and C++) I started to learn Python. Another programming language. But a modern one and completely different. I really don’t know why I’m doing it, but it wouldn’t hurt to add another skill. I think it was suggested by one of the people I follow that has ties to Warner Music Group and their tech division, either way its something I am going to follow through on.

The last and probably what I’m most exited for is that a friend of mine has asked me to become his manager. It’s been a few weeks but changes are already apparent and I have tons of things to do. It is great when you work with someone that both trusts you as a friend and as a professional. This brings me back to my roots and it will be fun and challenging all at the same time, so very worthy.

As I stated before, me losing my old job was probably for the best… Things are taking shape and I will have more time to manage and consult with my friend about his career.

I am definitely looking forward for what is to come and all the learning opportunities this will lead to, as a manager, as an audio engineer, as a friend, and as a person.

“If you can’t change your situation change your attitude”

Well this situation was changing my attitude and not for the better, so I came to realization that I had to change the situation. I had talked and tracked down a few leads and set up interviews but was in no hurry, until yesterday.

Yesterday was like any other day. I had the opening shift at my job. So I got up early and what not. Got there on time, and did my normal routine. I thought nothing special… I talked to my HR manager about missing a few days of work next week because I had a jury summons and that I understood if it was denied because I had taken some time off recently for my wisdom teeth extraction. Everything was ok. I just had to make a copy of the summons and I was ok. An hour later a manager called me into their office and was informed about the numbers. They were down and I was out.

So, I was let go. At first my head was “Now what?!” and contemplated horrible scenarios,  but at fast as those thoughts came to mind, they where gone. It became clear that this was a crutch and I was leaning on it too much. I had become stagnent and no real progress was happening in my quest to return to the music industry or going back to school in fall.

I will not go into minute details on how I think that company that prides itself on customer service is running a fairly big store with a skeleton crew with barely enough personnel to run its departments because it doesn’t matter. I met good people and then I met some not so good people. Some people understand that this was a temporary job while other thought that this was going to be some kind of career.

I did my due diligence in living below my means, saving up money for a rainy day. I will be good for a while. I have a few interviews lined up for next week, and will work on tracking down leads for work opportunities.

In the end it was for the best.

These are just my views, however yours might differ; to each their own.

Although I received my iPad last Monday before noon, I was not able to enjoy it until later that night when I spent about two hours reading RSS feeds on it.

The next day, I kept switching between my Macbook Pro and my iPad. I couldn’t get used to the one task at a time limitation limitation. On my MBP, I usually have Mail, NetNewsWire, Things, and Tweetie running in the background. I like to multitask. If you want to multitask, this is not a device for you… at least not yet.

My iPad is the entry level one, the 16 GB version. I didn’t want to wait for the 3G version because, let’ss face it, I don’t really need another monthly bill to AT&T when I barely get any reception at home.

As the day progressed, I started to get a better sense of how I would interact with it in a much better way that ‘faked’ multitasking. Twitteriffic for the iPad has a built-in web browser as not to open Safari when one taps on a link… but it is an option to if you prefer.

Inline HTML 5 (h.264) YouTube is great. I can’t tell you how many times I have been reading an article on my iPhone and a link to youtube is tapped, sending me to the YouTube app. On the iPad that seems to be resolved for the most part. Links in Safari still direct you to the app though.

For the life of me of me, I wasn’t sure how to hold it. It took about an hour to really find a comfortable way to hold and write on the thing. While it is fairly thin, at pound and half, one grows tired of holding it with one had after a certain period of time.

I enjoy the new look of the Calendar and Contacts app. Safari is fairly familiar yet has a few new features here and there.

I have to admit, I find myself holding it a lot more in landscape (horizontal) than vertical. It just seem much more eye appealing that way. It also seems like I am not the only one, as most apps have taken advantage and set up side scrolling column when in landscape such as Mail and Notes.

One thing of genius that I have observed is 1Password. While I have various logins around the web I rarely use the same password for sites. I use the tool 1Password on the mac and have it sync to my various computers via Dropbox. It’s a plugin to almost every browser on the Mac platform. It stores and help create strong passwords. Sadly, Safari on the iPad and iPhone don’t allow third party plugins such as those like 1Password. Therefore 1Password baked Safari right into their app. Being able to load pages inside the app and letting you load your passwords like nothing.

I saw half of Spartacus on Netflix, and even quit and relaunched it to play right from where I left off. It will be a great way for me to get caught up with shows that have the watch instantly option.

Pandora is a nice app but won’t be as awesome until the fall when 4.0 is released for the iPad that will allow multitasking like playing Pandora’s audio in the background.

Music app… It’s nice, but nothing great about it. I think they could have gone with a different color instead of just the white, but that’s just me. Also, anyone else surprised that there isn’t any cover flow on there?

ABC player is nice touch but noticed I don’t watch many ABC shows. The only ABC show I do watch some of is Better of Ted, (sadly it seems like it has been canceled) and only has two episodes are up. But I do hope they start adding back catalogue. At least until the rumored Hulu app is live.

The more I used my iPad, the more I used Safari. There wasn’t really need for a lot of the apps that the iPhone has.

Facebook needs an iPhone app because their mobile site has a lot of flaws. I used lite.facebook.com but grew tired after encountering many bugs and multiple unexpected log outs. Then I switched to the regular facebook website, and it felt almost the same as that on a desktop browser. With some caveats here and there, but it’s the best option for the time being.

I used Twitter predominately on Safari. While I did try Twitteriffic for the iPad and was surprised how good it is, I wanted to prove that there really doesn’t need to be a dedicated iPad app. While I’m still on the fence on a dedicated Twitter app on the iPad, there are just two irks for me. 1) I couldn’t upload an image from my camera roll. I had to resort to emailing one to TwitPic. Not very hard but nonetheless a work around and 2) Every so often, Safari would refresh Twitter to their mobile website.

Google has updated their web app for the iPad to mimic Mail. It’s ok, but Mail does a better job. Unfortunately, Google hasn’t update Google Apps to take advantage of the iPad. Something I found weird and bothersome is that I couldn’t edit documents in Google Docs. I don’t know if it’s a Google or an Apple problem, it just needs to be fixed.

While it took a me a great time to get accustomed to many things, I’m finding it much more comfortable than reaching my laptop or even my phone for certain things. There are some quirks that I would like Apple to address:

1) Arrow pad/keys mainly when editing documents and writing with the soft keyboard

2) Better ambience lighting sensor/settings (every app had a way to change the brightness)

While surfing the web, I never felt that it was missing something. Yet that seems to be the argument of Adobe as flash does not run on the iPad. Sadly flash doesn’t run (well) on any modern mobile platform. It was expected 2H of 2009 but was pushed back to 1H of 2010 and as of a few days ago, it was announced that Flash 10.1 for mobile phones has been pushed back to 2H of 2010. In other words, Flash 10.1 has been delayed a year.

In conclusion, it’s a great first generation product. Just like its smaller cousin, the iPhone, I’m glad I was able to get one. Just as Steve Jobs said… it does fit right in between my phone and my laptop.

This is one of two blog entries written with WordPress app and on the iPad with the soft keyboard.

During my conversation with many people I work with, there was a certain theme that arose quite frequently which has somewhat disturbed me a bit. It has given me some indication of what not to do. This recurring theme… dropping out of school to get a job to help pay bills and never returning to finish it.

While some have a different reason, such as not knowing what they really wanted to do, having children, and going back to school would financially bankrupt them.

I have stated a few times that I am there just until I go back to school, and I was told that that was the plan for one of the head cashiers, and she’s been there almost 5 years.

This concerns me a great deal because these people are fairly smart and seem like good people, but it seems like they or their circumstances have gotten in the way of finishing their studies.

The saddest part of all this is of the many people I have had this conversation with only one has thought about going back, not decided, thought.

This has really lit a fire under me and reassured me that I either need to get back to school and finish my BA, go whole heartedly into music and see where it goes, or do something I absolutely love, and in the end somehow pay the bills.

It’s nice to say things like this, and now I will ask you guys a favor… help me to be accountable to this. I know that it might not be easy to transition to any of these options, so some moral support might not only make me feel what I have chosen is a right path, but it would also give me an indication that I am not alone in this journey.

Oddly enough someone tweeted a youtube link to a part of Gary Vandercuk’s 2008 Web 2.0 speech a few days back. I think it’s a great motivation for anyone.

I worked really hard after I left school, and it was good. I was able to accomplish a lot that I wanted. I got a very lucky break being able to so much with my limited years of the music business.

But as time progressed, I have noticed that I have been abandoned by many of those that helped me to get to where I once was. All the while I did work hard — even to the point that my personal, family life and even my relationships were causalities of my work. I was given many breaks from people that believed on what I had to offer and I pushed my hardest to deliver.

As I ponder what I want to be in life, I have my doubts.

Yes, someone as stubborn, egotistical and determined has his doubts. It’s difficult to compartmentalize the emotions and struggles of wanting to be that old person from a year or two ago. To have the opportunities and not have them anymore. It seems like I have been shaken to my very core, and it has knocked me off my feet.

While I am trying to get back into the music I cannot say that I have been doing so whole-heartedly. What made past attempts great was there was no Plan B. In the past there was school, family, friends, etc. but I never let that get in the way.

This time is a bit different. I do not have the resources I once had, and it’s becoming more difficult to just leave everything to become a starving musician.

I don’t think that the problem is that I am not talented, (I might not be and am fairly rusty) But there is no clear cut indication that I should go back in the music industry.

While that was something I longed for, it was my dream for years and was what I had been working towards since the age of 16, it seems like everything came to screeching halt.

I do not have the same moral support as I once did and wish not to be a burden to those around me.

Ultimately, if I go back to school and get my BA… nothing changes… just prolonging my decision to get back to the music. If I go to FullSail, which has been courting me to attend, it’s the same thing but with a more focused curriculum. None of these options guarantees me that I will even work in the music again.

So the question is… Is a BA even worth it now? I’m getting to my mid twenties and still have decent ears and want to develop them a lot more before time goes by… I don’t think I have the luxury to think about all the possibilities or going back to school.

As you can see from this rambling post, it’s not that I am not confident in my talents, nor is it that I am not determined… I am hesitant, afraid to devote so much time and effort, sacrificing so much as I did in the past to just to be back in this position in a couple of years. The question is… what is going to be the future?

There isn’t a guarantee either way… It seems like the only way to know is to walk away and try something that is not music or go back full force without a Plan B and make it work.

Over the last few years of what some may call my adult life, I have learned not to openly discuss much of my own plans and goals, as these things can change a whim. I have seen my fair share of things changing at the last second, and then me being left to do damage control to salvage anything I can. I have learned that lesson wisely. Due to that fact, I want to retract some plans I had mentioned last year.

I mentioned to many that I would be moving to Madrid in the fall of 2010. I was every exited. Unfortunately, it seems like that will not be the case due to obstacles that need to be addressed first. Of course this does not mean that I will not move to Madrid, nor does it mean that it has been delayed…. It has just been put on hiatus until certain things are worked out.

When I arrived back in Los Angeles a few weeks ago, my first goal was to find a job. I have been out of a steady job since the end of August and it has been pretty bleak with the how the job market is adding insult to injury for any hope of finding a job in the music industry. It seems like I hit the ground running because in my first week back I had two lucrative interviews. As of last Monday I have a new job… and while it’s not something that I love and has anything to do with music, it will have to do.

Last year was both my most successful year as an adult but it was also the year I was broken, humbled and taken down a few notches… I had hit rock bottom to the point that I had found work tearing down old recording studios in Simi Valley. I had found a job destroying that which I enjoy doing.

I was down in the dumps with no end in sight… I even went as far to see if I could look for work in Ithaca while in New York for a month. Sadly, I was never able to get in contact with anyone to give the time of day.

So I have been at the lowest point I could possibly be. I was humbled and maybe for the best.

I see it this year will be more of righting wrongs and seeing where I can mend my path. I wish not to discuss much of what is happening because I’ve notice the more I talk about what I want to do the less it happens.

I have a few plans for the future, but as the sight on the horizon, it is vague. As I draw closer, the picture will get sharper.

I understand that might seem very difficult for some to understand, but after seeing so many of my personal goals fail after disclosing them with people too far in advance, I think, that sometimes, it’s just better to keep ones mouth shut.

What I can share is that I am venturing into a territory I have never been before in my personal life and as a musician, as a person with a significant other and even as a geek that I am.

I had to write it so these ideals and new value seem real. Maybe someday I will be able to re-read this entry and see that this was a turning point (or one of many) of life.

What I have learned and keep learning as the time goes by is that no matter how many times I fall… or am tripped, or pushed down, I need to get up and not be afraid to start from the bottom once more. I want something, need something and I need to fight for it, no matter the obstacles, or lack of motivation.

Then there are others that are reflecting on the past year. This past year I had my biggest break. It was a great job and I did it very well. It was also the year I have struggled to find work and manage my personal life. It had many up and downs. I’ve started new venture, lost contact with a few people, gained new friends, and strengthen those relationships around me.

This new year I have very little resolutions. I rarely do them… last year was about being a better person which I think and hope that it happened. This year will be continuation of that but I’ll be adding a bit to it. I want to take formal Photoshop class and learn Object-C, Cocoa, Cocoa Touch and create an iPhone/iPod tTouch application, probably release it.

I will also try to become more active in writing about my interest, web, apple, music, and blogging. Not only here my but at my newest venture and where I am a contributor with several other people, 20Somethings.

Getting a bartenders license, both skydive and bun-jee jumping are also on the list but just penciled in.

While I don’t plan that 2010 will be a difficult year, it will be a year that will mold what is to come in the next few years. This year I will have decide if to go back to school and finish my BA in Commercial Music, I will have to decide if I would like to stay in Los Angeles. Which at the time being are the two largest decision I will have to make in the first half of the year. While I can dwell on them now and have a vague idea of what might happen I will not be able to make a definite decision until later in the year. As you can see I have some idea of what might happen but do not want to show an inkling just yet as I have learned that plans usually unravel fairly quickly and sometime not to our liking.

I just wanted just take a little time out of my day to wish you a Merry Christmas. Hope everyone is spending time with friends, family and loved ones.

To help solve that problem I decided that there should be another site base around community, people that know each other and others not so much. To this end I tapped on the shoulders of a few friends. They agreed that it would be a great idea, not only would we be writing in the same place but would make us closer as friends by sharing what going on in our lives. Most of us are in our 20′s but have different upbringings, some of us are in different parts of the country/world. I hope that this will be not just about us writing about our lives but open discussion for people in our age group.

This may have started as a way to make money but became something completely different. I am happy how this has turned out. I really am excited that this will be more focus on sharing and community that anything else.