Kessler' Crunk

3 Pieces of Art I've Purchased Recently

2012-02-01T07:30:00.000-05:00

3 Beers I Drink Often (But Not Too Often!)

2012-01-31T09:30:00.000-05:00

3 Foods I Could Eat for the Remainder of My Life

2012-01-30T11:30:00.000-05:00

(Ya, I really couldn't decide on that last one between cupcakes and bacon, so maple bacon cupcakes it is)

3 Businesses I've Never Been In Or Spent a Dollar At

2012-01-29T18:45:00.001-05:00

How Steve Jobs Changed My Life

2011-10-06T22:29:00.002-04:00

The passing of Steve Jobs has left me a bit more sad than I would have expected. But what I realized earlier today is that, where I am in life, has in large part to due with what Steve Jobs did with his life.

Way back in my college years, around the Fall of 1992, I was a student at the University of Akron and my major was graphic design. I really enjoyed the conceptual and thought driven process of design, but I most certainly didn't like the process of 'doing' graphic design. Everything had to be done by hand: paper, pencils, markers, spec'ing type, etc. It was slow, messy, inaccurate, and the finished product never looked that great no matter how wonderful an idea or design was. Just look at any printed piece from 15 years ago or more. The end product just looked like crap! And so, I had begun to search for a different college major. That is, until, the Macintosh computers rolled into the classrooms that Spring. The Mac changed everything for me. And from that point it changed my life and the path I would take in it. My experience of designing on the Mac convinced me to remain a graphic design major.

Almost everyone that is part of my life now, whether it be a professional acquaintance, a student that I teach, a close friend, a business partner, and even my wife—has crossed my path because of that single decision to remain a graphic design major in college. And that one single decision was because of my experience using a Macintosh computer.

So while there are several people who had a strong influence on where I've ended up today, this story was really about how one person's vision to change the world, changed mine.

The Power of Zebra Cakes

2011-04-07T11:25:00.000-04:00

The Zebra Cake Optimistic Affirmation

2011-04-07T10:08:00.001-04:00

One can learn a lot about life by taking a moment to enjoy a Zebra Cake for breakfast.

At first, you may look at your Zebra Cake and think that the oppressive Zebra Cake Baker cut the corners off your delicious Zebra Cake breakfast, and that would be the pessimistic way to start your day.

Instead, you should look at your tasty Zebra Cake and realize that the angelic Zebra Cake Baker has added triangles to your Zebra Cake breakfast, and by starting your day off with such wholesome, vitamin-filled goodness, you know your entire day will better!

The Machines Are Your 'Friends'

2011-03-13T13:29:00.001-04:00

I'm doing my part to help the machines, that will one day rule us will an iron fist (literally), get smarter. I hope they remember how my assistance in human thinking helped them take over. So, if you'd like to be in good favor with the machines, head over here and try to beat the machine at RPS. Also, once you're about 20 games in, be sure to check out the "what am I thinking" option for the machine.

Quick Fact of the Day

2011-03-08T09:43:00.001-05:00

I've never set foot in a Walmart, and never plan to. The list of reasons why is long, varied and undebatable. In the meantime, spend a few minutes enjoying the People of Walmart website.

Drug Bust Mug Shot Time Machine

2011-02-26T14:06:00.001-05:00

Seriously, no copy is need for this story, just click and watch.

Polynesian Restaurant Menu Time Machine

2011-02-21T16:06:00.000-05:00

If you are wondering about the cost of exotic fine dining in 1962, well, today is your lucky day. And if you're interested in awesome low-tech design from 1962, well, today is your luck day also. Click for larger images.

Tasteless To Tasteful

2011-02-09T11:02:00.001-05:00

This weekends home improvement project: removing the butt ugly hanging light in the stairway and replacing it with something that is the exact opposite. At no point in the last 25 years would the original light fixture have been an acceptable choice.

ORIGINAL

NEW

Beggin' Strip Taste Test Pass!

2011-02-08T07:39:00.002-05:00

Out of sheer marketing curiosity, I decided to test the Beggin' Strip dog treat tagline, "Dogs don't know it's not bacon!"

Step 1: Alert canine Jezebel to inevitable morning treat distribution and allow her to sniff the Beggin' Strip and the piece of bacon. Drooling commences.

Step 2: Place treat options side-by-side for canine selection.

Step 3: Allow canine subject to approach and select treat. After olfactory review, beggin' Strip is selected!

Truth in advertising for Beggin' Strips. I will continue to purchase. Next test, "Humans don't know it's not bacon!"

Because These Are The Things That Cross My Mind...

2011-01-30T20:38:00.001-05:00

Yes, it is a very narrow demographic that will get this joke...

Please Select a Computer That Can Remember My Options

2010-11-22T11:39:00.000-05:00

It's the little things in life that will drive one crazy. And as we all know, so few people pay attention to the details that make things 'better' in this day and age. There's no time for it. I know because I deal with it too. Anyhow, what really irks me is that every single time I put my bank card into the ATM, I get this message about language preference. Now, it's not the 'preference' for other languages that I have an issue with, it's that it asks me every, single, time. As soon as I enter my card it can tell who I am and what my preferences are. So lock it in until further notice. Please.

I guess this option would be useful if I woke up one morning and suddenly couldn't speak a lick of English, but I suddenly was fluent in French. Or, it would be quite useful if someone who spoke another language got their hands on my card and pin number, then they could steal from me with no language barrier. The world gets smaller every day!

1 Serving Of Nothing please

2010-11-02T11:54:00.000-04:00

As I begin counting calories again, finally, I measure out everything I am eating so I know how much I am really eating. And, I am always amazed at how little a serving actual is. For example, a single serving of cereal, Special K in this instance, is about 6 spoonfuls of actual food (for me at least).

One serving is designated as 3/4 of a cup of cereal and 1/2 of a cup of skim milk. And there it is in the photo. That takes me about 45 seconds to eat—and that is when I am taking my time! Plus, once I'm done with it, I feel like I've eaten nothing—bonus! And in case you are curious, that single serving in the photo above is about 170 calories, which doesn't seem like a lot, until you realize you are only eating 1,400 calories for the entire day.

Just looking at that picture is making me hungry. I gotta go.

Terms And Agreements And Other Bullshit

2010-11-01T11:15:00.001-04:00

So I'm downloading the "Ohio.com" free app this weekend, which is the 'official' app of the A kron Beacon Journal, an essentially worthless newspaper here in Akron, Ohio, but that's an entirely different rant, so back to my story. Lately, I've been glancing over the "Terms and Agreements" of things I'm clicking on. Most of it, is incomprehensible dribble that only a lawyer can decipher. Some of it is fairly clear. All of it is ridiculous bullshit.

Anyhow, I've never been asked to agree to "Terms and Agreements" when launching an app for the first time, so I was quite surprised by this one popping up for Ohio.com. And upon a quick scan of the first page or so (there were about 45 pages of this, for an app to read news stories), I noticed a very odd thing, specifically this:

"You understand and agree that the right to use News app is granted soley to you. You may not allow others to use News on Your iPhone (or other device)."

Now, I'm no lawyer, but I'm pretty sure they are telling me that I cannot let anyone look at a News App story on my iPhone while running their app. Right? Or am I reading this wrong? That's how I read it, and so, I've come to the following decision—anytime I am around other people I will open this app and ask them to read a news story on my iPhone using the Ohio.com News app.

Take that assholes!

More Like "Ripoff" Of A Lifetime

2010-10-19T11:59:00.000-04:00

So, I see this commercial for Windstream Communications, offering Internet, Phone and TV at a set price for life. I find this kind of odd as the costs of the home phones has dropped massively over the last few decades and continues to do so. Additionally, internet service has also become insanely cheap when you price it by the speed one is connecting at these days. As for TV, well that's something that has increased over the years but so has the selection. There are an insane amount of channels that are delivered into the home these days.

Anyhow, I have constantly moved between vendors as they offer prices lower than their competitors. Being locked into a price for life, well that would blow.

An Example Of How Ridiculous The World Is

2010-09-26T20:43:00.000-04:00

The booklet pictured above would appear to be an instructional manual or such, at first glance. But no, it is the legal disclaimer for a pair of Apple iPhone Earbuds. Granted only the first 5 or 6 pages are the English portion, but c'mon! It's two little earbuds on a wire. Has the world become so ridiculuosly fucked up that we need that much legal disclaimer for a pair of earbuds? I guess the answer is yes, apparently. And while I'm bitching about such things have you ever actually looked at the Apple iTunes Store Terms and Conditions? Ya, sure, if I ever have a free week, I'll look it over, it looks like a real pag turner.

Random Thoughts On A Random Thursday

2010-09-09T09:01:00.000-04:00

Product Review Pile. If one wants to become completely confused when buying a new item, just load up any website selling what it is one wants, and read the customer reviews. I guarantee they will range from "this product is crap", to "this product is the greatest ever". So helpful.

Mean People do Suck. And so do assholes. Feeling optimistic about humanity? That's easy to fix. Read through the message board below any news story on any news website and the true nature of people shines right through. And it is not pretty. People are horrible when they can hide behind a screen name. They'll gladly write horrible things, things they would never say to someone in a conversation. Additionally, it is nearly impossible to understand what many of them are trying to write, seeing as grammar and spelling seem to be non-existant in this realm.

Is Music the Soul of a City? Having lived in Akron, Ohio and Denver, Colorado for extended amounts of time I can tell you this: "3OH!3 is to Denver" as "The Black Keys are to Akron". Interpret that as you wish.

I Guess I'm A Sucker for Marketing Crunk

2010-09-06T20:40:00.001-04:00

As Smith's Dairy states on their website, "Yellow Super Jugs^® protect milk better; keep vitamins and nutrients in, while blocking out harmful light rays." That's great. I just buy them because I like the color. I don't really happen to care if it does what it says it does, and coincidentally I'm not sure I even fully believe it. Regardless, I like how it looks. So I buy it—I buy my milk based on jug aesthetics. How awesome is that?

Here is something that is not so awesome, but more like completely moronic, and something that is so completely effed up, that only the legislator-losers of Ohio would pass such a law, which just goes to show how powerful multinational corporations are in imposing their will on the US Citizen—Ready for this? Dairy companies that DO NOT inject their cows with the hormone rBST, and mark it so on their packaging also have to add a disclaimer stating that their milk is no different than cows that are jacked up on that stuff.

This entire situation is so unbelievably ridiculous, it's hard to believe this is even a true story. First off, the fact that Monsanto went to court to make this happen, immediately proves that they are fully aware, that the public already understands that rBST is not good for your body, and no one needs any b.s. studies to tell them that it is safe or not safe. Milk is better without it. Period! Second, the fact that the non-rBST milk producers have to make a statement about a product that they are not using on their packaging is insane, all they did was mark their milk and 'not supplemented with rBST'. They did not say anything negative about it!

It is because of situations like this that people have come to hate:

Multinational biotech agriculture companies
Lawyers
Politicians in the state of Ohio

Anyway, just more proof that multinational corporations run this country.

McDonald's Celebrates Childhood Obesity Awareness Month

2010-09-03T07:04:00.000-04:00

Yes, September 2010 is Childhood Obesity Awareness Month, and McDonald's, being the powerful capitalistic multinational corporation that it is, has decided that it will not take this travesty lying down. As a response to the outrageous claims made about childhood obesity, McDonald's is now offering a 50-piece Chicken McNugget deal for $9.99, yes, nine-ninety-nine!Rejoice hungry children of the world!

Actually, every time I drive by this sign I laugh, then I feel like I'm being slapped in the face. It's a dare. And an insult. All wrapped up together. A puzzle inside a riddle wrapped in an enigma. 'They' are just sitting back there laughing, I know it. What they're saying essentially is, "we are going to price a ridiculous mount of these nuggets at a ridiculously low price, so how can you possibly not buy them and try to eat them all...are you some kind of giant wuss?" It's not that I love McNuggets or anything, it's just that trying to eat irrational amounts of food for no other purposes than proving one can do it seems like a thing guys are supposed to do.

BOW DOWN BEFORE THE MAPLE BACON CUPCAKE, SCUMBAGS OF EARTH!

2010-08-31T21:10:00.001-04:00

The Maple Bacon Cupcake initiative has been executed! As you can see from the photo above the outcome was a success!

It took a lot of cooking and baking and time, but well worth it. And now that we have made them once, I know where to tweak the recipe for improvement:

More bacon
More maple syrup

I guess I should have known that going into the whole process. I mean, would it be possible to have too much bacon in a Maple Bacon Cupcake? Doubtful. And do I dare say they were a success at the parties we took them to? I believe they were. I hope they were. I wish I had one sitting next to me right now while typing this. Damn.

Knock-Knock-Knock! Who Isn't There?

2010-08-24T10:25:00.000-04:00

Who would have thought that a house built a mere 20 years ago would be a house of horrors!

This is another entry under the 'paranormal experiences' at our new home. The first paranormal experience wasn't all that 'exciting', just weird.

The second paranormal experience, was so minor it didn't deserve a write up. Essentially, upon entering the basement one evening with a laundry basket, a quite distinct, bright-red sphere shot across the room and disappeared into the wall. Was it a reflection from outside? Was it my imagination? I don't know, but since it happened so fast and was so minor I didn't worry about. Until now...

I like to refer to that as the 'Door of Doom!' That is the door that leads into the basement and the focus of the third paranormal experience.

Late one Friday night this past June, upon returning home from a night out, and the wife working the overnight shift, I zoned out on the couch while Jezebel slept in the kitchen hall (next to the basement door). At some point in the middle of the night, half asleep on the couch, I rolled over and turned off the TV. Still lying there, too lazy to walk upstairs and sleep in bed, I hoped to fall back asleep quickly. Instead, there was a very quick and loud three knocks on the basement door. Loud enough that the dog sat up and barked. Loud enough that I jumped up on the couch, frozen in shock! had this been a knock on the front door or something else of that nature, I would have been surprised but not frozen with fear on the couch! After a few minutes of waiting , not sure for what, I got up off the couch and turned on the lights, it was 3:33am. I did not go open the basement door, instead I turned on every light in the house and the TV and resigned myself to being awake until the wife returned from work later that morning.

So, that's it, I guess it still isn't that scary, but it is weird. And I guess I could have imagined it, seeing as I was half awake on the couch, but Jezebel barking, not sure what else would have caused her to do that. And so I sit back and contemplate why a house built in the mid-90's seems to be filled with very odd happenings. This coming from a person who has never had any other paranormal experiences in my life...

California Earthquake Probability = Yes%

2010-08-22T18:08:00.000-04:00

So, just go right ahead and label this blog under 'controversial ideas' held by me.

When a natural disasters strikes, there is usually an outpouring of support in the form of money and volunteers trying to help their fellow human beings recover. That is a wonderful thing, and I too like to donate to worthy causes and help someone along. But what I am thinking about right now are the people who choose to live in areas that have a very high probability of being struck by a natural disaster. There are many of these locations, but the story that caught my attention specifically is this one –"Southern California is overdue for 'The Big One,' Study Finds". Well, gee, I wonder how was spent on yet another study to tell us something we all already know, but that's an entirely different topic.

Anyway, back to my point, and that is why should I choose to send funds or support to people who CHOOSE to live in a high risk area? I have chosen to live in an area that is very low risk for any type of natural disaster. So if one does strike here, it truly is a random act of God. A massive earthquake hitting Southern California and possibly destroying a good part of it does not fit the 'act of God' bill. You know it's coming. You choose to live there. Be prepared for hell when it arrives. As the comment posted by 'larry' states:

"Much rather risk the big one than all the tornadoes and hurricanes and floods in the midwest and east.That don't include four ft of snow and 40 below"

Well 'larry', you risk that, and I won't worry about you when it hits, since you are too busy putting down the rest of the Country as not good enough for you. I'm pretty sure 4 ft of snow is never going to destroy an entire region of the map.

Additionally, they should be paying for it financially right now. Not only should their home owners insurance be at least double what others pay in low-risk areas, but they should be required to pay for earthquake insurance. Yet no one really does. So again, why should I ever offer any type of assistance when people do not want to prepared for it themselves. As stated here:

The earthquake that shook Southern California was a subtle reminder that not many California residents, nor San Diego residents, carry earthquake insurance. In fact, only 12 percent of homeowners carry earthquake insurance.

Wow. 12% of people in Southern California think enough of the fault they live on as something they should be prepared to deal with financially. 12%.

Anyhow, I could go on and on about this. The Pacific Coast, other regions at high risk, examples of areas at low risk that have been hit, etc. But, I think I've said enough. I certainly have typed enough...