I used to go to NBC events and listen to Littlefield tout the shows and encourage us to do our part to make the network successful. This was when NBC was raking in money, so they’d spare no expense during several days of presentations to the promotion and marketing people from their affiliates. The highlight, of course, were the parties. They’d fly in talent for these events, and it was not unusual to turn around and literally bump into someone like Kelsey Grammar or Kramer.

After we’d been wined and dined within an inch of our lives, they sent us back to places like Terre Haute, Spokane, and Albany to promote Must See TV. Great primetime ratings helped boost the numbers for everything on a local station, so it was a great time to have your wagon hitched to NBC.

Like everything, it’s all different now. Viewership is more fragmented, profits are a fraction of what they once were, and even though network shows still outperform anything on cable, things ain’t what they used to be.  But what is like it used to be?

That said, I offered three bits of advice:

1. If you get pulled over, be certain the reggae or Grateful Dead station is not playing on the satellite radio. This alone gives the officer probable cause to take a very close look at you and the car.

2. Do not return home if you damage my car, but if you must, do not claim that it happened while unattended in a parking lot. I was born at night, but not last night.

3. Treat every other car and driver as if they are out to kill you. Don’t trust anyone behind the wheel of another vehicle and just assume they are drunk/high/stupid/crazy/elderly or some combination of those.

4. See number 2.

There’s much speculation about Sundown, but my favorite story is that it was inspired by Lightfoot’s affair with Cathy Smith, who was later involved in — and did time for — the death of John Belushi.

Nothing follows up a shot of obsession like a chaser of stalking. Sundown lives to be played with Death Cab for Cutie’s I Will Possess Your Heart.

Bonus: Nana Mouskouri’s French version of Sundown. If I ever make a movie, this will play in the background during one scene…

Informed that people lost in the wilderness will sometimes drink their urine to remain hydrated, one of the hikers remarked, “That’s gross!”

Some people will say that there’s no humane way to kill and eat an animal, that we’re just tricking ourselves into feeling good when we insist on ethical farming practices. I understand that viewpoint and it weighs heavily on me.

Take these pigs for example.

They are treated better than any pigs you’ve ever seen and spend the day rooting around for whatever it is pigs enjoy rooting around for. The location of their pen is peridically rotated so they have new rooting territory a couple of times a week. When I stopped to look at them and take their picture, they seemed genuinely satisfied. But despite all that, in the end they will be eaten.

I’m struggling with this, and that’s good. Maybe the best I can hope for is finding a place where I’m comfortable with my food, because I’m increasingly uncomfortable with what we’ve done to keep up with our demand for meat.

The circus is not an independant entity. No, when they come to town they start throwing money around, hiring day laborers, renting equipment, and buying supplies. During a stroll past the Times Union Center yesterday I saw huge piles of hay, dumpsters, semi-trucks, fencing — all bought or contracted locally to make the show run. The circus is like a miniature economic stimulus program.

And now they’ve moved on. To Columbus, Ohio. To Mexico City. To Corpus Christi — and that’s just the Red Tour. Ringling has three different shows operating simultaneously around America.

But there’s a dark side to all this, you know. At the intersection where money and animals meet, people don’t always treat living creatures well. There’s no way to justify what’s in the videos on this site — and it’s hard to look at the elephants the same after you see someone hitting them.

I never used to pay much attention to what PETA put out about the circus, but now it’s beginning to trouble me. Like a lot of things, it doesn’t look as spectacular when you peek behind the curtains.

More and more, pocket knives have come to be viewed as weapons instead of tools. Just look at the hysteria over knives in schools. Several years ago, a student who was an Eagle Scout and National Guardsman was suspended for having a small jackknife — in his car out in the parking lot. That’s just nuts.

I’ve had people say to me, “Why do you have a knife?” My answer? “Why don’t you have a knife?”

Pocket knives are standard equipment, and not just for guys. Hell, if I walked around with a pocketbook, I could carry a much bigger knife. And no, just because I go to Weight Watchers I don’t have a manbag. Gotta draw the line somewhere.

There are loads of elevator rules — and at ElevatorRules.com you’ll find a very good list of them — as well as a lively discussion of the finer points.

But here’s the thing: in my building lately I’ve noticed an extremely annoying behavior which, oddly, is perpetrated by people being unnecessarily polite. There have been numerous incidents of other men allowing me to enter the elevator before them. That’s not only uncomfortable, but I believe it’s a violation of the Man Code.

Look, when two men are waiting for the elevator, the one closest to the door enters first. Unless I’m a woman, elderly, or an elderly woman don’t stand aside and let me go before you. It’s simply not cool. Don’t do it. Ever.

The only time you may allow me to go first is if you’re doing so jokingly in faux deference — or maybe if I’m the UPS guy and I have a sh*tload of packages. In that case I need the elevator more than you do, so get the hell out oif my way, would you please?

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I prayed for Santorum to lose, but I’m pretty sure Santorum prayed for victory — and that being the case, I stand by my first remark: “Thank you, God!”

But seriously, it seems unlikely that God will listen to your prayers and make things happen. Prayer may bring you comfort and give you strength, but if it caused worldly things to change, we’d all be lottery millionaires.

By the way, “Thank you God,” is also one of my all time favorite movie quotes:

If ever a movie line belonged on the American Film Institute’s list of top movie quotes, it’s that one. It’s certainly better than, “Nobody puts Baby in a corner.”