(k)no(w) subject

On Being In Love

noreply@blogger.com (Whitney) — Tue, 20 Aug 2013 03:20:00 +0000

Oh hey. Hi. Hello.

Remember me? Yeah, me neither.

The last time I wrote in this blog was literally over a year ago. I just passed my second year in L.A., and it feels like no time has passed at all, and like I've been here forever, all at the same time. Living in a place for two years is like, okay you live here now. L.A. is my home. And I fucking love it here.

If you were to catch me three weeks ago, I'd be telling you all about how much I hate everything. I mean, I don't really hate everything. Honestly I don't really hate anything, except Katy Perry. And most social mores. But other than that, I just find that taking on a dark sardonic tone about most things makes me funnier. Perhaps it's not the most genuine expression of how I feel all the time... But then again, maybe it is.

Three weeks ago I would have told you that I was really content. Not happy, just really glad to be in my place: busy desk job, cheap rent, single, lots of wine. I had just recovered from a terrible bout of feeling sorry for myself because I was lonely, but it was pretty much all gone by the time I decided I am all-powerful because I can create my own family in this day and age, and one day when all my friends are married with kids, I can be Whitney with kid, and then once the kid gets a little bit older it is pretty much obligated to keep me company. And that idea made me smile. It's almost like legal indentured servitude. You can buy companionship with a couple thousand dollars out of a test tube, or with a cheap bottle of tequila and your best gay friend. What's not to love about that idea?

Anyway, that was three weeks ago. The following week everything changed at the drop of a hat, which with me, is pretty much standard. Maybe it's like that with most people, because being content isn't what fate has in store for us, I think. So I found myself with another job offer, and (unrelatedly) wishing I had a more permanent boyfriend, someone who is just required to go to the grocery store with me and also sneak into Disneyland and also see drive-in movies and listen to sappy country music with me. (Instead I did all of these things with my bestie roommate, which was pretty fun still but I think he was also probably wishing his long-distance girlfriend were there.)

So, tomorrow is my last day at my first job that I had that I liked a lot, and also that I didn't get fired from or didn't leave because I felt like I was going to get fired. (I really am a good employee, just ask the place I left, because they practically begged me to stay, and also I hope no one from my old job or my new one reads this.)

So why leave? Well, a lot of it has to do with the roommate mentioned above, who reminded (...and convinced... and maybe ) me that the job I have now is great, but it's not where I want to be. I've gained a lot of experience (as a receptionist) and learned a TON (about finances), but this other job is in THE BUSINESS. That's right I'mma say it again: THE BUSINESS.

Do I really know what I want to do in said business (oh - I forgot not everyone is floating around in LA LA Land, I'm talking about the Entertainment Business)...? No not really. I mean really I want to be Tina Fey. But I'm also starting to realize that my personal experiences aren't necessarily going to make me just like her, and thats ~~really sad~~ okay. I guess. Because I'm on the journey. I'm on the JOURNEY!! As I'm writing this post, I'm even discovering shit about myself. Like how I talk a lot about myself. And also how I didn't really have an idea about what to write about when I started, but look, I've written SO. MUCH! And also how I came up with the title for the post before I started writing it, and I haven't really talked about how I'm in love.

So here it is, the confession: I am head over heels in love with ideas. Because they're part of the journey. And I've always been so focused on the destination, but seriously, who knows what's going to happen? I LOVE the way living in the moment makes me feel. It's scary. It's exciting. It's a little bit of imagination rolled into a lot of trusting yourself to jump. It's all the things I love, it's stars and ferris wheels, it's standing on stage.

Is this post similar to one I've written before? I don't even remember or care because I'm living so much in the moment right now.

Okay but sarcasm aside. I'm trying this new thing where I write in here more. Really, I want to be a writer, so I'm trying to read and write more because I hardly ever do. And also as part of my new career path and my present state of being, I'm gonna stop worrying so much about making an extraordinary discovery each time I write a post. Because, well two things, one I sort of made one here anyway and I wasn't even trying, and two, I don't write when I'm trying to say something relevant or interesting. So the next blog post you might see from me might be about pooping. It might. Honestly I've sort of always wanted to write a blog post about pooping so I'm going to do it.

Live in the moment.

...Where did I put my phone?

... Shit I left them in the last moment, so now I can't remember.

Next post: how to live in the moment while also not forgetting everything you ever did.

Or maybe, pooping: and why we don't talk about it.

loveallways,

Whitney

the real whitney jane

noreply@blogger.com (Whitney) — Sat, 16 Jun 2012 22:51:00 +0000

or, Almost Not-Really Not-Even-Close-to-Being Famous

I haven't done a damn thing to jumpstart my acting career.

I spend more time sitting around wondering why not - which is otherwise known as making excuses.

- I'm still getting used to LA.

- I don't have any money.

- I don't know who I am.

There's some sort of mental- physical- EMOTIONAL- blockage. Something is preventing me from taking ACTION. After all, what do ACTors do ? They bloody ACT! And here I am, the picture of inaction, the poster child for sitting around on your ass and beating yourself up for not getting anything done until you're wallowing in such a state of self-abuse and self-hatred that it's all you can do to pick yourself off of the floor of your bedroom and leave the house in baggy sweats and big sunglasses to buy yourself a bottle of two-buck Chuck... (See this blog to know what I'm talking about - you won't regret it.)

What I've come to realize is that this business pushes you to separate yourself from your self.

... ... What?

But that sentence really does say it all. This is a BUSINESS and YOU are the PRODUCT.

It's something I've realized all along but have never fully understood - and still don't. In fact, I think that the light bulb that's gone on inside me is actually that I've been too focused on that notion. I've been slaving away at creating my "brand" - putting together my website and social media crap - building an ONLINE PRESENCE. But for some reason I've been working hard to keep "WHITNEY JANE LOVEALL" separate from Whitney Loveall... me, the person, versus this "object Whitney" that exists in cyberspace... except, she doesn't really exist.

No really, my online presence is getting me nowhere because the ass of my true self hasn't gotten off of the couch and actually DONE anything.

The older I've gotten (and I mean in the last two years), I've realized just how much of a perfectionist I am. I want certain things to be perfect, pristine... And all of my fickle nitpicking has truly gotten me nowhere.

Months ago, possibly before I even moved to LA, I read all of my friend Ben Whitehair's blog posts in his brilliantly insightful blog Playbills vs. Playing Bills. I read them and memorized them, and I even remember an article where Ben gives some great advice to the newbie (or any) Los Angelean actor. I did some research and looked it up again, and I'll quote him now:

Just do it, even if it’s only 85% of the way there.

As I sit here today, it seems like his short article in its entirety could have been written for me-- no, because of me. I'm even looking around now all shifty-eyed, embarrassed that a year ago I skimmed over this and arrogantly thought to myself, "I dunno, it's not that bad to make sure everything is perfect, after all, you have a certain reputation you want to put out there..." Or even more embarrassingly, "That's just not me." Pshyeah. Riight, says the girl who's been working on her website for over six months now.

I'm obsessed with my "brand" - with my "image" - with all those things that business school people talk about but that I just pretend to know about. I ask myself a thousand rhetorical questions, knowing full-well that there is no predictable answer:

"Do I do comedy? I think I'm funny... but no one else really does. Plus I'll have to take improv classes."

"Do I do drama? Guess I should learn how to cry on cue."

"Should I have long hair? That will make me look younger."

"Should I have short hair? I look better with short hair..."

"Would they cast me as a high schooler? No I'm too tall."

"Would they cast me as a single rom-com twenty-something? No I look too young."

"Will I get TV roles?"

"Will I get film roles?"

"Maybe I should just do commercials..."

"Am I the cute girl-next door? No I'm not pretty enough."

"Am I the bitch best friend? No I'm not cool enough."

"They want me to fit into a category, yet I have to be different enough to stand out."

"How do I make my headshots/website/twitter/facebook/business cards/post cards/breakdown services coordinate with this image I want to portray?"

"What IS the image I want to portray??"

"WHO. AM. I?!?!?!?!"

And it all comes down to that.

"Selling" myself as actor-product Whitney Jane Loveall is the same thing as selling the real Whitney Loveall... because after all, in this business we're not really getting cast in roles to act, we're getting cast in roles that most closely resemble our own personalities. There's too much of an essence about a person to be able to hide it from the camera. On stage, it's easier to become someone you're not. On film, your acting has to be too truthful to fudge it - the camera is a lie detector that can see right through you. And even if that's not the case, an audition doesn't really give you the time to stray too far from your true self. At least, that's my perception right now. As I'm writing this, I'm realizing that maybe my true insecurity is that I'm not a good actor... And that I fear people disagreeing with me, or worse - DISLIKING me.

But regardless, the point of this blog post is two things: one, to get these feelings (cough*insecurities* cough) out in the open. And two, to make a declaration that the separation between ~~church and state~~ Whitney Jane Loveall and good ole Whitney Loveall is no more... I'm blurring the lines. At least a little more. No more "actor" Whitney and "waitress" Whitney - I'm just Whitney. So what if I say fuck and have pictures of college binge drinking on my facebook? That's who I AM. And maybe I'm still figuring out a LOT about myself otherwise, but the things that already are, I'm through trying to change. I can do dramedy! I can be a bitchy girl next door! I can have headshots with long AND short hair because I have extensions like everyone else in LA does, bitchezzz!! And I can own this here blog, (k)no(w) subject, and write it as myself and as my stage-self. Maybe people will (*gasp*) DISAGREE with this route. But if everyone knew how to do it, wouldn't they all be super successful? Besides, I shouldn't have anything to hide-- It's not like I'm famous... yet...

Punny

noreply@blogger.com (Whitney) — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 22:22:00 +0000

Think Different

noreply@blogger.com (Whitney) — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 20:56:00 +0000

You've probably seen this video. I'm pretty sure I had. But what I didn't realize is that it was actually inspired by a famous quote that I'm almost positive you've heard before:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

This is often quoted as having been said by Nelson Mandela - that's where I first heard it, in college - but actually, Mandela never even used this in any of his speeches. I was stunned to find out that it was actually Marianne Williamson who wrote these famous words, and in the cosmic way I believe the world works, Marianne Williamson is the one who wrote the inspiration that I put up on my vision board, and talked about in this post. I plan on asking the universe for one of her books for Christmas or something. I'll let you know how it goes, and in the meantime, don't let yourself get in the way of being the best version of you!

alone

noreply@blogger.com (Whitney) — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 02:10:00 +0000

awww

Friendship

noreply@blogger.com (Whitney) — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 19:42:00 +0000

It's a word that many take for granted every day, including myself. "Friendship." You're "friends" with the guy across the street, your funny coworker, your roommate's colleague. But you're also friends with your best bud from your childhood, your confidant from high school, and your floormate from the dorms in college. You're friends with your classmates, your associates, your roommates, your neighbors.

So how do we distinguish between them?

I have been talking with a friend who was never really my friend until recently. And she is always talking about love - the capacity we have for it, its importance in life. She is so good at projecting her love, and letting others see it. Whereas I... not so much. Love is one of those things that we can't just let exist - we do have to work to express it, and I have trouble with that.

The ancient greeks have at least five different words for love, all different, describing different understandings of the complexities of love. Mania, love of possession, or obsession, storge, love of a mother for her child, eros, love of the body, or physical love, philia, love of the mind, or virtue, equality, and familiarity that is felt along with kinship, and agape, love of the soul. From greeceindex.com, "Agape is the highest form of love there is. This is an unconditional love for others in spite of their character flaws and weaknesses. It is a difficult love to obtain simply because we, as humans, are usually concerned more with ourselves and how the world and people around us affect us. In order to love in the agape way, we must overcome our selfishness and look to the needs of others."

This is how I feel about my friends. It is more than the typical friendly love, the philia, although there are many for whom I have that love as well. And while I struggle to show it, and try to overcome my earthly burdens, I want to remind them. To let them know they are on my mind daily. And although my love for them is intangible, I spent the last week making this for them, in hopes that they will see it and know that they mean the world to me.

To my friends:

Gratitude for Self-Worth

noreply@blogger.com (Whitney) — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 17:41:00 +0000

It's Thanksgiving Day, and we all know that it's a time to give thanks - the part that we often forget about when we're seeing family and preparing delicious food.

If we do remember - or, maybe your family even goes around the table and shares what he or she is thankful for - we often give thanks for the blessings in our life, the love we have, the compassion we've received, the time we've got together.

So I'm proposing a challenge to everyone. In light of my recent bout of self-dissatisfaction, I am allowing myself to take a few moments of selfishness on this usually-selfless holiday and recognize the qualities in myself that I am thankful I have - the reasons I am thankful to be me. And I challenge you to do the same, and share some of your findings with me.

I'll go first: I am thankful for my power of perspective. I think I am pretty good at putting myself in someone else's shoes and seeing the world from their point of view. I'm also thankful for my sense of humor. I might be the only one who finds me funny at times, but I'm glad I'm able to entertain myself :-p

So leave your comments! I want to know that there are people out there who love themselves and are able to give gratitude to the universe for making them the unique people they are today.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

love is what we were born with

noreply@blogger.com (Whitney) — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 20:21:00 +0000

I'm working on something HUGE right now... ... ...

I thought I was going to have it done two days ago, but it's so huge that it's taking me forever... ... ..

So in the meantime, here's something else that I made yesterday to put on my vision board! May it find you and inspire you to love yourself for who you are.

Rollercoaster of Life

noreply@blogger.com (Whitney) — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 21:28:00 +0000

I've been terrible and have skipped a couple of days in my 30 Day Blogbuster Challenge. I'll admit that it's partially because my parents have been the only people reading my posts, and I didn't even know they read them. It's hard to keep going when there's not a lot of motivation.

But mostly, it's because I've "run out of things to say." This is in quotes because, obviously, it's not true. I could talk for hours about what goes on inside of my constantly-ansty mind, but it wouldn't really make for interesting (or intelligible) content.

I've figured out that when I get this way, it tends to be the result of a depressive phase in my life. I use the term 'depressive' to describe a downswing in my mood, not an actual depression, although that's really what it is - a mild bout of depression. Sometimes it lasts a long time, other times, it's just a day or two or three... But it causes me to be lazy in every aspect of my life, including my blogging.

For example, I was supposed to go to the grocery store today. Actually, I've been needing to go for the past week and a half, but I just can't seem to make myself go. I don't want to. So instead, I spent three hours on the internet looking at food (side note, if you don't know about tastespotting you're missing out on life). Grocery shopping requires putting on real pants, a practice I'm not too fond of. By the time I was mentally prepared to start pulling myself together, I ended up deciding I didn't have time to go. I'd like to eat, but just, errrgh. Blehh. Maahh....

Last week I was so productive. I quit smoking, I did 8 minute abs every morning, shit I even woke up before 11 am. One day - and this is a big secret, so don't tell any of my friends because they'll think I've been body-snatched - I even went for a run. Yeah, seriously. So what happened? Why am I so up and down with my self-motivation?

"This is the craziest ride EVER!"

My only consolation is that my roommate seems to experience the same symptoms that I do. I can't be the only one, right? I talk about my lack of desire to do anything besides lay on my bed and listen to The Hunger Games on audiobook (I'm too lazy even to read) and she totally seems to get it. But I can't help but wonder if it's just my laziness rubbing off on her. She brought up something the other day that gave me a little bit of insight. She said that because she's a 'big-picture' person, it's hard for her to get things done sometimes because she gets stuck on this "I have to accomplish all of these things all at once because there's so much to do, I need to get IT done." But what is "IT?" What's the big picture of getting things done? And I, like her, have to convince myself to break IT into small, manageable its. Because with the big IT, it gets too overwhelming that when it comes down to doing IT, I don't want to to ANY of IT, so I choose to do nothing.

Deep breaths. It's time to convince myself to take a shower so I can get ready for work so I can make some money tonight so I can come home and write another blog post so I can keep up my 30 day challenge so I can have some fans so I can legitimize myself and my life....

Wait.

...

.....

....... ... .. .....

I'm just going to go take a shower.

Watermelon Cucumbers

noreply@blogger.com (Whitney) — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 02:50:00 +0000

Today at work, our chef came to us with something that I - nor, apparently, Google - have/has ever seen before: watermelon cucumbers!

Why yes, that IS an actual penny!

They look like watermelons... they taste like cucumbers... And they're about an inch long and ADORABLE!

He got them at the farmer's market, where he does a lot of buying for our restaurant. I think he's just using these as a small part of a fancy farmer's market heirloom tomato and fried soy cheese (read: better than a mozzarella stick) salad with basil oil, balsamic vinegar reduction, and arugula microgreens. Bad. Ass.

Babysitting

noreply@blogger.com (Whitney) — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 07:28:00 +0000

I'm not very political. I have opinions about certain things, but for the things that I don't know enough about I reserve the right to form an opinion.

Most of the opinions that I do have can be easily swayed one way or the other by a good argument - I consider myself pretty decent at being able to see things from different points of view.

But there is something that I am pretty confident about believing in without the slightest lack of conviction: education.

My mom has worked in schools for as long as I've been in them - longer, now that I'm all graduated and stuff. So perhaps it gives me a bias, but I firmly believe in the power of public education. I will say that I believe it has a very strong downfall - lack of preparation for the "real world" - but I don't think that the institution of public education is to be blamed. It's the lack of general support for it by the majority of the population, which leads to the lack of financial support that it receives, etc. etc. As an artist, I obviously support arts education in schools, and as a former high school student who was a part of productions so shoddily thrown together and so poorly funded that not even Sue Sylvester would be threatened, I know how much of an impact a well-developed grade school arts program can make.

And so, the point of this introduction is to post something that I found on facebook today that I thought was funny yet poignant - my favorite kind of find.

Teachers' hefty salaries are driving up taxes, and they only work 9 or 10 months a year. It's time we put things in perspective and pay them for what they do - babysit! We can get that for less than minimum wage.That's right. Let's give them $3.00 an hour and only the hours they worked; not any of that silly planning time, or any time they spend before or after school. That would be $19.50 a day (...........................7:45 to 3:00 PM with 45 min. off for lunch and planning-- that equals 6 1/2 hours). Each parent should pay $19.50 a day for these teachers to baby-sit their children. Now how many students do they teach in a day...maybe 30? So that's $19.50 x 30 = $585.00 a day. However, remember they only work 180 days a year. I am not going to pay them for any vacations. LET'S SEE.... That's $585 X 180= $105,300 per year. What about those special education teachers and the ones with Master's degrees? Well, we could pay them minimum wage ($7.75), and just to be fair, round it off to $8.00 an hour. That would be $8 X 6 1/2 hours X 30 children X 180 days = $280,800 per year. Wait a minute... The average teacher's salary (nation wide) is $50,000. $50,000/180 days = $277.77/per day/30 students=$9.25/6.5 hours = $1.42 per hour per student--a very inexpensive baby-sitter and they even EDUCATE your kids! Make a teacher smile; repost this to show appreciation for all educators.

The funding of arts within the public education system is an analogy for the funding of teachers' salaries within the greater scheme of government spending. In high school all the money goes to the football team. In the U.S. it's all going toward another kind of team that we tell to "Fight! Fight! FightFightFight!"

Maybe the antiwar reference is a bit too much. I said I didn't try and tout my opinions when they're too unfounded, and I digress. But silly or incorrect opinions aside, go do it! Do what it says and repost this blog, or a link to this blog, or even just the quip. Because the people who educate us and our children are the people responsible for the future, the ones who educate us enough to let us form our own opinions - and that's a lot of weight to carry on one's shoulders.

Growth

noreply@blogger.com (Whitney) — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 08:07:00 +0000

I recently splurged and bought myself a giant canvas painting of a tree.

I had my eye on it for a while, and I decided that it was time to reward myself for starting to take the necessary steps toward self-motivation. Maybe this seems a bit backward, and I really should have waited until I actually accomplished something before I rewarded myself, but I'm telling myself that having this picture in my room will actually help to motivate me.

I was really undecided after I actually went and made the purchase - it was fairly expensive, and even though I loved it I wasn't sure it was going to actually 'go' in my room. But now that it's hanging above my head at night, I feel so wonderful about its presence that I know I made the right decision.

After staring at my tree for what had to have been an hour, I realized that it's a silver leaf maple. This hits close to home - literally. There is a giant silver leaf in the front yard of my parents' house, the house I grew up in. I used to spend hours, days, really, sitting outside in that tree, doing everything from spying on neighbors, to playing a child of the wilderness with my friends, to kissing boys - I loved that tree, and even though I had to help my mom rake the hundreds of thousands of leaves that accumulated every fall, they made the best piles to jump in. If I needed to escape the world and be alone, I always had my tree to sit in.

Trees are amazing motifs. They symbolize life, and the ever-conflicting concepts of staying connected to the earth, rooted in the ground, and branching out, standing tall, reaching for the sky. But perhaps the idea that I connect with most is that of growth. I've always believed that my quest in life as a human on this earth is to learn as much as I can - to grow, and keep growing, no matter how much time goes by or how old I get. I feel as though it is something that many people forget about. They hit a certain point and they plateau, as though there is nowhere else to go. But one can always keep growing, in all areas of his or her life. And I love that this tree will serve as a constant reminder to me that there will always be more knowledge to reach for - knowledge of the world, knowledge of craft, knowledge of others, knowledge of self. I'm thankful that this silly painting has found its way into my life.

Bathroom Graffiti

noreply@blogger.com (Whitney) — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 23:58:00 +0000

I'm so sorry I didn't post yesterday! I worked a double and had a headache all day long, so I climbed into bed immediately after my longest day ever. But I'll post two today :)

For my first post, I have what I'd like to be a new series (but who knows?) called 'Bathroom Graffiti.' The other night I was at a bar with some coworkers and there was such an abundance of great bathroom wall graffiti that I had to take some pictures. And may I present them to you now!

"Never make someone a priority in your life, when your only an option in theirs."

"You can't cried over spilt milk when the jar was never even opened."

...nice sentiment... I especially loved the comment in the left corner - "Nice grammer BITCH!" Apparently she's a stickler for grammar, but spelling fell by the wayside.

"To be a rock and not to roll...."

Deep, ~~man~~ woman.

"Love is the only truth

If your love is turned away

love more.

If your love is rejected

love more.

because I'd rather feel a heart full of sorrow for love

than never know what sorrow is.

Choose love

NOT HATE."

And saving my favorite for last,

"Be a fucking GODDESS, and own your right to happiness!"

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Whitney's Fall TV Lineup

noreply@blogger.com (Whitney) — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 09:44:00 +0000

**...And let me tell you, it definitely does not include Whitney. That show is terrible.**

It's my job to watch TV.

At least, that's what I tell myself as an excuse for watching so much of it. Considering I don't have cable - or even a TV - I manage to spend a lot of time in front of my computer, on Hulu or on other tv networks' websites, loving and hating and over-analyzing everything on television. But as an "actor" (I put it in quotes because really, I'm a waitress), I feel as though I have to keep up with television so that I know what's going on and what to expect - plus, I love it.

So here's my completely biased and not-worth-much opinion about this season's new tv shows (a.k.a., my list of shows I hope make it past season 1).

Countdown: Ranking My Interest Level in This Fall's New Television... Perhaps a Little Late in the Game

Read more »

I'm a Quitter

noreply@blogger.com (Whitney) — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 09:31:00 +0000

... Well, sort of. I've been a quitter for exactly 24 hours.

But here's the good (actually, great) news: I'm the good kind of quitter, because I finally decided to quit smoking!

*****

I read a lot of websites about quitting smoking, and they all agreed that telling people you're quitting helps to make it a reality. I haven't really told anyone yet, but that's because I've started to become so embarrassed by the fact that I smoke in the first place that a lot of the people I see on a daily basis don't even know that I'm a smoker. Even saying those words - "I'm a smoker" - makes me ashamed. But it's time for me to start taking responsibility for myself, and so, I'm a smoker who's working on quitting - shame can be a powerful motivator. So I'm making my quitting, and my addiction in the first place, super public - I'm sharing it with you!

Read more »

Friends Don't Let Friends Eat Meat... But I Do!

noreply@blogger.com (Whitney) — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 09:17:00 +0000

I work at a brand-new upscale vegan macrobiotic restaurant in West LA, a job I'm very fortunate and thankful to have because as far as waiting tables goes, this place is tops. The restaurant is Seed Bistro, and the story of Chef Eric Lechasseur and his business partner/wife Sanae is wholly touching and inspiring. Sanae was diagnosed with cancer with no health insurance and no money, and she enlisted the help of chef Eric - that was when they began to study macrobiotics, which comes from Eastern cultures and is all about balance, in living with the natural order of life. Together they created a macrobiotic healing diet that helped Sanae beat her cancer, and when she was unfortunate enough to be in a life-threatening accident a few years later, again macrobiotics helped nurse her back to health.

I'm gonna be honest, at the risk of my employers somehow seeing this blog post and discovering my dirty secret: I was nowhere close to being a vegan before I worked at Seed. Unless you count my strange aversion to the texture of most meat - I'd only eat it if it was breaded and fried, or cut up or shredded into small pieces and mixed in with something else - I was an omnivore all the way. And I fully planned on keeping up the vegetarian front I had put on in order to get the job in the first place. I was practically a vegetarian anyway, since I couldn't afford to buy meat unless it came in a red box with a big golden M on it. I didn't really cook unless you count ramen, and the food groups that governed my diet consisted of cheese, carbs, cheese, and cheese. I love cheese. All of my favorite foods revolve around it: grilled cheese, mac & cheese, quesadillas.

Read more »

30-Day Blogbuster Challenge

noreply@blogger.com (Whitney) — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 19:38:00 +0000

I've been bad. You know it, I definitely know it, it's just a fact that I've been trying to fight for a while now - but I'm coming to terms with it: I haven't posted in forever.

I made excuses - 'I have nothing to write about', that was the first one. Then I up and moved across the country, witnessed a thousand different life changes, and it was 'I have too much to write about' - I didn't know where to start, so I put it off, wondering how I could avoid a 2,000-word update, and I didn't even want this blog to be a bunch of bullshit about my life anyway - I was ashamed that that's how it's been turning out.

I make excuses for myself every single minute of every day. "I haven't started my acting career because <insert excuse here>." "I don't have enough money," "I don't have enough time," "I don't know enough people," "I don't have enough experience" ... When am I going to have enough of anything? I told myself that if I waited to move until I had enough money and resources, I was never going to do it. So, I just did it. I mustered up every last bit of vivacity I could, and I packed my whittled-down belongings and my little dog Toto into my air-conditioningless Saturn and I drove my ass for 20 hours across the mountains and the desert and arrived in the City of Angeles, Los Angeles, California, dripping in sweat and high on Redbull.

Read more »

Friday 10 June 2016

noreply@blogger.com (Whitney) — Fri, 10 Jun 2011 17:32:00 +0000

The Last Five Years
[this post is in response to a comment you can view here]

When I look back on the last 5 years of my life, I feel ashamed about the amount of things I managed to accomplish in that amount of time.

Five years ago, I could tell myself that I've accomplished a lot in the last five years. I spent 4 of those years in college learning, and being productive and loving myself, and the year after college going through a poignant life-changing paradigm shift that involved a shady apartment in the city, hating myself, and lots of pot.

Five years ago, I could tell myself that it was okay to say, "I have no fucking idea what I'm doing with my life." Today I still don't know, and I'm reminded of my mother, who use to say all the time when she was still in her fifties that she still didn't know what she wanted to be when she grew up. I thought this was ridiculous - why didn't she just go after what she wanted?

I guess I thought I would be super secure in my life choices by this point. And in a way, I suppose I am: I know now that I will always want more, or less - something I don't have. Even the most "successful" people don't have the perfect life. The perfect life doesn't exist.

... Or does it?

The Best Idea Ever Right Now in This Moment

noreply@blogger.com (Whitney) — Wed, 08 Jun 2011 18:32:00 +0000

I decided it's time to stop bullshitting around and get some more followers.

But as you may or may not know, the creativity river has been flowing slowwwwlyyyy... ... ...

So, I need ideas! Post a comment with a subject, a-ny subject (or no subject ... <--- pun ! ), whatever you want. You can post a question. You can post a statement. You can maybe just post a word or two. Let me demonstrate below:

I will use your material to write many many many posts - one for each comment!

I also officially linked my Re:(K)no(w) Subject Tumblr and of course this blog to my Facebook. I guess half-assed anonymity at this point seems pretty impossible. But I'm excited to finally get back onto actively using Facebook - especially to promote (K)no(w) Subject ;-))

Loveallways,

WhitShit (my new nickname at work)

A Memoir of April 30, 2011

noreply@blogger.com (Whitney) — Fri, 27 May 2011 01:17:00 +0000

Today was the one-year anniversary of my head injury.

And before you go any further, know that this post definitely falls under the definition of a novella. You're welcome to skip down to "The Story," although I hope that you'll stick it out and eventually read the whole thing. It paints a picture, and gives the story some context.

I haven't blogged in a long-ass time. I could tell you every little detail about why, tell you the excuses that I've already convinced myself are true... blah blah blah. But really, what it comes down to is that I haven't felt really impassioned by anything happening in my life or in the world lately, except for this total and completely selfish thing: my head injury.

Read more »

You Look Like a Young Barbra Streisand

noreply@blogger.com (Whitney) — Sun, 27 Feb 2011 07:23:00 +0000

About five minutes ago, I got out of the shower. About twenty minutes ago, I got into the shower full and baked, which was a pretty cool combination because I thought of myself as a pink manatee the moment I entered. (My shower curtain is pink and it turns the whole room pink.) I do much of my thinking in the shower, and I was thinking a lot about an in-depth conversation my roommate and I had about confidence, and being an actor. And I remembered that I had talked about secretly wanting to become a casting director.

I've always harbored a secret desire to become a casting director because let's face it, everyone would want the commercial/tv show/film to reflect the characters that they saw in their head when they read the script. I always see the aformentioned television and I think, 'Wow I could have found someone way better to read those lines.' Bottom line is I think I'd be good at the job. Plus I have, I think, particularly good intuition about people, even if they're acting.

Anyway, so I'm in the shower, scrubbin my tush, thinking about this idea of becoming a casting director, and maybe interning with a casting director when I move to the big L.A. (it's like a bad word I guess; people don't really ever say it without spelling it out instead). Then, all of a sudden, a tragic reality strikes me like lightning::

what if ... the reason... I want to become a casting director.... .. ... is so that people will have to suck up to me?

.... .... ... . . ... . ... . . . . ...... what if that's all I've ever wanted to accomplish by being an actor, TOO ! ? ... . . . !!

Why I Hate Katy Perry (And Other Stupid People)

noreply@blogger.com (Whitney) — Wed, 23 Feb 2011 21:02:00 +0000

I didn't really care too much about this drawing. I just wanted to make sure I got the boobs right.

I think, long ago when I started this blog, I mentioned in one of my posts that I'm not very opinionated.

Well, I think I was wrong. I'm pretty damn opinionated.... But it's only about one subject, really:

Stupid people.

Now you're probably saying to yourself, isn't stupidity subjective? And isn't it a little wrong, having an intense burning passion for so-called "stupid" people? Well I'm here to tell you that it's not. Subjective nor wrong.

Here's the thing. When I get really opinionated about stupid people, I get really passionate about my beliefs.

I try to put myself in other people's shoes whenever possible. When someone is expressing an opinion to me, I make an attempt to look at it from their perspective. What I'm gradually learning is that not everyone does this. I was shocked when I had this epiphany the other day when I was {insert doing something really cool/relevant (maybe) here}. The point at which I deem someone stupid comes when I've done everything I can to put myself in their shoes and I just can't see where they're coming from.

Enter Ms. Perry-Brand.

Read more »

D-Town

noreply@blogger.com (Whitney) — Sun, 23 Jan 2011 23:39:00 +0000

Editor's note: For the purpose of this blog post, I'm pretending it's the day after Martin Luther King Jr. Day.

Yesterday, I walked out the back door of my new apartment building and into a parade. My building is smack dab in the middle of gay heaven. When I say that, I mean that it's in the center of a slew of gay bars, gay sandwich shops, and gays. My roommate and I were trying to get our internet set up at our house, and instead, we decided to get some greasy fast food a block away. Instead, we found thousands of people walking down the road, complete with signs and golden retrievers:

This is where I live now!

It's pretty exciting that I moved out of my parents' house for the second time and into a major city. I live about six blocks from the state capitol, and it hit me the other day that I've never really lived in a big city. I find this strange, since I really love cities, and since I've visited quite a few. But to live in the heart of the city is really different than living in a suburb... Toto can attest to this, since he's still not really sure what to do when he hears cars rushing past my window or when he has to pee on the sidewalk.

Read more »

Merry (Day After) Boxing Day

noreply@blogger.com (Whitney) — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 06:04:00 +0000

I wanted to write a Christmas post, but I didn't get around to it. So then, I was gonna write a Boxing Day post, which is the day after Christmas in cool places like Canada and the United Kingdom. (Wikipedia link to info on Boxing Day if you're interested, since I'm too lazy to explain it to you.) But anyway, Boxing Day was yesterday, so I guess today is the day after Boxing Day, and that's why I'm now wishing you all a Merry 'Day-After Boxing' Day !

All I Want for Christmas is Your Two Front Teeth

I want to say something about punching you in the face and getting to keep the two teeth I knock outta you, but I can't really come up with any reason that I would do that. I just wanted to make a clever little play on words with the title of this section, because that's what I do. Anyway, the holidays are so interesting to me, because I love to observe people and people go nuts around the holidays. This has been my first holiday experience as a "grown-up," and being surrounded by all the madness has been pretty entertaining as well as enlightening. I've come to the conclusion that Christmas isn't that fun when you're an adult because you don't get toys. Toys are so badass. You pretty much always get what you want and then some, and toys are basically all you need when you're a kid. Your parents feed, clothe, and house you, so what else is there? Finding something to do with alllll your free time. And me? What do I want for Christmas at 23? My student loan paid off. An apartment to call my own. Groceries, a new wardrobe... all pretty lame and difficult Christmas gifts to give.

So this year, because I'm overly dramatic and because I already feel like I owe my parents too much, I asked for nothing. My catchphrase this season was, "There's too many things I want. So I might as well not get any of them, because it will just make me upset that I don't have them all." Ha. What a diva. It's all or nothing with me though. And I want to buy my own things. I know what I want and my wants are very specific. I don't want to be telling my family that I want a Denali thermal jacket by North Face in bittersweet brown, women's extra small. First of all I haven't tried it on yet, what if I like fissure green better? Second, how much does that ruin the magic of Christmas and shit, knowing exactly what you're getting because you had to go with your mom to the store to show her exactly which one you want?

I love getting things that are clever, that I didn't realize I wanted. Maybe that's because that's the type of gift I love to give, though. I would always rather give gifts than get them, which is a helluva ironic statement coming from me since I love just having things. But I absolutely adore finding those gifts for my loved ones that they wouldn't think to get for themselves. It's hard for people to do that for me, since I want everything and am constantly reminding myself of things that I could maybe possibly use at least once. But ! It did happen this year! I came home from work one day with a package from my great friend waiting for me. I was absolutely in awe as I opened the box to find a music box that plays "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." I had never seen a music box before, at least on its own outside of an actual jewelry box, and I sat and played it over and over and over, completely mesmerized by the whole affair. Now that's a great gift.

Days Go By

noreply@blogger.com (Whitney) — Thu, 16 Dec 2010 23:35:00 +0000

Fuck Student Loans
a.k.a., Another Day, Another Dollar

I've reached a few milestones in the past 8 days. The most important one (at least in terms of (K)no(w) Subject) is that I paid my first student loan payment of $265.35 !

I initially was pretty excited about this. In fact, I came to write an entry in my blog about how I could decrease the amount I'm trying to raise through my ChipIn page . Right now, my goal is $23,125. However, I strolled over to my loan payment account information, only to find this waiting for me:

Zoomed in:

WTF!?!?!?! $23,381.64?!?!?! I distinctly remember, and have complete proof on this page, a balance of $23,125.00!! I completely underestimated the fact that my principal balance goes up every month because it's accumulating interest. >: / Sooo turns out I'm not decreasing my goal, and instead I'm begging you to donate more money. Although, I'm super stoked that I've raised $20, don't get me wrong. But once again, you can do that here or on the sidebar to the right. Thankssss!

Read more »