“WHAT THE F**K? KRIS! CHEESEPIE LAR YOU!”

And amongst all the vulgarities thrown at myself, I will running around the room like a headless chicken with a stick up its ass. Scrambling for the bathroom for a quick shower. Almost squeezing my facial wash on my toothbrush instead of the toothpaste. Flying out of the bathroom with my delicate bits hanging and realizing that my room window is still open. Leaping into my pants. Making a break for the kitchen to tone, moisturize, style hair (I am a vain pot). Zipping to my wardrobe to find that the shirt I want to wear has 12 buttons too many. Rushing to the living room, dialing Comfort cabs hotline while putting on the socks and shoes and half wishing that I have only one leg that morning so that I can save half the time.

3 bloody buttons on EACH sleeve?

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All is good if taxi fares are cheap but it costs me $25 to travel from Jurong West to Aljunied.

TWENTY BLOODY FIVE DOLLARS!!!!

I think if Comfort has a membership program, I should be a platinum member by now. I should have a GPS equipped to my hand and every time I raise my hand, every available cab should have my position locked onto their maps.

Some might suggest that I sleep earlier.

I try but I can’t! 24 hrs a day isn’t enough. If I sleep the recommended 8 hrs a day, I would be theoratically sleeping 1/3 of my life away! And besides, I am at my creative best around midnight.

Some might suggest that I have more alarm clocks.

My phone has 3 alarms set each day at 10 min intervals and a separate alarm clock that has an irritating rooster sound that makes people want to visit KFC more to annihilate the species forever. I even purposely put my phone and the clock out of reach so that I have to actually get up to switch my alarms off.

What happens? I would actually switch off all the alarms and go back to sleep each and every time. In many instances, I cannot even remember DOING THAT!

How ah? HOW AH?

Fig & Olive

18 Table Tennis Bats!!!

The committee were at the venue early but we were running around like headless chickens sometimes. Everyone helped one another and we managed to complete our tasks in time. My slaves, Hendri and Miccheng, helped me finish up on the table tennis bats which were given out as award trophies.

Happy 2nd Birthday Ping.sg!

Sylvia hooked the committee up with a lady named Caressa who made us such great looking and tasting cupcakes! If I wasn’t battling the fact that my love handles are starting to look like the edges of the cupcakes, I would have had seconds.

Limetouch at his first Ping Meetup

Molemole & Daughter

Hendri, Me, Kahwee, Darren and Lance

People started trickling in and everyone had their chances to meet up with the bloggers that they come across every now and then in the Ping community. Everyone had name tags that helped identify each one of us and due to the evil blogger by the name of Wendy, I had this tag.

Chao Ah Beng

Everyone loves to hate a Chao Ah Beng and hence I got quite a lot of poofs from the pingsters. But I wasn’t the most hated! The winner is actually…

Shervon & Sheylara

Diana’s lovely daughter, Shervon got the most POOFed award! WAHAHAHHAHAHAHA! Not that she is hated though. Everyone wanted the little girl to win something. =P

NTT & Mintea

The awards were hosted by the laugh inducing duo, NTT & Mintea. Despite a few cock-ups here and there, the awards were given out at a very nice pace. I was nominated for quite a few and I expected to return home empty handed after awhile as other bloggers walked away with their prizes. But I manage to win the “Most Entertaining Blog Award!”

Most Entertaining Blog

And with the votes of the great crowd there, I won the “HP Blog of the Year”!!!

Blog Of The Year

I TOTALLY DIDN’T EXPECT IT! I only remembered being in a daze as I walked up to receive my prizes which consists of….

Lovely Glasses by MarkChoon.com

…..and the biggest prize of the night….

Photo Robbed from DaintyFlair

HP Mini!

This has to be the most awesome thing I won so far in my life! And no better time than now when I am actually looking to get an UMPC to blog and surf on the go. Thank you to the great people at HP and Waggener Edstrom Worldwide for sponsoring such a prize!

Melvin! If you are reading this, get me a new set soon! I can’t wait to caress it!

Sorry if this post felt very truncated and bullet like. I am so bloody sleepy and I cannot write this post as well as I should. But before I end this post. I will like to thank the following people. Uzyn, Daphne & the committee for organizing such a memorable event. Claudia and Miccheng for preserving the memories in pictures and video.

But most of all,

I want to thank all the readers who nominated and voted for me. Without you guys and girls, I would be just a regular guy with a blog.

Now, I am a regular guy with a blog, armed with two ping pong bats, a glass and a HP MINI!

WOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh! And please watch this great lipdub video created by Rinaz for the Anniversary!

Ping Lipdub Project from rinaz on Vimeo.

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WAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHA!!!!

Not that I have nothing to write though. I have views. I have opinions. But I realize that some point in time, I can’t really say what I need to say anymore on certain stuffs. The source for the tap of juices is still there but the filter on the tap end gets bigger. I then just write on the light hearted ones and peppering the posts with ‘WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA(s)’ so that my readers will be entertained. And then I face another problem whereby I am seldom pleased to blog but rather, blogging to please.

Some may think that I am having PMS but I have yet to go for a sex change.

WAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!

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In any case, I will be back soon!

(Who knows! Maybe tomorrow!)

Only taking a break! Be back REAL SOON!

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Mariah Carey has been said to have a glass shattering voice range that is close to 6 octaves and I guess the typical male or female singer is close to 3.5 octaves. I think I do have a respectable singing voice range or about 2 to 2.5 but the problem is that it is on the LOW end. I know that one can adjust the key at karaoke sessions but it is bloody troublesome!

I can’t sing most male songs. However, I can sing most female songs in the correct key but in the low octaves. The effect is incredibly funny when you see a hot and pretty singer on the karaoke screen mouthing the lyrics with my croaking voice in your ears.

Weiling, KKNN and Deborah

Me & She-Can-Sing-KKNN

Billy “THE VOICE” & Weiling

Victor, on the far right who is KKNN’s cousin can really sing as well!

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I used to play the guitar and sing in my own key and I did some recordings just for fun and torture my friends by sending it to them. I tweaked the audio file so that I sound like a chipmunk to reduce the amount of friends leaving me after hearing me sing.

WARNING!!! DO NOT PLAY THE SONG LOUDLY! KNOWN SIDE EFFECTS ARE QUEASINESS IN THE STOMACH AND INABILITY TO TRUST ANY MUSICS FILES ON THE INTERNET!

Listen to it at imeem if you cannot see the player above.

And since I didn’t lug a tank of helium to karaoke that day and I cannot just keep munching on the snacks, I have to find other forms of entertainment.

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It was POSED LAR! I am not a camwhore! SERIOUS!

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[Unrelated PLUG: So many great prizes to be won! Win a Motorola Phone worth $698 HERE! Win a HP TouchSmart PC HERE! Vote for me anyone for the Ping Awards HERE!]

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So apparently I put on shows, I play humble, I play good man, I am a hypocrite, I am a nice guy wannabe, I hide my true character and most importantly…

I am a CHAO AH BENG!!!

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I need to interrupt this post with this short message before I continue.

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WAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!!!!!!!!

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Okay, moving on…

I have to admit that ever since my grades slipped in Sec 3, I have been in classes with the most notorious chao ah bengs(C.A.B) in school. These C.A.Bs do all sorts of things from bringing pR0n to school, shouting their gang slogans (YO AH YO!) in school at the top of their lungs, fighting in and out of school, detained by police for various reasons and using drugs.

But me? I was just their classmate leh. I am the nerdy kid who was thrown into such classes and made good friends with them but stayed away from the vices. Maybe I should classify myself as a C.A.B wannabe. I did emulate their walk with arms swinging widely behind. I started to swear a lot. I took part in a gang standoff once. Basically it started with 2 gangs of kids on each side of the basketball court with the real C.A.Bs standing in the front. The kids at the back like me are those who dunno-wad-the-fug is happening kind. First, the one-to-one gang leader talk and then the shouting begins. I think the shouting and swearing takes really long because most of them are hoping the louder ones will scare the other group away. The police came really soon because of all the shouting *facepalm* and we ran away in all possible directions.

The only time I got into a fight is when I was in primary 5 when I pissed off some older kid at a playground. Wahahaha! He then got his secondary school C.A.B friends and surrounded me for a confrontation.

Kid Whom I Pissed: “HE! He is the one who bullied me!”

Gang Leader: “Eh! WHY YOU TOUCH MY BROTHER?”

Me: “I never touch him lor.”

(He then walked really close to me and towered over me who was only 1.3m in height)

“We go there to settle.”

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So I ended up at a lift lobby with 5-6 older kids surrounding me in a ring like fashion while the ‘kid-whom-i-pissed’ was in the makeshift ring with me. Kids our age don’t fight with proper styles if you know what I mean. There was more *piaks* than *bish*. After 10 mins of feminine punches and failed drop kicks, an adult came by and broke us up. I went home with a bruised forehead(because I headbutted him) and a sprained wrist. So much for fighting… HAAHAHA! But I was extremely pleased to find him at school a couple of days later with a cast on his arm.

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I do sound gruff and fierce and if I don’t make an effort to smile like an idiot, some people do percieve me as unfriendly and fierce. It also doesn’t help that I have a C.A.B face and look like I smoke 3 packs a day.

Thank you Cynthia and Carl, I had nothing to blog about until you peeps came along~

*Flutters C.A.B eyelashes and shows dimples*

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Yup! I am one of the finalists in the Most Entertaining Blog, Most Interactive Blog, Most Controversial Post, Most Entertaining Post and Best Citizen Journalism Post. I have this nagging feeling that this will be a big joke for me when I am shortlisted for so many categories but I will end up winning NONE!

WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHA!!!!

I hope everyone will just click on any of the images above and look at all the blogs and posts that have been shortlisted and vote for me, me, me, me and me the most deserving winner. Some of the categories can be voted once every 24hrs and some can only be voted once. So choose wisely and vote frequently!

Voting ends on Thursday, 24 July 2008 18:00!!!

Actually, don’t any-o-how touch my ka-cheng please.

Anyway, the point is not about my ka-cheng in this post. But it is about TOUCH. Not EXACTLY about one of the 5 senses, but I am talking about the…

HP IQ500 TouchSmart!

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After attending the awesome HP event the other day organised by the good people at Waggener Edstrom, they said they had a surprise for us this week. AND HERE IT IS!

Me and MY READERS(YOU! YES! YOU!!!) will stand a change to win this amazing PC.

How to Win?

Simply answer the following question in the most creative/ innovative/ productive/ interesting way you can!

Qn: “What will your life be like with HP TouchSmart?”

E.g. In the morning I will use the TouchSmart to check on the weather instead of touching Kris’ ka-cheng. When I come back home, the kids will all be using the TouchSmart instead of kicking Kris’ ka-cheng. At night before I sleep, there is nothing better to see than the beautiful TouchSmart instead of Kris’ ka-cheng.

Get the idea? Just try not to use ka-cheng so much…

WAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!

The competition is going to be tough! Only ONE blogger who attended the event & his/her ONE reader will walk away with the TouchSmart PC! The prize is going to be awarded based on the BEST COMMENT! And if there are duplicate ideas, the comment that is made the earliest will be awarded the prize!

This is the press release for the HP TouchSmart IQ500 PC.

Look through it, have an idea and answer the question! Be fast! Contest closes on the 12th July!

Answer by COMMENTING HERE!

NO TRAFFIC NO TALK!

If someone on the street asks you, “Name me 3 top bloggers in Singapore.” How many of you people will actually name 3 guys or even 2? I think there will be some of you who won’t even name one.

[Image from here]

Why is it so? Are women better bloggers than men? What defines ‘better’?

What brings in the traffic? Someone who writes insightful posts in perfect English or a looker who post pictures and cannot write for nuts?

Go look at the blogs that you guys bookmarked or subscribed and tell me if it isn’t female dominated. If you have nuffnang polls, look at it and tell me if it isn’t female dominated readers.

First, let’s define success of a blog again. It’s largely based on popularity and popularity = traffic. And high traffic does NOT MEAN that a blogger writes well. In fact, I feel that there is a misconception in some people that blogging = writing. So to these people, they feel sick to their toes when they see female blogs full of camwhore-d pictures and little writing and these bloggers have enormous amounts of traffic. Many of these bloggers who enjoy relatively high traffic are often ridiculed by people but the amazing thing is…

Most people who dislike popular female blogs still visit them.

Do people who dislike popular male blogs still visit? Yes! But not as much as the former.

Let me just quote an example. I visit Dawn Yang’s blog often even though I think little of her writing. If you ask me to list a blog post that she wrote about, I really cannot remember anything she wrote. I only visit her blog to look at her pictures. My eyes automatically disregards all the text in her entries. I know many who dislikes her but still visits her.

Why oh why? It’s because the measure of a ‘popular’ blog is not by one’s writing.

It’s measured by how ‘interesting’ it is. And it doesn’t matter if you are an life, insightful, entertainment, food, pRon, LINKster(bloggers who scours the internet for links) or camwhore blogger. Whatever genre you are in, if you are interesting, traffic will come.

Now, let me paint you guys a situation. Let’s compare two imaginary bloggers.

1. Blogger A - Male, plain looking, writes about his mundane life.
2. Blogger B - Female, plain looking, writes about her mundane life.

If you had to choose between the two, who would you visit more often? I can name another 10 examples and most people will choose to read the female blog.

In reality, regardless of gender, people in general just like to visit female blogs more. It’s just the way it is. There are always exceptions but you simply can’t deny the fact that female bloggers tend to get a bigger chunk of the traffic.

Female bloggers are more interesting and hence more popular and there is nothing wrong with it!

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ACCEPT IT!

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And guys suck at camwhoring by the way.

…

…Like me…

“Eh Dear. That is the old man whom I helped cross the road when it was raining cats and dogs.”

“Oh! Is he nice and friendly?”

“Yup!”

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The reason why I asked if the blind man was nice is because I had times in my life when I tried to help people in need on the streets and got rejected rudely. An example was a number of years back when I saw this very old man struggling to alight from the front doors of a bus. He was trembling from the lack of strength in his legs and arms and I went ahead of him and on the road and held his arm to support. I don’t know where a weak old man with trembling limbs get his strength from but he immediately flinged my arm away and proceeded to yell at me in some dialect that I have no idea till now what it means. It was either his ego or his bad experience that didn’t want my help. I walked away.

So at YCK yesterday, I knew I might need to help this blind old man later and I made sure he is a nice guy first so that in the event that he is not, I am prepared to be floored by a blind old man. The old man got up the bus with help from an uncle and we got on as well. KKNN then proceeded to tell me that he will know exactly when to alight and true enough, immediately after the bus left the preceding bus stop, he pressed the bell.

We were alighting at the same stop and I approached him on the bus.

(All conversations are in Chinese and conveniently typed to you guys in English. Thank me all you want, but the truth is if I typed in Chinese, this post will have been ready by year 2010.)

“Uncle! You are getting down here right? Let me help you.”

“Thank you ah, young man!”

(Shiok! At this age, only an old man will call me young man. I should start making friends out of old folks.)

I supported him as he slowly made his way onto the bus stop pavement.

“Uncle ah, where you want to go? I bring you there.”

“I want to go to Blk 641. It’s around there.”

(He points at a direction and I thought he was being general and I looked at KKNN and she didn’t know where it was.)

KKNN LIVES NEARBY LOR! WAH LAU!

(I motioned for KKNN to go home first as I thought it would take some time for me to find BLK 641.)

“Uncle, let’s walk here.”

(I led him to the left.)

“No no! 641 is to the RIGHT!”

“Er… Okay…”

And true enough, Blk 641 is on the right and just behind the bus stop. WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA!!

Blind old man who wants to go somewhere. Young able bodied man with a girlfriend who lives in the area. Blind old man SHOWS the couple the way to get there.

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I then slowly walked him back to his lift lobby and he insisted on going up himself but not before bowing his head and thanking me.

Feels good to help him and feels even better to be appreciated despite lacking in my sense of direction.

WAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAH!!