kris.blog();

Standard chartered security #fail!!!

2009-10-31T02:08:00.003+05:30

I'm sure i could do slightly better than that!!! :D

Lens flare on my phone's fixed-focus camera!

2009-10-29T17:45:00.004+05:30

Lens flare on my phone's fixed-focus camera! Whoever'd have imagined that!!!

(that's the sun setting through a gap in my office's window blinds, photographed by my O2 Zinc)

Every bachelor's house should have one of these!

2009-10-29T00:01:00.001+05:30

Maggi noodles available here. Obviously. And we aren't kidding about the taste or health either!

First reactions

2009-10-16T01:08:00.002+05:30

So out of curiosity, i asked some of my male friends, both on and off twitter, the following question:

"if your ex- (who you're not in touch with) was to call you, what would your first thought (before answering/not answering the phone) be?"

Here's their answers, followed by mine:

@s4sukhdeep: something went wrong in her life.. :-/

@Surajram: I dunno if my Ex will ever try to talk to me again. So I'll be jubilant if she calls me.

@Desininja: i'll wish she says "It was my mistake baby. I'm back."

@jhayu: i guess it would depend on how things ended with the ex. If it was on a god note, it would be 'i wonder why she's calling'. If not, it would be 'why the fuck is she calling me'.

Aaron: "Wtf did she do nw?!?!?"

@textualoffender: My thought would be, Wtf followed by hmmm

Vane: It would be 'shit, what happened to her now.'

Vamsi: She's getting married!

@Asfaq: I'd think maybe she has some work from me

Yorick: If < 9 months, "Oh fuck i hope she's not expecting", if > 9 months, "Oh mother of fucks i hope she's not delivered"...

Me: ahh she's back to playing games. Probably just got dumped!

Through the clouds

2009-09-30T17:46:00.001+05:30

There's nothing like hurtling through the sky at a few hundred miles an hour, with the evening sun streaming through wispy clouds, the sea waves below looking like tiny ripples, but stretching to infinity, just like the carpet of clouds around us.

As my friend said...we might just catch a glimpse of god racing past us on his private cloud :)

Ps: this is my second flight ever. On the first one, i remember circling mumbai as one of the most breathtaking sights. This one had a beautiful pre-sunset, clouds, rain, AND turbulence!!!

Dying by degrees

2009-09-24T01:26:00.001+05:30

Everyone warns me about things i should take care of. Things that could ruin my life, or even end it.

You know what? That's not gonna happen.

That 15 hour solo bike ride isn't gonna do me any harm. That slice of chocolate cake isn't gonna put me into a coma.

What's gonna kill me are the little things. Things that kill me bit by bit, day by day. The wasted days. The things i should've done. The people i should have cared about. The rotten apples i should've thrown away. They are what's killing me.

And somehow it feels like i'm the only one who sees them.

can i imagine an awesome feature please?

2009-09-17T13:34:00.003+05:30

a few minutes ago, on the team chat room:

J [Thu 1:22 PM]: perhaps to confuse things, but: isn't there a "resend with comment" option in (X)? or did I imagine that?
G [Thu 1:24 PM]: i didn't have that option
J [Thu 1:25 PM]: if you don't have the option, chances are it's my imagination :) thanks, G!
G [Thu 1:26 PM]: your imagination should become a reality ;)

DeeSee invites you to check out DeeSee

2009-09-08T15:29:00.004+05:30

lesson to be learned: never title your blog with just your own name. or if you do, don't send out blogger's automated invitation mails. unless you want people to check you out, that is :D

Date: Thu, Sep 3, 2009 at 3:38 PM
Subject: DeeSee invites you to check out DeeSee

I'm following DeeSee and think you'll be interested in it as well. To check it out, follow the link below:
http://dennis-castello.blogspot.com

-----
Google Friend Connect helps people with common interests discover interesting sites and interesting people. To learn more, visit http://www.google.com/friendconnect

ps: DeeSee's blog is *nice*. after you're done with your giggles, do check it out!!!

how to win (cute) friends and influence people

2009-08-29T00:55:00.006+05:30

first, some background. i've been pestering a certain cute cute_divya on twitter for her phone number for a while (yeah, i know, it's something i love to do ;)). so after atleast 2 weeks of badgering, she finally DM'd me her number. sms conversation follows:

(if you don't know already, k = me, c = cute_divya)

k: So you finally have my number...or do you? Am I texting you from my friend's number? You shall find out shortly! :O

c: And how can u be sure this is my number? What if its a friend's phone that i've temporarily borrowed? :P

k: Hehe that's exactly why i'm using my friend's phone. Everyone else just gets my number directly...you don't, because u hesitated so much. Say hi to ur friend :D

c: Yeah he's really excited to talk to u. He's just waiting for ur call. He thinks ur hot. U can communicate with him now that u have his number. :P

k: Nice! Hope he doesn't sleep too late. I find late night conversations exciting! I'll have to call him from my own phone though ;)

c: His preferences are slightly 'different', u see. :P

k: Hehe different from me? I think not! We're both looking for the same thing, and I know it! Does he live with his parents or alone? I'm so excited already!

c: When r u calling?

k: You know what, you ask too many irrelevant questions. Give the phone back to your friend. I'll sms him, and I can dm you on twitter! What's his name btw?

c: Ummm.. :o i don't know.

k: Hehe...you don't know your friend's name? Wow, you amaze me! How did this happen?

c: Well i was making all that up, so couldn't think of an appropriate name for a gay guy. U got me there.

k: Oops. Well, say hi to my friend varun. This is his number. I'll text you from my phone when i'm done with work later today ;)

c: Ok

k: What ok? Say hi properly atleast! He's wondering why i've taken his phone away for so long! And i'm treating him to compensate for all the smses i've sent!

c: Ok hi varun how r u? Hope everythings ok with u.

k: hi divya i m gr8 .how r u ?

c: Hmmm i think u should stick to DMing me.

k: i dnt kno wht is tht .its ok i dnt wnt 2 trubl u .kris told me 2 trubl u .let it b .bye .

c: Ok :o

c: Hey i'm sorry didn't mean to be rude or anything with u. Just fooling around with Kris :)

k: ya its ok .he will treat me wthout readin these sms .so do u wnt 2 sms me ?

c: Yeah he better treat u for misusing ur phone like this :P and no ya i don't have much balance in my cell to keep smsing. But u can follow me on twitter.

k: thts nice ,bt i dnt kno wht is twitter .can u add on orkut ?v dnt hv orkut in office ..bt i use it at home .my name on orkut is varun j

c: Yes u can scrap me on orkut. Search for divya choco angel.

k: ok gr8 .i think ur balance mst b almost ovr .il scrap u 2nit .hw do u kno kris btw ?

k: ok kris told me to stop troubling u n delete ur num ,so il do tht .u cn add on facebook if u want .my name isnt varun ,its kristopher noronha .im nt on orkut .

c: Hmmm playing games :)

k: Hehe...yesh! And remember, I got your number first. So I won the bet! Woo hoo!!! What's my prize again? ;)

how to embarrass yourself at work: part n

2009-08-22T11:39:00.003+05:30

this one's been waiting for a while, so apologies if you've heard it from me in person:

rewind to a certain thursday in july.

we were going out for a team lunch. a teammate was gonna accompany me on my bike to the restaurant, while everyone else takes a rickshaw.

and i couldn't raise my leg enough to swing it over the bike seat. lost my balance and almost fell, to fits of laughter from the rest of my team.

that was the prelude. the best moment would happen a few hours later.

in the office restroom. me almost done with my post-hearty-lunch-crap.

stood up to pull my pants back on.

the door opens.

turns out i forgot to lock it.

thankfully, i was standing, so the door hit my elbow and couldn't open further. i heard a startled grunt from whoever was on the other side, and probably said "horh" myself.

i waited for the guy to enter another stall and hear the sound of him locking it before i dared step out.

#weirdness!

2009-08-21T22:27:00.002+05:30

It's strange, how I can't type anything anymore without it looking like an extended tweet, an email, or a page from my diary. I just deleted three half-typed diary pages that were about to find their way to the blog :)

the dream

2009-08-05T00:49:00.003+05:30

i had an awesome dream two nights ago. awesome, mainly because i can still remember it in such detail. since such moments are to be chronicled, i shall do the honours now.

scene: we're in a truck (the sort that are covered with tarp on the top, open at the sides). it's a moonlit night. it's raining lightly outside, but everything's dripping wet. we were being driven through rough terrain, a mud track cutting through a dense, hilly jungle.

by we, i mean me and my dad.

we're at gunpoint, by half a dozen armed men. the truck feels like an army truck though, olive green with camouflage, huge tires and all. they're talking about crossing the border of an unnamed country, the one we were currently in.

the men knew it's pointless for us to try and escape, so they gave me a gun to play with. one bullet inside the gun.

i point it at our captors, cock and uncock it, point it at dad, just like that.

suddenly, a jeep pulls up behind us, from somewhere outside the path. again, looks like an army vehicle. two people in it, a driver and a commando with a machine gun.

the commando starts firing at the tires. hits one.

i take aim, fire at the driver's head through his windscreen.

the bullet bounces off the glass.

the commando hits another tire. the truck loses control, skids into a hillock, and tips over in slow motion.

dad and i jump off the back, straight into the line of the machine gun fire.

the firing had stopped.

dad and i scrambled off the path and uphill into the trees, tripping through the sludge. our captors were more concerned with their upturned truck than us.

we suddenly heard machine gun chatter again, and a huge boom and a bright flash of light. we couldn't see what just exploded, the jeep or the truck. or both.

i was glad i could open my eyes, get out of bed and go to work on that monday morning.

the post-midnight soup

2009-08-04T03:34:00.005+05:30

today, for the first time in atleast 14 months, i came home from work at 3am. that was an hour and a half *after* dad called me at work to say good night, and to tell me that pork legs are waiting for me in the fridge.

so there i was, tired (exhausted, really!) and hungry. with no energy to make pork legs hot, much less eat it (picking out the marrow and the flesh from the bones takes more energy than i usually have on *any* weekday!).

so i decided to try something new:

1 maggi soup cube.
2/3rd mug water in a microwave-safe mug.
1 raw egg.
1 loaded pepper shaker.
1 teaspoon schezuan sauce/soya sauce/green chutney/anything you may fancy.

crumble the soup cube into the water, and microwave it till it's almost boiling hot (took a little over a minute for me). stir it to make sure the cube has dissolved. crack open the egg, and stir it into the mixture. sprinkle pepper to taste, while stirring. stir in a teaspoon of schezuan sauce (i'd have preferred soya sauce, but i grabbed the first bottle i could get my hands on, and there was no looking back)

microwave it again as it's probably cooled a bit with all the stirring (and you want the egg to be fully cooked too) - i stopped at 30 seconds when it was beginning to bubble.

there you go. it's about as substantial as a mug of soup could possibly get. and it took way less time to prepare and consume than it took to type this out.

awrighty then, it's time for sweet dreams. good night!!!

Gursimran Arora suggested you become a fan of Gursimran Kaur Arora...

2009-07-24T21:31:00.001+05:30

What's the height of vanity?
A. Creating a fan page for yourself on facebook.
B. Becoming your own fan.
C. Inviting all your friends to become your fan!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Facebook
Sent: Friday, 24 July 2009 9:03 PM
To: Kristopher Noronha
Subject: Gursimran Arora suggested you become a fan of Gursimran Kaur Arora..

Gursimran became a fan of Gursimran Kaur Arora on Facebook and suggested you become a fan too.

To see more details and confirm this invitation, follow the link below:
http://www.facebook.com/n/?pages/Gursimran-Kaur-Arora/105433139382&mid=d3d17dG1ecde4b8G2cdacf2G4c

Thanks,
The Facebook Team

not forgotten...just ignored

2009-07-19T08:17:00.003+05:30

i signed into my pc at home after a little over 2 weeks today. and i noticed my last post was on july 3rd.

in case you've been wondering, i've not abandoned this blog. i need to do a bit of research before i can start posting my series of ~14 posts on my recent ladakh trip (which ended yesterday, btw). knowing me, there's two ways this could possibly pan out:

1. i do my research, and start posting. that could probably mean an extended break rfom posting, considering how lazy i am :D

2. i post my regular stuff, and then randomly insert the trip posts. this is probably more manageable...but the ladakh story might lose it's continuity.

either way, there's some interesting stuff coming up, though it'll probably take it's time. keep reading!!!

kris is not kind

2009-07-03T02:03:00.002+05:30

last august, while vacationing in panchgani:

l: kris, you're one of a kind!!!
m: actually, he's one of a.
l: what?
m: yeah, kris is not kind!!!

it still cracks me up!!!

tweet tweet

2009-07-01T23:44:00.003+05:30

you know you're addicted to twitter when:

you find yourself with a notebook and pen on your hand, and you have the irresistible urge to write down (in 140 chars) what you're currently doing.

ps: i was too freaked out to actually write anything down. i did tweet it when vodafone fixed their gprs a few hours later though :D

Aghosh, here are your highest rated friends!

2009-06-27T00:55:00.004+05:30

i was pleasantly surprised to see this mail from my friend aghosh, sitting in my inbox on an early thursday morning :)

From: Compare People
Date: Thu, Jun 25, 2009 at 7:38 AM
Subject: Aghosh, here are your highest rated friends!
To: Aghosh Babu

Highest ranked in each category

* "Who is more useful"
1. Kristopher Noronha
2. Sriram Govind
3. Frincy Clement
view more>>

* "Who is better at science"
1. Kristopher Noronha
2. Anuja Bagul
3. Sriram Govind
view more>>

* "Who is more tech-savvy"
1. Kristopher Noronha
2. Sriram Govind
3. Anuja Bagul
view more>>

* "Who is more generous"
1. Kristopher Noronha
2. Anuja Bagul
3. Renu Vijayachandran
view more>>

* "Who is a happier person"
1. Kristopher Noronha
2. Frincy Clement
3. Darsan Muraleedharan
view more>>

---
This email was sent by Compare People.

Reminder: Kristopher invited you to join Facebook...

2009-06-25T00:38:00.003+05:30

facebook has been sending these mails out on my behalf. i know because i'm on my own address book.

and my address book was accessed by facebook exactly once, when i first signed up two years ago.

i somehow don't remember agreeing to let them use my contact list, much less invite *all* my contacts. and definitely not two years later.

facebook

Hi Kris,

The following person recently invited you to be their friend on Facebook:

Kristopher Noronha
569 friends
415 photos

Other people you may know on Facebook:

	Aditi Mallya India		Bokul Bhowmick
	Priyadarshini Goswami Jadavpur University		Aarti Naik India
	Shakti Salgaokar India		Martin Fernandes

Facebook is a great place to keep in touch with friends, post photos, videos and create events. But first you need to join! Sign up today to create a profile and connect with the people you know.

Thanks,
The Facebook Team

Facebook is free and anyone can join.

To sign up for Facebook, follow the link below:

http://www.facebook.com/r.php?re=450917da68d42e1d0e052434f25b11a2&mid=aa752fG218ed3edG1f26b64G46

This message was intended for ________________. If you do not wish to receive this type of email from Facebook in the future, please click here to unsubscribe.
Facebook's offices are located at 1601 S. California Ave., Palo Alto, CA 94304.

long live god!!!

2009-06-11T01:20:00.004+05:30

elevator conversation, a few days ago:

t: i swear on god i'm gonna start jogging today!
k: please don't say that...god might die tomorrow!!!

unfanboy!

2009-06-09T01:41:00.000+05:30

i used to pride myself on not being a fanboy. i was the sorta fellow who would accept everything on its merits, and poke fun at those who didn't. ego-shredding sarcasm was reserved for people who defended their fanboyism.

not anymore.

today, during #WWDC, i realised how much of an anti-apple fanboy i've become. as one of my tweets said:

"for all of you offended by my anti-apple tirades: think of me as hitler on hannukah. and thank god nerve gas is illegal. peace out!"

losing my roots

2009-06-06T20:25:00.000+05:30

today morning, a few of my colleagues, in concert with hariyali (an ngo dedicated to environmental conservation and awareness) went to thane for a sapling creation drive.

it was supposed to go on from 8 to 11:30 or so.

at 10 am I was down and out with:

a blister in my palm from the digging

a headache from the sun

a pukish feeling from the smell of manure

and I come from a family that's been traditionally engaged in farming.

ps: post typed with my left thumb on the touchscreen, while standing at the door of a superfast train. a first of sorts!

let's trash some houses...maybe even drown some people!

2009-06-04T02:08:00.003+05:30

my mom has some very strange philosophies in life. like just now she exhorted me to pray that "it rains heavily, we have floods, and it gets cool"

i asked her why she wanted floods. i wouldn't pray that some poor people lose their homes and belongings, some maybe even their lives, unless i had a very good reason to do so :D

apparently (and i'm not making this up!) mom feels it only gets cool when there are floods.

die, people...die!!! i'm sacrificing you all for the cause of better weather :D

conversations i'd rather not

2009-06-02T23:24:00.003+05:30

i've noticed one weird thing about women close to me. they love to put me on phone calls with people they enjoy talking to. without warning. ignoring my protests. and strangely, it's always been their boyfriends, moms, brothers. never their hot friends.

(in a movie theater line, waiting to buy our tickets)

k = me
a = my friend
s = a's boyfriend

(a's phone rings)
a: (on the phone) hello, hold on a sec.
a: here, talk.
k: what?
a: talk to him!
k: talk to whom?
a: my boyfriend!!!
k: you want me to talk to your boyfriend?
a: ya!!!
k: i think he'd rather talk to you
a: no! i told him to call now because i want him to talk to you!
k: what?
a: cmon, he's waiting!!!
k: but i don't even know his name!!!
a: his name is s!!! cmon now!!!
k: uhhhh
a: now!!!
k: uhhhh okay
k: (on the phone) hello?
s: hi dude
k: hi...wassup
s: nothing much...how've you been?
k: pretty okay i guess
(making throat cutting gestures to a)
s: so how's things out there?
k: pretty busy. work's hectic, as always.
(making violent throat cutting gestures to a)
k: and how about you?
s: yeah, same here. you know how it is. so which movie?
k: errr...so-and-so
(trying to stick my tongue out and making a dead expression at a)
a: (loudly) show gimme the phone
s: okay man, i'll talk to you later. you take care!
k: yeah man, you too...bye.
a: (taking phone from me) okay bye, i'll call you later.
k: *PLEASE DON'T DO THAT TO ME EVER AGAIN!!!*

i'm saying it out loud now. i don't mind making small talk when i'm introduced to someone, or say if we're sitting down and having a beer together (usually only happens with their boyfriends, i guess :P), but giving me your phone and saying: "here. talk." is about the only thing that can make me lose my (otherwise rock-steady) composure. please don't!!! really.

you don't read my blog?

2009-05-31T22:21:00.002+05:30

it's weird, how some of my best offline friends don't know anything about a huge chunk of my life, despite being in touch and spending a lot of time together, just because they don't read my blog.

i found out last night, when i admitted for the first time, verbally, person-to-person, that i'm a very emotionally dependent person.

and my best friends were shocked to hear it.