I would ask if anyone else has had any problems, but due to a 406 error, no one is able to comment. I’m trying to find a solution to the problem, but a thorough search of the support forums have only suggested to modify the .htaccess file and turn off mod_security. I have no doubt that it works, but it sounds like doing that would put me at a huge security risk. I’d rather not sacrifice security for usability.

But what else is there to do? Throwing my computer out the window would really make me feel better right now, but I highly doubt that would solve my upgrading issues. Eh, nothing like being stuck between a rock and hard place.

Yesterday we took him to get a physical, and everything checked out fine. They pricked his finger to get blood in order to test his hemoglobin and check for lead. He didn’t like this, but instead of crying and having a complete meltdown (like I expected), instead he took it like a little soldier. He whimpered almost inaudibly, tears sprung to his eyes, and his bottom lip poked out and quivered, but he never cried. The nurse slapped an awesome Snoopy Band-Aid on it, and he was pretty much over it. I was both surprised and very proud of him for being so grown up about it. Hell, I still almost cry when I get my finger pricked…that shit hurts. I’m glad that he didn’t inherit any the genes that make me a big pussy.

He had an eye exam after that, which was equally as simple. He had no problem putting his face into the machine and having his eyeballs examined, photographed, having bright lights shone directly in them, and having air blown in them. Again, I was very proud.

All that’s left now is his orientation meeting next week, and a trip to the bus garage sometime in the near future (to discuss with us the route he’s on, whether he’ll be in the morning class or afternoon class, etc.) Then, maybe THEN, we’ll be good to go.

It’s just one of those things that HAS to get done, and no one else around here cares enough about having clean clothes and linens as much as I do. So, I do laundry about three times a week.

Sometimes though, like today, when I’m not particularly feeling like doing four loads in a single day, I get lazy with it. I throw a few whites in with colors and I fill the washing machine as much as it’s able to fit and still manage to wash thoroughly. Sure, it may not be the “right” way to wash clothes, but it never hurts anything when it’s done that way. If anything, it saves time. As long as the stains come out and the laundry smells heavenly, then I’m satisfied that it’s been a job well done. The sooner they come out of the dryer, the better.

On the third load of the day today, I combined both our bed sheets and Dylan’s bed sheets. I also decided to throw in his quilt and our comforter (hey, it was getting well up in the afternoon…I had more pressing matters at hand). It was definitely a snug a fit, and after I crammed everything in there, I was second guessing the time-saving brilliance of that idea. But, the lazy bitch dwelling in my head assured me that it would be fine, and that I should go mop the bathroom like I had planned.

After the washer filled with water and began to agitate, I noticed something odd. It was making a different noise. I should know, I have to listen to the damned thing three or more times a week, like I said. Putting down the mop, I walked out to the laundry room to find out why it sounded funny.

You want to know why it sounded funny? Because it was so full that water had begun spilling over the top of it onto the floor. Though it wasn’t the splashing of the water I was hearing. It was the sound of the washer being so full that it was straining to spin the load. The silently spilling water was just a bonus. I considered it a big ‘fuck you’ from my washing machine.

You know how you feel sometimes after eating a huge meal, and it feels like you may throw up at any given second if you move around too much? That’s what this reminded me of. It was definitely stuffed too full and began vomiting everywhere. Nice.

I removed the sopping wet comforter and tried to wring it out the best I could. Gave up on that after a few minutes and just plopped it onto a couple of dry towels on the floor to try and soak up the rest of the water. After I loosened up the remaining bed sheets in the washer, it began to run smoothly again. No funny noises this time, thankfully. Just a little FYI: never underestimate the weight of a wet comforter. Or a wet anything. The damned thing was so heavy I was practically wrestling with it trying to get it out. Needless to say, lots of different things that shouldn’t be wet, ended up getting wet. FAIL.

My lesson learned today is that while sometimes being lazy saves you time in the long run, sometimes it can become a huge pain in the ass, and makes you waste the time you were trying to save in the first place. I’m still going to do my laundry the way I always have: quickly. Though, next time I’ll remember not to stuff it too full, and if it begins making funny noises, to check on it IMMEDIATELY.

I think I owe my washing machine an apology.

I received a text message from my friend a few hours ago, stating:

“Happy 4th of July! Get fucked up, and don’t blow up your house!”

LULZ. I love the girl to death. It’s been like four months since we’ve talked, and this is what she comes up with out of the blue. She always cracks me the hell up. :)

The truth is, I didn’t get fucked up, and thankfully I didn’t blow up my house. Instead, I twiddled my thumbs at work, waiting around for other people to get done blowing up their houses to come and stuff their faces or something. I’ve never seen the restaurant so…dead. Don’t misunderstand me, I love doing nothing. But, when I’m doing nothing and looking like I should be doing something to earn my money, I prefer really having something important to do so I’m not bored out of my mind doing nothing…or something. Did you follow me on that? Me either.

So, happy 4th of July to my American readers. I wonder how many people killed/injured themselves this year doing stupid shit with fireworks while drinking alcoholic beverages? I’m sure the stats are out there somewhere. Our forefathers must be so proud.

He’s growing up so fast. It makes me sad.

But then again, chocolate cake can work wonders with your emotions.

‘I wonder what my cousin Casey has been up to?’

This was completely random for two reasons:

1. I haven’t seen or spoken to my (1st) cousin, Casey, in over ten years.
2. She lives in Florida, hundreds of miles away from my normal existence. She may as well be a complete stranger.

Nevertheless, I began thinking of all of the shenanigans we got into when we were kids when my family would vacation in Florida every summer. Our dads (who are brothers) would drink beer and reminisce about ‘the good ‘ol days’ in my grandmother’s garage, while we hopped on bicycles and rode down to the corner gas station for drinks and candy. I remember the two of us being completely different - like night and day. She was a tomboy, always wearing baggy pants and band t-shirts. I was a girly princess, always wearing frilly pink shirts and flaunting pig-tails. Somehow, we got along, and I was always grateful to have a companion my age to spend that week in Florida with.

We never saw each other or communicated at all outside of those family vacations, and I’ve found myself wondering on more than one occasion over the years what she’s been up to, where she’s living, if she has a boyfriend, or if she still goes to that gas station to buy candy and soda.

This time, however, I had the power of the interwebz at my fingertips, and decided to put them to good use. So, I began my search at the Mecca of online people-finding: Myspace. My thinking was perfectly logical in my head: everyone and their fucking dog has a Myspace profile these days, surely I can find her there with NO problem. I’ll just enter her name and narrow down the search options, and voila! I’ll be back in contact with her in no time!

This is where the ‘I would make one crappy online stalker’ part comes in. It is hard as shit to find someone specific on the internet. I’ll never understand the search function on Myspace. It asks for simple details, name, city, state, country, gender… you would think that doing this would narrow down your search quite a bit. It doesn’t. At least not for me. There are only about, oh, eighty bajillion people in this country that share her name. Evidently, Myspace thought I was also trying to find people named ‘Regina’ and ‘Joe’ as well, because there were a few of those sprinkled in the search results…

MYSPACE, WILL YOU EVER MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE?

I ended up getting flustered on about page 18 of my search results, and ultimately gave up. I couldn’t muster up any more energy to look through any more pages of random people in varying locations and ages that I hadn’t even searched for to begin with. I guess if we are meant to speak again, fate will drag us in that direction. And if Myspace is involved with it, I’m sure it will be completely random and unintentional.

Ah, Vonage. Do I have a bone to pick with your marketing team. I’ve never used their phone service, and I’ve never known anyone that has. I have, however, been bombarded with their cheeky, we-are-the-fucking-shit commercials on t.v. every thirty seconds or so and I’m compelled to express how much I’m irritated by them. The actress representing Vonage in the commercial I’m referring to, is especially annoying. As she blabs on and on (and on and on) about how regular phone service sucks, I’m secretly hoping that the actor representing ‘THE CRAPTACULAR PHONE COMPANY’ punches her in her Vonage humping face. But it never happens. The poor sap allows her to booty bump him off the screen, evidently attempting to signify how much Vonage just kicks ass ‘and looks fabulous while doing it! Work it, girl!’

Then, there are the ‘testimonials’. The real-live people (NOT actors portraying real-live people) who are apparently satisfied customers are generously taking the time to preach the word of Vonage to everyone, everywhere without being compensated. (NOT ACTORS). Right. One gentlemen in particular that sticks out in my mind is the old fart who is so anti-phone company, that he comes up with this little gem of a marketing ploy: (and I’m paraphrasing)

‘Vonage is _________something something___blah blah blah____. They’re not nickels and dimes, uh, like the phone company.’

Mmm Hmmm. And what exactly is that supposed to mean? That the phone company rips people off (because internet phone service seems SO reliable in comparison)? That everyone with regular phone service is forced to pay their bills with nickels and dimes only? That Vonage allows you to pay your bill with anything but money? Like chess pieces or seaweed? Please elaborate, old man. We all know that the only reason you have Vonage in the first place is so that you can put all of the money (or seaweed) you save by using it into your favorite Asian ass porn website that you look at daily while talking to your poker buddy on the phone at the same time. With a clear, uninterrupted connection!

A little FYI for Vonage and their ass sucking legion. There was once a time in history (like six years ago) when a broadband internet connection was harder to come by - and it was expensive if you were lucky enough to get one. Over the years, THE PHONE COMPANIES have been the ones making it easier and less expensive, especially for people in remote areas, to obtain broadband internet. In fact, if it weren’t for my regular phone company today, I wouldn’t have broadband internet to use your shitty phone service with anyway.

The Phone Company > Vonage.

Of course, make-up application isn’t the only awesomely distracting activity to do while driving, as there are a slew of others. Eating a taco (my mother mastered this one years ago), talking on the phone, flipping through your iPod for that perfect road trip soundtrack, slapping the kids around in the back seat, blowing up balloons, having sex… you know, what everyone normally does these days. I’m really only scratching the surface on this one.

However, my question to you is whether or not any of the shenanigans posted above can cause a single, solitary shoe to fly from the vehicle? Like, out the window or a sun roof? Follow me on this:

This afternoon, Josh, Dylan, and I were driving home. We were on the highway, just staring off into the distance and keeping our eyes on the road (like any other inexperienced driver does). Pretty soon, we began approaching a small, dark object in the middle of the road. My heart immediately sank, because I just knew that it was someone’s dead cat or a raccoon or something. Nevertheless, I kept my eyes on it as we got closer, because I had to know for sure. So, the closer we got, the less and less it looked like an animal splattered all over the pavement, and the more and more it looked like…a…what is that….it’s a…a…a shoe? That’s right, it was a fucking shoe that had been flattened in the middle of a busy highway. I turned to Josh incredulously, and said:

Me: Did you see that? WTF?
Josh: Yeah…it looked like a shoe or something.
Me: Um, yeah, that doesn’t strike you as odd?
Josh: No… *shrugs it off and keeps driving*
Me: Well…how…I mean what…what are people doing in their cars that is so rigorous that they lose their shoes while doing it?!
Josh: I dunno, maybe it’s a conspiracy theorist that plots against people like you because they know you’ll be asking questions about it all day?
Me: …

The conversation progressed, both of us going back and forth, pausing every now and then to comment about how stupid the argument was. Neither of us relented though, and stood strong by our opinions. Even though we still thought it was stupid. At 2 a.m., there’s no limit to what kind of conversation two people can have with another. And the gloves were off.

While he strongly believes that the strengths of the Xbox and Playstation 3 are far superior to the Nintendo Wii, I stood by my belief that Nintendo has been in the game (pun intended) for 20+ years and continues to kick major ass even with what little aesthetics are applied to it. While Microsoft and Sony have to produce the best of the best (in graphics and the variety of games) to remain in the ranks, Nintendo successfully plays on the simplicity that got it popular in the first place - and thrives. Has been thriving for years. Even with the major flops a few years back that unfortunately resulted in the N64 and the Gamecube, they still rose back to the top. Ha! How do you like them apples?

Though, in his defense, I admit that I am a teeny bit biased in my opinions. While I do enjoy a handful of games on Xbox (GTA IV mainly), I’m an old school gamer at heart. I grew up playing Mario and his various ways of saving Princess Peach. And Bowser has always been my favorite pain in the ass video game boss to defeat. Of course, not everyone will feel that way. In today’s world of first-person shooters and the hype that surrounds online play, special rewards for different game achievements, and a general ‘real life’ quality to every game being produced right now, it’s hard for a tiny Italian dude, his brother, and a big spiky dinosaur turtle to compete. But for me, and I’m sure for so many others, that’s what got me playing video games in the first place, and I appreciate that Nintendo continues to hold on to that, even with the mounting pressures of what the ominous competition is putting on them. I always gotta root for the underdog.

In closing, I think that without Nintendo blasting onto the market over 20 years ago, there would be no Xbox, Playstation, or any development in video games at all. Nintendo pwns. So, go cry about it on your wireless headset in your private chat. Fortunately, because the Wii is so inferior and doesn’t come equipped with such advanced technology, I won’t be able to hear your bitchin’. :D

However, sometimes I discover a certain search word or phrase that a particular individual has searched for that alarms me. Not in a way that’s threatening to me, personally, but a way in which I’m at a loss of words over what some people are typing into search engines. It leaves me wondering what the searcher is really looking for. What kind of answer they’re trying to receive via anonymous search key words.

Just last week, by ways unknown to me, someone typed this query into a search engine:

How to tell if you’re pretty

…and ended up on my site. As strange a search phrase as it is, I actually feel sorry for this person. I’m left to wonder what kind of emotional state someone has to be in in order to feel the need to reach out into the vast, and oftentimes cruel, world known as the internet in order to feel some kind of validity about such personal feelings. Where is the confidence? More importantly, where is the self respect? Were they expecting an online manual to tell them what the standard of beauty is? A pie graph or a comparison chart to draw a line between what’s ‘pretty’ and what isn’t, and then instructing them on how to tell what side they’re on? What? Inquiring minds would like to know.

I don’t know the answers to these questions, but because someone ended up here looking for an answer, I’m compelled to at least deliver something. A little piece of advice from me, to those looking for superficial reassurance in all the wrong places.

1.) What’s attractive to some, is not attractive to others. You’d think this would be common sense logic, but evidently it isn’t. There is no standard of beauty, no set weight, race, hair length, or eye color. You are who you are, and you should embrace it. Fuck anyone that doesn’t like it.

2.) In my opinion, it’s not wise to go plundering online for reassurance and/or nice words concerning your insecurities. Words on a screen can be read without full knowledge of the authors intentions. They can be as superficial as the wall of anonymity we can all so easily hide behind. True beauty is something we have to find within ourselves, and there’s no outward influence - not even the great internet - that can change that.

I’m sure these weren’t the answers that the anonymous searcher was initially looking for by coming here, but I can guarantee they’re more beneficial than any of the other garbage s/he found on the first few pages of their search.