This is a blog of a writer starting out on her journey and chasing her dream.

Being trapped in a box is anathema to me so I always wish to get out of it. Being often inside your comfort zone is simply existing, not living. We must continually look for ways to challenge ourselves and to push past our limits.

I am very passionate about living life out of the box and continue to look for paths not many dare to tread (read my About page for more details). So besides writing about my journey, I will also share with you some articles on writing, traveling, productivity, life choices in ways that will challenge our normal ways of thinking and allow us to live life out of the box.

Thanks for dropping by. Today’s Flavor of the Week is:

How To Cope with Rejection and Boost Your Self-Esteem

Most sites just write about either rejection and self-esteem. The two go together, dammit! Once you’ve gone past your rejection, you look for ways to get you back on track, back on the wheel. So here I’ve decided to tackle both and share my ways in how I was able to go from feeling zero to hero.

It’s back to school for me and with a 9-6pm teaching workload the postings may not be as frequent as last week.

Currently, I’m also experiencing reconnecting with what drew me to writing in the first place for this week. I’m going to soak up information, stories and lots of stories. See more about it in this post: Writer’s block or Unblock- Can You Have Dinner with Shakespeare excerpt.

Photo by drankasloner

“When you get knocked down, get back up!”

–Nelson Lauver, the American Storyteller

Most sites usually talk about either rejection or boosting your self-esteem. Never both. But I think the two always go together. Once you’ve taken that cast off, you’d want to put that arm back into shape again. Here I’m going to be listing both and give you ways on how you can pick up the pieces of your ego again and get back behind the wheel one more time with more passion and determination.

I was sure I had it in the bag.

It was the day of our English Performance –the highlight of our college’s intensive summer program. Hundreds of students strive to compete and win the coveted award of three bars of Cadbury chocolate.

My Chinese students had rehearsed a lot for this event –not for getting a bloated bill from their dentist but for the fame and glory of being top class.

I remember when we were still in the early days of rehearsals. I had high ambitions of doing a musical –the glitz, the glamour, the high kicks and ‘All that Jazz’. We were going to perform one from High School Musical.

My students opened their mouths to begin the first tune.

–and it sounded like a cat yowling, a file screeching over glass, William Hung (they do come from the same gene pool)

Oh God, no.

Stop! Stop!

Fine. We’ll have to lip sync then. Let me see you do your rendition of Twinkle Toes.

Shuffle, shuffle. Slack arms raising. Someone just stepped on someone else’s toes.

C’mon, class. Even William Hung dances better than that.

But after a couple of weeks, they were able to do those high kicks with such exuberance that they almost made me cry even though some of them nearly fell form overkicking. And we’ve also got brilliant choreography. Not ‘Hairspray’ material. Let’s just say we’d give fifth graders a run for their money.

We did a lot of hard work, folks. Lots of hard work and preparation. So it was a great shock for me when the Cadbury chocolates went to a group who just stood still and sang their off-key rendition of Michael Jackson’s ‘Heal the World’.

I was reeling. Heal the World trumps High School Musical. Where’s the justice? And when I opened my email in the midst of a self-pitying surfing high, I found my two stories were just rejected.

The Great Depression has struck.

I got the generic reply template as well. A two sentence liner. Not even a “—because your plot lacks enough suspense” or “—if you could improve your character’s motivation, we might consider your piece.”

Glad to know you were thinking of me.

So did I crawl into a hole, vowing never to see daylight again? Did I put a gun to my head? Did I swear never to put pen to paper again and threw my unfinished manuscript to the fire crying, “If no one appreciates me, then no one will ever will!” Cue for long drawn theatrical sobbing.

I did none of that. But I did feel very morose, down-in-the-dumps and depressed. I couldn’t muster the slightest energy for work. I’m not the kind that just bounces happily onto the next thing. Being a rebound girl isn’t me. I tend to take break-ups very seriously.

So here’s how I got back on track and how you can face the daylight again:

1. Evaluate yourself. I head right over and read Glen’s Heartbreak Hotel: How To Turn Rejection into Triumph. This article has helped me go over what I did wrong and gave me lots of assurance and pats on the back for my efforts.

2. Hard work is not everything. Everybody always said that hard work pays off. Well, we worked our assess off and didn’t win. Didn’t even make it to the top 4 (we were 5 groups total).

The secret: Work smarter.

I should’ve figured out that since it was an English performance, the usage of English would be a big factor (they didn’t reveal the criteria till the end) which is why ‘Heal the World’ won because they sang their screechy hearts out. Though our group got the most applause, in the beginning we didn’t stand a chance.

3. Listen to motivational podcasts and videos.

How do you feel whenever you hear someone cheering you on and believing in you? What a rush, eh? Well, that’s how these speakers sound like. It’s enough motivation for you to run to the park stark naked for joy but I think you’re rational enough not to do that.

Zig Ziglar, Tony Robbins, Earl Nightingale. You can buy their CDs, download their mp3s or simply watch them at Youtube.

I recommend you listen to them every morning and evening to give your system a boost.

An excellent resource of podcasts:

Steve Pavlina –The Personal Development Blogging God. Not the rah-rah type but his podcasts make you think and evaluate how to live life more consciously. His book is out now.

Videos: Below this entry, I’ve posted a video of the writer and speaker Nelson Lauver. His speech has really instilled a determined spirit in me and has helped me get my groove back.

• Pat Croce
• Nelson Lauver
• Tony Robbins- Youtube Channel

4. Take comfort in others’ rejections. Remember, you’re not alone.

J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter got turned down by a dozen agents.

Walt Disney’s cartoons got rejected many times. He had to stay in a mice infested attic to work. One of those mice became famous, by the way.

Starving and jobless Sylvester Stallone’s script for Rocky was turned down by many film companies because it was too sappy.

Chicken Soup for the Soul’s manuscript was rejected by 140 publishers. They said it was too ‘nicey-nice’ and no one will buy it.

5. Remember time is your friend. Two days after the incident, I was back in my positive cycle of thinking.

6. Put a positive spin on the rejection. Look and find the bright side of things. When I think about my rejection letters, I console myself with the fact that it took so long for the editors to reply –54 days (I was counting!). The longer your submission is held, the higher its chances for its consideration. When I think about our performance, we garnered the most applause from the audience. What positive outlook can you find from your rejections?

Now we’ve come to the part of picking up what’s left of your self-esteem and putting it back together.

Trying to get back to work when you’re down in the dumps is like pushing a depressed overweight pig up the hill. Don’t be that pig.

We’ve got to raise our self-worth and have a positive attitude. If you don’t believe in yourself, no one will.

1. Be grateful. Take some time to list things you have at the moment. What are some of the thing you have that were once merely goals? Paraphrasing Tony Robbins, “You must’ve gone through a lot to achieve them. Now they’re part of your life.” What steps did you take to take you to where you are right now?

2. List down all your accomplishments in your life. Starting now, I want you to list every goal you’ve achieved no matter how small it is. Every time I read my own list, there’s a giddiness and a tsunami wave of endorphins that rushes through my body.

3. Write a 60 second commercial for yourself. I got this idea from the “The Magic of Thinking Big” by David Schwartz. It’s like a pep talk and self-empowering speech but for you! Say it to yourself whenever you feel down.

Here’s mine:

You’re a person with lots of potential, Kate so achieve that. Are you going to let all that go to waste? You’ve got plenty of first class ability so do a first class job.

You are fearless, Kate. Will you allow fear to stop you from getting what you want? Absolutely not!

4. Email yourself fan mail or positive letters. Days later after receiving my rejections, I crafted and emailed myself a lot of acceptance letters.

And they have helped me a lot in maintaining a positive attitude in the face of setback. This is also important in visualizing your intended outcome. If you think and see acceptance letters most of the time, eventually they will come to your mailbox. This was my mindset before I got my present job post in China. I keep intending to get hired and had positive thoughts about it and soon indeed that “You’re Hired!” email came.

5. Write an encouraging quote or one empowering word and post it where you can see it before you go to sleep.

One night, I caught myself thinking, “What if I’ll get rejected again?”

Then I looked up and beheld the piece of paper in front of me. It contained only one word.

Accept.

Immediately I stamped the ‘Reject’ word out and replaced it with ACCEPT. I won’t allow myself to think the R-word again.

Don’t set yourself up for failure when you haven’t even started! As Earl Nightingale said, “You become what you think about.”

Before I depart humbly from this stage, let me share to you some of the most powerful words from the world’s greatest teachers:

Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
Confucius

One of the secrets of success is to refuse to let temporary setbacks defeat us.

Mary Kay

Related posts:

What’s the Rush?–Why People Are Missing Out on the Important Things in Life

Strip Down- Getting Rid of the Non-essential Things in Life

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I woke up and visibly shook with horror at the task in front of me. I forced pen to paper and felt guts, blood and bile gushing out on the page in startling vibrant scarlet rivulets, staining the spotless parchment and dripping onto the cold marble floor.

No, I’m still not writing that short story.

I’m taking a long conscious and painful stock at where I’ve gone with my writing and its goals. Excruciating as it may be, if you want to be brutally honest with yourself and where you’re standing at, it’s good to evaluate yourself every once in a while and then see which areas you’ve failed and which ones you were able to accomplish and do better.

Knife.

Check.

Scalpel.

Check.

Saw.

Check.

Igor, we’re ready. Bwahaha! Presenting—

The Writing Evaluation

I swear I will tell the truth and nothing but the truth.

1. How many short stories (articles or number of words if you’re writing a novel) were you able to get done in the past (insert time span) 4 months?

I set the goal to finish 6 stories in 4 months.

I’ve only managed 4.

June – I was at it full force. I was very excited to bring my own baby to this world and I was able to proudly give birth to two stories.

July-August – Momma’s getting irritated and tired. The Immaculate Conception was just not working. I slacked off when I went back to the Philippines and gone adventuring in Vietnam and Cambodia.

September- Momma’s itching to conceive again and with some effort (and lots of pushes) gave birth to another two stories.

I couldn’t wait to tell the whole world about these beautiful babies of different genres. So I submitted them. Have been rejected twice with 2 stories (once in each). Now I’m waiting to hear from the others and am slowly cultivating the art of patience and gaining enlightenment in the process whilst meditating in my Zen temple in the Himalayas.

2. Any others?

I also wrote two articles and have blogged more this year than I did in 2006 and 2007 combined. The articles are:

• Strip Down!- Getting Rid of the Non-essential Things in Life
• What’s the Rush?- Why People Are Missing Out on the Important Things in Life

3. What are your blocks in the present writing process?

Characterization in my next story. The protagonist is lifeless and too depressing. He’s like a piece of flimsy cloth jerked and bullied around by the wind. Not solid enough.

4. Any solutions?

I might have to write the story in the first person rather than the omniscient as I had originally intended. Always, always show don’t tell.

5. What are the outside blocks that distracts/stops/takes time away from your writing?

Nothing. I’m a perfectly disciplined self-motivated person that knows enough not to distract herself from such trivialities. Me? Procrastinate? Never.

What’re you snickering about? I’m completely serious.

Not.

• Reading blogs, tweaking my blog and exploring StumbledUpon and Blog Catalog –I admit like any other normal blogger, I got too carried away with these. When I realized I was becoming obsessed, it was too late and the week was almost over.
• My day job- teaching – We’re always torn by what we want to do and what we should do.

6. Now what’re you going to do about it?

You’re ready? You might want to list these down.

Grab pen and journal.

Unburden life’s miseries, ceaseless complaints and wail and wail all I want about how I can’t stop procrastinating, why can’t I stop doing this, blah blah blah.

Read how disgusting and whiny I am.

Write a prescription.

Close.

Journaling has certainly helped me in unlocking and breaking the blogging addiction. I realized I couldn’t go on about this anymore or else it’ll become a cycle and harder to break. Blog – blog – self pity –self pity—blog – continue moaning about the same things. Oh, shut the fuck up Kate!

Once I’ve vented all my rants at myself, I was able to look things in an objective way, made some commitments and do them. Also, disconnecting the Internet connection, covering my notebook’s screen with a cloth and using Leechblock have also certainly helped.

As for my day job, I’ve decided to transition myself away from it. Excluding the teaching hours, I’ll only spend 20% of my time and just do a satisfactory job and not any more than I have to. I’m not aiming for a promotion or tenure. Eventually, I will leave this job so why should I torture myself?

Which brings me to my announcement. The reason I was able to gloriously blog consistently this week was because of China’s 1 week National Holiday which is coming to an end today.

Yeah, I know. It sucks.

Tomorrow is the first day of classes. *Rubs hands gleefully* Time to torture the little college freshmen. Since I’ll be busy with the Iron Maiden and Thumb Screwer, I’ll only be able to blog 2-3 posts a week. Tomorrow’s long post on how writers and others can cope with rejection is already saved and I’ll just post it tomorrow.  I’m aiming for 4 entries but let’s see how it turns out. Iron Maidens do seldom break, after all.

Next week, the general direction of this blog will slowly take shape. Oh, you thought it’ll be all short story excerpts and sex? Sorry to disappoint you but –

–the sex part will only rear its provocative head occasionally. It’s still there but it needs its privacy from time to time. So it’ll shut itself in the little room in order to suck and come out with new ideas that’ll blow your mind away. Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to put it in the sticky post.

If you didn’t get that last statement, I will not explain it to you. You better watch this video to educate yourself.

And because I couldn’t continue with my Jack Pips short story, I’ve made this commitment.

NO WORKING ON MY PERSONAL GOALS FOR THE ENTIRE WEEK.

Bet you’re shaking your head and thinking, “WTF?! Stop working?! You’ve only done 4 stories and 2 friggin’ articles. You should do better. You ought to be writing and working more, more and more….”

But that’s the common solution and I’m someone who looks for the uncommon answer, the black rabbit among the white, the blue rose, the out-of-the-box approach.

Want to be productive? STOP WORKING!

Smell the roses. Read a book. Watch T.V. Like I said in my last entry, I’ll be spending next week absorbing and reconnecting with my passion. This is the first time I’ve done such a thing since graduating college. And I’ll be sharing and blogging the experience here for you.

What will it turn out to be? Find out and subscribe.

Here’s the list of questions for the writing evaluation for easy reference:

1. How many (short stories, articles or number of words if you’re writing a novel) were you able to get done in the past (insert time span)?
2. Any others?
3. What are your blocks in the present writing process?
4. Any solutions?
5. What are the outside blocks that distracts/stops/taking time away from your writing?
6. Now what’re you going to do about it?

Related posts:

Related posts:

Sex with Fairies Excerpt and Social Bookmarking Bar

Writer’s Unblock - Can You Have Dinner with Shakespeare Excerpt?

Asking for Sex vs Asking Someone Out & 4 Ways To Ask A Guy Out excerpt

Can Aliens Breakdance?- Sub Dio story excerpt

Comparing the Short Story and the Comic Script– First Experience of a Fiction Writer

Why I Write

Writing Updates-The Magic of Storytelling

Liked what you read? Consider sharing.

This week has been a great blogging one for me. For the first time in months since summer vacation, I posted consistently and promoted my blog and seen my stats rise (and sometimes fall again but not so much). More people have subscribed to my feeds (thank you, you know who you are).

I’ve found two great blog sites that totally resonate with what I do.

Becoming a Fiction Writer- ESL teacher, works abroad, dares to dream of writing fiction and starting out on her writing journey as well. Couldn’t believe it when I stumbled upon her blog.

The Art of Nonconformity – the title itself resonates with what Live Out of the Box is all about. The blog combines traveling, personal development and running a small business. His goal is to visit all the countries in the world. He’s already done 100. Sweet.

This short story excerpt is my last one. The fiction bank is now empty till I finish another one. The next project is in the literary and general fiction genre which means it will be based on real life, with an ordinary character who has something extraordinary happen to him and he has to make the decision whether to change his life or let it remain the same. It’s for anyone who has ever dared to dream and inspire them to take stock of their lives.

The thing is writing it is proving to be tricky, difficult and elusive. It’s not writer’s block. It’s just that I can’t seem to get it right no matter how many pages I’ve consumed (I write –longhand. I write with any good quality black pen because writing with the Chinese brush proved to be much too difficult.). I can’t seem to get the protagonist’s characterization. Too transparent. He’s a walking empty shell which he already is but I’d like him to have more life. He deserves it. Because of that, I can’t muster enough motivation to continue with the story which as you know, is anathema to any writer. Not if you keep hating what you’ve already written.

I keep on writing thinking I’ll get there if I keep it at it.

I managed to finish two pages.

And hate them.

Write, write.

Crumple, crumple,

Shoot, shoot. Yes! A 3 pointer.

Dunk shot.

Ooh, I could so try out for the NBA if this continues.

So, finally I changed gears. I left it alone. Shut it in the drawer and throw away the key. I figured the answer will eventually come to me.

And it did.

In the form of corned beef.

I was eating corned beef for dinner and listening to Steve Pavlina’s podcast, What is Your Purpose? when it suddenly struck me (the idea not the corned beef) that I had lost touch with my passion to write fiction. I thought for sure that this burning earth shattering force would stay with me forever but it turned out it decided to take a break eating doughnuts and left me to fend for myself. These past few months, I was too focused on writing, writing, writing that I wasn’t reading anymore which was the one thing that led me to this passion in the first place.

I was burned out.

I needed a chance to learn once more. I needed to unblock the clog and suck everything back in again. To reconnect with what drove me to pursue writing in the first place.

It’s scary because I’m not used to doing that. I’m more of a go-go-go kind of girl. It would mean postponing all my goals till I’m sure I’m ready to move on. If you really want to go after my goal, you must commit to it. Go all out. Don’t just push it with your cute ‘lil pinkie (it’ll push its little pinkie right back at ya too). Push it with all your body and soul. And I realize if I need to do this, it also means letting go.

Letting go and rediscover your love again.

Starting next week, I’ll spend my days catching up on my reading, watching movies and learning and getting inspiration from other materials. No work for now except the teaching. Can’t wait!

So I’m leaving you with the excerpt of my short story, Can You Have Dinner with Shakespeare?. It’s a 1,080 short story. It’s a mixed bag of fantasy, children’s literature, quirkiness and all out weirdness involving pirate ships, storybook characters and The Bard himself. Enjoy!

Can You Have Dinner with Shakespeare?

If you knew we live on a flying pirate ship, you’d think we’re crazy.

But we do.

It’s not mostly fun, by the way. We spent most of our days cleaning the decks, adjusting the sails and staring up at the puffy white clouds. So it was a welcome change when Uncle Ben suggested we invite literary characters over for dinner.

If you don’t know how to invite them, here’s how it works: You look for the particular book, address the invitation, stick it inside and throw the copy out into the sky.

Mum drove us nuts, shouting orders here and there. The decks have to be scrubbed clean. The sails were changed to newly washed sheets. We had to take out our new china and polish the candelabras till you could finally see their gold. We boys also had to take baths and be on our best behavior.

At six, our first guests came. Like ephemeral creatures, they fluttered wraithlike and alighted on our ship.

“Hello, Hansel and Gretel.”

“Hello, Mrs Dalloway.”

The couples wasted no time in occupying our halls. Scarlett O’ Hara and Rhett Butler glided past us with their haughty Southern air. Heathcliff and Catherine Earnshaw were much too locked in their eternal passionate embrace. I think they were making up for lost time.

While I directed Dorian Gray to the nearest mirror, Mum ushered two guests to our dining hall.

Mr and Mrs Darcy sat primly on our table. At first, they were delightful and charming and even made small talk to their hosts about lands and houses that nearly bored me to tears. But as they drank more from our watery soup and bit from our potatoes, their rosy cheeks gradually lost their luster. They became paler and paler and talked less and less. Finally, they ceased to talk at all and by then, you could really see right through them! When dinner was over, they seemed to have aged a lot and were starting to look their right years (considering when Jane Austen first released their novel) and left the table with slow agonizing steps.

–End of Excerpt

Related posts:

Sex with Fairies- Excerpt And Social Bookmarking Bar

Asking for Sex vs Asking Someone Out & 4 Ways To Ask A Guy Out excerpt

Can Aliens Breakdance?- Sub Dio story excerpt

Comparing the Short Story and the Comic Script– First Experience of a Fiction Writer

Why I Write

Writing Updates-The Magic of Storytelling

No corned beef? It’s alright. Let others have their own literary dinner by sharing the invitation.

I’m experimenting with this new sticky post feature on wordpress.com and see how it goes.

It’s nightime here in China. I’ve just been over at Amy’s writing blog site giggling about testicles, balls and vaginas –very good topic. Smut but good.

Thank you for dropping by Live Out of the Box. Today’s specialty:

Penis Restaurant

Writer’s Block or Unblock? – Can You Have Dinner with Shakespeare Excerpt?- latest post for the day

About- - updated

Sex with Fairies-

Happy Eating!