La Famille

Goals are Good

noreply@blogger.com (Alicia) — Fri, 14 Jun 2013 11:30:00 +0000

A couple weeks ago, I came across this post. I loved it. I miss goals. I thrive on goals. Having a baby can really mess with your routine, which is all good because this time is short and there are certain times which call for an upset in routine. Sometimes though, the lack of routine can drag on and all the sudden you realize you're not being very intentional about anything.

I feel effective in the summer. With the break from school I usually have more time to do some things I've been meaning to do. I have a lot of things I want to organize and get ready before we (hopefully) move. So I have a list of "areas to organize," another list of "projects to do," and a little list of things I want to work on with each of my kids this summer.

So each week I'm focusing on my daily essentials. Also, each week I'm setting a goal of a project to do, and area to organize, and something for each kid.

And since I know there's at least one or two of you that are as psycho as me about snooping on other people's lists, I'll share some of my summer goals....

Projects:
-Vera's Smashbook
-Vera's memory boxes (I have a super fun idea and I can't wait to get this done and share it!!)
-Catch up on our 2013 photobook
-Make rugby stripe pillows for living room
-Make pink linen pillows for Sophie's bed

Organize:
-kids' toys and purge
-all homeschool books and papers
-all my craft stuff
-my closet and clothing

Kid Goals:
-Jack: practice math facts every week
-Noah: help establish a quiet time routine with daily bible reading
-Sophia: practice sight words and work on reading
-Jack and Sophia: learn to tie shoes (ya, they don't know how to do that. #momfail)
-Sophia: learn to ride her bike without training wheels
-All kids: read 2-3 classics together over the summer

So there ya go...my summer goals. Do you have a list? What's on it?

Fabric Barrettes {a quickie tutorial}

noreply@blogger.com (Alicia) — Thu, 13 Jun 2013 11:30:00 +0000

I did a quick project last week...first one in fooorrrevvverrrrr!! It felt good and fun and creative to do a quick little project. I made a whole set of 6 or so fabric barrettes in about 30 minutes. You can't beat that. So you should know what I did...

To make your very own fabric barrettes, you need very little. AND this is a great project for getting rid of some of those little scraps you've been saving.

First take a piece of your fabric, fold in half the long way, and trim into a rectangle shape so you have enough sewing space on all sides.

So then take your sewing scissors and cut a little slit about an inch inwards for the back of the barrette to go through.

Fold it back up and use your pinking shears to trim at the very edge all the way around. Then sew on three sides, leaving the end where you cut the slit open to slip the barrette in there.

Then sew up that last side and you're done! The back will look like this...

So fun, huh?!? Love fun little projects like this :)

Daily Essentials in My Home

noreply@blogger.com (Alicia) — Tue, 11 Jun 2013 11:00:00 +0000

After having a baby some things in your home obviously get pushed aside simply because there's less time to get them done. BUT there's a few things that I've been a firm believer in for years that help my home feel a little less messy and a little more orderly....

1. Clutter Clearing...everyday (it usually seems to happen in the afternoon). All the main areas; kitchen counters, the entryway and living room surfaces all get decluttered at least once a day. That's not to say there's no clutter anywhere else, but at least these areas are neat and tidy. I have major issues when everything starts getting all jumbled up...it doesn't sit well with me.

2. I make my bed everyday. It takes like all of 20 seconds and looks sooo much better. Also, my bedroom is right off the main living area in my house so I'd literally be looking at an unmade bed all day...so I make it. This is essential. My kids also know to make their beds everyday too. As young as four they were doing this and I'm so happy that they do this well...now if I could teach them how to tie their shoes.....

3. Night time ritual...every night I make sure stuff is ready for the next day. I don't spend a whole lot of time, but just look over my calendar, make the coffee so its ready to go, clear off the counters one more time if I need to, and make sure they kitchen is clean. There's nothing worse than waking up to a mess.

4. Dishes...this is another nightly thing I guess, but I put all the dishes away before bed. Start the day out with a clean slate and a clean sink ;)

5. A daily load of laundry....almost every weekday, unless its a really super crazy day I do a load of laundry. Its not always a huge load, but even so I feel like its so much more manageable when I do a little everyday than 16 huge loads all at once.

6. My purse...unless I don't leave the house, I declutter my bag every day. Seriously this thing gets so full of receipts, snacks, diapers, and other junk. I feel like I can find things easier when I go places and its so much easier if I just do a quick 30 second declutter everyday.

***

That's my daily essential list. Everything else in my home might be total chaos, but at least I feel like I've kept a few things in line, which usually makes everything seem better.

What's on your daily essential list?

The Week I Googled "Low Carb Cocktails"

noreply@blogger.com (Alicia) — Mon, 10 Jun 2013 11:00:00 +0000

This baby-rearing stuff is no joke. No joke whatsoever. Not only are you sleep deprived and can only wear pants with elastic waistbands, but life still must go on as normal as if you're not walking around like a zombie in stretchy pants. We've had some moments here since baby arrived. Those kind of moments. You know, the ones where there seems to be stuff on every surface of everything in your house, it's 5:38pm and there's been no thought of dinner, you've been holding a fussy baby all day, and you just realized your kid has been outside for 2 hours without sunscreen on an 80* day? Last week had way too many of those moments and by Friday I was googling "low carb cocktails" so I could stick to my diet while achieving a partial escape. Ya......

I have forgotten a lot about babies in the last five years. Like the fact that there is no semblance of a schedule at all. No routine. No normalcy. I forgot all that. It takes a toll, even though I know it won't be like this for long.

I've blown up at my kids and husband my fair share these past weeks. Then it starts the vicious cycle of self-doubt about my abilities, wishing I could handle life better, and bringing the full circle to a close of tears of frustration. Yelling to tears. Full circle. Ya........

So when my friend, Farmgirl, was visiting recently she came up with a plan for moms. She thought she was making a joke at the time, but I'm totally stealing this idea and marketing it myself ;) BUT she said that we mamas always give our kids these incentive charts and goals...like if you make your bed all week you get a sticker. Well, her idea was to give OURSELVES a little sticker chart, and I think she's brilliant. Girls, we need a sticker chart. We list our challenges; to make dinner more often, to not yell, to practice more patience, to greet our husbands everyday with a kiss instead of a list of begrudgery. (is that even a word?!) Well, either way...we need a chart. And when we fill up seven days or five days or whatever your own personal challenge states, then you get a prize. Yes, a prize. A new maxi skirt, a new iTunes album, a package of unnecessary Sharpies...whatever it is that floats your boat and keeps you motivated to keep on with your goal.

So I'm setting a goal...no yelling or tears of frustration and sealing it with a smiley sticker. Because it's all about achieving that goal of stickers and maxi skirts...and a happy family.

Who's with me? And what's your goal?

Friday Favorites: Our First Week of Summer

noreply@blogger.com (Alicia) — Fri, 07 Jun 2013 12:33:00 +0000

Its Friday, so yay! I'm not all that sad to see this week go bye-bye. These days of baby-dom are not easy. I've forgotten so much, like the fact that there is no trace of routine at all and the fact that those darn babies will do/act/like something one day and be completely different the next. Add in our house purchase falling through due to low appraisals and uncooperative sellers and then my two favorites getting voted off The Voice, and you can about imagine I've cried a lot in the past 10 days. But its a new day and almost a new week and I'm vowing not to be cry-ee or crabby today....

...so lets start by highlighting my favorites....

....like crazy-haired babies and red lipstick on a Thursday. I don't know how that helps, but somehow red lipstick just makes things better. This was my Grandmother's philosophy on life and I finally see what she was talking about. (she had nine kids...bet she went through a lot of red lipstick.)

Planting seeds on the balcony with my girl. I miss doing little things like this with my kids. They are adjusting so so well to Vera and I'm so proud of them, but I know Sophie was feeling that pang of attention-needing.

We snuck out to the balcony to plant some seeds, part of her May activity box we didn't get to. With dirty fingernails she said, "I like doing this with you, Mom." Kinda made me cry, which isn't surprising at this current phase in my life, but still.

I finished Gatsby yesterday. I'm surprised at how sad it made me...or am I? I almost wanted to flip to the front and start it all over again because I know this is one of those books you'll realize something more from it every time you read it. It was strange but deep and I think all the characters were taking mood-altering drugs, but I loved this book all the same. Fitzgerald is a crazy amazing writer. I'm making Jarrod read it now so we can discuss it...our very own little book club. Now I'm on to Call Me Zelda and I love it so far. You can see my full summer reading list from yesterday's post HERE.

Speaking of books, have you heard of paperbackswap.com? Sweet reader, Katherine, told me about it yesterday. So cool. You register and list the books you're willing to swap and request books you'd like to read. All you pay for is the shipping, which is super cheap because you can use media mail. I haven't registered yet, but I'm going to have to do that. Thanks Katherine!

Moving on to more Friday Favorites...

Nature walking...sister loved it.
She asked if I'd put that dandelion in her hair. And I did.
So crazy when she just says stuff like that.

And Sophie picking dandelions in the dreamy sunset the other night.

Jack and I worked on math facts, the summer version.

Randomly scrawl out numbers on your sidewalk,

call out the problem and

have your summer school student hop to the answer.

He loved it.

Also, we made barrettes. More on this later.

I just needed so sew something.

Do you ever feel like that??

What are your favorite moments from the last seven days?

And what's up for this weekend?

We're birthday partying and I'm heading to a used curriculum sale.

Good times.

Summer Reads

noreply@blogger.com (Alicia) — Thu, 06 Jun 2013 13:33:00 +0000

I got a package from Amazon this week, which is always happy. It included some of my summer reads. I have picked way too many. I'll share my summer reading list, but I can assure you this will be a summer/fall (and probably winter) reading list.

The Great Gatsby. I'm almost done with this, just a chapter to go. Seriously such a weird book but I love it too. I started reading this because I read the Paris Wife a few weeks ago and it made me want to read more about the Fitzgeralds. Which brings me to my next choice....

Call Me Zelda. This is a book about F. Scott Fitzgerald's wife, Zelda. Apparently they were the king and queen of the Jazz Age, which I find intriguing. Also I think both of them were either on drugs and/or geniuses...both of which make for interesting reading. I'm excited to read this one.

The Hidden Art of Homemaking. I've wanted to read this for a long time. It looks like a sweet book. I need some inspiration in the home right now. I've always thought the homemaking really is an art.

Lady Almina and the Real Downton Abbey. I bought this book for a friend a while back and I almost kept it ;) It's a story all about the real family that lived in the house where they film Downton Abbey. I'm completely obsessed with that show, so I can't imagine I won't like this book.

Raising a Modern Day Princess. I've had this book for way too long without reading it. I've skimmed a little and it looks like a great book. Sophie is so in love with make-up and pretty things. I want her to know it's what's inside that counts. Hoping this book has some constructive advice to give.

The Strong-Willed Child. This is such a great book. I love Dr. Dobson so much. I decided way early in my parenting career that there are way too many parent-advice books out there so you just need to pick your favorite author and drink in their knowledge. Dr. Dobson is that for me. He's practical and confident and I love what he has to day.

The Schwarzbein Principle. With thirty or so pounds of baby weight to lose and next to no time to exercise, I fully embrace the fact that any weight loss right now is going to come from nutrition. I have read this book before, but I love it and want to brush up on it. Schwarzbein principle is so simple. She basically just backs the fact that eating real foods is what's best for our bodies, not crazy dieting. For weight loss and maintaining, she suggests the low-carb method because our bodies read carbs the same way they read sugar and sugar makes us gain. So I'll be skimming through this again.

So that's my list for this summer (fall/winter). Have you read any of these? What's on your summer reading list?

Don't Hate Me Because I Don't Breastfeed

noreply@blogger.com (Alicia) — Mon, 03 Jun 2013 13:05:00 +0000

This is one of those that I've debated writing and wondered how to approach this subject, but after much thought I feel like it's a valid and "postable" subject that we should talk about and maybe...just maybe I'll reach someone out there that needs encouragement today, even if it does open myself to a little scrutiny.

What I'm about to tell you may shock you....

I am not breastfeeding my newborn.

Yep. You heard right. I live smack dab in the middle of au natural-Asheville and I have chosen not to breastfeed. Although this wasn't my plan from the get-go, I did plan on a bottle/breast combo platter. After about a week of breastfeeding and bottle feeding, Vera started refusing to latch on. I realize that this was probably as a result of giving her a bottle early instead of getting her fully established as a breastfeeder, but regardless, latching was a feat for days. My mom was still here to help and love on me during this time. Through tears and heaps of mommy guilt, she walked beside me as I chose to throw in the towel.

I felt tons of guilt initially, as if I was instantly some careless mother that would just as easily put Coke in a bottle as give up a mother's perfectly concocted milk. I realized though after beating myself up that what I really felt bad about is what other moms would think of me. Now let's not be painting a picture of Alicia as the president of the Le Leche club, but I did breastfeed my other babies...not for an overly long amount of time, less than a year for each, but I did breastfeed before. I felt like I was part of that club.

I realized my limits and I knew I needed to stay within those limits. As I was sweating and wrestling with a screaming 7-day old infant that just. wanted. to. eat. something, I decided enough was enough. I could so much easier just give her a bottle and make her happy. I knew my mom was leaving soon and Jarrod was going back to work. I knew that I'd be alone with four kids, all of them needing something unique. I knew, for me, I would be stretching myself further than I could be stretched even if Vera's latching issues were resolved.

Today Vera is six weeks old. She is healthy and happy. I feel confident in my decision to formula feed my baby. There have been moments in the last six weeks where I have gotten raised eyebrows from other mamas, yes, but I'm still confident in my decision. I have sat beside mamas with their happily suckling babe at a restaurant and smiled back at her stares while I shook my 4-ounces of Enfamil...and I'm still confident.

I have lots of friends, most of them are mothers. Mothers from all over the spectrum of baby-feeding: from never breastfeeding a day in their child's life to breastfeeding till their kids are three. Regardless of their choices on how to feed their children, I love them all and they still love me, even though my decision might be different than theirs.

The message I'm trying to give is this: this mama-gig is hard enough as it is. Let's love on each other rather than raise our eyebrows. Let's cheer lead one another rather than pick apart the little things. And also? Lets not pick apart ourselves either...especially on this particular thing. Because what my mom convinced me of is that no one else has to feed your baby...nobody but you. There's times where you have to push and do things that are really tough. And there are times when you need to realize your limitations and accept that.

Let's love on some mamas today.

Let Us Rejoice, Another Year Completed!

noreply@blogger.com (Alicia) — Fri, 31 May 2013 11:00:00 +0000

Rings the bells, bang the gong...it's last day of school, folks!

We are finishing up our standardized tests today and we are DONE for the year! We are ready for summer. I put together this little goodie basket with some summer necessities. New swimsuits, sunscreen, squirt guns, some summer workbooks (sorry, kids.).

Ish....how'd this get so blurry??

I just realized like everything in this basket has a WARNING label. Hmmmm...should make for an interesting summer. Hoping if you're not already celebrating summer, you will be soon!

Happy weekend, friends!

Getting to Know Ms. Vera Mae

noreply@blogger.com (Alicia) — Thu, 30 May 2013 11:00:00 +0000

Even though she never asked if it was ok (which it wasn't), Ms. Vera Mae turned ONE MONTH old last week. Not cool. That went way too fast. But either way, we've learned some things and had some milestones already with the little lady.

She's a tricky little bugger. I feel like no two days are the same with her. One day she doesn't nap at all. Another day she cries forever. Another day she takes wonderful naps and she's super happy. What the?

Her hair is cray-to-the-zay. Crazy.

She smiles HUGE smiles.

And she has dimples. Ohmyword!

She loves to be carried and worn.

We learned there's a beer named Vera Mae. So that's good to know I guess.

Vera Mae's People

noreply@blogger.com (Alicia) — Wed, 29 May 2013 12:46:00 +0000

Our long weekend felt shorter than it should have, but every second was packed with goodness. Adjusting to life without family close by has been hard, but God knew just what we'd need when He moved the Strahles to Virginia just 3 months before we moved to North Carolina. You'd hardly believe that that we'd only met in person twice before we both moved, but over these last two years we've spent holidays and vacations and long weekends together over and over. I say they feel like family...and they really do.

Ms. Vera Mae was smothered in love this weekend. They came to meet their new "cousin." I don't think she was barely put down for three days and my kids so graciously shared their new sister. We have majorly confused our kids about family trees, Sophie introduced Jack as her brother to some kids at the playground and she introduced Little Chick as her cousin. She was dead serious. Noah asked me last night if Becky was officially their aunt...I just nodded.

Something about loving someone else's kids connects you. I love Becky's girls, I hug them and kiss their little heads...she does the same to mine.

We spent time all together watching movies, hanging out at the pool, relaxing by the lake. Becky and and I got some time to sneak away and have a couples massage, a fancy lunch, and browse my favorite antique store...some much needed time away.

{and just like that the Hutchinson's as ducks swam by...it was crazy.}

I needed some friend time. It's been a while. We needed some face to face conversation...it had been too long. We solved all the world's problems from parenting to blogging to camera equipment, all whilst snuggling a baby and drinking coffee.

They needed to meet this baby. They have a special connection to our babe. Becky somehow knew I was pregnant even before I told her, they were there when we told our kids she was coming, Becky listened while I poured out my worries about having another baby so much later than my baby. They were there in the middle at Thanksgiving time to see me groooow. They were there to hash over all our stresses and cry with us when we thought we'd be moving an hour away from them and then suddenly weren't. They're those people. We are so happy to have them share life with us.

Huckleberry Finn and Friends

noreply@blogger.com (Alicia) — Tue, 28 May 2013 13:29:00 +0000

I took these photos when my sister was here last week. We just let the kids play in the water while we snapped away. Not a lot of staging or posing, just playing. If we let them, kids will find a game in flowers and rocks and a bucket. We tend to complicate things with toys and stuff.

Something occurred to me while I edited these photos...simplicity is almost always better than the alternative. When we overbook, our kids are usually crabby and we're usually stressed out. When we over-decorate, our homes look like we're trying too hard...or we're hoarders. When we over-think meal planning and cleaning and taking care of our homes, usually one area looks great while the rest of our house looks like a bomb went off. We can be creatures of overdoing a lot.

Things seem a lot happier when we schedule less, make simple meals, do a little light cleaning every day, have a plan but not an elaborate plan...simple. Simple wins. Our kids notice. Our husbands notice.

I'm attempting to embrace simplicity even more this summer. We are not generally "over-do-it" parents and over scheduling our kids, but we're taking it even to the next level of simple. Each kid has chosen one camp (and we are having Noah go to church camp as well...so I guess that's two things for him). They are signed up for those and we're not planning on adding anything else. Although last summer was full of trips to the beach and we had so much fun, I'm not sure we're going to make it there at all this summer. Maybe...possibly a weekend away, but our guests that are coming are making it seem like this baby/moving-filled summer also includes vacations.

This summer we're going to read books and play with squirt guns...fun things that don't require getting in the car, disrupting baby's nap, and being there at a certain time.

Do you remember fun times with your family as a kid? A lot of the very best memories are made on a whim. Unplanned. Simple. I remember dancing around the dining room to Gloria Estefan's Congo with my family. We're all laughing hysterically. You couldn't have planned that if you'd have wanted to. Impromptu dart gun wars and lemonade stands are really all that summer needs. And that's what kids remember anyway. You know all that stressing we did about what to get our kids for Christmas just a few months ago? Do they even remember what they got? Let's go with simple this summer.

We have this week of school left and we're done for the summer. My kids are ready for the pool and neighbor friends all day long. I am too. Scraping off all the extra stuff will make this summer already full of moving obligations bearable. We are ready, Summer.

What a Difference a Day Makes

noreply@blogger.com (Alicia) — Fri, 24 May 2013 11:47:00 +0000

We have a parade of visitors coming through these next weeks. My mom was here and gone and my sister and nephew were here for a week and left Monday. This is a special time. We have so much changing in our lives right now; new baby, new job, new house....read yesterday's post if you missed it. There's something really great about sharing this time with friends and family that I love. Although crazy sometimes with extra people here, it's a beautiful thing to share your life.

While my sister was here our house was brimming with five kids. Five! We did a couple of park outings just for sanity's sake, but other than that we left for necessities. Necessities like the boys' Boy Scout awards and Sophie's dance recital. Those life-marker things that are so special to share.

The hard part to me about all these people around is that all the sudden they're gone. Gone! And I remember I have four kids. Four! Four kids to take care of all by myself. Throw in a husband that's out of town Monday through Thursday and you have yourself a recipe for a breakdown, folks.

We kept things pretty much together on Tuesday. My sister flew out first thing that morning and we did pretty well the rest of the day. Wednesday was a different story.

Bad days seem to rear their ugly heads in the form of a big ol' chain sometimes...one link leads to another. Like if one things seems bad, there's a whole mess of other things that follow. I wrote my friend a text around noon that looked something like this:
Hi. Vera has been upset and crying for two hours straight.
My house is a disaster. I've been yelling at my kids all morning.
My bed isn't made. I haven't brushed my teeth.
Jarrod is out of town all week til Thursday.
Nothing in my closet fits me: maternity too big (and depressing) and regular clothes are too small.
I'm out of all groceries.
I'm having a bad day.

That kind of day. Been there? Vera was crabby and not sleeping all day and everything else just seemed to follow suit. It all seemed like crap. I did the whole "do-over" psychological mind game and tried to start over my day ten times and nothing helped. It wore on through the afternoon until I finally got the baby to close her eyes for a while. And then just as I was taking a breather around 5:15, Jack reminded me of his church function that I had fully intended on skipping. Ugh. That meant putting Vera into her carseat (which she loathes) and loading up all four kids. We were the stereotypical crabby family on our way to church, waving at friends and glaring at each other.

The evening ended with a two-hour crying bout of Vera and me, a teary phone call to Jarrod chewing him out for being gone, and finally finally bedtime.
You know when they say things will look better in the morning? It's not always the truth, but then again sometimes it is. And I love that. Fresh starts after a craptastic day is like "new mercies" to the max. We all fail. We all struggle some days. And then we need to redeem ourselves.
Yesterday was 190% better, starting with a full 7 hours of sleep for me and 8 for Vera!! She was so much happier yesterday, sleeping, eating, pooping and repeating in her little baby-rhythm. The kids pitched in and helped clean up the house. We ran errands together. We signed up for summer camps. Daddy was home early. And I made dinner. Everything was brighter and better even though not everything that had been on my nerves the day before was better, it just seemed dimmer and they didn't matter much because our day was so good.

What a difference a day makes.

{Our first picture as a family of six!}

We're all gonna have days. Bad ones. Real bad ones. Ones that we have to go back and apologize for later. They happen, we're human. These days can't be done over, but they can be superseded by better ones. And usually, as much as those bad days come with a chain reaction of badness, the good ones come with a chain reaction of goodness. And today looks like another link...my coffee, a blog post, a quiet house to collect my thoughts before I start the day....goodness. One of my best girls is going to be on her way here in a few hours despite a flood in her basement, a long weekend of friend-time...goodness. We're turning it around, folks.

What a difference a day makes.

Here's to a happy, safe, beautiful long weekend...

These Last Months

noreply@blogger.com (Alicia) — Thu, 23 May 2013 11:00:00 +0000

Sometimes if I pause long enough to think about everything that's happened these last 9 months I want to tear my hair out at all the frustrations and difficulties we've had to deal with. Other times I'm thankful, now that it seems like we're through the muck of it, and I can see (I think) where God was leading or what He was teaching.
I'm glad about that...what He's taught, how our marriage has been strengthened, how our kids have learned about the world and how God provides what we need just when we need it.

I think about the last nine months...how we thought Asheville was not on our radar anymore, how we've searched out there for the next thing, how Jarrod and I have disagreed where that next thing is supposed to be, how we've fought about it, how his and my waves of emotions continued to crash against each other. We wanted different things. I had had such feelings of anger at him for wanting what he wanted and I know he was so frustrated with me, although his feeling are never quite as rampant as mine. We were on completely different pages...completely different books. Completely different genres of books if you want to get technical. It happened gradually and I can't really put my finger on it really, but sometime in February I felt a tilt and a shift. I think it may have happened whilst staring into the deep blue eyes of a certain (then) 4-year-old. I knew that really we both had to let go...that things would be the way things would be and we just had to both be open for anything.

That was February. Fast forward numerous opportunities, confusions, and ups and downs later til four weeks ago. The string of events were both devastating and eye-opening, saving and just what we needed:

Our April consisted of.....
A job offer
a weekend of house shopping a state away
the perfect house in a sleepy town
a contract
a week of planning and relief
a phone call
some shady business dealings
a let down.
A huge let down.
An awkward "hello" to Granny at the airport
a weekend of hell...wondering, freaking out, feeling totally screwed over...being completely screwed over.
A week of going through the motions.
Another offer
an opportunity
a contract
another weekend of house shopping here in Asheville
a purchase agreement.
A relief. A huge relief.
A realization that God was at work the whole time, making the pieces shift and click just so.
Labor pains on a Sunday afternoon
a beautiful delivery
a beautiful girl.
A week of staring, gushing, reliving, praising, loving, adoring, excitement.
A rush of relief and overwhelming emotions.

We didn't know what we were getting into a year and a half ago. I don't know if we ever really know anything about anything. We thought Asheville was going to be very temporary...a stepping--stone of sorts. But we're here. And we're happy. We have a house...a house that (God-willing) we'll be moving into late June. I've watched my husband go through a hell of a lot these past months and past weeks especially. I've admired him for being strong...keeping on moving forward. I had to put aside my own discomforts of extreme pregnancy and center my attention on him and my kids while we sorted through the mess. We've learned a lot the hard way, but there's no regrets...nothing we'd have done differently really. Life is in the learning and that's ok with us.

So we're staying in Asheville for now. We finally feel like we can put some roots down and enjoy life rather than wait for it to happen. Its a big relief and a big answer, even though it was a lot more round-about than we'd have preferred...its an answer. Our life has been way more drama-full than I can ever remember...we bought a house and had a baby on the same day for crying out loud! To get technical, we "bought" two houses in two different states in a three-week span. We had a job and lost a job in seven days, losing it 10 minutes before we picked up Grandma Kelly from the airport to be exact. Drama. But as much drama as these last months entailed and despite the tears and stress...we are in awe of how its all turned out, seemingly better than we'd ever expected....an answer, although crazily delivered, an answer. And and answer is always a good thing.

Anti-Busy

noreply@blogger.com (Alicia) — Tue, 14 May 2013 12:30:00 +0000

Every May it happens.The fliers for camps and summer leagues start coming. You're trying to focus on the end of this school year, but all the sudden you have to think about fall and signing up for all the activities for next year when you haven't even finished this year yet. It makes me cringe every year and this year it seems worse because more than ever I don't want to leave my house. If that sounds hermit-ish, it means to be. Hermit with a side of newborn and you've got yourself a case of eternal hermit introvertess.

We are almost done with school. The kids are doing great at working independently if I'm with the baby and then we go back and work on any problems they had later. We got done with all our really hands-on subjects before Vera was born so now we just have math and language for the rest of the month.

Other than school though, we're moving this summer (more on that later) so I'm thinking about packing and house projects. Jarrod is going to be out of town for work off and on for the next month and a half. We have guests coming...my sister got here last night (she's sleeping off her jet lag ;)).

I hate that feeling where you know you have a lot going on and you want to let it all just roll off your back, but the more you think about things rolling off your back the more stressful you seem to get. I think I do better writing things down and thinking things through than just simply going with the flow.

So here's what I'm doing to try to make life less crazy right now:

-eliminating anything that isn't completely necessary...field trips, extra running, extra errands...all nixed

-each kid gets to choose one activity this summer...they've each picked a camp and I'll have Jarrod drive them to and from for the most part. There's just tooooooo much to do in the summertime and really?? I'm sure its all good and fun, but we're just not gonna do it.

-I'm calling a moving company to see about having someone else pack my house when we move. This isn't a company move so we are paying for it all ourselves. I'd like to use as much $$ as we can on house projects instead of the actual moving part, but there's also something to say about general sanity as well.

-I'm reserving one day for errands, sans kids. On Sunday I went and got groceries by myself and its just sooo much easier without everyone with me. Duh.

-Some of the peeps coming to stay have offered to stay in a hotel, and I'm taking them up on it. I love to have friends and family stay and I want them to see our new little girlie but there's also something to say about the ease of not worrying about the pee on the bathroom seat in the kids' bathroom, ya know??

So this week, my sister and I are sitting around the house with all our combined FIVE children, drinking coffee, and doing not much more than chilling out. We're going to let the kids play outside and ride scooters. We're going to do some fun photos with the kiddies. Sophie's dance recital is this weekend and the boys have their awards ceremony for Boy Scouts tonight. We're so excited that Auntie will be here for these highlights! Sometimes the best visits are the ones with nothing planned...

So what's your remedy for busyness when the last thing you want is busyness? What do you do??

A Little Gifty Business for Mama

noreply@blogger.com (Alicia) — Mon, 06 May 2013 20:02:00 +0000

With Mother's Day almost here (how the heck did that happen???), and with re-entering myself into motherhood, I find it perfectly necessary to compose a list of Mother's Day gifts...for myself. Or I guess a grandmamma too.

Did you know Shutterfly has a new line called Treat? Well, they do and there's some really cute stuff!

I want this mug. How cute is this?!

Also for Grandma, moms, first time moms, friends, whoever there's some really cute cards...

Also, on my list...this cup. I don't know why its so much easier to drink from a straw, but it is. And I think I need help with water.

I have really talented friends. Mary and her girls just opened a shop and you're going to love everything. Such as this necklace...so so sweet. Any mama would love it.

And Ms. Becky! She's got cuff AND super fun baggage tags too. Wouldn't these be a great gift!? You can find this one HERE...

So there's my mama's day list. What's on your list?

Happy Monday!

Welcome, Vera Mae

noreply@blogger.com (Alicia) — Fri, 03 May 2013 11:00:00 +0000

I've never written a birth story before. Some things seem almost too precious to write down, like they're only dear enough to savor in your heart. Too dear to share. But I want to write it all down because 1. there are so many of the details I don't want to let myself forget and 2. who doesn't love a good birth story?

I don't know why some big decisions in life are so clear and easy and "yes, that is what we should do" simple, but some aren't. Some are big and scary and you don't know which is what and its frightening to say one way or another. That's how I've felt for probably two years about having a fourth baby. I didn't know. In the back of my mind, I'm always slightly afraid that I'll take on one inch more than I can actually take on and I'll snap into a million pieces. I thought maybe that fourth baby would be my breaking point...could I handle it? We debated for months. Yes, no. Yes, no. Until last August when our answer became a resounding, "yes."

Flying back home from South Dakota last August, the day before Jack's 7th birthday. I knew something was going on, but that? No way. We left so early that morning, a flight before the sun. The kids quickly zonked out, Jack's sleepy little head on my lap. I, on the other hand, was not sleeping. My head was in a million different directions, different scenarios, different streams of sanity. Somewhere in the middle of my frantic thoughts, Jack sat up and stared at my face. "Mom, I just want a baby so bad. I don't remember when Sophie was a baby and I want to be a big brother. Like a big brother, you know?" Ya, serious folks. He said that. Right in the middle of my stewing, little Jack Jack was thinking about a baby too, but on an entirely different wave-length.

Fast forward to 40 weeks + 6 days of pregnancy and a thousand stories later. I posted this post that day, whined about how tired I was about being overdue. I skipped church. We did a little house shopping (more on that later...and yes, we found the one that very day.) We ate lunch out. I wasn't hungry. Noah, Mom, and I went to get groceries and it started. I had been having so many of those rude fake contractions, I wasn't sure. But after the groceries were put away and they were still happening, my mom made me sit down and she timed them. Jarrod was in the back with the kids completely oblivious that the words of our baby's birth story were slowly being jotted down.

I moved slow, unusually calm. Mom called Jarrod to come get ready to go. I showered. Somewhere in there Sophia came inside. She was a nervous burst of energy in the room. While I showered, she brought be jewelry, pajamas, a toothbrush. She put things into my bag; shoes, my camera, make-up. The boys came inside. Noah was nervous. He flipped through books on the couch and chewed on his lips. Somehow Jack missed the memo of what we were doing, "What?! You're going now!? I thought we were eating dinner...." Ya, it confused the little guy that everyday for the passed 6 weeks had asked if it was time, is it time, is it time a million times. They were all nerves and excitement. My mom made them dinner. I snapped some pictures with my just three before we left. We drove off to blown kisses, wide eyes, and big waves.

Even though I'd done this three times before, there's still a big element of holy crap we're about to do this thing. I don't know if I'm just an old worry wart now or what, but I had more anxiety this time then I ever have. Just worried. What if something went wrong during delivery? What if something was wrong with the baby? The anxiety never really went away til much later. The night drifted on. They moved us from the first monitoring room to the delivery room. The contractions got stronger, but not unbearable. I hadn't felt contractions in over five years and strangely enough, I wanted to. (for a little bit and then give me the drugs, you get me??) Jarrod paced and ate Swedish Fish. He kept making me laugh.

The anesthesiologist came in. I soon felt that cool rush of the IV down my back that I both welcome with open arms and curl my toes in fear against...a love/hate relationship. With Noah, I had no drugs. With the other two, I did. I chose the latter this time too.

It was getting late, around 1 am. It was so quiet and calm. Jarrod dozed, I dozed. In between, I listened to everything; the clock, the monitor, the baby's heartbeat, the blood pressure cuff, Jarrod's slow deep breaths...I took it in. I knew that this was going to be my last rodeo and I wanted to make it count. I wanted to remember it all, see it all, take it all in. Around 2:30 am, the doctor came in to break my water. After she did so, I knew the look exchanged between her and the nurse meant something was up. "It's not uncommon, especially in overdue babies, to have a bowel movement. We'll have to call the NICU team but there's nothing to worry about. Also, it looks like the baby is facing upwards instead of downwards so we're going to try to get the baby to rotate." Cue more anxiousness.

They had me twist my upper body to try to get her to shift and they said they'd be back in 15 minutes to check again. After five, the intuitive mama-gene kicked into hyper-mode telling me it was time. And it was. In about 45 seconds, our quiet oasis was filled with people; the doctor, nurses, the NICU team, a sweet Asian student nurse named Christina who I'm pretty sure was more freaked out than me by a long shot. The adrenaline in me kicked into overdrive, leaving no room for the anxiety because for those of us that have been through this crazy experience you know there's no room for anything else but to focus on the present. A little sweat and five pushes later and my 9 pound 7 ounce bundle was in front of my eyes, blinking at me. The sweet smell of a newborn baby hit me in the face like a kiss. The doctor gave Jarrod the go-ahead to make the announcement. He had been so so sure that this was a boy, he'd basically not even looked, until he did. I saw his face take it in, "it's a.....girl."

I laughed and the tears came. All the months of sciatic pain, numb ribs, nausea, emotions running rampant; it all became worth it in an instant, in a rush at 3:16 am.

My girl.

My second girl.

It all suddenly made sense. I somehow knew that this the way it was supposed to be all along. All my fears, my anxieties, my worries...this was the plan the whole time, I just hadn't seen it. Our family, completed by a sweet girl I never knew I needed. I laid with her forever, drinking her in. Meeting each other for the first time is the best blessing there is.

Her name...Vera Mae. It fit so perfectly from the first moment. There's really no great significance to the name we chose other than I loved the meaning of it, "faithful one", and Mae is an old family name. It suits her so well.

They moved us up to the Mother-Baby floor. They said to rest. There was no way. I finally had this little person in my hands. There was no chance of resting. The sun started to come up a few hours later, over the mountains a million colors bursting just for us, I just knew. I thanked God for my perfect daughter,
for the other sweet babies I knew had barely slept waiting to hear the news,
for the months we have to prepare ourselves for that moment,
for the two sons and two daughters I now had; perfect playmates and best friends forever,
for all I had and hadn't seen.

Jarrod left later to get the kids. I could hear them in the hall before they came in. Their faces as they met their sister are forever engraved in my memory. Their pride and wonder...it was almost too much for my heart.

Bringing another person into your home always has a learning curve attached. We're all getting used to each other. I am learning about this new little girl and loving this sweet time. It's less sleep, yes, but what we've gained instead is so much more. She sleeps really well, she's only waking up once a night. There are so many little things I don't want to forget about this precious newborn time:

Her hair waving at me from the ultrasound screen three days before she was born like seaweed in the water. She has way more hair than any of the others, I can all but braid it.

Her nightly routine of waking around 3am every night, the same time I woke up while I was pregnant almost every night for the last 3 months.

Her daily hiccups that have carried over from the last several months of pregnancy into her infancy. The little chirps making the kids hysterical.

Her smell. Her precious, irreplaceable newborn smell. I cannot get enough.

Knowing this is the last bambino, I'm acutely aware of all these details. In the past 10 days I've tried to write down and organize my thoughts. It's hard to do. I've had a few baby-blue breakdowns. Mostly I'm digging my heels in against the racing world, refusing to go fast and get back to normal. I don't want normal. Because there's nothing normal about this amazing event of becoming a mama once again. It's extreme and beautiful and not to be passed over. I'm throwing my fist up at the calendar and we're skipping everything right now. I'm saying, let's just pause please a little longer.

We didn't stay long in the hospital. Usually I like to take my time there and enjoy the quietness, but this time I was anxious to get home to my other babies. They wanted her home. I wanted her home. Jarrod and I packed her up, driving home a little slower than normal. We were welcomed by our entourage, a welcoming committee of love. I'm pretty sure she hasn't been put down since.

I sit here bewildered...days later...wondering how it is that I've been so blessed. My heart is so full it almost hurts. The Master Baby Creator knew just what I needed. He knew our family needed one more sweet girl. He knew that even after two induction dates scheduled and neither working out that deep down I wanted to let our baby choose it's own birthday and I wanted to feel that excitement of going into labor on my own. He knew Sophie needed a sister. He knew. He knew.

This is Vera's beginning. The start of a life. I've been praying for her future; her health, her life. Grandma's gone home, hence our house is messy but our hearts are full and overflowing which is all we're really concerned about right now.

We're not quite ready to go back to everyday life, it feels forever changed anyway. If you need me I'll be smelling my Vera Mae.

xo,

{alicia}

six days ago...

noreply@blogger.com (Alicia) — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 00:09:00 +0000

...I met the missing chunk of my heart.

This is Ms. Vera Mae.

Last Sunday I blogged about what we were doing in our waiting...ice cream and farmer's markets. This Sunday I'm drinking in sweet newborn nectar and wondering how we ever survived without this girl. Labor pains started a few hours after I posted that post and our sweet bundle arrived at 3:16 the next morning.

These last 6 days with her have been emotional for me. I know this is probably the last time for this baby magic and I'm drinking it in. I want to hold each second close for a while. I want to share every detail, but the details are all mine for right now. Mine to replay and reminisce. I wish I could redo these last six days over and over...they are so precious to me.

I'll be back here when the words are ready.

Just in case you were wondering...

noreply@blogger.com (Alicia) — Sun, 21 Apr 2013 16:03:00 +0000

...yes, I'm still pregnant. Five days overdue at this point. I'm beginning to think I'm going to be the "Perpetual Pregnant Lady" at the circus. "Woman Pregnant with 13 Year Old Child!!!" "Come See the Ever-Pregnant Lady...only $10!!!" (I'm at least $15, right!?)

So ya, still pregnant. And as tired at I am of the questions and advice and sleeplessness and fake contractions and waddling and shirts that don't fit and numb ribs and and and...I'm sure I'll look back and wish I would have taken it in more....which I'm not. We're all on pins and needles. Even the kids. They're asking me where the baby is?? Why it's not out?? How much longer?? I know its hard to wait for them too. Noah keeps wringing his hands, Jack keeps nuzzling my belly, Sophia just asks questions really really loudly, Jarrod is almost annoying optimistic, "TODAY is the day, I just know it!!" And my mom is perpetually cleaning, cooking, or baking something...which works out quite nicely for me to curl up into uncomfortable positions on my bed and read.

This pregnancy has involved a lot of life issues...jobs, housing, life-logistic stuff and it seems only fitting that Baby would want to milk it's warm cozy abode for all its worth. We are doing our best to wait...doing our best to keep busy.

Ice cream out

Target runs for multiple nonsense items

Farmer's Market (photo credit: Sophia)

Ballet

Making menus

Organizing kids' underwear drawers

Painting toenails (very funny)

Watching "our" chickadee make a nest

and then lay her eggs...seems the common theme except in my life...

Driving around

Baking cookies

History reports

Buying good quality entertainment (like Barbie's Pink Shoes)

Doctor appointments

Non-stress tests and ultrasounds

Watching Argo

Reading The Great Gatsby (first time)

We're hangin' in...today the kids and Jarrod went to church. I stayed home to avoid real pants. I think we'll go for more ice cream, go for a drive, get some groceries, and work on history reports. Baby HAS to come out sometime right?? I do have an induction date for later this week, but I seriously better not go til then.

I'll let you know when...it's gotta be soon!!!

Dear Baby,

noreply@blogger.com (Alicia) — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 15:30:00 +0000

Today is the day. Well, in my mind it is. The day we've been counting down to for months. The day that's lead to over 9 months of waiting, but has felt like 2. The day that's been circled in RED on the calendar for months. We are ready. As ready as we can be...take it easy on this mama, ok??

I'm sure you've sensed some stress in that incubator you've been in. You were right...mama's been stressed. It's been a roller coaster of a ride these last 9 months...I'm sure you've felt the brunt of it. We've been waiting for answers. Wanting them to come so badly, mostly for you. But the more I've thought about it, the more I'm pretty sure you're not going to care one bit where we live, whether its temporary or our own, what kind of nursery you have, what city we're in. I'm certain that all those life details won't mean anything to you. I know all you're going to need is a family ready to welcome and love you, a bottle, and a warm bed...and you'll have all those things.

Your brothers and sister have been counting down the days. They've been asking so many questions and preparing themselves for another brother or sister. Jack had been asking for you for months prior to finding out you were coming. Sophia is more than ready to be a big sister. And Noah is pretty much the best big brother I've ever seen. You'll be in good hands.

We are ready.

What are you??
When will you come?? (you know it's your due date today, right??)
How big will you be??
What will you look like??

We have so many questions still in our life, but the one thing we know is...we are so ready for you. I know the details of our life will fall into place and with you here, we'll be able to change our focus from the unknowns to the knowns: you and us, our new family.

Come soon. I can't wait to meet you. (and the kids' countdown now says ZERO and they take these things quite seriously...also, they're asking me every five minutes when you're coming...so please do.)

Love,
Mama

She's Got This

noreply@blogger.com (Alicia) — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 11:00:00 +0000

If there was one of my children I was apprehensive about accepting a new brother or sister, it was Sophia...in the beginning. But now? Ya, now I'm pretty much comfortable with the fact that sister's got this. GOT this.

Her little mind is always in overdrive, asking questions, thinking 10 steps ahead, planning out the details...but with this baby, her little mind is in SUPER overdrive. She wants to know EVERYTHING!!!!!!

She wants to know where the baby will sleep,

where it will eat,

what reasons it will cry,

how to change it's diaper....

...in Target, she spotted the breast pumps...or "fancy bottles". She wanted to know what they were and why you'd need them. And NO, Cliff's Notes version of explanation would NOT do.

She of course wants to know how the baby gets out...and I told her. We talked about it for a good five-ten minutes, she got bored and asked for a snack. She has since informed us that she's very ready and old enough to be IN the delivery room. #umNO

She wants to know about the special fat Q-tips and what they're doing on the baby's table.
Why will the baby have a weird belly button for a while?
Why? What? How?

The questions keep coming....and coming.

But I don't mind. I actually love it. Boys just don't care about these details, but she does. There are some things boys (and men) would rather be left in the dark about. But she wants a head lamp and a super-watt flashlight in each hand to examine this new thing called BIG SISTERHOOD.

I cannot wait to see her in action.

She's going to be amazing.

She's so totally got this thing...

A Boys' View on Babies

noreply@blogger.com (Alicia) — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 12:00:00 +0000

There's no hidden secret that this baby coming in a few shorts days was somewhat of a surprise to us. We had been so on the fence...should we have another baby? should we not?? And the answer came in a resounding YES one day in August last year. Jarrod and I sweated it out for a few days, thinking about all the changes and all we had to do to get ready. But then came the calm, where we knew our answer to our BIG question we'd had for months was neatly laid in our laps...or my uterus, and we knew it was just as it was supposed to be.

We told our kids when we vacationed in the Outer Banks last summer with our friends. You can read about that memorable dinner HERE. I had thought about how the kids would react and I was surprised by some of their responses and not so surprised by others.

My boys are very different. They are pretty much besties, but they are still very different.

Noah is the thinker.

He worries.

He bites his lips and wrings his hands when he's deep in thought about something.

He takes on everyone's problems.

He has a HUGE heart.

At first he was offended that we hadn't told him RIGHT at the second we knew we were expecting.
"How long have you known about this??" He's taken some time to get used to the idea of a new baby. He can't quite picture it yet. I see him eying my belly sometimes, apprehensive.

It's ok though. He's cautious.

The thing about Noah is, he's probably the best oldest brother I've ever seen. He's concerned about the others' safety, he gets them things, helps them, teaches them...he's a good one. He just needs some solid proof that this little one is going fit right in with us...and I don't think that will take long.

Jack, on the other hand...he's kind of unconcerned about most things.

He also has a HUGE heart.

He started asking (begging) for a little brother or sister months before we were actually having one.

"I just wanted to be like a real big brother...you know, so I can remember it. And I don't remember when I was a big brother when Sophie was born."

Well, that would be because he was two, but I guess I see his point.

He thinks this baby is all his, because well, it was his idea after all.

We took a trip to South Dakota in August, which is where I started having suspicions that there was in fact a little fetus hibernating in there. On the plane on the way home, as I was running through every scenario possible in my head, sleepy Jack popped his head up beside me and asked one more time..."Mom, can we please have another baby??" Well, that was crazy timing, Jack.

But we are growing our family and it is going to be good and I cannot wait to see my big, strong boys holding this little tiny babe.

{things}

noreply@blogger.com (Alicia) — Tue, 09 Apr 2013 15:19:00 +0000

{1st thing}

My mom is here. It's gooooood. She would be considered perpetually pregnant to a person that firmly believed in nesting...because she's always nesting. We spent the weekend doing outside things and church and eating. Yesterday, I had tons of errands and appointments and when I got home she had done all the laundry,
cleaned the laundry room,
baked brownies,
prepped dinner,
cleaned countertops,
and completely restacked and swept out our garage full of storage stuff that finally looks like we're actually storing good STUFF opposed to a bunch of JUNK.

Ya, she's good.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{2nd thing}

Jack has influenza. Ya...seriously. He really doesn't seem all that sick, which is weird because when I had influenza, I was like dead man walking. He's missing his last co-op class of the year (aka: party, fun, sugar) and he's really sad about that.

Him being sick, compounded by extremely crap-tastic news over the weekend, has had us kind of tap-tap-tapping for this baby to come and bring some good and happy unicorn glitter to be sprinkled on us. It's strange though, somehow I feel like I've been filled up with super-sonic-39-week-pregnant strength serum making me rearrange my priorities completely and focus on who and what really matters. That is the upside of the downside.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{3rd thing}

I made the kids some little gifts for when I go to the hospital. I can't believe I'm going to have four kids...FOUR!!! That's like kind of a lot.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{4th thing}

I'm thinking about spring and flowers and green things. Are you? We're going to the nursery later and planting some pots. It's been gorgeous here...like 80* I turned on the air conditioner yesterday.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{5th thing}

I'm feeling frustrated.

I'm trying not to be bitter.

I'm frustrated with people, mean people, people that don't give a flip about people, people.

I'm tired of trials and stuff.

I'm tired of not sleeping when I only have a few more nights of any hope of getting any sleep.

Ok, that was a lot of things for only being ONE thing.

I'm going to go to the nursery and buy some ferns and inhale it like Prozac.

I want to drink in these days with three kids and a family of five and enjoy my mom and remember these days before we're changed by huge changes...I want to remember this time and how God filled me up with what I needed to live out this role that isn't hardly ever easy. I feel strangely calm for all the crap we're having to deal with. Somehow I know that I know that I know that I know that we're going through all this for SOME reason. I am hopeful...and ready for ferns.

What I Remember about Giving Birth....

noreply@blogger.com (Alicia) — Thu, 04 Apr 2013 11:02:00 +0000

Last night, Jarrod and I took a tour of the hospital. We'd never been to the hospital here and I'm so glad we went to check it out. It was nice. There were mountain views in some of the rooms. I saw the food trays...they looked good. There were pools in some of the rooms, making water birth a viable option if you wanted it to be.

My upper lip started sweating when I spotted those blue spongy things tucked under the delivery bed where your legs rest while you're pushing and then the tour guide describing labor positions, I felt my throat closing in. I was the veteran mom in the group...hell, I should have been leading the group, passing out booklets and telling all those newbies what was what.

It wasn't like that.

It wasn't like that because I remember all too vividly what giving birth is like.

Walking in at 1,789 pounds,
the ear temperature checks,
the I.V.,
the hospital gown that falls off your shoulders,
that fetal monitor thing they strap on your belly that is so uncomfortable,
the beeping machines,
the chipped ice in those Hondo plastic cups,
the squeaking nurse's shoes and how they talk so quietly but you still want to punch them in the face,
the doctor breezing in to save the day after you've been through hell and back and how you want to punch him in the face too.

Then the tour guide went into the after-care:
the giant pads you could duct tape together and sail home in,
those stretchy Grannie panties (although for some reason I really really like those),
the squirt bottle cleaning tool,
Tucks,
and the antiseptic spray,
and
and
and...

I've had a lot of anxiety about this pregnancy...more than I can remember having with the others. I haven't done this in five years. I was only 25 last go-around and maybe because I'm 30(!!) now, I'm not sure why, but I've thought about almost every scenario of something going wrong.

What if this?
What if that?

I've thought and rethought about all those things listed above and sweated over these things. I've remembered over and over how I got to be my sister's birth coach and how horrible her doctor was and what an awful birth experience she had. I've woken up in the middle of the night thinking thinking thinking...

Being in that hospital last night made me remember all those things about birth so vividly. BUT...and you mamas know there's a "but"...I remembered something else last night. Laying in the tub before bed last night I remembered some other things about giving birth...

...that smell,
the weight,
that feel of your newborn that's never seen the light of day except for right then, with you...on your chest...him looking into your eyes and you into his.
The hot tears that roll down and fall on your baby's little misshapen head,
that feeling of utter relief when the shoulders pass and you know it is out,
hearing that first squeaky cry,
looking up at the face during those last hard pushes that has been there with you through it all, telling you how brave you are, how beautiful, how strong, how amazing.
Watching that same man get nervous to meet his new baby too, wiping his sweaty hands on the back of his pants over and over and over...
...that moment when the doctor announces, "it's a ........." at the very end of nearly ten months of wondering.
Inspecting that newbie's ears and eyes and how much hair they have...

staring

staring

staring at their face for hours until the others come in to meet their new brother or sister and seeing their faces grow older before your very eyes...but not in a sad way, in a happy way...a this-is-how-it's-meant-to-be way. Seeing those older kids in a new, strange place with plenty to explore and check out, but none of it matters because there's a special bundle waiting to meet them that they've been waiting months and months to see too.

It's scary, birth is.
Whether it's the first or the forth...it just is.
But I can't recall even one mom saying she's rather give her baby back than relive that I.V. or those giant maxi pads...not even one.

I have anxieties...even after doing this three times, but its funny how even those memories wash out the scary stuff. I know it's going to be uncomfortable and a little freaky...but I also know the end result.

And that is really really worth it all.

38 Weeks and What's in my Bag...

noreply@blogger.com (Alicia) — Tue, 02 Apr 2013 15:37:00 +0000

I'm officially 38 weeks TODAY, folks! Cannot believe it. I shouldn't be so shocked at how quickly your body falls apart at the end of almost 10 months of carrying around a little human and I shouldn't be so shocked at how the time has flown, but I am! This pregnancy has been hard on my body. I know it's typical and this is the last time I'm probably do this, so I can grin and bear it till the 16th or so, but I'm not going to lie...it'll be a good thing to feel my ribs again, see my feet, and walk forward instead of waddle side to side. Yes, there's something great about getting your body back and finally holding your baby with your arms instead of your leg and hip muscles.

As always, there's a thousand things to do to prepare...grandma will be here Friday, I have to get the car seat out of the box, and other miscellaneous little things. One thing that's ready though is the hospital bag. Yay! I packed yesterday and I feel like I can rest easy that if I happen to go into labor I'll have my own toothbrush. I only packed what I thought I'd really use and need. So much of the time, I pack a whole bunch of extra stuff that I didn't really need.

So here's what's in the bag...

I have my camera battery charger, I'll have my camera, phone, phone charger, and that cute Intax that take credit card sized pics. I have loved using it for my baby Smash book. It's just fun.

For baby I know the hospital send you home with all kinds of stuff...including diapers, so I'm not bringing those. But I do have it's take-home outfit ready with a little hat and special blanket from a friend. Also, the carseat...but that won't be in the bag. :)

A few weeks ago, my mom sent a whole bag of things for Jarrod to take with to the hospital. I thought, "how smart!" There's everything he would need...snacks, body spray, mouthwash and toothbrush, gum, chapstick, notebook. He's all set. My mom's real sweet like that.

For me: I've got all my bathroom stuff, lotion, deodorant, a little make-up. Also I have a few pairs of pj's so I don't have to wear hospital gowns the whole time and a going-home outfit...two actually. A comfy one and a cute one, depending on my mood. Pretty sure I'm going to go for the cute one though.

Another thing I'm going to do is load a special playlist to my phone for delivery. I've heard from friends that its really distracting to focus on the music...we'll see. ;)

So that's done!! Now all I need is a granny and I'm hittin' the road!!

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PS: Someone ask me where I got the typewriter I used for THIS party...but they didn't leave their name and the comment was anonymous. To answer: it's not mine! But my friend found it at Goodwill. I've seen them there several times...happy hunting!!

{friday}

noreply@blogger.com (Alicia) — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 11:00:00 +0000

You know when you have those weeks where you just want it to be Friday and it just seems to drag on???

Well I want one of those weeks. Bad.

Time is flying by at an incredible rate lately! My hair's blowing back and this seriously pregnant mama is waddling along to keep up.

It's all good stuff though, making the time fly by...mostly good.

Yes, good stuff.

{Art}

Kandinsky's Centric Circles was on our lesson plan for art this week. Very simple project and very fun. Just water colors and oil pastels. Pretty much a lot of fun.

{Granny's Coming!}

My mom will be here NEXT FRIDAY!! (so hang on til then baby, ya'hear??) I just can't believe how fast that's snuck up on us. I know that with Easter, a ton of appointments next week, and school I'd have to be thinking ahead and getting things done early.

So I put together this Gram-packet...I don't know when I'll go into labor so I wanted to be able to leave to the hospital without worrying about Sophie missing her ballet photos or the boys missing their last day of co-op classes. I printed off maps, our schedule, and a list of fun things we want to do with her while she's here. I had to add a little fun with some washi tap. Obvs.

And then to make her feel at home...

...all her faves: a coffee mug...she drinks coffee like its running through her veins...licorice nibs, crossword puzzle, and gardening reading material. She just needs to add her sweet granny glasses and we're golden.

{Bed Rest School}

No, I'm not on bed rest...but having school this week in my room, the kids making their desks here and there around the room...just seemed easier on my dumb sciatic nerve that's been giving me horrible fits. Sitting is hard...laying or standing is better, but standing means swollen ankles. Gosh, I'm a piece of work.

{Love Mail}

I've gotten some super super sweet packages in the mail this week, including this scrummy blankie that will be swaddling my babe home from the hospital. I can't wait to show off our little make-shift nursery we've put together. I have to hang one more thing, then you can see. We are so darn excited to just add the baby to complete it...but not til a little later, ya'hear, baby????

{Easter Happenings}

Somehow Easter is THIS weekend. I put together one community basket for all three kids this year. One. I don't have a clue where their baskets are. Two. I don't want to make a big dealio out of gifts and candy. I got each one a CD. I got a couple outside things to play: Play-Doh and sidewalk chalk. And I got Miss Potter for everyone. Have you ever seen this movie?! Oh my...love it. It's about Beatrix Potter...pretty fitting for the whole "bunny" thing. Anyway, it's just one of those sweet movies you love. So it's in their basket for me them.

{Projects Projects Projects}

We made lungs out of paper bags because that's just neat. Also a diaphragm from an empty bottle...also extremely neato. The boys worked on their derby cars!!! So exciting! They handed them in this week and NEXT WEEK is the big race!!

Alright. That's enough randomness for one bit. Not that there's any other theme to my life....

Happy Easter weekend to you!

xo,

{alicia}