lamentoso

Just As Equally Lost.

noreply@blogger.com (melvin) — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 14:35:00 +0000

Sometimes you're stuck in a muddle and you don't know why. Sometimes you lose yourself in wading through that mess you lose yourself. Sometimes something so good can feel so wrong. Sometimes you travel the roads even though don't know the way. Sometimes you find yourself at a junction with options and find no way out. Sometimes there's a way out and it leads nowhere. Sometimes you end up locking yourself up to find the room still so crowded. Sometimes you open yourself up to find that perhaps after all, there's no one out there. Sometimes you find no space in your heart for forgiveness. Sometimes you find a space to forgive and yet find no courage to act upon it. Sometimes you're afraid of the things you already know. Sometimes you're strong enough to tell the truth. Sometimes you withhold that truth in order not to lie. Sometimes you admit your vulnerabilities to be strong enough to be weak.

Perhaps, you have to be lost to know your way.

The Right to be Wrong.

noreply@blogger.com (melvin) — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 19:03:00 +0000

We make mistakes all the time.

When we were young, we make a mistake at home and we get punished by our parents, in school - we stay behind after class for detention. When we are adults out in the real world, we make a mistake and we pay a fine, and if it's a graver mistake, we get jailed, or even hanged.

However, this notion of punishment does not entail righting a wrong, but simply exemplifies the concept of justice. It strives to achieve a conditional effect, that (hopefully) through punishment one does not repeat the mistakes again.

With every action comes a reaction of equal magnitude; just like how Newton's third law of motion would tell you that the mutual forces of action and reaction between two bodies are equal, opposite and collinear.

And we pay this corresponding price, so that we may learn our ways.

But some mistakes we make are irreversible, and we pay an enormous price that may take us more than an eternity to payoff, and we become eternally indebted to the mistakes we make.

The old folks would say: you've got to fall from the bike before you learn to ride, so that you learn the way.

But in this case, things are never the same, and when we look back we have no one but ourselves to blame.

While we encourage ourselves to be adventurous, live life, take risks and make mistakes, we are obviously being careless.

We don't always have the right to be wrong. And sometimes we are better off not knowing the way.

我们。

noreply@blogger.com (melvin) — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 19:39:00 +0000

要僵持多久，才知道到底在坚持什么？

Keeping Track.

noreply@blogger.com (melvin) — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 15:54:00 +0000

I have a friend who keeps a notebook detailing the flings, the dates and the boyfriends he has ever had. In this world of speedy efficiencies, where every thing comes as fast as it goes, the question that begs asking is eventually - what lingers?

I start to think that what he is doing has some sense after all. As I look through the log of my past entries, some emotions intentionally directed at someone, but yet I could only play a guessing game. Beautiful the writing may be, but without its audience, they are mere words, regurgitated when spoken aloud, plain texts when read on the screen.

We have become so quick with everything, that a slow cruise in a car on the road becomes a waste of time, a breath of fresh air or breeze goes unnoticed.

Sometimes, I feel that I'm so quick with everything, that I don't take time to do anything. I must slow down.

And I'm glad that at least he's using a notebook, and not his iPhone. Or does his notebook refers to his laptop. Hmmm.

The Power of Words.

noreply@blogger.com (melvin) — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 16:48:00 +0000

Strange how sometimes a short span of time spent with a friend you barely meet can be comforting. It's as though it's for a short while when you get to be who you choose to be, by revealing what you wish to tell. Your self-image painted on his canvas, as vivid or dull as you choose it to be.

Good artists paint without their ears, great artists use words to paint colors to your world.

How Much?

noreply@blogger.com (melvin) — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 15:23:00 +0000

How much of enough is enough for it to become too much?

I don't have much of an opinion, and because of that sometimes I don't get to live the life I want to. But what do I want?

It's kinda ridiculous that at the age of 26+, I'm still pretty lost with what I want in life. My parents at my age already had me as a 5 year old kid going to pre-school.

Yupp, just like that, time floats by, like a breeze brushing through your hair.

My godma says I've got a good head, and a good heart, I'll do good. Well, a good heart is what I have, I know, but a good head - hmmm. If an ignorant head is a good one, then I'm not sure what is a bad one.

Maybe I do know, just that I don't know that I know. Now thinking back, those lectures on planning for your life, short term goals and long term dreams, those that we so casually scoffed at - maybe there is some sense to that.

Life now is complete and full.

But just when does full overflows? And how would I know?

A Cylinder.

noreply@blogger.com (melvin) — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 18:05:00 +0000

Sometimes I think of my body as a medium. A cylindrical pipe that emotions and thoughts flow through me, of which those often not mine.

Think of me as an outlet, a listening ear, a confidante, mostly on the receiving end. And I try to manage by thinking that what I've got is a cylinder with two open ends; the stories of the others fed to me, and off it goes as throughput out of the other end. Anything comes, and everything goes. Unaffected, free, and sturdy.

But recently, I suspect that I may be after all, a cylindrical container - only with it's lid removed, with one open end. There's a bottom after all.

As I grow older, I find this container getting deeper. In my earlier days, these thoughts and emotions, mine or others alike, sink right in hit the bottom and bounces off and out is a word of comfort, an advice of wisdom, a positive thought or encouragement; almost reflexive.

But as this container grows deeper, there's more storage space for things. And as the space gets crowded, they mix. Much like how you dip your paint brush into a clear glass of water, you mix, and what you get at the end of the day is a murky color, and if you're lucky, it's a nice murky color, otherwise, it's almost dirty.

Sometimes I don't know how I got where I am. And I find it increasingly harder to see through the no longer crystal clear cylindrical glass.

I would wish for an inexhaustible capacity to store, and to give, but sometimes it's too much, and often you're not lucky enough; too much is murky.

Here We Go Again.

noreply@blogger.com (melvin) — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 17:14:00 +0000

Cycles.

Most of us find comfort in doing the same thing over and over again, how the familiarity brings about a sense of security, that you have taken this route time and again, and that nothing should go wrong.

In my course of work, the cycle begins when you collect a brief, pitch for it, woo the client, and get the job. Then you start a long (and sometimes painful) period of client servicing, see your ideals get killed by practical concerns, execute an event that didn't quite resemble the one you envisioned happening, and finally wrapping it up with tons of paperwork and follow-ups.

And sometimes you screw up a part of the cycle. But once the cycle is set in motion, the client and yourself can only move along.

It's a cycle repeated over and again, the only difference that I can make is how with each cycle, I can execute each stage better than before, and hopefully tightening up the lapses and filling up the gaps.

That's the thing about cycle, it goes in circle and you get second chances to decide if you want to do it better, but different.

For One More Day.

noreply@blogger.com (melvin) — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 18:31:00 +0000

For one more day, you can do wonders. You can work magic. You can make things right.

"...there may be times that you fight, and sometimes you and Catherine won't even like each other. But those are the times you have to love your marriage. It's like a third party. Look at your wedding photos. Look at any memories you've made. And if you believe in those memories, they will pull you back together."

Hindsight is often overrated and is always a byproduct of regrets. No one in this world has no regrets, and if there's anyone who'd tell you he's lived a life with no regrets, then he is not to be trusted.

An advice is a preemptive piece of knowledge, earned and learned through hindsight - a benefit of regrets that may potentially put a stop to this neverending repeat of history. But often underrated, ignored and overlooked.

We always know better. But knowing better is always an afterthought.

"...I believe my mother saved my life. I also believe that parents, if they love you, will hold you up safely, above their swirling waters, and sometimes that means you'll never know what they endured, and you may treat them unkindly, in a way you otherwise wouldn't..."

"...But there's a story behind everything. How a picture got on a wall. How a scar got on your face. Sometimes the stories are simple, and sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking, But behind all your stories is always your mother's story, because hers is where yours begins."

"Because there was a ghost involved, you may call this a ghost story. But what family isn't a ghost story? Sharing tales of those we've lost is how we keep from really losing them."

- For One More Day, by Mitch Albom.

Hitching Rides.

noreply@blogger.com (melvin) — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 18:08:00 +0000

Sometimes it's hard to believe, and even harder to trust. You thread by the curb to make sure you walk parallel by the road, and be sure and careful enough to not walk the roads. The traffic may be heavy and you may not look to hitting the highway, and if a kind driver stops by and offers you a lift, you stop and discern, and weigh your chances.

Sometimes you get on the wrong ride, you get off at the next junction. Sometimes you get in for nothing more than a joy ride.

A kindhearted, honest looking driver stops by and asks if you need a lift, you ask yourself if it's gonna be the right ride to take you to where you wanna alight.

The truth is you'd never know, until you hitch that ride.

Commencement Beyond the Starting Line

noreply@blogger.com (melvin) — Mon, 01 Aug 2011 16:50:00 +0000

If you know me enough, you'd have known I completed my degree course half a year ahead of my peers and have been working for more than half a year now. Not that I'm smart, just that I had wanted to be quick and done with school. Not that I hated school, I just found no practical reason to drag it longer than I should - I would like to think that subconsciously I'm a practical and pragmatic person, however difficult I find that to believe myself.

Anyways.

29 July 2011, approximately seven and a half months after I have no more reason to go to school, I attended my graduation ceremony - the Singapore Management University Commencement 2011.

Harry Melvin Potter Me!

To many, this is the start of a new chapter of life. To me, I have long launched into this chapter, and have pretty much accustomed to it.

Nevertheless, it's a rite of passage, and contrary to popular belief, I'm still a conservative and traditional man who would want that official stamp of approval even though it is way overdue; at least I'll have evidence to show when I need to prove that I did go to the university.

Ah Ma and Mummy came!

The ceremony was generally blah, and program line-up aside, the set-up was so-so, design was nothing surprising, food was unimpressive. And I came to a conclusion that a business school is really, after all, a business school. Convocation (welcome ceremony) for freshmen was pompously celebrated - to convince you and your parents that the choice (investment) of university is probably more than a right one, and when you're done with it and it's time to pay your dues (school fees), they'll be glad that you're freeing up space for even more students to come in.

Alas, this is how it is - life goes on, the world passes by and what's more important stays more important.

And the school valedictorian was right, no one would remember a valedictorian speech - except for his falling robes on stage.

But then again, I'm graduated! Congratulations to me.

Hmmmm...byebye!

Sometime It Hurts Instead.

noreply@blogger.com (melvin) — Thu, 28 Jul 2011 16:33:00 +0000

Not all decisions you make leaves you a happier person (yes, even though you have it your way) Some decisions leaves you perplexed. Some may even make you sad.

I waved goodbye to someone endearing in order to regain a friend. Knowing how to hold on is something important, knowing when to walk away before it's too late is a prerequisite instinct to survival. And I'd always know when it's too late.

At times these decisions are hard to make, and sometimes they are painful. But you tell yourself that it's the mature thing to do.

Just as how Adele would sing it, "Sometime it lasts in love, and sometimes, it hurts instead". Diabolical in nature, ironic in context, true and real in every sense of the sentence.

But I know I'll find Someone Like You. We all do.

Table for One.

noreply@blogger.com (melvin) — Mon, 18 Jul 2011 16:38:00 +0000

I don't lie to tell myself. In fact, I think I'm incapable of doing that.

Self-deception is the ultimate mastery of control over one's cognition. If you know for sure that it's not right, you know it's not. Period. Many at times I find myself stuck in between that tiny gap between embracing reality and embracing self-denial. I should qualify that self-deception is not self-denial. Because if you can truly deceive yourself, you will be embracing reality - the one you augmented that is.

Anyway, back to the gap! The state of limbo leaves me pathetic and I think recently, this pathos inside is manifesting itself into physical forms. For example, I couldn't decide if I should get the expensive laptop speakers that I laid my eyes on and in a moment of exasperation I asked the sales assistant "howwww, I can't decide!!!". I'm sorry that I did that to him, but he looked at me awkwardly and did not utter a word. suddenly I felt a part of me just died. After that, I wandered around the mall aimlessly hoping to come to a decision soon. For several times I made my mind and determined to go get them, I changed my mind within steps. I felt so lost and a loser.

Maybe not the best case of meltdown you have, but the whirl in my saturated mind, saturated with insubstantial insecurities and self-pity, convinced me that in moments like this, I don't like to walk in a mall alone, nor do I enjoy answering the server "for one" when asked "a table for?"

I can tell myself that it's okay to dine alone because I can count my chews to seven before I swallow, and I can savour the fine taste of the soup without being distracted. I can tell myself that loneliness is no big deal because I can have anyone I want by my side at the end of the day. But I can only tell myself that. Believing in what I tell myself is difficult.

You can lead the cow to the water, but you can never force it to drink.

I'm the stubborn cow waiting to be convinced of the benefits of drinking water.

7 Months and 14 Days Ago

noreply@blogger.com (melvin) — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 19:47:00 +0000

I decided to close this space for a good reason. And this reason is not only a good one, but also a silly one.

I closed it down because I wanted to deny someone from being part of my life, stop someone from knowing the following me. Because this someone did something so terrible that I cannot even forgive myself for standing there letting him do whatever he did. And if I cannot even forgive myself, I find it all the more impossible to forgive him.

But as days and months go by, I came to realise that it is in me I must find a space to put this hurt down, and hopefully by the works of time I may eventually get it passed and behind me.

That happens doesn't it? Rationality is the benefit of time, and like any other things in this world, pain depreciates with time, and we'd all be fine eventually.

I was so silly to the point that I started another blog using a domain name not too dissimilar from this one, thinking that I'll never be found, and that I'd be able to start afresh. But then again, who in this world can never be found by he who seeks to find?

Today's my 26th birthday, and within this short 7 months and 14 days, my life's been changed - I have new circles of friends, great colleagues, an almost perfect job and job environment, experienced things that a normal person won't get to.


@ Food For Though (Queen Street)

Several transformations and milestones that I should have jolly well recorded down in this little space of mine, tripped over and forgotten. In that other blog of mine? Nah, it didn't happen. Just because I'm so used to writing here, just because it is here where I've stored the many years of my memories, just because I grew up here, that I should come to terms with the hurt, and realise that I shouldn't be the one hiding.

I'm sure my followers by now would have already moved on. And as I resume writing again the question is for whom are these entries for? I don't know. But one thing for sure I know, I'm once again out and about, happy to be where I am, and glad to be found, by myself, again.

Happy Birthday to me.

RAHH!

Grabbing Buddha's Legs.

noreply@blogger.com (melvin) — Thu, 30 Dec 2010 16:25:00 +0000

23 hours and 38 minutes away to a brand new year, in midst of a flurry of events and plans as of now. but one thing for sure - the impended change may not be accomplished at the turn of the year. but anyhows, what's to be done has to be done, and it shall be done. this, i'm determined.

(: looking forward to the start of the year with lesser thrash in life, but more anticipation and hope for good things that will come.

*prepares champagne glasses. heh

Fireworks.

noreply@blogger.com (melvin) — Sun, 26 Dec 2010 18:52:00 +0000

Much as I've heard about this MV, in particular, how Katy Perry's boobs were shooting out fireworks, watching it for the first time brought me to tears. I don't find anything particularly amusing, but if there's anything intriguing, it's gotta be the message that the MV and the song speaks.

We're bounded by our self-doubts and insecurity, giving in to the social conventions and judgments of the other people. When we are who we are and there's nothing not to be proud of. Sometimes the more questions we ask of ourselves, the lesser we become the person whom we are capable of.

The song itself is celebratory in mood, the lyrics immensely meaningful and the MV speaks loudly and clearly two words to me: why not!

Season's Greetings

noreply@blogger.com (melvin) — Sat, 25 Dec 2010 18:56:00 +0000

Merry Christmas & Happy Boxing Day

Ho ho ho! :)

Recently, I started to think that in life, or relationships, there's always an aggregate at the end of the day. You do something very very good, you get a +10, but if you do something real bad, you get a -12, and it doesn't matter how many other smaller good or naughty things you do along the way, because the aggregate's gonna be a negative anyway.

A mistake can be easily forgiven, or even forgotten, but a person with a sub-zero aggregate, you just got to eradicate him, else he'll be cancerous like a tumor, and may even be malignant.

On a side note, I'm looking forward to the end of the year. Because it's really been quite a self-discovery. I counted my blessings with some very special people in my life already, looking forward to doing it for real with myself. I want this year to end, so that the next can start off being a better one. Not that this year has been bad, in fact, it's been better than the previous, but there is always hope.

I hope I can fill the rest of my days of 2010 with love, joy and be surrounded by beautiful people and beautiful things. At least let this year end on a nice note.

And I hope for the same for you too.

Love Really.

noreply@blogger.com (melvin) — Sat, 18 Dec 2010 17:38:00 +0000

Attending weddings always make me question the notion of marriage itself. The institutionalization of the love and commitment between two persons. While I was ever told that if I really love someone, I would wanna honor that person by committing to the relationship. But then again in the first place, whoever suggested that the only way to commit to a relationship, a partnership between two, is only through marriage?

BUT THEN AGAIN! Today, I attended Shujuan's wedding. Sj and I go way back to AC days. We were born exactly in the same year on the same day, and the affinity between the two of us grew from there. Although we may not be around each other ALL the time, but we were always around.

Today, 18th of December, 7 days before Christmas, marks the official day when she becomes Mrs Choo. I mean, seeing her through the years, in and out of relationships, and finally settling down for someone whom she'll love for the rest of her life, made me feel exceptionally moved. I mean, marriage is a huge decision, and finding that someone whom you can entrust the rest of your life with, that someone amongst the 6 billion population in this world, is perhaps the luckiest thing that you'll find.

Don & Sj during Solemnization.

After witnessing this Love Really, I feel like watching Love Actually (:

Even though I still do not believe that we can only commit to another person through marriage, but I am genuinely happy that both Don and Sj decided to tie the knots. While emceeing the wedding lunch this afternoon, I can't help but feel fulfilled and glad.

Then again, I was also told, falling in love thus getting married, and sustaining the marriage, are two perfectly different things. I wish both Don and Sj the very best.

Me, Sj and Mummy!

I also observed that both the bride and the groom are perhaps the two most tired persons on their wedding. And the smile they wear at the end of the celebration, are the smiles telling you that it's finally over. Weddings, really, not for the faint-hearted (marriage too! hmm)

First time hosting a wedding lunch, and someone was asking for my number already. I think at least that's a good indication that I didn't screw it up that much uh! Phew! :)

風のとおり道 - 久石譲コンサート2006

noreply@blogger.com (melvin) — Thu, 16 Dec 2010 19:38:00 +0000

Be quiet, and let the music do the talking.

Paradoxical, I felt.

noreply@blogger.com (melvin) — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 19:25:00 +0000

So, hmm.

Recently someone told me that presence is a conviction of absence; the existence of presence in itself reaffirms the existence of absence, and quite naturally, the more absence there is, the more the lack of presence is felt.

Paradoxical, I felt.

But I told him I'd rather be the line in between the two states, or be the line that is everywhere in the two states (if that's imaginable).

To quote a Buddhist teaching - 空既是色，色既是空。Quite succinctly, everything is nothing, and nothing is everything. If at the end of the day what matters to you will pass and what passes does not matter in good time, why then so agitated?

Also, in life, you win some, you lose some, and averaged out at the end of the day, the statistics will show that you draw.

I don't know if ever I can understand the meaning of the state of nirvana, and I'm guessing that to some, this mentality seems like a passive do-er making excuses for his laziness, but if we stay true to ourselves and look past the short gains and losses there are right before our eyes, I'm pretty sure that some day, we will be able to find the balance in ourselves amidst all these messes.

Happiness.

noreply@blogger.com (melvin) — Tue, 14 Dec 2010 09:45:00 +0000

Happiness is something everyone searches for.
Some are sure they'll find it once they move back home
Some think they'll find it by making a new friend.
Some hope to find it once they've defeated the competition.
Then there are those who stop searching for happiness because they look up one day to discover it was there in front of them all the time.

Mary Alice, Desperate Housewives

Rants.

noreply@blogger.com (melvin) — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 18:25:00 +0000

I DON'T KNOW HOW!

Spontaneity's The New Sexy.

noreply@blogger.com (melvin) — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 18:54:00 +0000

And so it was random!

Yesterday night I casually asked if anyone's keen for a chill-out day at Sentosa, and to my surprise, it happened!

And not to mention we were blessed wonderful wonderful weather.

Coastes @ Sentosa

The waters were actually within 20 steps away from us, and along the sheltered coastline, the waters were a gentle calm. There was a constant sea breeze blowing on, and underneath the big umbrella sheltering us from the excess sunshine, I swear I could live life like this forever.

Sunblock and Monopoly Deal

the happies!

Coastes @ Sentosa

Then we went...

Universal Studios Singapore

I think we were more excited than the tourists around us. I mean, it's like being tourists in your own country. So cute right.

The Elephant @ Festive Hotel (On the way to Victoria's Secret)

Well, our short stay in Sentosa ended off with us not knowing where to go for dinner! And after much deliberation, we went to one of the places I frequented in my teen-hood, XO Fish Bee Hoon near Holland Village. They've relocated to the food court along Dover Crescent though. :) Go check them out!

The day ended with Cold Rock @ Holland V and Serene's cute young boy giving her ice-cream. :P

Cold Rock @ Holland V

At the end of the day, I was totally exhausted. It felt like we played as though there's no tomorrow. But Rachel begged to differ. Maybe it's the sun.

Random is fun. Let's do this again!

Cockroach - I Hate You!

noreply@blogger.com (melvin) — Wed, 24 Nov 2010 19:28:00 +0000

Okay, here's what's happened. I walked into the kitchen and switched on the lights, and to my horror, there was a huge cockroach staring right back at me next to the pile of undone dishes. I think it froze in attempt to blend into the surrounding (like any other dimwit would do), but of course he overestimated my shortsightedness (I'm a 6/6!)

So I took some napkins and decided to kill it quick and hassle-free, I wouldn't want to create a ruckus in the process of cockroach-killing. But, it tried to run! After battling with it in the kitchen for awhile, I triumphed and did the mankind proud; the cockroach murdered and his body flushed down the toilet bowl.

Seeing the cockroach gives me creeps, imagining images of it swimming happily in the semi-soaked dishes, licking the spoon that I shoved into my mouth earlier on (and quite possibly would be doing so in the very near future), makes me wanna puke. So I spent a good 30 minutes doing the dishes, and another good 15 minutes scrubbing the sink area clean with detergents.

Finally, the sink was sparkling clean and the dishes done and kept in their rightful places. Then it dawned upon me that I had forgotten the purpose for my visit to the kitchen in the first place - to make supper.

But! Seeing that the sink was really, REALLY clean, and I would have to do another round of washing and scrubbing after cooking the noodles... I really couldn't bear to undo the love that I've showered unto the sink. Furthermore, I must leave evidence of my contribution to the household so that my mum would wake up bright and early and delighted that she has such an awesome son who does the dishes in the middle of the night. (:

So I decided to drive out to buy supper.

One thing you should know is that I've been craving for hokkien mee for the longgggeeeesssst time. But alas, it was not meant to be - all the hokkien mee stalls in the 2 different coffee shops were closed. ):

SO, with a heavy heart, I bought a pack of fried bee hoon with chicken wings, cabbage, ikan bilis and luncheon meat, and gobbled it down the moment I got home.

Now that I'm sitting in front of the laptop recounting what had just happened, I've grown to hate cockroaches even more. I'm did not just spent about an hour in the kitchen killing a cockroach and scrubbing dishes, the last 15 minutes writing this entry and making you spend 5 minutes reading it, I am also a sinful supper heavier!!!

Cockroach - I hate you!!!!! *stabs*

Choices.

noreply@blogger.com (melvin) — Wed, 24 Nov 2010 16:37:00 +0000

What if one day, you're all confused. Stuck in the middle, wondering about the choices you've made in the past, the choices you have to make now, and fretting about how the choices you make in the future pretty much depends on the ones you make in the past, i.e. now, which makes it all the more fretting.

What if one day you realize that the choices you have made to date are perhaps not the best ones you have made for yourself, and you know that there are people out there who thinks there are better options that you can choose from apart from the palate that you deal yourself with?

I would like to think, with a light-heartedness, that there is a truth when the gospels preach that God has a plan for all of us, like how in certain time dimensions we are living the moments lived not too long ago. Or in many other paradigms there are many other people living their lives the way we haven't, with a mesh of permutations of how life can turn out to be, just that in this silo of the world I live in, I live the way I have lived my life thus far.

Then I hope that in the other silos the me living the other lives, has a clearer picture of what choices to make.

For now, I'll keep on procrastinating that I'll study damn hard for the final exam paper I'll be taking in a day (+) time and live to regret if only I had study harder. Or maybe I'll just forget about it.

And just live this life, live in this silo of my world, live the moment.