Lancism is a philosophy of life wisdom. Each lancism is a wit and wisdom from Lance. The whole blog is designed to teach you how to create a beautiful life through the magic of your wise choices. Lancism Life Wisdom is the key to creating your beautiful world, where each day works out perfectly and in accordance to the divine plan. Read Lancism Life Wisdom from front to back. It is a complete book published online! Follow Lancism’s philosophy to breakthrough on most of the problems in your life. If not, consider hiring Lance Ong as your Life Coach today (english-speaking clients only), to help you break through unique problems and achieve success in life.

Controlling Lust And Sexual Energy

Why is it important to control sexual energy and lust? Although sex is a primal instinct and it is in our nature to desire the act, nowadays it doesn’t make much sense to spend most of our lives trying to satisfy this insatiable desire. Many men put so much of their energy into sexual conquest that they use up much of their life force with little to show for it. If they keep the energy, they can better use it to move forward in life. There is nothing wrong with sex. It’s the never-ending pursuit and desire for more sex, which holds many of us back from doing our more important tasks. Learning to control lust and turn sexual energy into working energy is the first step to achieving an incredible breakthrough in your life. 

Discover The Secret Of Sex Transmutation 

Today I have an important secret to share with you. It’s the method discovered thousands of years ago which gives you unlimited energy to accomplish your goals. Maybe you’ve read the title and thought I’m going to talk about a sex change operation. But no, today I’m going to show you how to convert sexual energy into physical energy. The Taoist monks have known this secret for thousands of years — the life force of a person is stored in their vital essences. The philosopher, Lao Tzu, encouraged men to “retain the essence”. But unfortunately, many men are unable to accomplish this due to a lack of self-discipline and an understanding of the benefits of the practice. They prefer to ‘sow their wild oats’, and thus deplete their body of its zest and vitality. 

As I write this letter, I can hear the streets 25 storeys below, where drunk guys are stumbling out from bars onto the roadsides shouting, “Wooo! Oh Yeah!” That follows with wolf whistles and blocking the path of women who are walking past. These are men who spend their time drinking and screaming on the streets, hanging out in all-male groups, looking to ‘sow their wild oats’. 

Understand that sex drive is a powerful force. And the most successful people also have a lot of sexual energy, but the difference is that they do not dissipate it through sexual indulgence. They convert it into working energy and mental drive. Indulgence by sex, liquor, or drugs will dissipate your energy and concentration. That’s why you’ve got to learn the secret of sexual transmutation. 

Decades ago, the principle of sexual transmutation was written about by Napoleon Hill. In the chapter, Napoleon mentions that the most successful people in the world have learned how to convert sexual energy into success drive to achieve their goals. Successful men and women… at a young age, do not go around seeking sexual conquests and wild romances… they discipline their sexual desires (no porn, no prostitution, no masturbation) and focus their minds and efforts on seeking success. And you know what? Because of their concentrated persistent effort, they do manage to build businesses and lucrative income streams for themselves — at a young age! Then… (for a guy) all the girls come! Then… (for a girl) she can marry whomever she wants without being a slave to a fat-rich man. 

So now you know… you have to hold back your sexual desire and use that drive to achieve success. It takes iron will and discipline; smart practices to adjust your sexual habits. For example, what do you do if you feel horny? Masturbate? No! You do Buddhist Meditation or Taoist Sexual Qigong. Under no circumstances do you cum out your energy — your vital essence. If you can retain the essence, it will brighten your mind, your body will be invigorated, and your creativity will flow; you will have happier moods, better curiosity, and the capacity to handle life. You can become a Superman or Superwoman because your sexual energy is being converted into body strength, creativity, and success drive. 

You now know the secret of sex transmutation. You now know why some people have super energy and superpower for success. Reading about it in Napoleon Hill’s book confirms that I’m not the only one who believes in it. It’s one of the great secrets to success. So let those guys continue to shout, “Woo!” and do their hip-thrusting actions. You and I are going to harness this vital source of energy and use it to build a happier and wealthier life.

Titty-Tainment – The Vicious Success Suppressant

Do you know that only about 20% of people are living their dreams? A huge dose of “Titty-Tainment” sedates the rest of us from achieving success. What is Titty-Tainment? Think huge boobies, long schlongs, and naked tushies — the billion-dollar porn industry. Magazines, videos, chat lines, erotic stories, and moulded body parts. Zbigniew Brzezinski (Former National Security Advisor to U.S. President Jimmy Carter) first used the term to mean: “a mixture of deadeningly predictable, lowest common denominator entertainment for the soul, and nourishment for the body”. 

Most men, when presented in private with such material, will lock the doors and perform the ritual choking of the chicken. Inevitably, most will ejaculate and become too tired to think straight… they will want to sleep. Even if their life is in a mess, the Titty-tainment will keep them happy, weaken their wills, and rob them of energy. 

The Chinese believe the semen of a male contains much energy. Whenever a man ejaculates, he loses this energy and weakens his body. Do you notice most men feel tired after having sex (they roll over and sleep)? Boxing coaches tell you it weakens the knees? It’s true! Shooting out semen equals shooting out life force. Using ‘the cannon’ takes a sizeable chunk out of men, that’s why they feel tired after sex. 

An embryo is a living organism and its father and mother give a portion of themselves to breathe life into it. Regenerating sperm and semen requires much Qi (the body’s life force). A single ejaculation at night can sap the next day’s energy. Men who have masturbated the night before, tire easily the next day. You can see their puffy eyebags — a sign of exhaustion and sexual depletion. They find it hard to be creative and lack the drive for getting tasks done. 

Lancism: Masturbating to porn slows down your mind and SEDATES you! It robs you of the energy you need to think creatively and act quickly. If you want to achieve your dreams, you’ve got to stop wasting energy and use it to build success.

The Two Heads

Men have two heads. The big head, and the little head (the smaller purple one). The problem is, in the average male, although the purple head is smaller, it’s also more powerful than the big head. That’s why they say, “It has a mind of its own.” 

Many times when I suggest that men should practice self-control, discipline, and restraint, I know it’s not easy. As a male, I know how powerful the little head can be. Why do you think psychologists say men have a sexual thought every 20 seconds? That’s the little head doing the thinking. And if you think with your little head, it’s going to lead you around by the ‘you know what’, and cause you to waste time, money, and energy. Resources which can be put to better use. 

They say there are only two things that worry men. One is Money. And two are Women. I mean, what else is there to do in this world? I know guys who spend the larger portion of their day talking to their 150+ female contacts on messenger! And as you can imagine, they are never short of a date. Now would you call that success? To many men, I bet you that is all they desire – a life with enough money and women. 

When you are starting out in life… sex and money really are the two primal desires. Most people can’t make enough money. Many people have never had the experience of getting laid. If you can achieve both of these primal desires, you’ll feel like a God!

The problem happens when we over-desire these primal desires… we end up wanting money so much, that we cheat, steal, and rob. We get jail! Or we desire sex so much… we masturbate incessantly, see prostitutes every 3 days, and hang out in bars and nightclubs trying to get laid! We drive our life into a downward spiral. 

So, abstinence and cultivation is necessary — you need to overcome sexual primal urges; you need to be upright and make an honest living. How can you achieve this? What can you do to transform yourself? 

Overcome sexual desire with my Lust Control Program For Men at www.LustControl.biz  The course will teach you how to overcome sex addiction and compulsive masturbation. Just check it out even if you’re a woman who’d like a laugh. 

In contrast, there are also women who over-desire sex — otherwise known as nymphomaniacs. It’s very easy for a woman to get laid. You just stand in a bar and flirt with men. So, for these women, seeing a sex addiction counsellor may be of great benefit to you. The main goal is no more wild flings and crazy breakups, but instead, you can be married to a good husband who loves you for real.  

So now you know the importance of using your big head (brain) to control your little head (penis or clitoris).

You can still enjoy sex — with a partner or by yourself — but watch out for cumming or ejaculation. If you climax or shoot out your semen, vital energy is lost. Thus, the way to have orgasmic pleasure while still retaining full body energy is by studying Taoist Sexual Qigong. The Multi-Orgasmic Man by Mantak Chia is the guidebook that men should use to develop the ability to orgasm while retaining vital energies — orgasm without ejaculation. The Multi-Orgasmic Woman is the book for women to achieve the same — enjoy sexual pleasure without losing vital energy. 

Could You Fail In Life By Overindulging In Sex?

The other thing to watch for is the failure that comes from indulging in your desire… if you spend the greater part of your days hanging out at bars and nightclubs trying to get laid with a stranger, you are chasing an illusion of pleasure because sex is an empty act if you cannot love the person or the person does not love you. 

Lancism: I advise all would-be successful men to release their grip on the little head, and start thinking with their big head. Ladies… you too. 

Special Note: Talking about becoming good and making an honest living… it helps to follow the guidance of your religion. With the Gods imbuing you and guiding you to a good life, you will make better choices — bad habits will disappear and you will be led to good activities — subsequently, your beautiful life will unfold.

Where Is Happiness?

Do you move through life feeling every day is the same? Like some repeated pattern that goes on and on? For some people, there’s nothing new to do under the sun, and nowhere to go. Everything is just boring, boring, boring. They work so hard to earn enough money to play, but yet their playtime passes so fast. Suffer for five days, and enjoy two days. Sometimes, to break the monotony, they seek thrill through intoxicants — alcohol, smoke, drugs; thrill by risk and risqué — gambling and sex. For these temporary pleasures, it feels exciting while it’s happening, but once it’s over, the same pattern of meaninglessness sets in, and they’re left thinking, “When can I get the next high?”

Perhaps you will recognise this scene… Two old men are sitting on a bus. As the bus passes by the red-light district, one old man says to the other, “Aei, you today never go see chicken ah?” The other man raises an eyebrow… a spark in his wrinkled eyes, “Yes, yes, I will be going this afternoon!” The first old man smirks and says, “You never even bring your medicine, how to do?”

For some people, their lust is so strong that they borrow money from family and friends to visit prostitutes. You will see this pattern in addicts. Drug addicts, sex addicts, alcohol addicts. They’re always looking for the greater thrill and the next high, and that’s what sets their life on a downward spiral. They waste their time, energy, and money, instead of using it to build success.

For life to have zest, everyone needs that natural feeling of drive, anticipation, and excitement. When one does not know how to get it naturally, one may resort to vices to stimulate that sense of being fully alive, desperately trying to bring some meaning into life.  Some desires are unhealthy… If you can’t satisfy these wants, then the other way to happiness is to release them. Let go of that which you must have. Shakyamuni Buddha said, “Desire leads to suffering….” Suffering because you crave what you do not have.

Lord Richard Layard, a Professor from the London School of Economics, and a leading happiness researcher says, “Happiness is a balance between your expectations and your attainments. One way is to get what you want. The other is liking what you get.”

Many of our desires are misplaced. We think getting them will bring us happiness, but that is an illusion. These misplaced desires are nothing more than temporary pleasures. You don’t always have to satisfy your desires to be happy — some desires are unhealthy — you should release them instead. That is why Buddha recommends that you meditate upon your desires. When you slow down your thoughts and observe your desires, you can see whether they are healthy or unhealthy. You can think… “If I pursue this desire to the end, where will that take me in my life?” Unhealthy desires take you to your doom. Healthy desires bring you to paradise. Buddha says you must cut off unhealthy desires and pursue good desires — good habits, good goals, good wishes, and good things.

Finding Happiness Through Life Purpose

The people who feel good every day, without resorting to vices, have one mental characteristic in common. They have a dream, and they know what they want to achieve in life. This sense of purpose drives them; gives meaning to their existence. They have discovered their soul’s calling, and are living life to the fullest by following it. This is different from those who are ‘party animals’, “living life to the fullest” by drowning in deafening music, and shaking till the sun rises…. That’s living without care for tomorrow… very dangerous… you should be digging and hammering hard to secure your future.

If you want to find true meaning and happiness in life, then you’ve got to uncover your life’s purpose. Each of us has a unique destiny. A path made especially for you to walk on this journey through life. Follow it, and you arrive in paradise. Ignore it, and you continue to wander… wasting time and life itself. 

1. You need to know what you’re made of. Your talents, strengths, and abilities. 
2. Craft a vision for yourself, and visualize that dream in your mind. 
3. Work out a plan that sets your goals and decides what actions you must take to achieve them. 
4. Tell your closest friends about it, and commit yourself to taking five of the planned actions every day to build your dream.
5. Special Note: Use a To-Do Checklist to plan your actions. Choose the tasks you will complete the next day, the night before — while you are doing your day planning. Check tasks off as you complete them.

When you see that your actions are creating results, it will be a natural source of excitement and inspiration. Instead of spending time, energy, and money on vices, you invest it in creating an upward spiral of success. By releasing your desire for temporary pleasures, you kick your bad habit out the door. By choosing to live your purpose and answer your soul’s calling, you break free from the chains of monotony and find truth, meaning, and happiness in life.

Moral Philosophy

Life seems like a constant test of who we are becoming. Every challenge; every obstacle… built to test the limits of your soul. The choices you make shape your character and influence your destiny. Achieving our highest potential requires us to make the right choices. And the best way to make the right choices is to have clear conscience and morality guiding your actions. In developing morality, there are real traditional rules to follow, but the most important are those you set for yourself. The following ideas are guideposts for setting your own rules on how you choose to live your life.

The Golden Rule: Do Unto Others As You Would Have Others Do Unto You

Do you notice if you smile at someone, most likely they will smile back at you? If you pat someone on the back as if to say ‘hey buddy’, you will get many pats on your back too? This is a reciprocal world. You get what you give out. And as they say… Love begets Love, Hate begets Hate. So if you want the world to treat you better, treat it better first. Say more thank you(s), more good morning(s), pardon me(s), and I’m sorry(s). Pay back what you owe, open more doors for others, and help more old people cross the street. More importantly, always be polite, never hurt others, and always tell the truth. These are basic principles that never go out of style.

You can avoid much disaster by following the Golden Rule. I remember one night, I was sitting at an outdoor McDonalds in Singapore’s Orchard Road. When I hear the smack of a tray hitting the ground. Six metres away, two large-sized Caucasian men, corner a shorter, stout Hawaiian man. All three men are in their late 20’s. It seems like they failed to give way to one another at the door, so they bumped and the tray fell. I hear some insults, and they start to push each other. I count the pushes, 1.. 2.. 3.. and then they had a scuffle. Somehow, the Hawaiian man manages to grab hold of one Caucasian man’s neck, and swing him head first into the marble edge of the building! His forehead splits open, and the gash starts spurting blood. The other Caucasian man says, “Stop! Stop! Why are you trying to kill us, man?”

I can’t believe all this started over failing to give way at the door, and not apologising for the mistake. Instead, they chose to push and intimidate each other into a fight. So you see, whatever you give out, will come back to you, ten times stronger. “You push me, I’ll push you harder. You punch me, I’ll knock you out.” These men let their egos get in the way of a peaceful resolution. They could have simply apologised and offered to pay for each other’s meal?

As you know, this is not a rare case. Often, just staring at someone can start a fight. Or pushing someone out of a queue. Or snatching someone else’s parking space. Or tailgating. Or flashing your car’s high beam out of irritation. It’s sad when we let our anger get the better of us. As they say in Buddhist philosophy, anger is a form of hell. So are greed, envy, lust, and hate. All poison the heart and mind. Disrupting the inner peace that would make your life wonderful. So before you take an action you might regret, ask yourself, “Is this what I would like to bring into my life?” The moment you perform that action, you are giving permission for the Universe to take the effect, multiply it by ten, and return it to you. 

If you look down on someone, ten more people will look down on you. If you cheat $500 from an old woman, sometime down the road, you will lose $5000. Likewise, if you contribute $200 out of the goodness of your heart, $2000 will be available for you to earn back. Perhaps through your business or in a sudden lottery windfall. This is a Law of the Universe: Whatever you give out, will come back to you, ten times stronger. So perform the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. And you can expect life to treat you exactly the way you like it to.

The Measure Of A Man

Since the end of the Industrial Age, men have lacked proper male role models. Pampered by our cushy white-collar jobs, our hands have become soft and our will has turned to mush. We have become the proverbial ‘yes man’ of the corporate world – lacking a spine, slithering around with a knife behind our backs, looking for someone to stab so we can climb the snakes and ladders of financial success. Perhaps we think, “Maybe the girls will like me now that I have my cool new car and luxurious bachelor’s pad.”

Where are the real men of yesterday? The ones who worked hard all day till their muscles burned; the ones with blisters on their hands and calluses on their feet, the man that women swoon for at first sight? The answer is, “They’re all dead, Jim. All that’s left is us backstabbing, spineless, slithering yes-men.” 

The real men may be dead, but their lessons from the past, live on. Let’s learn from our forefathers, what it means to be a man’s man.

#1  A Man Must Be Bold

In Chinese philosophy, a man’s body composes mainly of Yang Qi – the essence of male energy, representing vigour and vitality. Yang is forceful, the aggressor, and symbolised by fire and heat. Women on the other hand, compose of Yin Qi, the cooling, receptive energy that surrounds everything. Yin is subtle, the receiver, and represented by flowing water.

Being a man, it is your duty to represent the essence of Yang Qi. There is no time for beating around the bush, being too shy to ask for what you want, or being unsure of yourself. You have to be bold; it is your duty to be bold. You are the Yang, the aggressor. If you want to know a woman, you have to make the approach. You can’t possibly wait for her to make the approach, she’s Yin. She’s the shy, receptive one who is waiting for you to approach her. Let her be the Yin, don’t try to reverse roles, and be the shy man who can’t even say ‘Hi’. I’ve never heard someone say, “Hah, he’s such a wuss for thinking she would even talk to him….” What you will usually hear is, “Wow man, you’ve got guts! I wish I could do that.”

Women are attracted to men who are not afraid to love them… someone they can lean on, a shoulder to cry on; boldness is a representation of that inner strength. You can define boldness as ‘the courage to act’, turning your fear into strength; accepting rejection and pain as a natural consequence of daring to achieve your dreams.

Boldness also applies to business and life in general. The British Special Air Service (SAS) has a famous motto: “Who Dares Wins”. If you’ve got the brains, the guts, and the tenacity, then chances are, success is yours. Listen to what German Philosopher, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe said, “Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.”

#2  A Man Must Live with Honour

Honour is a virtue of the Gentleman. Having honour means that you commit yourself to follow a specific set of moral guidelines. People trust an honourable person’s word as a guarantee of future moral performance. Nowadays, we sometimes use the word ‘Integrity’ to represent honour.

Learning to live with honour will make you more of a man than ten years of corporate snakes and ladders can. Your promise must be a solemn commitment that you will keep to, no matter what. Your word must be as good as gold, if not better.

Building an honourable reputation is no easy task. It means total commitment to upholding your integrity and living your life by defined moral principles. If you are successful, your good name will spread. People will recognise you as a trustworthy individual, whom they can count on to take care of the largest responsibilities, and entrust with the most confidential secrets. Taking on more responsibilities and secrets can raise your life to new levels of prosperity and plenty. But be warned… if you ever breach that trust by committing just one selfish or perverse act… what could take you a lifetime to establish, you can destroy overnight.

In the present Communication Age, good news travels fast, and bad news travels even faster. The only way to stop the bad news is to never allow it to be created. So mind your actions because people listen to what you say but watch what you do.

Place your hand over your heart and say… “Let my principles be my guiding light, distilled from my highest wisdom about what is right. Let my morals stand tall and true, let them choose the things I do.” Now touch your head and say… “So Be It!”

Make a difference today, put your foot down, and be bold about upholding your honour. Adhere to your principles. Never do anything that would compromise your integrity and the trust people have in you. In return for your efforts, you will create more flow in your life; opportunities will come faster and more abundantly. You will have the chance to live your life to its fullest potential and splendour. So be a man of honour, your life depends on it.

#3  A Man Must Be Magnanimous

Magnanimous means to have a generous, forgiving, and noble nature. Simply put, magnanimous people have big hearts. They are gracious and kind, philanthropic and benevolent. A magnanimous gentleman gives generously and expects nothing in return. He takes joy simply in seeing those around him happy. He is an intriguing conversationalist and tells jokes to make others laugh.

A man’s magnanimity does not allow him to easily take offence at the words and actions of others. Anything potentially offensive is simply seen for what it truly is… wind passing through the trees. Like bamboo, he will never break but only bend with the direction of the wind.

When you have mastered magnanimity, you will intuitively understand that there is a Law of Increasing Returns in the universe which states, “Whatever you give out will come back to you ten times stronger.” If you choose to let your greed get the better of you, manipulate others to your benefit, and refuse to help the needy, you can only expect poverty, hate, and disappointment to head your way. You reap what you sow; you get whatever you give out. This is a universal law.

A magnanimous man knows that helping others does not exhaust his resources, but rather because of the Law of Increasing Returns, it increases his resources tenfold, allowing him to do more good for the world. He knows that in helping others, he is also helping himself.

Develop the habit of solving other people’s problems and you become a more generative person. You produce and contribute more than the average guy, and thus earn more because you deliver more value to others.

Take little steps starting today, to make these characteristics a part of your character. Help someone in need, keep a promise, and dare to speak up. Challenge yourself to become a man’s man: Be Bold, Be Honourable, Be Magnanimous.

Controlling Your Thoughts To Control Your Life

Thought Control involves defining what you allow yourself to experience and receive influence from, so you will preserve the best mindset which allows you to achieve success. 

Have you ever felt stuck in life? Like a hamster running on a wheel, and you are not getting anywhere or achieving new results in your life? Many people cannot make breakthroughs in their lives because they are unable to adopt the mindset of a high achiever.

Let’s say a guy is a fresh graduate, who wants to be an entrepreneur who can make the big bucks roll in. But all he can think about is sex, drink, gamble, and smoke. What fills most of his days are office work, pubbing on weekdays, and clubbing on weekends. Now you tell me… with this routine, what are the chances he will become an entrepreneurial success?

My point is that to become the person you want to be, you have to break out of habitual living. Choose positive experiences which help you grow, rather than those which hold you back and waste your time. 

There are many evils in the world. You expose yourself to them, and they suck you in. Have you heard the saying, “One man’s meat is another man’s poison?” Well, there are many poisons disguised as meat! Many people eat it, and they look like they’re having fun. But you eat it, and suddenly, you’re hooked for life.

What would happen if you could avoid these poisons and control the shape of your mindset? Imagine what it would be like to have your mind on track and your success moving in the right direction. You’ll wake up in the morning with the peace of mind, drive, and energy to achieve your daily goals, which lead you to live the life you’ve always wanted.

Avoid The Dark Paths Of Life…

Have you ever seen people, who want you to look up to them, and they do that by bragging? They’ll tell you stories of all the wild and extreme experiences they’ve had. In fact, some may even invite you to join them, and taunt you if you decide not to. But I’m not going to pretend to be a tough guy and call you a wimp for saying ‘no’ to bad experiences. I’m here to help, and therefore I only tell you the truth – some experiences are better NOT experienced. Why? Because as Yoda said, “For once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny. Consume you it will… as it did with Obi-wan’s apprentice.”

What you’re about to learn, is the key to controlling your own thoughts and feelings. To master your destiny, you must first master your Self. As you read every word in this article, you commit yourself to practising these principles in your life. This simple action can help you avoid the dark path, and break through the mental barriers which hold you back from high achievement. 

First Pillar of Thought Control

“What You Expose Yourself To, Influences Your Mind”

Psychological studies have shown that when kids watch violent movies, they express more violence in their behaviour. This influence affects the subconscious mind; not to mention that children love to copy their favourite action heroes. When the action hero goes around blowing everyone’s guts out and strangling the enemy… children try to do the same. Now… you’re not a child; you’re an adult. But if you’re not careful what you expose yourself to, it will influence you on a subconscious level, and you will begin following that behaviour.

Your subconscious mind always says ‘yes’ to whatever your conscious mind tells it. If you tell yourself, “No, I’m not good-looking… my eyes are too small, my nose is too big, and my lips are like sausages.” Your subconscious mind will say, “Yes, that’s right.” If you tell yourself, “I’m gorgeous today, from head to toe, every bit of me is looking fine!” Your subconscious will still say, “Yes, that’s right.”

For a more practical example of unconscious influence, imagine a guy who watches pornography all day… he’s used to ogling at women’s sensitive areas. When he goes out in public, his eyes betray him. He sees a woman, and immediately his eyes lock onto her breasts. He’s not even aware of what he’s doing. The woman notices this and quickly walks away, only to warn her friend later of the pervert she met outside. Talk about unconscious sabotage.

Before you expose yourself to anything, ask yourself, “If I make this a habit, where will it lead me?” Anything you expose yourself to has the potential to become a habit — just repeat it a few times. That’s why you should focus on developing good habits, and refuse any experience which has the potential of turning into a bad habit. For example, refusing the first cigarette, refusing the third drink, refusing to visit the red-light district, and refusing to fly into rage. Sometimes, we have to learn to say ‘no’, for our own sake, for our parents’ sake, and for our future’s sake. 

Second Pillar of Thought Control 

“You Become Whatever You Think About”

Your brain has trillions of tiny cells called neurons. When you have a thought, one of these little neurons stretches out its dendrites and connects with another neuron. That’s how you have your sudden, “Aha!” If you keep thinking in a certain way, more and more of these cells will connect in the same way, and you’ll form a neural pathway. A neural pathway is the physical form of a thinking habit, which inclines you to think in a certain way. This may be good or bad, depending on what you’re thinking about most of the time! If you’ve been thinking mostly sad thoughts, you may become severely depressed. If you’ve been mentally murdering someone for half a day, the slightest irritation may cause you to hurt someone. Neural pathways are powerful and sensitive mechanisms. Learn to watch your thoughts, and you’ll build pathways to success. Let yourself indulge in wayward thinking, and you’ll bring forth a mindset from hell.

When you sense a negative thought — worry, anger, greed, lust, jealousy, hate, apathy (lack of emotion), self-pity, wistful yearning, or depression – tell yourself, “STOP! What will happen if I continue to feel this way?” And when you have the answer, ask yourself, “Now, will that help me or hurt me?” And if the answer is that it hurts you, then you can ask the next question: “So, what can I do about it?”

Try it yourself, right now. Pick a negative emotion, and remember a time when you could feel that strongly. Now, answer this question, “What will happen if you continue to feel this way?” Okay, tell me, “Now, will this help you or hurt you?” That’s right, “So, what can you do about it?”

If you decide not to follow the impulse of the emotion, then you have used this technique correctly. Use it any time you need to correct a negative emotion. 

Third Pillar of Thought Control 

T-F-A-R
“Thoughts evoke Feelings producing Action leading to Results”

You understand that whatever you expose yourself to, influences you. You also understand that what you think about, you become. This third pillar explains how your thoughts turn into reality.

Most people act out of emotion. They kill out of anger, they rape out of lust, and they rob out of desperation. It’s the emotions that motivate the actions. That’s why I’ve put an emphasis on minding your thoughts, so you can control the emotions which form. Have you heard the definition, “E-motion is Energy in Motion”? Imagine a choo choo train running down the tracks. Can you stop a train that is moving at high-speed without brakes? Not unless you’re Superman, right? Emotion is like that train. Its energy is in motion, already moving at high speed —difficult to stop. One way to slow down a moving train is to dump the coal so it has nothing to burn! Your thoughts are the coal. Each time you have a negative thought, you are feeding another lump of coal to the train headed for trouble. So what I recommend is learning how to meditate. Samatha Meditation is the point-focus style of meditation that teaches you how to drop your thoughts — similar to dumping the lumps of thought coal so that your emotional train calms down.

Thoughts evoke Feelings producing Action leading to Results. Once you have this formula, you can see how your thinking controls your life. And why you must deliberately control the types of experiences you expose yourself to, and the kinds of thoughts you indulge in, so your life can be beautiful. By practising the three principles of thought control daily, you can grow the ideal mindset to help you build your dreams and set you on an upward spiral of success.

Making Conscious Choices

I’m walking down the streets of Melbourne one day, and I see this 19-year-old guy sitting slumped against the wall. As I pass by he looks at me and asks, “Hey, have you got some spare change?” I look at him, and he looks like he’s been freezing in the cold. I wonder what life trauma could have forced him to put himself into this situation — freezing and begging in the cold?

This young man was still able-bodied and fit. He should have managed to find a job and secure a comfortable shelter somewhere. I sometimes fear that there are evil spirits who are upset with us, that cause us to suffer by controlling our human minds through ghost possession. The evil spirits make us make Hell choices rather than Heaven choices.

That young man had given up hope. The thought that runs through his mind is, “It’s no use, what I do doesn’t make a difference. There’s nothing to look forward to. So why bother even trying?” If you ever catch yourself thinking like that, realize that you’re losing hope. And you’ve reached a point in life where you can choose to make it go uphill or downhill. I believe if someone has two hands through which they can labour for their earnings then they should not lay still to beg, but believe in themselves — stand up and be strong — take action. For your decision to fight for your life is the key to succeeding.

To some people, life seems unfair. Like they’re struck with bad luck, and every day is a torturous day to survive and drag themselves through. They act in reckless ways because they seek instant gratification – they want an escape from the pain of their reality. They want to get rich now, so they gamble and then lose it all. They want to forget their worries, so they drink, get drunk, and get nowhere. They need a high, so they inject drugs, buy sex, and commit crimes, which lead to drug addiction, HIV, and imprisonment. So you can be broke, you can be drunk; you can lose your sanity, your health, and your freedom. All you have to do is make the choice. And how can you tell the difference between a good choice and a bad choice, especially when bad choices can seem so tempting and ‘filled with goodness’?

In life, good and evil can sometimes be contrasts created by our conscious judgment. Depending on which perspective you’re looking from, the boundaries between what is good and what is evil will blur. One country gladly sends its soldiers to war, ‘for the good of the nation’. But you witness the death, destruction, and suffering… and you can see the evil this ‘good’ causes. Ask a pimp, and he will tell you his work is an art form, passed from generation to generation. The women are happy to earn, and the men are happy customers. He argues that he is just supplying what the market demands. It’s what people will do naturally because it is human nature. And if abstinence were such a desired quality, then why were we made the way we are? Plus some of his sex workers need to support families and children back home and are only doing this because society has not given them a better way to earn as much money. So in his eyes, he probably sees his business as benefiting the general community.

What we label as right and wrong; good or bad depends on which side of the coin you’re looking from. Which environment are you in? Whose sides are you naturally forced to take because you are a part of that community – e.g. the US or Iraq; police or pimp? Even attackers think they’re attacking to defend the world from a greater evil. What we need to be aware of is that our point of view is strongly influenced by where we are brought up, our nationalistic loyalties, and the messages we receive. In some countries, sex is everywhere; in others, the place is so clean, it is taboo to even mention the word. But in both cases, the people living in either country will think that their way is the best way. People living in a sex-laden free society will think that the clean country is stuck up. While people living in the clean society will think the other is culturally infected and morally confused.

We would do better to make judgments based on independent observation rather than regurgitating what we are culturally or religiously told to think — judge for yourself, don’t just believe hearsay. There is a lot of lying in this world.

The secret to making positive choices is in knowing what’s good and what’s bad for you. Not what is right and wrong in the world, but what affects you positively or negatively over the long term. Will your choice help you to become the person you want to be? Or will it take you further away from that? You know yourself best; you know your strengths and weaknesses. We can judge our actions by their results; our choices by their consequences. Therefore always think through to the end result – the ultimate outcome when you make a decision. It’s easy to get lost in impulse when you lack the self-control to say, “Wait… where will this path lead me?” There are good and bad paths in life… they lead you to different places. Some people can enjoy heaven; others believed hell would satisfy them.

You have a choice. A choice to choose the path you will walk through life. Choose the Dark Path, and you end up on the dark side (for all you Star Wars fans). Choose the Light Path – the path of self-control, discipline, and delayed gratification – and you end up on the light side. Despite your preferences, it’s better to be in Heaven than in Hell. What’s important is that you know where the good places are and where the disaster situations are located, then make the correct decisions to get to the good places and the good life; avoid the bad places and the bad life.

In life, if you don’t play your cards right, you will end up in disaster. Everyone has a set amount of resources they start out in life with. You must make the most of what you have. It’s your choices that decide whether you succeed or you run out of resources or you run into trouble. The choices you make every day shape the outcomes of your life. Choose to get to Heaven and avoid falling into the traps of Hell. The good paths are not as wild and exciting as the bad paths. But if you are a good person, you will enjoy the long walk to Heaven.

Every one of us dreams of one day turning into the person we’ve been longing to become. We call this achieving personal greatness. It’s a dream and destiny only you can fulfil; a path made especially for you. But if we are unclear of what we want to be, or if the work we do is different from what we want to do, then we’d better start fixing fast, or we will not find fulfilment in this lifetime. So what can you do to uncover your vision, alter your direction, and align work with passion? The following articles lead the way….

If You Want To Be Young & Successful, Use Time Wisely

The days of lives are short. Sunrise follows sunset in what seems to be a blink of an eye. It makes me wonder… how many times can I blink my eyes before I die? And within this period, what would I have accomplished with my life? What would have been the outstanding achievements I could speak of and be remembered for?

The past is gone, and you have only your future to look forward to. Your plans for yourself, who you see yourself becoming… what you dream of doing and achieving. This is what you should work on consistently every day of your life. By keeping your focus on your long-term goal and working to achieve it every day, your success will come faster than you expect.

The Magic Of Dreaming Big

If you don’t dream big enough, you major in minor things. A sad fact of life is that people don’t live to achieve their fullest potential. Most of the time, the act of surviving consumes them. Earning enough to live a comfortable lifestyle takes up all their time. And in the end, they have yet to find meaning and fulfilment in their lives.

What’s wrong here? How is it that people who have a job, a steady income, and a comfortable lifestyle, can still find their lives lacking meaning and value? Shouldn’t they be happy because they have money coming in; they can buy and do what they want?

Realise that achieving a life of fulfilment and happiness is not just about making tons of money, enjoying luxuries, and having free time off… that’s only part of it. The other part is what many people miss: It’s about realising your life’s purpose and acting on it every day. This produces a passion that makes your life worth living. It frees your heart from the binds of meaningless routine work and gives you a brighter future to look forward to. Every day will be a new day, where you wake up and say, “This is a day to play!” And off you go, out to make tons of money and play the game of life. But this time, you sense your purpose and that’s why you are happy.

So how do you realize your purpose? How do you know what you can be?

Each of us is unique. Our personalities, desires, and life callings are different. I can’t tell you what your fullest potential is. The word ‘your’ implies that you must decide what fullest potential means to you – what is your soul’s calling? We all have innate potential or greatness that lies dormant within us… until we uncover it and nurture it. Note that I said ‘uncover’, not ‘discover’ because when you discover, it is something new and unknown. But when you uncover, it is realising potential that has always been there.

To release your potential, you’ve got to have an idea of what it is. You need to have the big picture of your life clearly imagined in your mind. This vision gives you a destination but doesn’t show you how to get there. That’s fine. We’ll draw our own road map later. Just being able to see this vision is already a major step to realising your life’s purpose. So how do you get a vision? There are a few methods, and I will suggest some that have worked for me. 

Ways to Get a Vision 

Personal Dreamtime

Take some time off, maybe in the evening or on the weekend for a comfortable moment of personal reflection. Play some soothing music – the kind that relaxes you and frees your mind. Sit or lie down, your choice.

While you relax, begin by remembering the past. Start when you were young. What were your childhood dreams? What had you always wanted to become? Remember that.

Now, progress through your life as it has unfolded until the present time. Noticing how your dreams have changed. While you do so, feel with your heart for the dream that most inspires you and fills you with wonder. As if you would say, “That’s wonderful or that’s awesome!” This dream is a potential calling.

Keep a Record

Memory distorts over time. But you can see your life objectively if you keep a record of it. This record is essential to becoming aware of the big picture of your life as it unfolds every day. Start a personal journal. Write down your thoughts before bedtime. Take note of what went well today, what you look forward to tomorrow, and what you wish to dream about tonight. By steadily collecting your innermost thoughts, you can track your progress through life, seeing if any significant changes have occurred and if so, for better or for worse?

Take photos of your friends, places you visit, yourself at your best, and so on. Photos bring back vivid memories and are accurate records of your life. If you use a digital camera, you might want to start a journal on your computer. Then you can add photos, videos, and audio to your journal. You can also print out your nicely formatted journal to share with friends, publish it on the Internet, or even transform it into a book memoir or autobiography.

Do a Numerological Analysis

Strangely, numerology is a good source of insight when it comes to realising your purpose in life. The calculations for birth path, destiny number, and name analysis may uncover for you a purpose you had cast aside, but deep in your heart, known all your life. You might find yourself saying, “Hey that’s true… interesting!”

Do a Personality Test

Take an MBTI test (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator). You can find free tests on the Internet. Then get this book: “The Millionaire Code – 16 Paths To Wealth Building”, by Paul B. Farrell. It lists each of the 16 MBTI personalities, and how each personality type has built wealth using their own unique characteristics. Check it out!

As you explore these methods, I suggest you keep a life purpose statement. This could simply be a section in your journal, or a file by itself. In it, write down and compile everything about your life’s purpose. Try writing out a vision statement. List out your top ten life goals, and create a long list of what you enjoy doing. Think about how you can make a living doing what you enjoy. Once a month, make it a point to review what you have written. As you look over these precious details, you will gain an overview of your desires and aspirations. Your life’s purpose will become clearer to you. But don’t stop there, keep collecting more insights. You can also add the readings from your personality test, your numerology test, and descriptions of what you see in your dreams. All will help to bring you greater clarity and vision in your life.

Once you have an idea of what your purpose and passion could be, start it now; even if it’s only in a small way… because experience is the greatest teacher. Your experience will tell you whether this is your life’s purpose. Does it ignite the passion in you? You need to try out your purpose and see if it fits! Think of a job you can volunteer for, or a special project you can start on your own. By starting it now, you are giving yourself the opportunity to experience living your purpose.

At the end of your life, you are going to look back on all that you’ve done. Your greatest achievements and your happiest moments. You want to be able to say, “Yes, I’ve lived a great life. I’m grateful for everything life has given me.” And to do that, you need to start now. Get that journal, do those tests, and write down those thoughts… because you’re getting older, and you need to uncover your purpose to live a happier, more fulfilling life.

Unlock Your Potential

Everyone is born with innate talent. Gifts from the heavens that you can develop and turn into profit. Unfortunately, many people’s talents get buried at a young age. Failing to blossom and bloom at its full potential.

I have a friend who loved drawing when young. His parents saw him drawing… and took away his pencil, saying that he would never make any money doing that. When he was older, he told his parents he wanted to learn cooking and be a chef. His parents said, “No, cooking can never make you rich. It’s a waste of money learning that.” They would not sponsor his culinary course. Then later, when he could not score well in school, his dad said, “You are stupid. Why can’t you be smarter like everyone else?”

It’s easy to crush inborn talent. All it takes is a simple “No”. I’m sure his parents want the best for him and are trying to mould him to be what they think society will pay for. But they do not realise that by stopping him from following his interests, they are preventing him from finding himself. Everyone must follow their own path. A road laid out especially for them. And when it comes a time when they see this glimmer of greatness within themselves, we should fully support them in aiming for their dreams. Follow your interests, and every day is full of fun and discovery. Otherwise, life can just seem bland and repetitive. And that’s the truth.

My friend tells me that for most of his childhood, he was unhappy. Unable to express himself, he became withdrawn. Retreating into his own mind and keeping to himself. He feels that he is not as good as others, who seem so confident being who they are…. He doesn’t see the greatness within himself.

We talk about his dream of pursuing the culinary arts and his love for drawing. I ask him, “Do you believe in yourself? If you take this path, will you put your heart and soul into making it a success? Because let me tell you… You can make money doing anything, as long as you are good enough at it.” I look at the lines of his hand, and it shows me he has a creative and imaginative mind. But there is a break in the line, meaning that early in life, the growth of his talent was cut off. “A pity…” I thought. “If only he had spent his younger years growing this ability. Today, he would really shine.”

Here is an important idea if you are planning your livelihood: Believe in your ability to succeed. Pursue your interests with the full force of a mighty warrior. Your interests in life are actually your past life experience helping you make money in this life. When you have a natural talent for something, you can grow it into a money-making opportunity. So don’t ignore your talents — find them and nurture them — grow your abilities to the point you can flourish cash by their usage. Then, you are truly a master of your craft. And may you always have money.

Money, Money, Come To Me!

I’m sitting in a taxi on the way to the hospital. The driver is an elderly man, with white hair all messed and uncombed. Halfway down the expressway, he points to the fare meter and says, “Wah… $3.80! Not good value to take a cab now hor… can buy a packet of chicken rice already.” I smile and nod my head. It reminds me of the days when I was a little boy, $10 seemed like much money — I could buy ten ice creams or sixteen chicken wings. As the cabby drops me off at the hospital, I pass him a fare of $11.50 and say, “Here Uncle, this can buy three packets of chicken rice.” He laughs.

I have a friend, who has to support her family using her monthly pay cheque. After minusing family expenses and personal purchases, she says she can save $50 a month. She and her boyfriend want to marry. But with a new flat costing about three hundred thousand dollars and the added price of a wedding, they can’t afford to start anytime soon. Now… I’m no financial guru, but I do know what it takes to escape this fix.

What does it take to get rich? What must you do to put more money into your pocket, more food on the table, and live a better quality of life? The more you earn, the more you spend. There are so many wonderful items to own. Some people spend whatever they earn, so they have much stuff, but no money left at the end of the month. So their only choice is to go back to work. They need their job to pay their expenses, and that’s why they put up with it, even though they don’t like it.

The method to break out of this earning-spending cycle is simple. But to do it requires much discipline. That’s why rich people are those who are smart, persistent, and disciplined. Smart enough to know what to do to make cash, persistent enough to work at it till it succeeds, and disciplined enough not to splurge all the money on luxuries. Cash is king. You make it, you keep it, and you use it to create a new stream of income. For example, a businessperson makes $15,000 from a business deal. Instead of spending it, he uses the money as down payment for a $300,000 apartment in Melbourne, which is worth $600,000 (seller in distress). He rents out the 5-bedroom apartment for $3,000 a month. The bank gives him a loan of $285,000 ($300K-$15K), and the interest on that loan is 6% a year ($1425/mth). Using the rental income of $3,000 to pay off the monthly interest of $1,425, he has a positive cashflow of $1,575! That’s $1,575 dollars every month, without having to work for it. Plus, he still owns the apartment, which appreciates, and he can sell it for more money next time. The only money he put in, was the first 15K. His monthly profit of $1,575, will make back the $15,000 in nine and a half months, and he will own the apartment for free (using the bank’s money)!

If you are not money smart, would you have known what to do with the 15K? If you had no discipline, would you spend the money on something else, like modifying your car or remodelling your kitchen? If you had no patience, could you wait nine months to break even? Yes, there are many techniques to make money grow like a snowball rolling down a hill, but to successfully use them requires you to be smart, persistent, and disciplined. If you spend whatever you have, you will never accumulate enough to make even the smallest investment, and worse, you wouldn’t even be able to start up a small business.

There are two ways of transacting. One is buying, the other is selling. Everyone knows how to buy. But few people know how to sell. When you have a job, you are selling your skill and labour by the hour. But you can’t make much that way because there is only one you, and you have a fixed salary. If you want to make tons of money, you’ve got to think MULTIPLY. How can you multiply your effort so you can sell it many times over?

Let me give you a simple example. I used to be a magician doing children’s magic shows. The magician has many secret moves and magic theory all locked up in his head, which he uses to wow the audience during a performance. But unless he has the finances to build huge illusions and buy Persian tigers, he will always remain a small-time children’s magician. His product (children’s magic shows) and his time ($350/hour) limit his earnings. He needs to multiply himself so he can make more money. Here’s an easy way: First, he turns his magic knowledge into a video product (a five-tape set) he sells over the Internet for $350. Second, he sets up a magic school in his city, conducting magic classes for 30 students at a time, each paying $1000 for a six-day workshop (five-tape set worth $350 included).

Let’s say he did his Internet Marketing well, and his tape sets are selling at three a day. That’s $1050 a day! Three times more than he could earn doing a regular magic show. In a month, just Internet sales alone would net him $31,500 — that’s more than some CEOs earn. Now he conducts only one workshop a month. But that makes another $30,000 ($1000 x 30 people)! So his total gross income is $61,500! Even if he did one $350 magic show three times a week, that would only earn him $4,200 a month ($350 x 12 shows). Fourteen times less than he could earn if he multiplied himself by creating a product and running a training business.

So once he makes his $60,000 a month, what’s he supposed to do? Spend it all? No! He must use his money to buy cash-generating assets, so he doesn’t have to keep working! He can use his one month’s 60K earnings as down payment for a $570,000 prime-district landed property ($510,000 mortgage, 6% interest = $2,550/mth). He can rent it out for 6K, and will break even in one and a half years, with $3,450 positive cash flow per month ($6,000 rental income – $2,550 loan interest). You see… it takes $60,000 dollars which you have to work hard for, to produce a monthly residual income of $3,450, which you do not have to work for. That’s a great difference. Your money shrinks to 5.75% of what it used to be (60K into 3.45K). So if you want to create a residual income of $10,000 a month, using property as your investment vehicle, you need to pump in $173,913 dollars of your own hard-earned money! And it’s going to be difficult to accumulate that amount if you rely on a fixed salary.

I hear someone saying, “But Lance, I have no magical talent, no financial skill, and no business experience. What can I do?” Well, I say, if you continue to be like that… you’re a sitting duck. But it’s good that you realize your situation because being aware is the first step to making a change. As babies, everyone starts with a clean slate — an empty brain. How you think depends on what information you put in there.

“But Lance, I come from a poor family. I don’t have the money and resources to learn all these things.” Well, go to the library. The library is free, isn’t it? I used to be a librarian in my school days. And there are tons of life-changing knowledge and moneymaking ideas to discover at the library. With the Dewey Decimal System, all knowledge is at your fingertips, anything you want to know, it’s all there.

“But Lance, reading puts me to sleep. I become drowsy after the first three pages…” My friend, there are so many good books on making money that it’s a shame not to read at least some of them. You could become rich by applying a handful of these great ideas. Without these new ideas, you won’t know what you should be doing to make more money. Really, a good book is a good teacher. And… no one in life really tells us how to make tons of money… but… a good book will tell you!

“But Lance… but… but… but….” No more ‘buts’! Read and Prosper, my friend. Reading makes you smart, and the written word is still the most accessible form of transferring information and ideas. Put those ideas into action and watch the miracle of knowledge transform your life. 

In a life coaching session:

“So Victor, have you been keeping up with your success reading?”

“Yes, Lance. I’ve been doing lots of reading and it’s really enlightened me.” 

“Wow! What titles have you read?”

“I just finished The Da Vinci Code, Digital Fortress, and I just completed Angels & Demons last week!”

“What! Those are fiction titles… You’re supposed to be reading NON-FICTION success and wealth creation.”

“Oh… I just found them too boring, so I decided to read something more exciting.”

“Victor, buddy, isn’t it EXCITING to grasp the secret formulas for WINNING? Focusing on learning the secret formulas of wealth can put food on the table. Novels are a wonderful source of entertainment, and Dan Brown is a great writer, but you need to focus your reading if you want to build a moneymaking mind. You need to discern what you choose to read based on your goals and outcomes. Always ask yourself, ‘Is this quality information I can use?’ And if yes, then read it. Flip through the book if you have to — see if the author’s ideas give you an ‘ah-hah’. Your reading time is your chance to gather valuable ideas and techniques you can use in your life and business. Use it wisely.” 

“Oh, okay…” 

An entrepreneur is someone who solves other people’s problems at a profit. Solve more problems, for more people, and you make more money. Don’t only sell your personal labour; sell a product or a service. Don’t wash cars by hand, build a car wash. Let the machine do the work — multiply your effort. Don’t only do time-for-money magic shows; multiply and leverage yourself through products and business. Don’t limit yourself to driving a taxi. Start your own delivery or courier company; get your cabby friends to join your team. Roll your hard-earned money into stable investments like property and franchises, which create a monthly stream of work-free money. And if you don’t know how to ‘multiply’ yet, do a search at the library. Here are a few keywords: business system, start-up, licensing; leverage, cashflow, get rich, and millionaire.

P.S. If you are starting from zero and have to make money from nothing, consider reading our fundamentals of making money article on my Magic Cross website: How To Make Money In Life??

Formula For Success

Recently I had someone ask me whether there is any greater meaning in this world beyond just making money and living the high life. She said it seems the whole culture is just obsessed with becoming rich. And nobody really cares what we’re here for or whether there is meaning in this existence.

Here’s a little event that set me thinking: While I was in Borders bookstore, an old man sat down beside me and began to talk. He had kind eyes – a very dignified old man. Looking at him, I recognized a friend, even though we had never met. Norman shares with me some of his life experiences and I began to understand how a man of his age might see the world. Then I ask, “Norman, do you think that… at your age, you have achieved your purpose in life?” 

“Well,” he replies. “My life is in God’s hands… I go where he takes me. But I can tell you this: The world today is too materialistic… no good… no good at all.” Then he goes silent, as if in some sort of deep thought. His words echo in my mind. This is from someone who has lived seven decades more than I. So it really makes me wonder what we should value in life and where we should channel our energies.

What’s My Chance Of Becoming Rich & Sexy?

Out of the entire world’s population, most of us will never live the high life — having sex on aeroplanes and flirting on yachts and poolside mansions. That is reserved for the top 1% of the rich and wealthy – about 80 million people. Let’s not forget that the world has approximately 8 billion people, so there are another 7.9 billion who form our middle and lower class. Economists have discovered a problem: The rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer, creating greater disparity between the haves and have-nots. While you are savouring appetisers at a hotel buffet, other people across the ocean are scraping strands of meat off leftover bones to fry for a meal. World Bank reports show that many people do not have enough money to ensure a comfortable retirement, and that there aren’t enough funds stored in pension plans to cater for the ageing baby-boomers.

In China, social trends like ageing population, longer lifespan, and the one-child policy, predict disaster: Soon China will have fewer and fewer adults supporting more and more old people. Everyone will be clamouring to earn as much money as they can to pay for hospitals, daycare, medication, treatments and more. The population is desperate to build wealth. The frustration is incredible – on one hand, they want to live the good life; on the other, their financial responsibilities are heavy, so they are denied the ideal lifestyle. This trend exists not only in China, but many first-world countries with ageing populations. So perhaps now it makes sense why everyone is obsessed with becoming rich.

So it looks like most of us will never get to see the yacht and mansion lifestyle of the rich and famous. However, we better wake up and look at hard reality. This world is a survival jungle!

When we awaken to the harsh reality of ‘earning a living’ and ‘working to survive’, then we see money as our only buffer against the pain of poverty – the key to having all that we want, the way to the luxuries and experiences which will bring us joy and contentment.

Without enough money, it feels like we are being denied all the nourishment and joy which was promised. So like mad dogs we enter the rat race, studying for 16 years then rushing out to the working world where we spend another 40 years climbing the corporate ladder while raising a family at the same time. The whole world does this – every single person fortunate enough to go to school.

But you know what? If you are not born into riches and you don’t follow this routine to enter the rat race and scrape a living… You will die of poverty! And there is a fate worse than death… it’s called suffering! You need money! I’m not kidding you! No money equals a fate worse than death — suffering.

I Had Trouble Surviving As A Mental Patient…

When I was a mental patient for several years… I had no income. No one would hire me… I couldn’t work my mind around how to start a successful business. All I could do was to buy my meals — eat, sleep, and have a bit of a walk every day. For fun, I would hang out with my mental patient friends and together we would go and sing ‘mental karaoke’. Albeit it did not sound very good — screaming and off-key — but nonetheless, it was full of laughter.

Do you know what it’s like to be unable to get your mind and emotions up to speed so that you can enter the working world? Do you know what it’s like to be so stigmatised by society that people are afraid to hire you for work? It sucks. I see my bank savings shrinking every month… and I am unable to cover my expenses… even though I am in my thirties. I see other people flying high in their careers — Bank Manager, Director, CEO… I’m just a mental patient. Shucks! They’re earning big bucks, while I’m spending all my savings! I’m just a loser while people are winners! I can’t get society to accept me for a paying career! The boss is afraid I will serve stools with the soup!

The Difference Between You And Them…

The people with high-flying careers aren’t that much smarter than you are… you know? The thing is… they have all their mental faculties functioning perfectly for them. They are operating on high intelligence, doing things by the correct technique and methods, and… they are highly blessed. What many mental patients have… are mental impairments, doing haphazard rubbish, and having a run of bad luck. How can you be a millionaire like that? What bikini babes and poolside mansion lifestyle are you seeking as a mental patient? The highest high you get is masturbating in the mental ward.

How Did You Make It, Lance?

I was not poor all my life… I did make it in the end. How I made it, was by starting my own self-employed business. Why I made it, despite my mental illness diagnosis… was because I wasn’t crazy at all. It was a misdiagnosis! I was talking to voices in my head… and the mental doctors diagnosed it as schizophrenia or auditory hallucinations. They pumped me full of medications which slowed down my mind and gave me poor mental performance, in an effort to stop hearing the voices. However, despite all this medical treatment, I succeeded as a spirit medium. Can you see why? It’s because I was talking to spirits! The voices were actually real spirits talking to me! This ability to hear voices is known as clairaudience or spiritual hearing! So without being able to convince the hospital… I took mental medications for 10 years. So, how I made it, was because my mental faculties were actually intact and superhuman. I could actually make it in life because I was ingenious, psychic, and highly blessed by my Gods! I made my own job: Mystic Angel Reader of Magic Cross.

So, you need at least 4 things: Be very smart, learn the correct techniques, and get highly blessed. Then… work hard. If you can follow this formula, you can climb high in the corporate world. Even if you start your own business, you should be able to make a comfortable living. Finally, make a lot of powerful and good friends. Their advice and help can boost you to the epitomes of success.

Happiness Secret

This article is for people who have enough money to live life but are not finding enough happiness in their daily pursuits. Their lives lack meaning and enjoyment. And they drag themselves through their home or work life without much joy. 

This article will teach you a system of planning your daily activities so that you can choose happiness daily. It will give you that psychological insight to find happiness through your activities and actions. It is based on the study of Positive Psychology — a new psychological field that prioritises researching the knowledge of happiness and well-being. 

Are you ready to begin? Can I make you the happiest person on Earth? Okay, let’s go into a short in-depth study on what gives us happiness.

According to Martin P. Seligman, Professor of Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, there are three kinds of happiness: Meaning, Pleasures, and Strengths. 

Meaning is the happiness you get when something you do is meaningful to you because you treasure the outcome or achievement. 

Pleasure is the happiness you get when something you do is physically enjoyable or pleasurable to your senses.

Strengths is the happiness you get by fully engaging your physical, mental, emotional, spiritual powers to accomplish a task.

Happiness usually comes as a combination of Meaning, Pleasures, and Strengths. And the more meaning, pleasure, and strength you can find in doing something — the more happy you’ll be. 

I’ll give you some examples of what it means to be engaging in meaning, pleasures, and strengths.

Firstly, bringing up your children is a highly meaningful activity. Many parents would say it’s a real sacrifice. But the happiness you get from watching your children grow up and talk to you is a true heart and mind joy.

Helping a friend in need is also an activity which may be difficult but is highly meaningful to do. Because these are your true friends who would have eternal gratitude for you coming to save them once in their lifetime. 

Secondly, for pleasure — eating is pleasurable. So is listening to music. And even watching a movie. These are delights for the tongue, ear, and sight — eating, music, and movies. Thinking about it, aromatherapy and massage are delights for your smelling and feeling senses. 

Thirdly, you could get happiness from using your strengths. Something like cooking a delicious meal for your family. In my case, writing to help people find happiness. Running to keep your body fit. Even researching a cure for cancer. As long as its an activity that uses your skill and concentration, you can find happiness from engaging it. 

Fourthly, sometimes happiness comes as a combination of meaning, pleasures, and strengths. For example, reading by the poolside is both pleasurable and utilises your learning strength. A goal to climb Mount Everest is both highly meaningful to know you are a Summit Champion and it uses your planning, climbing, and survival strengths. Plus, maybe you enjoy the ice mountain scenery.

So if you can do things that are all at once meaningful, pleasurable, and that utilises your strengths, you will find ultimate happiness in your endeavours. 

That is the secret to happiness. Choose a meaningful goal, then do things which are both pleasurable and uses your strengths to achieve it. Let’s go back to cooking. Your goal is to prepare delicious meals for your family. You enrol in cooking school which trains your cooking strengths. Then you enjoy eating the food you prepare for your family, which is highly pleasureable. You see, you have satisfied all three requirements for meaning, pleasure, and strength — a true happiness activity — going to cooking school to learn to cook for your family. 

Try another one. You are an entrepreneur with a business teaching people about the Internet. Your goal is to give Internet literacy to everyone so the world can advance. You enjoy the challenge of managing the business, doing the marketing, teaching the classes. You find pleasure in delighting the students with new internet tricks like giving your children a new software toy to play with. You see, your business is your meaning, pleasure, and strength. 

Try one more. You are a preschool teacher trained in Early Childhood Education. Your goal is to nurture children’s minds and help them learn all things. You find pleasure in playing with the kids, watching them smile and laugh. The job fully utilises your strengths to plan and organise fun lessons for children. You have meaning, pleasure, and strength. You have truly found a happiness job. 

So you see, that is where happiness is. In the engagement of your meaning, pleasure, and strengths. So think about it… what things are you doing in your life which are all at once meaningful, pleasurable, and strength-utilising?

The best answer is… to find happiness, do good work. Having good work to do is how God intends for people to pass their time. Doing good work is all at once meaningful, pleasurable, and strength-utilising. Being work aversive, is the way to drop into depression. Being engaged in your work, is the way to true happiness. God wants you to be happy. So train up in the skills of your choice, then do good work to enjoy a life of ultimate happiness. Look at the examples above, you’ll see that people are doing work to enjoy themselves. God designed work to be your play. Amen.

Read the related article: How To Achieve Your Dreams

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Find Truth, Meaning, And Happiness In Life With Lance Ong’s Life Coaching

How To Achieve Your Dreams

You want to achieve success in life and be a maverick, but you slack and slobber – you can’t get yourself to do anything. Maybe it was the low feeling after sex with that hot prostitute last night… or was it drowning yourself in alcohol… you just can’t get yourself to achieve success.

“I have so many things to do…. So many things I want to accomplish…. But I can’t get myself to begin!”

How does a person accomplish so much in life? How do they become so productive like a superman or supergirl?

If you’d like to learn Lance Ong’s technique of being productive, read on!

A. Use Lists (according to David Allen: ‘Getting Things Done’ Book)

You need to capture all the ideas of tasks you want to accomplish in To-Do lists. Just use a handphone application for this like Apple Reminders or write up your plan in Apple Notes.

For example, a dream to design a small business:

1. Visit the library, look at business books.
2. Dream a big vision for my life.
3. Design a business that supports my dream.
4. Think and draw up my business plan.
5. Discuss with a friend for their opinion.
6. Write a formal business plan.
7. See a logo designer for my business brand.
8. Register at the corporations registry to officially own a business.

And much more…

When you want to achieve a goal, you need to think of the steps you need to do to achieve each milestone. A big dream has many steps and multiple milestones to achieve one big goal. So these 8 steps we planned to design a small business lead to the first milestone – completing the business plan and registering the business entity. Your business still has to complete many more milestones before it succeeds at making money. So just listing out the steps of what you need to do in order to achieve the goal, is the key to getting your dream achieved. In other words, don’t keep all your plans in your head. List out the steps and think on paper. That is the key to success.

How To Get Each Step Done?

Each step of your plan is a task. When the task seems daunting, there is inertia to getting the work done. What you need to do is know how to get started.

B. The secret to getting started on any task is to gather the materials required for the task and display it in front of you. 

The moment you look at your arranged materials, the motivation to start on your task will come as the universe sees it and wants to play the game with you. 

If you put cleaning materials in front of you, the universe will be motivated to play the home cleaning game with you.

If you pull your foods out of the refrigerator, the universe will want to play the cooking game with you.

If you open your word processing software and outliner software on your computer, the universe will want to play the writing game with you.

If you pull out your repair tools, the universe will want to play the home fixing game with you.

So to start any task, just gather your materials and display it in front of you. Suddenly, the motivation to start will come as the universe wants to play a game with you. This is God’s universal secret for getting things done.

So let’s combine this with our dream to design a small business. How do we get started? Well, let’s focus on the first task: visit the library and look at business books. If you can’t get started on that, you just need to start gathering your materials. Pack your bag… you need your pen and notebook, maybe your iPad or laptop, then your water bottle and an umbrella. Then change your clothes to look like a library visitor. Grab your car key… and the universe will kick in to play the ‘research my business idea at the library’ game with you.

The same thing with all the other steps to achieve your business dream. Just start by casually gathering what you need to start your task, display it in front of you, and the game will begin. 

What can you do if you know this secret of achieving goals? For one, you become successful! You can build a system that makes money! You can feed your family! You can get more done and be the most productive person you know. You can make your dreams come true….

The universe wants to let you play your way to success. So every day, plan your action steps to achieve your goals – it’s like listing out the mini-games you will play in your life to build success. 

Got it? Life is very fun when you use this method to build your dreams.

Sincerely,
Lance Ong
Life Coach

Experience transformational life coaching with Lance Ong.

Read this related article on Magic Cross: Life Is A Game

How To Have A Beautiful Life In A Mad Dash Society

When you go out, look at the people around you. Don’t they look like they’re in a hurry to get somewhere? When you ask your friends out for a gathering, do you often get, “Sorry, I’ve got an appointment, or I’ve got a meeting on that day”? Many people are chronically busy nowadays. They all have the compulsion to be successful as fast as possible. And to achieve that, they figure they have to compress five years of work into one, by moving five times faster! So they rush — developing a hard-nosed edge, sacrificing personal time and relationships, to get as much done as they can. But despite their earnest and wholehearted attempt to be successful, they often waste their effort because they lose their sense of direction — focusing on the trees, but failing to notice the forest — they end up running in circles. If you don’t occasionally stop running and look up at the stars, how will you know which way is North? In real terms, this means you have to set some time every day to stop and reflect. 

· What do I value in life?

· What does success mean to me?

· Has what I’ve done today brought me closer to my life’s goal?

· How do I get from where I am, to where I want to be?

Yes, these questions require you to think deeply; do some soul-searching. But when you have the answers, your mind will be clear. It’s like driving a car with a clean windscreen… you can see where you’re going! I suggest you clean your windscreen every night by taking time to reflect. That way, your VISION will be as sharp as can be. Everyone needs a Vision – that vivid mental image of what you’d like to Be, Do, and Have in life. Without it, we can’t see which way we’re headed. And the only way to develop it is to pause, reflect, think deeply, and search your soul. 

The Love of Having

Have you heard of Retail Therapy? Women love it. It’s the idea that you can go shopping, buy something you like, and it will make you feel good about yourself. In the Be-Do-Have Manifestation Model, buying stuff is obviously in the HAVING stage. People subconsciously feel that having more stuff, will make them become who they want to be (Have > Be). But the better sequence is… Being who you want to be, and doing what such a person does, will lead you to having what such a person has (Be > Do > Have).

Many people are using the Retail Therapy Model to feel successful. They scamper to earn as much money as they can, then they splurge it on a lavish lifestyle – fast car, high-class dining, luxurious apartment, hot nightspots, and exotic travelling. All these luxuries and status symbols are supposed to help them BE somebody… But unless they already know who they are on the inside, they often just end up wasting their hard-earned money. Luxury rich, but cash poor. These people have spent all their money on the toys. They cannot get rich because they have none left over to invest. And this is the formula for wealth: You must use the money you accumulate to buy assets that produce passive income if you are to build wealth and achieve financial freedom.

As we rush through our day, making money and spending lavishly, in a race to be successful, perhaps we can realize that all it takes… is one diagnosis of a critical illness, one lawsuit that bankrupts you, or the death of a loved one, to shift your values in life. Suddenly the stuff you have isn’t important anymore… You’d gladly give it all away to get back your health, to shelter your family, or to share more time with your loved one.

All a dying man wants is to be well again. All a homeless man wants is good food and a warm place to sleep at night. And all a grieving man wants, is to have spent more time with his loved ones. Don’t let this happen to you. Slow down, pause, and reflect. Figure out what’s important to you in life. Then spend more time doing what’s important, rather than following the masses – being busy every day; chasing an imaginary shopping list of what it takes to be successful. Remember… better to walk swiftly in the right direction, than to dash madly all over the place.

Competing With Others

Something about the frantic pace of today’s society… people are always trying to get ahead of one another. You can hear them say, “Outdo the other guy; be better than them… this is a dog-eat-dog world.” Some people feel that they have to prove themselves to the world. To show that they have what it takes to be great. Only then can they feel good about themselves. So they work doubly hard, constantly comparing their success to that of others. “I can run faster than you, I’m more capable, more knowledgeable, richer, better-looking, and even my dog is cuter than yours…” But have you heard the Chinese saying, “With every mountain crossed, a higher mountain awaits”? If you believe you have to beat others to achieve success, then your opponents are just going to get bigger, badder, and meaner. On the flip side, if you believe you have to cooperate to achieve success, your friends will get bigger, stronger, and more capable. It’ll be like standing on the shoulders of giants.

Let’s be realistic here: nobody ever built an empire by themself. They relied heavily on the strength and support of others. Just like the Pyramids of Egypt, The Great Wall of China, and the City of Rome. In fact, much of it they built using slave labour – people who did not even believe in what they were building. Do you know how many people died building these monolithic structures? They chained people up, whipped them around, and tortured them for not obeying. Can you imagine doing that to someone in today’s modern society? Perhaps not, but let me tell you… people are still practising this behaviour. Modern-day corporate bureaucracy is a kinder form of slave labour – whips and chains are replaced with wages and contracts. There’s still a part of us that seeks to dominate others. It’s in our genes.

Survival and reproduction instinct urges us to outdo others — be stronger, smarter, and richer, so we can have a higher chance of mating and passing on our genes. This is a core motivation for all the fake accent, conversation monopolising, jargon-spouting behaviour you see at cocktail parties. Everyone’s trying to raise their social status by appearing cultured, refined, and polished. In the Stone Age human days, the guy with the highest social status was the one with the biggest club and the largest muscles. But the battlefield today has changed…. Wooden clubs are replaced with metal cars. Flexing muscles has been replaced with displaying intelligence. But you know what has not changed? Everyone is still trying to prove that they are better than the next guy! You can’t escape it; it’s in your blood. So perhaps you can say that your biology is not up-to-date. Your body is still running those old programs which say, “Put them in their place! Show them who’s Boss! You’re the Man! You Go Girl!” But what we need is more cooperation and less confrontation.

To climb high and stand tall in today’s world, you need to overcome your biological instinct to compete, and instead, seek harmony with others, which gives you the opportunity to cooperate. Learn how to make friends out of enemies; see the good in others, and win people to your side. The soft approach is the new alternative to that old caveman violence which no longer produces results. Nowadays you try to dominate others through force, and soon you’ll see these red-blue flashing lights and dark blue officers arrive on the scene.

You have to decide how you choose to treat others – with respect, trust, and integrity? Or with disrespect, suspicion, and deceit? This is not to say that you should blindly trust everyone…. Always practice good judgment of character. Learn to read people. See past the surface and unveil the personality within. Honestly, I believe it helps to learn the Chinese Art of Face Reading – 面相 miàn xiàng. I’m a practising face reader myself, and till today, I’m still surprised with the accuracy of this ancient skill. People with certain attitudes and behaviours, do grow to look a certain way… it’s strange. In the story of Pinnochio, whenever he tells a lie, his nose grows longer. In Chinese Face Reading or 面相 miàn xiàng, you can spot a liar through his zigzag nose, distorted lips, and crooked teeth. I have seen people with one or more of these characteristics, and over time I’ve watched their actions… they do lie a lot. You can also spot people who are mischievous, people with sexual promiscuities, and people who are dangerous (murderous intent). My point is… do not blindly trust everyone, but judge who you consider trustworthy. And once you find good people, treat them with respect, honour, and integrity because people can smell when you don’t trust them. There’s a Chinese saying, “笑里藏刀 xiào lî cáng dāo” – meaning, ‘hiding a dagger behind a smile’. You don’t want people to think that’s what you are trying to do. So be congruent in the way you treat others. Don’t pretend to be gracious when meeting face-to-face, but when backs are turned, call them the enemy or the son of a dog. Even if words do not hurt, it still reflects poorly one’s character.

Rise to the top through cooperation and strategic partnerships. Learn to read who you can trust and who you can’t. Be congruent in the way you treat others. And most importantly, overcome the inflated idea of self-importance. You don’t want to be demonstrating your high culture and refined-ness at a cocktail party in front of 20 hot women, but when backs are turned… people say, “This guy’s idea of oral sex is bragging about himself.”

We must conquer our ego and know when to toot our own horn at the right time, but not all the time! Be humble most of the time and tell people the amazing things which are true about yourself. Do not lie.

Look to others as role models and guiding posts, but do not become infatuated with being better than others. A more positive gauge would be to aim to be better than you are now – compete with yourself. And that is how you can get ahead without stepping on anyone’s toes.

Cleaning For Success

When you’re bored or have excess energy and you don’t feel like sitting still, you should clean the house. Housework is one of the best forms of therapy available. If you’re an office worker, you’ve already spent the whole day stuck to your chair, flexing your brain and while your body goes idle. When people get home, most of them slump into their couch and turn on their TV. Much of the time, it’s not their body that’s tired, but their mind. Isn’t it silly to tax your eyeballs with TV when you’ve already spent your whole day staring at your computer screen?

This is unhealthy.

You should do the opposite and activate your body while relaxing your mind. Housework is the perfect activity because it doesn’t take much brain power and it exercises all major muscle groups in your body. Let’s compare this with sport because I know there are people who would rather play squash than clean the house. In any ball game, the objective is clear. You’ve got to score a point. In housework, the objective is also clear – you’ve got to make the area clean and organized. In sport, the motions are repetitive, like running, bouncing the ball, or teeing off in golf. In housework, the motions are also repetitive – scrubbing, sweeping, folding, spraying, wiping.

In many ways, housework is just like sport. But better because you get to savour the results of a sparkling clean and efficiently organised home. Old people know that housework is great for relaxation. You see them pruning their gardens, painting their fences, and tidying up the place – always with a smile on their face.

A clean house will sustain a healthier body and lifestyle. Get your black belt in killing germs, dust mites, fungus, mould, and mildew. Steam-vacuum your floors and carpets, scrub your toilet bowl, sink, and shower; rinse the dust mites from your sheets and curtains. Did you know that ringworms can live inside your socks? Kill the bastards before they give you this:

[ Don’t sleep on your socks. ]

When your home is neat and beautiful, you can be proud to entertain your friends and relatives there. Show them that there is a civilised person living in this house. They would surely be impressed by your fastidiousness. And if you ever have to entertain a business client at home, the cleanliness and organization says something about you. Plus if you are single, the first thing your potential partner will notice is whether you live in a dump or a residence.

“But I have a maid…”

Stop letting your maid have all the fun…. Even if you’re not doing the sweeping or scrubbing, take an active interest in organising your living area. Arrange your items and set things up to suit yourself. Toss out old clutter which is cramping your space. Surely your maid can’t decide what to throw out. By removing useless stuff and organising useful stuff in a clever way, you make items easier to access and your increased speed makes you more productive.

Here are three easy and powerful de-cluttering tips:

• Take an empty plastic bag and fill it up with junk you don’t use or need anymore. Throw out or give away one bag a day.
• Dig into your cupboards and wardrobes for all the clutter that is hidden out of sight. Because we can’t see it, we don’t notice its existence. But it’s there taking up space and blocking the way for storage of useful items.
• Reduce the amount of stuff you buy. Economic and scientific research has shown that we don’t use a lot of the items we own. And in Buddhist philosophy there is a saying that less possessions is best because more possessions results in more items to mind, more worries and things to take care of. Then it would be the case of the possessions possessing the owner rather than the other way around.

May I add that doing housework is good character training and will create a disciplined mind.

Clean for Success and win the battle for your life.

If You Want To Be Happy, Remember To Sense The Flowers

I like to walk slowly. And it’s okay to walk at a relaxed pace. As long as you know where you’re going, sooner or later, you’re going to get there… Just like The Tortoise and The Hare. The Tortoise got to the finish line first, even though he was moving slowly. The Hare had the speed, but he was running all over the place. Being goal-oriented is important; being in a hurry and rush is not necessary. You can still win the race and enjoy the scenery, as long as you’re walking in straight lines — walking directly to your goals; doing all the correct actions it takes to achieve success.

Half the value of life is in the journey — the experience. So slow down and sense the flowers. The following poem is a beautiful rendition of this philosophy: 

Slow Dance
by David L. Weatherford 

Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round,
or listened to rain slapping the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly’s erratic flight,
or gazed at the sun fading into the night?

You better slow down, don’t dance so fast,
time is short, the music won’t last. 

Do you run through each day on the fly,
when you ask “How are you?” do you hear the reply? 

When the day is done, do you lie in your bed,
with the next hundred chores running through your head?

You better slow down, don’t dance so fast,
time is short, the music won’t last. 

Ever told your child, we’ll do it tomorrow,
and in your haste not see his sorrow? 

Ever lost touch, let a good friendship die,
cause you never had time to call and say “hi”? 

You better slow down, don’t dance so fast,
time is short, the music won’t last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere,
you miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day,
it’s like an unopened gift thrown away.

Life is not a race, so take it slower,
hear the music before your song is over. 

Never Be Afraid To Approach The Hunk Or Babe

I met a schoolmaster, whom I have much respect for. At 35, he is still single. He lived and worked in Canada for nine years, and earned a degree in Psychology. The man was pleasant looking and financially stable. But he was unable to find a partner.

We have a conversation about soulmates and ideal partners. He says that he is not comfortable approaching beautiful women because he feels they only go for ultra-rich guys or gorgeously bodacious men.

“But that’s not true…” I say. “Beautiful women go with guys with whom they feel secure. And with whom they feel will treat them right and be loyal to them. Wealth and good looks are a definite plus, but what’s important is your compatibility and your heart.”

He looks sceptical… I press on, “Also, the women you find attractive, may not appeal to other men. She’s simply not their type. Yes, there are women who appeal to a broad range of men. But rest assured, if your heart skips a beat when you first see her, chances are, she’ll find you attractive too. That’s because you have natural chemistry.”

“What do you mean by natural chemistry?” he asks.

“The genetic code of our body decides our looks, doesn’t it? Your looks are a combination of your father’s and your mother’s. If they married someone else, you would look different. A major reason they chose to be together is because their genes are compatible. They could tell from just one look at each other. That’s natural chemistry.”

He raises an eyebrow, “That’s new to me. Is this proven?”

“Have you heard of inbreeding?” (He nods.) “That’s when close relatives or even siblings mate and produce offspring, right? Well, science proves that inbreeding produces children with a high probability of retardation and other disabilities. Therefore it’s the body’s natural instinct to desire a partner with genes different from one’s own, so the offspring will have a diverse gene pool. That strengthens the immune system and increases the child’s chance of beautiful genetic development.”

He tilts his head and his eyes widen. “So how do I know if a woman has compatible genes with me?”

“It’s all in the looks. Chinese Face Reading has known this for centuries. The best couples look opposite to each other. If a man has a round face, his ideal wife has sharper features like a pointy chin and high cheekbones. Big eyes go with small eyes, like how a round nose goes with a narrower strong-bridged one. Think back about the women you’ve dated in the past… and now tell me, which ones were you most attracted to? What’s the common feature among them? I want to know if you know your type.”

“Yeah, I know what you’re talking about.”

“So you know your type?” I raise my eyebrows in amusement.

“Yup, I like a woman with a round face, bigger eyes, a pointy nose, and a small mouth.” He says confidently.

“Ah… well those are compatible with your features – oblong face, smaller eyes, a round nose, and a normal mouth. I’m happy you know your type. So tell me… what’s stopping you from being with them?”

He rubs his chin. “Well… they’re hard to find.”

I touch his shoulder. “I understand. That’s why the moment you’ve found her, it’s important to be fast in approaching her. Fate gives you the opportunity to meet; you must make full use of it. There’s no time for beating around the bush and being a shy boy. This is a time for action. Remember… he who hesitates, masturbates.”

He laughs and gives me a pat on the back.

Perhaps a major reason we fail to find ideal partners is because we ignore our natural instincts to approach those whom we find the most attractive. We let our self-doubt get in the way, and we tell ourselves, “He or she will never fall for me. I’m not worthy. There’s no point trying.” But the truth is, you stand a damn good chance. Nature is a potent force; it shall not be denied. So if you feel a natural attraction for someone, pick up your guts and be brave. Chances are, the one you’re attracted to also has an attraction to you. The odds are in your favour. Nature is on your side.

The World’s Greatest Lie

“Everyone believes the world’s greatest lie…” says the mysterious old man. 

“What is the world’s greatest lie?” the little boy asks. 

The old man replies, “It’s this: that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what’s happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That’s the world’s greatest lie.” 

(An excerpt from The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. A fable about following your dreams.) 

Do you believe you have no control over your life? Are you who you are today, by choice or by fate? Will a change in your actions create a change in your life? Many people have given up on their dreams… they say, “Dreaming is only for the rich. When you have money, you can dream. When you have no money, don’t dream.”

That’s true… not everyone is lucky enough to be born with a silver spoon. If you are lacking in funds, it’s going to be difficult to start living life the way you want to. Money buys you the freedom to follow your passions. But you don’t have to give up on your dreams, just because you lack money. Depending on where you are brought up, you will face limitations depending on your family’s finance, culture, and environment. Some of us are born to have easy lives, while some are born to take a more challenging path. Perhaps the limitations and obstacles you face today are part of your journey — you must overcome them to grow stronger on the path to achieving your goals.

When we are young, we all seem to have a clear idea of what we want to be when we grow up. But somewhere along the way, these dreams get buried under the reality of daily living. The focus shifts from ‘living the dream’ to just ‘finding a good job with a stable income’. “Survival first”, as they call it. The sad part is that many people spend much of their lives doing what they don’t like, so they can finally earn enough to start doing what they do like. I say that’s a great way to bury your happiness and turn into an economic slave. Doing what you dislike day after day, will numb the sense of joy within you. Soon you will feel that your life has no greater purpose; there is nothing to look forward to but work, work, work…. You will have forgotten how much fun it is to spend your time doing the things you like to do. 

The Secret To Living Your Dreams 

It’s painful if you don’t make enough money to live comfortably. But what’s more painful is if the work you do has no meaning to you. Every day you can drag yourself to work, perform meaningless actions, and then drag yourself back home. Apart from sleeping, work takes up the majority of our time. So if you’re not enjoying your work, you’re not enjoying your life. And life is so short, isn’t it? We probably have less than a hundred years to make our mark in this world. And you never know… you fail to look while crossing the road and BOOM! You could be gone tomorrow. So why spend your life doing something you don’t like to do? We don’t slog three-quarters of our lives just so we can enjoy one-quarter… we might not live that long. Realize that the essence of your life is happening right now — you are walking a path; making your journey through life. And if the work you do, is not designed to help you fulfil your higher purpose in life, then perhaps you are walking in the wrong direction. No point in taking this path… change direction.

For your dream to stay alive, you have to act on it. It’s like a fire that grows brighter and stronger if you fan its flames and keep adding wood. If you leave the fire alone, never doing anything to keep it alive, it will burn itself out. When you fail to act on your dreams, they die.

A little girl called Leanne wants to be a ballerina. But her family is poor and unable to afford the fees of the fine arts dance school. Her father tells her not to dream because dreaming is only for the rich. But her mother says, “Lea, you can be whatever you want to be. As long as you put your heart into it, and never give up. Always hold on to your dreams because when there’s a will, there’s a way.”

Leanne remembered her mother’s words. She paid her way through a college degree in fine arts, using money she earned from working full-time. She was talent scouted by the Royal Dance and Music Theatre of England, where she began her illustrious career as a ballerina. Earning in British pounds, she made more than enough to support her family and give them a comfortable lifestyle.

Leanne had a choice… to fervently believe in her dreams, and do whatever it takes to achieve it, or believe the World’s Greatest Lie… that at some point in her life, she lost control, and fate took over. She had to have the courage to step up to her dreams, and not give up just because she lacked money. If she listened to her father and put her love aside because dreaming was only for the rich, then she wouldn’t have lived to experience her passion. She would pass on from this world, with the music still left within her… buried under some obscure belief that she could never make money doing what she loved to do.

There is music within you, and you only need to coax it out. The daily grind forces us to forget what we love to do. Imagine you’re retired… You have enough money to live comfortably, but not to splurge. How would you spend your time? What activities would you find purpose in? What would you do to amuse yourself? If you have an idea of what you would love to do but are not doing, then schedule some time every day to do it. Making time for what you love is just like fanning the flames of your passion — the fire can only grow stronger. It’s what will bring a sense of purpose and meaning into your life; that spark of joy and wonder.

The happiest people are those who enjoy their work. They’ve managed to make money doing what they love to do, just like Leanne. And this can happen for you… if you are willing to reject the World’s Greatest Lie. Realize that you always have control over your actions, and therefore your results. The only time you start to fail in life, is when you stop believing in your ability to make a difference. You don’t need a silver spoon; you don’t need to be a genius. What you need is a sincere belief in yourself and a willingness to take action towards your dreams. Believe me, you have what it takes. Just follow what British Prime Minister, Winston Churchill said in World War II: “…never give up, never give up.” And you’ll win the war. 

Do you believe in ghosts? What about spirits or guardian angels? There are invisible forces in this universe we cannot comprehend. They affect our lives in unseen ways, altering your luck, good fortune, and answering your prayers. If you look at it from an enlightened view, we too are spirits. Just that we are a spiritual soul in a material body. We are the most powerful kind of spirit because the body allows us to directly affect and make changes to the world around us. In death, we return to the spiritual form from whence we came. So there is nothing to fear. This life is a rare gift that you can only enjoy for a brief period of time. But there will be another, and another, and another….

Spirits – The World We Cannot See

Do you believe in fate? Is there destiny? Is life predetermined or do you have total power to do what you want? Many people who are atheist (non-religious) will tell you there is no fate, no destiny, and no ghosts. I used to believe that too…. But nowadays, I can no longer deny the existence of some higher power or spiritual intelligence that oversees us.

I believe spirits are everywhere, around us, right here, right now. There are many types of spirits. The best ones for us are our Guardian Spirits. They are the ones who protect us and bless us with good fortune. Wherever you go, they will follow. Sometimes even nudging you to notice something that could be useful, or that you need.

Spirits can transfer from person to person. Mostly by touch. When a priest blesses you, they touch your forehead and say a prayer. When the Dalai Lama blesses a visitor, he holds their heads in his hands and touches his forehead to theirs. If a friend gives you a pat on the back, and suddenly you feel good, perhaps a noble spirit has joined you.

We must always watch out for people or places where evil spirits live. By evil, I don’t only mean those who hurt or kill. It also includes those lustful spirits or depressive spirits who roam the earth looking for hosts through which they can live out their desires. For example, a man visits a red-light district. There, he walks the alleys and engages prostitutes. Now, a red-light area is spiritually unclean. Many lustful spirits already roam the area or are attached to the host persons working there. When the man beds the prostitute, the physical contact allows the transfer of spirits between himself and the prostitute. Even when the man leaves the red-light district, the lustful spirit is with him. It clings to him. He is now its new host.

Spirits can influence our thoughts, causing you to think in certain ways. And because of the way you are thinking, you will take action on those thoughts. And thus your results. The man infected with the lustful spirit will keep having the urge to return to the red-light district and go to places where he can find ‘sex-tisfaction’. It will play with his mind, showing him naked images, cooing sounds, and feelings of sexual pleasure. A person infected with the Yin Devil of Lust has a red aura between the eyebrows and around the eyes. The under eyes will also show dark eye bags due to sexual depletion and the loss of vital energy.

Holy Water Exorcism

You must avoid dark spirits like demons, ghosts, and witchcraft. If you cannot help but have them cling to your spiritual body after contact with a hot prostitute or sexy gigolo… then you must seek spiritual cleansing. Usually, this is done by visiting a church, temple, or mosque (a holy place), and praying for guardian gods to imbue your body to protect you. Bring along your own big bottles of water to pray for holy water. Make your donations to pay for it. Then drink it down and share it with your family. This method is the easiest and most powerful way to exorcise yourself and your family — Pray For Holy Water at a holy religious place where there are guardian gods and holy spirits to defend you.

Also, you can put the holy water in a spray bottle and spray your home and sleeping areas with it. Demons like to attack you in your sleep. So having guardian gods and holy spirits imbuing you and surrounding you while you rest is the key to being free of demonic possession. The gods are in the holy water, so drink it, spray it, and sleep in it, to be safe from ghosts and demons.

Life & Death In A Day

As I was leaving my house earlier today, my neighbour stepped out, a newborn baby in his arms. White linen wraps the baby, who’s holding up a tiny finger to daddy’s face. My neighbour beams with the pride of a new father as he receives a touch from his child. He flashes me a wide smile as I drive past.

Reaching the city and stopping at an intersection, I see some pedestrians surrounding a figure in the middle of the road. As I drive across, I see a man lying face down on the road, his arms stretched out — motionless. I wonder if he’s still alive… but it doesn’t make sense to block traffic at a cross-junction if you can still move. His motorcycle is nearby, a twisted mess of metal and machine. A pedestrian directing traffic flags me to move on.

Stopping at the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf Cafe, I go for my meeting with the lead singer of the heavy metal rock band, Ronin. Their first single, Black Maria, is a hit on local radio charts and stations. They’ve signed on with Universal Music, and are filming a music video with MTVasia.

These are three contrasting conditions. Birth, Death, and Success. Life is too short to spend doing what you don’t like. You can be born today; dead tomorrow. Each day is a gift of time, for you to create and experience that which you enjoy. Before you leave this Earth, whether by accident or by design, make sure you live it to the fullest. Become who you want to be, act on what you want to do, and own whatever you want to have. Then, the moment before the lights go out for good, your memories will flash, and you will know in your heart that, “Yes, life has been good.”

November 26, 2005

It was a simple reunion dinner with primary school classmates. Its been years since I’ve met these buddies. You remember the teasing, the love stories, the petty arguments, and the fun games you could play using almost nothing. Well, we have dinner at Marche Movenpick at The Heeren. After dinner, we go for some karaoke and pool. Everything is fun and fine. We leave the place at 1.15 AM.

Everyone goes home. I decide to go over to my friend’s house in Serangoon, to discuss our training programme: The Total Get-Hitched System. (I know, it sounds corny.) The four of us organise our techniques and lesson plan. This lasts till 5 AM when we feel our energy has run out. Now here comes the tough decision… should we sleep over for the next seven hours till noon? Or do we tolerate the exhaustion, drive everyone home and then send ourselves home? Well, my friend TY offers to drive my car, so I suppose I can bear with it and drive myself back after he has sent Lydia and himself home. 

We drop Lydia at her place in Serangoon Central. Then TY and I continue down the Central Expressway aiming for Jurong. TY misses the Pan Island Expressway (PIE Jurong) exit, so I knock him and say, “Hey, you missed the turning.” TY says, “Ah well, since we’re here already, let’s just go the usual route, AYE (Ayer Rajah Expressway).” I flick his arm with my fingers and lament, “Got shortcut don’t go… go long way.” He keeps a straight face.

I feel sleepy, so I tilt my seat back and relax. I look at TY through my half-open eyes. He’s staring at the road. I say, “Okay, just keep driving.” I shut my eyes, everything goes black. I sense only the rumble of the engine, the seat’s leather, and the chill of the air conditioner. My mind is a total blank for a long while… I am in a deep sleep. Then SUDDENLY, BANG! I feel the car swerving badly enough to overturn. I think, “Shit! TY, did you fall asleep?!” I can’t see a thing, my eyes aren’t working yet. I feel another BANG, and then ANOTHER. “Oh God, this is the end! Buddha Bless Us!” Finally, a hard CRASH nearly jolts my head off my neck. Everything is still black, but then I hear, “Lance, quick! Get out of the car!” My eyes open and I see the expressway. I quickly sense my body for pain… no sign. Unclip the seat belt and open the door. Scrambling out of the car, I can smell the road. This seems so surreal. Is it really happening? I’m waiting to wake up and say it’s all a bad dream. But as the seconds pass, I realise it’s not going to go away. I have to stay calm and face reality.

Ahead, I see the black Honda Prelude that banged us. It also has swerved and banged into the road railing. The car’s hazard lights are flashing. The driver has yet to emerge. I wonder if he is unconscious…. Five minutes later, the police arrive, and so does an eyewitness taxi driver, who tells us that when the black car hit us, we swerved and almost hit his taxi, but his reactions were quick and he changed lanes.

The black Honda’s driver walks slowly toward us, a lanky Indian man in his mid-20s, looking stoned. More police arrive and they put him to the breathalyser test. He’s way over the limit. So he’s handcuffed and led away.

I’m having a spasm in the neck from whiplash, while TY’s arm hurts from the impact. We call a tow truck. Then it’s another 12 hours of following the tow truck, making police reports, filing insurance claims, and emergency medical checkups before we get home. And now, it’s 12 midnight. I’m writing about an accident that happened this morning at 6 AM.

Don’t Take Life Or Safety For Granted.

The Power Of Sixth Sense

I believe in the power of intuition. I feel it’s possible for someone to predict what is going to happen if one knows how to read the signs and warnings. Let’s take my car accident as an example. Just the day before the accident, I was polishing this car, making it bright, shiny, and squeaky clean. It’s as if I were giving this car its ‘Last Supper’ (A scene from the Bible). Now I love my car. In fact, you can even say I dote on it. Call me stupid, but when I reach home at night and park my car, I even give it a pat and say, “Goodnight.” My car has never given me any problems; always running smoothly. On the day of the accident, I feel it was my car that gave its life to save mine. The damage is beyond economical repair. So I hope my car’s spirit has made it to Car Heaven, where it can drive around all day and be shiny and new.

Now, I feel the accident came with warnings. One week before the accident, I was already having a stiff neck and an uncomfortable feeling in my upper back, which prevented me from sleeping well. About five days before the crash, my guy friend, Kelly, told me about how he saw a freak accident involving my car model in Malaysia, where all the passengers were killed. Two days before the crash I drove past a dead man in a road accident. (See the blog post: Life & Death In A Day.)

You see… I am sensitive to energies and other people’s feelings. But the night of the accident, I could not explain why I felt a strong sense of irritation. I had no reason to feel irritated. So while driving, I asked everyone else with me in the car, if they are having some negative thoughts (anger, frustration, sadness). Everyone but Sandra shakes their heads. I know she had a quarrel with her mother earlier. And since she was sitting there in silence, while everyone else is chatting, I assumed she was spouting the negative energy which I was sensing? I tell her, “Sandra, stop. Don’t think. Think happy thoughts. La la la.” She laughs, and immediately I feel the irritation disappear. “Could it be?” I thought. “That I was sensing her energy? Or was there something else causing the irritation?”

After TY and I survive the crash, Sandra tells us that the night she was sitting in the back seat, she felt uncomfortable, like it was not safe. But she didn’t tell us because she thought it was her imagination. In parallel, my mom says the morning of my accident, she received a Devil’s Pinch. She shows me a blue-black mark on her leg, similar in shape to the bruise I suffered on my shin during the crash. She also says she was having dreams about how I would have a car accident, but her dream did not show her the outcome, as if she MUST NOT know. In her dream, the crash occurs along a highway, which has water running under it. But I forgot to ask her if the waters were stormy or calm because stormy waters mean trouble, while calm waters predict a fortunate outcome.

Perhaps if I had known about my mother’s dream, heard about Sandra’s intuition, seen the pictures of the Malaysian car accident, or taken heed of the many other warning signs… that night, I would have been firm about my decision to sleep over at my friend’s place. Rather than risk travelling in the middle of the night, when low energy, malicious spirits, and drunk drivers make it dangerous for all of us. 

Do not travel after 3 AM – negative spiritual presence is at its peak. Wait till the sun rises.

The Soul’s Path

Have you ever wondered why you exist – in this lifetime, under these circumstances? Why were you born into this family and not another? Is there a greater purpose to your life? The answers lie in understanding your soul’s role in living this life and many others.

What Is The Soul? 

There are a few meanings for the word ‘soul’, but we are focusing on that part of you called your higher consciousness or your spirit, the celestial energy that imbues your body and gives you unique desires and a destiny.

Destiny comes from the Middle English word, destine, which means to determine beforehand. It implies that there is a specific destination intended – a purpose, if you will. Your soul inhabits this body because there are lessons it must learn and things it must do in this lifetime in order for it to progress the world and evolve to the next level on the Scale of Souls. If a soul fails to achieve its goal within this lifetime, another soul will take over its challenge and try to make the divine task happen for God. For example: invent aeroplanes, the telephone, lightbulbs etcetera.

The Soul’s Purpose 

Souls have many purposes. But they are mostly centred around developing and operating the world. One can be a merchant soul and import the finest luxurious carpets for hotels and office buildings. One can be a spiritual teacher and give classes that enlighten the world. One can be a homemaker and bring up the next generation of genius —someone to invent the spirit-to-human internet? (An internet where spirits can communicate with human beings?)

Whichever kind of soul you are… know that you have a special purpose on this Earth. It is all predestined. There is a definite path you must take that is the decider of your success in life. Knowing the plan God has designed for you is so important, that if you ignore it, you will drift through life. A meaningful life means you have to hit your target; arrive at your destination; reach the top of the mountain. The hidden thing about God’s Plan for you, is that it is unknown to you at first…. But along the way in life, you may come across some spiritual guides birthed upon the Earth, known as Fortune Tellers and Life Coaches. These people can successfully guide you to your Path.

Why It All Began 

Life has an upward spiral of development for souls. As you mature and become an elder soul, you have the talents and instincts for tackling greater challenges.

Now you may begin to ask the question, “Why is there a need for such a dynamic system of evolving souls to their highest level? Why does it exist?” To answer this, I am going to tell you a story. A story about how the universe began….

Billions of years ago, there lived only one being – God. He had no form or shape; no components and no parts. He was all there is; there was nothing else. No space, no stars, no planets… nothing. He felt himself to have great potential but did not know how or in what way. There was nothing he could compare himself to, there was no relativity. For how would one know that they were pretty if there were no ugly? How would one know what is short if there were no tall? All knowledge is relative — it has to be considered in comparison with something else — without relativity, there can be no true knowing.

So God decided that since there was nothing to compare himself to on the outside, he would split himself up and see what is on the inside. His goal was self-discovery; to know himself. And thus occurred what we theorise today to be The Big Bang: infinite mass and density exploding across all directions, creating space and the known universe. As the mass scattered, so did the Soul of God. You are part of that mass, and therefore part of God’s Soul.

Who You Really Are 

You are more a soul than a body. You have lived more lives than just this one. And there will be many more to come. Your life is riddled with lessons, major and minor. They come in the form of obstacles and challenges. Sometimes you will swiftly overcome them. At other times, suffering will be your greatest teacher. Whether you overcome an obstacle or suffer because of it, the ultimate purpose is to overcome and succeed. Once you have mastered the lesson, the obstacle is no longer necessary and will disappear. Then the real challenge will come, and that is not a lesson… that is the real job, the real task, the real enemy you have to tackle. Build the Golden Gate Bridge…. Stop World War II…. Cure the COVID pandemic. God trains his human angel armies with gradual life lessons before tasking them with the big kahuna (large ocean wave).

Why You Are Here 

You are here to experience self-actualisation. And in doing so; in becoming your greatest self, you will ultimately progress the world. God rides in all of us — literally. God is within. He will guide you to your outcomes; He will lead you to success. You just have to pray to know your purpose and He will reveal it to you.

Know who you are meant to be, work hard to become it, and experience success vividly through your senses, so that you may truly know it in your soul.

Life gives us the opportunity to create whatever we wish, limited only by the natural laws of the universe. You can create pain and suffering; you can create joy and elation. Both help you to experience your whole self, in its entire multi-faceted, multi-dimensional nature. Good and Bad, Right and Wrong, Beautiful and Ugly. What’s important is deciding which do you want to experience more of? Are you going to be a playboy dating many women? Or perhaps a counsellor teaching men the value of abstinence and finding true love? Which do you seek to create in this lifetime to facilitate your soul’s understanding of itself? Which life is more meaningful to you? Which life do you want to live? This free choice, this ability to create, is the answer to the age-old question: What is the purpose of life?

And you know the answer is… “It’s predestined. But you can choose to answer the calling or not.”

Finally, we come to the magical topic of love… one which I’ve been avoiding for a long time because it’s really complicated. It may take a man one-third of his natural life just to figure out what women want. Well fortunately, after banging my head on the wall for so many years, I’ve finally gained some insight to see past the surface complications  —puppy love, teenage crushes, love triangles, adulterous affairs, chemistry, compatibility, trust, idealised love, ‘The One’, third parties, break-ups, make-ups, threesomes, lust instead of love, and a whole plethora of factors which make this one of the hardest areas of life to set straight. I can’t do justice to this topic with just one article… so I think I’ll split the topic over a series. I’m also not very tactful when it comes to love – I’m the hard-headed male who comes bursting onto the scene with flowers, champagne, chocolates, and special gifts. So let me talk to you about this from my heart, in the best way I know how.

All About Love 1: Can’t Find A Partner

What I see as the most common problems people are having with love are: 

1. Not being able to find a partner. 
2. Not being able to find a suitable partner. 
3. Not being able to hold on to a suitable partner. 

Let’s tackle these problems one by one and see whether we find answers…. 

Problem 1: Can’t Find A Partner… 

Many people have the idea that ‘men should make the first move’. Heck, I believe that’s what has been ingrained in most men’s minds. So men are taught that they have to chase the women they want; they have to romance her, buy her flowers, write poetry, open doors, take her to dinner etc. And the act of doing so will cause her to fall in love with them. (Now don’t grin ladies… you must understand that men really need to know the truth about this.) Ordinary guys like us, truly believe we can WIN a woman’s heart this way. But that is sadly not the case…. How many times have we guys had our romantic advances rejected? Many times! And what was the reason she gave? That’s right, “You’re not my type!” This is worth repeating… *YOU’RE NOT HER TYPE*! What men need to understand is that just as how they select women by their looks before deciding to approach, women are conscientiously selecting their men. But not always by his looks… women have a more evolved sense of selecting an ideal partner, which takes into account finances, looks, personality, social status, intelligence, humour, entertainment ability and more. But very important — accessibility (the man has to be within reach for her to grab hold of him). Each woman has her own preference and her own image of an ideal man. Some like their men tall; some like short, some like Adonis features – chiselled body, square jawed; some like their men to be big cuddly teddy bears. One woman’s fruit is another woman’s poison.

As men, what we have to realise is that a woman will love whomever she wants to love – she makes the choice. The idea that you can ‘romance her to win her heart’ is a false idea spun by fairytales and Hollywood magic. Ladies don’t throw hot water on me yet… let me prove this point with a simple visualisation. Imagine… you arrive at work in the morning to find a bouquet of flowers sitting on your desk, a little note says, “You are the only woman for me – Love, your secret admirer.” After lunch, a gift-wrapped package appears on your desk. You carefully unwrap it. Inside lies a box of the most exquisite chocolates you have ever tasted! The little note reads, “Dessert for you, my sweet.” By now, your curiosity is burning, “Who is this mystery man sending me all these lovely gifts? Could it be James from marketing? That suave Adonis hunk… I’d sure like to tear my meat hooks into him; or maybe Alfred from accounting? That sweet gentleman… always brightens up my day with a laugh. Oh, I’m dying to know who it is!” So which one is it? It’s neither! It’s Toad-Man sitting in the next cubicle! He who snorts out his boogers and eats them back down; he who stuffs himself like there is no tomorrow; he who leers at you each time you pass his cubicle; he who keeps pornographic magazines under his desk with playmates he claims you share a remarkable resemblance with. Can you love him? Maybe if you try really, really hard. But why bother when there is James down the corridor and Alfred in the next section? So I rest my case… Women want to be romanced, but ONLY by men they like and desire.

When men say, “I can’t find a girlfriend.” What they’re really saying is, “I’ve not been able to approach a woman I like who finds me attractive.” When women say, “I can’t find a boyfriend.” It means almost the same thing — “I’ve not been approached by a guy I like who finds me attractive.” You see, the dilemma is the same for both sexes. We’re just not approaching members of the opposite sex whom we find attractive. A week ago I received this email message from a friend: 

[Used with permission] 

—–Original Message—–
From: xxx xxx xxxx
Sent: Wednesday, June 21, 2006, 1:06 AM
To: Lance Ong
Subject: relationships 

Hi Lance 

I saw what you posted on your website. Very interesting and I indulged in what you posted. Moreover, I was quite surprised with what you have written in the June edition of SNAG (Sensitive New Age Guy Magazine), you really impressed me with what you wrote about cohesive relationships. It seems like your wisdom and knowledge have reached a new profound level…. Recently, I encountered a problem. Maybe perhaps you can provide me with a solution or ways to tackle this issue?

I got to know this gal at my workplace, we know each other after I managed to get for her some stuff at staff price at my workplace. We exchanged numbers, and everything started off very well. We talked a lot in our phone calls, and SMS-ed each other often until one particular incident that caused everything to turn… well a bit sour… one of my colleagues managed to call her and tell her that I missed her. OMG!! I was shocked. I immediately apologised to her and she managed to get over it, but then things seemed to have died down ever since. Now… we rarely talk or sms. Even so… now when I walked past her area, she turned her head away and don’t look at me… oh man am I so depressed about this….

Well, I do have a small crush on her, but then things turned out this way. I guess she might be avoiding me or doesn’t want to talk to me…

I’m sad… could you provide me with a solution or anything to rescue this complicated issue?? 

many thanks, xxxxxxx 

My reply follows below: 

—–Original Message—–
From: Lance Ong
Sent: Wednesday, June 21, 2006, 4:32 AM
To: ‘xxx xxx xxxx’
Subject: RE: relationships 

GREETINGS! MY FRIEND, MR XXXXXXX! 

I see you are having a vexing issue to solve. No problem, you’ve asked the right person! I will not only tell you why she is behaving this way; I will also tell you what you should do to regain her interest. In Singapore earlier this year, I conducted a series of workshops on romance & dating. Many of our participants have finally been able to date the opposite sex, and some have already gotten attached. 

You see… in every relationship, there comes a point in time when the stakes must be raised if you are ever going to get closer to each other. The fact that the two of you were already talking a lot on the phone and SMSing each other often, is a good sign which shows there is mutual interest. Normally, a guy in that position who follows the correct sequence has a high chance of hooking up with the girl. The critical moment was when your colleague called her to tell her you missed her. If you think from a girl’s perspective… someone telling me that a guy I like actually misses me is a good thing! It’s a very good thing because it’s obvious that this guy is signalling a romantic interest in me. But when you called her to apologise, it appears to her that you have withdrawn your declaration of romantic interest. To most girls, this is equivalent to a mild form of rejection — she was probably disappointed. What you should have done at that point in time, is pretend as if nothing happened. Continue to smile and chat with her as normal, until she brings it up. If she does not, then you let it slide. But if she does one day stop you and ask about what your colleague said (this is the moment of truth), you can smile and be playful about it, but in the end, you must admit you like her. This is called taking a Social Risk. You are putting your ego and reputation on the line for rejection. Women love it. They like it when a man they have an interest in, is bold enough to say that he likes her.

Her current behaviour is a natural social response when there is tension in a relationship. She probably can feel that you have an interest in her, but since you have officially signalled that you have no interest, she’s confused and doesn’t know how to move the relationship forward. At this stage, only you can make the difference between the life and death of the romance. You must be strong, bold, and flirtatious. Be willing to take a social risk. The next time you pass her desk and she looks away (using her hair to block, right?), you must deliberately break through this ice shield by stopping in front of her desk, calling her name, and initiating a chat. You would be wise to bring a gift. This is a clear indicator of romantic interest. Simply start with a regular chat:

You: “Hey [her name], how are doing?”
Her: “Good/fine.” (smiles)
You: “Hey you know what, I’ve only got a minute, but I need a lady’s opinion about something.”
Her: “Sure! What?”
You: “Do you think a man who is bold about what he wants to get in life, is more attractive to women?”

Here you have initiated a discussion about an interesting topic. Actually, any topic works, as long as you get her talking. The goal is to break the ice and warm up the relationship. Keep your conversation going for as long as you can, switching to other topics as necessary.

If you reach a lull in your conversation (and I assure you, you will), say “Hey, I’ve got something for you.” Then magically pull out your gift. (Make sure it’s gift-wrapped – that’s what makes it special.) Say, “I was passing by this shop and… [Explain why you got the gift]” or “I made it myself!” There are thousands of things you could give her, but what’s most important is that you’re sure she’ll like it. Proper gift-giving shows that you remember what she likes and that you have good judgement, attention to detail, and are generous.

This simple bold act is enough to spark the fires of romance. But you’ll need to keep building on this. A fire with no fuel eventually burns out. You may be thinking, “C’mon Lance, this is not my style!” I understand the fear. All men have it. But those who can overcome their own demons and face the knife of rejection will be pleasantly surprised to find that the girl of their dreams is happy that he was brave enough to do so. 

Good luck, my friend!

Sincerely,
Lance Ong

(In the Garden of Eden)

Eve: Adam, do you love me?
Adam: Who else? 

Every day you go out, you see hundreds of attractive people. If you’re single, doesn’t it make you wonder how are you ever going to find the one that’s meant for you? As a hot-blooded male in my younger days, I used to think, “I could go with her… or her… or her. Arrgh! How do I decide?!” As a man grows older, if he is fortunate enough, he learns how to look beyond exterior beauty because all women can be beautiful nowadays, can’t they. So it can give a man one huge headache to identify a woman who is truly compatible with him in mind, body, and soul. Women understand that men are born to think with their smaller heads. So being the intelligent creatures they are — they use visual stimulus to appeal to the male instinct. Thus a man, who does not make fine distinctions into character and personality, may find that many women appeal to him. But if he learns to go a step further and say, “Yes, she’s attractive to me. But what’s she all about?” Then he goes beyond seeing women as visual objects, and more as people.

Desire Is Bad For You? 

The attraction between men and women is biological, it’s inherited and it’s unstoppable. You don’t need to make an excuse for your desire. One reason why we do not approach those who are attractive to us is because we are religiously and culturally programmed to believe desire is ‘baaaad’. A pious man who has the opportunity to meet an attractive woman may tell himself, “No! I must not give in to temptation! The desire is too strong!” But really, it’s just an excuse for himself because he’s afraid of rejection. And unless he can come to terms with his desire — see it as a guiding force, rather than an urge to be suppressed — he may never end up with a woman he truly wants. Members of the opposite sex, who are more genetically compatible with you, will spur a greater sense of desire in you. It’s natural. If you suppress the biological instinct when selecting a partner… you probably won’t have a happy sex life.

Men And Women: Different Creatures? 

People like to believe that men and women are really different, but by nature they aren’t. We grow up imagining the opposite sex is some great mystery because everything about them seems different, and so we think it’s difficult to talk to the opposite sex. But really, men and women are very similar. They are anatomically different, but it’s not that big a difference. The human sexual organs are simply the inverse of each other. Penis and clitoris are made from the same embryological tissue. What forces the difference is the action of testosterone. A lot of testosterone, and the clitoris will become the glans of a penis. Male seeds hang outside (testicles), while female seeds are kept inside (ovaries). It’s just one big reversal.

“Okay then,” you say. “What about the difference in the way men and women think? They don’t like the same things; they don’t talk the same, walk the same or wear the same clothes! (Well… actually some do.)”

Although men and women act differently, that’s not so much a biological instinct as it is a cultural role they are taught to play. Men don’t automatically love soccer, beer drinking, or going to the gym — they are culturally programmed to adopt these behaviours because it brings them greater social approval. “A man who does not watch soccer is not ‘one of the boys’; a man who does not drink beer is not a real man; a man who’s muscular earns the respect of his peers and is more attractive to women.” These are beliefs so deeply ingrained into us, that most people will tell you it’s a fact. Just like how women learn about the importance of being beautiful from magazines, television, and friends. What creates such a great difference in thinking and behaviour is not nature, but the enculturation of newborns into their gender roles. Blue for boys, pink for girls; toss the boys around, but be gentle with the girls. From young, everything about our culture teaches the sexes to differentiate themselves. From the clothes we wear to whether we can fart in public.

Being too focused on the exterior of a person, you only see the physical and cultural differences — the accessories and behaviours created to differentiate the sexes. But look past the surface and you’ll see that each person, male or female, is subject to the same laws of emotion, logic, reason, and motivation. They have wants and desires, dislikes and hates; they communicate through language; they have two eyes, one nose, one mouth, two ears, ten fingers and ten toes. They have many times more in common than they do in difference. So it is folly to believe it is difficult to relate to the opposite sex. Just talk to them as you would any casual person, and you’ll see that even the most attractive person is easy to chat with.

Now that brings us to an important point.

Physical Attraction Is Not Enough 

Many people are drawn together only by physical attraction, and there is little compatibility to make the relationship worthwhile (I thank our reader, Phyllis McBryar, for this). In response, I quote Nikki Giovanni, the African-American Poet, who wrote:

“Most of us love from our need to love, not because we find someone deserving.”

And that’s the case for many of us, isn’t it? The need to be loved is a basic human desire. We don’t really need it, but we want it. In fact, we may want it so much, we don’t screen hard enough for character and compatibility. And that is where we fall into a trap because once two people become intimate, it creates strong emotional binds that can be difficult to let go of. It follows the old Chinese saying, “You can pick it up, but you can’t put it down.” And that’s why we must be selective of whom we choose to be intimate with. What may look like a happy, well-adjusted person may turn out to be a nightmare in disguise. And I have seen some nightmares in my days, both male and female (no, I’m not bisexual). 

*In the Mail Bag* 

Last week we had a chat with Mr X about his office love relationship. This week, we have a Mr Y who writes in asking about whether he should confess his feelings for a girl who already has a boyfriend. His original email and my reply below: 

—–Original Message—–

From: xxxxxxxx
Sent: Friday, June 30, 2006, 3:40 PM
To: Lance Ong
Subject: Question for you.

Dear Lance 

I saw your website and saw that you gave advice to troubled hearts. Can you also advise me on a problem I have?

Is there such a thing called ‘Permanent Pain’? I met this girl in a school, (where she works) and we used to chat on MSN often. She is pretty and also has a caring heart.

I read your article on All About Love, and I think as you said in the article, I think she is interested in me at that time. Although I knew her because I was checking on a course, and she is friendly and helpful. But even after that, she still kept in contact with me and is still friendly and helpful even if it is not about the course that we are talking about. We exchanged messenger and mobile numbers.

We still keep in touch after she left the job. She has been busy with a study course and it is difficult to arrange dates. Now that her course is completed, I think I can work on this relationship. And I think she still likes me, because she will respond to my sms, email promptly, and she always helps me deal with problems at work or personally.

However, I learnt that she now has a boyfriend, and I feel a sharp pain in my chest. I know I still like her. In your opinion, do I still stand a chance? I am sure she is the right one for me. Do you think I should take the ‘social risk’ and confess my feelings for her? I know I missed the golden opportunity, but I am confident I can care for and love her throughout her lifetime.

Also, I tried to sound her out in our conversation, about what she thinks of me. She gives good feedback. When I asked her if she thinks I will make a good boyfriend or husband, she replied that I would be an ideal partner. Doesn’t that mean that I am her ideal type of partner?

I appreciate it if you can help me solve this problem.

Thank You.

Mr Y 

—–Original Message—–
From: Lance Ong
Sent: Friday, June 30, 2006, 6:40 PM
To: xxxxxxxx
Subject: RE: Question for you.

Dear Mr Y,

I understand that sharp pain feeling. It feels like you are about to lose something very important. Although we mentioned in the previous article that taking a social risk is necessary, timing and social restrictions also apply. Sad to say, when a girl has a serious boyfriend, there is the bind of an ‘exclusive mating contract’. If her boyfriend finds out what you’re saying to her, or chances upon one of your romantic messages, he has every right to pull her away and make her promise never to see you again… As gentlemen, we must respect the social contract of a steady relationship.

What you can do, however, is to stay in contact with her and only use subtle gestures to communicate your interest. You’re lucky because there still seems to be a romantic attraction between the two of you. But you have to be careful because you’re treading a fine line here. Never overtly tell her how you feel about her while she’s still with her boyfriend. One of the thoughts that may go through her mind is, “Can’t you see that I have a boyfriend?” And her boyfriend may think, “Can’t you see she’s my girlfriend!” It does not reflect well on a man’s character to approach another man’s girlfriend.

However, since you are sincere, stick close and keep talking to her. Just because she has a boyfriend does not mean she’s not interested in you. As you’ll see in the next article, women choose the men they want to be with. If she decides she likes you more than her boyfriend, she will switch when the opportunity arises. But she has to wait for her boyfriend to slip up (make a mistake) before she can break up with him. If she just dumped him without good reason (e.g. to be with another man), she would have to bear the psychological guilt of being disloyal. And nobody wants to be the defaulting party in a serious relationship. We always say it’s the other party’s fault, and we’re the victim. Plus you must also consider that she probably has a lot of deep emotions tied up with her boyfriend. It takes time to let go of the binds we create.

So my strategy for you is simple: 

1. Keep close contact (under the umbrella of friendship). 
2. Hint your interest with subtle gestures. 
3. Wait for her to break up with her boyfriend before you admit any
   feelings for her.

What is a subtle gesture? You’ve demonstrated one already — you asked her in a conversation whether she thinks you’ll make a good boyfriend or good husband — very smart. Use exactly those kinds of questions. All the other actions will happen naturally since you are already interested in her – e.g. looking at her a little too long, the increased tear fluid in your eyes when she’s nearby (makes your eyes shine), and the energy you’ll give off when she’s around.

I believe all is fair in love and war, but it takes two hands to clap. Two people have to choose each other. I’m worried that if her boyfriend is really good, you might have a long wait in front of you. I suggest you follow a controversial but effective philosophy: “Let go of that which you desire the most and allow it to come to you.” By grasping too hard for that which we want, it slips out of our hands and into the arms of another. What you should focus on is building yourself into an attractor rather than an attacker. Become the kind of man who fulfils her image of an ‘ideal husband/boyfriend’, and she will naturally want to be with you – that’s being an attractor. On the other hand, if you grasp really hard for what you want, thinking of ways to win her over from her boyfriend, that’s being an attacker. I always recommend attract over attack because in the end, women choose the men they want to be with. So if she really loves her boyfriend, it doesn’t matter how hard you attack. You stand a better chance using attract. That brings to mind a good question you can ask her, “What do you look for in an ideal guy?” Follow what she tells you; it’s the roadmap to her heart.

Wishing you luck in love,
Lance Ong 

—–Original Message—–
From: xxxxxxxx
Sent: Saturday, July 01, 2006, 11:27 AM
To: Lance Ong
Subject: RE: Question for you.

Dear Lance 

Thank you for replying to my email.

You can use my article, and please remove my particulars, especially my name. I think she reads your website because I think she is your friend.

One more question, from your experience, how many chances do I have if I wait for her to break up with her boyfriend? Your approach is more passive, does that mean that I may have to wait very long, or what if her boyfriend proposes to marry her?

Since love is fair, as long as she is not married, she still can choose right? Then I must fight for my own happiness also.

I admit, in our conversation, I have the urge to try to prove her boyfriend is not good enough for her. 

I really like her, and each day, when we talk on MSN, I get to like her more. I am very sure that I will not like someone else. Actually, there is a girl in my workplace who shows interest in me, but I can’t bring myself to like her, as I already have someone in my heart.

She is not meeting up with me, but she is a [occupation removed], so can I use this factor to ask her out? I think she is more willing to meet up with someone who needs help. And I think that is the only way I can find a reason to meet up with her. Maybe I can also tell her about my girlfriend problem, but not tell her she is the girl I like.

Yours sincerely, Mr Y 

—–Original Message—–
From: Lance Ong
Sent: Sunday, July 02, 2006, 4:38 AM
To: xxxxxxxx
Subject: RE: Question for you.

Hmm… Mr Y, your situation is a tricky one. If you’re talking about who I think you’re talking about, then her boyfriend loves her very much. Of course, that does not mean you cannot try to woo her… but be careful because the one you risk hurting the most, is yourself. I believe in life, the perfect partner is not one you win over, but one who chooses you and loves you with all her heart. Still, I encourage you to go for what you want. In the end, she’ll have to decide who she wants to be with.

Good luck Mr Y.

Sincerely,
Lance Ong 

—–Original Message—–
From: xxxxxxxx
Sent: Sunday, July 02, 2006, 7:52 PM
To: Lance Ong
Subject: RE: Question for you.

Thank you for your encouragement. After talking to you, I am now more confident about this problem. I am sure I will love her more than her boyfriend. I will follow your advice which you told me in the first mail, that will make sure that she chooses me in the end. She will know that I am the right choice for her.

You know, some friends I talk to before you, all don’t understand my feelings for her. All of them just tell me to forget about her, and not give up the whole forest for a tree (in Chinese). Thank you for your time and advice. I am now more confident and know what exactly to do.

I take the chance to wish you all the best for everything you do and be successful.

Best wishes, Mr Y

All About Love 3: Creating Lasting Love

Many people are able to get into relationships. And many are able to attract partners who are suitable for them, physically and mentally. But for many people, their relationships do not last much more than 3 months! This is a shocking truth of the dating world. Why does this happen? Why can’t we make it last? I’ll give you three reasons:

1. Treating a Relationship as a Transaction 

You cannot be calculative when it comes to love. Counting who did what for whom leads to the death of generosity. Theoretically speaking, there’s a hidden universal law guiding human relations, which is, “If you stop giving, you stop getting.” And if that’s the way the law is, then we must not stop giving or else the relationship will die. So if you are calculative, you will count to a point where you will say, “Yep, that’s enough. I’ve given my fair share. Now it’s your turn.” But your partner may not feel it’s their turn yet. So don’t calculate. Keep giving generously and your partner will return your love when the time is right.

2. Not Being Patient or Sensitive Enough 

Relationships are delicate because human emotions are delicate. You can bring the strongest relationship to its knees with a single quarrel. You don’t even need to do it in person — over the telephone will do.

You can end a good relationship with words that hurt; no meeting is needed. So if you treasure your relationship, never blow your top. Your partner deserves your best behaviour. And the more love you invest in them, the more they will love you for it.

3. Idealistic Demands 

Some people are more idealistic than others. They have a vision in their minds of how they want their ideal partner to be — and they will not compromise. Usually, in life, the partners we end up with do not meet our original criteria. Maybe she doesn’t have the perfect figure or maybe he’s not exactly Prince Charming. But in the end, we still choose this person. Why so? It’s because our criteria have changed. By living long enough, you see different kinds of people. And you will start editing your criteria of what you want in a partner, circling those qualities which are important, and mentally scratching out those which are not. So if a person has a list of rigid, uncompromising qualities that they follow to the tee, they might just kick out the partner that was right for them.

If it were so easy to make a relationship last, our divorce rates would be lower. Even if people do not fall into the three traps listed above, there are other problems such as the possibility of meeting someone more attractive (high chance). What should you do in such a case?

Here’s a principle to guide you:
A great love relationship is not something you find, but something you build and commit yourself to.

There are tons of beautiful people in the world and many who are physically more attractive than your partner. To some people, the grass is always greener on the other side. So what do they do? They hop over to the neighbour’s lawn! But then the lawn doesn’t seem so green anymore because they see the weeds of the person’s personality. But it looks like there’s a greener lawn next door, so they hop again! They do their partner hopping, dating and exchanging in search of the greenest lawn, but they’ll never find it because a beautiful relationship, like a beautiful garden, must be tended to and cared for. You can have ‘happily forever after’ with the partner you choose, but you must commit yourself to it. Without commitment, nothing lasts.

To sustain love, two people have to choose each other. If either partner defaults or is unsure, the whole relationship falls apart. It doesn’t matter how much you love the other person if they do not return your love. This reminds me of those Chinese drama serials where they are fond of saying, “爱情是不能勉强的 ài qíng shì bù néng miân qiâng de” – translated it means ‘you can’t force love’. And this will be the time when the male suitor will grip his head and cry, “Why! Why?!!” Then he has no alternative, but to drown his sorrows in drink, and maybe get knocked down by a truck. Then the girl will visit him in the hospital, where with his dying breath he whispers his last words of undying love… then he dies.

Marriage Love Binding Magic 

Sometimes you might find that although you are ready to commit, your partner doesn’t want to settle. They may be on the lookout for the ideal person who can fulfil their whims and fantasies… some idealistic vision of what a lover should be. Many people believe that they can hold on to their partner and make them stay. In a beautiful world, I pray true love exists for every person and soulmates stay together forever. However, sometimes it can be difficult to hold on to a straying partner. Oftentimes though, the cause for straying is actually supernatural — there are ghosts leading your partner astray. This would require divine intervention to free your partner from ghost possession and bring them back to you. So marriage binding in the name of the Holy Spirit by a Church or love binding by a Temple God Of Marriage like 月老 yuè lâo, will be very beneficial for holding your love together despite avaricious ghosts trying to break your love for each other. Usually, the ghosts’ target is your family’s wealth. They want to capture your husband to one of their own girls because… he has money. So do your magical love bindings once you are sure you have met the right person and are committed to each other. That’s why temple, mosque, and church marriages can last forever. It is a magic love bind from the gods that protects your marriage.

Case Study – “Mr Y” 

Last week we talked to Mr Y about his hope of winning over a girl who already has a boyfriend. This week, let’s flip it and talk about what it’s like to be the person who’s about to lose their partner.

A reader wrote in regarding Mr Y’s case. She suggests that we put ourselves in the boyfriend’s shoes and see whether we like someone trying to break up our happiness. The reader suggests that Mr Y should take an altruistic approach, where he is happy the girl he loves is happy and well looked after. I didn’t want to agree (an urge to protect my client)… but after serious contemplation, I yielded because the reader has a point. The easiest way for Mr Y to be happy is to realise that he cares for the girl even though she’s chosen to be with someone else. In a way, Mr Y is a martyr who sacrifices his desire to be with her, for her happiness. Could a man do that if he loves a woman? I’m sure he could, but I doubt she would even notice his sacrifice.

“Dagger in the Heart” 

Mr Y said he felt a sharp stabbing pain in his heart when he found out that the woman he loved had recently found a boyfriend. I said, “I understand that sharp pain feeling.” Everyone who has been on the verge of losing a romantic partner has felt this sharp stabbing pain. If you haven’t, then you have not loved with all your heart.

The more you love a person; the more you care about him or her, the greater the feeling of being stabbed in the heart when they betray or cheat your love. Although the normal reaction to being dumped is to go ballistic and tell your lover what a piece of trash they are, your heart feels like a knife has sliced through it. This heart pain is there because buried under your anger, there is love.

When our partner betrays our love, there are two immediate feelings – the part that feels cheated, and the part that still cares. On one hand, we hate them for hurting us, and we want to hurt them back. On the other hand, we still have feelings for them, so just the thought of breaking up is hurting our soul. So what you need to realise is the deep stabbing pain you feel in your heart is not the pain of rejection, but the pain of trying to hate someone you love. Only when you can admit that you still care, and stop trying to hate them, do the two parts dissolve and become one whole. The pain disappears.

If you want to find an ideal partner, you first have to BE an ideal partner. Give your partner first-class treatment – be infinitely patient, loving, and giving. This doesn’t mean you do not settle differences, but that you do it in a calm and gentle manner. Don’t be calculative about giving. Give with all your heart and trust that your partner appreciates the love you give. They will return it to you when you least expect it. Realise that some of your demands are idealistic and unnecessary, drop them or change them. And finally, strive to become the best you can be in mind, body, and spirit; socially, financially, and emotionally because the better you become as a person, the better a partner you will attract.

Good luck and may you build the love life of your dreams.

A Letter To Governments

In this world, money does not come by easily enough. People actually struggle to make a living and many in poverty are really suffering. Experiencing a hard life, people turn to vices to get high and take their minds off the pain of reality. However, vices addict you and you get dragged further down the negative spiral of life — depression, drunkenness, venereal disease; fatigue, financial loss, worry, insanity; loneliness, isolation, and estrangement. What can governments do at the country management level to make life better for everyone?

Reduce Vices

The core strategy is to reduce vices, create more wholesome activities for people, and make money easier to come by (more abundant). People are children and you need to take care of them by giving them only what’s good for them and strictly curbing their bad habits by vice control. People don’t know what’s good for them — essentially, they just try everything that’s out there and get hooked. Then they learn by experience. So we, the older generations, who actually know what’s good and what’s bad, must shape the experiences we allow the children to be exposed to.

Vice Advice

Gambling

Most gambling only loses your money. But in some games like soccer betting, you can actually win money because you can see the team odds, player strength, winning streak, league position and more statistics. We need more easy games that actually let you win money. Governments should use legal betting and gaming companies to give away money with easy-to-win games. The most hopeless games are the 4-digits, the bingo, and the lottery tickets. You’ll never strike it in a hundred years of betting. It’s just there to consume your lunch money. Actually, having easy-to-win games in the legal betting and gaming companies is a great way to give the population a fun wealth channel. This is radical, isn’t it? A lottery company that is trying to make you rich?! It’s actually possible! Where do we get the money for this? Well, the government prints trillions of dollars to build infrastructure. All it takes is a few taps of a keyboard to get trillions into the accounts. Just direct some of this to the legal betting systems and tell them… “Make it easy to win. I want it all distributed. Then keep your fair share for providing service.”

Narcotics

Real narcotic drugs will really kill you — heroin, marijuana, ketamine, cannabis and more. Their withdrawal effects are serious and often leave one shivering with cold, nausea, and vomiting while yearning for a shot, a sniff, or a swallow. Definitely for the sake of your nation’s children, outlaw dangerous narcotics.

Prostitution

It is natural to like sex, but the sex industry attracts a lot of dark spirits to the area and country. Dark spirits terrorise the human population and turn men into sex addicts for life. That’s why I don’t recommend having a prostitution industry. It’s not good for men and boys who are constantly tempted to upgrade from pornography to prostitution. Prostitution may be the world’s oldest industry, but I tell you… no woman actually willingly wants to become a prostitute. They are usually poverty stricken and their psyche is led by dark spirits that enslave them in prostitution. So if we think about it, sacrificing that bit of personal pleasure for the good of all boys and girls; men and women who are to be attracted to or trapped in the sex industry… is a worthy sacrifice, don’t you think?

For any man who wants to cure sex addiction, you can try healing yourself with our free lust control program.

Smoking

Although smoking could harm your lungs, it does have a psychotropic effect that calms you and relieves stress as you inhale and exhale the smoke. I recommend tolerating this vice as many people use it as a coping mechanism. Plus, cigarettes can be classy like a cigar and martini in The Godfather? Or the long elegant cigarette that Zsa Zsa Gabor holds? Or the cool toughness of the Marlboro Man? Cigarettes are stylish stress relief puffs. (That could kill you.)

Alcohol

Overconsumption of alcohol could damage your brain. However, mild to moderate consumption does have good benefits. Alcohol dilates your arteries, so it increases blood flow in the heart and relieves stress in the brain. You are less likely to get a brain stroke (choked brain vessels) if you consume beer because of the vasodilation effect of alcohol. I found this especially good for when you are stressed up after a hard day’s brain work or study… you just want to “loosen the brain” and relax. Drink beer. A bit of wine is also very healthy for your heart and countenance. The resveratrol in the wine can protect you from heart attacks (coronary artery disease). Your skin also receives vasodilation and anti-ageing antioxidants from red wine — giving you that glowing complexion. So don’t be afraid just because drunkenness is identified as a vice. Alcohol has many benefits for our human bodies and is even used medically for disinfection in hospitals.

Pornography

I recommend keeping the porn industry around. Mainly because if you don’t, young people will forget how to have sex! It’s the porn that lets us know what is under the opposite sex’s clothes. And how to interact with it! It is also a sexual relief for those pent-up frustrations in your loins. Really… you need the porn. But you don’t need prostitution. This means you have sexual relief while still keeping your chastity. You know… a virgin man for a beautiful woman. That’s the fine line I recommend you tread.

Okay, enough about vices, let’s talk about money. The reason people indulge in vices is to escape from the pain of reality. And… that usually spells, “Not enough Money!” So here we go….

Increase Population Wealth

People need money. And many people have not been taught how to earn money. Many don’t have the seed money to go to school, earn that degree, and get a high-paying job. What if you want to be a business owner, but you don’t have money for business school? You have options… you can actually learn about business by free self-study at the library while working a simple job to save up enough money for business school. Or you can take a student loan that covers your education and living expenses, then slowly pay it back once you are working in the business world. Many people who did not see these options, actually worry about a shrinking bank account and eat just plain rice and instant noodles to reduce costs.

Lack of money is the biggest problem in this world. And I urge governments to think about it in detail — you have to know how to take someone from pauper to millionaire by pre-designed pathways. Your government should be able to see and maintain thousands of these wealth channels. Pathways for people to earn money and get rich! So it makes sense if you have a governmental division that designs and maintains wealth channels for the population. Think of it as ensuring your child has enough money by securing it through systematic design.

Many countries have excellent job and education systems. However, how do you get from just surviving to actually wealthy? That’s where expert wealth-building knowledge needs to be adopted by the governments and transformed into population wealth systems. The government will create pathways for you to be rich.

I would like to tell you more about this, but designing population wealth channels is so new to me… you have to put PhDs together to figure it out at the national level. With your national genius, you can surely save the people’s livelihood!

There are many people in Singapore with less than a few hundred dollars to their name in their bank accounts. These are usually the elderly who are existing on zero income. We are actually not doing enough to support them. They are dying before their time because they went broke and did not want to burden their families. For these people, I recommend the world governments adopt a Universal Basic Income plan that gives every person staple monthly income without means testing. There is an unlimited money source for this income scheme. The governments just have to tap it to solve all the countries’ poverty problems.

A Stock Market That Works!

The stock market’s promise is that you can wisely invest your money in it and you can earn capital gains! However, the reality of the stock market is totally opposite. The market makers actually rob all your money and give you so many losses, it depletes your trading account. Institutions actually crash the market on purpose to make money from short-selling. The banking institutions use the bank’s money, which is made up of the population’s savings, to make huge trade moves that move the market against other institutions and retail traders. This sinks the boats of the little retail traders who watch in horror as their accounts go bust on the trading platforms. And when you, the little retail boatsman try your hand at short-selling, you can’t make a cent! The trading system is not geared to give you short-selling profits. It is too expensive an entry cost to short sell. When the stock market wants to rise or dip a stock, they have the right to print candlesticks — that means they can just use the stock market computer program to boost the stock upwards or crash downwards without using any real money!! You, on the other hand, are pumping your hard-earned cash to try to ride a trend! You will definitely lose to the stock market manipulation.

Use The Stock Market For Free Money Distribution

You heard me right. If the automated system is so good at taking people’s money, then you just need government support to make the stock market give people money. Government, just make the stock market give people money. Sponsor it if you have to. They can already print candlesticks (make any stock go up or down), but why not give the older generation happiness by making them feel like they are ace traders earning a retirement income by pressing the buttons on their trading computer ATM? A few Fibonacci Lines and Gann Fans later… Ka-Ching! They can buy their holiday to France!

A Beautiful World Vision

Governments should aim to create a beautiful world that gives people lots of money and happiness, yet is wise to know what to let you enjoy and what to curb. Let’s talk more about creating wonderful experiences.

Cheap Food

In some countries, the meal cost is so high, you have to pay up to more than 10 times the cost than what you pay in a cheaper country. For example mixed vegetable rice. You would pay $1 Singapore Dollar in China for your mixed vegetable rice meal. But in Melbourne Australia, that same meal would cost you $13.60 Australian Dollars. Why can’t Melbourne Australia keep their meals cheap? Why must everything cross into the $10 plus to $20 plus for basic meals? Where are the $2 – $5 meals? Okay, here’s the secret: In Singapore, our government supplies free food for hawkers to cook. The instruction is: Take this food. Just cook and sell it cheap. That is how we keep our meal prices low. The government channels all the surplus groceries to the food & beverage industry for free — to feed the people. That way, we don’t waste unpurchased foods. Everything is used. And the people benefit. In fact, eating out is less costly in Singapore than cooking yourself at home.

Positive Psychology Of The Nation

Happiness is another quality of life which can be designed into your nation’s amenities. You specifically need a governmental division which plans and designs the activities and spaces which enhance the positive psychology of the nation. What is positive psychology? It is a study of the principles of happiness and well-being. If you design your nation’s activities and amenities according to the principles of positive psychology, you will find that the whole populations’ mean happiness rises and every day is a beautiful day for everyone.

Design Happiness Into Life

To achieve ideal happiness in life is to enjoy the work you do, while the work is helping you achieve your goals or success in life. Let’s say you are training at the gym. You enjoy the music and the workout of your muscles, but it is also preparing your body for that bodybuilding competition in a year’s time where you may win a title. That is happiness.

Let’s say you are studying at the library with a bit of soft background music in your earphones. You enjoy the feeling of becoming smarter and more knowledgeable, but at the same time, you are on your way to getting that Bachelor’s degree, that will assure you a successful job in future. That is happiness.

You are driving your car to work. It’s a 30-minute drive where you listen to self-help and success motivation audio tracks. You enjoy the lesson and the drive, but it is also getting you to work where you can make your day’s earnings. That is happiness.

Enjoying the present moment activity while it is helping you get to a successful destination is ideal happiness. Having more of these ideal happiness activities is how you should design the pathways of your nation’s positive psychology. Deliberate design is the key. For example, you can always add free work tables at the libraries for any budding entrepreneur to take a day out to work on his business plan in the beautiful space of the library, correct? That is happiness. You can create beautiful cheap entry swimming resorts, where people can sun bask, listen to audiobooks, and watch their children play in the kid’s fountain pool. Correct? That is happiness. You can design parks and recreational spaces where couples can go for a walk, kiss on the beach, and sleep under the stars… that is happiness.

Clubs & Societies

If you want to create a beautiful society, you must create avenues where people can interact. Clubs and societies are organisations where people with common interests will meet each other and share ideas. You could have a Writer’s Society, a Toastmasters Club, a Computer Club, Acting & Performance Groups, Rock Climbing Clubs, Metaphysics Societies, Magic Schools, Dating Clubs and more. All these places and spaces allow people to interact and make friends. Now, what you’ll find is that most of these interest groups do not have their own places and spaces. They don’t have the budget for rental and buying space. So, it is up to the government to seek them out and offer them spaces for their clubs and societies to be set up. A properly organized movement will be as powerful as the Toastmasters — training world-class public speakers every week. You’ll be amazed at what people can do once you offer them the core resource like building space. It’s up to the government to nurture these seedling clubs and societies to flourish a more beautiful and inspiring cultural atmosphere in the nation. The government can retain ownership of the land while lending it out for use by clubs and societies. They will also need funding to organise events, buy food, hire speakers and more. Just use the National Budget to fund them.

Boutique Super Schools

Another special idea is to have boutique super schools in every city. These schools teach you very unique subject matters which are not covered by conventional academic courses. For example, a dating school. This is an evergreen industry. People young and old actually don’t know how to romance each other. How do you start a conversation? How do you get her phone number? How do you get her to go out on a date with you? How should I dress on my first date? Thus, a boutique dating school in every city is a good idea. I was a dating instructor myself. And it was a fun and rewarding career, especially when you see your students coupling together and getting married.

Home-keeping / housekeeping school is another fabulous idea. Many people don’t know the nitty-gritty of keeping their homes neat and clean; organized and tidy. What’s the best way to wash dishes? What to do when the shower pipe breaks? Is vacuuming better than using floor wet wipes? How do you mow the grass and maintain the plants? Nowadays there is a super instructional database called wikiHow. It is also an app you can download to your smartphone. It tells you everything about home maintenance and life tips. This how-to database is the most powerful assembly of step-by-step instructions on how to do things. I do know there is still an avenue for live instruction and training. So it is worth considering home-keeping / housekeeping courses in every city.

Cooking schools are another popular and important boutique super school. My country — Singapore — does have affordable community centre cooking classes for the lay public. And premium classes from providers like ABC Cooking Studio. The truth is… people don’t know how to cook! (Usually, you are taught by your mother or grandmother.) And they need instructors to guide them on how to prepare delicious home-cooked meals.

There should also be cheap to free entrepreneurship schools and entrepreneur clubs for the common person. This is to cater for those who would like to start up a small business but are tight on their education budget. You don’t need a 3-year degree in entrepreneurship before you can start up a business?! You need to join an entrepreneur club and listen to what the uncle has to tell you. Then take a short course with the entrepreneurship school to know how to do your business plan, system design, bookkeeping, marketing and more. A lot of specific things they don’t tell you… like how to become an author? How to become a hawker? How to open a smartphone shop? How to do a massage business? How to be a freelance graphic designer? No one tells you these things! So… a very affordable government-supported entrepreneurship school for the layperson. And entrepreneur clubs that allow enthusiasts to network and stay informed of the latest.

There are many boutique super schools that your country can nurture. You just have to think of them. Usually, their topics are very necessary but not supported. Like a handyman school you can find in Australia’s Bunnings Warehouse. They teach you how to paint your walls, assemble a toolshed, hang your bathroom mirrors, install a doorbell, change your locks, install curtain tracks and more. And if you need a handyman, you can also hire their staff to do installations for you. Every home needs a handyman. One of your family members should train in using screwdrivers, drills, spanners, and glue.

Finally, another special thing I like so much is the Apple Classes that Apple Stores organise to teach users the features of their new Apple devices. More corporations should learn from Apple Computers and Bunnings Warehouse, and organise free classes to teach people how to use their products. That is a fun, engaging, and profitable use of your time sitting through their workshops and classes.

Sponsored Free Psychotherapy

The truth is… the people who need help the most, cannot afford to pay for it. Think about your mental patient nephew who can’t make a living because his mind is not in order… he needs medication, and psychotherapy, and counselling, right? He can’t pay for it, right? It would help him greatly if he had this help, correct? Then make it free, government. Sponsor all the counsellors, psychotherapists, and psychiatrists to do sponsored free work to help the needy and crazy in your society. Really, you can’t expect the mad people to pay big bucks for therapy. They have no money. They can’t afford their medication. They cannot afford to pay $100 USD per hour to see a psychologist or counsellor. They have no money! They can’t earn a living due to their mental problems. The only people who make money in life are the sane and intelligent. Bipolar disorder or obsessive compulsive disorder or schizophrenia or any of the myriad of mental disorders… and you’re almost a goner when it comes to making money. People need help to cope. And they can’t afford to pay for it. There are no rich mental patients in the world with big bucks to pay their psychotherapists. Mental patients make nothing. Honestly. If you want a society that is healthy and functional, sponsor the psychotherapy, psychology, and psychiatry to do free healing. That is the way to go in the future.

Cheap Gyms & Affordable Supplements

Everyone needs to exercise. Remember this principle: Move Your Body, Move Your Mind. So if you exercise daily, you will experience more mental freedom and rejuvenation. Maybe for ladies, guys would notice your iron buns. Or for guys, maybe girls would ogle your pectorals. Everyone wants to be bodily beautiful. So, an affordable gym and effective supplements are key to building the new you. Plus, it’s a good place to hang out on a daily basis — for example, you wear sports headband earphones and listen to business podcasts while working out your triceps. A good book on bodybuilding exercises and weightlifting techniques would also do wonders. For ladies, affordable aerobics classes, zumba, boxercise, yoga, pilates, and more. Women don’t really want to build themselves into Hulk-asaurus! They want to be slim and svelte. Thus more aerobic bodyweight exercises are better than the guys’ muscle-building ‘papa pump’ anaerobic exercise.

Religious Cell Groups

In my country, only the Christian religion organizes cell groups. These are weekly in-person or online meetings where church members gather together to learn and share the gospel. What we should do actually, is have all religions organise cell groups for religious study. The Christians got it right. Fellowship is the most powerful form of communion. In other words, gathering with like-minded people is the most powerful way to know God. In Singapore, we have 5 major religions — Christianity, Buddhism, Taoism, Hinduism, and Islam. If each religious organisation takes the principle of fellowship seriously and organises religious cell groups for their members, it will be a very beautiful melting pot of culture to meet so many interesting, like-minded people. Who knows? You might meet your boyfriend or girlfriend in a cell group!

There can also be online forums or e-groups for members to interact. They can have teleconference religious classes and an LMS Learning Management System to upload the lesson content and allow forum discussions on subject matter. This teleconference class and LMS idea can also be applied to all the boutique super schools you saw above.

In Conclusion

Okay, dear government. That’s what I wanted to tell you about creating a beautiful world for your society. People do suffer lives of loneliness, isolation, and estrangement. So deliberately reaching out to them through carefully crafted social systems — helping them organise their lives and achieve their goals; fulfil their needs and live life to the fullest — is the refined work of the government.

We are all connected, you know that? Although it may seem like you are alone, you are connected to everyone in your community and country — as long as the spirit knows you… the universe knows you… and through those channels, you are connected to everyone around you. So don’t feel lonely… you have many spiritual friends and thus many human connections. Amen.