In this lesson, we explore the importance of leading an active lifestyle. Lance shares his personal life story of how he went from fat to fit, and explains the lifestyle trends which are affecting us. He then offers practical solutions you can take away and apply into your life immediately.

Click to play or you can download the audio (right-click ’save as’) to your MP3 player.

Obesity is a problem in society today

It starts in small ways

We can blame our screen-based lifestyle.

I went from right to left

What has been influencing the minds of adolescents

School Boys try look like and be these characters in real life. They try to transform fantasy into reality.

A Manga Store in Japan - Purveyor of Fantasies

All you need are a good pair of shoes and an MP3 Player to join "Walking University"

Good sitting posture and computer ergonomics is a must nowadays

A true blue Equestrian. Notice her posture.

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Tension is high. Work piles like a mountain. You’re drowning in a sea of paper. Never-ending tasks are in sight. More and more information is being shoved down your throat.

You’re pushing and fighting as hard as you can… But have little to show for results. This sucks, and it’s starting to turn life into a thankless struggle.

Watching TV, you see people living fabulous dream lifestyles. The variety show hosts seem to be having so much fun – amazing performances, tons of dashing men and beautiful women.

And you wonder…

“How the Hades did they get to where they are? Must have sold their soul! Why am I still struggling and not enjoying life like them?”

Oftentimes we have many dreams and plans in our heads, which are not materialised into our lives. We have some dreams… but they aren’t coming true… what’s wrong?

There are reasons why this happens.

One is analysis paralysis. There are so many darn things to do, we just get stuck thinking about what we should be doing instead of taking action.

Two is N.A.T.O: No Action Talk Only. These are the people who are forever talking about their dreams, but never getting round to doing them. There seem to be three common causes for this: 1) they are stuck trying to find the perfect plan or perfect opportunity to get started, 2) they have difficulty translating their dream into a plan with milestones, goals, and practical action steps, or 3) the opportunity and plan are there, but they are not taking action. There is no perfect plan or opportunity… just get started. Never underestimate a humble beginning.

Three is “I’m not prepared enough”. This is where a person spends their time learning and gathering resources in order to start; doing everything else except the main project they want to accomplish. It’s the classic case of a student still learning about how to learn faster (e.g. speed reading, mind mapping) instead of studying the material required for his exam in two weeks.

Four is action without thought. These people do and do and do… they are focused on action. This is good, but acting without clear analysis and deep thought, they waste their energy doing mediocre things which don’t produce results. When you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

Five is being complacent - too contented to do anything. Some people are able to visualise their goals vividly in their minds; so real that they can experience the complete satisfaction of its achievement – every bit of joy savoured. Then when they open their eyes, they continue to carry this feeling with them into their daily lives… a beaming smile on their face. They do not feel the need to do anything because in their hearts, they have already arrived emotionally at where they want to be.   

The One Rule for Cutting through Information Overload and Work Stress

“Do what is personally important to you, reject the rest.”

The wording is deceptively simple, but the underlying support and logic for this rule has depth.

Think of your life as being limited. A person can die at any time… whether the cause is internal – seizure, stroke, epilepsy; or external – car accident, suicide, murder. It’s best to die with no regrets, isn’t it? Who wants to leave this world with a sense of failing what you came to do in the first place? Life is short and our time here is not guaranteed. Thus it becomes important to know what really makes the difference in our level of fulfilment with life.

Most people don’t know what would be meaningful and worth doing for them. That’s why we have the phases of quarter-life and mid-life crisis. These are the points in time where a person feels lost and is deciding what to do with the rest of their life.

If you are near such a stage and are seeking your path, consider the following questions:

a.      Considering your feelings, what made you happy in the past?

b.      What is your soul called to do? What is a worthwhile lifelong mission?

c.       If you were an Angel or an observer to yourself, what would make this person happy?

d.      How would you like to contribute to the world such that you leave with no regrets?

The answers are not always straightforward… it is precisely because we don’t know the answers that we ask. So let’s expect to have some confusion and blank minds. But don’t let that stop you. Persist to seek your truth – the message which speaks to your soul.

For me, helping others and contributing to your learning makes sense because I carry the spiritual mission of a Guardian. I find fulfilment in helping others realize where they want to go and then guiding them to dissolve the blocks to getting there.

Being guided by a spiritual mission, even if one were to pass from this world unexpectedly, the sense of dying peacefully is there because one has done something meaningful and purposeful with their life.

Applying the Rule to Your Tasks and Projects

If you are lucky enough to grasp the sense of a higher mission and purpose in your life, then you would apply it by filtering all your opportunities, projects, and tasks through the lens of your life’s purpose. To evaluate a task, ask yourself, “How does this task contribute to my life goals? Is it in alignment with what’s important to me?”

If it is something that would bring fulfilment, then do it – take it on as a project. But if it is out of alignment or does not contribute to your life goals, then eliminate or reject it. It is not right for you and will end up slowing you down, making you unhappy because you are bound by obligation to complete it since you gave your word.

You have more important projects to do… mission critical objectives which determine your happiness in life. As you eliminate and reject what is unimportant, you will realise that only 20% of what you do is meaningful to you in the long run. This is in accordance with Pareto’s Principle which is the 20/80 rule most are familiar with. You should apply Pareto’s Principle to all facets of your life.

Filter your chosen projects through this rule by asking, “Which 20% of my projects are truly meaningful to me?” Then to identify the most important tasks within the project, ask, “What 20% of what I do in this project produces 80% of the results?”

Focus on completing the most result-producing 20% of tasks within your most meaningful 20% of projects. And you will feel a great sense of fulfilment each day you breathe.

Learn to Say ‘No’ to Inappropriate Opportunities

If you ask me, the world is overflowing with opportunities, and there will always be people asking you to take on a project, market their product, join their company, develop this, sell that… which makes it important to strongly believe in what you are doing and where you are headed. It is so easy to get sidetracked that we must take precautions by learning how to say ‘no’ to what is inappropriate.

Now this can be tricky because you don’t want to offend your friends or bite the hand which feeds you. So be careful about being blunt: “No thanks, I’ve got better things to do.” That would surely appear arrogant and ungrateful.

Instead, use a little tact and say, “Thanks for thinking of me, [insert name]. I can’t right now because I’m already busy with several projects. But I really appreciate hearing about your ideas. Perhaps next time would be good.”

‘Eliminate Work Stress and Information Overload’ Strategy Review:

1.      Figure out your spiritual mission or higher purpose in life.

2.      Filter new opportunities and tasks through the lens of your life’s goals.

3.      Reject what is inappropriate. Allow in what fits.

4.      Apply the Pareto Principle to the incoming projects and the tasks within these projects.

5.      Work on the top 20% of tasks within the most meaningful projects

6.      Feel great accomplishment and satisfaction with life.

Congratulations, you now know how to cut through the fluff of life and focus on what’s important. Your work stress will decrease as you throw out redundant tasks and even redundant jobs.  Now here’s a bonus tip on information overload and feeling inadequate:

How to Cut through Information Overload and the Fear of Not Knowing Enough

Do not fall into the trap of over-preparing. The secret is to be brave and jump in.

“… Boldness has genius, magic, and power in it.” – Wolfgang von Goethe

Focus on executing the main task. If along the way, you realise a gap in your knowledge presents an obstacle, THEN go learn what you need to know. Before that, you won’t know what is really important to achieving the task at hand. Applying Pareto’s Principle, 80% of the material we spend so much time studying, would only account for 20% of our results. You want to uncover the power-packed 20% of material which produces 80% of your results, and just study that.

Knowledge is forever becoming outdated. What you learn today might be worthless in one year’s time. Focus not on accumulation and stockpiling, but on flexibility and just-in-time learning. We all grow old and forget whatever we learn anyway…

So it’s obvious, the greatest learning is in the DOING. Not the reading, or listening, or watching. So what are you waiting for? Go do what is important to you. Good luck, and talk to you next time.

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Xbox 360 Wireless Controller

I am the proud owner of a Second Hand Xbox 360.  Owning this box has made me change my view about video games. I used to belong to the camp which believes that we should engage with real life rather than virtual life to overcome what French cultural theorist, Jean Baudrillard, calls Hyperreality.

Hyperreality occurs when a person’s consciousness is unable to distinguish reality from fantasy. Often people get so engrossed in their video games that the virtual world becomes more real to the person than the real world. They live and breathe the game while their real body deteriorates. Sounds scary?

I used to think that way, but today I see the wisdom in having a fantasy life.

Regular life seems to have evolved an invisible linear path set in place by society. You spend your birth until mid twenties studying; your late twenties to fifties working hard and raising a family; your late sixties onwards retiring and relaxing.

In one word, it can be: BORING.

The question is… what if you don’t want to live this linear path?

You might be ostracized by your family and relatives if you’re of studying age and not going to school; working age and still bumming around; marrying age and still single.

So you seek an escape from real life? Then games are an answer to your prayers. The fantasy world can provide you the fun and variety you seek while still allowing you to conform to the linear path dictated by society.

And it’s not all just fun and games…. Modern game design is smart and can require you to think. It trains up a goal-oriented, objective-driven and mission-based mindset. Now if you think about it, how many of us are really goal-oriented, objective-driven, and mission-based in our real lives?

How often do we just slack and go with the flow?

Many of today’s best games are designed with an open world concept which simulates real life. Go to the bar, go to the Laundromat – you can walk anywhere; no one will bother you. It’s not until you take up a Mission. Then it becomes a game because you now have objectives to accomplish. You can succeed or fail.

Drawing from this and applying to real life, we might realize that there is nothing we really need to do in life. Only that which you choose to set as a mission and objective for yourself.

Society’s invisible linear path often tries to set these objectives for us. You hear things like, “Go get your degree, then get a job, then get married, work hard, raise your kids….”

But these extrinsic goals fail unless you answer the honest question: “What do I want to do?”

If you know the answer to that, the difference now is you start living your life as a game you actually enjoy playing.

Now apart from this mission-based mindset, games can also build up your courage and tenacity. I was trying this Xbox game called Dead Space and it’s so well done, it feels like you’re actually there…. This new genre of ultra-realistic horror games has enough shock to make a grown man cringe.

There are some arguments against video games, namely that games cause poor results in school because the children can’t concentrate, and for working adults, it takes time away from real work (meaning that one should be making money rather than playing games).

These are all valid concerns. Games can be engaging to the point of hyperreality. This is where we need to take some practical measures by giving ourselves a time limit when we play our games. Too much of a good thing is bad. Too much rich and delicious food will cause obesity. Too much studying can cause your brain to haemorrhage like the student who died of stroke while cramming for exams.

Everything requires balance and moderation. BALANCE is the key to ‘having your cake and eating it too’ (half in your stomach and half in your hand). Nothing should be done to an extreme.

On a final note, I hope you are able to see the positive side of games, despite the negatives which arise from extreme use. This is like saying, “I hope you can see the positive side of eating, despite the danger of over-eating.”

You get my drift.  ;p

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If a stroke victim can be medically treated within 3 hours the effects of a stroke can be totally reversed. The trick is recognizing a stroke, getting it diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough.

RECOGNIZING A STROKE

Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke. Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:

S * Ask the individual to SMILE.

T * Ask the person to TALK and SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE ( Coherently; i.e. It is sunny out today )

R * Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.

Ask the person to ‘STICK’ OUT THE TONGUE. If the tongue is ‘crooked’, if it goes to one side or the other , that is also an indication of a stroke.

If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call 999/911 immediately, or go to the hospital and demand quick treatment because you have identified an individual with a stroke.

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Sometimes life is a struggle not because of a lack of money, education, or opportunity, but simply because our human relationships are in a mess.

The strange issue is that in a society where we can become highly educated with numerous letters to our name, we still lack the fundamental education of the heart. Take for example a work-frustrated MBA holder who is doing her ‘power walk’ down the street with her suitcase and office attire. She focuses on a single point ahead and her brow is tightly furrowed. An old woman stops her and asks if she would like to buy some tissue. The executive wrinkles her nose and says, “I don’t want your dirty tissue,” then walks on with a huff.

A core reason human relationships suffer is because many people have not evolved to the point where they can appreciate other people’s lives rather than just their own. This self-centeredness makes it difficult to genuinely connect with another person.

Today I’d like to share an important belief and perceptual filter a person should develop in order to maintain better human relationships and reduce the anger or anguish in their life.

The first rule to live by is a simple one: Be kinder than necessary to everyone you meet because everyone is fighting a battle of some kind.

Aren’t we all warriors in our own lives? There are always battles to be fought, fires to be put out, demons to vanquish, and obstacles to overcome. With all this fighting and struggling going on, we can’t expect everyone to be nice all the time. People get tired and frustrated. Thus it is important that you take this into consideration when you interact with others. Know that everyone struggles, everyone has their private pain; every person is simply striving to achieve their dream.

This brings us to a second understanding about human nature: All sentient beings seek to avoid pain and gain pleasure. There is a positive intention behind every behaviour.

Take for example the Sandman in the Spiderman movie. He robbed banks and hurt many people. But his intention was to get enough money to make his critically ill daughter well again. So behind the mask of a criminal… lays the heart of a good father.

Do you know anyone like that? Somebody who’s behaviour you found obnoxious, but their underlying motivation turned out to be noble?

At first glance, we can’t see the deeper reasons behind a person’s surface behaviour. Therefore it’s important to withhold our flash judgement of a person’s character based on one wrongdoing. The person simply might not know a better way to express or achieve their desire.

Jesus said, “Father forgive them; for they know not what they do.”

Normally we feel angry or hurt when we believe people are deliberately out to hurt us. But more often, they are doing something to help themselves, their cause, or those they care for.

There is an old Buddhist story about falling asleep on a wooden fishing boat. There you are, asleep in your boat, floating in the middle of a lake… when suddenly, a violent jolt shocks you from your sleep. You leap up in fury thinking, “Who’s this idiot who can’t pilot his boat properly? I’m going to give him a piece of my mind!”

Then you realize it’s just an empty boat. And suddenly you don’t feel angry anymore because nobody was deliberately out to hurt you.

Do you see the root cause here? The source of our anger comes from being self-centered. When we believe that someone wants to manipulate us or take from us, then anger is our way to protect the ego. The people with the biggest egos are the ones who are most easily angered because they believe everyone is out to cheat them or steal their idea. Even if someone takes from you, it is wise to realize that they do it not directly to hurt you… but because they are trying to care for their grandmother, provide for their children; or maybe they suffer from an insatiable desire for luxuries.

When we only know our existence as our physical self (mind and body without spirit), it becomes hard to quantify our success in life. Thus, we adopt a materially focused point of view. We start affixing the ‘my’ label to everything in this world. This is my bed, these are my clothes, my friends, my ideas, my world. This compulsion develops into a desire to possess more than others.

To be happy and carefree, you might let go of the need to have more than necessary, you could let go of the need to be better, you should let go of the ego. Everything you have in this life is on loan… you return it when you die.

The funny thing is some people take this approach: where if someone has more than I – a better looking spouse or a sleeker car – then I swear to take them down someday. I make it my personal mission to be better than them. “I’m going to show them what a piece of shit they are!”

When in reality, it’s because I feel like a piece of shit myself, thus I have to take a dump on other people’s success in order to feel better about where I am now.

So remember this vital lesson of looking beyond surface behaviour to sense the positive intention behind what people do. It will help you shift your perspective to a more objective; egoless point of view. Then you’ll find it easier not to blow your top unnecessarily. This will allow you to maintain more harmonious relationships with others, which will aid you in achieving the success you deserve.

Here is your special assignment: Now that you know everyone is on a journey, fighting a battle of some kind, be their guardian and look for ways to help your friends and family succeed. It’s a simple matter of noticing what path they are on and seeing if you can give them a lift.

Do this once a day and I guarantee you’ll wake up in the morning feeling like there is great meaning and purpose to your life…. When you can look beyond yourself and consider the dreams of others.

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When you’re bored or have excess energy and you don’t feel like sitting still, you should clean the house. Housework is one of the best forms of therapy available. If you’re an office worker, you’ve already spent the whole day stuck to your chair, flexing your brain and while your body goes idle. When people get home, most of them slump into their couch and turn on their TV. Much of the time, it’s not their body that’s tired, but their mind. Isn’t it silly to tax your eyeballs with TV when you’ve already spent your whole day staring at your computer screen?

This is unhealthy.

You should do the opposite and activate your body while relaxing your mind. Housework is the perfect activity because it doesn’t take much brain power and it exercises all major muscle groups in your body. Let’s compare this with sport because I know there are people who would rather play squash than clean the house. In any ball game, the objective is clear. You’ve got to score a point. In housework, the objective is also clear – you’ve got to make the area clean and organized. In sport, the motions are repetitive, like running, bouncing the ball, or teeing off in golf. In housework, the motions are also repetitive – scrubbing, sweeping, folding.

In many ways, housework is just like sport. But better because you get to savour the results of a sparkling clean and efficiently organized home. Old people know that housework is great for relaxation. You see them pruning their gardens, painting their fences, and tidying up the place; always with a smile on their face.

A clean house will sustain a healthier body and lifestyle. Get your black belt in killing germs, dust mites, fungus, mould, and mildew. Steam-vacuum your floors and carpets, scrub your toilet bowl, sink, and shower; rinse the dust mites from your sheets and curtains. Did you know that ringworms can live inside your socks? Kill the bastards before they give you this:

[ Don't sleep on your socks. ]

When your home is neat and beautiful, you can be proud to entertain your friends and relatives there. Show them that there is a civilized person living in this house. They would surely be impressed by your fastidiousness.  And if you ever have to entertain a business client at home, the cleanliness and organization says something about you. Plus if you’re single, the first thing your potential partner will notice is whether you live in a dump or a residence.

“But I have a maid…”

Stop letting your maid have all the fun…. Even if you’re not doing the sweeping or scrubbing, take an active interest in organizing your living area. Arrange and set things up to suit yourself. Toss out old clutter which is cramping your space. Surely your maid can’t decide what to throw out. By removing useless stuff and organizing useful stuff in a clever way, you make items easier to access and your increased speed makes you more productive.

Here are three easy and powerful de-cluttering tips:

• Take an empty plastic bag and fill it up with junk you don’t use or need anymore. Throw out or give away one bag a day.
• Dig into your cupboards and wardrobes for all the clutter that is hidden out of sight. Because we can’t see it, we don’t notice its existence. But it’s there taking up space and blocking the way for storage of useful items.
• Reduce the amount of stuff you buy. Economic and scientific research has shown that we don’t use a lot of the items we own. And in Buddhist philosophy there is a saying that less possessions is best because more possessions results in more items to mind, more worries and things to take care of. Then it would be the case of the possessions possessing the owner rather than the other way around.

May I add that doing housework is good character training and will create a disciplined mind.

Clean for Success and win the battle for your life.

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Men have two heads. The big head, and the little head (the smaller, more purple one). The problem is, in the average male, although the purple head is smaller, it’s also more powerful than the big head. That’s why they say, “It has a mind of its own.”

Many times when I suggest that men should practice self-control, discipline, and restraint, I know it’s not easy. As a male, I know how powerful the little head can be. Why do you think psychologists say men have a sexual thought every 20 seconds? That’s the little head doing the thinking. And if you think with your little head, it’s going to lead you around by the ‘you know what’, and cause you to waste time, money, and energy. Resources which can be put to better use.

Just today I was walking to lunch with a friend along Singapore’s Arab street when I passed by a serious-looking Chinese businessman in a short-sleeved shirt — about 48 years-old with a royal belly, a shock of gray hair, and a large mole on his left cheek. He looked fine and proper, but what unnerved me was the way he looked at the two women who were passing on my right. He kept a straight face, but the intensity of his gaze told me he was visualizing something in his mind. As he walked pass the women, his right hand reached down and groped his crotch, a slight curl appeared at the corner of his mouth. Then he noticed me watching, his facial expression tightened and became blank. I looked away pretending not to notice.

The world is getting pretty perverted and sexuality is out of control. In public spaces, men stare lustfully at women’s bodies, commenting about how big or how small, giving the woman a ‘hotness rating’ on a scale of one to ten. Comic books depict sexual acts with alien tentacles, French maids, sibling incest and other unmentionables.

This perversion is further fueled by the media. Splash open any urban magazine for men or women, and you’ll be assaulted by the number of sexy pictures and juicy stories. The risqué tolerance is so high that a breast is not considered exposed as long as it has two little stickers or two fingers covering the nipples.

All this leads to a perversion of the mind. A guy once asked me, “How do I make money and be productive? All I like to do is watch porn and spank my monkey.”

“What would you do if you had money?” I asked.
“Get laid, of course!” he exclaimed.
“Well, you’re already getting laid by your hand,” I said wryly.

If this guy had money, he would definitely turn into a player and wreck havoc in many women’s lives. I was thinking, “This is why the Universe does not allow you to prosper… because you are driven by wrong motivation.” But of course I could not say that to him outright. That would be insensitive.

The problem with the player is that he or she does not respect a person as an individual. But rather, they see the opposite sex as their plaything or toy. A human being becomes an object rather than a person with dreams and desires of their own. They have no qualms about going in and messing up someone’s life for their own pleasure. How would you like it if someone comes into your life, wins over your heart and then crushes it? Throughout the ages, what women have yearned for is sincerity. But what they get are wolves in sheep’s skin.

The amount of emotional pain a player causes an innocent soul will definitely be multiplied and returned to them at a later stage in their life. By hurting others, we create Karma for ourselves.

That might not be the end of it… a scorned ex-lover might approach a witch or a voodoo master to put a curse on you. Your luck can reverse; your whole life will turn upside down. And worse, you won’t even know why.

Never say ‘I love you’ without meaning it because ‘Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned’.  I suppose you can also say, ‘…like a man scorned’. But men would more likely take direct action like murder rather than use magic.

When we see people as objects rather than individuals, we say insensitive things like, ‘fatter than Jupiter’, or ‘he’s so bald I can see my reflection’ or ‘boobs like an airplane tarmac’ and ‘her face is uglier than my dog’s’. Maybe it’s funny, but it’s also painful for the person it’s directed at. Avoid judging people as objects.

If you do judge people in this way, then we might say your mind is infected with a cultural disease. You need to be cured. And the first step to the curing of a diseased mind is the removal of mental trash. Cut the intake of media which discusses and disrespectfully displays people as objects. These include gossip magazines and tabloid news, internet porn sites and trash TV. Just like how junk food spoils your body, junk content spoils your mind. Some people close their eyes and all they can see are pornographic images; then they complain they can’t seem to accomplish anything worthwhile. Remember the computer term, GIGO, Garbage In Garbage Out — what you get out of yourself, is only as good as the content you put in.

If you can adopt these three habits: 1) Respect people as individuals, 2) Avoid hurting others through words or actions, and 3) Cut the intake of mental trash, you will come closer to developing a personality which people love and appreciate. Your refined character will attract new people into your life (possibly romance). The removal of mental garbage will give you more clarity of purpose to enhance your vision and direction in life. Plus, the mental space allows you to think and reflect deeply.

Go out and look at a person through their eyes (the windows to the soul) rather than their body shape or how they dress. You can easily fool the untrained eye with some fancy clothes, but you can’t fool the person who knows how to read your soul. I will be teaching these sacred soul reading techniques in my upcoming wisdom development program coming in December this year.

Another thing you can do is not try and pick up every person you meet. Everyone has their own life to lead, and they would be better off if you did not interfere with their life’s path. Messing with other people just for the fun of it will invite problems into your own life. Only do it when you are sincere.

Finally, replace your gossip magazines and porn with some good books and engaging hobbies. Simply channel your extra energy into worthwhile pursuits. That will help you grow into a more interesting and well-rounded individual.

These three qualities are important in developing an optimal character, but there are hundreds more I do not have the time to tell you about yet. I will attempt to expound on these unique characteristics in each article I write. You can subscribe to my RSS feed to stay in touch with the latest teachings.

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by Guest Author: Ong Eng Wen a.k.a Squeakus Maximus

For the first time ever, I went clubbing. (You see what I mean by them being a bad influence?) This is my take on Clubbing:

I have thus deduced that Clubbing holds three essential rules:

Visual Deprivation: All clubs are darkly lit. This serves two purposes. Firstly, everyone looks good when it is dark. This is especially true of girls, of whom one might otherwise pick out critical flaws, such flaws as crooked teeth or bad complexion, in better light. Secondly, darkness enhances the efficacy of the laser light shows (the source of psychedelic stimuli) and UV flashes (which highlight white tube tops and G-strings and thigh-grinding.)

Audio Deprivation: All clubs play music at least at the human threshold of pain, and many well beyond that. Furthermore, most music is played with deep base, such that it is more felt (especially in cavities like the chest) than heard. Couple this with the fact that the brain’s organ for balance is a delicate sliding layer of crystal located in the ear and presto! Instant loss of balance.

Alcohol: Alcohol is to the mind what alcohol is to the body. It may be bad for you in the long run, but it is fun as hell trying to get there. Alcohol also affects how the brain interprets images; crooked teeth are straightened, bad skin smoothened, thick waists slimmed, broad shoulders softened, and flat chests mountain-ed.

These three components ultimately lead to one hell of a good time.

And a killer hangover the day after.

The Two Ways of Dancing

In Zouk, there are three areas to dance. The first is Zouk proper, or Zouk main. This place is fairly large, with lots of vertical space and a dancing platform (which looks like a pyramidal stack of cubes) in the centre. People are paid to dance on them, because no sane Singaporean would. Bar top dancing was illegal until only recently, you know.

Zouk proper plays Retro on Mambo night (Wednesday), which also happens to be Ladies’ Night, even though men somehow equal the number of women. Retro calls for more fanciful moves, and stylistic gestures. Since Retro is mostly love songs from the ’80s, there are a few simple rules to follow:

1) When the song says ‘I’, you point to yourself.

2) When the song says ‘you’, you point to your dancing partner, or a stranger, or someone on the platform.

3) When the song says ‘love’, ‘heart’, ‘my’, ‘emotion’ or something equivalent, cross your hands over your chest, at the heart.

4) When the song says anything else, scrunch your shoulders up a little and push your hands free and away from yourself. Lean back a little with your head.

Once in a while, Zouk proper will release clouds of dry ice into the crowd. This is very fun, since if you were standing right in the blast zone like me, you wouldn’t be able to see your hand in front of your face.

This is fun up until the point where a dry ice pellet pelts you in some place sensitive, like between the shoulder blades. At this point, your arm involuntarily whips out and smacks the nearest person on your right, who happens to be getting jiggy with his girlfriend. What follows is an immediate Evil Eye, answered by subservient apologies.

The second place is Zouk Phuture, which is much smaller. It is rectangular, with a bar lining a length, and a DJ at a breadth. The only exit is the entrance, and once it is past 00:00 am, and you are still on the dance floor, you can forget about coming out.

Zouk Phuture plays R&B and Rap, which would explain why everybody inside is either 1) Horny, 2) Angry, or 3) Horny and angry. These songs involve expletives, racial discrimination, the search for racial equality, vulgarity, the objectification of women, girl power, and foul language. Did I mention that they swear a lot too?

Although one would expect more fanciful footwork and a style closer to the ground with these songs, the opposite is actually true. This is because Phuture has twice the people of Zouk proper crowded in half the space. Drowning is a very possible hazard. The lack of space simplifies dancing in Zouk Phuture:

1) There is no space to breathe, let alone move. Hence, one’s motion is limited to the vertical. By planting your feet and bending up and down at the knees, one creates the illusion of movement and hence dance.

2) There is limited upper body space, so there will be no fancy movements like in Zouk main. Males instead use one hand – preferably the master hand – to cover the crotch, while the off hand to guard the rear. This is to protect against any unwanted rubbing, especially against other males’ unmentionables. Females have more options, since they have more areas to protect. However, since the front door is in a more defensive position, they tend to guard the balcony and basement. The exceptions – and mind you, there are – to this are usually when the crotch is not recessed. However, most males and do not wish to rub against such individuals, unless they are drunk, incredibly stupid, or get their kicks in a strange way.

3) There is no need to fret if you are not jiggy with the R&B and Rap genre. Every time a new song starts, simply raise your hand, ring and middle finger bent or curled at the knuckles, and sway it sideways at the shoulder, like a metronome or an inverted pendulum, even if you do not recognise the song. Most bystanders – who are posers like you, anyway – will believe that you are a very happening person and feed off your energy. ** Note: If you do this for every single song, people will quickly recognise you as a poser.

4) Since most people’s shoulders are wider than their heads, there will usually be space for neck rotation, bending, nodding, and rolling. This in Pop Culture is termed ‘Head bashing’. All the soundtracks in Zouk Phuture have heavy base, sounds so low they are felt more than heard. All you have to do is find the underlying rhythm. Nod your head when it is a steady beat. Bend it sideways when the beat is a repeated pattern of fast and slow beats. Roll your head around when the beats start slow, and progressively become faster and faster.

5) Every once in a while, especially when the song playing is one you do not recognise, and which does not excite your friends very much, it is very classy to stop all movement, whip out a cigarette, and smoke in a state of detached catatonia. Give a ‘I-don’t-give-a-shit’ look. People will think that you are extremely cool, ignoring a song like that. Once you are done with the cig, stomp on it and just wait one more song out, after which, burst into a state of frenzied head-bashing. Other people will think that the song must be one of those ultra-new and super-cool songs that they, in their mundane pitiful lives, just haven’t heard of yet, and they will, so as not to look un-hip, act as if they know the song too and dance like crazy. This has a domino effect, and soon the whole dance floor will dance to this über-cool soundtrack.

Eng Wen can be contacted at squeakusmaximus@gmail.com

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I am an anti-clubber, meaning I disdain the clubbing environment. Clubbing is often portrayed as a cool activity, and anyone who doesn’t club is ‘un-cool’. I disagree. I think clubbing is a breeding ground for a sizeable chunk of society’s problems. And the people who get sucked into the clubbing culture are helping to spread the clubbing disease which is infecting more youths every year.

This extract from an academic essay I once wrote explains this potent cultural poison…

* * *

Party Culture and the Pursuit of Pleasure
Dance clubs, trance clubs, discos; karaoke night clubs, pubs and bars; casinos and gambling dens; strip clubs, brothels and other seedy entertainment. These are the usual venues for people seeking an escape into the sense pleasures. It is also where youths get exposed to the damaging vices of society – alcohol, casual sex, drugs, gambling, and violence.

Friday night in Melbourne is also known as party night. Youths stay out till the wee hours of the morning shaking their heads in trance clubs or downing pints of beer at a bar. If they’re lucky, someone attractive of the opposite sex makes eye contact and casual chit chat begins. This follows with some non-intrusive touching to indicate sexual interest, and lots of whispering in the ears, the loud music being the excuse for this entrance into personal space. The combination of alcohol, loud suggestive music, and someone whispering in your ear is enough to give the average youth a high. But someone may offer to take them to the next level by offering some ‘dance drug’ like Ecstasy (methylenedioxymethamphetamine), which causes euphoria and hallucinogenic effects.

Youths exposed to such a culture without good grounding in moral values and principles are likely to find themselves swept away by the party culture and its plethora of vices. Overindulgence in any form, always damages health. Youths taken to extremes in their pursuit of pleasure, may find themselves with alcohol, gambling or drug addictions, unwanted teenage pregnancies, sexual infections, injuries from fighting, depression and thus suicidal thoughts.

Poison at Your Doorstep
The culture evolved to entertain metropolitan youths is the very one which is hurting them the most. These hangouts are the venues for the indulgence of vices and transaction grounds for people with criminal intent. In a culture designed to reward impulsiveness and promote instant gratification, are youths developing the necessary qualities to lead fruitful lives?

The world outside the home is not a bed of roses. Without proper guidance and role models, youths are likely to be seduced by a hedonistic culture, where money is the key to pleasure. Ultimately, youths are just seeking to better their position in life, striving for ideals they believe to be worthy. The problem comes when they are taught to believe in the wrong ideals; to have desires which are meaningless; to search for fulfillment where there is none. Risking health and well-being in their pursuit of pleasure and instant success, metropolitan youths are in grave danger of entering a culture they may never escape.

* * *

Clubbing comes with a lot of smoke, alcohol, head-bashing music, and raucous individuals… but why are so many people participating? The driving force for the clubbing culture appears to be (1) sex drive, (2) the need to appear cool and be one of the in-crowd (peer pressure), and (3) love of attention from the opposite sex (vanity and attention-seeking).

In our last article, The Clubbing Trap, we learn about people who go to a club thinking they can find love, but are disappointed time after time.

If you still decide to be a proponent of clubbing, you better know how to do it right. Let’s take a lesson from Uncle Chin and Uncle Same about Clubbing 101…

Clubbing 101 (Warning: Coarse Language)

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One Saturday night years ago, I took a good friend of mine clubbing because he was feeling depressed about his relationship with a girl. Initially this worked well, he was very excited at the prospect of meeting new people (women included). But as the night wore on, I realized my mistake. He ended up becoming more depressed than when we first arrived.

I have seen this happen before, quite a few times actually – even to myself. Observing this phenomenon, I began to see a pattern. It’s the same thing that happens over and over again until a person finally learns the lesson. This pattern of unhappiness, made worse by clubbing, is what I call The Clubbing Trap.

Many people go searching for love in the wrong places, and the club is no exception. The problem does not lie in the people who visit the club, but in the distrust that the clubbing environment creates in finding sincere love relationships.

First of all, there is a perception that single men who visit a club are there to pick up women for sex, and are therefore not trustworthy or sincere. Secondly, women who are seen giving out their hand phone numbers to multiple guys are often seen as loose or easy, and thus definitely not serious girlfriend material. And thirdly, people always confine themselves to the group of friends they came with, so there is really no way to speak to anybody unless you want to boldly make an approach to where no one has gone before. If you make too many approaches or are seen giving out too many numbers, you will be labeled as ‘the guy who is here for sex’ or ‘the loose girl’.

In reality, the people you meet may actually be nice and good, but the question is, can you trust them? Can you trust the guy who speaks to five girls that night, to take an active and sincere interest in you? Can the girl at the club be trusted to be loyal to you, especially when she appears to have so many suitors? You must be kicking yourself in the pants if you think that you can find love or that love will find you in such an environment. The belief that you can make lots of new friends and find a romantic partner through clubbing is an advertising lie created to make the club richer at your expense.

In my friend’s case, he went to the club looking to fill a void; trying to resolve his loneliness by drowning his sorrow with drink and the prospect of meeting women. Yes, he met a few females, but none that he felt he could trust in a long term relationship. There were also women he found very attractive, but they all seemed to be with boyfriends, or were guarded by a large group of guys – very inaccessible. All he got out of the experience was a greater sense of loneliness, emptiness, and worthlessness – The Clubbing Trap.

Lessons to Avoid the Trap and Find Meaningful Relationships

#1        Don’t Club to Cure Depression

Clubbing can be one of the worst forms of therapy if you are depressed. Watching other people have fun with their boyfriends or girlfriends will only plunge you further down the deep end of feeling worthless and sorry for yourself. It only makes you realize how sad you are compared to how happy others are. It shows you a contrast between you and them.

#2        Nothing On the Outside Will Make You Happy, When Your Pain is On the Inside

Happiness is within, not out there. The temporary pleasure you experience on the outside can never resolve the internal pain you feel. You must go within yourself to resolve the emotions and conflict that you feel. Running away by drowning your sorrows or partying the night away only makes it worse. You will experience the hangover of emptiness and frustration.

Instead of clubbing, do some introspection. Observe your own thoughts and emotions. Use the meditation techniques we talked about. See what are the thoughts going through your mind that are causing these emotions. You need to step back from yourself and just quietly observe. Only then can you choose to replace those thoughts or look at things from a different point view.

By choosing your thoughts or point of view, you can change your emotions. You can choose to be happy by looking at things in a positive way. There are always two sides to a situation, just like there are two sides to a coin. The only reason you feel there is no way out is because you haven’t flipped the coin over and looked at the other side.

#4        If You Want to Meet People, Try Daytime Activities

The best place to meet people has to be an open, cheerful environment, which is conducive for conversation. You will find these kinds of environments in school, work or any social club that runs meaningful activities. You might consider joining a group which focuses on something you have interest in. There you are likely to meet people with similar hobbies, so immediately you have something in common.

The reason why The Clubbing Trap exists is because we go to the club for the wrong reasons – looking for love and romance. When this need cannot be fulfilled, we are left feeling empty and dejected. Don’t let this happen to you. See the pattern, realize the truth… avoid The Clubbing Trap.

Further reading:
Interesting post by Chris on what irritates him about clubbing

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In the previous article on The Greatest Barrier to Success, I promised to help you gain the support of your unconscious mind. Now for this, I have many techniques which can be applied, but the problem is… it has to be done in layers.

Most people don’t have the basic mental conditioning required to use the advanced techniques. Their minds are still full of chatter, arguing with themselves, blaming others – an unenlightened frame of mind.

Therefore you need to learn a powerful yet fundamental practice to lay the foundation for higher personal transformation. I suggest you meditate at least three times a week to lay this basic mental foundation.

Meditation is often scoffed at by young people because it looks boring. They’d rather be bashing monsters on their XBOX 360. But do not underestimate the power of the practice just because it’s seems simple. Meditation is an art form with many levels to mastery.

Why Meditate?

There are enormous benefits that come with meditation. Mastering meditation is equal to mastering your mind.

Many people are slaves to their own thinking. You’ll find them yelling things like, “That bitch really pisses me off!” Such people are quick to anger; they have many buttons which can be pushed. You tap in any stupid combination and their nuclear missile goes off.

One benefit of mastering your mind is you are removing the number of buttons people can press. No longer will you be so easily ‘triggered’. You will have greater self-control and will no longer be a slave to your emotions.

Mental Benefit
People who meditate regularly find that it clears out their worries and clouded thoughts. Their negative emotions such as anger, anxiety, and fear recede. They become more emotionally balanced and blissful.

Daily practice also increases your ability to sustain concentration. As a result of your laser focus, you are more productive. People report greater wakefulness and more energy during their day.

Health Benefit
Mindfulness meditation is scientifically verified to reduce stress and lower blood pressure. Due to the absence of frustrating thoughts, less cortisol (stress hormone) is produced in the adrenal glands. Cortisol has an immunosuppressive action, increases blood pressure, and puts the body in fight mode. This means you get sick easier and because the body is in fight mode, it uses the reptilian brain and limbic system more than the neocortex – thus you are blocked from using your higher mental functions. Try doing calculus when you feel like tearing someone to pieces.

Cognitive Benefit
In order to create greater change within yourself, you need access to deeper states of mind. Meditation is the way to GO WITHIN to establish a conscious connection with the unconscious mind. It allows you to be aware of the mental garbage that floats beneath the surface of our conscious awareness. Only when you can see the rubbish, then you can throw it out.

Regular meditation can enhance intuition because the practice opens the Third Eye. This is why the traditional form of Buddhist meditation taught by Gautama Buddha is called Vipassanā, which means ‘insight’ into the impermanent nature of body and mind.  In English, we call it Insight Meditation.

Intuition is just one of the enhanced states of mind you can gain access to. There are others like creativity, unconditional loving kindness, photographic memory and more which you can learn to access and experiment with.

Learning without Moving
A meditative state allows you to process ideas and experiences at a deeper level. Usually we think we can only learn when we’re interacting with the real world, like when you read a book or perform an experiment… but with access to alpha and theta states of mind, you can playback past memories with crystal clarity in your mind’s eye. Your brain becomes your own movie theatre of live experiences. There’s not only sight and sound, but taste, touch, and smell – better than TV.

What’s amazing is you can learn without moving because you can meditate on your past memories and even your daily experiences to gain insight into what you would normally forget. This means you learn more from your accumulated experience. You engage in deep reflection, unlike others who only do shallow or no reflection at all.

Fear of Meditation

I’ve heard some interesting objections to meditation. One major concern being that you shouldn’t meditate because if your mind is too quiet, spirits might take possession of your body.

This sounds like a plausible worry with enough horror to spook someone out of learning to meditate. But let me ask you… when you fall asleep at night, do spirits possess you? Perhaps in some extraordinary cases like The Exorcism of Emily Rose (movie based on a true story)…. The girl was falling asleep when her room door creaked open and something began moving under her bed sheet. Before she knew it, she was being crushed on her bed by an invisible force. She tried to scream, but she couldn’t make any sound. The demon entered her body and hours later when the sun rose, her friend found her writhing on the floor, locked in a contorted posture.

Now for most people, this doesn’t happen to us during bedtime. Sleep is an ordinary blissful event. Meditation comes close to a sleeping state of mind, but you maintain some conscious awareness. If you’re afraid of spiritual possession through meditation, you might as well be afraid of sleeping because sleep goes even deeper than meditation.

And let’s not forget that meditation is a practice taught by the Buddha. Why would Buddha teach you something to allow the Devil to get to you? On the contrary, meditation is aimed at purging the devil qualities from your mind – lust, anger, greed, envy, sloth, pride, and gluttony.

“But It Takes Too Much Time”

When you understand the value of meditation, taking 20-30 minutes to sit still is worth its weight in gold. You can apply your improved perceptiveness, concentration, and calmness, to produce better results in your life and career.

Just sit down and begin. It’s faster than a gym workout, and you don’t even have to change your pants.

If you don’t yet know how to meditate, I’ve included a series of videos which will teach you that and much more.

If you want the shortcut, just watch the 5-minute lesson on How to Meditate.
If you are a serious learner who wants full benefits, watch the whole series.

5-Minute Lesson on How to Meditate

The Complete Series for Serious Learners

Part 1 – Cosmic Energy and the Use of Meditation

Part 2 – No-Thought State and Charging the Etheric Body

Part 3 – Activating the Third Eye for Higher Wisdom

Part 4 – Using the Astral Body and Astral Travel

Part 5 – Life after Death: The Eternal Soul

Other Resources:
4 Powerful Reasons to Meditate and How To Get Started from PickTheBrain

PR: wait… I: wait… L: wait… LD: wait… I: wait… wait… C: wait… SD: wait…

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It’s the internal barriers which are difficult to deal with because they are INVISIBLE. Internal barriers are those which are within your very own mind. You can’t see them… but you can feel it. And to the untrained mind, you might not recognize what is causing your frustration or pain. You might say it’s because of other people or bad luck that causes your failure. But seldom do people admit the cause is within them. How they choose to spend their time, how they treat other people, mood swings, the training they put themselves through or lack of… all serves to decide the outcome of their lives.

The problem is we are blind to what is within us… Can you fight an enemy you can’t see? Our unconscious identity, beliefs, values, habits and thinking patterns…. These are what determine how we act in the world, and thus the results we get. But they are invisible to you because they are part of you. That’s why the greatest barrier to success is our very own selves.

Your mind has two parts… the conscious and the unconscious. Your conscious mind is like the tip of an iceberg floating above sea-level. Your unconscious mind is the other 90% of the iceberg’s mass which lies hidden in the depths of the water.

The conscious mind is male; the unconscious mind… is female. Like Yin and Yang. The tip of the iceberg (Yang), so proud and mighty, sticks its head out of the water. But like any man who manages to stand up in the world, he has a loving woman (Yin) backing him. So your ability to succeed in the world relies heavily on the conditioning and support of your unconscious mind.

That which you call passion or motivation, relies on the unconscious mind to deliver. A person can act as if they are busy and full of drive, but yet be unmotivated on the inside – there is no fire. They do not have support from their unconscious mind. The ‘woman’ in their life has switched off. They go through the motions of acting successful, but their actions are ineffective in producing results simply because they do not love what they are doing.

Love is the ultimate energy; so simple yet so complicated. With love, you have passion… a willingness to suffer for your cause. And when you dedicate yourself wholeheartedly to a specific purpose, the Universe cooperates to help you succeed. Life wants to see commitment.

If you have read my article about Happiness and Transience, you know about the importance of the journey and appreciating the walk or jog rather than being obsessed with the destination. You also know how to choose activities with a present and future benefit. I’d like to add a layer of understanding to that by talking about choosing your destination.

Sometimes a person grows up without making an effort to decide the course of their life. Their major goals were selected for them by their parents or suggested to them by their friends. They never took the time to consider what they really want for themselves. It was always about what they should do or have to do; never about what they personally want to do.

So it might not amaze you that some people are putting 100% effort into climbing the wrong mountain — chasing a goal or achievement which is not inspiring to them. They are told it is important, so they work at it. But in their hearts, it is a hollow pursuit.

Are you guilty of operating like a robot? Have you buried your spirit somewhere under that work facade? Are you climbing Mount Oberon when what you really yearn for is Everest?

(I did enjoy this hike though...)

When you love what you are doing, you have passion. When you don’t, you have apathy (lack of enthusiasm). And it can be really painful to feel apathetic about work, yet be obligated to wake up every morning to do the same meaningless job.

The result is different if you love your work because you’re willing to put in extra effort. You bounce out of bed in the morning knowing that there is something important you can accomplish today. Your work is purposeful. It’s directed at achieving your life’s goal. It’s no longer just about working for money, it’s about working to fulfill your highest contribution to the world. You would do this even if no one paid you.

The problem is people jump into the job market before deciding what they want to do with their life. They look to the world to show them their options; letting society decide what they should be, when what they should do instead is figure out their destination first, then go to the world to find ways to get there.

If you leave it to the corporations to give you fulfillment and meaning in life, you’re in for a big surprise. They’re not interested in your happiness… what they’re looking out for is their bottom line. They’re thinking how they can buy your hours for $10 and sell your effort for $100.

You have to take an active role in deciding your life’s direction. Decide where you want to be that will be personally meaningful to you. Aim for what you want, not what others want. That is the meaning of freedom.

Ideally everyone should try to get into a line of work which they enjoy. But this is not always easy. Sometimes we are simply born into disadvantageous circumstances. I know some people who have heavy responsibilities, where they had to work from an early age to care for disabled parents or siblings who were still in school.

But that does not mean we should not strive to gradually improve our circumstances and shift into a line of work we find fulfilling and meaningful.

One of the rewards of starting out with little is you treasure your success more. You have the opportunity to go from zero to hero. Something that those born with a silver spoon miss out on.

Variety is the spice of life. And with your zero to hero journey, you are getting the maximum variety life has to offer. If you’re ready for even more variety, you can go from zero to hero and lose it all to be a zero again, then build it back to hero.

And if you had done something crazy like that, then you realize that material wealth and possessions are superficial — just toys for you to play with in this lifetime.

Of course, the toys are tempting when you don’t have them at first… but once you’ve tried them all, then you come back to appreciate the joys found in the simple things in life.

Remember, the best things in life are free: nature walks, swimming, drawing, whistling, singing, a loving partner, cooking, gardening, reading, writing, chatting, helping someone out….

So I want you to take this into consideration when deciding your destination in life. When you’re young you think money is the secret to happiness because you can buy everything you want. When you’re older you realize that although some possessions are fun, they are not what makes a life worth living.

Now I’m not going to dictate exactly what makes a life worth living because… aren’t you supposed to decide your destination for yourself?

The destination really depends on your preference. My suggestion is what you should be aiming for is toward the intangible side of life. The things that money can’t buy

Here’s an idea: If you spend all your youth chasing money, when you’re old, you’ll spend all your money chasing youth. :p

Okay, the most important lesson to take away from this is: climb the right mountain. And be brave to switch mountains if you find you’re on the wrong one.

One of my goals is to help you gain the cooperation of your unconscious mind; to kindle the fire within you and bring the woman inside back into your life. To succeed, you need to be aligned internally. We need to remove those mental blocks to success. And when you do that, a light will turn on inside you, and suddenly the world will seem like a brighter, happier place. You will feel a sense of certainty and purpose while discovering new opportunities to get to where you want to go.

In future articles, we’ll work on gaining support from this 90% of your iceberg — your unconscious mind.

If you haven’t already done this, you might want to track the RSS Feed. It allows you to know when new content is posted.

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In this article, I am leading on from the previous one about Evolving Sexual Preferences, a social phenomenon where men are taking on artificial lovers as opposed to live breathing women.

Some people question whether a person who loves such dolls is in their right state of mind. Like the 42 year old engineer, Tabo, (video in the previous article) who owns a harem of one hundred sex dolls… is he just lonely or has he lost it?

I don’t mean to be offensive and we should be sensitive to why such a social phenomenon is developing.

Currently, having sex with a love doll might seem like doing it with a corpse. The doll’s body is cold and dead still; it stares at you blankly while you grope its silicone parts.

Despite the oddness of such interaction, I would reason that to love a love doll is normal. How can this be so? How could someone love a mannequin? There are at least two reasons.

Let’s watch this video to find out:

Non-Human Eroticism and Fetishism (documentary)

How’s the video? I like the part where the doll is sitting around the house without her head.

From this documentary, we understand that nature has programmed man with a biological mechanism which makes woman attractive to him. However, this biological mechanism is primitive and can be easily fooled.

The mating instinct is triggered by signs and stimuli coming through the five senses. Men look for a pretty face (genetic compatibility), bust size (for nurturing babies), wait-to-hip ratio (fertility and birthing success rate), a melodic voice (high estrogen) and such.

Of course, when they see a woman, men aren’t consciously thinking of all the survival factors I put in the brackets up there… all men know is that they feel turned on when they observe such characteristics. Nature did the thinking for them.

The funny thing is, the object of desire doesn’t have to be alive… as long as it displays some of these physical signs and characteristics, arousal is activated. This fascination with being turned on by lifeless things is called non-human eroticism and it describes how we try to arouse sexual desire by creating representations of reality in non-living things like cartoon erotica (Hentai) and silicone dolls. Even though we know it’s not real, our biological arousal mechanism is easily fooled.

Knowing this gives us an insight into human nature. By understanding this primordial force within us, we are in a better position to handle our unconscious urges.

The second reason which makes it normal to love a doll is fetishism, which many of us might already be guilty of. Fetishism is an urge to engage in sexual behaviour with non-living and often non-sexual objects. For example, if you’ve ever kissed your teddy bear or tried to hump your bolster, you are already a mild fetishist.

In it’s extreme form, fetishism is where people become turned on by an unsuspecting object like a leather glove, a piece of silk, an undergarment, a shoe; or a non-erogenous body part like hair or toenails. There is no clear explanation for this condition, only that many people have it in one form or another.

So if you think that doll lovers are sick, think of the doll as being an upgraded version of your bolster. Of course, the doll is a very premium bolster – $4k-6K. There are cheaper alternatives for ordinary men or women:

Something for men…

Something for women…

Something for old men…

To love a love doll is normal. But it comes with consequences. Like Tabo and his hundred love dolls… without a wife and children, wouldn’t this man be weeding his genes out of existence? He spent all his time and energy loving his dolls, he never got to procreate with real women. However, perhaps this has benefits….

The dolls might be good for population control in an overcrowded country, and for reducing the number of perversion related crimes like rape, molestation, and sexual harrassment. Japan suffers from two major social issues… one is overcrowding and two is loneliness from isolation. I originally found it strange that there would be so many lonely people in a country with such a hyperactive culture.

Then I realised… it’s because of their hyperactivity that people work incredibly long hours and are left with little time to socialize and build relationships. Karōshi is the term describing the hazard of ‘death by overwork‘, a condition which has manifested among Japan’s working class.

So if overcrowding, stress, and loneliness are problems these people face, why not give them a love doll to help them de-stress and find a moment of happiness amidst their hectic day?

A love doll may be nothing like a real woman, but she can comfort those who are lonely, disabled, or overworked, and provide a safe outlet for weird fetishes — making society a safer place for real women.

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Three Ages of Man and Three Graces

I was looking at this painting by Hans Baldung Grien, a German Renaissance artist who lived from 1480 to 1545…. If you take your eyes off the naked bits for a moment, you’ll realize that this piece of art represents the transience of life. If you are a young adult, your view of the world is something like those women on the right side. You admire your own beauty and suppleness. You look at the babies and think, ‘Oh, I was once like them, so cute, but I’m all grown and transformed into a princess now.’

So we walk around acting like we’re some beauty queen, privileged to the good life. “Too many suitors, so little time…” she sighs.

But what you don’t see or think about is the picture on the left. Where clearly all beauty fades, libido disappears and flawless skin wrinkles. When you’re young you think, “It’ll be a long time before that happens to me…” But when you start working and while lost in the mundane routine, you see your years tick by: you realize how fast it can be indeed.

So would you agree that life is short? Depending on where you live in the world, life expectancy varies. This map is from the CIA World Factbook 2007. Examine it and see how long people are expected to live.

In some parts of Africa, people die under 40. These are the poverty and famine stricken areas. The dark green areas are first-world countries – people in Canada, Europe, Australia, and Japan are expected to live over the age of 80. If you think you can live longer than that, the oldest human lifespan documented is 122.4 years by Frenchwoman Jean Calment, who died in 1997.

So let’s say you live to 80 (first-world standard). You spent 20 years growing up. So by the time you get your head screwed on tight, your remaining lifespan is 60 years. You bum around for 6 months and work part-time for another 6, and a year is gone. Your remaining lifespan is 59.

You get the point.

When people realize their lifespan is a ticking time bomb, they usually adopt one of these two approaches to life:

The first approach is: “Because life is short, I should work as hard and as fast as possible to become a success! Nothing can stop me! Get out of my way!”

The second approach is: “Because life is short, I’ve got to enjoy myself as much as I can, especially while I’m young! I don’t want responsibilities; don’t tie me down! I’m here for the party!”

Both these approaches are flawed. People who adopt them will eventually be dissatisfied. Do you know why? Think first. I’ll give you a chance to think here. Write your answer in the post box below.

THINK: Why are these two approaches flawed? Your best guess.

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You might want to do this exercise because you’ll benefit so much more if you use your brain. You can see what other people have written in the comments below. When you have finished, click the green link to read the second half.

Click Here To Read ‘Happiness and Transience 2′

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This is a relatively new social trend, where certain men are choosing artificial women as lovers over real women.

You might think only a fool would do so, but take a look at these videos and see why these ’silicone honeys’ have such haunting appeal.

Man with 100 Japanese Sex Dolls

‘What It’s Like to Love an Artificial Woman’ – Davecat’s Story

Models from Orient Doll (Manufacturer)

So… now that you’re educated, I’m going to ask you the Million Dollar Question :

Here is my analysis of the mental logic behind these men’s preference for sillicone over flesh:

One thing I’ve been hearing people say is, “Where are all the male dolls?!”

I think that might only come later as manufacturers are uncertain of the demand and saleability.

But for all who are wondering what it would be like to have an artificial male lover, there’s an interesting Japanese drama I’ve come across which is about a lonely working woman being offered a prototype android lover – the perfect boyfriend – by a robotics company. The language is Japanese with English subtitles.

The series is being hosted at Crunchyroll.com, which I think is an excellent site for viewing Japanese movies, drama and anime.

The Story
Robot maker, Kronos Heaven, finally develops “Night Tenjo”, the perfect male humanoid programmed to be devoted and completely loyal to his lover. The company chooses temp worker Izawa Riko to take part in a 5-day free trial. At first, Riko only sees Night as a household appliance. But when she finds out how deep Night’s devotion to herself is, Riko finds herself falling in love with him. Joining the love triangle is Asamoto Soshi, a distinguished young executive at her company who has feelings for her.

DEBATABLE QUESTION :

Proposition: why and how are love dolls good?
Opposition: why and how are love dolls bad?

State whether you are supporting the Proposition or the Opposition.

Related Post

I’ve written a part two to this topic in How Could You Love a Zombie?

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Stress Release Technique: Disassociation

Before you attempt this technique, spend a few minutes to quiet your mind. You can do this by sitting in a relaxed position with your arms on your lap or by your side. Close your eyes and begin breathing slowly through your nostrils. Focus your attention on the breath. Anything else that comes to mind, let it go and bring your attention back to the breath. You will find that as you continue this process for a few minutes your breathing becomes shallower and shallower, the thoughts entering your mind slow down, and you feel calmer with more peace in your heart. Now you are ready to use the following technique:

1. All you have to do is imagine you have died. When a person dies, there are no more worries and responsibilities to handle. The soul is free to travel to heaven and continue into its next life. Now I’m not asking you to die… just imagine it. See your body lying there lifeless while you feel your soul floating upwards to connect with the heavens.
2. See all the memories of your life drop way down below you. From this higher viewpoint, you can see all the events of your life which have shaped you. Your past, present, and future form one continuous line of memories below you.
3. Float even higher and you can connect with the Spirit of God and gain wisdom by looking at your life situation through ‘Heavenly Eyes’. Capture this feeling of inner peace and remember the insight gained.
4. Bring it back into your body by gradually floating down through the galaxy, stars, and clouds, into your city, your home, and back to your body.

Our whole life is designed to help us grow to develop spiritual qualities. Naturally, we will face situations which test our patience, endurance, and willpower. A person cannot stop these challenging life situations from occurring… we have no control over that. But what we can control is our own emotional state (our feelings). Many people allow themselves to be swung about by the rollercoaster of life. But some people are able to ride that rollercoaster and feel calm on the inside because they realize that the events we experience are the situations which God, Buddha, or the Universe wants us to face in order to help us grow and gain enlightenment. In every adversity lies the seed of Satori [Zen Buddhism: a state of sudden spiritual enlightenment].

The key is not to REACT immediately when you face a challenge, but to first calm down and find your centre from which you can respond with clarity and confidence. Like was said earlier, when a person becomes frustrated, we tend to do things in a haphazard manner. That is called Reacting. When you realize you have a choice over how you wish to feel, you are instead Responding from a powerful position of calm control. Whether it’s your egotistic colleague or the ton of assignments blocking your way, keep a cool head when facing your opponent. Watch their movement and think calmly how you will respond to defeat them. Sure, they will try their best to scare you with their psychological tactics and throw you off your feet. And yes, you might fall. But a Master is one who stands up again and again despite being thrown a hundred times; a thousand times — as many times as it takes to learn the secret of inner balance and emotional control, regardless of whether they face a man, a giant, or a mountain.

May you become a Master, my friend.

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There are good reasons why you should shut off your TV and gather your friends for a game or two. The church of Christ understands this principle well. They call it fellowship. Cell group leaders will take the effort to organize group activities, outings, games, discussions, pot luck dinners and more. Friends can bring new friends — the more the merrier. In my opinion, they are doing a great job of helping people experience the joy of being together. This is a condition you should try to create in your life. Whether you want to join a fellowship organization, a special interest group, a book club, a school alumni, or simply call up old friends, every one of us needs to work at reconnecting ourselves with others. Especially when you live in a world designed to convenience you into separation and isolation.

You see, you don’t need a lot of money to be happy. Many people think they can only be happy with the lifestyle of the rich and famous. They want to jet-set around the world, have non-stop sex with a harem of harlots, swim in the opulent blue pools of Miami and such. Now as fantastic as that sounds, there are many rich people who are experiencing loneliness in life. They think everyone around them is just there for their money and nobody really loves them for who they are. The old saying is, ‘it gets lonely at the top’. And these people at the top of the pyramid are experiencing their disconnection from the rest of the world. So you see, the problem is the same. What they lack and what we lack, is love. And money can’t buy love. It takes an investment of your time, energy, and emotions, to build up fruitful relationships.

If you consider that every one of us is a soul animating a physical body, then on a spiritual level, we are all connected because all spirit emanates from the same source — God. (When I speak of God, I mean so in the universal sense as a higher power and not biased to a particular religious order.) As ‘children’ of God, we are here to explore and express the beauty of life. Thus the magic is hidden in our interaction. Spending time to know others can help you learn more about yourself. That is the higher purpose of the Big Bang — why God split himself up into the infinite number of stars and souls which inhabit this universe — to know thyself; to know himself. Because even for God, infinity is a lonely place to be if He’s by himself. So He opened himself up to the Universe within, which is why there is you and me, and we are all part of something greater, part of a whole, and we must not be afraid to explore ourselves; explore each other. And this is done not in isolation, but by getting out there and interacting with others. For such is the purpose we are created. To explore and experience everything, including the gamut of human emotions — the good and bad, right and wrong, the seven sins and the ten commandments — we go through it all. So some people ask why does God allow people to suffer? Why are there 3 billion people living on less than $2 a day? This is not God’s fault… this our fault. Too many people only think of taking, keeping, getting more, and hoarding in order to create the opulent, luxurious lifestyle they think will give them unlimited pleasure. So in a country where we gorge ourselves on burgers, porn, pizza, spa massage, horror movies, celebrity gossip, computer gadgets and more, there are people who scrape rotting meat off leftover fish bones from the factory to fry and eat as a daily meal. This is not a problem for God to fix because He is an observer. If the social condition bothers us, then we should find it in our hearts to reverse our Taking mindset and focus on how we can give to others. Now some people say, “What if I give and give and nobody gives back?” I say, this is a good excuse people give themselves for being greedy; an excuse to relieve themselves of the guilt of wanting to take but not to share. Such a person is driven by a pleasure-seeking mindset and has not learnt the joy of helping others. Their ego is screaming, “I, Me, Mine! I Want, I Have, My Precioussss… .”

When you play games with others, you learn the importance of sharing and taking turns; offering others encouragement, complimenting their efforts; building camaraderie and deeper bonds. You learn about the joy of giving to others, the joy of competition, and the joy of fellowship that money can’t buy. Everything we enjoy — food, sex, money, fun, friendship, social approval, and more — comes from other people. Loneliness and boredom happens when we isolate ourselves; thinking that this is the norm when it is actually an abnormality of the human condition. So now is the time to experience joie de vivre (joy of life) by reaching out and connecting with others. Rid yourself of those old isolation policies and start trading with other people. You’ll find that the magic of living is found in connecting your heart to others around you. Touch the spirit in every person.

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1. Treating a Relationship as a Transaction
You cannot be calculative when it comes to love. Counting who did what for whom leads to the death of generosity. Theoretically speaking, there’s a hidden universal law guiding human relations, which is, “If you stop giving, you stop getting.” And if that’s the way the law is, them we must not stop giving or else the relationship will die. So if you are calculative, you will count to a point where you will say, “Yep, that’s enough. I’ve given my fair share. Now it’s your turn.” But your partner may not feel it’s their turn yet. So don’t calculate. Keep giving generously and your partner will return your love when they feel it’s time.

2. Not Being Patient or Sensitive Enough
Relationships are delicate because human emotions are delicate. You can bring the strongest relationship to its knees with a single quarrel. You don’t even need to do it in person; over the telephone will do. You can end a good relationship with words that hurt, no meeting needed. So if you treasure your relationship, never blow your top. Your partner deserves your best behaviour. And the more love you invest in them, the more they will love you for it.

3. Idealistic Demands
Some people are more idealistic than others. They have a vision in their minds of how they want their ideal partner to be – and they will not compromise. Usually in life, the partners we end up with do not meet our original criteria. Maybe she doesn’t have the perfect figure or maybe he’s not exactly Prince Charming. But in the end we still choose this person. Why so? It’s because our criteria have changed. By interacting with the world, you see different kinds of people and you will start editing your criteria of what you want in a partner; circling those qualities which are important and mentally scratching out those which are not. So if a person has a list of rigid, uncompromising qualities that they follow to the dot, they might just kick out the partner that was right for them.

If it were so easy to make a relationship last, our divorce rates would be lower. Even if people do not fall into the three traps listed above, there are other problems such as the possibility of meeting someone more attractive (high chance). What should you do in such a case? Here’s a principle to guide you:

A great love relationship is not something you find,
but something you build and commit yourself to.

There are tons of beautiful people in the world and many who are physically more attractive than your partner. To some people, the grass is always greener on the other side. So what do they do? They hop over to the neighbour’s lawn! But then the lawn doesn’t seem so green anymore because they see the weeds of the person’s personality. But it looks like there’s a greener lawn next door, so they hop again! They do their partner hopping, dating and exchanging in search of the greenest lawn, but they’ll never find it because a beautiful relationship, like a beautiful garden, must be tended to and cared for. You can have ‘happily forever after’ with the partner you choose, but you must commit yourself to it. Without commitment, nothing lasts.

To sustain love, two people have to choose each other. If either partner defaults or is unsure, the whole relationship falls apart. It doesn’t matter how much you love the other person if they do not return your love. This reminds me of those Chinese drama serials where they are fond of saying, “Ai Qing Shi Bu Neng Mian Qiang De” – translated it means ‘you can’t force love’. And this will be the time when the male suitor will grip his head and cry, “Why! Why?!!” Then he has no alternative, but to drown his sorrows in drink, and maybe get knocked down by a truck. Then the girl will visit him in hospital, where with his dying breath he whispers his last words of undying love… then he dies.

An Uncommitted Partner
Sometimes you might find that although you are ready to commit, your partner doesn’t want to settle. They may be on the lookout for the ideal person who can fulfill their whims and fantasies… some idealistic vision of what a lover should be. Many people believe that they can hold on to their partner and make them stay. But this isn’t true. If your partner wants to go, they will. A lover is not an inanimate object – you can’t ‘hold on’ to them – they are human beings with free will and dreams and ideals of their own. What you can do is realize that each person seeks their own happiness. Sometimes it may be with you, at other times it may not. And if you still care for this person, the best you can do is allow them to follow their dreams. Gracefully step aside and wish them well. The right partner will come along for you one day.

Case Study – “Mr Y”
Last week we talked to Mr Y about his hope of winning over a girl who already has a boyfriend. This week, let’s flip it and talk about what it’s like to be the person who’s about to lose their partner.

A reader wrote in regarding Mr Y’s case. She suggests that we put ourselves in the boyfriend’s shoes and see whether we like someone trying to break up our happiness. The reader suggests that Mr Y should take an altruistic approach, where he is happy the girl he loves is happy and well-looked after. I didn’t want to agree (an urge to protect my client)… but after serious contemplation, I yielded because the reader has a point. The easiest way for Mr Y to be happy is to realize that he cares for the girl even though she’s chosen to be with someone else. In a way, Mr Y is a martyr who sacrifices his desire to be with her, for her happiness. Could a man do that if he loves a woman? I’m sure he could, but I doubt she would even notice his sacrifice.

“Dagger in the Heart”
Mr Y said he felt a sharp stabbing pain in his heart, when he found out that the woman he loved had recently found a boyfriend. I said, “I understand that sharp pain feeling.” Everyone who has been on the verge of losing a romantic partner has felt this sharp stabbing pain. If you haven’t, then you have not loved with all your heart.

The more you love a person; the more you care about him or her, the greater the feeling of being stabbed in the heart when they betray or cheat your love. Although the normal reaction to being dumped is to go ballistic and tell your lover what a piece of trash they are, your heart feels like a knife has sliced through it. This heart-pain is there because buried under your anger, there is love.

When our partner betrays our love, there are two immediate feelings – the part that feels cheated, and the part that still cares. On one hand we hate them for hurting us, and we want to hurt them back. On the other hand, we still have feelings for them, so just the thought of breaking up is hurting our soul. So what you need to realize is the deep stabbing pain you feel in your heart is not the pain of rejection, but the pain of trying to hate someone you love. Only when you can admit that you still care, and stop trying to hate them, the two parts dissolve and become one whole. The pain disappears.

If you want to find an ideal partner, you first have to BE an ideal partner. Give your partner first-class treatment – be infinitely patient, loving, and giving. This doesn’t mean you do not settle differences, but that you do it in a calm and gentle manner. Don’t be calculative about giving. Give with all your heart and trust that your partner appreciates the love you give. They will return it to you when you least expect it. Realize that some of your demands are idealistic and unnecessary, drop them or change them. And finally if you’re still single, strive to become the best you can be in mind, body, and spirit; socially, financially, and emotionally because the better you become as a person, the better a partner you will attract.

Good luck and may you build the love life of your dreams.

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(In the Garden of Eden)

Eve: Adam, do you love me?
Adam: Who else?

Every day you go out, you see hundreds of attractive people. If you’re single, doesn’t it make you wonder how are you ever going to find the one that’s meant for you? As a hot-blooded male in my younger days, I used to think, “I could go with her…or her… or her. Arrgh! How do I decide?”

As a man grows older, if he is fortunate enough, he learns how to look beyond exterior beauty because all women are beautiful nowadays, aren’t they. So it can give a man one helluva headache to identify a woman who is truly compatible with him in mind, body, and soul. Women understand that men are born to think with their smaller heads. So being the intelligent creatures they are – they use visual stimulus to appeal to the male instinct. Thus a man, who does not make fine distinctions into character and personality, may find that many women appeal to him. But if he learns to go a step further and say, “Yes, she’s attractive to me. But what’s she all about?” Then he goes beyond seeing women as visual objects, and more as people.

Desire is Bad for You?
The attraction between men and women is biological, it’s inherited and it’s unstoppable. You don’t need to make an excuse for your desire. One reason why we do not approach those who are attractive to us is because we are religiously and culturally programmed to believe desire is ‘baaaad’. A pious man who has the opportunity to meet an attractive woman may tell himself, “No! I must not give in to temptation! The desire is too strong!” But really, it’s just an excuse for himself because he’s afraid of rejection. And unless he can come to terms with his desire – see it as a guiding force, rather than an urge to be oppressed – he may never end up with a woman he truly wants. Members of the opposite sex, who are more genetically compatible with you, will spur a greater sense of desire in you. It’s natural. If you suppress the biological instinct when selecting a partner… you probably won’t have a happy sex life.

Men and Women: Different Creatures?
People like to believe that men and women are really different, but by nature they aren’t. We grow up imagining the opposite sex is some great mystery because everything about them seems different, and so we think it’s difficult to talk to the opposite sex. But really, men and women are very similar. They are anatomically different, but it’s not that big a difference. The human sexual organs are simply the inverse of each other. Penis and clitoris are made from the same embryological tissue. What forces the difference is the action of testosterone. Male seeds hang outside (testicles), while female seeds are kept inside (ovaries). It’s just one big reversal.

“Okay then,” you say. “What about the difference in the way men and women think? They don’t like the same things; they don’t talk the same, walk the same or wear the same clothes! (Well… actually some do.)”

Although men and women act differently, that’s not so much a biological instinct as it is a cultural role they are taught to play. Men don’t automatically love soccer, beer drinking, or going to the gym – they are culturally programmed to adopt these behaviours because it brings them greater social approval. “A man who does not watch soccer is not ‘one of the boys’; a man who does not drink beer is not a real man; a man who’s muscular earns the respect of his peers and is more attractive to women.” These are beliefs so deeply ingrained into us, that most people will tell you it’s a fact. Just like how women learn about the importance of being beautiful from magazines, television, and friends. What creates such a great difference in thinking and behaviour is not nature, but the enculturation of newborns into their gender roles. Blue for boys, pink for girls; toss the boys around, but be gentle with the girls. From young, everything about our culture teaches the sexes to differentiate themselves. From the clothes we wear to whether we can fart in public.

Being too focused on the exterior of a person, you only see the physical and cultural difference – the accessories and behaviours created to differentiate the sexes. But look past the surface and you’ll see that each person, male or female, is subject to the same laws of emotion, logic, reason, and motivation. They have wants and desires, dislikes and hates; they communicate through language; they have two eyes, one nose, one mouth, two ears, ten fingers and ten toes. They have many times more in common than they do in difference. So it is a folly to believe it is difficult to relate to the opposite sex. Just talk to them as you would any casual person, and you’ll see that even the most attractive person is easy to chat with.

Now that brings us to an important point.

Physical Attraction is Not Enough
Many people are drawn together only by physical attraction, and there is little compatibility to make the relationship worthwhile (I thank our reader, Phyllis McBryar, for this). In response, I quote Nikki Giovanni, the African-American poet, who wrote:

“Most of us love from our need to love, not because we find someone deserving.”

And that’s the case for many of us, isn’t it? The need to be loved is a basic human desire. We don’t really need it, but we want it. In fact, we may want it so much, we don’t screen hard enough for character and compatibility. And that is where we fall into a trap because once two people become intimate, it creates strong emotional binds that can be difficult to let go of. It follows the old Chinese saying, “You can pick it up, but you can’t put it down.” And that’s why we must be selective of whom we choose to be intimate with. What may look like a happy, well-adjusted person may turn out to be a nightmare in disguise. And I have seen some nightmares in my days, both male and female (no, I’m not bi-sexual).

*In the Mail Bag*

Last week we had a chat with Mr X about his office-love relationship. This week we have a Mr Y who writes in asking about whether he should confess his feelings for a girl who already has a boyfriend. His original email and my reply below:

—–Original Message—–
From: xxxxxx[mailto:xxxxxxxx@xxxxxxxxxxx]
Sent: Friday, June 30, 2006 3:40 PM
To: truth@lancism.com
Subject: Question for you.

Dear Lance

I saw your website and saw that you gave advices to the troubled hearts. Can you also advise me on a problem I have?

Is there such a thing call ‘Permanent Pain’? I met this girl in a school, (where she works) and we used to chat on MSN often. She is pretty and also has a caring heart.

I read your article on All About Love, and I think, like you said in the article, I think she is interested in me that time. Although I knew her because I was checking on a course, and she is friendly and helpful. But even after that, she still keep in contact with me, and is still friendly and helpful even if it is not about the course that we are talking. We exchanged msn and mobile no.

We still keep in touch after she left the job. She has been busy with a study course and it is difficult to arrange dates. Now that her course is completed, I think I can work on this relationship. And I think she still likes me, because she will respond to my sms, email promptly, and she always help me deal with problems at work or personal.

However, I learnt that she now has a boyfriend, I feel a sharp pain in my chest. I know I still like her. In your opinion, do I still stand a chance? I am sure she is the right one for me. Do you think I should take the ’social risk’ and confess my feelings for her? I know I miss the golden opportunity, but I am confident I can care and love her throughout her life-time.

Also, I tried to sound her out in our conversation, what she thinks about me. She gives good feedback. When I asked her if she thinks I will make a good boyfriend or husband, she replied that I would be an ideal partner. Doesn’t that means that I am her ideal type of partner?

I appreciate if you can help me solve this problem.

Thanks you

Mr Y

—–Original Message—–
From: Lance Ong [mailto:truth@lancism.com]
Sent: Friday, June 30, 2006 6:40 PM
To: ‘xxxxxxxx’
Subject: RE: Question for you.

Dear Mr Y,

I understand that sharp pain feeling. It feels like you are about to lose something very important. Although we mentioned in the previous article that taking a social risk is necessary, timing and social restrictions also apply. Sad to say, when a girl has a serious boyfriend, there is the bind of an ‘exclusive mating contract’. If her boyfriend finds out what you’re saying to her, or chances upon one of your romantic messages, he has every right to pull her away and make her promise never to see you again… As gentlemen, we must respect the social contract of a steady relationship.

What you can do, however, is to stay in contact with her and only use subtle gestures to communicate your interest. You’re lucky because there still seems to be a romantic attraction between the two of you. But you have to be careful because you’re treading a fine line here. Never overtly tell her how you feel about her while she’s still with her boyfriend. One of the thoughts that may go through her mind is, “Can’t you see that I have a boyfriend?” And her boyfriend may think, “Can’t you see she’s my girlfriend!” It does not reflect well on a man’s character to approach another man’s girlfriend.

However, since you are sincere, stick close and keep talking to her. Just because she has a boyfriend does not mean she’s not interested in you. As you’ll see in the next article, women choose the men they want to be with. If she decides she likes you more than her boyfriend, she will switch when the opportunity arises. But she has to wait for her boyfriend to slip-up (make a mistake) before she can break-up with him. If she just dumped him without good reason (e.g. to be with another man), she would have to bear the psychological guilt of being an adulterer. And nobody wants to be the defaulting party in a serious relationship. We always say it’s the other party’s fault, and we’re the victim. Plus you must also consider that she probably has a lot of deep emotions tied up with her boyfriend. It takes time to let go of the binds we create.

So my strategy for you is simple:
1. Keep close contact (under the umbrella of friendship)
2. Hint your interest with subtle gestures
3. Wait for her to break-up with her boyfriend before you admit any feelings for her.

What is a subtle gesture? You’ve demonstrated one already – you asked her in a conversation whether she thinks you’ll make a good boyfriend or husband – very smart. Use exactly those kinds of questions. All the other actions will happen naturally since you are already interested in her – e.g. looking at her a little too long, the increased tear fluid in your eyes when she’s nearby (makes your eyes shine), and the energy you’ll give off when she’s around.

I believe all is fair in love and war, but it takes two hands to clap. Two people have to choose each other. I’m worried that if her boyfriend is really good, you might have a long wait in front of you. I suggest you follow a controversial but effective philosophy: “Let go of that which you desire the most and allow it to come to you.” By grasping too hard for that which we want, it slips out of our hands and into the arms of another. What you should focus on is building yourself into an attractor rather than an attacker. Become the kind of man who fulfils her image of ‘ideal husband/boyfriend’, and she will naturally want to be with you – that’s being an attractor. On the other hand, if you grasp really hard for what you want, thinking of ways to win her over from her boyfriend, that’s being an attacker. I always recommend attract over attack because in the end, women choose the men they want to be with. So if she really loves her boyfriend, it doesn’t matter how hard you attack. It won’t win her over. You stand a better chance using attract. That brings to mind a good question you can ask her, “What do you look for in an ideal guy?” Follow what she tells you; it’s the roadmap to her heart.

Wishing you luck in love,
Lance Ong

—–Original Message—–
From: xxxxxxxx [mailto:xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx]
Sent: Saturday, July 01, 2006 11:27 AM
To: truth@lancism.com
Subject: RE: Question for you.

Dear Lance

Thank you for your reply to my email.

One more question, from your experience, how many chances do I have if I wait for her to break up with her boyfriend? Your approach is more passive, does that mean that I may have to wait very long, or what if his boyfriend propose to marry her?

Since love is fair, as long as she is not married, she still can choose right? Then I must fight for my own happiness also.

I admit, in our conversation, I have the urge to try to prove her boyfriend not good enough for her.

I really like her, and each day, when we talk in MSN, I get to like her more. I am very sure that I will not like someone else. Actually there is a girl in my workplace who shows interest in me, but I can’t bring myself to like her, as I already have someone in my heart.

She is not meeting up with me, but she is a [occupation removed], so can I use this factor to ask her out? I think she is more willing to meet up with someone who needs help. And I think that is the only way I can find reason to meet up with her. Maybe I can also tell her my problem, but not telling her she is the girl I like.

Yours sincerely
Mr Y

—–Original Message—–
From: Lance Ong [mailto:truth@lancism.com]
Sent: Sunday, July 02, 2006 4:38 AM
To: ‘xxxxxxxx’
Subject: RE: Question for you.

Hmm… Mr Y, your situation is a tricky one. Perhaps her boyfriend loves her very much. Of course that does not mean you cannot try to woo her… but be careful because the one you risk hurting the most, is yourself. I believe in life, the perfect partner is not one you win over, but one who chooses you and loves you with all their heart. Still, I encourage you to go for what you want. In the end, she’ll have to decide who she wants to be with.

Sincerely,
Lance Ong

—–Original Message—–
From: xxxxxxxx [mailto:xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx]
Sent: Sunday, July 02, 2006 7:52 PM
To: truth@lancism.com
Subject: RE: Question for you.

Thank you for your encouragement. After talking to you, I am now more confident with this problem.

I am sure I will love her more than her boyfriend. I will follow your advice which you told me on the first mail, that will make sure that she choose me in the end. She will know that I am the right choice for her.

You know, some friend I talk to before you, all don’t understand my feelings for her. All of them just tell me to forget about her, and not to give up the whole forest for a tree (in chinese). Thank you for your time and advice. I am now more confident and know what exactly to do.

I take the chance to wish you all the best for everything you do, and be successful.

Best wishes
Mr Y

This ends Part 2 of All about Love. Next week in Part 3, we’ll look at what it takes to hold on to a suitable partner.

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Finally we come to the magical topic of love… one which I’ve been avoiding for a long time because I thought it’s really complicated. But really, it is very simple. After banging my head on the wall for so many years, I’ve finally gained some insight to see past the surface complications – puppy love, teenage crushes, love triangles, adulterous affairs, chemistry, compatibility, trust, idealized love, ‘the One’, third parties, break-ups, make-ups, threesomes, lust instead of love, and a whole plethora of factors which complicate what should be a simple area of life. However, I can’t do justice to this topic with just one article… we need to break love down into its phases in order to tackle it effectively. So I’ll split the topic over a series from seeking love to having compatibility to making it last. Being a man, naturally my view will be skewed towards a male perspective. But I do understand the emotional issues women experience, so I’ll try to be fair to both sexes in my treatment of this topic.

What I see as the most common problems people are having with love are:

1. Not being able to find a partner.
2. Not being able to find a suitable partner.
3. Not being able to hold on to a suitable partner.

Let’s tackle these problems one by one and see whether we find answer…

Problem 1: Not being able to find a partner

Many people have the idea that ‘men should make the first move’. Heck, I believe that’s what has been ingrained in most men’s minds. So men are taught that they have to chase the women they want; they have to romance her, buy her flowers, write poetry, open doors, take her to dinner etc. And the act of doing so will cause her to fall in love with them. Regular guys truly believe they can WIN a woman’s heart this way. But that is sadly not the case… often a guy tries to win over a woman by making strange advances and usually falls flat on his face. Not that women don’t appreciate it; I’m sure they do enjoy the attention, but they aren’t going to love a guy just because he showers attention on her. If a woman is attractive, she may have dozens of suitors and more added everyday; all showering her with gifts and messages, trying to be her ‘friend’ and such. She can’t trust these men because she feels they are just trying to get her into bed. So regular guys must realize that trying to romance her before she has any interest in you is a waste of your time. A woman will love whomever she wants to love – she makes the choice. Each woman has her own preference and her own image of an ideal man. Some like their men tall; some like short, some like Adonis features – chiselled body, square jaw; some like their men to be big cuddly teddy bears. One woman’s fruit is another woman’s poison.

The idea that you can ‘romance her to win her heart’ is a false idea spun by fairytales and Hollywood magic. Ladies don’t throw hot water on me yet… let me prove this point with a simple visualization. Imagine… you arrive at work in the morning to find a bouquet of flowers sitting on your desk, a little note says, “You are the only woman for me – Love, your secret admirer.” After lunch, a gift-wrapped package appears on your desk. You carefully unwrap it. Inside lies a box of the most exquisite chocolates you have ever tasted! The little note reads, “Dessert for you, my sweet.” By now, your curiosity is burning, “Who is this mystery man sending me all these lovely gifts? Could it be James from marketing? That suave Adonis hunk… I’d sure like to tear my meat hooks into him; or maybe Alfred from accounting? That sweet gentleman… always brightens up my day with a laugh. Oh I’m dying to know who it is!”

So which one is it? It’s neither! It’s Toad-Man sitting in the next cubicle! He who snorts out his boogers and eats them back down; he who stuffs himself like there is no tomorrow; he who leers at you each time you pass his cubicle; he who keeps pornographic magazines under his desk with playmates he claims you share a remarkable resemblance with. Can you love him? Maybe if you try really, really hard. But why bother when there is James down the corridor and Alfred in the next section? So I rest my case… Women want to be romanced, but ONLY by men they like and desire.

In contrast, a large percentage of women have the idea that the only way to attract a guy is through their looks. So they put tons of effort into looking beautiful and sexy, and then they await the hordes of horny males to come rushing in. Yes, this works. From a female perspective, attracting men is just like marketing. You’ve got to design a nice cover to package the product because even if you’ve got the best biscuit in the whole world, a crappy cover won’t attract any customers. Silly customers would rather buy the crappy biscuit with the hot cover and suffer indigestion for life.

But what if a woman is not born pretty? Is there no hope left? Rubbish, of course there is. In this world, there is someone for everyone. There are people of varying levels of status, beauty, intelligence, and character. Definitely there is a match, but she might have to be proactive in searching for a partner. Traditionally, most women are taught to be passive and receptive. The proactive role was assigned to men. But nowadays, there are women who are not afraid to create opportunities to meet men they are interested in. Maybe she drops a box of cereal in the supermarket so that the handsome man next to her can pick it up. These proactive women seem to be more successful in man-hunting. Learn from them! We are also seeing the rise of the pretty boy or metrosexual male who is more passive and uses his looks to attract women. He spends hours on his hair and face and dressing himself up. So compared to the old days, the change in social condition is that the men are turning girly, and the women are pursuing relationships like males.

When men say, “I can’t find a girlfriend.” What they’re really saying is, “I’ve not been able to approach a woman I like who finds me attractive.” When women say, “I can’t find a boyfriend.” It means almost the same thing – “I’ve not been approached by a guy I like who finds me attractive.” You see, the dilemma is the same for both sexes. We’re just not approaching members of the opposite sex whom we find attractive.

What men need to understand is that just as how they select women by their looks before deciding to approach, women are conscientiously selecting their men. But not always by his looks… women have a more evolved sense of selecting an ideal partner, which takes into account personality, social status, intelligence, humour, entertainment ability and very important – money. Although they might deny, women do hunt for rich men. He’s the doorway to a life of comfort and luxury. I have heard many bitter stories of men who got ditched because she found a richer, better man. In the past, it used to be bitter stories of women who got ditched because the philandering man found a hotter woman. But ever since women developed financial independence and the man-hunting instinct, they are the ones doing the dumping. The problem with this is that the constant upgrading of partners is a selfish act, not based in love or commitment. False love is self-serving, true love is giving. If you’ve never sacrificed for your partner, you have not experienced love.

Last year, I received this email message from a friend:

[Used with permission]

—–Original Message—–
From: xxx xxx xxxx [mailto:xxxxxxxxxxx@hotmail.com]
Sent: Wednesday, June 21, 2006 1:06 AM
To: truth@lancism.com
Subject: relationships

hi rongzheng [If you don't know, this is my chinese name]

i saw what you have posted on your website very interesting and indulged in what you have posted. Moreover, I was quite surprised with you have wrote in the june edition of snag, you really impressed me with what you have wrote about cohesive relationships. It seem like your wisdom and knowledge have reached a new profound level…
recently i have encountered a problem. Maybe perhaps you can provide me a solution or ways to tackle this issue

i got to know this gal at my workplace, we know each other after i managed to get for her some stuff at staff price at my workplace.
we exchanged nos, and everthing started off very well. we talked a lot in our phone calls, sms each other often untill one particular incident that caused everything to turn… well a bit sour..
one of my colleague managed to call her and tell her that i missed her. OMG!! I was shocked. i immediately apologised to her and she managed to get over it, but then things seem to have died down after since,
now we rarely talk or sms, even so, now [when] i walked past her area,
she turned her head away and don’t look at me..oh man am i so depressed about this

well i do have a small crush on her but then things turned out this
way, i guess she might be avoiding me or don’t want to talk to me..

hai.could you provide me a solution or anything to rescue this complicated issue??

many thks
xxxxxxx

My reply follows below:

—–Original Message—–
From: Lance Ong [mailto:truth@lancism.com]
Sent: Wednesday, June 21, 2006 4:32 AM
To: ‘xxx xxx xxxx’
Subject: RE: relationships

GREETINGS! MY FRIEND, MR XXXXXXX!

I see you have are having a vexing issue to solve. No problem, you’ve asked the right person! I will not only tell you why she is behaving this way, I will also tell you what you should do to regain her interest. In Singapore earlier this year, I have conducted a series of workshops on romance & dating. Many of our participants have finally been able to date the opposite sex, and some have already gotten attached.

You see… in every relationship, there comes a point in time where the stakes must be raised if you are ever going to get closer to each other. By the fact that the two of you were already talking a lot on the phone and SMSing each other often, is a good sign which shows there is mutual interest. Normally, a guy in that position who follows the correct sequence has a high chance of hooking up with the girl. The critical moment was when your colleague called her to tell her you miss her. If you think from a girl’s perspective… someone telling me that a guy I like actually misses me, is a good thing! It’s a very good thing because it’s obvious that this guy is signaling a romantic interest in me. But when you called her to apologize, it appears to her that you have withdrawn your declaration of romantic interest. To most girls, this is equivalent to a mild form of rejection – she was probably disappointed.

What you should have done at that point in time, is pretend as if nothing happened. Continue to smile and chat with her as normal, until she brings it up. If she does not, then you let it slide. But if she does one day stop you and ask about what your colleague said (this is the moment of truth), you can smile and be playful about it, but in the end you must admit you like her. This is called taking a Social Risk. You are putting your ego and reputation on the line for rejection. Women love it. They like it when a man they have interest in, is bold enough to say that he likes her.

Her current behaviour is a natural social response when there is tension in a relationship. She probably can feel that you have interest in her, but since you have officially signaled that you have no interest, she’s confused and doesn’t know how to move the relationship forward. At this stage, only you can make the difference between life and death of the romance. You must be strong, be bold, and be flirtatious. Be willing to take a social risk. The next time you pass her desk and she looks away (using her hair to block, right?), you must deliberately break through this ice-shield by stopping in front of her desk, calling her name, and initiating a chat. You would be wise to bring a gift. This is a clear indicator of romantic interest. Simply start with a regular chat:

You: “Hey [her name], how are doing?”
Her: “Good/fine.” (smiles)
You: “Hey you know what, I’ve only got a minute, but I need a lady’s opinion about something.”
Her: “Sure! What?”
You: “Do you think a man who is bold about what he wants to get in life, is more attractive to women?”

Here you have initiated a discussion about an interesting topic. Actually, any topic works, as long as you get her talking. The goal is to break the ice and warm-up the relationship. Keep your conversation going for as long as you can, switching to other topics as necessary.

If you reach a lull in your conversation (and I assure you, you will), say “Hey, I’ve got something for you.” Then magically pull out your gift. (Make sure it’s gift-wrapped – that’s what makes it special.) Say, “I was passing by this shop and… [Explain why you got the gift]” or “I made it myself!” There are thousands of things you could give her, but what’s most important is that you’re sure she’ll like it. Proper gift-giving shows that you remember what she likes, and that you have good judgement, attention to detail, and are generous.

This simple bold act is enough to spark the fires of romance. But you’ll need to keep building on this. A fire with no fuel eventually burns out. You may be thinking, “C’mon Lance, this is not my style!” I understand the fear. All men have it. But those who can overcome their own demons and face the knife of rejection will be pleasantly surprised to find that the woman of their dreams is happy that he was brave enough to do so.

Good luck, my friend!

This article will continue next week. We’ll explore what happens in another relationship, and look at what it takes to find a suitable partner.

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Which way are you headed?

I’m walking down the streets of Melbourne one day, and I see this 19-year old guy sitting slumped against the wall. As I pass by he looks at me and asks, “Hey, have you got some spare change?” I look at him, and note his dark eye bags. Although he is trying to look as miserable as possible, I could clearly see that this young man is still able-bodied and fit. If anything, I would say this guy has not been through enough suffering to warrant some spare change. His face – not a wrinkle; his clothes… are those designer labels I see? It makes you wonder… Why doesn’t this guy just get a job? Even being a supermarket cashier pays enough to rent a room, buy groceries, and some luxuries. Maybe he earns more just asking me for spare change?

That young man has given up hope. The thought that runs through his mind is, “It’s no use, what I do doesn’t make a difference. There’s nothing to look forward to. So why bother even trying?” If you ever catch yourself thinking like that, realize that you might be lost. And you’ve reached a point in life where you can choose to make it go uphill, or downhill. I believe if someone has two hands through which they can labour for their earnings then they should not lay slovenly to beg, but stand up and make something of themselves. For it’s only a matter of believing that you can.

To some people, life seems unfair. Like they’re struck with bad luck, and everyday is a torturous day to survive and drag themselves through. They act in reckless ways because they seek instant gratification – they want an escape from the pain of their reality. They want to get rich now, so they gamble and then lose it all. They want to forget their worries, so they drink, get drunk, and get nowhere. They need a high, so they inject drugs, buy sex, and commit crimes, which lead to addiction, HIV, and imprisonment. So you can be broke, you can be drunk; you can lose your sanity, your health, and your freedom. All you have to do is make the choice. And how can you tell the difference between a good choice and a bad choice, especially when bad choices can seem so tempting and ‘filled with goodness’?

In life, good and evil are contrasts created by our conscious judgment. Depending on which perspective you’re looking from, the boundaries between what is good and what is evil will blur. One country gladly sends its soldiers to war, ‘for the good of the nation’. But you witness the death, destruction, and suffering… and you can see the evil this ‘good’ causes. Ask a pimp, and he will tell you his work is an art form, passed from generation to generation. The women are happy to earn, and the men are happy customers. He argues that he is just supplying what the market demands. It’s what people will do naturally because it is human nature. And if abstinence were such a desired quality, then why were we made the way we are? Plus some of his workers need to support families and children back home, and are only doing this because society has not given them a better way to earn as much money. So in his eyes, he probably sees his business as benefiting the general community.

What we label as right and wrong; good or bad depends on which side of the coin you’re looking from. Which environment are you in? Whose side are you naturally forced to take because you are a part of that community – e.g. the US or Iraq; police or pimp? Even attackers think they’re attacking to defend the world from a greater evil. What we need to be aware of is that our point of view is strongly influenced by where we are brought up, our nationalistic loyalties, and the messages we receive. In some countries, sex is everywhere; in others, the place is so reserved, it is taboo to even mention the word. But in both cases the people living in either country will think that their way is the best way. People living in a sex-laden free society, will think that the clean country is stuck up. While people living in the clean society, will think the other is culturally infected and morally confused.

We would do better to make judgments based on independent observation rather than regurgitating what we are culturally or religiously programmed to think. The secret to making positive choices is in knowing what’s good and bad for you. Not what’s right and wrong in the world, but what affects you positively or negatively over the long term. Will your choice help you to become the person you want to be? Or will it take you further away from that? You know yourself best; you know your strengths and your weaknesses. We can judge our actions by their results; our choices by their consequences. Therefore always think through to the end result – the ultimate outcome when you make a decision. It’s easy to get lost in impulse when you lack the self-control to say, “Wait… where will this path lead me?” Neither path is good nor bad… they just lead you to different places. Some people can enjoy heaven; others need hell to be satisfied.

You have a choice. A choice to choose the path you will walk through life. Choose the Dark Path, and you end up on the dark side (for all you Star Wars fans). Choose the Light Path – the path of self-control, discipline, and delayed gratification – and you end up on the light side. Neither is good nor bad because there are happy people on both sides. What’s important is that you become sure of where you want to go and make the correct decisions to get there.

Two elderly women are sitting in front of me on a tram. They look perfectly normal; in good health. Suddenly one of the two asks me in a slow deliberate tone, “Excuse me, might you have 45 cents? We would like to buy a ticket.” Everyone in the tram turns to look at them, some disapproving faces were obvious. Fearing it might be a con, I replied, “You don’t have 45 cents?” She looked at me straightforwardly and admitted, “No….” Sensing that she’s telling the truth, I pull out my wallet and hand her the coins. She and her partner pass the coins between themselves first, and then true to their word, she gets up and buys a ticket. Now why would I give money to two old women, but not to one young man? Well… might I have given the coins to the young man, he would probably combine it with the rest of his stash and use it to get himself drunk or high on some weed. In this case, I am making a conscious choice to promote that which I feel is good in the world, and saying no to that which I judge to be bad. You have that same choice. Use it wisely.

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Perhaps you will recognize this scene… Two old men are sitting on a bus. As the bus passes by the red-light district, one old man says to the other, “Hey, didn’t go see chickens today?” The other man raises an eyebrow… a spark in his wrinkled eyes, “Yes, yes, I will be going this afternoon!” The first old man smirks, and says, “You didn’t even bring your medicine, how to do it?”

For some people, their lust is so strong, that they borrow money from family and friends, just to visit prostitutes. You will see this pattern in addicts. Drug addicts, sex addicts, alcohol addicts. They’re always looking for the greater thrill and the next high, and this addiction sets their life on a downward spiral. They waste their time, energy, and money, instead of using it to build something worthwhile.

Now I know I’m not in a position to say what is worthwhile and what is not. This is a subjective matter according to each person’s preference. But if you feel your level of joy and fulfillment is not up to par, then I can suggest a choice…. Do you want to feel happy now or do you want create conditions in life which make you happy? The easiest thing to change is ourselves. The hardest, is the world outside. If happiness is all you seek, then I suggest changing yourself because happiness is really just a state of mind. A monk can sit on a mountain owning nothing and feel perfectly happy and at peace. If progress is what you want then you might have to bite the bitter pill and bear some pain to create change in physical conditions. Achieving great things usually means suffering for it, like we see in the Passion of The Christ. However there is a middle path… which is when you have perfect control of your state of mind and can feel happy even when going through periods of hardship.

For life to have zest, everyone needs that natural feeling of drive, anticipation, and excitement. When one does not know how to get it naturally, one may resort to vices to stimulate that sense of being fully alive, desperately trying to bring some meaning into life. But you see, happiness is within you… If you can’t satisfy your wants, then the other way to happiness is to release them. Let go of that which you must have. Shakyamuni Buddha said that, “All desire leads to suffering…” Suffering because you crave what you do not have. And let me ask you this: Is this yearning self-created? Or something imposed on you by the outside world? Perhaps it’s the outside world’s fault because other people keep flaunting their luxuries and exotic experiences. But surely, we create this yearning within ourselves. It is within our power to control it, or release it altogether.

Lord Richard Layard, Professor from the London School of Economics, a leading happiness researcher, says, “Happiness is a balance between your expectations and your attainments. One way is to get what you want. The other, is liking what you get.”

Many of our desires are misplaced. We think getting them will bring us happiness, but that is an illusion. These misplaced desires are nothing more than temporary pleasures. Happiness is a state of mind.

You don’t need to satisfy your desires to be happy; you need only release them. Do you need the attention of the opposite sex? No, as you get older, your body parts will sag, and the opposite sex will pay less attention to you. Must you get laid to be happy? No, as you age, your sex hormones will lessen, and so will your desire to mate. Must you wait till you have a million bucks? Nope. Historical and worldwide research shows that above US$15,000 a year, higher income is no guarantee of greater happiness.

The people who feel good everyday, without resorting to vices, have one mental characteristic in common. They have a dream, and they know what they want to achieve in life. This sense of purpose drives them; gives meaning to their existence. They have discovered their soul’s calling, and are living life to the fullest by following it. This is different from those who are ‘party animals’, “living life to the fullest” by drowning in deafening music, and shaking till the sun rises… That’s not living, that’s dying.

If you want to find true meaning and happiness in life, then you’ve got to uncover your life’s purpose. For each of us has a unique destiny. A path made specially for you to walk on this journey through life. Follow it, and you arrive in paradise. Ignore it, and you continue to wander… wasting time, and life itself.

1. You need to know what you’re made of. Your talents, strengths, and abilities.
2. Craft a vision for yourself, and visualize that dream in your mind.
3. Work out a plan that sets your goals and decides what actions you must take to achieve them.
4. Tell your closest friends about it, and commit yourself to taking five of the planned actions everyday to build your dream.

When you see that your actions are creating results, it will be a natural source of excitement and inspiration. Instead of spending time, energy, and money on vices, you invest it in creating an upward spiral of success. By releasing your desire for temporary pleasures, you kick your bad habit out the door. By choosing to live your purpose and answer your soul’s calling, you break free from the chains of monotony, and find truth, meaning, and happiness in life.

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I have a friend who loved drawing when young. His parents saw him drawing, and took away his pencil, saying that he would never make any money doing that. When he was older, he told his parents he wanted to learn cooking and be a chef. His parents said, “No, cooking can never make you rich. It’s a waste of money learning that.” They would not sponsor his culinary course. Then later, when he could not score well in school, his dad said, “You are stupid. Why can’t you be smarter like everyone else?”

It’s easy to crush inborn talent. All it takes is a simple, “No”. I’m sure his parents want the best for him, and they are trying to mould him to be what they think society will pay for. But they do not realise that by stopping him from following his interests, they are preventing him from finding himself. Everyone must follow their own path. A road laid out specially for them. And when it comes a time when they see this glimmer of greatness within themselves, we should fully support them in aiming for their dreams. Follow your interests, and everyday is full of fun and discovery. Otherwise, life can just seem bland and repetitive. And that’s the truth.

My friend tells me that for most of his childhood, he was unhappy. Unable to express himself, he became withdrawn. Retreating into his own mind and keeping to himself. He feels that he’s not as good as others, whom seem so confident being who they are… He doesn’t see the greatness within himself.

We talk about his dream of pursuing the culinary arts, and his love for drawing. I ask him, “Do you believe in yourself? If you take this path, will you put your heart and soul into making it a success? Because let me tell you… You can make money doing anything, as long as you are good enough at it.” I look at the lines of his hand, and it shows me he has a creative and imaginative mind. But there is a break in the line, meaning that early in life, the growth of his talent was cut off. ‘A pity,’ I thought. ‘If only he had spent his younger years growing this ability. Today, he would really shine.’

Here’s an important rule if you are planning a personal growth programme: You become whatever you expose yourself to. And that includes your country, the culture, the place you work, the people you hang out with; the books you read (non-fiction or sex novel?), the shows you watch (inspiring & educational or trash TV & porno?), and the emotions you allow yourself to engage in on a daily basis (lust, anger, frustration or peace, love, and harmony?) You can choose what you expose yourself to; you can choose what you allow yourself to feel. But once the thoughts enter your mind and become deep-rooted beliefs, that sets your way of thinking, so be selective because your future’s at stake. You can build a palace or you can build a prison.

Janet asks: “How do you figure out who you are and be happy with yourself?”

Hi Janet, you’re asking a deep question. The first part about figuring out who you are, depends on your level of self-awareness. How well do you know your own temperament and personality; your strengths and weaknesses; your talents and abilities? People seeking to know themselves often engage in a process of self-discovery, where they question their purpose for living and why they are here. Now this is not an instant 20 minute process, some people take weeks and years to figure out who they are. The process is gradual with corrections along the way.

Okay, so now let me give you a metaphor for figuring out who you are. Imagine you are a heroine on a journey through life. Now every hero needs a quest or purpose or ultimate goal. Who decides what this ultimate purpose is? The hero of course. So you need to create your own ultimate goal to aim for, which will give meaning to your life. The same applies to your personality. You need to choose who you want to be. All self is self-created. We decide who we want to be and then through our actions and behaviors we manifest that person into reality.

When we were young, many of us had dreams of what we would like to be, do, and have in life. But too many years of hard schooling and laborious work wiped those dreams from our mind. We are brainwashed to conform to the norm of society, leaving our individuality behind. So now we need to reclaim that younger part of ourselves which was buried under exam stress, non-stop essays, mean bosses, and conniving colleagues. I have written a detailed process for reclaiming our buried selves. It’s in this article, “Achieving Personal Greatness“.

For the second part of your question about being happy with yourself, it is related to the first part about being self-aware. If you know who you are currently, and who you want to be in the future, the gap between where you are now and where you want to be can affect your happiness. The greater the gap, the less happy people are with themselves. Of course, this does not apply to all people, especially if they can see beyond the gap and realize that happiness is found in the present moment. If we keep looking to the future for happiness, we will never realize how fortunate we are, right now.

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Half the value of life is in the Journey; the Experience. So slow down and smell the flowers. The following poem is a beautiful rendition of this philosophy:

Slow Dance
by David L. Weatherford

Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round,
or listened to rain slapping the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly’s erratic flight,
or gazed at the sun fading into the night?

You better slow down, don’t dance so fast,
time is short, the music won’t last.

Do you run through each day on the fly,
When you ask “How are you?” do you hear the reply?

When the day is done, do you lie in your bed,
with the next hundred chores running through your head?

You better slow down, don’t dance so fast,
time is short, the music won’t last.

Ever told your child, we’ll do it tomorrow,
and in your haste not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch, let a good friendship die,
cause you never had time to call and say “hi”?

You better slow down, don’t dance so fast,
time is short, the music won’t last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere,
you miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day,
it’s like an unopened gift thrown away.

Life is not a race, so take it slower,
Hear the music before your song is over.

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You can avoid much disaster by following the Golden Rule. I remember one night, I was sitting at an outdoor McDonald’s in Singapore’s Orchard Road, when I hear the smack of a tray hitting the ground. Six metres away, two large Caucasian men corner a shorter, stout Hawaiian man. All three men are in their late 20’s. It seems like they failed to give way to one another at the door, so they bumped and the tray fell. I hear some insults, and they start to push each other. I count the pushes, 1.. 2.. 3.. and then they had a scuffle. Somehow, the Hawaiian man manages to grab hold of one Caucasian guy’s neck, and swings him head first into the marble edge of the building! His forehead splits open, and the gash starts spurting blood. The other Caucasian man says, “Stop! Stop! Why are you trying to kill us, man?”

I can’t believe all this started over failing to give way at the door, and not apologizing for the mistake. Instead, they chose to push and intimidate each other into a fight. So you see, whatever you give out, will come back to you, ten times stronger. “You push me, I’ll push you harder. You punch me, I’ll knock you out.” These men let their egos get in the way of a peaceful resolution. They could have simply apologized and offered to pay for each other’s meal.

As you know, this is not a rare case. Often, just staring at someone can start a fight. Or pushing someone out of a queue. Or snatching someone else’s parking space. Or tailgating. Or flashing your car’s high beam out of irritation. It’s sad when we let our anger get the better of us. As they say in Buddhist philosophy, anger is a form of hell. So is greed, envy, lust, and hate. All poison the heart and mind. Disrupting the inner peace that would make your life wonderful. So before you take an action you might regret, ask yourself, “Is this what I would like to bring into my life?” The moment you perform that action, you are giving permission for the Universe to take the effect, multiply it by ten, and return it to you.

If you look down on someone, ten more people will look down on you. If you cheat $500 from an old woman, sometime down the road, you will lose $5000. Likewise, if you contribute $200 out of the goodness of your heart, $2000 will be available for you to earn back. Perhaps through your business or in a sudden lottery windfall. This is a Law of the Universe: Whatever you give out, will come back to you, ten times stronger. So perform the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. And you can expect life to treat you exactly the way you like it to.

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Today I’m going to share with you something a little esoteric. It’s the secret to communicating your desires to the universe, such that it may set the events in motion to manifest your dreams into reality.

Do you have goals or things you would like to achieve? Or might you be in the group who is not yet sure of what they want in life? Not being clear is okay… everyone has it initially. Most people bury themselves in work and activity and thus never have to ask themselves questions like, “What do I want? What am I here for? Who am I?” These are questions that bother you when you have extra time. But then, they need to be answered to give us direction in life.

Now, I’m going to jump a step here and assume you already have some idea of what you want to be, do, or have. Then I can move on to teaching you the technique on how to communicate those thoughts to the universe. Now maybe you think, “Lance that’s crazy, why would I want to do that? Transmit my thoughts and all.”

Well, I believe that there are invisible forces working on a higher level which influence daily life and which trigger events into motion based on regular cyclical patterns. Well, I don’t really know if it is divine power that’s causing it or even whether there is a God, but I do know that this technique works, so I assume its origins could be supernatural. Wouldn’t it be great if you could enlist divine help to make your dreams come true? Why do so many people around the world swear by the power of prayer? Maybe all these people were just psycho-ed by religions into believing in the power of prayer, and actually it doesn’t do anything but comfort the mind. Are they all disillusioned or is there really an unseen force which can produce miracles?

It’s hard to say whether God, angels, demons or devils exist. I spent half a year studying religious anthropology at university and the academics conclude that no one can prove or disprove whether higher power exists because they are simply not of the material world and thus cannot be scientifically verified. In one argument, they say religion exists because people continue to believe in it. If people stop believing, religion dies out; like an idea virus that needs a human host to survive. That’s why religions are so fanatic about converting people – it’s vital to their survival. On the other hand, the counter-argument is that people believe in religion because God or High Power exists. Whether you believe in God or not, he’s already there – since the beginning of time till the end. So people believe because it’s true. Who’s the real McCoy here? We don’t know who’s right because neither can prove the other wrong.

However, I believe there might be grounds to support the idea of an intelligent design to the universe. Take for example our moon and its 28 day lunar cycle. Do you know the moon acts like the heart of the Earth? The gravitational pull of the moon causes the water in our seas to rise and fall. This is like the blood of the Earth being pumped. Because of the water movement, life could spread from one area of the Earth to another — amoeba, fish, micro-cellular organisms, viruses and more. Now can you tell me, which genius put that rock up there to use gravitational force as a pump? No batteries, steam, or hydraulics required. Would you say… God? He’s a plausible explanation. Theoretical physicists would say it happened by chance, which is also possible.

Now lets add to this mystery by considering our sun, Sol, which is the main gravitational force of this solar system around which our planets rotate. The sun’s rays are literally energy travelling over millions of miles to get to us. Now did you notice that much of life on Earth is ’solar-powered’? Think of the plants and their photosynthetic process — how their leaves are like the solar-panels we have today — converting light energy and soil nutrients into food for itself.

Photosynthesis — nature’s miracle. The next time you eat your salad, take a moment to consider how complex a process you are gulping down with every bite.

Now I’m not running a science lesson here, but I would like to invite you to consider the ingenuity of this biological process. Who would have thought of putting ’solar-powered’ plants into the ground and underwater for herbivores to consume, which are then eaten by carnivores, who are then caught, slaughtered and wrapped in a falafel sandwich for omnivores like us to have for breakfast?

Is it an incredible process evolved over millions of years? Or was it intentionally designed that way from the beginning? Now, I’m was an anthropology student and I support the idea of evolution. But perhaps we can plausibly say that there are greater cycles at work in this universe which we have not seen or do not yet understand. Maybe all of the universe is intelligent and communicates with itself bio-energetically. In ‘The Secret Life of Plants’, Peter Tompkins and Christopher Bird did experiments showing how plants respond to music and telepathy; that they have their own force-fields and feelings, and can be encouraged to grow or wither depending on the human attitude with which they are approached.

“What? Telepathic plants and force-fields? Lance, have you gone nuts?” Not really, I think… there seems to be much more to the world than we currently know. Around the year 2000, cosmologists discovered Dark Matter which accounts for some 90% of the hidden mass in the universe. Before this discovery, scientists couldn’t explain what the mysterious force was holding the galaxies together. There was simply not enough mass in the visible stars to produce enough gravitational force to hold them together. The more we learn the more we realize how infinitely complex the world and universe are. Too bad we can’t live longer… there are just too many intricacies for one person to learn within their lifetime. And when you die, it’s all gone again. Even if you wrote it down, you’ll probably need to spend most of your next lifetime relearning what you once knew. That is, if you believe in rebirth.

How to Wish and Communicate Your Thoughts to the Universe

Okay, so here’s the process I was harping about at the beginning. If you do it right, you might find that new people and opportunities are attracted to you. How does it work? Basically you convert a thought or image of what you want into an emotion and allow the emotion to flow out of your body. I believe the universe communicates with you through feeling. Not words, sounds, or picture, but emotion – the raw communication that mammals had even before the evolution of language. Once the emotion has flowed out, the message has been communicated (it will have a rising feeling), and we send a second wave of emotion which is gratitude – basically a thank you for the gift the universe has begun to produce for us. It’s that simple to apply. Do you believe that this can produce magic in your life?

“Horseshit Lance! I don’t believe in any new age mumbo jumbo.”

Well, it is a metaphysical technique, I don’t really know why it works either, but I can tell you that I’ve tried it, and it has an effect – subtle or major depending on how open you are to it.

Okay, so are we ready to learn? I’ll describe the process in detail here, step-by-step.

1. Ask in the Positive
Get a clear idea of what is it you want to be, do, or have in life. We’ll wish for one thing at a time. It’s important to ask for what you want in positive terms. Some people ask for things by saying, “I don’t want to be lonely anymore. I don’t want to be poor. I don’t want to die.” When you use the words “I don’t”, the emotion underlying that request is fear. Fear pushes things away. So logically, you would be trying to push away loneliness, poverty, and death. But that doesn’t pull you toward, friendship, wealth, and life. To attract yourself towards something, you need to do the opposite of fear, which is to love. Love is the emotion that draws things to you and it’s expressed positively, “I want to have friends that like me. I want to be prosperous and wealthy. I want to live long and happily.”

2. Be Specific
However, just stating things positively is not enough; we have to be specific on what we want. Instead of saying, “I want to end world hunger”, be specific and say, “I want to help the Niagra Children’s Foundation raise $30,000 in cash to feed the kids.” Instead of saying, “I want to be rich”, say “I want to make another $3,000 per month”. Start small with what you can handle or expect at your stage of life. We don’t go from zero to millionaire overnight. Gradually, if it works, you can increase the sum from 3k to 6k to 12k and more later. Even for simple requests like, “I would like to have more fun in my life”, be specific about what would it take for you to feel like your life is fun. The higher power can’t do your thinking for you… you need to imagine what a fun life is like and specifically request those activities.

3. Create a Mental Representation
Once you know what it is you want and it has been stated positively, create a vivid image of it in your mind. The easy way to do this is to visualize holding a big picture frame and look into it as if looking at a picture of yourself when you have successfully achieved your goal. Notice how you are dressed, who you’re with, what you’re doing – see it bright and clear, 3D if you can; if it’s a movie, even better. The key to this step is the level of detail to which you can visualize. The more detail you can see, the more real this representation becomes to your unconscious mind. The mind cannot tell the difference between that which is real and that which is vividly imagined.

4. Experience the Emotion
Now, using your imagination, step into this image you’ve created and experiencing it through your own five senses. Feel what it’s like to be really there, touching things, hearing the sounds, breathing the atmosphere, tasting things etc. For example, if you were wishing for a romantic partner, imagine what it would be like being with this person. The tone of their voice, the touch of their hand – get a sense of the emotion that attracts the two of you together. The emotion is the essence of what we want here. The positive feeling is what you will be releasing into the universe. And if you’ve been reading other Lancism articles, you’ll know that whatever you give out, comes back to you ten times stronger. So here we are releasing our good feeling and allowing the universe to take that emotion, multiply it tenfold and crystallize it into tangible reality.

5. Release and Gratitude
The whole purpose of the elaborate visualization is to charge your body with emotion. Once your body is charged and you have the emotional essence of what you want, release it and allow it to flow up through your spine and out the top of your head. Feel the sensation rise out of your body. Once that is done, you thank the universe because it has already begun to work on your request. You do this by allowing the emotion of gratitude to fill your body and then release it by saying ‘thank you‘ and letting it rise up and flow out.

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One factor which may influence the success or failure of your request would be the sincerity with which you ask. Are you asking half-heartedly or out of selfishness and greed; or jealousy or revenge? I don’t think negative intentions are supported by the higher power. You’ll have to pray to the lower power for that one.

You also need to understand that nothing happens unless we actively strive for what we want. The human body is a manifestation device; we can take the invisible and make it visible. If God or the universe acts, it acts through us not without us. So by sitting still, we are preventing any action from taking place. If you wanted a romantic partner, you can’t isolate yourself and expect to meet one. You’ve got to make it possible to receive what you’ve wished for by being connected with the rest of the world.

There are advanced techniques which work through the power of the unconscious mind to help you get what you want. I use them myself, and they are safe and effective. One resource on these techniques that I highly recommend was written by my friends, Mohamad Latiff and Mohamad Shafi’e. Their book “How To Create A Life Of Wealth, Success & Happiness By Simply Asking” is a masterpiece of methods used to program the unconscious mind to help you achieve your goals automatically.

They also have a free e-book called “Break Free Now”, which is about how to overcome self-limiting beliefs and destructive thoughts using a hybrid technique of EFT & Sedona. Latiff and Shafi’e have done a lot of research and testing on the techniques they teach. It’s definitely worth the time to learn their methods. You can download it for free at: http://UltimateSecretsofSuccess.com

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The problem is in the routine work. The human mind has this habit called deletion. Anything that keeps repeating, memory does not record, simply because it’s not worth taking notice of.

So how can we slow down our experience of time and not let our lives slip by in a flash?

The answer lies in developing mindfulness — a heightened state of awareness of one’s thoughts, feelings, and actions. You can start off by practicing the 3 Magic Bedtime Questions.

As you lie in bed at night, ask and answer these three questions before you fall asleep:

1. What is one thing I am grateful for today?

2. What do I look forward to tomorrow?

3. What would I like to dream about tonight?

Why do I call these simple questions magical? Well, let me tell you the logic behind them. The first question requires you to think through your day to find something you’re grateful for. As you do that, not only will you find something to be grateful for, you will also have recalled your entire day. In Neuro-Linguistic Programming, we call this recapping experience. It’s like putting your daily experience into a bottle, putting a cap on it, and labelling it, “The day I met Jenny”. Having many of these bottles in your mind, sorts your memories into significant experiences, rather than having them as one large clump called, “My Working Years — 20 to 50 years old”.

How to Label a Memory
As you mentally sift through the events of your day, give yourself the opportunity to select the best experience of your day and use it as a label for the day’s memory. If you were at the beach, maybe the highlight was trying to catch crabs. So the natural label for this memory could be, “The day I caught a crab”.

The second question requires you to look forward in time and imagine what’s going to happen tomorrow. When you have something to look forward to, it creates natural anticipation and drive. You will feel motivated the moment you wake up. It will be the first thing that pops into your mind.

If You Can’t Find Anything to Look Forward To
Then realize that what you are doing might not be in line with your heart’s desire. What you can do then, is imagine what you would like your life to be like in the greater future. Then think of what first step you can take tomorrow to begin moving you in the direction of your ideal life. It doesn’t have to be big, it just has to be a beginning. Now you can look forward to taking this first step.

The third question reveals your innermost desires because we naturally choose to dream about what we want and wish for. This clarifies our direction and purpose.

Perform the 3 Magic Bedtime Questions nightly, and your experience of time will slow down. You will remember more about your life, and have greater clarity of mind to do what counts, before your time runs out.

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Here’s a little event that set me thinking: While I was in Borders bookstore, an old man sat down beside me and began to talk. He had kind eyes – a very dignified old man. Looking at him, I recognized a friend, even though we had never met. Norman shares with me some of his life experiences and I began to understand how a man of his age might see the world. Then I ask, “Norman, do you think that… at your age, you have achieved your purpose in life?”

“Well,” he replies. “My life is in God’s hands… I go where he takes me. But I can tell you this: The world today is too materialistic… no good… no good at all.” Then he goes silent, as if in some sort of deep thought. His words echo in my mind. This is from someone who has lived seven decades more than I. So it really makes me wonder what we should value in life and where we should channel our energies.

Out of the entire world’s population, most of us will never live the high life. That is reserved for the top 1% of rich and wealthy – about 60 million people. Let’s not forget that the world has approximately 6 billion people, so there are another 5.9 billion who form our middle and lower class. Economists have discovered a problem: The rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer, creating greater disparity between the haves and have-nots. World Bank reports show that many people do not have enough money to ensure a comfortable retirement, and that there is not enough funds stored in pension plans to cater for the aging baby-boomers.

In China, social trends like aging population, longer lifespan, and the one-child policy, predict disaster: Soon China will have less and less adults supporting more and more old people. Everyone will be clamouring to earn as much money as they can to pay for hospitals, day care, medication, treatments and more. The population is desperate to build wealth. The frustration is incredible – on one hand, they want to live the good life; on the other, their financial responsibilities are heavy, so they are denied the ideal lifestyle. This trend exists not only in China, but many first world countries with aging populations. So perhaps now it makes sense why everyone is obsessed with becoming rich.

So it looks like most of us will never get to see the yacht and mansion lifestyle of the rich and famous. However, I have an alternative view of life. When you look through the world through this point of view, you will never frustrate yourself about not making enough money. You will earn your money in a stress-free manner, which allows you to enjoy your life before it’s over.

The truth is like this: Like infants who suckle on mothers’ breasts, we expect Mother Earth to make us content; we expect God to fulfil our needs; we expect the world to be as we want it. When we awaken to the harsh reality of ‘earning a living’ and ‘working to survive’, then we see money as our only buffer against the pain of poverty – the key to having all that we want, the way to the luxuries and experiences which will bring us joy and contentment.

Without enough money, it feels like we are being denied all the nourishment and joy which was promised. So like mad dogs we enter the rat race, studying for 16 years then rushing out to the working world where we spend another 40 years climbing the corporate ladder, while raising a family at the same time. The whole world does this – every single person fortunate enough to go to school. So can you imagine every single human wanting to make money and hump each other’s brains out? The futility of it!

The fundamental problem comes from doing things for the wrong reasons. Most people do not understand their inner desires. That which drives us to do what we do, is mostly animal instinct. The instinct to procreate, the drive to earn as much as we can – for example: to prove I’m a capable man worthy of procreating with. “Look, I can protect the children. Look, I can bring home the bacon. Look, I’m a sexy guy – I work out – good in bed!” So with this survival, mating, or animal instinct creating desire within us, we tell ourselves, “I must be rich! I must be good-looking! I must be better then them!” And all these ‘musts’ cause us much frustration, especially when we don’t have deeper reasons for why we ‘must be’ something.

I don’t mean that we should give up trying to self-actualize or become who we are meant to be… what I mean is that we should do it for the right reasons. Go beyond your survival and mating instinct and find real reasons for doing what you do. If you want to become rich, don’t just do it to attract the opposite sex or because you like shopping, do it because you want to contribute to society in a great way; for the security of your family, or because you want to experience the world and money is the ticket. Know your reasons because they are the true driving force of our achievements. If you just do things out of sex or pleasure drive, soon you’ll run out of steam because as you get older, procreating isn’t important anymore. Look beyond pleasure and materialism.

In the material world, everything is death-bound, meaning that it will come to an end. Stars like Marilyn Monroe and Elvis died at the peak of their careers. They had everything – money, good looks, great career, fantastic house, boyfriends, and girlfriends – but in the end, it is all death-bound.

If you want true inner peace, then practice non-attachment. Realize that there is nothing you really have to do in this lifetime, only that which you want to. All the material objects and concerns that we chase are illusions which keep you trapped in a never-ending struggle and pursuit for more.

If you can understand that material luxuries and pleasures are all death-bound, then you can approach life in a different way. No longer will you sacrifice your life to chase the almighty dollar, but stop and consider what’s your purpose and mission on Earth. For if everyone that’s born on this planet just needs to earn enough money and hump each other’s brains out, then that is a mundane existence indeed. There is something special for you to do in this world, in this lifetime. But it’s not for me to tell… even if I tried, I can only suggest what it might be. Ultimately, you have to discover it for yourself.

So to answer the question set out at the beginning of this article: there is nothing wrong with wanting to make money, it’s necessary for survival. However, it’s important to look at what you’re contributing your life towards. When you are old, like Norman, can you look back on all you’ve done and appreciate the contribution you’ve made? Beyond just making money and raising a family, can you say, “I’ve achieved my life’s purpose”?

In a conversation with a friend yesterday, he asked a good question. He said, “What constitutes a life purpose?” I said, “Contribution – something you give to society or the world. Something you love. Something you are willing to suffer for. Something you will do even if no one pays you. That’s a life purpose.”

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How to Curb Anger, Frustration, or Stress

If you ever find yourself about to explode like that, stop whatever you’re doing and :

1. Recognize the stressful feeling and freeze your thoughts; tell yourself, “STOP! Chill… relax…” Give yourself a time-out break to calm down.
2. Make a sincere effort to shift your focus away from whatever was causing your frustration and focus on your breathing and heart area. Imagine you are breathing coolness into your heart and exhaling the heat of negative emotion. Do this for a minute or more.
3. Recall a positive experience or feeling from your past and re-experience it in your mind. This is as simple as recalling a happy memory or imagining a peaceful place you visited.

Doing these three simple steps will have enabled you to cool down. Now you are in a position to make a more objective, effective decision on how you will respond to your situation.

Remember that we are in charge of our thoughts and therefore our emotions. Don’t let your anger or frustration drag you into doing something drastic which can demolish your career, relationships and more.

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Life can be stressful. To some people, it’s like living in a tornado of problems. Everyday work can be a source of stress. So can email, projects, school assignments; requests from other people, deadlines, bills and often relationships too. All these things can frustrate us, causing us to wrinkle our faces with worry, get fatter from binging, lose hair from over-thinking and thus become unwanted, unattractive human beings. Maybe it’s that we’re not making enough money or underperforming at school; can’t afford the new Mercedes or someone at work is pissing us off. Different things frustrate different people.

So as the situation gets worse and the stress builds inside us, we feel we can’t escape. We tell ourselves, “Yes, I can do it! I need to be strong!” But more work and more pain keeps heading our way. We reach the point of wanting to punch something or rip our hair out.

We can scream and shout and bash the pillows, but after all that, most people just breakdown and cry. After all our tantrum throwing and release of energy, the problem still hasn’t been solved. It’s still there, laughing us in the face saying, “Naa na ni boo boo! You can’t catch me!” So how do we escape from this stress?

Do you know the secret? You can’t handle stress by fighting or resisting it. You have to let go – release your grip and the need to control the situation. This is easy for me to say, difficult for you to do. I know. But if you let me explain a bit more about the nature of stress and how we can deal with it, you’ll realise it’s easy to relax and be worry-free.

The Nature of Stress

Stress comes from within. It is an internal reaction to an external event. We like to think that it’s all these things on the outside which are stressing us, but in reality, it’s the way we perceive and feel about these external events which causes our stress.

Two people can see the same thing and feel differently about it. A woman may think babies are adorable; an old miser may think babies are irritating and expensive. Likewise, what looks like office politics and backstabbing to one person, may just be a misunderstanding to another.

How we see a situation determines how we feel about it. So if you feel strongly about anything, whether anger, jealousy, frustration or more, ask yourself, “Am I perceiving this in the right way? Is there another way I can look at this situation? What if I were in my mother’s shoes or friend’s shoes? What if I were an angel? How would God look at this situation?” Sometimes you’ve got to step outside yourself and pretend you’re someone else. There you’ll find a fresh perspective which can help you see the situation from a more objective state of mind.

Frustration can arise from conditions we set upon ourselves and others. These expectations are marked out by the words have to and must.

If I say to myself, “I must be number one!” Then that ‘must be’ creates a division between where I am and where I want to be. Thus I cannot be happy until I have achieved my goal. The easier way is to release the conditions you have upon yourself. Let go of musts and have tos, and replace them with can and could. Try it and feel the difference.

How does ‘I can be number one’ feel compared to ‘I must be number one’? Doesn’t it feel like a condition has been released? There’s no more pressure from your self. Why give yourself added pressure when the world is already such a stressful place? As long as we don’t have to be something, there is no internal pressure to resist. When there is no resistance, there is no stress.

As an example, imagine you are sitting in an old clunky mini-bus going down a bumpy road in Baghdad. You are sleepy but can’t fall asleep because the bus is constantly bouncing around. The muscles in your body are tense. You are resisting the movement of the bus. But if you relax your body and allow it to go limp and become one with the motion of the bus, you’ll find it really easy to fall asleep because now you are no longer resisting – there is no stress.

Over the course of your whole life, you’ll probably meet many setbacks and challenges. Maybe a person gets divorced; maybe they get fired; maybe both happen to them on the same day.

Boy, if I were in those shoes, I’d want to kill myself too.

But looking at it over the course of a whole life, I realize this is only one moment in time, and it has already passed. There is still much joy and beauty to experience in years ahead. This challenging experience would make a good story to tell the grandchildren and even old friends as we sit around a campfire roasting marshmallows and drinking hot chocolate.

Doing What Makes a Difference

Many people are stressed because they have too many things to do. I’m sure if you take a piece of paper and list down all the things which are demanding your attention, you could easily fill the page.

All these things which you ‘must do’ or ‘have to do’ usually come with deadlines which compel us to run all over the shop to satisfy other people’s demands.

In the end, after doing all the bullshit, we still feel we haven’t accomplished anything significant in our lives. That’s because we’ve spent all our time doing the urgent things for others, and sacrificing what’s important to ourselves.

Am I encouraging you to be selfish? In this sense, yes – I’m asking you to be clear on what you want and what you value in life. What do you find to be important and what makes a difference to you? What is your scorecard for life?

What I mean by scorecard is that traditionally people rate each others success based on how much they earn, how attractive their spouse is, how physically fit they are; how much respect, reputation or fame they have. Is that the way you rate your own life? Are those your measurements of a life well-lived? That’s why I’m asking you to decide what’s important because many people don’t set their own goals, and thus judge themselves by a scorecard which means nothing to them.

Learn to play a game with yourself – the game of life. Write out a few goals that are important to you and stick it to your wall. At the end of the day, before you sleep, count how many things you have done today which have brought you closer to accomplishing your goals. If your count is zero, then realize that you have spent your day doing the urgent things which don’t contribute to your ultimate happiness.

If you have to do the urgent stuff to get by and survive, it’s okay. But at least make time once a day to do what you feel is important. Just this simple act will give you a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. Your frustration levels will decrease as you free yourself from the trappings of urgency and move through your life with purpose and peace in your heart.

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Where are the real men of yesterday? The ones who worked hard all day till their muscles burned; the ones with blisters on their hands and calluses on their feet, the man that women swoon for at first sight? The answer is, “They’re all dead, Jim. All that’s left is us backstabbing, spineless, slithering yes-men.”

The real men may be dead, but their lessons from the past, live on. Let’s learn from our forefathers, what it means to be a man’s man.

#1 A Man Must Be Bold

In Chinese philosophy, a man’s body composes mainly of Yang chi – the essence of male energy, representing vigour and vitality. Yang is forceful, the aggressor, and symbolised by fire and heat. Women on the other hand, compose of Yin chi, the cooling, receptive energy that surrounds everything. Yin is subtle, the receiver, and represented by flowing water.

Being a man, it is your duty to represent the essence of Yang chi. There is no time for beating around the bush, being too shy to ask for what you want, and being unsure of yourself. You have to be bold; it is your duty to be bold. You are the Yang, the aggressor. If you want to know a woman, you have to make the approach. You can’t possibly wait for her to make the approach, she’s Yin. She’s the shy, receptive one who is waiting for you to approach her. Pardon my seemingly chauvinistic suggestion, but let her be the Yin, don’t try to reverse roles and be the shy man who can’t even say ‘Hi’. I’ve never heard someone say, “Hah, he’s such a wuss for thinking she would even talk to him…” What you will usually hear is, “Wow man, you’ve got guts! I wish I could do that.”

Women are attracted to men who are not afraid to love them… someone they can lean on, a shoulder to cry on; boldness is a representation of that inner strength. You can define boldness as ‘the courage to act’, turning your fear into strength, accepting rejection and pain as a natural consequence for daring to achieve your dreams.

Boldness also applies to business and life in general. The British Special Air Service (SAS) has a famous motto: “Who Dares Wins”. If you’ve got the brains, the guts and the tenacity, then chances are, success is yours. Listen to what German Philosopher, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe said, “Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.”

#2 A Man Must Live with Honour

Honour is a virtue of the Gentleman. Having honour means that you commit yourself to following a specific set of moral guidelines. People trust an honourable person’s word as a guarantee of future moral performance. Nowadays, we sometimes use the word ‘Integrity’ to represent honour.

Learning to live with honour will make you more of a man than ten years of corporate snakes and ladders can. Your promise must be a solemn commitment that you will keep to, no matter what. Your word must be as good as gold, if not better.

Building an honourable reputation is no easy task. It means total commitment to upholding your integrity and living your life by defined moral principles. If you are successful, your good name will spread. People will recognize you as a trustworthy individual, whom they can count on to take care of the largest responsibilities, and entrust with the most confidential secrets. Taking on more responsibilities and secrets, can raise your life to new levels of prosperity and plenty. But let’s be warned… if we ever breach that trust by committing just one selfish or perverse act, what could take a lifetime to establish, we can destroy overnight.

In the present Communication Age, good news travels fast and bad news travels even faster. The only way to stop the bad news is to never allow it to be created. So mind your actions because people listen to what you say, but they watch what you do. Place your hand over your heart and say… “Let my principles be my guiding light, distilled from my highest wisdom about what is right. Let my morals stand tall and true, let them choose the things I do.” Now touch your head and say… “So Be It!”

Make a difference today, put your foot down and be bold about upholding your honour. Adhere to your principles. Never do anything that would compromise your integrity and the trust people have in you. In return for your efforts, you will create more flow in your life; opportunities will come faster and more abundantly. You will have the chance to live your life to its fullest potential and splendour. So be a man of honour, your life depends on it.

#3 A Man Must Be Magnanimous

Magnanimous means to have a generous, forgiving and noble nature. Simply put, magnanimous people have a big heart. They are gracious and kind, philanthropic and benevolent. A magnanimous gentleman gives generously and expects nothing in return. He takes joy simply in seeing those around him happy. He is an intriguing conversationalist and tells jokes to make others laugh.

A man’s magnanimity does not allow him to easily take offence at the words and actions of others. Anything potentially offensive is simply seen for what it truly is… wind passing through the trees. Like bamboo, he will never break, but only bend with the direction of the wind.

When you have mastered magnanimity, you will intuitively understand that there is a Law of Increasing Returns in the universe which states, “Whatever you give out will come back to you ten times stronger.” For example, if you look down on someone, ten more people will look down on you. If you cheat $500 from an old woman, sometime down the road, you will lose $5000. Likewise, if you contribute $200 out of the goodness of your heart, $2000 will be available for you to earn back. Perhaps through your business or in a sudden lottery windfall.

If you choose to let your greed get the better of you, manipulate others to your benefit, and refuse to help the needy, you can only expect poverty, hate and disappointment to head your way. You reap what you sow; you get whatever you give out. This is a universal law.

A magnanimous man knows that helping others does not exhaust his resources, but rather because of the Law of Increasing Returns, it increases his resources tenfold, allowing him to do more good for the world. He knows that in helping others, he is also helping himself.

Develop the habit of solving other peoples’ problems and you become a more generative person. You produce and contribute more than the average guy, and thus earn more because you deliver more value to others.

Take little steps starting today, to make these characteristics a part of your character. Help someone in need, keep a promise, dare to speak up. Challenge yourself to become a man’s man: Be Bold, be Honourable, Be Magnanimous.

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Something about the frantic pace of today’s society… people are always trying to get ahead of one another. You can hear them say, “Outdo the other guy; be better than them… this is a dog-eat-dog world.” Some people feel that they have to prove themselves to the world. To show that they have what it takes to be great. Only then can they feel good about themselves. So they work doubly hard, constantly comparing their success to that of others. “I can run faster than you, I’m more capable, more knowledgeable, richer, better-looking, and even my dog is cuter than yours…” But have you heard the Chinese saying, “With every mountain crossed, a higher mountain awaits”? If you believe you have to beat others to achieve success, then your opponents are just going to get bigger, ‘badder’, and meaner. On the flip side, if you believe you have to cooperate to achieve success, your friends will get bigger, stronger, and more capable. It’ll be like standing on the shoulders of giants.

Let’s be realistic here: nobody ever built an empire by themselves. They relied heavily on the strength and support of others. Just like the Pyramids of Egypt, The Great Wall of China, and the City of Rome. In fact, much of it they built using slave labour – people who did not even believe in what they were building. Do you know how many people died building these monolithic structures? They chained people up, whipped them around, and tortured them for not obeying. Can you imagine doing that to someone in today’s modern society? Perhaps not, but let me tell you… people are still practicing this behaviour. Modern day corporate bureaucracy is just a kinder form of slave labour – whips and chains are replaced with wages and contracts. There’s still a part of us that seeks to dominate others. It’s in our genes.

Survival and reproduction instinct urges us to outdo others, be stronger, smarter, richer, so we can have a higher chance of mating and passing on our genes. This is a core motivation for all the fake accent, conversation monopolizing, jargon-spouting behaviour you see at cocktail parties. Everyone’s trying to raise their social status by appearing cultured, refined, and polished. In the Stone Age human days, the guy with the highest social status was the one with the biggest club and the largest muscles. But the battlefield today has changed… Clubs are replaced with cars. Flexing muscles has been replaced with displaying intelligence. But you know what has not changed? Everyone’s still trying to prove they are better than the next guy! You can’t escape it; it’s in your blood. So perhaps you can say that your biology is not up-to-date. Your body is still running those old programs which say, “Put them in their place! Show them who’s boss! You’re the Man! You Go Girl!” But what we need is more cooperation and less confrontation.

To climb high and stand tall in today’s world, you need to overcome your biological instinct to compete, and instead, seek harmony with others, which gives you opportunity to cooperate. Learn how to make friends out of enemies; see the good in others, and win people to your side. The soft approach is the only alternative to that old caveman violence which no longer produces results. Nowadays you try to dominate others through physical force, and soon you’ll see these red flashing lights and dark blue men arrive on the scene.

You have to decide how you choose to treat others – with respect, trust, and integrity? Or with disrespect, suspicion, and deceit? This is not to say that you should blindly trust everyone… Always practice good judgment of character. Learn to read people. See past the surface and reveal the personality within. Honestly, I believe it helps to learn the Chinese Art of Face Reading – Mian Xiang. I’m a practicing face reader myself, and till today, I’m still surprised with the accuracy of this ancient skill. People with certain attitudes and behaviours, do grow to look a certain way, it’s strange. In the story of Pinnochio, whenever he tells a lie, his nose grows longer. In Chinese Mian Xiang, you can spot a liar through his zigzag nose, distorted lips, and crooked teeth. I have seen people with one or more of these characteristics, and over time I’ve watched their actions… they do lie a lot. You can also spot people who are mischievous, people with sexual promiscuities, and people who are dangerous (murderous intent). My point is… do not blindly trust everyone, but judge who you consider trustworthy. And once you find good people, treat them with respect, honour, and integrity because people can smell when you don’t trust them. There’s a saying, “Xiao Li Chang Dao” – meaning, ‘hiding a dagger behind a smile’. You don’t want people to think that’s what you are trying to do. So be congruent in the way you treat others. Don’t pretend to be gracious when meeting face-to-face, but when backs are turned, call them the enemy or the son of a dog. Even if words do not hurt, it still reflects poorly on one’s character.

Rise to the top through cooperation and strategic partnerships. Learn to read who you can trust and who you can’t. Be congruent in the way you treat others. And most importantly, overcome the inflated idea of self-importance. Conquer your ego, for we are no better and no worse than anyone else. That difference exists only in our minds. Given the right circumstances and role models, we could grow to be anything – good or evil, upright or corrupt, rich or poor. You are who you are today, largely because of the life you were born into. Each life has its own lesson and its own special purpose. So there is no point comparing your life with others because each of us must walk our own path. Look to others as role models and guiding posts, but do not become infatuated with being better than others. A more positive gauge would be to aim to be better than you are now – compete with yourself. And that is how you can get ahead without stepping on anyone’s toes.

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I’m sitting in a taxi on the way to the hospital. The driver is an elderly man, with white hair all messed and uncombed. Halfway down the expressway, he points to the fare meter and says, “Wah… $3.80! Not good value to take a cab now hor… can buy a packet of chicken rice already.” I smile and nod my head. It reminds me of the days when I was a little boy, $10 seems like much money — I could buy ten ice-creams or sixteen chicken wings. As the cabby drops me off at the hospital, I pass him a fare of $11.50 and say, “Here Uncle, this can buy four packets of chicken rice.” He laughs.

I have a friend, who has to support her family using her monthly paycheck. After minusing family expenses and personal purchases, she says she can save $50 a month. She and her boyfriend want to marry. But with a new flat costing about three hundred thousand dollars and the added price of a wedding, they can’t afford to start anytime soon. Now… I’m no financial guru, but I do know what it takes to escape this fix.

What does it take to get rich? What must you do to put more money into your pocket, more food on the table, and live a better quality of life? The more you earn, the more you spend. There are so many wonderful items to own…. Some people spend whatever they earn, so they have much stuff, but no money left at the end of the month. So their only choice is to go back to work. They need their job to pay their expenses, and that’s why they put up with it, even though they don’t like it.

The method to break out of this earning-spending cycle is simple. But to do it, requires much discipline. That’s why the rich people are those who are smart, persistent, and disciplined. Smart enough to know what to do to make cash, persistent enough to work at it till it succeeds, and disciplined enough not to splurge all the money on luxuries. Cash is king. You make it, you keep it, and you use it to create a new stream of income. For example, a businessperson makes $15,000 from a business deal. Instead of spending it, he uses the money as down payment for a $300,000 apartment in Melbourne, which is worth $600,000 (seller in distress). He rents out the 5-bedroom apartment for $3,000 a month. The bank gives him a loan of $285,000 ($300K-$15K), and the interest on that loan is 6% a year ($1425/mth). Using the rental income of $3,000 to pay off the monthly interest of $1,425, he has a positive cashflow of $1,575! That’s $1,575 dollars every month, without having to work for it. Plus, he still owns the apartment, which appreciates, and he can sell it for more money next time. The only money he put in, was the first 15K. His monthly profit of $1,575, will make back the $15,000 in nine and a half months, and he will own the apartment for free (using the bank’s money)!

If you are not smart, would have known what to do with the 15K? If you have no discipline, would you spend the money on something else, like modifying your car or remodeling your kitchen? If you have no patience, could you wait nine months to break even? Yes, there are many techniques to make money grow like a snowball rolling down a hill, but to successfully use them requires you to be smart, persistent, and disciplined. If you spend whatever you have, you will never accumulate enough to make even the smallest investment, and worse, you won’t even be able to start-up a small business.

There are two ways of transacting. One is buying, the other is selling. Everyone knows how to buy. But few people know how to sell. When you have a job, you are selling your skill and labor by the hour. But you can’t make much that way because there is only one you, and you have a fixed salary. If you want to make tons of money, you’ve got to think MULTIPLY. How can you multiply your effort so you can sell it many times over?

Let me give you a simple example. I used to be a magician doing children’s magic shows. The magician has many secret moves and magic theory all locked up in his head, which he uses to wow the audience during a performance. But unless he has the finances to build huge illusions and buy Persian tigers, he will always remain a small-time children’s magician. His product (children’s magic shows) and his time ($350/hour) limit his earnings. He needs to multiply himself so he can make more money. Here’s an easy way: First, he turns his magic knowledge into a video product (a five-tape set) he sells over the Internet for $350. Second, he sets up a magic school in his city, conducting magic classes for 30 students at a time, each paying $1000 for a six-day workshop (five-tape set worth $350 included). Let’s say he say he did his Internet Marketing well, and his tape sets are selling at three a day. That’s $1050 a day! Three times more than he could earn doing a regular magic show. In a month, just Internet sales alone would net him $31,500 — that’s more than some General Managers earn. Now he conducts only one workshop a month. But that makes another $30,000 ($1000 x 30 ppl)! So his total gross income is $61,500! Even if he did one $350 magic show three times a week, that would only earn him $4,200 a month ($350 x 12 shows). Fourteen times less than he could earn if he multiplied himself by creating a product and running a business.

So once he makes his $60,000 a month, what’s he suppose to do? Spend it all? No! He must use his money to buy cash generating assets, so he doesn’t have to keep working! He can use his 60K as down payment for a $570,000 prime-district landed property ($510,000 mortgage, 6% interest = $2,550/mth). He can rent it out for 6K, and will break even in one and a half years, with $3,450 positive cashflow per month ($6,000 rental income – $2,550 loan interest). You see… it takes $60,000 dollars which you have to work hard for, to produce a monthly residual income of $3,450, which you do not have to work for. That’s a great difference. Your money shrinks to 5.75% of what it used to be (60K into 3.45K). So if you want to create a residual income $10,000 a month, using property as your investment vehicle, you need to pump in $173,913 dollars of your own hard-earned money! And it’s going to be difficult to accumulate that amount if you rely on a fixed salary.

I hear someone saying, “But Lance, I have no magical talent, no financial skill, and no business experience. What can I do?”

Well I say, if you continue to be like that, you’re a sitting duck. But it’s good that you realize your situation because being aware is the first step to making a change. As babies, everyone starts with a clean slate — an empty brain. How you think depends on what information you put in there.

“But Lance, I come from a poor family. I don’t have the money and resources to learn all these things.”

Well go to the library. The library is free, isn’t it? I used to be a librarian in my school days. And there is tons of life-changing knowledge and moneymaking ideas to discover at the library. With the Dewey Decimal System, all knowledge is at your fingertips, anything you want to know, it’s all there.

“But Lance, reading puts me to sleep. I become drowsy after the first three lines.”

My friend, there are so many good books on making money that it’s a shame not to read at least some of them. If reading puts you to sleep, it’s also putting your finances to sleep. Without these new ideas, you won’t know what you should be doing to make more money. Instead, you’ll be waking up, dragging yourself to work, earning a paycheck, spending it all, and ending back at square one at the end of the month.

“But Lance… but… but… but….”

No more ‘buts’! Either you read or you stay broke. Reading makes you smart, and the written word is still the most accessible form of transferring information and ideas. Put those ideas into action and watch the miracle of knowledge transform your life.

In a life coaching session:
“So Victor, have you been keeping up with your success reading?”
“Yes, Lance. I’ve been doing lots of reading and it’s really enlightened me.”
“Really? What titles have you read?”
“I just finished The Da Vinci Code, Digital Fortress, and I just completed Angels & Demons last week!”
“What! Those are fiction titles… You’re suppose to be reading NON-FICTION personal development and wealth generation.”
“Oh… I just found them too boring, so I decided to read something more exciting.”
“Victor, buddy, EXCITING does not make you rich. Exciting, does not give you the secret formulas to winning. Exciting does not put food on the table. Novels are a wonderful source of entertainment, and Dan Brown is a great writer, but you need to focus your reading if you want to build a moneymaking mind. You’re already behind in your reading… by about twenty years. It’s time to be discerning in what you choose to read. Always ask yourself, “Is this quality information I can use?” And if yes, then read it. Flip through the book if you have to — see if the author’s ideas give you an ‘ah-hah’. Your reading time is your chance to gather valuable ideas and techniques you can use in your life and business. Use it wisely.”
“Oh, okay…”

An entrepreneur is someone who solves other people’s problems at a profit. Solve more problems, for more people, and you make more money. Don’t sell your personal labor; sell a product or a service. Don’t wash cars by hand, build a car wash. Let the machine do the work; multiply your effort. Don’t do low-paying magic shows; multiply yourself through products and seminars. Don’t drive a taxi, start your own delivery or courier company; get your cabby friends to join your team. Roll your hard-earned money into stable investments like property and franchises, which create a monthly stream of work-free money. You don’t have to count the dollars you earn by plates of chicken rice anymore, if you know how to multiply your effort. And if you don’t know how to ‘multiply’ yet, do a search at the library. Here are a few keywords: business system, start-up, licensing; leverage, cashflow, get rich, and millionaire.

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Do you believe you have no control over your life? Are you who you are today, by choice or by fate? Will a change in your actions create a change in your life? Many people have given up on their dreams… they say, “Dreaming is only for the rich. When you have money, you can dream. When you have no money, don’t dream.”

That’s true… not everyone is lucky enough to be born with a silver spoon. If you are lacking in funds, it’s going to be difficult to start living life the way you want to. Money buys you freedom to follow your passions. But you don’t have to give up on your dreams, just because you lack money. Depending on where you are brought up, you will face limitations depending on your family finance, culture, and environment. Some of us are born to have easy lives, while some are born to take a more challenging path. Perhaps the limitations and obstacles you face today are part of your journey — you must overcome them to grow stronger on the path to achieving your goals.

When we are young, we all seem to have clear idea of what we want to be when we grow up. But somewhere along the way, these dreams get buried under the reality of daily living. The focus shifts from ‘living the dream’ to just ‘finding a good job with a stable income’. “Survival first”, as they call it. The sad part is that many people spend much of their lives doing what they don’t like, so they can finally earn enough to start doing what they do like. I say, that’s a great way to bury your happiness and turn into an economic slave. Doing what you dislike, day after day, will numb the sense of joy within you. Soon you will feel that your life has no greater purpose, and there is nothing to look forward to but work, work, work…. You will have forgotten how much fun it is to spend your time doing the things you like to do.

The Secret to Living Your Dreams

It’s painful if you don’t make enough money to live comfortably. But what’s more painful is if the work you do has no meaning to you. Everyday you can drag yourself to work, perform meaningless actions, and then drag yourself back home. Apart from sleeping, work takes up the majority of our time. So if you’re not enjoying your work, you’re not enjoying your life. And life is so short, isn’t it? We probably have less than a hundred years to make our mark in this world. And you never know… you fail to look while crossing the road and BOOM! You could be gone tomorrow. So why spend your life doing something you don’t like to do? We don’t slog three-quarters of our lives just so we can enjoy one-quarter… we might not live that long. Realize that the essence of your life is happening right now — you are walking a path; making your journey through life. And if the work you do, is not designed to help you fulfill your higher purpose in life, then perhaps you are walking in the wrong direction. No point taking this path… change direction.

For your dream to stay alive, you have to act on it. It’s like a fire that grows brighter and stronger if you fan its flames and keep adding wood. If you leave the fire alone, never doing anything to keep it alive, it will burn itself out. When you fail to act on your dreams, they die.

A little girl called Leanne wants to be a ballerina. But her family is poor and unable to afford the fees of the fine arts dance school. Her father tells her not to dream because dreaming is only for the rich. But her mother says, “Lea, you can be whatever you want to be. As long as you put your heart into it, and never give up. Always hold on to your dreams because when there’s a will, there’s a way.”

Leanne remembered her mother’s words. She paid her way through a college degree in the fine arts, using money she earned from working full-time. She was talent scouted by the Royal Dance and Music Theatre of England, where she began her illustrious career as a ballerina. Earning in British pounds, she made more than enough to support her family and give them a comfortable lifestyle.

Leanne had a choice… to fervently believe in her dreams, and do whatever it takes to achieve it, or believe the World’s Greatest Lie… that at some point in her life, she lost control, and fate took over. She had to have the courage to step up to her dreams, and not give up just because she lacked money. If she listened to her father and put her love aside because dreaming was only for the rich, then she wouldn’t have lived to experience her passion. She would pass on from this world, with the music still left within her… buried under some obscure belief that she could never make money doing what she loved to do.

There is music within you, and you only need to coax it out. The daily grind forces us to forget what we love to do. Imagine you’re retired… You have enough money to live comfortably, but not to splurge. How would you spend your time? What activities would you find purpose in? What would you do to amuse yourself? If you have an idea of what you would love to do but are not doing, then schedule some time everyday to do it. Making time for what you love is just like fanning the flames of your passion – the fire can only grow stronger. It’s what will bring a sense of purpose and meaning into your life; that spark of joy and wonder.

The happiest people are those who enjoy their work. They’ve managed to make money doing what they love to do, just like Leanne. And this can happen for you… if you are willing to reject the World’s Greatest Lie. Realize that you always have control over your actions, and therefore your results. The only time your start to fail in life, is when you stop believing in your ability to make a difference. You don’t need a silver spoon; you don’t need to be a genius. What you need is a sincere belief in yourself and willingness to take action towards your dreams. Believe me, you have what it takes. Just follow what British Prime Minister, Winston Churchill said in World War II: “…never give up, never give up.” And you’ll win the war.

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