LANDodger

WCG Ultimate Gamer -- Running Diary

Tue, 17 Mar 2009 22:28:48 -0800

[Note 1: Before we being, I'd like to apologize to all the people trying to use Panera's Internet from approximately 5:30 – 8:15 PM on Monday the 16th, at the store near Manchester and Sepulveda. It was me that was using all the bandwidth for a video stream. And yes, it took me almost three hours to stream 30 minutes of video. I hope that I didn't slow down your Twitter update feed too much. ]

[Note 2: This is only part of my reaction to the first episode. I'll have another piece out shortly, but for now enjoy the running diary of the first episode, and if you're looking for more awkward-gamer goodness, the second episode is aired on Scifi tonight at 10/9c.]

You've probably heard of WCG's Ultimate Gamer. It's the show that's going to finally bring gaming where it's needed to go all along: into the realm of reality television.

Let's face it, we've got more than our fair share of made-for-reality-TV stars. I'm just surprised it's taken us this long to capitalize on our strengths. How many players do you know that are better at creating drama than actual gaming highlights? I'm not sure any of us can count that high, but in my experience there's at least six on every five-man team. And if the possibility of public humiliation for your drama-queen teammates in future seasons (at the hands of a really talented editing crew) isn't enough to get you to tune in for the Ultimate Gamer, then perhaps you'll be enticed by ... uh ... well, if humiliation isn't your thing I'm not sure what else it has to offer. But at least, unlike the CGS, if this thing goes in the tank it won't be during the same time staff and stars are preparing for the next season.

Anyway. Let's get to the running diary of my thoughts, reactions, jokes, and any other random things that popped into my head during the first episode.

0:00 – Intro: "Tonight, an epic battle begins." What I wished they said: "Tonight, an epic battle begins. Mario. Luigi. Only on WWE!"

0:39 – Oh no. Somebody's crying and we're only 39 seconds in. Somewhere, the Real World Intro is getting jealous.

0:50 – They tease what looks like a paint-balling challenge in the intro. Have to admit that looks pretty cool. That would be one of the challenges I would love to try.

1:10 – "SamSung stadium." Over/under on SamSung being mentioned this epside: 342. I'm taking the over. [Post-Watching Note: This turned out to be horribly wrong. I don't think they ever said the words "SamSung Stadium" after the intro, in fact. But that might just be because they had to get through player introductions, one real-life challenge, a gaming challenge, and the elimination challenge. The schedule seemed just a bit tight.]

1:24 – Alright, they're doing the player introductions now. Let's play a little game: one of these things is not like the other. Here are the contestants as they're named in the intro, with the order slightly altered for maximum effect.

Chelsea
Robert
Ciji
Dante
JD
Kelly
Alyson
Geoff
Jamal
Amy
Mark
…
Swoozie

Now, I love Swoozie as much (alright, more) than the next guy. But I'm pretty sure it's not actually, you know, his name. How did he get listed as his handle and not his name, unlike the other contestants? Did he bribe somebody to put in Swoozie instead of Adande? Or is he just approaching one-name territory, like Ichiro or Tiger? These are important questions I need answered.

(Not for nothing, but his "Hometown" is also listed as Trinidad on the Sci-Fi site. Pretty sure Trinidad is a town in the same way as Puerto Rico is a town.)

One other name-related note: I have to say that Ciji is a pretty cool name.

2:30 – Also, don't say this show doesn't have anything for the ladies. Let me put it this way. If they suddenly changed the format to a battle royale between all the gamers, I'd be picking Geoff to crunch the most heads. In fact, I think he might be able to crush a controller with a single hand. And yes, he's now my candidate for Most Likely to Break a Controller during the show. Either that or "Most Likely to Break a Fellow Gamer".

3:12 – A name sure to intimidate your opponents: applesauce. Well done, Mark. Strike fear into the hearts of your enemies. Then again, I've heard that all wars are based on deception. And if that's the case, well done! I can't think of anything less intimidating than applesauce.

3:33 – They just introduced one of the hosts as a "gamer extraordinaire". And for once, it wasn't Fatal1ty! That's one point in Ultimate Gamer's favor.

4:45 – The gamers head to the house and we already have drama! Swoozie plops down in a bed, but Chelsea wants the bed because she always "sleeps low." (Did they cut out "to the floor?) Don't give in Swoozie! Be a man! You got there first.

4:50 – Swoozie gives up the bed. Whatever happened to "sharing"? Or is that not allowed until episode 4?

5:50 – Dante says he's worried about Robert. I am too, but my concern is that Robert's electric-blue contacts will burn out my retinas if I look at them too long. Plus, they're just plain freaky.

6:06 – Dante: "These girls are all fairly attractive, and that kinda puts me at ease cuz I don't think that they really have what it takes." And Dante's character (you know, the one that the editing room makes by selecting particular clips over others) takes the early lead for biggest douchebag!

6:16 – Ciji: "Dante is someone I have a history with. Somebody I work with. It's kinda tough seeing him here, I still have a crush on him. [blinks back tears]" Ciji is the first gamer to almost cry during the show – the intro shot doesn't really count.

7:15 – Well, apparently that's all the character exposition we get. If you've been paying attention, the guys don't fear the girl gamers, Ciji and Dante used to be an item and Robert has blue contacts. I hope you've picked who you're rooting for because we're already heading into the challenge. (Seriously, though. If a viewer without a gaming background watched the show, would they even care enough at this point to watch the rest? Don't we need somebody to root for, or at least root against, before we get to the challenges? Maybe that's just me.)

7:15 – Rockband 2 is the game. Not sure how I feel about that.

7:50 – They just revealed that they'll be playing a song in real life, first. I hope, for the sake of the viewers, that some of them have vocal training or this could get ugly.

7:55 – Cut to a nervous smile from Jamal.

A grimace and a smile? Well, that's a grimile if I've ever seen one. It's even better in the video, trust me. Notice the total lack of joy around the eyes.

7:55 – Not even eight minutes in and we already have our first third-person reference, also thanks to Jamal. "There is no way in the world Jamal is going to be able to learn how to play a guitar." Bravo, Jamal. +1

8:45 – They're getting 20 minutes to create a band name and design a "look" for their performance. For the names, we have Pirates vs. Ninjas, Pandora Rox, and Napalm in the Morning. I'll be very disappointed if nobody on Pirates vs. Ninjas is wearing an eyepatch or carrying a sword.

9:25 – Athena (Amy) says, "There's an amazingly huge difference between playing Rock Band and playing in a rock band." Wait, you mean I'm not really as talented as Slash even if I can play his pieces on Expert? My dreams, they are crushed.

9:55 – Dante insists on singing. JD, his bandmate: "Sure, I'll let the guy with the girly voice take the girl's song." [Post-episode Note: this will be especially funny after listening to JD sing.]

10:12—Practice is over! Heading to the stage where they'll perform. JD: "I saw our name up on the marquee, it was crazy. I mean, I've always told people my name was going to be up in lights, but there it was." Smirk.

Hard to tell if he was kidding or not. They could have edited out his laughter. Still, somebody should tell him that his name isn't up in lights, his band's name was up in lights. Unless his name is really Napalm in the Morning, which is just weird.

Also, he's definitely the front-runner for biggest douchebag now. Pay attention Dante. If you really want that title, you could learn a thing or two from this man.

11:00 – The hosts just revealed that our made-up gamer bands will be performing their song in front of The Donnas, the people that actually made and perform it professionally. What an honor for The Donnas. This has to be in their top hundred-thousand "great moments in life" list, don't you think?

11:18 – Alright, I have to admit that if I wasn't rooting for Swoozie, Jamal would be by far my favorite contestant. He rocked the third person, had the most nervous smile I've ever seen, and now he said this gem: "I've never played a musical instrument and I'm going to be performing their song in front of them. Uh ... I'm in trouble."

11:46 – Pandora Rox -- Alyson, Kelly, Amy, and Robert -- (no hint on whether this is the musical service or a play on Pandora's Box) is up first, and Amy (and the editors) would like to remind us once again that "playing a real life guitar versus a Rock Band guitar is a much different story." Yep. Got it. Fake guitar is not the same as a real guitar.

12:14 - We're only about twenty seconds into the first performance and we already have one disapproving look from The Donnas. When they went to edit this episode, I imagine the conversation went something like this:

Producer: Let's get another shot of The Donnas enjoying themselves at our event.

Editor: Uh, sorry sir, but we only have three seconds of them looking even mildly entertained.

Producer: Damn. Well, just re-run the other clip, then. How much footage do we have of them looking bored, annoyed, or like they're ready to vomit?

Editor: Well, when you include all the different camera angles, about thirty years worth.

[caption 1: Is Jamal grimacing or smiling? Perhaps we have a grimile?

12:20 – The lead singer for Pandora Rox, Alyson, forgets most of the lyrics. Probably not a good sign. Ending shot of The Donnas: decidedly nonplussed.

13:05 – Ciji, before their band went on: "Dante started to choke. Hardcore."

13:30 – First commercial break. We left Dante in some kind of practice room looking like he had equal chances to vomit, faint, or flee, and his bandmates looking like they just got stuck sitting next to the kid that eats his boogers while on the bus. Chances of him nailing the lyrics, at this point? 2%.

14:20 – Second band: Pirates vs. Ninjas (Mark, Jamal, Swoozie, Chelsea).

14:53 – Not gonna lie, Chelsea isn't too bad at singing. Definitely better than Alyson. I couldn't even find that much to make fun of, though I hope Swoozie didn't hurt his back from wearing all that bling.

Look at that chain! He's already living the life of a rock star!

15:50 – Here comes Dante, leading Napalm in the Morning (Ciji, Dante, JD, and Geoff).

15:55 – Wow. It seems like he's completely averted disaster. He's not a great singer. He's not a good singer. But he definitely came out with a lot of energy and seemed to nail the lyrics. He had the whole "singing but more like melodically talking" thing working for him, like when a rapper "sings". 2% Dante comes through. I'm shocked. Even JD gave him props. That's gonna hurt him in the douchebag race, but I suppose there's something to be said for setting expectations so low you can't possibly fail to exceed them.

(I'm thinking of adopting that as my motto for LANDodger: Where expectations are so low you always come away pleasantly surprised.)

16:40 – First band definitely seemed the poorest from the way they cut the video.

17:00 – Going through the evaluations now. The Donnas seemed pretty forgiving, though they ripped on Donte's pitch and the first singer's lack of correct lyrics.

17:38 – Pirates vs. Ninjas win. As their prize they each get a drum set. Woo-hoo?

18:12 – Ciji is wiping tears away again. My god. I'm sure there were plenty of moments where she wasn't crying, but twice in one episode? Already? What happens when one of her show-friends stabs her in the back?

18:25 – Pandora Rox is last. Not too surprising.

19:10 – Back to the house!

19:28 – I will never for the life of me understand why editors put things in like "last place is definitely not where I wanted to be." I don't blame the people for saying that, because if you shoved a camera in front of my face I'd give you some bland quotes, too. But my god, does the audience really need to be informed that last place is not a good position? I'm dumb, but I hope I'm not THAT dumb.

19:49 – Robert is thinking of creating an alliance. People he can trust. And he guarantees that people in the Alliance will make it into the Final Four. It'd suck to be the fifth person in his alliance.

21:30 – The show is already promoting romance between Geoff and Kelly. I wonder if they will form an "Alliance" too. Heh heh.

22:00 – Twenty two minutes in and no gaming yet. It's not all that surprising, I guess. The Real World has been running for I don't know how many seasons, and I haven't seen anything completely "real" there yet, either.

22:05 – They're forming new bands for the gaming portion of the show. Interesting.

22:45 – New song: Lit's "My Own Worst Enemy". Hey, I know that song!

24:45 – Ciji is yelling at Dante. At least she didn't start crying this time. Meanwhile, Geoff appears to be faring poorly at RB2, Green Team is getting cocky, and they're heading down to the isolation area where they'll be evaluated on both team and individual performance.

Don't look directly at them for too long. But man, they are freakin' blue.

25:18 – Robert's disturbingly blue eyes make another (distracting) appearance.

25:33 – Scoring rules: The person with the lowest combined finish between the Isolation Challenge and the Real Life Challenge will be put into the Elimination Challenge, where somebody will actually leave the show. No wonder the whole show feels a little rushed – that's a lotta freakin' stages.

25:40 – Red Band is first. Dante, Swoozie, Jamal, and Amy are heading into the "isolation chamber", which looks a lot like the white room from The Matrix where Neo and Morpheus order up a lot of guns.

26:20 – The white lights dim. Colored lights come on, bathing the walls in red, green, and blue. And Swoozie unleashes an "Aw snap, let's rock." Clearly, it's go time.

26:40 – Green Band walks in (Kelly, JD, Robert, and Mark). Mark says it's like the Matrix. I already took that observation! Thief!

27:00 – Now we're back to Red Band. What the heck was that? Who's driving this thing, anyway? I can understand cutting back and forth, but it seems like we're just randomly jumping between the bands at different points in their performance (per-performance, during, etc), with no rhyme or reason.

27:37 – Blue Band enters without any intro or fanfare. I have to say, I don't like the editing here. Apparently they didn't play so well, either.

28:14 – Kelly says, "JD's singing was an experience I'll never forget." And thanks to the miracle of television, now neither will I. You know how certain images are burned into your retinas? How come we never hear about sounds being burned into our eardrums? That's all I'm saying.

28:20 – Alright, I'll say this, too: I think he went to the William Hung School of Rock.

28:43 – Green band was not looking pleased after the fact. Seems like they didn't do so well after practicing very well.

29:10 – We have a gamer up for elimination – and it's ... Robert? Egad!

29:31 – Everybody seems shocked. I'm a little shocked too, mostly because there was never a clear sense of who was doing well or poorly through the first 30 minutes. Honestly, it felt like they didn't even have time to build drama. They just had to keep moving on to the next challenge – it felt a lot of potential exposition got cut for the same reason, as well. Yuck.
Anyway, as for Robert, he was in the last-place band in the Real challenge, and on the last-place team in RB2. Oopsie. The JD Singing Experience gets to live on, while Robert's Alliance of Allied Gamers faces its toughest test yet.

29:33 – Also, apparently Swoozie was ranked #1 in both areas. Aw snap, let's rock, indeed.

29:50 – Swoozie is announced as the first-place guy.

30:15 – Swoozie gets to select Robert's opponent in the elimination challenge. Why? Because he is the Rock Band king for this episode, and all shall do his bidding. So say we all.

30:30 – Back to the house, where Robert's United Federation of Gamers will surely make its presence known.

30:54 – What an interesting position. StarSlayer, aka Ciji, aka Dante's Bane, aka the Crying One, is apparently a fantastic Rock Band player, but perhaps not as well-rounded as other gamers in the house. This leaves Swoozie with an interesting choice. He could choose the best all-around gamer, hoping to eliminate that person or Robert, effectively eliminating a future threat. Or he send a guided missile (Ciji) towards Robert, who seems to be one of the most-feared gamers there.

31:00 – Ciji thinks it's her. Robert chats with Swoozie, who seems to give away very little. It's a nerve-wrenching time for Robert's Council of Allied Gamers.

31:50 – King Swoozie will announce his choice. It's somebody he "views as a threat." It's … A COMMERCIAL BREAK. NOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Just in case you've forgotten, fake guitar does not equal real guitar. For further evidence, please refer to "whammy bar". This PSA has been brought to you by LANDodger Incorporated.

32:00 – Alright. I'm not that broken up about the commercial break.

33:05 – Swoozie selects The JD Singing Experience. Interesting. I don't know what to make of that. JD finished 10th out of 12 in RB, but maybe Swoozie thought he'd be trouble later on? Perhaps King Swoozie should have just sent them both to the guillotine.

34:00 – By the way, I think there's no way JD wins this.

34:15 – People aren't on board with the JD selection, including (surprise!) JD.

34:40 – "At the end of the day, Rob is my friend. If I can help him, I will." Swoozie. Awww. Sounds like something got cut off, but Robert's Gamer Coalition of Friendly Gamers seems to be airtight. I find this area of the show particularly dubious, mostly because it's in the show's best interest to make it look like Swoozie is upholding the Prime Directive of Robert's Association of Gaming Confederates.

36:00 – JD practiced hard. Robert didn't. Will that change the outcome? Probably not, but JD jokingly suggested breaking Robert's fingers. Now I feel bad for saying he was the early frontrunner for being the douchebag.

37:06 – While I'm waiting for Pandera's Internet to buffer the show's stream, I'm reconsidering whether Swoozie's decision was the right one. I'll have to ask him about it later, but to be honest everybody looks like they're afraid of Robert. I think it's a smart move if Robert will spare him a bad matchup later in the season. But if Ciji could really take out Robert, who, to be honest, seems to inspire awe in the other gamers? You have to be pretty dang sure he'll not only be in a position to repay the favor, but that he'll do it when given the chance.

38:33 – They're introducing JD and Robert for the 1v1. And I now know that JD is a 6-time Madden Fraternity Tournament Champion. Where does that rank on the pantheon of gaming accolades?

39:50 – Difficulty set on hard, and they'll be playing simultaneously.

40:20 – A narrator/announcer says that JD has broken his hands several times, and it makes playing Rock Band more difficult. No word on whether his singing performance earlier is because he has also broken his vocal cords.

40:30 – Wait, what the hell? The narrator stays with us through the final showdown, simultaneously explaining Rock Band and half-casting the action. We're 40 minutes into a 43-minute show, and they're just now giving us a narrator and explaining the finer points of Rock Band? How idiotic is that? It's ruining the whole feel of the show, not to mention any real drama in the last three minutes. I can't get over this. He's even talking about strengths for Robert and JD, and expounding on other game genres. Way to let the action carry the day, guys. Nothing like taking your penultimate moment for the first episode and completely blowing it by adding a narrator that hasn't been used up to this point, has a vocal inflection totally out of synch with the feeling of the moment, and has to try to explain Rock Band rather than just, you know, showing the score.

Some highlights: "but there's still plenty of song to catch up!" and "I should tell you that Robert is the favorite." [Why not just say Robert is the favorite?] "Look at the bottom of the screen. See the bar that's filling up? That indicates how many notes you hit in succession and how much overdrive you have." Meanwhile, they're actually playing the game. Really, really annoying. A gimmicky ending to a halfway-decent show.

41:24 – Seriously though, why not just have the gamers themselves reacting? They could do a much better job or conveying the flow of the action through feeling, and it'd be "in the moment." Ugh.

41:36 – I really want to fast forward through this. I was pleasantly surprised up to this point, and now it feels like somebody took the last bite of my hamburger and made me eat a turd sandwich instead.

42:09 – Also, they finally show the score, after mysteriously leaving it out of the picture for a while. How's it going? 72,625 to 20,400. "Things aren't looking so great for JD here." Thanks for the status update, narrator.

42:35 – Yeah, it's over. 81,976 to 25,100. Robert's Band of Merry Gamers lives another day.

43:06 – Only 20 seconds for the "goodbye JD" portion of the show. Again, seems a little too rushed here.

43:14 – Host: "JD, we're sorry to lose you, but for you, it's game over. Please leave the stage." Wow, that was a page right out of "The Weakest Link".

43:18 – To summarize, while JD exits. Not as bad as I feared. I wish it wasn't as rushed, because it could have been much better. But that was a slight annoyance for me, personally. Unfortunately, I think it's more of a worry for people that aren't familiar with gaming, which is the audience a reality show like this is supposed to target.

That being said, the ending ruined just about everything for me. I don't even care that much about the hackneyed catch phrase. It was the narration that really killed me. They spent forty minutes building a "feel" for the show and taking us into the world they're trying to create, and then they snap us back out of it with a ham-fisted voice-over. Ugh. How bad was the ending? I think I deleted the word "ugh" about fifty times from the last ten posts or so. That's all you really need to know.

(And yes, I'll still be watching episode 2. Here's hoping the narrator doesn't join me.)

Ep. 2 of Ultimate Gamer

Mon, 16 Mar 2009 19:43:18 -0800

I'm doing a running diary for the first episode of Ultimate Gamer, but the second ep will air tomorrow at 10/9C. Just wanted to let everybody know in case you were like me -- without Internet, desperately trying to watch the show on Sci-Fi's website via streaming it at around dial-up speeds.

Yeah. There's no way I'm not watching it live this time.

Egads!

Sat, 14 Mar 2009 20:46:33 -0800

As my last Twitter update says, I won't have Internet at my apartment until this Friday. AT&T decided to completely botch the "auto-pay" feature they offer, turning it into the "no-pay" feature. And a phone call woulda helped instead of, you know, just shutting off the Internet one day.

Sigh.

Updates this week will be sporadic. Not that that is different than normal. This time it just comes with a good excuse. But I do have some updates, mostly regarding the EXTREME MASTERS competition. Stay tuned, and appreciate your Internet because you'll never know when you might be gone.

Video Games and Culture

Thu, 12 Mar 2009 14:36:40 -0800

If you've spent any time in competitive gaming you know that one of the biggest (if not the biggest) issues is breaking into mainstream culture. And at this point, "breaking into" sounds about right. We've run into all kinds of problems, and some underhanded entrance might be the only solution left. "Mainstream" is our Holy Grail. Everybody has different theories on how to get there, of course. Some people argue about the games we use, some people argue about the audience we target, and some people argue just because if they're not arguing with somebody they feel like their life is incomplete in a fundamental way, like they've forgotten how to breathe.

I've written about the subject more than once, that's for sure, and today I ran across and interesting article that mirrors a lot of the problems we've seen over the years. The article is written by John Scalzi. He's a Sci-Fi author (and I highly recommend his books -- if you have any love of Sci-Fi you're virtually guaranteed to like them) that also maintains a well-trafficked blog. Recently he did a guest blog on another site about why movies based on video games are genuinely terrible, and might even drive one to drinking.

I can't vouch for that since I avoid movies based on video-games like they were radioactive. The whole article is still worth reading even if you avoid those movies too, but for the larger point I want to make this is how he sums the whole thing up:

"None of this suggests there can't be a good movie based on a video game. All you have to do is get a good filmmaker who puts the story first and aims for an audience with a brain. Which is to say, rather than making a video game flick, they make a good flick that happens to be based on a video game."

Just replace the word "flick" with "league" and you have a great summary of why the CGS failed, and I'm sure the same switch works for just about anything else -- tournament, organization, etc, etc. Basically, imagine if people "in the industry" stopped focusing on the "video games" part of the equation and instead focused on making a good product that just happens to contain video gaming ... well, things would be a lot different, wouldn't they? And I think that's part of our problem.

Good News -- Gamers Will Live Forever

Mon, 09 Mar 2009 04:50:53 -0800

Ran across this story recently. Here's the jist.

People's reaction times are a far better indicator of their chances of living a long life than their blood pressure, exercise levels or weight, researchers have discovered.

Men and women with the most sluggish response times are more than twice as likely to die prematurely.

[snip]

The researchers suggest that people's reaction times are a measure of their intelligence, which in turn is an indicator of their body's 'system integrity' -- how well it is wired together.

What does this mean for gamers? I think it's pretty obvious. It's time to put down the Wii Fit and diet soda and pick up the pizza and H2i. I'm not recommending this, mind you. Science is.

Too Funny for Words

Sun, 01 Mar 2009 21:32:44 -0800

Wow. Just when you forgot about the whole trend, somebody reinvents it. And they do it in a way that promotes video gaming, which is never a bad thing.

Torbull Reacquires 3D from CGS

Fri, 27 Feb 2009 05:24:38 -0800

Or so I've heard.

The topic in 3D's IRC channel claims that, anyway. I'm going to assume the news is true because we all know that IRC topics cannot be faked by any technology known to man and nobody has ever played a prank by changing their IRC topic.

On a serious note, I have no reason to suspect the news isn't true. Torbull said he was going through the process in an earlier GotFrag interview, so this news should only surprise people that didn't read the interview.

As for the impact, I'm certainly happy because I think it's great to have one of the premier names in gaming back in the hands of people that truly love gaming. The problem is that I'm not sure this has an immediate impact on the scene. In the same GotFrag interview, Torbull also said he wasn't going to bring back a team for 3D if he didn't feel like they'd live up to the name -- in other words, he's not going to put you and your four friends on the team just for the sake of having a team.

That shouldn't stop you from PMing him incessantly about your chances, though, and asking about who the new team will be.

LANDodger Out and About

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 03:03:23 -0800

Got a couple quick updates. First, if you missed my latest article on the Complexity website I humbly suggest rectifying that.

And, in other news, I'm now on Twitter. I'm not sure how I'm going to use it yet. It might be random observations from my real life or from the gaming world (most likely both) that aren't substantial enough for a full blog post but still amuse me. And I like the 160 characters of less mantra. It makes me feel like the Phoenix Suns of writing.

I just hope both of my retinas stay in place.

Signs of the Times

Fri, 13 Feb 2009 05:06:55 -0800

AMD recently announced they're ceasing almost all involvement with eSports. This should come as a huge surprise for anybody that's time traveled here from 2006, and not much of a shock to anybody that's turned on a news channel in the last six months.

If you aren't totally surprised by the news and you're a fan of eSports, then you're probably disappointed or worried. I consider both of those emotions totally appropriate. It's never a good thing when a sponsor becomes a former sponsor, particularly when they had a history in eSports and a close tie to technology and gaming (as opposed to, say, Subway).

That being said, I felt neither disappointed nor worried.

I'm not happy about the news, don't get me wrong. There are warning bells going off somewhere in my head, they're just not happening in the emotional centers. The rational part recognizes that something bad has happened, but I can't get all that worked up about it. I think that's because I've already emotionally steeled myself against news like this.

The writing has been on the wall. The more I've talked to people about things like the CGS, the future of eSports, and everything that entails, the more obvious it becomes that we're in for a tough time. Things outside the world have eSports have gotten worse the last few months. Companies all over the place are looking to cut costs. Too often "costs" has been in the form of jobs, but it's also common sense that some of the sponsors that spend dollars on eSports are going to look at their ledgers and reassess the value they're getting for sinking money into competitive gaming.

Looking around, I just feel like we're going back to our roots. I'm not all that happy about it. I'd much rather have salaried players, mass media coverage, and everything that mainstream acceptance entails, but I don't see any way around it, either. Competitive gaming, for the immediate future, looks like it's going back to online leagues, smaller tournaments, and players juggling work, school, and play. It's not the best times we've had, not by a long shot, but for the last few months I've felt like this is really the inevitable conclusion of people that are looking to make money, a failing economy, and a form of entertainment that has never been more (nor showed that it could be anything more) than niche.

Even if it was somewhat expected as the natural fallout from the mixture of venture capital and a recession, that doesn't mean the news isn't a kick in the pants. It is. I guess I've just resigned myself to the fall. It's going to be painful. We might lose some teeth along the way, and we're certainly going to lose sponsors, as you can already see.

But for reasons that I've explained elsewhere, I think eSports will never die. We're just receding. The things that can't survive because they're hemorrhaging money, like the CGS, won't. The things that can survive because they're profitable and run by smart people, like ESEA, will. And somewhere down the line, things will get better as those well-run entities form the backbone of eSports.

Unfortunately things can only get better after they've hit rock bottom.

A Whimsical Image Edit

Fri, 13 Feb 2009 02:08:47 -0800

If you haven't been around to 3D's team site lately, and I wouldn't blame you because it's even less active than I've been the last two weeks, you would've missed the cryptic but somewhat uplifting message they've left for their fans. This is the complete contents of their website at the moment, chopped down into a reasonable image size:

For whatever reason, when I first looked at it another, totally different message popped into my head. A much nerdier message, but I still couldn't help myself.

Oh yes. I went there.

(P.S. "CHAPPPY!!!!!!!!!!!")

Your Brain on Drugs

Wed, 04 Feb 2009 08:52:34 -0800

Most of you probably don't know, but my old Source team came back to life recently. They're the only guys I've ever played Source with as a team, and the fun times immediately started to roll.

In the midst of all this rolling (or getting rolled, as we continue trying to de-rust ourselves), one of my teammates had what can only be described as a bizarre graphics error.

Now, I've had some weird things happen to me while playing CS. I've had textures spike, I've had whole models disappear, and once I even had whole sections of walls disappear. This was all because my video card was overheating, but suffice it to say that I thought my experiences were pretty out there. I mean, it's pretty rare that you see kits, grenades, and guns moving around the map without an attached character model. But I have never, ever, ever seen anything like this.

I couldn't help but share. So here you go: some of the most bizarre CS screenshots I've ever seen. For the record, my favorite part is the little people in the floors and walls of B tunnels.

There are a few more, but I think you get the idea ... kids, don't let your CS avatars do drugs.

LD on Complexitygaming.com

Sun, 01 Feb 2009 01:30:33 -0800

You should get used to this post because it'll probably come around every weekend. I'm going to be writing a weekly piece for complexitygaming.com, and the second installment is now published. The piece is about anti-cheat, and specifically some things I think would be interesting to see for demo reviews. You can check it out here, and if you missed the first one, by all means, enjoy an LD binge.

You know, if you're into that kinda thing.

Things I Forgot About 1.6

Sat, 31 Jan 2009 21:52:37 -0800

I had a humiliating experience a few weeks ago and I figured I'd share. Actually, I have a humiliating experience every week. The reason I'm sharing is that this one relates to gaming.

The story goes something like this. Shortly after the CGS went the way of Mike Tyson's sanity I reacquainted myself with Source's ugly, older brother: 1.6. It's hard to remember the last time I played 1.6, but I'm pretty sure John Kerry was running for President. Either that or he was trying to win an award for being the most boring person in the world, though I suppose the two aren't mutually exclusive.

Anyway. Safe to say it's been a while, and the conditions were less than optimal. How much less? To be honest, I thought it was a small miracle that the game even ran. I was afraid that CS would interface with my laptop as well as my grandmother, considering they're about the same age. I've upgraded my computer twice since the last time I played, so my old .cfg was long gone. Not that it would have helped much, anyway, considering I've changed my binds and controls to be Source-friendly, which is not the same as being 1.6-friendly.

I'm not saying he's boring, but instead of using melatonin or listening to the ocean, some people play John Kerry speeches to help them fall asleep.

But by far the worst part was the company I was keeping. Don't get me wrong, they were all perfectly nice. The problem was that they were out of my league, and would have been so even if I was in peak condition. I was playing with an interesting mix of Source pros, 1.6 pros, and the people a level just below that -- think CAL-Invite or low-tier CEVO-P, at least.

I thought about begging for mercy. I thought about telling them to play with the opposite hand they normally would, while hoping my Jedi powers would finally manifest.

In the end, I took my beating like a man. My pride was taken to the hospital for an emergency hubris transfusion. I think NightFall was the original donor, because I had an inexplicable desire to flex in front of a camera for a few weeks after that. But I got through it all and I've emerged on the other side. Now that I'm safe and sound, I wanted to share my thoughts for anybody finding themselves in a similar situation. So here are some warnings, things you need to remember, and general thoughts if you're moving back to 1.6 from Source.

Playing at a high resolution is suicide.

I can't stress how important this is. I have a widescreen LCD. The last time I played 1.6, I had one of those CRT monitors that looks like it belongs in some kind of monitor hospital. It was huge, bulky, retained water, and was decidedly yellow. If my skin was that shade of yellow I'd probably end up on an episode of House due to liver and/or kidney failure.

Not thinking about the resolution, and already in pain from the graphical wonders of a game made almost a decade ago, I decided to run the game at my monitor's native resolution, 1680x1050. It wasn't until later, when I felt like I was playing the world's hardest game of pin the bullet on the donkey, that I remembered I was an oddball in 1.6 for playing at 1024x768. I mean, there's an option for playing 1.6 at 640x480! At that setting I believe a truly dedicated person could actually count exactly how many pixels make up every player model.

I love it when my games look pretty, but if you're moving back to 1.6, you're gonna have to bit the ugly bullet.

Playing with a high ping is suicide.

This one isn't in your control like resolution, but I forgot how much of a difference ping makes in 1.6. It makes a difference in Source, too, but I can play on UK servers from Los Angeles and still enjoy the experience.

By contrast, every time you get hit with a bullet in 1.6 and your ping is in the 70-80 range, it feels like your model starts having a seizure. You jerk back and forth, your recoil feels like you just unloaded a whole clip from a semi-automatic bazooka, and you wonder if you're ever actually going to make it behind the cover you're trying to get to (hint: you're not, and it's not much cover anyway – it's probably a box you'll just get spammed through).

After going through that, I vaguely remember feeling that back in the day a 100 ping was unplayable. Anything in the 80-100 range was horrible, and after thinking about it for a bit, the ping imbalance rule for online leagues looked a lot more useful than it has in years.

I'm sure some of this experience was me not being used to 1.6, but man … I sure didn't miss some portions of the online 1.6 experience.

Look at those options, baby! Hoooey, dat sure is a lotta pixels!

Mouse Acceleration is not your friend.

This is on me, but after not worrying about it for so long, and 1.6 having a totally alien feel, it took me a while to even recognize that mouse acceleration was turned on. I thought it was just my settings or my Internet connection being a little wonky.

Then I'd get surprised by something, try to snap to whatever made the noise or was shooting me in the back, and I'd spin about 360 degrees so I was pointing the same direction I started with. I toyed with the idea of actually raising the acceleration so I'd do a 540 degree spin and weird people out, but that seemed a little unrealistic.

Consider yourself warned. Check your mouse settings.

Everybody will be better than you at spamming.

If you're just returning after a long hiatus like I was, one of your fond memories of 1.6 is probably the spamming. I missed it dearly.

That being said, allow me to quote Admiral Ackbar when I say "IT'S A TRAP!"

Spamming was so natural in 1.6, and so foreign in Source, that the skill and everything around it slowly atrophied. The concept isn't hard, but executing it in a scrim certainly is. It's all about timing and prediction, and those things only come with a lot of experience playing. Which is not something you'll have if you've been playing Source the last three years.

Just sayin. If you're just comin' back, it's probably better to save your bullets for actual, confirmed people.

I did show those walls a thing or two about who's boss, though. Oh yeah.

Revel in the headshot animations/sounds while you can.

One thing I definitely missed about 1.6: the dinks and splooshes.

The dinks, of course, being headshots when your opponent has a helmet, and the splooshes being headshots sans helmet. I don't know what happened in Source, but they're not nearly as satisfying as they were in 1.6. For my money, one of the best feelings in all of CS is the pistol-round sploosh with a glock. Mmmm ... satisfying.

The silenced USP is more worthless than you remember – which you forgot was possible.

I love the concept of the silenced USP. And it's not so bad on LAN. But for online play you'd be better off with the knife, or even a bb gun. At least you could shoot somebody's eye out.

In the real world, silencers work by capturing the rapidly expanding (noisy) gas that comes out of a gun barrel and giving it a place to dissipate a little less violently. I think that somehow, in coding CS, the programmers did the opposite: they created a silencer that catches the bullet and lets the gas roam free, effectively creating a gun that fires highly compressed air. This explains how you can fire a whole clip into somebody's back only to have him turn around and one-shot you with an unsilenced USP.

Quickscoping should be a part of CS.

I hate the AWP delay in 1.6, but not as much as I hate the lack of a quickscope in Source. I loved quickscoping, and it makes for some incredibly entertaining shots and moments.

That's all there is to say about that.

Anybody that thinks Source players wouldn't be good at 1.6 is absolutely, unequivocally insane.

As I mentioned, some of the guys I played with were top-tier Source players. I don't want to drop any names, but I'll just reiterate the overall point: there is a zero percent chance those guys wouldn't be stars in 1.6.

The idea that Source players were failed 1.6 players or that they wouldn't be able to hang in 1.6 is one of my pet peeves. I just don't understand how people could watch players on the old teams like Pandemic, EFG, and not think those guys would be great at 1.6. To say nothing of the people just below that – guys on teams that were consistently good but perhaps not on Pandemic's level. They've all got the skills that 1.6 players have. I'm not saying they're gonna come over and dominate the competition. But if guys like n0it, juan, moe, clown, devour, and any of the other guys we consider "Source" stars switched to 1.6, they'd hold their own. At the very least.

If you see me playing 1.6, charge!

This is a public service announcement. If you want a good score in 1.6, whether it's a dm or a scrim or whatever, all you have to do is get me in the server and make sure you keep finding me. As long as you don't run in a straight line with your knife out, you should do pretty well.

This offer is good for approximately another month.

Devour and clowN Ban Reaction

Mon, 26 Jan 2009 18:49:25 -0800

We all saw this post coming. This story is right up my alley. It's tailor-made, a perfect fit, the fastball right down the middle of the plate.

Before we get to my thoughts, I wanted to aggregate different arguments across a couple forums. People have brought up good points in a few places, so I figured I might as well condense them in one place.

I assume everybody has heard about what happened, but if you haven't you should take a little time to read this post on Complexitygaming.com. Clown speaks out about the situation and, of course, the subsequent ban for cheating for him and Devour. I'm going to highlight a couple parts here that I think are appropriate, but as always you'd be better off reading the whole post.

"After everyone in #prosource (an invite channel of high caliber players from cal-I to cevo-p) basically explained to me that we have no chance, and how bad KBS cheats, and after experiencing it first hand on the first 7 rounds we played on train we realized that for us to be cheated out of 5 brand new computers that we knew they did not deserve, and everyone who knows glockateer and company(KBS) can agree with me when I say that I was sick of getting cheated. Especially after the long 15 hour day we had the night before, with all the arguing and complications with the servers, I talked to my teammates and we came to the decision that devour and I would try hacks for our FIRST time, no we did not cheat in the past."

[snip]

"We didn't really try to hide the fact I had cheats, it was more of a statement to KBS and CEVO, I blatantly "amsged" on mIRC for cheats. After our train match when we came back and won we decided to take off the cheats for nuke, since our nuke was a lot stronger for us."

[snip]

"Yes, it was a stupid thing to do, would I do it again? Yes, I would have found better cheats, because I am not sorry for what I did. I was basically fighting fire with fire, I know they were cheating and they know they were cheating, that's the bottom line. In result we are banned for the next year in CEVO, and I am pretty sure all CEVO events. We will be competing LEGIT in ESEA, and any other leagues we decide to enter. As for Sam and I personally we will be attending ETS in Montreal, Canada March 20-23rd."

I didn't have an image of clowN the player, and I know that people expect a lower class of images here ... so here you go: the freakiest, weirdest clown picture I could find.

Again, I encourage you to read the post if you haven't, but I think these catch the high points: clown admits to using the cheats, explains some of the circumstances around the match (including the delays), calls into question KBS's legitimacy (as have many others), and then sums it up.

clown also made a post on the GotFrag forums about it, which I'll post in its entirety:

"Long story short, yes we cheated in 1 cevo match ever, hence us getting caught, clueless on wtf we are doing, as for #3 rofl... cheating for a while you're an idiot haha did i also cheat in all the lan tournies i won? ur a moron, KBS the team we were playing in the finals blatantly cheats and cevo wasnt going to ban them, so instead of being victims of cheaters, we decided to do some payback... obviously I should have used the ones everyone pmed me about those 20$ a month ones, instead of free ones."

- clowN, via GotFrag forums

Now for some reactions...

Anti clowN/Devour

"wtf is with everyone supporting clown and devour?

i knew clown hacked b4 this.

since when was it cool to hack against hackers, either your legit or your ****. how do you prove a point to a hacker by hacking against them? stupidest thing i have ever heard. wouldnt you want to try and beat them legit. everyone get off clowns ****, u know what he did was wrong, everyone will get caught sooner or later, all he did was fuck himself over"
- Blue, Complexity Comment #18

"I don't think what Clown did was right at all. If you know they're cheating, you do what you can to get them banned. You fight it, you prove it as much as you can, and you get them banned.

Cheating to fight against other cheaters is the most unsportsmanlike move you can do. What good did it do? Now they're both banned until 2010 from CEVO (Arguably the ONLY league to run CS:S for 2009), so what now?

I think he should of thought before he performed his actions."

- Gillz, Complexity Comment #27

"Why all the love for clowN? To be perfectly honest you sound like a baby. A few techincal mishaps that were out of your control is no excuse for you to cheat.

And since you are so desperate to say this was your FIRST and ONLY time to cheat makes it even less believable. You're really trying to sell a lot of bullshit here. Don't care if KBS are suspected cheaters, that is ALL they are. Suspected.

Now guess what you guys are? PROVEN cheaters. Now anytime you win anything there will always be that shadow of doubt, that little astericks that takes away your full victory.

Fighting fire with fire, that is balogne. Have you ever heard of taking the high road and not stooping to their level? We can't even really say that either because nobody even has any proof they cheated or have cheated before this.

Whatever message you were trying to send was pretty weak, and it's drowned out by your own lack of character"

- mmmapplesauce, Complexity Comment #31

Stop defending cheating. "well it's okay that I cheated, cause they were cheating first! THEY WERE GONNA WIN! I COULDN'T LET THAT HAPPEN!!!!" What kind of an excuse is that? So what if they were going to win some computers. That's CEVO's loss, if you invested so much time in it, you should have continued to play or left CEVO out of spite. But cheating? pshhh..

- Ozzy, Complexity Comment #48

"In my opinion, it was wrong. No gray area here. If it was true what they claim, I can understand the frustration. That does not by any means condone cheating in retaliation. Cheating is cheating. They made a mistake, maybe some good will come of it but I think they hurt their cause more than helped. I think they would have been much better served by appealing in a mature way to CEVO and the community."

- Singlecoil, GotFrag Comment #81

Pro clown/Devour

"good. im glad they did it. after seeing Glockateer pull off the biggest BS prefire on de_season On Volcano, i have always questioned him. sam and yaz proved a good point. look at that xploD kid and how blatant he is."

- phreaK, Complexity Comment #11

"Doin what needed to be done to get the attention necessary to help cure the problem. Mad respect. Sometimes the old fashioned way doesn't always work."

- Sryinex, Complexity Comment #35

"I dont blame them to hell with it they did the right thing at there level of play your telling me KBS is rolling them? Too bad they got the worse end of the deal though."

-- :::v3ng3^, Complexity Comment #39

"He cheated the prove a point to the admins, which they didn't get. He didn't cheat to cheat, so there is a difference.

They didn't cheat "just to get back" at the other team, it was also to show the admins how poorly they were doing their job.

So, technically, you can praise their actions because it let the community know how badly Cevo is at hiring admins and stuff XD"

-- Obelisk7, Complexity Comment #47

"fair play clown and devour.. even though a lot of people are saying they wouldnt i mean come on.. all your friends getting beaten by a bunch of cheaters (which they are).. and then you having to play them with $$$ worth of equipment on the line.. i know id cheat in their shoes.."

-- d:-x, Complexity Comment #75

Takeaway

The comments covered both sides pretty well, so I won't add too much. Plus, nobody really wants to read 3000 words. I'll leave some of the other issues, like the effect this might have on CEVO as a whole, for a later post.

As for clowN and devour, I'm going to say this as clearly as I can: I think they were flat-out wrong.

Don't misunderstand, I also think I, and every other player in the history of online CS, has an unbridled, undying hatred of hackers. It comes with the territory. On that matter it's easy to sympathize with them because we've all been down a road where something important is on the line (be it money, pride, or something else) and felt like the people playing against us weren't sticklers for things like "rules". I think even those that disagree with their methods, such as myself, can understand the root causes.

The problem is that the ends don't justify the means. Even if they were trying to level the playing field, call attention to KBS, or were just sick and tired of playing against suspected hackers, as Singlecoil said cheating is cheating. I understand why they were frustrated, but this was absolutely the wrong way to go about the situation. If they wanted to win, they should have played it straight, and trusted in their skills and/or the CEVO AC.

If they thought that wasn't an option and they'd lose no matter what, and wanted to go down in a blaze of glory so people would look at the situation, there were better ways to draw attention to the problem than cheating themselves. Imagine if they sat in spawn for the whole championship as a form of protest? Somebody from GotFrag or Complexitygaming would still come around asking questions, clowN still would have had the chance to speak his piece, and instead of the headline being "clown and devour banned from CEVO" it would be something like "OPTX Protest Championship Match". And, obviously, instead of the story being the banning, it'd be the reasons behind the protest.

The worst part might be the answer to this question: what did they actually accomplish? Let's look at it this way. In the comments there are three reasons put forth for using the hacks, as far as I can tell. They are:

Public Interest (calling attention to KBS and the possibility that they cheat)

Protest (making a point about the tournament's problems, and CEVO's anti-cheat)

Payback (punking the people that punked you)

Even if we assume they had the best intentions in mind, in the end I think the trade-off was this: in exchange for making their point and galvanizing the people that already agreed with them, they drew attention away from KBS, tarnished the competition more than it already was if KBS was cheating, got banned, and hurt their own reputations in the minds of many by stooping to the level of the same people they were railing against.

Not so good.

Off to Florida!

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 07:23:35 -0800

As the title implies, I'm off to Florida today to do some house-sitting for my parents. No posts today, but there should be some good stuff for Sunday.

(As for not posting yesterday, you'd think that eventually I'd learn to leave myself enough time to both work and do all the necessary pre-trip chores. In this case, sadly, you'd think wrong.

Until tomorrow!