My children, Tyler and Kora, I try to be everything I wanted my dad to be for me when he couldn’t (long story).  The kids are getting to the age that hanging out with them is more fun and less babysitting.  The things they say and the look on their faces when something finally dawns on them.  The thought that they will grow up without the problems and pain I faced and be happy and content with what life is versus what life could be.  Im not saying my childhood was horrible but I have had my fair share of knocks and hope they dont have to live through some of them.

My girl, finally after all the bullshit and drama of the last couple of women I have chosen to spend time with I have a fun, loving, giving, thoughtfull, intellegent, happy, gorgeous sincere, witty, understanding wonderful person - my best friend and lover, ash who I cant thank enough.

My dogs, huge, effectionate, pains in the ass they are, their still two of my favorite people.

The outdoors… camping, fishing, 4 wheeling and just being in the dirt.

Things on 4 wheels.  I can drive the hell out of anything and my newest passion is 4 wheeling.  I have a grand cherokee that will eventually be worthy of the jeep trails in colorado and will look like this next year.

Music, fuck tv, I love music… as long as its not country or rap.  If you havent noticed the videos on the right I am partial to rock n roll.

So, this is what I live for.  There is a problem though… I am putting some things behind me and getting back to where I was a couple years ago financially… thinking it will take me about 4 years to get it done and I fucking HATE waiting for shit to fall into place.  I know its all a part of growing and creating what I want and I know I chose the path I have chosen but its fucking hard to be patient when Im not!

Regrets, I have a couple.  Bad decisions, I’ve made a few.  Things I would change if I could, sure.  Not being me?  Never gonna happen.

Now What?

… and that is a 1967 M715 Kaiser Jeep, on steroids - lots of steroids!

And there are some things that have not received as much attention as I would like such as my physical health and my spiritual clarity.  So, water (and lots of it) and some unmentionables while in the woods and I will be “right as rain”.

I have a pile of mental crap to wade through still kinda like the morning fog when you tossed and turned all night long.  It will take a little longer to fully wake up but I will get there and end up having a great day (season) and at the end of the day (season) I will crash and get lots of rest (3 week vacation in a cabin with no phones or computers).  God that sounds good, I haven’t even written in a journal this year!  Or stared at the night sky!  Fuck!  Oh well, it all has its purpose right?  And I call it contrast.  and once I fully recognize that and internalize it I will rearrange my perspective and find my feet fully on the path I am creating instead of feeling tossed and thrown around by the waves of life.

After all, that really is the goal, maintaining a “constant level of presence”.

Have a good night, blessed be.

Now What?

I am… so many things and they are all opposite of each other, I wrote a post about it months ago and don’t really feel like finding it for the link. I will however share a couple that come to mind.

I am an introverted extrovert. I love this little space where I can unload my head and yet I hesitate to post the link on Facebook or Twitter, its not that I dont know why I am like that or even that I am afraid of certain people I know asking me why this or why that… its that I don’t want to be bothered with the un-understanding of why I feel the way I do.

I am all about my family yet when I get home from work I prefer to have solitude.

I love my life and want it to be completely different at the same time. I dont even feel like being totally clear about this and I want to get it out… doesn’t make sense.

Despite the above I am happy - and melancholy at the same time.

Now What?

I have been covering new ground, looking into new projects and dusting off some I haven’t played with in months or years.  I have also been simplifying my life in some areas and complicating other areas.

Though, whether I am present in my writing or not I am always playing with consciousness to suit my needs, wants and desires.

A couple things that have had my main attention lately are my kids, dogs and cars/trailer.  I spent 2 weekends rearranging the garage and cleaning up the back yard, course that was when it was 70-80 degrees out.  Now its back to snowing….

I have a couple websites I need to build for a friend of mine… should be an interesting challenge.  I was asked to build a couple of main sites for the travel industry and reluctantly said I would, this may be one of those blessings in disguise though as I have had some rather intriguing ideas come to mind during the “thought process” of what I need to do.  Kinda vague I know, I have had a couple ideas about this that may generate a second and perhaps a third.  I will keep you posted - will be over the next 3-6 months if all goes as I think it will.

Anyways, thanks for your patience and hello again. This is the beginning of another “flow” in the area of sharing my daily thoughts.  Hope you enjoy.  If you are new here feel free to look around and you may want to start with “about me”.

Now What?

It is a 1940 International truck trailer bed turned utility trailer… its pretty sweet, course it needs some work but that’s half the fun.  I have taken off the fenders (cant really tell in the pic but they were beat to hell) am going to install a new axle, new suspension, sand and paint it to match the jeep and will put the same tires on it that I have on the jeep.  Then it needs a new tool box to replace the one thats on it, a lid with a roof rack and then stuffed full of goodies like camping gear… should be fun, oh I didnt mention I am replacing the lights and wiring harness.  Oh and new fenders… and thats just the trailer.  Wait till I get into the jeep build… Need to wait till my paycheck catches up for that, should be able to start that by the end of this year.

Now What?

this is broken down into sections - disclaimer, I don’t travel light… you never know when the shits gonna hit the fan in the Rockies, this is of course when I am not going on a backpacking trip without the dogs and kids but that’s a dif list.

Clothing and bedding

This is a list of what we take, the wish list is at the end, as I add things to my arsenal I will cross them of the wish list

Clothes, based on the season and duration, I always take cold weather and warm weather clothes.  Always take WAY to many clothes - esp if you have kids.  For example, if I am going for three days and two nights I will take 6 changes of clothes - my rule of thumb is 3 days = 6 days worth of clothes

• Rain gear.
• Hoodie X2
• 3 pairs of shoes
• Gloves.
• Long sleeve and short sleeve shirts.
• Jeans and shorts.
• Winter coat - even in the middle of july it can and does snow at 11,000 feet.
• Extra socks - nothing will make you feel better than clean dry socks.
• Extra underwear.
• Baseball hat X2

Bedding - this really belongs in the shelter section but its washable like clothes.

• We take two sets of sleeping bags, one for us and one for the dogs and of course bags for the kids.  I.like the kind that can be zipped together and make on big bag and pillows.  Yes we sleep on air mattresses - the double tall ones too.  The difference is this, if I can shower and take enough food why only go for the night???  This creates the desire to sleep well so why not.

• Towels, take a few - they wash and come in handy more than you might think.
• Blankets - take more than you think you might need

Shelter

• Tent - and a good, heavy duty large one at that, we have 2 solid 2 season tents, one that we use when we don’t take the kids and one that is just a bit smaller when its us and the dogs.  This also allows for taking friends who don’t go much and have their own.

• Canopy - at least one stand alone canopy - ours is a self contained 12ft x 12ft pitched top canvas canopy that has proven to be well worth the extra dough, on numerous occasions.
• Tarps - the heavy kind, these come in handy for use as a wind/rain breaker when tied to the sides of the canopy.

Kitchen stuff

Ok, you know I’m a chef so this section has allthe stuff I would need in case we were stranded in the mountains for a week or so longer than expected… stranger things have happened.

• 3 pots
• 2 pans
• can opener
• knives, one “chefs knife”, a utility knife, a paring knife and several “pocket knives” + a hatchet and an axe.  Don’t ask!
• metal tongs
• wood spoon X2
• silverware, I don’t do plastic
• a bowl and a plate for each person
• “togo” cups and a big plastic cup and my SIGG water bottle
• two burner gas stove
• cutting board
• coffee pot
• paper towels
• hand towels
• condiments including salt and pepper as well as herbs and baking soda
• food, to each their own, I premake breakfast burritos and homemade soup, and its a good idea to take staples like power bars and uncooked rice and some pasta just in case.
• eviro-friendly liguid soap
• dish brush
• dog food bowls and water bowls

Essentials

• first aid kit - the big one X2 + some heavy duty pain killers just in case as well as styptic powder and epi pens and an emergency thermal blanket
• camera
• fire extinguisher X2
• sun screen
• bactine and calamine lotion
• neosporin
• tums
• bug spray/fabric softner sheets work pretty well also
• chap stick
• deodorant
• shampoo
• bar soap
• water jugs, 5 or 7 gallon plastic jugs with screw on caps
• tool box with stuff to fix the car etc, ex. we use thin leather leads for the dogs, on of the rivets came out on the handle so I used a small screw and since I had my tool box I had a screw driver - wouldn’t have had the screw either but I over pack so I had both
• water filtration system of some kind
• strainer, metal one with a handle like you use in the kitchen
• Knives - see kitchen section
• plastic trash bags
• shovel - 1 for each person adult within reason, usually its Ash and I and another couple and they bring their own
• hand held butane torch - preferrably one that uses the same size canister as your stove and lantern
• lantern
• flashlights and spot/flood light and new, extra batteries
• fire start sticks - in case the wood is soaked from a heavy rain
• strike any ware matches
• bucket - I fill a five gallon bucket with a lot of this stuff
• camping chairs + 2 in case you have visitors
• hammock
• small sewing kit
• bbq grate
• day pack
• backpack
• rope, 100 foot
• heavy string
• baby wipes… so under rated and usually overlooked, these have saved lives.

Now What?