This Barren Country

In case this whole Quest for Vault Copy doesn't yield that coveted book, TV, or movie contract

2009-11-14T17:19:00.000-05:00

This is for all you haters, doubters, and nonbelievers out there who think birthers are monothematic and lack any interests outside of bringing down a duly elected president. From Lucas Smith's rambling, moralizing, and self-aggrandizing affidavit submitted to federal Judge David Carter in Santa Ana (p. 16):

I'd even spent money on the 'Obama trail' that I had saved for documenting another story in Africa about the dinosaur-like creature named Mbembe in the Congo (Africa).

The Quest for Mokele Mbembe!

Attention, Josh St. Lawrence. We have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that we've found a research and travel partner for you. The bad news is that he's a birther.

They gave the Nobel Prize to Obama, but he never taught me anything about weights and measures

2009-11-14T11:20:00.002-05:00

Isaac Bashevis Singer did. If I have a pood of beans, I have just over 36 pounds of beans. Now there's a Nobel Prize well earned.

So what do you call rat fucking on Twitter?

2009-11-04T17:52:00.002-05:00

Tweety fucking?

A fake Twitter account aimed at discrediting a prominent critic of state GOP leaders appears to have been linked back to a senior official at the Republican Party of Florida. Brevard County Republican Chairman Jason Steele says three months after discovering someone was tweeting inflammatory messages using his name and his picture, law enforcement investigators have determined the account was created on a computer in the home of Tim Nungesser, who last month was promoted to director of the party's field operations department.

From the Buzz.

Nineteenth-Century Moralism for Twenty-First-Century Culture: An Object Lesson in Opposition Cluelessness

2009-11-03T19:32:00.005-05:00

The Chávez government put on its free concert at the La Carlota airfield this weekend. Calle 13 played Saturday, and the state television channel carried the show live. On Sunday, José Luis Farías of Un Nuevo Tiempo responded. Un Nuevo Tiempo is the opposition party founded by Manuel Rosales, currently in exile in Peru. Farías denounced Calle 13's performance due to Residente's naughty lyrics and announced his party would go to CONATEL (the National Telecommunications Commission) to file a complaint against the state TV channel for violating Venezuela's content laws. You can't say or show certain things during hours when it can be assumed children are watching. Okay so far, if Farías had limited himself to trying to expose the government's inconsistency on this issue. Calle 13's lyrics are explicit in terms of sex and bodily functions, and on this the rules are clear as to what content can be broadcast when. The Chávez government has applied these rules selectively and vindictively, and a formal complaint against state TV, a complaint that would assuredly go nowhere bureaucratically, would serve to highlight this discrepancy in enforcement. But Farías didn't stop there because it turns out he actually agrees that such content should be prohibited during kiddie viewing hours and that Calle 13's live performance was an affront to morality. He was taken aback by Calle 13's lyrics and said that in addition to CONATEL, his party would also appeal to international authorities "because the Venezuelan people deserve respect." I'm not sure which agency he was referring to—the OAS' Inter-American Commission on Human Rights has better things to do than worry about reggaeton lyrics. The same goes for UNICEF. But Farías wasn't done yet. He then crowed that Venezuela provides a healthy correction to Residente's vulgarity: “a Residente Calle 13 le sale Manual de Carreño.”

The Carreño Manual (Spanish Wikipedia entry), for those not familiar with it, is an important text written by Venezuelan musician, educator, and diplomat Manual Antonio Carreño. It's an encyclopedic catalog of proper social behaviors—how to dress, how to court, how to be courted, how to be a host, how to be a guest, how to travel, how to behave at the dance, at church, at the dinner table, on the public square. For a long time, it was widely read, taught, and followed in Venezuela and throughout the Spanish-speaking Caribbean. It was published in fucking 1853.

It wasn't too long ago that Un Nuevo Tiempo set aside its concerns with Residente's failure to follow the Carreño Manual when composing lyrics. In 2006, when Rosales ran for president against Chávez, his campaign asked Calle 13 if they could use the song "Atrévete-te-te." Calle 13 said no; Un Nuevo Tiempo used it anyway. They stopped after Calle 13 threatened to sue.

I do not recall if the manual includes a chapter on proper etiquette when threatened with legal action.

Give me a G, a bouncy G!: Critical Questions in Honduran Constitutional Theory

2009-11-02T19:50:00.003-05:00

I believe I've mentioned this before, but it bears repeating: I am one of the leading internet citizen-experts in Honduran constitutional law due to my ability to open and link to a Georgetown web page. Of late I've been working on two critical questions and hope to share the results of my research in the near future. They are:

• Has Zelaya proposed to hotbox the presidential palace upon being restored to power?
• What song is he playing? Is it "Feel Like Making Love," "Jane Says," "April Come She Will," something else?

Notable Moments in Nobel Peace Prize Trolling: Concern for the Constitution

2009-10-31T15:26:00.000-04:00

Republican Representative Ginny Brown-Waite of Florida sent a letter to the White House this past week (pdf by way of the St. Petersburg Times' Buzz blog). Two other Republican members of the House signed off on it—Cliff Stearns of Florida and Ron Paul of Texas. They are, it turns out, concerned, concerned President Obama respect the Constitution and ask Congress for approval before he accepts the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize, just like Teddy Roosevelt did.

I would like to take this opportunity to urge you to follow in the footsteps of a great American President and one of the first recipients of a Nobel Peace Prize, Theodore Roosevelt, and fulfill your Constitutional obligation to obtain Congress' consent before formally accepting the Nobel Prize.

Artice I, Section 9 of the Constitution clearly states: "no person holding any office of profit or trust under them, shall, without the consent of the Congress, accept of any present, emolument, office, or title, of any kind whatever, from any king, prince, or foreign state." As the Nobel Peace Prize is awarded by a committee appointed by the Parliament of Norway, the Storting, the prize is clearly subject to the requirement set forth in Article I, Section 9 of the Constitution. Obtaining permission from Congress should be straightforward.

The letter makes no mention of Woodrow Wilson, who also won the prize while President, nor cites the political theory upon which they base their expansive understanding of a foreign state.

Cliff Stearns has further concerns.

"Let's say you had a nonprofit in the Mideast that gave him a large sum of money, would we want that?" Stearns said. "The president should be careful about accepting gifts while in office."

Non-profit organizations are now states. Good to know.

Where did Brown-Waite and her colleagues get this idea?

Brown-Waite said she got the idea from an aide, who read something on a blog right after the announcement.

Behold the power of the blogosphere. The internet makes you stupid. Both axioms apply here.

Not to be outdone by citizen-journalist-pundits, the Washington Post, in its continuing effort to give voice to right-wingers and tick off thunder, two weeks ago published an op-ed piece by two law professors in which they make the same argument. They even have a suggestion for how Congress—not Obama—should use the prize money: apply it "to some worthy cause, such as reducing the deficit."

That's exactly what Gandhi would have done if he had ever won the Peace Prize.

A most compelling argument, but the dog ate it

2009-10-31T01:24:00.002-04:00

As noted yesterday, Judge Carter dismissed the Taitz and Kreep case in Santa Ana. Their clients had asked the judge to 1) declare Barack Obama unqualified to be President and remove him from that position, 2) make Obama appear in court to prove his qualifications, and 3) order Obama and others to share documents under the Freedom of Information Act. Carter dismissed all three. They also had a 4), not so much a claim or request for relief or action but more a suggestion, or the suggestion of a suggestion. I'll come back to this near the end.

In the ruling, Carter identifies six groups within the 44 plaintiffs and goes through each to determine if they have standing to bring suit before him (p. 6).

(a) active military personnel; (b) former military personnel; (c) state representatives; (d) federal taxpayers; (e) relatives of President Obama; and (f) political candidates.

He determines all six lack standing. He gives greatest attention to the political candidates as the only group with the potential of having suffered injury due to Obama's election, but he then determines that they, too, fail to meet the standards of standing for reasons we'll note shortly.

First, a few quotes from his discussion of other groups, starting with active duty members of the military. Carter notes the plaintiffs ask he enjoin Obama from exercising his duties as commander in chief of the US armed forces. He then adds (p. 8):

This "cut and run" call to lay down arms and leave this country defenseless is an effort by Plaintiffs to emasculate the military.

Support the troops, dismiss a birther claim. If that weren't enough to indicate the judge's failure to be impressed by a military officer's request that the federal court's halt an overseas deployment, he concludes his discussion of this plaintiff group by noting (p.8):

This Court will not interfere in internal military affairs nor be used as a tool by military officers to avoid deployment. The Court has a word for such a refusal to follow the orders of the President of the United States, but it will leave the issue to the military to resolve.

Carter served in the Marine Corps. So much for Taitz's argument that this experience would make him more sympathetic to her clients' claims.

On the state representatives, just a short burst of inanity for posterity (p. 10).

In effect, Plaintiffs allege that the State Representatives have standing because they could be held liable for theft or conversion should they accept federal funds pursuant to an unconstitutionally elected president.

And another one from the next plaintiff group. Before reading Carter's ruling, I was not aware the plaintiffs included a member of Obama's family, or at least someone who says he is (p. 13).

The Complaint further alleges that Plaintiff Kurt Fuqua ("Fuqua") has "traced his genealogy to be common with Mr. Obama's" and that he thereby has standing because of "family relationship" and "concerns of the family medical history."

Now, on to the presidential candidates. The defense argued they had received so few votes in November, it would not have mattered if Obama was running or not running. In other words, they weren't going to win anyway, so they could not have been injured and hence lack standing. This argument doesn't completely convince Carter, but it does give him the opportunity to note (p. 14):

If there should in fact be a dividing line for that is dependent on the likelihood of success in the election, then this is not a case which would hover on that line as Plaintiffs received only four-hundredths of one percent of the vote. The Court may have already met this entire group of voters at the hearings on this matter.

What he does find more convincing is the problem of redressability—whether the court he presides over is the proper place for them to seek remedy for a political question the Constitution may assign to another branch of government. Unsurprisingly, he determines it is not, as the removal of a sitting President of the United States is in Congress' jurisdiction, not the federal courts'.

So much for matter one. Matter two, quo warranto—a writ to require Obama to show by what warrant he holds office—has to be filed in the place where he holds office, which is not Santa Ana. Carter says so much.

Matter three is equally dumb. The plaintiffs claim their FOIA requests have been thwarted by the defendants and ask the court for remedy. Carter notes FOIA applies to agencies, not people (p. 27)

All of the Defendants—President Obama, Michelle Obama, Secretary Clinton, Vice President Biden, Secretary Gates—are individuals, not agencies.

Finally, the fourth matter. Here I'll just quote Carter's discussion in full because it is short and amusing (pp. 27-28).

Plaintiffs have also named Michelle Obama, Hillary Clinton, Joseph Biden, and Robert Gates as defendants. Plaintiffs made overtures at pleading a civil Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act ("RICO") claim under 18 U.S.C. §§ 1961 et seq. against all Defendants. However, the pleading only states that while Plaintiffs had "accumulated several dossiers of evidence" suggesting a civil RICO conspiracy, they were unable to actually set forth a RICO pleading "[b]ecause of the complexity of RICO." Compl. ¶¶ 123-125. Plaintiffs originally filed this action on January 20, 2009, and the First Amended Complaint at issue was filed on July 15, 2009. Nearly six months was more than sufficient time for Plaintiffs to at least attempt to set forth civil RICO allegations. The failure to do so is inexcusable, and as Plaintiffs have failed to state any claim whatsoever against Defendants Michelle Obama, Clinton, Biden, and Gates, all claims against them are DISMISSED.

Taitz, whom the judge chastises in his ruling for improper and unethical behavior and for possible subornation of perjury, has said she will appeal. Maybe she'll have the RICO argument figured out by then. She could add Judges Land and Carter to the list of defendants, unless her supporters get to them first.

Obama Appoints Czar del Amargue to Oversee Penas y Dolor

2009-10-30T18:00:00.001-04:00

Aventura is not one of my favorites—there are much better bachateros out there—but it certainly made me smile to see bachata at the White House.

A Sad Day in the OC

2009-10-29T14:38:00.002-04:00

Where the C now stands for CCCP. Judge David Carter has dismissed the case.

I'll read the ruling tonight (pdf at the link).

Everybody loves Residente

2009-10-27T23:40:00.006-04:00

I don't know what's going on here. Tonight Chávez announced that Calle 13 had arrived in Venezuela and repeated the news that they will be giving a free concert at La Carlota airfield in Caracas this Saturday, October 31. This time he said that he would be singing with them.

El jefe de Estado ratificó la polémica presentación gratuita que daría el grupo Calle 13 en Caracas este sábado. “Voy a cantar con Calle 13 el sábado en La Carlota."

At my new favorite source for all things Calle 13 and otherwise, Residente has posted that they are indeed in Caracas and that they'll be going to Colombia on the 30th. Will they then bounce back to Caracas the next day for a second show? As of yesterday afternoon, Residente didn't know. On the shirt though:

amor no entendiste la franela, no creo que sea totalmente positivo catalogar a un presidente como artista y mucho menos pop

[My love, you didn't understand the shirt, I don't think it's totally positive to catalog a president as an artist, much less a pop artist]

If the Halloween show does go down, maybe Chávez can do Voltio's part in "Chulín Culín Chunfly."

Update (October 28, 2009, at 3:34 PM): One more from the Big Twitter.

yo canto pa ustedes..no voy a cantar con nadie que no sea de mi banda..

[I sing for you all..I am not going to sing with anyone who isn't part of my band..]

Prince says, "Controversy."

Update Two (October 29, 2009, at 6:08 PM). Twitter scooped by the AP! Halloween show is go.

Step aside, Saul Alinksy

2009-10-27T22:45:00.002-04:00

Dr. Orly Taitz, Esq., is writing the new book on organizing. Spencer Kornhaber of the OC Weekly explains.

Dude, if you're going to play the role, play it smart

2009-10-27T12:34:00.003-04:00

Not like a pig. Wingnuts will be putting this one on permanent loop.

Hollywood Liberal Messenger Service: For when foreign ministers just don't cut it as couriers

2009-10-26T22:50:00.003-04:00

Yesterday, El País reported that early this month Obama asked Zapatero to have Spanish Foreign Minister Miguel Ángel Moratinos deliver a message to Raúl Castro during his recent visit to Cuba (Reuters in English). Later in the day yesterday, TMZ reported Sean Penn was on his way to the island to do a story for Vanity Fair on Cuba during the Obama months.

Today Michael van der Galien of Big Hollywood saw the two items and joined them, Fox News pregnant question style.

Is Penn truly acting on VF’s behalf, or will he go to Cuba because the Obama administration wants him to convince Fidel and Raul Castro to reach out to the U.S.?

You see, in the world of diplomacy, Moratinos' face-to-face meeting with Raúl Castro just doesn't have the same potential to get the message across as Penn's visit to Cuba without any arranged meetings with either of the Castro brothers.

By way of conclusion, some unsolicited advice (emphasis his).

Next time Penn feels the need to interview a head of state, perhaps he could travel to Poland to talk to President Vaclav Klaus. Unlike Castro, Klaus is pro-America, pro-free markets, pro-freedom and anti-global warming; such an interview would at least be surprising.

Surprise, forget Poland.

A nice cold Maradona to suck on: Coming soon in a six pack

2009-10-26T14:36:00.005-04:00

Cervecería Revolución wants to market a Maradona beer as part of a new line of soccer legends beers and is seeking the Argentine national coach's blessing. The Mexican brewery currently produces a line that "pays homage to the world's revolutionary heroes." The beers are named for Che Guevara, Emiliano Zapata, and Niccolò Machiavelli. I'm not sure how this last one qualifies as a revolutionary, but who am I to blow against the wind.

Snakes in Socks on a Ferry

2009-10-26T12:58:00.003-04:00

Little geckos too. He said he's crazy about reptiles. Unfortunately for him, he's just not very good at smuggling them. Foiled by a tarantula.

Last night

2009-10-26T12:40:00.007-04:00

…a meteor purportedly plopped down in a field in Latvia.

…Fidel and Raúl Castro's sister revealed she used to work for the CIA.

…the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim committed two errors on two sacrifice bunts in one inning.

…I got loaded on a bottle of wine, on a bottle of wine.

Wake up, sheeple! You can't believe everything you read on the internet. Most things yes, but not everything.

The Minister is a huge fan

2009-10-26T00:32:00.000-04:00

And she has until Saturday to learn their names.

Calle 13's Residente, AKA René Pérez Joglar, wore some t-shirts and said some things at the recent Premios MTV ceremony. Controversy ensued.

Today during his weekly variety show Hugo Chávez announced Calle 13 will be giving a free concert in Caracas this Saturday. He suggested to his brother Adán that he could sing with them at the show. He then asked his brother, "They're rock, right?" Adán said, no, reggaeton. Ah, reggaeton. Chávez then turned to Blanca Eekhout, Minister of the People's Power of Communication and Information, and said you don't like reggaeton, do you? I like Calle 13, she responded. They're the only ones. Chávez moved on to explain to the rest of the audience that the lead vocalist of the group had worn some shirts at the awards show. The he stopped and asked his name. Eekhout, huge fan and information minister, yelled out, "Carlos."

Meanwhile, over at the Big Twitter, Residente says that as of now the only confirmed concert in Venezuela is on the 29th.

Martians Stole My Finca: A Cuban Love Story

2009-10-24T18:54:00.005-04:00

Forget Game 7 of the American League Championship Series If Necessary (Update at 8:15 PM: Make that Game 6). Tomorrow night tune in to Univisión for the latest installment in the longest running soap opera in South Florida, "The Power to Love to Hate Fidel," when all will be revealed. Juanita Castro, sister of Fidel and Raúl, will sit down with her co-author María Antonieta Collins and share a Shocking Family Secret from their forthcoming book. Collins for her part assures the Miami Herald that this is not a publicity stunt.

I, for one, am hoping for a Martian Love Connection. Anything less would be so disappointing.

Looking forward to the Florida District 8 debates

2009-10-24T13:49:00.008-04:00

If you haven't already, please meet Alan Grayson, who currently represents the district (video courtesy of Matt T. commenting here).

He's pissed off the right-wing kooks, and they're not gonna take it anymore.

So meet the challengers. They include not one but two Tea Partiers. Patricia Sullivan:

The sleeping giant has woken up and will now slay the giant.

Sullivan has requested the Office of Congressional Ethics investigate Grayson for possible violation of its Big Book of Congressional Good Behavior.

According to the House Ethics Manual, Grayson's activities on the House floor yesterday were in direct violation of rules of conduct and ethics found on pages 38, 123, 127, 131, and 176.

As a Mom, Patricia has learned to apply swift correction to bad behavior. She will be filing a complaint with the Office of Congressional Ethics later today. It is her hope and desire that the OCE will forward the complaint to the Committee on Standards of Official Conduct.

As a Parent, Sullivan understands that when a child does something wrong, the swiftest, fairest remedy is to cite page numbers at them. This is confirmed by a review of What to Expect: The Congressional Years, pages 86, 99, 99 1/2, and 4-5789.

And then there's Dan Fanelli, tea partier too. He thinks it's time to get tough. On hippies.

The current Congress has failed to recognize seriousness of the terror threat since the new administration has taken control. We are still a nation in danger from extremists and fanatics all over the world. Religion and the new “Green movement” have given rise to a growing number of radicals who want to destroy our way of life. This cannot stand.

Also in the race: Dr. Ken Miller just moved from District 24 to District 8 to take on Grayson. I can't find You Tube video of Miller, but he does have some impressive ideas for new legislation.

PROPOSED LEGISLATION
Read the Bill Bill: I will sponsor a Read the Bill Bill (which will be less than 3 pages long). It will state that before voting on legislation, I affirm that I have read the bill.
Taxpayer Addendum: I, __________________, in sponsoring/ cosponsoring this bill, do hereby affirm that I believe it is more important that the United States federal government seize the money appropriated herein from the taxpayers to fund this bill, than to allow the taxpayers who actually earned this money to retain it for their own needs (Compliments of Neal Boortz). This like the Read the Bill Bill will also be done in less than 3 pages.
I will attempt to remove all federal funds from radical groups like ACORN

That is a complete list of his proposed legislation. It is impressive.

A couple more as of today. The mini Marco Rubio who just moved up to Orlando from Miami doesn't seem to cut it. Maybe the guy who makes traffic lights for Jesus will eventually get the GOP nod.

Fun for the whole family.

Mahatma Gandhi in the dental clinic/law office/car wash with the bikini

2009-10-23T14:26:00.001-04:00

What's a poor taitzista fan boy to do while he waits and waits for Judge Carter to rule? Write up a new piece on the Dr. Mrs. Esq., of course. And an Orly Taitz interview just wouldn't be an Orly Taitz interview without a self-aggrandizing, right-wing appropriation of a progressive public figure whose life and actions are now at a comfortably safe temporal distance.

"Like Gandhi said, first they ignore you, then they ridicule you," Taitz said. "Then they fight you, then you win. If Judge Carter dismisses the case, we'll appeal and keep filing and bringing new cases until we get a resolution."

Plus, this little datum is for mikey:

…former swimsuit model…

Is there anything she can't do?

Indelicate Public Pole Picking

2009-10-21T22:20:00.003-04:00

Back to Argentina. This week that nation's capital hosted Miss Pole Dance South America 2009. Prior to the competition, participants took to the streets of Buenos Aires to promote the event.

Who would not be incensed by such insensitive proximity.

Like Ken Griffey and Junior, Hank and Hank, Jr.

2009-10-21T15:52:00.002-04:00

I'm pretty out of it and slow to pick up on things, so this will probably come as old news to many. The gym has banks of TV sets up on the wall, and they usually show music videos pumped by some channel that packages these especially for health clubs. This is annoying and distracting, because when I should be watching out of the corner of my eye the personal trainers watching their clients with looks of Knowledge and Utter Seriousness, I often find myself watching out of the corner of my eye the music videos to see what is currently hip per the health club music video channel. Yesterday morning the distraction of the moment listed Kristinia DeBarge as the artist.

I said to myself, "DeBarge? As in Chico, El, and the gang?" When I got home I used something called the Wikipedia, which confirmed that yes, Kristinia is indeed a member of the illustrious Family DeBarge, daughter of James.

So all is right in the world. The DeBarge legacy lives on, as does Steam's.

It's all about Maradona and his staff of power, and all you doubters can suck it

2009-10-18T22:35:00.003-04:00

The Hand of God descended upon Diego Armando Maradona again, this time to open up his mouth and bring forth beautiful, beautiful words. Maradona is the head coach of Argentina's soccer team, which struggled to classify for next year's World Cup in South Africa. They were on the verge of elimination in their penultimate qualifying match, pulling out a last minute win—literally—to move into fourth place in the South American group (the top four move on to the World Cup). They then defeated Uruguay 1-0 on Wednesday to secure this spot. As one can imagine, Argentina's less than stellar performance in qualifying play led to criticism in the Argentine press, much of it focused on Head Coach Maradona. After the Uruguay game, Maradona celebrated what pretty much every single Argentine considers a given—making it to the World Cup—by telling the press to suck it. And then suck it some more.

The English subtitles are for the most part very good. The Bilardo mentioned is Argentina's general manager, rumored to have been the one truly responsible for the team's preparation for the last few games.

So considerate of him to beg the ladies' pardon. A gentleman to the end.

I can't quit you, babe

2009-10-17T15:15:00.002-04:00

This time a whole column on the Doctor Esquire. Most of it is old news for us taitzistas, although this sentence is fun to read:

Carter kept his cool while Taitz failed to serve Obama's lawyer with her complaint, attempted (and failed) to dismiss two of her clients, attempted (and failed) to have a magistrate judge removed, and attempted (and failed) to have a witness testify during an administrative hearing.

Train kept a-wreckin' all night long, with a heave and a ho, and I just couldn't let her go.

Also, such as.

Next time just pull the damn thing without comment

2009-10-17T10:45:00.005-04:00

Target had an "Illegal Alien" costume online. People complained. Target pulled it and explained.

Target spokesman Joshua Thomas says the company is removing the costume from the site after receiving several complaints.

He says the store never intended to sell the outfit but included it in its online offerings by mistake.

Right. "Who hit the 'post' button for Item #11290733?"

For those who are outraged by Target's response to the outrage and want to do something about it, Walgreens has the goods. Caulfield's too, for $3.04 less.

Update (11:59 AM): An additional advantage to Caulfield's for the Piss Off Liberals shopper: The related products, namely the "Gaylien Mask" and the "Illegal Alien Mask," move things from gag to insolence.