Life makes us who we are in accordance with the ‘gifts’ we are born with.  Affected by my parents’ divorce at an early age, I could be emotional at times and, being a male, this could be embarrassing.  Effecting how I viewed myself, this was made worse by others taking advantage of low moods.  That brings us up to 1979.  Aged 15, I had ambitions of joining the Royal Air Force.  On 25-7-79, my life took an unexpected turn for the worse.  Apparently, I was knocked off my bicycle by a car.  I have no memory of that day or much of the three weeks proceeding.  Emerging from a coma two weeks later, I learned why I couldn’t move.  I’d broken my neck in three places and was paralyzed from the neck down!  I also learned I’d survived brain surgeries at two different hospitals and had a tube in my throat.  As the months dragged by (5 in all), I was showered with praise for my attitude at having survived something the best medical opinion said was extremely unlikely.  I guess that praise was incorporated into my belief – I could achieve anything!  This made it so much harder to cope when things that were not returning as I believed they would.

Unfortunately, I could not return to finish my last year of school and the familiarity of a place I had called home for many years, the friends and family I knew so well, were being left behind by a planned move being brought forward when I was discharged.  In deference to my mother, I could not blame her for wanting to leave when she did.  So, I was an introverted, quiet, shy type before the accident, except with friends, of course.  The tbi had given me the gift of ‘inhibition’.  I embraced this gift and delighted in this new found freedom to express myself.  Even so, I discovered this ‘gift’ to be a double-edged sword.  I could not engage brain before putting mouth into gear – something which caused no end of problems for me and others.  Trying to get control of this aspect of my behaviour is like trying to break in a wild horse.  Yes, you get ‘thrown’ many times and end up hurting yourself and others.  But I would encourage all ‘new riders’ not to give up.  Eventually you get control and ‘tame’ this beast!

Anything in life worth achieving doesn’t come easy.  There are costs, of course, but the rewards you get are well worth the effort.  How do I know?  Well, hand in hand with my recovery, was the ever-present storm clouds of failure and depression.  It tries its hardest to convince you the fight just isn’t worth it – the costs are more than you can bare – you’re not worth it.  This isn’t ‘normal’ depression, this is severe, clinical depression.  At my lowest points, I nearly did something unforgivable – I nearly succumbed to that temptation.

It took me some six years to achieve my first full time job.  Four years later, I was privileged to start work as a hospital porter, at the same hospital that saved my life!  It was the best job in the world.  I even met a lady who would become my partner and mother to my children.  I became epileptic four years after starting.  They were very understanding and gave me three months paid leave to recover.  Lorraine and I argued frequently, and I believed this triggered the epilepsy.  The job meant everything to me, a place of sanctuary from domestic turmoil.  Because of my work ethic, I was supported for many years.  My memory and concentration were affected to such an extent that I was forgetting patient’s appointments and routine jobs.  I got involved with Union work for the disabled and became the hospital’s disability spokesperson.  I did two parachute jumps in my own time, despite impaired balance.  I won a gliding scholarship.  I even abseiled the tower block twice!  17 years later, due to a crumbling relationship and the effects of the epilepsy, I lost my job and home.  That was the last time I was tempted to take my life.

I heard an engineer say he was going up to the roof of the tower block.  I was very low at that point.  I got off at the ninth floor and made my way up to the roof.  I got within 3ft of the edge and looked over.  If depression were a person, he would have shoved me off there and then.  I thought of the many people who I had inspired with my story, staff, patients and others.  I thought of the example I would be setting if I killed myself.  And what about the people who saw me jump?  Who would have to clean up the mess?  I couldn’t do it.  Depression was going to lose again.  After my partner and I separated, I spent seven months in respite care.  Now, I live in a bungalow with my dog, am co-chair of my residents’ association and enjoy close ties with our children.  I am happy.

Returning to the analogy of breaking in a wild horse.  When you’re ‘thrown’, don’t just sit there and give up, keep getting back in the saddle!  Ok, you can’t change what has already happened.  What you can do is not let it dictate how you lead your life from now on.  You are stronger than you believe you could ever be  I know.

– Simon Limbrick, United Kingdom

The post Simon’s TBI Story, a Guest Blog (March, 2020) appeared first on Brain Injury Blog With Free TBI Information.

Brain Injury Awareness Month – Find Your Tribe!!

Unexpected life change happens every day, to everyone. Some changes are good, others are just trivial events, and some are complete life-changers. TBI is most likely the all-time champion of unexpected life change. Nobody gets up in the morning knowing that TBI is going to strike, and really, nobody is ever ready for it. The term TBI is a broad term – with many different causes, including blast repercussions, falling, car accident, industrial accident, stroke, sports concussion, aneurism, and more.

Brain Injury Awareness Month

TBI community unite!

With March designated (in the USA) “Brain Injury Awareness Month” every year, it’s easy to let it slip by, although it’s been observed for the past 30+ years. Finding solace in a community, in the things that we have in common – whether happy or sad, is something that is a part of the human experience. Support groups, discussion groups, networking groups, church groups, etc. offer face-to-face contact with people we may have something in common with, and the internet can take that to a new and different level.

Social media groups and pages can offer advice, moral support, interaction, and a window to the world of others that have similar interests, problems, hobbies, beliefs, and more. The point is that social media can fill a void for people that are limited in mobility, or limited by their ability to drive a car, or just don’t feel comfortable being “out and about” after a TBI. Making online acquaintances, and even friends, can be a lifeline for someone, but there are also pitfalls to the “human experience” that includes gossip, negativity, bullying, intimidation, and other forms of negativity that can come our way in life, either “online or offline.”

Let’s Get Social

The hardest part of all of this is that you need to be a bit vulnerable to make a friend, and if a friendship goes in the wrong direction, you can get your feelings hurt, or you can chalk it up to experience and keep moving forward. TBI is similar, as you can wallow in your injury and not move forward, or you can accept that you have some things to overcome – or at least try to! When you combine the two – a TBI, along with trying to make a friend – well that’s not only uncharted territory to many, but as I always say, it’s different for everyone.

What’s The Point?

Make plans to find your best fit in the TBI Community.

What’s the point of all of this? With Brain Injury Awareness Month here, I’m suggesting if you’re a TBI survivor, caregiver, or family member, be encouraged to know that you’re not alone. How? Well, we’re all in this together – even if it’s a family member that has a TBI. Caregivers can find respite and reinforcement from other caregivers, family members that go beyond the call of duty all day – every day – can find a circle of affirmation and positivity to help them recharge…and TBI survivors need this more than any of us. If they can feel a sense of community with other survivors – either in a support group or in a social media setting, they can find things in common with others as well.

Brain injury doesn’t necessarily bring all survivors together with a common vision for their futures, or a common way forward…but it does give all survivors the common goal of defeating their own TBI. All we can do is seek the best professional medical help available to us, and strive to do better every day. Try to find encouragement and community with people that share your challenges, and live life to the best of your ability every day!

How Should I Spend My Social Capital?

Al Condeluci & Jeffrey Fromkneckt’s book called “Social Capital: The Key To Macro Change” touches on this very subject. Here’s an excerpt that you may find inspiring:
“Just as the types of relationships that people have are different, so are the benefits and rewards associated with them. Sociologists describe three types of support that flow through one’s social network:

• instrumental
• emotional
• informational

Instrumental support refers to the provision of tangible resources, such as a ride to the store, a place to stay or help with child care. This type of support is typically provided by those with whom one is closer and more intimate. The value reaped here is most tangible.

Balance is key!

Emotional support includes help coping with stress and other emotional needs, such as
talking to a friend about a bad day or a problem you are facing, and are provided by individuals one is close to and trusts. This type of support has been linked to improved health and happiness outcomes for all individuals, although most of this benefit is intangible.

Lastly, informational support includes access to information and resources and can be provided by any member of one’s network, whether a close friend or someone barely known. All three types of support are important. The value of one’s social capital is the dynamic interplay of these resources.”

“Social Capital” has been studied for over 25 years and has a definite positive influence on health and happiness, resistance to illnesses, and less depression & anxiety (among other benefits).

Wrapping Up With Encouragement

Although the term “social capital” may seem a bit fuzzy in meaning, the overall gist is this – friends, family, caregivers, clinicians, and even casual acquaintances can make life a whole lot better. Work on building your social capital by not only finding friends that can help and encourage you but also by helping and encouraging them! That’s what community is all about, and the Traumatic Brain Injury Community is most likely one of the most necessary communities that could use positive reinforcement from each other!

In closing, I’ve written this short piece to encourage all of us, and to show that TBI may have brought us all under this big umbrella, but we’re all in this together.

Survive and thrive with your tribe.

TBI has no common language.
TBI has no borders.
TBI has no limitations.
TBI is different for everyone.
TBI can strike anyone, anywhere, at any time.
TBI Survivors all over the world have one thing in common – which truly makes us a worldwide community.
Despite our differences, we should love and support each other on our respective journeys.
TBI changed us, but it’s up to us to try and change for the better after our TBI.

Start thinking of ways that you can positively impact each other during Brain Injury Awareness Month (March, USA) – and all year long! Find your tribe, and live your life!

To see the book titled Social Capital: The Key To Macro Change, and other books by Al Condeluci, click here.

The post Brain Injury Awareness Month – Find Your Tribe! appeared first on Brain Injury Blog With Free TBI Information.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a form of depression that occurs at the same time each year, usually in winter. Otherwise known as seasonal depression, SAD can affect your mood, sleep, appetite, and energy levels, taking a toll on all aspects of your life from your relationships and social life to work, school, and your sense of self-worth. You may feel like a completely different person to who you are in the summer: hopeless, sad, tense, or stressed, with no interest in friends or the activities that you normally love. While a less common form of the disorder causes depression during the summer months, SAD usually begins in fall or winter when the days become shorter and remains until the brighter and longer days of spring or summer.

SAD affects about 1% to 5% of the population, particularly women and young people, while a milder form of “winter blues” may affect as many 10 to 20 percents of the overall population. Since the amount of winter daylight you receive changes the farther you are from the equator, SAD is most common in people who live at least 30 degrees latitude north or south (north of places such as Jacksonville, Florida, Austin, Texas, Cairo, Egypt, and Hangzhou, China, or south of Perth, Australia, Durban, South Africa, and Cordoba, Argentina). No matter where you live, though, or how dark and cold the winters, the good news is that, like other forms of depression, SAD is treatable…or manageable.

Where Did Daylight Go, Anyway?

The reduced light, warmth, and color of winter leaves lots of people feeling a little more melancholy or tired—and isn’t necessarily something to worry about. But if your symptoms crop up around the same time each year, have a real impact on your quality of life, and improve when the seasons change, you may have Seasonal Affective Disorder. Symptoms can include:

• Sleeping all the time, or having trouble sleeping
• Being so tired it’s tough to carry out daily tasks

• Changes in appetite, particularly cravings for sugary or starchy foods
• Weight gain
• Feeling sad, guilty or down
• Feeling hopeless
• Being irritable
• Avoiding people or activities you usually enjoy
• Feeling tense or stressed
• Loss of interest in sex or other physical contact

The signs and symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder are the same as those for major depression. SAD is distinguished from depression by the remission of symptoms in the spring and summer months (or winter and fall in the case of summer SAD).

Why Do I Feel Like This?

As with depression, the severity of SAD symptoms can vary from person to person—often depending on genetic vulnerability and geographic location. For many, the symptoms usually begin mildly at the start of fall and get progressively worse through the darkest days of winter. Then, by spring or early summer, the symptoms lift until you’re in remission and feel normal again.

To be clinically diagnosed with Seasonal Affective Disorder, you need to have experienced these cyclical symptoms for two or more consecutive years. Regardless of the timing or persistence of your symptoms, if your depression feels overwhelming and is adversely affecting your life, it’s time to seek help.

As it stands, loss of sleep can be a huge challenge for a TBI survivor without the complications of Seasonal Affective Disorder. Since there are many forms of TBI, the challenge to get rest can vary from person to person – here are a few tips from the Lash & Associates tip card titled “Sleep After Brain Injury.” The tip card helps adults and veterans understand the causes and symptoms of sleep disorders, as well as how to manage them. Here are some valuable stats from this tip card:

*• Sleep disorders are 3 times more common in persons with a traumatic brain injury than the general population.
• Close to 60% of persons with traumatic brain injury have long-term difficulties with sleep.
• Women are affected more often than men.
• Aging increases the likelihood of sleep problems.*

Why is sleep so important for a TBI survivor? Here are some of the likely benefits of sleep (also from the
Sleep After Brain Injury” tip card:
*• Sleep helps repair the growth of neurons in the brain to help neurological recovery after a brain injury.
• Important hormones and neurotransmitters are sent out through brain cells that help the healing process during sleep.
• Sleep helps make a person’s attention and short-term memory more efficient throughout the day, especially important for individuals whose attention and/or short-term memory has been affected by brain injury.
• Sleep helps stabilize a person’s mood. This is important for individuals who feel overwhelmed by their emotions, are anxious, depressed, or on an emotional roller-coaster.
• Sleep helps control pain like headaches, backaches, or other kinds of pain after an injury. So you see why it is very important to have better control of your sleep*

Seek Help If You Have Symptoms

The changing seasons, along with fluctuations in amounts of daily sunlight can affect the circadian rhythms that affect a person’s sense of time and sleep patterns…also known as their natural “biological clock,” If you feel that you are experiencing SAD symptoms or ongoing sleep issues – contact your medical professional for evaluation…the first step toward better understanding of your particular situation. Here’s to a more restful 2020!

References: American Family Physician website article: “Seasonal Affective Disorder” on AAFP.org, Lash & Associates tip card “Sleep After Brain Injury” (designated with asterisks) by Samantha Backhaus, Ph.D., Kathleen Bell, M.D., and Marilyn Lash, M.S.W.

Don’t miss any of our Brain Injury Journey Bulletins! Click HERE today to sign up, and we’ll email you a link for every single post that we share!! Thanks, from the folks at Lash & Associates Publishing.

The post Seasonal Affective Disorder Can Make For Long Winter Nights After TBI appeared first on Brain Injury Blog With Free TBI Information.

By Bill Herrin

Tis the Season!

Living with a TBI is a reality all its own, and as I reiterate in many posts – it’s different for everyone, including how people around you act, react, overact, act up, or don’t react to you at all. With the Holidays now “officially” here, and Thanksgiving already passed – it’s the time of year that many people dread, and for many good reasons.

The way some people celebrate seems so perfectly “normal” from the outside – the whole family gets together, they have dinner together, or they open gifts, or they have a wonderful party…and that can happen, but from the outside it seems much more “perfect” than anything that we experience in our life. Why is that? Well, living with TBI overshadows a lot of our being, and it’s no wonder…it’s changed who we are in some ways.

It can change us immensely and visibly, or it can change us in a less obvious way – and sometimes, people don’t see what it’s done to a survivor at all. Either scenario can be very frustrating for the survivor of TBI, stroke, concussion, mild TBI, acquired brain injuries, etc.

Making The Holidays More Positive

On one hand, getting together with family and friends during the Holidays after TBI can be an annual test of wills due to lack of patience or empathy for one another, misread intentions, disagreements, or just a lack of understanding for each other.

On the other hand, all families, no matter how perfect things appear on the surface, can have similar issues. Yes, some actual families do get along great, and the Holidays are a positive experience for them – but don’t be dismayed, because (at the end of the day) we’re all perfectly imperfect people. Brain injury or no brain injury!

The point being made is plain and simple – although TBI survivors bear a load of issues in situations with people around, many times they still are left to shoulder the weight of inconsideration, improper actions, comments and more. Being the bigger person is hard to do (especially under the circumstances) but it’s worth the effort!

A Little Empathy Goes A Long Way…

Try to enjoy the Holidays!

Whether you’re reading this as a TBI Survivor, a caregiver, or as a friend or family member – it’s important to always work toward being empathetic toward each other.

As a survivor, knowing that everyone hasn’t experienced what you have been through is a good rule of thumb for overlooking things that could easily get under your skin. As a friend or family member, remember that you have no clue what it’s like to have a TBI is a good starting point, and overlooking things (that are said) can keep things on an even keel.

The same goes for a TBI survivor that fields negative comments or verbal jabs…working to focus on being together is the point! Enjoying each other’s company is a rarity and should be treated that way – as perfectly imperfect as any of us are.

Some Suggestions

Here are some suggestions to help make the Holidays less frustrating, and hopefully a better experience for a TBI Survivor (and their friends & family):

• Avoid alcoholic drinks (especially when using medications)

• Noise-canceling headphones or earplugs to bring noise levels down to a manageable level

• Bring someone with you that understands your needs when you go shopping, to a party, or for dinner at home (or elsewhere) with others

• Be careful to avoid sensory overload, and act accordingly at an event if necessary (retreat for a bit, leave early if needed, etc.)

• Be rested before any Holiday party, gathering, parade, etc. – if you know that a Holiday parade or program is going to be overwhelming, you may be better off skipping it altogether

• Do your Holiday shopping (along with a friend or family member, etc.) when crowds are at a minimum

• If blinking or bright holiday lights bother you, plan (in advance) to have sunglasses handy, or even a place that you can retreat to if necessary

• Unless you’re certain that a fireworks display is ok to attend, it may be best to skip it (New Year’s Eve, etc.)

• Movies, concerts, outdoor events with lots of lights can all cause issues for Survivors…base your decisions to go on previous experience when possible. If not, do you best to plan in advance on how you (with a friend or loved one) will have an action plan to deal with it

• Try to avoid situations that may overstimulate your senses. Noise, crowds, lights, etc. can trigger anxieties (fear, panic, etc.) and even fatigue – when your brain is overloaded by too many things going on at once

• Another good thing to keep in mind is to ask for assistance if you need it – taking on too much by yourself is asking for trouble, and if you have someone willing and able to help you, let them!

In closing…

Everyone needs to smile!

In closing, if you’re a TBI Survivor – try to pace yourself during the holidays when there’s so much going on, and not get too overloaded with things to do, places to go, and people to see. As a friend, family member, or caregiver of a person with TBI – keep this in mind as well!

Helping advocate for a TBI Survivor is very important, and they will do much better with you as their “overload avoidance” point person (or team). Happy Holidays to all, and we’ll see you in 2020.

The post Perfectly Imperfect for The Holidays appeared first on Brain Injury Blog With Free TBI Information.

Having something personal stolen from you isn’t just upsetting…it’s offensive, and well…it’s just not fair. That’s how TBI feels to many. Leaving a TBI survivor to start over, the thief (TBI) often leaves no trace. Still, other times there is more than enough evidence.

Try to talk about your grief.

Talking about grief, versus experiencing grief…or living with grief daily are totally different things. Grief can be an overwhelming sense of loss, a heavy mental weight pressing down on your very soul. After a traumatic brain injury, grief is an understatement. But it’s a place to start a discussion of what grief is, and how it’s different to people that may have been through similar situations.

Finding your way through the grieving process is like navigating without a map (or a GPS) – because there’s no set arrival time, and no itinerary – you just go along at your own pace, feel what you feel, and hope for the best. Nobody wants to hear that! With that being said, here’s an excerpt from a “tip card” by Lash & Associates Publishing titled “Loss, Grief, and Mourning.”

Tips for persons with brain injury to grieve and mourn…

✓ Be gentle with yourself – grieving can be physically, spiritually, and emotionally draining.

✓ Do not diminish how you feel about what has happened and don’t allow others to underrate your loss either. Your loss is real.

✓ Take time to work through your feelings about what has happened and how it affects you.

✓ Recognize that you may have secondary losses (e.g., loss of income, loss of friends, and loss of lifestyle).

Checklist for Change

✓ Recognize that your family is also experiencing grief. They need time to work through their emotions and may do it differently than you do.

✓ Find appropriate and safe ways to express your grief. It is essential to your well-being.

✓ Take time to reflect on who you were before your injury, who you are now, and who you want to be in the future.

✓ Ask for help – you do not need to do this alone.

✓ Keep life in perspective so that grieving and mourning do not totally overwhelm you.

Bereavement, Grieving, and Mourning

They are not the same. These words are used inter­changeably; however, they have different meanings. Dr. Alan Wolfelt, of the Center for Loss and Life Transition in Fort Collins, CO, defines bereavement, grieving, and mourning as follows.

Bereavement is the “call”.

It is the event that causes a loss (death, injury, ending of a relationship, etc.).

Grieving is the “internal response” to loss.

It is how one feels on the inside (sad, angry, confused, afraid, alone, etc.).

Mourning is the “external response” to the loss.

It is how one expresses feelings about the loss (funerals, ceremonies, rituals, talking, writing, etc.).

Primary and secondary losses are also a part of the process, in a “domino effect” of sorts. The initial injury of the TBI survivor is considered the primary loss…the other losses that follow affect the survivor, their family, friends, co-workers, and more. Everyone’s lives are changed.

Also, a whole range of emotions come with these losses, and mourning due to the situation can range from complicated, to extraordinary.

Grief is complex

The journey of grief is complex, and acceptance is a big part of getting to the point with your life that you can go forward and find some happiness and reward. Embracing the new isn’t replacing the old…it’s acknowledging the old but moving ahead without it! It would be too easy to say “don’t let it get you down” …and survivors hear that more than they’d like. Although it’s meant as encouragement, many folks just don’t know how to put it into words in a more empathetic way. The point is that they didn’t experience what the TBI survivor did, but they deal with a lot of the aftermath on a daily basis – and they are just trying to build up and encourage the survivor.

In closing, grief is different in every single instance because every injury is different, every survivor is different…and every family is different. The difference is inevitable, but embracing each other’s differences after TBI is the best way to help each other feel included, and a part of the survivor community. Work to accept your differences as well, and you’ll be better prepared to have empathy for what other survivors have overcome too.

If you’d like to purchase the Lash tip card “Loss, Grief and Mourning After Brain Injury, by Janelle Breese Biagioni, you can click this link (price is $1.00 each, and is great to share with others).  https://www.lapublishing.com/loss-grief-mourning-tbi/

The post TBI Is A Thief…and Post-TBI Grief Is Rarely Brief appeared first on Brain Injury Blog With Free TBI Information.

By Bill Herrin

Often, I work to encourage TBI survivors, through blog posts, Facebook memes, and with words of encouragement. This time, I’m hoping to encourage…and also inform. Many of the things I’ll include in this article will be things that you already know, but hopefully, some of them will be useful to you, your caregiver, family, friends, etc.

Surviving Traumatic Brain Injury is different in every case – with each TBI having its own specific effects or limitations. Many people try working toward their “old self” – recalling things they loved to do, were talented at, or felt was an important part of their life. Not adjusting to their “new normal” can be good or bad…depending on their TBI. Some will not recall much at all and adapt quickly to being somewhat different. Which is harder? It’s hard to say, but the main goal is to work towards contentment in your life!

Besides physical healing, emotional healing is a huge part of recuperation, along with lots of rest. Finding joy in small successes will lead to further improvements, and will build confidence – because you’ll believe in yourself! Self-confidence is hard to attain after a brain injury, and for good reason. You’ll forget names, struggle to find words, have difficulty with conversations, have a hard time tracking a phone conversation, and wonder if you’re completely “losing it” at times. Who’s ever really prepared to feel that way? None of us are. That’s why people who were “achievers” before their injuries often struggle to find their self-worth. They may not feel valued, accepted, loved, or even have any hope. That’s understandable. But there are different areas of healing that come into play.

I’ll be using excerpts from the book “Lost & Found, A Survivor’s Guide for Reconstructing Life After a Brain Injury” by Barbara J. Webster in this article. I’ll touch on some of the problems that survivors face daily, and some things that may help them avoid the issues from becoming bigger, and more overwhelming. I will earmark any excerpts from the book Lost & Found with an asterisk (*) at the beginning and end of the excerpt.

1) STRATEGY
A good suggestion for starters is to devise a strategy that works best for you – lists, visual triggers, etc. – *Just glancing at all of these strategies may feel overwhelming and impossible, understandably. It is more work, in a situation that is already overwhelming. Change is hard. You didn’t have to do this before. It takes more energy. You are already tired. It can seem like you are going backward and feel like a failure. Sometimes it is necessary to take a step backward, in order to take two steps forward.*

*Know that in time, as you heal, it won’t always be this hard. You won’t have to plan and strategize each and every little step you take. So remember you are healing, imagine yourself with a cast on your head and be kind to yourself. Treat yourself like you would any loved one with a serious health issue.*

Building confidence in yourself comes by working toward incremental changes – you will see improvements if you believe in yourself!

2) BUILD SELF-CONFIDENCE
Tying in with the approach of strategy, self-confidence comes with the application of strategy.
*Discovering strategies gave me Hope and a place to start but it was also absolutely imperative for me to set myself up to succeed as much as possible. My psyche was battered and fragile. It couldn’t take any more failure. So I developed a habit of extensive planning, anticipating and strategizing around all possible difficulties. I did this every time I attempted something I hadn’t done since my brain injury. It was tedious and time-consuming but I began having small successes instead of constant failures. Experiencing small successes began to rebuild my self-confidence.*

3) WORK TOWARD EMOTIONAL HEALING
Once again, this is a “do-it-yourself-project” – and you should treat it as such. Emotional healing comes with time, and (yes) plenty of trial-and-error. A great way to promote emotional healing is by keeping a “grateful journal” or “victory log.”

*At the end of every day, write down at least three positive things that happened, anything that made you smile or that was an improvement that day. You don’t have to write a lot, just a few descriptive words will do. This simple task can be transforming! It can shift your focus to looking for positive things throughout the day that you can write down in your journal or log at the end of the day. It lifted me out of depression.*

If you enjoy writing, or just have more that you want to say – writing a journal is a more extensive way to log your progress, feelings, frustrations, etc. Looking back on a journal can reveal so many things about your journey, remind you of your struggles and victories, and give you an actual timeline of your journey. By dating the entries, you will see how the progress occurred, one journal entry at a time! Always be sure to mention and celebrate any milestones, as this documents your efforts and results.

Emotional healing can come from more than a victory log, or a journal. There are lots of ways that you can find healing…many times through the things that you enjoy most, and also through challenging negative thoughts, being with people that are an encouragement to you, listening to music, making art, and more. Whatever makes your day more positive is worth a try, as long as it’s productive or proactive.

4) EXPECT GRIEVING
A brain injury can bring huge changes and challenges. Loss of self, loss of friends, a job/income, a home, etc. is a huge hit for anyone, and having a TBI makes it even more challenging. Grieving is a part of moving into the next phase, and everyone grieves differently. Just like TBI, there is no road map for grief, and you won’t know that you’ve completed the journey until you arrive…for some, the arrival may take a long time.

*It is essential to grieve and mourn the losses in order to heal and move forward. There are general stages associated with the grieving process: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. However, healing and processing grief is not a straightforward path. Typically one moves back and forth in the different stages. It is important to know that this is “normal”. You can move through them. Support groups can help. Professional help is often necessary. Spiritual guidance may be essential. Keep in mind that your family members and friends may be grieving too. They have lost the person you used to be and the roles you used to play in their lives. They don’t know how much of your former self will return, or when.*

5) MANAGING FATIGUE AND OVERLOAD
This is a biggie. The struggle to manage your emotions, physical healing, grief, or staying motivated and positive can take a mental toll on a survivor. It may take every ounce of energy you have to function, let alone focus on making progress…it’s a daily challenge, and it takes inner strength and commitment. Having a cheerleader (or several) is a huge plus, but in the end, your progress will depend on your how your brain injury affects your physical abilities, your cognitive abilities, and your reasoning abilities.

Making the most of the abilities you have ongoing is the goal – it’s not about recapturing your pre-injured self, it’s about finding your “new normal” and living your life as best as you possibly can. Acceptance of where you are can take a lot of pressure off yourself and can be the base for a reset of your new normal. Embrace the changes as best you can, and you’ll find that progress will come, and it just might take your life in a new direction. Be ready for anything!

*You won’t be able to do everything you used to, at least not right away. Everything will be harder and take a lot longer to do than it used to. You can compensate by cutting back, simplifying and being kind and patient with yourself. Avoid the tendency to push yourself too hard. Rehabilitation is a delicate balance between challenging yourself enough to promote healing and not so much that you have discouraging setbacks.
So picture yourself with a cast on your head and remember to rest, celebrate the smallest gains and balance out all the hard work with something that makes you smile, every day. You are engaged in one of the toughest challenges of your life, if not the hardest but it will get easier in time.*

In Closing…

The book excerpts (from Lost & Found, A Survivor’s Guide for Reconstructing Life After a Brain Injury) not only reinforce this post, they are the keystone content. The book has so many tips, tools, and strategies for TBI survivors! Many things that I’ve not touched on in this blog post (that are discussed more in-depth in the book) include: pacing yourself, managing stress, meltdowns, parenting tips, coping suggestions, visual processing, improving memory, working with checklists & organizers, memory shortcuts, challenging yourself, computer use, daily task hacks, meal prep and planning, saving mental energy, social adaptation, driving, and MUCH more.

This book can make a huge dent in the questions you may have wondered about since TBI (for yourself, or as a loved one of a survivor). The author, Barbara J. Webster was an early childhood educator that was involved in an auto accident, and it changed her life. She worked at becoming more and more functional, and is now passionate about life, she facilitates a Brain Injury Survivor Group in Massachusetts, and she helps other survivors take steps in their healing process by moving forward with encouragement and structure.

Here’s a closing quote that sums up how many TBI Survivors feel…

“Being a brain injury survivor = Being a stranger in a familiar place.” — Beverly Bryant

Keep working, stay positive, keep inching forward…and celebrate all progress that you make…every day!

For more information about the book “Lost & Found” by Barbara J. Webster, just click this link!

A few other excellent suggestions include:
Survivor Strategies Package – just click here!

Survivor Life Skills Tool Kit: Workbooks help survivors rebuild their lives after brain injury – click here!

The Practical Guide to Cognitive Rehabilitation: Overcoming Cognitive Neurological Impairments – click here!

Survival Kit – click here!

Living Life Fully after Brain Injury: A workbook for survivors, families and caregivers – click here!

Brain Injury Coping Skills: A support and education program for adults with brain injury – click here!

After Brain Injury: Telling Your Story, A Journaling Workbook – click here!

Cognitive Rehabilitation Tool Kit – click here!

Cognitive Rehabilitation Triple Play – click here!

Click this link to see our current monthly specials!

The post Five Good Choices to Make After a TBI appeared first on Brain Injury Blog With Free TBI Information.

Working with the topic of brain injury at Lash & Associates Publishing, I’ve heard on quite a few occasions that TBI can seriously alter a person’s ability to do certain things that they were once highly skilled at. Some basic things can also be affected, like driving a car, riding a bicycle, outdoor activities, walking/balance and more.

Many may also sustain a brain injury that affects them on an even deeper level – such as paralysis, cognition, thought patterns, speech, logic, etc. The one thing that is very intriguing about TBI is how it can affect creativity – and how it may change a more logical “left-brained” person, and make them more creative, imaginative, musical, or artistic. This also could bring the opposite effect to a more “right-brained” person and erase most or all of their previous creative strengths and talents. Although I’m not a TBI Survivor, I truly empathize with those who have dealt with these extreme changes and thought that it would be an interesting topic to explore.

Creativity is the unspoken language!

One such case was Hilary Zayed. She worked as a teacher, was a flutist, a passionate horseback rider, and a mother of 2 grown children when she had a brain injury. Her recovery and subsequent reinvention of her prior life came with much hard work. She couldn’t enjoy music like she used to, so she worked toward finding a creative outlet – and soon discovered the art of making mosaics, paintings, and more.

Change happens, even when its least expected

After three years of being at home with a rotation of visiting nurses – often lying on the couch, she started to maneuver down the stairs to her art studio/space more and more. Some health professionals encouraged her to exhibit her works (art and writing), and soon she found herself doing several other solo shows across the Northeast. She found that sharing her experience through her art opened doors for others to be inspired to try harder after their own TBI. Here is a quote taken directly from Hilary’s book titled: Reinventing Oneself After Loss:

“One of the biggest lessons I learned was the importance of sharing my experience. It seemed to speak to people and inspire them to do the same. It felt as if the “butterfly effect” was happening and I was the one with the moving wings. As I finish writing this personal journey it has been almost seven years. I cannot say that I have fully reinvented myself but I have attempted to stay on course, refine my goals and continue to work hard on moving through

obstacles and leaning forward. Oddly, it was leaning forward on my horse, that fateful day, which changed my life. That action gave me the gift of making art and writing about it, on this journey to reinvent myself after loss.

May you find the courage to move forward as you deal with loss.”*

With every instance of people that make gains creatively after TBI, there are also people who suffer losses in the same arena. Being creative, artistic, musical, inventor, a writer, etc. is a gift that can be rewarding, and even help a person identify with others on a huge level. Losing that creative spark can be a harsh reality. Overall “loss of self” is basically the same thing, but it’s a huge transition for a creative person.

The brain, however intricate, can still “rewire.”

Shown below, I’m referencing an incredible article (by Dahlia W. Zaidel) that discusses the neurological changes that can take place in the brain of a creative person after a TBI, and also changes in a less creative person…here’s an excerpt:
“Neurological cases of visual artists who had practiced their craft professionally prior to the brain damage can help point the way to neuroanatomical and neurofunctional underpinnings of creativity. Approximately 50 or so cases with unilateral brain damage (largely in one side of the brain, and where the etiology is commonly stroke or tumor) have by now been described in the neurological literature (Rose, 2004; Bogousslavsky and Boller, 2005; Zaidel, 2005, 2013a,c; Finger et al., 2013; Mazzucchi et al., 2013; Piechowski-Jozwiak and Bogousslavsky, 2013).

The key questions concern post-damage alterations in creativity, as well as loss of talent, or skill. A review of the majority of these neurological cases suggests that, on the whole, they go on producing art, sometimes prolifically, despite the damage’s laterality or localization (Zaidel, 2005). Importantly, post-damage output has revealed that their creativity does not increase, nor diminish (Zaidel, 2005, 2010, 2013b). Given that the damage arises unilaterally (only one or the other hemisphere), artistic creativity in the healthy brain can not simply be attributed to a single hemisphere, dedicated neural “regional center”, network, or pathway, but rather to a diffusely represented capacity in the brain. Indeed, it would further seem that creativity is highly sensitive to brain damage, more so than artistic productivity, talent, or skill.

Creative ability can increase or decrease after TBI

We could speculate that in the healthy brain cognitive associative networks in the left hemisphere alone, in the right hemisphere alone, or both hemispheres working together contribute to the creative process in art. However, recent functional neuroimaging evidence based on non-artistic behavior in healthy volunteers points to greater left hemisphere involvement in creativity (Gonen-Yaacovi et al., 2013). Where do the original ideas in the artwork arise, is a complex question that researchers would like understand (Dietrich and Kanso, 2010; Heilman and Acosta, 2013; Jung and Haier, 2013). The likely answer with regards to the cerebral hemispheres is that both are functional in exceptional creativity, but with each hemisphere contributing a different facet, yet little understood, to the creativity process (Zaidel, 2013d).”**

Creativity can increase or decrease after TBI

From the most basic approaches to eye/hand coordination, thought and cognition, and creative expression – to advanced creativity and artistic endeavors after TBI, the persistence and determination required to persevere takes incredible inner strength. As I often say, every person’s TBI is different, and each has its own starting point – and the ending point remains to be determined. Finding your way through the maze of TBI (of which there may be many causes such as concussions, blast injuries, stroke, etc.) is one of total commitment to stay the course. Time, along with effort brings results for many TBI survivors, but not all.

It’s my hope to encourage you in your creative outlets, to find solace in your “new normal”, and to express yourself through creativity…and creativity doesn’t just have to be visual arts, it can be writing, crafting, music, knitting or crocheting, poetry, relaxing with an adult coloring book, and lots more. Everything we see around us was created by someone – including the devices we are reading this post on! Make the most of every day, and my prayer for all of us is that we find abundant personal reward from all that we aspire to accomplish in life…creative or otherwise!

Feel free to leave a comment, and share your story regarding the changes in creativity, too. It may inspire, it may not…but your story is important – and it’s worth sharing!

* Excerpt from Hilary Zayed’s book: “Reinventing Oneself After Loss”

**Here is the link to the entire referenced article by Dahlia W. Zaidel:

https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fnhum.2014.00389/full

The post Me, Myself, and My (More or Less) Creative I appeared first on Brain Injury Blog With Free TBI Information.

TBI can make you feel isolated

One of the most unsettling things I see in the TBI community is when survivors feel isolated and lonely. There have been heart-wrenching posts and comments on our blog site about families that shun (or brush off) their own family members that have experienced a traumatic brain injury. Worse yet, I’ve heard people say that they are totally on their own because they just don’t have emotional support from family (or friends). There is no way that I can offer a solution that will work for everybody – for that matter, even for one survivor…but I’m gonna try to give some pointers that can alleviate some of the frustration and hurt that’s caused by loneliness and the things that can make it feel even worse.

It’s hard work

The very first thing I’ve recognized as the rallying cry of survivors is “you don’t know it unless you’ve experienced it” – and that surely is true. Letting people know how your brain injury feels is like describing the color and texture of an abstract painting to a blind person. They have no point of reference to even work with.  To many, the conditions, effects, and feelings experienced by a TBI survivor are inexplicable in words…although some are able to do it. I will be referencing a book offered by Lash & Associates Publishing to help find ways to combat the depression and anxiety that survivors experience, to find ways to cope, and to encourage caregivers as well.

In the book titled “Lost & Found” – a brain injury survivor herself, offers these succinct nuggets of wisdom:  “Healing and rehabilitating from a brain injury takes a long time. It continues long after formal rehabilitation has ended. It is the hardest work I have ever done. It requires endless courage, determination, motivation, and
support. It usually involves rebuilding multiple areas of not just your life but also your being – all at once. How could there be an easy solution for all of that!

Brain injury doesn’t have to be a destination. It is a journey. Let it be only part of who you are to become. “Don’t accept timetables for recovery.”

— Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph.D., Neuroanatomist

The Key is Incremental Strategy

Follow your heart…and find progress.

Strategies are key in making “baby steps” toward better cognition, a better mood, a better outlook, and a better life. Much progress can be made with encouragement from friends or family…but what about those that don’t have that kind of social “safety net”? Be encouraged. Your will to improve is the key to doing the right things and working to get the right results. As always, there will be naysayers that will immediately point out that “you’ve been this way for a long time” or “you’re wasting your time.” Well, with that kind of encouragement, you’ll be better off doing your best – one step forward at a time. Don’t even consider the steps backward…life hands those to everyone anyway!

Incremental strategies are the ticket to incremental change. Biting off more than you can chew is not a good plan! Start off small, find strategies that work for YOU, and repetition is a good thing. If you’re repeating a step, and you know that you are…that’s a great thing! If you recall how your brain used to process information, but you realize that it has changed…good for you! That is a baseline for working on your cognition. Remember, working in tandem with your doctors, therapists, caregivers, etc. is also very important. You’re not going to make measurable progress without someone that can see your “mile markers” and take note of them. Caregivers can also help with that.

Here’s an excerpt from Lost & Found that is a prime example of working toward healing: “Know that in time, as you heal, it won’t always be this hard. You won’t have to plan and strategize each and every little step you take. So remember you are healing, imagine yourself with a cast on your head and be kind to yourself. Treat yourself like you would any loved one with a serious health issue.

Remember to reward yourself for every successful task and effort, no matter how small. Pat yourself on the back and take a break doing something that will make you smile. We have to be our own cheerleaders now, like the supportive people in our lives were when we were growing up.”

Wow…that’s powerful, but also takes grit and determination. Believing in yourself is always easier when you have cheerleaders – but for those who don’t, that excerpt makes a lot of sense.

Believe.

Emotional healing can come through a combination of things – here are a few (a more detailed version is available in the book, Lost & Found), but here’s a brief overview… Keep a grateful journal or victory log; Discover your “inner poet” by writing phrases that are meaningful to you; Journaling about your day can help you build confidence and see progress; Keep your perspective by noting improvements on a calendar; Challenge and learn from negative thoughts; Take time to smile; Forgive yourself – can’t do what you used to do? You’re only human! Remember that you’re still the same unique and valuable person that you always were; Try to have positive people around you…that supports your life moving in a positive direction; Work with art. Creative outlets are rewarding and fun. These are things that encourage and grow you as a person – with or without others’ approval.

Many times, people in your life are grieving the loss of the “old you” and trying to establish how to interact with the “new you” – just like you are. That can also make an awkward transition for family and friends. Seeking spiritual counsel can be a huge boost as well – if you attend a church, synagogue, etc., or want to…that could be a great way to grow your positivity in life and make some new acquaintances too.

Here’s another excerpt from Lost & Found:  “Keep in mind that your family members and friends may be grieving too. They have lost the person you used to be and the roles you used to play in their lives. They don’t know how much of your former self will return, or when.”

And a quote from the same book: “Honoring your feelings is what helps you move beyond the pain.”

— Janelle Breese-Biagioni

This last excerpt from the book really sums up what so many TBI survivors need to hear…

“Remember you are healing, even if you can’t see a wound! Think of your brain in a cast, as it would be if you broke any other part of your body. If you broke your leg, you wouldn’t expect yourself to run a marathon right away, even if you were previously a marathon runner. First, you would be in a cast and you would rest a lot. Then you would start walking with crutches on even surfaces. The next step might be walking with a cane. You get the idea; it would take a lot of healing before you could run again, never mind run a marathon! Most of us try to run marathons with our brains all the time!

Work to make good things happen.

You won’t be able to do everything you used to, at least not right away. Everything will be harder and take a lot longer to do than it used to. You can compensate by cutting back, simplifying and being kind and patient with yourself. Avoid the tendency to push yourself too hard. Rehabilitation is a delicate balance between challenging yourself enough to promote healing and not so much that you have discouraging setbacks.

So picture yourself with a cast on your head and remember to rest, celebrate the smallest gains and balance out all the hard work with something that makes you smile, every day. You are engaged in one of the toughest challenges of your life, if not the hardest but it will get easier in time.”

Root for the Home Team…YOU!

In closing, the hardest takeaway from all this is that “going it alone” is hard but doing it without positive people surrounding you may be even harder. Cheerleaders are great, but they have to be rooting for the home team…and you’re the captain of the home team! Make the best choices that you possibly can and be encouraged – knowing that if all else doesn’t go as planned, you can rely on yourself to try and make things better. And you can also claim all of the credit. As always, be sure to let your doctor(s) know your intentions, and hopefully, they’ll be excited for your long-term efforts to improve. TBI is tiring, overloading, depressing at times, and can cause irrational behavior. With all that said, there’s always room to plan for incremental change.

Here’s a great and inspirational quote from Beverly Bryant:

“Being a brain injury survivor = Being a stranger in a familiar place.”

Amen to that!

If you’d like to know more about the Lash & Associates book titled “Lost & Found”…just click this link!

The post One is The Loneliest Number appeared first on Brain Injury Blog With Free TBI Information.

By Bill Herrin

Experiences in life make us who we are – they can intrinsically change who we are for better or worse, sometimes in a temporary way, and sometimes for the rest of our lives. There are things that happen that we’ll cherish, things we look back on and laugh about, things that we’d rather not think about…and then there are things that we won’t even recall. TBI can be like a thief in the night…slipping away with treasured memories and leaving us with little to work with. But take heart, because as the old saying “time heals all wounds” actually rings true, especially in the realm of brain injury. When a brain is injured, the severity really depends on where the injury occurred, the level of the impact, and to some degree – whether the trauma was over the line of being able to overcome or not…not to mention that every person’s brain is as different as their TBI.

Every TBI is Personal

The different levels of self-awareness that arise from having a TBI can spark debate because everyone’s TBI is personal to them, but their self-awareness will never be exactly like someone else’s…although there will be common similarities. That’s where we should focus – on the broad similarities that we can all relate to, and support each other in. For survivors and their friends, families and beyond, there can be friction – often caused by the survivor saying “I don’t need help, I’ll be fine” to someone telling a survivor “you don’t look injured, you’ll be fine.” That’s a hard pill to swallow, especially when the survivor has isolated themselves or if their family has withdrawn from trying to encourage or help them because of previous resistance.

Self-Awareness Doesn’t Come Easy

Awareness of how you’ve changed after a TBI may be harder to do than many realize. I’ll be referencing some points regarding self-awareness from a Lash & Associates “tip card” (an 8-page brochure that they sell) that is packed with great advice for survivors, therapists, clinicians, families, and caregivers. These excerpts will be highlighted in italics.

The struggle is real

“Why is Self Awareness Important?

Self-awareness is the ability to view ourselves somewhat objectively. It is also the ability to see ourselves

from the perspective of other people. It allows us to use feedback from others as we develop our personal identity. We rely on self-awareness when we…

• interact socially with others
• decide what situations or information to share
• make judgments about ourselves, and
• act in ways that ensure our personal safety.

Brain injury can impair the critical capacity for self-awareness.”

The previous sentence says so much because impairments in self-awareness come from different causes, and can show up at any time – and every person with a TBI will have different impairments or limitations of varying degrees. Hence, their own ability to assess their self-awareness is negligible in many cases. Damage in different parts of the brain can impair self-awareness in ways other than judgment – such as awareness of paralysis of certain parts of the body, awareness of loss of memory, problem-solving skills, reasoning, or being unable to anticipate consequences of decisions (based, in part, by lack of recall of it happening at a prior point in time, etc.)

“What Helps Unawareness?

Working on awareness can help people make better decisions. Efforts to increase a person’s understanding of abilities/disabilities must be done in a manner that preserves self-esteem. A healthy sense of self is critical for recovery. The two primary methods to address impaired self-awareness are education and structured feedback.

Both require an interpersonal bond between the person delivering information or feedback and the individual with impaired self-awareness. It is also important to have an environment that helps the person learn about strengths and weaknesses while still maintaining hope.”

Self-awareness is a process

The deficits of self-awareness can be obvious to family, friends, caregivers, and clinicians, and many times be quite frustrating. Helping a survivor to have a clear vision of their actual cognitive and physical abilities should be addressed with patience, positivity, and prudence.

“The goal of feedback is to orient individuals to the aspects of their performance that they do not accurately perceive. It is very important to balance feedback for problem areas with feedback for strengths.

Regardless of the approach used to help someone increase self-awareness, the person in the role of therapist, coach or caregiver needs to have a positive bond or connection with the individual. In order for a person to accept feedback, the person needs to feel that there is a partnership. The clinical term for this partnership is therapeutic alliance.”

In closing, it’s important to realize that everyone has the potential for unrealistic self-awareness – it’s what the long-running TV show “American Idol” was built upon…people whose self-awareness about their vocal abilities may have been bolstered by false praise, or just delusions of grandeur…many times, the people that go on the show with a humble approach are the ones that blow the judges away!!

Help your friend, colleague, partner, family member achieve a realistic understanding of where they are, but help foster a vision for them that will lead them to further improvements through encouragement, suggestions, positivity, strong communication, realistic goals, and love. Dealing with a huge change in self-awareness is complex and there is no “set route” to get to the next level. Understanding this helps both the caregiver and the survivor to make progress on the best terms possible.

The tip card “Changes in Self Awareness” is written by written by McKay Moore Sohlberg, Ph.D. and is available for just $1.00 at www.lapublishing.com/brain-injury-self-awareness-survivor/  – it’s a great resource for families or clinicians.

The post Shuffled Neurons & Other Speed Bumps…The Search For Self-Awareness appeared first on Brain Injury Blog With Free TBI Information.

This is just my experience. Every concussion is different and the things that worked for me may not work for you. Laughter is great medicine. I laugh often at my misadventures. It is how I deal with challenging situations. I am also aware that dealing with a concussion is not a joke.

Valentine’s Day, February 14, 2019, was the fifth anniversary of the “cracking of my head”. In 2014 I slipped on ice and fell, knocked myself unconscious and woke up on a stretcher as they were loading me into the ambulance.

Stroke of luck #1

I fell at work which qualified me for worker’s compensation. In the ambulance, my head ached and I was in a world of pain. Not thinking clearly I announced to the EMT’s and subsequently to every new medical professional I met that I was in pain and was going to need drugs. I am convinced they thought I had an addiction and was looking for my next high. At the hospital, the scan showed I had cracked the back and the left side of my skull but had no internal bleeding.

Stroke of luck #2

There were no empty beds in the regular rooms and I was placed in the Intensive Care Unit. They checked on me very regularly, I had excellent care – and I finally received medication for the pain that lasted the next eight days.

Everyone kept telling me that I was doing great. “It might take a couple of weeks to recover.” I did discover on the fourth day that care in regular rooms was more “scaled back”.

Stroke of luck #3

When I was first admitted, because of the cracks to my skull a surgeon experienced in concussions was called in to check the scans and monitor me for any signs of internal bleeding. This was the only doctor in the course of my care for the next year that spoke to me with any understanding of concussions. He continued to see me because no other doctor that saw me thought I needed any follow-up. I was released to go home on day 5.

On day eight, as if a switch was flipped, the horrible pain in my head just stopped. I had vertigo. If I rolled to my side in bed it felt like I just kept rolling and rolling. Bending over or riding in a car would set it off. That gradually subsided over the next nine months. A neighbor would come by each day to take me on a walk to build back up my strength. I used a walking stick to help with my balance.

A neighbor told me to keep a diary of my days, by noting what challenges I was having, any symptoms or misadventures, dizziness, how long I slept, how many naps, and also any improvements. If I did not eventually significantly improve, I would need to document my disability. Incapacity due to a concussion is hard to prove and scam artists will fake these symptoms, so I might have needed my diary later on.

Now, two weeks after release from the hospital, and having only minor improvements I wished that some smart person had stepped in. My opinion of my ability to intelligently make decisions was rooted in my pre-concussion abilities. The “cracked-head me” was not making informed decisions. I looked fine on the outside. I could even form some good sentences, hold conversations, move around, and my appetite was fine.

To many people, including some caregivers, I looked and sounded normal – BUT areas of my brain were not showing up to participate. I had injured the part of my brain that handled memory, reading, and writing (my day job skills), and I had trouble staying focused. One day I was going to clip my fingernails and was distracted by an email. Later, while showering, I discovered I had clipped just one fingernail. When I started driving, I kept repeating over and over “Watch the stop light.” I was afraid some distraction would pull my attention away from driving. I had trouble producing the names of close friends and relatives. As I would read a paragraph, each new line would remove my memory of the previous line. I couldn’t process a paragraph! If you were giving me a phone number, I had to receive one number at a time, say it out loud as I wrote it, and then receive the next number.

I went to my appointment with the surgeon, I stated that I thought I could go back to work. After all, everyone kept telling me I was doing great and would be feeling better in a couple of weeks. He reluctantly agreed, but only for half days. This was too soon, and it seriously slowed down my recovery. He later apologized and said that he never should have allowed me to go back to work so soon with the problems I was experiencing. I stayed on half days for months.

Early on, the calls from the worker’s compensation insurance nurses began. They were friendly and supportive at that point, however, they are not on your side. They sound helpful and steer you towards lower cost options. When I started asking for things like follow-up appointments, they started to get angry and short with me. Except for the surgeon, I had no follow-up appointments. The workman’s compensation contact had made an appointment with a sign-off doctor. He gave me a test and I passed with flying colors. He had tested me on things that I was able to handle and ignored the problems I told him I had. He told me I was probably creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The reason that was not likely is that my awareness was totally in the moment. I wasn’t anticipating any future moment. My only thought was the thing in front of me. When I was entering a grocery store, my only thought was “I’m here for bananas” (It was also written on a piece of paper in my pocket). There is the door. Go in. One of my triggers were when too many things would happen. My brain freaked out with multiples. What to look at? What are all of these things? Where is the thing I need? I can’t tell you exactly why but it made me extremely anxious and freaked out my brain. I would be fogged in for days, and it caught me by surprise every time. My “cracked head self” kept forgetting my new situation and defaulted to how I perceived myself before my fall.

On July 4th we went into Trader Joes…it was deserted. We walked to the vegetables, and Ron asked what I would like with dinner. Two things happened. At that point in my recovery, I had no opinion on what I wanted for anything. Beans or ice cream or prune juice were equal, and I would randomly spew out a choice. Second thing, my brain just freaked. Too many things, and a choice to make. It had to show on my face because immediately Ron said, “I’ll pick” and I waited outside.

I realized the doctor was a sign-off doctor when he refused to see me a second time because he “could not help me, he thought I was fine.” And the Insurance contact would not agree for me to see anyone else. I later discovered you have to request a second opinion from a different doctor in writing (an email counts) for them to be required to allow it.

Rick doing what he loves…plein air painting!

At six months I stopped pursuing the search for a doctor because I starting to improve. It was in stages, and there were setbacks…but function improved. At two years, I reached a point that I felt that if I never improved more than this I could live with it. On one of my walks, I was really down. I had had a setback and was having a major pity party. Then I looked up ahead, and there was a lady in a wheelchair. I thought, “I know it could be worse, but it has been really hard. I can have a pity party.” So, I continued my walk and along came a gentleman in a wheelchair taking his dogs for a walk. He was a very engaging person and we talked about his dogs. I thought “Well crap! God is going to keep putting wheelchairs in front of me until I stop feeling sorry for myself.” The very next day on the same block there was a group of teenagers across the street, cutting up and having fun. One young man was wearing shorts and had a prosthetic leg. I said to myself, “I get it. I get it. No more pity parties.”

I have a wonderfully supportive partner and some great friends. I don’t know what I would have done without them. I didn’t access support groups but would have if I had been going it alone. I didn’t access legal help, and it could have been a mistake. Early on I didn’t know how much I would recover or how slowly. I didn’t have the know-how to navigate the system to get good care. Today’s “clearer thinking me” understands if things had gone differently in recovery it would have been a big mistake.

Five years later I still have occasional trouble with my memory and with writing. Music is still not enjoyable. Reading tires my brain, but I keep pushing to regain that. I occasionally see some things improve – even at five years. I have “tired brain days” especially after a hard week at work. I keep a calendar of commitments and appointments. I am organized and know where to find information that I need to know. I still am very much “in the moment.” I must consciously think about planning, make a list and note it on my planning calendar for it to happen. An upside is that my challenging day job used to cause me anxiety. But because of my concussion, I’m in the moment, and not as worried about things.

Rick’s rendition of a classic hot dog joint in Raleigh, NC

I am long past the worst and take joy in the good things. I am at peace with my new normal.

The best thing is that my watercolor painting is better than ever! It was located on the undamaged side of my head. It was like my brain said, “this side is just fine, so let’s use this for a while.” Very early in my recovery, I tried painting again, and was as good as ever. I also saw great growth during that time. I think my brain is at ease in the undamaged area and likes working there. You can check out my watercolor paintings at RickBennettwatercolors.com

Rick lives in Raleigh, NC and actively participates in the arts community, doing plein-air painting, teaching watercolors workshops, and more. Many thanks to Rick for taking the time to share his story with us!

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