Single First Time Mommy in the City

Farewell

noreply@blogger.com (Lara) — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 05:26:00 +0000

After giving it much thought I have decided to close this blog. As a new single mom holding a full-time job with increasing responsibilities and a part-time student graduate student, I have my hands full to say the least. So it is with great sadness that I must say goodbye as I truly don't have time to update this blog. I hope to come back to blogging as soon as my life becomes less hectic, hopefully in the near future. It has been a great pleasure sharing my stories with all of you, and I hope we can cross paths again soon.

All my best,

Single First Time Mommy in the City

My 100 Day Plan

noreply@blogger.com (Lara) — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 03:00:00 +0000

A couple of weeks ago I downloaded a book called "The Succesful Single Mom - Get Your Life Back and Your Game On" by Honoree Corpron Corder, and I absolutely loved the positive message it brought into my life. Although, unlike the author, I didn't find myself suddenly a single mom after going through a divorce I can definitely relate to her message and I'm ready to start the 100 day transformation plan she lays out in the book. I definitely recommend this book to anyone who wants a roadmap to sucessfully change their course in life, single mom or not.

Now, back to my plan. One thing I've found hard to find since becoming a single mom, is time. Time eludes me every day and there are not enough hours in the day to get everything on my to do list done. To the contrary, every day I manage to add more things to the list and instead of making it shorter is growing longer by the minute. However, I need to make this project my number two priority (after my little baby boy, of course!) so I can take charge of my life instead of letting my life spiral out of control as I have done so far. I must make a commitment to myself so I can become a better mom, daughter, sister, aunt, friend and overall person. I owe it to myself and my son.

I will try to post my progress as much as I can and hopefully in about 100 days or so, a better version of me will be writing about my successful transformation. Wish me luck!

The Real Juggling Act

noreply@blogger.com (Lara) — Sat, 20 Aug 2011 02:22:00 +0000

One of the hardest things I found as a new working mom is finding the time to do it all. There just aren't enough hours in the day to take care of everything and as much as I don't want to, I must come to terms with the fact that I can't do it all. Is time to prioritize and take stock on what's key and what can fall through the cracks. Before I went back to work full-time I underestimated how much time I would really have to do all the things I set out to do. Naively, I thought I would have time to work out, update this blog at least weekly, continue writing my short stories and more while holding a full-time job and taking care of my baby. What was I thinking?

Reality is that I barely have time to eat dinner when I get home before my baby monopolizes my entire evening and before I know it, is time for bed. Not to mention, I started a new job in a new industry so there is a learning curve to overcome while meeting deadlines and dealing with the day to day tasks. This past week was so hectic due to a looming deadline I had to meet, that I began wondering how was I going to get thru the day, let alone the week. Yet somehow I managed to meet the deadline while still holding on to my sanity, barely. I must admit that I am very lucky to have my mom staying with me and helping me with the baby which makes me wonder, how do other single working moms do it without the type of support I have?

Last night as I tried to finish some work while breastfeeding my baby, I felt like crying as I told my mom that I felt I wasn't doing a good job as a mom or at work. I was trying to give both 100% and felt like I was failing miserably. At work I struggle to get everything done to the best of my abilities, not an easy task for a perfectionist, while making time to pump and leaving work at a reasonable time to get home to my son. At home I struggle to spend as much time with my baby boy while I try to finish work and the million other things in my to do list that just gets longer every day. How to do it all?

Add to the equation, my plans to pursue my master's degree starting in the Spring and what do you get? One crazy busy momma. Does trying to accomplish so much make me a bad mother? I certainly hope not, but I feel like one sometimes.

Back to work? Time to find childcare

noreply@blogger.com (Lara) — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 03:51:00 +0000

It comes a time every working new mom dreads after having a baby, the time to go back to work.  Spending weeks (or in the case of some lucky moms, months) taking care of that little bundle of joy and enjoying every minute of it (despite feeling exhausted and having no time for oneself) is priceless. But when the time to go back to work comes around, finding quality childcare to take care of the baby while at work becomes a stressful yet necessary task.

The first decision one must make is the type of childcare to use: live-in nanny, live-out nanny, family daycare or daycare center. This decision is primarily driven by cost and the age of your child, after all childcare can be very expensive. For single moms the cost of childcare can be prohibitive adding to thousands of dollars per year; therefore having a very closely monitored budget is a must. The budget needs to include all expenses (including the morning beverage we grab on our way to work) and above all, be realistic. There is nothing worse than spending hours drafting a budget that is a far cry from reality making it completely useless.

When it comes to infants, nannies whether live-in or out are the childcare option of choice. In my case, a live-in nanny was not an option given the size of my apartment and finding the right person has been very stressful. After all, I'm entrusting this person with the most important and precious thing in my life: my son. To begin my selection process I asked people I know for referrals but since I don't know many people with children, I also used the website Care.com (http://www.care.com) to post a job and get candidates meeting my requirements. After signing up, this website provides background checks, call references on your behalf and provide you with a recording of the conversation.  After reviewing the profiles, I selected a few candidates that met my requirements (i.e. language, years experience, experience with newborns, etc) and called them to schedule in-person interviews at my home (after looking at their background check to make sure I didn't bring a convicted felon home to meet my son).

Regardless of how you go about finding the candidates, meeting the person face to face and having them come to see the baby is crucial to determine if the person is the right fit.  Evaluating the person's body language during the interview is key as it will speak volumes about their attitude and disposition. For example, one of the nannies I interviewed didn't even look at the baby (as I was holding him) when she came in and just sat down on the couch.  I immediately eliminated her because she didn't show any interest on the child she was to take care of and didn't appear very nurturing as she claimed to be on her profile.  As important to the answers they provide is the person's demeanor during the process. Does she appear uncomfortable when you ask specific questions about her experience or why she left her last job? Is she friendly?  What kind of questions does she ask? Is she asking questions about your expectations or is she more interested on the pay rate and time off?  Is she open to provide references, including her most recent employer?  Evaluate every aspect of the person's demeanor and if there is something you don't like about them (even if you can't explain it), go with your gut feeling and don't hire them. Sometimes we ignore those gut feelings we can't explain and later regret it.

Finally, check those references.  Prepare a list of questions (including whether they would re-hire this person if they could) and call them.  Although Care.com offers the service of checking references for you at no extra cost, I called the references myself to make sure all my questions were answered.   Also, make sure the references are not relatives of the potential nanny. A lot of the younger nannies would provide as experience with newborns/infants, family members they took care of since most of their other experience was with toddlers. I didn't select these candidates because I can't have an independent evaluation of this person's ability to take care of an infant which require a lot of patience and attention.

A few things to consider after making the selection and hiring someone:

Consider signing a contract. Having your expectations in writing should eliminate any misunderstandings in the future
Find out how much taxes you need to pay the government. Since she is your employee, the IRS requires that taxes be paid by the employer for Social Security and Medicare if wages paid are greater than $1700. These taxes can be paid solely by the employer if you decide to not withold the employee percentage. In addition, you may be required to pay unemployment tax at the federal and/or state level as well. Federal income taxes are the responsibility of the employee and you don't need to withold it from their pay unless you both agree to. There are also tax forms you need to complete and submit (i.e. W2 forms)
Have the person come in for a day or two before going back to work for a trial run so you can see the person handling your baby and also drop in unannounced a few times to make sure things are done as expected
Leave a list of important telephone numbers (including the baby's peditrician) as well insurance information in case of emergency
If there are any activities you don't want your child to do or places you don't want him/her to go discuss this with the nanny from the start
Make sure you discuss the father's visitation rights or lack thereof with the nanny to avoid any issues in this area

Most importantly, no matter what option you choose or how well you screen this person, nothing beats watching your child for any unusual behavior or marks that could signal a problem. Your baby is not able to tell you what's wrong so is up to you to ensure their well-being by using any method available (even if it means installing a nanny cam if you suspect something is wrong or even to give you peace of mind).

Welcome to Mommyhood

noreply@blogger.com (Lara) — Fri, 08 Jul 2011 01:19:00 +0000

It has been a couple of months since my last post and it has been quite a hectic time. My baby boy was born on May 22nd and since then my life has been all about feeding sessions, diaper changes and sleepless nights. Ohh the joys of mommyhood!

As we all know mommyhood is a difficult job, no matter your marital status. Dealing with a newborn/infant is not an easy task and it requires a lot of stamina and patience. When you add the responsibilities of running a household by yourself, a difficult job becomes almost impossible. I emphasize almost, because no matter how difficult it is, we always manage to do it. As a first time mom, I had to learn everything about taking care of a baby including how to hold him, feed him, burp him, change his diaper and more. And when I finally get used to doing all these things and enjoy spending time with my baby, reality hits and I must go back to work. And so the challenge of having two full-time jobs begins.

However, now that things have settled into more of a routine and I am getting the hang of this motherhood business, I finally have the time to update this blog. I plan to make time to continue writing, regardless of all my responsibilities. I might not be able to make daily or even weekly updates but stay tuned for upcoming posts on topics such as going back to work, finding a nanny, money issues and more.

Welcome to mommyhood!!!

Can judges use illness to determine if a parent should keep custody?

noreply@blogger.com (Lara) — Wed, 18 May 2011 00:52:00 +0000

As I wait for my little bundle of joy to arrive any day now, my patience has been put to the test by this waiting game. I am not known for my patience, so my little boy is unknowingly teaching me a lifelong lesson. To keep myself busy and my mind off the upcoming event, I have been reading about mommy life online trying to soak up as much information as I can before the grand arrival. This is how I came across the story of Alaina Giordano, a woman battling breast cancer who lost custody of her children due to her illness. The case has led to outrage among many, including myself. How dare a judge take this woman’s children away because she’s sick and what precedent does this set for future cases?

In the case, the judge ruled Alaina an unfit parent because of her illness and granted custody of her children to her ex-husband (the father) who lives 600 miles from her home. To add even more insult, the judge said that since she’s currently unemployed she could easily relocate to be closer to her children showing a complete disregard to her medical treatment, support and medical coverage. They said justice is blind, but is it also deaf and heartless?

In her blog, Alaina says “No one knows when another person will die. Judges are not God” http://www.blogher.com/frame.php?url=http://beautyintruth-alaina.blogspot.com/2011/04/no-one-knows-when-another-person-will.html. Well said. Since when can a judge determine who gets custody of children based on how long they’re expected to live? I didn’t know judges had crystal balls that could predict the future. The judge in this case is not only heartless but also deaf, blind and ignorant. Unfortunately, rulings like this can lead to precedence where similar cases can have the same outcome unless the decision is overturned.

As a soon to be single mom this court decision is especially worrisome because, although my baby’s father is not in the picture, it makes me wonder whether a judge would take my son away if I were to become ill. As any parent would, I plan to make sure that I designate a person to care for my baby if something were to happen to me. I cannot predict the future but I can ensure that I do everything within my power to ensure my baby’s future is protected and hopefully a judge won’t take it upon him/herself to make rulings such as this.

I hope that in Alaina’s case, the judge’s decision is overturned and justice is served. To show support for Alaina and her children, like her page on Facebook:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Alaina-Giordano-Should-Not-Lose-Her-Kids-Because-She-Has-Breast-Cancer/127024814041233

The Art of Being Thankful

noreply@blogger.com (Lara) — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 02:14:00 +0000

I have been thinking about writing this post for over a week but as usual I procrastinate so much that is any wonder I ever get anything done. But that's a topic for another post. For now there are other things that have been on my mind.

As I wait for my baby to make his arrival, I began thinking about how most of us live in the moment without stopping to take stock of what we have and the people in our lives. We take everything and everyone for granted but complain when things don't go our way or people in our lives don't do what we want them to do.  After all who has time to stop and evaluate their lives? Right now I do, so that's exactly what I decided to.

In the last few days I have been thinking about the people in my life. From my unborn child, to my family and friends I have so much to be thankful for. The support I have received from everyone has been priceless and I am so lucky to have them in my life.  Having a baby on my own is not an easy task, so having the support of people around me gives me the strength to go on and strive to be the best mom I can be (after all I have a role model to look up to, my own mom who came to stay with me for months to help me with the baby. How lucky am I? Very lucky indeed).

So as part of my self-improvement project I have decided to tackle the art of being thankful. No matter how busy my life gets (and with a new baby is bound to be very busy), I'm going to take a moment every day to be thankful for what I have and for the people in my life.  For now on, I will look at things keeping in mind how lucky I am for what I have instead of complaining for what I don't have. This will require some work on my part but is definitely worth it and I know that one look at my baby will help keep me on track.

Three more weeks for my little bundle to arrive, I can't wait!

Space Constraints and Clutter

noreply@blogger.com (Lara) — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 23:07:00 +0000

For the average person, becoming a Manhattanite means paying a high price to rent a small piece of real estate. Whether you have roommates or live alone in a small apartment, square footage in Manhattan comes at a pretty steep price. Let's face it, people don't move here in search of spacious homes with backyards; is all about location, location, location and convenience.

That was my motivation when I moved to Manhattan over six years ago. Seems like a lifetime ago when I rented my studio apartment on the Upper East Side, so conveniently located that the space constraints did not matter. Although I have upgraded to a more grown up apartment that even includes a patio, my new reality is that with a baby on the way I need more indoor space and less patio unless I can convert it to a second bedroom. So now the time has come to make space a priority. However before plunging a few thousand dollars on a new apartment, I have to start with another spring cleaning since more space is not always the answer as you can end up with more clutter in a larger apartment.

For starters, babies although small come with a lot of stuff. Crib, stroller, diapers, diaper pail, bottles, sterilizer, bottle warmer, baby clothes, tub and the list just goes on. Add all my stuff to that list (especially my shoes, books and all the other knicknacks I seem to continuously accumulate even after giving away stuff during my yearly spring cleanings) and you can imagine the clutter we'll end up with.

So before planning my move, my first task is to make space for my baby boy in my current apartment. Not an easy task, I must admit, but by having a new purpose I should be able to minimize my clutter and hopefully reduce my moving and/or storage expenses when the time comes. Hopefully I'll be able to complete my clutter free project before the baby arrives :-)

Maternity Leave in the US, what's wrong with this picture?

noreply@blogger.com (Lara) — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 00:28:00 +0000

Having a baby is a joyous yet stressful time in the life of any parent. Most moms wish they could stay at home with their babies a lot longer than they can afford to since the United States ("US") Family Medical Leave Act ("FMLA") only entitles eligible employees to take job-protected, unpaid leave for 12 weeks for specified family and medical reasons, including the birth of a baby. Some employers may provide paid maternity leave as one of their work-life balance benefits but for the most part employees are left with using accrued sick and/or vacation time during this period.

To bring things into perspective, here are some figures comparing the US to other countries around the world (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parental_leave ):

The US is the only country in the Americas that does not offer a national paid parental leave benefit. Think about it: this includes all the poor countries in Latin America where wages are so low that a large number of families live in poverty, yet they offer PAID parental leave
The US is the only industrialized country in the world that does not offer paid parental leave
I won't even mention the number of weeks at 100% paid leave most European countries give employees, because just the thought of it depresses me
Even countries where we send our troops to fight for human and civil rights and that we deem anti-women offer 100% paid leave (Afghanistan gives 100% paid leave for 90 days)

The more I read about these discrepancies, the more I wonder: why is the US so far behind when it comes to parental leave? There are so many arguments on this subject, that we could spend years just trying to figure out why. I have read so many different opinions in this matter, including critics who argue that the government should not force employers to offer paid leave to someone who chooses to have a child. Let's see, is okay for the government to send troops around the world and bomb countries in the name of freedom and civil rights; however it is not okay to pass laws to help its citizens who choose to be parents. Looks like is easier to agree on who to bomb next than in passing laws that help the citizens of this country.

Is really sad that a country where so many come to be a part of the American Dream, is so behind the times in such a fundamental and basic issue. Seems to me that the American Dream offers you opportunities, wealth and overall a better life, that is unless you choose to have a baby. At that point, you're on your own.

As hard as this reality is for all parents, it is especially difficult for single mothers who are the sole providers and caretakers for their children. It is a monumental struggle for a mom to leave her baby so soon after giving birth and for the single mom who has all the responsibility of the household, it is yet another obstacle we must face. And with the cost of childcare, it is a pretty steep obstacle. As a soon to be single mom, is just another thing to stress about.

So would things ever change? Maybe we're slowly moving in the right direction with the new tax break for breastfeeding (which by the way, has created a lot of criticism but what else is new?). Only time can tell. Although I won't benefit from the change, unless I choose to have another child, it would be nice to see it happen.

How much are you willing to compromise to make a relationship work?

noreply@blogger.com (Lara) — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 03:44:00 +0000

As I get closer to becoming a single mom, I can't help but wonder about the what ifs of relationships past. What if I had compromised and tried a little harder at making things work, instead of just walking away? Would that have made a difference? Probably not. For starters, I'm not a big fan of compromises in relationships since I believe that if the right person comes along we would complement each other without changing ourselves just to make it work. At the end, I believe I would end up resenting the person I'm with.

Yet, I see so many women, including some in my inner circle, willing to sacrifice so much of themselves to be with a guy because they don't want to be alone or they think they cannot get anyone better. I can't help but wonder, how much are you willing to compromise to make a relationship work? And is it worth it? Maybe I'm missing something and that's why I'm still single, who knows? Right now, a relationship is not high on my list and the only male I'm willing to sacrifice everything for is the one growing inside me. It is because of him that I'm taking stock of my life and working at becoming the best person I can be. No man has ever had that effect on me :-)

Of course, I won't minimize the fact that it would be nice to have someone to share this joyous moment with but most importantly is the love and support we give our children. That's what really matters, regardless of whether you are alone in this journey or not.

Is this a good time for a career change?

noreply@blogger.com (Lara) — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 04:41:00 +0000

When I started blogging a little over a year ago, I was going through what I considered an early midlife crisis after losing a job I hated and thinking of a career change. Fast forward to the present and although my personal life took a completely unexpected (and happy) turn, there has been no progress made on the career change front. For starters, although in a slightly different format, I am still working as an auditor and have not quite decided on a lucrative alternative. Looking back, I must admit that my approach was not properly thought out and therefore I had to go back to the "career" that guarantees me a paycheck. Not exactly the outcome I was looking for.

Now as I prepare to enter single mommyhood, I have been asking myself if this is a good time to pursue a career change. After all, a career should be more than just a job to bring home a paycheck right? Ideally yes, but realistically as long as you are making a decent living who cares? Well, I do. Otherwise I wouldn't be asking myself these questions. Hence, my dilemma.

Of course I should stick to what I know so I can provide for my little one, but at what cost? By cost I mean, putting aside any self-serving thoughts of satisfaction and happiness, dealing with the ever fleeting and precious thing called time. Jobs in my field require long hours and in many cases some travel which means spending a lot of time away from my son. This is one sacrifice I'm not willing to make. So, what are my options? Here are a couple that I'm looking into:

Positions in other areas where I can apply my knowledge and skills from audit even at a slightly lower salary if it means a regular work schedule (i.e. 9 to 5)
Companies offering programs for working mothers such as flexible scheduling, telecommuting, on-site childcare, etc tailored to providing a good work-life balance for their employees

In addition, I will continue to write and submit my work on my spare time (however little that might be) in the hopes of building a portfolio that could eventually land me paid writing gigs that I can live of.

This is what I've come up with so far. If you have any ideas, suggestions or advice regarding this topic please leave a comment. All feedback is greatly appreciated.

Have you done a baby budget yet?

noreply@blogger.com (Lara) — Tue, 08 Mar 2011 05:39:00 +0000

Every pregnancy/parenting book, website and article I read recommend preparing a baby budget to get ready for the new addition to the family. This is especially important for single moms to be, to get your financial house in order before the little one arrives.  The way I look at it is that having a baby on my own is going to be an overwhelming (and joyous!) experience, so anything I can do in advance to minimize my stress level is more than welcome.

The most important thing when you prepare a budget is to be as close as possible to the actual expense, so for first time moms research is very important.  Before I started my budget, I had to make some basic decisions about diapering, feeding and childcare options. I had already decided to breastfeed so that was an easy one. Next, cloth diapers vs. disposable diapers. This one was a little harder until I found out how much cloth diaper service runs for in Manhattan (about $180 per month, after the initial payment of about $190) and since I don't have a washer/dryer in my building, my only option is disposable diapers. Childcare option was the next decision on my list. My preference is at home care which of course is the most expensive option but at least for the first year, I think is the best option. At home childcare can easily cost me $1000 per week for a full-time caregiver (that's $4000 per month!!!!!). I need to run this number by mom so she will consider staying with me longer than the first five months of the baby's life :-) For now is good to know how much it would cost, but I'm leaving it out until I stop hyperventilating.

Next, to get my budget as accurate as possible, I did some research to find out things like: how many diapers does a newborn use on average (about 70 per week), how many baby wipes, etc. Using these estimates, I calculated the average monthly amount I would be spending on the baby (excluding childcare, my total came to about $500 per month for about 6 months while the baby is on breast milk only).  Finally, I added the baby's budget to my monthly budget and began some cutbacks immediately (do I really need 3 phones?) so I can start putting money aside for baby expenses. I also included things like education fund (college and the way the NYC Public School System is going looks like private schools too).

So what did my baby budget reveal? Not surprisingly it shows that babies are definitely expensive, which of course is not news to me. However, it also opened my eyes to how much money I spend unnecessarily.  By taking a close look at my finances I've realized how many things that I deem necessary are really luxuries that I can live without.  But most importantly, it proved that with some planning and a little sacrifice I can definitely do this by myself :-)

What last name are you giving your baby?

noreply@blogger.com (Lara) — Thu, 03 Mar 2011 04:26:00 +0000

In the last few days I've read quite a few posts on my Single Moms board about last names for the baby and I'm surprised to find so many women wrestling with this decision. I guess is because I never had any doubts about whose name my baby would have, whether the father was in the picture or not. From Day One I decided that my baby would have my last name and thankfully the State of New York gives me the right to make this decision. According to New York law, the mother may give the baby any last name she wishes. However, there are some restrictions when it comes to establishing paternity on a birth certificate:

Married mothers who register at the hospital under their husband's last name, do not need to provide any documentation and can give the baby the father's last name
Married mothers who do not use their husband's last name are required to provide a copy of the marriage certificate or have the husband sign the birth certificate worksheet
Single mothers are required to provide an acknowledgement of paternity form, signed by both parents in front of two witnesses who cannot be relatives
Divorced mothers who still use their ex-husband's last name are required to provide a copy of the divorce papers as well as an acknowledgement of paternity form as described above

So, is definitely not easy to give the baby the father's last name as a way to establish paternity (at least in New York). In my case, the thought never entered my mind since the baby would have my last name even if the father's name was on the birth certificate. As a single mom, I believe is my right to decide what last name my child would have and given that I am the primary caregiver from conception, why would I give my baby his last name? Maybe is just me, but it was one of the easiest decisions I've ever made.

Resources for New Moms to Be

noreply@blogger.com (Lara) — Mon, 28 Feb 2011 20:52:00 +0000

As any new mom to be will tell you, I am full of questions about everything from pregnancy symptoms (is the pain in my lower abdomen normal?) to newborn essentials. I have practically been reading everything there is about pregnancy week by week, labor and delivery (epidural anyone?), must haves before baby's arrival and caring for a newborn, to the point that I'm all researched out. There is so much information available that is dizzying trying to absorb so much in such little time (nine months might seem like a long time but trust me, it flies by!). I have registered with so many sites that I have lost track of the number of daily e-mails I receive with tips, to do lists, weekly pregnancy symptoms and baby's growth for the week, etc. Whenever I want to check a site, I have to reset my password because as much as I try to use the same password for everything, it comes the time when even my usual password is forgotten. I find myself in information overload world.

So, with so much research under my belt, have I found any good sources of information? The answer is yes and here are my recommendations (in no specific order):

• Your OB/GYN doctor is the primary source of information for all those aches and pains you are feeling and are not sure about. Do not hesitate to contact him/her if something doesn't feel right, they are there to guide you in this journey. Make sure to write all your questions (no matter how big or small) and bring it with you on your prenatal appointments so you can get answers to all those nagging queries in your head (your memory these months is not the best, so write it down!)

• Check with your health plan and find out if they have any pregnancy programs (such as Healthy Pregnancy, Healthy Babies, etc) that you can enroll in. These programs give you access to many resources where you can find answers to some of those questions in your head and most importantly, they assign you a Case Manager Nurse that is available to answer any questions you may have during your pregnancy. Of course, your doctor should always be your first contact for any medical emergency but sometimes you may have a non-emergency question that you would like answered without bothering your doctor or waiting for your next appointment. They can also help you identify any additional benefits or discounts offered by your health plan that you might not be aware of. My Case Manager Nurse calls me regularly to check on me and see how the pregnancy is progressing as well as to go over any questions or concerns I may have. The service is available throughout your pregnancy until about six weeks after the baby's born

• Other moms are one of the best sources of information. Don't be afraid to ask other moms in your circle of friends or acquaintances for tips or advice. Or if you don't want to ask people in your circle, join community boards where moms/moms to be post questions and get advice or referrals from other moms. I have found the community board for www.whattoexpect.com to be a great source of information (I even found a transportation service in Manhattan that can bring you home from the hospital and provide a car seat so you don't need to worry about bringing one with you and trying to figure out how to use in a taxi). There are groups by city, for single moms, for 35+ plus moms, etc so I'm sure you will find a group or more that meets your needs

• If you like to read (like I do), I found the book 'What to Expect When you're Expecting" to be a pretty comprehensive source of information throughout the pregnancy and right after the baby is born. I just scan through the sections that I find are applicable to me and find the answers I'm looking for

• MOM. Who else can give you the best advice but the person that brought you into this world and raised you? No matter how much research I do, I still rely on my mom more than on anything else. I'm making sure that my mom will be here by my side for labor and delivery as well as for the first few months after the baby's arrival. Honestly, I don't know what I would do without her and it is with panic in my voice that I call and confirm that she will be here with me when the time comes. There is no substitute for having my mom by my side

In a nutshell, all my research only led me to highlight the obvious choices when it comes to resources for a new mom to be. You don't have to Google yourself to death to find answers to your pregnancy and parenting questions, it is all right at your fingertips.

Happy Pregnancy!!!

Pregnant in New York City

noreply@blogger.com (Lara) — Sat, 26 Feb 2011 21:59:00 +0000

Been pregnant in New York City brings a new twist to the whole pregnancy experience. From crowded subways, rude people, navigating through slush and garbage after a snowstorm to small apartments that won't fit all the baby essentials, it is a wonder how people manage to have children in this city.  And that is just the beginning.

Let's talk about subway etiquette or lack thereof.  Commuting to and from work in the city is a hassle, plain and simple. Extremely crowded trains lead to people shoving each other rudely, pack like sardines in a very small space.  Now, add carrying a watermelon for a belly and imagine how commuting while pregnant is a serious pain in the butt. Been pregnant in a New York City subway does not guarantee you a seat, no matter how big or uncomfortable you are. People look at you and see the belly but yet don't make a move to give you their seat. I have come to accept this fact and no longer get upset. However, I draw the line when someone shoves me out of the way to grab the seat in front of me that just became available. That was my experience about a month or so ago, when a guy had the nerve to shove me out of the way and try to grab the seat in front of me as the person was getting up to get off the train.  Needless to say I lost it and shoved him away before he sat down making him almost fall down to the ground. When he turned around and said "What the hell is wrong with you?", my answer was simple: "I'm pregnant, you jerk and I can't believe your mother went through so much pain to bring such crap into this world." Why is it so hard for people in this city to have some manners? I have no clue, but thankfully not every New Yorker behaves this way. There are some nice people out there that offer their seats to the elderly, pregnant women and women with children. Is just too bad that they don't seem to take the 4 or 5 train during rush hour.

All these little New York twists in my pregnancy experience have led me to ask myself time and time again, why are you staying here instead of moving somewhere else? The answer is simple, at least for now, I love this dirty, expensive, overcrowded city and can't seem to imagine myself anywhere else. Maybe all these will change after my baby is born, but for now I'm staying put.

A New Beginning

noreply@blogger.com (Lara) — Fri, 25 Feb 2011 02:06:00 +0000

The last few months have been a rollercoaster ride, both physical and emotional. And now that life seems to have slow down a bit, I have decided to relaunch my blog under a new name that depict my state in life. About six months ago, I found out that I was pregnant right after the baby's father and I had broken up. Talk about timing. After the initial shock wore off (which I must admit lasted more than a week), I was left with evaluating my options to make the biggest decision of my life. I considered every option available and decided that having this baby was the right choice for me. Becoming a single mom might not have been in my life plan (although I did consider it at times) but having this child is the biggest blessing of my life. Although it didn't work out with the baby's father, I am grateful for the gift he has given me and I hold no grudge against him. I did try to contact him and let him know that he's going to be a father but never heard back from him, so I am ready to do this alone and if he's not part of it, is his loss not mine nor the baby's.
This experience has been so amazing I cannot describe all the emotions I have had in the past few months. The one thing that I can say for sure is how much I love this little being that is growing inside me. I never knew how much love I could feel for someone I have never laid eyes on, but this love just gets bigger as the time to give birth approaches. I won't lie and say it has all been wonderful but whenever I feel down all it takes is one little kick to remind me what is really important.
I hope you're ready to share with me this new beginning and join me in welcoming my baby boy into the world soon.

New Year, New Content

noreply@blogger.com (Lara) — Mon, 03 Jan 2011 03:47:00 +0000

Happy New Year!!! It has been a few months since my last post and during this break, I have been going through an exciting life changing experience. Although I am not ready to let the world into this private happy moment, I wanted to take this opportunity to wish everyone a happy, healthy and prosperous 2011.

The New Year is bringing a lot of changes in my life and as a result the content of my blog will change as well. For starters, I'm off the dating scene for a while since my life took an unexpected but happy turn that has taken me on a completely different path. I don't know what my future will bring but whatever it is, this new journey will be full of excitement and happiness.

Life is full of unexpected surprises and it is up to us to turn them into opportunities for a better life. Everything happens for a reason and I truly believe that I'm finally on the path to happiness.

Wishing you all the best in 2011.

Sayonara for now

noreply@blogger.com (Lara) — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 21:31:00 +0000

I have decided to take some time off from writing this blog to deal with a major life event. I will be back in a few months.

Blessings in Disguise

noreply@blogger.com (Lara) — Thu, 23 Sep 2010 04:29:00 +0000

Last week was pretty eventful in my personal life. It started with the end of a short lived relationship and it ended with the end of short lived friendships. At first glance, it seemed like a pretty crappy week but as I look back and think about it, everything that happened was a blessing in disguise. Everything happens for a reason and there is always a lesson to be learned somewhere. In my case, I learned that I should never ignore my inner voice when it tries to warn me about people. Whether is a new relationship or a new friendship, I should never ignore the "little things" that bother me about the person because if I really didn't think they mattered, it wouldn't bother me in the first place.

I realized now that not only was I overlooking things in my relationship but also I was looking the other way with my friends as well. And just like with my relationship, it all became clear once it ended. It wasn't obvious at first, but all it took was what can be considered a small disagreement to bring all the "little things" to light once and for all. It is at this point that I realized I should not compromise my values and principles by looking the other way. Friends are important but to me the values my parents instilled in me are more important.

I live my life by these basic principles:

Treat others the way you want to be treated regardles of whether they are friends or strangers
What goes around, comes around
Stand up for what you believe in

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that these friends or the guy I dated are bad people, far from it. I think they are all genuinely good people with whom I just don't share the same common interests or values. They might not be part of my life any longer but I definitely don't regret meeting them. Everyone comes into our lives for a reason and no matter how long they stay, we should always remain positive at the end.

Online Dating Woes

noreply@blogger.com (Lara) — Sat, 18 Sep 2010 18:33:00 +0000

Back in the dating scene and since my Match.com subscription still has some time left, I updated my profile and decided to give it another chance. After all, not everyone you meet online is weird right? That's what I thought until I encountered Mr. Wow.

Mr. Wow sent me an e-mail introducing himself and I replied because he appeared normal and good looking on his profile, so why not? He sent me another e-mail with his phone number asking to call him soon and wrote tonight in parentheses indicating that he would be up very late. I guess since he didn't receive a reply or a phone call, he proceeded to send me two additional e-mails asking me to call him that night and insisting that he would be up very late. I finally sent him an e-mail when I got a chance saying that I couldn't call that night and would call him at a later day.

I mistakenly thought that was the end of the call me e-mails. Boy, was I wrong! The next evening as I was doing some research for my short stories, I see this e-mail on my Blackberry with the title WOW. Of course, curiosity got the best of me and I opened it to find the following message: I saw that you had login into Match.com and have yet to call me. Obviously you care more about Match.com than you care about finding a GOOD MAN (yes in capital letters!). Well, I must say that Wow is right.

My first reaction when I read that e-mail was: who the hell is this guy? I am blocking him. But then I decided, why should he have the last word? So I wrote him one last e-mail before blocking him from contacting me. My e-mail went something like this: Let's make one thing clear: you don't know me and don't know a damn thing about what I do. Whether I check Match.com or when I decide to do so, is my business not yours. I was going to call you later this evening but the fact that you feel with the right to make baseless accusations without knowing a damn thing about me, shows me the kind of person you really are which is very far from a GOOD MAN and definitely not the kind of man I want in my life. NEXT!

So, now that Mr. Wow is officially blocked from contacting me again, he's free to cyber stalk someone else. In the meantime, I am still giving Match.com a chance (at least until my subscription expires) but I don't hold very high expectations. I guess finding love online is not for everyone :-)

Is Over, do you want to be friends?

noreply@blogger.com (Lara) — Tue, 14 Sep 2010 02:09:00 +0000

Technology addiction was the reason for my break-up. Or so I was told. It appears that the guy I was dating concluded that I cared about my Blackberry more than I cared about him. Thinking back, I probably did. He said that it was my constant obsession with checking my BB that became a big problem in our relationship. But now that I have time to think about it, that is just a sign of a deeper problem. That is, we just didn't have enough in common to keep me interested.

Now that my very short term relationship (if you can call it that) is officially over, he asked if I wanted to remain friends to which I said "I don't think so". In my experience I have found that is very rare for two people who dated (no matter how long) to remain friends after they've broken up and in order for it to work, you need to have things in common. And since we didn't seem to have much in common to begin with, what's the point?

So, what's next? Back to the dating scene and this time paying close attention to the signs that show me when a guy and I don't have much in common to begin with. Is all about learning from your experiences and I take this as another learning experience for future relationships.

How do you know your relationship is going nowhere?

noreply@blogger.com (Lara) — Tue, 07 Sep 2010 00:11:00 +0000

At the beginning of a relationship everything seems perfect as you see the world thru rosy colored glasses. During this honeymoon phase we tend to ignore any warning signs and annoying traits as we explain away any unsavory behavior, convincing ourselves that we are been too picky or too hard on him. But, at what point does the unsavory behavior become a huge red flag telling us that our "relationship" is going nowhere? And, are we smart enough to see the red flag and call it quits before is too late?

As I talk to friends about our relationships, both past and present, one thing is apparent: we have all been guilty of ignoring the red flags at one point or another. We have chosen to ignore the signs and compromise for the sake of making it work, only to find that our compromises were not sufficient to save the relationship. After all, in order to make things work both parties need to be willing to compromise or change as needed otherwise resentment will set in eventually. And as much as we want to convince ourselves that we can change him, more than likely that is not the case and we find ourselves in a one-way street heading to nowhere.

So, after all this talk about relationships and warning signs I decided to take a closer look at my complicated dating life and look for these red flags that I've been ignoring. Conclusion? It is time to move on and continue to look for Mr. Right instead of settling for Mr. Right Now. Why should I settle for less when I can have the full package.

Wish List

noreply@blogger.com (Lara) — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 03:24:00 +0000

Have you made a wish list of the things you want in a soulmate? A couple of my friends and I are working on ours after reading an article on Oprah.com called "The Magic of the Soul Mate Wish List". In the article, the author talks about how she decided to apply some of the tools and techniques she had learned from her business into her personal life as she found herself single with no romantic prospects at age 43. She created her soul mate wish list that included all the things she wanted in a man from physical, personality and emotional traits to how this person would make her feel, their career, how does he feel about having children, etc. Once the list was done, she completed a releasing symbolic ceremony of sorts where she let go of the list and put it in the universe's hand to take care of the rest. She found her soul mate and has been happily married for 12 years.

Now, I must admit that at first I was very skeptical about the whole idea of making a list and releasing it to the universe to take care of it. I mean seriously? Is it that easy? So of course I said I would work on mine but just like with most things I said I'm going to do, I forgot about it. Then this weekend I spent some time catching up with friends I hadn't seen in awhile and after sharing with them what has been going on with me lately, I took some time to evaluate my dating life and realized that I should really work on that wish list. After all, what do I have to lose?

So, my new project is to compile a list of the things I really want in a man which may sound easy but it really isn't. I want my list to be all inclusive because I don't want any mistakes down the line so I have to give it a lot of thought. I have the perfect list of the things I don't want but haven't really given as much thought to what I really want. I don't know how long it will take me to finish it but in the meantime I will continue dating because I'm a firm believer that we should help the Universe help us.

Is all about me

noreply@blogger.com (Lara) — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 23:58:00 +0000

How many times have you felt that you spend most of your time listening to other people's problems, taking care of their needs and just catering to their wants while sacrificing your own? As women we tend to put others before our own needs, whether is family, friends, boyfriends or husbands, work, you name it. However, in order to reach a happy medium in our lives we must be a little selfish at times and put ourselves first.

This might mean taking a closer look at those around you and identifying people that always seem to be around when they need something but can never be found when you need them. Who needs people like this in their lives? Sometimes you don't even realize this is happening and these people count on that to continue using you for as long as they can until one day you finally realize what's been going on. Whether family or friend, you need to put some distance between you. Make it a point to put yourself first and along the way you will find the balance between been there for others without sacrificing yourself.

Let's start by making one day a week an all about me day, when you do everything you want without worrying about anyone else. Just one day, how hard can that be? If you have children, have one day where someone else takes care of them (whether is your husband/boyfriend/mother/babysitter, etc) while you have some "me" time. It will make you a much happier person.

What do you think? Can we make it an all about me day?

Cougarlicious

noreply@blogger.com (Lara) — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 20:46:00 +0000

Cougar: An older woman, typically early thirties to mid-forties, who has abandoned traditional rules of romantic engagement and taken as her mission the seduction of as many game young men as she can possibly handle. - Urban Dictionary

Has society really come to terms with older women dating younger men? That was one of the many discussion topics I covered when I met a group of fabulous and single 30-something women last week. After sharing stories of their cougar experiences we concluded that, although there's still a long way to go before these relationships are as accepted as older men dating younger women are, a lot of progress has been made. Thanks to celebrities such as Demi Moore, Halle Berry and others who broke through the age gap in dating (and marrying), our society is a lot more open to these pairings.

So what makes a woman cougarlicious? Confidence, experience, looks, and financial independence. How many times have you met someone who looks at least 5 years younger than she is? Women in their 30's, 40's and 50's who look so amazing, is hard to believe their real age when they tell you. And with age comes the experience and confidence that makes a cougarlicious so desirable to younger men. After all, she's been around the block a few times and has more tricks under her belt than their younger counterparts. And she's willing to share all that knowledge with her young man. Not to mention, financial independence which makes her an even more attractive catch since she doesn't need anyone to support her. She's successful in her own right.

One of the most important traits of a cougarlicious woman is her level of confidence. She carries herself as if she owns the place and doesn't apologize for it. She works hard to maintain her body and is proud to show it off. Her self confidence is evident by how she carries herself in all social situations. In a society that is so body conscious, we can all learn to be more confident in our own skin from her.

So, are you a cougarlicious female? What sets you apart from other women your age?