Comedy News, Search Engine Marketing, and MMA - Larry Weaver's Blog

Website Design for Comedians

2009-06-15T09:05:00.000-04:00

Website design for comedians should focus on sites that load quickly, are easily indexed by search engines, and have user-friendly, consistent navigation.

From a booking agent perspective, you want a site that will get you work. This design approach is much different from a "fan site". Larry Weaver Entertainment focuses on clean, quick loading sites that grab your visitors’ attention – instead of making them wait for a complicated interface to download. We optimize your site for search engines, to make sure that potential visitors can easily find your site. And we specialize in design that gets your message across without clunky, confusing navigation that may drive your viewers away.

Here are a few recent examples of our work:

If you're looking for a site that loads easily, shows up well in search engines, and guides people quickly to what they're looking for, we can help. Contact us today for help.

Free Teacher Appreciation Week Ideas

2009-05-04T13:16:00.000-04:00

Need free gift ideas for Teacher Appreciation Week? In celebration of teachers everywhere, our site Funny Employee Awards is giving away a FREE Teacher of the Year Award certificate template. You can customize the certificate within seconds by typing directly onto the PDF template before printing. This free gift is sure to brighten the day of your favorite teacher! Just click the link below to download the PDF and enjoy!

Click Here to Download Free Award (PDF)

There's even an area to write your own customized message. This could be serious or silly. Here are some ideas:

For inspiring me to achieve my greatest potential.
For your hard work, dedication, and patience.
You deserve a raise. But for now, this free award will have to do!

Customize it even further by creating your own handmade frame or certificate jacket (just get an oversized piece of poster board and cut four slits to hold the corners of the certificate).

If you like this free Teacher of the Year Award certificate template, we only ask that you please tell a friend. Post the following link to Facebook, mention it on your blog, or email it to your friends. Original post: http://www.funnyemployeeawards.com/blog/2009/05/free-teacher-of-year-award-certificate.asp

How to Follow a Killer Act

2009-04-22T10:32:00.002-04:00

Guest Post by Comedian Jan McInnis

So like the rest of the planet, I am a huge, huge fan of Susan Boyle – the unassuming woman who took to the stage on Britain’s Got Talent last week and literally blew away the judges, the audience, and now the Internet community. In fact, the only person who was probably not thrilled with her performance had to be the guy or gal who followed her. While she was knocking ‘em dead onstage, I’m guessing that person was getting nauseous backstage.

As a comedian who cut her teeth in comedy clubs before moving into the corporate and association arena, I’ve had to follow a few Susan Boyle-ish acts in my time. It’s scary. But we figure out how to follow crowd-pleasers because it’s a part of the gig. And the techniques we use to switch the audience over from THAT show to OUR show can be used by anyone else who finds themselves walking up to a microphone right behind a show-stopper. Whether you’re a speaker, a sales person or a CEO, you WILL find yourself having to follow a great act some day, so here’s some ammunition!

Make a reference between you and her.

Some people will tell you NOT to mention the person before you, because you’re figuratively bringing that person back “on stage with you.” Maybe. But my experience has been that if the person is so awesome, they’re probably still on stage with you, anyway. Considering that, you need to segue from them to you by finding a way to reference them and include yourself. If I was following Ms. Boyle, I would’ve made a quick list of what the audience liked about her. . .her voice, her attitude, her song, her wowing the crowd. And then I’d look at what she and I do and don’t have in common. This would give me a great line to bridge to my act. . . ”Well, that’s nice, but that was the song I was going to sing… Now what?!” or, “I’m no longer concerned about winning this contest, I just want to be her opening act!” Say something that acknowledges her talent but also brings you into the equation. Simply saying “let’s have a hand for So and So” is not a good reference because it doesn’t involve you.

I’ve had to follow many big name acts, most notably Michael Richards, Kramer from Seinfeld (pre-meltdown days). At that time, he was walking onstage to standing ovations before he even opened his mouth. When I came out, it was sort of like “who the heck is Jan McInnis?” Attention-wise, they were still back at Richards. So I had some fun with his character by complimenting it and making a connection to me. “Didn’t you all love him as Kramer on Seinfeld? He was so goofy. He reminded me of every blind date I’ve ever had.” It got a good laugh and offered the audience a way to focus on my act.

Say what the audience is thinking.

In my upcoming book, Finding the Funny Fast, one of my tips to develop quick humor is to put yourself in your audience’s shoes and say what they are probably thinking. It’ll release tension and give you a nice transition. So what is one of the biggest things people were probably thinking when Susan Boyle’s follow-up act came out? If I were following Susan, I might’ve kicked off with ”I’m guessing right now, NOBODY on the planet wants to be me!” Aside from laughs, that line would probably get a little empathy, and more importantly, bring the audience on my side (they certainly didn’t want to follow her either!). . of course, then it’s up to me to shine. So make a quick quip about the audience’s thoughts, again, adding yourself in, and you’ll give yourself a leg up.

Run your own race. . . Be yourself.

Don’t change your style to try to match the energy or the humor of whatever went before you. You have to be YOU. That’s why we like Susan. . .she is the real deal. You can bet she would have had that same performance regardless of what the act ahead of her did. I once followed a guy for a week at a comedy club who told me that he wanted my headlining job. . .and then he proceeded to get the audience riled up into a frenzy with dirty jokes and high-energy humor; in other words, pretty much everything I am not. At the end of the week, he came up to me very frustrated and said “I’ve thrown everything I have at them and you’re still able to follow me. . HOW???” I said “why don’t you just do your own thing and forget about ‘getting’ me.” And that’s my advice to you. Focus on what you do best; that, in turn, will allow you do well. If you’re good at what you do, the audience will like you and key in to what you’re doing. When I was featuring in clubs, I hardly ever blew the headliner away, but I still became a headliner myself because I did my thing and offered a great show; soon enough, the club owners saw it. I tried not to pay attention to how good or bad the other acts did. Remember you’re there for a reason, so take the pressure off yourself and just have fun. At the Punchline Comedy Club in Atlanta, over the doorway that leads from the green room to the stage, some comic has carved the words “make them come to you,” and that’s exactly what you need to do.

Be Nice.

And as always, when making a comment about your predecessor, be nice. That sounds obvious, but you’d be surprised how many times people say something about the person they’re worried about and have it come out bitter. My joke about Michael Richards focused on his goofy character, not Richards. If I’d said Richards was goofy, I probably would’ve lost the crowd. If you don’t want to be funny, be SINCERELY flattering, or at least make a sincere comment, like the one I offered about wanting to be Susan’s opening act. Trying to get ahead by making others look bad almost always blows up in your face. And don’t put yourself down, either. Self-deprecating humor is a good way to make a quick joke, but not in this instance, since you’re already starting from a disadvantage.

There are, of course, many other techniques you can use to win the audience over and get them into you, but these will get you started. Use them well enough, and some day you’ll be so good you can pass along some advice to the poor guy following YOU.

Jan is a comedian and professional speaker specializing in comedy shows and humor programs for corporations and association. She has performed for hundreds of organizations and has also sold material to radio and TV, including The Tonight Show monologue. Hire Jan for your next event...

Social Media for Special Events

2009-03-30T08:52:00.004-04:00

This month's issue of Events Solutions magazine quotes me in their article "Events 2.0". My contribution centers on the use of Twitter for Special Events industry professionals:

"Twitter is a great way to spread short bits of information about your events, and with Twitter's 140-character limit, you're not pressured to come up with a great press release -- you can just spread the news quickly and concisely."

I especially think Twitter has great value for ticketed events. I've been doing some consulting work for the 2,800 seat Durham Performing Arts Center (DPAC), and they are starting to make great use of Twitter.

As a case study, DPAC recently hosted British singer/songwriter Morrissey (formerly of The Smiths). The show at DPAC on March 11 was to be the eighth show of the U.S. leg of the singer's "Years of Refusal" World Tour. But he cancelled the first four due to illness, did an abbreviated set on the fifth, and cancelled the next two shows prior to the scheduled DPAC concert. DPAC had tickets left to sell, and there were thousands of fans from Asheville (under four hours away), Atlanta, South Carolina and Florida who were potentially willing to make the trip up to Durham.

The problem: fans didn't believe the Durham show would take place, either.

The solution: social media.

Beginning early on the morning of March 11, DPAC and I set out to assure out-of-towners that Morrissey would perform. We primarily utilized the platforms of Twitter, Facebook, MySpace and Flickr, along with Morrissey's fan forums. Here are some sample tweets:

7:35 AM - Morrissey tickets just $25. And yes he is going on tonight....

9:32 AM - Check out photos I just took of Morrissey crew setting up at DPAC for tonight's show... http://www.flickr.com/photos/dpaclive/sets/72157615110905510/

2:05 PM - Heard the sound check...Morrissey goes on around 8:30 tonight. Tickets still available at the door.

The goal was to use Social Media to assure fans that the show would go on, and that there were tickets still available. We also wanted to create a buzz about the show on the Net. It worked.

I recently presented a one-hour Keynote Speech on Internet Marketing for the Greater Triangle NC Chapter of the International Special Events Society. I'm available to speak for groups, organizations, and private companies about using Social Media. Just check out my SEO Speaker page and give me a call.

Hire Actors in North Carolina

2009-03-23T09:05:00.003-04:00

Watch and Comment on Larry's Commercial at YouTube

I'd like to give a word of thanks to my long-time acting agent, Jackie Pressley of Capital Artists, Inc (CAI). Fellow comedian and actor Mic Cover got me in the ground floor with CAI around fifteen years ago.

Despite absolutely no acting experience, Jackie took me on anyway. At the time I was a hot-shot young comedian filled with a combustible mix of confidence and naivete. My comedy group frequently made the rounds in New York and Los Angeles, and we had the ears and eyes of some of the biggest producers in show business. I regularly fielded advances from Hollywood heavyweights like Sandollar Productions (Rosanne, Buffy the Vampire Slayer), attended exclusive industry parties with Jerry Seinfeld, and could get the head of casting at ABC on the phone with one call. There was even some buzz that one of the members of our group was in the running as the host of a brand-new show on Comedy Central called The Daily Show.

As you might imagine, I did some very high-profile auditions back then. I'm sure they were beyond awful. I had no idea what I was doing.

That's the true beauty of Hollywood. When you have a "buzz" going, your name can open any door. People will watch you and take you very seriously - even though you're really just a completely inexperienced country boy from North Carolina who just months earlier had never flown in a plane.

Fast-forward 15 years and I still go on auditions. I have a different confidence now, one that comes with years of experience and the comfort of knowing that the acting gig I'm shooting for won't make or break me. I still don't call myself an actor. To me, that is a slight on others who have studied the craft for years. I present myself as a "comedian", and Jackie sends me on auditions accordingly. On set, I'm professional, joke with the crew, and try and keep everyone laughing. It's all about knowing your role (literally) and playing to your strengths.

Jackie has stood by me for 15 years now, and I thank her for her hard work and determination. If you need to hire an actor for a commercial, TV or film fole in Wilmington, Raleigh, Greensboro, Charlotte, or anywhere in the Southeast, contact Jackie at Capital Artists, Inc. Be sure to tell her that Larry Weaver sent you!

Grove Park Inn Review - Asheville NC

2009-02-12T12:08:00.002-05:00

Since it's opening in 2001, a lot of hype has surrounded the Grove Park Inn's $40 million spa. Travel and Leisure magazine rated the facility the 13th best hotel spa in the World in 2008, behind such notable properties as The Mandarin Oriental in Bangkok, Thailand. Is it possible that the mountains of North Carolina could hold such a Global treasure? Mariana and I decided to find out.

This was my second trip to the Grove Park Inn. My first was about 15 years ago, pre-Spa, and I was not impressed. I tend to measure a hotel by the rooms and, let's face it, the Inn's accommodations aren't its strong point. That much hasn't changed. The "Arts and Crafts" movement decor are supposed to hearken back to turn of the (last) century charm. To me, it just looks like cheap dorm room circa 1988. But that's just personal preference.

Upon entering the lobby, large fireplaces, rocking chairs, and folksy boutiques give off a "Giant Cracker Barrel" vibe. Charming? Maybe. But it didn't hit us right away.

After checking into the room, we immediately headed for the spa. Your treatments allow you full-day access to the facilities, and I planned to milk every precious moment out of the experience.

Despite a similar exterior to the Inn, the spa has a completely different vibe. The decor is modern, the amenities are pristine, and the music and lighting combine to create a welcoming and refreshing atmosphere.

The pool area, a focal point of the spa's promotional materials, is incredible. The motif is that of an underground cave, similar to a giant version of Hugh Hefner's infamous grotto. Cascading waterfalls provide a welcoming wall of ambient noise, giant rocks line the walls and ceiling, and welcoming fireplaces offer intimate spaces to cozy up.

With a pool to ourselves, I floated on my back while enjoying relaxing music you can only hear underwater. I looked up at the beautiful faux stars that adorned the ceiling above. I had my beautiful wife, a roaring fireplace, soothing music, and picturesque surroundings. It was truly heaven.

The experience was, in short... amazing.

The spa was so amazing, in fact, that it changed our entire outlook on the Inn. Coming out, we saw the property in a whole new light. We enjoyed some fried oysters at the Magnolia Lounge, hit the Great Hall for a salmon BLT and enjoyed a breakfast buffet the next morning at the Blue Ridge Dining Room. When it came to leave, we had completely lost all track of time. The mountain serenity provides the perfect backdrop to just sit on the porch or relax by the fire for hours. Your cares will seem miles away.

I came in with low expectations, and left ready to return again soon.

*****

We moved downtown to The Renaissance Asheville Hotel, a perfect stay for exploring downtown Asheville by foot. We enjoyed some organic fare (garden salad, tico burrito) at the well-reviewed vegetarian eatery The Laughing Seed. It's definitely a must-visit. Desert came in the form of hand-made truffles at The Chocolate Fetish, a required stop for anyone with a sweet tooth. We had planned to dine at Zambra's that evening, but the daily menu just didn't offer appeal. Instead we opted for a place closer to the hotel, Bouchon French Bistro. This turned out to be another unexpected highlight of the trip. The Trout Almondine is exceptional, as was everything else we tried.

*****

Next stop on the tour was downtown Greenville, SC, where I was in town to present an Internet Marketing Seminar to the NC/SC Associations of Festivals and Events. As is typical with downtown convention hotels, The Hyatt Regency was bustling with an odd assortment of gangstas, punks, ne'er-do-wells, and wedding guests. Adding to the insanity was a Narcotics Anonymous family convention, a rowdy group that wasn't about to let the absence of drugs rain on their 24-hour party. The Grove Park Inn, it was not.

We did, however, have another great dining experience at Soby's, a Greenville restaurant offering New-South cuisine with biscuits as appetizers. The Shrimp and Grits was right at the top of the list of best ever, easily blowing away a similar offering down the street at Sassafras. The next day brought a trip to Tsunami, located conveniently by the hotel. It won't go down as the best sushi ever, but it was good, nonetheless.

*****

After three hotels in four days, we were eager to get back home. While I'm not dying to revisit the Greenville Hyatt, I do have my sights set on returning to the Grove Park Inn. I've already suggested to my extended family that we spend Christmas at The Grove Park Inn in lieu of exchanging presents. If anyone has done so, or has any other tips about the Grove Park Inn, please share them in the comments section.

John Boy and Billy - The Big Show

2009-01-14T07:50:00.000-05:00

I've wanted to appear as a guest on the nationally-syndicated John Boy and Billy radio show for years. I grew up in the same town as John Boy (Graham, NC), and I've watched their popularity skyrocket over the past 20 years. Guest coordinator Marci Moran graciously invited me to appear in December to promote my eBook Funny Employee Awards.

I arrived early for my appearance. The first thing that struck me was how much fun everyone was having. People were laughing and joking as they arrived at work. These are clearly people that enjoy their job - it's not an act.

Marci lead me from the Green Room into the Blue Room adjacent to the studio so I could watch the morning's broadcast. When it came time to do my bit, I lead off with some stand-up comedy bits that I centered around John Boy's hometown of Graham. I figured it was better to be funny than to plug my product. The risk paid off. After my bit, John Boy invited me to hang around for the remainder of the hour.

I even got to play a round of "Wordy Word" where I somehow beat John Boy and his partner. I'm not sure how I managed to pull that off with all the nerves.

I want to thank John Boy, Billy, Marci, Jackie, Jeff, and all of the Big Show crew for having me on the show. It was a thrill that I won't soon forget!

LarryWeaver.com Site Stats for 2008

2009-01-06T08:00:00.000-05:00

If you enjoyed my site stats from 2007, then I present to you the 2008 web stats for LarryWeaver.com. Enjoy!

Visits / Page Views

January - 14,192 / 31, 113
February - 15, 439 / 30,199
March - 16,288 / 30,524
April - 41,696 / 61,448
May - 15,272 / 29,614
June - 12,724 / 26,253
July - 15,307 / 28,822
August - 16,739 / 30,542
September - 15,609 / 29,735
October - 17,080 / 32,228
November - 17,277 / 32,654
December - 17,245 / 32,987

Most Popular Non-Blog Pages for 2008

Most Popular Blog Posts for 2008

Key Observations

Six of my top 10 most popular blog posts were written in years past. I think that shows the lasting value of a blog. Either that, or my writing has gotten worse.
The big hit of the year was my "American Idol Scandal" blog post, which I wrote immediately after the first show of the season. Everyone loves a good scandal. Lightning did not strike twice for my "Last Comic Standing Scandal" post, which is an excellent read.
Another popular and controversial blog post involved ranking the top pro wrestlers in MMA, which I really need to update now that Brock Lesnar holds the UFC Heavyweight Championship.
I also wrote some excellent posts that flew under the radar. MMA fans skipped over my insightful "I Think I Could Beat Kimbo Slice" post which correctly predicted Kimbo would lose his next fight. The touching series "Tribute to a Strong Mother" and "Celebrate the Living" shows me at my most vulnerable. The true story of receiving a random check for $100,000 is good for a laugh. And if I get some more response from my "How to be a Comedian" post, I just might finish it.
I'm considering spinning off two of my most popular sections - funny songs and Selected Hilarity - into separate websites for 2009. I've had great success spinning off my funny employee awards website after initial success on this site.
My homepage was only the 7th most popular page of my site in 2008. My advice to web designers: consider every page to be your home page and make sure there is a clear call to action on each page of your site.
I'm planning a huge redesign for Q2 of this year. Stay tuned for some exciting changes coming your way!

Funny Employee Awards - 101 Funny Employee Award Certificates eBook

2008-12-01T06:00:00.004-05:00

The new, improved, second edition of my best-selling eBook "Funny Employee Awards: Your Complete Guide to Organizing a Humorous, Entertaining and Rewarding Recognition Ceremony" is now on sale!

This new version is bursting at the seams with 101 funny printable certificates plus 6 awards templates for creating your own funny awards.

More Funny Than Ever.
Over 40 new funny awards. We've taken out some older certificates, and added new humorous awards.
Better Looking Design.
New award certificate design looks more professional and prints better!
Written by Comedians for Non-Comedians.
Writers from Saturday Night Live, the New York Post, and top professional touring comedians bring you the funniest awards yet!

These awards are perfect for office parties, staff recognition, year-end celebrations, company meetings, work appreciation, and any employee or type of business.

The first edition delighted readers in the United States, Australia, Canada, United Kingdom, Germany, Hong Kong, Ireland, Mexico, The Netherlands, and South Africa. This new edition is guaranteed to be a Worldwide phenomenon!

Download 101 Funny Employee Awards Certificates!
Purchase Funny Employee Awards directly from me at FunnyEmployeeAwards.com, E-junkie.com, or Lulu.com

The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch - Million Dollar Pitch

2008-11-26T08:59:00.000-05:00

One of my big promotional ideas for FunnyEmployeeAwards.com was to appear on CNBC's The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch. I studied the show all year to find out what sort of businesses the producers liked to profile. Then in September the show announced a call for businesses to pitch their Million Dollar Idea. Perfect timing! I set up my camcorder, recorded my 30 second pitch, and sent in the video. And what happened next? The financial markets collapsed, and all talk turned to the economy.

It seemed the World would never see my brilliant pitch. Until now...

Donny, I'm still waiting for your call.

Clean Comedy Night - Raleigh, NC Comedy Shows

2008-11-25T09:50:00.001-05:00

Are you looking for something fun to do in Raleigh, NC? Then head on over to the Holly Springs Cultural Center for a night of clean comedy featuring nationally touring Southern comedians!

Clean Comedy Night Starring:
Nashville Comedian Rik Roberts & Larry Weaver

Date: Friday, January 2, 2009
Time: 7:00 PM and 9:00 PM
Location: Holly Springs Cultural Center
Address: 300 West Ballentine Street, Holly Springs, NC
Phone: 919-567-4000
Buy Tickets: Only $10 at the door or online for 7:00 PM and 9:00 PM

I'm excited to work with Rik again. We last performed together at Zanies Comedy Club in Nashville, TN. Rik has gone on to appear on Bob and Tom, XM Radio and the nationally syndicated television show Bananas Comedy. Rik mixes southern charm with a slightly crazy sense of humor and delivers a music and laugh filled show that’s fun for the whole family.

This is going to be an unforgettable night of fun. And if you haven't yet been to the Holly Springs Cultural Center - just minutes south of Raleigh, NC - you need to go check out this World-Class, brand new facility.

SEO Training - Raleigh NC Internet Marketing Class

2008-11-24T09:35:00.004-05:00

My next open-to-the-public Internet marketing class will be in Raleigh, NC on Tuesday, February 17, 2009. I’ll be offering a very beginner Fundamentals of Search Engine Marketing training session for the International Society of Special Events.

LOCATION: Research Triangle Park, NC
FACILITY: Hamner Conference Center at the NC Biotechnology Center
DATE: Tuesday, February 17, 2009
TIME: 9:30 AM – 12:00 PM
COST: $45.00

Download Slides from Class in PDF Format

This will be a much abbreviated version my full-day training class. The target audience will be small business owners who likely know very little about Internet marketing and/or outsource all web site tasks to an outside vendor. My goal is to get everyone up to speed quickly, and empower even the most novice of online marketers with a solid understanding of this crucial topic. This will be a lecture style presentation followed by a panel discussion and Q&A. Here is a preliminary outline:

SEO, PPC, SEM – What does it all mean??? Understand key terms, identify top search engines and learn how search engines return results.
What does my web site do for my business? Define your site’s goals and know how to measure the results.
Does Google love or hate my site? Recognize common pitfalls and avoid search engine penalties.
Why doesn’t my site show up higher in the search results? Identify the right keywords, improve title tags and create content that search engines like.
Are links from other sites important? Learn why link popularity is important and how to obtain quality links.
What’s all this I hear about “local search”? Check your local listings and claim your business online.
Should my business be on sites like YouTube or FaceBook? What about blogging? Understand web 2.0 and social networking.
Should I invest in PPC? Compare PPC options and know how and why to avoid clicks.
I’m overwhelmed. What should I do now? Learn what you should do right away and where to turn for more help.

The examples in the class will be tailored towards the Special Events market (caterers, decorators, rental companies, etc.), but the material will be applicable to any business of any size. If don't know the meaning of titles, cpc, or Twitter, you simply cannot afford to miss this engaging presentation.

About the Speaker
Larry Weaver is a pioneer in the field of Internet Marketing. He has over 10 years experience designing web sites that are both appealing to users and appear at the top of search engine results.

A proud graduate of the University of North Carolina, Larry teaches classes across the country on how to build, improve and promote a web presence. Publications such as the Wall Street Journal and Inc. Magazine have quoted his expert insights into web design and Internet marketing.

His entertainment agency, Larry Weaver Entertainment, has numerous top rankings in Google. He has used a combination of search engine targeting, online advertising, and email newsletters to grow quickly grow his client base, both locally and across the United States.

An experienced public speaker, Larry imbues his training with humor and warmth. He’ll answer your most pressing questions and provide you with specific action items you can take to capture more business from the Internet.

Contact Larry to speak at your next event!

Hard Hat Comedy Show - Construction Comedians

2008-11-19T07:55:00.001-05:00

Volvo Rents recently presented the "Hard Hat Comedy Show" in Asheville, NC at the Diana Wortham Theater. Over 500 people turned out to enjoy some "construction comedy" to benefit the Manna Food Bank.

Pictured left to right: Larry Weaver, Jerry Carroll, Julie Scoggins and Ed Fox (not pictured: Carmen Ciricillo).

I typically perform in a suit, but wanted a more down-to-earth look to fit the construction theme. And I should warn you, if you search Google for images of "construction workers", you'll get some pretty disturbing results. Ditching that research, I just headed over to Sears to pick up a flannel shirt. It did the trick.

I was tapped to emcee the event, due in part to my heavy rotation on Blue Collar Radio, I'm no "construction comedian", but I figured my recent hernia surgery would be good relatable material for construction workers. I also brought down the house with my classic bit on haunted mobile homes.

Look for the "Hard Hat Comedy Show" coming soon to DVD.

Million Dollar Marketing Report - October

2008-11-07T08:03:00.001-05:00

This is part of a series of posts on the Million Dollar eBook Marketing Plan. Here are the highlights of my "Funny Employee Awards" book promotion for the month of October:

Thursday, Oct 2 - PR: pitched the story directly to magazine editors via email.

Friday, Oct 10 - Mailer: mailed 1,250 postcards to corporate entertainment buyers (previous clients, not a purchased mailing list)

Wednesday, Oct 15 - Email: emailed 2,500 clients (not a mailing list)

Ongoing Marketing Tasks:

Wrote two solid blog posts per week and cross-posted on Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, LinkedIn Answers, Yahoo Answers, and more.
Recruited affiliates via email and personal contact to promote the book.

I spent the majority of the month prepping for the two big pushes in Nov/Dec: morning radio interviews and press releases.

Wrote 1,000 word article for Incentive Magazine, and contributed to articles for the Associated Press and Society of Human Resource Managers.
Worked with a comedy writer Dan French to develop morning radio show comedy bits around office parties and funny awards.
Wrote one sheet and sample questions for radio (PDF) and posted to website.
Had NewspaperGrl write and schedule 5 releases with PRWeb
Scheduled release with FlashNews

Will I reach my unrealistic goal of $1,000,000 in sales by the end of the year? Keep checking back to find out. Do your part: buy the book and spread the word...

Comedy on the Radio

2008-11-05T09:05:00.006-05:00

Has it been too long since you've heard the dulcet tones of my voice over the airwaves? Well, power up the radio 'cause I'm coming to a dial near you. Listen intently as I promote my new Funny Employee Awards eBook. I'll be sharing funny office stories, holiday cost-cutting tips, and tons of award ideas. Don't miss it!

All times listed are Eastern Standard Time (EST). Taped interviews will air at a later date.

Tuesday, November 24, 2008
8:10 AM	KLDJ	Duluth, MN	Austin Michael & T. Claire
9:15 AM	KZKX	Lincoln, NE	Carol and Mick
Taped	WFLC	Miami, FL	Julie Guy & Tamara G
Taped	WJBX	Ft Meyers, FL	Zito & Garrett
Taped	WSMW	Greensboro, NC	The Wicker Show
Taped	WTGB	Washington, DC	Kelly Knight
Taped	WBXQ	Altoona, PA	Adam Erickson
Taped	KUDL	Kansas City, KS	Dan Hurst
Thursday, November 20, 2008
9:00 AM	WPLR	New Haven, CT	Chaz & AJ
9:45 AM	KDKB	Phoenix, AZ	JR & Mary
Taped	WGRF	Buffalo, NY	Norton in the Morning
Taped	WRKI	Danbury, CT	Ethan & Lou
Taped	WLRQ	Melbourne, FL	Mike & Mindy
Taped	WLW	Cincinnati, OH	Jim Scott
Taped	KAZR	Des Moines, IA	Morning Moose & B-Sox
Taped	WCRN	Worcester, MA	Hank Stolz
Thursday, November 13, 2008
8:00 AM	WPYX	Albany, NY	Wolf, Lovey, & Mickey
8:20 AM	WDGG	Huntington, WV	Rod & Rocky
8:30 AM	WRKT	Erie, PA	Mojo and Nat
9:00 AM	WOCM	Ocean City, MD	Bulldog & The Rude Awakening
Taped	WTPA	Harrisburg, PA	Coffey & Amy
Taped	WRIT	Milwaukee, WI	Murphy & Meg
Taped	WJKK	Jackson, MS	EJ Rivers
Taped	WAQY	Springfield, MA	Bax & O'Brien
Taped	WMC	Memphis, TN	Ron Olson & Dana Fox
Taped	KLOU	St. Louis, MO	Smash Morning Show
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
8:00 AM	WPDH	Poughkeepsie, NY	Coop & Tobin
8:15 AM	WHOF	Canton, OH	Gary Rivers & Amy Malone
8:30 AM	WCMF	Rochester, NY	Bill, Mule, Sally & Lumpy
8:45 AM	WHOG	Daytona Beach, FL	Frank & Tracy
Taped	WXKR	Toledo, OH	Mark Benson
Taped	WKKW	Morgantown, WV	Big John
Taped	WLQT	Dayton, OH	Kim Faris
Taped	WNBB	Greenville, NC	Hammer
Taped	WHUD	West Chester, NY	Mike & Kacey
Taped	KIXQ	Joplin, MO	Brooks & Barnes
Taped	KPRI	San Diego, CA	Madison
Taped	WBBB	Raleigh, NC	Salt & Demetri
Thursday, November 6, 2008
8:15 AM	KGGO	Des Moines, IA	Lou & The Round Guy w/ Heather Burnside
8:45 AM	WVHR	Huntingdon, TN	Kelly Green & Cassie Ferguson
4:00 PM	WXRX	Rockford, IL	Stone & Double T
Taped	KBBY	Ventura, CA	Bo Jaxon
Taped	WZZO	Allentown, PA	Bearman & Keith
Taped	WAJI	Ft Wayne, IN	Dirk Rowley & Jeannette Rinard
Taped	WUSJ	Jackson, MS	Scott Steele & Karen Lowe
Taped	WDDD	Carbondale, IL	Wes & April
Taped	WKLQ	Grand Rapids, MI	Grey & Kluck
Taped	WRKR	Kalamazoo, MI	Mike McKelley & Diane Vunovich

How to Attract Top Affiliates

2008-11-03T08:06:00.001-05:00

I don't have a ton of experience with affiliate marketing. When I launched the Funny Employee Awards affiliate program earlier this year, I wasn't sure what to expect. Luckily, I've received some excellent advice from Jeremy Schoemaker:

"For affiliates its pretty simple… they either make money or they don’t. If I were you I would blow it out of the water by offering a MUCH higher payout. I think its as important for you to get brand recognition as it is to get sales $$$ at this time.

Here is the scoop when it comes to affiliates. They are SO adverse to change but once they try it they will probably keep going. So your goal is just getting them to try it. Maybe offer a 100% payout for their first month? Sure you break even for their first month but the brand recognition and buzz might be worth it.""

Offering 100% payout for the first month is such a great idea, and I never would have thought of it. It's definitely something I'm going to try for my next project.

In the meantime, if you have some great ideas for promoting my eBook "Funny Employee Awards," join my affiliate program and drop me an email. I can offer a much higher payout listed on the site if you can deliver the traffic.

Funny Ghost Stories from Haunted Mobile Homes

2008-10-28T09:30:00.000-04:00

How to Tell if Your Mobile Home is Haunted

A tin of Skoal mysteriously floats through the air.
Blood drips out of your simulated wood paneling.
The eyes on the velvet Elvis painting move.
The room is spinning, and you’re not even drunk yet.
The Camaro in your front yard is levitating right off the blocks.
You hear disturbing footsteps boot scootin' down the hallway.
You feel an eerie presence every time "Freebird" plays on the radio.
A strange voice wakes you up at night yelling "Boo Ya'll!"
The lights turn on and off even though you paid the power bill.
The trailer is shaking, but there’s no tornado in sight.

Download these Warning Signs (PDF)

One of my first viral Internet successes was a website dedicated to haunted mobile homes. It started as a comedy routine, then became a sketch on my second album, then the hit morning radio song "Ghost in the Trailer" on my third album, and finally the highly-trafficked and much talked-about website, www.TrailerGhost.com.

Every Halloween, like the restless spirit of the undead, the site rises back up to haunt me. Reporters call, traffic spikes, and stories roll in of people who seriously think their mobile home is haunted. I can't make this stuff up.

The site is still good for a few laughs, so go check it out - if you dare!!!

Funny Ghost Stories from Haunted Mobile Homes
Doublewide of Doom - Free Flash game (hilarious)
Boo Ya'll Clothing line at CafePress

Chris Jericho Book Review - A Lion's Tale

2008-10-27T08:05:00.003-04:00

I just finished reading Chris Jericho’s autobiography, “A Lion’s Tale: Around the World in Spandex”. It’s the true story of a boyhood dream to become the top professional wrestler in the world. Chris is currently the WWE champion, proving that dreams do come true.

Chris is a genuinely funny guy, and it comes through in the writing. I literally could not put the book down. His hilarious tales of working in Mexico, Germany, Canada, and Japan create a compelling read that you don’t have to be a pro wrestling fan to enjoy.

Chris grew up as a genuine pro wrestling fan, even building his own “ring” and creating his own federation. I can relate.

I got my first in-person look at Chris on August 2, 1996 in Plymouth Meeting, PA at the Lulu Temple. I had driven up from North Carolina to spend the weekend with Rob Van Dam and experience ECW first-hand.

Chris faced Sabu in the main event. From the minute Chris walked through the curtain, I knew he would be World Champion some day. He just had “it”.

Later, I got to meet Chris at the infamous ECW hotel, a place Chris describes in the book as "a run-down Travelodge in the middle of a Philly crack neighborhood."Any establishment that would regularly welcome the rowdy crew of ECW miscreants tells you all you need to know about the accommodations.

Rob and I stayed in our room and out of trouble. Before long, Johnny Smith, Sabu, and later Chris Jericho dropped by to hang out and share stories. Chris listened intently as Sabu recounted his recent WCW run where he walked away after management told him he’d never work with Sting.

At one point, Chris leaned over to me and confessed that we was “marking out”, meaning that Christopher Irvine, the life-long pro wrestling fan, was thoroughly enjoying Sabu's tales.

I rant into Chris at an airport a few years later. I gave him a copy of the book I had published with Dave Meltzer called “Tributes: Remembering Some of the World's Greatest Wrestlers”. Word got back to me that he enjoyed the book and had passed it around the WCW locker room. That love of wrestling, thirst for knowledge and drive to be the best propelled Chris to the very top of the business.

If you have even a passing desire for a glimpse inside the World of pro wrestling, you can't go wrong with “A Lion’s Tale: Around the World in Spandex”.

Office Party Ideas - Christmas Party Cancellations and Cost-Cutting Tips

2008-10-23T12:30:00.001-04:00

If you haven't yet visited my Funny Awards blog, there are some really great Holiday Party discussions going on there. I should probably rename it the Office Party blog. Check out these great posts:

Company Christmas Party Canceled

Is your company canceling this year's Christmas Party? I've become a source for journalists on the growing trend of companies canceling this year's holiday event since my post The Company Christmas Party - Another Casualty of a Tough Economy. Head over an let me know if you company is having a party this year or not...

Money-Saving Office Party Ideas

Associated Press writer Joyce Rosenberg recently penned an excellent article, "Go ahead with holiday parties, even if money's short." The article extols the virtues of forging ahead with the company party - even in the face of a tough economy. Rosenberg also lists many excellent money-saving ideas to help cut costs on the holiday party. Head on over to read the excellent ideas and share your tips...

Use End of the Year Awards Year-Round

Most people who buy funny awards do so for end-of-the-year celebrations. But humor in the workplace should be used year-round, not just in December. Here's an excellent case study of using our funny recognition awards year-round

Funny Office Party Stories

I'm looking for funny or embarrassing office party stories for an upcoming radio interview. If they involve heavy drinking, too much PDA, inappropriate comments or unwelcome advances, all the better!

Joe Six-Pack Award - Free Printable Award

Here's an award everyone can enjoy. While Wall Street is collapsing, have some FREE laughs on Main Street courtesy of this funny certificate: The Joe Six Pack Award - for just bein' one of the regular people, gosh darnit!

Loews Santa Monica - My Favorite Hotel in the World

2008-10-22T08:10:00.003-04:00

As a traveling comedian, public speaker, and husband of a flight attendant, I've stayed at probably 500+ hotels in 37 states and several foreign countries. After much soul-searching, I've decided that my favorite hotel in the World is... drum roll, please...

The Loews Santa Monica Beach Hotel

I've stayed there three times, and I can't wait to go back. Now before you start calling me crazy and raving about the Dar Al Masyaf in Dubai, read on. These are my personal criteria for evaluating hotels I've visited, in order of importance...

**********

Within Walking Distance to Great Shops and Restaurants
I do enough driving in my day to day life, so when I'm on vacation I don't want to drive. My ideal hotel is within safe (emphasis on safe) walking distance to World-class dining and shopping.

The Loews Santa Monica is just steps away from Third Street Promenade, where you can find any food your heart desires, pretty much any major retailer you can name, and plenty of free and exciting street performers to enjoy. There's also Santa Monica Place Mall, Main Street District, and the upscale Montana Avenue just a short ride away. And don't forget my inexplicable love of Cha Cha Chicken, just blocks away from the hotel.

Ocean Front
I never tire of visiting the beach. Seriously, it never gets old. I rarely get in the water, I don't surf, and I'm not a sun bather. I just like the vibe of the beach, and the sight and sounds of the ocean waves.

The Santa Monica Loews is not technically ocean front - there is a very small street separating the beach from the hotel. And the Santa Monica beach doesn't boast the best sand or cleanest tide. Honestly, the beach itself is just OK. For me, though, the Santa Monica Pier more than makes up for it. I'm an absolute sucker for amusement parks, and an amusement park on the beach is about as good as it gets. The nighttime views of the World-famous Pier Ferris wheel from the Loews balcony are to die for.

Workout Facilities
My wife has to work out on vacation, which makes a good gym very important for me.

The Loews Santa Monica Beach Hotel has as good a gym as any hotel I've stayed at anywhere in the World. Plus there's a Spa, saunas, locker rooms, Yoga classes, and lots of other fitness-related amenities.

Nightlife
Mariana likes to dress up and go out. And as I already mentioned, I'd prefer not to drive. Having local nightspots to hit is a must.

The Loews Santa Monica is surrounded by places to go at night. Skip the restaurants on the Promenade and just visit the neighboring hotels. That's right, go hotel-hopping. Start next door at Le Merigot, then hit Shutters on the Beach and catch the sunset at Casa Del Mar. Head back to the hotel and finish out the evening at the ultra-hip Viceroy. Counting the Loews, that's five hot spots within three city blocks.

Nearby Outdoor Activities
I'm hardly an adventurer, but I love to have outdoor things to do near or around the hotel.

The Loews Hotel Santa Monica has the aforementioned Pier and Third Street Promenade, along with Palisades Park and the Santa Monica Boardwalk. One of my joys in life is to rent a bike (right outside the hotel) and ride either North towards Malibu or South through Venice Beach. Whether on foot or on bike, the sights and sounds of the boardwalk are an experience not to be missed.

Cool Vibe
This one is hard to explain, but it's just a feeling that you get from staying at the hotel.

The Santa Monica Loews Hotel definitely exudes a hip vibe. For starters, there are likely to be celebrities, sports teams, or LA power moguls staying, visiting, or holding court in the lobby. You don't know who you might run into. And even if you're not into that, sitting out by the pool overlooking the Pacific Ocean definitely makes you feel like a star.

Service
I don't need my eyelids covered in cucumbers as I sit in the sauna, I'm just looking for good, friendly service.

The Loews Santa Monica Beach Hotel has upgraded my room at no charge every time I've stayed there. They call me by my name and get me anything I need. What more could I ask for?

Hotel Room
I'm putting the room itself last on my list of criteria. Seriously, after 500 hotels, a room is pretty much a room. I want a comfortable bed, a good view, and clean amenities. That should be standard.

The Loews Santa Monica has passable rooms with comfortable beds and spectacular views - particularly of the Santa Monica Pier.

**********

So those are my criteria. Noticeably missing from the list is Price. Sure, price is a factor. I'm not considering "any hotel in the World if it was free" - I'm only considering properties that I can reasonably afford right now. I have yet to stay at a Ritz-Carlton or Four Seasons. I'm also a little biased to mainland US destinations. I like to travel the World, but for lots of reasons it's just not as fun as it used to be.

Considering these criteria, my favorite places to visit are Santa Monica, Miami Beach, and Las Vegas. I'd like to hit the Loews Miami Beach and The Hotel at Mandalay Bay. I also wouldn't mind getting back to New York, London, Austin, Berlin, Monterrey, and Playa Del Carmen. I've even grown fond of our own Myrtle Beach.

Now based on these criteria, which hotel do you recommend I visit?

Million Dollar Marketing Report - September

2008-10-01T08:30:00.000-04:00

This is part of a series of posts on the Million Dollar eBook Marketing Plan. Here are the highlights of my "Funny Employee Awards" book promotion for the month of September:

Monday, 9/1 - Launch: Listed Funny Employee Awards eBook for sale with no fanfare or announcement. This soft launch gave me a few weeks to work out any errors or bugs in the eBook (it turns out there weren't any).

Wednesday, 9/3 - Affiliates: Officially announced the launch of affiliate program on Larry Weaver (LW) blog.

Tuesday, 9/9 - Television: Sent video submission for The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch.

Monday, 9/15 - Newsletter: Sent upgrade email to all previous Funny Employee Awards customers.

Friday, 9/19 - Guerilla: LW blog post offering free t-shirts for best ideas on promoting the new book. Cross-posted to Facebook and Twitter.

Wednesday, 9/24 - Blog: Launched Funny Awards blog with inaugural post. Cross-posted blog launch announcement on larryweaver.com.

Wednesday, 9/24 - Newsletter: Emailed Larry Weaver fan list announcing new book, affiliate program, and free t-shirt offer.

Thursday, 9/25 - Press Release: Sent first press release over PRNewswire as part of their targeted campaign to editors of Workplace and Careers features.

Miscellaneous Marketing Notes:

Added hi-res downloads to site: author photo, eBook cover, and site logo.
Hired NewspaperGirl to help write and edit press releases, based on a positive endorsement from a ShoeMoney blog post.
Reached out to Peter Shankman for possible advertising opportunities in HARO.
Designed direct mail postcard and sent to printer for October mailing.
Committed to increased social networking (both online and offline) for the remainder of the year.

Based on current conversion rates and average transaction amounts, I'll need approximately 3 million visitors to my website between now and the end of the year to reach $1,000,000 in sales. It's not unthinkable, but it will require something big to happen. Do your part - buy the book and spread the word...

Funny Awards Blog

2008-09-24T12:05:00.002-04:00

In an post earlier this year, I alluded to a forthcoming eBook in my post, Million Dollar eBook Marketing Plan.

The eBook in question is in fact the Second Edition of Funny Employee Awards: Your Complete Guide to Organizing a Humorous, Entertaining and Rewarding Recognition Ceremony.

I've spent the past year tuning up the Pay-Per-Click and Search Engine Optimization campaigns, as well as searching out the best advertising mediums for the eBook. I firmly believe this is a Million Dollar Idea.

I'll continue posting about my marketing and advertising successes/failures on this blog, but I'm moving the majority of posts about the funny awards themselves to the newly launched Funny Awards Blog.

As you may have guessed, the blog launch is part of the Million Dollar eBook Marketing Plan. Stay tuned - things are about to get interesting.

Subscribe to the Funny Awards Blog today!

T-Shirt Promotion

2008-09-19T09:33:00.001-04:00

In a recent post, I told you how you could earn 20% commission just for referring your friends and colleagues to Funny Employee Awards. Now I'm upping the ante and giving away free shirts!

These are high-quality, screen-printed t-shirts. The shirt is free. The shipping is free. It costs you nothing.

To get your free t-shirt, either post a comment or email me letting me know how you plan to help promote Funny Employee Awards. Here are some ideas:

Write a blog post about Funny Employee Awards.
Wear the t-shirt in your FaceBook, MySpace, etc. profile for the entire months of November and December.
Send an email blast to your friends and colleagues about Funny Employee Awards.
Add a link to Funny Employee Awards in your email signature.
Get a celebrity to wear the shirt and send in the photo.
Spread the news about our site in forums, blog post comments, and other link building opportunities.
Wear the t-shirt at a high-profile event, photo shoot, or media appearance.
Create a viral video promoting the site.
Any other good and creative ideas.

Post your idea in the comments section below or email your idea. Be sure to specify your shirt size and preferred color (they're not yet printed, so ask for any color). And make sure I know how to get in touch with you if you're picked as a winner.

I'll pick 10 or more winners. Hey, I'll even consider long-sleeve shirts, hoodies, or jackets if your idea is REALLY good. Just help me get the word out!

Celebrate the Living

2008-09-15T22:25:00.002-04:00

“We celebrate the lives of the dead / It's like a man's best party only happens when he dies.” – Body in a Box, City and Colour

The reaper makes frequent visits to the critical care unit at Moses Cone Hospital. Yesterday, his presence cast a heavy shadow over Mom’s room. And even though he managed to break the spirit of the most optimistic of well-wishers, his intended passenger had no plans to leave just yet.

You can imagine my surprise when I walked in to see Mom sitting upright in a chair by the bed, laughing and telling jokes. “So you’re back from the dead again,” I asked. She just looked up and said, “You can’t get rid of a good mule.”

*****

Mom knew a thing or two about mules. She grew up as the daughter of a sharecropper in Person County, NC. Her sisters, Phyliss, Brenda, and Joan worked the tobacco fields alongside her brothers Robert, Paul, and Ricky. They didn’t own the land, or the tools, or the mules that pulled the plow. But they worked it all to survive.

Faming tobacco is excruciating work. There’s the planting, the hoeing, the worming, the plucking, the tying, the curing… And breathing that red dust all day as the hot Carolina sun beats you down. It was backbreaking work. I got a small taste working Uncle Neil’s fields as a kid. But that was just a weekend job for me. This was a year-round reality for Mom and her siblings.

Grandpa’s plan was a simple one: more kids meant more hands to work more acres. But more kids also meant more mouths to feed. And when they yearly harvest came in, and the landowner was paid for the land, and the tools, and the animals, there was little left over for the family. It was a losing proposition.

Mom saw marrying my Dad as a way out of the tobacco fields for good. Little did she know that her hardest labor was yet to come.

Mom’s brothers and sisters have been through some trials. But make no mistake – they embody the word “tough.” Ironically, the same hard work that would contribute to many of their health problems later on was the same hard work that gave them the resolve to make it through.

*****

So there’s Momma sitting in the chair, chatting away. “We’re going walking down the hall tomorrow. And when I get out of here, we’re all going down to see Robert in Texas.”

It seemed impossible just hours ago.

Heart attack? Stroke? Pneumonia? Spinal fusion? That was yesterday.

Today the sun came up over Moses Cone, and with it a reason to celebrate.

Amazon.com Widgets

Tribute to a Strong Mother

2008-09-14T21:57:00.006-04:00

"Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand." – Ephesians 6:13

I always loved that Bible verse. There’s so much meaning in those final two words. On Friday I saw it written on a sign outside the old church down the road: “And having done all, to stand.” I pondered its meaning anew…

My sister called early this morning, “You need to come on back to the hospital. Momma’s not doing too good.” That’s all that needed to be said. I had heard that message before on the day my Dad passed away.

And as I made the long drive back to the hospital I had left just hours earlier, I couldn’t help but wonder, “Is this it?”

*****

Mom has overcome tragedy many times. She’s suffered more heartache than anyone should have to bear. From the tragic death of her father – a man I never had the privilege of meeting – to the unimaginable loss of her daughter, my sister and best friend, to Rocky Mountain Spotted Tick Fever. Next her younger brother died in a horrific auto accident, then her Mom passed, and finally her husband, my Dad, lost a nearly fifteen year struggle with heart failure.

Through it all, my Mom soldiered on. Never wavering, never stumbling.

That was Mom’s way. She faced each tragedy, each day, with a workman-like attitude. By the time a crippling combination of Fibromyalgia and Osteoporosis forced her into an early retirement, she had accrued a full year’s worth of sick days. Momma didn’t take sick days. Least not for her, anyway.

She took care of my Dad through countless hospital visits. She took care of us all. And when Dad’s heart finally stopped beating, there was a bit of hope in the air. His long battle had carried a heavy burden. And despite the sadness, a weight had been lifted. I was excited for Mom – excited to see what she would do; excited to see what she would become.

Just a few weeks later I sat by her bedside as she awaited triple bypass surgery.

It was unexpected. She reluctantly went to the doctor about some tightness in her chest, and hours later she was transported to Duke Medical Center for life-changing surgery. As we talked through the night, she didn’t complain. She said she’d get through it, and she did.

Over the past five years, Mom has suffered through immeasurable pain. Heart attack... Fibromyalgia... Diabetes... Back surgery after back surgery...

Over those same five years, Mom has traveled the country and visited Mexico. She’s walked the beach. She’s hiked the mountains of Colorado. She fulfilled a dream that her and Dad shared of seeing the Grand Canyon. She’s soldiered on…

Her back pain recently got so bad that she could no longer walk without a walker. This hurt her pride, but she didn’t show it. The neurosurgeon recommended spinal fusion, along with removing some fragmented vertebrate and the insertion of pins into her spine.

This surgery was serious. The best case scenario was several days in the hospital and four weeks in a nursing facility. But Mom agreed. After all, there was more of the country she wanted to see.

The surgery went well. The aftermath didn’t.

*****

When I arrived at the hospital this morning, the prognosis wasn’t good. A heart attack… possibly two. A stroke. Pneumonia. The odds weren’t in her favor this time.

When everyone had left the room, I took her hand and leaned over. “Mom, are you going to make it,” I asked. “Oh I’m going to make it out of here,” she said, “but it ain’t going to be easy.”

I don’t know if Mom will live to see tomorrow. But I do know that when the doctor pulls the curtain for the last time, and when that final breath of air comes passing through her lips, she’s not going to leave this world lying down.

She taught me today what the sign on the church means.

“And having done all, to stand.”