I was thinking about the same morning routine yesterday and was wondering about how closely related Structure and Control are. For example I like our mornings to have a lot of structure. It’s just the way I operate. I know that we need to walk about the door at 7:40am in order to do carpool the easiest and not get stuck in a long line up of cars. So I back everything up in the morning all the way to me getting out of bed with never hitting the snooze button at 7am.

That structure is good for me because I value and need it. It’s often good for our family too because we need to know what we are doing.   But what if I have kids and a wife that are not that structured and who have the great ability to “flow” with the morning and make changes as needed.  Specifically,  what if my wife who is more “in tune” with the emotional needs of our kids recognizes that one of them might need a little extra sensitivity  in the mornings? And what if that awareness says we are going to probably not get in the car for an extra 5 minutes?

Well unfortunately when I don’t allow for those changes to happen in a fluid and healthy way then I fall into the world of control.  If the structure and schedule becomes more important than the people then I am teetering on the brink of it being unhealthy.

So just another quick dad thought and challenge.  Take the next couple of days and think about routines and patterns you have.  Think about how they are helpful and conversely when they are not.  Ask yourself the question if this is a situation where structure and patterns are good at what point do they become unhealthy.

As usually too know that I’m praying for dads today. I think that generally a lot of us are doing great things and care deeply about our families.  I write these posts just to encourage us to grow. I appreciate all the feedback and responses I get as I walk this journey with you.

Wednesday: Thoughts for dads. Structure and Control are unfortunate cousins is a post from: larsrood.com

We are in a great but slightly anxious season right now.  Leaving a home and community we’ve lived in for five years. Moving to a new state, community, job and life.  Trying to help our kids walk through their own emotions of leaving behind friends.  And the two of us are leaving friends of our own too.

Over the years we’ve had some great interactions with marriage and family therapists who have generally been great at helping us navigate through our relationship.  But I’ll be honest and say that it hasn’t often been me leading the charge to find someone for us to talk too. Danielle has always been a bit more in tune with our emotional needs which is probably not shocking to any wife reading this blog. Unfortunately, that’s not always fair to her. I need to also be the one with a good relational thermometer who can recognize when it would be helpful for us to have someone to talk to.

So here’s my challenge/thought for today.  If you are a dad/husband you should think about what it would look like in your relationship if you paved the way to getting someone to help when you both need it?  How would your wife respond if you sat her down and said that you’d like to have someone who you can both talk to that would help you learn to communicate better, meet each others needs more and figure out how to better show love?

We have an appointment for next Monday.

Wednesday: Thoughts for dads. Lead the way to Therapy is a post from: larsrood.com

Here’s the deal. I’m officially going to be ordained in the PCUSA (Presbyterian Church of the U.S.A) on June 24th.  I’ve spent the last few years finishing all the steps leading up to this point and I don’t have anything left to do. I’ve already been voted in by my new church and accepted by the Presbytery of Seattle.  That is a really great and cool thing. And, if you are anywhere near Bellevue, WA on the afternoon of June 24 please join me.

So why am I not ordained right now.  Well the best answer is I am going to be an Associate Pastor of Children and Family ministries and my new church felt like it was bad form to have me start my job while my family stayed in Texas finishing the school year.  And my church in Texas is amazing and is allowing me some time to engage in a variety of different places outside of my traditional youth ministry role. My senior pastor best describes it as giving me time to “season” for a few months before taking on my new role. I love this and will be assisting in worship this weekend in a robe.

This means I’m in the rare position of already being hired at one church but not leaving my current church for 3.5 months.  This is both a great thing but also tough. Even today in some meetings I found myself both engaged and disengaged simultaneously. And this afternoon I found myself really frustrated at one point because I was thinking about some things I feel are unfairly being directed at my current pastor. I tweeted something out then that I immediately decided to redact because I realized that wasn’t the best medium for dialoguing about that particular issue.  This blog series is going to be a response to all the thoughts that I had in the next three hours after that moment.

So here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to post several times a week about some questions, thoughts and hopes I have for my new life as a PCUSA pastor. I’m hopefully that you the reader will see that in most cases I’m really asking questions without pointing fingers or picking sides.

What I’m hopeful for is that this becomes a place where my wrestling through things is helpful for you to engage in it with me. My denomination is wrestling through much of this right now too. Some people have hope but a whole bunch are starting to lose it.  I’m starting my ordained life during this very interesting season and I am hopeful that the Holy Spirit will direct my path because if it was up to me I would probably just struggle through it.

So thanks for reading.

Pre-Ordained PCUSA: Me and things I’m wrestling with is a post from: larsrood.com

Yes peace.  What do I mean by that.  Pretty simple. When I step into any situation with the family and regardless of what is going on if I can remain peaceful through the whole experience I generally have a great dad moment.

On a practical level here’s what that looked like this morning.  I got up at 7am to make breakfast for my kids.  The first things I heard today were both my daughter and youngest son groaning and complaining about being awake. And my daughter was doing the classic “Lay on the floor and say she couldn’t move” type of response.  I’m not sure I handled it perfectly but I did step in and tell her that wasn’t ok and that she needed to get ready. Then I headed downstairs to make breakfast.  As I walked downstairs I started thinking about peace and how I could help our morning. So that’s simply what I tried to do. I tried to make sure all my words from that point forward were peaceful and peace inducing in our family.

I’ll be the first to admit I’m not perfect. I don’t always do well in this area. Even this morning I wasn’t perfect. But, sometimes 75% perfect is a good start.  I can get frustrated when I make breakfast and the kids don’t like it or when my son complains about his vitamin drink and creates drama about why he can’t drink it down.  But this is an area that I really want to work on and grow in.

As you know I generally write these Wednesday blogs as a chance for me to be transparent about some things I’m working on in my own life.  This is probably an area that I fail in the most. But, I’m really wanting to grow. I hope as you read you will know that I’m convinced that all of us dads need to encourage and help each other to grow in these areas. None of us is perfect but all of us need to realize how much impact we have upon our families.  How we respond, lead and act has huge implications on how our family might experience that day.

So here’s my challenge this week: Tonight and tomorrow spend a lot of time thinking about how you can be a Peace inducer in your family. Plan how you will respond to those situations that you already know will come up.  Think about how your morning or evening routine needs to change in order for you to promote peace.  Work hard to respond in a peaceful way  to every and all situations with both your kids and your spouse.

Wednesday: Thoughts for Dads is a post from: larsrood.com

Every so often we take our kids to a Burrito restaurant here in Dallas. They sell burritos of various sizes.  My boys almost always tell me they want a larger size burrito than I know they can eat.  We often have a bit of an argument in the line and generally one or both of the boys will end up being frustrated.  It always feels like the great “going out to lunch” moment is lost.

Want to know the difference between the smaller and slightly larger sized burrito?  It’s about $.60

The similar story I heard was of a dad who was always frustrated because his son wanted the extra special burger.  The relationship between the dad and son was becoming estranged because the dad wouldn’t budge and was cheap.

So just something simple to think about today. What things are you doing that are causing estrangement with your kids?  For me that $.60 that I was unwilling to spend was causing our lunches to lose a lot of their fun.

I resolve from here on out that if my boys want the burrito that costs just a little bit more I’ll buy it for them.

Our relationship is worth an extra $.60

Wednesday: Thoughts for dads. Your kids are worth an extra $.60 is a post from: larsrood.com

I am more than willing to admit here that being a dad isn’t always the easiest thing for me. I’m also not alone. The only way that I know how to get any better at this though is to be open and honest with other dads and work on encouraging each other.

So here’s a quick thought for today. I have been thinking a ton recently how I pray with my kids. In particular I think about the prayer time in the evening as they are being put to bed. I’m not happy with how I regularly do this.

I’m probably like a lot of parents in that at the end of the day I’m tired and often I’m just praying for my kids to go to sleep quickly. One thing I find myself doing though is being too short and lacking the proper care and posture as I pray with my kids.

I’m resolved this week (I’m not actually home this Wednesday as I’m at a conference) to be aware of how I am praying with my kids. I’m going to encourage you to do the same thing. Pick a night and mentally prepare yourself that you will be a nurturing and caring dad who’s goal is to have a great prayer time with your kids at bedtime. One thing you can/should do is just lay in bed with them for a bit and talk. Ask them about their day. Ask them what things they’d like to pray for that evening. When you do pray don’t rush through it. Lead through that time and encourage them to think about God and work on having it be not just a time where they are “asking” for things.

There you go. Try it out dads and let me know how it goes. I’ll be doing the same thing as you.

Wednesday Thoughts for Dads is a post from: larsrood.com

If you are reading this blog and you don’t know anything about this conference you are in luck because it happens twice a year and the next one is going to be in Princeton, NJ April 23-26.  I’m not on staff for them nor are they paying me to write this so you can hear me say this with a complete honesty. If you have any money left in your budget to go to this in April I think it’s worth it.

I’ll be honest and say that there are parts of this event that push me a little. The worship times are different from what I would choose to engage with. But, with that said I was completely challenged yesterday to rethink my paradigm of what I think “worship” is for me.  There was one part of the service involving masks and pantomime/drama. It was great and really made me think.

I guess the last thing I should say is that it’s nice to be at a conference where I don’t have anything to do. I’m not teaching, leading or really doing anything besides learning, writing and interacting with others.  It’s especially cool for me that I’m actually here with three people from my new church and I’m just getting to know them.

Princeton Forum on Youth Ministry #iym12 is a post from: larsrood.com

I announced a few days ago that I had accepted a call to a church in Washington State to be an Associate Pastor.  I couldn’t be more excited because this both a huge dream and a homecoming of sorts. The church I’m going to is one I love. I’ve been attending it for five years whenever I am in Washington and we have many friends who are members and in leadership there.  It’s a great and growing church and I’m so excited to be working with children and families.  I also am stoked to have my own kids grow up there in a beautiful place near my extended family and in a church I believe will care for them.

But, there is another side to this story.  I was actually interviewing at two churches at the same time and they both decided that I was the one they wanted to hire.  And truthfully the church I said no to was a church I really liked too.

It was a very different church.  The best way to describe it is to simply say they have huge hope for the present and the future and amazing people who are following God.  I believe without a doubt that they are right on the cusp of some major transformations and will make a huge difference in their area. I liked the pastor a ton and saw him as someone that I could be both friends with and mentored by.  He liked to use the phrase “dream bigger” which is one of my favorite things to do. I met really great people there who are active and hopeful and ready to follow some new vision.

This church is only a few miles from where my wife grew up and sat adjacent to the local Middle and Elementary schools. It is in a great place to reach new families.

The kicker in all of this is that this church also offered us housing and our kids would have been going to some of the top schools in California.  If you know my current living situation you know we live in a church home now and our kids go to great schools.  This was a huge blessing.

About a year ago when we knew that I would be ordainable soon and beginning the search process the two biggest concerns that I had were for housing and schools. In fact, I prayed over and over that God would help solve this problem.  It was anxiety causing for me.  So when a church offered me a job and told me those two things were taken care of I immediately thanked God.  But, the more we prayed and consulted friends the more we realized that we felt called to the church in Washington.  Honestly it really wasn’t even a question because God made it so clear. But accepting that call would mean we didn’t have housing and didn’t know where our kids would go to school. It meant that we were going to have to trust the LORD to provide.

As Danielle and I talked about it we both felt like accepting the job with housing and schools taken care of was the worlds “expectation.”  But we asked ourselves what kind of faith did we want to model for our kids.  Did we want to model a faith that was about truly following God and stepping out trusting that he would take care of us? Or, did we want to take the easy way out and take a call we didn’t feel was right just to have our immediate needs met.

I heard a story once in a sermon about a guy sitting on his rooftop in the middle of a flood and he prayed that God would save him.  People kept coming by on boats and he wouldn’t get in. Finally he drowned and in Heaven asked God why he didn’t save him. God said “I kept sending boats what more did you want?”

As I prayed more and more about this decision I just had a sense that this wasn’t the case for us. While I did feel that God had met the need I expressed for housing and schools I realized that was the wrong thing to be praying for.  Instead I needed to pray that I would have the faith to follow God where the call led and that I would believe that he would take care of our needs.

So that’s what we did. We accepted a call that God made very clear.  In doing so we said no to a church that was also great but just wasn’t the right fit.  I feel like we are modeling the right thing to our kids that stepping out in faith is the way we are going to live our lives.  I’ll be the first to admit that I’m nervous and even a bit anxious wondering about where we will live and how we can afford anything.  I have my moments where I allow worry to creep in. But, I believe with all my heart that we did what we were supposed to do in this call process and that we are going to continue to allow God to lead us.

If anyone in the PCUSA world who is ordainable and would like to know more about this great church Click Here. The official Title is Associate Pastor of Young Families and I believe they have unlimited potential and amazing resources to do great things.  I’m a huge fan of the people I met there and would love to talk to you about them if you are interested.

Sometimes Saying “Yes” also means Saying “No” is a post from: larsrood.com

Before you either tell me you know how to grill or laugh it off and say you have no time let me just make a quick case for this.

Many of us in our parenting and family interactions have the tendency to fall into some pretty serious ruts.  We tend to do the same things day after day and fall in the same patterns over and over again.  You probably have heard the definition of insanity which is to do the same thing over and over again just hoping finally to achieve different results.  I guess I’m here to burst your bubble. It won’t work if you don’t make some changes.

Here’s a little bit more ammo for my case pointing out my own life:

We have three kids. Danielle and I both work. I work full-time at my church and she is a substitute teacher in the local school district.  I have a very flexible schedule and I also work across the street from where we live.  Danielle has increasingly been called upon to sub more and more as teachers have realized how amazing she is at it.  We don’t have particularly busy lives as we have limited the number of activities our kids do but we still often have that post-school pre-bedtime exhaustion time.

Danielle is a great cook. She does amazing things with food and  is constantly finding new and interesting things for us to try.  I’m very grateful for her.

One thing I have been trying to do more and more lately is to step in and help figure out dinner times.  I already make breakfast for the family almost every morning but this dinner thing is something new.  I realized that I had the time and the flexibility to make things happen so I started out being a little creative. I recognize that many of you dads don’t have the same type of schedule I do but you can be creative and try to make something work. What if you snuck home at lunch and set up the crockpot and get a meal ready to go and left a note for your wife saying surprise.

Truth:  I’m currently in love with our crock pot. In the last week I have made: a whole chicken which I followed up the next day with chicken noodle soup. Chili which is so easy pretty much just  pouring things into the crockpot and browning meat. I also did a full pork shoulder for BBq sandwiches. Tonight I’m making another chicken. Tomorrow we are having salmon and on Friday night I’ll bbq steaks.  I pretty much learn most of my recipes from google or Danielle will just e-mail something to me.

Here’s some of the benefits to doing this.

1. It shows my wife that I love and care for her by recognizing the work she’s doing outside the home by stepping in to help more.

2. It gives us another place to partner and I actually enjoyed menu planning with her last Sunday

3. It saves us money so we aren’t tempted to go out to eat when there is already a meal ready to go at home.

4. It gives us a lot of leftovers which we can use on nights when things get a little hectic.

5. it breaks us free from any patterns of expectations and roles and allows us to continue to reinvent how our family system works.

6. It helps me to recognize the amount of work it takes to keep our family fed and gives me a great appreciation for all Danielle does.

7. It’s a way that I can serve my wife and show her how valuable she is to me.

I write these Wednesday posts mostly as a reminder to myself but also as an encouragement to any dads who might read them.  I don’t have everything figured out in life and I’ll fully admit that I’m not always a great husband or dad. But, I’m pretty convinced that if enough of us men read this and try to put some of these thoughts into practice that we will make significant change in our family systems and marriage.  All of us need to constantly be aware of the ruts and patterns we fall into and work hard to break free from those systems and create new ones that will bless our families.

Dads: Another quick Wednesday thought is a post from: larsrood.com

Since many of you have walked this journey with me I thought I’d unpack a little bit of it for you so you can see why we believe without a doubt that this is clearly the call God has directed us to.

First,  I should tell you that I consider First Pres Bellevue to be my home church in Washington state. Every time I am back there this is where I attend worship. It’s really fun knowing that I have been following along with the life of this church for the last 5+ years so I feel like I really know it’s values and vision well.

Second, we have a number of friends there. I have college roommates and friends from Seattle Pacific University, and my wife has a great friend  that she graduated high school with in Southern California.  For both of us to have dear friends already there we feel God’s hand in this call.  We are really looking forward to building a strong community group for our family and we feel we already have a head start.

Third, some of you might be wondering if I’m leaving “youth ministry.” The truth is I’m actually not.  In my current role in Texas I spend a lot of time working with 5-6th graders who are in our “youth” ministry. At FPCB those two grades are in the children’s department so I’ll get to spend just as much time with them.  Also, I have felt a big pull in recent years to be more involved with parents and the overall family.  FPCB is starting a “Sticky Faith” cohort with Fuller Seminary this winter. I led my church in  Dallas through that process and loved it. One thing that sticky faith encourages is for us to diminish the lines between various ministries in the church. I plan on having a lot of impact and interaction with parents of all ages of kids as well as staying engaged with students after they graduate from 6th grade.

Fourth, I have loved my time here in Dallas. Working at Highland Park Presbyterian Church will always be an amazing memory for me.  The students, parents, church staff and youth ministry team have been incredible. Living across the street from the church, close to the schools and in a wonderful small community is something we will always cherish. Our kids have been so blessed by this place and community. It will be hard to leave so many great friends.  I’m looking forward to continuing to see the great  things that HPPC will do in the future.

Fifth, I feel called back to the Northwest.  I left Washington the day after I graduated from college 18 years ago.  Over the years I have taken teams of students to work in Seattle almost every year. I do everything I can to get back there as much as possible. The best way I can explain this call is to say I feel like even after being gone so long I still “get” the mindset and life of most northwesterners. I love the prospect of reaching out to new families and being able to interact with them as a native and not a transplant as I have done in every other place I have done ministry. We are so excited to start a life for our family on the Eastside.

We are planning on waiting until after the school year before moving our family to Bellevue.  That gives me a nice long and healthy transition.  I plan on being up in the Northwest a number of times to start getting the ball rolling on some things and building relationships with the amazing staff.

As a part of this decision process we had a great group of friends come over and pray with and for us.  The confirmed this was the right call.  I also hold tightly to my life verse Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Because this call feels so right I know God is going to take care of us.  But, because I also believe in prayer I have just a couple of things I’d love you to pray about with us.

A couple things we could use prayer for: 

Housing- We currently live in a church house which has been amazing. We need to find a great solution where we can stay for many years. We are not sure if we will be able to purchase or if we will lease. Prayers over this are greatly appreciated as this is the one area that makes me anxious.

Schools-  This goes along with housing. Our kids have been blessed with amazing schools. We know all the schools on the Eastside are great and are just looking for the perfect place that our kids can feel at home.  It’s our goal to not move again while our kids are in school so this a 12 year commitment.

Car-  If you know me you know that I have a pretty great old car. I drive a 1974 VW Thing.  It’s a great car when you live across the street from church and your entire family goes to school and works within a 1/2 mile. It’s also a fun car when it’s sunny out.  It’s not a very good rain car.  I’m in the process of deciding if the THING will end up in Washington. If she doesn’t come with us (or really if she does too) I’ll need to find another car.  On a super positive note though our other car is a pretty new explorer with 4 wheel drive so bring on the snow.  :)

My Life Update Part 2: We’re heading to Bellevue is a post from: larsrood.com