I am a tax payer and have been since my first job as a camp counselor at 16. I don’t begrudge my taxes because I know that roads and schools and hospitals and military need money to run, and I don’t believe those entities should rely on fundraisers to exist.

I believe in freedom of religion. People should be able to practice their faiths without rancor or belittlement as long as the faith is not into human sacrifice and child brides.

But what people are calling religious liberty in reference to contraception requirements and Catholic-based charities, the Virginia bill so politely deemed the Conscience Clause, which allows faith-based adoption agencies to discriminate against gay and lesbian couples, and the multiple anti-abortion bills and laws in Virginia and throughout the United States, forget that I have religious liberties, too.

I understand that contraception, abortion and homosexuality are problematic to some versions of some faiths. I may strongly disagree with these stands, but I respect the right to hold religious beliefs outside of my understanding of God.

However, I do not respect the government’s right to use my money to fund organizations that discriminate against people who use contraception, who are homosexual or who have abortions.

I do not believe that homosexuality is a sin. I think literal translations of the Bible are convenient ways of ignoring the true nature of God. But my tax payer money will go to adoption agencies in Virginia who practice their faith by discriminating against loving couples who happen to be gay.

I do not believe that contraception is against God’s plan for women. God does not view women as baby-makers and sexless creatures. I think he had a good idea when he took Adam’s rib and made sure there was a clitoris, and I certainly don’t believe God wants women to die because of child-birth. But my tax payer money is given to Catholic charities and institutions to support anti-contraceptive propaganda.

I do not believe shaming women is within God’s plan, and requiring a medically unnecessary ultrasound before an abortion, as Virginia’s HB462 bill will and seven other states do, is about coercion, not science, medicine or a woman’s well-being. My tax payer dollars can’t go to the abortions, which, while difficult medical decision, I support women making that choice, but my money will go to upholding this law. My money also goes to faith-based institutions that routinely misinform women about abortions.

Why is no one worried about my religious liberties? And let’s not forget that non-religious people have liberties as well. We would all like to opt out of discriminatory acts, but we can’t because we pay taxes.

I would be more than willing to support the religious liberty of these groups if they would stop taking money from the state. I believe that Catholic Charities do good work despite certain beliefs, but their argument is: Leave us alone and leave the wallet. And that’s not how faith, democracy, separation of church and state and money works.

As long as faith-based organizations are taking my hard-earned money, I will fight to have my religious and moral liberties upheld as well as the millions of women and gay and lesbian friends who have the right to love and live and pay taxes that don’t go to groups who treat them like God makes mistakes.

Colbert’s hilarious take on the contraception crusade:

Also, a friend in Richmond started the Facebook page, I Trust Women, to upload photos in support of letting women make the best decisions for themselves and their families regarding their health. The I Trust Women image in this post is from that page and available to share.

I try to be a good mom. A mom who pays attention to her kids and adds to their excitement and interests.

So when my son started watching Speed Racer on Netflix and insisting he was speed and N was his brother X, I immediately thought of the techno song: Go Speed Go by the Alpha Team

Me: E there’s a Speed Racer song that we can dance to!

E: AhWE-SOME. (no seriously he says this word all the time and with a surfer accent now)

I jump on YouTube and find a video with photos of speed racer and the techno song playing in the background. I keep seeing “dirty version” and I think: What video did they make to this song? Don’t pick that one.

I play one without the warning, and my preschool kids and I dancing along until the song begins to play what all those videos tried to warn me about. The part I didn’t remember because I didn’t know the 2008 version was different from the 1990s version in my head, and the video I chose didn’t have this apt description:

Speed Racer opening theme combined with the DJ Keoki p0rn mix

The first few Trixie moans I think: Haha, okay back to the song.

Except Speed and Trixie are too busy to keep dancing. The music and breathing are clearly moving in a CRESCENDO direction. So I run to my iPhone and fast-forward. Twice. I’m not down with listening to sex with my kids no matter how good the back beat is.

We finish dancing, and I change the subject. And fail.

E: Mama, you skipped the breathing part.

Me: I did.

E: I want to listen to her breath again.

Me: What?

Now I’m thinking: Why did he notice? Oh my gawd, has he heard Scott and I?

E: I want to hear the breathing. It makes her happy.

{insert wide-eyed Mama}

E: She was scared and then she breathed to help calm down, right?

{sigh} We do breathing exercises to deal with anger and fear, and E thinks Trixie is anxious.

I feel relief except now I’m in a corner I built for myself based on the plan to RELATE. The song is a fun song that has sex noises in it. My son thinks the sex noises are breathing exercises. The breathing exercises we do are great so I can’t tell him there’s something wrong with the breathing, and I can’t tell him Speed and Trixie are trying to make babies since I’m not ready for the sex talk (he’s 5). And I can’t listen to sex noises with my kids and pretend it’s breathing exercises.

I spend the rest of the afternoon saying, we’ll listen to it in a minute, while inventing even cooler things to do and planning to never listen to the song again. I think the term is cock blocking.

Here is the video I did pick.

Here is the clip of just the breathing part if you don’t want to listen to a 4 minute techno song.

Photo Source

It’s the most wonderful time of the year: Three Day Weekend Day!

Also known as…

Confused What Day It Is For The Rest Of The Week Day

Wait The Kids Don’t Have School? Day

Or this version thanks to my friend:

Is Anything Open? Day

I Wish Stores Had Sales To Celebrate My Birthday Day

Hungover People Day

7 Day Vacation In 3 Days Exhaustion Day

Should’ve Taken Off Friday Because It’s Already Monday Day

Everyone Is Having Fun Except Me Day

Celebrate The Short Work Week Day

Except For Doctors/Nurses/Retail/Food Industry Day

Unexpectedly Busy Day

Extraordinarily Slow Day

I Should Not Have To Parent Day

All The Good Moms Are Doing A Craft To Celebrate Today Day

I Am Not A Good Mom Day

Martin Luther King Day

President’s Day

Memorial Day

Labor Day

Columbus Day

Alex Day (well it should be)

Hope your day-off-not-day-off is a Better Than Bad day.

My post on Scott’s Valentine’s Day gift to me has made it to the mom forums, and after hearing a few of the comments, I’m pretty sure thousands of significant others hate my husband. Oh well. I always appreciate y’all sharing Late Enough even if Scott now has to fear for his safety.

The fact is we all want to be seen. The dance club made me feel seen. Holiday and day-to-day are not about being fancy. The moments, the relationship, the marriage are about being known by another person in all our beauty and in all our failure and still being loved and celebrated.

Anyway, when I’m not getting noses squished into my face, I’m reading and writing all over the Internet.

My Other Hangouts (don’t tell my blog):

• Why Can’t Boys Celebrate Valentine’s Day: On Richmondmom, I complain about how my 5-year-old son can only celebrate Valentine’s Day if likes dogs or has a girlfriend.
• A Weird Book and Its Giveaway: On This Blogger Makes Fun of Stuff, I review the book, I Hate You, Kelly Donahue, which is the odd book of a nemesis’ diary. I laughed. I cringed. I’m giving one away to you. Ends 2/22.
• Win $50 Grocery Gift Card to Martin’s: On my Facebook page, Kleenex and I are giving away (3) $50 gift cards for visiting a Kleenex® Brand Sharing Station found at various Martin’s Grocery Stores throughout the Richmond area. End 2/20.

Favorite posts I didn’t read, I mean, write:

• Emily Hubbel and Childhood Cancer Facts: From a reader who just wants people to understand a little more about childhood cancer. Her daughter, Emily, has Stage IV Neuroblastoma, and Shannon realized how uncomfortable and misinformed people are about childhood cancer. (important)
• real women: From Hanna Blank’s blog, real women do not just have curves because real women do not look like one thing. (exactly)
• Beyond Pelvic Politics: From the New York Times, why are we putting one religion’s opinion over the well-being of women? If you work for a Jehovah’s Witness should you be denied blood transfusions? (high-five)

I’m participating in series Lifting the Veil On Making Money In Blogging because I find the lack of transparency around how and when and why to make money through blogging to be annoying and I am against annoying things.

As I was saying: Writers Teach, Why Can’t Bloggers?

Well, actually I have.

My thinking process went like this:

Wow. I don’t make a lot of money on my blog. Most writers don’t make a lot of money off their published novels. They supplement their writing with teaching. I should do that, too.

And I did.

I reasoned that I have spent many hours digging around for answers, making mistakes, digging myself out of those. What if I could help people to not have to waste 20 hours looking for the answers or even coming up with the right questions? What if I could condense it into a 2 hour class? What if I could take people from no-blog or very little blog to a working blog, Twitter and Facebook in 4 weeks?

I thought about my strengths as a blogger: I’m a prolific writer. I like site design, and I like to study psychology and why people read what they read.  Other bloggers are great with graphics or creating community or coding.  I based my pitch on my strengths and taught myself any gaps.

I researched where people teach writing and got universities, which were out because I don’t have an Medical Degree in the Internet, and some local writing and art centers. I emailed a class description, sent it to the wrong person at the Visual Arts Center of Richmond (but she happened to read my blog and sent it on to the right person), and I was hired.

I helped advertise my class, which was easier than for most of the teachers because I already had a social media presence to use.  My classes were popular and helped me to build a one-on-one client base as well. I am not currently teaching because my family needs me home. But that’s also a plus. I can take semesters off and join back at any time.

Now, don’t think teaching is easy. Doing it by myself on my time and making my mistakes on my blog is easy.  I’m good at that. Taking what I’ve learned and condensing it into PowerPoint and explaining it without jargon and through many different platforms is hard.

But I really enjoyed taking what I learned and applying it.  I think bloggers forget that just because the information is out here and free doesn’t mean being paid to teach it can’t work. I can check out an economics textbook from the library, it doesn’t mean I can teach myself economics or understand the nuances as quickly as I would like.

I’ve taught the creative and the technical side of blogging and kept a lot of bloggers from making the same mistakes I did like having your blog’s twitter handle already taken. I feel good about helping others and it’s not bad that I made more money teaching that first semester than I had made on my blog for those two months. But most importantly, I finally realized that I could teach and earn money without losing my blog or readers.

There are as many ways to earn money blogging as to blog so check out the other bloggers participating in Lifting the Veil On Making Money In Blogging:

• Katie (Sluiter Nation): Not My Business, Baby (why you do NOT want to monetize your blog)
• Devan (Accustomed Chaos): Monetizing Your Blog: Why’s & How’s of Making Money (why you do monetize and how you do it)
• Kristin (What She Said): Getting Paid to Blog: So Many Questions, So Little Time. (newbie in the monetizing world)
• Gigi (Kludgy Mom): So You Want To Be A Freelancer? What You Need To Know. (freelance work)
• Natalie (Mommy of a Monster): So You Wanna Make Money Blogging? How To Get Sponsored Posts (sponsored posts)
• Debi (The TRUTH about Motherhood): What to Charge for a Sponsored Post and Why you need a Media Kit (what to charging for sponsored posts, media kits)
• Tina (Life Without Pink): Tips For Building Successful Relationships With Brands and Scoring Paying Opportunities (pitching brands, sponsored events, ambassadorships)

My Valentine’s Day was going along swimmingly until I walked into my home and it was smokey.

I was in such a good mood that I didn’t immediately think HOLY CRAP HOUSE IS BURNING DOWN and instead, thought that Scott was making me a cake, and it wasn’t going so well. I guess burning cakes is my department because the smoke was a fog machine.

Scott made me a dance party for Valentine’s Day because dancing is my favorite thing on Earth, and we haven’t been able to go in so long. It turns out those clubs don’t open until after my bedtime.

Click here if you can’t see the video

I put the video together quickly, but it gives you an idea of the coolness that was our sunroom for a few hours: a smoke machine, lights and a 90s music mix.

Pretty amazing.

I can’t wait to be into Saint Patrick’s Day this year. Maybe I’ll get a hot air balloon. I’ve never gotten to do that!

I made the mistake of rereading my Valentine’s Day post from last year where I hate on the day like she stole my bike.

This Valentine’s, I’m all LET’S LOVE EACH OTHER. {hug} {smooch} {hug}

And I have now discovered the number one reason having a blog sucks — I’m a proven flip-flopper. My own writing and a good Google search is all anyone needs to realized that I can’t be trusted.

By next year, I might attempt to BE another Saint Valentine and assume my place as the patron of bee keepers, fainting, the plague and happy marriages. (When no one knows much about you, I guess you become a patron saint of things via Mad Libs.)

I’ll admit, last year’s post was funnier and more STICK IT TO THE MAN if the man was named Hallmark and showed up with roses and a romantic comedy.

Then again, embracing Valentine’s Day got me this message from my Nana: Oh Alex, I haven’t received roses like that since your grandfather died. I cried when I got them. Thank you.

So I’m pretty sure this year wins no matter how uncool love on Valentine’s Day is.

Plus, I ordered extra cookies in my kids’ Valentine cookie bouquet so I’m going to be in a happy sugar coma in T-minus 5 hours.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

May you never be afraid to change your mind.

PS. Are you having a crappy Valentine’s Day? Well, know this: I would share my cookie with you.

It’s true although I think that loving people comes a little easier when you have awesome people in your life. It’s like that quote by William Gibson: “Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by @ssholes.”

So know you are well-loved on this side of the Internet on Valentine’s Day and always. Thanks for not being an @sshole.

I now have purple highlights.

Please only look at the color above that vague pink line. I'm a terrible photog and after 20 pictures, this was the closest to my new hair that I could get. And by closest I mean only the top half looks anything like it looks in real life.

Not only am I enjoying my daughter’s continued awe at my total awesomeness since purple is her favorite color, but as it turns out, purple highlights are the BEST DISGUISE EVER.

First, I’m walking down the sidewalk, and I make eye contact with a woman that I’m sure I know.

I run through my mental Rolodex of people (because my brain is from 1985) and BAM! I know her through an acquaintance, haven’t spoken in 2-3 years and am completely okay with not breaking our record.

BUT WE MADE EYE CONTACT AND SHE’S IN MY DIRECT PATH OF PURPOSEFULNESS.

With a sigh I ready myself for the
howareyourkidsyouhavetwonowomgwereallydontknowanythingabouteachother
chat.

Except I look up and realize she can’t place me. She continues to glances towards me while chatting with a friend, but she isn’t sure if she knows me. Why would she know someone with purple hair?

I walk right past with nary a SO GOOD TO SEE YOOOUUUU in my wake.

Amazing!

Next, I walk into one of those stores where the sale people follow the customers around with the talking and the suggesting and the directing and the helping until I am forced to buy something or flee to my car with a million isn’t this adorable nipping at my heels.

Don’t get me wrong. I like helpful people, but when I need help, I ask. In fact, I’ve considering wearing that on a T-shirt in this particular store.

Until I got purple highlights.

Not a single salesperson spoke to me until I walked up to the cash register to ask if they had any boy’s valentine’s shirts after twenty minutes of wandering around the place. Twenty blessed minutes of browsing at my own quiet, aimless pace.

Fantastic!

I’m completely invisible by being way too out there, and I’m pretty sure the FBI, CIA and Secret Service should take note because even their best agents couldn’t avoid telling those sale people the age, triumphs and failures of their children, neighbors and cars.

PS. At first, I found it odd that this didn’t happen with my mermaid hair, but who doesn’t have a thing for mermaids? No one, obviously.

I have found my cats irresistible lately. It’s like I’m suffering from some version of Stockholm Syndrome after they broke my iPhone. Remember Stockholm Syndrome? The extraordinarily rare disorder where a victim aligns herself with her captors after a few weeks of mental distress coupled with small rewards that every other bad TV movie actress suffers from? Well, that’s EXACTLY what it’s like to be a cat owner.

BUT THEY’ RE SO CUTE!

When I’m not following my cats around begging for love, I’m begging people to read my favorite posts of the week.

My Other Hangouts (don’t tell my blog):

• Win $50 Grocery Gift Card to Martin’s: On my Facebook page, Kleenex and I are giving away (3) $50 gift cards for visiting a Kleenex® Brand Sharing Station found at various Martin’s Grocery Stores throughout the Richmond area. Click here for details.
• I Am Doing Valentine’s Day This Year and You Can Too: On This Blogger Makes Fun of Stuff, I decide to go all out for Valentine’s Day to show people how much I love them without leaving my house. Here are my top three places to order yummy and beautiful gifts.

Favorite posts I didn’t read, I mean, write:

• The Superbowl Ad You Did Not See: From Periwinkle Papillon, this Super Bowl ad was only shown in Canada because Budweiser thought Americans wouldn’t cry over hockey. They were wrong. (bring tissues and high fives)
• Meet A Black Person: From Improv Everywhere, a man sets up a “meet a black guy” booth in Aspen Colorado which is .44% black. (HILARIOUS)
• Bishop of Episcopal Diocese calls for marriage equality in Maryland: From the Washington Post, a beautiful piece by a Bishop on why her understanding of Christianity calls her to support gay marriage. (compelling)
• One, Two, Three: From Momastery on the Huffington Post, when a post makes me, hater-of-babies, want another one, it must be good. (bring tissues)

And now for something completely different…

I’m driving home and my daughter starts yelling: I CAN’T SEE, MAMA.

Me with my nervous medical school rolodex spinning widely for SUDDEN BLINDNESS says: What? You can’t see? Why? I’m driving and I can’t turn around. WHAT’S GOING ON? N?

N: MAMA! I CAN’T SEE!

So I adjust my rear view mirror…

Are those stickers?

Yes. Yes, they are.