1. Full 360 degree roll-overs on the floor.  The other day, she started out under the activity gym, and soon had rolled over all the way to the Pier 1 rattan chair - and was playing with the bottom of the chair - fascinated by it.
2. At that point, I realized two childproofing tasks needed to take place immediately - the chair is not far from the top of the stairs….
3. Last couple of days, she’s experienced absolute squeals - total squeals of delight - and to my dismay - when she got frustrated today about feeding - squealed almost same way - buggers!  I’m in trouble…. my sweet, calm, Melina - I think I like the gutteral sounds of frustration far more than the squeals of frustration.  I can see temper-tantrums not so far away.  She already stomps her legs and cries when having to go to sleep at night.  I’m giggling as I write this.
4. Eating solids- -loves peas, loves them!  Not so sure about the tart taste of pears and apples.  Bananas - not a good idea if I don’t want super sticky you know what on her butt….
5. Sitting up in the baby bathtub, splashing around, curious about everything - fascinated with simple things
6. Reaching to get whatever she wants, where ever she is
7. Fascination with things I knowingly will regret later - my cell phone - sorry if she calls you - babbles into your ear - or SQUEALS  into your ear - she’s fascinated by the sound that comes out of the cell phone.  I think she might recognize PaPa’s voice now on the cell phone.  The remote control, my computer - those are the main things she’s fascinated with.  I’ve been advised by wiser parents not to let her do this - but how do you limit an exploring mind at this age?
8. Bouncing on my hip, my stomach which is slowly dwindling back to its normal state, my leg, a pillow, whatever she can bounce on.
9. Rolling over and sleeping on her tummy - and scaring the crap out of me when I walked into the room today, seeing her sleep head down, on her chubby little hand, and wondering how the hell is she breathing, is she breathing?  I woke her up, completely, pulled her out of the pack and play and making sure she was completely awake.  She was NOT happy about this.  Seeing her tonight and making her roll back over to her back - seeing her not turn her head to her side - wondering how she’s going to sleep, ACTUALLY going into my room and doing the same thing - to see if I could breathe well like that - deciding I could NOT sleep well that way - and then going back into her room and putting her on her side, and eventually on her back.  Paranoia is good sometimes - who knows what it’ll save her from…..
10. Fitting into 9 month and 12 month outfits already - and enjoying her weight right now - it feels good to hold her - not so fragile and yet so fragile, you know?
11. Experiencing the joy of your baby hugging you back, reaching for you, hiding her head in your shoulders - clutching onto you - for the first few times.  I know this will lead to the separation anxiety stage according to the development guides I’ve received from some good friends of mine, as well as all the reading I do online at babycenter.com.
12. My own milestone of going to work without her on a given day, because I’ve found someone I trust and like a lot to watch her.
13. Life is good with her.  Work and making ends meet is hard right now - but I know that things will get better and are already beginning to improve.  I see light at the end of the tunnel.  And, I want her to be proud of her mommy when she’s old enough to wonder about her beginnings.

• Postscript: I actually initially titled this “Signs You a Mother” 
  • Where did my grammar go? LOLOL - okay, so read on and it will all make sense as to how I’ve lost my head
• No longer grossed out by spit-up wherever, whenever
• No longer excited about dressing up and looking perfect everytime you go out in public
  • Yesterday, I thought something was crawling on the back of my leg - I looked back there and realized the wind was blowing in my hair - on the back of my legs!!  A sign I needed to “take my time” shaving!
  • Excitement that you can work in a pedicure, hairdo, coloring once every six months (as oppposed to once every six weeks)
• Awareness that you “live” in the kitchen - and I only have one?  And she’s not even “snacking” yet.  I’m in trouble.
• Awareness that eating is only a means to production, and overall health.  It is really no longer enjoyed - to enjoy food, you must take your time.  A sign of a mother is cold food, hardly eaten food, or rapidly eaten food in such big chunks ’cause you’re trying to eat it before she cries… or wants to do something else.
• Awareness that life is laundry, laundry, laundry -
• There is no time for sickness - simply because who’s taking care of you?  When I was sick and not a mom, I actually accepted being sick because it meant that my body was telling me I needed to slow down.  This week I got a head cold - since when do I have time for this?  Melina got it first.  Then me.  Melina was fine, now I was sick.  All I wanted to do was sleep.  But how do you catch up on sleep with a baby?  Yeah - good one.
• Dissatisfaction in the fact that you can not drug yourself when tired or sick - all the good stuff - not good for breastfeeding. 
• Awareness that you seem to get sick for 1-2 days max - is that God’s kindness?  Okay, so you’re sick - but God is kind enough to make sure mommies are only sick for about 36 hours.  Considering how little sleep I’ve had in over six months - it’s amazing my body has done so well with this.  Another gift from God.
• You are willing to put things together - things that you thought  you’d never put together - I put up a baby gate the other day (another post needed on babyproofing and child gates, etc.) - which took the better part of the day.  I put an old screen door back together today - I also installed upside down and right side out.  LOL  The child gate took so long, because I refused to measure, so I managed after the third time to get it “nearly” right.
• Acceptance that your house will never be perfectly clean all the time
• Survival of your baby’s first fall off the bed - rolling over from tummy time, right off the bed - not sure who freaked out more - my child, or me.   Although I got the idiot award for this - but she’s getting harder to leave for just a minute to use the bathroom - now I understand why I have to put my kid in the bouncy chair while I take a shower - so she doesn’t roll off any surface during this time. 
• Regardless of what people say about delivering your brain with the baby - it’s just that there are so many more things to remember when you have a daily routine with baby (bottle, food, extra set of clothes, or two pair of clothes, something for cool weather, warm weather, burp cloths, diaper bag itself, suncare for warm days, hat for any day, wipes, diapers, baggies for dirty clothes & diapers, toys, socks which will always fall off or be kicked off within 60 seconds of putting them on, spoon for food, something to keep food clean, cool, something to warm food in and yes, the list goes on) - so for those who wonder why it is that I’ve lost my garage door opener, passport, and recently, the TV remote control - and wish to joke like Jon on Jon & Kate Plus 8 about “how she left” something at home more than once…. watch out - you try to remember all that a Mom has to remember - and remember this, I’m doing this without help.
• Sheer panic when you’ve realized you have indeed forgotten to stock the diaper bag with diapers or wipes - the essentials - and you have three more errands to run - before you head home, because it’s not like you can run out later and get these things.
• Amazement at how you can hear your baby’s voice no matter how hard you might try not to hear it - I say this lightly - but have you ever put your hand over your ears praying to God your baby will go to sleep - so you can sleep - and yes, you can still hear your baby as if she was right next to you cooing away.  You are more than thankful for this the rest of the day and night - because you can hear that little tiny sound wherever you’re at - even when there is no sound at all.
• Awareness that there is no more relaxation time - if there is, it’s laden with guilt that you are not doing something you should be - like the laundry, or getting things ready for the next day.  I’ve ordered a few movies, only to try watching them 3 times, yes, three times before I finally give up.
• Shock that you’re going to have to learn how to do something like pull a tick off your child, or rescue her from a bug, yes, a creepy crawly bug - and yet, act normal while you’re doing this - don’t scream bloody murder, like you normally do.  Don’t want to transfer fear to my 6-month old.
• Respect for women who are mothers - like you never imagined possible - as they can show you the simplest way of doing something you thought was so complicated -
• Even greater respect for mothers who choose to, or have to work full-time - and run the household the rest of their waking hours. 
• Delight in the ability to express this all in a blog so I don’t go crazy - I start getting antsy if I haven’t written in about two weeks to document the fun and joy of motherhood with a wonderful daughter.

These are just a few of the cold hard facts of what it’s like to be a mother - glamour and all - and I’m so glad, so thankful to be in this new group of women - who are mothers.

We are now approaching six months.  As some say, it gets harder as you go along, I’d say it’s all about how you look at it.  While some things are harder, in terms of the day-to-day, I’m enjoying this phase with Melina so very much.  She is such a happy baby.  People come up, and peek and yes, even, gawk, at Melina.  Everyone seems to love her hair and equate it to a “mohawk”.  :-)  I can always tell when a babysitter has enjoyed her hair - she comes home looking a little oilier around the forehead than usual.  :-)  What I supposed I’m enjoying most - well, it’s too hard to narrow it down to just one thing, so here’s my list:

•  I absolutely love her smiles first thing in the morning, when I come around the corner to get her out of her crib - she shows such excitement!  She rocks back and forth, and kicks, and just flashes the largest toothtless grin that is better than anything I could have ever dreamt of.
• Her toes - they don’t line up perfectly - in fact they are all different lengths - but from the beginning, her monkey toes were so much fun to grab a hold of
• Watching her get distracted by something while nursing - or reacting to something - while nursing - if she toots, and I ask her if she “just tooted”, she looks up, seriously grins right at me, and goes back to feeding. 
• Seeing her touch something for the first time - a new surface - noting how it feels, and hitting it several times after that - or taking her hand and feeling across the surface - so a book page that feels slick, or the closet door next to her changing station - all of these things feel good to her -
• Seeing her study a new print I’m wearing, or that she’s wearing - looking at the colors, the shapes, and then reaching out to touch it to further examine it
• Seeing her react to baby food - apples and pears were the funniest - tart I guess.  Peas - pretty good.  If she knew she was saying MMMM good, that’s what it looks like with a big smile.
• Grabbing a hold of her feet, both of them, and stretching them up in the air like a gymnast pose.
• Seeing her try to eat my shoulder when she’s letting me know she’s hungry - literally attacking me, my shoulder or my neck - I can’t help but giggle.
• Seeing her reach for herself in the mirror for the first time - literally sit up, and reach straight forward for her reflection in the carseat mirror.
• Seeing her grab a hold of a toy, with both hands, and shake it up and down vertically really hard - and see her get excited about this
• Seeing her smile at the young girl smiling on the Baby Einstein DVD (3 months DVD), every time she watches it (yes, bad mommy here).
• Seeing her splash her feet in the water and get a kick out of the reaction of the water splashing -
• Seeing her in any hat
• Seeing her in a new outfit, and marveling at how darn cute she is sometimes -
• Seeing her sit up like a big girl in the stroller, without the car seat in it, and watch everything around her

I am so very thankful and yet not thankful enough in many ways.  Today I talked to a former client who was reconnecting for some possible work.  We had both worked together, along with another woman, on search engine marketing projects with her former employer several years ago.  They had been a client for several years.  Both colleagues had gone onto work for other companies.  I had lunch with one of them four or so years ago.  She told me she had cancer, which was not treatable in the traditional way.  She was hoping for alternative treatment.  I learned today that she died March 7, 2009.  My client shared that her attitude, her treatment, and her circle of friends had helped her live longer than expected.  I was sorry I had not been able to connect with Jennifer in the past four years.  I had called a few times but never received a call back and had wondered if she was okay.  Now I knew she was not.  Nancy said that they knew by the holidays Jennifer would not make it much further.  Jennifer was a really good person.  Nice, sweet, and way too young.   She was only 42.

I am thankful, very, very thankful that I have Melina in my life, and that as far as we know, we are healthy.  I continue to get my head checked along with the rest of my body, but the doctors tell me my brain is normal - despite what most of you already know about me, that I’m far from “normal”, but what is normal?

Normal to me, was having a child, a family.  And so now with Melina in my life, six months and counting, we are just two normal girls, learning and growing from one another, and happy about it most of the time.

I can tell you right now, she’s not so happy with me, because I just put her back in her crib.  I’m usually not so happy with her when I’m exhausted and need sleep.  But then she’ll give me a night where I sleep for hours, and then, the outlook on life is so much better after getting more than four hours of sleep. 

But we are good - real good - and happy.  And, for that, we are thankful to God and to so many of you who have made it so special to have a baby girl.

It’s wierd.  In some ways, having a baby makes time go by so much faster.  Yet, in other ways, you slow down more to savor the tiniest moments in your personal history.  You want to make the most idiotic moment - in  a funny way - last forever.  The first rollover, the first reactionary smile, the first word, the first applesauce OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT??? moment, the first time she reaches for herself in the mirror and you realize you haven’t buckled her in the car seat moment, the first time she sneezes BOOGIES on your arm, yes, actual boogies, the first trip together, the first  … amazing series of “moments”.   This is what is so exciting about being a mom, perhaps just a first-time mom, but the glory of being a mom is wonderful at the age of 40.  I’m thrilled that I’m taking the time to slow down and notice all of these things.

Ironically, I have less sleep in my body than I’ve ever had in my life.  College life and partying - in my 20’s - I still had time to catch up.  I never went this far, for this long, without sleeping more than 6 hours in one stretch, or the norm of 4 hours in one stretch.  Any man who wants to challenge me on “I’ve been there, done that” - just give me five minutes.  I can obliterate that in a heartbeat, unless of course, you’re a single parent with 100% custody and no live-in nanny.

There are a lot of benefits to being a single parent.  I don’t have to argue with anyone about how I’m doing this.  Not having help means not having to disagree on every single little thing you do.  It’s rare that I find a person who is happy with their mate at all times, and on top of it, agrees with them about every little bit of child-rearing.  Many of my friends have admitted privately that doing it single, raising child on your own, isn’t such a bad idea.  It sounds hard as hell, but you don’t have to put up with the time of having a relationship.  Sometimes I’ve dated a few men that have been nearly as needy as my kid.  Although I’m thankful I never had to wipe their a**es. 

So, celebrating the first mother’s day was time spent with friends and family several hours away from home.  It could not have been a better day.  I am thankful for the time to share with Melina, and for bringing me closer to family members. 

It’s 1:14 - and I’ve got a Powerpoint I just uploaded to LinkedIn.  I’ve erroneously somehow deleted something I had created tonight and fixed part of it, I think.  I’ve watched Grey’s season finale (which was quite good).  I’ve breastfed, fed applesauce, walked her twice around the block, talked to neighbors, talked to a colleague of mine who is preparing landing pages for Bizwatch, had a 2 hour client consult, a 2 hour email marketing review, and a couple of calls with my contractor at the office.

What I did not make time to do today?

Upload pictures to Flickr, transfer video of Melina to my computer, and integrate with this blog - but another time, right?

I have such an amazing new understanding, respect, empathy and affection for Moms now that I’m lucky enough to have my own child.  The amount of work that goes into a day as a working Mom, much less a single working Mom with newborn, is utterly amazing.  In fact, it’s exhausting.  It’s not so much taking care of baby that’s exhausting - it’s the work we do to keep up the house, the laundry, the kitchen, and everything else that goes into “running a household”.

I’m looking forward to Sunday, my first Mother’s Day, for a variety of reasons.  The only thing I might fantasize about - could I just sleep for 24 hours straight?  That would be my desired gift as if I could get such a gift - sleep, no laundry, no cleaning.  Sounds good, doesn’t it?  I could just hold my baby and listen to music like I did for two minutes today.  We could just hang out - that would be a perfect day - you know, without all the work, right?

Here’s a recap - just the highlights of the last couple of days - the insanity at times of my days….

Despite being a business owner and working mom, single working mom at that, I try to fit in a stroller walk around the neighborhood with the dog, sometimes even the cat, and Melina.  The other day, while giving the rescue cat Bentley his walk, with Lucky the dog, and M in her stroller, some family stopped me on the main street of our neighborhood.  The man rolled down his window and asked, “That IS a CAT, right????”  Meanwhile, the little Asian kid and Mom stared at me in awe from the back seat of the car.  Yes, it is a cat, I responded, referencing Bentley.  I quickly explained that I didn’t make him this way, I INHERITED him this way (see previous blogs and pics)

Back to the house with dog-like cat who thinks he owns the road, actual dog, and Melina playing with her hands and realizing she could pull a cloth apart - very exciting motion to observe for her.  I watch her as she suddenly stares at her right hand, and watches it move in different ways, back and forth, back and forth.  Despite the dog walks, my dog Lucky continues to drive me nuts.  While I walk her in the evenings, it’s not easy to do this before I head to work.  She’s a very high energy dog, but of course, when I want her to pee on command, or poop on command, that simply does not happen.  I tell her that she has 2 minutes to poop - that I’m going to workout before I go to work  - and I’m going to be late - and tell her to hurry up.  She stares back at me, looking like I’m about to beat her.  Her head droops, her eyes look somber - and yet, I don’t feel guilty, I just get mad.  I remember when Cody (my chow of 12 years who died last year) used to be this way - and how I felt guilty when she died that I was impatient with her at times.  That wisdom however does not stick with me at the moment I wish my dog would “hurry up and go to the bathroom”.  I tell Lucky as I pull her inside with her leash - and tell her to “go lie down” and “don’t you dare poop or pee in this house while I’m gone” and hope I’ve instilled the fear of God in her so she won’t misbehave. 

Off I go to workout with my trainer, to lose the 24 lbs I still have post-baby gain.  I take baby with me - and hope she cooperates.  In general, she’s great.  She falls asleep but before doing so, fusses, so I ask trainer if I can do lunges around gym, and push stroller, in order to please baby but also please trainer.  Honestly, I could care less.  I just going through the motions.  I find myself so exhausted during the workout.  I’ve been up four times the night previous with Melina because she’s beginning to “roll over” and was getting stuck, crying, and needing help and consolation.  I’m so exhausted my trainer is irritated with me - my male trainer - who told me that his girlfriend with child had to sleep in other room - ’cause he needed his sleep if he was going to work…. I tell him to cut me some slack and gulp down the Powerade hoping for an energy boost.  I try psyching myself out that I’m not so tired - but I can feel the workout is taking any last bit of energy I had faked myself to think existed.

I come back from trainer, walking with stroller and baby.  I’ve lost my garage door opener, as yet another sign that only new moms, or working moms can understand.  I’m forced to go through front doo [keeping typo as this is only fitting - read on] where baby bird nest is.  I gently open the front door, let the dog out, bring her back inside, walk thru the garage, outside - and back in the front door again, this time with baby out of stroller.  What I haven’t noticed is - the dog poop - on the front door rug.  I’ve not only missed it with my eyes, but I’ve stepped in it, unawares, and have tracked it for a good while.  I’m now infuriated with the dog.  I make sure baby is okay, tell dog to run away for good, and put her outside on the leash.  I yell some more at the dog and hope the neighbors hear me.  Does this sound like anything you’ve ever done?  In fact, I encourage her to run away, in fact ask her, beg her - please run away.   In the event anyone thinks I’m abusing the dog - I’m ready to tell them what a bad dog she is.  I am ready with my “story”.

I go back inside and begin the cleanup job.  I think about my baby girl and am glad she is not crawling yet.  I make sure the cats don’t run through it.  I clean, and clean and clean.  I grit my teeth and think - I can clean up my baby’s poop.  I can scoop litter.  I can bag a dog’s poop on a dog walk - but I will NOT deal with it in the house.  I was just gone an hour.

In defense of my dog - I might add - that she only had a few minutes to poop.  I had not made time to “walk” her on this particular morning, just the night before.  I had only let her out in the front yard for a few moments.  I recalled the time when my Mom would complain when I was a child and needed to go to the bathroom at some untimely moment - why didn’t you go when you had the chance, she’d ask?  Well, Mom, I didn’t have to go then. 

Today was easy related to the dog and cats.  There was no walk.  There were no issues, because I worked from home.  I thought I’d go to the office.  I had a babysitter scheduled.  I was supposed to be a day of handling a lot of marketing work.  I am excited about the front door wreath bird’s nest on this day - as there are new babies today - perfect for the approaching Mother’s Day.  I try to take a photo of this exciting moment - but a glass light fixture drops from the SKY, or the kitchen ceiling and shatters into a lot of pieces, down to dust all over the kitchen.  An hour and a half later - I’m taking a phone call from a contractor who has a client issue and a computer problem.  I try to resolve the situation by phone, but suggest she comes here.  I end up with four computers, in my kitchen and living area - all working at once.  I did not even sit down while I solved problems during the day.  Twelve hours later, I think I’ve resolved that issue - and all related issues that came up.  One problem, one phone call - 12 hours!  Where did my day go?  I got nothing done that I intended to get done. 

So, sometimes being a Mom is cleaning up a LOT of messes.  Often, as a business owner, this only compounds the fixing process every day.  So in addition to cleaning up glass that worked itself into many crevices in the kitchen, I fixed a garage door opener without any guidance, restored a computer file or part of it, and solved the contractor’s issues.  I fixed a client problem, I think.  While all this was happening, I entertained my child. I worked around her short 30 minute naps, read to her, moved her around from swing to bouncy chair to floor to tummy time, and back again - worked with her sitting up - took joy in watching her sit up and read a book - dealt with not having a babysitter ’cause she had car problems, and yet even fixed dinner for a friend and myself (ravioli & chicken).

While I guided my contractor through the problems on the computer and the client’s issues, I fed my girl rice cereal and reveled in seeing her take her fingers and run it through her mouth to see what it felt like with all that food in her mouth.  I watched her run them across many surfaces including herself.  I later breastfeed.  I got her to bed - early - only to have a friend arrive to try to fix the garage door, which I has just figured out on my own.  I got Melina back up, as I knew I’d need to fix my friend dinner since he was trying to help me.  This ended up getting Melina to bed around 9 pm, which is way too late for a baby, making her crankier than usual.   Back to the computer and trying to fix my client/contractor issues - re-running reports - and all of a sudden it’s 11:30 by the time I can breathe or do something for myself.  Heaven forbid I want to have a phone call, or get stuck on the phone.  Cleaning tonight - well something else had to sacrificed since I worked instead.

I did not do laundry today.  I did not walk around the neighborhood today.  I  did not finish my marketing presentation or get to the 12 emails from my Dad regarding a client.  I did not check in with them at all, as I should have.  I did not clean the kitchen after tonight’s dinner.  I simply worked 12 hours, and took care of my child with joy.  Considering the news headlines these days, of other children who were abandoned, left to run in the streets with a saturated diaper, thrown from a car in Florida, and tossed into an oven over a boyfriend/girlfriend argument - I’d say our lives are great - we are together and we are happy.  Admittedly, humorously, Mommy’s tired and found a grey hair in her eyebrow at the age of 40.  I think I look like a 90-year old woman when I wake up for the fifth time some mornings - but we are happy being together, being present, and being healthy.  And if you wonder why I still make time for a blog once a week - well, sometimes it’s the only fun thing I do on my computer, and I need that - a release of some kind. 

Now, it’s time to retire for the night. 

I chose to embark on this fertility journey as a single, 40 year old female technology business owner, guest lecturer (taught course for two years) at OSU, and a public speaker on the speaker’s circuit for over 8 years.  I’ve travelled to a number of countries with others, but mostly by myself to speak on various topics related to marketing yourself and your company on the Web.  I’ve seen a lot of amazing things, done some crazy things, like going to Antarctica to see penguins by myself, ya know, the normal things we want to do in life, right?  But never has spring been so enjoyable as this year.  It’s amazing how crazy life is, but when you have this child in your arms, how much better you want it to be with her in it?  You want to do better things, contribute more, keep your center, and focus on what’s really important in life? 

When you have a daughter to share the joys of life with - then it’s just simply amazing how you can keep your focus when times are difficult when you know she is the reason you keep on truckin’! 

Melina (5 Months Old) Last Friday, the 24th - having giggles with Kim, friend of mine

So that’s why I have to write about tonight’s Private Practice Season Finale episode regarding Amy Brinneman who plays Violet.  Catching a TV show as a new mom, single working mom, business owner, is hard to do before 10 p.m.  You’re putting the baby to bed before then, and by the time 10 p.m. rolls around, you are simply exhausted.  You consider cleaning, doing laundry, working some more, but occasionally you just want to veg out in front of the TV, and think of nothing really all that important for one hour.  You might want to be entertained by TV, inspired, let down, stirred up, but the question I ask is do you want to be grossed out?  Do you want to be disgusted by what you see at that hour?  And, in recent weeks, I have on more than one occasion felt disgusted by what I’ve seen on 10:00 TV.  CSI Miami, The Medium and tonight’s ending season episode of Private Practice seem to be getting worse in terms of the “gross” factor.  I expect in a late night drama some suspense, silliness, good acting, tears on occasion, whatever.  But what I don’t like is wierd story lines that don’t have any impact other than to gross you out.  Sounds like I grew up in the 1980’s, doesn’t it? 

I can no longer watch CSI Miami.  I have begun to wean myself off of Medium, due to last couple of episodes.  And now, Private Practice needs to be banned personally.  Perhaps it’s because I just wasted an hour of watching a single, intelligent, pregnant woman Brinneman/Violet lay flat on her back (which as pregnant women we can’t do because it would harm the baby) for hours, and try to talk her “killer” out of killing her and her baby.  She gets a bloody nose smashed in face a bit, and her patient begins to “cut” her belly, and Violet actually has to tell her how to cut her so she doesn’t injure the baby, even though she knows she will die?  The “killer” paralyzes Amy Brinneman’s character, “Violet”, so she can’t move, so she has to just “lay there” while someone takes her baby out of her very pregnant belly.  Yuck. 

All I can say is that can’t networks do better than this?  I can’t watch LOST anymore because I can’t follow it.  Anytime you need captions to figure out what the hell is going on - that’s a good time to turn it off.  If I wanted to view captions on TV, I’d rent a foreign flick on PPV cable.  Any mom I noted on Twitter.com tonight re Private Practice was saying the following, “deeply disturbed”, “disgusted”, “WTF”, “sick”.  Now, is that what ABC’s writers want?  Is that the goal?

Do we want to sit in front of the TV and be disgusted, sickened, aghast, and deeply disturbed?  Apparently.  That’s what’s wrong with our society, right?  I mean, as if the World News isn’t all of these things already?  Swine flu, unemployment, people starving, trying to get a job, keep their families safe and healthy, but why do we choose to watch such crappy stuff late at night?  And don’t we already have sleep disorders?  I do.  I am up at 1:40 a.m. blogging and Twittering about being disturbed about something so that I don’t dream about it tonight.

We need positive light on our life.  We need to do good.  We need to not sink further down into misery and gloom.  Misery begets misery - haven’t you heard that?  As a marketer, I often have to write about the good things - in fact, I search for the good things.  I encourage ABC, NBC & CBS to search for something good to write about - don’t you know how to be creative enough to write something positive and yet be good drama?  And as Americans caught up in the passion of the moment - we need to get excited about something positive, not disgusting as a pregnant woman ready to be cut up by her possible killer as she lay there, helpless, while her dysfunctional men fight over her but none have yet rescued her.

Perhaps, it’s because I’ve been a victim at one point in my life.  Perhaps it’s because I’ve chosen to fight back.  Perhaps it’s because I choose a positive outlook over adversity, or something horrible.  I chose to create life.  I choose as a result, not to watch a TV show where life is taken away as good drama.  Life is death, but there is no reason to see a show where death is sinister, and the norm in every show.  Blood and gore does not need to be what encourages my REM sleep that night.

I choose to hug my child, to love, to laugh, to endure, to lead …. to inspire …. to believe in something better.  ABC, do something better with your writing next season.   If I want to watch blood, gore or “corpse porn” as an NPR commentator said recently, I’ll choose “CSI”.

My favorite bird?  A goldfinch?  Why?  Two reasons:  they eat upside down (or can), and they have a cool flight pattern - if you watch them in the skies they look like they’re on a roller coaster, and as they come down the “hill” in the roller coaster, they sound like they’re giggling.  Watch and listen for these finches, or better yet, hang a goldfinch feeder in your yard, and get some neijer seed and they’ll be attracted to your yard.

From http://www.iwrc-online.org/kids/Facts/Birds/goldfinch2.htm

So, while goldfinches are my absolute favorite birds, I like to feed wild birds including cardinals, robins, any finch, and any bird of color that adds some life to my yard.  I plant wild flowers and perennials to attract birds.  On occasion, I have had a bird nest in my yard, in a hanging plant.  This year, however, I have a bird nesting in a rather unusual place.  She is nesting in a forsythia wreath hanging on my front screen door. 

Last week, on the morning Mom & Dad left, I noted something looked a bit odd on my screen door.  From my vantage point from within the house, I could see something looked different on the wreath.  I just couldn’t determine why.  I continued to stare at it while I talked on the phone with someone.  But then all of a sudden, two birds came up and landed in the wreath.  I realized they were building a nest. 

Excited, I went up to the nest after they flew away.  I looked at the ingredients of the nest and was excited to see Bentley’s cat hair hanging off the nest in a glob of fur.  I saw human hair neatly stitched into the nest in what seemed specific places.  I saw different types of bush material woven into the nest, including some prickly stuff - thought that was kinda cool - which might be thistle?  The nest got thicker and deeper in the next several days (they take about 8 days to build a nest). 

http://www.shawcreekbirdsupply.com/american_goldfinch_info.htm - Nest building
The female builds the nest in late summer up to 30 feet off the ground in the terminal branches of a bush or tree. Nest building occurs in 10 to 40 minute spurts, during which material is brought to the site and laid down. There may be periods of hours or days when nothing is added. The average interval between the start of the nest and the laying of the first egg is eight days.The female strips fibers from dead trees, weeds, and vines and utilizes catkins as well as grass to construct the outer shell of the nest. She sometimes dismantles the nests of other birds to use the materials in her own nest. She reinforces the rim of the nest with bark bound by sticky spider silk and caterpillar webs. The nest is lined with plant down from thistles, milkweed, and cattails.The male often accompanies the female on flights for nesting materials. He may carry some materials back, but leaves the actual construction of the nest to the female. He perches nearby, singing and calling to his mate. At the first sign of danger the male or female will whistle sweet or call bearbee, bearbee, bee, bearbee.

The only concern I have about this, is that it’s the front door, and I have a dog I let out that way.  We’ve tried to limit our entrances and exits, and know we’ll soon need to curtail all exits that way.  Babies should arrive in less than two weeks, according to what I’ve read tonight.

I began talking to the mailman about birds’ nests and he said he collected them.  He was always amazed to see the materials they’d find laying around, trash, cigarette butts, hair, plant materials - and how they stitched it into the nest.  I’ve always respected a bird’s ability to survive cold winters here in Ohio, as little as they are, but they really do have a lot we can learn from.  While they suffer from our abuse of the planet, they really have the reduce, reuse and recycle concept down well.

Reduce - they have small humble abodes for their young

Reuse - they reuse things laying around in nature, whether they’re supposed to be there or not (trash NOT)

Recycle - without fancy chemical recycling plants, they recycle plant material, trash material, human & animal material for integration within their homes

I’ll work to post some pictures of my bird nest in the wreath - but here are some photos of other goldfinch nests found on the Web tonight.

By the way, baby wild birds need to eat every 15 to 20 minutes during daylight.  Okay, so feeding Melina in the first eight weeks every 1-2 hours seems like nothing, huh?

Want to attract the American Goldfinch to your yard?  Here are some tips on what goldfinches look for:

http://www.wildbirdsforever.com/goldfnch.html - reference to how they build their nests, usually near water and food, and that they create a bowl like nest, with plant as the base material

http://www.iwrc-online.org/kids/Facts/Birds/goldfinch2.htm - very nice reference - talks about being near thistle - which is what I think I saw in the plant nest - nest in forked branches - like my forsythia wreath - it has forked branches in it (albeit fake).

http://www.audubon.org/bird/boa/F15_G8a.html

So on Earth Day, don’t forget to take your recycling in, reuse something, and reduce your intake of plastic.  Take a walk and listen to the birds sing, nest and feed.  And enjoy this beautiful Earth we live on - and take care of her.  I think it’s only fitting that last year, I blogged for ten months about a fertility journey.  It’s great to know, that after having Melina in November, that the fertility journey continues around me - right at my front door.  I think that’s good karma. 

Granny (My Mom), Mommy (Me), and Melina checking out that cute little bracelet of Granny’s

It was a neat moment between three generations of Thieme Women.  Mom looks great at 65, doesn’t she????

Mom in front of her baby photos where she was wearing baby locket, bracelet and ring
A Southern Belle!

On Easter Sunday, we all went to Mass at St. Joseph’s Cathedral downtown.  I said a prayer for Melina’s twin that was considered a “vanishing twin”, and the child I chose not to have at the age of 21.  I thanked God for the gift of life, and for giving me Melina.  I do not forget that I could be a mother to three children.  A woman came up and showed me her photo of her niece - saying how Melina was so pretty and how she resembled her niece.

Pretty in Pink & White - Easter Sunday after Mass

First time in a dress - wow - dressing her up - wonderful moment, with Mom’s help - very nice to share this with Mom & Dad.

PaPa Thieme - Dad shared time with Melina

Melina got her first storytelling session from PaPa (Don) Thieme, and lots of photography sessions with PaPa Thieme behind the camera.  More photos to come soon.

It was a good weekend.  Mom organized my laundry room and kitchen like only she could.  Dad bought an organizer for the laundry room, and bar-b-qued chicken Saturday night.  Mom made a ham on Sunday.  The left lots of goodies to eat this week so it would be easier on me while working.

The biggest challenge - getting Melina to sleep in the crib without her current attachment - the car seat - yes, not a lot of fun.  She sleeps better in this car seat, and doesn’t go to sleep on her back for long. 

Well, I have work to do before I fall fast asleep. 

Diapers - now those are expensive.  I think i figured .25 a diaper.  So, if you only have 8 diapers a day, which is alot of diapers, then you’re spending $60 a month.  But it seems like you’re spending more than that, as one big box costs around $40, if you buy in bulk.  There are cheaper versions.  I buy Pampers and Huggies, depending on the Phase Melina is in. 

 Baby wipes - $10 a box of three packs of baby wipes.  You’ll need three boxes a month.  $30 a month. 

Shampoo, one bottle will last you four - five months or so.  $5 - minor expense

 Baby Tylenol - $10 or so - that you might need every two months or so.

At four months, you might need Baby Orajel - that’s about $6 a container - you could need 2 containers a month, or $12 a month.

Clothes?  Yes, now that’s where I can drop some money, even though baby clothes doesn’t seem that expensive at $6 a pair of pants, right?  It seems that with a few other things, I’m up to $200 once a month, or every six weeks or so.  I try to buy items on clearance, and I have shopped at Once Upon a Child, and of course hand-me-downs are enjoyable.  But always try to buy the next size up, and you’ll be amazed at how quickly she can fit into those clothes.   Ways to save on baby clothes expenses, according to Babycenter.com?  Make sure you’re doing as much as possible to save clothes that can get soiled.  I can’t live without Dreft Laundry Stain Remover - that stuff is magical.  It gets the worst stuff out of Melina’s clothes, even stuff that sets for a few hours. 

Baby toys, books and DVDs - you can also buy these at Once Upon a Child - but I was lucky enough to get these in the baby shower process.  I asked for favorite books, or a book list, and most everyone took advantage of the opportunity to send something good.  Most of Melina’s books haven’t cost anything.  DVDs - I’ve purchased a couple at Babies R Us, including the Baby Einstein DVD for 3 mos.  Toys - or swings, bouncy chairs - I purchased them on Craig’s List and Once Upon a Child and saved quite a bit that way.  Also received a few items from friends who no longer needed these items, bringing a big savings that way.

If you’re not getting those items gently used, you can spend $50 a month, on average, on those items.

Babysitting or daycare - if you use a sitter service, you’ll pay $8 an hour, plus $6 a sit, or thereabouts.  I’ve also had close friends babysit, and I paid them if they wanted money, for more - like $15 an hour, but that was because it was during the day and they wanted to do this for income. 

I figure I need an extra $600 a month to afford a child thus far, and she’s only 4 1/2 months.

But the smile that a baby brings you - I hate to sound cliche - but it’s priceless - and is amazingly rewarding.

The pendulum swings from side to side as to the emotion you might be feeling when you stare at your child, depending on what phase that child is in.  This morning, at around 1 a.m. when I fed Melina, the love I felt was a sweet one.  When she was up again around 3:30 and crying, rather unusual, it was a feeling of concern.  By 5:00 a.m., when she awoke again, the feeling of love was enduring.  I wondered why she was crying again and thought of ways to remedy it.  I wondered if it had to do with teething, or something else.  By 9 a.m., the feeling was amusement.  Any discomfort she was feeling was not apparent.  Melina was laying on her back, next to my head, trying earnestly to blow spit bubbles out of her mouth - the spit was landing nicely on my face.  Quite humorous indeed, despite how yucky this may sound.  I saw an opportunity to help her with this endeavor, of course.

All day long, Melina became fascinated by her new adventure of spit bubbles and making noises.  I too began to blow bubbles - of course without spit - and noticed I was in fact challenged by this skilled endeavor.  Hers, on the other hand, were nice little spews of tiny little spits - into the air.  I didn’t have the drool that came with her sounds, which made for better sounds.  How’s that for “scrumptious”? 

 Funny thing though - I’ve been working with her to stick out her tongue - and in most cases, she and I communicate on this level quite well.  Manners - whew!  I’m in trouble, aren’t I?  So, when she tries to blow bubbles, she keeps sticking out her tongue.  I am sure she’s quite confused because normally when we communicate, she has to stick out her tongue.  She probably wondered why she didn’t need to stick out her tongue along with her drooling bubbles.

I can see it now - here’s what I’ve taught my child:

Stick your tongue out

Spit with bubbles all over everything and make funny noises

Laugh when you toot

It’s exciting when you scoot on your back -

Giggle when you get kisses from Mommy

It’s likely, no school will accept us….

Tonight, as she slept beside me calmly, on her side (big step in the sleeping world), instead of in her car seat in the crib (the usual attachment), I watched her sweet innocent angelic face and listened to her breathe.  Such sweet sounds. 

And then just as if the silence couldn’t be any sweeter, she tooted really loud.  I couldn’t help but laugh out loud - and yet, she slept throught it all.

Melina on a stroller ride this morning

We’ve had quite a week.  We went up to Toronto this past week so I could speak at a search marketing conference on both Tuesday and Wednesday.  Melina was quite good in the car, all things considered.  Monday was a very long day for both of us.  God looked out for both of us, and kept me very alert.  Although some caffeine helped, I was amazed at how alert I was, considering the length of the drive.  I think knowing you have a little one entrusting her life to you in the back seat - does amazing things for keeping you awake.

We crossed the border.  I wondered if I would have any issues there regarding donor father.  I was asked “where is the father?”  But no issues - stated my case and moved on.  I had documentation just in case. 

Look at that silly mommy in the reflection of her glasses

The conference was just two days long -and then we returned to Columbus, staying overnight at a friend’s house in Lakewood, NY (near Jamestown).  They were kind to let us crash their house late at night, with the baby in tow.  Not only that but they had dinner waiting for me, and gifts for Melina - amazing kindness.  Thank you Curt and Jill.  I was also able to meet their little 2-year old daughter (turns 2 next weekend).  I had a late breakfast with Gary and Curt, and then M and I headed off to Columbus for a 5 hour drive.  We made it - only a little fussing.  She’s such a great baby.

Melina had some big events in addition to becoming the world traveller this past week. 

Melina is getting her first front tooth - bottom front tooth

She is congested - not sure if that’s related to the teething or if she’s getting a cold from her trip?  Last night, she fell asleep on the way home from the office around 6:40 or so, and stayed asleep until 6 this morning (minus a feeding around 1130).  She then let Mommy go back to sleep until 9 or so.  I still felt exhausted though - and was determined to get a nap this afternoon, which Melina was not happy about. 

She also scooted on her back this past week, in Toronto.  She discovered she could push off with her feet, and up the portable diaper cushion pad which has a slick surface.  She had begun looking up and behind her recently, so when she discovered she could scoot back - that was pretty exciting for her.  All I could envision this morning as she tried to do the same on the carpet with less success - is a child that failed to crawl or walk - but me telling people - well, she likes to scoot around on her back - that seems to work just fine…..

My baby book says I crawled at 6 months - and stood by 10 months, so the former is just 6 weeks away.  I’m in trouble - I have a lot - ALOT of cleaning to do to let Melina crawl around on my floors. 

In the meantime, she’s growing out of everything so fast - I put pants on her that I thought she’d never fit into - and she already does perfectly in fact.  The 3-6 months stuff - yes, fits perfectly - as it should, but it just seemed that those clothes would swallow her whole just yesterday.

Okay, enough for now - Mommy has a bit of a headache tonight and needs to clean the kitchen, do 2 loads of laundry and then well, it’ll be late, late by then.

So Jay was this short affair in 2004.  I met him in October 2003.  And there is not one moment that is not encapsulated in my mind - every single moment I can remember, and that’s saying a lot because there are many things I can not remember - like whether I shampooed my hair in the morning - like Julia Roberts in Two Weeks Notice - due to my crazy schedule and amazing responsibility.  Yes, so every single moment I remember with Jay - and we always had the strangest way of running into one another.  When I called things off out of guilt, I began to write cards to Jay - I always imagined I’d have them on me to give to him one day.  I still have them, some 20 or so uniquely written cards.  If you’ve ever seen The Notebook, it’s kinda like that, only I didn’t write Jay 365 days, every day.  I just wrote about 20 cards - I purchased really cool looking cards that mirrored my thoughts that day - and wrote my thoughts down about him.  The rest of the time was written in a journal, which of course Steve found one day - and that did not go too well.  Changed my locks after that event.  Fun.  Major fight because of my journal entries on Jay - and Steve reading them without permission.  Back to current times - that was a long time ago.

Today, I knew I had to go into my pediatrician’s office.  I had no appointment - I just needed  to pick something up.  Turning into the driveway I saw a familiar car coming down the road.  I thought and wondered if that was Jay - sure enough it was him.   We’ve all had that flame at one point - that unfulfilled love at one point in our life, right?  Don’t you imagine, or envision, or play the time you’re going to one into that person over and over.  Yes, well, today, was not the way I envisioned myself in the picture.  I mean, I had on a dress, a fuscia pink trenchcoat raincoat, but I hardly had my hair the way I imagined, nor the lipstick, nor the rest of the whole picture.  I was wearing my glasses - I had two whiskers sticking out of my face (LOL), no mascara, nothing.  Au natural - thank God I was wearing a dress and I had the mindset to shave my legs and put on lotion today.  Whew!

But don’t you imagine you will look extra SPECIAL on the day you run into the old flame?  Yes, not exactly the way I imagined it - four years since we actually had a live conversation in the flesh - and if you saw this guy - you can only imagine what was going through my mind when I saw him.  He’s got the best smile and he’s 6′2″, eyes of blue, sandy brown hair, jeans and a shirt - who the hell cares - he looked good. 

Kinda wierd though, right?  He wanted to see Melina - kinda funny I suppose.  The way it all happened this afternoon.  I had this vision of one day running into Jay, looking gorgeous with Melina in her stroller - looking super cute.  The business woman who had it all - a daughter (Jay doesn’t have children, but wanted a child at one point) - success - sexy stuff - yeah, whatever.  Anyway, today, no mascara, and whiskers popping out of my face - here I was introducing him to Melina who was napping at the time in the car, with the hood of her jacket squarely over her face - like Obie One Kinobi (how do you like that phonetic spelling?).

So, thoughts are with him obviously tonight.  Yummy.  But, instead I’m watching 007 Quantum of Solace - very late at night - with more than a glass of red wine in me.  I just got the hiccups.  I’m a little stressed about the week ahead - a LOT going on - a lot riding on the success of what is to happen.  I’m excited, and imagine it’ll be exhilaration ahead of me - but how much things have changed in a few months.  Tonight, I’m preparing for that, after a very long, long night with M - I’m trying to wean her off of the carseat in the crib - and it did not go well - 2 hours to get her to sleep - and lots of high-pitched crying.  Lots of holding, rocking, singing songs you don’t know the words to, telling yourself you really do have to memorize those words sometime, lots of stress. 

By 10:00 p.m., M still had not gone to sleep peacefully - waking up every half hour or so.  An intense night without a doubt.  So, I cleaned out my car and began to watch James Bond with more than one glass of red wine.  M woke up at 11:30 or so, again, and I tried to feed her formula which she did not enjoy, but tolerated.  Half a bottle later, and off I went to 007 - he’ll have to do tonight.  It’s after 1:15 a.m. and I’ve hardly paid attention to him.  I’m just now cooking dinner, but one thing did happen tonight that was truly fun - a friend stopped over to get something late tonight.  I let Lucky run after this friend - down the road - at high speed - without a leash - for a few minutes - it was fun to watch that.  My dog was happy.  Freedom  - if for only a moment - and perhaps what I wanted for only a moment - remembering my own freedom back in 2004 - and the crazy things I did with Jay.  Sweet memories - sweet freedom, but without a doubt, as I listened to Jay today - talk about material things - and only material things - I realized how much my life had changed - the most important “thing” was not a thing at all - it was and is not material - it is a human being - who is my daughter - and the only “thing” that matters in my life.   Sweetness defined by holding your child so close - a giggle, a toot, a hand holding tightly to your own,  a toothless grin, a chuckle, a smile that is as wide as her little face, chipmunk cheeks, trust as she looks up into my face as she lays back in my hands and arms as I wash her hair in the sink, and a smile to top off the trusting look - that I am her mother - that I am her provider - that we are together and that is ALL that matters at the end of the day.  This is what I call a fulfilled love - and it’s amazing - like nothing I would have ever imagined - but could only have hoped for.

Melina at Four Months - Almost - Taken About 2 Weeks Ago

So this post will be very short - as it’s very late - and Mommy is very, very tired.

But M is doing wonderful.  She’s giggling - that’s perhaps the most exciting part of our day now.  On our frequent walks now, we have stick out the tongue competitions and we giggle together - well she in response to my incessant giggles to get her to chuckle and giggle.  I must look very funny leaning over her stroller, sticking out my tongue, and faking a good giggle.  But then when she lights up a smile, and begins to chuckle and then giggle - my laughter is no longer faked - it’s in genuine delight at how Melina is responding to my goofiness.

The last couple of days she has taken to my lap where she can push back and we have “wee” (as opposed to “pee”) moments - she acts like she’s falling back from my lap to the bed (not very far of course) - and of course she’s in my hands all the way back - but she likes it. 

Well - I told you it was a quick one - lots to do - press release just went out about our new application tonight at 12:01 a.m. EST.  Much to do…..

 More when I have time….

 This past week was challenging at best.  It takes $25 minimum to run my office.  I have clients who are struggling and putting the squeeze on us, asking for more.  You wrack your brain trying to help them with their business, and help them to attract business in a tough economy.  You hear the bad news on the TV, or on the radio every time you turn it on, which is why I stopped tuning in but once a week.  You hear friends, family and others struggling.  Some of it self-inflicted, but others not so much.  So, it’s not a huge surprise that I’m beginning to really feel the pinch in my business, and potentially at home if I don’t make some changes quickly.

I have Melina to protect, and myself as well in order to be her provider.  A few months ago I said there was a chance I’d have to give up the office space (which was a huge source of pride) in order to operate in a more lean environment.  I may be doing that this week.  I have put furniture up on www.craigslist.com and while I have someone interested in sub-letting the space, it may not be soon enough as I’m at a critical junction.  As I get inquiries on the furniture, some of it is quite hard to part with - I’m so very proud of the hard work and accomplishments that are wrapped up into the office.  But, when I look at Melina, I say that taking your business back into your home so that you can stay in business, quite frankly, and be a mom, is not so bad, in the big picture. 

I could have worked harder, smarter, better - sure, I could have.  I can always work smarter, faster, harder.  But some days there is only so much brain power to solve everyone’s problems that you can handle. 

Tonight, I ran into a neighbor who had been so very, very supportive of my desire to have a child.  She went down the adoption path instead of IVF.  She put out at least $35k, if not more now due to Homeland Security annual fees, for a Chinese child.  Nothing came of it despite notices it would be a few more months, a few times.  Tonight, I ran into her, and she started crying easily which  then made me cry and I didn’t even know what we were crying about.  Women - we are so funny about that stuff.  Anyway, an unwanted child - a third child for a 17-year old girl.  Her first pregnancy - very young - before I was even thinking of such things - 6th grade, ugh.  Shoot, that was before I even had my confirmation in the Catholic church.  How sad.  So, what my neighbor is looking at is some $15,000 or more in fees - and she’s already paid $35k in adoption fees.  She’s dedicated her life to taking care of infants and very young children.  Why is she denied a chance to be a Mother?  So many tried to tell me that it wasn’t in the plans - but that’s a cop-out.  I went through only one IVF, but many IUIs, and ICIs or whatever the heck those things are - and finally the IVF was the solution despite my concerns.  And today, as my readers know, I am happily a Mom.  So, my friend’s problems - gosh I feel deeply for her pain.  Her problems are different than losing a house, a job, cancer (another neighbor), or an office space. 

I’d say that while my struggle this week may be great, I know many who have lost so much more - so I have to remember that as I may be forced to owe $42k or more in office rent, and yet walk away from it.  I have a contract that puts me in that space till December so what will happen then, right?  If I can sell enough furniture, which I have plenty that I don’t use, then I can perhaps stay there and slowly rebuild the company in small measure.

This week I have a friend coming to visit who lost everything, home and office, in New Orleans.  They had to uproot the family of five, animals included thankfully, and move to Baton Rouge.  How hard that must have been - one cannot even conceive of how hard that must have been for them. 

So this week will be tough.  But as there are deals that on the table, and as I am happily able to work from home on these projects, with babycare available while I work from home, it’s not so bad.  I just have to get past my ego and I will have always have my memories.  There is nothing to say I can’t do this again, and of course, there is nothing to say that my property management won’t work with me.  The chances they can get someone into space for $5400 a month is not likely right now. 

Okay, signing off to return to working on my  website, which I’ve squeezed in the past week quite a bit, when I’m not posting to Craigslist.com or working on client projects.  And this in between dog/cat and Melina walks outside (two today), talking to family and friends, and a load of laundry.

So, you can imagine that my kitchen sink - well - that’s suffered as a result of my occupation elsewhere.

Melina’s Excitement, and the Kids
On a Walk Today (whoops on the finger)

Most of the dogs in the neighborhood know Bentley, and he gets along well with some of them.  With others, he stays behind like a smart kitty.  Lucky on the other hand, is often all over the place, getting retrained to walk with control since I had Melina.   She seems a bit more protective and high-strung on a walk since Melina came along.  But that’s also because she is not getting twice daily walks, and that’s an issue with a higher energy dog like her. 

Bentley way ahead of the pack
Lucky trying to catch up, pulling a bit

So, off we go on our walk, soliciting looks from passersby.  Most people know about Bentley and greet him, or roll down their window to admire the cat on the dog walk.  I figure it must make quite a picture, myself, baby in stroller, dog and cat in tow. 

Today  - where you see the red car in the corner of the picture above, there was a collared, well-fed cat.  Bentley went after him, and in fact chased him up a pine tree.  I immediately followed them to break up the fight, and for a second, realized I had just walked away from my baby, in the stroller, yes, in you guessed it - hmmm hmmm.  Shocked I turned back and figured the cats would be okay.  What the hell was I thinking or not thinking?  Sometimes I still have to pinch myself to realize that I’m in charge of two of us, and the others are just along for the ride.  We went for three rounds, and Bentley got sidetracked himself when a terrier dog came up and barked at Lucky.  Bentley decided to take a safer route home, and so we lost him for about 15 minutes.  He hugs the yards in most places, and if I say to him WAIT - BENTLEY - WAIT - if a car is coming, he will look right at me and stop, or go under a parked car or hide behind a bush.  And then when it’s safe and the car passes, or dog passes, then he will come out again.  Pretty funny.

We walk quite a ways with Bentley and Lucky, and then we take a couple of laps, weather permitting, without them.   We see neighbors who come up to admire the new addition of M.  Today several people were out, and we got to catch up with a few neighbors I hadn’t seen in a while due to the cold weather. 

Okay, so I knew about toe jam, but did you know that babies can actually get finger jam?  Yes, you see that cute little Buckeye baby up there sucking on those fingers?  Well, enough of that can lead to finger jam.  I was looking at her hands the other day and noticed some seriously wicked black grime in between her chubby little fingers.  Of course all that sucking and slurping and drooling - well, you can only imagine the environment that is fostering the growth of finger jam. 

 Cleaning in between the chubby little fingers isn’t the easiest thing to do, but what is easy is listening to Melina’s sounds.  Her sounds are so incredibly sweet - they can literally melt your heart and bring a smile to your entire being unless of course there is crying involved.  Those sounds are not sweet and they can bring you to your knees in a non-physical way.  But M’s sounds in the morning - are great.  We wake up and we have activity gym time where she kicks her arms and legs in passionate form.  She coos, and even sometimes makes a wild sounds that I can’t possibly try to describe in written form.  But I love hearing her sounds - and am tickled by the addition to my morning routine.  Her eyes pop wide when I’m cleaning her hands and feet at the sensation of warm, soapy water.  The sounds and visualization of a happy baby brings nothing better I can possibly imagine to my day.

Yesterday I was talking to my parents - we were talking about the economy and its affect on clients, our respective investments, and other matters.  I said things were tough - but at this moment while I was talking to them, all was perfect, because I was with M - and looking and listening to her was perfect tonic. 

I have not yet captured a picture of her face when she lights up in genuine delight - but it is amazing to see this develop.  I can walk up to her at various points in the day, smile at her, and she will top the charts with a return smile.  It changes her entire face and its a heart warmer and a tension melter.  No matter how tired I am at that very moment, or frustrated at the lack of sleep for nearly four months, once I see that smile and her excitement to see me - it’s all good - so very, very good.

 I can put up with finger jam, or toe jam any day - and if sucking on those hands with that much slurping is making her happy - then I am more than willing to clean those little chubby fingers with warm soapy water each day.  I thank God for her not nearly enough.

I sat with Melina in the back of the church.  I looked at the family that filled several aisles towards the head of the church where the casket lay.  I saw how the three brothers all looked a little older.  I watched one of the granddaughters with her 6-month old daughter.  I remembered how she was just a kid when I was over at my boyfriend’s grandmother’s house for Christmas.  How was it now that she was old enough to be married and have a kid?  It was so wierd to see her bouncing her baby, in her church clothes with white stockings and white shoes.  It reminded me of when I was a kid, and dressing up for church on Sundays.  It reminded me of when Mom had to keep us quiet in church, which was always a bit of a challenge with three kids.  I thought of how time passes - so quickly - thinking of my own childhood, to the time I had with Christopher and his family - and how his cousin now had a young baby. 

Melina was great the entire time she was in church.  I had previously worried about taking her to church, wondering if she’d cry, have a meltdown, or who knows what, perhaps just a way of procrastinating from going to church.  It’s always the first time you take your baby some place new that you are nervous.  However each time, there have been few or no issues and I look back afterwards and wonder why I was so apprehensive.  Each time I experience something new with Melina, I feel like I’m resuming stages of normalcy.  I’m experiencing the first stages of motherhood and loving it.  I am in awe of experiencing life and how others interact with you when you have a child, or perhaps a newborn baby.

Back at the church, while everyone went to the burial site, I remained behind with Melina and looked at the pictures of Marjorie, Christopher’s grandmother, and how she looked in her various life stages as wife, mother, grandmother, and even great-grandmother.  I realized how much Marjorie’s granddaughter looked like her decades ago, when her grandmother was young.  We had lunch with Christopher’s mom and step-mom.  I’ve always felt so at ease with them.  Marian doted on Melina and held her.  She offered to make Melina a quilt and asked what colors I’d like.  I told her anything but pink.  I had enough pink.  Melina fell asleep on Marian’s chest and was entirely at peace in her arms.  I therefore was content, feeling normal, like I could be this mother I had always dreamt about.  People took pictures - and people wanted Melina in the picture with them, increasing my feelings of normalcy, where Melina was included amongst family, even though this wasn’t really my family, but it could have been and once was at one point. 

It seemed odd to be in Newark and not see Grandma Henthorne.  I wondered if everyone would convene for holidays now that Marjorie and Earl were both gone.  They were the mainstay for holidays - she was a good person - a really good person. 

Melina and I left and returned to Columbus.  I was exhausted.  We both napped and then I returned to work, and to catch up on projects left unattended during the day.  Motherhood is a never-ending journey where you learn to be efficient in all walks of life, to fit it all in.  As we take our first steps of this journey together, while it can be a bit challenging at times, and stressful, it is a good journey and one I cannot imagine having missed.  It will all pass so quickly - there are days where I think before I know it she will be walking, riding a tricycle, and then I jump to seeing her in highschool, college and beyond.  Will I get the chance to be a grandmother having started so late in life?  Questions I don’t worry about - but they cross my mind when I see someone else’s life captured in pictures. 

I need to check on my sweet sleeping baby - and capture the quiet moments, and make use of the time I have to catch up on everything else that got left behind during the day, or the week that has so quickly passed us by.

But I’m simply too tired, too illin to blog - so will come back another day when I feel better.

Tonight, I was having a major sugar craving.  In fact, I think I was passing a mere craving after a long day at the office, but it was a productive day.  I have worked at the office half days this week, with the exception of Monday where the office was geographically located at my house.  I worked out with my trainer today.  I was feeling as if I was catching up and accomplishing more than just a thing or two.  Melina seemed to adjust to being at the office today, probably mostly due to the gift my trainer brought me - something divine called a “swing”!  Melina slept for 2 1/2 hours (two separate naps) and gave Mommy plenty of time to get a proposal out the door.  Afterwards, I came home, fed her, cooked and ate my own dinner, and then after putting her to sleep, decided to make cupcakes.

As I was making red velvet cupcakes, determined not to eat all the icing before I served the cupcakes, I was feeling like a genuine Mom.  Moms make cupcakes for their children’s school events, for bake sales, etc.  I’ve never had the desire to bake a cake, or cupcakes, in my adult life.  But tonight, I chose to make a batch of red velvet cupcakes and vanilla icing on top.  As I spread the vanilla icing on top of the cupcakes, I realized this was something I would soon do for my daughter’s bake sales and events.  

When Mom was baking in the kitchen, it was very exciting - who was going to lick the spoon at the end of batch?  But more exciting was to see the themed event that would take place surrounding a birthday cake, and Mom’s decoration of that cake.  As I tried to decorate a cake in my early 20’s, i realized I did not have the same qualities that Mom had in baking a cake.  In fact, bluntly put, I sucked at baking and icing cakes.  My mom’s cakes - they were something out of Martha Stewart before MS really existed.  On top of that, her cakes were real - none of that yucky icing that just looks pretty on a Martha Stewart magazine cover.  My mom’s cakes were made with real buttercream icing, and with real icing florets.  I loved her icing so much, I’d rather have eaten just the icing instead of the cake. 

Freshly made red velvet cupcakes with vanilla icing and red sprinkles

So, as I impatiently slathered my “vanilla flavored Duncan Hines” icing on the warm cupcakes, I thought of my own childhood and how I looked forward to the day that I’d make these cakes for her to take to school, or bake sales, or to share.  And then I began to panic for a few moments, thinking, what if my cakes aren’t really the hit of the party.  Mom better come out here and teach me how to make cakes for Melina.  Or better yet, she could just make them herself for Melina’s birthdays - as we all have our qualities and making cakes does not appear to be in my own personal recipe book.  And then it occurred to me that having a child is perhaps a story in which we try to recreate our own childhood and live it again, taking the best parts and weaving them into our children’s lives so they could enjoy what we enjoyed as children.  We’re just retreating in some small way to relive something so innocent as an iced cupcake.  Our early childhood can be a time of simple joy remembered.

Melina - A Long Time Before Bake Sales
Are Required

For the parts of our childhood that we didn’t enjoy as much, well, we have the option to re-write the script, or perhaps choose to have an understanding that’s different once we encounter that stage of life with our own children.  Regardless, tonight, I reminisced on the good memories of my childhood as I sat there and tried to make iced cupcakes - and realized how badly I needed my own Mom to show me the ropes in the kitchen for baked goods.  Better yet, I could just ask her to make the cake and decorate it please, if you will kindly do so, pretty please, with red sprinkles on top. 

Melina Sacked out at Northstar with Mommy
2/09

I also love my brain and what it does for my clients, despite how egotistical that might sound.   I am thankful for a brain that solves problems and figures things out (that at times no one else can).  My brain earns a little more money than I can as a babysitter, or Mom at home.  I enjoy solving problems - although at times I get frustrated with the problem at hand - or the responsibility that it brings as I try to hand it off to others so I can be a Mom) but it’s what pays the bills around here.  I’m getting to the point where I need part-time help here so I can do more with work.  And thus, comes the challenges of a woman who wants to be a Mom, and is responding to the natural desire to be a Mom, but also must work, or needs to be mentally challenged in some other way than stay at home.

 In the first year, there are so many first discoveries for both of us, simultaneously, that I don’t want to miss them.  You’d think I’d want to get out of this maddeningly disorganized house - whew - who knew so much could pile up and you’d have to get used to looking at things left undone in order to take care of a baby.  Sleep trumps organization, work trumps sleep, eating healthy gets trumped by interruptions and schedule, baby trumps all, and so the list goes on.

Melina Just Beginning to Wake Up

 So, as I have grown to enjoy watching House on Fox, I can identify with Dr. Cuddy (spelling?) as she tries to be a Mom, in addition to doing a job at the hospital that no one else can.   Her house was overly disorganized - she’s embarrassed - yet how I can relate.  She’s trying to do it all.  Be a Mom, clean, work, or a little bit of everything - and yes, on her own.

My job requires a tremendous amount of thinking - in order to solve people’s problems in where few others can.  It’s like House - or Hugh Laurie’s character.  He researches, tests, but in the end - the problem is solved when he thinks of something novel - and realizes the answer is right in front of him, sometimes a rather simple answer that cures the patient.  At times, I have been criticized by a select few people for over-thinking however, that is what I do every day to run a business - constantly thinking out solutions for a million different things - to survive and to thrive on several different levels.

And, that is what’s hard - to hand off to someone else - because very few people have to solve other people’s intricate technical search engine problems all day long - and those of us that do - have to figure out solutions to things that are novel everyday.  There is no one solution for any of these problems.  So, I can at times think as I try to balance clients, account management, employees, vendors, product development, industry changes, colleague networking, new technology updates, along with a diaper and wardrobe change, and adaptation to a baby’s sleep schedule - that I am ready for the babysitter to arrive any moment.  And then, I realize that it’ll be the first time I hand my child over to someone else and trust that they do even half a good as job as me taking care of her.  Or, worse yet, what if they do a better job?  Will I be jealous?  Will my child be okay?  Yea, lots of questions here.

So, I can not procrastinate much longer - I need to find someone who’s certified, registered, comes with great ratings, and that will work four hours a day, three to four days a week, so I can focus on Biz during that time.  However, I also want babysitter and daughter with a hand’s reach and thus, at my office or home, where I am until she gets a little older.  Mathematically, it makes sense - it’s a no-brainer.  But emotionally, it is hard as hell - to entrust your child’s care to another.  As mothers, we naturally want to be with our children that we have birthed from our wombs - we want to be there, to nurture.  I don’t want to miss a moment.  I want to be present in her life.  I want to enjoy, to savor, to love.  She is such a gift to me from God.  I am so lucky - but I also must work to provide for us. 

Tis the challenge of the working Mom - and as I have watched the last few episodes of House - I can truly relate to Dr. Cuddy’s struggle of what it’s like to want to be a Mom, and at the same time, have to work.

We survived our intense week of teleconferences, presentations, status meetings, diaper changes, spit-ups, shots at the doc’s office, emails and working sessions. 

Breastfeeding seems almost natural and par for the course at this stage.  10 weeks - who would have thought that I could go this long and struggle through the feeding challenges, but now, it seems like it’s all working for now. 

On a more somber note - a search marketing colleague of ours died in a plane crash this week - I didn’t know him well - but saw him in the circle of friends at the Search Engine Strategies conferences - he died, at the age of 24-something.  He had done so much.  You can see his last Tweets at www.twitter.com/martin and his Flickr photos at www.flickr.com/people/hellomartin - what an impressive person - although you wouldn’t really know much about Martin if you weren’t partying with him at the conferences.  It turns out though, after reading his blog, seeing his photos, and hearing what my colleagues had to say about him - that he lived life to the extreme fullest.  His last few Tweets were entertaining to say the least - and you could see he was fun.  That thrill seeking part of him is likely what got him killed, or contributed to his fate.  But even those of us who seek something a little more on the edge, are often lucky, and escape death throughout the years.  Martin was not so lucky.  WebmasterWorld has posted a thread on the young man.  One of his Tweets on Twitter?  “End of the year stats: 93721 miles flown, 13 countries, 72 flight segments, an OK year travelwise 3:07 AM Dec 25th, 2008 from web”

A young man in his early 20’s and yet so many knew him. What was wierd was to see his death unfold on Twitter.com. First a colleague of mine, Joe Morin (www.twitter.com/josephmorin) announced his apparent death, then Danny Sullivan -(www.twitter.com/dannysullivan) meanwhile Joe asked me via Twitter if I knew the guy. I couldn’t put a face with the name. I meet so many people at the conferences, thousands, over the years. It’s hard to remember everyone.

How bizarre to have people Twittering about your apparent death, before even the news publicly confirmed it.  As I read Martin’s Tweets on Twitter, checked out his Flickr photos in hopes of seeing his face to see if I knew (had met) the guy before, and his blog - I found myself amused by his Tweets and zest for life, impressed by his photos on Flickr, and significantly mesmerized by his blog.  It did not seem like Martin spent many days on his couch pondering what he should do with his life. 

He seized the day, experienced dreams by living them out, and travelled the world.  His brain was not only in overdrive but he made money with it.  He networked, and he succeeded, but he also had fun, perhaps a little too much fun.

I wonder how the last few moments of his life happened - what was the reason for the plane crash - was it pilot instructor or passenger error?  Looking at the plane that Martin was learning to fly - it was obvious he didn’t start simply with his desire to learn to fly - figures he’d go with something Italian and racy.  In any event, it the plane, and it’s ending, albeit tragic, seems oddly fitting for a man who lived his short life to the extra-ordinary.

I wondered if I were to be taken, what would my last 20 Tweets on Twitter look like to someone who did not know me well, but was learning more about me in death than in life; what would my blog read like as my last few entries, and what would my friends say about me (worried less about this).

Would my Tweets bring a smile to someone’s face, offer introspect, and guidance - would there be a legacy? 

Honestly, my blog and Tweets - my blog has been written into my will and testament - as to keep alive for my daughter - she should know my thoughts during my pregnancy - and along the years.  She should also know about my professional life prior to her conception and arrival.  I would want her to be proud of me.  I would want her to “know” me even in my absence.

I’m glad to see that Martin’s last Tweets showed some real humor - his blog entries - some intellect and passion - and his Flickr photos - not only a talent for taking a good photo - but obviously his subject matter was not himself - it was other people and places.  He knew a lot and he journaled it through social media.

If you didn’t know Martin, as I really didn’t, just his face at a conference pub session, or late night bar session with friends of mine, you can know a little more about the passion and the fervour with which he lived his life by checking out his online properties at www.twitter.com/martin and www.flickr.com/people/hellomartin, or his blog www.hellomartin.com

So tonight, as I re-type this blog ending since it somehow got deleted with a touch of the mousepad - I listen to my daughter sigh in her sleep, and I thank the Lord, I am home, safe, and out of the fast-lane.  I thank God I’ve lived 40 years to the fullest in my definition - and that it has the ability to include 12 years of business, many countries visited, and a daughter to add to my reality.  I am truly so very thankful for my life, and what it means today.  I am thankful for her - to God - for giving me her.  She is such a gift, and requires that my life slow down quite a bit. 

I am thankful to Twitter.com, to Facebook.com, and to my desire to learn these forms of communication so that I’m still in the loop, meanwhile I run my business and take care of my first child.  I have the luxury of taking care of us, meanwhile taking care of the business.  I am lucky to have lived and to have taken advantage of such amazing opportunities - but for now, I can say I am no longer making much sense because I am so tired.  Tired from running my biz all week, having phone calls, and taking care of M. 

Life is sweet - and as one said today - a close colleague of mine who I’ve met through the conferences mentioned above - live and learn, or in this case, this young man died and learned - tragic - as his brain is truly wasted in death for it was not wasted in life.

Do not waste your brain, your energy, your passion - live out your dreams now - because you don’t know when your ticket is called and your time is up.

What would be worse is if I let them go with the “schedule” of vaccinations - which would also include the Polio virus vaccination, the Hib, I don’t know there would be six or seven shots.  Can you believe that?  What are the American Pediatrics Inst. thinking?  I mean, if there is an epidemic of autism cases at 1 out of every 150 kids, why do we think it’s okay to give all these shots at once?   Even if there is not enough proof yet, or ever, why risk it?  Why risk giving all these live viruses to babies at once?  Pneumonia, polio, diptheria, pertussis, tetanus, meningitis - sure - yes, to a 9 week old baby.  Oh God!

I guess there is a 12-13 day window after the DPaT shot to monitor.  Bad story if you Google it about a baby who died …. we don’t want to go in to details on that one - we just want good baby energy here.

Melina is doing great though - I’ve enjoyed about 10 days of her being just fine.  The jaundice, sacral dimple, spinal cord at L2, cold that lasted three weeks, tummy bug that lasted 36 hours - right now, we’re settling into some sort of routine on most days.  It’s all good - so one shot on Thursday should be okay. 

 I do think I want to get her spinal cord looked at again in the next couple of months as she has grown so much (as normal babies do at this stage), and make sure her cord isn’t tethering or showing potential of such.  I’d rather be over protective with something serious like that.

I talked to a colleague of mine about his autistic child.  He said after one of the many vaccinations, three days later, his kid’s lights went out in a matter of speaking.  He doesn’t remember which one - they’ve blocked it out mentally - and it wasn’t until a year or so later that they figured out what was wrong.  He felt uncomfortable with the number of shots that the pediatrician wanted to give at one time (due to the official schedule), but he went ahead with it, since it’s recommended by the American Pediatric Inst. He said it costs him a substantial amount of money for treating his child - about $40-$70k a month something crazy like that.  He also referenced insurance not paying for autism treatment, unlike Down’s Syndrome.  Is that right?  Ugh.

But for now, we thank God, that all is well - very well with little Melina.  She’s such a bright spot in my life.

Producing milk is exhausting at times because it’s all about truly - you are what you eat and drink.  If you haven’t eaten and drank enough - well then don’t expect a lot of product.  If you haven’t slept enough -that affects things too.

Yesterday was a good day for milk woman - today - not so good.  But as my Mom asked me and said it was okay if I was ready to switch to just doing formula - no can do.  I fought for 4 years to have a baby - I won’t give up on producing milk after just two months.

And then you realize, you’ve made it two months - eight weeks - with nursing - that’s not bad.  The first three weeks were horrible - but now, it’s easier.  You know what works, what doesn’t.  You have to eat, drink and sleep to produce.  And, when that doesn’t happen, you see production drop. 

And, when production drops, for me, I choose formula - but when you know that there are chemicals and BPA things in your baby’s formula and plastic liners - that’s not so good.  Second, it also requires a run to the store - which again, is hard in 15 degree weather.  Or how about minus 10 degrees over the weekend (one night in particular).

So, tonight, it’s 20 degrees and I’m going to have to go out and get some more formula.  I have some Similac Sensitive Stomach - have you seen the label?  The first ingredient - the FIRST ONE - is CORN SYRUP - yes, that right there makes me want to eat some more protein.  Of course, poor Melina - the amount of sugar I consume on a rough day - might as well just pour corn syrup into her mouth.

A few too many marshmallows last couple of days - okay back to work.  Had to vent for a minute or two. 

Funny moment during diaper change earlier today - she farted (toot toot - should be more polite in my writings) and her blue eyes got real big, and she put the back of her hand in front of her mouth - like Oh my Gosh - I am so sorry to have tooted.  Hee hee.

If she is that polite of a child, she’s going to need therapy when she finds out that her mother wrote blog entries about her farting, as well as to what she did during diaper changes.

Okay, so last funny story - about a diaper change.  Yesterday, we went off to Whole Foods.  April asked me if I needed help going into the restroom for a diaper change.  I was going to do my first diaper change using one of those diaper change tables, and yes, even, breastfeed afterwards (discreetly of course) in the eating area.  Whole Food granola crunchies - perfect place to start my public feeding excitement.  I was nervous but figured April could be my moral support.

Mommy & Melina at Whole Foods - Mommy Still
Looking Rather Chunky Monkey 8 Weeks Out
Melina looking perfect - Doesn’t Gerber Need an Updated Photo?

Anyway, I go in to the restroom with Melina and my cute little diaper changing thingie - no sooner did I get in there - Melina let a big rip in my hands - and I knew this was more than a “toot - toot”.  Melina had not gone for two days, and I told Mom that Melina had a way of making up for it later.  So, she sure did - right there at Whole Foods.  Needless to say that kind of diaper change was not the kind I wanted in public at the Whole Food GROCERY STORE of all things.  Lordy, Lordy. 

I’m not sure what was funnier - Melina and the moment of crisis - or the funny people that walked into the restroom - all quite interested in our diaper change.  An old lady walked up with her two grand daughters, or great-grand daughters - right up to the changing table - face right at Melina’s butt.  All I could say, as I tried to cover Melina’s explosion - was “Oh no, you have to back away because you can’t touch a baby when she’s so young - she doesn’t have immunity yet”.  They looked at me like I was an idiot.  Grandma was kind and defended me.  I told her that Melina had just had an explosion and not a good time to come calling on new baby.  Then the other women that came in - and looked down on me and my humorous moment of mommy hood with understanding and kindness - one lady told me how many diaper changes a day was healthy - three you know?  How funny.  Everyone’s got an opinion to share - you know my dear, it’s okay that she has three bowel movements a day.

I called April in and we went through a slight panic stage.  She wheeled in the stroller - that I so cavalierly figured I didn’t need - I sent her off to get clothes - which we ended refusing to purchase because they were so overpriced - why pay $35 for a little outfit she will outgrow.  I’m on the $5 clearance waiting list….  :-)  So, we chose to swaddle her in the blanket I had planned to drape my feeding with her, and put her in the fleece sweater I had by chance. 

lesson learned - TAKE CHANGE OF CLOTHES, AT LEAST ONE CHANGE OF CLOTHES FOR EXCURSIONS - even if it’s just going to the grocery story

So, after April and I got her changed and everything cleaned up - gosh that stuff goes everywhere - oh my goodness - it was if we could have really benefitted from a very large, stiff Vodka Tonic - or forget the tonic and keep the Vodka flowing.  We walked out of the bathroom nearly an hour later -looking a little worn out - albeit that we had giggled our way through it, out of exasperation to some degree on how it is that I didn’t have a change of clothes for her, and there was no way I was putting Melina back in “those clothes!”  Melina was fine though - she was so content the entire time -staring up at all the people staring down at her - just clicking away -  I think she was rather relieved quite frankly.  Poor thing -  prior to this moment she did look rather consternated in the dairy section - now we know why.

Okay, now I’ve really given her cause for therapy.

Gotta try to nap for a little bit before her next feeding.

Toot- aloo! 

So, in addition to getting several hours of phone consultation time with clients and employees/contractors this week, I was able to get caught up on some housework and get some organization in place.  Melina seems to be settling into a routine - and thus, perhaps I am as well to some degree.  Friday nights are great - there is no pressure for what work is due tomorrow - and I can settle in to watch a couple of good shows and begin to feel relaxed.

I have an activity-based item for her in each area of the house, so I can place her in or on this item for 30 minutes or so during “activity” time after eating.  I need to work on getting more tummy time in with her, but it’s so cool to watch her react to the activity gym with the items that hang down over her head.  She hits it with her hands and feet - and reacts, occasionally cooing or smiling.   Absolutely love watching her do this.

I am thankful tonight.  Okay, nightime feeding done - time for sleepytime.